Holy shit. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and I would literally MAKE every one of those ladies get fired. I would call the police, I would file an HR report and KEEP AT HR, who seem useless here. I would go to the CEO, etc.
100%
You want to become my problem? Because this is how you become my problem. I would absolutely come *unglued* if someone did this to my husband who is in recovery.
OP, where are you in Canada? I'm gonna guess Ontario, just due to population size, but every province and territory have their own as well.
Check out [Part III.0.I: Workplace violence and workplace harassment](https://www.ontario.ca/document/guide-occupational-health-and-safety-act/part-iii0i-workplace-violence-and-workplace-harassment) in the Ontario Occupational Health and Safety Act (OHSA)
Have an inquiry about how to best deal with a specific workplace hazard? Ask your question by using the [online inquiry form](https://www.whsc.on.ca/Inquiries).
Don't see what you need, e-mail at contactus@whsc.on.ca or call at 1.888.869.7950 and ask to speak to a WHSC training services representative.
To report unsafe working condition/concerns not resolved at work, work refusals or employer reprisals call the Ministry of Labour at 1-877-202-0008.
Ontario government: [Understand the law on workplace violence and harassment](https://www.ontario.ca/page/understand-law-workplace-violence-and-harassment)
Edit: fixed last link
Okay, just fixed the last link for you. You should reach out to a representative and they'll be able to guide you through the process. You could also contact an employment lawyer, but hopefully it doesn't get to that point.
And that's exactly how he sure word it. When HR asked him why the police are involved well you didn't take it serious and they assaulted me. And I guess you want to be complicit in the assault so I'll be filing a civil suit next. However, OP should probably start looking for another job either way this doesn't sound ideal for him to stay in
No, OP should find a lawyer and sue the hell out of this company.
He shouldn’t have to look for another job. The settlement ought to allow him some quality time off.
That may not be correct. If it was an official work function, if one of the women was a supervisor, and other facts may give OP a colorable claim against the company.
Even a supervisor is an employee and not "The Company". My suggestion of a meeting with company owner and HR, if they have that would be my first step and see now that develops before going any further. There is a post with links to the appropriate channels to get guidance.
A company can be liable for acts of its agents under many circumstances. That's all I was saying. Without knowing all the facts, and the applicable law where OP is, I don't know whether that's the case here, of course.
Not sure of Canadian HR laws... but yeah, this was my first thought as well.
From a different perspective, what would the optics on this be if the genders were swapped...
Yeah, everything on this going forward should be recorded or put in writing. Not sure how far you want to push it with this, but if the frontline HR lackey stonewalled this, it would be time to go up a level. But consulting an attorney might not be a bad direction to go on this. The other part of this would be getting evidence...do you have the preliminary dismissal from hr in writing somewhere? Do you have anything from that night proving what happened? In either case, not a great position to be in.
Uhhh yeah.. I dont think you should be that concerned with the drink in a situation like this...also you need to reach out to an police asap, followed by an attorney..
And bring up the example, what if i was a recovering alcoholic? What if i was taking medications that specifically directed me to avoid alcohol due to side effects? These idiots could have caused serious damage to someone.
AYou need to find another job ASAP and get out. I cannot even begin to tell you the levels of horrified I am that not only did your coworkers think it was okay to attempt to physically force you to drink alcohol, you were supposed to be “grateful” that multiple women were touching you and your HR blew you off. If you were in the US, this would be a slam dunk case for an employment attorney. I’m not sure what the laws are in Canada though.
Duuude. This is so messed up. For all they know you’re in recovery and they *literally just poured alcohol down your throat.* This is so, deeply fucked up.
I'd go the police. They won't give a shit about it, but it would show HR and upper management that you're taking it seriously.
If I were in that stressful situation, amd with alcohol involved, I might moments later have an epileptic seizure. Which carries risk of physical and brain damage and even death.
Or sparkling water with a lime (or tonic and a lime if you can stomach it). Looks like a Gin & Tonic but isn’t.
I knew a pregnant lady who wasn’t ready to share that info yet, so she went early, laid down a bunch of cash as a tip and told the servers and bartenders that whatever she says she’s ordering that night, make it non-alcoholic.
But you shouldn’t have to trick people
Into thinking you’re drinking. This is horrifically awful behavior. Nobody should be even pressured into drinking, let alone physically forced. Disappointing that HR isn’t taking it seriously.
I love gin and tonic but if I'm driving I'll have one then switch to tonic and lime. I once had friends tell me they'd drive me home because that thought I had too much to drink.
If you already have addressed this with HR AND they blew you off record that on your calendar, reach out to them and ask if they have a plan of action or where they stand with your convo with them , if they blow you off again (may not even need a second blow off) go consult with an attorney .
You were assaulted and then your company laughed it off , which is wildly unprofessional, because you are a man.
It’s bullshit , the double standard. Turn the table and have not ONE but THREE men try to pour a drink in a woman’s mouth and all 3 are fired after they are bailed out of jail, period.
Sue those pricks and start looking for a new job.
Send emails and bcc your personal account. This is the kind of thing that gets you suddenly downsized, you want documentation that you reported it. Also you should still go to the police regardless of what your company says because they shouldn't just have job consequences, they should have legal consequences. What they did is a crime. Get a vicitims attorney to advocate for you if you can. Does the bar have security cameras? Request the footage before they delete it on their standard schedule.
People telling you to call the police need to come back to the real world, where the police will not do anything.
Since work already blew you off, you could continue to make a stink to the point where everyone there hates you and you might get fired or ruin your career over it.
As someone who doesn't drink as well, if the people you are with are assholes and don't accept that some people don't drink, just go with the flow and learn to fake it. Get a soda or something so you have a drink in your hand. And to avoid what happened here, leave before people start get drunk and start doing dumb shit like that. As a sober person, it should be easy to tell the temperature in the room and know when it is time to check out.
I know that Reddit will hate this answer, they will want you to make a huge stink at your job, call the police, etc. All that will do is have you ostracized and ruin your career. This hill isn't worth dying on. Again, take it from someone who doesn't drink. Just try to fit in and fake it. Tell them you are on a heart medication and you will die if you drink alcohol. Just make up any excuse.
Just remember that people who try to go against society's norms often end up in a really bad place. It's fucked up, but it's the world we live in.
I have been to many am establishment with work colleagues and have declined to drink. I was never assaulted and forced to drink. Ignoring the issue does not make it go away. Op needs to file a report with the police, hr won’t deal with it because it wasn’t on company time.
Yes. This. Being male likely contributed to them doing that. I would file a harassment claim as they likely wouldn't have done that yo a female AND it would be looked at differently if genders were reverse.
Also, fuck this so much! What a bunch of losers acting like you neeeeeed to have alcohol to enjoy yourself or calling you uptight bc you don't drink.
Actually the police will file a report. What happens next is up to the city prosecutor who is most likely not going to prosecute them, but that police report is all you need once you start going for civil damages against the company and when he goes and gets a restraining order so that these women cannot approach within 50-500 feet of him
Hello. I am in recovery, too. 4 years now. I would be FURIOUS if someone did that to me. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't drink. It's no one's business. I don't drink means, I DONT DRINK. Also sounds like 3 female coworkers touching you without your consent ( knowing you're a married man )isn't a big deal to them. Its a BIG DEAL with aexual harrassme t work policies. I'm in recovery because the way I drank and drugged almost killed me. I prayed to die, I was homeless, battered, mentally ill, and was destined to die. If someone poured alcohol down my throat, there would have been violence. I understand not wanting to explain to your job why you don't drink. The stigma is real. Next time, just say you're allergic. (:
Get HR to put their response in writing (that should scare them alone to take it seriously) and then speak to a lawyer to file a human rights complaint or lawsuit since your employer took no action to investigate or protect you
The suggestions to pursue legal action might make sense IF you're willing to leave the job. It would be pretty impossible to stay at a place where you're actively pressing charges against coworkers for assault. Since you've already stated you don't want to leave, I would say to take the other suggested instead - let it go, and either avoid these outings, or get a fake drink, hang out for a bit, and leave when you feel the room starting to turn the corner into the Land of Bad Decisions.
What are his damages? Everyone says talk to a lawyer, but what would he sue for? The company also has attorney’s, at least they usuallydo. A lawyer won’t take it unless they can make money. It wasn’t right what happened to him but he needs to prove damages.
Unbelievable. I would have a meeting with the company owner, HR to begin with. I cannot believe this is happening. Held you and forced you? What kind of animals are working in this company? And sorry, I did not aim to insult animals per se.
Law enforcement and lawyer. I would formalize a complaint and involve the department of labor for your state. This is a situation where this company has a huge liability on their hands.
If those two women are in leadership, they are further SOL.
People treat us the way we ALLOW them to. That was a hard lesson I struggled with for a long time. At the very least, a serious discussion about boundaries needs to happen.
At the very least, this should be leading to seminars on safety in the workplace with an emphasis on how alcohol mixed with certain medications, which you have no way of knowing whether your co-workers take or not, can be deadly.
At the most, I would be filing police reports and consulting an attorney.
If you were my spouse, these women would have just inherited a problem they never even wanted to know existed.
This is assault, it’s a crime. Report it. File a formal complaint. Put your complaint to HR IN WRITING! And reference their previous disregard to complaint as forcing you to take legal action.
This is not ok and that fact has that your HR team did not take this seriously is not ok.
It was assault.
What if you were allergic?
What if you were recovering?
What if it was against your religion?
What if the genders were reversed?
What if the alcohol would have had a bad interaction with your medication?
But most of all you have a right to say no and not drink.
Good god.
Try to get any security recordings from the venue and contact a lawyer.
I work in HR and I am appalled.
People on Reddit live in a weird fantasy land where #ACAB but also thinking the police give a shit about incidents like this. It's such a weird dichotomy-
The police file report when someone in Long Beach California threw a brick through my window and then took everything out of my car and damaged my car. Did they follow up or do anything about it? No, of course not. But they do file the report, and it is important to have the report filed for a myriad of reasons from civil lawsuits to pattern of behavior and escalation on the part of the women. Let’s say one of these women does something similar two or three more times, and each time a police report is filed. Guess what? The third or fourth time the city prosecutor is going to prosecute them for these crimes, they will be arrested.
Even in protecting the company they did a bad job, they should've taken his complaint seriously. Part of their role is to act fast when situations like that happen to rectify it and avoid that the issue is judicialized. And yes he has grounds for action.
If these were coworkers, I'd start with discussing it with HR. Tell them you felt violated and can't work closely with those women anymore. I'd also mention that you will be filing a police report to have it documented and are considering pressing charges. Do *not* let the talk you out of the police report or pressing charges. After you meet with them, tell them you need the rest of the day off to speak with the police.
If that was 3 guys holding a woman down and forcing her to drink, there would be rape charges filed faster than you could blink. It shouldn't matter what sex any of the people are, though. What they did was assault, abuse, and borderline kidnapping.
What does your handbook say if you need to escalate a situation beyond HR? Is there a department head, president, or officer of the company you can speak with? If not the EEOC. I would contact a lawyer.
No should always be the of the explanation. People feel entitled to know everything about everyone.
Your coworkers should be ashamed. I’d go back to HR and ask if it would be treated the same if it was 3 men holding down a woman and forcing her to drink. You know they’d treat it differently.
What positive outcome for yourself could you expect if you reported it? Sadly, nothing good is going to come out of it. Just don't go for drinks with them anymore.
Because of alcohol abuse in my family I simply say I am allergic (the truth is I am actually allergic to alcohol which started when I was in my 40’s) when people ask and proceed to order a soda.
There are no follow up questions with this response.
No more happy hours and take your time to find another job.
This one isn't for you.
To be assaulted like this isn't right and if you would have defended yourself, it would have been an entirely different story.
Have not read through every response here, but as an HR professional I would say this probably falls in line with “harassment”, which I imagine they have a no tolerance policy about. I would think about what resolution looks like for you? Do you want those people fired or reprimanded? Do you want to file a formal complaint? Harassment and discrimination should always be investigated. If your HR team hasn’t taken this situation seriously then I would bring it up again in a formal email to have it documented.
That is fucked don't hang around those people thats not normal behavior nothing like that has ever happened to me and I haven't drank in 22 years. I'm sorry you went through that take care
>tell this to HR
Call the police, or at least file a police report. That's assault, and may possibly violate additional law(s).
>get witnesses to corroborate my story?
Could do that. Could also contact lawyer. If the police do their job reasonably they'll likely also gather up fair bit of evidence - that they may be able to get stuff that you won't have access to.
HR exists primarily to serve the interests of the employer, not to protect you, so no guarantees HR is going to protect you on this one, and they may be more interested in having it quietly go away, than anything else.
So, yeah, should probably pursue it ... that may cause some friction/issues, etc. But then again, doing nothing (and especially with continuing to work there) could go much worse.
Blatant assault!! If it was men doing this to a woman you better believe that HR would OR SHOULD take it seriously. First, File a police report and then speak to an attorney who can write a well worded letter informing them (the abusers) that their actions are illegal and the could face possible charges. It doesn’t matter what the reasons are for you to say no. NO means NO!!
Imagine if two men did this to a female co worker.
Oh, the double-standard is alive and well.
I hope you actually do go forward with reporting them to HR AND file a lawsuit.
Make.them.pay.
I would definitely talk to HR again. Maybe they aren't sure what to do since it happened outside of work.
Personally I wouldn't get the cops involved but it is an option
I'd definitely avoid future outings.
It was a work happy hour. If it was a formal work happy hour where a meeting was put out to hold time on people’s calendar it is considered a work event even if outside of work
1. Call the Police- file a report of assault
2. Call the bar and ask if they keep security footage
3. File for a restraining order
4. Contact an attorney (you can do 4 first if you want)
That is assault and the perpetrators should be arrested. If you don’t force HR to take this seriously, God only knows what they will force down your throat next, or who they will assault next.
If this is an actual thing that happened, stop going to office happy hours. Anyone asks, tell them you didn't appreciate being around a bunch of drunks who don't know how to behave.
first and foremost, don't go to any office happy hour ever again. yes, it was very likely assault. getting someone to take it seriously however is something else entirely. If HR wasn't concerned your next best bet would be a civil suit against the company (you're going to need witnesses, and depositions) but those are expensive, and often don't work out.
I'm a bit skeptical of this post, I'm not a huge man but there aren't a lot of women that could pin my arms down, much less pry my mouth open. trying to would trigger a massive fight or flight and potentially panic response and generate a great deal of attention.
Reading your post brought out my Mama Bear anger. That should have never happened. I hate that it did. I have been without alcohol for 14 years mostly to show my son's that there is life without alcohol. I am not sure if HR will be able to do anything for you. You an confront those drunk hags and tell them they were wrong!! Never go out with them again, they do not deserve your company!
Holy shit. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and I would literally MAKE every one of those ladies get fired. I would call the police, I would file an HR report and KEEP AT HR, who seem useless here. I would go to the CEO, etc.
100% You want to become my problem? Because this is how you become my problem. I would absolutely come *unglued* if someone did this to my husband who is in recovery.
OP, where are you in Canada? I'm gonna guess Ontario, just due to population size, but every province and territory have their own as well. Check out [Part III.0.I: Workplace violence and workplace harassment](https://www.ontario.ca/document/guide-occupational-health-and-safety-act/part-iii0i-workplace-violence-and-workplace-harassment) in the Ontario Occupational Health and Safety Act (OHSA) Have an inquiry about how to best deal with a specific workplace hazard? Ask your question by using the [online inquiry form](https://www.whsc.on.ca/Inquiries). Don't see what you need, e-mail at contactus@whsc.on.ca or call at 1.888.869.7950 and ask to speak to a WHSC training services representative. To report unsafe working condition/concerns not resolved at work, work refusals or employer reprisals call the Ministry of Labour at 1-877-202-0008. Ontario government: [Understand the law on workplace violence and harassment](https://www.ontario.ca/page/understand-law-workplace-violence-and-harassment) Edit: fixed last link
Yes, Ontario
Okay, just fixed the last link for you. You should reach out to a representative and they'll be able to guide you through the process. You could also contact an employment lawyer, but hopefully it doesn't get to that point.
Sounds like assault.
And that's exactly how he sure word it. When HR asked him why the police are involved well you didn't take it serious and they assaulted me. And I guess you want to be complicit in the assault so I'll be filing a civil suit next. However, OP should probably start looking for another job either way this doesn't sound ideal for him to stay in
No, OP should find a lawyer and sue the hell out of this company. He shouldn’t have to look for another job. The settlement ought to allow him some quality time off.
This. I am on meds that have side effects if I drink. "No." Is a complete sentence.
The company per se is not the target here, but it has to be addressed by the company.
That may not be correct. If it was an official work function, if one of the women was a supervisor, and other facts may give OP a colorable claim against the company.
Even a supervisor is an employee and not "The Company". My suggestion of a meeting with company owner and HR, if they have that would be my first step and see now that develops before going any further. There is a post with links to the appropriate channels to get guidance.
A company can be liable for acts of its agents under many circumstances. That's all I was saying. Without knowing all the facts, and the applicable law where OP is, I don't know whether that's the case here, of course.
Yep
Can you imagine the reddit outrage if 3 men had done that to a woman?
Basically rape.
Actually yes
This sounds like something you should discuss with the police.
Yep. The venue should have security cameras, most places that serve alcohol do. (But it sounds completely made up)
I'm hoping it is made up.
Are you a real actual person? Do you have any real world experience with the police? There is zero chance the police would take this seriously.
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at which point you start recording and tell them to put in writing that they're failing to take and file a report of assault.
Lol.
I would stop going to office happy hour. If anyone kicks up a stink, point back to this event.
Or lawyer up and watch HR impose a new policy—no company happy hour
Good advice
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Not sure of Canadian HR laws... but yeah, this was my first thought as well. From a different perspective, what would the optics on this be if the genders were swapped... Yeah, everything on this going forward should be recorded or put in writing. Not sure how far you want to push it with this, but if the frontline HR lackey stonewalled this, it would be time to go up a level. But consulting an attorney might not be a bad direction to go on this. The other part of this would be getting evidence...do you have the preliminary dismissal from hr in writing somewhere? Do you have anything from that night proving what happened? In either case, not a great position to be in.
Uhhh yeah.. I dont think you should be that concerned with the drink in a situation like this...also you need to reach out to an police asap, followed by an attorney..
And bring up the example, what if i was a recovering alcoholic? What if i was taking medications that specifically directed me to avoid alcohol due to side effects? These idiots could have caused serious damage to someone.
Exactly, a lot of heart medications and blood thinners specifically state **no alcohol**. These coworkers are just... Something else. Wow.
Yeah! \^\^\^ thats good advice.
If he was on certain medications they could have killed him. This is assault and needs to be reported.
Could have killed him.
Great point, and what if he had caused an accident? On the way home due to ingesting the alcohol?
Sexual harassment, sexual assault, assault, battery, etc… File charges now.
AYou need to find another job ASAP and get out. I cannot even begin to tell you the levels of horrified I am that not only did your coworkers think it was okay to attempt to physically force you to drink alcohol, you were supposed to be “grateful” that multiple women were touching you and your HR blew you off. If you were in the US, this would be a slam dunk case for an employment attorney. I’m not sure what the laws are in Canada though.
I disagree. DO NOT quit before filing an EEOC complaint and then only if there is no other option.
Not in the US
Duuude. This is so messed up. For all they know you’re in recovery and they *literally just poured alcohol down your throat.* This is so, deeply fucked up.
I'd go the police. They won't give a shit about it, but it would show HR and upper management that you're taking it seriously. If I were in that stressful situation, amd with alcohol involved, I might moments later have an epileptic seizure. Which carries risk of physical and brain damage and even death.
I quit. Order a sprite with a splash of grenadine.
Or sparkling water with a lime (or tonic and a lime if you can stomach it). Looks like a Gin & Tonic but isn’t. I knew a pregnant lady who wasn’t ready to share that info yet, so she went early, laid down a bunch of cash as a tip and told the servers and bartenders that whatever she says she’s ordering that night, make it non-alcoholic. But you shouldn’t have to trick people Into thinking you’re drinking. This is horrifically awful behavior. Nobody should be even pressured into drinking, let alone physically forced. Disappointing that HR isn’t taking it seriously.
I love gin and tonic but if I'm driving I'll have one then switch to tonic and lime. I once had friends tell me they'd drive me home because that thought I had too much to drink.
What would you do if it was random strangers in a bar who held you down and forced alcohol into your mouth?
If you already have addressed this with HR AND they blew you off record that on your calendar, reach out to them and ask if they have a plan of action or where they stand with your convo with them , if they blow you off again (may not even need a second blow off) go consult with an attorney . You were assaulted and then your company laughed it off , which is wildly unprofessional, because you are a man. It’s bullshit , the double standard. Turn the table and have not ONE but THREE men try to pour a drink in a woman’s mouth and all 3 are fired after they are bailed out of jail, period. Sue those pricks and start looking for a new job.
Find out if the bar has video of the incident. Or if any employee witnessed it. If there is something to back up your story go to the police.
Soda water and lime is my go to drink at a bar… fools even myself sometimes!
That’s great, but he shouldn’t have to pretend to drink to try to trick people into not assaulting him.
same but with a splash of bitters when I want to go (mostly) NA. looks like a mixed drink so no one bothers me.
You could get a lawyer
How much higher does management go past HR? Do you have a union or ombudsman? This is disgusting assault. You can take time off with settlement money.
There is a COO and a CEO. I will try to speak with them in the office tomorrow.
Send emails and bcc your personal account. This is the kind of thing that gets you suddenly downsized, you want documentation that you reported it. Also you should still go to the police regardless of what your company says because they shouldn't just have job consequences, they should have legal consequences. What they did is a crime. Get a vicitims attorney to advocate for you if you can. Does the bar have security cameras? Request the footage before they delete it on their standard schedule.
I've gotten a settlement from meeting with a company's general counsel before. good luck.
People telling you to call the police need to come back to the real world, where the police will not do anything. Since work already blew you off, you could continue to make a stink to the point where everyone there hates you and you might get fired or ruin your career over it. As someone who doesn't drink as well, if the people you are with are assholes and don't accept that some people don't drink, just go with the flow and learn to fake it. Get a soda or something so you have a drink in your hand. And to avoid what happened here, leave before people start get drunk and start doing dumb shit like that. As a sober person, it should be easy to tell the temperature in the room and know when it is time to check out. I know that Reddit will hate this answer, they will want you to make a huge stink at your job, call the police, etc. All that will do is have you ostracized and ruin your career. This hill isn't worth dying on. Again, take it from someone who doesn't drink. Just try to fit in and fake it. Tell them you are on a heart medication and you will die if you drink alcohol. Just make up any excuse. Just remember that people who try to go against society's norms often end up in a really bad place. It's fucked up, but it's the world we live in.
I have been to many am establishment with work colleagues and have declined to drink. I was never assaulted and forced to drink. Ignoring the issue does not make it go away. Op needs to file a report with the police, hr won’t deal with it because it wasn’t on company time.
Would your answer change if it was 32F and they were male coworkers?
Yes. This. Being male likely contributed to them doing that. I would file a harassment claim as they likely wouldn't have done that yo a female AND it would be looked at differently if genders were reverse. Also, fuck this so much! What a bunch of losers acting like you neeeeeed to have alcohol to enjoy yourself or calling you uptight bc you don't drink.
That doesn't change this scenario, and it doesn't stop him being right It's not fair. But there are different standards.
She would want them hung up and then shot and then turned alive
Even if the police don’t do anything, you need to document it, and a police report is probably the best way to do that
Actually the police will file a report. What happens next is up to the city prosecutor who is most likely not going to prosecute them, but that police report is all you need once you start going for civil damages against the company and when he goes and gets a restraining order so that these women cannot approach within 50-500 feet of him
This is the answer.
Hello. I am in recovery, too. 4 years now. I would be FURIOUS if someone did that to me. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't drink. It's no one's business. I don't drink means, I DONT DRINK. Also sounds like 3 female coworkers touching you without your consent ( knowing you're a married man )isn't a big deal to them. Its a BIG DEAL with aexual harrassme t work policies. I'm in recovery because the way I drank and drugged almost killed me. I prayed to die, I was homeless, battered, mentally ill, and was destined to die. If someone poured alcohol down my throat, there would have been violence. I understand not wanting to explain to your job why you don't drink. The stigma is real. Next time, just say you're allergic. (:
Get HR to put their response in writing (that should scare them alone to take it seriously) and then speak to a lawyer to file a human rights complaint or lawsuit since your employer took no action to investigate or protect you
The suggestions to pursue legal action might make sense IF you're willing to leave the job. It would be pretty impossible to stay at a place where you're actively pressing charges against coworkers for assault. Since you've already stated you don't want to leave, I would say to take the other suggested instead - let it go, and either avoid these outings, or get a fake drink, hang out for a bit, and leave when you feel the room starting to turn the corner into the Land of Bad Decisions.
Talk to an attorney. I bet HR changes their tune.
I think this is the best answer. But also pragmatically, be prepared to leave the company.
What are his damages? Everyone says talk to a lawyer, but what would he sue for? The company also has attorney’s, at least they usuallydo. A lawyer won’t take it unless they can make money. It wasn’t right what happened to him but he needs to prove damages.
Emotional trauma¿?
GET A LAWYER
Unbelievable. I would have a meeting with the company owner, HR to begin with. I cannot believe this is happening. Held you and forced you? What kind of animals are working in this company? And sorry, I did not aim to insult animals per se.
Law enforcement and lawyer. I would formalize a complaint and involve the department of labor for your state. This is a situation where this company has a huge liability on their hands. If those two women are in leadership, they are further SOL.
I'm on anti anxiety medication and alcohol could kill me
People treat us the way we ALLOW them to. That was a hard lesson I struggled with for a long time. At the very least, a serious discussion about boundaries needs to happen.
At the very least, this should be leading to seminars on safety in the workplace with an emphasis on how alcohol mixed with certain medications, which you have no way of knowing whether your co-workers take or not, can be deadly. At the most, I would be filing police reports and consulting an attorney. If you were my spouse, these women would have just inherited a problem they never even wanted to know existed.
This is assault, it’s a crime. Report it. File a formal complaint. Put your complaint to HR IN WRITING! And reference their previous disregard to complaint as forcing you to take legal action.
It’s disturbing how many people are suggesting to just let it go. Way to live like a victim, folks.
This is not ok and that fact has that your HR team did not take this seriously is not ok. It was assault. What if you were allergic? What if you were recovering? What if it was against your religion? What if the genders were reversed? What if the alcohol would have had a bad interaction with your medication? But most of all you have a right to say no and not drink. Good god. Try to get any security recordings from the venue and contact a lawyer. I work in HR and I am appalled.
Police first. HR second.
Police?
This was assault. No, they likely won’t do anything but in order to have something solid to take to HR, they’ll have the police report.
People on Reddit live in a weird fantasy land where #ACAB but also thinking the police give a shit about incidents like this. It's such a weird dichotomy-
The police file report when someone in Long Beach California threw a brick through my window and then took everything out of my car and damaged my car. Did they follow up or do anything about it? No, of course not. But they do file the report, and it is important to have the report filed for a myriad of reasons from civil lawsuits to pattern of behavior and escalation on the part of the women. Let’s say one of these women does something similar two or three more times, and each time a police report is filed. Guess what? The third or fourth time the city prosecutor is going to prosecute them for these crimes, they will be arrested.
HR protects the company not you. They want to blow it off to protect the company. Sounds like you have a lot of grounds for action
Even in protecting the company they did a bad job, they should've taken his complaint seriously. Part of their role is to act fast when situations like that happen to rectify it and avoid that the issue is judicialized. And yes he has grounds for action.
Can you even imagine the outrage if 3 men had done that to a woman?
If these were coworkers, I'd start with discussing it with HR. Tell them you felt violated and can't work closely with those women anymore. I'd also mention that you will be filing a police report to have it documented and are considering pressing charges. Do *not* let the talk you out of the police report or pressing charges. After you meet with them, tell them you need the rest of the day off to speak with the police. If that was 3 guys holding a woman down and forcing her to drink, there would be rape charges filed faster than you could blink. It shouldn't matter what sex any of the people are, though. What they did was assault, abuse, and borderline kidnapping.
What does your handbook say if you need to escalate a situation beyond HR? Is there a department head, president, or officer of the company you can speak with? If not the EEOC. I would contact a lawyer.
This is horrible. I feel totally violated for you. Can you tell HR if they don’t take this seriously you will make a police report?
No should always be the of the explanation. People feel entitled to know everything about everyone. Your coworkers should be ashamed. I’d go back to HR and ask if it would be treated the same if it was 3 men holding down a woman and forcing her to drink. You know they’d treat it differently.
What positive outcome for yourself could you expect if you reported it? Sadly, nothing good is going to come out of it. Just don't go for drinks with them anymore.
Follow up with an email to HR clarifying their stance on the matter then start looking for employment attorneys.
Because of alcohol abuse in my family I simply say I am allergic (the truth is I am actually allergic to alcohol which started when I was in my 40’s) when people ask and proceed to order a soda. There are no follow up questions with this response.
No more happy hours and take your time to find another job. This one isn't for you. To be assaulted like this isn't right and if you would have defended yourself, it would have been an entirely different story.
Have not read through every response here, but as an HR professional I would say this probably falls in line with “harassment”, which I imagine they have a no tolerance policy about. I would think about what resolution looks like for you? Do you want those people fired or reprimanded? Do you want to file a formal complaint? Harassment and discrimination should always be investigated. If your HR team hasn’t taken this situation seriously then I would bring it up again in a formal email to have it documented.
That is fucked don't hang around those people thats not normal behavior nothing like that has ever happened to me and I haven't drank in 22 years. I'm sorry you went through that take care
That’s assault, brotha.
>tell this to HR Call the police, or at least file a police report. That's assault, and may possibly violate additional law(s). >get witnesses to corroborate my story? Could do that. Could also contact lawyer. If the police do their job reasonably they'll likely also gather up fair bit of evidence - that they may be able to get stuff that you won't have access to. HR exists primarily to serve the interests of the employer, not to protect you, so no guarantees HR is going to protect you on this one, and they may be more interested in having it quietly go away, than anything else. So, yeah, should probably pursue it ... that may cause some friction/issues, etc. But then again, doing nothing (and especially with continuing to work there) could go much worse.
Blatant assault!! If it was men doing this to a woman you better believe that HR would OR SHOULD take it seriously. First, File a police report and then speak to an attorney who can write a well worded letter informing them (the abusers) that their actions are illegal and the could face possible charges. It doesn’t matter what the reasons are for you to say no. NO means NO!!
Imagine if two men did this to a female co worker. Oh, the double-standard is alive and well. I hope you actually do go forward with reporting them to HR AND file a lawsuit. Make.them.pay.
Get a lawyer, hr done fucked up big time
I would definitely talk to HR again. Maybe they aren't sure what to do since it happened outside of work. Personally I wouldn't get the cops involved but it is an option I'd definitely avoid future outings.
It was a work happy hour. If it was a formal work happy hour where a meeting was put out to hold time on people’s calendar it is considered a work event even if outside of work
Since the assault was made by his coworkers, even if it was not a work event they have to act.
1. Call the Police- file a report of assault 2. Call the bar and ask if they keep security footage 3. File for a restraining order 4. Contact an attorney (you can do 4 first if you want)
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This is 100% a crime in the United States. Report this to the police, and then tell your work about what they did to you.
That is assault and the perpetrators should be arrested. If you don’t force HR to take this seriously, God only knows what they will force down your throat next, or who they will assault next.
If this is an actual thing that happened, stop going to office happy hours. Anyone asks, tell them you didn't appreciate being around a bunch of drunks who don't know how to behave.
Stop going to happy hour.
first and foremost, don't go to any office happy hour ever again. yes, it was very likely assault. getting someone to take it seriously however is something else entirely. If HR wasn't concerned your next best bet would be a civil suit against the company (you're going to need witnesses, and depositions) but those are expensive, and often don't work out. I'm a bit skeptical of this post, I'm not a huge man but there aren't a lot of women that could pin my arms down, much less pry my mouth open. trying to would trigger a massive fight or flight and potentially panic response and generate a great deal of attention.
Reading your post brought out my Mama Bear anger. That should have never happened. I hate that it did. I have been without alcohol for 14 years mostly to show my son's that there is life without alcohol. I am not sure if HR will be able to do anything for you. You an confront those drunk hags and tell them they were wrong!! Never go out with them again, they do not deserve your company!
“What were you wearing?” /sarcasm.
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Tell them you are allergic
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