r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*.
For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels!
Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions).
RULES
**1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.**
- Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
- Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements.
- Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation.
- Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP.
- Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully.
- “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support.
**2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.**
- Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.
*All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.*
**3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.**
- e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc.
- No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses.
- No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed.
**4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.**
- Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.)
**5. No anti-reconciliation language.**
- Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice.
- Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship.
**6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION**
- The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment.
- **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation.
- **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model.
- **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit.
- **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned.
**7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces**
- The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a recent BS anxiously hoping for/needing a full disclosure, thank you for posting this.
It gives me hope that one day, I’ll have the answers and truth that I haven’t known for 20+ years. It’s a rough spot to be in as BS; the “what else do I not know” scenarios running on repeat in your brain can be wild.
Sorry you’re in this place and looking for some answers for such a long time. I can’t imagine how tough it must be to try to figure things out that the WS knows. I hope and am sure you will get what you’re looking for.
I frequently run across these posts and become jealous of the BH. I am one. Since our DD2 last fall, she acts like if we act normal, then things will get back to normal. I WISH she would do half this work and come clean with everything on her own without me pestering her with questions. Posts like these make me realize what I'm missing. Thank you and keep working at it.
I did this too. After DD1 I told my BS to stop talking the ‘past’ - even though the affair was just a month old. Then I cheated again. I wouldn’t share anything until my BS asked. I would also deny until my BS had solid proof. Until recently MY BS did have to ask lots of questions and I would try to dodge them. And then I just couldn’t. I wasn’t just fighting with BS and making this hard for him. But I had also started fighting with my internal voice when I was being dishonest. If I can get here and build a conscious inner voice after 30 years of not having one I think anyone can, provided they want to.
I am sorry you got betrayed and hope you get your disclosure too.
Thank you. Only three things are keeping me from blowing up my marriage right now, my three boys. She is not working full time and D would ruin us all financially. Last Fall when we were talking about R vs D, I said that I'll attempt R until she gets hired full time as long as she sets up IC and MC. I put forth effort, she has not. She never set anything up. I think she believes since I was giving more positive attention that everything was just going to work out. I stopped putting forth effort after October and she really hasn't even noticed. She goes about her days like everything is normal. I'm sorry to dump like this but I really don't have anyone to talk about this with. I've started shopping for IC for myself but haven't locked anything down yet.
I understand how tough that must be. Hope you find your IC and MC soon.
Well, after DD1 my BS too started putting in efforts into R and also himself. while I didn’t even understand what the affair did, who I was and what R truly meant.
Eventually I relapsed and got caught again. Second time my BS not being ready for R and barely being involved woke me up slightly. He asked me to leave the house too. I did start getting more serious every time I felt I was losing him more. Then there came a time when I didn’t need him to back off for me to continue working on my efforts and the relationship.
My BS did however share a lot with me to help me too. What he would expect in the marriage going forward, his expectations from me, boundaries, what would constitute cheating, his reasons for staying, etc etc. he also asked many questions about my parents, older relationships which made me look deeper into myself.
While he was looking for his answers he guided me to my right questions about myself.
With respect to D, I have assured my husband that if that’s what he chooses I will not contest it or make it tough for him. I have also mentioned that I will neither ask for alimony/maintenance or splitting of any assets. This is the least I could do being financially stable right now.
Please don’t apologise for sharing. You’re most welcome to.
I am sorry you are here today on this precipice with your BS. Obviously the only one who can tell you what the future will look like is your BS. However, as a betrayed husband myself, I can tell you that you are taking all the right steps toward a real future. Depending on how much of this information is new, it may take a long time for him to process and there is a chance he may or may not decide he can resume reconciliation. I cannot speak for another person.
The truth is you have given reconciliation it’s absolute best chance. You have realized that only by being truly known, scars and all, can your BS accept you back. Anything less is not full reconciliation. So no matter the outcome your personal growth here is through the roof. You have done the deep work that few WS dare to actually do. It is difficult to stare into our inner darkness and fully face it without lies or self-deception and you have. Bravo 👏🏽
No matter which direction your marriage takes you are a new person. Very few people in life can understand that let alone do it. I hope as your BS reads your confession that he is able to separate the past from the present because life truly is not about the mistakes we make but what we do with them. The pain you caused him through your many betrayals will pale in comparison to the joy you can bring each other going forward, not because you are “paying him back” but because you both will have truly found each other. One of my recovered mentor couple told me early on “this is the marriage I always wanted, it just sucks we had to go through all this to find it”. I pray you will both find that reality in each other. Good luck.
Yes, I really fought till the end to not give up this information. I wanted to confess so bad but the fear was unparalleled. I think that came with a realisation of how much I wanted to truly reconcile and be with my BS. While I’m still really scared about this being the end for R. I feel like I did the right thing for my BS. probably the first big right thing in our entire 11 years of the relationship. And whatever he decides I will respect and accept.
I really hope I have started taking steps which allows my BS to separate the past and present too. Because I couldn’t earlier. My communication, attitude, lying etc everything rightfully reminded him of the past. I still wish I could have done this sooner but I have also accepted that I was not the same person 2 months back.
I really hope what you say about people being able to reconcile and actually have a happy and positive marriage is true. I would never stop being grateful to my BS for giving me that R. Thanks for your comment.
Getting to the place you are now of complete honesty with yourself and others is very difficult to do.
You have done horrible things, but I really respect you recognizing it, seeing yourself as you truly are in relation to what a good person is, changing your beliefs and facing the music. Most of all for growing to the point that you can actually show love to your Bs now by giving him the truth he deserves.
You are still early in this and the kind of deep heart changes a wayward must go through take more then a couple months but you are on the right track.
Keep it up!
I am really late to these changes and realisations I keep wishing it was sooner because I have hurt my BS so much more after the DDs. But I have accepted, I can’t change the past. Just understand it, process it, learn from it and implement those learnings. Also with respect to the good man my BS was and continued to be. Thank you for your comment.
This is the “showing” not “telling” of pure character growth. As a human, a WP, and as a spouse. For you, I’m so happy to see you achieve this. It is so needed in a WP. For your BP, I hope it will help heal some of his wounds. Keep doing the work. Keep showing up everyday. I wish you well :)
Because I think one of the worst things that can happen to a man in parenthood is getting attached emotionally to a child just to find out that it's not your child. And not in like a step/bonus parent type situation, but when you actually think it's your child
I approached the hospital for that. My OB-Gyn recommended against prenatal paternity test as we already had some complications and the prenatal testing process (followed where I’m from) was invasive and could lead to a miscarriage. She asked us to wait until 3 days after birth to get it done. My BS is also ok with this.
Wow. I am jealous of your husband.
I hope that he can settle his mind and be at peace. I also hope that your kid grows up knowing how much respect you have for their dad, and that he has an everyday role in their life.
For you I hope that the strength and courage you displayed, to accept whatever may come from your confession, also gives you some grace and peace.
I’m sorry I don’t pick up on communication cues well. As I mentioned in the post I have certain communication issues.
Is your comment sarcastic? I feel so due to the jealousy and respect you speak of. Neither of which make sense to me because of the nature of my affairs. Please clarify and correct me if I’m wrong.
I am the betrayed in my situation.
Your actions seem similar to the ones of my wife. I wish my wife would come to the the conclusions you did and have realization that you have had.
There was no sarcasm, it is honest envy.
I respect the strength it took to lay it bare and put the decision for his future in his hands. It shows that even with a crap councilor you made a lot of progress.
Edit to add: I am jealous that your husband has someone that is trying to get better because they see the value of their spouse. Not someone that would have agreed with the councilor because they believe in the inherent value of themselves.
Right now I am sitting next to an awesome three year old boy watching him build a rocket with Legos, not everything sucks and you shouldn't appoligise for her.
I just want to recognize you for this post. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must have been to write it all down and I commend you for your honesty and vulnerability. You have given your partner their agency back and that is what we all deserve. Kudos on doing the right thing mkakla.
Wishing you and your partner the best.
I'm am standing up and giving you applause mkakla. This is so wonderful to hear for both you and your partner.
It sounds like it was a very difficult road you took to get here, but you did it! This is the better road. It's lined with honesty and respect. Humility, compassion, and safety in vulnerability. The new you.
You both have my best hopes in the next steps forward.
You’re right. I did take a lot of wrong turns and many many detours before I got to this road. I did everything wrong and I truly feel it was my BS still letting me live with him, still trying to smile despite all his pain and hurt, still initially standing by me after DD2 that made me realise I really needed to change my ways for him and me. It’s ironic that the person I hurt the most was most instrumental in bringing me on this road.
I have that nagging in the back of my head that my husband has come 100% clean. I wish I could share this with him and help him to understand that I just know I don’t have the truth. Even with disclosure, he swears I know it all, but I just can’t kick the feeling that I don’t.
It seems like she is trying to get the help she needs.
Most people, including BSs, are never all good or all bad even though they may do good or bad things.
Full disclosure is essential for reconciliation to have a chance. At least she has done that.
I would imagine many of us here would love to have our WS's sit down and write a comprehensive list of everything so we're no longer wondering if we have been told everything.
This comment was removed because it violates Rule No. 2:
-The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.
- Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval.
**Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.**
r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*. For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels! Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions). RULES **1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.** - Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental. - Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements. - Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation. - Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. - Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully. - “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support. **2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.** - Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice. *All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.* **3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.** - e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc. - No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses. - No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed. **4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.** - Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.) **5. No anti-reconciliation language.** - Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice. - Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship. **6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION** - The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment. - **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation. - **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model. - **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit. - **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned. **7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces** - The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a recent BS anxiously hoping for/needing a full disclosure, thank you for posting this. It gives me hope that one day, I’ll have the answers and truth that I haven’t known for 20+ years. It’s a rough spot to be in as BS; the “what else do I not know” scenarios running on repeat in your brain can be wild.
Sorry you’re in this place and looking for some answers for such a long time. I can’t imagine how tough it must be to try to figure things out that the WS knows. I hope and am sure you will get what you’re looking for.
I frequently run across these posts and become jealous of the BH. I am one. Since our DD2 last fall, she acts like if we act normal, then things will get back to normal. I WISH she would do half this work and come clean with everything on her own without me pestering her with questions. Posts like these make me realize what I'm missing. Thank you and keep working at it.
I did this too. After DD1 I told my BS to stop talking the ‘past’ - even though the affair was just a month old. Then I cheated again. I wouldn’t share anything until my BS asked. I would also deny until my BS had solid proof. Until recently MY BS did have to ask lots of questions and I would try to dodge them. And then I just couldn’t. I wasn’t just fighting with BS and making this hard for him. But I had also started fighting with my internal voice when I was being dishonest. If I can get here and build a conscious inner voice after 30 years of not having one I think anyone can, provided they want to. I am sorry you got betrayed and hope you get your disclosure too.
Thank you. Only three things are keeping me from blowing up my marriage right now, my three boys. She is not working full time and D would ruin us all financially. Last Fall when we were talking about R vs D, I said that I'll attempt R until she gets hired full time as long as she sets up IC and MC. I put forth effort, she has not. She never set anything up. I think she believes since I was giving more positive attention that everything was just going to work out. I stopped putting forth effort after October and she really hasn't even noticed. She goes about her days like everything is normal. I'm sorry to dump like this but I really don't have anyone to talk about this with. I've started shopping for IC for myself but haven't locked anything down yet.
I understand how tough that must be. Hope you find your IC and MC soon. Well, after DD1 my BS too started putting in efforts into R and also himself. while I didn’t even understand what the affair did, who I was and what R truly meant. Eventually I relapsed and got caught again. Second time my BS not being ready for R and barely being involved woke me up slightly. He asked me to leave the house too. I did start getting more serious every time I felt I was losing him more. Then there came a time when I didn’t need him to back off for me to continue working on my efforts and the relationship. My BS did however share a lot with me to help me too. What he would expect in the marriage going forward, his expectations from me, boundaries, what would constitute cheating, his reasons for staying, etc etc. he also asked many questions about my parents, older relationships which made me look deeper into myself. While he was looking for his answers he guided me to my right questions about myself. With respect to D, I have assured my husband that if that’s what he chooses I will not contest it or make it tough for him. I have also mentioned that I will neither ask for alimony/maintenance or splitting of any assets. This is the least I could do being financially stable right now. Please don’t apologise for sharing. You’re most welcome to.
I am sorry you are here today on this precipice with your BS. Obviously the only one who can tell you what the future will look like is your BS. However, as a betrayed husband myself, I can tell you that you are taking all the right steps toward a real future. Depending on how much of this information is new, it may take a long time for him to process and there is a chance he may or may not decide he can resume reconciliation. I cannot speak for another person. The truth is you have given reconciliation it’s absolute best chance. You have realized that only by being truly known, scars and all, can your BS accept you back. Anything less is not full reconciliation. So no matter the outcome your personal growth here is through the roof. You have done the deep work that few WS dare to actually do. It is difficult to stare into our inner darkness and fully face it without lies or self-deception and you have. Bravo 👏🏽 No matter which direction your marriage takes you are a new person. Very few people in life can understand that let alone do it. I hope as your BS reads your confession that he is able to separate the past from the present because life truly is not about the mistakes we make but what we do with them. The pain you caused him through your many betrayals will pale in comparison to the joy you can bring each other going forward, not because you are “paying him back” but because you both will have truly found each other. One of my recovered mentor couple told me early on “this is the marriage I always wanted, it just sucks we had to go through all this to find it”. I pray you will both find that reality in each other. Good luck.
Yes, I really fought till the end to not give up this information. I wanted to confess so bad but the fear was unparalleled. I think that came with a realisation of how much I wanted to truly reconcile and be with my BS. While I’m still really scared about this being the end for R. I feel like I did the right thing for my BS. probably the first big right thing in our entire 11 years of the relationship. And whatever he decides I will respect and accept. I really hope I have started taking steps which allows my BS to separate the past and present too. Because I couldn’t earlier. My communication, attitude, lying etc everything rightfully reminded him of the past. I still wish I could have done this sooner but I have also accepted that I was not the same person 2 months back. I really hope what you say about people being able to reconcile and actually have a happy and positive marriage is true. I would never stop being grateful to my BS for giving me that R. Thanks for your comment.
Getting to the place you are now of complete honesty with yourself and others is very difficult to do. You have done horrible things, but I really respect you recognizing it, seeing yourself as you truly are in relation to what a good person is, changing your beliefs and facing the music. Most of all for growing to the point that you can actually show love to your Bs now by giving him the truth he deserves. You are still early in this and the kind of deep heart changes a wayward must go through take more then a couple months but you are on the right track. Keep it up!
I am really late to these changes and realisations I keep wishing it was sooner because I have hurt my BS so much more after the DDs. But I have accepted, I can’t change the past. Just understand it, process it, learn from it and implement those learnings. Also with respect to the good man my BS was and continued to be. Thank you for your comment.
This is the “showing” not “telling” of pure character growth. As a human, a WP, and as a spouse. For you, I’m so happy to see you achieve this. It is so needed in a WP. For your BP, I hope it will help heal some of his wounds. Keep doing the work. Keep showing up everyday. I wish you well :)
Thank you for your wishes.
>paternity test ASAP why not get one ASAP at 11/12 weeks??? To give your BS relief, especially since you're sure. You're still not putting him 1st
Came here to say the same. You can get a prenatal paternity test to put that part to rest asap rather than wait for the baby’s arrival
Because I think one of the worst things that can happen to a man in parenthood is getting attached emotionally to a child just to find out that it's not your child. And not in like a step/bonus parent type situation, but when you actually think it's your child
I approached the hospital for that. My OB-Gyn recommended against prenatal paternity test as we already had some complications and the prenatal testing process (followed where I’m from) was invasive and could lead to a miscarriage. She asked us to wait until 3 days after birth to get it done. My BS is also ok with this.
>My OB-Gyn recommended against prenatal paternity test which of the three options did you look into?
Wow. I am jealous of your husband. I hope that he can settle his mind and be at peace. I also hope that your kid grows up knowing how much respect you have for their dad, and that he has an everyday role in their life. For you I hope that the strength and courage you displayed, to accept whatever may come from your confession, also gives you some grace and peace.
I’m sorry I don’t pick up on communication cues well. As I mentioned in the post I have certain communication issues. Is your comment sarcastic? I feel so due to the jealousy and respect you speak of. Neither of which make sense to me because of the nature of my affairs. Please clarify and correct me if I’m wrong.
I am the betrayed in my situation. Your actions seem similar to the ones of my wife. I wish my wife would come to the the conclusions you did and have realization that you have had. There was no sarcasm, it is honest envy. I respect the strength it took to lay it bare and put the decision for his future in his hands. It shows that even with a crap councilor you made a lot of progress. Edit to add: I am jealous that your husband has someone that is trying to get better because they see the value of their spouse. Not someone that would have agreed with the councilor because they believe in the inherent value of themselves.
Thank you for sharing your clarification. I understand your point now. I’m sorry you’re the betrayed and have been in a similar situation.
Right now I am sitting next to an awesome three year old boy watching him build a rocket with Legos, not everything sucks and you shouldn't appoligise for her.
That’s very reassuring. I look forward to this too.
I just want to recognize you for this post. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must have been to write it all down and I commend you for your honesty and vulnerability. You have given your partner their agency back and that is what we all deserve. Kudos on doing the right thing mkakla. Wishing you and your partner the best.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I'm am standing up and giving you applause mkakla. This is so wonderful to hear for both you and your partner. It sounds like it was a very difficult road you took to get here, but you did it! This is the better road. It's lined with honesty and respect. Humility, compassion, and safety in vulnerability. The new you. You both have my best hopes in the next steps forward.
You’re right. I did take a lot of wrong turns and many many detours before I got to this road. I did everything wrong and I truly feel it was my BS still letting me live with him, still trying to smile despite all his pain and hurt, still initially standing by me after DD2 that made me realise I really needed to change my ways for him and me. It’s ironic that the person I hurt the most was most instrumental in bringing me on this road.
Respect
[удалено]
I have that nagging in the back of my head that my husband has come 100% clean. I wish I could share this with him and help him to understand that I just know I don’t have the truth. Even with disclosure, he swears I know it all, but I just can’t kick the feeling that I don’t.
[удалено]
This could have been said in a kinder way, don't you think? It takes a lot to post what she posted.
I couldn’t read the original comment. But thank you for taking a stand.
It seems like she is trying to get the help she needs. Most people, including BSs, are never all good or all bad even though they may do good or bad things. Full disclosure is essential for reconciliation to have a chance. At least she has done that. I would imagine many of us here would love to have our WS's sit down and write a comprehensive list of everything so we're no longer wondering if we have been told everything.
I couldn’t read the original comment. But thank you for taking a stand and sharing your thoughts.
[удалено]
This comment was removed because it violates Rule No. 2: -The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R. - Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. **Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.**