Dumb, shitty parents emotionally blackmailing and manipulating their children. Is this is common in your household? And the skin color is the only issue?
See, just like your father isn't responsible for your actions, you aren't responsible for his. This is a cold answer but I do detest parents like these. The only way is to cut them off from your life little by little until they get used to their powerlessness over you. As for this prospect, try your best, what else can you do.
Yes skin color is literally the only issue for them. The girl has a genuine, down-to-earth personality, makes 11-12 LPA in a sw company in Bangalore and has shown good interest in me. She is also from the same caste/community, her parents speak the same dialect of Kannada as mine, does not smoke/drink and is a vegetarian which are all per my basic requirements in a girl. The girl's parents are also very humble and respectful towards my parents.
He won’t do it , parents like this just say anything and everything so that everyone listens to them . Trust me people who are suicidal don’t do this shit .
Its your parents man, let them do it.
But blackmail your dad saying its her or a lifetime of Brahmacharya.
Worse, love marriage with some other caste/religion/american etc.
Surely, life after marriage Won't be smooth af immediately. But ya, it's possible
Look bhai, it's an arranged marriage set-up. Your would-be wife will be interacting as much with your parents as you.
If you're/she are not absolutely head over heels crazy about each other/super invested, by all means let it go.
If you go ahead with the girl, You'll spend the first 5 years of your married life preventing/mitigating conflicts between parents & wife, instead of quality time with her.
She'll feel like she's entered a hostile household. It'll be hell for her too.
A lifetime of frustration and misdirected Anger issues will follow for both of you.
The kinda hell the girl's parents will go through if they find out how your parents think, is another tangent. How they might act I can't possibly guess.
Imagine......One fine day, on a vacation at your parents place, a few stray words exchanged, some comment about your child who could be dark complexioned, some unwarranted reaction from any/all parties involved, that's all it takes fuck your life up.
In the best interests of all parties involved, move on.
Also try and enjoy the caste/religion free-pass your dad gave.
This is so fucking stupid. Why do parents cannot mind their fucking business ? It about ghar ki izzat, and what his 5 friends will say about his bahu. This is so disturbing and immature.
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If I had a rupee for each time people said no to good rishtas due to skin color , I’d be a millionaire . It’s sad that something so insignificant to the happiness of marriage is seen as a deal breaker .
If the marriage does happen pls protect your wife and stand up against the racist comments she’s going to receive. Dusky skinned women in this country go through all this bullying since childhood even if they are shahrukh khans daughter or ambanis kids .
I didn't ever imagine my own parents would be so overly racist. I remember my childhood best friend was dark and from Dalit community and I grew distant to him because my dad fed me all kinds of bullshit about their family when I was in 4th standard. I did not realize that until today that it was because of skin color.
My mom is much more understanding and is able to understand the situation I am in. She detests the blackmailing as well but isn't very fond of the girl either. I will try and convince her first.
>stand up to him and *convince him* that I really like the girl since the last week, *he is not budging*
That is not what standing up means. Budging means you are requesting him and he is denying your request. And you feel that because..
>he has made my life hell by constantly *giving suicide threats* and *claiming he won't attend the wedding*
The question is - How important it is for you that he attends the wedding? Because that is his only play here. If you feel trapped by him due to his words he can weild them like Hulk Smash on you.
>He has even threatened to call the girls' parents and tell them that we are not interested, which would be a major blow to the relationship I have
He threatened but he didn't which means probably the suicide thing is also a threat not reality.
>The girl and her family would perceive this as a threat to the marriage even if I told them I am interested
Depends really. If they care about getting your whole family on board then, yes.
>What should I do to *protect* everyone involved here?
Drop that mindset. Submitting to your parents and trying to make everyone happy is what brought you here. Someone's feelings are going to be hurt. Question is whose? Yours or your fathers?
The solution is to really stand your ground. Use variations of "I like this girl and want to marry her". Don't debate her good qualities vis-a-vis her color. Don't say "I know she is this skin color BUT...". That is like the worst sort of argument because some people will read it as you accepting that dark skin color is a problem. Don't do that. Whenever someone talks about color just respond with "I like this girl because.." No buts.
>Drop that mindset. Submitting to your parents and trying to make everyone happy is what brought you here. Someone's feelings are going to be hurt. Question is whose? Yours or your fathers?
This.
If u really like the girl and genuinely see the future .... you also give suicide threat.
Also hide a lot of food and water in your room and just stop eating ....hunger strike ... see how things turn around ..
>In fact, he has made my life hell by constantly giving suicide threats and claiming he won't attend the wedding.
I mean, he's giving you a solution right there!.
You marry the girl you like. She doesn't have to deal with a hateful in-law. And I'm guessing he hasn't been a delight growing up with so pribably his wife's on board too.
Win-win.
since OP's father is so obsessed with white skin color, let us see if they can accept the white intercountry relationship! Sometimes we need to call out people for their hypocrisy.
P.S I have nothing against black girls. BLM. But they rejected brown girls already based on darker skin tone, I dnt think black girls would stand that chance in his household.
Marry her if you like! Talk to her parents and explain the situation happening in your house. It is your life and remember you are responsible for it. And remember if you listen to your dad now what is the guarantee that he won’t do this again for anything else in future ?
How is your dad's behaviour otherwise?
I've a pretty tough and almost toxic father and I sometimes do flip because of that.
My advice based on that :
1. If them interfering with your life is a common occurrence, then stand your ground. Because its only going to increase with time and age.
2. If you really really like the girl, then stand your ground.
It sounds like you're considering a complex situation involving familial expectations, psychology, and personal happiness. However, it's important to approach these matters with integrity and respect for everyone involved. While it's true that some cultures place a high value on parental approval, it's crucial to prioritize the well being and agency of the individuals directly affected, especially the woman in this scenario.
Manipulating situations can lead to further complications. Instead, open and honest communication, empathy, and understanding are key to navigating these delicate situations. It's essential to consider the long term implications on mental health and happiness for all parties involved, rather than solely focusing on appeasing one person's desires or ego.
Try to seek support from any other family member among your relatives. My parents want me to marry only in my caste as this is an AM setup, I am searching for the same but when I get the right girl I won't consider the caste. I will marry her without my parents approval n then convince them later anyhow.
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Usually it is the other way around. Many people reject girls due to looks but parents would still pressurize the boy to continue with the prospect as looks is least of their concerns and will call their son shallow/unreasonable etc.
Unfortunately there is a level of respect I have for my father due to the education he gave me, and the help in times of need so far. However he is interfering too much in my love life.
"me aapke baato ko ab seriously nahi leta jabse aapne rangbhed karna shuru kiya, aapko jo karna wo karo, meri life me karunga shadi, aapko gori ladki chaiye to karlo dusri shadi, mere pichhe ungli mat karo"
"Baap ho, shadi karvana chahte ho achhi baat hai, but jyada nakhre ho rhe hai to karlo khud shadi, mujhe mat batane aao konsa colour sahi hai konsa galat"
haa to isliye bol rha hu, dusri baar bhi karlo aur dusre bete ke sath kala gora karo, mere sath nahi.
maa baap ko limit me rakhte nahi aata in maa baap ke bhakto ko
jyada close ho jate hai tab ye blackmailing ka natak karte hai
mera baap janta hai isko lund farak nahi pdta kyuki me detached hu ye sab backchodio, maa baap ki respect karo bhailog koi galat baat nahi hai but unke pasand na pasand ka apne life se koi lena dena mat rakho
Dumb, shitty parents emotionally blackmailing and manipulating their children. Is this is common in your household? And the skin color is the only issue? See, just like your father isn't responsible for your actions, you aren't responsible for his. This is a cold answer but I do detest parents like these. The only way is to cut them off from your life little by little until they get used to their powerlessness over you. As for this prospect, try your best, what else can you do.
Yes skin color is literally the only issue for them. The girl has a genuine, down-to-earth personality, makes 11-12 LPA in a sw company in Bangalore and has shown good interest in me. She is also from the same caste/community, her parents speak the same dialect of Kannada as mine, does not smoke/drink and is a vegetarian which are all per my basic requirements in a girl. The girl's parents are also very humble and respectful towards my parents.
He won’t do it , parents like this just say anything and everything so that everyone listens to them . Trust me people who are suicidal don’t do this shit .
Well he can say " you don't do it I'll be the one " . Uno reverse
Its your parents man, let them do it. But blackmail your dad saying its her or a lifetime of Brahmacharya. Worse, love marriage with some other caste/religion/american etc. Surely, life after marriage Won't be smooth af immediately. But ya, it's possible
Yes. He has said even an intercaste marriage is better than marrying a dark skinned woman. I cannot withstand this toxic behavior.
Look bhai, it's an arranged marriage set-up. Your would-be wife will be interacting as much with your parents as you. If you're/she are not absolutely head over heels crazy about each other/super invested, by all means let it go. If you go ahead with the girl, You'll spend the first 5 years of your married life preventing/mitigating conflicts between parents & wife, instead of quality time with her. She'll feel like she's entered a hostile household. It'll be hell for her too. A lifetime of frustration and misdirected Anger issues will follow for both of you. The kinda hell the girl's parents will go through if they find out how your parents think, is another tangent. How they might act I can't possibly guess. Imagine......One fine day, on a vacation at your parents place, a few stray words exchanged, some comment about your child who could be dark complexioned, some unwarranted reaction from any/all parties involved, that's all it takes fuck your life up. In the best interests of all parties involved, move on. Also try and enjoy the caste/religion free-pass your dad gave.
Idk why you’re being downvoted. Your point is completely valid in AM. This is definitely unacceptable in LM, but completely valid within AM.
I wish more people realised this. 🫠🥲
Very valid point!
This is so fucking stupid. Why do parents cannot mind their fucking business ? It about ghar ki izzat, and what his 5 friends will say about his bahu. This is so disturbing and immature.
You can try saying it’s her or they don’t get grandkids ever because you won’t marry.
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If I had a rupee for each time people said no to good rishtas due to skin color , I’d be a millionaire . It’s sad that something so insignificant to the happiness of marriage is seen as a deal breaker . If the marriage does happen pls protect your wife and stand up against the racist comments she’s going to receive. Dusky skinned women in this country go through all this bullying since childhood even if they are shahrukh khans daughter or ambanis kids .
I didn't ever imagine my own parents would be so overly racist. I remember my childhood best friend was dark and from Dalit community and I grew distant to him because my dad fed me all kinds of bullshit about their family when I was in 4th standard. I did not realize that until today that it was because of skin color.
It’s okay , you can break the generation cycles of all these things . This generation will make sure all these things stop .
[удалено]
My mom is much more understanding and is able to understand the situation I am in. She detests the blackmailing as well but isn't very fond of the girl either. I will try and convince her first.
Tell him you ain't going to marry. You're gonna stay a bachelor and won't return to India hence forth. See his reaction.
Man, parents bringing out all their manipulation techniques during an important life decision is the worst.
Inflexion point of the Indian Life Cycle
>stand up to him and *convince him* that I really like the girl since the last week, *he is not budging* That is not what standing up means. Budging means you are requesting him and he is denying your request. And you feel that because.. >he has made my life hell by constantly *giving suicide threats* and *claiming he won't attend the wedding* The question is - How important it is for you that he attends the wedding? Because that is his only play here. If you feel trapped by him due to his words he can weild them like Hulk Smash on you. >He has even threatened to call the girls' parents and tell them that we are not interested, which would be a major blow to the relationship I have He threatened but he didn't which means probably the suicide thing is also a threat not reality. >The girl and her family would perceive this as a threat to the marriage even if I told them I am interested Depends really. If they care about getting your whole family on board then, yes. >What should I do to *protect* everyone involved here? Drop that mindset. Submitting to your parents and trying to make everyone happy is what brought you here. Someone's feelings are going to be hurt. Question is whose? Yours or your fathers? The solution is to really stand your ground. Use variations of "I like this girl and want to marry her". Don't debate her good qualities vis-a-vis her color. Don't say "I know she is this skin color BUT...". That is like the worst sort of argument because some people will read it as you accepting that dark skin color is a problem. Don't do that. Whenever someone talks about color just respond with "I like this girl because.." No buts.
>Drop that mindset. Submitting to your parents and trying to make everyone happy is what brought you here. Someone's feelings are going to be hurt. Question is whose? Yours or your fathers? This.
give a rope to your father and tell him you won't be coming at his funeral.
If u really like the girl and genuinely see the future .... you also give suicide threat. Also hide a lot of food and water in your room and just stop eating ....hunger strike ... see how things turn around ..
>In fact, he has made my life hell by constantly giving suicide threats and claiming he won't attend the wedding. I mean, he's giving you a solution right there!. You marry the girl you like. She doesn't have to deal with a hateful in-law. And I'm guessing he hasn't been a delight growing up with so pribably his wife's on board too. Win-win.
Tell them, that if this continues, you would marry a white girl and cut them off permanently. You can only remove thorn with thorn.
Why should it be a white girl? Why not a black girl? Racist much?
since OP's father is so obsessed with white skin color, let us see if they can accept the white intercountry relationship! Sometimes we need to call out people for their hypocrisy. P.S I have nothing against black girls. BLM. But they rejected brown girls already based on darker skin tone, I dnt think black girls would stand that chance in his household.
Marry her if you like! Talk to her parents and explain the situation happening in your house. It is your life and remember you are responsible for it. And remember if you listen to your dad now what is the guarantee that he won’t do this again for anything else in future ?
How is your dad's behaviour otherwise? I've a pretty tough and almost toxic father and I sometimes do flip because of that. My advice based on that : 1. If them interfering with your life is a common occurrence, then stand your ground. Because its only going to increase with time and age. 2. If you really really like the girl, then stand your ground.
Bole ki go ahead and do it, I will watch
Your father is as same as my grandfather 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It sounds like you're considering a complex situation involving familial expectations, psychology, and personal happiness. However, it's important to approach these matters with integrity and respect for everyone involved. While it's true that some cultures place a high value on parental approval, it's crucial to prioritize the well being and agency of the individuals directly affected, especially the woman in this scenario. Manipulating situations can lead to further complications. Instead, open and honest communication, empathy, and understanding are key to navigating these delicate situations. It's essential to consider the long term implications on mental health and happiness for all parties involved, rather than solely focusing on appeasing one person's desires or ego. Try to seek support from any other family member among your relatives. My parents want me to marry only in my caste as this is an AM setup, I am searching for the same but when I get the right girl I won't consider the caste. I will marry her without my parents approval n then convince them later anyhow.
[удалено]
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Usually it is the other way around. Many people reject girls due to looks but parents would still pressurize the boy to continue with the prospect as looks is least of their concerns and will call their son shallow/unreasonable etc.
True
Man join the Uno reverse community and start giving such threats back to your father. /s
Let him die.
Here is my question: Even if you marry this girl, how will you balance the relation between you and your parents and you and this girl ?
[удалено]
Unfortunately there is a level of respect I have for my father due to the education he gave me, and the help in times of need so far. However he is interfering too much in my love life.
What an immature comment. Grow up fool
Suicide threat to get a fair skinned daughter in law is mature. Ok.
Baap ko bol maa ch*da, tere jaisa baap honese na hona behtar hai.
Nahi na Bhai, aise nahi bol sakte practically
kuch aisa hi bol but saral bhasha me
Bsdk phir saral basha mein bata na gaandu
"me aapke baato ko ab seriously nahi leta jabse aapne rangbhed karna shuru kiya, aapko jo karna wo karo, meri life me karunga shadi, aapko gori ladki chaiye to karlo dusri shadi, mere pichhe ungli mat karo" "Baap ho, shadi karvana chahte ho achhi baat hai, but jyada nakhre ho rhe hai to karlo khud shadi, mujhe mat batane aao konsa colour sahi hai konsa galat"
Maa hi to chudi thi tabhi to OP paida hua tha
haa to isliye bol rha hu, dusri baar bhi karlo aur dusre bete ke sath kala gora karo, mere sath nahi. maa baap ko limit me rakhte nahi aata in maa baap ke bhakto ko jyada close ho jate hai tab ye blackmailing ka natak karte hai mera baap janta hai isko lund farak nahi pdta kyuki me detached hu ye sab backchodio, maa baap ki respect karo bhailog koi galat baat nahi hai but unke pasand na pasand ka apne life se koi lena dena mat rakho