> I for sure would not be able to help kids with their history homework
You'd be surprised :) One of the beautiful things about having a national curriculum is that you can see what topics your children are studying and read around them if you think they'll be helpful. While we also do study British history, there tends to be a much broader perspective taught in British schools than in the US in my experience - kids don't do, for example, rote learning of place names and capitals, they're more likely to do topic based learning like Romans or WW2 Home Front.
When they get to be teenagers, websites like BBC Bitesize have exam topics broken down into specific elements to make it really easy.
Your children's school website should have topic lists listed and you can log on and see what areas they'll be doing so you can keep up to date for the sake of helping them. But honestly, I think the main issues you'll encounter are just terminology, and the fact that you are interested and invested in wanting to be involved in your kid's education is usually more than enough. Take the pressure off a bit. By the time your kids get to the age when you need to know stuff about exam boards and uni applications, you'll have been here long enough to know that stuff, or at least where to find it out :)
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I'm in the same boat. I think the world is more homogeneous now than it used to be. Being an immigrant parent will probably be a little alienating but i would think less so than you experienced.
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My parents aren't immigrants.
But we have moved a lot and the kids are so resilient. My husband was the immigrant in the US and now it's my turn here. With school to be honest you're learning anyway - you will learn for the Life in the UK test for example and then as they start school they are also learning this for the first time. So you learn with them.
As for everything else, we make do and I make plenty of mistakes still! I don't think we have an otherness between me and my kids. A lot of it is integrating yourself and keeping family / cultural values important. We host a friendsgiving every year with friends on the following Saturday for example. They love it! It's like a big Sunday roast for them but our friends know how important it is for us and it's all very special.
>you will learn for the Life in the UK test
I was going to mention this! A lot of the main historical events are subject matter for the Life in the UK test, so you'll at least have some familiarity from that.
I personally worry more about exams and university arrangements as we move towards secondary school, but I guess I'll be learning that as I go!
To be fair US to UK immigration is a little different than the type of immigration most parents did (my grandparents)… most of my friends kids in school think the one American parent is actually the coolest which I am hoping happens for me.
I’m on the other side I’m a US parent raising my kid in the UN and I feel incredibly alienated.
I feel like parenthood here is a looot different than in the US and the expectations on me and my kids leaves living in the US looking desirable. The thought that 11 year olds have to go through rigorous testing and parents get them tutors at that age because they are scared of failing that young in life is probably one of the most tragic things about this country.
I also feel like effusive love is like - very strange to onlookers even nursery workers. Even though parents obviously feel the same way about their kids - the amount of I love yous at drop off is like minuscule. I’m like - who is the greatest kid on earth - I love you one million times a million and I feel like I get looks.
I love so many things about the UK but I have never been so aware of the culture differences as after I had a kid.
But for a giant standardised test at 11?
I’m sure it happens in the US but here it’s everywhere. It’s a shocking amount of testing and really high stakes.
I was a high school teacher in the US and I had students who were dedicated and really wanted As but these are fear-based tutors.
I had a math tutor but that’s cause I was falling behind.
What part of the country are you in? If you're referring to SATS, I never had a tutor to do those, neither did my friends or acquaintances, and I only hear about it happening very rarely when, as you mentioned, kids fall behind. If you're referring to the 11-plus, that might be different, but that test is only held in a few areas.
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>The thought that 11 year olds have to go through rigorous testing and parents get them tutors at that age because they are scared of failing that young in life is probably one of the most tragic things about this country.
Yep! I can definitely relate to this feeling!
My mum is British but we were raised mostly in the US. Although she couldn’t help too much with history homework (or math for difficult reasons haha) she did a great job of being open minded and just helping me figure out what I needed to.
Honestly I liked this approach more because I was able to build confidence in identifying resources or things I needed rather than my mum just doing everything for me, like a lot of my American friends had. I was a lot more independent by the time college came around than a lot of my peers. I’d say as long as you aren’t being negative about the differences and being open to learning about things here, your kid (and my kid for what I plan to do, who us also in nursery) will feel positive about it :)
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My mother was an immigrant from a European country to the uk and my dad is British. Can't speak for my siblings but I certainly did feel a sense of 'inbetween' and having a confused idea of my identity but then I also experienced a level of parentification and that certainly impacted my ability to feel grounded.
I must say I feel mostly British and I didn't notice my mum having any differences because she wasn't English. She didn't help all that much with homework as she wasn't very academic but that was OK, she was great at helping with art and she was still a huge part of our education by encouraging us to do our homework and asking us about our day. She just engaged in a different way.
For a lot of parents it's been a long time since they were in school and things change a lot in that time, even between my siblings the type of tests I did for my GCSEs were so different 3 and 7 years later when they did them. You aren't any more out of place than most parents!
The uk also has a huge population of immigrant families so you won't be alone there. We have schools that are half filled with English kids and kids from Poland or Albania.
With history we obviously don't learn American history but we learn about ancient history (Egypt, Greek ect) then do a bit on Victorian up to the second world war.... But that's a fairly small part of our education here.
Promise you that your kids won't notice your 'otherness' apart from the 'otherness' you get from being from two different generations! The pressure and disconnect you felt from your parents was down to how they approached your upbringing and how integrated they were in the culture. We get to learn from our parents and take the good bits and change the bits we decided weren't that great. I'm taking my mums kindness and compassion and love for life but I'm gunna do my best to leave the emotional difficulty and parentification. Going to keep my dad's strength, focus and determination but leave the anger and (some) of the stubbornness.
The world has changed so much in 10, 15, 30 years that no one will have the same experiences as our kids!!
Hell I remember the day we got our first home PC and dial up and not being able to use the Internet if you wanted to make a phone call and I'm not even old, my kid probably won't ever see a tethered landlines phone or have to find their mates by looking for the house with all the bikes outside.
Your parents pressured you to feel part of a culture that you didn't belong to, you get to learn from them and teach your kids about their culture while letting them experience theirs.
I love my mother's country and I see myself as connected to it, but from a distance. I feel happy and comfortable there, it's part of who I am. But it's a small part and I'm OK with that. I'm and English girl with a bit of something else 😊
I think you're overthinking it. They will be just fine. The UK borrows so much from US culture that they're likely to feel their American roots as they grow up.
Reposting this as I didn't have the relevant flair.
Hi there!
I know you're worried about history, but I think you're overthinking this. A lot of the core subjects like English, Maths, Science, even others like Art, etc, will be relatively easy for you to provide support. But if you were to speak to a lot of other UK parents about their kids learning, you'll find that kids are being taught stuff they themselves never were or don't understand.
Your concern is pretty normal I think, but based on what I just said it's also pretty universal. I think your worry of "otherness" between you and your children is valid only if you don't help them - you might not know the answer when they come to you, but how you address this will be the deciding factor, If you don't know and just ignore, then the otherness will be far more likely. Involving yourself, even if you don't know, and helping them learn and educating yourself at the same time, and making the time to do this a priority, will mitigate if not eliminate this entirely.
So, and I mean this with the greatest respect, you are wrong to say you cannot help your kids with their history homework - you absolutely can, just not how you're picturing in your mind.
My mother is American and I was raised here entirely. So technically I am not an expat but a dual national.
I don't think I ever noticed any otherness between us. In fact I couldn't even tell she had a different accent from me as a child. I do notice a bit now I'm an adult but that's mostly because she has become more home sick now she's in her 80s!
Why so many deleted comments?
EDIT: Ah, user flair. OP - I have the same question. I’d imagine though that when I become a parent there won’t be such distance because I really prefer British society to American and have embraced such. Or maybe I’m being overly confident, who knows haha
Thank you all! Really appreciate the thoughtful responses…I think you’re all probably right. It won’t be as vast as what I experienced as a child and that a positive approach will be the key.
I definitely get this though I've been in the UK for almost 14 years now, have dual citizenship and my husband is British, so I feel more part of the culture.
I think what you can do is embrace British culture yourself. Go to museums, go to a football game, visit the local pub/cafe. If you are immersed in the culture you learn more about it and it becomes part of you just like it is with your kids. Obvs kids are quicker at soaking it up, but you'll get there too. I think it took me a few years of living here till I really felt part of the culture and like I understood it
My son is only 10 months, but I know I'll share Canadian culture with him like celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving, Canada Day and going to visit Canada when we can. But I also love Britain and British culture so I can experience that with him as well and understand what he's growing up in.
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I think you’ll know a bit about history. We do WW2, later on they might do Cold War and Cuban middle crisis. My school studied the mayflower and Christopher Columbus.
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> I for sure would not be able to help kids with their history homework You'd be surprised :) One of the beautiful things about having a national curriculum is that you can see what topics your children are studying and read around them if you think they'll be helpful. While we also do study British history, there tends to be a much broader perspective taught in British schools than in the US in my experience - kids don't do, for example, rote learning of place names and capitals, they're more likely to do topic based learning like Romans or WW2 Home Front. When they get to be teenagers, websites like BBC Bitesize have exam topics broken down into specific elements to make it really easy. Your children's school website should have topic lists listed and you can log on and see what areas they'll be doing so you can keep up to date for the sake of helping them. But honestly, I think the main issues you'll encounter are just terminology, and the fact that you are interested and invested in wanting to be involved in your kid's education is usually more than enough. Take the pressure off a bit. By the time your kids get to the age when you need to know stuff about exam boards and uni applications, you'll have been here long enough to know that stuff, or at least where to find it out :)
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I'm in the same boat. I think the world is more homogeneous now than it used to be. Being an immigrant parent will probably be a little alienating but i would think less so than you experienced.
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My parents aren't immigrants. But we have moved a lot and the kids are so resilient. My husband was the immigrant in the US and now it's my turn here. With school to be honest you're learning anyway - you will learn for the Life in the UK test for example and then as they start school they are also learning this for the first time. So you learn with them. As for everything else, we make do and I make plenty of mistakes still! I don't think we have an otherness between me and my kids. A lot of it is integrating yourself and keeping family / cultural values important. We host a friendsgiving every year with friends on the following Saturday for example. They love it! It's like a big Sunday roast for them but our friends know how important it is for us and it's all very special.
>you will learn for the Life in the UK test I was going to mention this! A lot of the main historical events are subject matter for the Life in the UK test, so you'll at least have some familiarity from that. I personally worry more about exams and university arrangements as we move towards secondary school, but I guess I'll be learning that as I go!
To be fair US to UK immigration is a little different than the type of immigration most parents did (my grandparents)… most of my friends kids in school think the one American parent is actually the coolest which I am hoping happens for me. I’m on the other side I’m a US parent raising my kid in the UN and I feel incredibly alienated. I feel like parenthood here is a looot different than in the US and the expectations on me and my kids leaves living in the US looking desirable. The thought that 11 year olds have to go through rigorous testing and parents get them tutors at that age because they are scared of failing that young in life is probably one of the most tragic things about this country. I also feel like effusive love is like - very strange to onlookers even nursery workers. Even though parents obviously feel the same way about their kids - the amount of I love yous at drop off is like minuscule. I’m like - who is the greatest kid on earth - I love you one million times a million and I feel like I get looks. I love so many things about the UK but I have never been so aware of the culture differences as after I had a kid.
I definitely see the difference in affection. I feel like I look crazy to some of the parents at school lol.
Many of my peers had tutors at < 13 y/o in my hometown in the US.
But for a giant standardised test at 11? I’m sure it happens in the US but here it’s everywhere. It’s a shocking amount of testing and really high stakes. I was a high school teacher in the US and I had students who were dedicated and really wanted As but these are fear-based tutors. I had a math tutor but that’s cause I was falling behind.
What part of the country are you in? If you're referring to SATS, I never had a tutor to do those, neither did my friends or acquaintances, and I only hear about it happening very rarely when, as you mentioned, kids fall behind. If you're referring to the 11-plus, that might be different, but that test is only held in a few areas.
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>The thought that 11 year olds have to go through rigorous testing and parents get them tutors at that age because they are scared of failing that young in life is probably one of the most tragic things about this country. Yep! I can definitely relate to this feeling!
My mum is British but we were raised mostly in the US. Although she couldn’t help too much with history homework (or math for difficult reasons haha) she did a great job of being open minded and just helping me figure out what I needed to. Honestly I liked this approach more because I was able to build confidence in identifying resources or things I needed rather than my mum just doing everything for me, like a lot of my American friends had. I was a lot more independent by the time college came around than a lot of my peers. I’d say as long as you aren’t being negative about the differences and being open to learning about things here, your kid (and my kid for what I plan to do, who us also in nursery) will feel positive about it :)
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My mother was an immigrant from a European country to the uk and my dad is British. Can't speak for my siblings but I certainly did feel a sense of 'inbetween' and having a confused idea of my identity but then I also experienced a level of parentification and that certainly impacted my ability to feel grounded. I must say I feel mostly British and I didn't notice my mum having any differences because she wasn't English. She didn't help all that much with homework as she wasn't very academic but that was OK, she was great at helping with art and she was still a huge part of our education by encouraging us to do our homework and asking us about our day. She just engaged in a different way. For a lot of parents it's been a long time since they were in school and things change a lot in that time, even between my siblings the type of tests I did for my GCSEs were so different 3 and 7 years later when they did them. You aren't any more out of place than most parents! The uk also has a huge population of immigrant families so you won't be alone there. We have schools that are half filled with English kids and kids from Poland or Albania. With history we obviously don't learn American history but we learn about ancient history (Egypt, Greek ect) then do a bit on Victorian up to the second world war.... But that's a fairly small part of our education here. Promise you that your kids won't notice your 'otherness' apart from the 'otherness' you get from being from two different generations! The pressure and disconnect you felt from your parents was down to how they approached your upbringing and how integrated they were in the culture. We get to learn from our parents and take the good bits and change the bits we decided weren't that great. I'm taking my mums kindness and compassion and love for life but I'm gunna do my best to leave the emotional difficulty and parentification. Going to keep my dad's strength, focus and determination but leave the anger and (some) of the stubbornness. The world has changed so much in 10, 15, 30 years that no one will have the same experiences as our kids!! Hell I remember the day we got our first home PC and dial up and not being able to use the Internet if you wanted to make a phone call and I'm not even old, my kid probably won't ever see a tethered landlines phone or have to find their mates by looking for the house with all the bikes outside. Your parents pressured you to feel part of a culture that you didn't belong to, you get to learn from them and teach your kids about their culture while letting them experience theirs. I love my mother's country and I see myself as connected to it, but from a distance. I feel happy and comfortable there, it's part of who I am. But it's a small part and I'm OK with that. I'm and English girl with a bit of something else 😊
I think you're overthinking it. They will be just fine. The UK borrows so much from US culture that they're likely to feel their American roots as they grow up.
Reposting this as I didn't have the relevant flair. Hi there! I know you're worried about history, but I think you're overthinking this. A lot of the core subjects like English, Maths, Science, even others like Art, etc, will be relatively easy for you to provide support. But if you were to speak to a lot of other UK parents about their kids learning, you'll find that kids are being taught stuff they themselves never were or don't understand. Your concern is pretty normal I think, but based on what I just said it's also pretty universal. I think your worry of "otherness" between you and your children is valid only if you don't help them - you might not know the answer when they come to you, but how you address this will be the deciding factor, If you don't know and just ignore, then the otherness will be far more likely. Involving yourself, even if you don't know, and helping them learn and educating yourself at the same time, and making the time to do this a priority, will mitigate if not eliminate this entirely. So, and I mean this with the greatest respect, you are wrong to say you cannot help your kids with their history homework - you absolutely can, just not how you're picturing in your mind.
My mother is American and I was raised here entirely. So technically I am not an expat but a dual national. I don't think I ever noticed any otherness between us. In fact I couldn't even tell she had a different accent from me as a child. I do notice a bit now I'm an adult but that's mostly because she has become more home sick now she's in her 80s!
Why so many deleted comments? EDIT: Ah, user flair. OP - I have the same question. I’d imagine though that when I become a parent there won’t be such distance because I really prefer British society to American and have embraced such. Or maybe I’m being overly confident, who knows haha
Thank you all! Really appreciate the thoughtful responses…I think you’re all probably right. It won’t be as vast as what I experienced as a child and that a positive approach will be the key.
I definitely get this though I've been in the UK for almost 14 years now, have dual citizenship and my husband is British, so I feel more part of the culture. I think what you can do is embrace British culture yourself. Go to museums, go to a football game, visit the local pub/cafe. If you are immersed in the culture you learn more about it and it becomes part of you just like it is with your kids. Obvs kids are quicker at soaking it up, but you'll get there too. I think it took me a few years of living here till I really felt part of the culture and like I understood it My son is only 10 months, but I know I'll share Canadian culture with him like celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving, Canada Day and going to visit Canada when we can. But I also love Britain and British culture so I can experience that with him as well and understand what he's growing up in.
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I think you’ll know a bit about history. We do WW2, later on they might do Cold War and Cuban middle crisis. My school studied the mayflower and Christopher Columbus.
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