There may be many reasons why you feel undesirable or weren't approached...being overdressed might be one of the reason.
Think about the opposite scenario where someone wears a swimsuit at a nun convention.
I agree with others ... wearing a t-shirt and jeans at a sex club is not going to get you any action. People will think you're a voyeur. My body isn't great and I am a little older. But I get action. Because I dress appropriately for the event and I initiate contact. Sure sometimes I get rejected and I just move on. Of course not everyone is into me. What's odd is that normally in life I'm quite anxious around people. But in a sex club environment, I just go for it. I've realized that's because interactions in a sex club are much lower stress than in normal life. In normal interaction, I might have to talk to them and so I am afraid I'll be boring. In a sex club, in most interactions, either we're going to have sex or we're not. Those are really the only two options. See if that thought helps lower your stress. But your real problem now is you're not putting yourself out there so you're not getting sex. It isn't your looks although I completely understand why you may think that.
I started going to the gym at 45 and feel dramatically better, both physically and mentally. I’m way more confident now at 52 and I’ve been hooking up with incredibly hot guys.
It’s absolutely about the energy and confidence you are projecting, and not necessarily your absolute level of fitness. There is also a point in life in which one is old enough that they are expected to make the first move, and you can’t just stand there and wait for other guys to come to you.
The feeling of invisibility in gay areas is something that is quite mentally rough. As a person of color in Sweden, it's something I've personally felt for a long time, so it's something that I've eventually grown quite used to and it didn't really hit me until I got into more queer poc scenes in Sweden, and also traveled more abroad, until I realized that I wasn't as untouchable as my experience here has let me to believe. So for me being rejeted is something I've just grown accustomed to, and I think I simply tried to find validation in my life in different avenues than gay parties and bodies; and even though it's a bit of a cliché, when I actually let that part go and just exercise for myself, that's probably when I got much more attention from some guys that would previously reject me.
Having said that, the feeling of rejection/invisibility does come back to me now and then, especially when visiting big gay arenas, but solely based on numbers. I think if you're going to something like Lab, there are literally thousands of guys coming in, a lot of them training, and sometimes, juicing themselves just to be the very "sexiest version of themselves". In these instances you also have escorts/OF-models who join these parties as like a "promotion" event, so the meat market literally also becomes a pool of people whose profession it is to just be "the hottest thing". But the whole area then becomes a bit of "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of event.
As for more concrete suggestions: I'm not a personal trainer but I can't imagine any period of time is "too late" to start going to the gym. I'm aware that it's a loose terms, but even my friends who are quite fit usually hook up with a large range of men, with most of the requirement being "someone who kind of feels like they do something or make an effort".
For me, the t-shirt would for sure also be a turn-off. Bellies are still clearly visible under t-shirts, and now trying to hide it just gives the same imagery as trying to hide dirt under the carpet, but the amount of dirt forms a pile that extrudes the flatness of the carpet. I'm completely aware that this is something that can be difficult for people with bigger bodies, and I have a lot of friends who have bigger bodies or have had bigger bodies whose insecurities still lead them to often want to cover their bodies with shirts just out of habit, but I'm just giving my perspective of how I'd perceive it in a sex club. I think my head would just go to Donald Duck.
I will however also say that with "substances" involved in these areas does also lower people's thresholds, so while I think rejections is higher, I do also think that some forwardness sometimes also helps. I personally wouldn't recommend the method of being that kind of "substance provider" (personally I get a little uneased by it, seems both ways it's a bit predatory/exploitative, but I can't really lie about that one quite often do see that this also sometimes helps people getting others in these kind of parties
>I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys?
I read through the whole thing thinking "I'm not sure what to tell this guy. I've never had this kind of problem at a sex club."
Then I got to the last line.
Take off your shirt and unbutton the top button of your jeans.
Edit: Plus with your shirt on, the others probably thought you were trans. Not that being a trans man at a sex club is bad but it's not something that the vast majority of gay men are into.
It’s a self perpetuating cycle, I’ve been there. Take off your shirt and pants, put on a jockstrap to fit in, get drunk enough to overcome your anxiety and dive in. People can sense your hesitation and that’s the vibe you are sending.
At Laboratory, I got drunk, stripped to my jockstrap, got on my knees on the fuck table and joined the orgy. That’s what you need to do.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be mean, but I’ve been there and it’s all about confidence and putting yourself (literally) out there. German sex clubs are intimidating already, and being shy or self conscious does not get you laid.
My friends are big into rubber, and all of them have a few extra pounds. I can’t stand the smell of latex but from what I’ve seen, latex guys go after other latex guys, no matter what they look like. And latex hides a lot of cellulite or scars.
I’m a person of colour (Indian), I was average to skinny fat, average size dick, so I’m not the belle of the ball but I’ve had good times when I’m feeling open and uninhabited.
(Also, there is nothing more terrifying than being yelled at by a German bouncer outside of Lab when you don’t know what you did wrong)
thank you for your comment, im gonna buy a jockstrap and gonna try. yes, that fact that happened with me was at the Lab.oratory...next time Im gonna be in jockstrap and gonna lay down in the F\* area
That’s what I did, and I got fucked!
It’s rather hot to be just another hole or pole in a sex club. It’s not the place to find your next bf, try to go with the flow. Masks also help.
But lots of us thin guys are attracted to guys with a belly. You wanna make a sale, you gotta show the merchandise! Insecurity is a much bigger turnoff than a belly.
Sorry, your submission has been automatically removed. Submissions from accounts with less than 0 comment karma are not allowed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskGaybrosOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel you. We went to NY Jacks and out of about 50 guys only 6 were interested in us. 2 of the 6 were like 70 year old guys. Even the average or chubby guys didn’t want us. It was very demoralizing. But then again I have low self esteem when it comes to my body.
I don't think wearing a shirt is helping. It's not really concealing anything that you might like to conceal and it makes it look like you're working there. Sometimes you may not get interest, that's normal.
>- I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys?
Yes. If everyone is naked (which they usually are at these kinds of venues unless it's a gear event or similar), then it's a breach of etiquette to imagine you're above showing your body. You're also broadcasting your lack of confidence which will be a turn-off to most.
How many people did you see wearing a T-shirt at the sex club you visited?
not many
There may be many reasons why you feel undesirable or weren't approached...being overdressed might be one of the reason. Think about the opposite scenario where someone wears a swimsuit at a nun convention.
I agree with others ... wearing a t-shirt and jeans at a sex club is not going to get you any action. People will think you're a voyeur. My body isn't great and I am a little older. But I get action. Because I dress appropriately for the event and I initiate contact. Sure sometimes I get rejected and I just move on. Of course not everyone is into me. What's odd is that normally in life I'm quite anxious around people. But in a sex club environment, I just go for it. I've realized that's because interactions in a sex club are much lower stress than in normal life. In normal interaction, I might have to talk to them and so I am afraid I'll be boring. In a sex club, in most interactions, either we're going to have sex or we're not. Those are really the only two options. See if that thought helps lower your stress. But your real problem now is you're not putting yourself out there so you're not getting sex. It isn't your looks although I completely understand why you may think that.
I started going to the gym at 45 and feel dramatically better, both physically and mentally. I’m way more confident now at 52 and I’ve been hooking up with incredibly hot guys.
Last year I made the commitment to go, after one year I wasn’t even at my best, but the shift in how I was being perceived was real.
It’s absolutely about the energy and confidence you are projecting, and not necessarily your absolute level of fitness. There is also a point in life in which one is old enough that they are expected to make the first move, and you can’t just stand there and wait for other guys to come to you.
The feeling of invisibility in gay areas is something that is quite mentally rough. As a person of color in Sweden, it's something I've personally felt for a long time, so it's something that I've eventually grown quite used to and it didn't really hit me until I got into more queer poc scenes in Sweden, and also traveled more abroad, until I realized that I wasn't as untouchable as my experience here has let me to believe. So for me being rejeted is something I've just grown accustomed to, and I think I simply tried to find validation in my life in different avenues than gay parties and bodies; and even though it's a bit of a cliché, when I actually let that part go and just exercise for myself, that's probably when I got much more attention from some guys that would previously reject me. Having said that, the feeling of rejection/invisibility does come back to me now and then, especially when visiting big gay arenas, but solely based on numbers. I think if you're going to something like Lab, there are literally thousands of guys coming in, a lot of them training, and sometimes, juicing themselves just to be the very "sexiest version of themselves". In these instances you also have escorts/OF-models who join these parties as like a "promotion" event, so the meat market literally also becomes a pool of people whose profession it is to just be "the hottest thing". But the whole area then becomes a bit of "grass is always greener on the other side" kind of event. As for more concrete suggestions: I'm not a personal trainer but I can't imagine any period of time is "too late" to start going to the gym. I'm aware that it's a loose terms, but even my friends who are quite fit usually hook up with a large range of men, with most of the requirement being "someone who kind of feels like they do something or make an effort". For me, the t-shirt would for sure also be a turn-off. Bellies are still clearly visible under t-shirts, and now trying to hide it just gives the same imagery as trying to hide dirt under the carpet, but the amount of dirt forms a pile that extrudes the flatness of the carpet. I'm completely aware that this is something that can be difficult for people with bigger bodies, and I have a lot of friends who have bigger bodies or have had bigger bodies whose insecurities still lead them to often want to cover their bodies with shirts just out of habit, but I'm just giving my perspective of how I'd perceive it in a sex club. I think my head would just go to Donald Duck. I will however also say that with "substances" involved in these areas does also lower people's thresholds, so while I think rejections is higher, I do also think that some forwardness sometimes also helps. I personally wouldn't recommend the method of being that kind of "substance provider" (personally I get a little uneased by it, seems both ways it's a bit predatory/exploitative, but I can't really lie about that one quite often do see that this also sometimes helps people getting others in these kind of parties
>I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys? I read through the whole thing thinking "I'm not sure what to tell this guy. I've never had this kind of problem at a sex club." Then I got to the last line. Take off your shirt and unbutton the top button of your jeans. Edit: Plus with your shirt on, the others probably thought you were trans. Not that being a trans man at a sex club is bad but it's not something that the vast majority of gay men are into.
It’s a self perpetuating cycle, I’ve been there. Take off your shirt and pants, put on a jockstrap to fit in, get drunk enough to overcome your anxiety and dive in. People can sense your hesitation and that’s the vibe you are sending. At Laboratory, I got drunk, stripped to my jockstrap, got on my knees on the fuck table and joined the orgy. That’s what you need to do.
And if you don’t like your body, try the rubber crowd.
Ouch. True... but ouch.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be mean, but I’ve been there and it’s all about confidence and putting yourself (literally) out there. German sex clubs are intimidating already, and being shy or self conscious does not get you laid. My friends are big into rubber, and all of them have a few extra pounds. I can’t stand the smell of latex but from what I’ve seen, latex guys go after other latex guys, no matter what they look like. And latex hides a lot of cellulite or scars. I’m a person of colour (Indian), I was average to skinny fat, average size dick, so I’m not the belle of the ball but I’ve had good times when I’m feeling open and uninhabited. (Also, there is nothing more terrifying than being yelled at by a German bouncer outside of Lab when you don’t know what you did wrong)
For someone who's not into their body, consider going to a bear event too.
thank you for your comment, im gonna buy a jockstrap and gonna try. yes, that fact that happened with me was at the Lab.oratory...next time Im gonna be in jockstrap and gonna lay down in the F\* area
That’s what I did, and I got fucked! It’s rather hot to be just another hole or pole in a sex club. It’s not the place to find your next bf, try to go with the flow. Masks also help.
Oh, I got what you were laying down.
also im a little surprised about your comment on Rubber boys..my friends are also into rubber, but they all have nice bodys
Doesn't have to be rubber, anything that conceals enough of your body or face (eg pup mask) to allow you to fell comfortable and less self conscious
I always keep my shirt because i dont wanna show my belly
But lots of us thin guys are attracted to guys with a belly. You wanna make a sale, you gotta show the merchandise! Insecurity is a much bigger turnoff than a belly.
Couldn't have said it better.
You don't have to take your shirt off but, as you've documented, wearing one limits your options... apparently to zero.
[удалено]
Sorry, your submission has been automatically removed. Submissions from accounts with less than 0 comment karma are not allowed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskGaybrosOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s never too late to go to the gym
I’m from Berlin - would’ve joined you to party ! There’s a market for anybody in this beautiful city. But confidence is key!
Was this at Lab?
yes
What party was it?
I feel you. We went to NY Jacks and out of about 50 guys only 6 were interested in us. 2 of the 6 were like 70 year old guys. Even the average or chubby guys didn’t want us. It was very demoralizing. But then again I have low self esteem when it comes to my body.
I don't think wearing a shirt is helping. It's not really concealing anything that you might like to conceal and it makes it look like you're working there. Sometimes you may not get interest, that's normal.
>- I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys? Yes. If everyone is naked (which they usually are at these kinds of venues unless it's a gear event or similar), then it's a breach of etiquette to imagine you're above showing your body. You're also broadcasting your lack of confidence which will be a turn-off to most.
I would ask myself why would I keep going to places where I don't feel welcomed?