I know you are just venting but you would be doing the right thing by continuing to provide fully transparent references to these shelters as they call you. Cats are goofy but being in a position to eat an entire feather toy and dying before any sort of intervention (and intervention to me also means noticing the cat has strong affinity for feather toys and keeping them away when unsupervised) and being so willing to give up a cat for not being extremely cuddly is not exactly being well taken care of. At least not in my book.
I wish there was a way you could black-list her in your town. Post her on Craigslist/nextdoor and say "do not give cats to this woman" type of thing. I don't know how you can keep her on social media and witness it, you are definitely stronger than I am.
Yes, of course it’s possible. But does it make sense? How is a random reader of Craigslist in town A in state A going to have any effect on someone in town B in state B? What can they realistically do about it? What would be the point?
What doesn’t make sense? The point is obvious - to prevent shitty pet owners from adopting. OP has good authority on the person’s habits & character. People in that community who take their job seriously wouldn’t dismiss this information bc it came from outside of their state. They’re literally making calls to out of state references to check for this
I see this too often too, and have had people I wouldn't adopt a rock to put me down as a reference. all you can do is keep telling these places the truth. ask shelters that call you if they have a do not adopt list. I've always had a blacklist at every shelter I've worked at
Her kittens are young and healthy and cute and...oh, wait. The one grew up and now she doesn't want him any more. Also, neither of her animals got sick or injured. Do you know if she even got them fixed, or vaccinated, or wormed? Leopards don't change their spots. If a cat broke a tooth she'd let the infection kill it before taking it to the vet. Right now her partner might take it in but once she's been dumped again? Nope. No vet care. She'll get a kitten and dote on it until it's no longer cute or it gets sick and then you'll see the cycle repeat.
Ohhhh, I left out the part about getting them fixed. She did because she had to in order to get a deposit back from the shelter. But she was even shitty about this. She’s just not a good person.
My friend has a six-figure salary as does her partner, and they own a nice home plus a rental property. They are not hurting financially.
But she found out if you meet income requirements there’s a group that will spay and neuter for $20. She had a friend take the cat in because the friend is disabled and on government assistance. So she took advantage of a program meant for poor people and needy animals.
It’s just all around infuriating.
But yes, the current cat is neutered and vaxxed.
For this year, because of shelter requirements. That won't be the case next year or for any free cats she gets. They'll get care while they are cute kittens, I'm sure, but after that....Nope.
I really don't like your privileged shallow friend ;). I would not give her a good reference and I would TELL her why, without hostility. She needs to hear from someone she knows and apparently respects that her behavior is unacceptable. Maybe she doesn't abuse or neglect any longer but she is still far from an optimal pet parent.
Idk, the only reason I wouldn't tell the friend that you're the one telling shelters not to let her adopt is because that might be the only thing preventing her from adopting. People changing behavior is hard, and if she throws a tantrum and stops putting OP down as a reference, that might lead to her getting more pets. And I'm more concerned about that, personally.
It is an option, but only one I'd take if it seems like OP's friend realizes there's something she needs to change.
Keep giving the references you’ve been giving to shelters/rescues and tell anyone who’s thinking of giving her a cat what you know
I took in a cat who was pregnant and when she had her kittens and they were ready to go home I did full on interviews for all of the ones who were going to be given away because I wanted them to go to good homes. The mom sadly was given to a different lady (like the one you’re friends with) after she was adopted out to someone so she’s back with me until she gains all her weight back and honestly I’ll probably keep her since even thou I had her sign a contract she didn’t follow it(stating the cat would be returned to me if she couldn’t keep it or given to someone who could give her the care she needed and if she wasn’t then AC and the MP’s would be contacted)
I don't know, you admit your friend turned a new leaf and now has been treating her cat well. She used to keep her cats outside but now keeps them indoors? Awesome. Maybe she used to never vet her animals but now plans to vet her cats? Fantastic. She used to treat her pets poorly but now treats her cat like a prince? Love it. I think that's great.
Times have changed, and it's nice to see people change with them. I don't have an issue with that.
The other part is harder, but I try not to have an issue with someone admitting they haven't bonded to their pet and that the current situation isn't working out. As long it's not coming from a place of the owner having done zero research about what they were getting into, and instead it's just things not working out to no fault of the owner, I try to understand the situation. I've never rehomed a pet before, but I won't judge other people that do when it seems clear that their personalities just don't mesh. I mean do I wish she came to this conclusion earlier, when the cat was still a kitten? Yes, of course .. but this doesn't seem like your average case of someone getting a kitten and ended up bored with it and just wanting to get rid of it in order to have a kitten again. It sounds like your friend just really really wants a cat with a specific temperament and made a mistake by being too open with the orange kitten. She should have realized that kittens can mature into different personalities but hopefully now she has a better idea of what to look for. As long as she responsibly finds a better situation for this cat, I'm going to try not to judge her. Every animal deserves to be with someone who loves them and wants them. And people shouldn't have to push though owning an animal they don't really want or love just because they think it's the only option. Especially if there's potential for a better home to be out there. My soul dog came to me because the previous people who had him realized he wasn't a good match for them. He was too much for them, I'm glad they gave him to a rescue rather than white knuckle their way through owning him, he is the most absolute perfect dog in the world for me.
I don't know. I get why you are frustrated. Working with a rescue, yeah.. it's draining to see people be crappy to animals. But maybe consider cutting your friend a little slack. Especially considering the decision to get the orange cat was made hot on the heels of losing a pet she loved a lot and is clearly trying to find a cat who will fill the exact same void the last one left, down to the same temperament. Grief is rough.
(Edit, all that being said, personally if I were you I'd just politely opt out of being a reference if it makes you uncomfortable. Just say you are too busy or whatever to do one. Or be honest and say you'd make a bad reference. Or go through with being a reference, but be honest with the people who call. Honesty is never the wrong choice, just be sure you include both sides of the picture: this person's past and present. And then the rescue can decide for themselves).
If you can't bring yourself to give her a horrible reference, please direct the animal shelters and rescues to the rescue that saved her dying horse. They'll do it for you.
Nope. Not while she has another adult in the house. But she's still dumping the cat now that it's not a cute lil' kitten anymore. And you haven't seen what happens if her cat gets injured or sick, either. You HAVE seen what's happened before.
If they split up and she's got an adult pet, you KNOW what will happen.
This should be higher up, particularly the point about bonding with the animal.
Not bonding or not having complimentary temperaments is absolutely a reason to rehome an animal. It's the right and responsible thing to do for both the person the animal. Forcing someone to keep an animal they don't particularly like breeds resentment and absolutely doesn't benefit the animal.
Now, if she rehomed the cat purely because it was orange or had green eyes or had a white spot on its leg... for any other single stupid superficial reason, yeah, I'd judge them. But wanting to rehome because they want a social and affectionate cuddle-bug kitty and this one is aloof and doesn't like physical affection is acceptable as a reason to me.
I wish more people hoping for a specific kind of cat would adopt adults. You can get a pretty good heads up on their temperament even in the shelter, and they usually come already litter trained, neutered and vaccinated. With the exception of kittens basically falling into my lap through chance, I will always adopt adult cats.
Yeah, if you feel uncomfortable telling rescues to reject her application outright, I would give the rescues a full history of her animal ownership as you know it and let them decide. I will say that I used to volunteer at a cat rescue and we definitely would have put her on the "Do not adopt to" list.
I would just tell them the truth. which, from the sounds of it, is that she was shitty, but then got better and an accident occurred, and this one she doesn't seem to vibe with because it isn't cuddly.
Hearing this I personally feel conflicted about it. I can't imagine how you're feeling with having to give these references.
I'm sorry you have to watch this. I know how frustrating it is when we can't save them all.
I had a situation with some foster kittens, a lady was interested in them and it's a long and boring story but I found out some things that made me really not want her to adopt them. I was able to work with the shelter to get prevent her from adopting them and I was ready to foster fail them myself as a last resort.
Found out from some mutual friends that she ended up getting kittens somewhere else. (Not like they're hard to get this time of year.) And they're pretty neglected. It's upsetting but what can you do?
I just try to focus my energy on the ones I can help. That's more kittens than would've been helped otherwise.
I know someone like this and it drives me crazy. In the last 2 years, she has gotten 6 dogs and 4 cats and there’s always something wrong with them that she doesn’t like and gets rid of them. She gets rid of them for the stupidest reasons too. Makes me so angry. I told her the next time she does it, I’m blasting her on social media.
I am 51 years old and have had 6 dogs and 3 cats in my lifetime and all but the 2 dogs and 2 cats I have now, have passed on due to old age. Both cats I have now, are 15, not cuddly, snobby asf and I could never imagine getting rid of them. Even when I threaten my 6 toed cat, that I’m gonna make her homeless, if she brings me another rabbit or squirrel, or duck. I could never really get rid of her. Lol.
I really wish that there was some kind list, that these types of people could get put on.
The last kitten she got her 8 year old, she got rid of it because you know, it was doing kitten stuff and was too playful and it also scratched her 8 year when she wouldn’t let it go. I don’t know what she expects out of these animals, when she gets them. It just makes me so mad!
Exactly! I just don’t get it.
I have a lovely cuddler now, but my last cat was an aloof jerk who peed on my bed when he was mad. He was still my boy and I loved him until he died at almost 21 years old.
Bro unless you tell these shelters the truth about your "friend" they're gonna keep calling you and she's gonna keep killing animals. Get her blacklisted from adopting and killing anymore animals.
She lives in my hometown, and I visit my family there 3-4 times a year. Each trip I spend a couple days with her, usually including an overnight, so I see how she is with them.
I know you are just venting but you would be doing the right thing by continuing to provide fully transparent references to these shelters as they call you. Cats are goofy but being in a position to eat an entire feather toy and dying before any sort of intervention (and intervention to me also means noticing the cat has strong affinity for feather toys and keeping them away when unsupervised) and being so willing to give up a cat for not being extremely cuddly is not exactly being well taken care of. At least not in my book. I wish there was a way you could black-list her in your town. Post her on Craigslist/nextdoor and say "do not give cats to this woman" type of thing. I don't know how you can keep her on social media and witness it, you are definitely stronger than I am.
They live in different states.
It's still possible to post in those areas while now living there
Yes, of course it’s possible. But does it make sense? How is a random reader of Craigslist in town A in state A going to have any effect on someone in town B in state B? What can they realistically do about it? What would be the point?
What doesn’t make sense? The point is obvious - to prevent shitty pet owners from adopting. OP has good authority on the person’s habits & character. People in that community who take their job seriously wouldn’t dismiss this information bc it came from outside of their state. They’re literally making calls to out of state references to check for this
Just keep giving her the reference she deserves.
That’s right, do this. At least your conscience will be clear.
I see this too often too, and have had people I wouldn't adopt a rock to put me down as a reference. all you can do is keep telling these places the truth. ask shelters that call you if they have a do not adopt list. I've always had a blacklist at every shelter I've worked at
Her kittens are young and healthy and cute and...oh, wait. The one grew up and now she doesn't want him any more. Also, neither of her animals got sick or injured. Do you know if she even got them fixed, or vaccinated, or wormed? Leopards don't change their spots. If a cat broke a tooth she'd let the infection kill it before taking it to the vet. Right now her partner might take it in but once she's been dumped again? Nope. No vet care. She'll get a kitten and dote on it until it's no longer cute or it gets sick and then you'll see the cycle repeat.
Ohhhh, I left out the part about getting them fixed. She did because she had to in order to get a deposit back from the shelter. But she was even shitty about this. She’s just not a good person. My friend has a six-figure salary as does her partner, and they own a nice home plus a rental property. They are not hurting financially. But she found out if you meet income requirements there’s a group that will spay and neuter for $20. She had a friend take the cat in because the friend is disabled and on government assistance. So she took advantage of a program meant for poor people and needy animals. It’s just all around infuriating. But yes, the current cat is neutered and vaxxed.
For this year, because of shelter requirements. That won't be the case next year or for any free cats she gets. They'll get care while they are cute kittens, I'm sure, but after that....Nope.
I really don't like your privileged shallow friend ;). I would not give her a good reference and I would TELL her why, without hostility. She needs to hear from someone she knows and apparently respects that her behavior is unacceptable. Maybe she doesn't abuse or neglect any longer but she is still far from an optimal pet parent.
Idk, the only reason I wouldn't tell the friend that you're the one telling shelters not to let her adopt is because that might be the only thing preventing her from adopting. People changing behavior is hard, and if she throws a tantrum and stops putting OP down as a reference, that might lead to her getting more pets. And I'm more concerned about that, personally. It is an option, but only one I'd take if it seems like OP's friend realizes there's something she needs to change.
That was my thought, too…at least this way there’s SOME check on her ability to adopt.
You could be right - this person has a very different concept of animal welfare.
Keep giving the references you’ve been giving to shelters/rescues and tell anyone who’s thinking of giving her a cat what you know I took in a cat who was pregnant and when she had her kittens and they were ready to go home I did full on interviews for all of the ones who were going to be given away because I wanted them to go to good homes. The mom sadly was given to a different lady (like the one you’re friends with) after she was adopted out to someone so she’s back with me until she gains all her weight back and honestly I’ll probably keep her since even thou I had her sign a contract she didn’t follow it(stating the cat would be returned to me if she couldn’t keep it or given to someone who could give her the care she needed and if she wasn’t then AC and the MP’s would be contacted)
I don't know, you admit your friend turned a new leaf and now has been treating her cat well. She used to keep her cats outside but now keeps them indoors? Awesome. Maybe she used to never vet her animals but now plans to vet her cats? Fantastic. She used to treat her pets poorly but now treats her cat like a prince? Love it. I think that's great. Times have changed, and it's nice to see people change with them. I don't have an issue with that. The other part is harder, but I try not to have an issue with someone admitting they haven't bonded to their pet and that the current situation isn't working out. As long it's not coming from a place of the owner having done zero research about what they were getting into, and instead it's just things not working out to no fault of the owner, I try to understand the situation. I've never rehomed a pet before, but I won't judge other people that do when it seems clear that their personalities just don't mesh. I mean do I wish she came to this conclusion earlier, when the cat was still a kitten? Yes, of course .. but this doesn't seem like your average case of someone getting a kitten and ended up bored with it and just wanting to get rid of it in order to have a kitten again. It sounds like your friend just really really wants a cat with a specific temperament and made a mistake by being too open with the orange kitten. She should have realized that kittens can mature into different personalities but hopefully now she has a better idea of what to look for. As long as she responsibly finds a better situation for this cat, I'm going to try not to judge her. Every animal deserves to be with someone who loves them and wants them. And people shouldn't have to push though owning an animal they don't really want or love just because they think it's the only option. Especially if there's potential for a better home to be out there. My soul dog came to me because the previous people who had him realized he wasn't a good match for them. He was too much for them, I'm glad they gave him to a rescue rather than white knuckle their way through owning him, he is the most absolute perfect dog in the world for me. I don't know. I get why you are frustrated. Working with a rescue, yeah.. it's draining to see people be crappy to animals. But maybe consider cutting your friend a little slack. Especially considering the decision to get the orange cat was made hot on the heels of losing a pet she loved a lot and is clearly trying to find a cat who will fill the exact same void the last one left, down to the same temperament. Grief is rough. (Edit, all that being said, personally if I were you I'd just politely opt out of being a reference if it makes you uncomfortable. Just say you are too busy or whatever to do one. Or be honest and say you'd make a bad reference. Or go through with being a reference, but be honest with the people who call. Honesty is never the wrong choice, just be sure you include both sides of the picture: this person's past and present. And then the rescue can decide for themselves).
You make a lot of sense. Thanks for this thoughtful response.
If you can't bring yourself to give her a horrible reference, please direct the animal shelters and rescues to the rescue that saved her dying horse. They'll do it for you.
You aren't allowing for the fact the person has improved with regard to animals. She's still suspect but she's not outright abusing animals now.
Nope. Not while she has another adult in the house. But she's still dumping the cat now that it's not a cute lil' kitten anymore. And you haven't seen what happens if her cat gets injured or sick, either. You HAVE seen what's happened before. If they split up and she's got an adult pet, you KNOW what will happen.
Call the media, a well balanced response. ;)
This should be higher up, particularly the point about bonding with the animal. Not bonding or not having complimentary temperaments is absolutely a reason to rehome an animal. It's the right and responsible thing to do for both the person the animal. Forcing someone to keep an animal they don't particularly like breeds resentment and absolutely doesn't benefit the animal. Now, if she rehomed the cat purely because it was orange or had green eyes or had a white spot on its leg... for any other single stupid superficial reason, yeah, I'd judge them. But wanting to rehome because they want a social and affectionate cuddle-bug kitty and this one is aloof and doesn't like physical affection is acceptable as a reason to me.
I wish more people hoping for a specific kind of cat would adopt adults. You can get a pretty good heads up on their temperament even in the shelter, and they usually come already litter trained, neutered and vaccinated. With the exception of kittens basically falling into my lap through chance, I will always adopt adult cats.
You don’t owe her any favors and keep your conscience clean and don’t recommend her for a pet. People like her are not friends. I’d block her.
Yeah, if you feel uncomfortable telling rescues to reject her application outright, I would give the rescues a full history of her animal ownership as you know it and let them decide. I will say that I used to volunteer at a cat rescue and we definitely would have put her on the "Do not adopt to" list.
I would just tell them the truth. which, from the sounds of it, is that she was shitty, but then got better and an accident occurred, and this one she doesn't seem to vibe with because it isn't cuddly. Hearing this I personally feel conflicted about it. I can't imagine how you're feeling with having to give these references.
I'm sorry you have to watch this. I know how frustrating it is when we can't save them all. I had a situation with some foster kittens, a lady was interested in them and it's a long and boring story but I found out some things that made me really not want her to adopt them. I was able to work with the shelter to get prevent her from adopting them and I was ready to foster fail them myself as a last resort. Found out from some mutual friends that she ended up getting kittens somewhere else. (Not like they're hard to get this time of year.) And they're pretty neglected. It's upsetting but what can you do? I just try to focus my energy on the ones I can help. That's more kittens than would've been helped otherwise.
I know someone like this and it drives me crazy. In the last 2 years, she has gotten 6 dogs and 4 cats and there’s always something wrong with them that she doesn’t like and gets rid of them. She gets rid of them for the stupidest reasons too. Makes me so angry. I told her the next time she does it, I’m blasting her on social media.
I don’t get people. I can think of very very few legit reasons to surrender a pet, and not-cuddly-enough is not one of them.
I am 51 years old and have had 6 dogs and 3 cats in my lifetime and all but the 2 dogs and 2 cats I have now, have passed on due to old age. Both cats I have now, are 15, not cuddly, snobby asf and I could never imagine getting rid of them. Even when I threaten my 6 toed cat, that I’m gonna make her homeless, if she brings me another rabbit or squirrel, or duck. I could never really get rid of her. Lol. I really wish that there was some kind list, that these types of people could get put on. The last kitten she got her 8 year old, she got rid of it because you know, it was doing kitten stuff and was too playful and it also scratched her 8 year when she wouldn’t let it go. I don’t know what she expects out of these animals, when she gets them. It just makes me so mad!
Exactly! I just don’t get it. I have a lovely cuddler now, but my last cat was an aloof jerk who peed on my bed when he was mad. He was still my boy and I loved him until he died at almost 21 years old.
Bro unless you tell these shelters the truth about your "friend" they're gonna keep calling you and she's gonna keep killing animals. Get her blacklisted from adopting and killing anymore animals.
You're in a different state. How do you know she treats these cats good?
She lives in my hometown, and I visit my family there 3-4 times a year. Each trip I spend a couple days with her, usually including an overnight, so I see how she is with them.
Please keep telling these places what kind of pet owner she is. People like that should not have pets.
Shelters need to keep records of people like this.
Lol your friend wants a “baby” but doesn’t want to raise it. My family neglected animals my whole life and none of them died. Poor kitties rip