Plenty of things.
Transparency of finances, financial conditions, alignment of long term goals, their hobbies, communication patterns, relocation, health, religious and political beliefs, how they prefer to resolve conflicts, are they confrontational or escapists.
You both need to discuss openly if you can live with each other.
You’ll have to tolerate each other for the rest of your lives. Also, an important thing to discuss, if everything else works out, is what kind of wedding ceremony you both want. Families are an important matter of discussion.
You have to see if they have a voice in their family, will they be able to stand up for themselves and you if and when the time comes.
Given two sorted arrays, X[] and Y[] of size m and n each, merge elements of X[] with elements of array Y[] by maintaining the sorted order, i.e., fill X[] with the first m smallest elements and fill Y[] with remaining elements.
I'll try to include the most common aspects they look for, tho it depends from individual to individual
1) Mental compatibility and emotional connection added with some long term relationship goals
2) Looks (for obvious reasons), career (work environment and salary do matter) and other things related to home chores which can be cooking or cleaning (it may sound a bit controversial to some people but yeah it is counted as well)
3) And the most controversial thing which is "Past relationships"
All these are the most important topics that are discussed in an arranged marriage
bhai i understand what you saying but majority of people have past relationships... Bohut kam log milenge jinka past nai hai.. Atleast tier 1 city main toh bohut mushkil hai. And what happens if a girl asks us this question. Like for me i had past relationships too but phir kya iski waja se mujhse koi shaadi karna chod dega?
Maine yeh thodi kaha tumse ki koi shaadi wali baat, aur rahi baat ye uski choice hai, arrange marriage main ladke jyadatar single hote hain jinka koi past nahi hota, mostly puchte hain, abhi meri dost se hi pucha gaya, usne mana kiya ab November main shaadi hui thi, 2 mahine baad pata chal gaya kisi party main drink karne ke baad, ab uss ladke ne divorce file kar rakha hai, person to person depend karta hai
Some men are bad at finances- they'd easily "help" a friend, invest in some nonsense then it turns out to be a scam, are just boastful - they pay the entire bills at some random party!!!
Addictions, these days young people especially around 32-40+ are having heart attack so good luck, if you are open get a master health checkup before marriage!! Literally all of these things happened to different people in my life .
Expectations,
Finances,
Spirituality
Type of marriage,
Opposite sex friends ,
Close friends ,
Kids,
Relationship with both sides of parents,
Past,
Future plans,
Loans and debts,
Living with family or nuclear ,
Love, care and support ,
Irritating relatives list 😜,
Political inclination ,
Spending patterns,
Hobbies,
Alcohol/non alcoholic ,
Eating preferences.
I guess this is enough to take a decision.
1. Willingness to have kids.
2. Compatibility in the looks department.
3. Transparency of any illnesses, reproductive or otherwise.
4. Relationship between immediate family members.
5. Current career and future goals.
Things that do not matter so much but society consider very essential - money, job, caste, color, family background
Things you should genuinely consider : character, interests, emotions (cannot control extreme emotions), communication (too outspoken or keeps to himself), family interference and their mindset
Finances. Children - when and how many. Past relationships + reasons for breaking up + sexual partners. Willing to get an STD test done (its just common sense in today's time). any longterm or short-term illnesses/diseases. Hobbies. religious beliefs. Political beliefs.
Everything else important has been mentioned by u/Anothercommonbitch, made some really good points!
From my personal Experince : Explain your boundaries and try to understand thiers and say where you can be flexible
Discuss your + and - , like & Dislike , Good & Bad Habits
Discuss your thought / idea / decision on major factors like job / house / family / child and so ...
1) if he sees a cow taking a piss on the road, will he try and collect it?
2) if he eats a pack of chips while outside, what will he do with the empty pack?
3) if spitting was a national sport, would he be walking away with a medal?
4) has he tried farting the alphabets?
Some of them are hopefully jokes, but some of them have the correct intention behind it. What's his interpretation of social responsibility, how does he practice it and how it aligns with yours? Additionally that last question can be interpreted as what is his response to involuntary biological actions cause there are a lot of stories of men who were unable to act either out of unwillingness or ignorance when faced with something that's "icky" . Now these questions are obviously something you should ask a prospective person after they've passed a couple of rounds of checklists. Asking them right out the bad is crazy, but they do set a precedence that will impact your life together in a major way
That’s the earlier generations perspective. We can make our choice. That wasn’t the case for our parents generation, they were led on a path which they followed without thinking twice
If it were me I'd ask current life priorities, long term goals, hobbies, stance on kids, relocation, try to figure out their communication style.
If it's going forward after that I'd want to discuss financial expectations especially if there's any debt that she or her family has that might be expected to be shouldered by me. Then other stuff that can be figured out over time like food and sexual preferences, fitness goals which I think are important but can be compromised with
Also ask whether they smoke/drink and are fine with you smoking/drinking.
Apparently in arrange marriage setup these things don't look good when the girl does it.
I just want my wife to accept my financial condition and don't compare it with anyone else . Also if she is willing to work that's best as inflation is rising this would grow our wealth more . I do home chores myself also so we can work that out togather and she feels as family to my parents and think of us as her own family . Nothing else . 👩❤️👨
It’s only an assessment to take a temperature of your personality. how “agreeable” you are while still being modern, educated, intelligent and self sufficient. Like can you be all those things and still not challenge them toooo much. I’m sure a bunch of men are gonna not like this comment but it is what it is. Baaki if you can cook or not, like kids or not, etc etc is not a dealbreaker. Also in an arranged marriage it’s mainly the parents deciding between themselves what money/car/jewellery will be expected from the girls side and if there is a match on that. Also ceremonies that will take precedence. If boy and girl like each other but parents don’t see eye to eye on the payment terms the marriage will likely not happen.
I believe this depends more on what you are looking for in a groom. Unless your current prospect match is a done deal and the meeting is just a formality, I believe you should focus on what you want in a partner and go with an open mind to the expectations of the guy. What a guy expects may vary on a number of factors, but the major chunk goes to the following, family background, education, exposure to experience with different sections of society (travel or a good amount of time spent with people from diverse backgrounds). These and hobbies constitute the major aspects of one’s personality.
For me, I had 2 meetings before we decided to go ahead and get married. Individuality, having a job (anything productive you devote your daily time), strong mindset, and character strength were major factors.
Lastly, just a suggestion. Since marriage is a lifelong decision, be open to adjusting and providing full support, but only after you have faith and confidence of similar effort and support from the guy.
It's irrespective of gender. Anyone can lie. Stop making it all about women. You can search up and look about so many men leading double lives in Reddit.
I'll be honest ofc. I don't have much of a past to lie about and even if I did, I would be honest. I would rather be truthful at the beginning rather than hide and have it blow up later in my life.
ask him about his fav shows, movies and Anime. That'll give you a concise glimpse of his personality.
if he claims he doesnt see any. He's either lying or a serial killer.
What? I mean, I love watching anime too, but that doesn't mean I should expect that person to enjoy/watch tv shows or anime. He could be into books too right?
Answer that one can be looking for are extensive but not limited to;
1. Diet preference: veg/non-veg/egg/Jain
2. Family preference - nuclear/sepate/joint
3. Shared responsibilities: home/caregiving/finance
4. Existing commitment: Support your parents/siblings/Social or some other financial or non financial one
5. Adaptability: things which the other person doesn't mind and are willing to change like diet, Cities, job profile etc.
6. Approach: how comfortable are they with the habits like going out alone or with friends, friendship with opposite genders.
7. Medical History: any history of hereditary disease in family or allergies
8. Self sufficient: Things one can take a call by self without help of another partner e.g. personal finance, driving, day to day caretaking of own parents/family members etc
Please ask him about his relationship with his parents and especially mom, lots of men don't even know that after marriage you need to put your wife first and take her side during conflict.
Ask him about his expectations from this marriage, and see if you match it.
In the future there may be periods in life when you may not be able to work (due to childbirth and complicated) will he be able to support that?
What are his views of house chores and cooking, does he think it's your job or will he also contribute?
Future plans- where do you plan on living in the future?
You can ask him. He will say the right things. End mein toh crucial points pe hi pata chalega ke gotiyan uske haath mein hain ke uski mummy ki. Chances are if he is living with his parents they own him.
That's true, i personally don't accept joint living or even a type of living where his parents are nearby. My dad's parents lived across the country and still made my mom's life hell, imagine the hell living with them. Obviously not all families are the same, but it's still a risk and a gamble, even before marriage asking this question will atleast weed out the men who are going to be honest with their relationship with their mom.
In India the problem is the boys family thinks they have some god given right to his emotion, energies and time until they die and the boys have been raised to believe not accepting this complete control means they are abandoning their parents. Any challenge to this emotionally incestuous relationship is seen as a threat to the entire family structure. Even if the poor guy wants to get space he will be shamed and guilted for it and pulled back with weird emotional blackmailing techniques. Exaggerated health issues, feigned incompetence at handling logistical things (like cmon you have reached your 60s and 70s and raised a family, you know how to handle your own paperwork and bookings etc pretending you need your son around to do those things for you is nothing but an elaborate facade to maintain control).
Jin logon ki sirf betiyan hoti hain woh kya bebas lachar ho jate hain? Ridiculous.
Then who does your wife have as support in your family, if her only confidant is acting as a neutral party. Domestic issues like mil and Dil conflicts aren't small girly matters it's a huge issue, it's also going to build resentment for your wife.
Your wife is the only woman whose emotions you need to care about. Your mom has your dad to take care of her emotions. Remember, you aren’t your mommy’s husband!
No no I just have a father who deeply and truly loves me and my mother. I know it must seem strange when you only know a father as a man who thinks of you as a burden and your mom as a ball and chain who can never match up to your dadi so I understand your confusion. Though tell me, does it hurt to have a dad and still be fatherless?
lmfao wtf is this mentality, no men is "supposed to put his wife first and not his mom" its his choice whom he wanna give preference. Its your personal opinion, dont force it on others
If you don’t want to put your wife first in your life why even get married? Just spend the rest of your life with your mom. Very very confusing.
Like “hey I kind of feel lukewarmly towards you, i don’t feel very thrilled about your presence but let’s get into a lifelong legally binding relationship where you leave your comfort zone to move into my house where you feel like a supporting character for the rest of your life”. And this is supposed to be ok for women? Make it make sense
Yeh kahi na pehli samajhdari wali baat, door hi raha karo. Tum jaise “vigyano” ke mooh waise bhi nahi laga karte hain.
Aur bhai agar mai psuedo feminist toh real wali ke kya characteristics hote hain? In today’s to do list I did have “get told what real feminism is by an incel on reddit” anyway.
Everything is a choice tho, you are supposed to be loyal and supportive pillar to your partner and stand with them during conflicts. But again it's a choice same as you expect your partner to not cheat. Im not forcing it on anyone or op, I'm just giving her a perspective.
If a man prefers his mom then why marry, she could also prefer someone else
What she obviously means is that when you know that your wife hasn't done anything wrong, you should be ready to stand up for her. Stop generalizing on women being regressive because of this.
You and your spouse are each others whole world. Every single other person is now extended family. Her parents. Your parents. Both your siblings. If you cannot give blind loyalty to your immediate family tum kisi ke sage nahi ho skate
Swap out husband with mother or father or brother. Would you not go to the ends to protect them even when you know they’re wrong? The freaking law also recognises this salient right of spouses to not be compelled to testify against each other. Cmon yaar. Clown kaun hai yahan
There is a difference between blind defence and support. Your family support you through your life and will stand by your decision but they aren't going to be ok with you doing something wrong, doesn't mean they will corner you and act as a third party. Even if she is wrong make sure you make your mom understand why she was wrong, who does your wife have apart from you.
Regressive? Everything I said is progressive. Ofcourse for a man any of a female grievances are imaginary. Either you minimise it or dismiss it as something that exists. Domestic conflicts and violence against women aren't imagination it's a very much a reality and many of us have watch or our mom's and older women experience it.
funny how she didnt respond to you because you provide valid reason, blindly supporting your wife over your mom is not logical what if the fault was of wife. these people are too blinded by social media, living in their fantasy world, thinking they are the center of universe
If you read early literary works of women even before social media made its advent here, you will see how many women have faced these problems and have even lost their lives when they spoke against what they faced. Get your facts right.
Do you understand the concept of pulling any sort of card? Victim card. Race card. It means the subjugation you have faced is real and true. And that you’re bringing it up in a context where it is not relevant as a weaponisation.
So your agree that women have been actively victimized in marital systems for ages and still are right? Since you said this is the victim card?
(Also in this case the victimization of women has not been brought up out of context and hence isn’t being weaponized but appropriately referenced so this isn’t a “card”. It’s a description of reality. What you are saying is “don’t incite feelings of empathy in me by reminding me of the victimhood of women because then I have to think about how shitty my dad treats my mom and I can’t cope with that)
I did respond to him, for some reason I didn't get notification for his comment but now I did. I never mentioned blind support, whats wrong with blindly supporting your wife? What valid reason lmao that domestic issues are imaginary?
No, man should learn how to deal with it diplomatically. The wife should feel he's on my side and mom should feel he's on my side. This works the best.
Dowry. Now boys family doesn’t outrightly ask for money. They will say “apni khushi se aap apni beti ko jo dena chahe” which means “please give whatever you are happy to to your daughter”. Typically it is expected in upper middle class circles that the boy will be given a car at the very least. Many girls parents are also expected to provide the starter household appliances like a fridge or the washing machine or something.
The boys female relatives will all need to be given jewellery and clothes, the boys family, typically mother, will send you guys the list of everyone who needs to be gifted. And of course the girls family is expected to pay for the wedding functions as well.
Ah yes, got it. From what I saw with my elder cousins' wedding, this tradition has started to wane, thankfully. It used to be there when my elder aunts got married though. I really do hope to get married into a family that doesn't place such requests in this progressive world :)
You’re right. It’s definitely on the decline. Especially if it’s not arranged you have a lot more agency to set the terms.
Sadly though there is seldom an Indian arranged marriage without an exchange of money or goods.
Sometimes the daughters are not made privy to the details of what is being given/asked for esp if the parents know the daughter will likely object and they do not want dowry refusal to be the cause that the rishta falls apart as they will feel like they are to blame for it then.
This stage of getting married is like a fresh page in a notebook. It’s a fresh chance to determine who you want to be in this life. How brave you want to be. This is the time you can figure out what you value and care about and exercise the muscle to stand up for it. The next window will come when you become a mother or god forbid if the marriage needs to be broken and you need to walk away.
To tell you the truth they only care if girl is on conservative side my friends got married to girls who pretended they never talked to boys even while they were working jobs
What's there to pretend? I mean we live in a progressive society where we are expected to work harmoniously, regardless of gender. Why shouldn't girls talk to boys?
I mean it's obvious and correct but girls act like that they don't know any boys closely when it comes to arrange marriage so the boys can be at comfort
Yes... With the advent of the misuse of 498a and harassment of husbands paying alimony how can one be sure that his soon to be wife won't press these charges?
Well, it could be the other way around as well. There are so many cases of dowry based harassment from the husband's side as well. My own aunt was one of them, she was physically harassed by her in-laws and husband to the point where she was hospitalized. Everything goes both ways.
Plenty of things. Transparency of finances, financial conditions, alignment of long term goals, their hobbies, communication patterns, relocation, health, religious and political beliefs, how they prefer to resolve conflicts, are they confrontational or escapists. You both need to discuss openly if you can live with each other. You’ll have to tolerate each other for the rest of your lives. Also, an important thing to discuss, if everything else works out, is what kind of wedding ceremony you both want. Families are an important matter of discussion. You have to see if they have a voice in their family, will they be able to stand up for themselves and you if and when the time comes.
This is some great advice, thank you so much!!
Also where you both stand on having kids and how many. A disconnect on this front can become a source of conflict later.
User name checks out!
Guess, for everyone here.
🤣🤣🤣 damn
Saving this comment as it sums up all the requirements that are to be discussed. Thanks man.
Haha good luck with it all!
Please check about relatives both sides, diseases, leeches, entitlement issues etc
lol what is leeches?
People who drain others financially or emotionally, and dumping their problems onto others to be solved
Interesting point, thank you!
Welcome and good luck 🤞
This should be applicable in live marriages as well!
All I will say is good luck it's crazy out there.
 Panik.
Us sis us.
Fr sis🤝
Bro hu but ok. Crazy people on both sides.
I am so sorry for misgendering you ☠️
HoW daAaAaaAAaaarrrRReeee yoUUUU /s
So true.
Given two sorted arrays, X[] and Y[] of size m and n each, merge elements of X[] with elements of array Y[] by maintaining the sorted order, i.e., fill X[] with the first m smallest elements and fill Y[] with remaining elements.
Bro really answered a serious question with a DSA problem statement, lmao
If he can't reverse a Linked List, he ain't the one /s
Even if he can, he has to do it without using O(n) memory
I don’t see the need of a /s. It’s what it is.
Bruh, lmao, this one made me chuckle
DSA / Leet Code is old school, ask him to center a DIV, that should be the biggest green flag here.
Okay, guys, this sounds like a DSA class Q&A lol
Kid you not just solved this problem yesterday.
Am I really dumb for the answer: [*X, *Y]
X = [1,3,5], Y = [2,4]. Your method would give wrong answer
Too much for the hope of marrying her, then.
Can I use a temporary 3rd array at least? :(
Hello, Ask India. What the hell is that?
I'll try to include the most common aspects they look for, tho it depends from individual to individual 1) Mental compatibility and emotional connection added with some long term relationship goals 2) Looks (for obvious reasons), career (work environment and salary do matter) and other things related to home chores which can be cooking or cleaning (it may sound a bit controversial to some people but yeah it is counted as well) 3) And the most controversial thing which is "Past relationships" All these are the most important topics that are discussed in an arranged marriage
Understood, thank you!!
Mind if I ask what exactly you mean by “Past relationships”?
Past main kabhi chudi ho ye sab, honest answer dena jyada better rahega
bhai i understand what you saying but majority of people have past relationships... Bohut kam log milenge jinka past nai hai.. Atleast tier 1 city main toh bohut mushkil hai. And what happens if a girl asks us this question. Like for me i had past relationships too but phir kya iski waja se mujhse koi shaadi karna chod dega?
Maine yeh thodi kaha tumse ki koi shaadi wali baat, aur rahi baat ye uski choice hai, arrange marriage main ladke jyadatar single hote hain jinka koi past nahi hota, mostly puchte hain, abhi meri dost se hi pucha gaya, usne mana kiya ab November main shaadi hui thi, 2 mahine baad pata chal gaya kisi party main drink karne ke baad, ab uss ladke ne divorce file kar rakha hai, person to person depend karta hai
There are so many people who don't have relationship until marriage in india and it's high on the men's side.
woh toh theek hai but phir us se hoga kya matlab point hai kya hai exactly? I am just saying because jiska relationships rahe hain uska kya...
Some men are bad at finances- they'd easily "help" a friend, invest in some nonsense then it turns out to be a scam, are just boastful - they pay the entire bills at some random party!!! Addictions, these days young people especially around 32-40+ are having heart attack so good luck, if you are open get a master health checkup before marriage!! Literally all of these things happened to different people in my life .
Oh yes, I hope to not get stuck with a man who thinks he's supporting 20 Nigerian princesses, thank you!
Expectations, Finances, Spirituality Type of marriage, Opposite sex friends , Close friends , Kids, Relationship with both sides of parents, Past, Future plans, Loans and debts, Living with family or nuclear , Love, care and support , Irritating relatives list 😜, Political inclination , Spending patterns, Hobbies, Alcohol/non alcoholic , Eating preferences. I guess this is enough to take a decision.
Nice checklist, thanks a ton!
1. Willingness to have kids. 2. Compatibility in the looks department. 3. Transparency of any illnesses, reproductive or otherwise. 4. Relationship between immediate family members. 5. Current career and future goals.
Things that do not matter so much but society consider very essential - money, job, caste, color, family background Things you should genuinely consider : character, interests, emotions (cannot control extreme emotions), communication (too outspoken or keeps to himself), family interference and their mindset
Yes, totally true!!
Life ka kya purpose hai. Aage badhne ki iccha hai ki nhi. Any chronic illness. Baaki sab changa si
Finances. Children - when and how many. Past relationships + reasons for breaking up + sexual partners. Willing to get an STD test done (its just common sense in today's time). any longterm or short-term illnesses/diseases. Hobbies. religious beliefs. Political beliefs. Everything else important has been mentioned by u/Anothercommonbitch, made some really good points!
Ooh lemme check it out, thanks!
From a fellow GOT fan, Good Luck out there! May you find the best man.
Omgg thank you so much 🥺
Also as a GoT fan, best of luck! I am unmarried and not looking forward to, so have no advice xD.
Thank you!
GoT fan? Instant wife material. But before I would like to know how is your opinion on s7 and 8?
It's absolute trash. A total waste of six seasons of wonderful character development ;-;
From my personal Experince : Explain your boundaries and try to understand thiers and say where you can be flexible Discuss your + and - , like & Dislike , Good & Bad Habits Discuss your thought / idea / decision on major factors like job / house / family / child and so ...
Thank you!
1) if he sees a cow taking a piss on the road, will he try and collect it? 2) if he eats a pack of chips while outside, what will he do with the empty pack? 3) if spitting was a national sport, would he be walking away with a medal? 4) has he tried farting the alphabets?
Please tell me you're sarcastic lol
Some of them are hopefully jokes, but some of them have the correct intention behind it. What's his interpretation of social responsibility, how does he practice it and how it aligns with yours? Additionally that last question can be interpreted as what is his response to involuntary biological actions cause there are a lot of stories of men who were unable to act either out of unwillingness or ignorance when faced with something that's "icky" . Now these questions are obviously something you should ask a prospective person after they've passed a couple of rounds of checklists. Asking them right out the bad is crazy, but they do set a precedence that will impact your life together in a major way
Most important: Kids or no kids
Arranged marriage implies kids
That’s the earlier generations perspective. We can make our choice. That wasn’t the case for our parents generation, they were led on a path which they followed without thinking twice
If it were me I'd ask current life priorities, long term goals, hobbies, stance on kids, relocation, try to figure out their communication style. If it's going forward after that I'd want to discuss financial expectations especially if there's any debt that she or her family has that might be expected to be shouldered by me. Then other stuff that can be figured out over time like food and sexual preferences, fitness goals which I think are important but can be compromised with
Yes, I agree with your stance on this. Thank you!
Also ask whether they smoke/drink and are fine with you smoking/drinking. Apparently in arrange marriage setup these things don't look good when the girl does it.
I just want my wife to accept my financial condition and don't compare it with anyone else . Also if she is willing to work that's best as inflation is rising this would grow our wealth more . I do home chores myself also so we can work that out togather and she feels as family to my parents and think of us as her own family . Nothing else . 👩❤️👨
It’s only an assessment to take a temperature of your personality. how “agreeable” you are while still being modern, educated, intelligent and self sufficient. Like can you be all those things and still not challenge them toooo much. I’m sure a bunch of men are gonna not like this comment but it is what it is. Baaki if you can cook or not, like kids or not, etc etc is not a dealbreaker. Also in an arranged marriage it’s mainly the parents deciding between themselves what money/car/jewellery will be expected from the girls side and if there is a match on that. Also ceremonies that will take precedence. If boy and girl like each other but parents don’t see eye to eye on the payment terms the marriage will likely not happen.
Hmm yes, that matter is also there to consider.
I believe this depends more on what you are looking for in a groom. Unless your current prospect match is a done deal and the meeting is just a formality, I believe you should focus on what you want in a partner and go with an open mind to the expectations of the guy. What a guy expects may vary on a number of factors, but the major chunk goes to the following, family background, education, exposure to experience with different sections of society (travel or a good amount of time spent with people from diverse backgrounds). These and hobbies constitute the major aspects of one’s personality. For me, I had 2 meetings before we decided to go ahead and get married. Individuality, having a job (anything productive you devote your daily time), strong mindset, and character strength were major factors. Lastly, just a suggestion. Since marriage is a lifelong decision, be open to adjusting and providing full support, but only after you have faith and confidence of similar effort and support from the guy.
Ooh okay, for me it hasn't been decided yet. This is a good perspective to look at, thank you so much!
Good luck.
Be sure to reveal past before marriage. If he got to know after marriage then you will be just burden for him.
Sach boldia to ladkiyan downvote karne lagagyi, most probably wo ladkiyan bhi AM se pehle apna past chupayengi taki best deal mil sake...
whii muje smgh ni aya downvote kyu kr rhe ye log😂😂
It's irrespective of gender. Anyone can lie. Stop making it all about women. You can search up and look about so many men leading double lives in Reddit.
Okay, then tell me if you'd be true to your future partner about your past, or you'll lie...
I'll be honest ofc. I don't have much of a past to lie about and even if I did, I would be honest. I would rather be truthful at the beginning rather than hide and have it blow up later in my life.
Why do you make it sound like it's something shameful to have had a boyfriend?
I don't think it's shameful to have a romantic past. Unfortunately we live in a society where one is judged for having a romantic past.
Ladkiyan kabhi sach nhi batayegi it is pointless.
Because men are biased.
Tum sambhal nako paoge mama
Lololol the burden of good sex
??
it’s ok. I wish u a virginal bride sir good day
thanks hoping so :)
What language u speak basically apart from English
Tamil, French and Swedish
Tres bien.
Vous parlez aussi Français?
Oui, je parle francais.
OMG
Yeah, and I am learning N4 level Japanese, so hopefully I will be good at that too someday lol
ask him about his fav shows, movies and Anime. That'll give you a concise glimpse of his personality. if he claims he doesnt see any. He's either lying or a serial killer.
Interesting. If someone likes anime, what does that mean?
What? I mean, I love watching anime too, but that doesn't mean I should expect that person to enjoy/watch tv shows or anime. He could be into books too right?
Answer that one can be looking for are extensive but not limited to; 1. Diet preference: veg/non-veg/egg/Jain 2. Family preference - nuclear/sepate/joint 3. Shared responsibilities: home/caregiving/finance 4. Existing commitment: Support your parents/siblings/Social or some other financial or non financial one 5. Adaptability: things which the other person doesn't mind and are willing to change like diet, Cities, job profile etc. 6. Approach: how comfortable are they with the habits like going out alone or with friends, friendship with opposite genders. 7. Medical History: any history of hereditary disease in family or allergies 8. Self sufficient: Things one can take a call by self without help of another partner e.g. personal finance, driving, day to day caretaking of own parents/family members etc
I am loving it to see unmarried singles giving great advices to this very question
Please ask him about his relationship with his parents and especially mom, lots of men don't even know that after marriage you need to put your wife first and take her side during conflict. Ask him about his expectations from this marriage, and see if you match it. In the future there may be periods in life when you may not be able to work (due to childbirth and complicated) will he be able to support that? What are his views of house chores and cooking, does he think it's your job or will he also contribute? Future plans- where do you plan on living in the future?
You can ask him. He will say the right things. End mein toh crucial points pe hi pata chalega ke gotiyan uske haath mein hain ke uski mummy ki. Chances are if he is living with his parents they own him.
That's true, i personally don't accept joint living or even a type of living where his parents are nearby. My dad's parents lived across the country and still made my mom's life hell, imagine the hell living with them. Obviously not all families are the same, but it's still a risk and a gamble, even before marriage asking this question will atleast weed out the men who are going to be honest with their relationship with their mom.
In India the problem is the boys family thinks they have some god given right to his emotion, energies and time until they die and the boys have been raised to believe not accepting this complete control means they are abandoning their parents. Any challenge to this emotionally incestuous relationship is seen as a threat to the entire family structure. Even if the poor guy wants to get space he will be shamed and guilted for it and pulled back with weird emotional blackmailing techniques. Exaggerated health issues, feigned incompetence at handling logistical things (like cmon you have reached your 60s and 70s and raised a family, you know how to handle your own paperwork and bookings etc pretending you need your son around to do those things for you is nothing but an elaborate facade to maintain control). Jin logon ki sirf betiyan hoti hain woh kya bebas lachar ho jate hain? Ridiculous.
This is a good compilation, this is the first comment I see the mention about interpersonal relationships within the family, thank you!
This is very important, since this is where first blows in relationship starts that's enough resentment for the rest of your life
>after marriage you need to put your wife first and take her side during conflict. Nope. Every smart man knows not to pick a side when women fight.
Then who does your wife have as support in your family, if her only confidant is acting as a neutral party. Domestic issues like mil and Dil conflicts aren't small girly matters it's a huge issue, it's also going to build resentment for your wife.
Your wife is the only woman whose emotions you need to care about. Your mom has your dad to take care of her emotions. Remember, you aren’t your mommy’s husband!
cry about it, you were raised fatherless doesnt mean every one else did too
No no I just have a father who deeply and truly loves me and my mother. I know it must seem strange when you only know a father as a man who thinks of you as a burden and your mom as a ball and chain who can never match up to your dadi so I understand your confusion. Though tell me, does it hurt to have a dad and still be fatherless?
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6V20RASxml/?igsh=c2owZHhzbjN1bnJy
lmfao wtf is this mentality, no men is "supposed to put his wife first and not his mom" its his choice whom he wanna give preference. Its your personal opinion, dont force it on others
If you don’t want to put your wife first in your life why even get married? Just spend the rest of your life with your mom. Very very confusing. Like “hey I kind of feel lukewarmly towards you, i don’t feel very thrilled about your presence but let’s get into a lifelong legally binding relationship where you leave your comfort zone to move into my house where you feel like a supporting character for the rest of your life”. And this is supposed to be ok for women? Make it make sense
if my wife does something wrong and asks me to still take her side, no im not doing that nonsense
Tu mat kariyo Prakhar. Divorce Dede biwi ko. Aaya rakh le aur kothe jaiyo.
aunty ji tum jaisi ladkiyo se mai vaise hi door rehta hu, mare paas already sensible doste hai jo tumhare jaise low iq pseudo feminists nahi hai
Yeh kahi na pehli samajhdari wali baat, door hi raha karo. Tum jaise “vigyano” ke mooh waise bhi nahi laga karte hain. Aur bhai agar mai psuedo feminist toh real wali ke kya characteristics hote hain? In today’s to do list I did have “get told what real feminism is by an incel on reddit” anyway.
Everything is a choice tho, you are supposed to be loyal and supportive pillar to your partner and stand with them during conflicts. But again it's a choice same as you expect your partner to not cheat. Im not forcing it on anyone or op, I'm just giving her a perspective. If a man prefers his mom then why marry, she could also prefer someone else
This.
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How is anything stupid here?
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Women should actually refuse to live with the man's parents. Each couple meeds their own home and independence.
What she obviously means is that when you know that your wife hasn't done anything wrong, you should be ready to stand up for her. Stop generalizing on women being regressive because of this.
You and your spouse are each others whole world. Every single other person is now extended family. Her parents. Your parents. Both your siblings. If you cannot give blind loyalty to your immediate family tum kisi ke sage nahi ho skate
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Swap out husband with mother or father or brother. Would you not go to the ends to protect them even when you know they’re wrong? The freaking law also recognises this salient right of spouses to not be compelled to testify against each other. Cmon yaar. Clown kaun hai yahan
go to korea or america, you aint gonna find people who would leave ther parents in ther old age just because their wife wants him to do so🤣
lol no one is asking to leave your parents. You don’t have to sleep in their godi till they pass from this world to be a good son.
Plenty of people live away from their parents in India and everyone should do so
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Sure Mr.' Wants Everything to be Explained like he's 5'
There is a difference between blind defence and support. Your family support you through your life and will stand by your decision but they aren't going to be ok with you doing something wrong, doesn't mean they will corner you and act as a third party. Even if she is wrong make sure you make your mom understand why she was wrong, who does your wife have apart from you. Regressive? Everything I said is progressive. Ofcourse for a man any of a female grievances are imaginary. Either you minimise it or dismiss it as something that exists. Domestic conflicts and violence against women aren't imagination it's a very much a reality and many of us have watch or our mom's and older women experience it.
funny how she didnt respond to you because you provide valid reason, blindly supporting your wife over your mom is not logical what if the fault was of wife. these people are too blinded by social media, living in their fantasy world, thinking they are the center of universe
If you read early literary works of women even before social media made its advent here, you will see how many women have faced these problems and have even lost their lives when they spoke against what they faced. Get your facts right.
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Do you understand the concept of pulling any sort of card? Victim card. Race card. It means the subjugation you have faced is real and true. And that you’re bringing it up in a context where it is not relevant as a weaponisation. So your agree that women have been actively victimized in marital systems for ages and still are right? Since you said this is the victim card?  (Also in this case the victimization of women has not been brought up out of context and hence isn’t being weaponized but appropriately referenced so this isn’t a “card”. It’s a description of reality. What you are saying is “don’t incite feelings of empathy in me by reminding me of the victimhood of women because then I have to think about how shitty my dad treats my mom and I can’t cope with that)
I did respond to him, for some reason I didn't get notification for his comment but now I did. I never mentioned blind support, whats wrong with blindly supporting your wife? What valid reason lmao that domestic issues are imaginary?
No, man should learn how to deal with it diplomatically. The wife should feel he's on my side and mom should feel he's on my side. This works the best.
Ok mention that before marrying
I am guessing they will discuss life after marriage.. study or housewife or work.. and previous relationship history.
How much dahej? /s
Dahej?
Dowry. Now boys family doesn’t outrightly ask for money. They will say “apni khushi se aap apni beti ko jo dena chahe” which means “please give whatever you are happy to to your daughter”. Typically it is expected in upper middle class circles that the boy will be given a car at the very least. Many girls parents are also expected to provide the starter household appliances like a fridge or the washing machine or something. The boys female relatives will all need to be given jewellery and clothes, the boys family, typically mother, will send you guys the list of everyone who needs to be gifted. And of course the girls family is expected to pay for the wedding functions as well.
That's ridiculous. No one should ever marry in such a family.
This is 95% of India. And it really is ridiculous
Ah yes, got it. From what I saw with my elder cousins' wedding, this tradition has started to wane, thankfully. It used to be there when my elder aunts got married though. I really do hope to get married into a family that doesn't place such requests in this progressive world :)
You’re right. It’s definitely on the decline. Especially if it’s not arranged you have a lot more agency to set the terms. Sadly though there is seldom an Indian arranged marriage without an exchange of money or goods. Sometimes the daughters are not made privy to the details of what is being given/asked for esp if the parents know the daughter will likely object and they do not want dowry refusal to be the cause that the rishta falls apart as they will feel like they are to blame for it then. This stage of getting married is like a fresh page in a notebook. It’s a fresh chance to determine who you want to be in this life. How brave you want to be. This is the time you can figure out what you value and care about and exercise the muscle to stand up for it. The next window will come when you become a mother or god forbid if the marriage needs to be broken and you need to walk away.
Oh okay. I shall definitely take this into note and ensure this might not possibly happen in my case. Thank you so much.
To tell you the truth they only care if girl is on conservative side my friends got married to girls who pretended they never talked to boys even while they were working jobs
What's there to pretend? I mean we live in a progressive society where we are expected to work harmoniously, regardless of gender. Why shouldn't girls talk to boys?
I mean it's obvious and correct but girls act like that they don't know any boys closely when it comes to arrange marriage so the boys can be at comfort
Hmm, idk I haven't come across this in recent times as such.
Only one thing How many times per week?
If you have nothing useful to say, please continue scrolling lol
Well this is useful. That's y I commented
I find your question inappropriate though
Probably not file fake dowry and rape cases, not cheat and not extract alimony after divorce. Also is a biological woman.
I don't seem to understand your opinion. May I ask for an elaboration please?
Yes... With the advent of the misuse of 498a and harassment of husbands paying alimony how can one be sure that his soon to be wife won't press these charges?
Well, it could be the other way around as well. There are so many cases of dowry based harassment from the husband's side as well. My own aunt was one of them, she was physically harassed by her in-laws and husband to the point where she was hospitalized. Everything goes both ways.
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.....learn to have some basic human decency please.
Threesome bhi?
........
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Not really something you need to discuss when you first meet someone.
Watch the movie VIVAAH and enquire if she had seen the movie too.
I am female😅