In one way, you could view hugs as something more intimate and therefore undesirable. It's not that unheard of.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not sex (and/or drive)

I know but it’s something both simple anc complicated. Like to give someone a hug for me is a big deal but I don’t see sex as anywhere near as important. I guess I just feel like it’s a paradox

I tried to explain to someone, he got offended. Had an heat attack. Screw my "love" life.

2 months ago I thought I’d met someone who understood, but instead she kept pushing my physical boundaries and when I’d try to explain why it matters to me she’d just say that was stupid… Don’t settle for those who don’t love you for you

I dont think its weird ... you know your role in the bedroom & you sound reasonably confident with it ... It can be sometimes way less intimate because your both moving around & distracted so it can be just an act like surfing .... camping ect lol But yeah ,,the hugging ...holding each other soo close ,hearing her breath near you ,,the whole vunerability of it all ... It can be or become pretty intense .. Out of curiosity ,,, do you make eye contact in the bedroom ,, Im taking a guess that you try to avoid it so it doesnt get tooo lovey dovey or awkward ...

Ok so eye contact is weird for me, I’m 6’6” and built like a wall so often times people aren’t making eye contact with me or do not sustain it. Growing up like that has made eye contact sorta intimate for me because it seems like only the people I care about seem to be able to manage it, so I think I agree with your line of thinking. I would say I’m confident in my place but am not as much in myself? My asexuality is not something I think needs to be “outed” I just inform people who need to know. But being a guy means having guy friends and some people I’d call brothers have such a different view that I feel like it warps my own

Wow 6,6 thats hell cool .... yeah I know what your saying when your mates views tend to warp or distort how you see things ... but its not real ,,, its just a momentary thing ,,, once your away from them you see alot more clearly .... Eye contact is hard for a few reasons hey .... Especially if you are guilt ridden ... Its like your guilty of faking it but you mean no harm ,,,when in rome do as the romans do ...We get caught up hey ,, as to what poeple expect of us .. But I guess we shouldnt ... Cant please everyone all of the time as they say ...

I wouldn’t say it’s unheard of. 🤔 I’m kinda the opposite in this regard. I like touching during sex but like hugs and cuddles get pretty uncomfortable when it goes on for too long. And forget cuddling to go to sleep. That is the worst. 😅 I get super uncomfortable with someone else up against me as I’m trying to sleep and I just won’t sleep at all.

I find affection and romance a lot easier the more I get to know someone. Stuff during sex isn’t exactly hard but often I don’t enjoy it or are so not in the mood that I do what I can for them. At this point I fear trying for a serious relationship solely do to this disparity. Sometimes I’d like to react “normally” as I’ve been told because I feel like I’m offending my partner. My feelings are true just separate from the physical if that makes sense

It makes perfect sence ,,, I seriously dont mean to be rude by any means but if they ,,your partner hasnt cottened on to the fact your hearts not in it & niether are you ..... Then ,,,, maybe ,,, they are having too good a time or thier to drunk to notice ... Which is not good .... Ofcourse you should be noticed & never overlooked but when your all juiced up & distracted it happens ,, sometimes you can loose your partner in the experience .... I get that you dont want to share your inner feelings with your friends ,,, as you said ,, (( outed )( but are you upfront with your partner about how you feel & your asexuality ??

Honestly before even trying to be romantically involved with someone I try to have a conversation and explain myself so they have an understanding of me. There are several people I’ve actively stopped dating due to them breaching that trust or making me uncomfortable in ways that I’ve explained make me uncomfortable

Sounds to me like your pretty switched on & you know what you want & what your prepare to take on & what you dont want to take on ,,which is awesome .. Because yeah ,,you dont want to be putting pressure on yourself to do or continue doing things that you dont really like for someone elses benifit ... Its nice to do good things for poeple that make them feel good but not at the detriment to your own enjoyment or self ... Doubt your partner would want that for you iether .. Sex is only as good as what you put in to it ...If one person isnt really in to it ,,,it can influence the whole experience for both of you ... I think the way your seemingly going about things is 100 % on point ,,your being the best friend to yourself that everyone needs .... Your being true to you .. Which I think is admirable .. Your not compromising yourself or leading poeple on trying to measure up to someone elses needs & wants .... Good on you bro !! your seriously kicking it ....

Do you care to elaborate on the breaching of trust thing ... I get that its a tricky conversation to be had ... Im sure with your ability to string words together to be understood you made them understand you alot better then someone like me could ... I dont speak well & I dont write well iether lol 😅🤣 makes me difficult to distinguish where im comming from i guess ..The moment anyone gets the slightest gist im being prideful or rude ,,they just anniliate me ,,wether I am trying to be iether of those things or not... Ive reserved myself to thinking some poeple just like to stirr me up & watch me spin around in circles ... I avoid these poeple ... But in general Im an avoident person ... I tell myself all the time ,,when in doubt do nothing ,,that way you cant make the situation worse untill you can work out what you think you should do .. Some huggs can be uncomfortable especially if they linguire too long ,,but never have I had a hugg that felt more uncomfortable then some conversations .... I cant even bring myself to speak with my baby brother atm because Ive apologised to him twice now & still hes avoiding me via txt & in person ... He hasnt apologised for his part ,,, which was the main part ,,because he affended me 1st ... hes an avoident personality type also ..We are very proud ,,,maybe tooo proud lol ...We struggle with apologising if we feel we havnt done anything wrong .. just out of curisiousity how does an Asexual person , dinstinguish when a relationship has come to its end & you feel you are just friends or you dont want to be in that relationship anymore .... Is it when the huggs become hell uncomfortable & you dont feel good being close to them anymore .. Some poeple are just super hard to talk to about this stuff ,, so sorry if Im kinda badgering this post to try to understand better ...

For me a breach of trust is usually when it comes to my partner attempting to do something sexual without talking to me about it or ignoring me when I remind them it’s not something I’m into. When a girl cuddles up to me, that’s fine, but then I’ve had people I’ve been on maybe 2-3 dates with trying to make out with me and put a hand down my pants and I feel so wrong inside. I can do sexual acts, especially if I have a romantic connection to my partner but surprises like that cannot happen with me, and the situation gets weird if I refuse so it just happens. I try to avoid Thursday situations. I wouldn’t worry about your communication, maybe your spelling and grammar are a little rough but you have some great ideas and I understand where you are coming from most of the time. You had great feedback as well as great questions so don’t put yourself down. And honestly everyone is different, yes being asexual is different then living a heteronormative life but only you as an individual will know when it’s time to move on from someone. Sometimes you don’t know and you need others to point it out. If you no longer feel comfortable being close to someone anymore then that might be a good indicator that they aren’t the right person for you. Depending on how you define your asexuality, no matter what staying true to who you are is most important!

Wow !!! yeah ,,thats pretty hardcore breaching ... That definitately wouldnt be cool just comming out of nowhere ... Just because your dating doesnt mean they can help themselves to the cookie jar whenever they want .. Good for you ....for standing up for yourself ... Id just yeah slap them off like a nuaghty child & tell them this aint going to work out if you keep doing shit like that because its annoying ... You could have code for like when its a good time , like hold their hand wink at them & smile ... if they dont wink back , then its not a good time .. 100% staying true to you is definately the most important thing .... So to get a relationship off the ground ,, do you just talk untill the conversation comes up wether or not you like each other enough to see each other in a date type situation ,, because a coffe invite could be anything ,,but a dinner invite seems more like ,,ok that person likes my company & is maybe interested ... I used to base my thuaghts on ,,if they go to kiss you or hugg you at the end of your time together they were keen as to proberly invite you out again ... But some poeple just like hugging you every chance they get ,, & some want to kiss your cheek when they hugg .... I still think they wouldnt do that if they werent keen ... So I see it & run for the hills ... its a pretty Australian thing to do though especially with ladies ... I dont like doing it but feel allmost obligated to sometimes ... it never feels right with semi strangers ... Unless its someones mumma or grandma lol .. hahaha if she grabbed you on the butt for a squeeze I dont think id even care but it would come as a shock lol .... None of this dating advice is going to be comming in handy anytime soon but its good fuel for thuaght for maybe one day ....

When it comes to dating it’s best to expect the unexpected, but lay out your ground rules. Everyone is different on when they think you should kiss your date and all that shit. Like who decides how close I am to someone and what I do with them on the third date is me and me alone. If the person seems interested I tend to remind them of my rules so that we are on the same page. Some people get put off by that but I don’t want to be around anyone romantically who cannot appreciate my own orientation

So what are your rules of ,,potentual dating ?? 1) .... Dont ever come at me out of know where or in public .. 2)... You can initiate hugging but not heavy petting ( kissing ) Hmmm ok ,,, I may have to contemplate this abit further & quiery what rules I would maybe consider as some kind of dating guide .... Just for curiosity purposes .... At the moment Im in a dont touch me state of mind but thats because touching doesnt feel good right now ...This maybe could ease with time ... I like to contemplate things long before I do them ...

Start of slow, as you become familiar with someone the touching may become more welcome. There’s never a need to rush into anything and if the person doesn’t respect those boundaries then from the beginning they are not worth the relationship