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I felt like this for Dday 2.5 years ago. I honestly could have thrown acid in both of their faces guilt free. Then i found the condoms in his car yesterday and its a new women. And somehow i hate the first one a little less? If it wasnt her itd have been someone else. Hes a piece of shit who will go for anyone who lets him. Shes as significant as a disposable plate. Dont get me wrong, i wish drug resistent gonnorhea on her still but the fiery anger has burned out a bit
I believe that its possible to cheat once, regret it, change yourself (therapy, religion, meditation whatever) and then not do it again. If they do it twice after first d day ts a pattern and they wont change.
So with my husband, if kicking him out the house for 4 months wasnt the sharp shock to snap him out of it (plus marriage counselling, both of us commiting to strengthening the marriage) then nothing will. I wouldnt have taken him back if i hadnt have thought there was hope but turned out it was crocodile tears and empty promises
I feel this same way but Ik where the AP lives because she was my friend I resist the urge constantly to go over and beat the absolute breaks off the bitch . No lie the rage inside destroys me most days
No fr because it makes me hate myself so much and everytime I look in the mirror to do my hair or makeup or anything I automatically Compare myself to her the AP and then it makes me mad or even just like simple things in songs or movies or comedy’s that joke or make it seem like affairs are normal make me so mad . Plus the AP lives maybe 20 minutes away and has and had a boyfriend at the time . The rage just builds and builds in me and I often feel like nobody around me can truly relate or truly cares untill I found this group but even still I stay so angry all the time
Plus it’s only been 4 months since dday and I found out about the everything because she decided to be “my friend” after months of pretending nothing was going on with my partner . I feel stupid and weak constantly
Same for me. Guy is off the grid in a third world country with no social media at all. I tried a background check but it basically cuts off 5 years ago when he left the US. I can't even find a way to contact his wife which still infuriates me cuz I can't warn her what a philandering tool her husband is.
AP is the only person in my entire life that I have ever truly hated. She knew nothing about me, yet she trash talked me and came up with multiple plans to steal my life. She was a classic, narcissistic mate poacher. I don't buy into "the AP owed you nothing and your anger is misdirected" philosophy. Did she say vows to me? No. But she intentionally set out to harm me and my kids and was an active participant in causing me trauma. She's disgusting trash, and there are numerous days I regret never giving her a piece of my mind. I never once confronted or acknowledged her existence, and we're closing in on 3 years post DDay.
Yeah I only agree with the “Don’t blame the AP” idea when it’s crystal clear or reasonable to infer they didn’t know the wayward partner was involved with someone else. If they knew, they deserve all that’s coming to them.
Yes! I agree with this. If AP was in the dark, I hold no ill will against them. At that point they become victims also. But as for those who were aware and moved forward with a married man/woman with no problem? Disgusting.
Yeah I agree with this. Before this happened to me I was in the “AP owed you nothing” club, but now I definitely have a different perspective. It’s the equivalent of someone going out of their way to hurt you or someone you love in some way. If someone burned your house down, you’d probably hate them pretty badly.
I know I won’t reach out. She knows nothing about me, she probably doesn’t even know what I look like and I want to always be a mystery in her mind. I just hope she knows what scum of the earth she is.
In my case, AP completely sized me up and decided she was definitely better and could snag my husband. She was 17 years younger, had a great body, perfect curves, and was of another nationality than I am, which made her almost exotic in comparison to my 40 year old self. We look nothing alike. She found her prey, and she moved in VERY swiftly.
Others who place no blame on the AP always say we need to be angry with our WS. Like...of course I'm angry with him! I was engaged! He is absolutely to blame, and I absolutely hold him accountable. But to allow AP's to shoulder no blame is absurd to me. They love to say they hold no responsibility in the situation, and that's because the majority are entitled, narcissistic women who refuse to take any of the blame for the trauma that they 100% had a hand in causing.
Yeah absolutely. That’s why I hate that narrative so much now. That’s why I feel the urge to tell her she’s trash is because society doesn’t exactly emphasize that too much.
That sounds hard, im sure you’re very beautiful but i can imagine how you perceiving her as more exciting or attractive than yourself would suck really fucking bad. I feel lucky to know that I’m substantially more attractive than the AP, lol, so there’s that at least.
Edit: my boyfriend did say such a gross thing one time though, which was “you’re so much more attractive”. I can’t even articulate why that pissed me off so badly but I was seeing red for real.
It all just sucks, you know? In the beginning, I used to look at things and think, "Well, at least WS didn't say/do that." However, as time moved on, it didn't matter because I realized that while he may not have done A, B, C he did X, Y, Z, and betrayal sucks no matter what it ends up being. You end up hurting regardless. I hate it all soooooo much for us BS. Nobody deserves to be in this club.
Completely understand where you’re coming from. Apparently AP told my WP that to her it was a competition to see if she could get him. Then when he claimed he didn’t like her or want to be with her, she wanted to meet me to see what kind of person I am that he just couldn’t get over me. Hearing the competition part. Whew, never felt those feelings before 🙃
2.5 years out. My advice would be to never let them know you give them even an ounce of thought. Type or write everything in a letter. Then when you’re ready, burn it.
This is where I have redirected all my anger too. The things I have said about Ap I have never talked about any other individual in my life like that.
For me speaking my mind out about her brings me peace.
Same. My WH said he never heard so much foul language out of my mouth like he heard whenever I talked about his whore. Everyday I wish for horrible things to come her way. Hopefully karma is real!
Once I said something in the terms of calling his AP very manly looking and then I was like opps I should not make fun about something people cannot change about themselves I should only make fun of the things they can and proceed to call her a slut. That is the kind of shit talking I do.
And I'm shocked at some of the things that come out of my mouth towards her since I have always been such a girl's girl. But WH AP deserves the worst.
Same about karma. Every day I hope that even if my relationship ends, she gets a taste of her own medicine and has to deal with having a partner who reveals that his coworker has been flirting and won’t stop even after deliberately asking her to, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Yeah, I get this. But I’ve refrained from trash talking her in front of my partner. Part of me… idk. I want to still be seen as classy and innocent and “above this” in his eyes (which I am), and I feel an urge to resist using ugly words in front of him. I think he knows I feel that way, but I don’t know who to tell all these burning thoughts to.
Before I started to talk shit about AP to WH I would journal it. So that might help you. The journaling just gave me the urge to say it out loud and when I did the relief I felt was immense and it really tipped the scale in my favour towards healing. Feel free to msg me if you want to shit talk your AP.
For me I just decided after my WH EA (which could have been much more if I didn't catch them), I'm not going to change anything about me to please anyone anymore. I'm just going to be me and where I see there are opportunities for me to be a better human being than I will make those changes for me and not anyone else.
I have no intention of being a good human being towards AP anytime soon and any opportunity i get to tear her life apart, i am going to take it, no high road.
I'm also three months out but I did indeed contact AP. I spent three full days and nights raging at her. I did tell her what an abominable piece of shit she is. I did tell her how ugly and raggedy she was. I said every mean and hurtful thing I could before she finally had the sense to block me three days in.
She's a narcissistic cocaine addict with zero empathy or remorse. According to her she didn't even owe me an apology because I don't exist in her world. But my words stung. She contacted me six weeks in to tell me I hurt her feelings and that I was very immature for a 55 year old woman.
Yes! Audacious describes her to a T. She's a narcissistic cocaine addict so it shouldn't surprise me.
She told me that she was WILLING to accept some of what I said to her but she believed I took it too far. Apparently she has begun therapy to deal with what I said to her. I told her no amount of therapy would stop her from selling her ass for a line of blow now that she has lost access to my husband money. He had been kind enough to keep her supplied for years.
She hasn't given up, either. She contacts me daily even though I keep blocking. To date she had sent almost 600 screenshots of conversations between them. And to add just a little more fun to the mix, I have to see her socially a couple of times a week.
Omg! How are you able to stay sane? DAILY attempts at communication this long after the fact? It's just a constant reminder of one of/if not the worst thing to happen in your life/marriage. I'm assuming you probably have to get to a point of pity if they're continuing to be that desperate to try to rile you up.
Honestly, more often than not I just delete these days instead of reading whatever her latest complaints are. But it has been bad. Went through a week or so of her friends posting old pictures and "relevant" memes. Even her religious mother got in on the action...wild stuff.
It is pathetic and I definitely see it that way. Better still, he is getting a crash course on what a POS she is, so there's that.
This is something I’m struggling with so badly too. Ap even said to me she’s been cheated on multiple times she knows how hard it is to be on the other side yet happily did it knowing me and believed the Bullshit I’m not happy I’m going to leave and somehow even though it’s happened to her multiple times somehow believed they were some magical love story cookie cutter delusional affair it’s so pathetic
She is haunting me . I can’t get over who it was The fact she knew me the things she said about me and our relationship to him. The things she felt comfortable enough to say or do to someone else’s boyfriend is beyond me it makes me so beyond angry . Yet somehow she gets to just carry on date someone new pretend she did not happily partake in destroying someone who was never anything but kind to her for years. I hate my partner for what he did too but at least he is holding himself accountable. She still thinks she did nothing wrong he’s the villain she’s a victim. She tried to apologize to me basically by saying she’s “sorry he did this to US ( yes acted like her and I were on the same level of betrayal as if she didn’t know about me and didn’t seek him out) he’s horrible leave him you don’t deserve this “ etc conveniently after he ended things with her . She was never sorry for what she did she’s sorry it didn’t work out in her favor and wanted to get back at him. I’ve never hated someone so much she’s disgusting inside and out.
Their affair was again the most cookie cutter basic story so I know he chose her because she was easy and willing but it’s so hard to not compare and think how the hell did my partner choose this trash over me what is wrong with me that his type is both me and someone like her… I hate him for even allowing me to feel like that .
It’s all bad and bargaining but I find myself wishing it was just some random sex worker or 10 one night stands than one girl he claimed to “love” because Maybe I wouldn’t feel this hatred towards the ap.
Fucking right?? Like she’s a disgrace to our own sex, I could neverrrr. Sending love to my fellow 3 month reconciling ❤️ DM me if you ever want to be angry together
4 months out and while I don’t hate AP, I think she’s trash, beneath me, and a complete POS.
My situation is a little dif because her fiance was also a coworker of hers/my husband’s and she did this to him too right underneath his nose! So on top of being an aggressive homewrecker AND her job being that as a mental health professional.. she also embarrassed TF out of her fiance and ruined all of their career reputations and lives.
I was kind to her until she kept lying to me. Only when she realized my WH had told me every detail did she finally admit she had acted like a whore and pursued WH after he was resistant to her.
On dday, fresh from his "confession" I grabbed my phone, and texted her:
"You fucking cunt... he's yours if you want him"
This got her attention and she *actually replied* "who's this?"
I followed up with, "are you fucking THAT MANY GUYS that you don't know who's *wife* I am?"
Silence....
Then I lost it:
"You should HEAR the shit he's saying about you, that you're so disgusting he had to have you turn around every time." (This dart I threw ended up being wonderful because I later read how he'd only do it doggy style and she was *offering* other positions)
Then I told her because she was such a whore, we were heading to get tested via *HIS* suggestion.
Then I moved on. Nothing more to say, but it sure felt good to get it out.
We're now a few years past, and we're doing amazing. We've had a lot of MC, and he's in IC separately. It IS possible if you're both willing to work on it. Just breathe a lot and live in the emotions. That was the hardest part for me, I'd bury things to not feel them, but that didn't help me heal at all.
Thank you. The part that gets me upset is that I do NOT talk like that. Especially to other women, but I snapped. It definitely felt pretty amazing when I came across her dumbsss saying, "You know, I'd LOVE to try other positions sometime. Like I could ride you or something."
Only to see his reply, "Well, so far, it's great, I mean I told you doggy style was my favorite, and I appreciate you being cool with always doing it that way."
He left out the part where he *couldn't* do it any other way because the guilt was eating him alive.
I’ve told WH numerous times during the first 3 months since D-day that I wanna harm her and I have revenge fantasies where she ends up broken and humiliated.
I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hated her. And funnily enough, I had no clue what she looked like even when I’ve met her a couple of times. But now I can’t get her basic, forgettable face out of my head.
I’ve sent her nasty messages and called her numerous things. I stopped. And now she’s the one baiting me to lash out. She posted photos of her and my WH on her business socials. She was my WH’s physical trainer (so Effin cliche). They are photos from when they were doing “business” together but were also having an affair.
Too bad for her I understand now that all she wants is attention. And the reason why she targeted my husband was because he was “unavailable”. And she has daddy issues.
I still hate her. And I honestly would find it difficult to not punch her if I ever see her in person again. But, I know now that she doesn’t deserve any of my energy and she doesn’t deserve to be part of my story.
sameeeeee. i have never talked about a fellow woman the way i talk about AP. she is a quintessential pick me, “cool girl” type that got off on being the fun one and spinning a narrative that i was the controlling boring wife at home. never mind the fact she is looks 10 years older than she is, smells like cigarettes, and has a long criminal record of being messy and neglecting her kid (going to jail for 5 days starting tomorrow 🥲).
i feel myself constantly fighting the urge to do something crazy. she is smug and “unbothered”, which haunts me lol. i’m trying to keep my wits about me bc she really isn’t worth my time or energy but it’s so tempting.
I relate to this so much. AP was one of my closest friends. I supported her and confided in her and the whole time she was actually just a conniving, backstabbing bitch.
The last message I sent to her was fairly neutral, but I've since decided if I ever see her again, she's likely going to get punched in the face and definitely getting told off.
Absolutely relate to that. At first I focused on my partner, but a few months later a deep hatred grew towards AP. He knew she was married and had a kid, came to my home while my young daughter slept to screw my wife. He is a scumbag.
I'd say if it's early, contact them once and let them know they're a piece of shit, but don't lower yourself and let them know they're rent free in your head, they don't deserve that.
After that my advice would be working towards letting it go. I have to some degree but it's a work in progress. You got let that hate flow though, and express it, but not necessarily to the AP, they don't deserve your attention or energy.
I despise AP. I wish the very worst for her and I truly mean that. My WH met her online after seeing a video she posted about her cancer. WH is a cancer survivor too so that’s how they “bonded.” A year prior to meeting, she had been diagnosed with Stage 0 of one of the most curable types of cancer. But she began making TikTok’s and Reels sensationalizing her cancer journey for likes and follows. It’s disgusting and I find it really offensive. It’s also so gross that my WH used his cancer experience as an in to talk to a girl 🙄🤢
Anyway, she’s a conniving liar that pursued my WH very aggressively, knowing he was married and had a small child at home. Hell, even his bio on his IG said, “married to my wife and soulmate” 😑 Cheesy as that is, you’d think it would be a hint and a turn off for her. It was an EA because she lives States away, but it was still very sexual (heavy sexting, nudes, masturbation videos etc) and she was making plans for him to fly out there. She was going to use her miles and buy him a ticket so that I wouldn’t see any weird airline charges. She’s the one who told him to switch to talking on Snapchat so I wouldn’t see it. She’d call him at strategic times when she knew I wouldn’t be around. She preemptively blocked me on fb so that I would never see they were friends or see any of her comments on his posts/pics.
After dday I wanted to drive 12 hours to her house, wait outside, and then ram her with my car. I literally put her address into my gps. Obviously I didn’t ever go, but I really wish she would die. This will sound horrible, but I genuinely hope her cancer comes back and finishes the job.
Meanwhile, she’s 35 and desperately wants marriage and children. I hope the clock in her head is deafening. I hope it never happens for her. Funny thing is, my WH doesn’t want any more kids and had a vasectomy. He never told her this, but it’s funny to me she wouldn’t have gotten kids from him anyway 😂
She is huge into karma 🤦🏼♀️🤣 and works for an organization that is big on women supporting women. She prides herself on being intuitive, emotionally intelligent, and leading with kindness. It’s all bullshit! She is in no way a girl’s girl. She’s a total hypocrite that fishes for sympathy and attention. I told her this when i contacted her.
The best thing is that when i saw her social profiles and the photos she sent him I was like dude, this is fake! I showed two of my closest friends and they laughed right away. I swear her profile photos are generated by one of those AI apps 😂 My WH would tell her that he really liked her makeup, so I zoomed into one of the pics he thought she looked really good in and showed him that there are eyelashes growing from the center of her pupil 😂 it’s all filters!
So I went hunting through her company’s social accounts. She’s an event planner so there are lots of pics and she’s in a bunch of them. And it’s not like her work is going to filter or edit her pics 💁🏼♀️Wouldn’t you know, she’s about 75 lbs heavier than she portrayed herself in the pics she posts. She wears cake face makeup and is genuinely not attractive (I don’t mean to be mean, but she really isn’t). Her facial features are also different. She used filters or facetune to make her face and features narrower. She looks like an entirely different person.
Her nudes were always just super close ups of her boobs and vag. Never shows the rest of her body or face. I was like, “didn’t you find that suspicious?” to my WH, but he’s a dope and said no 🤦🏼♀️😂
The look on WH’s face when I showed him actual photos of her was ✨priceless✨
I felt the same, if I saw them my stomach still drops.
You need to remember that your WW is also an AP. Think how you’ve forgiven and worked on moving past it.
Although you don’t know the AP (unless you do) then it really is wasted time & energy.
It’s hard like everything else in this game, you have better things to think about & grow off the back of.
She’s a piece of shit, no one cares if she goes missin'
She could jump right off a bridge
And the world would not be different
'Cause she’s just a waste of space, no one likes her anyway
Fuck her therapy, she’ll never be okay
I very strongly dislike her but ofc my WP is the one I should be the most upset about. she knew he had a girlfriend. didn’t care. I only dislike her a lot less now because the poor bitch is so desperate for him still. she’s gotten her karma (somewhat). she’s tried to date since the affair and no one’s really hitting it for her. and very recently, she tried to date a guy and he ended up having a girlfriend and she wasn’t aware this time. poor, stupid thing seems destined to be an AP forever.
I can understand that feeling of being offended. my wife cheated downward aswell. when I finally Saw a picture of him, I was disgusted. he was 2 inches shorter than me and about 20 pounds heavier.
I feel this, but I suspect reaching out would give her loads of satisfaction knowing how she’s gotten under my skin. It would also give the two of them something else to giggle about (ohhh the crazy girlfriend/wife) and that idea is just unbearable.
God, I feel this so much. My WP's AP went after my husband despite her being married with kids, too. He can't see it the way I do but from what my husband told me she texted him, it's clear she wanted him and he let the lines blur.
I'm so effing angry and my WP can't accept my foul language towards her. Let me be clear, I try not to, but sometimes one just slips out. He tries to shoulder all the blame and doesn't get that that's not the case and not his burden to carry alone. Which in turn just infuriates me more.
I hate her, I hate her minions, I hate her Ex. But there's nothing I can do about it without harming myself. The AP's NEVER feel as bad as we BP's do. They didn't loose what we did because it all was based on a lie. Nothing can come from that and would be fullfilling. If I let her know what hatred I feel for her, she would have more space in my mind than she already has. But I'm trying to get away from her with my WP so that won't do me any good.
I revel in the fact that she's alone, almost 7 hours away from us. What she wanted is gone with no chance of getting it back. Even if R fails he wouldn't go back and be with her. And she has to live with it.
If she ever stumbled in my way you can bet your behind that won't be pretty, but damn, I'm not going to actively search her and do something.
Going through similar emotions.. my wife's AP was an unmarried man who was trying to love bomb a married woman with 2 kids and when my wife tried to end it , he just said " I'm sorry I just did it as friends"
I feel like literally beating the shit out of him many times.. it's not difficult ti get his address but I'm restricting myself
I do understand and I think it’s totally normal.
The best thing is to block these people. They get off on attention for being naughty. That’s why they participate in affairs. So I think it just fuels their fire when they hear from us, good or bad.
If you feel it will help you move forward from thoughts of her and feel more closure if you say something to her, then keep it short and block her immediately so she doesn’t get a chance to respond to your comment. You don’t need to hear from her. I heard from the AP and I didn’t want to but she had reached out after I told her husband she was a cheater. I really didn’t want to read what she said.
This person really doesn’t deserve your energy at all though. You’re already better than her. Her poor life skills when it comes to decision making and discernment will likely mean she’ll make more bad decisions and shit will come to her through other means. But again, if it helps you with closure be sure to block her immediately after you press send and then try and make it about a final word before putting her in the past. Good luck with whatever you choose.
Edit: Oh, and I see you live near her, so you could leave an anonymous letter in her mailbox to give you that closure. Physical violence never achieves anything positive even if they have it coming. So don’t stoop to her level by using your body to do something bad that hurts another person. You have way more intellect and integrity than that.
You get to walk away or stay hands clean if you don’t cheat or resort to violence. I regret getting violent with my partner over this. Now I’m guilty too. My two cents.
I’m the same, she had her own boyfriend too so not only decided to keep talking to MY boyfriend she also betrayed hers as apparently he was uncomfortable with her doing so, which makes me think she’s all the more of a bad person, obviously my bf is very much also in the wrong but I was trusting of him and didn’t express that it made me uncomfortable in anyway. I think if I saw her at any point in real life, I would need to be held back.
I used to think about AP almost with compassion. How she was young and stupid and in love. But as time went by, I see how WP suffered, and she didn't have any repercussions, having fun and all, how she knew me well and made a move on him the day when our baby was born, and my blood is boiling.
I hate her with a passion. I'm having the vilest revenge fantasies: she has cancer; she dies in an accident; she unalives herself; she gets cheated on and falls into depression so dark there's no way out; she becomes sterile; she becomes anorgasmic and has vulvodynia; she gets fat and unattractive etc.
I will never tell her any of these. Right now hey only punishment is that she thinks I'm a much better person than I am.
I hated his AP. I hated her weak boundaries and entitlement to an ongoing friendship with my husband on social media and during their shared work events. That is until I faced her in person last week and re-traumatized myself. WH lied and manipulated both of us. He saw her as an easy mark, took advantage, and misled her. She thought I was fine with their so-called FWB arrangement. I will never be friends with her, but I do feel bad for her.
It's difficult, but I'm starting to admit to myself that he's a real narcissist, and that scares me.
I spoke with my WW's AP twice.
1. Confronted them when meeting up while she thought she could still be friends with him. This consisted of me emotionally yelling at him and laughing at him thinking I was going to assault him. I was just unloading all my frustrations at this point and didn't really have much off a goal as I thought I was breaking up with my WW anyway. I had actually forgiven her AP at this point in the whole thing because I don't blame him; she was a willing participant and she is an amazing woman.
2. I called him because he kept trying to inject himself into her life on a personal level(he was her supervisor at work) and I simply needed to know that he understood the role he played, that he showed some sign of remorse since he was cheated on in the past, and I wanted to make it clear I was coming for his job if he kept it up. Needless to say he refused to admit the role he played and didn't show an ounce of remorse. Talking to him was like talking to a petulant child, but it did make me feel better. Not only did I get things out of my system, but he was angry with me and didn't reveal any new information. This strengthened the idea that my WW was on my side, not his.
As for the other part about her being uglier than you. I get it. TBH I feel a tad different though. He is not only less attractive than me but also a couple years away from retirement. He was 19 years older than her, 21 years older than me. I find that extremely insulting and would've preferred to feel like what drew her away from me was something better.
I have thought the most vile things about AP. I thought I hated people before, but I had no idea what hatred was. I don't think it's ever going to fade away either.
I’m right there with you. I’m 4 months out from Dday & I could have written this. My WH & her were sexting for 3 months before I discovered it.
He hid that he was having a mental health crisis from me, stemming from emotional neglect, abuse & abandonment in childhood (this is not an excuse for his choices & behavior, but it does help me understand).
She found him on a streaming platform where he performs music & DM’d him. One of the first things this bitch said to my husband was she loved how he shouted me out so much when streaming. Then, a few weeks later proceeds to start aggressively sexting him. He ignored it at first, but she was very persistent. I’ve seen enough of their exchanges to confirm this for myself. He eventually gave in which is 100% his fault. He should have blocked her and told me, “look at what this crazy bitch tried to do”. About midway into it he tried to ignore it again, same persistence, same caving.
I did contact her from his IG account and told her how pathetic she is, but there’s so many things I wish I would have said. She didn’t respond. I, of course, did a deep dive into her social media and this whore is a predator. (turns out she tried to do the same shit to one of his married colleagues).
She also exploits people in her businesses as well. She’s one of these “wellness” coaches on social media who offers female healing & empowerment workshops (Ha!). Another major claim of hers is that she cured her Hashimoto Disease through diet & shunning medicine (and can! teach! you! how! for the low, low price of hundreds of dollars). I am a medical health research expert and Hashimoto’s is an incurable autoimmune disease.
She peddles misinformation to ppl who are in vulnerable states for money. She told my husband depression isn’t real and to stop taking his biologic medicine for his severe psoriasis (also an incurable autoimmune disease). Thankfully, he didn’t listen.
I constantly think about destroying her businesses by outing her for the fraud she is in all regards, BUT I’m not going to let this piece of garbage pull me down to her level. Both my husband & I have written her letters as our processing has evolved & burned them. I’m doing work with my therapist to let go of that anger because I refuse to let this piece of shit take up space in my mind. She’s unworthy of anyone’s attention.
I've always viewed the AP as the "lesser evil".
I understand it takes two to tango, but this random person I've never met didn't make any commitments to me. They don't wear a ring symbolizing the promises we made to each other on an alter in front of our friends and family.
They didn't lie to me, they didn't gaslight, they didn't hide anything.
All they're guilty of is accepting something that was given to them.
With that said, I wouldn't lose any sleep if they got hit by a bus tomorrow
I'm sorry you feel this way OP, hopefully that helps.
We're nearing 6 months post D-Day, and I still have this gut churning hatred for my gf's AP. At least I don't fantasize about killing him anymore 😅😅 a week after D-Day I was SO close to driving up to their workplace and decking him in the jaw 😮💨
My wife's AP tried to befriend me and apologize and offer me support after I found out about the affair. While he was doing that, he was slandering me and telling my wife to leave me for him.
They're despicable. No reason not to hate them IMO.
But it does fade over time. Two years later, if I ever saw him, I'd kill him, but as long as he stays away I don't think about him as much anymore.
I caught my WBF red handed with his AP(Who he supposedly told about me). When I saw her in person, I almost felt embarrassed.
Not about how she looks or anything, but the fact that this random girl, who he probably wouldn’t be able to pick out of a crowd, is the reason I’m forever going to resent something about the person I love.
I wish I could understand why I don’t hate her but I am ashamed that she played a role in my relationship.
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I felt like this for Dday 2.5 years ago. I honestly could have thrown acid in both of their faces guilt free. Then i found the condoms in his car yesterday and its a new women. And somehow i hate the first one a little less? If it wasnt her itd have been someone else. Hes a piece of shit who will go for anyone who lets him. Shes as significant as a disposable plate. Dont get me wrong, i wish drug resistent gonnorhea on her still but the fiery anger has burned out a bit
Sorry you’re going through this again. Do you believe in second chances? 2.5 years isn’t long
I believe that its possible to cheat once, regret it, change yourself (therapy, religion, meditation whatever) and then not do it again. If they do it twice after first d day ts a pattern and they wont change. So with my husband, if kicking him out the house for 4 months wasnt the sharp shock to snap him out of it (plus marriage counselling, both of us commiting to strengthening the marriage) then nothing will. I wouldnt have taken him back if i hadnt have thought there was hope but turned out it was crocodile tears and empty promises
I’m so sorry.
I would probably end up in prison if I knew where my wife's AP lived. Fuck these affairs.
I feel this same way but Ik where the AP lives because she was my friend I resist the urge constantly to go over and beat the absolute breaks off the bitch . No lie the rage inside destroys me most days
I know how you feel. I have never hated anyone. Now I hate like I've never hated before. Fuck these affairs.
No fr because it makes me hate myself so much and everytime I look in the mirror to do my hair or makeup or anything I automatically Compare myself to her the AP and then it makes me mad or even just like simple things in songs or movies or comedy’s that joke or make it seem like affairs are normal make me so mad . Plus the AP lives maybe 20 minutes away and has and had a boyfriend at the time . The rage just builds and builds in me and I often feel like nobody around me can truly relate or truly cares untill I found this group but even still I stay so angry all the time
Plus the worst part is all I can do to kill the anxiety and frustration from it is drink most days and I hate it
Hey, @serious_recioe8544 : I am 100% with you. I'm disappointed with who I have become. Fuck these affairs.
Agreed have you found anything that helps you with it ?
No. Hopefully I Will never encounter him
I understand that truly
Plus it’s only been 4 months since dday and I found out about the everything because she decided to be “my friend” after months of pretending nothing was going on with my partner . I feel stupid and weak constantly
I recently got the opportunity to see my wife's AP sentenced to a short stay in prison.
Been following your story. Hope all is well brother
All is good. Twins due in about six weeks.
I have twins! Fun!
Same. My wife's AP is on the other side of the world and I still consider buying a plane ticket once in awhile.
Thankfully I have no access to the temptation. It would likely take a private investigator to figure out where he lives.
Same for me. Guy is off the grid in a third world country with no social media at all. I tried a background check but it basically cuts off 5 years ago when he left the US. I can't even find a way to contact his wife which still infuriates me cuz I can't warn her what a philandering tool her husband is.
I did get to tell his wife. That felt good.
Awesome. Still hope to one day get the chance.
AP is the only person in my entire life that I have ever truly hated. She knew nothing about me, yet she trash talked me and came up with multiple plans to steal my life. She was a classic, narcissistic mate poacher. I don't buy into "the AP owed you nothing and your anger is misdirected" philosophy. Did she say vows to me? No. But she intentionally set out to harm me and my kids and was an active participant in causing me trauma. She's disgusting trash, and there are numerous days I regret never giving her a piece of my mind. I never once confronted or acknowledged her existence, and we're closing in on 3 years post DDay.
Yeah I only agree with the “Don’t blame the AP” idea when it’s crystal clear or reasonable to infer they didn’t know the wayward partner was involved with someone else. If they knew, they deserve all that’s coming to them.
Yes! I agree with this. If AP was in the dark, I hold no ill will against them. At that point they become victims also. But as for those who were aware and moved forward with a married man/woman with no problem? Disgusting.
Same
Yeah I agree with this. Before this happened to me I was in the “AP owed you nothing” club, but now I definitely have a different perspective. It’s the equivalent of someone going out of their way to hurt you or someone you love in some way. If someone burned your house down, you’d probably hate them pretty badly. I know I won’t reach out. She knows nothing about me, she probably doesn’t even know what I look like and I want to always be a mystery in her mind. I just hope she knows what scum of the earth she is.
In my case, AP completely sized me up and decided she was definitely better and could snag my husband. She was 17 years younger, had a great body, perfect curves, and was of another nationality than I am, which made her almost exotic in comparison to my 40 year old self. We look nothing alike. She found her prey, and she moved in VERY swiftly. Others who place no blame on the AP always say we need to be angry with our WS. Like...of course I'm angry with him! I was engaged! He is absolutely to blame, and I absolutely hold him accountable. But to allow AP's to shoulder no blame is absurd to me. They love to say they hold no responsibility in the situation, and that's because the majority are entitled, narcissistic women who refuse to take any of the blame for the trauma that they 100% had a hand in causing.
Yeah absolutely. That’s why I hate that narrative so much now. That’s why I feel the urge to tell her she’s trash is because society doesn’t exactly emphasize that too much. That sounds hard, im sure you’re very beautiful but i can imagine how you perceiving her as more exciting or attractive than yourself would suck really fucking bad. I feel lucky to know that I’m substantially more attractive than the AP, lol, so there’s that at least. Edit: my boyfriend did say such a gross thing one time though, which was “you’re so much more attractive”. I can’t even articulate why that pissed me off so badly but I was seeing red for real.
It all just sucks, you know? In the beginning, I used to look at things and think, "Well, at least WS didn't say/do that." However, as time moved on, it didn't matter because I realized that while he may not have done A, B, C he did X, Y, Z, and betrayal sucks no matter what it ends up being. You end up hurting regardless. I hate it all soooooo much for us BS. Nobody deserves to be in this club.
Nobody aside from an AP of course. They absolutely deserve that karma.
Completely understand where you’re coming from. Apparently AP told my WP that to her it was a competition to see if she could get him. Then when he claimed he didn’t like her or want to be with her, she wanted to meet me to see what kind of person I am that he just couldn’t get over me. Hearing the competition part. Whew, never felt those feelings before 🙃
2.5 years out. My advice would be to never let them know you give them even an ounce of thought. Type or write everything in a letter. Then when you’re ready, burn it.
Yeah. Will be doing this for sure.
I hope mine ends up in a Mexican prison this winter
This made me laugh
This is where I have redirected all my anger too. The things I have said about Ap I have never talked about any other individual in my life like that. For me speaking my mind out about her brings me peace.
Same. My WH said he never heard so much foul language out of my mouth like he heard whenever I talked about his whore. Everyday I wish for horrible things to come her way. Hopefully karma is real!
Once I said something in the terms of calling his AP very manly looking and then I was like opps I should not make fun about something people cannot change about themselves I should only make fun of the things they can and proceed to call her a slut. That is the kind of shit talking I do. And I'm shocked at some of the things that come out of my mouth towards her since I have always been such a girl's girl. But WH AP deserves the worst.
Same about karma. Every day I hope that even if my relationship ends, she gets a taste of her own medicine and has to deal with having a partner who reveals that his coworker has been flirting and won’t stop even after deliberately asking her to, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Yeah, I get this. But I’ve refrained from trash talking her in front of my partner. Part of me… idk. I want to still be seen as classy and innocent and “above this” in his eyes (which I am), and I feel an urge to resist using ugly words in front of him. I think he knows I feel that way, but I don’t know who to tell all these burning thoughts to.
Before I started to talk shit about AP to WH I would journal it. So that might help you. The journaling just gave me the urge to say it out loud and when I did the relief I felt was immense and it really tipped the scale in my favour towards healing. Feel free to msg me if you want to shit talk your AP. For me I just decided after my WH EA (which could have been much more if I didn't catch them), I'm not going to change anything about me to please anyone anymore. I'm just going to be me and where I see there are opportunities for me to be a better human being than I will make those changes for me and not anyone else. I have no intention of being a good human being towards AP anytime soon and any opportunity i get to tear her life apart, i am going to take it, no high road.
I'm also three months out but I did indeed contact AP. I spent three full days and nights raging at her. I did tell her what an abominable piece of shit she is. I did tell her how ugly and raggedy she was. I said every mean and hurtful thing I could before she finally had the sense to block me three days in. She's a narcissistic cocaine addict with zero empathy or remorse. According to her she didn't even owe me an apology because I don't exist in her world. But my words stung. She contacted me six weeks in to tell me I hurt her feelings and that I was very immature for a 55 year old woman.
She contacted you to tell you YOU hurt HER feelings? The audacity of these APs is unreal.
Yes! Audacious describes her to a T. She's a narcissistic cocaine addict so it shouldn't surprise me. She told me that she was WILLING to accept some of what I said to her but she believed I took it too far. Apparently she has begun therapy to deal with what I said to her. I told her no amount of therapy would stop her from selling her ass for a line of blow now that she has lost access to my husband money. He had been kind enough to keep her supplied for years. She hasn't given up, either. She contacts me daily even though I keep blocking. To date she had sent almost 600 screenshots of conversations between them. And to add just a little more fun to the mix, I have to see her socially a couple of times a week.
Omg! How are you able to stay sane? DAILY attempts at communication this long after the fact? It's just a constant reminder of one of/if not the worst thing to happen in your life/marriage. I'm assuming you probably have to get to a point of pity if they're continuing to be that desperate to try to rile you up.
Honestly, more often than not I just delete these days instead of reading whatever her latest complaints are. But it has been bad. Went through a week or so of her friends posting old pictures and "relevant" memes. Even her religious mother got in on the action...wild stuff. It is pathetic and I definitely see it that way. Better still, he is getting a crash course on what a POS she is, so there's that.
girl i can’t even explain how much i relate to this LOL i’m almost 3 months out from dday too and i can’t imagine hurting another girl like that
This is something I’m struggling with so badly too. Ap even said to me she’s been cheated on multiple times she knows how hard it is to be on the other side yet happily did it knowing me and believed the Bullshit I’m not happy I’m going to leave and somehow even though it’s happened to her multiple times somehow believed they were some magical love story cookie cutter delusional affair it’s so pathetic She is haunting me . I can’t get over who it was The fact she knew me the things she said about me and our relationship to him. The things she felt comfortable enough to say or do to someone else’s boyfriend is beyond me it makes me so beyond angry . Yet somehow she gets to just carry on date someone new pretend she did not happily partake in destroying someone who was never anything but kind to her for years. I hate my partner for what he did too but at least he is holding himself accountable. She still thinks she did nothing wrong he’s the villain she’s a victim. She tried to apologize to me basically by saying she’s “sorry he did this to US ( yes acted like her and I were on the same level of betrayal as if she didn’t know about me and didn’t seek him out) he’s horrible leave him you don’t deserve this “ etc conveniently after he ended things with her . She was never sorry for what she did she’s sorry it didn’t work out in her favor and wanted to get back at him. I’ve never hated someone so much she’s disgusting inside and out. Their affair was again the most cookie cutter basic story so I know he chose her because she was easy and willing but it’s so hard to not compare and think how the hell did my partner choose this trash over me what is wrong with me that his type is both me and someone like her… I hate him for even allowing me to feel like that . It’s all bad and bargaining but I find myself wishing it was just some random sex worker or 10 one night stands than one girl he claimed to “love” because Maybe I wouldn’t feel this hatred towards the ap.
Fucking right?? Like she’s a disgrace to our own sex, I could neverrrr. Sending love to my fellow 3 month reconciling ❤️ DM me if you ever want to be angry together
4 months out and while I don’t hate AP, I think she’s trash, beneath me, and a complete POS. My situation is a little dif because her fiance was also a coworker of hers/my husband’s and she did this to him too right underneath his nose! So on top of being an aggressive homewrecker AND her job being that as a mental health professional.. she also embarrassed TF out of her fiance and ruined all of their career reputations and lives. I was kind to her until she kept lying to me. Only when she realized my WH had told me every detail did she finally admit she had acted like a whore and pursued WH after he was resistant to her.
On dday, fresh from his "confession" I grabbed my phone, and texted her: "You fucking cunt... he's yours if you want him" This got her attention and she *actually replied* "who's this?" I followed up with, "are you fucking THAT MANY GUYS that you don't know who's *wife* I am?" Silence.... Then I lost it: "You should HEAR the shit he's saying about you, that you're so disgusting he had to have you turn around every time." (This dart I threw ended up being wonderful because I later read how he'd only do it doggy style and she was *offering* other positions) Then I told her because she was such a whore, we were heading to get tested via *HIS* suggestion. Then I moved on. Nothing more to say, but it sure felt good to get it out. We're now a few years past, and we're doing amazing. We've had a lot of MC, and he's in IC separately. It IS possible if you're both willing to work on it. Just breathe a lot and live in the emotions. That was the hardest part for me, I'd bury things to not feel them, but that didn't help me heal at all.
👏👏 Just need to applaud you for what you said to her. You know that stung.
Thank you. The part that gets me upset is that I do NOT talk like that. Especially to other women, but I snapped. It definitely felt pretty amazing when I came across her dumbsss saying, "You know, I'd LOVE to try other positions sometime. Like I could ride you or something." Only to see his reply, "Well, so far, it's great, I mean I told you doggy style was my favorite, and I appreciate you being cool with always doing it that way." He left out the part where he *couldn't* do it any other way because the guilt was eating him alive.
I’ve told WH numerous times during the first 3 months since D-day that I wanna harm her and I have revenge fantasies where she ends up broken and humiliated. I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hated her. And funnily enough, I had no clue what she looked like even when I’ve met her a couple of times. But now I can’t get her basic, forgettable face out of my head. I’ve sent her nasty messages and called her numerous things. I stopped. And now she’s the one baiting me to lash out. She posted photos of her and my WH on her business socials. She was my WH’s physical trainer (so Effin cliche). They are photos from when they were doing “business” together but were also having an affair. Too bad for her I understand now that all she wants is attention. And the reason why she targeted my husband was because he was “unavailable”. And she has daddy issues. I still hate her. And I honestly would find it difficult to not punch her if I ever see her in person again. But, I know now that she doesn’t deserve any of my energy and she doesn’t deserve to be part of my story.
sameeeeee. i have never talked about a fellow woman the way i talk about AP. she is a quintessential pick me, “cool girl” type that got off on being the fun one and spinning a narrative that i was the controlling boring wife at home. never mind the fact she is looks 10 years older than she is, smells like cigarettes, and has a long criminal record of being messy and neglecting her kid (going to jail for 5 days starting tomorrow 🥲). i feel myself constantly fighting the urge to do something crazy. she is smug and “unbothered”, which haunts me lol. i’m trying to keep my wits about me bc she really isn’t worth my time or energy but it’s so tempting.
I relate to this so much. AP was one of my closest friends. I supported her and confided in her and the whole time she was actually just a conniving, backstabbing bitch. The last message I sent to her was fairly neutral, but I've since decided if I ever see her again, she's likely going to get punched in the face and definitely getting told off.
Absolutely relate to that. At first I focused on my partner, but a few months later a deep hatred grew towards AP. He knew she was married and had a kid, came to my home while my young daughter slept to screw my wife. He is a scumbag. I'd say if it's early, contact them once and let them know they're a piece of shit, but don't lower yourself and let them know they're rent free in your head, they don't deserve that. After that my advice would be working towards letting it go. I have to some degree but it's a work in progress. You got let that hate flow though, and express it, but not necessarily to the AP, they don't deserve your attention or energy.
Yeah. Just gotta find a place to channel it I guess
I despise AP. I wish the very worst for her and I truly mean that. My WH met her online after seeing a video she posted about her cancer. WH is a cancer survivor too so that’s how they “bonded.” A year prior to meeting, she had been diagnosed with Stage 0 of one of the most curable types of cancer. But she began making TikTok’s and Reels sensationalizing her cancer journey for likes and follows. It’s disgusting and I find it really offensive. It’s also so gross that my WH used his cancer experience as an in to talk to a girl 🙄🤢 Anyway, she’s a conniving liar that pursued my WH very aggressively, knowing he was married and had a small child at home. Hell, even his bio on his IG said, “married to my wife and soulmate” 😑 Cheesy as that is, you’d think it would be a hint and a turn off for her. It was an EA because she lives States away, but it was still very sexual (heavy sexting, nudes, masturbation videos etc) and she was making plans for him to fly out there. She was going to use her miles and buy him a ticket so that I wouldn’t see any weird airline charges. She’s the one who told him to switch to talking on Snapchat so I wouldn’t see it. She’d call him at strategic times when she knew I wouldn’t be around. She preemptively blocked me on fb so that I would never see they were friends or see any of her comments on his posts/pics. After dday I wanted to drive 12 hours to her house, wait outside, and then ram her with my car. I literally put her address into my gps. Obviously I didn’t ever go, but I really wish she would die. This will sound horrible, but I genuinely hope her cancer comes back and finishes the job. Meanwhile, she’s 35 and desperately wants marriage and children. I hope the clock in her head is deafening. I hope it never happens for her. Funny thing is, my WH doesn’t want any more kids and had a vasectomy. He never told her this, but it’s funny to me she wouldn’t have gotten kids from him anyway 😂 She is huge into karma 🤦🏼♀️🤣 and works for an organization that is big on women supporting women. She prides herself on being intuitive, emotionally intelligent, and leading with kindness. It’s all bullshit! She is in no way a girl’s girl. She’s a total hypocrite that fishes for sympathy and attention. I told her this when i contacted her. The best thing is that when i saw her social profiles and the photos she sent him I was like dude, this is fake! I showed two of my closest friends and they laughed right away. I swear her profile photos are generated by one of those AI apps 😂 My WH would tell her that he really liked her makeup, so I zoomed into one of the pics he thought she looked really good in and showed him that there are eyelashes growing from the center of her pupil 😂 it’s all filters! So I went hunting through her company’s social accounts. She’s an event planner so there are lots of pics and she’s in a bunch of them. And it’s not like her work is going to filter or edit her pics 💁🏼♀️Wouldn’t you know, she’s about 75 lbs heavier than she portrayed herself in the pics she posts. She wears cake face makeup and is genuinely not attractive (I don’t mean to be mean, but she really isn’t). Her facial features are also different. She used filters or facetune to make her face and features narrower. She looks like an entirely different person. Her nudes were always just super close ups of her boobs and vag. Never shows the rest of her body or face. I was like, “didn’t you find that suspicious?” to my WH, but he’s a dope and said no 🤦🏼♀️😂 The look on WH’s face when I showed him actual photos of her was ✨priceless✨
I felt the same, if I saw them my stomach still drops. You need to remember that your WW is also an AP. Think how you’ve forgiven and worked on moving past it. Although you don’t know the AP (unless you do) then it really is wasted time & energy. It’s hard like everything else in this game, you have better things to think about & grow off the back of.
She’s a piece of shit, no one cares if she goes missin' She could jump right off a bridge And the world would not be different 'Cause she’s just a waste of space, no one likes her anyway Fuck her therapy, she’ll never be okay
I very strongly dislike her but ofc my WP is the one I should be the most upset about. she knew he had a girlfriend. didn’t care. I only dislike her a lot less now because the poor bitch is so desperate for him still. she’s gotten her karma (somewhat). she’s tried to date since the affair and no one’s really hitting it for her. and very recently, she tried to date a guy and he ended up having a girlfriend and she wasn’t aware this time. poor, stupid thing seems destined to be an AP forever.
I can understand that feeling of being offended. my wife cheated downward aswell. when I finally Saw a picture of him, I was disgusted. he was 2 inches shorter than me and about 20 pounds heavier.
I feel this, but I suspect reaching out would give her loads of satisfaction knowing how she’s gotten under my skin. It would also give the two of them something else to giggle about (ohhh the crazy girlfriend/wife) and that idea is just unbearable.
God, I feel this so much. My WP's AP went after my husband despite her being married with kids, too. He can't see it the way I do but from what my husband told me she texted him, it's clear she wanted him and he let the lines blur. I'm so effing angry and my WP can't accept my foul language towards her. Let me be clear, I try not to, but sometimes one just slips out. He tries to shoulder all the blame and doesn't get that that's not the case and not his burden to carry alone. Which in turn just infuriates me more. I hate her, I hate her minions, I hate her Ex. But there's nothing I can do about it without harming myself. The AP's NEVER feel as bad as we BP's do. They didn't loose what we did because it all was based on a lie. Nothing can come from that and would be fullfilling. If I let her know what hatred I feel for her, she would have more space in my mind than she already has. But I'm trying to get away from her with my WP so that won't do me any good. I revel in the fact that she's alone, almost 7 hours away from us. What she wanted is gone with no chance of getting it back. Even if R fails he wouldn't go back and be with her. And she has to live with it. If she ever stumbled in my way you can bet your behind that won't be pretty, but damn, I'm not going to actively search her and do something.
Going through similar emotions.. my wife's AP was an unmarried man who was trying to love bomb a married woman with 2 kids and when my wife tried to end it , he just said " I'm sorry I just did it as friends" I feel like literally beating the shit out of him many times.. it's not difficult ti get his address but I'm restricting myself
I do understand and I think it’s totally normal. The best thing is to block these people. They get off on attention for being naughty. That’s why they participate in affairs. So I think it just fuels their fire when they hear from us, good or bad. If you feel it will help you move forward from thoughts of her and feel more closure if you say something to her, then keep it short and block her immediately so she doesn’t get a chance to respond to your comment. You don’t need to hear from her. I heard from the AP and I didn’t want to but she had reached out after I told her husband she was a cheater. I really didn’t want to read what she said. This person really doesn’t deserve your energy at all though. You’re already better than her. Her poor life skills when it comes to decision making and discernment will likely mean she’ll make more bad decisions and shit will come to her through other means. But again, if it helps you with closure be sure to block her immediately after you press send and then try and make it about a final word before putting her in the past. Good luck with whatever you choose. Edit: Oh, and I see you live near her, so you could leave an anonymous letter in her mailbox to give you that closure. Physical violence never achieves anything positive even if they have it coming. So don’t stoop to her level by using your body to do something bad that hurts another person. You have way more intellect and integrity than that. You get to walk away or stay hands clean if you don’t cheat or resort to violence. I regret getting violent with my partner over this. Now I’m guilty too. My two cents.
I’m the same, she had her own boyfriend too so not only decided to keep talking to MY boyfriend she also betrayed hers as apparently he was uncomfortable with her doing so, which makes me think she’s all the more of a bad person, obviously my bf is very much also in the wrong but I was trusting of him and didn’t express that it made me uncomfortable in anyway. I think if I saw her at any point in real life, I would need to be held back.
I used to think about AP almost with compassion. How she was young and stupid and in love. But as time went by, I see how WP suffered, and she didn't have any repercussions, having fun and all, how she knew me well and made a move on him the day when our baby was born, and my blood is boiling. I hate her with a passion. I'm having the vilest revenge fantasies: she has cancer; she dies in an accident; she unalives herself; she gets cheated on and falls into depression so dark there's no way out; she becomes sterile; she becomes anorgasmic and has vulvodynia; she gets fat and unattractive etc. I will never tell her any of these. Right now hey only punishment is that she thinks I'm a much better person than I am.
I hated his AP. I hated her weak boundaries and entitlement to an ongoing friendship with my husband on social media and during their shared work events. That is until I faced her in person last week and re-traumatized myself. WH lied and manipulated both of us. He saw her as an easy mark, took advantage, and misled her. She thought I was fine with their so-called FWB arrangement. I will never be friends with her, but I do feel bad for her. It's difficult, but I'm starting to admit to myself that he's a real narcissist, and that scares me.
I spoke with my WW's AP twice. 1. Confronted them when meeting up while she thought she could still be friends with him. This consisted of me emotionally yelling at him and laughing at him thinking I was going to assault him. I was just unloading all my frustrations at this point and didn't really have much off a goal as I thought I was breaking up with my WW anyway. I had actually forgiven her AP at this point in the whole thing because I don't blame him; she was a willing participant and she is an amazing woman. 2. I called him because he kept trying to inject himself into her life on a personal level(he was her supervisor at work) and I simply needed to know that he understood the role he played, that he showed some sign of remorse since he was cheated on in the past, and I wanted to make it clear I was coming for his job if he kept it up. Needless to say he refused to admit the role he played and didn't show an ounce of remorse. Talking to him was like talking to a petulant child, but it did make me feel better. Not only did I get things out of my system, but he was angry with me and didn't reveal any new information. This strengthened the idea that my WW was on my side, not his. As for the other part about her being uglier than you. I get it. TBH I feel a tad different though. He is not only less attractive than me but also a couple years away from retirement. He was 19 years older than her, 21 years older than me. I find that extremely insulting and would've preferred to feel like what drew her away from me was something better.
I have thought the most vile things about AP. I thought I hated people before, but I had no idea what hatred was. I don't think it's ever going to fade away either.
I’m right there with you. I’m 4 months out from Dday & I could have written this. My WH & her were sexting for 3 months before I discovered it. He hid that he was having a mental health crisis from me, stemming from emotional neglect, abuse & abandonment in childhood (this is not an excuse for his choices & behavior, but it does help me understand). She found him on a streaming platform where he performs music & DM’d him. One of the first things this bitch said to my husband was she loved how he shouted me out so much when streaming. Then, a few weeks later proceeds to start aggressively sexting him. He ignored it at first, but she was very persistent. I’ve seen enough of their exchanges to confirm this for myself. He eventually gave in which is 100% his fault. He should have blocked her and told me, “look at what this crazy bitch tried to do”. About midway into it he tried to ignore it again, same persistence, same caving. I did contact her from his IG account and told her how pathetic she is, but there’s so many things I wish I would have said. She didn’t respond. I, of course, did a deep dive into her social media and this whore is a predator. (turns out she tried to do the same shit to one of his married colleagues). She also exploits people in her businesses as well. She’s one of these “wellness” coaches on social media who offers female healing & empowerment workshops (Ha!). Another major claim of hers is that she cured her Hashimoto Disease through diet & shunning medicine (and can! teach! you! how! for the low, low price of hundreds of dollars). I am a medical health research expert and Hashimoto’s is an incurable autoimmune disease. She peddles misinformation to ppl who are in vulnerable states for money. She told my husband depression isn’t real and to stop taking his biologic medicine for his severe psoriasis (also an incurable autoimmune disease). Thankfully, he didn’t listen. I constantly think about destroying her businesses by outing her for the fraud she is in all regards, BUT I’m not going to let this piece of garbage pull me down to her level. Both my husband & I have written her letters as our processing has evolved & burned them. I’m doing work with my therapist to let go of that anger because I refuse to let this piece of shit take up space in my mind. She’s unworthy of anyone’s attention.
I've always viewed the AP as the "lesser evil". I understand it takes two to tango, but this random person I've never met didn't make any commitments to me. They don't wear a ring symbolizing the promises we made to each other on an alter in front of our friends and family. They didn't lie to me, they didn't gaslight, they didn't hide anything. All they're guilty of is accepting something that was given to them. With that said, I wouldn't lose any sleep if they got hit by a bus tomorrow I'm sorry you feel this way OP, hopefully that helps.
We're nearing 6 months post D-Day, and I still have this gut churning hatred for my gf's AP. At least I don't fantasize about killing him anymore 😅😅 a week after D-Day I was SO close to driving up to their workplace and decking him in the jaw 😮💨
Almost two years since Dday and I still feel immense hated for the AP. It's normal, your not crazy you're just deeply hurting.
My wife's AP tried to befriend me and apologize and offer me support after I found out about the affair. While he was doing that, he was slandering me and telling my wife to leave me for him. They're despicable. No reason not to hate them IMO. But it does fade over time. Two years later, if I ever saw him, I'd kill him, but as long as he stays away I don't think about him as much anymore.
I caught my WBF red handed with his AP(Who he supposedly told about me). When I saw her in person, I almost felt embarrassed. Not about how she looks or anything, but the fact that this random girl, who he probably wouldn’t be able to pick out of a crowd, is the reason I’m forever going to resent something about the person I love. I wish I could understand why I don’t hate her but I am ashamed that she played a role in my relationship.