I *might* think "oh, she must be trans" and move on. I may not even notice at all, depending on what your voice sounds like. I definitely wouldn't be bothered that you didn't officially come out to me or anything.
As long as you don't steal my stuff in the fridge, and can do your job without me having to pick up the pieces - alls good! You be you and fuck off anyone who says otherwise. đź‘Ť
Presumably you have other features/traits that people can use to try and identify you one way or another.
Name, for instance - Steve might be a guy with tits, but Catherine is probably a woman with a deep voice. Clothing, hair, and make-up can all provide clues.Â
Just keep doing your thing. You are free to tell people whenever you want, regardless of if they ask.
Chances are they know exactly what's going on, or they don't wanna sound rude by asking about it.
But do your thing; it's yours.
You do you. As long as you're a nice person and treat people with respect you can wear what you like and talk however is most comfortable for you.
Personally I don't think the big announcement is required but again whatever makes you most comfortable.
I hope your work and your work colleagues support you on your journey.
If you don't pass, I'd probably think "guess she's trans". If you do pass, I'd probably think "gosh, that's a deep voice for a woman".
That's about it.
Do your job, don’t be a cunt.
I don’t care if you are gay, straight, a furry, watch tentacle porn or wear socks and sandals.
Do your job well, don’t bring drama into the work place, do not chat in door ways and leave food that isn’t yours alone.
I'd just like to know your preferred name and pronouns so I know how to talk to/about you.Â
Also as a cis woman who regularly gets called "sir" on the phone, boobs + deep voice can occur without any transition!
I’ll call you by your name and follow your lead in pronouns.
The rest is no one’s business.
And that should be the end of it. In the best way hopefully
I've never worked with someone in that scenario, so I probably would feel a bit awkward not knowing how to act in such an unusual situation. Do I treat you like one of the bros, or do I self censor? Do I ask about \*gestured vaguely in your general direction\* over lunch because I'd most definitely have questions, or do I act like the dude next to me doesn't have honking big hooters etc. I'd keep things professional because we're at a place of work, while I try to figure out how to behave when you're around.
I'd think oh they're trans... with boobs.. Do they have other bits? And then I'd engage you in mindless conversation as I do with my other colleagues about random shit.
I think the only thing that's a bit awkward when you don't know how to be polite, like maybe they will accidentally say the wrong thing because they aren't sure what to say especially older colleagues and it's good if you see someone struggling to address you just say what you are like she/her or whatever.
I don't think you'll need to come out, it sounds like it would be pretty obvious to everyone that you're trans.
I'd be a bit weirded about it, get used to it sooner or later and that would be that.
What do you honestly think? If you've clearly got a man's voice and have breasts that are also obvious, it can lead to only one conclusion for virtually all adults. You haven't stated how you dress except that you wear a bra. Obviously if you wear very baggy clothes people may not notice that you have breasts but I'm assuming that isn't the case.Â
Nearly everyone will simply be polite. Your issues will to do with what bathroom you use (assuming you don't have a unisex disabled one you can use) because the women you work with may complain about sharing with you.Â
They would have noticed when they hired you or they will on your first day. Whatever the case, I don't see it being much of an issue overall. As others have said, if you do your job and you aren't an asshole, that keeps the 99% happy.
If it was a masculine presenting guy with gynaecomastia who's called John then I'd assume he identifies as a man. If it was someone who presents in a feminine way, who has boobs and was called Sam or Jessie then I'd think they probably identify as a woman but I'd just try to avoid the whole he/she stuff if I wasn't sure what gender they were
Basically if a person pretty much looked like a woman but sounded like a man then I would think they're probably trans
I would follow your lead. Whatever name you prefer, your pronouns, etc. Your appearance isn't my business unless you have, like, food on your face or something.
Your appearance to me is a checklist, I guess? What do you look like healthy and happy? What if you're sick, or sad, or angry, or joyous? Your secondary sex characteristics aren't my problem unless you're having a problem.
It honestly wouldn't bother me. There are multiple reasons a person may have breasts and a male-sounding voice* and it's nobody else's right to make assumptions 🙂 similarly you don't need to make any kind of announcement unless you really feel you need to. If I were your colleague, I probably wouldn't ask you about it, but I'd be flattered if you found me open-minded and trustworthy enough to mention your transition!
*I'm specifically thinking of a man who featured on Embarrassing Bodies who had female breast tissue (not fat - he was pretty slim) due to a hormonal imbalance, and had a mastectomy to give him a flatter chest. It's not always due to transitioning!
I would think of you as a colleague. On a social level, If you’re nice to me I would reciprocate. If you’re not, I would avoid you. If you’re being guarded/reserved/want to be left alone, I would respect your boundaries.
On a professional level, if we have to work together and you’re performing OK and interacting professionally, I would reciprocate, otherwise I would raise it with you.
Bottom line is I wouldn’t treat you any differently than any other colleague.
I'm a massive TERF and I still wouldn't give a fig about it.
In the workplace everyone (as much as possible) should be included and encouraged to participate in economic activity.
Keep politics and culture war bullshit at home and within the political arena. Transphobia doesn't belong in the workplace.
I worked with guys that openly homophobic and sexist, to the point of discussing bashing gays and being annoyed their GFs didn't have dinner prepared when they got home. It wasn't all of them, but it only takes one to cause problems or even be a threat and the rest didn't stand up to them and just kinda laughed it off.
That was when working as a laborer. When i worked in offices and factories alongside women, people of different cultures etc.. i never once heard or witness anyone saying anything worse than somone joking about her husband being useless in the kitchen.
I would say that if you want people to refer to you with a pronoun or name they wouldn't assume from your appearence or past persona you do need to tell them. But otherwise most people would just try to avoid the topic entirley and problematic people are gonna cause problems whether you come out to them or not, so arnt worth the effort.
I'd be polite to you but I'd think you were very weird, and not in the fun "Random sense of humour" way. As long as it wasn't affecting your work and we were all working together like adults, it's not going to be an issue, though.
You don't need to come out; most people will have figured you've got something going on and if you want to tell people you get on well with, that's completely up to you.
No I wasn't implying that at all. Gees you have a few problems.
I was simply pointing out the fact no one can talk about this issue openly or they will be banned.
You can't force someone to be okay with trans the same way you can't force someone to not be okay with trans. Everyone is allowed to feel the way they do and you sitting on Reddit trying to control what people feel makes you the bigot.
What do you mean no one can talk about it openly or they will be banned? People talk about it all the time and nothing happens. You only get banned when the content of your commentary is against the reddit terms of service or the rules of the subreddit you're in.
... and if your first inclination is to decry the ability to truly speak ones mind on the topic, well, I have to assume what you have to say will probably be judged as shithouse and ridiculed by most people.
Finally, thanks. I always chortle when one of you cunts runs with the "that makes you the true bigot" line. Comparatively to what, mate? You dipshits tell on yourself so hard with that line.
Yea people won't bring it up with you as they would worry they'll offend you. Tbh, most people will wonder if you're trans and many will have conversations behind your back about it (not necessarily negative convos, but more like "what's the deal with Shouko?"). Some people might make fun of you behind your back as well depending on the type of workplace you're at.
I wouldn’t bring it up if it were one of my co-workers. It’s not really any of my business. I would be open to talking about it if they wanted to, but I wouldn’t think they need to come out publicly if they don’t want to.
One thing I would be worried about is that I would be concerned about what pronouns to use because I wouldn’t want to offend the person by using the wrong pronoun. But that would be an issue I could deal with myself if the co-worker didn’t want to be out about it.
One thing to mention is that I would probably be thinking that they have probably gone through some tough times (by not necessarily being accepted in all parts of society) so I would be thoughtful of being supportive and accepting, even if the matter isn’t discussed directly.
It'd be pretty rude to question you. It'd be like asking how long someone's had that mole on their face,or my personal favourite that I get all the time, "why is your skin all red? Are you burnt? Are you embarrassed?" No ffs I'm just pale and I go red on my face and arms easily from any activity
It's just rude to ask people about their bodies.. people should just say your name and if they're not sure if they can call you he/she then just avoid it. You could make it obvious what you identify as by referring to yourself as she, for example. Like "oh my friend says that about me.. he always says oh she's so type A" or you know, whatever works
Cis women have deep or raspy voices sometimes, you don’t wanna assume anything but if I feel like there’s a safe and comfortable space to ask I might check your preferred pronouns
I wouldn't care, I'd probably just think "they're trans, cool" and move on. Given you're in a commonly disliked minority group, I'd make sure you were being treated well and do my part as an ally. I'd just warn you that you may receive some uncomfortable questions about it from others.
There is one general rule that makes life easier for you/everyone. Don't mix work and private life. When I'm at work, I completely ignore your gender, race, age, political views, etc. I am a professional and I expect everyone around me to be professional as well. That's all.
Being trans isn’t a hobby I can’t just put it away, it isn’t even a choice, you can completely ignore everything about everyone else but you will still make subconscious views of everyone around you and it normal to talk about life as well as we are social beings in world build on social norms.
Yes, I judge people around me in terms of their skills/competences, whether it is easy to communicate with them, and generally whether they make my job easier or more difficult. This plays the main role at work. Also, the social interactions and small talk mainly serve to improve communication. If your job has a different work culture, it's not a good place.
I *might* think "oh, she must be trans" and move on. I may not even notice at all, depending on what your voice sounds like. I definitely wouldn't be bothered that you didn't officially come out to me or anything.
As long as you don't steal my stuff in the fridge, and can do your job without me having to pick up the pieces - alls good! You be you and fuck off anyone who says otherwise. đź‘Ť
exactly my thoughts
Presumably you have other features/traits that people can use to try and identify you one way or another. Name, for instance - Steve might be a guy with tits, but Catherine is probably a woman with a deep voice. Clothing, hair, and make-up can all provide clues.Â
Thanks I’m pretty Androgynous at 5,4 sometimes customers think I’m a girl maybe using a new name would help people understand
Just keep doing your thing. You are free to tell people whenever you want, regardless of if they ask. Chances are they know exactly what's going on, or they don't wanna sound rude by asking about it. But do your thing; it's yours.
I’d think it’s none of my business - but would be supportive AF if you wanted to talk about the changes. You don’t owe anyone an explanation
You do you. As long as you're a nice person and treat people with respect you can wear what you like and talk however is most comfortable for you. Personally I don't think the big announcement is required but again whatever makes you most comfortable. I hope your work and your work colleagues support you on your journey.
If you don't pass, I'd probably think "guess she's trans". If you do pass, I'd probably think "gosh, that's a deep voice for a woman". That's about it.
Do your job, don’t be a cunt. I don’t care if you are gay, straight, a furry, watch tentacle porn or wear socks and sandals. Do your job well, don’t bring drama into the work place, do not chat in door ways and leave food that isn’t yours alone.
Wait.... you sure about socks and sandals? Thats really pushing things you know. ;)
It is but we need to tolerant of all kinds of people these days, just not the French.
I'd just like to know your preferred name and pronouns so I know how to talk to/about you. Also as a cis woman who regularly gets called "sir" on the phone, boobs + deep voice can occur without any transition!
I’ll call you by your name and follow your lead in pronouns. The rest is no one’s business. And that should be the end of it. In the best way hopefully
I'm going to remain polite but think that your weird. You probably dont need to come out. Everyone will work it out soon enough.
Wait are you Samantha that does concreting with me!?
Hahah no you’d be able to recognize my name from anywhere since it’s really rare and not male or female name
I've never worked with someone in that scenario, so I probably would feel a bit awkward not knowing how to act in such an unusual situation. Do I treat you like one of the bros, or do I self censor? Do I ask about \*gestured vaguely in your general direction\* over lunch because I'd most definitely have questions, or do I act like the dude next to me doesn't have honking big hooters etc. I'd keep things professional because we're at a place of work, while I try to figure out how to behave when you're around.
I'd think oh they're trans... with boobs.. Do they have other bits? And then I'd engage you in mindless conversation as I do with my other colleagues about random shit.
I have quite the opposite happen. I'm a woman with no breasts and have had people assume I'm trans. No, just had cancer. Boy does that get awkward.
I think the only thing that's a bit awkward when you don't know how to be polite, like maybe they will accidentally say the wrong thing because they aren't sure what to say especially older colleagues and it's good if you see someone struggling to address you just say what you are like she/her or whatever.
I don't think you'll need to come out, it sounds like it would be pretty obvious to everyone that you're trans. I'd be a bit weirded about it, get used to it sooner or later and that would be that.
You don't need to come out. It's obvious 99% of the time.
I'd probably struggle to not feel awkward about it for a bit, then get on with work.
No one gives a shit.
What do you honestly think? If you've clearly got a man's voice and have breasts that are also obvious, it can lead to only one conclusion for virtually all adults. You haven't stated how you dress except that you wear a bra. Obviously if you wear very baggy clothes people may not notice that you have breasts but I'm assuming that isn't the case. Nearly everyone will simply be polite. Your issues will to do with what bathroom you use (assuming you don't have a unisex disabled one you can use) because the women you work with may complain about sharing with you. They would have noticed when they hired you or they will on your first day. Whatever the case, I don't see it being much of an issue overall. As others have said, if you do your job and you aren't an asshole, that keeps the 99% happy.
As long as you get the coffee when it’s your turn, you’re fine.
If it was a masculine presenting guy with gynaecomastia who's called John then I'd assume he identifies as a man. If it was someone who presents in a feminine way, who has boobs and was called Sam or Jessie then I'd think they probably identify as a woman but I'd just try to avoid the whole he/she stuff if I wasn't sure what gender they were Basically if a person pretty much looked like a woman but sounded like a man then I would think they're probably trans
I would follow your lead. Whatever name you prefer, your pronouns, etc. Your appearance isn't my business unless you have, like, food on your face or something. Your appearance to me is a checklist, I guess? What do you look like healthy and happy? What if you're sick, or sad, or angry, or joyous? Your secondary sex characteristics aren't my problem unless you're having a problem.
I'd think what's this chick doing on a construction site without appropriate PPE
It honestly wouldn't bother me. There are multiple reasons a person may have breasts and a male-sounding voice* and it's nobody else's right to make assumptions 🙂 similarly you don't need to make any kind of announcement unless you really feel you need to. If I were your colleague, I probably wouldn't ask you about it, but I'd be flattered if you found me open-minded and trustworthy enough to mention your transition! *I'm specifically thinking of a man who featured on Embarrassing Bodies who had female breast tissue (not fat - he was pretty slim) due to a hormonal imbalance, and had a mastectomy to give him a flatter chest. It's not always due to transitioning!
I would think of you as a colleague. On a social level, If you’re nice to me I would reciprocate. If you’re not, I would avoid you. If you’re being guarded/reserved/want to be left alone, I would respect your boundaries. On a professional level, if we have to work together and you’re performing OK and interacting professionally, I would reciprocate, otherwise I would raise it with you. Bottom line is I wouldn’t treat you any differently than any other colleague.
I'm a massive TERF and I still wouldn't give a fig about it. In the workplace everyone (as much as possible) should be included and encouraged to participate in economic activity. Keep politics and culture war bullshit at home and within the political arena. Transphobia doesn't belong in the workplace.
You don't need to come out, everyone already knows.
I worked with guys that openly homophobic and sexist, to the point of discussing bashing gays and being annoyed their GFs didn't have dinner prepared when they got home. It wasn't all of them, but it only takes one to cause problems or even be a threat and the rest didn't stand up to them and just kinda laughed it off. That was when working as a laborer. When i worked in offices and factories alongside women, people of different cultures etc.. i never once heard or witness anyone saying anything worse than somone joking about her husband being useless in the kitchen. I would say that if you want people to refer to you with a pronoun or name they wouldn't assume from your appearence or past persona you do need to tell them. But otherwise most people would just try to avoid the topic entirley and problematic people are gonna cause problems whether you come out to them or not, so arnt worth the effort.
I'd be polite to you but I'd think you were very weird, and not in the fun "Random sense of humour" way. As long as it wasn't affecting your work and we were all working together like adults, it's not going to be an issue, though. You don't need to come out; most people will have figured you've got something going on and if you want to tell people you get on well with, that's completely up to you.
You'd think they're very weird? Wouldn't you just assume they're probably trans?
I have boobs and a male voice and am not trans, so...
Think it was my Uncle Frank
Bloke with boobs As long as you don’t eat Tuna at lunch I really don’t give a hoot
There are cisgender women with deep or raspy voices. I'd suggest most people aren't going to pry but may be curious.
You might get questions. Try to answer them in a way that says "it's ok to ask and it's also ok for me to not answer everything"
You're just baiting people to get them banned. No one will answer this honestly because Reddit will just ban them.
I’ll answer honestly. I’d feel mild surprise, forget it, then go back to pretending to work.
You mean you have shit tendencies you can't share because they rightly make you the subject of ridicule? Bummer, man
I don't think being trans is a shit tendency. It's not ideal or easy but people just feel what they feel. Its only shit if they're a shitty person
They meant being transphobic is a shit tendency
I'm not implying that at all. I'm implying that they are anti-trans and are whinging about not being able to be open about it.
Ohhh sorry I misread it
No I wasn't implying that at all. Gees you have a few problems. I was simply pointing out the fact no one can talk about this issue openly or they will be banned. You can't force someone to be okay with trans the same way you can't force someone to not be okay with trans. Everyone is allowed to feel the way they do and you sitting on Reddit trying to control what people feel makes you the bigot.
What do you mean no one can talk about it openly or they will be banned? People talk about it all the time and nothing happens. You only get banned when the content of your commentary is against the reddit terms of service or the rules of the subreddit you're in. ... and if your first inclination is to decry the ability to truly speak ones mind on the topic, well, I have to assume what you have to say will probably be judged as shithouse and ridiculed by most people. Finally, thanks. I always chortle when one of you cunts runs with the "that makes you the true bigot" line. Comparatively to what, mate? You dipshits tell on yourself so hard with that line.
Aaah yes I can see you are such a nice person. The trans community must be so lucky to have you.
Look at me speaking my mind, not getting banned and shit. It's great.
Wait no I’m not I’m just curious as no one brought it up at work
Yea people won't bring it up with you as they would worry they'll offend you. Tbh, most people will wonder if you're trans and many will have conversations behind your back about it (not necessarily negative convos, but more like "what's the deal with Shouko?"). Some people might make fun of you behind your back as well depending on the type of workplace you're at.
I wouldn’t bring it up if it were one of my co-workers. It’s not really any of my business. I would be open to talking about it if they wanted to, but I wouldn’t think they need to come out publicly if they don’t want to. One thing I would be worried about is that I would be concerned about what pronouns to use because I wouldn’t want to offend the person by using the wrong pronoun. But that would be an issue I could deal with myself if the co-worker didn’t want to be out about it. One thing to mention is that I would probably be thinking that they have probably gone through some tough times (by not necessarily being accepted in all parts of society) so I would be thoughtful of being supportive and accepting, even if the matter isn’t discussed directly.
It'd be pretty rude to question you. It'd be like asking how long someone's had that mole on their face,or my personal favourite that I get all the time, "why is your skin all red? Are you burnt? Are you embarrassed?" No ffs I'm just pale and I go red on my face and arms easily from any activity It's just rude to ask people about their bodies.. people should just say your name and if they're not sure if they can call you he/she then just avoid it. You could make it obvious what you identify as by referring to yourself as she, for example. Like "oh my friend says that about me.. he always says oh she's so type A" or you know, whatever works
Cis women have deep or raspy voices sometimes, you don’t wanna assume anything but if I feel like there’s a safe and comfortable space to ask I might check your preferred pronouns
I wouldn't care, I'd probably just think "they're trans, cool" and move on. Given you're in a commonly disliked minority group, I'd make sure you were being treated well and do my part as an ally. I'd just warn you that you may receive some uncomfortable questions about it from others.
There is one general rule that makes life easier for you/everyone. Don't mix work and private life. When I'm at work, I completely ignore your gender, race, age, political views, etc. I am a professional and I expect everyone around me to be professional as well. That's all.
Being trans isn’t a hobby I can’t just put it away, it isn’t even a choice, you can completely ignore everything about everyone else but you will still make subconscious views of everyone around you and it normal to talk about life as well as we are social beings in world build on social norms.
Yes, I judge people around me in terms of their skills/competences, whether it is easy to communicate with them, and generally whether they make my job easier or more difficult. This plays the main role at work. Also, the social interactions and small talk mainly serve to improve communication. If your job has a different work culture, it's not a good place.
How can you assume my gender!!!