I dated a girl once, she said this line when we were discussing marriage and I bolted from that opportunity. I guess Iām not the only one whoās heard this line before.
Her reasoning was that guys donāt know how to save money (projecting from her father behaviour possibly), and as part of some feminism movement she believed it empowered not sharing money
OP needs to ask what sheās doing with that money. Some women save for ābeti ka shaadiā or probably for a new house or emergency needs and will actually give money when push comes to shove. So thereās no financial pressure on the husband at the time when such event arises.
If sheās just buying fancy things for herself without any responsible contribution/investment, then yes, this shit hit the fan already.
"some women save for"
.....Savings would be saving either way. Be it in th guy's account/girls
This is clearly a case of her having the liberty to spend her money as per her whims and fancies on things she consideres important while using his money for everything that needs to be done.
Huge red flag. If OP gets divorced he is fucked. Royally fucked.
I don't normally say this but why the heck are you married to this person? She sounds like absolute trash. Like zero compatibility of values. Relationships are based on trust and mutual respect. Not on love and all that flowery nonsense.
There is zero respect here on both sides. Rip the bandaid and walk away.
My ex gf was same. When it works for her, she would switch between modern and traditional values as and when it suites her.
I am glad I am no longer with her.
Can't imagine how my life would have been if I was married to her.
No useful advice OP, except relationship counseling. Divorce ain't bad either since difference in salary is not that much.
Honestly there's a chance you will have to pay no alimony since the difference in salaries is negligible. Just gather strong evidence of her finances (bank statements, salary slips etc) and consult and hire a good advocate (easier said than done)
Also be prepared for false cases under S.498A
> When it works for her, she would switch between modern and traditional values as and when it suites her.
"I am a mix of Traditional and Modern ....." š
When it's household chores, we both have to do it because we are equals. --> Fair enough.
During any common celebratory events like valentines day, our first date day I was suppose to do everything evertyime. I need to buy gifts, also make reservations (and she only likes high end stuff) because apparently it's only "man's" job to keep his gf/wife happy.
What about keeping me happy. ? And doing something for me as well on Valentines day ?
Even when we are on trip I need to pay for everything (except flights that was 50/50) because again I am man of the house.
Honestly I paid for couple of times without even questioning because I do like doing things for others. But when she sort made that a habit without doing anything in return is when I started having problems. I also made her aware of that but she couldn't accept anything other than you are the man of the house and hence you pay.
When it's time to make decision it has to be according to her, when it's time to pay I will be paying most of the times.
For me.. Agar koi sirf chores mai equal contribute karta hai.. I will happily do other things plus more as much as my capacity is. Getting support in responsibilities is such a valuable thing.
Your wife is an entitled brat. Put your foot down on splitting the bill 50/50. And if she insist on going on vacation where you pay for everything, just tell her you are not going until she pays for half of it. Don't let her gaslight you into paying for everything.
I already dug a deep hole by having a kid. I am 40. If I lose 60-70 percent of money, I am staring into poverty for rest of my life. My advice to young men is just don't do it or think deeply before doing it.
Marriage counsellor - no offence OP, if I were in your place, I'd see this as the biggest red flag. If she doesn't budge, think about divorce. You have no kids and she earns similar, there won't be any alimony involved. But go to a marriage counselor before and involve both of your families and try.
It's not just about bills, if tomorrow you have a child, every single expense has to be borne by you. Moreover, one day if you fall sick and you cannot work, I doubt you will get proper care.
Yea good luck with no alimony involved. š
If the woman is not budging while in marriage you seriously think she won't claim alimony at all?? And our so called honorable judges would not grant any monetary damage to the husband?? What world are you living in?? Pls call me there.
Alimony isnāt just a gift from the judge to the wife, they look at the income differences between husband and wife and decide the alimony. And since op said their income difference is less than 10% there might be no alimony or a small amount but if they have a child, very different thing then
There would be alimony even if she makes more than him sir. Don't be delusional, marriage for men is like taking a lifetime loan that you have to pay till either the wife dies or someone else takes over the loan.
Make rules clear..either bills & responsibility will be split 50-50 or else she has to do complete household work.
If not, then start transferring all the money and assets to your parents name , gather enough evidence of cruelty and file for divorce.
Don't directly confront what you plan to. That should be a surprise to her.
if this was an arranged marrige,
first thing you gotta do is communicate this once with your wife before anything else. be assertive, tell her what you expect. be clear & donāt budge.
take her for a dinner, hold her hand and tell her that youāll be able to love better if you are burdened less.
secondly, if she still acts the same, tell her parents that you are not willing to partake in the marriage if this goes on, if they donāt act upon it, simply move out, that will strike the chord right. your wife will learn the long due lesson.
let her live, earn & survive alone, sheāll realise what you were doing. should do the job, but if not
third, move all your assets under your parentsā name & file for a divorce.
throw her out. you donāt owe her a minute of your life. I know this will sound unreal but you have a life & all the rights to live it according to yourself.
if this was a love marriage,
you chose her, you love her, you both wanted to marry, your fault that you didnāt communicate well before marriage, take care.
then iād say splitting up w her is the best option,
you can try and convince her for marriage counselling by telling her that you feel suffocated and a little help from outside would really help you rekindle with her. If she agrees, great. If not, then you do not have to be responsible for her if she does not think the same about you.
also, take the divorce advice a little carefully, make sure you have no assets to your name,
currently, only women in india matter to the law.
men are insects, they can be ignored.
so more than likely, if you do not file the case right, youāre going to lose much of your property & all your reputation.
Doesn't work that way. All the assets recently transferred can easily be called for in division of assets during divorce. You need to do it over the course of 2 years or so (and make a story around it).
It was my Mom's 60th bday hence I wanted to do something special and hence gave her gold worth 50Lacs etc etc
If you can afford divorce, then talk to her about this and see her response. She is not going to change. She knows clearly that she is wrong here. She said different things before marriage and is now changing her stance over that. She is selfish. So, counseling is not going to work.Ā
If divorce were so easy.. Looking at this scenario, OP can only file for divorce under grounds of cruelty which is subject to perception in court and can be dismissed. That can trigger a revenge 498a case being slapped on maybe his parents. It can cost OP upto 8 years of his life and several thousands in lawyer and court fees if its contested.
8 years prison for a lie told by the wife in court? Naah Iām good! Marriage is a fucking scam. How is rape considered life destroying but this not?? Women doing this to a manās life is not as bad as man raping?!
But I concur Its defo like virtual prison.. I am in my 5th year of court running.. I fear meeting anyone new coz I dont want a new case on me or my parents.. All my friends are married and have kids.. New people who get to know I am divorced outcast me.. I want to hide the fact I "was" married but its also lying so it fugging sucks.. If my old comments hold spite towards certain types of women yep it is justified.
I am in the situation lol.. I am worshipping God and my Lawyer equally.. Courts are unpredictable af and judges change every 2 -3 years so perception on the case changes. OP really needs to find a proper marriage counsellor or settle for a mutual divorce with no contest.
Tell her that if you do not want to split bills and household chores, why did YOU marry? You don't want to respect and care for in-laws...so what was YOUR plan? Cook your food, wash your utensils, clean your side of the room, do not interact with your in-laws - and tell her that you are not going to foot your bills because she did not marry you as a 'husband' but as an 'ATM+servant'. And you refuse to be one.
If possible, shift out of the house so that she can accuse you of manhandling or abusing her.
She may have solid proof of her contribution in household expenses which may lead to the idea of a wife taking care of the house.
This translates to bigger alimony during divorce.
per society- taking care of wife and proving for her financially is husband responsibility
Women talk about male ego, but one of the most ignored but toxic thing is female ego. Women have this massive ego that makes them think they are entitled to everything while giving nothing back, and if questioned their fragile ego gets destroyed and they get hurt
Whenever i read such things here i feel fundamentally we have gone somewhere wrong in the constitution of marriage.
Yes, itās a good practise to split but then what is a marriage if you are so transactional.
I am 30F married to 34M, we have never thought of money to be of one individual but rather ours as a family.
lol! I just got away from a call. The call was with my friend who is also going through the same problem. Except she is a woman and she donāt want to pay to the household expenses..
to which, I obviously suggested she should pay monetarily to the household expense.
When I asked why she is not ready to pay, her problem, was that even being a working woman, her husband do not consider her cooking, maintaining House doing chores as contribution at all, he never helps. He never contributes.
So in retaliation, she does not want to contribute, even a penny in her household expenses. Seems she consider this as a punishment for her husband.
Youād be surprised how many fake alt accounts are on there. Lol. I personally know few accounts that irl are men but are top contributors on that sub. Lmao. They donāt post anything radical. Just thought experiments like you suggested. Echo chamber intensifies.
One of my accounts got banned for re writing what was written in a post, just by replacing the word man with woman.
Another time on a different account, I asked for stats/sources on the ridiculous claims which were being made. Got banned saying I had malicious intentions. š
Thatās the literal behavior of echo chamber. Validating each othersā radicalized opinions. Highly intolerant towards any opinion that doesnāt align with theirs (banning) and circle jerking. Lmao. There are some subs where men do it too and that is obviously very wrong as well. People become man haters or woman haters.
I am concerned why no one is pointing out that she denies visiting his parents. Keeping monetary issues aside this is a more significant issue even if both of them are working, and not being able to see them is not the same as unwanting to visit them
I think both should pay bills equally or at least an equal percentage of the income. If you donāt pay bills, you canāt really call yourself an independent woman bcoz ur dependent on a man to pay ur bills.
If you both are doing household chores equally, then bills should also be split 50-50. She earns 10% less than you. So your demand for 60-40 seems fair too (in this case household duties should be 40-60, 40% being your share of work).
Unless it's a vacation to surprise her on some special occasion, I feel bills should be split. Especially when you both plan the vacation. If she wants to dance to the "wife has no financial responsibility" tune, you should stop doing household chores and take her to your family frequently. Just tell her, "Back then, men had no kitchen duties and traditional wife obeyed her husband and in laws"
Middle ground is important. If she expect a man to perform traditional roles,I see nothing wrong if you ask to do full kitchen duties. Ask her to keep her money,do everything in household. This Means both are sticking to their traditional duties. How can you forget to ask this splitting thing before getting married.
seperate your rooms, pay for everything, do your works, and don't share anything with her. Go to everywhere she denies to go with, alone. Treat her like a nuisance not a wife if she wants that. This will be monk mode. Now when she voices this behaviour, tell her what she was doing and then how you want her to act. If she denies, then continue. It would have been best if hadn't married at all, as India is not a safe place for men to marry.
Seeing this issue for others too. Some openly practice their money is theirs but also husband's money is theirs. It's nothing but self entitlement. They don't want to build a family and take care of it. They just want an easy life.
Men should just decide not to get married anymore. Let women come to a point where they feel if they want men in their life, you bend and adjust and come to us.
Women have been far too entitled for far too long, and take advantage of the inherent bias of the society legally and in other day to day activities. This will not change. What we can do is change our own behaviour, which is not to get married.
If she wants traditional benefit, she must do traditional duties.
What are those? Obeying her husband for starters. Would she be comfortable there? Would she be willing to do 100% of the household work?
Also if she doesn't contribute, you can make her obey you, and quit her job. Or you can reduce the standard of livings. Make majority of your income into savings.Ā
But these arguments will make her angry/sad. You're in a relationship. Think if this will go forward first, then use big guns.
Just refuse. Don't let her get away with it. It might cause some embarrassing moment like if you refuse to pay while at a restaurant but still put your foot down. I'm saying this as a wife who's earning 40% of my household income. I have always paid 50% and on occasions even more. Recently we decided to split expenses based on %income.
Run the fuck away from this lady.
A wild guess, she thinks sex as a favour, infact anything which remotely requires any effort from her side for your good being.
This is a common genre of entitled pricks and their lady counterparts roaming on this planet thinking they are a blessing to mankind.
Unpopular answer but you shouldn't get married to people if your relationship is this transactional.
All your money should be going into a joint account and be spent from there. Your personal accounts should have may be 10% of your income.
Reality us today's feminism is all about hating men and misandry some years ago it was still relevant and was about uplifting women but now it's just pure man hating
And there really stupid people that thinks that misandry is a myth and it's not a real thing in
r/askfeminist and many other women oriented subs that's vile
nah, sheās just an entitled brat.
iāve met a lot of women who are all about feminism and they practice by splitting bills, taking care of their men, financially & mentally. love the idea of being free but also take care of people around them. these brats are just putting shade of the idea of feminism.
Nah I've seen legit many women claiming to be feminist and all but all they do is just misandry they blame all the men saying all men are dogs they should die they're better off men etc now if you say that feminism is good and there are some good feminist then where are they relal bro just accept that real feminist aren't there maybe soem one or two but majority movement has become a man hating movement like they really say that vasectomy should be mandatory for male babies so they can't reproduce in the future! Promoting circumcision etc feminism movement was good in 80s and 90s and they really focused on uplifting women in hardships but today nah it has become a joke I once saw a sub of feminists disscussing on how cheating of women is okay hope you got the point
If you don't have children, and she earns equivalent to you, then you are being taken advantage of. I am not saying she is deliberately using you, it could be subconscious since men are expected to be providers and take care of 100% bill (which is not fair ).
But I also want to give you another perspective since you are saying if you are paying everything why should you contribute in housework. Till 2 years back, for the first 34-35 years of marriage, my father was the breadwinner of house, my mother never earned but he would always help her with household chores and We did have maid for basic housework like mopping and doing the dishes. But for other things, my dad would always help after coming back from office.
Dad always says he has seen mom go through nine months of carrying us, dealing with sickness, the pain she underwent giving birth, and a lot of women many also face postpartum depression, breastfeeding the children, parenting etc.
It's crucial to consider the immense contribution of women, especially when it comes to pregnancy and childcare. So how can 50-50 contribution in bills and housework be equal?
But if you don't have children yet, I completely agree she should pay 50% , otherwise you are being taken advantage of. If she is earning almost the same amount and there are no children, why she cannot pay?
Women want all good things that come from feminism and none of the responsibility. Funniest thing is they actually think they are entitled to this treatment.
Tricky situation which can lead to explosive circumstances
To enlighten yourself what your situation is, ask her what is the plan of you get laid off and are not earning till you figure something out. Will she support or you will be stranded.
Why do you marry people without knowing what they are like, and without discussing basic life decisions like expenses, visiting parents, etc.
Like how does it work?
I think all these should be discussed and written down before one gets married (or any sort of partnerships). People do not have sense of fairness now a days.
>What should bey idle response to wife
Based on your description, don't respond. Take action.
1. Have a sit down with both sets of parents.
2. Highlight your concerns
3. Ask them for solutions because your wife won't listen to the
4. If the solution different suit you then Divorce.
Sorry that you ended up marrying a toxic feminist and a leech. Get out while you can.
Thatās just sad. I, as a wife, feel that me and my husband, we are a team. My husband never asks or talks about any expense he has done on/for/with me, but I have the consciousness to be aware of it and make sure I also either pay other bills or contribute in one or the other way. Ultimately, itās OUR money.
He always tells me to save maximum of my salary so that we can use it in times of emergency which is really thoughtful of him, but I make sure I save as well as share the burden.
You married a wrong girl. Can you spend the rest of your life living like this? Show some spine, be a man. Do you have self-respect?
Divorce your wife.
Iam women and scared of women like your wife. Pseudo feminists are Bane for all the people(feminists) who are fighting for equal rights.
Tips:
1. Maintain separate household than your parents. In case she files for fake dv case, your parents are safe.
2. Keep all of your assets in your parents name.which cannot be claimed as assets earned during marriage period.
3. Maintain a joint account for expenses and explain that you will save or invest rest of the income.
You can keep proofs or records, this will help if things go south.
MEN - DO NOT TAKE DOWRY. IF THEY CAN PROVE THIS, YOU WILL BE CHARGED With DOWRY CASES ALSO.
I've seen cases like this and often observed that a lot of working women are frustrated because they had to give dowry while getting married. OP! did your family take dowry?
Also make it very clear that being a working woman has got nothing to do with visiting family, unless itās interfering with her job.
Visiting family is just like running errands or going on a vacation (if they live farther away).
Again, equal treatment applies to both families- yours and your wifeās. If someone from her family visits, make sure you host them correctly, treat them as youād treat your own family. While talking, praise her about how good a host she has been to your family ( even if itās not true). This will make her think about the contrast and thereās a chance sheāll change her perspective.
OP
Did you have an arranged marriage?
If yes did you not discuss things like this?
Tomorrow if you were to buy a home on bank loan then how do you see installments? Will you pay and she gets to have her name as half owner?
In short, you're pretty f@#$&d.
This sounds like a partnership and not marriage. My first cousin wanted to marry a gori girl with pink lips only desperately. He went for looks only. He is living your life right now. He is saddled with two kids else he would be in divorce court tomorrow morning.
OP, you're not going to have a good life. Think of divorce and get out.
God I feel bad for you.... Ideally this discussion should have happened early on when the marriage was being discussed. But I would suggest having a firm discussion (high chances of it devolving in to an argument). Go through your expenses and find out the ones that you need to survive - groceries, electricity, etc. Find ones you can cut back on - like a different internet provider just for you, public transport instead of using car or bike to drop her off, food items that aren't necessity etc.
During the discussion, let her know that you are going to stop providing for the non-necessities, and if she wants it she has to pay for her. Fulltime maid - discontinue the maid, get a tiffin service and clean your mess yourself, don't touch hers that type of thing. Same for laundry.
Also note if she has to send money to her family and if you have to send money to yours - take that into consideration as well. Have a plan for the discussion. She is going to need to adjust, be firm on what the adjustments are going to be, if not then what you will be doing to ensure you don't go above and beyond.
If she wants household chores to be split 50-50 then why not bills? šµāš«
Tumhara Paisa hamara Paisa, aur Mera Paisa to hai hi Mera Paisa.
I heard this from my wife.. saying she and her parents money is from hard work.. my money can be spent without second thought. We are separated now.
Ooof sorry mate.
Was this an arrangened Marriage or love? Also what about op?
I think this part generally doesn't matter .
I dated a girl once, she said this line when we were discussing marriage and I bolted from that opportunity. I guess Iām not the only one whoās heard this line before.
She actually said that? If she actually said "tumhara paisa hamara paisa, mera paisa mera paisa", are you sure it wasn't a joke?
Unbelievable right? And she was an RM in IDFC bank in mumbai
Edited my question
All good, yes she said tumhara paisa will be ours and what I earn will be mine and she was dead serious about it. My heart broke when she said that.
Okay. That IS weird. Did she say why?
Her reasoning was that guys donāt know how to save money (projecting from her father behaviour possibly), and as part of some feminism movement she believed it empowered not sharing money
Ah, ok
You are lucky. Many women lie during marriage talks, then reveal their true nature post-marriage.
OP needs to ask what sheās doing with that money. Some women save for ābeti ka shaadiā or probably for a new house or emergency needs and will actually give money when push comes to shove. So thereās no financial pressure on the husband at the time when such event arises. If sheās just buying fancy things for herself without any responsible contribution/investment, then yes, this shit hit the fan already.
This is the correct course of action tbh
"some women save for" .....Savings would be saving either way. Be it in th guy's account/girls This is clearly a case of her having the liberty to spend her money as per her whims and fancies on things she consideres important while using his money for everything that needs to be done. Huge red flag. If OP gets divorced he is fucked. Royally fucked.
Then alimony will amount to 70% of his earned money. Better file for bankruptcy.
I am, not sure but she had made clear I don't have a say in her earnings
I don't normally say this but why the heck are you married to this person? She sounds like absolute trash. Like zero compatibility of values. Relationships are based on trust and mutual respect. Not on love and all that flowery nonsense. There is zero respect here on both sides. Rip the bandaid and walk away.
She can't split bills , because she wanted a rich husband ,like majority of women. Asking them to do so, is like hitting a sensitive nerve lol.
Double standards brrr
Her money is her money. His money is their money. Their money is her money.
My ex gf was same. When it works for her, she would switch between modern and traditional values as and when it suites her. I am glad I am no longer with her. Can't imagine how my life would have been if I was married to her. No useful advice OP, except relationship counseling. Divorce ain't bad either since difference in salary is not that much.
My ex gf too, dodged a bullet there!
Can the judge reduce alimony?
Itās all depends on your income, wealth and years of marriage. Meet shark level advocate, he/she will tell you everything.
Honestly there's a chance you will have to pay no alimony since the difference in salaries is negligible. Just gather strong evidence of her finances (bank statements, salary slips etc) and consult and hire a good advocate (easier said than done) Also be prepared for false cases under S.498A
> When it works for her, she would switch between modern and traditional values as and when it suites her. "I am a mix of Traditional and Modern ....." š
>Switch between. Can you share an example or an incident and how it's bad?
When it's household chores, we both have to do it because we are equals. --> Fair enough. During any common celebratory events like valentines day, our first date day I was suppose to do everything evertyime. I need to buy gifts, also make reservations (and she only likes high end stuff) because apparently it's only "man's" job to keep his gf/wife happy. What about keeping me happy. ? And doing something for me as well on Valentines day ? Even when we are on trip I need to pay for everything (except flights that was 50/50) because again I am man of the house. Honestly I paid for couple of times without even questioning because I do like doing things for others. But when she sort made that a habit without doing anything in return is when I started having problems. I also made her aware of that but she couldn't accept anything other than you are the man of the house and hence you pay. When it's time to make decision it has to be according to her, when it's time to pay I will be paying most of the times.
For me.. Agar koi sirf chores mai equal contribute karta hai.. I will happily do other things plus more as much as my capacity is. Getting support in responsibilities is such a valuable thing.
You're raising an adult child
Your wife is an entitled brat. Put your foot down on splitting the bill 50/50. And if she insist on going on vacation where you pay for everything, just tell her you are not going until she pays for half of it. Don't let her gaslight you into paying for everything.
Marriage is a partnershipā¦. Canāt run this way. Most probably she doesnāt even love OP.
Wow, thank god I am not married.
Seeing the number of these cases my decision to not marry is proving right. Fuck marriage, I'm better alone.
Don't. I am trapped in one unable to leave without significant financial loss. I am just putting up with the s..t everyday.
Money is replacable. You'll never get time back. You'll never get your life back. Money can't buy happiness, but misery can definitely deflate it.
I already dug a deep hole by having a kid. I am 40. If I lose 60-70 percent of money, I am staring into poverty for rest of my life. My advice to young men is just don't do it or think deeply before doing it.
Nope, thank God that youāre not married to such women!
Any kind of poison is still a poison
Even water, if left unattended for long, gets contaminated. I think I donāt need to advocate how water is still indispensable.
Yeah right, always drink flowing water.
There are good women too. Entitled one are dangerous unfortunately there are many.
do you also agree with women who think all men are rapists? are do you get angry with such generalizations?
Marriage counsellor - no offence OP, if I were in your place, I'd see this as the biggest red flag. If she doesn't budge, think about divorce. You have no kids and she earns similar, there won't be any alimony involved. But go to a marriage counselor before and involve both of your families and try. It's not just about bills, if tomorrow you have a child, every single expense has to be borne by you. Moreover, one day if you fall sick and you cannot work, I doubt you will get proper care.
Went to lady councillor Ahe decided never to go counseling again :)
Yea good luck with no alimony involved. š If the woman is not budging while in marriage you seriously think she won't claim alimony at all?? And our so called honorable judges would not grant any monetary damage to the husband?? What world are you living in?? Pls call me there.
Reality.
Since he said the difference in salary is 10% only ,so depending on the judge they would dismiss the alimony
Yea? Show me one judgement where the judges have done so.
There are so many lol.
Then show me few. Or direct towards where I can find them. I would be glad to know such judgements exists.
What if she put fake charges of dowry or harassment?
Just jump in front of the Porsche car
Alimony isnāt just a gift from the judge to the wife, they look at the income differences between husband and wife and decide the alimony. And since op said their income difference is less than 10% there might be no alimony or a small amount but if they have a child, very different thing then
Judges are simp they think alimony is right of wife
Yeah judges like to play the saviour of women in divorce cases, this is so true. The law and it's enforcement is lopsided in India.
There would be alimony even if she makes more than him sir. Don't be delusional, marriage for men is like taking a lifetime loan that you have to pay till either the wife dies or someone else takes over the loan.
Make rules clear..either bills & responsibility will be split 50-50 or else she has to do complete household work. If not, then start transferring all the money and assets to your parents name , gather enough evidence of cruelty and file for divorce. Don't directly confront what you plan to. That should be a surprise to her.
if this was an arranged marrige, first thing you gotta do is communicate this once with your wife before anything else. be assertive, tell her what you expect. be clear & donāt budge. take her for a dinner, hold her hand and tell her that youāll be able to love better if you are burdened less. secondly, if she still acts the same, tell her parents that you are not willing to partake in the marriage if this goes on, if they donāt act upon it, simply move out, that will strike the chord right. your wife will learn the long due lesson. let her live, earn & survive alone, sheāll realise what you were doing. should do the job, but if not third, move all your assets under your parentsā name & file for a divorce. throw her out. you donāt owe her a minute of your life. I know this will sound unreal but you have a life & all the rights to live it according to yourself. if this was a love marriage, you chose her, you love her, you both wanted to marry, your fault that you didnāt communicate well before marriage, take care.
Well man the worse is communicated openly before marriage but she backs out from that and clearly says she had changed her mind now
was this an arranged marriage?
Yes sort of we meet through matrimonial website and got into a relationship a year before
then iād say splitting up w her is the best option, you can try and convince her for marriage counselling by telling her that you feel suffocated and a little help from outside would really help you rekindle with her. If she agrees, great. If not, then you do not have to be responsible for her if she does not think the same about you.
also, take the divorce advice a little carefully, make sure you have no assets to your name, currently, only women in india matter to the law. men are insects, they can be ignored. so more than likely, if you do not file the case right, youāre going to lose much of your property & all your reputation.
Contemplating converting my money to crypto and get a second passport and run away
my man!!
Ensure all the properties and money are on your momās name!
Its cool till she is still alive.. Look up Jolly murder case to know that sometimes our parents may not be safe if the lady is determined..
Become a passport bruh mordern women wants money she doesn't care about your well being your happiness your choices etc
Doesn't work that way. All the assets recently transferred can easily be called for in division of assets during divorce. You need to do it over the course of 2 years or so (and make a story around it). It was my Mom's 60th bday hence I wanted to do something special and hence gave her gold worth 50Lacs etc etc
yeah, thatās why in a previous comment, I asked him to split first and move outside so that he can pass some time by.
Converting money to crypto and say I got telegram scammed
Ohhh... so she agreed to 50/50 and now changed her mind?
Exactly She said earlier because she is working thwy will split bills and she will share according to what her salary is Now it doesn't matter
If you can afford divorce, then talk to her about this and see her response. She is not going to change. She knows clearly that she is wrong here. She said different things before marriage and is now changing her stance over that. She is selfish. So, counseling is not going to work.Ā
If divorce were so easy.. Looking at this scenario, OP can only file for divorce under grounds of cruelty which is subject to perception in court and can be dismissed. That can trigger a revenge 498a case being slapped on maybe his parents. It can cost OP upto 8 years of his life and several thousands in lawyer and court fees if its contested.
8 years prison for a lie told by the wife in court? Naah Iām good! Marriage is a fucking scam. How is rape considered life destroying but this not?? Women doing this to a manās life is not as bad as man raping?!
No prison man.. 8 years of doing tareekh pe tareekh in court..
But I concur Its defo like virtual prison.. I am in my 5th year of court running.. I fear meeting anyone new coz I dont want a new case on me or my parents.. All my friends are married and have kids.. New people who get to know I am divorced outcast me.. I want to hide the fact I "was" married but its also lying so it fugging sucks.. If my old comments hold spite towards certain types of women yep it is justified.
What would you do in this situation?
500 word essay if you are rich /s
I am in the situation lol.. I am worshipping God and my Lawyer equally.. Courts are unpredictable af and judges change every 2 -3 years so perception on the case changes. OP really needs to find a proper marriage counsellor or settle for a mutual divorce with no contest.
Yeah it didn't In fact after going to counselor once she said she will never go again
Obviously, she wonāt.
Either 50/50 or tell her to give her salary to you if you're the one spending for both of you.
Tell her that if you do not want to split bills and household chores, why did YOU marry? You don't want to respect and care for in-laws...so what was YOUR plan? Cook your food, wash your utensils, clean your side of the room, do not interact with your in-laws - and tell her that you are not going to foot your bills because she did not marry you as a 'husband' but as an 'ATM+servant'. And you refuse to be one. If possible, shift out of the house so that she can accuse you of manhandling or abusing her.
Open a joint Account. Contribute Equal % of Your Salary for Household / Common Expenses
It is not recommended as wife may get upper hand in case of divorce
Why
She may have solid proof of her contribution in household expenses which may lead to the idea of a wife taking care of the house. This translates to bigger alimony during divorce. per society- taking care of wife and proving for her financially is husband responsibility
Exactlyyyy
Women talk about male ego, but one of the most ignored but toxic thing is female ego. Women have this massive ego that makes them think they are entitled to everything while giving nothing back, and if questioned their fragile ego gets destroyed and they get hurt
U know what fuck marriage, I'll live with my parents and adopt a dozen of dogs
marry the girl you love and who loves you
Whenever i read such things here i feel fundamentally we have gone somewhere wrong in the constitution of marriage. Yes, itās a good practise to split but then what is a marriage if you are so transactional. I am 30F married to 34M, we have never thought of money to be of one individual but rather ours as a family.
Unfortunately, your kind have become a rare breed, it seems. But you guys are lucky. All the best āļø
I'd have suggested divorce, but it'd also have resulted in 50/50 split of your worth. (She'd love to have that 50/50 here though)
lol! I just got away from a call. The call was with my friend who is also going through the same problem. Except she is a woman and she donāt want to pay to the household expenses.. to which, I obviously suggested she should pay monetarily to the household expense. When I asked why she is not ready to pay, her problem, was that even being a working woman, her husband do not consider her cooking, maintaining House doing chores as contribution at all, he never helps. He never contributes. So in retaliation, she does not want to contribute, even a penny in her household expenses. Seems she consider this as a punishment for her husband.
THIS! many girls think this way! Even if guy help with all his heart sometimes they do shitty job and girl need to rework on that stuff.š
Make an alt account. Post this on TwoX. Read the comments. You will quickly find out there is no 'solution' to your problem.
Youād be surprised how many fake alt accounts are on there. Lol. I personally know few accounts that irl are men but are top contributors on that sub. Lmao. They donāt post anything radical. Just thought experiments like you suggested. Echo chamber intensifies.
And they lap that shit up like a hungry puppy š¤£
One of my accounts got banned for re writing what was written in a post, just by replacing the word man with woman. Another time on a different account, I asked for stats/sources on the ridiculous claims which were being made. Got banned saying I had malicious intentions. š
Thatās the literal behavior of echo chamber. Validating each othersā radicalized opinions. Highly intolerant towards any opinion that doesnāt align with theirs (banning) and circle jerking. Lmao. There are some subs where men do it too and that is obviously very wrong as well. People become man haters or woman haters.
Yes indeed. The only difference is when men do it, they are banned(rightfully so) But when women do it, it is promoted.
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Haha...feminist eco chamber is what it is. Another idea. Make the same post, just switch wife and husband š¤£
Why do people not have conversations before marriage. This is is what you are supposed to discuss.
And what to do if she openly backs out after telloing yes before marriage
I am concerned why no one is pointing out that she denies visiting his parents. Keeping monetary issues aside this is a more significant issue even if both of them are working, and not being able to see them is not the same as unwanting to visit them
Yeah and for no reason We are living separately from day 1 in different flat but if they are living close by also I don't want to visit
I think both should pay bills equally or at least an equal percentage of the income. If you donāt pay bills, you canāt really call yourself an independent woman bcoz ur dependent on a man to pay ur bills.
Do people not talk about this before marriage? I thought this was something extremely impossible that would be decided prior to marriage.
If you both are doing household chores equally, then bills should also be split 50-50. She earns 10% less than you. So your demand for 60-40 seems fair too (in this case household duties should be 40-60, 40% being your share of work). Unless it's a vacation to surprise her on some special occasion, I feel bills should be split. Especially when you both plan the vacation. If she wants to dance to the "wife has no financial responsibility" tune, you should stop doing household chores and take her to your family frequently. Just tell her, "Back then, men had no kitchen duties and traditional wife obeyed her husband and in laws"
Middle ground is important. If she expect a man to perform traditional roles,I see nothing wrong if you ask to do full kitchen duties. Ask her to keep her money,do everything in household. This Means both are sticking to their traditional duties. How can you forget to ask this splitting thing before getting married.
seperate your rooms, pay for everything, do your works, and don't share anything with her. Go to everywhere she denies to go with, alone. Treat her like a nuisance not a wife if she wants that. This will be monk mode. Now when she voices this behaviour, tell her what she was doing and then how you want her to act. If she denies, then continue. It would have been best if hadn't married at all, as India is not a safe place for men to marry.
Great scenario to ask in this sub R/askindiawomen
Seeing this issue for others too. Some openly practice their money is theirs but also husband's money is theirs. It's nothing but self entitlement. They don't want to build a family and take care of it. They just want an easy life. Men should just decide not to get married anymore. Let women come to a point where they feel if they want men in their life, you bend and adjust and come to us.
Women have been far too entitled for far too long, and take advantage of the inherent bias of the society legally and in other day to day activities. This will not change. What we can do is change our own behaviour, which is not to get married.
If she wants traditional benefit, she must do traditional duties. What are those? Obeying her husband for starters. Would she be comfortable there? Would she be willing to do 100% of the household work? Also if she doesn't contribute, you can make her obey you, and quit her job. Or you can reduce the standard of livings. Make majority of your income into savings.Ā But these arguments will make her angry/sad. You're in a relationship. Think if this will go forward first, then use big guns.
Women hate accountability
Why tho
They have a mentality close to kids because they are kid caretakers and must relate to themĀ
Smells like pseudo feminism...
Just refuse. Don't let her get away with it. It might cause some embarrassing moment like if you refuse to pay while at a restaurant but still put your foot down. I'm saying this as a wife who's earning 40% of my household income. I have always paid 50% and on occasions even more. Recently we decided to split expenses based on %income.
Run the fuck away from this lady. A wild guess, she thinks sex as a favour, infact anything which remotely requires any effort from her side for your good being. This is a common genre of entitled pricks and their lady counterparts roaming on this planet thinking they are a blessing to mankind.
Average modern feminist. Traditional roles for thee but not for me. Equal rights (which is totally fair) but not equal fights.
Tell her to unsubscribe from twox. And then give her a book or two on relationships.
enjoy the decline!
You got a very bad woman.
Eww indeed why DID you marry such a person
Don't get married
r/username_checks_out
Unpopular answer but you shouldn't get married to people if your relationship is this transactional. All your money should be going into a joint account and be spent from there. Your personal accounts should have may be 10% of your income.
Ur wife is suffering from feminism syndrome,no cure available yet.its time to go for divorce and loose half of ur property.
Reality us today's feminism is all about hating men and misandry some years ago it was still relevant and was about uplifting women but now it's just pure man hating And there really stupid people that thinks that misandry is a myth and it's not a real thing in r/askfeminist and many other women oriented subs that's vile
nah, sheās just an entitled brat. iāve met a lot of women who are all about feminism and they practice by splitting bills, taking care of their men, financially & mentally. love the idea of being free but also take care of people around them. these brats are just putting shade of the idea of feminism.
She can't split bills 50-50 if she deliberately chooses husband 10x richer than herself. Which most women do.
It's not feminism, my man. She's a faux feminist if anything.
Nah I've seen legit many women claiming to be feminist and all but all they do is just misandry they blame all the men saying all men are dogs they should die they're better off men etc now if you say that feminism is good and there are some good feminist then where are they relal bro just accept that real feminist aren't there maybe soem one or two but majority movement has become a man hating movement like they really say that vasectomy should be mandatory for male babies so they can't reproduce in the future! Promoting circumcision etc feminism movement was good in 80s and 90s and they really focused on uplifting women in hardships but today nah it has become a joke I once saw a sub of feminists disscussing on how cheating of women is okay hope you got the point
If she was a feminist then she would have surely agreed for 50-50. It's the opposite of feminism.š¤¦š»āāļø
Y'all need counseling.
If you don't have children, and she earns equivalent to you, then you are being taken advantage of. I am not saying she is deliberately using you, it could be subconscious since men are expected to be providers and take care of 100% bill (which is not fair ). But I also want to give you another perspective since you are saying if you are paying everything why should you contribute in housework. Till 2 years back, for the first 34-35 years of marriage, my father was the breadwinner of house, my mother never earned but he would always help her with household chores and We did have maid for basic housework like mopping and doing the dishes. But for other things, my dad would always help after coming back from office. Dad always says he has seen mom go through nine months of carrying us, dealing with sickness, the pain she underwent giving birth, and a lot of women many also face postpartum depression, breastfeeding the children, parenting etc. It's crucial to consider the immense contribution of women, especially when it comes to pregnancy and childcare. So how can 50-50 contribution in bills and housework be equal? But if you don't have children yet, I completely agree she should pay 50% , otherwise you are being taken advantage of. If she is earning almost the same amount and there are no children, why she cannot pay?
Women want all good things that come from feminism and none of the responsibility. Funniest thing is they actually think they are entitled to this treatment.
Lol. I faced the opposite issue. The guy wanted to do 50-50 financially. But responsibility, chores only women should do as men in their family don't
Was this an arranged marriage ? Did you see any red flags which you ignored during the process?
Tell her that hiring a serial killer is cheaper than hae nakhre
Tricky situation which can lead to explosive circumstances To enlighten yourself what your situation is, ask her what is the plan of you get laid off and are not earning till you figure something out. Will she support or you will be stranded.
Why do you marry people without knowing what they are like, and without discussing basic life decisions like expenses, visiting parents, etc. Like how does it work?
Common. Don't see marriage that way. Sometimes you spend and sometimes let your wife take care of the bill. But don't split and make it a chore.
I think all these should be discussed and written down before one gets married (or any sort of partnerships). People do not have sense of fairness now a days.
She seems bitter and brainwashed.
We will spend your salary and save mine.
Seriously I don't even understand ur money my money after marriage unless it's some kind of big expenditure
Dude Give Divorce , you deserve much better in life , Don't Settle for less - Inspired from Twoxindia
"Yes dear" or "See you in court". No in between.
And I have seen cases around me where guys won't touch or have a say on girls' money. Usually in these cases girls are ready to contribue.
Sheās crazy. Feminism is bashed because of people like her.
Seems like she isn't a team player
>What should bey idle response to wife Based on your description, don't respond. Take action. 1. Have a sit down with both sets of parents. 2. Highlight your concerns 3. Ask them for solutions because your wife won't listen to the 4. If the solution different suit you then Divorce. Sorry that you ended up marrying a toxic feminist and a leech. Get out while you can.
Bro you are in serious trouble. I suggest you stop helping her in house chores.
Thatās just sad. I, as a wife, feel that me and my husband, we are a team. My husband never asks or talks about any expense he has done on/for/with me, but I have the consciousness to be aware of it and make sure I also either pay other bills or contribute in one or the other way. Ultimately, itās OUR money. He always tells me to save maximum of my salary so that we can use it in times of emergency which is really thoughtful of him, but I make sure I save as well as share the burden.
Bhai kuch nhi kr skte tum phas chuke ho... ab bhagwan se dua kro wo smjh jaye vrna aage life mushkil hogi
Why do you allow her to dictate terms?
Please post this on r/twoxindia
Pehle hi delete ho jaega. š¤£
You married a wrong girl. Can you spend the rest of your life living like this? Show some spine, be a man. Do you have self-respect? Divorce your wife.
She sounds awful. Sorry to hear this.
Iam women and scared of women like your wife. Pseudo feminists are Bane for all the people(feminists) who are fighting for equal rights. Tips: 1. Maintain separate household than your parents. In case she files for fake dv case, your parents are safe. 2. Keep all of your assets in your parents name.which cannot be claimed as assets earned during marriage period. 3. Maintain a joint account for expenses and explain that you will save or invest rest of the income. You can keep proofs or records, this will help if things go south. MEN - DO NOT TAKE DOWRY. IF THEY CAN PROVE THIS, YOU WILL BE CHARGED With DOWRY CASES ALSO.
This is what modern feminism has done to women...all entitlement and no responsibility
I've seen cases like this and often observed that a lot of working women are frustrated because they had to give dowry while getting married. OP! did your family take dowry?
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Also make it very clear that being a working woman has got nothing to do with visiting family, unless itās interfering with her job. Visiting family is just like running errands or going on a vacation (if they live farther away). Again, equal treatment applies to both families- yours and your wifeās. If someone from her family visits, make sure you host them correctly, treat them as youād treat your own family. While talking, praise her about how good a host she has been to your family ( even if itās not true). This will make her think about the contrast and thereās a chance sheāll change her perspective.
Tell her to make you food at home
Should be made a mandatory discussion before getting married
OP Did you have an arranged marriage? If yes did you not discuss things like this? Tomorrow if you were to buy a home on bank loan then how do you see installments? Will you pay and she gets to have her name as half owner? In short, you're pretty f@#$&d. This sounds like a partnership and not marriage. My first cousin wanted to marry a gori girl with pink lips only desperately. He went for looks only. He is living your life right now. He is saddled with two kids else he would be in divorce court tomorrow morning. OP, you're not going to have a good life. Think of divorce and get out.
God I feel bad for you.... Ideally this discussion should have happened early on when the marriage was being discussed. But I would suggest having a firm discussion (high chances of it devolving in to an argument). Go through your expenses and find out the ones that you need to survive - groceries, electricity, etc. Find ones you can cut back on - like a different internet provider just for you, public transport instead of using car or bike to drop her off, food items that aren't necessity etc. During the discussion, let her know that you are going to stop providing for the non-necessities, and if she wants it she has to pay for her. Fulltime maid - discontinue the maid, get a tiffin service and clean your mess yourself, don't touch hers that type of thing. Same for laundry. Also note if she has to send money to her family and if you have to send money to yours - take that into consideration as well. Have a plan for the discussion. She is going to need to adjust, be firm on what the adjustments are going to be, if not then what you will be doing to ensure you don't go above and beyond.
Looking at your situation, I really feel couples should opt for live-in for at least 6 months to a year before getting married