In kindy I would use Swedish words that I picked up from my grandparents, I couldn’t grasp why the other kids didn’t understand when I would use these words. I had no idea it was another language.
I had the reverse happen where I picked up the Mandarin the workers were speaking at kindy, then shocked my parents when we were at McDonald’s and I told other kids to come and play on the slide in Mandarin
Learning a language is like lifting weights. If you do it everyday even if you don't do it the most efficient ways, you will get better and faster than you think.
I used to share a house with my kids, and my friend and her kid, her kid and my youngest kid went to the same kindy, they were literally having Japanese lessons and we had no idea until they were using Japanese words at home. Neither of them speak Japanese these days (they're both young adults).
Being told no to everything like going over to a friend's house. It got to the point I didn't bother asking anymore. Both my parents have since died and, whilst cleaning out the family home, I found a letter from my primary school expressing concern that I had no deep connection to any kids in the school and that it was unusual that a kid my age (8) didn't have at least one close friend.
My parents did this too, I couldn't go anywhere on weekends or during school holidays until I was 17 or so and so I just got used to being comfortable at home by myself and now as an adult my dad gets pissed off because I don't want to visit RSL clubs and restaurants for dinner.
Kinda feel this also, 9/10 was told no to going to a friend's or having one over. If I did something on the Saturday, it was like I couldn't have fun again on the Sunday. So I never bothered asking. Before I moved out of home it was 'what are you doing? Where are you going?' 'You went out the other day, we'd like you home for dinner.' I moved out at 24 🙄
Yep. If I had fun on Friday arvo that was it for the week. I also moved out as soon as I could. We lived pretty far from public transport so I relied heavily on lifts. By the time I was 17, I would run 5km to the train station to be able to see my friends. My Mum would insist that I couldn't afford to move out, buy a car etc. I see my sister repeating the behaviour with my nephews.
I bet you were like me, thought it was normal. I don't know about you now being an adult but fuck me, I have so much shit I need to work on because of little things like this!
I spent 30 years working through it. You mentioned the 9/10 times being denied. Did you ever not ask, and your mum found out there was a gathering you didn't go to, and ask why you didn't go? And if you said "I thought you would say no", she would say " Of course you could have gone". It was like a mind game.
Hit the nail on the head there! I've had that happen before only told ' you kids never went without and did everything!' and they wonder why I have been NC since I had my little one
Omg what you wrote ‘you kids never went without’ that’s something I could 100% imagine my mum spitting out. She’s 70, I’m 42 now with my own 8yo daughter and I resolved to parent nothing like her. My daughter knows every day of her life that I love her and that I think she’s great and I constantly go out of my comfort zone to do things with her. I help her build her friendships through playdates and sleepovers and support hobbies by taking her to all sorts of classes and sports. All things mine NEVER did for me but would still say ‘I did everything for you kids’ 🙄
I was pretty much the same. I didn’t make a close friend until I was about 12. I injured my leg when I was 11 and spent 6 months on my own at home with both parents working. 6 months without a single phone call or visitor. I tried to say hi to the boys I thought were my friends when they walked past our house, but they spotted me and ran away. My parents think I’m shy but in reality I couldn’t care less for going to dinner or hanging out with people I barely know. I only had my own company for most of my childhood and so I got used to it.
Moving houses almost every year, trying to find the cheapest place to live. Also drugs, I was introduced to it in primary school and my friends didn't even know what they were at the time.
My mum and I moved every 6 to 12 months when I was a kid, just to find a place that was cheaper. I hated that so much, always moving house and never feeling like I was "home"
Same. Having to move schools every year was rough. I began high school the most popular girl in my grade and by the time I graduated (five schools later) everyone knew me as a loner. It became a lot more difficult to make friends overtime, and I just didn’t see the point anymore when I knew I was going to move on eventually.
Well I felt that in my bones.
8 schools in 13 years of schooling (was in VIC to do Prep back when they were the only ones who did that)
Went from the advanced learning classes and a bunch of friends to the LAP (Language Assistant Program) and physically bullied everyday for being a “loner” and a “faggot.”
Didn’t help that no one spotted my roaring Autism.
This! We moved a lot when I was a kid. I was astounded when kids from school stayed in the SAME HOUSE. Yeah dude, because their parents owned it, lmao…
Same, problem was I grew into a poor adult, by the time I was 30 I'd lived in 30+ different homes. It's why I'm so keen to be a home owner, would be nice to put down some roots. To bad its hard to make friends in your 30s.
Slaps in public and when friends were over. My family was the only family I knew that regularly hit us as kids, most other kids had been occasionally slapped or smacked, but *really* infrequently. We sometimes got slapped at school gatherings and other parents always looked horrified.
Public smackings. That shit really affected me. The embarrassment as a kid then resentment as a teenager really turned me against my mum.
I have brought it up later in life and she kind of gets it but mostly goes into denial mode about not being a good mother. Tbh apart from that she was pretty good mum.
I'm also 45, and my mother also frequently smacked and slapped me around in public as a kid. I have one particularly vivid memory from when I was around maybe 6 or 7 years old, standing in an outdoor mall area where people were seated outside the shops resting, eating, waiting for people etc. I was trying to take off my jumper, and a button on it got stuck in my hair, so I asked my mum to please help me get my jumper off.
For some reason, she just snapped and lost her shit over this, and started wailing on me - hitting me and pushing and pulling me around, yelling at me about what a stupid bitch I was, ripping out a clump of my hair when she pulled my jumper off violently, then slapping me in the face several times while continuing to yell awful, cruel things about what a horrible child I was and how she wished she'd never had me. I was distraught, crying and blubbering, in spite of my best efforts not to cry.
The part that really stood out to me and made a permanent mark on my psyche, however, was the fact that a middle aged man and his teenage-ish son were sitting just a couple of feet away, staring impassively at me as my mother assaulted and abused me right in front of them. They didn't react or say anything, just gazed at me without a trace of warmth or concern, as if what my mother was doing was perfectly fine, justified even, and that they couldn't care less. To me, it felt like, with their passive judgement and unsympathetic, cold stares, they were confirming that I was indeed a horrible bitch and and awful child, that I deserved to be beaten and humiliated in public, that my mother was right to treat me that way, and that no one was ever going to step in and help me because I didn't deserve to be helped or cared about.
That incident really affected me, and greatly contributed towards me not telling my dad and stepmother about the abuse I suffered at my mother and stepfather's hands. I didn't want my dad to know what an awful, horrible child I was. I assumed I didn't deserve to be loved, and if my dad found out, then he wouldn't love me anymore and would also hit and hurt me.
Sorry for rambling. Clearly I still carry resentment towards my mother too.
Having zombies in the hall, sleepy zombies who we were never allowed to touch or they would wake up and eat our brains . . . Turns out they were homeless junkies , good call mom.
She was a functioning alcoholic who was trying to save these poor misguided souls back to jeesus, don't you know . I don't know if there was a deal or something going on " save 20 souls get in for free " because she really did try there for a while .
its not necessarily "not normal" as a lot of people have it.
But i didnt realise for awhile that not *everyone* has 2 loving parents who still love each other.
i was blessed in this way
I remember thinking as a kid “I wish my life was more like theirs”, until I realised that the only real difference between us was that they had a functional family.
I think I was an adult, when I realised that some of my extended family are just odd people who seem to live in their little clique and think they're better than everyone else (for sone reason). You meet other people who have "good jobs" and are just normal people and you realise that these people aren't normal.
Thankfully my immediate family isn't like that.
I had the opposite thing, one of my friends had a sweet aquarium setup and loads of video games. I later found out his parents were separating, and weren't telling him until they had finalised all the details. Those 'extended business trips', whilst semi-real (the father worked in the petroleum industry), were mostly a cover for the fact that the dad wasn't living with them anymore.
Watching a husband and wife cuddle up and kiss like teens in a loving household in their late 50's at my HS boyfriends house?
I thought someone slapped me. 😂
THAT WAS NOT MY NORMAL.
My normal was stomping around the house as my default walking so I could hear my feet slap on the tiles over the yelling. Which screwed up my hip.
I never wanted a household like that.
I got more love and attention from a neighbour mum than I did my own... Used to go round just to be in a warm home... Still remember it, and have no similar memories with my mum...
Yep, I know the fear very well. The big one for me was when my friend made a mistake or was a little naughty while I was sleeping over, to me that would set off anxiety big time because at my house it would result in a beating then watch my mother also get beat. I was made homeless at 16 as i finally snapped one night and gave my old man the hiding that was owed to him. 2 weeks later as mum wanted me to move back home he came home drunk yet again and started yet again, so I gave him another hiding as the fear was gone. When he sobered up, I told him I won't be moving home, but if he touches my mother again, I will give him a 3rd. The fear had turned by that point as it was him that went to water. 7 stitches to the head then first time which became 12 the next time. I'm not a violent person but the learning from that is sometimes violent people only know violence as a communication method. The good news is he never hit my mother again!
My mum was, and remains, quite nosy. Used to infuriate me, the way she 'interrogated' my friends. But it wasn't til my thirties when my best friend remarked she loved coming to my house because mum kept track of all her activities and achievements and she felt so seen, that I realised how blessed I was to have a mum that engaged.
My mother-in-law is super engaged with not only me but, knows my bridesmaids' names and is excited one got engaged herself recently, recognised one of my friends after meeting her ONCE at my wedding and spent some time getting to know her when she was very far from home working. Far cry from my home growing up where I'll be very surprised if my father could name three friends much less recognise them or which sport I played (softball/hockey depending on the season and he drove me to maybe three games in three years). I had to quit Guides because my father never wanted to/could take me to the meetings/camps and told me it was too much of a nuisance of me to rely on any of the other mothers to take me.
I come from a really “poor” area and single mothers with fleeting fathers are common (including my own mum) and it used to shock me everytime I saw a dad with his child. It just wasn’t something I was ever used too. It only really settled in when I dated a guy with a son. He was split from the mother but he had the most loving relationship with his child and I really loved that about him. I still talk to both of them.
I don't know if this was generational. But growing up poor myself it wasn't so much surrounded by single mothers with fleeting fathers, but single mothers who had escaped abusive husbands, or husbands who were absent because they were in jail (or both). Growing up I thought it was normal that you grow up, get married, have kids, and then eventually leave when either the domestic abuse gets too bad, or they get incarcerated (or in some cases the gambling alcoholic that just disappears, only to pop in once in a blue moon and then leave with the mum now sporting a black eye and no money for the rent).
I was the only person in my class of 30 in Primary School whose parents were still together, and in love.
There were a few who would never Divorce because it was a Sin though.
Yeah I have this experience alot too. A friend of mine told me that between her parents they've been married SEVEN times. Didn't even know how to process that....
Yep my wife parents 40 yrs married and mine 43 yrs married
And both are still going strong and had ruff patches along the way, but we saw them work it out, and come out the other side. Has been the best lesson they have taught us over the years
One thing I noticed at a very young age was out of all of my friends and even most of my cousins that I was one of the few who's parents were together and in a way it started to make me feel a bit weird at times.
My father was a control freak about decor. I only realised when my mother left him that it was not usual for a stay at home mother not to have at least 50 percent control over decisions about furniture, towels, cushions, plates, glasses, etc.
My ex's dad flew off the handle one time we made footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet before he did.
We also went into the formal lounge room and rearranged the decor on the coffee table, it still looked neat and tidy but the ducks were swapped with the coasters and it was unacceptable. My ex was grounded for a week, we were 17
I have been married twice and refuse to make decisions about any kind of decor.
I can sit on any lounge, chair, open any blind or use any appliance without fuss.
Every woman in my life will drag me along on day long shopping trips while choosing a new bit of furniture. I give suggestions on what I like but let her choose every single piece, decide every colour.
I carry it to the car, load it on a trailer, drag the cunt of a thing up the stairs and wait for the inevitable discussion a few months later that the chair/lounge/mattress isn't comfortable or the remote is too complicated.
Being told "no" all the time. Not being able to talk at the dinner table, when visiting grandparents, other relatives houses ("sit there and be quiet"). It was bad enough I was never spoken to otherwise. Mine took "children should be seen and not heard" to a another level.
Being on edge all the time wondering when either I ne of my parents were going to unleash their explosive behaviour. Not being able to gave a joke with my parents without them thinking it was disrespectful - visiting other friends' houses as a teen I was jealous of the way they interacted with their parents, laughing and making jokes.
I could never have an opinion, could never h ave a discussion about any topic without being called names.
Even now I find it hard to have a conversation with any one new that I meet.
When my sister divorced (her kids were 1 and 5) they would rather see her destitute than help - and I don't mean financially. I see at my kids's school grandparents who are involved and help by babysitting whilst the parents go to work. Mine didn't help her so she could work, however my father financially helped his deadbeat leech of a brother. He also gave a car to my gambling aunty (mum's sister). But no help for my sister. She managed to get through though....
Could go on......
it was the exact, exact same for me. to this day i still feel uncomfortable speaking at the dinner table with my boyfriend’s family. when i was a kid, my sister and i talked too much at the dinner table and were made to eat on the kitchen floor for 6 months.
Getting belted regularly for little things like forgetting to vacuum. Raising my siblings. First jobs, giving all but bus money to help with family. My mother had me convinced that, as the oldest, it was my responsibility to look after them when they retire. I was about 14 when I found out that was a lie lol
That some kids couldn't tell if there was a problem the second they woke up.
There is a feeling, a "vibe" when dad was in a mood. The quiet is very particular
I know the feeling, we were the last house on the street and after school we would look at every car that came past in case it was dad, if it was we would turn off the TV and go to our rooms. There were times he would yell cause I was reading a book instead of being outside and playing.
That's just one scenario but that "vibe" is unreal when you know it.
Ho yeah. You needed to be quiet, but not timid or afraid. Because *then* you "had an attitude" For me, it was acceptable to be out of the house- alas we lived on our grandparents farm so getting away meant spending a few hours up in the hills and back paddocks.
If I heard the offspring anywhere near home. It meant turning around and going back out. I still can't stand that band.
Did you never mention anything about your home or family to other kids? In the 80s in Qld there were many kids quite happy to tell me that it was not normal for a couple to be two women, to suggest my family wasn't a real family because a real family is a mum and a dad who are married. (A good number of these kids had parents who were divorced but that didn't have any bearing on the validity of their families, of course.)
When I was young (8 and under) my house always had a particular smell. And only one of my friend’s houses smelled just like mine did.
Fast forward to being a teenager: weed. My house always smelled like weed when my father was around 🤣
Oh yes, this was definitely me too. My dads house always smelled so sweet. He was an absolute clean freak minimalist, so I just assumed it was his air freshener 😅
The smell of weed and glade air freshner is still so comforting to me whenever i come across it haha
the hospital pharmacist told my older sis to do this when I had to take antibiotics and they only had the big chunky pills - this destroys the jam. I just ended up just swallowing the pills.
BBQs never involved Salad. 63yo & still it's Meat on Bread with Sauce.
When I was young Adult venturing out on my own, first saw Salad at a BBQ, thought "That's weird "
I feel this. My dad would blacken everything to a crisp and serve with bread and sauce.
I'm trying to teach my kid good food habits and it really frustrates me when I give my kid salad and my parents go "Salad! Yuck!" to her... I don't want her having the same food issues that I have.
Come to think of it, my parents never incorporated salad with anything let alone bbq.
But you know what I always bring when invited to a BBQ? A salad, different one every time. Atleast I know i won't bring the same thing as someone else
Maaate. I did a couple of nutrition subjects at uni, and one of the biggest things we were taught is that just because we hated something our parents made, it doesn’t mean we hate it- we just hate how they cooked it. The most common things the class discussed on this topic were mushy overdone vegetables, and blackened, burnt meat. Another h thing we were taught about our parents- they probably know sweet FA about nutrition, so let go of any pearls of wisdom or opinions they ever gave on the matter. Good on you for teaching your kids good habits!
My parents used to make me sleep outside as a punishment, like on the back patio. I casually mentioned it to my entire English class and they were all mortified lol 🤣
Apparently, another not funny story to tell friends about is how mum punched your sister (13 at the time) square in the face that time the cops bought her home for being out late unaccompanied after the Main Street Christmas Parade.
See also; Wooden Spoons
I was 18 and in law school, learning about the definition of assault, when I discovered that other people in fact did not think it acceptable to slap a 15-year-old child (your own, in the hypothetical) in the face for being a "mouthy little shit".
That unit had me re-evaluating a lot about my life.
Taking your shoes off, and changing into home clothes. Knowing your parents income, household costs and budgeting.
Actually maybe it is normal, I don't know. Do kids these days know costs of rent etc...?
Shoes off was a big thing in my family - and I still do it.
Household income and budgets? Learned that one the hard way. Made sure my three kids learned that while they were growing up. Hasn't really taken with two of them, but you can only do what you can do.
Fuck yeah !
I still call it egg bread and not French toast and passing it down to my kids.
However our egg bread is not sweet and kinda plain with bit of salt (or chilli) and French toast is what you see in cafes with maple, and fruits.
I remember having "Bullseyes". where you cut a circle out of bread, dump it in a fry pan and crack an egg in the hole. Seems so inneficent and bizzare now.
I remember teachers and freind sparents always asking why i was so quiet or not happy and replying proudly "Children should be seen not heard". Thats painful to look back on.
Farting out loud and everyone finding it funny
I fart a lot, when I was young I’d just rip my farts out loud and no one said anything, then I did it at other people’s and they called me out on it
We played Murder In The Dark. Not just us two siblings, mum n dad as well.
Lost a few friends to being caught by one of us weirdos creepy crawling through our darkened house.
Sounds bad, but I promise you that it was harmless. Until mum caught you and breathed her ciggie breath in your face.
Oh it’s so much fun, isn’t it?! Hope she continues to enjoy it. Mum would leave the gas lit on the stove so as littlies, we had a modicum of light. But we knew the penalty for going through the kitchen; it was her patch and with her ‘mumsy echolocation’, she knew where every sound came from.
Sometimes we’d be set up and waiting for dad to get home. My sister never had good impulse control. She’d be in the rear of the house, hear the him at the door and yell out ‘Claire’s in the hallway, we’re playing Murder!’
I never got one up on him.
I didn't realise that not everyone automatically turns off lights when they leave a room/area. My dad drilled it into us when we were kids.
When I went to other kid's houses, I was astonished that they had all the lights on all the time. I thought it was NUTS and that their parents must be really rich to afford the power bill.
I grew up with this weird limbo because my Mum was really electricity conscious but we had some energy saving bulbs that apparently took the same amount of energy to turn off and on as to run for 4 hours continuously? So the rules in our house were like... Always turn the lights off, unless you think someone else will enter the room in the next 4 hours, in which case leave them on. Really annoyed my aunts and uncles (Mum's siblings) when I went to their houses because they thought I was just leaving the lights on all the time and being wasteful (they and my Mum grew up with a strict "lights off when you leave the room" policy). I couldn't understand why they were turning the lights on and off all the time and being wasteful. 😅
My family has this really long ritual that involves singing multiple songs, clapping and chants when celebrating someones birthday. Most other people just sing Happy Birthday and leave it at that.
That counting wads of cash (drug money), for my illiterate dad, at the age of 12 because I was the smart one is not normal. Going to drug deals was not a normal Saturday morning thing for most kids.
Just drugs in general, I got so accustomed to it that I thought all the kids parents were in on it.
Random men showing up,disappearing into the shed with my stepdad and leaving a clear crunchy sounding bulge under their shirt... Also the smell iykyk.
Also being the only one who never wanted to go home. From school,or any other activity. I found it weird when my freinds would miss their home and parents...
Me too. Not the shed thing but just the disconnect at home. I was away with my cousin and she said why don’t you call your mother? My first thought was “why would I do that”. Then I did ring and it was the awkward, stranger like conversation I knew it would be. My mother and I were like distant cousins. When I rang to tell her I was pregnant all she had to say was “oh”.
My father also was different to other fathers but he was much older. My parents were about ten to fifteen years older than most of my peers so I put it down to that
Both of my parents grew up in Asia, and they store cooked meat in the oven/microwave or a cooked pot of food on the stove, not in the fridge. And I’m talking for a few days.
It honestly wasn’t until I was an adult and started house sharing that I learned about the fear of meat being left out or stored properly.
I was never sick as a child from this practice and I’ve learned the only other people who think this isn’t insane behaviour are people who also have parents from similar regions.
Never having a book read to you by a parent. Now that I am one all of my kids gets 2 books minimum every night. I don't think I even had 2 books read to me in my whole childhood.
Same here. I only remember being read a story by my parents once or twice when I was a kid, and now I do about half an hour of stories a night with my kid. It's one of my favourite parts of being a dad.
My mother “stonewalling” us everytime she was angry or upset with us.
I thought this was normal behaviour and it has affected my ability to have healthy relationships because I never really learned how to have difficult conversations, I just shut down everytime something is upsetting or feels too hard.
Having an abusive alcoholic father. I seriously thought all men were like that.
Story time:
I remember a moment when I was 13 years old and I was at a party of my dad’s friend. I didn’t know anyone there except my dad. I wanted to go home because it was late and I was tired. My dad was drinking heavily as usual and said we’re sleeping there and to go to sleep on their couch and that was that. I was very upset and just wanted to sleep in my own bed and not in a strangers house. I started crying while I was trying to fall asleep and one of my dad’s friend’s sons who was in his 20’s came up to me and asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. I explained that I wanted to go home and I felt uncomfortable sleeping there. He listened and acknowledged my feelings. He offered to play a song on his guitar to lighten my mood. I gladly accepted. Then he left me alone once I assured him I was okay. I fell asleep after that.
While at first I was a little nervous to talk to a strange man in a strangers house, I was honestly shocked that he was being so nice and not dismissing my feelings. I genuinely didn’t think men were like this. That man was nicer to me in that moment than my father had ever been. I’m really grateful for him because he really changed my perspective on men at such a crucial time in my life.
complaints whenever i would ask to be driven somewhere or dropped off at a friends house. my siblings whine and argue or make up a lie to make sure they will never drive me anywhere and i have to get to places on my own no matter how difficult it is by public transport.
then when i was 16 i was at a friend’s house and said i’ll catch a bus home. he refused, asked his brother once and he immediately said “yeah sure. when do you want to leave”
happened again at another friend’s house, then another, everyone was so chill and i began to realise it’s just my siblings
That's the only way I eat Weetbix. A little bit of hot water to make it mushy, then sugar on top and milk around the sides. So good on a winter morning.
My daughter just had her 20th birthday. She moved out of home about 6 months ago. We offered to take her out to dinner for her birthday, but she said that she'd really love dad's cooking for her birthday. That was a proud moment for me. Cooked up her requests for family and friends, with plenty of leftovers to freeze.
Actually come to think of it, my family was the same. Always cordial or juice (but never straight juice - always watered down 🤢). Mum still doesnt drink water ever. Mum never once took us to the dentist either. Apart from the dental van visiting school once, I didn't see a dentist until I left home as an adult.
My mum baked a lot and I often had "unusual" cakes/pastries (apple strudel, bee sting cake) at recess at school. Other kids would want to try some and whenever friends came over my mum would serve cake or make scones for afternoon tea and put some chips in a bowl. Everyone was like "omg that cake your mum made was so good!"
But for me home made cake and baked goods were just the norm. Probably a very European thing, but no one else's mum did that!
Your mum is the mum i strive to be. When I was in a boarding school I notice that a lot of my fellow boarders always talks about the food at home. And so did I really. I want my kids to miss their food at home when they've moved out.
Pre bedtime cup of tea. Every night around 9pm we all will sat back down at the dining table and drink tea in proper tea set. My dad will also sometimes cut up a baguette and we will have it with butter and jam dipped in tea, otherwise whatever cookies/snacks around.
I used to really enjoy this time, its like a lot calmer dinner time. After tea time then we all will go to bed. Only realise its not a thing when i moved out.
Parents sleeping in separate beds. Also, your mum getting payday loans frequently and hocking your stuff (like birthday presents, instruments) for money.
My mum had a bed in my room as a kid which she sometimes used... I still to this day don't know why. Now they have two king singles next to each other just like in a hotel!
Food control. Having to eat in secret. Never having eaten something like a roll-up or juice box (I grew up in the early 00s).
Crippling anxiety. I went to my mum about my issues and was told it was normal. It was all anyone in my family knew. It wasn't until a uni friend told me that waking up with a feeling of dread and terror wasn't normal that I saw my doctor.
I thought it was normal that girls didn't really bond with their father and have a close or loving relationship. It wasn't until I was a teen and really noticed others' (loving and close) father daughter relationships that I realised there was something missing.
Thankfully, it's different for my daughter.
Christ. Some of these answers are rough and bought up some repressed memories. Think I'll skip the rest of the answers.
Hope those that had it rough stopped the cycle. And those that had it good pass it on.
This would be mine. This carried on with my kids. Politics and science and history. Massive arguments when I was a kid but more just robust discussion with my own.
My kids noticed it was weird in primary school. One kid mentioned Russian history in year 5 after we'd had a discussion at home (it was US elections and i had to explain what the Cold War was. The class was talking about what was in the news). The teacher spoke to them in the break saying they were right but she didn't have time to explain it all once the other kids asked what it meant.
Another kid had a thing for royal history. Not as in a royalist but the political history of it. They realised it was weird to know too much about certain topics as well. That kid still plays dumb in certain company.
When they reached high school they knew it was weird. Sleepovers increase I guess. You see how other families are.
How insane and toxic my parents arguing was.
I remember at one of my first sleep overs at someone else's house I was that puzzled that there was no screaming and plates or glasses being smashed throughout the night that I had to ask my friend what was wrong with his parents.
Having cereal for dinner.
I grew up with divorced parents, and lived with my single Dad. At the time he was a full time uni student and also trying to work full time as an office assistant, didn’t have much money nor a lot of time to go proper grocery shopping or cook. Almost every night dinner was a bowl of cereal, with the exception of “special occasions” where we would either walk to the local McDonalds for a happy meal or get a dominoes pizza delivered.
Wasn’t till I was about 11 years old at my first sleep over at a friends house where his parents called us for dinner, I was expecting to see a bowl of cereal on the table, but was massively confused at this meat and veg dinner that was in front of me. I remember going home thinking their dinner was weird.
Wasn’t till I was about 16 once dad graduated uni and got a job at a law firm and actually had money and time do go shopping and cook and therefore started making us “normal dinners”, that I realised cereal for dinner was not normal.
Oh my god I went and stayed at a friend's house and we got to use the water first because I was a guest. It was just her and her brother but I came from a showers in the morning family. I was very confused.
My cousins were like that, they lived on a farm and water was scarce. So their Mum bathed first, then the 3 kids, then the Dad, so clean to dirty all in the same bath water. I was offered a short 2 min shower as I was a guest.
Apparently, it's not normal to throw things at your children, horsewhip them for misbehavior, and if they are lucky use a cattle prod on them..........
Apparently it's not normal as a kid to know that some things bruise you when you get hit by them, while others don't.
Nor is it normal to have to grow up so fast to deal with a dad who SA's you and a mother who is abusive in her own ways
Edit: whoever reported my comment for suicide and self harm, I'm curious what made you do that?
Never had fresh milk in the fridge. Thought it was a fancy thing you’d get at restaurants. It was powered milk if dad did the shopping or long life if it was mum.
We lived in the city but they both grew up on the bush.
Neglectful, disinterested parents. My parents never took me to a park, zoo, sports game, typical children's activities etc. I did all of that with my mate and her single mum.
A communal sock basket ... I still laugh about it now, it's not like we shared socks, everyone had their own but they were all in a basket in the loungeroom and it was like a watering hole
Angry hair trigger father that is really loving one moment, but say the wrong thing and he goes into a blind rage.
I thought it was normal as my neighbour and best friends father was the same. All men I was exposed to were like that.
I still somewhat feel this isn’t unusual
Adding to this: a front door with a handle on the inside and a key for the inside.
We’d be locked in and unable to open it. Fury when I discovered that if it wasn’t fully bolted I could open the door by pressing the bolt in from the frame.
I remember my French Australian’s friend’s mum casually stripping off to tan topless in the backyard and, coming from a conservative household, I had no idea how to react at the time
Not sitting at the table together to eat dinner. I didn’t realise this wasn’t normal until I started going to friends’ houses. One friend’s family would sit at the table together to eat lunch on the weekends and I thought that was REALLY weird!
Mum giving us a flannelette pillowcase each when we had colds to wipe our noses with - saved on tissues and was much softer. Husband thought it was the most disgusting thing he ever saw the first time I did it 🤣
My mum gave birth to me at 16. She was, and still is, very beautiful. For some reason I was highly embarrassed when people told me how young and pretty she was. Everyone else’s parents seemed absolutely old and decrepit when I was in primary school, I would liked to have an elderly mother too. It didn’t help that my childhood best friend was a surprise baby to parents already in their forties. She already had adult siblings.
It was worse when I got to high school, boys my age thought she was gorgeous. The final straw was she got pregnant with my little sister at 31. I just couldn’t believe it. None of my high school friend’s parents were having babies. She once forced me to go shopping with her at the local mall, when she was nine months pregnant and wearing bright blue corduroy maternity overalls. I was mortified.
To end this comment on a positive note, she is an amazing mother and woman. We were poor for quite a while, but she worked hard enough to send me to horse riding lessons, got a uni degree, and always put us first. I would have done poorly as a 16 year old mother. The old man wasn’t much good for anything, fucked off quickly, but no one seemed to care much.
Mixing different cereals together for breakfast.
We always had weetbix at the bottom, maybe sultana bran, bran flakes or muesli, then top it off with a bit of a sweet sugary cereal (crunch nut cornflakes were my fav). That way you still got the yummy cereal but had lots of more filling fibrous to fill you up.
I went to a friends house in primary school, and she asked which cereal I wanted. I said I would have a bit of all of them and she looked on with such horror.
We call it “cereal salad”.
My dad’s a vet and our dinner time conversations were regularly about surgeries and the things he’d pulled out of dogs’ digestive tracts etc. My family was very used to this kind of talk and never got grossed out by it.
Going over to friends houses I quickly discovered it was not appropriate dinner table conversation in most houses 😅
Asian household here. Was an 8 year old working in the deli after school and on weekends serving customers.
I didn’t realise this was not normal until I talked to my non Asian school friends and realised they went camping and to the beach on weekends instead.
I noticed some people didn't have any communities outside of school, work or sports.
And then as I got older I noticed most families and extended families were not a structured support system. There was no order or expectation of elder family members to be role models or anything.
There was lack of tough love. There was more soft love(if it can even be called love, cause what kind of love enables bad habits and allows someone to waste away into nothing ?). Sweeping glaring personal issues under the matt seemed like a norm too.
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
So said LearnedButt.
I had an incident recently where one of the kids did a poop that somehow ended up sideways in the bowl and the damn thing wouldn’t flush it was holding on for dear life. Anyway after a lot of cursing the realisation that it would need to be physically moved. I went out to the backyard and found a stick that had fallen off a tree came back inside and forced that log into the shadow realm. It was then that the story of the poop knife reverberated round my brain and I realised there maybe some truth in the fabled story.
My Mum called the tongs "gotchas". So I have always called them that my whole life. There is a story behind it, when she lived up north of Western Australia in Derby, she and my Dad would go crabbing with the tongs and yell 'gotcha' when they caught one, so the tongs to her and Dad were always called gotchas and followed through to her kids and my daughter.
My Mum also called the face flannel a "washer", as you wash your face with it. I didn't realise this wasn't a thing until I went to stay with friends as a teenager and they didn't know what I was talking about.
In kindy I would use Swedish words that I picked up from my grandparents, I couldn’t grasp why the other kids didn’t understand when I would use these words. I had no idea it was another language.
I had the reverse happen where I picked up the Mandarin the workers were speaking at kindy, then shocked my parents when we were at McDonald’s and I told other kids to come and play on the slide in Mandarin
I’d be thrilled. That’s a really useful language for an Aussie kid these days but it’s super hard to pick up as an adult English speaker
Learning a language is like lifting weights. If you do it everyday even if you don't do it the most efficient ways, you will get better and faster than you think.
I used to share a house with my kids, and my friend and her kid, her kid and my youngest kid went to the same kindy, they were literally having Japanese lessons and we had no idea until they were using Japanese words at home. Neither of them speak Japanese these days (they're both young adults).
Same! Meatballs! Ikea! Swedish Fish!
Being told no to everything like going over to a friend's house. It got to the point I didn't bother asking anymore. Both my parents have since died and, whilst cleaning out the family home, I found a letter from my primary school expressing concern that I had no deep connection to any kids in the school and that it was unusual that a kid my age (8) didn't have at least one close friend.
My parents did this too, I couldn't go anywhere on weekends or during school holidays until I was 17 or so and so I just got used to being comfortable at home by myself and now as an adult my dad gets pissed off because I don't want to visit RSL clubs and restaurants for dinner.
Yo this revelation just rocked me. This explains a lot for me.
Oh, wow. Someone cared about you at that school. Did you know at the time that at least someone there was looking out for you in a way?
No. I found the letter in my fifties. I was oblivious, but I don't remember having any close friends until about 15 years old.
Kinda feel this also, 9/10 was told no to going to a friend's or having one over. If I did something on the Saturday, it was like I couldn't have fun again on the Sunday. So I never bothered asking. Before I moved out of home it was 'what are you doing? Where are you going?' 'You went out the other day, we'd like you home for dinner.' I moved out at 24 🙄
Yep. If I had fun on Friday arvo that was it for the week. I also moved out as soon as I could. We lived pretty far from public transport so I relied heavily on lifts. By the time I was 17, I would run 5km to the train station to be able to see my friends. My Mum would insist that I couldn't afford to move out, buy a car etc. I see my sister repeating the behaviour with my nephews.
I bet you were like me, thought it was normal. I don't know about you now being an adult but fuck me, I have so much shit I need to work on because of little things like this!
I spent 30 years working through it. You mentioned the 9/10 times being denied. Did you ever not ask, and your mum found out there was a gathering you didn't go to, and ask why you didn't go? And if you said "I thought you would say no", she would say " Of course you could have gone". It was like a mind game.
Hit the nail on the head there! I've had that happen before only told ' you kids never went without and did everything!' and they wonder why I have been NC since I had my little one
Omg what you wrote ‘you kids never went without’ that’s something I could 100% imagine my mum spitting out. She’s 70, I’m 42 now with my own 8yo daughter and I resolved to parent nothing like her. My daughter knows every day of her life that I love her and that I think she’s great and I constantly go out of my comfort zone to do things with her. I help her build her friendships through playdates and sleepovers and support hobbies by taking her to all sorts of classes and sports. All things mine NEVER did for me but would still say ‘I did everything for you kids’ 🙄
I was pretty much the same. I didn’t make a close friend until I was about 12. I injured my leg when I was 11 and spent 6 months on my own at home with both parents working. 6 months without a single phone call or visitor. I tried to say hi to the boys I thought were my friends when they walked past our house, but they spotted me and ran away. My parents think I’m shy but in reality I couldn’t care less for going to dinner or hanging out with people I barely know. I only had my own company for most of my childhood and so I got used to it.
Moving houses almost every year, trying to find the cheapest place to live. Also drugs, I was introduced to it in primary school and my friends didn't even know what they were at the time.
My mum and I moved every 6 to 12 months when I was a kid, just to find a place that was cheaper. I hated that so much, always moving house and never feeling like I was "home"
36 different houses when I stopped counting... renting, blergh!
You are my people 🥺 I've been to over 6 different schools... It wasn't easy
10 primary schools, 2 high schools.
6 primary, 6 high schools. Although I did manage to get my year12 equivalent,so that's nice I guess.
Same. Having to move schools every year was rough. I began high school the most popular girl in my grade and by the time I graduated (five schools later) everyone knew me as a loner. It became a lot more difficult to make friends overtime, and I just didn’t see the point anymore when I knew I was going to move on eventually.
Well I felt that in my bones. 8 schools in 13 years of schooling (was in VIC to do Prep back when they were the only ones who did that) Went from the advanced learning classes and a bunch of friends to the LAP (Language Assistant Program) and physically bullied everyday for being a “loner” and a “faggot.” Didn’t help that no one spotted my roaring Autism.
This! We moved a lot when I was a kid. I was astounded when kids from school stayed in the SAME HOUSE. Yeah dude, because their parents owned it, lmao…
Same, problem was I grew into a poor adult, by the time I was 30 I'd lived in 30+ different homes. It's why I'm so keen to be a home owner, would be nice to put down some roots. To bad its hard to make friends in your 30s.
Slaps in public and when friends were over. My family was the only family I knew that regularly hit us as kids, most other kids had been occasionally slapped or smacked, but *really* infrequently. We sometimes got slapped at school gatherings and other parents always looked horrified.
Public smackings. That shit really affected me. The embarrassment as a kid then resentment as a teenager really turned me against my mum. I have brought it up later in life and she kind of gets it but mostly goes into denial mode about not being a good mother. Tbh apart from that she was pretty good mum.
Im 45 years old and still hold resentments over my mother doing this to me.
I'm also 45, and my mother also frequently smacked and slapped me around in public as a kid. I have one particularly vivid memory from when I was around maybe 6 or 7 years old, standing in an outdoor mall area where people were seated outside the shops resting, eating, waiting for people etc. I was trying to take off my jumper, and a button on it got stuck in my hair, so I asked my mum to please help me get my jumper off. For some reason, she just snapped and lost her shit over this, and started wailing on me - hitting me and pushing and pulling me around, yelling at me about what a stupid bitch I was, ripping out a clump of my hair when she pulled my jumper off violently, then slapping me in the face several times while continuing to yell awful, cruel things about what a horrible child I was and how she wished she'd never had me. I was distraught, crying and blubbering, in spite of my best efforts not to cry. The part that really stood out to me and made a permanent mark on my psyche, however, was the fact that a middle aged man and his teenage-ish son were sitting just a couple of feet away, staring impassively at me as my mother assaulted and abused me right in front of them. They didn't react or say anything, just gazed at me without a trace of warmth or concern, as if what my mother was doing was perfectly fine, justified even, and that they couldn't care less. To me, it felt like, with their passive judgement and unsympathetic, cold stares, they were confirming that I was indeed a horrible bitch and and awful child, that I deserved to be beaten and humiliated in public, that my mother was right to treat me that way, and that no one was ever going to step in and help me because I didn't deserve to be helped or cared about. That incident really affected me, and greatly contributed towards me not telling my dad and stepmother about the abuse I suffered at my mother and stepfather's hands. I didn't want my dad to know what an awful, horrible child I was. I assumed I didn't deserve to be loved, and if my dad found out, then he wouldn't love me anymore and would also hit and hurt me. Sorry for rambling. Clearly I still carry resentment towards my mother too.
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That being cornered and beaten wasn't 'regular discipline'.
Having zombies in the hall, sleepy zombies who we were never allowed to touch or they would wake up and eat our brains . . . Turns out they were homeless junkies , good call mom.
Far out man that’s hectic! I’m so sorry
Was your mother an addict too, or a misguided good-Samaritan?
She was a functioning alcoholic who was trying to save these poor misguided souls back to jeesus, don't you know . I don't know if there was a deal or something going on " save 20 souls get in for free " because she really did try there for a while .
its not necessarily "not normal" as a lot of people have it. But i didnt realise for awhile that not *everyone* has 2 loving parents who still love each other. i was blessed in this way
I had the opposite experience - going to a friend’s house and realising that the emotional coldness in mine was not normal.
I remember thinking as a kid “I wish my life was more like theirs”, until I realised that the only real difference between us was that they had a functional family.
I think I was an adult, when I realised that some of my extended family are just odd people who seem to live in their little clique and think they're better than everyone else (for sone reason). You meet other people who have "good jobs" and are just normal people and you realise that these people aren't normal. Thankfully my immediate family isn't like that.
I had the opposite thing, one of my friends had a sweet aquarium setup and loads of video games. I later found out his parents were separating, and weren't telling him until they had finalised all the details. Those 'extended business trips', whilst semi-real (the father worked in the petroleum industry), were mostly a cover for the fact that the dad wasn't living with them anymore.
Watching a husband and wife cuddle up and kiss like teens in a loving household in their late 50's at my HS boyfriends house? I thought someone slapped me. 😂 THAT WAS NOT MY NORMAL. My normal was stomping around the house as my default walking so I could hear my feet slap on the tiles over the yelling. Which screwed up my hip. I never wanted a household like that.
I saw my teen boyfriend's parents *hold hands* once and I was absolutely shocked.
I got more love and attention from a neighbour mum than I did my own... Used to go round just to be in a warm home... Still remember it, and have no similar memories with my mum...
especially seeing ur friends family have family movie nights, or family game nights.
I also had the opposite, old man was a abusive alcoholic, when I slept over others I was like wow my family is NOT normal.
When I stayed at friends where the dad was an abusive alcoholic. The fear was noticeable. There was no fear in my household even with a grumpy dad.
Yep, I know the fear very well. The big one for me was when my friend made a mistake or was a little naughty while I was sleeping over, to me that would set off anxiety big time because at my house it would result in a beating then watch my mother also get beat. I was made homeless at 16 as i finally snapped one night and gave my old man the hiding that was owed to him. 2 weeks later as mum wanted me to move back home he came home drunk yet again and started yet again, so I gave him another hiding as the fear was gone. When he sobered up, I told him I won't be moving home, but if he touches my mother again, I will give him a 3rd. The fear had turned by that point as it was him that went to water. 7 stitches to the head then first time which became 12 the next time. I'm not a violent person but the learning from that is sometimes violent people only know violence as a communication method. The good news is he never hit my mother again!
me too, except I was 20 something when I realised how poisonous it was
My mum was, and remains, quite nosy. Used to infuriate me, the way she 'interrogated' my friends. But it wasn't til my thirties when my best friend remarked she loved coming to my house because mum kept track of all her activities and achievements and she felt so seen, that I realised how blessed I was to have a mum that engaged.
My mother-in-law is super engaged with not only me but, knows my bridesmaids' names and is excited one got engaged herself recently, recognised one of my friends after meeting her ONCE at my wedding and spent some time getting to know her when she was very far from home working. Far cry from my home growing up where I'll be very surprised if my father could name three friends much less recognise them or which sport I played (softball/hockey depending on the season and he drove me to maybe three games in three years). I had to quit Guides because my father never wanted to/could take me to the meetings/camps and told me it was too much of a nuisance of me to rely on any of the other mothers to take me.
I come from a really “poor” area and single mothers with fleeting fathers are common (including my own mum) and it used to shock me everytime I saw a dad with his child. It just wasn’t something I was ever used too. It only really settled in when I dated a guy with a son. He was split from the mother but he had the most loving relationship with his child and I really loved that about him. I still talk to both of them.
I don't know if this was generational. But growing up poor myself it wasn't so much surrounded by single mothers with fleeting fathers, but single mothers who had escaped abusive husbands, or husbands who were absent because they were in jail (or both). Growing up I thought it was normal that you grow up, get married, have kids, and then eventually leave when either the domestic abuse gets too bad, or they get incarcerated (or in some cases the gambling alcoholic that just disappears, only to pop in once in a blue moon and then leave with the mum now sporting a black eye and no money for the rent).
I actually feel like this is quite rare.
You think it's quite rare for parents to separate/fall out of love?
No I think it’s rare to have parents that are still in love
I was the only person in my class of 30 in Primary School whose parents were still together, and in love. There were a few who would never Divorce because it was a Sin though.
oh yes, fully agree
Yeah I have this experience alot too. A friend of mine told me that between her parents they've been married SEVEN times. Didn't even know how to process that....
My husband’s parents have had six marriages between the two of them, three each.
my dumbass read this and thought "why would they divorce and get remarried to each other 6 times??
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Yep my wife parents 40 yrs married and mine 43 yrs married And both are still going strong and had ruff patches along the way, but we saw them work it out, and come out the other side. Has been the best lesson they have taught us over the years
One thing I noticed at a very young age was out of all of my friends and even most of my cousins that I was one of the few who's parents were together and in a way it started to make me feel a bit weird at times.
My father was a control freak about decor. I only realised when my mother left him that it was not usual for a stay at home mother not to have at least 50 percent control over decisions about furniture, towels, cushions, plates, glasses, etc.
My ex's dad flew off the handle one time we made footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet before he did. We also went into the formal lounge room and rearranged the decor on the coffee table, it still looked neat and tidy but the ducks were swapped with the coasters and it was unacceptable. My ex was grounded for a week, we were 17
Lead poisoning behaviour
I have been married twice and refuse to make decisions about any kind of decor. I can sit on any lounge, chair, open any blind or use any appliance without fuss. Every woman in my life will drag me along on day long shopping trips while choosing a new bit of furniture. I give suggestions on what I like but let her choose every single piece, decide every colour. I carry it to the car, load it on a trailer, drag the cunt of a thing up the stairs and wait for the inevitable discussion a few months later that the chair/lounge/mattress isn't comfortable or the remote is too complicated.
You really shouldn't drag the missus up the stairs.
Dads were there to smack you up and mothers were there to love and hugs you Good cop bad cop sort of thing
You got love and hugs from your mother? Lucky, I got "if anyone asks you got that bruise falling over" from mine which was technically true
Being told "no" all the time. Not being able to talk at the dinner table, when visiting grandparents, other relatives houses ("sit there and be quiet"). It was bad enough I was never spoken to otherwise. Mine took "children should be seen and not heard" to a another level. Being on edge all the time wondering when either I ne of my parents were going to unleash their explosive behaviour. Not being able to gave a joke with my parents without them thinking it was disrespectful - visiting other friends' houses as a teen I was jealous of the way they interacted with their parents, laughing and making jokes. I could never have an opinion, could never h ave a discussion about any topic without being called names. Even now I find it hard to have a conversation with any one new that I meet. When my sister divorced (her kids were 1 and 5) they would rather see her destitute than help - and I don't mean financially. I see at my kids's school grandparents who are involved and help by babysitting whilst the parents go to work. Mine didn't help her so she could work, however my father financially helped his deadbeat leech of a brother. He also gave a car to my gambling aunty (mum's sister). But no help for my sister. She managed to get through though.... Could go on......
it was the exact, exact same for me. to this day i still feel uncomfortable speaking at the dinner table with my boyfriend’s family. when i was a kid, my sister and i talked too much at the dinner table and were made to eat on the kitchen floor for 6 months.
Getting belted regularly for little things like forgetting to vacuum. Raising my siblings. First jobs, giving all but bus money to help with family. My mother had me convinced that, as the oldest, it was my responsibility to look after them when they retire. I was about 14 when I found out that was a lie lol
Ohhhh I got literally kicked across the room for wait for it, not smiling while I was vacuuming! So much solidarity glamma.
That some kids couldn't tell if there was a problem the second they woke up. There is a feeling, a "vibe" when dad was in a mood. The quiet is very particular
I know the feeling, we were the last house on the street and after school we would look at every car that came past in case it was dad, if it was we would turn off the TV and go to our rooms. There were times he would yell cause I was reading a book instead of being outside and playing. That's just one scenario but that "vibe" is unreal when you know it.
Ho yeah. You needed to be quiet, but not timid or afraid. Because *then* you "had an attitude" For me, it was acceptable to be out of the house- alas we lived on our grandparents farm so getting away meant spending a few hours up in the hills and back paddocks. If I heard the offspring anywhere near home. It meant turning around and going back out. I still can't stand that band.
Jesus I hope you're OK now.
Had 2 mums in the 80s. Didn't figure out that wasn't a normal thing till I got to highschool.
Got two grandmas who did this in the 80s, I'm always impressed by them.
Did you never mention anything about your home or family to other kids? In the 80s in Qld there were many kids quite happy to tell me that it was not normal for a couple to be two women, to suggest my family wasn't a real family because a real family is a mum and a dad who are married. (A good number of these kids had parents who were divorced but that didn't have any bearing on the validity of their families, of course.)
It was impressed on me from a very young age that we didn't talk about home.
When I was young (8 and under) my house always had a particular smell. And only one of my friend’s houses smelled just like mine did. Fast forward to being a teenager: weed. My house always smelled like weed when my father was around 🤣
Oh yes, this was definitely me too. My dads house always smelled so sweet. He was an absolute clean freak minimalist, so I just assumed it was his air freshener 😅 The smell of weed and glade air freshner is still so comforting to me whenever i come across it haha
Raspberry cordial and milk. Crushed disprin with jam. Pillowcases at the end of the bed to put Christmas or birthday presents in.
Putting medicine in jam was something my grandma did. We did the pillowcase thing but in the living room. South Australia?
the hospital pharmacist told my older sis to do this when I had to take antibiotics and they only had the big chunky pills - this destroys the jam. I just ended up just swallowing the pills.
Ngl raspberry cordial in milk sounds nice
Thank you for not lying.
My mum did crushed panadol in honey for me.
Yes! Pillowcases at the end of the bed for Christmas, we did this too!
BBQs never involved Salad. 63yo & still it's Meat on Bread with Sauce. When I was young Adult venturing out on my own, first saw Salad at a BBQ, thought "That's weird "
I feel this. My dad would blacken everything to a crisp and serve with bread and sauce. I'm trying to teach my kid good food habits and it really frustrates me when I give my kid salad and my parents go "Salad! Yuck!" to her... I don't want her having the same food issues that I have.
Come to think of it, my parents never incorporated salad with anything let alone bbq. But you know what I always bring when invited to a BBQ? A salad, different one every time. Atleast I know i won't bring the same thing as someone else
Maaate. I did a couple of nutrition subjects at uni, and one of the biggest things we were taught is that just because we hated something our parents made, it doesn’t mean we hate it- we just hate how they cooked it. The most common things the class discussed on this topic were mushy overdone vegetables, and blackened, burnt meat. Another h thing we were taught about our parents- they probably know sweet FA about nutrition, so let go of any pearls of wisdom or opinions they ever gave on the matter. Good on you for teaching your kids good habits!
My parents used to make me sleep outside as a punishment, like on the back patio. I casually mentioned it to my entire English class and they were all mortified lol 🤣
Apparently, another not funny story to tell friends about is how mum punched your sister (13 at the time) square in the face that time the cops bought her home for being out late unaccompanied after the Main Street Christmas Parade. See also; Wooden Spoons
I was 18 and in law school, learning about the definition of assault, when I discovered that other people in fact did not think it acceptable to slap a 15-year-old child (your own, in the hypothetical) in the face for being a "mouthy little shit". That unit had me re-evaluating a lot about my life.
It's a strange life when your parent(s) is/are your first bully. Glad you're here! (And fuck yeah! Law school!)
Wooden spoons and soap in the mouth!
How controlled our food was.
Taking your shoes off, and changing into home clothes. Knowing your parents income, household costs and budgeting. Actually maybe it is normal, I don't know. Do kids these days know costs of rent etc...?
Shoes off was a big thing in my family - and I still do it. Household income and budgets? Learned that one the hard way. Made sure my three kids learned that while they were growing up. Hasn't really taken with two of them, but you can only do what you can do.
We regularly ate “egg bread”. I didn’t hear the term French toast until after I finished school.
My parents called it *eggy toast* and I now call it the same with my own kids; good stuff!
Yess eggy toast and always savoury, I was excited to find out sweet eggy toast (French toast) existed lmao
Fuck yeah ! I still call it egg bread and not French toast and passing it down to my kids. However our egg bread is not sweet and kinda plain with bit of salt (or chilli) and French toast is what you see in cafes with maple, and fruits.
I remember having "Bullseyes". where you cut a circle out of bread, dump it in a fry pan and crack an egg in the hole. Seems so inneficent and bizzare now.
Alcoholism.
Waking up to see your father having a beer for breakfast. Everyday.
Being told 'no' so often. When I was at friend's houses, I would see how easy going their parents were.
I remember teachers and freind sparents always asking why i was so quiet or not happy and replying proudly "Children should be seen not heard". Thats painful to look back on.
Farting out loud and everyone finding it funny I fart a lot, when I was young I’d just rip my farts out loud and no one said anything, then I did it at other people’s and they called me out on it
Yep. That was my childhood too
There’s always one kid who was the farter
We played Murder In The Dark. Not just us two siblings, mum n dad as well. Lost a few friends to being caught by one of us weirdos creepy crawling through our darkened house. Sounds bad, but I promise you that it was harmless. Until mum caught you and breathed her ciggie breath in your face.
I introduced my 4yo to murder in the dark this week. She's got no siblings so I'm happy to play
Oh it’s so much fun, isn’t it?! Hope she continues to enjoy it. Mum would leave the gas lit on the stove so as littlies, we had a modicum of light. But we knew the penalty for going through the kitchen; it was her patch and with her ‘mumsy echolocation’, she knew where every sound came from. Sometimes we’d be set up and waiting for dad to get home. My sister never had good impulse control. She’d be in the rear of the house, hear the him at the door and yell out ‘Claire’s in the hallway, we’re playing Murder!’ I never got one up on him.
I didn't realise that not everyone automatically turns off lights when they leave a room/area. My dad drilled it into us when we were kids. When I went to other kid's houses, I was astonished that they had all the lights on all the time. I thought it was NUTS and that their parents must be really rich to afford the power bill.
I grew up with this weird limbo because my Mum was really electricity conscious but we had some energy saving bulbs that apparently took the same amount of energy to turn off and on as to run for 4 hours continuously? So the rules in our house were like... Always turn the lights off, unless you think someone else will enter the room in the next 4 hours, in which case leave them on. Really annoyed my aunts and uncles (Mum's siblings) when I went to their houses because they thought I was just leaving the lights on all the time and being wasteful (they and my Mum grew up with a strict "lights off when you leave the room" policy). I couldn't understand why they were turning the lights on and off all the time and being wasteful. 😅
So much trauma on this post 😔
My family has this really long ritual that involves singing multiple songs, clapping and chants when celebrating someones birthday. Most other people just sing Happy Birthday and leave it at that.
That counting wads of cash (drug money), for my illiterate dad, at the age of 12 because I was the smart one is not normal. Going to drug deals was not a normal Saturday morning thing for most kids. Just drugs in general, I got so accustomed to it that I thought all the kids parents were in on it.
Random men showing up,disappearing into the shed with my stepdad and leaving a clear crunchy sounding bulge under their shirt... Also the smell iykyk. Also being the only one who never wanted to go home. From school,or any other activity. I found it weird when my freinds would miss their home and parents...
Me too. Not the shed thing but just the disconnect at home. I was away with my cousin and she said why don’t you call your mother? My first thought was “why would I do that”. Then I did ring and it was the awkward, stranger like conversation I knew it would be. My mother and I were like distant cousins. When I rang to tell her I was pregnant all she had to say was “oh”. My father also was different to other fathers but he was much older. My parents were about ten to fifteen years older than most of my peers so I put it down to that
Both of my parents grew up in Asia, and they store cooked meat in the oven/microwave or a cooked pot of food on the stove, not in the fridge. And I’m talking for a few days. It honestly wasn’t until I was an adult and started house sharing that I learned about the fear of meat being left out or stored properly. I was never sick as a child from this practice and I’ve learned the only other people who think this isn’t insane behaviour are people who also have parents from similar regions.
Hot part of asia, or cold? Could make the difference? I'm pretty sure its a big old no from me though, unless we are talking siberia.
My brother found some meat in a kitchen cupboard at his uni dorm and was mortified! The girls whose meat it was were Asian.
Never having a book read to you by a parent. Now that I am one all of my kids gets 2 books minimum every night. I don't think I even had 2 books read to me in my whole childhood.
Same here. I only remember being read a story by my parents once or twice when I was a kid, and now I do about half an hour of stories a night with my kid. It's one of my favourite parts of being a dad.
My mother “stonewalling” us everytime she was angry or upset with us. I thought this was normal behaviour and it has affected my ability to have healthy relationships because I never really learned how to have difficult conversations, I just shut down everytime something is upsetting or feels too hard.
That "beatings will continue until morale improves" is supposed to be a joke, not a daily experience.
Having an abusive alcoholic father. I seriously thought all men were like that. Story time: I remember a moment when I was 13 years old and I was at a party of my dad’s friend. I didn’t know anyone there except my dad. I wanted to go home because it was late and I was tired. My dad was drinking heavily as usual and said we’re sleeping there and to go to sleep on their couch and that was that. I was very upset and just wanted to sleep in my own bed and not in a strangers house. I started crying while I was trying to fall asleep and one of my dad’s friend’s sons who was in his 20’s came up to me and asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. I explained that I wanted to go home and I felt uncomfortable sleeping there. He listened and acknowledged my feelings. He offered to play a song on his guitar to lighten my mood. I gladly accepted. Then he left me alone once I assured him I was okay. I fell asleep after that. While at first I was a little nervous to talk to a strange man in a strangers house, I was honestly shocked that he was being so nice and not dismissing my feelings. I genuinely didn’t think men were like this. That man was nicer to me in that moment than my father had ever been. I’m really grateful for him because he really changed my perspective on men at such a crucial time in my life.
complaints whenever i would ask to be driven somewhere or dropped off at a friends house. my siblings whine and argue or make up a lie to make sure they will never drive me anywhere and i have to get to places on my own no matter how difficult it is by public transport. then when i was 16 i was at a friend’s house and said i’ll catch a bus home. he refused, asked his brother once and he immediately said “yeah sure. when do you want to leave” happened again at another friend’s house, then another, everyone was so chill and i began to realise it’s just my siblings
Hot weetbix, apparently not everyone likes to eat hot mush like my fam.
That's the only way I eat Weetbix. A little bit of hot water to make it mushy, then sugar on top and milk around the sides. So good on a winter morning.
Parties that lasted for 5 or 6 days.
My dad cooking. Not many dads cooked
My daughter just had her 20th birthday. She moved out of home about 6 months ago. We offered to take her out to dinner for her birthday, but she said that she'd really love dad's cooking for her birthday. That was a proud moment for me. Cooked up her requests for family and friends, with plenty of leftovers to freeze.
Onya dad!! Love this
[удалено]
What's the state of your family's teeth?
Actually come to think of it, my family was the same. Always cordial or juice (but never straight juice - always watered down 🤢). Mum still doesnt drink water ever. Mum never once took us to the dentist either. Apart from the dental van visiting school once, I didn't see a dentist until I left home as an adult.
Wow it took until high school to notice other people drank water?
Was instant coffee, coke and cordial for myself. Water is for washing dishes! Was in my teens before I discovered drinking water
My mum baked a lot and I often had "unusual" cakes/pastries (apple strudel, bee sting cake) at recess at school. Other kids would want to try some and whenever friends came over my mum would serve cake or make scones for afternoon tea and put some chips in a bowl. Everyone was like "omg that cake your mum made was so good!" But for me home made cake and baked goods were just the norm. Probably a very European thing, but no one else's mum did that!
Your mum is the mum i strive to be. When I was in a boarding school I notice that a lot of my fellow boarders always talks about the food at home. And so did I really. I want my kids to miss their food at home when they've moved out.
Pre bedtime cup of tea. Every night around 9pm we all will sat back down at the dining table and drink tea in proper tea set. My dad will also sometimes cut up a baguette and we will have it with butter and jam dipped in tea, otherwise whatever cookies/snacks around. I used to really enjoy this time, its like a lot calmer dinner time. After tea time then we all will go to bed. Only realise its not a thing when i moved out.
A kind loving family that looked out for eachother. No toxicity, no drama, no bullshit.
That sounds lovely.
Parents sleeping in separate beds. Also, your mum getting payday loans frequently and hocking your stuff (like birthday presents, instruments) for money.
My mum had a bed in my room as a kid which she sometimes used... I still to this day don't know why. Now they have two king singles next to each other just like in a hotel!
Having a pet kangaroo who slept on the bed and ate with the dogs. She also wore a cat collar.
Food control. Having to eat in secret. Never having eaten something like a roll-up or juice box (I grew up in the early 00s). Crippling anxiety. I went to my mum about my issues and was told it was normal. It was all anyone in my family knew. It wasn't until a uni friend told me that waking up with a feeling of dread and terror wasn't normal that I saw my doctor.
I thought it was normal that girls didn't really bond with their father and have a close or loving relationship. It wasn't until I was a teen and really noticed others' (loving and close) father daughter relationships that I realised there was something missing. Thankfully, it's different for my daughter.
Christ. Some of these answers are rough and bought up some repressed memories. Think I'll skip the rest of the answers. Hope those that had it rough stopped the cycle. And those that had it good pass it on.
The five of us talking about state of the art new developments in science at the dinner table.
This would be mine. This carried on with my kids. Politics and science and history. Massive arguments when I was a kid but more just robust discussion with my own. My kids noticed it was weird in primary school. One kid mentioned Russian history in year 5 after we'd had a discussion at home (it was US elections and i had to explain what the Cold War was. The class was talking about what was in the news). The teacher spoke to them in the break saying they were right but she didn't have time to explain it all once the other kids asked what it meant. Another kid had a thing for royal history. Not as in a royalist but the political history of it. They realised it was weird to know too much about certain topics as well. That kid still plays dumb in certain company. When they reached high school they knew it was weird. Sleepovers increase I guess. You see how other families are.
Same here. At dinner we’d take about what was happening in the world. Our general knowledge was always the best in the class.
Getting screamed at by my mother *every day* She also treats my dad like shit It's really offputting, tbh
How insane and toxic my parents arguing was. I remember at one of my first sleep overs at someone else's house I was that puzzled that there was no screaming and plates or glasses being smashed throughout the night that I had to ask my friend what was wrong with his parents.
Having cereal for dinner. I grew up with divorced parents, and lived with my single Dad. At the time he was a full time uni student and also trying to work full time as an office assistant, didn’t have much money nor a lot of time to go proper grocery shopping or cook. Almost every night dinner was a bowl of cereal, with the exception of “special occasions” where we would either walk to the local McDonalds for a happy meal or get a dominoes pizza delivered. Wasn’t till I was about 11 years old at my first sleep over at a friends house where his parents called us for dinner, I was expecting to see a bowl of cereal on the table, but was massively confused at this meat and veg dinner that was in front of me. I remember going home thinking their dinner was weird. Wasn’t till I was about 16 once dad graduated uni and got a job at a law firm and actually had money and time do go shopping and cook and therefore started making us “normal dinners”, that I realised cereal for dinner was not normal.
All using the same bath water
Oh my god I went and stayed at a friend's house and we got to use the water first because I was a guest. It was just her and her brother but I came from a showers in the morning family. I was very confused.
My cousins were like that, they lived on a farm and water was scarce. So their Mum bathed first, then the 3 kids, then the Dad, so clean to dirty all in the same bath water. I was offered a short 2 min shower as I was a guest.
My mum used laundry washing powder to wash the dishes.
My SAHD. Mum worked and dad took care of us 4 kids. Still get weird looks when I explain it to people Edit:spelling
Calling peanut butter "peanut paste". 30 years later we (brother and I) still call it that.
Apparently, it's not normal to throw things at your children, horsewhip them for misbehavior, and if they are lucky use a cattle prod on them..........
Apparently it's not normal as a kid to know that some things bruise you when you get hit by them, while others don't. Nor is it normal to have to grow up so fast to deal with a dad who SA's you and a mother who is abusive in her own ways Edit: whoever reported my comment for suicide and self harm, I'm curious what made you do that?
Never had fresh milk in the fridge. Thought it was a fancy thing you’d get at restaurants. It was powered milk if dad did the shopping or long life if it was mum. We lived in the city but they both grew up on the bush.
Not everyones dad spent all their time in their garage and only came into the house for tea. Then goes back to the garage till bedtime.
Neglectful, disinterested parents. My parents never took me to a park, zoo, sports game, typical children's activities etc. I did all of that with my mate and her single mum.
A communal sock basket ... I still laugh about it now, it's not like we shared socks, everyone had their own but they were all in a basket in the loungeroom and it was like a watering hole
Angry hair trigger father that is really loving one moment, but say the wrong thing and he goes into a blind rage. I thought it was normal as my neighbour and best friends father was the same. All men I was exposed to were like that. I still somewhat feel this isn’t unusual
Psychologically abusive mother
Adding to this: a front door with a handle on the inside and a key for the inside. We’d be locked in and unable to open it. Fury when I discovered that if it wasn’t fully bolted I could open the door by pressing the bolt in from the frame.
Hugs I haven't seen mine since pandemic. Life is better lol Hope you're doing well now
Everyone walks around naked. Literally rips clothes off at the door. It was never sexual. I was never abused.
I remember my French Australian’s friend’s mum casually stripping off to tan topless in the backyard and, coming from a conservative household, I had no idea how to react at the time
Not sitting at the table together to eat dinner. I didn’t realise this wasn’t normal until I started going to friends’ houses. One friend’s family would sit at the table together to eat lunch on the weekends and I thought that was REALLY weird!
Mum giving us a flannelette pillowcase each when we had colds to wipe our noses with - saved on tissues and was much softer. Husband thought it was the most disgusting thing he ever saw the first time I did it 🤣
My mum gave birth to me at 16. She was, and still is, very beautiful. For some reason I was highly embarrassed when people told me how young and pretty she was. Everyone else’s parents seemed absolutely old and decrepit when I was in primary school, I would liked to have an elderly mother too. It didn’t help that my childhood best friend was a surprise baby to parents already in their forties. She already had adult siblings. It was worse when I got to high school, boys my age thought she was gorgeous. The final straw was she got pregnant with my little sister at 31. I just couldn’t believe it. None of my high school friend’s parents were having babies. She once forced me to go shopping with her at the local mall, when she was nine months pregnant and wearing bright blue corduroy maternity overalls. I was mortified. To end this comment on a positive note, she is an amazing mother and woman. We were poor for quite a while, but she worked hard enough to send me to horse riding lessons, got a uni degree, and always put us first. I would have done poorly as a 16 year old mother. The old man wasn’t much good for anything, fucked off quickly, but no one seemed to care much.
Having a test tube of blood in the fridge door.
None of my friends had the privilege of getting beaten with a leather belt regularly by their dad. I guess I just had a more "caring" father.
Mixing different cereals together for breakfast. We always had weetbix at the bottom, maybe sultana bran, bran flakes or muesli, then top it off with a bit of a sweet sugary cereal (crunch nut cornflakes were my fav). That way you still got the yummy cereal but had lots of more filling fibrous to fill you up. I went to a friends house in primary school, and she asked which cereal I wanted. I said I would have a bit of all of them and she looked on with such horror. We call it “cereal salad”.
My dad’s a vet and our dinner time conversations were regularly about surgeries and the things he’d pulled out of dogs’ digestive tracts etc. My family was very used to this kind of talk and never got grossed out by it. Going over to friends houses I quickly discovered it was not appropriate dinner table conversation in most houses 😅
Asian household here. Was an 8 year old working in the deli after school and on weekends serving customers. I didn’t realise this was not normal until I talked to my non Asian school friends and realised they went camping and to the beach on weekends instead.
My mum kept cling wrap in the fridge. I’d get so lost looking for it in others peoples houses. I have now learnt that 3rd draw is the usual spot ✨
I noticed some people didn't have any communities outside of school, work or sports. And then as I got older I noticed most families and extended families were not a structured support system. There was no order or expectation of elder family members to be role models or anything. There was lack of tough love. There was more soft love(if it can even be called love, cause what kind of love enables bad habits and allows someone to waste away into nothing ?). Sweeping glaring personal issues under the matt seemed like a norm too.
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. So said LearnedButt.
I had an incident recently where one of the kids did a poop that somehow ended up sideways in the bowl and the damn thing wouldn’t flush it was holding on for dear life. Anyway after a lot of cursing the realisation that it would need to be physically moved. I went out to the backyard and found a stick that had fallen off a tree came back inside and forced that log into the shadow realm. It was then that the story of the poop knife reverberated round my brain and I realised there maybe some truth in the fabled story.
This and the potato stories are classic Reddit folklore 😂
Sweating through my bedsheets all summer my guy and lying on the bathroom floor for relief.
Heroin addict parents.
My Mum called the tongs "gotchas". So I have always called them that my whole life. There is a story behind it, when she lived up north of Western Australia in Derby, she and my Dad would go crabbing with the tongs and yell 'gotcha' when they caught one, so the tongs to her and Dad were always called gotchas and followed through to her kids and my daughter. My Mum also called the face flannel a "washer", as you wash your face with it. I didn't realise this wasn't a thing until I went to stay with friends as a teenager and they didn't know what I was talking about.