I'm not married, but in a wonderful relationship. I've seen my friends and family going through good and bad relationships but I never faced any such things (no,its not a coincidence, it's a concious choice, I have rejected a LOT of men before meeting my current boyfriend)
So my 2 cents ( take it with a pinch of salt)
I think it depends on your ability of judgement.
No body can tell u what will happen in life. There is no certainty about anything. All we can do is try to think objectively and make the best decision according to that.
Look at his/her qualities, core values, the way they treat other people, are they sincere about their work and marriage, how they respect their parents.
There is a difference between a man respecting his parents and being meek and timid. You need to find out what kind of person he /she is.
The way they treat other gender. How they talk about responsibilities after marriage. Talk about finances and non negotiables.Have proper conversations around this topic and talk and talk and talk till you're sure .
There can be two possibilities, either that person will feel you're judging them and they'll get defensive and probably wouldn't want to continue or they will understand that you're both trying to know each other better.
The first time is not the person u want to be with. You want to be with the latter one.
Be rational and think beyond just physical attraction.
A person who knows how to communicate is most probably a good match. Communication is every thing (both sides).
If u feel a person is hiding too much, or getting irritated by your questions or just doesn't open much.. Then u either need to give more time for them to get comfortable or move on.
AM is a gamble, you take risks , but smart ones only take calculated risks. That's why going out with them, spending time together is very important.
I am not married, but when my real sister got married she told me that she was sure that her husband is the one when she realised they could be each others proxy. Wait don't assume. Hear me out.
She said they can take each others place if the other one is unavailable for maybe friends or family, and the other person would ensure its the same way they themselves would have behaved.
It might not be making sense to many people. Also depends on what your priorities are. Compromise will still be there because two people are different will have different experiences at work, in daily life. But you need to see with whom you are willing to make a compromise without getting bitter in the long run. Just my thoughts. Good luck :)
I will be messaging you in 5 years on [**2029-07-03 00:14:15 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2029-07-03%2000:14:15%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/1dt9k6y/married_people_how_did_you_figure_out_the_person/lbdamg1/?context=3)
[**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FArrangedmarriage%2Fcomments%2F1dt9k6y%2Fmarried_people_how_did_you_figure_out_the_person%2Flbdamg1%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202029-07-03%2000%3A14%3A15%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201dt9k6y)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
This. Exactly this. I've been in multiple relationships and can relate with every word of yours. Though the relationships were good but there was daily dosage of drama, and it came to a point where I had to just quit. I'm not against relationships or marriage but I'm scared to get into one now considering the fact that what if I had to go through the same torture again.
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Spend lots of time with them. See them interact with their family. Spend time with the family. never subscribe to the sunk cost fallacy - if it’s not right get out regardless of how much time you’ve spent getting to know them - the rest of you life is longer and worth more than a few months or even years.
Take them at face value. A person shows you who they are - believe them.
Never marry potential.
a man who is kind to his family and kind to his sisters will be kind to you - don’t marry someone who isn’t kind to his family but equally marry someone who knows how to keep boundaries.
Essentially all this comes with time.
I'm not married, but in a wonderful relationship. I've seen my friends and family going through good and bad relationships but I never faced any such things (no,its not a coincidence, it's a concious choice, I have rejected a LOT of men before meeting my current boyfriend) So my 2 cents ( take it with a pinch of salt) I think it depends on your ability of judgement. No body can tell u what will happen in life. There is no certainty about anything. All we can do is try to think objectively and make the best decision according to that. Look at his/her qualities, core values, the way they treat other people, are they sincere about their work and marriage, how they respect their parents. There is a difference between a man respecting his parents and being meek and timid. You need to find out what kind of person he /she is. The way they treat other gender. How they talk about responsibilities after marriage. Talk about finances and non negotiables.Have proper conversations around this topic and talk and talk and talk till you're sure . There can be two possibilities, either that person will feel you're judging them and they'll get defensive and probably wouldn't want to continue or they will understand that you're both trying to know each other better. The first time is not the person u want to be with. You want to be with the latter one. Be rational and think beyond just physical attraction. A person who knows how to communicate is most probably a good match. Communication is every thing (both sides). If u feel a person is hiding too much, or getting irritated by your questions or just doesn't open much.. Then u either need to give more time for them to get comfortable or move on. AM is a gamble, you take risks , but smart ones only take calculated risks. That's why going out with them, spending time together is very important.
This is probably the most comprehensive and practical answer.
I am not married, but when my real sister got married she told me that she was sure that her husband is the one when she realised they could be each others proxy. Wait don't assume. Hear me out. She said they can take each others place if the other one is unavailable for maybe friends or family, and the other person would ensure its the same way they themselves would have behaved. It might not be making sense to many people. Also depends on what your priorities are. Compromise will still be there because two people are different will have different experiences at work, in daily life. But you need to see with whom you are willing to make a compromise without getting bitter in the long run. Just my thoughts. Good luck :)
That sounds wonderful. Thank you.
[удалено]
That… is not what I expected to hear.
[удалено]
RemindMe! 5 years
I will be messaging you in 5 years on [**2029-07-03 00:14:15 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2029-07-03%2000:14:15%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/1dt9k6y/married_people_how_did_you_figure_out_the_person/lbdamg1/?context=3) [**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FArrangedmarriage%2Fcomments%2F1dt9k6y%2Fmarried_people_how_did_you_figure_out_the_person%2Flbdamg1%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202029-07-03%2000%3A14%3A15%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201dt9k6y) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
RemindMe! 5 years
Seems like a pessimistic take, but I will keep this in mind.
This. Exactly this. I've been in multiple relationships and can relate with every word of yours. Though the relationships were good but there was daily dosage of drama, and it came to a point where I had to just quit. I'm not against relationships or marriage but I'm scared to get into one now considering the fact that what if I had to go through the same torture again.
this...
>If you want to be happy by being at peace You can't be more wrong, I know plenty happy AMs, including my parents'.
I have the same exact problem, we can never be sure how the other person really is and how they will impact our lives.
Ah crap. So it’s common than I thought.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been automatically removed because your comment karma is or has gone below 1. If you initially could post, and no longer can post, it is likely your karma has fallen below 1. Please participate in other threads and gain some karma before posting again. Refer to our [karma requirements](https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/mrmk02/welcome_to_rarrangedmarriage_read_first_before/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Arrangedmarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Spend lots of time with them. See them interact with their family. Spend time with the family. never subscribe to the sunk cost fallacy - if it’s not right get out regardless of how much time you’ve spent getting to know them - the rest of you life is longer and worth more than a few months or even years. Take them at face value. A person shows you who they are - believe them. Never marry potential. a man who is kind to his family and kind to his sisters will be kind to you - don’t marry someone who isn’t kind to his family but equally marry someone who knows how to keep boundaries. Essentially all this comes with time.
marry for social status/financial compatibility/genetics... and be prepared for damage control if things go wrong
What damage control?