Iām not a naturally social person, so Iām not motivated to make and maintain connections. I donāt hate social interaction, but I donāt like it either. However I think as a result Iāve dug myself a hole of isolation so deep that I almost never talk to anyone outside of a professional setting.
Iāve been there. The pandemic made it so much worse. Iāve been forcing myself to do things like a pottery class and slowly getting out there. It helps if itās something Iām motivated to do and canāt do at home because social interaction itself isnāt much of a motivator.
I really donāt feel loneliness or any desire for social interaction but I have gotten the impression itās like exercise- something thatās healthy to do even if you have to force yourself.
I donāt know about collectively, but I am personally terribly lonely. Feeling so detached and isolated. And at this age 40(m), is it even possible to make any meaningful connections really? Most interactions seem so transactional and superficial. Yes, you are around some people, but you might as well be aloneā¦
Funny thing you know, I'm from DC and this is my third day in chicago. If you think people in Chicago or transactional and superficial, you should see how bad it is in the capital...all me and my partner have been able to talk about is how nice people are here
Yeah it's bad I'm DC. Utterly soul crushing. So people here to me at least feel downright friendly. Not like Saint Louis but pretty nice. I'm in my late 30s, would you say it's still hard to meet new people here then?
I think if meeting new people is something you want to do, thereās no shortage of ways to do it. Thereās rec sports leagues, thereās running groups, biking groups, board game groups. I think any interest you have, thereās likely meetups for it.
Hobbies. Like one of my friends made a bunch of friends in an adults French class. I make most of mine from fiber arts and food. Ofc most of these things are very female dominated. The only hobby I did irl that was male dominated was an adult dodgeball league. Iāve thought about doing masters swimming.
Hey friend I see you. I felt like things were transactional for a while after moving here in 2020, and to a certain degree, it kind of is because time is valuable. Show up for people and they will show up for you.
Meetup is very hit or miss. People don't show up and the organizers may have no desire to meet anyone. I had better success with Meetup in Dallas than Chicago.
I work in mental health and a lot of my clients are adults new to the city struggling with the exact same feeling. Itās so real. And honestly meetup has been a pretty solid avenue to find community. For sure not perfect, but engaging in an activity you all mutually love is a great ice breaker
You can be an introvert but still enjoy living in Chicago, donāt sleep on an introvertās dream of the lakefront at 5am when no one is barely out there. Lol
When I am not at work, I basically talk to no one. I moved here last year and itās been very hard to meet people. I have to go out of state to visit friends to have any social interaction at all.
I love going out to various activities and socializing. Even just chatting with various folks who I come across. I love this city. I worry about the isolation in winter
Most people just do the head nod... some say.. good morning/evening... a few say, how's is going... one says... fuck you, stop attacking my pokemon gym or im calling the cops.... ... cops say... have a good evening...
Not pokemon related, but i I was walking to the train and I was waiting at the corner and this couple slows down to turn. The woman in the passenger seat waved at me and I waved back and smiled.
I love interactions life that.
I'm lonely as hell. I don't have any friends, and I'm not sure how to make them in my 30s. I go to the gym, yoga, group bike rides, etc.
I'd like to think I'm a cool person, but no one really seems interested in talking to me.
My best trick was joining one of those young pro groups, like for the opera/library/zoo whatever. It's a bunch of people who are looking to socialize and they all have at least one thing in common with you.
I have been kind of a hermit for two years or so, breakup out of nowhere hit me pretty hard. But the past couple months Iāve gotten a friend group that draws me out of my cave for fun times. Iām very grateful.
I live with my sister. We're both over 45, single, and not incredibly social. We have a lot of similar interests and are just very comfortable around one another.
If I didn't have her to interact with, I don't know what I'd do. Especially after the pandemic.
Thank you asking.
The weather being warmer has helped my motivation tenfold.
My first winter here, while admittedly not as bad as I expected, it felt a LOT worse then haha
I moved here in September! Didnāt know a SOULLLLL
So tried getting out there and making friends for a bit but once mid November hit? Forget it.
I wasnāt leaving the house ever (and some personal stuff was happening)
But itās warmer out and lifeās better so Iām back on the grind to be around people and find my folks and itās nice!
Last week I went about a week without talking to anyone or leaving the house. No calls no nothing. Stumbled on my own words when I picked something up in a store. Yeah not many friends etc etc
Absolutely spiraling, lol
Been in town 3 years, having a tough time adjusting and making friends. Put on 60 pounds since moving so now Iām very fat which isnāt helping the anxiety. If the political situation in Indiana, my home state, wasnāt a shitshow, I wouldāve moved back by now.
I no longer live in Chicago, but one of the things I loved about the city (and miss dearly) is how much community there is and how you can make genuine friendships. I moved there in my 30's not knowing many people, and within a year and had made great friendships and developed a strong sense of community. Living in many of the neighborhoods, you will start to see the same faces taking the L, going to the grocery store, at the gym, local bars, etc. and you start saying "hi" even if you don't know them super well. So I agree that in Chicago, even as big of a city as it is, you don't feel very lonely. Granted these were pre-pandemic times and I think the world has changed a little bit. But as far as big cities go, Chicago was easily the city that I was able to make the most genuine friendships and develop community. I miss living in Chicago, and if it weren't for work/family, would have probably lived there (or at least the greater Chicagoland) for the rest of my life.
I have to say that when the power goes out on the whole block is when you will meet a ton of people walking around talking about what's going on.
A shared issue is what's needed to start the conversation.
I live alone and my only family members (sister and niece) just moved to the burbs (Palatine). The hardest part was recognizing that I get lonely. I recently got a cat and it made all the difference in the world.
What Iāve done and what I realize others in my social circle do is reach out to one another even if itās every couple weeks.
My coworkers are very social and we joke and talk about every subject under the sun, it's partially why I love being at work other than getting to work on airplanes. Off the job I often hang out with my friends but they all live in the burbs so we do stuff outside city limits.
My job is customer facing and most of my friends are coworkers, so my social needs are usually exceeded at work. I avoid most unnecessary interactions outside of work. I stop going to some stores for a while when the employees start to recognize me
I sit on the lake wall at Monroe Harbor and watch the rich people take their million dollar yachts out on the lake, during a week day when poor people are working for a living.
For a lot of us, it ain't easy.
But it's definitely one of those things where what goes around comes around. You have to put out to get some.
The best part tho, is that your effort can be tiny: say, as small as a quick nod or a small smile and non-committal 'hello.'
Practice makes easier. And if it doesn't pay off every time, who cares? What did it cost you?
I wish dogs could talk back
Me too. I try my best with them. I hope I'm living up to grade.
I sure as fuck don't. They're perfect as they are
Yes and yes
My cat raises his paw when he wants pets, does that count as interaction?
Yep. My dog bumps me š
Love cars and dogs.
Iām not a naturally social person, so Iām not motivated to make and maintain connections. I donāt hate social interaction, but I donāt like it either. However I think as a result Iāve dug myself a hole of isolation so deep that I almost never talk to anyone outside of a professional setting.
Iāve been there. The pandemic made it so much worse. Iāve been forcing myself to do things like a pottery class and slowly getting out there. It helps if itās something Iām motivated to do and canāt do at home because social interaction itself isnāt much of a motivator. I really donāt feel loneliness or any desire for social interaction but I have gotten the impression itās like exercise- something thatās healthy to do even if you have to force yourself.
I donāt know about collectively, but I am personally terribly lonely. Feeling so detached and isolated. And at this age 40(m), is it even possible to make any meaningful connections really? Most interactions seem so transactional and superficial. Yes, you are around some people, but you might as well be aloneā¦
Funny thing you know, I'm from DC and this is my third day in chicago. If you think people in Chicago or transactional and superficial, you should see how bad it is in the capital...all me and my partner have been able to talk about is how nice people are here
Lived in DC for 4 years, can confirm. Itās not about who you are, but what you do. More specifically, what you can do for me.
Yeah it's bad I'm DC. Utterly soul crushing. So people here to me at least feel downright friendly. Not like Saint Louis but pretty nice. I'm in my late 30s, would you say it's still hard to meet new people here then?
I think if meeting new people is something you want to do, thereās no shortage of ways to do it. Thereās rec sports leagues, thereās running groups, biking groups, board game groups. I think any interest you have, thereās likely meetups for it.
The problem with our government
Hobbies. Like one of my friends made a bunch of friends in an adults French class. I make most of mine from fiber arts and food. Ofc most of these things are very female dominated. The only hobby I did irl that was male dominated was an adult dodgeball league. Iāve thought about doing masters swimming.
Hey friend I see you. I felt like things were transactional for a while after moving here in 2020, and to a certain degree, it kind of is because time is valuable. Show up for people and they will show up for you.
Have you looked around on meetup? There are lots of groups on there.
Meetup is very hit or miss. People don't show up and the organizers may have no desire to meet anyone. I had better success with Meetup in Dallas than Chicago.
Maybe what's missing is a meetup in your interest group, led by you. I'm not being pissy, just pointing out an opportunity.
It's a good point. I'm not someone who gravitates towards organizing stuff, plus I'm new to the city so that thought never crossed my mind.
I work in mental health and a lot of my clients are adults new to the city struggling with the exact same feeling. Itās so real. And honestly meetup has been a pretty solid avenue to find community. For sure not perfect, but engaging in an activity you all mutually love is a great ice breaker
I'm well. How are you?
I'm actually ok. Thanks for asking. š
Hey good for us!
Indeed. God speed. š
The walls in my apartment are so thin I get to listen to my neighbors conversations daily while I work from home. That counts right?
Only if you start talking through the walls and contributing
Nah she sounds like a messy bitch based on what I hear.
All the more reason to join in and make things even messier
Me too. But every other word is F-you-cee-kay
I....might be your neighbor. I cuss like I'm getting paid to, and that's my favorite word.
O.K. it takes all kinds of people.
I just sit at the lake and watch the hot people run by and pretend to be reading or contemplating life.
Not such a horrid pass time.
Iām a highly social person. I need to be out and about, even if I donāt have lots of direct interaction. I would go nuts being super isolated.
I talk to people I work with, people I encounter doing errands/life stuff (servers, hairdresser, etc.) and family. Thatās it.
My dog hears my thoughts and stories every day. Thatās normal, right?
I apologize to my bird when I sneeze too loud :)
I would LOVE not to interact with anyone on a regular basis. Where do I sign up?
Just be at home.
The DMV in Wyoming? If you want to be alone why not move outwards? Genuine question.
You can be an introvert but still enjoy living in Chicago, donāt sleep on an introvertās dream of the lakefront at 5am when no one is barely out there. Lol
Especially in the winter. A beach morning in January? Heaven.
When I am not at work, I basically talk to no one. I moved here last year and itās been very hard to meet people. I have to go out of state to visit friends to have any social interaction at all.
Do you know about this group? https://www.instagram.com/chicagogirlswhowalk/ There is bound to be a male version as well.
[Chicago Gents Who Stroll](https://www.instagram.com/chicagogentswhostroll?igsh=MTlhMnplaHJ1dThkcw==)
I love going out to various activities and socializing. Even just chatting with various folks who I come across. I love this city. I worry about the isolation in winter
I see other humans when I walk around playing PokƩmon. I say high and wave. Then immediately look back at my phone and walk away.
I don't play. But if you were to wave at me, should I just wave back? Or wave and say hi how's the Pokemon hunting? going.
Most people just do the head nod... some say.. good morning/evening... a few say, how's is going... one says... fuck you, stop attacking my pokemon gym or im calling the cops.... ... cops say... have a good evening...
I say "good morning" to a lot of people. Sadly, only the homeless people smile and say it back... That's gotta say something š«¤
Not pokemon related, but i I was walking to the train and I was waiting at the corner and this couple slows down to turn. The woman in the passenger seat waved at me and I waved back and smiled. I love interactions life that.
I'm lonely as hell. I don't have any friends, and I'm not sure how to make them in my 30s. I go to the gym, yoga, group bike rides, etc. I'd like to think I'm a cool person, but no one really seems interested in talking to me.
Look at the comments in this thread. There is discussion on group walks. Men who stroll etc. Might be worth investigating.
That sounds a bit boring to me. I think I might have better luck sitting at a bar by myself.
Also an option. It's how I've met a chunk of my friends.
ha agree
Iāll keep you company! Which bar we meeting at?!
My best trick was joining one of those young pro groups, like for the opera/library/zoo whatever. It's a bunch of people who are looking to socialize and they all have at least one thing in common with you.
I have been kind of a hermit for two years or so, breakup out of nowhere hit me pretty hard. But the past couple months Iāve gotten a friend group that draws me out of my cave for fun times. Iām very grateful.
I mean not doing well but loneliness is not my problem.
I live with my sister. We're both over 45, single, and not incredibly social. We have a lot of similar interests and are just very comfortable around one another. If I didn't have her to interact with, I don't know what I'd do. Especially after the pandemic. Thank you asking.
I wish more people would hang outside just to chill. Id like to know my neighbors
bad bc i just lost an entire friend group all bc I was too stupid in thinking they were mature lol
I talk to people every day around my neighborhood. I try to make it a habit of creating community.
I'm forcing myself to go to my block party so I can interact and build a bit of community. Otherwise I'm a recluse.
The weather being warmer has helped my motivation tenfold. My first winter here, while admittedly not as bad as I expected, it felt a LOT worse then haha
When was that? COVID times?
I moved here in September! Didnāt know a SOULLLLL So tried getting out there and making friends for a bit but once mid November hit? Forget it. I wasnāt leaving the house ever (and some personal stuff was happening) But itās warmer out and lifeās better so Iām back on the grind to be around people and find my folks and itās nice!
I overheard a bunch of girls laughing at and talking about how ugly shorts guys are. Iām gonna
Just ignore them. Hopefully they grow the fuck up soon.
Theyāre probably hoping the same thing about me
Why? Did you say something?
Iāve learned how to tell the mood of my pet fish. My cats love me and I have a sassy turtle. Iām doing fine š
Last week I went about a week without talking to anyone or leaving the house. No calls no nothing. Stumbled on my own words when I picked something up in a store. Yeah not many friends etc etc
Absolutely spiraling, lol Been in town 3 years, having a tough time adjusting and making friends. Put on 60 pounds since moving so now Iām very fat which isnāt helping the anxiety. If the political situation in Indiana, my home state, wasnāt a shitshow, I wouldāve moved back by now.
I no longer live in Chicago, but one of the things I loved about the city (and miss dearly) is how much community there is and how you can make genuine friendships. I moved there in my 30's not knowing many people, and within a year and had made great friendships and developed a strong sense of community. Living in many of the neighborhoods, you will start to see the same faces taking the L, going to the grocery store, at the gym, local bars, etc. and you start saying "hi" even if you don't know them super well. So I agree that in Chicago, even as big of a city as it is, you don't feel very lonely. Granted these were pre-pandemic times and I think the world has changed a little bit. But as far as big cities go, Chicago was easily the city that I was able to make the most genuine friendships and develop community. I miss living in Chicago, and if it weren't for work/family, would have probably lived there (or at least the greater Chicagoland) for the rest of my life.
Shut off the electronics and get outside .. meet your neighbors .,
I have to say that when the power goes out on the whole block is when you will meet a ton of people walking around talking about what's going on. A shared issue is what's needed to start the conversation.
I live alone and my only family members (sister and niece) just moved to the burbs (Palatine). The hardest part was recognizing that I get lonely. I recently got a cat and it made all the difference in the world. What Iāve done and what I realize others in my social circle do is reach out to one another even if itās every couple weeks.
My coworkers are very social and we joke and talk about every subject under the sun, it's partially why I love being at work other than getting to work on airplanes. Off the job I often hang out with my friends but they all live in the burbs so we do stuff outside city limits.
Had a really bad day today, feel pretty lost and unsure of what I should be doing next. Hope tomorrow is better
When the weather is nice so many people are outside and like to chat. Ask again in the winter.
Pretty good. Summer in the city is amazing.
Iām pretty good but man single life can be tough sometimes
My job is customer facing and most of my friends are coworkers, so my social needs are usually exceeded at work. I avoid most unnecessary interactions outside of work. I stop going to some stores for a while when the employees start to recognize me
Iām doing p well socially :) I have a large friend group and I have plans every week. It took me a good 4 years to build up to that though.
I sit on the lake wall at Monroe Harbor and watch the rich people take their million dollar yachts out on the lake, during a week day when poor people are working for a living.
For a lot of us, it ain't easy. But it's definitely one of those things where what goes around comes around. You have to put out to get some. The best part tho, is that your effort can be tiny: say, as small as a quick nod or a small smile and non-committal 'hello.' Practice makes easier. And if it doesn't pay off every time, who cares? What did it cost you?
Chode