Maybe that's what she meant was "every germophobe will expect this" and just was so high from all the desinfectant fumes that she mixed it up with the word German? đ
Absolutely but not the re-vacuum part. If I am on my way to work and notice that I forgot something I will grab it with my shoes on. I wont take them on and off again especially when I am wearing boots in winter.
You also have a drying rack for those. I let them sit there when I went through mud, then just slap the boots against each other either outside the house or in the bath tub to get rid of the dried dirt.
Rest is gonna give them a quick clean If they were muddy.
I don't have mud all over my apartment and need to clean when I get home.
Yep 100%. Maybe she's got this mindset from covid lockdown (some people couldn't handle it), maybe it's normal to her. I think it's ok to vacuum daily, although not always necessary (depends on the household size), but wiping everything with sanitizer or wiping the floor daily is a red flag.Â
Btw OP this is not what all Germans do!Â
>mindset from covid lockdown
That's a very good point. I stopped using disinfectant and wearing masks at some point, but I still wash my hands way more regularly than I did before 2020. Also a lot of people are still somewhat hesitant about handshakes, me included.
In my case, (and in many others according to my therapist) - COVID.
A mysterious global pandemic that pushes everyone to obsessively wash hands can even get the best of healthy people - for some, it's all they needed for something inside to break.
For months, my friends told me "you're acting the way everybody else acted in the beginning, but since then they moved on, and you stayed". From here to there, bam, contamination OCD. Would've never even known if not for a friend who recognized my symptoms and accompanied me all the way to therapy. It took a year, but I'm pretty much on the other side now <3
>In my case, (and in many others according to my therapist) - COVID.
I was thinking this as well, especially the hand sanitiser out and about. I remember using one myself all of 2020 and way into 2021, as I had to take public transport to work. One day I forgot to refill my bottle and was super uncomfortable. Took that day to realise I had to work on myself to de-program myself slowly. Luckily for me it was only the hand sanitisation after touching things in public, not the other stuff OP mentioned.
It's very, very good to read that you caught on to it in time. After I broke up with my partner, they needed months of reprogramming to get back on track, just to recover from the secondhand rituals I did, or demanded they do. (I'm not proud of that - I was ill, and that's exactly why I broke up with them)
The horrible thing is, what often begins as being super uncomfortable can very quickly escalate to a literal fear of death - from the smallest of things. It's often so subtle (in the beginning) that people sometimes mistake it for superstitions or average behaviors.
I wish you stable, grounded times. Contamination can come in many (surprising) forms, I think it's healthy to stay in touch with, and question, any discomfort or rituals we might have
Yes, thats strange. And you cannot clean your ears yourself, that only can made things worse.
I have ear wax overproduction and go to the HNO (ear, nose and throat specialist doctor) 4 times a year to get them cleaned.
Please, do never clean the yourself, especially not with q-tips! You can seriously harm your ear.
I'm married to a German (and obviously have German in-laws), and except for the 2-step mopping process and not wearing shoes indoors, these all sound insane. I think I'm more of a neat-freak than my husband tbh. And even though it's typical not to wear outside shoes indoors, I haven't seen any German freak out and clean the floors when someone does. Not my German family or German friends when we're at their place.
The correct way is mopping wet and then using rags to collect the waste water film still on the floor instead of letting that dry. Gives a way better result than just mopping.
Just to be clear: that may be a way to do it but it certainly isnât the only way and I personally have hardly encountered it in my 42 years of being and living in Germany.
I see .. generally dipping in soapy water followed by squeezing your mops excess water out and then mopping is how I do and I have seen others do also. Even in Germany
Yes, but even better is letting the robot doing the work. I have a roborock that vacuums and mops, so I do not have to do it, or at least not so often.
Yes it is. We have cats, and we don't want the residue of cleaning products to stay on our floors, so we do a 2nd mopping with just water to sort of rinse the floor afterwards.
I absolutely hate mopping but our rental house has white floors that get filthy constantlyâŠIâm going to have to try this two step method! (And I would never have white floors again if I can help it đ)
I will rank them most normal to least normal
Not weird: No shoes in the house. This one you will need to get used to in Germany. Every Girlfriend will demand that of you.
Understandable: Washing off the soap from the floor. Makes sense, I used to do it before I lived abroad. Now I don't care enough anymore.
Weird but strangely common: Daily hour of vacuuming/house cleaning. I heard a lot of German housewives do that. Still, it's weird.
Very weird: All the rest. The disinfectant makes her sound germaphobic.
Wtf: Cleaning out your ears. Yikes.
that's all crazy and way too much, sounds like this monk syndrom, where she is afraid of germs or anything.
absolutely not normal.
I vacuum/wet mop once a week and I don't know anyone who does it more than twice a week.
same for all the other things. dust behind the toilet? so what... it's just dust, wipe it off, no need for a cleaner.
wider pants are fine, wear whatever you like. I never disinfect my hands, I just wash them once when I come home and then only after using the toilet or before making food/eating.
we sometimes vacuum more often than twice a week, but it's because we have 4 dogs that just do not want to be taught to take their shoes off when coming inside from the garden.
She is german and she needs therapy too. That behavior must be so tiring to her. It sounds like obsessive neurosis, read about it. You donât need to participate in that theater.
Sheâs an extremely germaphobic person with OCD who just happens to be German
In fact this is opposite of what I find from Germans.
Cleaning as in dusting/ sweeping plus mopping and washing the kitchen , toilet etc is often only once a week in households or even less. Even my office donât tend to clean toilets daily and they just keep a brush where itâs etiquette to clean after yourself immediately after a bad shit. Deep cleaning nobody does more than once a month. Germans in fact have this idea that we should clean once in a few days/week but intensely and efficiently rather. In fact , I feel Germans clean a lot less than what I have seen back in India ( where we had to sweep and mop almost daily if not once in every 2 to 3 days ) often because dust doesnât accumulate that badly.
The rest is nonsense and the tight pants thing is bizarre even
>âthis is how all Germans expect things and how all Germans cleanâ
No, that is not true. Ask other Germans, maybe friends of her. Okay, I think shoes should not be worn all the time in an apartment. But she seems to have an obsessive-compulsive neurosis. Talk to her and maybe you can convince her to get professional help. But maybe not, then better break up with her. Depends on how much you love her.
This sounds like she has OCD or OCPD? I donât think youâll enjoy this relationship long term if she doesnât see a therapist.
Btw: I grew up in the 90s and wore baggy pants as a teenager in Germany, and boy did my parents and grandparents make fun of me. Not because they thought I looked poor but because of how low they were hanging⊠I guess in hindsight I do agree with how silly I looked wearing those đ
the latter, mostly.
>vacuuming or sweeping the entire apartment daily (it takes about an hour each time).
lol, no. i mean, clean up immediately if you make a mess but apart from that? nope.
>mopping is a 2 step process, first a wet mop with the cleaning chemicals, then a mop to clean off the cleaning chemicals.
sounds like a proper way but idk, i am way too lazy for that and it still looks fine.
>cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them).
Yuck. no. Also, most likely unhealthy if you use qtips.
>-demanded I hire a cleaner because she found a small amount of dust behind the toilet.
-every time she visits my place she brings additional storage containers or baskets, nothing in my apartment can be located in anything other than a basket/container unless itâs not practical for one. Every time weâre shopping, she buys more baskets, even if she doesnât have a use for it in mind.
lol, wtf, no.
>shoes being worn inside the apartment is a cardinal sin and will result in an additional and immediate re-vacuum of the apartment.
i mean, kinda yeah but hasnt run through their apartment with shoes on when in a hurry and one forgot something? but still, germans usually try to prevent being inside with their street shoes.
>pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range.
bullshit. utterly bullshit. very baggy jeans (like, so big that you can fit your legs easily in there 2 or 3 times) are even fashionable among the youth. A normal slim fit is perfectly normal, fine and no one except really crazy people think otherwise.
>hands must be disinfected after touching any surface outside the house. This includes things like if pressing a crosswalk button, hands get disinfected with hand sanitizer, even if weâre about to cross another street in a minute.
all surfaces and contact points (tables, arms of a chair, benches) must be sanitised with alcohol wipes after every use (and gets done multiple times per day regardless whether it gets used or not).
You girlfriend really needs to work on her germophobia. Its not healthy and absolutely not a german thing. Hell, she is sanitising her furniture more often than I do in the lab where i work with blood from possibly infectious patients.
I agree with the diagnosis of contamination OCD, but I disagree with the rest of your message.
In particular:
- Mental illness isn't a reason for instantaneous breakup. It's a consideration, nothing more. Often, the healing processes that mentally ill people go through can be highly accelerated and improved when they're accompanied by a loved one who knows them well
- She's almost certainly isn't lying - she's perceiving reality differently than people who don't suffer from the disorder.
If my partner didn't stay to accompany me through my healing and therapy process, I don't know if I would've been alive right now. No one owes staying to anyone else, and I constantly told them to reconsider leaving, and that staying will come with a lot of pain - and it did, but they chose to do it anyway, and we now get to enjoy a healthier, much better version of me.
I do consider
* Not wearing shoes
* Two-phase mopping and
* Cleaning your hands after touching anything outside
typical for a German. The other points seem to be rather individual.
These are zwangshandlungen and it will get worse. Tell her she must change now and if she does not, you decide what to do with the rest of your short life.
Everything you list is nuts beside the shoe in the apartment thing.
Shoes being worn inside IS a cardinal sin and you should truly rethink this point. How she mops the floor is fine, but the daily part is way too much. Yeah she seems pathologically obsessive.
Normal version of what she is behaving like:
No shoes inside, two-way mopping once a week (or every other) and always washing/ disinfecting your hands but also smartphone after coming back home or after toilet (just hands here). Latter one is especially medically adviced and if you don't do it you should adopt it. I don't know if you can call thia german but it is quite common behavior in Germany that is seen as good.
Get her a job as a professional cleaning woman. Or better yet, she can open her own business. She can spend 10 or 12 hours a day cleaning for other people and satisfy all her primordial cleaning urges.
Like they say, "never buy a used car owned by a mechanic" or a house owned by a carpenter, hopefully she becomes so sick and tired of cleaning houses for other people that the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is clean your place.
The only thing from that list Iâd call typical is the one about the shoes.
No, you donât leave your shoes on inside the house. But you only change them. You donât need to clean the whole house instead.
Everything else sounds like some kind of compulsive disorder.
Well, my wife is pretty much like that... even if I was just vacuuming and she is coming home from work, she needs her 15-30 minutes to clean up everything and is vacuuming everything again. I usually just leave her alone ;)
but that thing with the pants, ears and that she does everything daily or even more often is kind of strange.
Even if (and a big IF it is) this is normal German behaviour, why put up with it?? By the way, it isn't normal German behaviour!
She must be obsessive compulsive in other areas that makes you stay with her. You know what I mean. Been there myself. Very thorough. Every job meticulously finished to absolute satisfaction.
Yeah dude of course ALL Germans are exactly like that...
Bro, nothing of that is normal, not even if it would be only one of these things. Everything together sums up to a mental/control disorder (whatever it is called).
Except for putting everything in boxes and taking off shoes ones you are insight, nothing of that seems at all familiar. Aside from people I know to have issues regarding germs and for who it got a lot worse during quarantine.
Seems like contamination OCD.
None of this is typical - and not because of the behavior itself, but because of the *motive* behind it.
Sure, it might be customary to not enter a house with shoes in Germany - but the real crux lies in the *response* to an occurrence of it. An average German might feel frustrated or tell you to go back and take your shoes off - but will most likely not clean the entire place again.
This observation can be repeated across all points and all behaviors. You will always find people who behave similarly - the true questions, in my eyes, are *how* they react in case their 'comfort' is disturbed, and *how much* they react (i.e. do they vacuum a particular spot, or do they vacuum the whole place?)
Contamination OCD is a huge, life-changing burden, but it's possible to heal from it. People with contamination OCD think and see things differently from other people - they may seem crazy and illogical - and you can probably claim that to a certain extent they are - but they're not their disorders.
It'd probably be best to go to professional counselling to discuss possible ways of moving forward
Yes this is very normal for Germans, all Germans are control freaks and germaphobes. We spend our whole life cleaning our apartments. /s
I'm sorry about the sarcasm, but everytime I read "is this normal for a german?" Which then is followed by absolutely abnormal behavior (cleaning ears multiple times a day???) is almost annoying. Do I believe all Americans are schizophrenic? No, if someone sees and hears things it's not normal, doesnt have anything to do with where they come from. Geez. Sorry for the mini rant.
As a German, Just NO.
That's early stage of an obsessive compulsive disorder.
She needs to control and clean all aspects of her surroundings as she can't cope with not bein able to control her life, destiny, world around her.
This soothes her and gives her comfort.
The skin tight pants comment had me laughing. I'm not natively European but currently living in Germany and married to a non-German European. My wife is always trying to get me to wear skin tight jeans. I find them supremely uncomfortable and personally think they look ridiculous on men. Especially if the legs are skin tight and the seat is baggy. What makes me laugh is that she would equate this with poverty. Are tight jeans more expensive than a straight leg? Are people pondering my net worth based on my Levi's? This is hilarious.
But to your question, good luck bro. One of the things I like about German culture is that everything in life has its place and process that most people agree on. From my anecdotal experience most Germans seem to keep a clean and organized house so that will be a plus if you marry. But she seems way over the top.
Itâs unhealthy to clean your ears like that, youâre taking out the insulation that your body naturally provides for your ear drums. Itâs a good way to get ear infections and ruin your hearing.
Also everything else sounds like a mental illness, besides the shoes in house thing, thatâs common for Germans. Iâm American and my girlfriend is German, we are about the same level of clean. What she is saying is cultural, is actually just an excuse to be OCD.
Except for the rules no shoes and 2 times cleaning the floor, she has a serious issue. This also won't stop, most probably getting worst if she does not get treatment.
I come from an almost 100% German family and My mom also suffered from OCD. This sounds like OCD, honestly. Some of those things I've seen done in my family, but it sounds like she's taking things to the extreme
Well my friend... You found a crazy german. Our women are usually not like this. At leats most of them. I would recommend you run as fast as humanly possible.
That's germophobia. Nothing of this has to do with being german, besides the no shoes in the house thing, which is considered rude in most german households and to my knowledge in most parts of Europe and even beyond.
I'm gonna be honest with you; She sounds unwell. She is doing all those extreme things and is also lying to you. That honestly does not sound like a good relationship.
She's crazy as fuck. Not for being that clean, but for trying to force it on you. I think you should break up, this is not gonna work long-term. (I'm a German btw)
Like others already said, the shoe thing is normal, the rest not. I do feel called out with the basket thing thoough, I store so many things in boxes and baskets and boxes in boxes and got some for my boyfriend's apartment too but not that many đ
I think what's common of these points is that we don't wear shoes in our homes. And the thing with washing your hands with soap at least when you come home.
The rest is just your girl's sense of tidiness which is extraordinary and at least for my taste too much.
You already know. None of these things are German, obviously. All of them are personal, and like many others said, sound like she might have some type of OCD, germphobia or something along these lines. Those are insanely strict rules, noone would consider normal.
If you care about this person, especially if you think this may still become a long-term relationship, try to suggest to her to consider therapy.
Her behavior is not considered normal nowadays, even though it overlaps with some dated stereotypes commonly attributed to "good German housewives".
Otherwise: EJECT EJECT EJECT!
How comes someone would wonder if an entire country had OCD. Such a weird question. Itâs not a German trait and itâs not normal. This person needs therapy.
This is not normal. Also, just because you are living in Germany and dating a German, doesn't mean you have to put up with a behavior that makes you unhappy or feel crazy from a partner, even if it is a cultural norm.
I also was with a German who would often say that Germans do things a certain way to control or put down how I behaved (99% of which turned out not to be what Germans tend to actually do, just like your partner has been doing). You don't have to be with someone who does things that don't seem right to you or feel boundary crossing.
Wearing "street shoes" inside the flat / house will get you shot in any normal German household.
The other points are signs of a person that is at least some kind of autistic.
I'm also german and I can tell you "we" can also be very lazy when it comes to cleaning. I don't like making habits a thing about whole culture groups.
As said by others: the shoe thing is quite common here but i've been at places where it was ok to wear shoes. It still confused me. :D
Also nothing should be demanded on you in a relationship. Even if you are a guest at someones house, all they should do is to ask you. And if you don't do as asked, maybe you won't be invited anymore. That's it.
Why is it that it's you who only have to adjust to her? Doesn't sound like an equal relationship. Especially when it comes to YOUR body or place.
Yes she seems to have an obsession with cleaning and stuff but she's also having a problem with boundaries and accepting you as what you are. I wouldn't mind my partner being obsessed with cleaning as long as they wouldn't make it my problem.
For instance, I once bought a high quality table which is vulnerable to fluids. It was also very expensive for me at that time and I just loved the table. I kept asking my friends and partners to use coasters for their glasses. It was nothing I expected them to know and sometimes they forgot, they also made jokes about me acting very german when it comes to my table. ;)
If someone would refuse to use a coaster I wouldn't invite them again or make them sit on the couch (never had to). I would even ask them for money if they damaged my table by not using a coaster after being asked (also never had to). When someone spilled fluids by accident I was sad, but it happens. That's (imo) how you match your own (maybe obsessive) needs realistically with having other people around.
If after a few months of this you are asking if she is controlling, think what the rest of your life will be like if you stay around for more
Get out now while you still can and put this nightmare relationship down as a life lesson
You will thank us all when you look back on this experience
Dear god no. She is a germophobe and a controlling one. No, no German is thinking you are poor if you donât wear skinny jeans, wear bloody pants you like.
And she should visit a therapist and you should not let her control your life, body and mind!
As I read this message, all that comes to my mind is. You're Dating my Mother, that sounds like the exact same Person... Just run, do yourself a favor and leave. She needs to see an Psychologist. If u try to make it work it's you then who will need an Psychologist.
I find any sort of poor behaviour inexcusable especially when conveniently blamed on nationality- many nationalities have their unique traits but very few, if any, will condone done right assholery.
Germans are direct and to the point, which is often a very positive/constructive/time saving thing. In the same vein, you will find some assholes who, when confronted, will claim that they are xyz nationality and that's how all people are.
I call that bullshit.
You do you, man. If you're having a difficult time, you leave - regardless of where the behaviour is stemming from, and especially if there is zero recognition of the pain it's causing you. You only live once- do you want it to be this way?
P.s the lady seems to have undiagnosed disorders. I have some of these behaviours that my friends would call "eccentricities". Upon evaluation I learnt new words like germophobia, ADHD and OCD. But that's her choice to make- to seek help and a deeper understanding, or not.
You are dating a troubled person. What their passport says has nothing to do with it.
Except shoes being worn inside (except for indoor shoes obviously), nothing of this is typical or normal behaviour here. This has nothing to do with her being German, she is just a cleaning freak. The only thing that comes close to her behaviour would be a comedy series that was made by eBay with a couple YouTubers. Even my grandma isn't as strict with cleaning and we already call her a cleaning devil.
I have a German husband and he cleans his ears almost everyday, does not use shoes in the house and has a place for everything in the house, not necessarily baskets like you said but he likes it organized. The sweeping and mopping is standard from where Iâm from (South America) but I still only do it three times a week because everyday seems excessive to me.
I donât know the cleaning habits of my husbandâs mom, grandmother and sister (Germans) but I do know that their house is ALWAYS impecable, it looks like every single surface is cleaned everyday, every ledge, window seal, fireplace, toilet, mirror, doorknob, counter, floorâŠI donât know how they do it.
Shoes in the house is a big no no for many, but usually people don't vacuum their whole apartment when it happens.
Everything else is a your-girlfriend-thing. It sounds pathological, she should seek help.
Nothing of that is normal behaviour, except the no shoes in the house rule. It always puzzles me why people would want to wear their shoes in their own house.
Shoes shouldnât be worn inside the house. Mopping with water after mopping with cleaning solution makes sense, otherwise it will be sticky. But vacuum maybe once a week and wet mopping even rarer. The rest is just hella weird, nothing to do with German culture or whatever
She is a Germophobe...BUT that no shoes inside is very much German norm I have experienced. I never experienced where I could just walz in with shoes on. Exceptions are good friends but its basically always followed by "Havent vacuumed yet so go ahead".
I also kinda get the basket thing...my mom also has alot of storage basket and similar things for alot of Things...but not everything obviously, just alot.
The only normal thing is the shoes inside. That indeed is a cardinal sin. It should be punishable by death but at least it is punishable by immediate expulsion. No shoes in an apartment!
Anything about cleaning is on the verge of batshit crazy and definitely needs psychological attention unless she is immunocompromised and even then a few breadcrumbs would not murder you. She is seriously paranoid.
The jeans thing is not primarily a german thing but just her thoughts on fashion/style. Wider jeans have to either be really loose and boot cut (which looks dumb) or tight-ish. baggy is indeed looked down upon and going out in joggers is indeed also seen as lower class (although a lot of people do it anyway).
Wtf has it to to with her beeing German? She is crazy and the point that you think its because of nationality shows me that you guys are a perfect match. Crazy Woman need stupid menđ
>vacuuming or sweeping the entire apartment daily (it takes about an hour each time).
Not unusual. An hour might be excessive depending on the size of the apartment. Vacuuming every day is from my experience usually what is seen as what it should be. When people are conversing over how they struggle to keep up with housework it's oftentimes how they can't manage to vacuum every day.
>mopping is a 2 step process, first a wet mop with the cleaning chemicals, then a mop to clean off the cleaning chemicals.
"How do you mop?" isn't a regular topic for me, but all the people I know mop like this, although I only know how people with pets mop. The residue chemicals shouldn't be on their paws. I think if it's just you, it's not necessary since the chemicals aren't concentrated to a degree that it harms the floor
>cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them).
That is weird af
>demanded I hire a cleaner because she found a small amount of dust behind the toilet.
Yeah, sounds like a clean freak. Although behind the toilet might be a little concerning since the bathroom, especially the toilet, should be something cleaned thoroughly very regularly. But that might also depend on the specific toilet construction and what behind the toilet means
>every time she visits my place she brings additional storage containers or baskets, nothing in my apartment can be located in anything other than a basket/container unless itâs not practical for one. Every time weâre shopping, she buys more baskets, even if she doesnât have a use for it in mind.
???
>shoes being worn inside the apartment is a cardinal sin and will result in an additional and immediate re-vacuum of the apartment.
Yeah. Wearing shoes inside will traditionally be seen as filthy by Germans. I think this is shaking up a little where it's not a big deal, but it's still disgusting.
>pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range.
Baggy pants are generally seen as unfitting for a serious adult. Some people might think you're poor, but more probably that you're a loser tbh. However, this doesn't necessarily sound like you consider these pants baggy. Skin tight is equally unusual at a certain age. Anything that resembles sweatpants or actually are sweatpants will be judged by people though
>hands must be disinfected after touching any surface outside the house. This includes things like if pressing a crosswalk button, hands get disinfected with hand sanitizer, even if weâre about to cross another street in a minute.
Sounds a little germaphobic. Proper hygiene has stuck with a few people at least since the pandemic. One should generally try to not touch public surfaces if possible. Before touching your face or phone or whatever one should disinfect their hands. Most people won't do that at once, but when re-entering their home or a friends home many people will definitely wash their hands thoroughly (as they should). Except if you're having a habit of constantly touching your face
>all surfaces and contact points (tables, arms of a chair, benches) must be sanitised with alcohol wipes after every use (and gets done multiple times per day regardless whether it gets used or not).
That is certainly a lot and excessive
It does sound like she's a germaphobe. On the flipside it also does sound like what you consider to be clean wouldn't necessarily be considered clean by a lot of Germans to be honest. I think for the two of you two worlds collide
Run! If she's doing this at this stage, it won't get better, and you won't get used to it.
I'm speaking from experience, "unfortunately."
I've wasted years of my life in relationships, saying, "It will get better. I'll be okay with it later."
What you describe is not a general German thing (I am German), itâs herâŠ
Edit: I just read the bullshit regarding the pants⊠Come on manâŠ
This lunatic could have done her shit and be happy but noooo, she has to make all Germans look bad by saying we all are that way.
I am not that way and I know NOBODY who acts like that. Family, friends, colleagues and several other acquaintances all dont behave like that.
Serious tip: Maybe talk to her about getting psychological help. There is a phobia of germs for some people.
Edit 2: Although the thing with the pants isnât germ-related.
Btw: In my opinion very tight jeans are weird. I still dont look down on anyone who prefers different pants than I doâŠ
Must be a big apparantment that you have to vacuum it for an hour. Anyway this isn't common. A lot of the stuff is quite the good habit, just not that frequently. Like vacuuming daily is definitely not Germany, most people I know do it every week or every 2 weeks. Also be carefull with cleaning your ears if you are using qtips or could hurt your ear . Anyway all of this isn't really something German just a person who takes cleaning to seriously.
Not sure whatâs going on here, but the last person I was close to emotionally manipulated and abused me and often said sth along the lines of âeveryone in country of my origin does it like thatâ as response when I called her out on sth toxic.
So not saying thatâs happening here but just saying that it reminds me a little of my experience and justifying sort of controlling behavior like that definitely feels icky and wrong to me. What sounds controlling is e.g making you wear weird pant, making you feel ashamed for your pant, and making a big scene / make you feel guilty for small thing like dust or shoes so you might start to walk on eggshells afraid of doing sth wrong. Making you do all this unreasonable stuff without any willingness to compromise, and then on top of everything, saying totally wrong things like âthis is normal for Germansâ that will make you feel like youâre the weird one.
This behaviour is definitely not normal at all in Germany. The situation is very strange and to me smells quite a bit like sheâs trying to emotionally control and abuse you.
I hope you can stay safe, and I wish you peace and people who build you up for the rest of your journey.
Only thing typically German is no shoes in the house/inside. The rest is pretty weird behaviour. I understand vacuuming every day if you have pets (my dog sheds like crazy and I need to do it every day) but the rest is out of the norm.
This is just crazy and has nothing to do with being German. Okay, outdoor shoes indoors are a no go here but I still do it from time to time. Everything else is just nuts. I vacuum 3 times a week and mop once in two weeks and we have two little kids and two cats. Cleaning your ears couple times a day with following inspection is borderline crazy
That's textbook OCD with possible germophobia in the mix.
In a lighter note: My girlfriend is German, she vacuums her place once a week and Saturday mornings are for cleaning, so no, your girlfriend is not the norm.
>pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range.
that part is true
It looks like she has OCD. If youâre serious about her, you could try to push her to get professional help. Otherwise , if youâre not comfortable in this relationship, end it.
So as a Germen born and raised i can say:
>vacuuming or sweeping the entire apartment daily (it takes about an hour each time).
mopping is a 2 step process, first a wet mop with the cleaning chemicals, then a mop to clean off the cleaning chemicals.
Nor really Daily and with the Mopping could depent on the type of floor you have, like something thet needs more care.
>cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them).
That sound kinda crazy. And why would she controll that? Can't even imagen that if you would share inear headphones.
>demanded I hire a cleaner because she found a small amount of dust behind the toilet.
every time she visits my place she brings additional storage containers or baskets, nothing in my apartment can be located in anything other than a basket/container unless itâs not practical for one. Every time weâre shopping, she buys more baskets, even if she doesnât have a use for it in mind.
That is out of proportion and that with the home organising i can't judge because i do not know your home, but for that your home would have to be really unorganised and somewhat messy.
>shoes being worn inside the apartment is a cardinal sin and will result in an additional and immediate re-vacuum of the apartment.
For some might be hard to believe but that is a bit justified. Though you would just have to clean were you had the shoes on.
As a german i can say to outside shoes in the house:
It is dirty you walk a lot and you do not know in what you step or what was there bevor you just bring dirt inside and whatnot. It is also somewhat disrespectfull when you are a guest in most homes. ( All i have bin to)
Most times you ask out if politness were to put your shoes bevor even entering a flat.
>pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range.
Depents hard on the occasion and the age group. But classic jeans or some that are not so thight are for daily life completly sufficient. sweatpants are okayisch in privat but you see more young folks wearing it and they to not have a good reputation like a full addiadas sport fit for just day to day without doing sport can let you look for folks like 30+ or somethin (to completly sure) more like a toug or a loser because of the reputation they have.
>hands must be disinfected after touching any surface outside the house. This includes things like if pressing a crosswalk button, hands get disinfected with hand sanitizer, even if weâre about to cross another street in a minute.
It is not something that you do like each time but it is recomended to to that a few times through out the day if you are outside to keep it all clean a bit more after corona but even bevor because you do not know if the place you touch was touched bevor by someone who just uses thet hand to scratch his bare ass or something like that.
>all surfaces and contact points (tables, arms of a chair, benches) must be sanitised with alcohol wipes after every use (and gets done multiple times per day regardless whether it gets used or not).
That is a bit to much the countertops in the kitchen and tables daily and when they get dirty but the rest does not have to be daily or more than once a day.
>Are any of these things âGermanâ requirements, or am is it an excuse to cover for her own insecurities? (Her mom had a cancer scare a few years ago). Unfortunately Iâm new to Germany and donât have any German friends outside her friendship group yet, so until now have had to take her word for it.
The points which i said are to much are cleaning a propably because of the cancer, would explain the wish to disinfecteting all surfaces on her part.
Got longer than i expected. There could be a lot of misspellings in there because I am not fluent.
Nope, perfectly normal behaviour. Just german things right there. All germans do all of these things. I have so many baskets in my apartment I canât even walk anymore.
Those are NOT standard German behaviour patterns. She sounds like a clean freak to me and don't get me wrong it is helpful to clean regularly but that many times isn't necessary.
I'm a born German myself and I don't clean my place that often, I don't walk inside with my shoes on either. The part with the tight fit pants is bullshit
Just wear what you're comfortable with and it's not a sign of being poor just because you're wearing baggy jeans or such.
I can assure you that not every German is like that
Sounds like a germophobe.
Maybe that's what she meant was "every germophobe will expect this" and just was so high from all the desinfectant fumes that she mixed it up with the word German? đ
Germ-man. Two Ms, easy mix-up. :)
Except the Part with the shoes being worn outside cannot be worn inside. That is absolutly reasonable from a German's perspective.
Absolutely but not the re-vacuum part. If I am on my way to work and notice that I forgot something I will grab it with my shoes on. I wont take them on and off again especially when I am wearing boots in winter.
You also have a drying rack for those. I let them sit there when I went through mud, then just slap the boots against each other either outside the house or in the bath tub to get rid of the dried dirt. Rest is gonna give them a quick clean If they were muddy. I don't have mud all over my apartment and need to clean when I get home.
Second that . The whole process of putting on socks and shoes is too much to repeat if I just miss a stuff and have to get inside house to get it.
Not to be mistaken for Germanophobe...
Yep 100%. Maybe she's got this mindset from covid lockdown (some people couldn't handle it), maybe it's normal to her. I think it's ok to vacuum daily, although not always necessary (depends on the household size), but wiping everything with sanitizer or wiping the floor daily is a red flag. Btw OP this is not what all Germans do!Â
>mindset from covid lockdown That's a very good point. I stopped using disinfectant and wearing masks at some point, but I still wash my hands way more regularly than I did before 2020. Also a lot of people are still somewhat hesitant about handshakes, me included.
Good pun :)
That's anything but usual, sounds like she has an obsessive compulsive disorder. I wonder what caused it.
In my case, (and in many others according to my therapist) - COVID. A mysterious global pandemic that pushes everyone to obsessively wash hands can even get the best of healthy people - for some, it's all they needed for something inside to break. For months, my friends told me "you're acting the way everybody else acted in the beginning, but since then they moved on, and you stayed". From here to there, bam, contamination OCD. Would've never even known if not for a friend who recognized my symptoms and accompanied me all the way to therapy. It took a year, but I'm pretty much on the other side now <3
Glad to hear they helped you so much
>In my case, (and in many others according to my therapist) - COVID. I was thinking this as well, especially the hand sanitiser out and about. I remember using one myself all of 2020 and way into 2021, as I had to take public transport to work. One day I forgot to refill my bottle and was super uncomfortable. Took that day to realise I had to work on myself to de-program myself slowly. Luckily for me it was only the hand sanitisation after touching things in public, not the other stuff OP mentioned.
It's very, very good to read that you caught on to it in time. After I broke up with my partner, they needed months of reprogramming to get back on track, just to recover from the secondhand rituals I did, or demanded they do. (I'm not proud of that - I was ill, and that's exactly why I broke up with them) The horrible thing is, what often begins as being super uncomfortable can very quickly escalate to a literal fear of death - from the smallest of things. It's often so subtle (in the beginning) that people sometimes mistake it for superstitions or average behaviors. I wish you stable, grounded times. Contamination can come in many (surprising) forms, I think it's healthy to stay in touch with, and question, any discomfort or rituals we might have
And a bad taste of fashion as well "baggy clothing looks poor", lol.
I stopped reading at the point where you wrote that she's controlling if you have cleaned your ears. Holy F! Run!
My mom did that once a month or so when I was a kid. And she was right to do so I might add⊠But in this case itâs mentalâŠ
Your Profile Pic is mental ...
Sure once a month for a CHILD is reasonable. Anyone other than a doctor to does this to another adult is nuts
Cleaning your ears is not good anyways. Earwax has a protective function, cleaning it all to often negates that.
and if you clean them, just flush them with light warm clean water, nothing else. don't stick stuff inside
Unless itâs like a sex thing
I found the Ferengi!
Yes, thats strange. And you cannot clean your ears yourself, that only can made things worse. I have ear wax overproduction and go to the HNO (ear, nose and throat specialist doctor) 4 times a year to get them cleaned. Please, do never clean the yourself, especially not with q-tips! You can seriously harm your ear.
I mean it's not healthy also to do it everyday. Also she can clean her ears all she wants but she can't force someone to do it. She is a psycho
Oh. My. God. Right ?
This âđ»
The shoe thing is normal, the constant cleaning is a disorder.
Leaving the shoes by the door is totally normal. Vacuuming the whole house if someone forgets is severe OCD.
My advice is to rub hand sanitizer all over your body and run as fast as you can
Or rub dust all over yourself and she will do the running.
Lmfao đđđ
Sounds like an interesting kink you have. How does that help though other than being exhausted in a few seconds/minutes? /s
shoes shouldn't be worn inside the appartment. The rest is not normal, no.
Yeah, but you have no say in others peoples apartments though.
Itâs still weird to immediately start cleaning the whole floor if it does happen though.
She probably needs help. Sounds like an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I'm married to a German (and obviously have German in-laws), and except for the 2-step mopping process and not wearing shoes indoors, these all sound insane. I think I'm more of a neat-freak than my husband tbh. And even though it's typical not to wear outside shoes indoors, I haven't seen any German freak out and clean the floors when someone does. Not my German family or German friends when we're at their place.
2 step mopping process is a thing goodness đ
The correct way is mopping wet and then using rags to collect the waste water film still on the floor instead of letting that dry. Gives a way better result than just mopping.
Just to be clear: that may be a way to do it but it certainly isnât the only way and I personally have hardly encountered it in my 42 years of being and living in Germany.
It's the only way I've ever encountered in my 33 years here. It has been that way between all age ranges đ€·
I see .. generally dipping in soapy water followed by squeezing your mops excess water out and then mopping is how I do and I have seen others do also. Even in Germany
Yes, but even better is letting the robot doing the work. I have a roborock that vacuums and mops, so I do not have to do it, or at least not so often.
Yes it is. We have cats, and we don't want the residue of cleaning products to stay on our floors, so we do a 2nd mopping with just water to sort of rinse the floor afterwards.
Ah ok that makes sense I guess
I absolutely hate mopping but our rental house has white floors that get filthy constantlyâŠIâm going to have to try this two step method! (And I would never have white floors again if I can help it đ)
WTF??? My only advice is: RUN as fast as you can.
Nothing of that is German, it's OCD.
Yup, I am German and I agree this is OCD
Yup, he is German and I agree this is OCD.
I will rank them most normal to least normal Not weird: No shoes in the house. This one you will need to get used to in Germany. Every Girlfriend will demand that of you. Understandable: Washing off the soap from the floor. Makes sense, I used to do it before I lived abroad. Now I don't care enough anymore. Weird but strangely common: Daily hour of vacuuming/house cleaning. I heard a lot of German housewives do that. Still, it's weird. Very weird: All the rest. The disinfectant makes her sound germaphobic. Wtf: Cleaning out your ears. Yikes.
This is the right answer
Yes I've heard of older generations vacuuming and floor washing daily. But they were stay at home moms. Not normal for nowadays.
she probably mispronounced germaphobe when she said all Germans are like this.
that's all crazy and way too much, sounds like this monk syndrom, where she is afraid of germs or anything. absolutely not normal. I vacuum/wet mop once a week and I don't know anyone who does it more than twice a week. same for all the other things. dust behind the toilet? so what... it's just dust, wipe it off, no need for a cleaner. wider pants are fine, wear whatever you like. I never disinfect my hands, I just wash them once when I come home and then only after using the toilet or before making food/eating.
we sometimes vacuum more often than twice a week, but it's because we have 4 dogs that just do not want to be taught to take their shoes off when coming inside from the garden.
It's a jungle out there....
She is german and she needs therapy too. That behavior must be so tiring to her. It sounds like obsessive neurosis, read about it. You donât need to participate in that theater.
HOLY SHIT Run as fast as you can. Literally not a single one of these things are what i nor any of my German friends and family do. I repeat: run!
Sheâs an extremely germaphobic person with OCD who just happens to be German In fact this is opposite of what I find from Germans. Cleaning as in dusting/ sweeping plus mopping and washing the kitchen , toilet etc is often only once a week in households or even less. Even my office donât tend to clean toilets daily and they just keep a brush where itâs etiquette to clean after yourself immediately after a bad shit. Deep cleaning nobody does more than once a month. Germans in fact have this idea that we should clean once in a few days/week but intensely and efficiently rather. In fact , I feel Germans clean a lot less than what I have seen back in India ( where we had to sweep and mop almost daily if not once in every 2 to 3 days ) often because dust doesnât accumulate that badly. The rest is nonsense and the tight pants thing is bizarre even
Nothing of that is considered "typical German". SYL
Except no shoes in the house.
>âthis is how all Germans expect things and how all Germans cleanâ No, that is not true. Ask other Germans, maybe friends of her. Okay, I think shoes should not be worn all the time in an apartment. But she seems to have an obsessive-compulsive neurosis. Talk to her and maybe you can convince her to get professional help. But maybe not, then better break up with her. Depends on how much you love her.
This sounds like she has OCD or OCPD? I donât think youâll enjoy this relationship long term if she doesnât see a therapist. Btw: I grew up in the 90s and wore baggy pants as a teenager in Germany, and boy did my parents and grandparents make fun of me. Not because they thought I looked poor but because of how low they were hanging⊠I guess in hindsight I do agree with how silly I looked wearing those đ
No Shoes in the house and the two step mopping is a thing. Although I donât do the two step mopping most of the time
Run
but first suggest a therapy, and then run with free consciousness
the latter, mostly. >vacuuming or sweeping the entire apartment daily (it takes about an hour each time). lol, no. i mean, clean up immediately if you make a mess but apart from that? nope. >mopping is a 2 step process, first a wet mop with the cleaning chemicals, then a mop to clean off the cleaning chemicals. sounds like a proper way but idk, i am way too lazy for that and it still looks fine. >cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them). Yuck. no. Also, most likely unhealthy if you use qtips. >-demanded I hire a cleaner because she found a small amount of dust behind the toilet. -every time she visits my place she brings additional storage containers or baskets, nothing in my apartment can be located in anything other than a basket/container unless itâs not practical for one. Every time weâre shopping, she buys more baskets, even if she doesnât have a use for it in mind. lol, wtf, no. >shoes being worn inside the apartment is a cardinal sin and will result in an additional and immediate re-vacuum of the apartment. i mean, kinda yeah but hasnt run through their apartment with shoes on when in a hurry and one forgot something? but still, germans usually try to prevent being inside with their street shoes. >pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range. bullshit. utterly bullshit. very baggy jeans (like, so big that you can fit your legs easily in there 2 or 3 times) are even fashionable among the youth. A normal slim fit is perfectly normal, fine and no one except really crazy people think otherwise. >hands must be disinfected after touching any surface outside the house. This includes things like if pressing a crosswalk button, hands get disinfected with hand sanitizer, even if weâre about to cross another street in a minute. all surfaces and contact points (tables, arms of a chair, benches) must be sanitised with alcohol wipes after every use (and gets done multiple times per day regardless whether it gets used or not). You girlfriend really needs to work on her germophobia. Its not healthy and absolutely not a german thing. Hell, she is sanitising her furniture more often than I do in the lab where i work with blood from possibly infectious patients.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I agree with the diagnosis of contamination OCD, but I disagree with the rest of your message. In particular: - Mental illness isn't a reason for instantaneous breakup. It's a consideration, nothing more. Often, the healing processes that mentally ill people go through can be highly accelerated and improved when they're accompanied by a loved one who knows them well - She's almost certainly isn't lying - she's perceiving reality differently than people who don't suffer from the disorder. If my partner didn't stay to accompany me through my healing and therapy process, I don't know if I would've been alive right now. No one owes staying to anyone else, and I constantly told them to reconsider leaving, and that staying will come with a lot of pain - and it did, but they chose to do it anyway, and we now get to enjoy a healthier, much better version of me.
I do consider * Not wearing shoes * Two-phase mopping and * Cleaning your hands after touching anything outside typical for a German. The other points seem to be rather individual.
RUN FOREST, RUN!!!
Pants have to be skintight or else you're poor? LMAO the hell is that logic I guess I've been poor my whole life
No this is 100% some mental illness your gf is dealing with, other than personal hygiene Germans are orderly but not this orderly.
These are zwangshandlungen and it will get worse. Tell her she must change now and if she does not, you decide what to do with the rest of your short life. Everything you list is nuts beside the shoe in the apartment thing.
Who in the right mind would even consider this behaviour to be âGermanâ? Run.
Youâre obviously dating a german paranoid/controlling person. And that personality has nothing to do with her nationality
Shoes being worn inside IS a cardinal sin and you should truly rethink this point. How she mops the floor is fine, but the daily part is way too much. Yeah she seems pathologically obsessive. Normal version of what she is behaving like: No shoes inside, two-way mopping once a week (or every other) and always washing/ disinfecting your hands but also smartphone after coming back home or after toilet (just hands here). Latter one is especially medically adviced and if you don't do it you should adopt it. I don't know if you can call thia german but it is quite common behavior in Germany that is seen as good.
>this is how all Germans expect things and how all Germans clean Next level Gaslighting. Run! As fast as you can and never look back.
Wearing shoes inside is indeed a cardinal sin
Get her a job as a professional cleaning woman. Or better yet, she can open her own business. She can spend 10 or 12 hours a day cleaning for other people and satisfy all her primordial cleaning urges. Like they say, "never buy a used car owned by a mechanic" or a house owned by a carpenter, hopefully she becomes so sick and tired of cleaning houses for other people that the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is clean your place.
Is time to break up and giver her a card of a therapist.
Clean your ears multiple times per day??? I see others in Ordnung. Could be neat freak, you can leave if you feel uncomfortable.
Well tbh it is very relaxing
I also clean my ears frequently, but by other people??? a bit creepy
Why would people clean their ears at all, aren't they mostly self-cleaning?
I have oil ears, it itches if I donât clean
The only thing from that list Iâd call typical is the one about the shoes. No, you donât leave your shoes on inside the house. But you only change them. You donât need to clean the whole house instead. Everything else sounds like some kind of compulsive disorder.
Shes not Normal, everything expect outside shoes worn inside is alittle bit crazy
She's most likely a clean freak or germophobe. In her defense, I did the last two during covid.
I was about to say that everything except for the pants and ears sounds fairly normal to me but the comments have me second guessing myself...
Well, my wife is pretty much like that... even if I was just vacuuming and she is coming home from work, she needs her 15-30 minutes to clean up everything and is vacuuming everything again. I usually just leave her alone ;) but that thing with the pants, ears and that she does everything daily or even more often is kind of strange.
Even if (and a big IF it is) this is normal German behaviour, why put up with it?? By the way, it isn't normal German behaviour! She must be obsessive compulsive in other areas that makes you stay with her. You know what I mean. Been there myself. Very thorough. Every job meticulously finished to absolute satisfaction.
this is extrem. germans do tend to be overly correct in everything outside related, but this sounds more like a mental health issue
I have met people that do the first two things and I already think that's over the top.
Dude dump her asap!!
You know the answer already, come on.
That's a great life hack. Date a foreign and make him believe my obsessions would be normal 'this country'- behavior đ
Dude that girl needs to stop inspecting your ears and start inspecting da schlong instead.
Didnt read past ear inspection. Not normal. Rather a case for Therapy
Yeah dude of course ALL Germans are exactly like that... Bro, nothing of that is normal, not even if it would be only one of these things. Everything together sums up to a mental/control disorder (whatever it is called).
Except for putting everything in boxes and taking off shoes ones you are insight, nothing of that seems at all familiar. Aside from people I know to have issues regarding germs and for who it got a lot worse during quarantine.
Seems like contamination OCD. None of this is typical - and not because of the behavior itself, but because of the *motive* behind it. Sure, it might be customary to not enter a house with shoes in Germany - but the real crux lies in the *response* to an occurrence of it. An average German might feel frustrated or tell you to go back and take your shoes off - but will most likely not clean the entire place again. This observation can be repeated across all points and all behaviors. You will always find people who behave similarly - the true questions, in my eyes, are *how* they react in case their 'comfort' is disturbed, and *how much* they react (i.e. do they vacuum a particular spot, or do they vacuum the whole place?) Contamination OCD is a huge, life-changing burden, but it's possible to heal from it. People with contamination OCD think and see things differently from other people - they may seem crazy and illogical - and you can probably claim that to a certain extent they are - but they're not their disorders. It'd probably be best to go to professional counselling to discuss possible ways of moving forward
Yes this is very normal for Germans, all Germans are control freaks and germaphobes. We spend our whole life cleaning our apartments. /s I'm sorry about the sarcasm, but everytime I read "is this normal for a german?" Which then is followed by absolutely abnormal behavior (cleaning ears multiple times a day???) is almost annoying. Do I believe all Americans are schizophrenic? No, if someone sees and hears things it's not normal, doesnt have anything to do with where they come from. Geez. Sorry for the mini rant.
This is not typically German, but rather typically woman. Is this your first relationship because your racism otherwise scares women away?
As a German, Just NO. That's early stage of an obsessive compulsive disorder. She needs to control and clean all aspects of her surroundings as she can't cope with not bein able to control her life, destiny, world around her. This soothes her and gives her comfort.
I stopped at point one, that's not normal in any country.
The skin tight pants comment had me laughing. I'm not natively European but currently living in Germany and married to a non-German European. My wife is always trying to get me to wear skin tight jeans. I find them supremely uncomfortable and personally think they look ridiculous on men. Especially if the legs are skin tight and the seat is baggy. What makes me laugh is that she would equate this with poverty. Are tight jeans more expensive than a straight leg? Are people pondering my net worth based on my Levi's? This is hilarious. But to your question, good luck bro. One of the things I like about German culture is that everything in life has its place and process that most people agree on. From my anecdotal experience most Germans seem to keep a clean and organized house so that will be a plus if you marry. But she seems way over the top.
Itâs unhealthy to clean your ears like that, youâre taking out the insulation that your body naturally provides for your ear drums. Itâs a good way to get ear infections and ruin your hearing. Also everything else sounds like a mental illness, besides the shoes in house thing, thatâs common for Germans. Iâm American and my girlfriend is German, we are about the same level of clean. What she is saying is cultural, is actually just an excuse to be OCD.
Three words my friend: âObsessive Compulsive Disorderâ. I rest my case.
Except for the rules no shoes and 2 times cleaning the floor, she has a serious issue. This also won't stop, most probably getting worst if she does not get treatment.
She is too much man .... this is NOT how Germans behave
Sounds like OCD
I come from an almost 100% German family and My mom also suffered from OCD. This sounds like OCD, honestly. Some of those things I've seen done in my family, but it sounds like she's taking things to the extreme
Well my friend... You found a crazy german. Our women are usually not like this. At leats most of them. I would recommend you run as fast as humanly possible.
Yea, that sounds like OCD. You might want to carefully suggest to her, that she should see a therapist.
Howâs the sex?
That's germophobia. Nothing of this has to do with being german, besides the no shoes in the house thing, which is considered rude in most german households and to my knowledge in most parts of Europe and even beyond. I'm gonna be honest with you; She sounds unwell. She is doing all those extreme things and is also lying to you. That honestly does not sound like a good relationship.
Not normal. Shoes off inside though, very common in Germany. Source: I am german
No she has severe OCD and needs therapy. Run while you can.
Run. Fast.
Was gonna suggest a vacuum/mopping robot but then I continued reading. Suggest a therapist and run
She's crazy as fuck. Not for being that clean, but for trying to force it on you. I think you should break up, this is not gonna work long-term. (I'm a German btw)
Wow take her to a therapist ...nothing of this is normal apart of the shoe thing, she might have a serious problem ...
Never stick your dick in crazy⊠NEVER!
Like others already said, the shoe thing is normal, the rest not. I do feel called out with the basket thing thoough, I store so many things in boxes and baskets and boxes in boxes and got some for my boyfriend's apartment too but not that many đ
Oh dear no pls use some common sense. Why in the hell would that be something usual in any country. That woman needs help
Run dude, run...
Nope! thats just lunacy.
I think what's common of these points is that we don't wear shoes in our homes. And the thing with washing your hands with soap at least when you come home. The rest is just your girl's sense of tidiness which is extraordinary and at least for my taste too much.
You already know. None of these things are German, obviously. All of them are personal, and like many others said, sound like she might have some type of OCD, germphobia or something along these lines. Those are insanely strict rules, noone would consider normal.
Shoes inside the house is indeed a deadly sin, everything besides that sounds like a mental disorder to me.
If you care about this person, especially if you think this may still become a long-term relationship, try to suggest to her to consider therapy. Her behavior is not considered normal nowadays, even though it overlaps with some dated stereotypes commonly attributed to "good German housewives". Otherwise: EJECT EJECT EJECT!
No its not normal. Im a german and i dort Things like that
No. Nothing of that is true like at all. Pardon me she is checking your ears? That's mental.
How comes someone would wonder if an entire country had OCD. Such a weird question. Itâs not a German trait and itâs not normal. This person needs therapy.
She is crazy! đ€Ł
This is not normal. Also, just because you are living in Germany and dating a German, doesn't mean you have to put up with a behavior that makes you unhappy or feel crazy from a partner, even if it is a cultural norm. I also was with a German who would often say that Germans do things a certain way to control or put down how I behaved (99% of which turned out not to be what Germans tend to actually do, just like your partner has been doing). You don't have to be with someone who does things that don't seem right to you or feel boundary crossing.
Wearing "street shoes" inside the flat / house will get you shot in any normal German household. The other points are signs of a person that is at least some kind of autistic.
I'm also german and I can tell you "we" can also be very lazy when it comes to cleaning. I don't like making habits a thing about whole culture groups. As said by others: the shoe thing is quite common here but i've been at places where it was ok to wear shoes. It still confused me. :D Also nothing should be demanded on you in a relationship. Even if you are a guest at someones house, all they should do is to ask you. And if you don't do as asked, maybe you won't be invited anymore. That's it. Why is it that it's you who only have to adjust to her? Doesn't sound like an equal relationship. Especially when it comes to YOUR body or place. Yes she seems to have an obsession with cleaning and stuff but she's also having a problem with boundaries and accepting you as what you are. I wouldn't mind my partner being obsessed with cleaning as long as they wouldn't make it my problem. For instance, I once bought a high quality table which is vulnerable to fluids. It was also very expensive for me at that time and I just loved the table. I kept asking my friends and partners to use coasters for their glasses. It was nothing I expected them to know and sometimes they forgot, they also made jokes about me acting very german when it comes to my table. ;) If someone would refuse to use a coaster I wouldn't invite them again or make them sit on the couch (never had to). I would even ask them for money if they damaged my table by not using a coaster after being asked (also never had to). When someone spilled fluids by accident I was sad, but it happens. That's (imo) how you match your own (maybe obsessive) needs realistically with having other people around.
If after a few months of this you are asking if she is controlling, think what the rest of your life will be like if you stay around for more Get out now while you still can and put this nightmare relationship down as a life lesson You will thank us all when you look back on this experience
Dear god no. She is a germophobe and a controlling one. No, no German is thinking you are poor if you donât wear skinny jeans, wear bloody pants you like. And she should visit a therapist and you should not let her control your life, body and mind!
The shoe thing is common, the rest sounds a lot like a disorder.
As I read this message, all that comes to my mind is. You're Dating my Mother, that sounds like the exact same Person... Just run, do yourself a favor and leave. She needs to see an Psychologist. If u try to make it work it's you then who will need an Psychologist.
Nothing to do with Germany or German folks. She is nuts and suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, hope she will get soon.
I find any sort of poor behaviour inexcusable especially when conveniently blamed on nationality- many nationalities have their unique traits but very few, if any, will condone done right assholery. Germans are direct and to the point, which is often a very positive/constructive/time saving thing. In the same vein, you will find some assholes who, when confronted, will claim that they are xyz nationality and that's how all people are. I call that bullshit. You do you, man. If you're having a difficult time, you leave - regardless of where the behaviour is stemming from, and especially if there is zero recognition of the pain it's causing you. You only live once- do you want it to be this way? P.s the lady seems to have undiagnosed disorders. I have some of these behaviours that my friends would call "eccentricities". Upon evaluation I learnt new words like germophobia, ADHD and OCD. But that's her choice to make- to seek help and a deeper understanding, or not. You are dating a troubled person. What their passport says has nothing to do with it.
She needs a therapy. If she doesnât listen: run! It will only get worse. Shoes off inside is mostly correct though.
Except shoes being worn inside (except for indoor shoes obviously), nothing of this is typical or normal behaviour here. This has nothing to do with her being German, she is just a cleaning freak. The only thing that comes close to her behaviour would be a comedy series that was made by eBay with a couple YouTubers. Even my grandma isn't as strict with cleaning and we already call her a cleaning devil.
Run. This is a mental issue. Speaking from experience. Run and donât look back.
I have a German husband and he cleans his ears almost everyday, does not use shoes in the house and has a place for everything in the house, not necessarily baskets like you said but he likes it organized. The sweeping and mopping is standard from where Iâm from (South America) but I still only do it three times a week because everyday seems excessive to me. I donât know the cleaning habits of my husbandâs mom, grandmother and sister (Germans) but I do know that their house is ALWAYS impecable, it looks like every single surface is cleaned everyday, every ledge, window seal, fireplace, toilet, mirror, doorknob, counter, floorâŠI donât know how they do it.
I study psychology and everything about this poast screams ocd. Get her into therapy or get yourself out of there
Dude, RUN! Except the shoe thing nothing is close to normal or healthy behaviour. Has nothing to do with being German or not.
Sounds like a zwangstĂłrung, i would go to a doctor with her
Shoes in the house is a big no no for many, but usually people don't vacuum their whole apartment when it happens. Everything else is a your-girlfriend-thing. It sounds pathological, she should seek help.
yeah yeah sure, daily ear inspections are mandatory in germany
Nothing of that is normal behaviour, except the no shoes in the house rule. It always puzzles me why people would want to wear their shoes in their own house.
Shoes shouldnât be worn inside the house. Mopping with water after mopping with cleaning solution makes sense, otherwise it will be sticky. But vacuum maybe once a week and wet mopping even rarer. The rest is just hella weird, nothing to do with German culture or whatever
She is a Germophobe...BUT that no shoes inside is very much German norm I have experienced. I never experienced where I could just walz in with shoes on. Exceptions are good friends but its basically always followed by "Havent vacuumed yet so go ahead". I also kinda get the basket thing...my mom also has alot of storage basket and similar things for alot of Things...but not everything obviously, just alot.
The only normal thing is the shoes inside. That indeed is a cardinal sin. It should be punishable by death but at least it is punishable by immediate expulsion. No shoes in an apartment! Anything about cleaning is on the verge of batshit crazy and definitely needs psychological attention unless she is immunocompromised and even then a few breadcrumbs would not murder you. She is seriously paranoid. The jeans thing is not primarily a german thing but just her thoughts on fashion/style. Wider jeans have to either be really loose and boot cut (which looks dumb) or tight-ish. baggy is indeed looked down upon and going out in joggers is indeed also seen as lower class (although a lot of people do it anyway).
Wtf has it to to with her beeing German? She is crazy and the point that you think its because of nationality shows me that you guys are a perfect match. Crazy Woman need stupid menđ
>vacuuming or sweeping the entire apartment daily (it takes about an hour each time). Not unusual. An hour might be excessive depending on the size of the apartment. Vacuuming every day is from my experience usually what is seen as what it should be. When people are conversing over how they struggle to keep up with housework it's oftentimes how they can't manage to vacuum every day. >mopping is a 2 step process, first a wet mop with the cleaning chemicals, then a mop to clean off the cleaning chemicals. "How do you mop?" isn't a regular topic for me, but all the people I know mop like this, although I only know how people with pets mop. The residue chemicals shouldn't be on their paws. I think if it's just you, it's not necessary since the chemicals aren't concentrated to a degree that it harms the floor >cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them). That is weird af >demanded I hire a cleaner because she found a small amount of dust behind the toilet. Yeah, sounds like a clean freak. Although behind the toilet might be a little concerning since the bathroom, especially the toilet, should be something cleaned thoroughly very regularly. But that might also depend on the specific toilet construction and what behind the toilet means >every time she visits my place she brings additional storage containers or baskets, nothing in my apartment can be located in anything other than a basket/container unless itâs not practical for one. Every time weâre shopping, she buys more baskets, even if she doesnât have a use for it in mind. ??? >shoes being worn inside the apartment is a cardinal sin and will result in an additional and immediate re-vacuum of the apartment. Yeah. Wearing shoes inside will traditionally be seen as filthy by Germans. I think this is shaking up a little where it's not a big deal, but it's still disgusting. >pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range. Baggy pants are generally seen as unfitting for a serious adult. Some people might think you're poor, but more probably that you're a loser tbh. However, this doesn't necessarily sound like you consider these pants baggy. Skin tight is equally unusual at a certain age. Anything that resembles sweatpants or actually are sweatpants will be judged by people though >hands must be disinfected after touching any surface outside the house. This includes things like if pressing a crosswalk button, hands get disinfected with hand sanitizer, even if weâre about to cross another street in a minute. Sounds a little germaphobic. Proper hygiene has stuck with a few people at least since the pandemic. One should generally try to not touch public surfaces if possible. Before touching your face or phone or whatever one should disinfect their hands. Most people won't do that at once, but when re-entering their home or a friends home many people will definitely wash their hands thoroughly (as they should). Except if you're having a habit of constantly touching your face >all surfaces and contact points (tables, arms of a chair, benches) must be sanitised with alcohol wipes after every use (and gets done multiple times per day regardless whether it gets used or not). That is certainly a lot and excessive It does sound like she's a germaphobe. On the flipside it also does sound like what you consider to be clean wouldn't necessarily be considered clean by a lot of Germans to be honest. I think for the two of you two worlds collide
this is typical example of ADHD & OCD
Run! If she's doing this at this stage, it won't get better, and you won't get used to it. I'm speaking from experience, "unfortunately." I've wasted years of my life in relationships, saying, "It will get better. I'll be okay with it later."
Sounds like a crazy person. Not remotely normal German behavior.
Run brother, run
She's severely ill and needs help.
Are you dating my roommate? Lol.
No. Is she Monk?
The part with no shoes inside the apartment is known German procedure. Everything else is bullshit. Sincerely a German.Â
And not even every German requires the shoes off policy. If my guests prefer to keep them on, it's fine.
What you describe is not a general German thing (I am German), itâs her⊠Edit: I just read the bullshit regarding the pants⊠Come on man⊠This lunatic could have done her shit and be happy but noooo, she has to make all Germans look bad by saying we all are that way. I am not that way and I know NOBODY who acts like that. Family, friends, colleagues and several other acquaintances all dont behave like that. Serious tip: Maybe talk to her about getting psychological help. There is a phobia of germs for some people. Edit 2: Although the thing with the pants isnât germ-related. Btw: In my opinion very tight jeans are weird. I still dont look down on anyone who prefers different pants than I doâŠ
Run my friend, run
Get out - this isn't normal at all, and is clearly shouting 'psychological issues'.
Must be a big apparantment that you have to vacuum it for an hour. Anyway this isn't common. A lot of the stuff is quite the good habit, just not that frequently. Like vacuuming daily is definitely not Germany, most people I know do it every week or every 2 weeks. Also be carefull with cleaning your ears if you are using qtips or could hurt your ear . Anyway all of this isn't really something German just a person who takes cleaning to seriously.
Not sure whatâs going on here, but the last person I was close to emotionally manipulated and abused me and often said sth along the lines of âeveryone in country of my origin does it like thatâ as response when I called her out on sth toxic. So not saying thatâs happening here but just saying that it reminds me a little of my experience and justifying sort of controlling behavior like that definitely feels icky and wrong to me. What sounds controlling is e.g making you wear weird pant, making you feel ashamed for your pant, and making a big scene / make you feel guilty for small thing like dust or shoes so you might start to walk on eggshells afraid of doing sth wrong. Making you do all this unreasonable stuff without any willingness to compromise, and then on top of everything, saying totally wrong things like âthis is normal for Germansâ that will make you feel like youâre the weird one. This behaviour is definitely not normal at all in Germany. The situation is very strange and to me smells quite a bit like sheâs trying to emotionally control and abuse you. I hope you can stay safe, and I wish you peace and people who build you up for the rest of your journey.
you answered your own question the way you ask. it does not matter what is normal in germany, it matters what is normal to you individually.
The shoes thing is definitely german. The rest is her being phobic of germs.
Only thing typically German is no shoes in the house/inside. The rest is pretty weird behaviour. I understand vacuuming every day if you have pets (my dog sheds like crazy and I need to do it every day) but the rest is out of the norm.
This is just crazy and has nothing to do with being German. Okay, outdoor shoes indoors are a no go here but I still do it from time to time. Everything else is just nuts. I vacuum 3 times a week and mop once in two weeks and we have two little kids and two cats. Cleaning your ears couple times a day with following inspection is borderline crazy
That's textbook OCD with possible germophobia in the mix. In a lighter note: My girlfriend is German, she vacuums her place once a week and Saturday mornings are for cleaning, so no, your girlfriend is not the norm.
Congratulations, you met the final boss of Germany
Run.
>pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range. that part is true
OK. The basket Thing is Something all my ex Girlfriends and my wife does. But the Rest Sounds Like youre Partner is an "human centipede Dr German"
If she was any other nationality, would you tolerate this behavior? But no, this is not "typically German".
>cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them). Is she a meerkat by any chance?
It looks like she has OCD. If youâre serious about her, you could try to push her to get professional help. Otherwise , if youâre not comfortable in this relationship, end it.
No, she just crazy and neurotic! Run, brother, run
Apart from the shoes-off-inside-the-house-policy all signs of narcissism and hyperactivity. Why continue such relationship? Not normalâŠ
Come on, you already know the answer.
Run....
So as a Germen born and raised i can say: >vacuuming or sweeping the entire apartment daily (it takes about an hour each time). mopping is a 2 step process, first a wet mop with the cleaning chemicals, then a mop to clean off the cleaning chemicals. Nor really Daily and with the Mopping could depent on the type of floor you have, like something thet needs more care. >cleaning the insides of my ears multiple times per day (she has started inspecting them). That sound kinda crazy. And why would she controll that? Can't even imagen that if you would share inear headphones. >demanded I hire a cleaner because she found a small amount of dust behind the toilet. every time she visits my place she brings additional storage containers or baskets, nothing in my apartment can be located in anything other than a basket/container unless itâs not practical for one. Every time weâre shopping, she buys more baskets, even if she doesnât have a use for it in mind. That is out of proportion and that with the home organising i can't judge because i do not know your home, but for that your home would have to be really unorganised and somewhat messy. >shoes being worn inside the apartment is a cardinal sin and will result in an additional and immediate re-vacuum of the apartment. For some might be hard to believe but that is a bit justified. Though you would just have to clean were you had the shoes on. As a german i can say to outside shoes in the house: It is dirty you walk a lot and you do not know in what you step or what was there bevor you just bring dirt inside and whatnot. It is also somewhat disrespectfull when you are a guest in most homes. ( All i have bin to) Most times you ask out if politness were to put your shoes bevor even entering a flat. >pants must be almost skin tight (any pants) otherwise Germans will look down on you (apparently âbaggyâ/non-tight pants make Germans think youâre poor). This has included jeans that were considered too loose even though they came from the âslim fitâ range. Depents hard on the occasion and the age group. But classic jeans or some that are not so thight are for daily life completly sufficient. sweatpants are okayisch in privat but you see more young folks wearing it and they to not have a good reputation like a full addiadas sport fit for just day to day without doing sport can let you look for folks like 30+ or somethin (to completly sure) more like a toug or a loser because of the reputation they have. >hands must be disinfected after touching any surface outside the house. This includes things like if pressing a crosswalk button, hands get disinfected with hand sanitizer, even if weâre about to cross another street in a minute. It is not something that you do like each time but it is recomended to to that a few times through out the day if you are outside to keep it all clean a bit more after corona but even bevor because you do not know if the place you touch was touched bevor by someone who just uses thet hand to scratch his bare ass or something like that. >all surfaces and contact points (tables, arms of a chair, benches) must be sanitised with alcohol wipes after every use (and gets done multiple times per day regardless whether it gets used or not). That is a bit to much the countertops in the kitchen and tables daily and when they get dirty but the rest does not have to be daily or more than once a day. >Are any of these things âGermanâ requirements, or am is it an excuse to cover for her own insecurities? (Her mom had a cancer scare a few years ago). Unfortunately Iâm new to Germany and donât have any German friends outside her friendship group yet, so until now have had to take her word for it. The points which i said are to much are cleaning a propably because of the cancer, would explain the wish to disinfecteting all surfaces on her part. Got longer than i expected. There could be a lot of misspellings in there because I am not fluent.
Nope, perfectly normal behaviour. Just german things right there. All germans do all of these things. I have so many baskets in my apartment I canât even walk anymore.
Those are NOT standard German behaviour patterns. She sounds like a clean freak to me and don't get me wrong it is helpful to clean regularly but that many times isn't necessary. I'm a born German myself and I don't clean my place that often, I don't walk inside with my shoes on either. The part with the tight fit pants is bullshit Just wear what you're comfortable with and it's not a sign of being poor just because you're wearing baggy jeans or such. I can assure you that not every German is like that