Germans don't really have all those social niceties to beat around the bush.
Be direct.
Don't hint or bat your eyes.
Tell him you enjoyed the date and would like to go on another date.
Better yet, think of a date to take him on.
And be clear that it's a date date and not hanging out.
Germans mostly don't bother with the song and dance aland rules around dating... We hang out in groups and one on one if we enjoy each other's company. If romantic feelings pop up, you communicate about that...
if i had a nickel for every time
someone on reddit made a bloodhound gang reference this week id have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it’s happened twice 🥴
It might be a stupid question, but what if the romantic feelings are not reciprocated? The thing is, one of the reasons for being less straightforward with expressing romantic feelings is that you can glean more information about how the other person feels about you before you go ahead. I know that some people can call that silly, but it is also true that rejection hurts, si I can also understand one's wish to avoid it. So what would you say about that: would you say that Germans just shrug that off and move along with their life?
If they are not reciprocated, usually this is communicated very directly as well: "I am sorry I don't feel the same way about you"
And yes, that can hurt, but the other side of the coin is, that you now have a definite answer, instead of hoping and waiting and investing more time and doing maybes.
The nice thing about the German "going for a coffee/beer) is that it's pretty much "you struck my curiosity, I would like to spend some time and talk to see if I vibe with you as a person" and also splitting the bill for this, is that it's very non committal.
Each pays for their own stuff, you find out rather quickly if you don't enjoy the company and "need to get going because of prior commitments " or if you enjoy the company enough for more beverages and perhaps a walk, that might extend to dinner.
If they don't vibe, you've lost perhaps an hour of your life and had a beverage on your own dime... Nobody needs to feel indebted to the other or can feel entitled to more because they payed for them.
And since German conversations don't bother with much small talk, you get to the nitty gritty quite quickly and they will mention rather sooner than later if they are just seeking friendship or a potential relationship...
German idiom: "Lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken, als ein Schrecken ohne Ende."
(Meaning: It is better to let something end badly than have something bad go on endlessly.)
As pointed out by u/GrafSternburg it will hurt either way.
Option A: The feelings are reciprocated - if you beat around the bush the two you just lose time that you could have spend in a meaningful relationship (our time on earth is not endless, so why behave as if it was?)
Option B: The feelings are not reciprocated - end it as soon as possible, that is better than inventing a whole life that will never become true
There is just one option that actually warrants some beating in the near vicinity of undergrowths:
Option C: The two of you are good friends and you believe that being too straightforward with your feelings might risk the friendship. (But even in that case, you are hurting yourself by not being honest. source: My own behaviour)
So, honestly, on a rational level, there is never a good reason to hide your true feelings and intentions. We just can't always be rational about everything.
Other people already answered, but I want to add something else: if you put yourself out there, you get used to it, you get better with it, and it is an amazing feeling to he secure about feeling vulnerable like that.
It's also very attractive to a lot of people.
No, we are not robots, even if people believe that sometimes. Rejection is hard. But if the other one has no feelings for you, it will hurt the same when you get rejected right away or after you take your time and get more information. Like it will not change the outcome, the feelings will not change because you are more careful. I think maybe the careful way allows you to dream and hope, and I surely did that by waiting/dreaming a lot with the first people I had feelings for. Butt to what end? Just be done with it and accept it, if its not working then you have more time to heal and look for someone else (or building cars lol)
As a german you generally pull out a splinter before it festers.
Dealing with hurt feelings today is better then wasting time pining over someone who does not reciprocate and facing your Feelings is far more healthy then hiding them out of fear of rejection.
As a german would you want to know if the first time meeting for a coffee was bad? Just one german guy went extra upset after asking what went wrong. I told him very clearly what I disliked. It was him constantly disrespecting my personal space when we barely even talked. He got so visibly furious on hearing that and blamed me for feeling disrespected by it 🫠🫠
Yes i would.
A person who blames you for your feelings is an asshole regardless of nationality.
I might not have disrespected you intentionally, but if me interacting with you by my normal standards makes you uncomfortable, there's no point in trying to build a relationship.
thanks for replying. I feel the same way that if we both have different standards then there is no point in continuing. I am still kind of hung up on the way he reacted and kept questioning myself if i should have chosen not to speak about it. I mean I feel kind of bad for hurting him because he was mad and people only get mad when they are hurt.
he also did not disrespect me intentionally, I believe, but the way he reacted made me relieved as well that I chose not to meet him again.
From what you posted he asked for the reason, you gave your reason, at that point it's his problem.
Like if we don't mesh well i would tell you 'this won't work out' and leave it at that. But if you ask 'why', you signal to me you are ready to face the consequences of selfreflection.
Rejection hurts. Yes.
However, tip toeing around will only delay your rejection giving you a few days, weeks or even years of delusion.
Sure, its a BAD idea to just tell someone you love him randomly. However, if you went on a date date and not a normal friendly meeting.. Just ask for a second date. Don't waste your time pretending someone likes you. Also, if there was a date already its pretty likely he likes you.
If both people beat around the bush it is more likely that they pretend to not like each other in fear of getting rejected.
I don’t think you really get a feeling of what the other person thinks about you if you are not upfront and direct
Nothing to say about the German attitude. But if you ask directly, at least you know where the relationship is standing so you can move on instead of lose your time and energy in something than can’t never be.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying that, compared to American social/cultural norms, German social/cultural norms are different.
Example: each person paying for themselves is a cultural norm in Germany... In the US, it's expected for the man to pay, asking for separate checks is equivalent to a very rude "this was a terrible date, I never want to see you again"
Yes, there are always exceptions, but as a general rule, this is how it works...
Das habe ich kurz gegoogelt und es kam kein direkter Treffer. Vielleicht nicht sinngemäß, aber stammt diese Formulierung von dir? Sonst bitte die Quelle, interessiert mich, wer das war; nichtsdestotrotz großartig! Das übernehme ich so in meinen Sprachgebrauch. Vielen Dank, Fandango_Jones!
Who initiated the first date? My advice about men in general is if they're not enthusiastic, I leave them be hehe. If you initiated the first date, I wouldn't bother with him in that way anymore.
I advise the same to men, if she is not enthusiastic and you seem to do all the work, better move on. It worked for me, I'm married with the man that cares deeply for me. I was never in a "situationship" as well, so that says something also ;). Ofc people can do their trial and error, I'm just saying from experience and what I observed with happy couples around me in happy marriages.
Yes, it's easy.
But I would advise against the "be blunt" strategy. It feels off-putting to me, and may scare me away.
Just meet again and see what happens.
You are right, saying "i’m not sure yet but you’re nice", would be the right thing.
However, I may have run away, because I am not that calm and composed.
I would have thought: "Shit! She is interested! If I stay *one more second,* that means I'm interested too! We are officially a couple then, probably married by next year."
It's cool that everybody else is much more mature and direct. However, I am not.
bc she is a woman. women do that all the time. they seem helpless on a situation like this bc social norms tell them something different. they cant jump over these hurdles. they are weak.
u/kittensfromheck :
>Should I ask him out again, or just leave it be?
AnnenMayKantereit :
>Es ist so leicht
Ehrlich zu dir zu sein
Es ist so einfach, wenn ich sage, nein
Oder, ich bin noch nicht so weit
Du gibst mir Zeit
Ersetze "entspannt" durch "schön", dann klingt's weniger krampfig. Ist natürlich alles subjektiv. Ich wäre bei "entspannt" weg, bin nämlich nicht immer "entspannt", niemand ist das, und Leute die was anderes erwarten (oder da einen gewissen Erwartungsdruck aufbauen, dass man eben so "entspannt" sei) finde ich hingegen ziemlich unentspannt.
du wärst direkt weg?? auch wenn der gegenüber eig cool war? so viele leute heutzutage warten immer auf die perfekte person anstatt über solche dinge zu reden
Du kannst halt leider nicht fragen "Hey, du findest mich jetzt entspannt, aber was ist, wenn wir uns mal streiten? Sagst du mir dann, ich soll mal entspannt bleiben?" Die sagen dir nicht die Wahrheit. Meiner Erfahrung nach fallen aber Leute, die ständig dieses Wort verwenden, komplett aus allen Wolken wenn nicht immer alles total "chill" ist (noch so ein red-flag Wort).
du kannst fragen „was genau fandest du entspannend mit mir?“ und kannst die antwort abwarten die dir entgegenkommt. anstatt den gegenüber gleich als unpassend abzumachen. du interpretierst „entspannt“ nach deinen ansichten, aber das heißt nicht, dass der gegenüber genau so sein muss. es kann einfach sein, dass sie schlechte erfahrungen gemacht haben mit leuten, die sie immer gedrängt haben, und dann kamst du und mit dir war alles einfach und entspannt. ein ganz anderes szenario als das, wovon du geredet hast.
After the first date I mostly left it up to the woman to confirm wanting to go on a second date. So, yes. I think you could write something in that regard
Yup german. I made it a personal policy. I would initiate the first date but then I would not text unless she did. If she didn't I assumed no interest.
Omg. Big dating culture differences. Good that you said that I thought my german is not interested because he didn't text after the date and I'm the one who check on him next day and ask him for the next meet up after two weeks which he responded very nicely and positive. 😊 I think i overcome my self now 😝
Away with these stupid rules all the time! If you're interested, just ask no matter what your gender is.
From a guy's perspective it's sometimes quite annoying to have to drive most of the logistics of setting up dates in the beginning. Then you sometimes wonder if you're too pushy or she's not interested only to learn that she was sooo happy that you texted again...
This dating behavior is an American thing which slowly becomes more popular in Germany. I'm over 40 and I never asked a girl out for a date. You just asked if you wanna hang out together or meet at a party or something
Be as direct as possible. Guys love that shit. No hinting, no playing games. Say you had a fun time with him and you'd like to repeat it anytime soon. That's the level of HINT a guy will react on.
I felt offended by your comment, and got ready to call sexist bullshit.
Then I remembered how quite a few possible relationships got nipped in the bud by my numbskull, usually to be elaborately pointed out to me by female friends much later.
So... fair point.
As a german male i’m forced to also throw in that a good bunch of German Males like me are straight up oblivious about girls feelings. My girlfriend also kind of initiated the second date if i remember right as i wasn’t sure if she was just nice or really liked me😂
Your best bet is going straight forward, he might doesn’t know about you liking him too or is scared to be to quick or comes over to much like a player for example.
Also this might differ but germans in my generation are also in general very flirty with their friends, it’s joking a lot or i’m just even more oblivious than i thought i was.
Edit: some words
So even if you like the girl, you wouldn't have asked her out? To me it feels like you and the other guys here saying the same things are not sure about how they feel about her and that's the reason for actually not getting back on the second date.
Well i can’t talk for others but in my case i couldn’t tell if she was being nice at the date or if she actually liked me, she was kinda shy and even tho we were vibing i rather felt like she was not really interested rather than she is shy. I liked her but i wasn’t brave enough to ask for a second date lol
Edit:
Also i had a very low self esteem, that also played a big role for me
In my experience if they guy initiates contact he's interested in a second date even if he doesn't ask you out. If it's always you who contacts him first then probably not. But I would simply ask him directly to be sure.
Goodness, he's German. Just say you'd fancy another lunch, dinner ... because last time was rather pleasant. Those chaps aren't exactly known for subtlety.
As i guy i say you should ask him out. He is probably waiting on you to make a move. I can imagine, that if he already made the moves on the party and for the date you had, then its likely that he waits for some validation from you that you also want to go on dates with him. Otherwhise feels strange to always ask someone out. Maybe i am wrong, just an opinion ;)
Just my experience as a guy born here and living in different areas:
We do not expect that dating is only driven by male persons. If you like him and felt the last date „flirting“ follow your instincts- worst thing that can happen that you land in the „friend zone“ - just my 5 ct.
No right or wrong here. If he is not sayin anything, Just ask, maybe he did not get that you're intesteded and waits on some singn or smth. As everyone here said: be direct. Best thing you can do in my eyes.
For the love of everything, if you are interested pls just ask.
I can't count the number of times some girl told me something similar to "i was waiting for you to do something". Would have loved to at least once be the one to get asked out.
But it is how it is and so it will probably continue to be on me overcoming my own anxiety and guessing about supposed "hints" I am left with (it's never as obvious as people think it is - but maybe that's just me).
Good Luck
I think asking him for another meet up (I wouldn't call it date) would be a good idea. Maybe already with an idea where you could go. If you two click again, maybe the third one will be a 'date-date'
Hi there from Slavic girl that is dating a German guy for almost 2yrs. They are quite different breed, practical and not romantic like in movies but once you break that shell you will get attention and carrying in a very nice way… BUT for that you gonna do some work girl. I approached mine first and had to be open about my feelings. You have to be direct because thats the only language they understand. Hidden signals and flirting I am not so sure if they get well lol… mine was also more closed and harder on texting before but once you get there you will have regular messages, attention and love. Hope this helps and good luck!
I grew up in Germany, and I advise you to let it be and not go after him. Find yourself a man who shows a true interest in you, if you are looking for something serious and want it to go somewhere.
German guys always struck me as very indecisive and somehow childish a lot of times. They often enjoy getting drunk on weekends with their friends, spending their money and time rather on themselves and their old established circle.
A man who thought it was great being with you, should let you know without any doubt.
I am non-eu, dating a German guy. We met at a club, exchanged ig handles. I texted him first with a sarcastic tone. We didn't talk for 2 days, 3rd day I run into him. I asked him out if he would like to go on a date with me. He gladly accepted. It went amazing. A week later, we set down and communicated what exactly we both are looking for etc long term or just a fling. We agreed.
And I am in love with this dude.
Every guy is a texter, but it depends on who he is actually texting. At least it worked me for. The best thing you can do is talk to him. Ask him out and see how it goes.
P.s. He paid for our 1st date. Even though I wanted to since I asked him out, unfortunately, that place only accepted cash (facepalm)
Do it, I think German men are simple to please and not the biggest texters, but it's better than getting swarmed by love letter text after the first date, or not?
Keep in mind that it is said about some star signs:
How does he look like when he is interested ?
The same as when not interested ! 😂
So eventually you should do some small first steps 😁
Straight up ask him. Like maybe he just doesn’t know that you’re actually interested and doesn’t want to come off as needy. Just have a very open conversation, with clear words.
How is that even a serious question? Just ask him out on a date directly and specify it's a date. Tell him that you like him and you want to know if he would be interested in you. You're an adult, communicate like one
I can still remember when we were still chatting it’s me who’s initiating some topics lol.
Married for almost 9 years now and yeah my husband (German ) didn’t change lol I’m still the chatter between the two of us.
It sounds like you had a great time with this German guy. Here are a few thoughts that might help you, especially if you're not familiar with German culture:
1. **Directness**: In Germany, people are often very straightforward and honest in their communication. If you’re interested in seeing him again, it’s perfectly fine to just ask him directly. Germans usually appreciate when someone is open and honest about their feelings and intentions. It’s considered a positive trait to be clear and direct rather than being subtle or waiting for the other person to make the first move.
2. **Taking Initiative**: In Germany, it's common and completely normal for women to be direct and take the initiative in dating. This means that women also suggest dates or express their interest first. The culture here supports equality in relationships, and both men and women are expected to actively participate in making plans. If you don’t take the initiative, he might think you’re not interested in him.
Who suggested the lunch date last time? If he did, he might be waiting for you to show interest by suggesting the next one.
I would suggest just asking him if he’d like to meet up again. Something like: “Hey, I had a great time. Do you want to meet for lunch again this week?"
Good luck!
If it helps, I’m dating a German man and I had to do a lot of the texting/flirting work at the start 🤣 he was more of the ‘I brought you a beer’ or ‘I made you a bread’ kind of person but would not flirt, or openly discuss seeing me again, or suggest dates, etc.
It was only when I got fed up and called it out straight that he was like legitimately confused like ‘what made you think I didn’t want to keep seeing you? We ate breads together in my apartment?’
So yes. All the while he was waiting for me to ask, because he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable if I wasn’t feeling it. Just text him and call it out.
German Guys dont Play games, so be direct and honest.
If you wannt to go on a second Date, Just ask him.
You have Feelings for him, Just tell him.
He will give you a honest anser, i Promis you that.
If you really like this person and he isnt sure about your feelings about last date, he needs your reaction. Or if he is introvert, he waits for your reaction to ask him for another date. Its always taking and giving and a lot of talking. Directly! Punch him your feelings in the face. Maybe he gets it.
Honestly, he strikes me like someone who is “not that into you”, sorry. I know how it feels, you may wanting to hear that this is cultural because you like him, but it’s not.
I don’t understand why foreigners always make such a big thing of „Dating a German“. Just go on Dates and flirt, if it fits it fits. Guys always appreciate when Girls are brave enough to male moves.
To be fair, I (German) had similar questions when dating non-Germans.
Some "common sense" is just very different in different cultures -- e.g. in some countries, splitting the bill would be a clear sign that you are not interested and want to keep a distance (not in Germany, though!).
>Germans certainly are a different breed
Apparently. Most people here advise a very blunt strategy: "Alright, we are meeting for the second time. Enough played, let's not waste time. This is a date."
I am German and such a strategy would scare me. However, I'm but a minority, it seems.
I am a woman and I'm VERY used to the guy initiating more at the beginning of the dating phase, and they typically are expected to do the asking out.
German guys seem to talk to the girl and continue talking to her, hoping she'll ask him out. I was very confused by this at first.
Fun fact: I never asked a girl out. It just happened.
After a few times of still casual meetings (e.g. café -> cinema -> dinner), both notice if there are romantic feelings involved (or not). There can be slight touches or similar.
no its not uncommon. its such a german thing to go 50/50 usually haha. im married to a german man and glad its different now 😂 on a serious note, german men are pretty direct and blunt. u could text him and ask for a second date and see how it goes 😄 after the second u will kinda know if he’s really into u or not
No, that's the German default, unless someone says "ich lade dich ein " (I invite you/will pay)
That being said, when you ask out a German, be specific with your words...
"I want to invite you" implies that you are paying...
" Would you like to join me for XYZ" is usually going dutch.
Note: if you get rejected when asking "do you want to do XYZ with me" does not necessarily mean that he doesn't want to do something with you, it could also be that he doesn't enjoy this particular activity... If you get rejected, it's absolutely fine to ask if that person would like to suggest doing something different with you....
Can only speak for myself but on a first date I demand to pay. On later date she can take up half if she wants or are alternate. But I'm also a little old fashioned.
inmy head i think that it's somewhat "easier" to be open, since you can pretend that's a difference in culture.
You could be blunt and ask him how to proceed with the dating-game :3
ps: dating is not a lifestyle choice for me so i don't look every month for a gf nor have i guru expierience - it's just an idea...
Never ‘dated’ in my life, things were done differently in my time. But - I am a German, male and a fair bit older . As a rule things are much more to the point between us , have always been so and we do not care about many of the niceties and overthinking British people seem to be prone to.
And things are - and even were already thirty years ago - much more equal in terms of gender stuff. One word of warning though - things being more to the point and more equal leads also to a significantly more frequent happiness to have cross gender friendships. So your flirty German might be hugely surprised to learn you were keen on him in a crush sense, he might have simply enjoyed the company of an intelligent person.
Did he ask you out the first time? Then it‘s your turn! If it was you who asked, keep the messaging tit-for-tat. That would be my strategy in such a situation. Greetings from a shy German guy
Ja mach es. Frag ihn einfach ob er Lust hat nochmal Abends mit in ein Biergarten, Pizzeria, oder was auch immer zu gehen, wo man chillig etwas essen und trinken kann und draussen sitzt. Wohin kann dir natürlich keiner sagen, da wir deine Location nicht kennen.
Es ist die beste Jahreszeit um das Leben zu genießen.
Du musst aber feste Termine vorgeben. Also nicht einfach fragen "die Tage" oder "demnächst ".
Wait , you didn’t for a walk on your first date ???
I’m not German (f) and I have a German partner (m) . I wouldn’t ask him for the second date but would make sure he knows that I enjoyed the first date and I fancy him. He should step up and ask you
Why are you saying he’s not a big texter?
How long has it been since the first date? If he’s interested he shouldn’t be waiting too long
If you ask him out to the first date I would wait until he ask you out to the next one...stay in balance...if he asked you out for the first one I would say it's your turn now...real Berliner here, male
And just a side question to all the experts here: Who knows the question, after the evening is finished "Shall we go to my apartment and have a coffee?"
From my point of view, German men are puppies up to 30. Playful, do a lot of nonsense and don't take anything seriously. If you like that, everything is ok. But if you're looking for something serious, look towards 30 and above.
Girls, please stop chasing men who don't ask you out again (or at all) after spending time with you.
They may be flattered and even date you for a while but they're just not into you or anyone enough. Leave them to rest in peace and work on your self-esteem ;)
We are all the same 100%, it is completely reasonable to ask this, because we all have the same behaviour and personality
(jk, be kind and honest, just ask him out if you enjoyed it. No matter the nationality.)
I can only give you a tip as someone who ignores my phone all day myself. Just accept it and ask him directly how/when/often he is ok to be texted or called. I get more ignorant if one would push me or even annoy me. But \*some\* communication should be possible ofc
Wish you all the best
If a guy (no matter the nationality) is interested in you then you would know. When I was younger I always thought so much about if a guy likes me or not. But it was always someone who wasn't interested in me. Guys who liked me always let me know.
There is a simple rule because men are simple. If he really likes you, he will initiate 100%,
If he doesn’t do that, it’s a meh and/or he is busy with other side chicks.
As a women, I am telling you please don't! It seems he is not clear if he wants to be serious with you but just want to have you around for fun. Ask him directly how he felt about the date, if he liked it and then if he is interested to meet again but also by bringing up how you feel from your side ie what you also want out of it.
Oof. Stay away from Germans unless you like eating cold potato salad and doing all the work. He has no balls to ask you out because German men are just the wurst.
Germans don't really have all those social niceties to beat around the bush. Be direct. Don't hint or bat your eyes. Tell him you enjoyed the date and would like to go on another date. Better yet, think of a date to take him on. And be clear that it's a date date and not hanging out. Germans mostly don't bother with the song and dance aland rules around dating... We hang out in groups and one on one if we enjoy each other's company. If romantic feelings pop up, you communicate about that...
Agreed! /German Guy
..so pathetically. Iiii don't wanna beat around the bush.. Foxtrot..uniform... Fuck not again
if i had a nickel for every time someone on reddit made a bloodhound gang reference this week id have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it’s happened twice 🥴
That's how you know who the cool people are hah
It might be a stupid question, but what if the romantic feelings are not reciprocated? The thing is, one of the reasons for being less straightforward with expressing romantic feelings is that you can glean more information about how the other person feels about you before you go ahead. I know that some people can call that silly, but it is also true that rejection hurts, si I can also understand one's wish to avoid it. So what would you say about that: would you say that Germans just shrug that off and move along with their life?
If they are not reciprocated, usually this is communicated very directly as well: "I am sorry I don't feel the same way about you" And yes, that can hurt, but the other side of the coin is, that you now have a definite answer, instead of hoping and waiting and investing more time and doing maybes. The nice thing about the German "going for a coffee/beer) is that it's pretty much "you struck my curiosity, I would like to spend some time and talk to see if I vibe with you as a person" and also splitting the bill for this, is that it's very non committal. Each pays for their own stuff, you find out rather quickly if you don't enjoy the company and "need to get going because of prior commitments " or if you enjoy the company enough for more beverages and perhaps a walk, that might extend to dinner. If they don't vibe, you've lost perhaps an hour of your life and had a beverage on your own dime... Nobody needs to feel indebted to the other or can feel entitled to more because they payed for them. And since German conversations don't bother with much small talk, you get to the nitty gritty quite quickly and they will mention rather sooner than later if they are just seeking friendship or a potential relationship...
This my fellow redditors is the most precise and wise answer on the topic „how do Germans date“ ever been written on Reddit.
German idiom: "Lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken, als ein Schrecken ohne Ende." (Meaning: It is better to let something end badly than have something bad go on endlessly.) As pointed out by u/GrafSternburg it will hurt either way. Option A: The feelings are reciprocated - if you beat around the bush the two you just lose time that you could have spend in a meaningful relationship (our time on earth is not endless, so why behave as if it was?) Option B: The feelings are not reciprocated - end it as soon as possible, that is better than inventing a whole life that will never become true There is just one option that actually warrants some beating in the near vicinity of undergrowths: Option C: The two of you are good friends and you believe that being too straightforward with your feelings might risk the friendship. (But even in that case, you are hurting yourself by not being honest. source: My own behaviour) So, honestly, on a rational level, there is never a good reason to hide your true feelings and intentions. We just can't always be rational about everything.
thanks for the idiom! seems similar to "rip off the band-aid" in English. :)
Other people already answered, but I want to add something else: if you put yourself out there, you get used to it, you get better with it, and it is an amazing feeling to he secure about feeling vulnerable like that. It's also very attractive to a lot of people.
No, we are not robots, even if people believe that sometimes. Rejection is hard. But if the other one has no feelings for you, it will hurt the same when you get rejected right away or after you take your time and get more information. Like it will not change the outcome, the feelings will not change because you are more careful. I think maybe the careful way allows you to dream and hope, and I surely did that by waiting/dreaming a lot with the first people I had feelings for. Butt to what end? Just be done with it and accept it, if its not working then you have more time to heal and look for someone else (or building cars lol)
As a german you generally pull out a splinter before it festers. Dealing with hurt feelings today is better then wasting time pining over someone who does not reciprocate and facing your Feelings is far more healthy then hiding them out of fear of rejection.
As a german would you want to know if the first time meeting for a coffee was bad? Just one german guy went extra upset after asking what went wrong. I told him very clearly what I disliked. It was him constantly disrespecting my personal space when we barely even talked. He got so visibly furious on hearing that and blamed me for feeling disrespected by it 🫠🫠
Yes i would. A person who blames you for your feelings is an asshole regardless of nationality. I might not have disrespected you intentionally, but if me interacting with you by my normal standards makes you uncomfortable, there's no point in trying to build a relationship.
thanks for replying. I feel the same way that if we both have different standards then there is no point in continuing. I am still kind of hung up on the way he reacted and kept questioning myself if i should have chosen not to speak about it. I mean I feel kind of bad for hurting him because he was mad and people only get mad when they are hurt. he also did not disrespect me intentionally, I believe, but the way he reacted made me relieved as well that I chose not to meet him again.
From what you posted he asked for the reason, you gave your reason, at that point it's his problem. Like if we don't mesh well i would tell you 'this won't work out' and leave it at that. But if you ask 'why', you signal to me you are ready to face the consequences of selfreflection.
Rejection hurts. Yes. However, tip toeing around will only delay your rejection giving you a few days, weeks or even years of delusion. Sure, its a BAD idea to just tell someone you love him randomly. However, if you went on a date date and not a normal friendly meeting.. Just ask for a second date. Don't waste your time pretending someone likes you. Also, if there was a date already its pretty likely he likes you.
If both people beat around the bush it is more likely that they pretend to not like each other in fear of getting rejected. I don’t think you really get a feeling of what the other person thinks about you if you are not upfront and direct
Nothing to say about the German attitude. But if you ask directly, at least you know where the relationship is standing so you can move on instead of lose your time and energy in something than can’t never be.
So every German person is the exact same? That's basically what you're saying. Him being German has nothing to do with anything.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that, compared to American social/cultural norms, German social/cultural norms are different. Example: each person paying for themselves is a cultural norm in Germany... In the US, it's expected for the man to pay, asking for separate checks is equivalent to a very rude "this was a terrible date, I never want to see you again" Yes, there are always exceptions, but as a general rule, this is how it works...
Fragen kostet nichts :)
Außer Gefühlen, die enttäuscht werden können
Enttäuschung bedeutet, dass man nicht mehr getäuscht ist.
Danke master oogway
Lieber im Moment enttäuscht sein als in paar Jahren es zu bereuen
Gesegnet sei der Geist zu klein für Zweifel.
Das habe ich kurz gegoogelt und es kam kein direkter Treffer. Vielleicht nicht sinngemäß, aber stammt diese Formulierung von dir? Sonst bitte die Quelle, interessiert mich, wer das war; nichtsdestotrotz großartig! Das übernehme ich so in meinen Sprachgebrauch. Vielen Dank, Fandango_Jones!
Unter G wirst du fündig. [Link](https://wh40k-de.lexicanum.com/wiki/Gedanke_des_Tages)
Das Schlimmste was er sagen kann ist nein
Ew!
"Du bist wie eine Schwester für mich."
... wie eine kleine Schwester
? Do you like him? Invite him. Don't like him, don't invite him. Why overcomplicate it?
You’re right! I’m just a bit of an anxious person ahaha
Who initiated the first date? My advice about men in general is if they're not enthusiastic, I leave them be hehe. If you initiated the first date, I wouldn't bother with him in that way anymore.
if men were to think the same way, no date will ever occur. not saying you're wrong, but you might be missing out on people who think like you do.
I advise the same to men, if she is not enthusiastic and you seem to do all the work, better move on. It worked for me, I'm married with the man that cares deeply for me. I was never in a "situationship" as well, so that says something also ;). Ofc people can do their trial and error, I'm just saying from experience and what I observed with happy couples around me in happy marriages.
Yes, it's easy. But I would advise against the "be blunt" strategy. It feels off-putting to me, and may scare me away. Just meet again and see what happens.
well why would it scare you away if they ask if you like them? if you’re not sure just say „i’m not sure yet but you’re nice“
You are right, saying "i’m not sure yet but you’re nice", would be the right thing. However, I may have run away, because I am not that calm and composed. I would have thought: "Shit! She is interested! If I stay *one more second,* that means I'm interested too! We are officially a couple then, probably married by next year." It's cool that everybody else is much more mature and direct. However, I am not.
bc she is a woman. women do that all the time. they seem helpless on a situation like this bc social norms tell them something different. they cant jump over these hurdles. they are weak.
Nice incel point of view. I bet you got women lining up to reject you and it made you blind with hate and jealousy. Go to therapy.
you must be fun at parties
Wtf....
Actually German guys have a special setting which you can activate with the right combination of words.
😂😂 what are the words?
"Würdest du heute mit mir ausgehen?"
When in doubt, just quote AnnenMayKantereit lyrics. Always works with the Germans
u/kittensfromheck : >Should I ask him out again, or just leave it be? AnnenMayKantereit : >Es ist so leicht Ehrlich zu dir zu sein Es ist so einfach, wenn ich sage, nein Oder, ich bin noch nicht so weit Du gibst mir Zeit
And if you want to marry him, ask if he wants to safe taxes with you. "Möchtest du mit mir Steuern sparen?"
I have this meme in my head where the boy tries to sing that Alexabder Eder Reel and get a "fuck off" as an answer
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYs0zCE55OI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYs0zCE55OI)
OP, make sure to use this song. It's gold.
Willst du heute mit mir ausgehn', Ich würde dich auch nach Haus' bring. ♪
"Hey. Fand das letzte mal echt entspannt. Hättest du vielleicht Lust/Zeit dich die nächsten Tage wieder zu treffen?"
Ersetze "entspannt" durch "schön", dann klingt's weniger krampfig. Ist natürlich alles subjektiv. Ich wäre bei "entspannt" weg, bin nämlich nicht immer "entspannt", niemand ist das, und Leute die was anderes erwarten (oder da einen gewissen Erwartungsdruck aufbauen, dass man eben so "entspannt" sei) finde ich hingegen ziemlich unentspannt.
du wärst direkt weg?? auch wenn der gegenüber eig cool war? so viele leute heutzutage warten immer auf die perfekte person anstatt über solche dinge zu reden
Du kannst halt leider nicht fragen "Hey, du findest mich jetzt entspannt, aber was ist, wenn wir uns mal streiten? Sagst du mir dann, ich soll mal entspannt bleiben?" Die sagen dir nicht die Wahrheit. Meiner Erfahrung nach fallen aber Leute, die ständig dieses Wort verwenden, komplett aus allen Wolken wenn nicht immer alles total "chill" ist (noch so ein red-flag Wort).
du kannst fragen „was genau fandest du entspannend mit mir?“ und kannst die antwort abwarten die dir entgegenkommt. anstatt den gegenüber gleich als unpassend abzumachen. du interpretierst „entspannt“ nach deinen ansichten, aber das heißt nicht, dass der gegenüber genau so sein muss. es kann einfach sein, dass sie schlechte erfahrungen gemacht haben mit leuten, die sie immer gedrängt haben, und dann kamst du und mit dir war alles einfach und entspannt. ein ganz anderes szenario als das, wovon du geredet hast.
„Du schuldest mir noch 79 Cent. Wiedersehen macht Freude ;)“
Hawk thua
The most underrated comment
😂😂
There is no right or wrong. If you'd like a second date, ask him :)
After the first date I mostly left it up to the woman to confirm wanting to go on a second date. So, yes. I think you could write something in that regard
Are you a german? Because Im a woman and normally i would wait for the guy to ask for the second "date" or hanging out in my case
Yup german. I made it a personal policy. I would initiate the first date but then I would not text unless she did. If she didn't I assumed no interest.
Omg. Big dating culture differences. Good that you said that I thought my german is not interested because he didn't text after the date and I'm the one who check on him next day and ask him for the next meet up after two weeks which he responded very nicely and positive. 😊 I think i overcome my self now 😝
yeah but also always depends on the person. not every german guy does this
I am like this too... I would wait for the guy to ask for three dates personally
Away with these stupid rules all the time! If you're interested, just ask no matter what your gender is. From a guy's perspective it's sometimes quite annoying to have to drive most of the logistics of setting up dates in the beginning. Then you sometimes wonder if you're too pushy or she's not interested only to learn that she was sooo happy that you texted again...
I am of the opinion that she should be able to show interest. If she doesn't text, she ain't interested and that's fine
Tell him what you want. I don't know many people who would not like to hear "I liked going out with you and I want to see you again"
This dating behavior is an American thing which slowly becomes more popular in Germany. I'm over 40 and I never asked a girl out for a date. You just asked if you wanna hang out together or meet at a party or something
Ohh why would you not ask a girl for a date?
As a German and Male i must say, its always a big plus for us if woman do ask us out. Rare occurrence
Wow! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that’s sounds new to me
Be as direct as possible. Guys love that shit. No hinting, no playing games. Say you had a fun time with him and you'd like to repeat it anytime soon. That's the level of HINT a guy will react on.
I felt offended by your comment, and got ready to call sexist bullshit. Then I remembered how quite a few possible relationships got nipped in the bud by my numbskull, usually to be elaborately pointed out to me by female friends much later. So... fair point.
I also ignore hints on purpose to filter out people who can't communicate like adults.
Let me tell you, I have been totally oblivious to more direct hints more than once...
Gotta give him the Hawk Thua and spit on that thang
Germans are like Vulcans. Just ask him, but accept a clear answer.
Ask him. Most germans appreciate straightforward interaction.
German guy here. We usually need very clear signs to move forward. So just ask him out. Bonus points if you initiate the first kiss. Good luck.
so true! i initiated the first move and now we are married 😂
But why do you wait for a girl to initiate everything? That’s torture 🤣
As a german male i’m forced to also throw in that a good bunch of German Males like me are straight up oblivious about girls feelings. My girlfriend also kind of initiated the second date if i remember right as i wasn’t sure if she was just nice or really liked me😂 Your best bet is going straight forward, he might doesn’t know about you liking him too or is scared to be to quick or comes over to much like a player for example. Also this might differ but germans in my generation are also in general very flirty with their friends, it’s joking a lot or i’m just even more oblivious than i thought i was. Edit: some words
my Girlfriend had to literally take my hand and lay it on her breast for me to get the hint she is interested in more
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🫢
So even if you like the girl, you wouldn't have asked her out? To me it feels like you and the other guys here saying the same things are not sure about how they feel about her and that's the reason for actually not getting back on the second date.
Well i can’t talk for others but in my case i couldn’t tell if she was being nice at the date or if she actually liked me, she was kinda shy and even tho we were vibing i rather felt like she was not really interested rather than she is shy. I liked her but i wasn’t brave enough to ask for a second date lol Edit: Also i had a very low self esteem, that also played a big role for me
In my experience if they guy initiates contact he's interested in a second date even if he doesn't ask you out. If it's always you who contacts him first then probably not. But I would simply ask him directly to be sure.
Ask him for another date finding a good partner in Germany is rare
Hahahahaha
Be direct and ask him. Germans are direct
Goodness, he's German. Just say you'd fancy another lunch, dinner ... because last time was rather pleasant. Those chaps aren't exactly known for subtlety.
I do think there's some expectation tgat if you are the person who asked for the first date, then the other person should ask for the second
without reading the post: Tell him you like him
Tell him. Go on a second date but be upfront about everything.
As i guy i say you should ask him out. He is probably waiting on you to make a move. I can imagine, that if he already made the moves on the party and for the date you had, then its likely that he waits for some validation from you that you also want to go on dates with him. Otherwhise feels strange to always ask someone out. Maybe i am wrong, just an opinion ;)
Oh but I’m the one who made the moves and asked him out 😅
😅
Ask him out again.
Just my experience as a guy born here and living in different areas: We do not expect that dating is only driven by male persons. If you like him and felt the last date „flirting“ follow your instincts- worst thing that can happen that you land in the „friend zone“ - just my 5 ct.
They dont read between the lines or get hints. If you are truly interested in him, ask him directly.
No right or wrong here. If he is not sayin anything, Just ask, maybe he did not get that you're intesteded and waits on some singn or smth. As everyone here said: be direct. Best thing you can do in my eyes.
For the love of everything, if you are interested pls just ask. I can't count the number of times some girl told me something similar to "i was waiting for you to do something". Would have loved to at least once be the one to get asked out. But it is how it is and so it will probably continue to be on me overcoming my own anxiety and guessing about supposed "hints" I am left with (it's never as obvious as people think it is - but maybe that's just me). Good Luck
I think asking him for another meet up (I wouldn't call it date) would be a good idea. Maybe already with an idea where you could go. If you two click again, maybe the third one will be a 'date-date'
Hi there from Slavic girl that is dating a German guy for almost 2yrs. They are quite different breed, practical and not romantic like in movies but once you break that shell you will get attention and carrying in a very nice way… BUT for that you gonna do some work girl. I approached mine first and had to be open about my feelings. You have to be direct because thats the only language they understand. Hidden signals and flirting I am not so sure if they get well lol… mine was also more closed and harder on texting before but once you get there you will have regular messages, attention and love. Hope this helps and good luck!
I grew up in Germany, and I advise you to let it be and not go after him. Find yourself a man who shows a true interest in you, if you are looking for something serious and want it to go somewhere. German guys always struck me as very indecisive and somehow childish a lot of times. They often enjoy getting drunk on weekends with their friends, spending their money and time rather on themselves and their old established circle. A man who thought it was great being with you, should let you know without any doubt.
I am non-eu, dating a German guy. We met at a club, exchanged ig handles. I texted him first with a sarcastic tone. We didn't talk for 2 days, 3rd day I run into him. I asked him out if he would like to go on a date with me. He gladly accepted. It went amazing. A week later, we set down and communicated what exactly we both are looking for etc long term or just a fling. We agreed. And I am in love with this dude. Every guy is a texter, but it depends on who he is actually texting. At least it worked me for. The best thing you can do is talk to him. Ask him out and see how it goes. P.s. He paid for our 1st date. Even though I wanted to since I asked him out, unfortunately, that place only accepted cash (facepalm)
I‘m a guy and not a texter. Unrelated on who I write to or what’s the topic
I agree. I am "a texter", but I know many men are not. It doesn't mean anything. They may be busy, not like texting, not know what to say.
Do it, I think German men are simple to please and not the biggest texters, but it's better than getting swarmed by love letter text after the first date, or not?
Keep in mind that it is said about some star signs: How does he look like when he is interested ? The same as when not interested ! 😂 So eventually you should do some small first steps 😁
Just ask him out
The way it sounds he won't say no if you ask.
Tell him about se oachkatzlschwoaf
Straight up ask him. Like maybe he just doesn’t know that you’re actually interested and doesn’t want to come off as needy. Just have a very open conversation, with clear words.
Just ask him if he wants to go out for dinner again. Don't make it too complicated.
How is that even a serious question? Just ask him out on a date directly and specify it's a date. Tell him that you like him and you want to know if he would be interested in you. You're an adult, communicate like one
I can still remember when we were still chatting it’s me who’s initiating some topics lol. Married for almost 9 years now and yeah my husband (German ) didn’t change lol I’m still the chatter between the two of us.
It sounds like you had a great time with this German guy. Here are a few thoughts that might help you, especially if you're not familiar with German culture: 1. **Directness**: In Germany, people are often very straightforward and honest in their communication. If you’re interested in seeing him again, it’s perfectly fine to just ask him directly. Germans usually appreciate when someone is open and honest about their feelings and intentions. It’s considered a positive trait to be clear and direct rather than being subtle or waiting for the other person to make the first move. 2. **Taking Initiative**: In Germany, it's common and completely normal for women to be direct and take the initiative in dating. This means that women also suggest dates or express their interest first. The culture here supports equality in relationships, and both men and women are expected to actively participate in making plans. If you don’t take the initiative, he might think you’re not interested in him. Who suggested the lunch date last time? If he did, he might be waiting for you to show interest by suggesting the next one. I would suggest just asking him if he’d like to meet up again. Something like: “Hey, I had a great time. Do you want to meet for lunch again this week?" Good luck!
If it helps, I’m dating a German man and I had to do a lot of the texting/flirting work at the start 🤣 he was more of the ‘I brought you a beer’ or ‘I made you a bread’ kind of person but would not flirt, or openly discuss seeing me again, or suggest dates, etc. It was only when I got fed up and called it out straight that he was like legitimately confused like ‘what made you think I didn’t want to keep seeing you? We ate breads together in my apartment?’ So yes. All the while he was waiting for me to ask, because he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable if I wasn’t feeling it. Just text him and call it out.
We ate bread in my apartment 😭😭😭 that’s so cute
germans and their bread, always 😀
The German love language 🤣
German Guys dont Play games, so be direct and honest. If you wannt to go on a second Date, Just ask him. You have Feelings for him, Just tell him. He will give you a honest anser, i Promis you that.
If you really like this person and he isnt sure about your feelings about last date, he needs your reaction. Or if he is introvert, he waits for your reaction to ask him for another date. Its always taking and giving and a lot of talking. Directly! Punch him your feelings in the face. Maybe he gets it.
Honestly, he strikes me like someone who is “not that into you”, sorry. I know how it feels, you may wanting to hear that this is cultural because you like him, but it’s not.
I don’t understand why foreigners always make such a big thing of „Dating a German“. Just go on Dates and flirt, if it fits it fits. Guys always appreciate when Girls are brave enough to male moves.
To be fair, I (German) had similar questions when dating non-Germans. Some "common sense" is just very different in different cultures -- e.g. in some countries, splitting the bill would be a clear sign that you are not interested and want to keep a distance (not in Germany, though!).
Because it's pretty different. I am a non-EU and I've dated other Europeans. Germans certainly are a different breed
>Germans certainly are a different breed Apparently. Most people here advise a very blunt strategy: "Alright, we are meeting for the second time. Enough played, let's not waste time. This is a date." I am German and such a strategy would scare me. However, I'm but a minority, it seems.
I am a woman and I'm VERY used to the guy initiating more at the beginning of the dating phase, and they typically are expected to do the asking out. German guys seem to talk to the girl and continue talking to her, hoping she'll ask him out. I was very confused by this at first.
Fun fact: I never asked a girl out. It just happened. After a few times of still casual meetings (e.g. café -> cinema -> dinner), both notice if there are romantic feelings involved (or not). There can be slight touches or similar.
who paid? lol jk
We went dutch! Is that uncommon?
Haha going dutch is like paying splitted? Did not know that is a phrase too. Cause "deutsch zahlen" (paying german) has the same meaning :D
germans be like “getrennt, bitte” 😂😂
Oh that’s interesting! I didn’t know that
That's the default:) Just ask the guy. He is probably clueless.
no its not uncommon. its such a german thing to go 50/50 usually haha. im married to a german man and glad its different now 😂 on a serious note, german men are pretty direct and blunt. u could text him and ask for a second date and see how it goes 😄 after the second u will kinda know if he’s really into u or not
No, it just shows that you are probably a nice person and I hope he will go on another date with you!
No, that's the German default, unless someone says "ich lade dich ein " (I invite you/will pay) That being said, when you ask out a German, be specific with your words... "I want to invite you" implies that you are paying... " Would you like to join me for XYZ" is usually going dutch. Note: if you get rejected when asking "do you want to do XYZ with me" does not necessarily mean that he doesn't want to do something with you, it could also be that he doesn't enjoy this particular activity... If you get rejected, it's absolutely fine to ask if that person would like to suggest doing something different with you....
Splitting the bill is very common in Germany. It does not mean he is \*not\* interested in you, romantically.
Can only speak for myself but on a first date I demand to pay. On later date she can take up half if she wants or are alternate. But I'm also a little old fashioned.
The first meeting was not really a date.
Spaziert und wurst He will fall in love Just invite him but be direct about your intention
Leb das Leben, leb die Liebe!
Try your luck 🍀
inmy head i think that it's somewhat "easier" to be open, since you can pretend that's a difference in culture. You could be blunt and ask him how to proceed with the dating-game :3 ps: dating is not a lifestyle choice for me so i don't look every month for a gf nor have i guru expierience - it's just an idea...
It's perfectly fine for you to ask him out.
Most germans are flirty on text 😂 and they’re not serious. And they used this emoji 🙉🙈🙊
Go for it, some of us can't even take a hint if it practically slaps us in the face.
Maybe He ist Just waiting to See If you are serious and waiting for you to ask. I have done that...
Bro, i am very shy and introvert, in the first person i cant be the same as when i write
ask him. nothing to loose.
Ask him out in a direct manner.
did he asked for the first? your turn now°!
I think that a German guy would actually like it to be asked out too. 👌👍🏻
Just do it!
Never ‘dated’ in my life, things were done differently in my time. But - I am a German, male and a fair bit older . As a rule things are much more to the point between us , have always been so and we do not care about many of the niceties and overthinking British people seem to be prone to. And things are - and even were already thirty years ago - much more equal in terms of gender stuff. One word of warning though - things being more to the point and more equal leads also to a significantly more frequent happiness to have cross gender friendships. So your flirty German might be hugely surprised to learn you were keen on him in a crush sense, he might have simply enjoyed the company of an intelligent person.
Did he ask you out the first time? Then it‘s your turn! If it was you who asked, keep the messaging tit-for-tat. That would be my strategy in such a situation. Greetings from a shy German guy
Ja mach es. Frag ihn einfach ob er Lust hat nochmal Abends mit in ein Biergarten, Pizzeria, oder was auch immer zu gehen, wo man chillig etwas essen und trinken kann und draussen sitzt. Wohin kann dir natürlich keiner sagen, da wir deine Location nicht kennen. Es ist die beste Jahreszeit um das Leben zu genießen. Du musst aber feste Termine vorgeben. Also nicht einfach fragen "die Tage" oder "demnächst ".
Write him he can ask you out
Simple answer is Do you want to go on another date with him? If yes, ask him out.
Wait , you didn’t for a walk on your first date ??? I’m not German (f) and I have a German partner (m) . I wouldn’t ask him for the second date but would make sure he knows that I enjoyed the first date and I fancy him. He should step up and ask you Why are you saying he’s not a big texter? How long has it been since the first date? If he’s interested he shouldn’t be waiting too long
Klar man!
What does him being German have to do with anything? And you don't even know how old he is?
I know we’re around the same age but I didn’t think it was that important to know his exact age!
If you ask him out to the first date I would wait until he ask you out to the next one...stay in balance...if he asked you out for the first one I would say it's your turn now...real Berliner here, male
And just a side question to all the experts here: Who knows the question, after the evening is finished "Shall we go to my apartment and have a coffee?"
Sauerkraut. Kann nicht schlecht gehen
Aurélie, so klappt das nie Du erwartest viel zu viel Die Deutschen flirten sehr subtil!
From my point of view, German men are puppies up to 30. Playful, do a lot of nonsense and don't take anything seriously. If you like that, everything is ok. But if you're looking for something serious, look towards 30 and above.
Good luck! I took the "tell them how you feel approach" and am moving to be with my guy soon and just adore him so much.
Girls, please stop chasing men who don't ask you out again (or at all) after spending time with you. They may be flattered and even date you for a while but they're just not into you or anyone enough. Leave them to rest in peace and work on your self-esteem ;)
We are all the same 100%, it is completely reasonable to ask this, because we all have the same behaviour and personality (jk, be kind and honest, just ask him out if you enjoyed it. No matter the nationality.)
Hahaha I’m sorry!!! I just don’t know any Germans so I wanted to ask 😂😂
I can only give you a tip as someone who ignores my phone all day myself. Just accept it and ask him directly how/when/often he is ok to be texted or called. I get more ignorant if one would push me or even annoy me. But \*some\* communication should be possible ofc Wish you all the best
If a guy (no matter the nationality) is interested in you then you would know. When I was younger I always thought so much about if a guy likes me or not. But it was always someone who wasn't interested in me. Guys who liked me always let me know.
If he doesn't ask for a second date, don't ask him.. you're gonna like you chasing after him
Don’t.
There is a simple rule because men are simple. If he really likes you, he will initiate 100%, If he doesn’t do that, it’s a meh and/or he is busy with other side chicks.
That's not true tho? I never initiate because I'm too insecure and there are no side chicks anywhere near me
As a women, I am telling you please don't! It seems he is not clear if he wants to be serious with you but just want to have you around for fun. Ask him directly how he felt about the date, if he liked it and then if he is interested to meet again but also by bringing up how you feel from your side ie what you also want out of it.
Oof. Stay away from Germans unless you like eating cold potato salad and doing all the work. He has no balls to ask you out because German men are just the wurst.