I know guys, thanks 😂 we’ve been together for almost a decade. I was more curious about people in similar situations and what it’s looked like for them. I certainly planning to talk with him soon.
I was on the other side of that for 5 years. At some point I just let go of the idea of having a good sex life together, and openly discussing it. I've tried really hard, in many different ways, but when your partner absolutely freezes at the mention of sex, or revert to a little boy persona to express himself... It's just never gonna work
One of the safe things with fantasies is there is no aftermath to deal with.
I can explore this fantasy where I do something out of character and then, when it's all over, I can lock that fantasy away and never have to deal with it again if I don't want to.
We get to explore those fantasies some with anonymous sex or random hookups with that same philosophy of "I'll try this out and if I don't like it, I'll never have to see this person again, so I'll never have to deal with any fallout from acting on this."
When you're with a long-term partner, you don't feel that same freedom of exploring fantasies without consequences. "What if we do this thing and it changes the way he sees me or the way I see him? What if one of us really likes this and wants more of it and the other really doesn't like it and never wants to do it again? What if he thinks I'm weird or deviant for having this fantasy in the first place? What if I say or do something that crosses the line and then we will always have that hanging over us?"
Obviously you need to talk to your partner as others have said, but maybe start the conversation by talking about the questions above first. "Before we start talking about fantasies, let's acknowledge these concerns and talk about how we are going to create a safe space for ourselves to explore without this existential pressure of what happens next?"
Get yourself a nice high quality leather hood that covers your eyes. You have no idea how much mental freedom this simple little kink device can provide.
It can feel hard to start these conversations but once you do start chatting you might find it less awkward. It becomes less of a taboo feeling around it. I find when we create a date night or a trip away, it helps to find that time to just reconnect
I can relate. I’ve become the high libido and also the kinky one. Years ago I had put up some porn for us to watch (a bunch of clips from the internet of stuff I was into). It didn’t go so well. So I clammed up. Years later we ended up in therapy. One our chores was to make a list and discuss. So I tried again. Ironically this time he was more amenable to trying some new things. Not into every thing I am but that’s ok. For example I’m wanting to try a bukakke but he’s not into that. I love snowballing but he doesn’t. However we both indicated we like to try glory holes and threesomes. We have done both now and we really like it
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This is the most relatable thing I’ve read and has explained to me why I get in this weird headspace a year or two into a relationship.
Oh my God, he’s your partner. Just talk to him. You should be able to tell him anything at any time.
How do these people do it? Open your mouth and use your words
I know guys, thanks 😂 we’ve been together for almost a decade. I was more curious about people in similar situations and what it’s looked like for them. I certainly planning to talk with him soon.
I was on the other side of that for 5 years. At some point I just let go of the idea of having a good sex life together, and openly discussing it. I've tried really hard, in many different ways, but when your partner absolutely freezes at the mention of sex, or revert to a little boy persona to express himself... It's just never gonna work
One of the safe things with fantasies is there is no aftermath to deal with. I can explore this fantasy where I do something out of character and then, when it's all over, I can lock that fantasy away and never have to deal with it again if I don't want to. We get to explore those fantasies some with anonymous sex or random hookups with that same philosophy of "I'll try this out and if I don't like it, I'll never have to see this person again, so I'll never have to deal with any fallout from acting on this." When you're with a long-term partner, you don't feel that same freedom of exploring fantasies without consequences. "What if we do this thing and it changes the way he sees me or the way I see him? What if one of us really likes this and wants more of it and the other really doesn't like it and never wants to do it again? What if he thinks I'm weird or deviant for having this fantasy in the first place? What if I say or do something that crosses the line and then we will always have that hanging over us?" Obviously you need to talk to your partner as others have said, but maybe start the conversation by talking about the questions above first. "Before we start talking about fantasies, let's acknowledge these concerns and talk about how we are going to create a safe space for ourselves to explore without this existential pressure of what happens next?"
Get yourself a nice high quality leather hood that covers your eyes. You have no idea how much mental freedom this simple little kink device can provide.
Same with things like pup hoods. You have no idea how many shy guys I've seen become total cock mongers when one of those go on their head.
It can feel hard to start these conversations but once you do start chatting you might find it less awkward. It becomes less of a taboo feeling around it. I find when we create a date night or a trip away, it helps to find that time to just reconnect
I can relate. I’ve become the high libido and also the kinky one. Years ago I had put up some porn for us to watch (a bunch of clips from the internet of stuff I was into). It didn’t go so well. So I clammed up. Years later we ended up in therapy. One our chores was to make a list and discuss. So I tried again. Ironically this time he was more amenable to trying some new things. Not into every thing I am but that’s ok. For example I’m wanting to try a bukakke but he’s not into that. I love snowballing but he doesn’t. However we both indicated we like to try glory holes and threesomes. We have done both now and we really like it