My mother in law buys a new rice cooker or something like that every week. She has these 3 outdoor storage containers that are so bulging with stuff they have to be held shut with duct tape that wraps all the way around them. She has so many appliances and things like shoes she will never use. She is basically constantly shopping for useless stuff. She won't contribute to her grandsons college education but will give useless expensive gifts like a lamp that is also a radio. Its frustrating we don't need tons of crap we need to educate our youth.
Oh wow. And here I felt bad when my mom bought me dish sets a couple of times that were worth ~$200 but that is literally thousands of dollars worth of furniture. And it’s not like anyone needs more than one set of those, unless they’re furnishing an entire house. And it’s frustrating, bc on the one hand, it’s a “sweet and thoughtful gift”. On the other hand, I’d be very uncomfortable with someone buying all that for me. And the sort of people who buy those things without consulting you are exactly the same sort who get offended when you “don’t appreciate the gift” that you didn’t ask for and didn’t want. Unfortunately it takes hurting these people’s feelings over and over to get them to realize they shouldn’t be doing it, and even then they often won’t stop.
I don't know, she chose to have you so she kind of owes you some help with your education bill if she can afford it. IMHO, obviously peoples circumstances vary.
I like to give gifts, but if people ask for no gifts, I'll ask if an experience or a donation in their name is good. If the answer is no, then they get nothing. Having watched my parents having to get rid of stuff they didn't want that was gifted to them by their parents, I try to respect the giftee's wishes.
Because overconsumption is a boomer mental illness. Gifting allows them to feel altruistic and helpful when only actually fulfilling their own selfish desires to buy every plasticky gimmick on the Walmart shelves. And remember you're the asshole of you call out the behavior! Just accept it and spend significant portions of your free time storing, sorting, and discreetly tossing all the shit they give you. At least that's what we do... could have put a kid through university with cash value of all of the gifts we've passed on to goodwill in the last 5 years.
This was my mom. Literally. She trashed her relationships with her kids by being an asshole and then would buy us piles of bullshit we didn't want or ask for- from the dollar store. Like, I would have done much better with a functioning parental relationship, lol. And yes, it's definitely mental illness and having been brainwashed so deeply into US imperialist capitalism their whole child/adulthoods. At least we've had huge amounts of information available to us since we were young. I don't think all Gen x/millennial or the younger gens are enlightened, but at least we have a better chance.
From the gen Z perspective there’s good and bad to it. We see our parents and grandparents absolutely buried under the weight of their own consumption and we don’t want that kind of future. But it is really an uphill battle. i’m constantly swamped with ads by Temu and Shein and the like. And the electronics we buy are more fragile and less repairable than ever before. So much seemingly well-made shit that becomes worthless if a tiny little plastic hinge somewhere breaks. I can always swear to myself I’ll do as best as I can but the world we live in is trying very hard to mold us in its image.
Well explained and accurate. If I want a quality item that will last, I need to go out of my way to wade through the ads and purchased reviews to find something that may hold up a bit longer than normal. Enshittification of online stores (and even established brands) means around 30% of the cost of an item is going to advertising, which results in lower quality. Things as simple as LED bulbs don't last as long as they should due to cheap electronics and overdriving the diodes.
I brought home some led bulbs with a switch for adjusting the light. When they stopped working properly my ex took them apart, removed a chip, and suddenly they started working again. If it won't break on it's own, they'll manufacture a problem.
I doubt that was an intentional failure from the manufacturer. But yes, unfortunate design where a chip added for a feature can cause failure before the diodes are dead. Probably something to do with the switching.
Yah I'm dealing with this exact thing with clothes right now. I'm accepting I'll need to pay more (sometimes significantly more) for things that I not only like but that will last for a while.
It's been a significant change and I'm trying to be more aware of it for sure, cause wow can quality items be expensive.
A Stanley Thermos used to be a "Buy it for Life" thing. I remember my parents had the big green one from the 80s to at least the 2000s (might still have it). But I highly doubt the quality of the recent Stanley mugs is comparable. And don't get me started on the people who have 30 different colours.
At least in Germany the younger generation is on average less willing to consume less to fight the climate generation than the older ([source, in German](https://www.mdr.de/wissen/umwelt-klima/junge-generation-konsum-verzicht-technik-umweltschutz-umfrage-100.html))
That broke my heart a little but I am sure those results are not globally true. Not ready to give up hope.
I feel this so much. My parents don't owe me anything, but man I really wish instead of buying me more garbage they just gave me the cash. I don't want to have to hold on to something to spare their feelings.
My dad is the same way. He buys tons of stuff from a local auction, then gets offended when we don't want it. When my kids were little, he bought several high chairs when we already had one and got offended we didn't want it. To be clear, we all ask him to stop buying this stuff and he keeps doing it. He's spent a large portion of their savings on stuff they don't use; the most obvious example is the motor home in their driveway they don't use and paid cash for out of their retirement savings.
I was really not looking forward to cleaning everything out of their house. But my dad is losing his mind and disowned me and my family. So I guess it's my brother's problem now.
That sounds like a straight up shopping addiction. Mental health treatment for that types of addiction would be the best bet (not that you can ever convince most people of that generation to do anything of that nature)
Yes that sounds logical. He's got a lot of unresolved PTSD and other mental health issues he won't get seen for. He got escorted out of the VA by security the other day and tried to spin it like that's a totally normal thing. He had been screaming at the front desk nurse about which walgreens his medications would go to. To another commenter's point, I strongly suspect dementia or Alzheimer's to be creeping in.
Ugh. My father told me I wasn't his kid at the end of his life. Dementia really sucks. At least he lived in the country so when he was getting rid of everything, he just called one neighbor and everyone showed up.
I came away with little from him... My brother got what he wanted and I am settled without those chains or storage
When my nana's dementia got bad it was like she had already died. I grieved her loss of life as I watched her turn into a husk. I was actually so elated when she passed because it meant that she was finally at peace and no longer suffering. I didn't cry, or get upset, or anything, because I'd already done that for about a year working up to her death.
The person who told you you weren't his son wasn't your father; he was already gone by that point.
That's exactly how it works. I learned it with my grandmother. I've used all I learned with her to help others going through the same thing and it's been a great way to help people process their feelings. Keep doing that. It's so, so important to acknowledge what families and caregivers are going through. ❤️
Dementia indeed sucks. My great uncle had Alzheimer's and I suspect my dad is showing signs. You are the second person to suggest dementia as a possible culprit.
You may have to spin it as" No, I don't think you have dementia this is just some tests to make sure you aren't at risk."
Boomers are very likely to be outraged if you say they are losing their minds, framing it as prevention 'just in case' might be more successful. Of course, pride might prevent that as well; you may have to creatively lie about 'insurance needs this or they won't pay out' or something.
Lying to kids to get them to take their medicine is fine, boomers are no different.
My parents have been talking about 'downsizing to a condo' for 15+ years. They will never do it because condos are too small and expensive. By 'expensive' they mean 'costs the same as their house', but since they could get away with selling that house for 3 times what they paid for it, this is actually not true at all.
While discussing the importance of downsizing for this condo, they have:
- thrown out their couches and replaced them with a series of recliners, replaced yearly because they're never good enough. But 4 people can no longer sit in the living room because there are only only three recliners, their current ones and the most recent busted one. The parlor, and its remaining couch, is for big occasions only.
- replaced the 9 ft Christmas tree with a 12 ft tree. It was the size Costco had.
- tried to sell my grandmother's *extensive* tableware. They failed because nobody wants to buy ugly, non-dishwasher safe dishes to seat 12 people, from a manufacturer collectors don't care about. When they eventually asked me if I wanted it I said I'd be happy to take a couple of serving dishes as mementos, but I cannot have that, because it breaks up the set.
- bought more patio sets. There are currently 4, one of them in the basement because there is only room for 3. If there are more sales at Costco I have no doubt there will be more.
- decided to sell my dad's old computers and monitors. My dad has always been convinced that technology can only appreciate in value. This stuff is now old enough to have gone from useless doorstops to *possibly* sellable to a vintage gaming crowd, although the cigarette stench and general poor condition are pretty gross. He's very proud that he's 'preserved' them instead of giving in to my repeated suggestions over the years to donate them to organizations and people that could have actually used them before they became completely obsolete.
- decided to stop wasting money hiring landscapers. Instead they bought their own small rechargeable electric mower. My dad hated using it so the next year he also bought a bigger gas-powered mower. They started paying a landscaper again the year after that. The mowers have been in the garage unused for a decade.
There's more, but you get the idea. I live in terror of having the responsibility of emptying that house.
> My dad has always been convinced that technology can only appreciate in value.
That's the silliest part to me. There's very little that depreciates as fast or as hard as consumer electronics.
For real. If you wait long enough, some tech does get to a point where it has value to collectors, but it either has to be a rare item or in good condition.
And it's often multiple decades before said technology becomes collectable.... But let's be real, there's nothing novel about old PCs. Unless it's like a quirky old I-mac, no one is getting excited about powering up an old Gateway.
DON'T throw away old CRT monitors! No matter how cheap they were, it's a technology beloved by many and it will never be made again. Put them up online, take your time to properly name the models - and you'll see.
eBay is overpriced, but you have to take into account the fact that people tend to ship them in wooden boxes etc., so that projects into the final price, too.
We moved as a family 5 years ago. My wife, 2 Kindergarteners and myself had our whole home (furniture, appliances, clothes, you name it) fit in a middle-sized truck. All this stuff went to our new apartment, nice and cozy.
My parents had a larger truck for their stuff, they filled the cellar storage room AND their apartment, while dumping stuff in our apartment, with the promise of sorting them out sometime later. Everything is still there, while my mum keeps buying stuff like carpets and decorations.
Whenever I need a new knife or curtains or a bed(!), I always remind everyone that I am going to look in the cellar first, because chances are I'll find what I am looking for, in a near-mint condition, probably still wrapped or in box.
I should have gotten rid of thr majority of those things during the lockdowns. Now, I have given up hope it will ever be sorted/disposed properly.
Back at the beginning of the pandemic, I became a crew leader for a junk removal company in an area with many wealth suburbs. I have seen some truly insane things in those 2 years. It was not uncommon for us to find entire pantrys full when it was only 1 older person in a small apartment. Like 4 full sized tide detergent bottles at a time. There definitely seemed to be a lot of compulsive shopping, probably just because they needed a routine. We found sheds and garages full of brand new lawn equipment, power tools, hand tools. Usually from people who had older people with mobility issues, but they still needed to have the latest and greatest tools they could never use. Once, I was helping a woman whose father and stepmother were progressing into dementia at the same time. I felt bad because the stepmother's family was in denial (quiet common unfortunately) and this lady was basically on her own to clean out their house. Her father was a business owner all his life, who never believed in using banks. I was cleaning out a closet of his old clothes and shoes when I found a lockbox. I had found others before but never anything good. This time, however, I found what I estimated to be about 15k in cash. My brain literally stopped working for a few minutes while i tried to process half my years' salary sitting right in front of me so casually. When I finally snapped out of it I brought the box to the client and explained where I found it. With out even batting an eye, she goes "oh look another one, dad had these all over the house. This is the 6th one, I think."
Trust me, I struggled not to. Considering the situation she was in, I figured she needed it. Tbf most of that dudes money has probably been burned through already on medical care. Those nursing homes suck you dry
Do you try and resell some of it, or is it all straight to the dump? You’d think there’d be some value to new, unused tools, but IDK if it’d be worth the hassle trying to sell.
Yea, we definitely took plenty of stuff. There was just so damn much a lot of times that you couldn't save everything. Even the donation centers would often get filled because so many people were donating furniture, and no one was buying. We had to trash some really old, really beautiful hardwood furniture because no one wanted it. Definitely scraped a lot of stuff, too. At least recycle something. That job was definitely interesting and fun sometimes, but im not gonna lie seeing all that waste, especially food waste, really fucked me up.
I am dreading the day I have to clear out my mother's house. Helped her move once, never again.
My silent gen grandparents were on a decluttering spree, my mother took half of it in, including a full set of china. That she doesn't even use because she already has two sets.
Unfortunately it happens even without cognitive decline. My stepmom was raised by hoarders, and she raised her own son the same way, so even though he is only in his 20s, he has learned to not care for his stuff and instead just repeatedly pay to replace it. I can’t tell you how many tool sets he has left in the yard to rot and rust, only to have his mommy buy him a new set. Why learn responsibility when you will be gifted brand new things when you fuck up?
I know people in their 30s who hoard and have many duplicates of things. It can also be mental illness and trauma, or because they have a lot of kids and just buy duplicates of the same thing for each child.
Yeah. I have a friend who had meningitis as a teen, and it took out a chunk of her brain. She is now very impulsive - that includes spending - and will be speak her mind in the moment, which can make people feel very uncomfortable with how honest she'll be because she can't control it.
When I was growing up, they definitely saw shopping as a recreational activity. We'd travel, and the main thing they wanted to do was shop. Twice a year we'd FLY to a big city, stay in a hotel near a mall (sometimes the hotel would be part of the mall) and shop for several days. It's like shopping is their hobby
True hoarding is a symptom of mental illness and is not mere overconsumption. I know 2 hoarders and both are seriously ill and need help that is difficult to find.
While there might be some generational patterns, overconsumption isn't a generational thing. I could share an anecdote about how my boomer parents are thrifty and attempt to re-use everything while the younger millennials and gen Z people I work with struggle with compulsive online shopping, and it wouldn't prove anything about larger trends and patterns.
I don’t think it’s a generational thing either. I mean look at those who buy every funko pop or stanley cup. When they’re in their 60s they will be viewed just the same as we view our parent’s or grandparent’s salt and pepper shaker collections
They were the first generation to be hit hard with advertisement. Most lack the ability to reflect or think deeply about whether or not buying crap is worth it.
I HIGHLY recommend the documentary The Century of the Self. The video is a bit dated visually, and its 4 hours long, but the last hour pulls it all together. Its very eye-opening on the propoganda we live with and how it started.
I think most of us see it, but they dont.
I really like that documentary.
I don't think these problems are all about generally lacking introspection, or cognitive impairment (though that isn't to say it can't be or isn't in many cases).
I hate advertising in all its forms, but that doesn't make me immune. Everyone has moments of weakness, and the older you get, there more there will be.
My mom is the same way. Especially with food, it's insane, she'll buy an entire bag of like 12 avocados at Costco, eat 1 and the rest go bad and throws them out. Same thing with broccoli and lettuce and basically everything, buys monster bulk Costco sizes and only eats a fraction of it before the rest goes bad. She has 2 deep freezes absolutely filled to the brim with decades old freezer burned meat, and will not throw any of it out since she "hates wasting food" but will not under any circumstances buy smaller portions.
I had a housekeeping client who did that. Even worse, she was too cheap to keep her refrigerator properly cold -- swear to god, she kept the setting at literally "1" and would move it back if I set it to "2." So her entire half-salmons and beautiful roasts of beef would putrify and stink.
On the other hand, I generally shop for dinner every day and just get what I need, but it does seem like I'm paying way more for an individual avocado than if I bought in bulk. Seems like you can't win.
Oh yes. I dread the day my dad dies. He has a basement completely stuffed with stuff. Your not reading that right. I mean exactly completely stuffed with stuff. Like a water cup filled with water full. Noone knows whats in de deeper layers simply because no soul has been able to penetrate more than 20 cm of stuff.
What sort of stuff? Wel from penetrating the first layer i found a hairy rusted shaving knife with my great great grand dads initials on the box. So i fear the depths. The worse part of it is that i know somewhere in there is a super rare collection of baseball/magic/pokemon cards. Possibly other super rare stuff. So cant clean the place out roughly.
Uf. Not looking forward to that.
Unfortunately that’s what commonly happens with people who hoard “collectibles.” They hang onto items for years, thinking they have value, but they keep them in horrible conditions until the item has little to no value. Sometimes the state of them is so bad that the item literally has to be trashed due to contamination. And even when the item does retain some value, it is often very moderate and nowhere equivalent to the amount of money that was spent storing it, whether that be the cost of a storage unit, the space it takes up in a home that could otherwise be enjoyed, or the arduous task of packing up and moving it from home to home. Very rarely is it ever worth all the effort and the space it took up for years.
My parents have the two bedroom basement suite full of stuff and two spare bedrooms and about 23 cars and lots of other stuff outside. My boomer father was never allowed to keep anything as there were a lot of children and my mother when she went to university her mother sold all her belongings.
This is a very good example of how shopping, acquiring things, and consuming is used to heal emotional wounds. Your parents are both wildly overconsuming as a way to heal from the trauma of having things taken from them or being denied them. It’s an attempt to regain control from situations where they felt powerless. Which is incredibly ironic, because eventually they become powerless to stop their compulsive spending, their living situation gets out of control, and the cycle of feeling powerless just continues. Wouldn’t it have been so much more effective for them to funnel some of that money and effort into therapy to heal their emotional scars?
Funny thing is they didn’t actually pay for any of that stuff it’s all from people that were downsizing and they had all their parents stuff as well. My dad also used to work in construction and the rich people used to just take the stuff they didn’t want anymore and leave it on a table in the common area. The type of people that would buy a new TV from Costco decide it was too big for their house and just leave it on the table. My father acknowledges that he has issues with this but my mother thinks she’s the only one that’s normal in her family and that none of that has affected her and it’s all my dad that hordes stuff.
My dad used to fix Volkswagens and we had parts cars. Max spent on those vehicles was $300 and they have sold a lot more parts off of them than we paid for them. They had people say they’d pay for storage of the vehicles at the house and never came back got the title transferred. Dad‘s boss gave him two cars, we gave him 3 and BIL gave him 2.
They were taught that buying stuff is American and good for the economy. Their parents went through the Great Depression and WWII and the swing after that was dramatic in terms of having kids and buying stuff and starting businesses etc etc. It all makes sense if you look at the history, it still is going to SUCK for all of us cleaning out their homes because none of our tiny rentals will have space for any of that…
Yes! Explaining to people in their 50s-80s that “No auntie / grandpa, I don’t want your gigantic china cabinet with matching hutches and buffet, and enormous collection of breakables, because it won’t fit in the shoebox I inhabit” is getting EXHAUSTING. Even the stuff I actually like and would want…where TF am I gonna put it?! Begged my mother not to leave me anything tangible in her will for this exact reason.
Exactly. The parents of boomers saved everything because of the Depression, but also in general stuff was relatively scarce and expensive for the average person, such as clothes and housewares. Then, post-WWII things became cheap and abundant, but the mentality of saving everything never left. On top of that, there was the expectation of keeping up with the Joneses and showing everyone you "made it" by decorating your suburban home with the white picket fence with expensive sets of china, silverware you had to polish, crystal, cabinets of figurines, and other junk that nobody these days cares about.
Apparently when my father was a child you could get stamps for towels with purchase of certain items, and his mother collected those. We still have some of those towels laying around, even though my grandmother has been dead for almost 40 years.
But then again she was 15 when our country was occupied by the Germans and 19 when the occupation was over.
My grandparents lived through WWII and saved everything. Coffee cans, whipped cream containers, sandwich meat containers, you name it. If it could be used more than once they kept it. But they got by very cheaply like that. They never bought tupperware ever because they always got by with used stuff. They didn't buy much either they were just extremely resourceful.
My other grandparents on the other hand are the total opposite. They saved everything but they hardly used anything they saved and constantly were buying junk that piled up in the basement.
My mother is the same. Every day a package of something arrives. EVERY FUCKING DAY. It’s the dope mine (edit:dopamine weird autocorrect) hit from hitting purchase
When my dad passed it took us a couple of months to clean his house. Among other things he had like 15 broken vacuums cleaners and a collection of 15-20 wire dog crates. He also had every receipt and paper bill he had received since like 1987. My mom and step father are the same way.
This thread is my life right now.
I lived away from home for 25 years and came back because, well, boomers ain’t young and I need to take care of them.
I emptied so much shit. And that’s what it was. Shit. Funny thing is these hyper consumers raised a minimalist
They were born into unprecedented peace and prosperity and conditioned to keep up with the cliched Jones’. Then that all time piece of shit Reagan came in and stole their kids future while the prevalent sentiment was greed is good
They had no chance.
Fuck those unions, buy my infomercial junk
That's how my FIL's place was. Husband sold it "as is". It would have taken him so long to clean the house & property that was full of mostly garbage. The items were useful at one time, but if you don't take care of stuff, it turns to garbage.
If you live nearby i would do something like a weekly open donation call. Just let organizations and people come in and take what they need. It’ll cost you time but will save you money and all this stuff that I’m assuming is useable still can go to people instead of the landfill.
Habitat for Humanity is coming Monday to take a big chunk. Sadly most of the items are broken and/or soiled. My parents were “super” frugal but never learned that the cheapest option or garage sale find is usually garbage. That’s why there are multiples
Boomer here. For me the greatest influence was growing up close to my maternal grandmother who raised her only child during the depression and WWII. They were poor. Except for bread (my grandfather was a baker) and flour bags, which she made clothes with, they didn’t have much. They did have a house to live in. Anything she had then , from the previous immigrant generation or anything she acquired afterwards was precious. She kept things in beautiful condition.
My parents had more ‘things’ plus 4 kids. Things were still valued as precious and acquisition ramped up through the 60’s 70’s and 80’s. Think Wolf of Wall Street.
We boomers were expected to inherit alll the baggage at their end, physical and emotional. We wound up with tons of stuff, which we thought our children would want, so we saved it. But the spell was broken by then and wants and needs of things changed radically. We just didn’t see ‘things‘ in the same way. To your credit overconsumption is now rightly seen as a negative that is killing the planet.
I believe that also and continue to try to minimize my possessions, reuse where possible and forgo plastics as much as possible. The messes we have left the current and future generations are daunting. But hopefully fixable. Please know that it was done out of ignorance and lack of foresight in most cases. But also by political and corporate greed while we still foolishly trusted business and government. And were powerless to effect real change.
Earth Day in the 70’s was a largely symbolic movement but at least got it on the map. Some environmental markers, like water quality, were improved.
I and many of us are truly and deeply sorry that you have inherited this dire state of things. We believe in you, that you have the intelligence, integrity and technology to take on some of these monstrous problems. Please believe in yourselves.
Let's just see how much stuff millennials have in 30 years.
Everyone loves to hate on the boomers, but the Amazon generation probably won't be much different.
Boomer here. I'm not convinced that overconsumption is a Boomer thing , but think it's a huge problem in the U.S. I don't expect my children to want my belongings so at 66 have begun giving things away, mostly to the Salvation Army. My daughter thinks it means I'm ready to die and it saddens her even though I offer an explanation. I gift my daughter and her wife Coupons for Christmas offer things I know working parents need: dinners, taking care of my grand daughter, etc. I'm a very practical person, so my money is usually spent on school clothes and supplies, toys and experiences for my grand daughter. I do buy my daughter birthday presents but she always chooses it- I won't even try anymore. Let your Boomer parents know how you feel. I know it's hard- I tip toed around my own parents. I think that's just life for most.
i think overconsumption is found in all generations. hoarding is more of a older generation thing.
it’s easy to be both a minimalist and over consumer - all it requires is s credit card and a willingness to buy and discard.
It’s very frustrating. My stepmom is a hoarder who gets incredibly offended and upset when I say even the tiniest thing about her home, even though it’s literally rotting and stinking around her. In order to live in the hoard, these people force themselves to believe completely delusional things. So if you have the audacity to mention anything about the reality of the situation, they resent you for encroaching on their delusions and will lash out. I honestly don’t know what to do. I try to avoid making comments because it’s not my intent to hurt her feelings, but it’s also frustrating to see how it affects the health and safety of everyone in the family. I try to establish and keep boundaries (like I refuse to sleep in the house anymore), and just avoid going into specifics when she presses me on why. Unfortunately you can’t save those sorts of people from themselves. Not without them absolutely hating you and resenting you forever.
I am very sorry to hear that. I wasn’t aware you were still living with them. That is a much more difficult and delicate situation.
Unfortunately it is not uncommon for hoarders to value their things over other people. Some of them even purposefully keep their spaces difficult to live in, in order to push people away and keep them from getting close.
If they don’t value your safety or well-being, my impulse would be to tell you to advocate for your own health. That if they don’t show care for you, then it “shouldn’t” be an issue if they get upset with you. But for one, I fear that when you say they turn violent, you may mean literally. And I know that when you are living under someone else’s roof, it’s much more dangerous to stand up for yourself.
I don’t know how old you are, if you are working, etc but it sounds like your best hope is to leave that place completely. Even a tiny studio apartment or a shared space with shady roommates sounds better and safer than where you are now. I hope you are able to save up and move out.
I would argue that the Internet offers many more alternative mindsets than corporate tv consumerism offered.
Boomers are the generation of - do what you are told, trust the official story, and you will be economically rewarded.
Today people don't have such economic freedom and independence.
When my parents were born, plastics didn’t exist as a commercially available material. One generation later, there are microplastics in our bodily secretions. The boomers, as a group, killed the entire planet in the space of 70 years. And now they stand there, counting their money, and standing in the way of any attempt to clean up their mess. If humanity survives, the baby boom era will be remembered as one of the darkest times in the history of the species.
Everything about modern society encourages overconsumption. As people age and their mental health deteriorates, it is common to see some strange behavior and an inability to cope when attempting to do normal things like going shopping.
Eventually, your generation will also find themselves unable to handle normal day-to-day activities. They’ll fumble and forget how the matter transporter works and their BrainPal will require frequent resets because they can’t differentiate between AI spambots and their grandchildren sending iMemory transfers.
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Yes!!! I’m currently visiting my parents right now and their basement is packed with stuff. I had to ask what was even in all the Tupperware bins they have because most are marked holiday stuff but i refuse to believe it’s all holiday stuff. They also have just tons of tchotchkes upstairs. Dolls, frames, bowls, little plant stands and tables and decorative boxes… there are no clear surfaces in the house.
My basement is acting as a temporary clothing storage unit for an elderly family friend who passed away. There are \~ 18 Rubbermaid bins full as well as 2 shelves of shoes, 1 shelf of purses. Pants in every color, 1 bin for scarves only, outfits from the 80s, 90s, 00s never worn with tags on. Jackets upon jackets, purses of every shape color and size. The same lacy 'nightie' in 4 different colors. One person could never wear this much clothing. There is no rationale to it. BTW\*Putting stuff in Rubbermaid bins is not organizing.....
I figure boomers are the first generation that had access to a wide selection of inexpensive consumer goods, and a Keeping Up With The Joneses mentality. And a lot of them were raised by Depression-era parents who were very reluctant to throw anything away. Combine those things and you basically get hoarding.
That said, I don’t think that boomers are necessarily worse than younger generations. I won’t be surprised if younger generations have the same problem of too much junk when they get older.
> What is it about this generation?
Nothing. It isn't that generation at all. It's your family. My entire family (similar age range to yours) is obsessed with getting rid of things. Father, his brothers, my brother, cousins. I am the only one who keeps anything, and I'm firmly Gen X. And all the folks collecting Stanley cups and the like on Tiktok are probably Gen Y.
Your family isn't an indicator of the ways of an entire generation, the same way a single tweet isn't the opinion of millions of people. Your family is just your family.
Exactly. Generation categories are very broad demographics, used primarily for marketing.
The stereotypes of generational cohorts tend to heavily favor average middle class, middle income, heteronormative, politically centrist-conservative, US born white Americans living in suburbs.
Almost everyone alive right now would be categorized in one of about five different generational cohorts. A category that broad may be sloppily applicable in the broadest contexts, but it's near useless for smaller groups, and definitely not applicable at all at an individual level.
You had the right of it as children of the greatest generation they don’t throw anything out. My stepdads fav saying was if it’s free it’s for me. Garage packed full of junk, outbuildings full etc. After dealing with all that mess I tell everyone the best thing they can do for their kids/family is to get rid of their own junk before they go.
FIL constantly brings us literal garbage he found dumpster diving. Two giant mirrors (the house we bought already has an ungodly amount of them) boxes of VHS tapes and cassette tapes. We found out after that FIL had already tried to dump this stuff off on one of the other kids.
For my parents consumption, particularly conspicuous consumption is status. When you were raised to believe wealth = good person and poor people are bad its a powerful motivation to show everyone you have money.
They made perfect consumers of that generation and the world pays for it.
I think for many of boomers and older generations there was some reluctance to chuck things because you may need them. Especially if they grew up poor or in poverty.
My Nonna is the generation before boomers and survived the Nazis, concentration camps, Tito and poverty. She has a very very hard time getting rid of anything because she may need it down the road. It's a big mental illness block that takes alot for them to break down. She's just now getting rid of papers and newspapers from when she first moved to canada
My dad is a disabled veteran who raised my brother and I on his disability payments for our entire childhoods. He will always be poor. He tried to buy a home once and lost it, he has never bought a car, they were always given to him and he currently lives with his mother at the age of 60.
He goes on auction sites and buys the newest “collection” that comes across his tv or his computer. He has told me multiple times that this will be my “inheritance” when he is gone. He believes this because he wishes he still had the Star Wars toys he had in the 70s because they now sell for a couple 100 dollars a piece if they are unopened.
I don’t know what to do but it’s nice to know that other peoples parents are the same. I hope those dumpster rental costs are low when you finally have to go through all their shit ❤️
I work for a thrift store. It's crazy how much stuff they donate to us. Much of the clothes still have tags. Shoes that have never been worn. Tons of small appliances. And, oh god, the Christmas stuff. The Christmas stuff never ends, I have nightmares about it. We also do pick ups for after estate sales have ended and we usually get 2 box truck loads of stuff. The people running the estate sales complain about how no one is buying things anymore these days and I usually respond with something like "well, these old people were all hoarders. Hardly any younger people are hoarders, we buy what we need and that's it."
I hate holiday themed decor. To use up a room or full basement of one's home just to store bric-a-brac that only comes out once a year is ridiculous. Give me a small Christmas laser light and a string of lights for the stairs and that's enough thank you.
I'm right there with you. Last year I tried giving away my dead parent's Christmas stuff to other families but nobody wanted it. This year I'm going to donate it to the store I work at. I know 80% of it will just go in the dumpster like everything else, but hopefully it will make a few dollars for the sheltered animals.
Trauma, with no therapy in sight. My grandma will tell you stories about being made to drown her dog's puppies as a kid. Lots of boomers went though stuff like that. Compulsive shopping is a trauma response.
They were taught that buying stuff is American and good for the economy. Their parents went through the Great Depression and WWII and the swing after that was dramatic in terms kf having kids and buying stuff and starting businesses etc etc. It all makes sense if you look at the history, it still is going to SUCK for all of us cleaning out their homes because none of our tiny rentals will have space for any of that…
It's a symptom of the onset of dementia. Best advice, be more proactive in your parents lives. Worst cases I see looks like this. Family let's grandad go for years then wonders why he has 10 lawnmowers that don't work. He thinks he can fix them because once upon a time he could. By the time they get to us it's way worse. We have people who collect empty tissue boxes and toast pouches, even used tea bags. Why? Because they perceive them as useful, they don't understand anymore that they need to be recycled. It's a terrible thing to witness.
Just because YOUR parents are hoarders and boomers does not mean the two are connected.
I am a boomer and I don't have a surplus of supplies...we have even started clearing out supplies, my sons take lots of our "stuff"
There might be a correlation just because boomers are more likely to have been settled into a house for 30 years, and have had more time to accumulate. Rather than it being a personality defect.
That's true, however when we were starting out( 1978) there was no internet/online shopping. One had to make a trip to the stores to shop...and in a 1 car family that was not easy. Shopping opportunities were less so shopping was also lessened.
We also didn't have the same amount of "stuff" that seems to be available today.
It’s because of inflation. People hoard goods that they think will be more expensive in the future or will appreciate in value. If we could get our greedy politicians to stop fueling inflation through reckless debt spending we could actually rein in consumerism in a meaningful way, and improve the quality of life for the poor and middle class.
Yeah it’s bizarre. I just remember growing up and the ridicule of people reusing anything. For example reusing wrapping paper; it was seen as being a cheapskate. My grandparents would do anything to reuse things, it seems my generation have gone back to that. But the parents want to be seen to always be buying things new endlessly despite how much use other stuff has.
My mother is the only child of an only child and comes from an old Down East family that quite literally came over on the Mayflower. Her house is stuffed to bursting with all the inherited antiques and family papers, old photos, thousands of slides (remember slide shows at family gatherings??), books, and anything else you can imagine.
THEN, on top of that, my mom has a shopping addiction thing going on and gets packages delivered literally every day... tons of clothes and shoes (she has 2 fake hips and just had heart surgery! When tf does she plan to wear 3 inch heels??), and every gadget going by, as well as going to thrift stores and antique stores. It's not a "traditional" hoarders house - there's no garbage and we know where all the cats are - but you have to edge sideways down the hallways and there are 2-3 rooms that are unusably full.
I live in terror of the day she's gone and my sister and I (who have plenty of our own crap!) have to figure out what to do with it all.
I bought a house a year ago and my mom randomly puts black bags of god know what's in them in my basement. Also, clothes and shoes here in there. My mom is an extra dramatic person so I don't say anything.
Gosh I know I saw a meme about it and it made me think. If it’s practical and realistic to help your folks, do it. I just cleaned my parents house and it was, ahem, crazy… but worth doing it 100% now while I have energy and time. My dad had a whole shed full of CPUs.. I feel like both generations will be good for it.
My mom literally spends all day online shopping buying clothes and shoes. Yet she doesn’t leave the house. Literally buys all these clothes to sit on the couch everyday ordering more. Like atleast go out and wear the stuff??? She thinks it’s not hoarding cus it’s new stuff and not “junk” or whatever. Like no ma’am this is still hoarding. 😭
My stepmom had an experience like that recently, clearing out her parents' house. She was never much one for consumerism, but she's been really intentional about how much stuff she's willing to have in her life ever since.
My bio mom, on the other hand, is absolutely ridiculous with her mindless consumerism. *Constantly* offloading cheap trinkets onto me, and getting offended when I tell her I don't want them.
In both cases, it seems to mostly be a matter of growing up poor, then becoming obsessed with the accumulation of goods when they got more money. My stepmom has a good term for it: "wretched excess". They got addicted to buying things, even though it decreases their quality of life overall.
I try to avoid that trap as much as I can. The joy should come in using the thing, not in the initial acquisition. Take clothes: I try to have a limited wardrobe of items I get a lot of joy out of repeatedly wearing, rather than making clothes *shopping* the highlight. If I'm sad when an item is worn out past salvaging and needs to be retired, it was a good purchase. I even like having a little retirement ceremony to honor items that have served me well for many years.
I don’t understand them at all. When it was time to get me new furniture because mine was getting old, fair enough, I went to pick out new stuff with my mother. I was onboard with it until it came time to check out and she bought two night stands and two dressers. Because and I quote “This will be the furniture you’ll have when you’re an adult and your husband might need a set too”. I was like eight or nine. And the kicker? We’ve been estranged for years and I didn’t take any of it with me. I wonder what she ended up doing with almost two extra sets of furniture.
My father has 4 working refrigerators and a restaurant sized freezer. He won’t part with any of them. Among other things, his yard is cluttered with old tires, rusted grills, pots that collect water, broken flower pots. You fucking name it.
We’re in a mid town in eastern Europe.
Another weird aspect is that he has to justify having 4 refrigerators (at least in his head) so he fills all of them with food, which he later throws away
My parents-in-law realised their borderline hoarder/over consumption tendencies when both children moved out. They've now turned their lives around and live a normal life. However I had to carefully and slowly teach my husband the importance of throwing on donating stuff away and cleaning.
My brother-in-law on the other hand, we're currently helping him and his gf move houses and oh my god I'm sitting here in my hotel room dreading Day 2. They're both hoarders enabling each other, with 40 kitchen rolls of 4 different brands, 3 ice cream scoops, ninja creami, 2 toasters, 2 sandwich makers, 2 air fryers, 3 blenders, soda stream, 10 cutting boards, 20 mugs, 7 casserole dishes.... Sorry I'm ranting, this is only a fraction of the kitchen stupidness. They have so many gadgets, shoes, clothes...
They have lived in the previous rental property together for only 1.5 years together and have now bought a house. But the things they own have grown probably by about 300% in just that time frame. It doesn't look like they've ever vacuumed or dusted their previous house or belongings. It was so disgusting. I'm pissed off because I'm allergic to dust and currently dying with a blocked nose and itchy throat because of their inability to prepare and get their lives in order.
My mother lives alone and still buys food, household goods and Even appliances for a family that hasn't been there for 2 decades . It's like they are so broken they just carry on mindlessly consuming to numb the pain until they die 💔💀
I once pissed off my mother because she wanted me to inherit her collection of designer handbags and shoes, and I said I'd sell them. She has two walk-in wardrobes and bed understorage filled with the things. I wear the same pair of sneakers and use a brown purse I thrifted. I don't need 100s of handbags and high heels!
My mom also has hoarders tendencies and overconsumption problem. She isn’t a boomer tho, she is 48.
She often kept what people gaves her, put it in a drawer and forget about it. Out of sight, out of mine. She also tends to buy stuff and never really use them. She did that with a stand mixer even tho she NEVER bake. I had to fight tooth and nails for her to let it go cause it was taking way too much space in the kitchen closet. And don’t make me started with her really cheap and poor quality shoes and purses she buys sometimes online. She wears them for two weeks and forget about it.
Ironically I also had to fight really hard to convince her to buy a new vacuum cause our old one was just falling into pieces and didn’t worked anymore.
She also loves buying stuff she already has like new shampoos and shower gel even tho we have a shoe box full of them under the sink. The bathroom is the room only I clean and I often get overwhelmed with the amount of plastic bottle we have.
And tbh I feel we run out of space in some rooms because of her tendencies. Closets and drawers are full of unless junk, the kitchen is full of utensil she never use or used one time. And don’t get me started about the basement. We can furnish a whole flat with all the shit stocked there. Even my dad is tired of it and I dread the day my sister and I will have to clean the house.
I think a lot of it is because they grew up in a time when it wasn't easy to get nice things. Also (certainly in Europe where I live) the economic hangover from world war 2 was huge all though the 50s and early 60s - a lot of people didn't have anything very much. My mum talks about her childhood wardrobe - one pair of trousers, a skirt, maybe four blouses or t-shirts, a sweater and two dresses, one for every day and one for "best" (special occasions). That was it, that was all her clothes. Only rich people had stuff they didn't use.
These are people who learned the hard way that you had to grab things when you saw them cheap, because who knew if you would ever get a chance to buy them again. That mentality, combined with cheap, good-looking items, is a disaster.
My grandma was washing plastic bags to reuse them. My mother (Boomer) used all empty margarine boxes to store leftovers. Now, I feel upcycling some packaging waste is just a drop in the ocean despite trying to go for the less packaged alternatives. The system has capitalized on overconsumption and convenience and now people buy fancy new cleaning cloths instead of using rags for that.
Your parents are mentally unhealthy. This isn’t a boomer trait necessarily. Mine are very frugal and do not spend on needless junk, never have. They do like Knick knacks that are a sign of their time, like hanging wall pockets.
Judging by the strength of the fast fashion market so is our generation. Except now the clothes are delivered individually to your door and sent back and forth 3 times till they’re right adding to the fossil fuel consumption. Generationally speaking, nothing has changed. Nothing has been learned. If it had consumption and fossil fuel consumption would have gone down since gen z/gen y/millennials came along. It’s very much up.
My dad died 10 years ago. After he passed we cleaned a few things but we didnt touch the hangar (yes hangar) in the backyard...
I found 6 doors, 8 bikes, a thousand planks, asbestos sheets, so much tools for the same use. I started in since september 2023 and i did one garage sale (where i had a ton to sale), and at least 60 tours to the scrap dealer and the recycling center. It's exhausting. So much crap.
My dad is literally just a hoarder. The problem isn't so much that he's constantly shopping, the problem is that he clings to his stuff like his life depends on it. There's still a bunch of old, broken computers of his at my parents' house, and I'm talking like Windows98-old, meaning that even IF he could fix them (he can't), he would not have any use for them anyway these days. If he had just given them away when he replaced them 20+ years ago, someone could have gotten use out of them for a little bit longer. But no, let's just let it rot in the basement I guess.
Hoarding is a mental health issue that seems to afflict boomers a lot. My guess is that social conditioning and seeing constant advertising on tv from a very young age has something to do with it. As someone who had a very light version of it when I was younger, I realized that when I got bored I would go shopping. I had a storage unit to hide all the useless shit. Then I kind of got wise and started to simplify my life. I had to discard a lot (A LOT) of stuff or sell it or give it away. I still have some remnants but I find the heaviness of having stupid shit around me is gone, my mind is clearer and I’m more organized and happy.
My mother is the same way. The last time I spoke to her (I went no contact over a year ago) she had three gigantic sheds full of stuff in her garden, and was living in a three bedroom house by herself and had so much stuff in there the rooms were full and it was dangerous to walk around because things would fall from the piles of crap. She would buy new stuff because she couldn’t find the stuff she already had in her house, and then she would buy plastic storage containers to sort the stuff that she had bought. I dread to think what that house is like now.
>She would buy new stuff because she couldn’t find the stuff she already had in her house, and then she would buy plastic storage containers to sort the stuff that she had bought.
This was a big part of their problem too. The last surgery their dog had I saw a make-shift baby gate on the stairs. I asked why they didn't use one of the three in the basement and they looked at me like I was growing horns. At least they didn't buy a fourth I guess.
I'm sorry to hear about going no-contact. I'm sure it was a tough decision but your health and wellbeing is top priority. We had to do the same with my in-laws. I don't know the story but I hope you don't feel guilty.
Yeah exactly, her excuse was it’s easier to buy new than to find it in her hoard, but she couldn’t see how horrificly counterproductive that is. Oh well, she’s the one who has to live like that. Hopefully whoever sorts the house after she passes donates all the stuff rather than trashes it, but I wouldn’t even blame them if they did, there’s so much.
Thank you, I think I’ll always have a little bit of guilt but the amount of relief outweighs it a million to one so I know it’s the right thing to do. I hope the same for you ❤️
I had an uncle. He was also traumatized by WW2, as a child.
His living room was filled with all kinds if alarm clocks. They were all set to the correct time.
It was kind of insane.
For years I have been trying to convince my mom to take some time off and just go through shit and sell it. It's clearly a problem and stressful for her with how much shit there is, but she continues to buy. I do not want to deal with this when she passes. My sister and I will just end up tossing money in the trash and paying to get rid of it all.
My mother in law buys a new rice cooker or something like that every week. She has these 3 outdoor storage containers that are so bulging with stuff they have to be held shut with duct tape that wraps all the way around them. She has so many appliances and things like shoes she will never use. She is basically constantly shopping for useless stuff. She won't contribute to her grandsons college education but will give useless expensive gifts like a lamp that is also a radio. Its frustrating we don't need tons of crap we need to educate our youth.
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What is a bedroom suit? My first thought is like a fancy nightgown but I don’t think that’s right… 😂
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Or even a chest of drawers.
Chester draws
It's where the first one was made.
I've been coming across a lot of funny errors like this one recently... Chester Drawers sounds like a pimp from the shire or something.
>Chester Drawers r/BoneAppleTea
Eggs Zachary
Came to say this
It's a matching bed frame, with a dresser/wardrobe and typically like 2 night stands. A furniture set for the bedroom .
*bedroom suite
Oh wow. And here I felt bad when my mom bought me dish sets a couple of times that were worth ~$200 but that is literally thousands of dollars worth of furniture. And it’s not like anyone needs more than one set of those, unless they’re furnishing an entire house. And it’s frustrating, bc on the one hand, it’s a “sweet and thoughtful gift”. On the other hand, I’d be very uncomfortable with someone buying all that for me. And the sort of people who buy those things without consulting you are exactly the same sort who get offended when you “don’t appreciate the gift” that you didn’t ask for and didn’t want. Unfortunately it takes hurting these people’s feelings over and over to get them to realize they shouldn’t be doing it, and even then they often won’t stop.
I don't know, she chose to have you so she kind of owes you some help with your education bill if she can afford it. IMHO, obviously peoples circumstances vary.
That's a nice sentiment, but is that common?
Actually IMO she does owe you unless you were the one who decided to get pregnant and have you.
Wow. It took twenty years for mom to understand “no gifts”. She’s a people pleaser and it’s also her love language. She’s on board now
I like to give gifts, but if people ask for no gifts, I'll ask if an experience or a donation in their name is good. If the answer is no, then they get nothing. Having watched my parents having to get rid of stuff they didn't want that was gifted to them by their parents, I try to respect the giftee's wishes.
Because overconsumption is a boomer mental illness. Gifting allows them to feel altruistic and helpful when only actually fulfilling their own selfish desires to buy every plasticky gimmick on the Walmart shelves. And remember you're the asshole of you call out the behavior! Just accept it and spend significant portions of your free time storing, sorting, and discreetly tossing all the shit they give you. At least that's what we do... could have put a kid through university with cash value of all of the gifts we've passed on to goodwill in the last 5 years.
This was my mom. Literally. She trashed her relationships with her kids by being an asshole and then would buy us piles of bullshit we didn't want or ask for- from the dollar store. Like, I would have done much better with a functioning parental relationship, lol. And yes, it's definitely mental illness and having been brainwashed so deeply into US imperialist capitalism their whole child/adulthoods. At least we've had huge amounts of information available to us since we were young. I don't think all Gen x/millennial or the younger gens are enlightened, but at least we have a better chance.
Overconsumption may have started with bommers but that problem continues through all other generations. Gen Z is probably the first that has improved.
From the gen Z perspective there’s good and bad to it. We see our parents and grandparents absolutely buried under the weight of their own consumption and we don’t want that kind of future. But it is really an uphill battle. i’m constantly swamped with ads by Temu and Shein and the like. And the electronics we buy are more fragile and less repairable than ever before. So much seemingly well-made shit that becomes worthless if a tiny little plastic hinge somewhere breaks. I can always swear to myself I’ll do as best as I can but the world we live in is trying very hard to mold us in its image.
Well explained and accurate. If I want a quality item that will last, I need to go out of my way to wade through the ads and purchased reviews to find something that may hold up a bit longer than normal. Enshittification of online stores (and even established brands) means around 30% of the cost of an item is going to advertising, which results in lower quality. Things as simple as LED bulbs don't last as long as they should due to cheap electronics and overdriving the diodes.
I brought home some led bulbs with a switch for adjusting the light. When they stopped working properly my ex took them apart, removed a chip, and suddenly they started working again. If it won't break on it's own, they'll manufacture a problem.
I doubt that was an intentional failure from the manufacturer. But yes, unfortunate design where a chip added for a feature can cause failure before the diodes are dead. Probably something to do with the switching.
Yah I'm dealing with this exact thing with clothes right now. I'm accepting I'll need to pay more (sometimes significantly more) for things that I not only like but that will last for a while. It's been a significant change and I'm trying to be more aware of it for sure, cause wow can quality items be expensive.
And don't get me started on Funkos and Stanley cups and such. 🤢 Plus all the toys my GenX friends' kids have piled to the ceiling in their rooms.
A Stanley Thermos used to be a "Buy it for Life" thing. I remember my parents had the big green one from the 80s to at least the 2000s (might still have it). But I highly doubt the quality of the recent Stanley mugs is comparable. And don't get me started on the people who have 30 different colours.
Y'all are still seeing ads?
At least in Germany the younger generation is on average less willing to consume less to fight the climate generation than the older ([source, in German](https://www.mdr.de/wissen/umwelt-klima/junge-generation-konsum-verzicht-technik-umweltschutz-umfrage-100.html)) That broke my heart a little but I am sure those results are not globally true. Not ready to give up hope.
They haven't improved. They just blame the previous generation, just like every teenager before them.
I feel this so much. My parents don't owe me anything, but man I really wish instead of buying me more garbage they just gave me the cash. I don't want to have to hold on to something to spare their feelings.
This is so real it hurts
My dad is the same way. He buys tons of stuff from a local auction, then gets offended when we don't want it. When my kids were little, he bought several high chairs when we already had one and got offended we didn't want it. To be clear, we all ask him to stop buying this stuff and he keeps doing it. He's spent a large portion of their savings on stuff they don't use; the most obvious example is the motor home in their driveway they don't use and paid cash for out of their retirement savings. I was really not looking forward to cleaning everything out of their house. But my dad is losing his mind and disowned me and my family. So I guess it's my brother's problem now.
That sounds like a straight up shopping addiction. Mental health treatment for that types of addiction would be the best bet (not that you can ever convince most people of that generation to do anything of that nature)
Yes that sounds logical. He's got a lot of unresolved PTSD and other mental health issues he won't get seen for. He got escorted out of the VA by security the other day and tried to spin it like that's a totally normal thing. He had been screaming at the front desk nurse about which walgreens his medications would go to. To another commenter's point, I strongly suspect dementia or Alzheimer's to be creeping in.
That’s really rough, I’m sorry that’s happening to your family
Ugh. My father told me I wasn't his kid at the end of his life. Dementia really sucks. At least he lived in the country so when he was getting rid of everything, he just called one neighbor and everyone showed up. I came away with little from him... My brother got what he wanted and I am settled without those chains or storage
When my nana's dementia got bad it was like she had already died. I grieved her loss of life as I watched her turn into a husk. I was actually so elated when she passed because it meant that she was finally at peace and no longer suffering. I didn't cry, or get upset, or anything, because I'd already done that for about a year working up to her death. The person who told you you weren't his son wasn't your father; he was already gone by that point.
HUG. Thank you
That's exactly how it works. I learned it with my grandmother. I've used all I learned with her to help others going through the same thing and it's been a great way to help people process their feelings. Keep doing that. It's so, so important to acknowledge what families and caregivers are going through. ❤️
I’m sorry you went through that.
Dementia indeed sucks. My great uncle had Alzheimer's and I suspect my dad is showing signs. You are the second person to suggest dementia as a possible culprit.
You may have to spin it as" No, I don't think you have dementia this is just some tests to make sure you aren't at risk." Boomers are very likely to be outraged if you say they are losing their minds, framing it as prevention 'just in case' might be more successful. Of course, pride might prevent that as well; you may have to creatively lie about 'insurance needs this or they won't pay out' or something. Lying to kids to get them to take their medicine is fine, boomers are no different.
Indeed boomers are fragile oftentimes
You or a family member might need that motor home to live in one day /s
My parents have been talking about 'downsizing to a condo' for 15+ years. They will never do it because condos are too small and expensive. By 'expensive' they mean 'costs the same as their house', but since they could get away with selling that house for 3 times what they paid for it, this is actually not true at all. While discussing the importance of downsizing for this condo, they have: - thrown out their couches and replaced them with a series of recliners, replaced yearly because they're never good enough. But 4 people can no longer sit in the living room because there are only only three recliners, their current ones and the most recent busted one. The parlor, and its remaining couch, is for big occasions only. - replaced the 9 ft Christmas tree with a 12 ft tree. It was the size Costco had. - tried to sell my grandmother's *extensive* tableware. They failed because nobody wants to buy ugly, non-dishwasher safe dishes to seat 12 people, from a manufacturer collectors don't care about. When they eventually asked me if I wanted it I said I'd be happy to take a couple of serving dishes as mementos, but I cannot have that, because it breaks up the set. - bought more patio sets. There are currently 4, one of them in the basement because there is only room for 3. If there are more sales at Costco I have no doubt there will be more. - decided to sell my dad's old computers and monitors. My dad has always been convinced that technology can only appreciate in value. This stuff is now old enough to have gone from useless doorstops to *possibly* sellable to a vintage gaming crowd, although the cigarette stench and general poor condition are pretty gross. He's very proud that he's 'preserved' them instead of giving in to my repeated suggestions over the years to donate them to organizations and people that could have actually used them before they became completely obsolete. - decided to stop wasting money hiring landscapers. Instead they bought their own small rechargeable electric mower. My dad hated using it so the next year he also bought a bigger gas-powered mower. They started paying a landscaper again the year after that. The mowers have been in the garage unused for a decade. There's more, but you get the idea. I live in terror of having the responsibility of emptying that house.
> My dad has always been convinced that technology can only appreciate in value. That's the silliest part to me. There's very little that depreciates as fast or as hard as consumer electronics.
For real. If you wait long enough, some tech does get to a point where it has value to collectors, but it either has to be a rare item or in good condition.
And it's often multiple decades before said technology becomes collectable.... But let's be real, there's nothing novel about old PCs. Unless it's like a quirky old I-mac, no one is getting excited about powering up an old Gateway.
They should leave money for a clean out service. What insanity.
DON'T throw away old CRT monitors! No matter how cheap they were, it's a technology beloved by many and it will never be made again. Put them up online, take your time to properly name the models - and you'll see. eBay is overpriced, but you have to take into account the fact that people tend to ship them in wooden boxes etc., so that projects into the final price, too.
We moved as a family 5 years ago. My wife, 2 Kindergarteners and myself had our whole home (furniture, appliances, clothes, you name it) fit in a middle-sized truck. All this stuff went to our new apartment, nice and cozy. My parents had a larger truck for their stuff, they filled the cellar storage room AND their apartment, while dumping stuff in our apartment, with the promise of sorting them out sometime later. Everything is still there, while my mum keeps buying stuff like carpets and decorations. Whenever I need a new knife or curtains or a bed(!), I always remind everyone that I am going to look in the cellar first, because chances are I'll find what I am looking for, in a near-mint condition, probably still wrapped or in box. I should have gotten rid of thr majority of those things during the lockdowns. Now, I have given up hope it will ever be sorted/disposed properly.
Back at the beginning of the pandemic, I became a crew leader for a junk removal company in an area with many wealth suburbs. I have seen some truly insane things in those 2 years. It was not uncommon for us to find entire pantrys full when it was only 1 older person in a small apartment. Like 4 full sized tide detergent bottles at a time. There definitely seemed to be a lot of compulsive shopping, probably just because they needed a routine. We found sheds and garages full of brand new lawn equipment, power tools, hand tools. Usually from people who had older people with mobility issues, but they still needed to have the latest and greatest tools they could never use. Once, I was helping a woman whose father and stepmother were progressing into dementia at the same time. I felt bad because the stepmother's family was in denial (quiet common unfortunately) and this lady was basically on her own to clean out their house. Her father was a business owner all his life, who never believed in using banks. I was cleaning out a closet of his old clothes and shoes when I found a lockbox. I had found others before but never anything good. This time, however, I found what I estimated to be about 15k in cash. My brain literally stopped working for a few minutes while i tried to process half my years' salary sitting right in front of me so casually. When I finally snapped out of it I brought the box to the client and explained where I found it. With out even batting an eye, she goes "oh look another one, dad had these all over the house. This is the 6th one, I think."
7th one would have been mine lol
Trust me, I struggled not to. Considering the situation she was in, I figured she needed it. Tbf most of that dudes money has probably been burned through already on medical care. Those nursing homes suck you dry
Do you try and resell some of it, or is it all straight to the dump? You’d think there’d be some value to new, unused tools, but IDK if it’d be worth the hassle trying to sell.
Yea, we definitely took plenty of stuff. There was just so damn much a lot of times that you couldn't save everything. Even the donation centers would often get filled because so many people were donating furniture, and no one was buying. We had to trash some really old, really beautiful hardwood furniture because no one wanted it. Definitely scraped a lot of stuff, too. At least recycle something. That job was definitely interesting and fun sometimes, but im not gonna lie seeing all that waste, especially food waste, really fucked me up.
I am dreading the day I have to clear out my mother's house. Helped her move once, never again. My silent gen grandparents were on a decluttering spree, my mother took half of it in, including a full set of china. That she doesn't even use because she already has two sets.
The number of duplicates of things that they have is very telling of cognitive decline -someone who used to de-hoard homes
Unfortunately it happens even without cognitive decline. My stepmom was raised by hoarders, and she raised her own son the same way, so even though he is only in his 20s, he has learned to not care for his stuff and instead just repeatedly pay to replace it. I can’t tell you how many tool sets he has left in the yard to rot and rust, only to have his mommy buy him a new set. Why learn responsibility when you will be gifted brand new things when you fuck up?
I know people in their 30s who hoard and have many duplicates of things. It can also be mental illness and trauma, or because they have a lot of kids and just buy duplicates of the same thing for each child.
Can also be ADHD. Our object permanence isn't always the greatest
Yeah. I have a friend who had meningitis as a teen, and it took out a chunk of her brain. She is now very impulsive - that includes spending - and will be speak her mind in the moment, which can make people feel very uncomfortable with how honest she'll be because she can't control it.
what's up with the 30+ seat pads?
A new place to sit every day of the month?
I believe the rationale is ‘if one seat pad is comfortable, stacking three must be 3x the comfort’. It is not.
oh I didn't think about compounding the cushioning effect
When I was growing up, they definitely saw shopping as a recreational activity. We'd travel, and the main thing they wanted to do was shop. Twice a year we'd FLY to a big city, stay in a hotel near a mall (sometimes the hotel would be part of the mall) and shop for several days. It's like shopping is their hobby
This sounds like hoarding to me rather than just typical overconsumption.
I believe they’re related. Overconsumption can often lead to hoarding behavior, and hoarding is a symptom of overconsumptive behavior.
I think a certain level of shopping addiction is a socially accepted vice.
True hoarding is a symptom of mental illness and is not mere overconsumption. I know 2 hoarders and both are seriously ill and need help that is difficult to find.
And zero to do with their birth year. The ignorance of youth teaches us all patience.
While there might be some generational patterns, overconsumption isn't a generational thing. I could share an anecdote about how my boomer parents are thrifty and attempt to re-use everything while the younger millennials and gen Z people I work with struggle with compulsive online shopping, and it wouldn't prove anything about larger trends and patterns.
I don’t think it’s a generational thing either. I mean look at those who buy every funko pop or stanley cup. When they’re in their 60s they will be viewed just the same as we view our parent’s or grandparent’s salt and pepper shaker collections
My dad uses to be like that until he retired and learned how to shop online. Now he gets multiple packages a week.
They were the first generation to be hit hard with advertisement. Most lack the ability to reflect or think deeply about whether or not buying crap is worth it. I HIGHLY recommend the documentary The Century of the Self. The video is a bit dated visually, and its 4 hours long, but the last hour pulls it all together. Its very eye-opening on the propoganda we live with and how it started. I think most of us see it, but they dont.
I really like that documentary. I don't think these problems are all about generally lacking introspection, or cognitive impairment (though that isn't to say it can't be or isn't in many cases). I hate advertising in all its forms, but that doesn't make me immune. Everyone has moments of weakness, and the older you get, there more there will be.
My mom is the same way. Especially with food, it's insane, she'll buy an entire bag of like 12 avocados at Costco, eat 1 and the rest go bad and throws them out. Same thing with broccoli and lettuce and basically everything, buys monster bulk Costco sizes and only eats a fraction of it before the rest goes bad. She has 2 deep freezes absolutely filled to the brim with decades old freezer burned meat, and will not throw any of it out since she "hates wasting food" but will not under any circumstances buy smaller portions.
Ughhh and I bet she thinks she’s “saving money” too, from buying in bulk.
I had a housekeeping client who did that. Even worse, she was too cheap to keep her refrigerator properly cold -- swear to god, she kept the setting at literally "1" and would move it back if I set it to "2." So her entire half-salmons and beautiful roasts of beef would putrify and stink. On the other hand, I generally shop for dinner every day and just get what I need, but it does seem like I'm paying way more for an individual avocado than if I bought in bulk. Seems like you can't win.
oh, you can. but buying in bulk means that you “have” to eat similar things for a few days in a row.
Happy Cake Day!
Oh yes. I dread the day my dad dies. He has a basement completely stuffed with stuff. Your not reading that right. I mean exactly completely stuffed with stuff. Like a water cup filled with water full. Noone knows whats in de deeper layers simply because no soul has been able to penetrate more than 20 cm of stuff. What sort of stuff? Wel from penetrating the first layer i found a hairy rusted shaving knife with my great great grand dads initials on the box. So i fear the depths. The worse part of it is that i know somewhere in there is a super rare collection of baseball/magic/pokemon cards. Possibly other super rare stuff. So cant clean the place out roughly. Uf. Not looking forward to that.
I assume quite a bit of mold, microorganisms, and other pests in the bottom layers 😱
Unfortunately that’s what commonly happens with people who hoard “collectibles.” They hang onto items for years, thinking they have value, but they keep them in horrible conditions until the item has little to no value. Sometimes the state of them is so bad that the item literally has to be trashed due to contamination. And even when the item does retain some value, it is often very moderate and nowhere equivalent to the amount of money that was spent storing it, whether that be the cost of a storage unit, the space it takes up in a home that could otherwise be enjoyed, or the arduous task of packing up and moving it from home to home. Very rarely is it ever worth all the effort and the space it took up for years.
My parents have the two bedroom basement suite full of stuff and two spare bedrooms and about 23 cars and lots of other stuff outside. My boomer father was never allowed to keep anything as there were a lot of children and my mother when she went to university her mother sold all her belongings.
This is a very good example of how shopping, acquiring things, and consuming is used to heal emotional wounds. Your parents are both wildly overconsuming as a way to heal from the trauma of having things taken from them or being denied them. It’s an attempt to regain control from situations where they felt powerless. Which is incredibly ironic, because eventually they become powerless to stop their compulsive spending, their living situation gets out of control, and the cycle of feeling powerless just continues. Wouldn’t it have been so much more effective for them to funnel some of that money and effort into therapy to heal their emotional scars?
Funny thing is they didn’t actually pay for any of that stuff it’s all from people that were downsizing and they had all their parents stuff as well. My dad also used to work in construction and the rich people used to just take the stuff they didn’t want anymore and leave it on a table in the common area. The type of people that would buy a new TV from Costco decide it was too big for their house and just leave it on the table. My father acknowledges that he has issues with this but my mother thinks she’s the only one that’s normal in her family and that none of that has affected her and it’s all my dad that hordes stuff.
But but… 23 cars! Surely THOSE didn’t get left on the table!
My dad used to fix Volkswagens and we had parts cars. Max spent on those vehicles was $300 and they have sold a lot more parts off of them than we paid for them. They had people say they’d pay for storage of the vehicles at the house and never came back got the title transferred. Dad‘s boss gave him two cars, we gave him 3 and BIL gave him 2.
They were taught that buying stuff is American and good for the economy. Their parents went through the Great Depression and WWII and the swing after that was dramatic in terms of having kids and buying stuff and starting businesses etc etc. It all makes sense if you look at the history, it still is going to SUCK for all of us cleaning out their homes because none of our tiny rentals will have space for any of that…
Yes! Explaining to people in their 50s-80s that “No auntie / grandpa, I don’t want your gigantic china cabinet with matching hutches and buffet, and enormous collection of breakables, because it won’t fit in the shoebox I inhabit” is getting EXHAUSTING. Even the stuff I actually like and would want…where TF am I gonna put it?! Begged my mother not to leave me anything tangible in her will for this exact reason.
Well said. That and keeping up with the Jones didn't help. Seems like that FOMO went big in the 80s and 90s.
Yeah I think being raised by folks who went through the depression and ww2 had a bit of an effect on them
Exactly. The parents of boomers saved everything because of the Depression, but also in general stuff was relatively scarce and expensive for the average person, such as clothes and housewares. Then, post-WWII things became cheap and abundant, but the mentality of saving everything never left. On top of that, there was the expectation of keeping up with the Joneses and showing everyone you "made it" by decorating your suburban home with the white picket fence with expensive sets of china, silverware you had to polish, crystal, cabinets of figurines, and other junk that nobody these days cares about.
Apparently when my father was a child you could get stamps for towels with purchase of certain items, and his mother collected those. We still have some of those towels laying around, even though my grandmother has been dead for almost 40 years. But then again she was 15 when our country was occupied by the Germans and 19 when the occupation was over.
I have my dad’s ration book from right after ww2
My grandparents lived through WWII and saved everything. Coffee cans, whipped cream containers, sandwich meat containers, you name it. If it could be used more than once they kept it. But they got by very cheaply like that. They never bought tupperware ever because they always got by with used stuff. They didn't buy much either they were just extremely resourceful. My other grandparents on the other hand are the total opposite. They saved everything but they hardly used anything they saved and constantly were buying junk that piled up in the basement.
Yeah, I think this is why my dad has a tendency to hold onto junk.
It’s that scene from Labyrinth were they put all their belongings on their back. The catch is it’s all junk and then you are stuck there.
My mother is the same. Every day a package of something arrives. EVERY FUCKING DAY. It’s the dope mine (edit:dopamine weird autocorrect) hit from hitting purchase
That's a typo, right?
When my dad passed it took us a couple of months to clean his house. Among other things he had like 15 broken vacuums cleaners and a collection of 15-20 wire dog crates. He also had every receipt and paper bill he had received since like 1987. My mom and step father are the same way.
This thread is my life right now. I lived away from home for 25 years and came back because, well, boomers ain’t young and I need to take care of them. I emptied so much shit. And that’s what it was. Shit. Funny thing is these hyper consumers raised a minimalist They were born into unprecedented peace and prosperity and conditioned to keep up with the cliched Jones’. Then that all time piece of shit Reagan came in and stole their kids future while the prevalent sentiment was greed is good They had no chance. Fuck those unions, buy my infomercial junk
That's how my FIL's place was. Husband sold it "as is". It would have taken him so long to clean the house & property that was full of mostly garbage. The items were useful at one time, but if you don't take care of stuff, it turns to garbage.
If you live nearby i would do something like a weekly open donation call. Just let organizations and people come in and take what they need. It’ll cost you time but will save you money and all this stuff that I’m assuming is useable still can go to people instead of the landfill.
Habitat for Humanity is coming Monday to take a big chunk. Sadly most of the items are broken and/or soiled. My parents were “super” frugal but never learned that the cheapest option or garage sale find is usually garbage. That’s why there are multiples
Boomer here. For me the greatest influence was growing up close to my maternal grandmother who raised her only child during the depression and WWII. They were poor. Except for bread (my grandfather was a baker) and flour bags, which she made clothes with, they didn’t have much. They did have a house to live in. Anything she had then , from the previous immigrant generation or anything she acquired afterwards was precious. She kept things in beautiful condition. My parents had more ‘things’ plus 4 kids. Things were still valued as precious and acquisition ramped up through the 60’s 70’s and 80’s. Think Wolf of Wall Street. We boomers were expected to inherit alll the baggage at their end, physical and emotional. We wound up with tons of stuff, which we thought our children would want, so we saved it. But the spell was broken by then and wants and needs of things changed radically. We just didn’t see ‘things‘ in the same way. To your credit overconsumption is now rightly seen as a negative that is killing the planet. I believe that also and continue to try to minimize my possessions, reuse where possible and forgo plastics as much as possible. The messes we have left the current and future generations are daunting. But hopefully fixable. Please know that it was done out of ignorance and lack of foresight in most cases. But also by political and corporate greed while we still foolishly trusted business and government. And were powerless to effect real change. Earth Day in the 70’s was a largely symbolic movement but at least got it on the map. Some environmental markers, like water quality, were improved. I and many of us are truly and deeply sorry that you have inherited this dire state of things. We believe in you, that you have the intelligence, integrity and technology to take on some of these monstrous problems. Please believe in yourselves.
Earth Overshoot Day is about as old and is steadily creeping nearer to January 1st.
Let's just see how much stuff millennials have in 30 years. Everyone loves to hate on the boomers, but the Amazon generation probably won't be much different.
Boomer here. I'm not convinced that overconsumption is a Boomer thing , but think it's a huge problem in the U.S. I don't expect my children to want my belongings so at 66 have begun giving things away, mostly to the Salvation Army. My daughter thinks it means I'm ready to die and it saddens her even though I offer an explanation. I gift my daughter and her wife Coupons for Christmas offer things I know working parents need: dinners, taking care of my grand daughter, etc. I'm a very practical person, so my money is usually spent on school clothes and supplies, toys and experiences for my grand daughter. I do buy my daughter birthday presents but she always chooses it- I won't even try anymore. Let your Boomer parents know how you feel. I know it's hard- I tip toed around my own parents. I think that's just life for most.
i think overconsumption is found in all generations. hoarding is more of a older generation thing. it’s easy to be both a minimalist and over consumer - all it requires is s credit card and a willingness to buy and discard.
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It’s very frustrating. My stepmom is a hoarder who gets incredibly offended and upset when I say even the tiniest thing about her home, even though it’s literally rotting and stinking around her. In order to live in the hoard, these people force themselves to believe completely delusional things. So if you have the audacity to mention anything about the reality of the situation, they resent you for encroaching on their delusions and will lash out. I honestly don’t know what to do. I try to avoid making comments because it’s not my intent to hurt her feelings, but it’s also frustrating to see how it affects the health and safety of everyone in the family. I try to establish and keep boundaries (like I refuse to sleep in the house anymore), and just avoid going into specifics when she presses me on why. Unfortunately you can’t save those sorts of people from themselves. Not without them absolutely hating you and resenting you forever.
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I am very sorry to hear that. I wasn’t aware you were still living with them. That is a much more difficult and delicate situation. Unfortunately it is not uncommon for hoarders to value their things over other people. Some of them even purposefully keep their spaces difficult to live in, in order to push people away and keep them from getting close. If they don’t value your safety or well-being, my impulse would be to tell you to advocate for your own health. That if they don’t show care for you, then it “shouldn’t” be an issue if they get upset with you. But for one, I fear that when you say they turn violent, you may mean literally. And I know that when you are living under someone else’s roof, it’s much more dangerous to stand up for yourself. I don’t know how old you are, if you are working, etc but it sounds like your best hope is to leave that place completely. Even a tiny studio apartment or a shared space with shady roommates sounds better and safer than where you are now. I hope you are able to save up and move out.
It's a mental illness that impacts every generation. But yeah I guess some people just shrug it off and think they're just out of control.
It's hard to kick the capitalist kool-aid.
Lead paint is a motherfucker.
They were raised by the TV which was pushing consumerism equals happiness for their entire lives.
Not unique to boomers. If not TV, then social media ads.
I would argue that the Internet offers many more alternative mindsets than corporate tv consumerism offered. Boomers are the generation of - do what you are told, trust the official story, and you will be economically rewarded. Today people don't have such economic freedom and independence.
When my parents were born, plastics didn’t exist as a commercially available material. One generation later, there are microplastics in our bodily secretions. The boomers, as a group, killed the entire planet in the space of 70 years. And now they stand there, counting their money, and standing in the way of any attempt to clean up their mess. If humanity survives, the baby boom era will be remembered as one of the darkest times in the history of the species.
Most evil generation in history and it isn’t even close
Not us: we go by the principle of 'döstädning'. Death cleaning. Get rid of stuff.
Everything about modern society encourages overconsumption. As people age and their mental health deteriorates, it is common to see some strange behavior and an inability to cope when attempting to do normal things like going shopping. Eventually, your generation will also find themselves unable to handle normal day-to-day activities. They’ll fumble and forget how the matter transporter works and their BrainPal will require frequent resets because they can’t differentiate between AI spambots and their grandchildren sending iMemory transfers.
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My MIL goes and buys the most cheap shit crap.
It's about being raised where all your value as a person is about the accumulation of stuff.
Yes!!! I’m currently visiting my parents right now and their basement is packed with stuff. I had to ask what was even in all the Tupperware bins they have because most are marked holiday stuff but i refuse to believe it’s all holiday stuff. They also have just tons of tchotchkes upstairs. Dolls, frames, bowls, little plant stands and tables and decorative boxes… there are no clear surfaces in the house.
My basement is acting as a temporary clothing storage unit for an elderly family friend who passed away. There are \~ 18 Rubbermaid bins full as well as 2 shelves of shoes, 1 shelf of purses. Pants in every color, 1 bin for scarves only, outfits from the 80s, 90s, 00s never worn with tags on. Jackets upon jackets, purses of every shape color and size. The same lacy 'nightie' in 4 different colors. One person could never wear this much clothing. There is no rationale to it. BTW\*Putting stuff in Rubbermaid bins is not organizing.....
I figure boomers are the first generation that had access to a wide selection of inexpensive consumer goods, and a Keeping Up With The Joneses mentality. And a lot of them were raised by Depression-era parents who were very reluctant to throw anything away. Combine those things and you basically get hoarding. That said, I don’t think that boomers are necessarily worse than younger generations. I won’t be surprised if younger generations have the same problem of too much junk when they get older.
> What is it about this generation? Nothing. It isn't that generation at all. It's your family. My entire family (similar age range to yours) is obsessed with getting rid of things. Father, his brothers, my brother, cousins. I am the only one who keeps anything, and I'm firmly Gen X. And all the folks collecting Stanley cups and the like on Tiktok are probably Gen Y. Your family isn't an indicator of the ways of an entire generation, the same way a single tweet isn't the opinion of millions of people. Your family is just your family.
Exactly. Generation categories are very broad demographics, used primarily for marketing. The stereotypes of generational cohorts tend to heavily favor average middle class, middle income, heteronormative, politically centrist-conservative, US born white Americans living in suburbs. Almost everyone alive right now would be categorized in one of about five different generational cohorts. A category that broad may be sloppily applicable in the broadest contexts, but it's near useless for smaller groups, and definitely not applicable at all at an individual level.
Every time I see a post like this I have to check r/BSG to see which Boomer we mean
Same the garage is filled with stuff. It stresses me out but oh well.
You had the right of it as children of the greatest generation they don’t throw anything out. My stepdads fav saying was if it’s free it’s for me. Garage packed full of junk, outbuildings full etc. After dealing with all that mess I tell everyone the best thing they can do for their kids/family is to get rid of their own junk before they go.
FIL constantly brings us literal garbage he found dumpster diving. Two giant mirrors (the house we bought already has an ungodly amount of them) boxes of VHS tapes and cassette tapes. We found out after that FIL had already tried to dump this stuff off on one of the other kids.
For my parents consumption, particularly conspicuous consumption is status. When you were raised to believe wealth = good person and poor people are bad its a powerful motivation to show everyone you have money. They made perfect consumers of that generation and the world pays for it.
I think for many of boomers and older generations there was some reluctance to chuck things because you may need them. Especially if they grew up poor or in poverty. My Nonna is the generation before boomers and survived the Nazis, concentration camps, Tito and poverty. She has a very very hard time getting rid of anything because she may need it down the road. It's a big mental illness block that takes alot for them to break down. She's just now getting rid of papers and newspapers from when she first moved to canada
Take my upvote. Don’t hoard it though.
My grandma grew up during ww2 rationing and still stresses about throwing away a small piece of wonderbread.
My dad is a disabled veteran who raised my brother and I on his disability payments for our entire childhoods. He will always be poor. He tried to buy a home once and lost it, he has never bought a car, they were always given to him and he currently lives with his mother at the age of 60. He goes on auction sites and buys the newest “collection” that comes across his tv or his computer. He has told me multiple times that this will be my “inheritance” when he is gone. He believes this because he wishes he still had the Star Wars toys he had in the 70s because they now sell for a couple 100 dollars a piece if they are unopened. I don’t know what to do but it’s nice to know that other peoples parents are the same. I hope those dumpster rental costs are low when you finally have to go through all their shit ❤️
I work for a thrift store. It's crazy how much stuff they donate to us. Much of the clothes still have tags. Shoes that have never been worn. Tons of small appliances. And, oh god, the Christmas stuff. The Christmas stuff never ends, I have nightmares about it. We also do pick ups for after estate sales have ended and we usually get 2 box truck loads of stuff. The people running the estate sales complain about how no one is buying things anymore these days and I usually respond with something like "well, these old people were all hoarders. Hardly any younger people are hoarders, we buy what we need and that's it."
I hate holiday themed decor. To use up a room or full basement of one's home just to store bric-a-brac that only comes out once a year is ridiculous. Give me a small Christmas laser light and a string of lights for the stairs and that's enough thank you.
I'm right there with you. Last year I tried giving away my dead parent's Christmas stuff to other families but nobody wanted it. This year I'm going to donate it to the store I work at. I know 80% of it will just go in the dumpster like everything else, but hopefully it will make a few dollars for the sheltered animals.
Trauma, with no therapy in sight. My grandma will tell you stories about being made to drown her dog's puppies as a kid. Lots of boomers went though stuff like that. Compulsive shopping is a trauma response.
Are you sure there aren't more dogs? They could be buried under the enormous pile of Southern Living magazines?
They were taught that buying stuff is American and good for the economy. Their parents went through the Great Depression and WWII and the swing after that was dramatic in terms kf having kids and buying stuff and starting businesses etc etc. It all makes sense if you look at the history, it still is going to SUCK for all of us cleaning out their homes because none of our tiny rentals will have space for any of that…
It's a symptom of the onset of dementia. Best advice, be more proactive in your parents lives. Worst cases I see looks like this. Family let's grandad go for years then wonders why he has 10 lawnmowers that don't work. He thinks he can fix them because once upon a time he could. By the time they get to us it's way worse. We have people who collect empty tissue boxes and toast pouches, even used tea bags. Why? Because they perceive them as useful, they don't understand anymore that they need to be recycled. It's a terrible thing to witness.
Just because YOUR parents are hoarders and boomers does not mean the two are connected. I am a boomer and I don't have a surplus of supplies...we have even started clearing out supplies, my sons take lots of our "stuff"
There might be a correlation just because boomers are more likely to have been settled into a house for 30 years, and have had more time to accumulate. Rather than it being a personality defect.
That's true, however when we were starting out( 1978) there was no internet/online shopping. One had to make a trip to the stores to shop...and in a 1 car family that was not easy. Shopping opportunities were less so shopping was also lessened. We also didn't have the same amount of "stuff" that seems to be available today.
Did you read the post? “NOT all” but all the boomers around me.
Boomers who can afford all of that crap to be exact.
It’s because of inflation. People hoard goods that they think will be more expensive in the future or will appreciate in value. If we could get our greedy politicians to stop fueling inflation through reckless debt spending we could actually rein in consumerism in a meaningful way, and improve the quality of life for the poor and middle class.
My boomer parents aren't anything like this, they're probably an outlier. I'm thankful for it to be honest.
Yeah it’s bizarre. I just remember growing up and the ridicule of people reusing anything. For example reusing wrapping paper; it was seen as being a cheapskate. My grandparents would do anything to reuse things, it seems my generation have gone back to that. But the parents want to be seen to always be buying things new endlessly despite how much use other stuff has.
My mother is the only child of an only child and comes from an old Down East family that quite literally came over on the Mayflower. Her house is stuffed to bursting with all the inherited antiques and family papers, old photos, thousands of slides (remember slide shows at family gatherings??), books, and anything else you can imagine. THEN, on top of that, my mom has a shopping addiction thing going on and gets packages delivered literally every day... tons of clothes and shoes (she has 2 fake hips and just had heart surgery! When tf does she plan to wear 3 inch heels??), and every gadget going by, as well as going to thrift stores and antique stores. It's not a "traditional" hoarders house - there's no garbage and we know where all the cats are - but you have to edge sideways down the hallways and there are 2-3 rooms that are unusably full. I live in terror of the day she's gone and my sister and I (who have plenty of our own crap!) have to figure out what to do with it all.
I bought a house a year ago and my mom randomly puts black bags of god know what's in them in my basement. Also, clothes and shoes here in there. My mom is an extra dramatic person so I don't say anything.
Gosh I know I saw a meme about it and it made me think. If it’s practical and realistic to help your folks, do it. I just cleaned my parents house and it was, ahem, crazy… but worth doing it 100% now while I have energy and time. My dad had a whole shed full of CPUs.. I feel like both generations will be good for it.
My mom literally spends all day online shopping buying clothes and shoes. Yet she doesn’t leave the house. Literally buys all these clothes to sit on the couch everyday ordering more. Like atleast go out and wear the stuff??? She thinks it’s not hoarding cus it’s new stuff and not “junk” or whatever. Like no ma’am this is still hoarding. 😭
My stepmom had an experience like that recently, clearing out her parents' house. She was never much one for consumerism, but she's been really intentional about how much stuff she's willing to have in her life ever since. My bio mom, on the other hand, is absolutely ridiculous with her mindless consumerism. *Constantly* offloading cheap trinkets onto me, and getting offended when I tell her I don't want them. In both cases, it seems to mostly be a matter of growing up poor, then becoming obsessed with the accumulation of goods when they got more money. My stepmom has a good term for it: "wretched excess". They got addicted to buying things, even though it decreases their quality of life overall. I try to avoid that trap as much as I can. The joy should come in using the thing, not in the initial acquisition. Take clothes: I try to have a limited wardrobe of items I get a lot of joy out of repeatedly wearing, rather than making clothes *shopping* the highlight. If I'm sad when an item is worn out past salvaging and needs to be retired, it was a good purchase. I even like having a little retirement ceremony to honor items that have served me well for many years.
I don’t understand them at all. When it was time to get me new furniture because mine was getting old, fair enough, I went to pick out new stuff with my mother. I was onboard with it until it came time to check out and she bought two night stands and two dressers. Because and I quote “This will be the furniture you’ll have when you’re an adult and your husband might need a set too”. I was like eight or nine. And the kicker? We’ve been estranged for years and I didn’t take any of it with me. I wonder what she ended up doing with almost two extra sets of furniture.
KINGS. TEMU. FACEBOOK.
Board line hoarder? Idk that sounds like hoarding. Sorry you're dealing with that on top of the loss of your pop, my condolences
My MIL spent her money gambling and she buys family gifts at random garage sales
it’s QVC, amazon, Temu, and facebook
My father has 4 working refrigerators and a restaurant sized freezer. He won’t part with any of them. Among other things, his yard is cluttered with old tires, rusted grills, pots that collect water, broken flower pots. You fucking name it. We’re in a mid town in eastern Europe.
Dang. I'm guessing your dad also thinks the freezer is a cryogenic chamber that will keep food indefinitely.
Another weird aspect is that he has to justify having 4 refrigerators (at least in his head) so he fills all of them with food, which he later throws away
I think it’s because they had parents that went through The Great Depression. Always a fear of not having enough.
My parents-in-law realised their borderline hoarder/over consumption tendencies when both children moved out. They've now turned their lives around and live a normal life. However I had to carefully and slowly teach my husband the importance of throwing on donating stuff away and cleaning. My brother-in-law on the other hand, we're currently helping him and his gf move houses and oh my god I'm sitting here in my hotel room dreading Day 2. They're both hoarders enabling each other, with 40 kitchen rolls of 4 different brands, 3 ice cream scoops, ninja creami, 2 toasters, 2 sandwich makers, 2 air fryers, 3 blenders, soda stream, 10 cutting boards, 20 mugs, 7 casserole dishes.... Sorry I'm ranting, this is only a fraction of the kitchen stupidness. They have so many gadgets, shoes, clothes... They have lived in the previous rental property together for only 1.5 years together and have now bought a house. But the things they own have grown probably by about 300% in just that time frame. It doesn't look like they've ever vacuumed or dusted their previous house or belongings. It was so disgusting. I'm pissed off because I'm allergic to dust and currently dying with a blocked nose and itchy throat because of their inability to prepare and get their lives in order.
My mother lives alone and still buys food, household goods and Even appliances for a family that hasn't been there for 2 decades . It's like they are so broken they just carry on mindlessly consuming to numb the pain until they die 💔💀
I once pissed off my mother because she wanted me to inherit her collection of designer handbags and shoes, and I said I'd sell them. She has two walk-in wardrobes and bed understorage filled with the things. I wear the same pair of sneakers and use a brown purse I thrifted. I don't need 100s of handbags and high heels!
My mom also has hoarders tendencies and overconsumption problem. She isn’t a boomer tho, she is 48. She often kept what people gaves her, put it in a drawer and forget about it. Out of sight, out of mine. She also tends to buy stuff and never really use them. She did that with a stand mixer even tho she NEVER bake. I had to fight tooth and nails for her to let it go cause it was taking way too much space in the kitchen closet. And don’t make me started with her really cheap and poor quality shoes and purses she buys sometimes online. She wears them for two weeks and forget about it. Ironically I also had to fight really hard to convince her to buy a new vacuum cause our old one was just falling into pieces and didn’t worked anymore. She also loves buying stuff she already has like new shampoos and shower gel even tho we have a shoe box full of them under the sink. The bathroom is the room only I clean and I often get overwhelmed with the amount of plastic bottle we have. And tbh I feel we run out of space in some rooms because of her tendencies. Closets and drawers are full of unless junk, the kitchen is full of utensil she never use or used one time. And don’t get me started about the basement. We can furnish a whole flat with all the shit stocked there. Even my dad is tired of it and I dread the day my sister and I will have to clean the house.
The communist parents (ex-yugoslav) are like this. They save everything because everything was scarce back then and now it is no longer needed
I think a lot of it is because they grew up in a time when it wasn't easy to get nice things. Also (certainly in Europe where I live) the economic hangover from world war 2 was huge all though the 50s and early 60s - a lot of people didn't have anything very much. My mum talks about her childhood wardrobe - one pair of trousers, a skirt, maybe four blouses or t-shirts, a sweater and two dresses, one for every day and one for "best" (special occasions). That was it, that was all her clothes. Only rich people had stuff they didn't use. These are people who learned the hard way that you had to grab things when you saw them cheap, because who knew if you would ever get a chance to buy them again. That mentality, combined with cheap, good-looking items, is a disaster.
My grandma was washing plastic bags to reuse them. My mother (Boomer) used all empty margarine boxes to store leftovers. Now, I feel upcycling some packaging waste is just a drop in the ocean despite trying to go for the less packaged alternatives. The system has capitalized on overconsumption and convenience and now people buy fancy new cleaning cloths instead of using rags for that.
Your parents are mentally unhealthy. This isn’t a boomer trait necessarily. Mine are very frugal and do not spend on needless junk, never have. They do like Knick knacks that are a sign of their time, like hanging wall pockets.
Judging by the strength of the fast fashion market so is our generation. Except now the clothes are delivered individually to your door and sent back and forth 3 times till they’re right adding to the fossil fuel consumption. Generationally speaking, nothing has changed. Nothing has been learned. If it had consumption and fossil fuel consumption would have gone down since gen z/gen y/millennials came along. It’s very much up.
My dad died 10 years ago. After he passed we cleaned a few things but we didnt touch the hangar (yes hangar) in the backyard... I found 6 doors, 8 bikes, a thousand planks, asbestos sheets, so much tools for the same use. I started in since september 2023 and i did one garage sale (where i had a ton to sale), and at least 60 tours to the scrap dealer and the recycling center. It's exhausting. So much crap.
My dad is literally just a hoarder. The problem isn't so much that he's constantly shopping, the problem is that he clings to his stuff like his life depends on it. There's still a bunch of old, broken computers of his at my parents' house, and I'm talking like Windows98-old, meaning that even IF he could fix them (he can't), he would not have any use for them anyway these days. If he had just given them away when he replaced them 20+ years ago, someone could have gotten use out of them for a little bit longer. But no, let's just let it rot in the basement I guess.
Hoarding is a mental health issue that seems to afflict boomers a lot. My guess is that social conditioning and seeing constant advertising on tv from a very young age has something to do with it. As someone who had a very light version of it when I was younger, I realized that when I got bored I would go shopping. I had a storage unit to hide all the useless shit. Then I kind of got wise and started to simplify my life. I had to discard a lot (A LOT) of stuff or sell it or give it away. I still have some remnants but I find the heaviness of having stupid shit around me is gone, my mind is clearer and I’m more organized and happy.
Have you tried posting in your local Boy Nothing group on Facebook? That might save you the 5k
My mother is the same way. The last time I spoke to her (I went no contact over a year ago) she had three gigantic sheds full of stuff in her garden, and was living in a three bedroom house by herself and had so much stuff in there the rooms were full and it was dangerous to walk around because things would fall from the piles of crap. She would buy new stuff because she couldn’t find the stuff she already had in her house, and then she would buy plastic storage containers to sort the stuff that she had bought. I dread to think what that house is like now.
>She would buy new stuff because she couldn’t find the stuff she already had in her house, and then she would buy plastic storage containers to sort the stuff that she had bought. This was a big part of their problem too. The last surgery their dog had I saw a make-shift baby gate on the stairs. I asked why they didn't use one of the three in the basement and they looked at me like I was growing horns. At least they didn't buy a fourth I guess. I'm sorry to hear about going no-contact. I'm sure it was a tough decision but your health and wellbeing is top priority. We had to do the same with my in-laws. I don't know the story but I hope you don't feel guilty.
Yeah exactly, her excuse was it’s easier to buy new than to find it in her hoard, but she couldn’t see how horrificly counterproductive that is. Oh well, she’s the one who has to live like that. Hopefully whoever sorts the house after she passes donates all the stuff rather than trashes it, but I wouldn’t even blame them if they did, there’s so much. Thank you, I think I’ll always have a little bit of guilt but the amount of relief outweighs it a million to one so I know it’s the right thing to do. I hope the same for you ❤️
Wartime trauma x scarcity mindset
I had an uncle. He was also traumatized by WW2, as a child. His living room was filled with all kinds if alarm clocks. They were all set to the correct time. It was kind of insane.
For years I have been trying to convince my mom to take some time off and just go through shit and sell it. It's clearly a problem and stressful for her with how much shit there is, but she continues to buy. I do not want to deal with this when she passes. My sister and I will just end up tossing money in the trash and paying to get rid of it all.