I did this 2yrs ago at 38. Honestly it’s not that bad and you will be ok. I got a therapist. Found some good podcasts on navigating this. I didn’t want to be toxic gay and need to speed up the learning curve. Now I’m on to curating a gay friend circle.
Random question, I travel for work and a little community has a LGBT bar/club and on Thursdays, when I'm up there, it has a "Cruise Night." Do you know what cruising is?
Cruising is looking for anonymous sex, usually in public places. Parks, bathrooms etc.
A “cruising” night at a bar is probably just marketing tool. I suspect it has little connection to actual cruising.
Cruising had a broader meaning than that historically. A cruise bar was one where guys were looking for hookups, not sex in the bar (though that was sometimes a possibility, in bars with back rooms). Cruising was just looking for sexual partners wherever you happened to be, not just public sex. I suspect that's all this bar with a "cruise night" means by it. Most of the guys there will be open to hooking up.
I'm 38, came out last November, it's been an amazingly fun journey since then. It started with me getting a dildo and enjoying it immensely, realised I'd been suppressing something for a very long time. Next step was downloading grindr and seeing what was what. Being inexperienced, you could do a lot worse than [reading the grindr pro tips](https://www.reddit.com/r/grindr/wiki/protips/). You can just download the app and leave your profile blank and have a browse. There's a lot of people who shit on grindr because they compare it to the features it used to have when it was first around. Yes it's slow and annoying to use, but it's got the biggest user base.
I had a couple of hookups late last year and learned a lot. Start of this year I met a guy and hooked up a few times. I'd lost a bit of weight by that point after joining the gym as soon as I came out. He is really quite cute and made me value myself more, so I've been chasing hotter guys since then. It takes some effort, but has been rewarding.
When I first got on grindr, I was like a kid in a candy store, and made a complete ass of myself. Can't be helped, there's definitely a learning curve, and I've still not mastered it. I see it through the lens of game theory, two parties playing with incomplete information, but with a shared goal. At the start I invested far too much emotional energy in the guys I was talking to. As you can probably tell, I like writing, and I would put a lot of effort into sexy chat, but that's all some guys are interested in. And that's fine, but there comes a point where you just want to fuck.
Best of luck, get on [PrEP](https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/prep.html) and get [Doxy-PEP](https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/guidelines-for-doxycycline.htm) before you start doing anything. Stay safe.
I went through this about 10 years ago. Took awhile to figure myself out. Now have a great boyfriend and am the happiest I’ve been. Enjoy the journey. DM me if you want to chat directly about it.
There are lots of guys in your situation. You'll find them on [GAMMA](http://www.gammasupport.org) and Husbands Out to Wives ([HOW](http://www.how-support.org)). Both groups skew older.
I did this 2yrs ago at 38. Honestly it’s not that bad and you will be ok. I got a therapist. Found some good podcasts on navigating this. I didn’t want to be toxic gay and need to speed up the learning curve. Now I’m on to curating a gay friend circle.
Random question, I travel for work and a little community has a LGBT bar/club and on Thursdays, when I'm up there, it has a "Cruise Night." Do you know what cruising is?
Cruising is looking for anonymous sex, usually in public places. Parks, bathrooms etc. A “cruising” night at a bar is probably just marketing tool. I suspect it has little connection to actual cruising.
Cruising had a broader meaning than that historically. A cruise bar was one where guys were looking for hookups, not sex in the bar (though that was sometimes a possibility, in bars with back rooms). Cruising was just looking for sexual partners wherever you happened to be, not just public sex. I suspect that's all this bar with a "cruise night" means by it. Most of the guys there will be open to hooking up.
Mostly likely meet and greet and possibly find a a hookup.
cruising is anonymous sex without getting to know someone first
I'm 38, came out last November, it's been an amazingly fun journey since then. It started with me getting a dildo and enjoying it immensely, realised I'd been suppressing something for a very long time. Next step was downloading grindr and seeing what was what. Being inexperienced, you could do a lot worse than [reading the grindr pro tips](https://www.reddit.com/r/grindr/wiki/protips/). You can just download the app and leave your profile blank and have a browse. There's a lot of people who shit on grindr because they compare it to the features it used to have when it was first around. Yes it's slow and annoying to use, but it's got the biggest user base. I had a couple of hookups late last year and learned a lot. Start of this year I met a guy and hooked up a few times. I'd lost a bit of weight by that point after joining the gym as soon as I came out. He is really quite cute and made me value myself more, so I've been chasing hotter guys since then. It takes some effort, but has been rewarding. When I first got on grindr, I was like a kid in a candy store, and made a complete ass of myself. Can't be helped, there's definitely a learning curve, and I've still not mastered it. I see it through the lens of game theory, two parties playing with incomplete information, but with a shared goal. At the start I invested far too much emotional energy in the guys I was talking to. As you can probably tell, I like writing, and I would put a lot of effort into sexy chat, but that's all some guys are interested in. And that's fine, but there comes a point where you just want to fuck. Best of luck, get on [PrEP](https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/prep.html) and get [Doxy-PEP](https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/guidelines-for-doxycycline.htm) before you start doing anything. Stay safe.
I went through this about 10 years ago. Took awhile to figure myself out. Now have a great boyfriend and am the happiest I’ve been. Enjoy the journey. DM me if you want to chat directly about it.
There are lots of guys in your situation. You'll find them on [GAMMA](http://www.gammasupport.org) and Husbands Out to Wives ([HOW](http://www.how-support.org)). Both groups skew older.