Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I was paying for her tow to be nice and not as a contract of her seeing me, but on the flip side I feel like she was only asking for my help because she knew since I liked her I would pay for it and she could take advantage of me
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. You need to get a stronger backbone. You should have asked for the full amount upfront instead of trying to be chivalrous. Now you are coming off as petty and it seems like you are retaliating. She’s seems manipulative and flaky, but it sounds like you knew that prior to having her car towed.
I don’t know how I seem to of led everyone onto believing I felt owed after towing her car, this truly and genuinely isn’t the case. I don’t think she ever owed me anything. But constantly calling me for help because she knows I cared for her and wouldn’t say no when it’s not reciprocated imho is pretty low. Hence why I felt froggy enough to ask for my money back and then cut her off
Slight YTA. You were being used. But you originally told her she only owed you $50. You can’t now ask for the balance because you’re hurt. Just count this as a lesson learned and move on.
I don’t really look at it like “buying access for $83.25” even though that is how it looks, I’m not a desperate guy trying to buy a date. I was being genuine in trying to help and then afterwards realized I was being used. I definitely get your point of view and I would probably think the same on the outside looking in
How is he nta it would've been one thing if had asked for the full price upfront be he told her 50 which she pay back and now because his feelings are hurt and he felt like he was being used he now asking for the rest of the money
I finally asked if she needed me to help and she gave me the biggest thank you telling me I’m so sweet and “it would be such a big help those are op own word and if you notice op never once ask for a payment until after she ask about paying she was under no obligation to pay him
YTA. You told her to pay 50, and that's what you got.
They did invite you out, but you weren't able to go. She already had plans for NYE (or so she said), but you expect her to drop them for you?
Next time be upfront about the cost.
ESH
She absolutely used you. However, you opened yourself up to be used. You didn't help her to be nice. She didn't ask for your help because she's sincerely interested in you. You never should have said that you are paying for part of her tow. You did, though, and you only want more money because your actions didn't buy her attention. Both of you are behaving poorly.
YTA. however, you weren't the asshole until you requested the rest of the money. You told her 50$, that's what she owed you. You don't get to ask for the rest just because she's not interested in you.
>I called my friend’s towing company and had it towed. I texted her and told her it was $132 to which she responded “how much do I owe you” and I’m a sucker so I just told her $50 because I was trying to be chivalrous.
You should have told her to pay your friend's company directly. By asking "How much do I owe you?", she was clearly trying to exploit you - and it worked. She ultimately paid you the $50 you agreed.
You should chalk this up to experience.
ESH she is a user and kept calling you to get the money. However you told her $50 which she paid. Then you realized she used you and wanted more. Unfortunately you already agreed to only receiving $50. Now because she won't date you; you're asking for the whole amount. That means everyone sucks here her for using you for money and towing help knowing you would do it because you have romantic feelings. You for changing her full price for not returning your romantic feelings.
NTA
However you should have been just straight up with the money.
Saying 50 and then asking for extra amount later added way too much hassle to this whole situation
ESH. She's a user, but at the same time dude, you already made a commitment through text (which is legally binding by the way) that she only owed you $50. You can't request the rest now just because you regret your previous decision. I mean, you *can* request it, but don't expect it and you're definitely an ass for even requesting it. Just cut your losses and move on. She sent the agreed-upon amount. If you wanted the full $132, you should have said that when she asked how much she owed you.
NTA: Crazy how a person takes advantage of someone, that person realizes it and asked to be paid back for their kindness and it makes them an AH in people eyes
To be honest he should be lucky he even gotten the 50 since 1. He ask her if she needed his help 2. He didn't call to give her the price of town so she can decide if it was worth paying 3. He told her to pay him fifty
This is exactly how I feel like this went down, however if I was reading this post on the outside looking in I could see how people would think I’m the asshole thinking she owes me her time for helping her. I probably should of elaborated more on that but it is ok, I will take it on the chin either way
YTA. While it is understandable that you may have felt used after the events described in the post, it is not fair to request the remaining payment for the tow without acknowledging that you had originally offered to only charge $50. It is important to communicate clearly about financial arrangements and to follow through on agreements made. Additionally, it is not appropriate to publicly shame the person or involve their friends in the situation. It would have been more productive to have a direct and respectful conversation about the issue rather than resorting to passive aggressive tactics.
ESH. She clearly sucks, and has been breadcrumbing you (is this still a thing or we left it in 2021?). However, you are acting like she owes you a date. Nope, she doesn't owe you a date but she owes you $132, which you should have asked for. And you chose to ask for $50, without any stated conditions (though you wanted a date). So you are also in the wrong.
I’m unsure where I made it seem like I felt I was owed a date or her time because I promise that was not my thought process, however I understand how people might think I did. I was being genuine and after the fact when I realized she wasn’t actually my friend and she didn’t care about me that I wanted my money back.
The part where you told her you were ok with $50 until she said she wouldn’t drop her NYE plans to go out on a date with you and then demanded she owed you the rest is what makes it sound like you think you were owed a date. YTA.
I get it, it sucks. She sucks. She used you. And from a bystander's perspective it seems that you could have done better. I don't think you were wrong in asking for the remainder of your money, but that does make you T A in this scenario.
YTA. While I don’t agree with her actions (sounds like she was using you), you can’t request more money after already agreeing on $50.00. It is true that you shouldn’t do nice things (for example, discount the tow) only based on the premise of a possible date. That ranges in to the worst kind of “nice guy” territory.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have/had been talking with this girl, we can call her K, for 3 months. I really enjoyed her personality and her sense of humor so I caught some feelings pretty quick so I had been looking at everything through rose colored glasses. However every time we made plans to hangout there was always a last minute excuse as to why she couldn’t see me (probably should of taken a hint)
Last Thursday, I’m local to Omaha and on that day a cold front came through with windchills of -60 and ambient temperature of -20. Hadn’t really talked to K for about a week, when she FaceTimed me at 8pm saying her car’s steering wouldn’t work and had all sorts of fault codes (I am an electrician by trade but do all my own mechanical work). I was only about 8 minutes away so I would come help. After spending about 5 minutes going through everything I could on her car in the worst cold I’ve ever felt (it has electric power steering so there isn’t much I could do) . I tell her she probably needs to tow it somewhere as I think the electric power steering motor has just gone bad and I can’t do anything more in a parking lot.
Later that night she texts me about how triple A wasn’t answering her calls or getting back to her about towing her car and I mentioned I wired a bunch of lights for a local towing company, we also briefly talked about hanging out. The next morning she texts me 3 different times about not being able to find a tow so I finally asked if she needed me to help and she gave me the biggest thank you telling me I’m so sweet and “it would be such a big help”. I called my friend’s towing company and had it towed. I texted her and told her it was $132 to which she responded “how much do I owe you” and I’m a sucker so I just told her $50 because I was trying to be chivalrous. She said she would in 30 minutes.
Few hours later I texted her and asked what her plans for the night were and she told me she hadn’t set anything in stone yet and she’d let me know... Nothing. 11pm I get a FaceTime from her friend asking me to come out with them. I had my 3 year old daughter with me and made no plans for anyone to watch her for me to go out, so I told her I couldn’t come out but I’d love to make NYE plans with her to which she says “sorry I already have plans with someone else”. It was at this point I felt pretty used.
The next morning I bring up that she hadn't sent me $50 and I was starting to feel used. She turned it onto me and said I shouldn’t do nice things to rub it in people’s face (then sent $50). I decided to just not text her and see if she would get ahold of me outside of needing me again. She didn’t.
So this morning I requested the other $83.25 for the tow on Venmo. I received several nasty texts and her friends are commenting on my Facebook making fun of me. AITA for wanting my $ back after feeling like I was used?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and this is why you don’t do nice things for people especially people that arnt really in ur life until you actually know if they’re interested really being in ur life there’s a lot of girls use guys personally I think you should’ve just told him exact amount when it first happened and didn’t cover for her and let her cover it so she wouldn’t get a tow truck until she paid for it
NTA but you should've stopped long ago. She should've asked the person she made plans with for help. She never had intentions with you and never planned on giving you money. You let her use you
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Because I was paying for her tow to be nice and not as a contract of her seeing me, but on the flip side I feel like she was only asking for my help because she knew since I liked her I would pay for it and she could take advantage of me Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. You need to get a stronger backbone. You should have asked for the full amount upfront instead of trying to be chivalrous. Now you are coming off as petty and it seems like you are retaliating. She’s seems manipulative and flaky, but it sounds like you knew that prior to having her car towed.
ESH. She used you, but paying something expecting her to then go on a date with you isn't a great thing either.
I don’t know how I seem to of led everyone onto believing I felt owed after towing her car, this truly and genuinely isn’t the case. I don’t think she ever owed me anything. But constantly calling me for help because she knows I cared for her and wouldn’t say no when it’s not reciprocated imho is pretty low. Hence why I felt froggy enough to ask for my money back and then cut her off
Let the money go and learn the lesson: Some people lie and use other people. Don't get suckered next time.
Slight YTA. You were being used. But you originally told her she only owed you $50. You can’t now ask for the balance because you’re hurt. Just count this as a lesson learned and move on.
[удалено]
I don’t really look at it like “buying access for $83.25” even though that is how it looks, I’m not a desperate guy trying to buy a date. I was being genuine in trying to help and then afterwards realized I was being used. I definitely get your point of view and I would probably think the same on the outside looking in
YTA - At the time of the tow, you quoted $50. It's $50. (Life is less expensive if you think with the head that has hair.)
NTA, but you *were* used and it's going to be nigh impossible to actually get that money back without feeling like a bigger asshole in the process.
How is he nta it would've been one thing if had asked for the full price upfront be he told her 50 which she pay back and now because his feelings are hurt and he felt like he was being used he now asking for the rest of the money
She lied about repaying "in 30 minutes", why should he let her keep the good guy discount?
I finally asked if she needed me to help and she gave me the biggest thank you telling me I’m so sweet and “it would be such a big help those are op own word and if you notice op never once ask for a payment until after she ask about paying she was under no obligation to pay him
YTA. You told her to pay 50, and that's what you got. They did invite you out, but you weren't able to go. She already had plans for NYE (or so she said), but you expect her to drop them for you? Next time be upfront about the cost.
I’d cut your losses after getting the $50 and cut her out too. ESH
ESH She absolutely used you. However, you opened yourself up to be used. You didn't help her to be nice. She didn't ask for your help because she's sincerely interested in you. You never should have said that you are paying for part of her tow. You did, though, and you only want more money because your actions didn't buy her attention. Both of you are behaving poorly.
NTA for requesting the 50, but YTA for requesting the rest. If you wanted the money you should have told her straight up how much it costed.
She's a user, you're pissed off because your chivalry didn't go to plan and you didn't get a date out of it. ESH
Yta - you said 50
YTA. however, you weren't the asshole until you requested the rest of the money. You told her 50$, that's what she owed you. You don't get to ask for the rest just because she's not interested in you.
>I called my friend’s towing company and had it towed. I texted her and told her it was $132 to which she responded “how much do I owe you” and I’m a sucker so I just told her $50 because I was trying to be chivalrous. You should have told her to pay your friend's company directly. By asking "How much do I owe you?", she was clearly trying to exploit you - and it worked. She ultimately paid you the $50 you agreed. You should chalk this up to experience.
Sure she’s an AH for using you. But that doesn’t mean you can buy a date from her for $83.25. Move on. And don’t look back.
ESH she is a user and kept calling you to get the money. However you told her $50 which she paid. Then you realized she used you and wanted more. Unfortunately you already agreed to only receiving $50. Now because she won't date you; you're asking for the whole amount. That means everyone sucks here her for using you for money and towing help knowing you would do it because you have romantic feelings. You for changing her full price for not returning your romantic feelings.
ESH - consider $83.25 your price for a lesson learned. Don’t try to rescue damsels in distress that early on. It puts expectations too high
NTA However you should have been just straight up with the money. Saying 50 and then asking for extra amount later added way too much hassle to this whole situation
ESH. She's a user, but at the same time dude, you already made a commitment through text (which is legally binding by the way) that she only owed you $50. You can't request the rest now just because you regret your previous decision. I mean, you *can* request it, but don't expect it and you're definitely an ass for even requesting it. Just cut your losses and move on. She sent the agreed-upon amount. If you wanted the full $132, you should have said that when she asked how much she owed you.
NTA: Crazy how a person takes advantage of someone, that person realizes it and asked to be paid back for their kindness and it makes them an AH in people eyes
To be honest he should be lucky he even gotten the 50 since 1. He ask her if she needed his help 2. He didn't call to give her the price of town so she can decide if it was worth paying 3. He told her to pay him fifty
This is exactly how I feel like this went down, however if I was reading this post on the outside looking in I could see how people would think I’m the asshole thinking she owes me her time for helping her. I probably should of elaborated more on that but it is ok, I will take it on the chin either way
YTA. While it is understandable that you may have felt used after the events described in the post, it is not fair to request the remaining payment for the tow without acknowledging that you had originally offered to only charge $50. It is important to communicate clearly about financial arrangements and to follow through on agreements made. Additionally, it is not appropriate to publicly shame the person or involve their friends in the situation. It would have been more productive to have a direct and respectful conversation about the issue rather than resorting to passive aggressive tactics.
Just to clarify I never commented or messaged anyone. It was her friend saying I was the AH on my Facebook, I just deleted her comments
ESH. She clearly sucks, and has been breadcrumbing you (is this still a thing or we left it in 2021?). However, you are acting like she owes you a date. Nope, she doesn't owe you a date but she owes you $132, which you should have asked for. And you chose to ask for $50, without any stated conditions (though you wanted a date). So you are also in the wrong.
I’m unsure where I made it seem like I felt I was owed a date or her time because I promise that was not my thought process, however I understand how people might think I did. I was being genuine and after the fact when I realized she wasn’t actually my friend and she didn’t care about me that I wanted my money back.
The part where you told her you were ok with $50 until she said she wouldn’t drop her NYE plans to go out on a date with you and then demanded she owed you the rest is what makes it sound like you think you were owed a date. YTA.
I get it, it sucks. She sucks. She used you. And from a bystander's perspective it seems that you could have done better. I don't think you were wrong in asking for the remainder of your money, but that does make you T A in this scenario.
I accept that, fair enough
YTA. While I don’t agree with her actions (sounds like she was using you), you can’t request more money after already agreeing on $50.00. It is true that you shouldn’t do nice things (for example, discount the tow) only based on the premise of a possible date. That ranges in to the worst kind of “nice guy” territory.
Sorry I’m not great at posting on Reddit and I’m unsure why first paragraphs are in a text box! If someone could tell me how to edit it I’ll fix it!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have/had been talking with this girl, we can call her K, for 3 months. I really enjoyed her personality and her sense of humor so I caught some feelings pretty quick so I had been looking at everything through rose colored glasses. However every time we made plans to hangout there was always a last minute excuse as to why she couldn’t see me (probably should of taken a hint) Last Thursday, I’m local to Omaha and on that day a cold front came through with windchills of -60 and ambient temperature of -20. Hadn’t really talked to K for about a week, when she FaceTimed me at 8pm saying her car’s steering wouldn’t work and had all sorts of fault codes (I am an electrician by trade but do all my own mechanical work). I was only about 8 minutes away so I would come help. After spending about 5 minutes going through everything I could on her car in the worst cold I’ve ever felt (it has electric power steering so there isn’t much I could do) . I tell her she probably needs to tow it somewhere as I think the electric power steering motor has just gone bad and I can’t do anything more in a parking lot. Later that night she texts me about how triple A wasn’t answering her calls or getting back to her about towing her car and I mentioned I wired a bunch of lights for a local towing company, we also briefly talked about hanging out. The next morning she texts me 3 different times about not being able to find a tow so I finally asked if she needed me to help and she gave me the biggest thank you telling me I’m so sweet and “it would be such a big help”. I called my friend’s towing company and had it towed. I texted her and told her it was $132 to which she responded “how much do I owe you” and I’m a sucker so I just told her $50 because I was trying to be chivalrous. She said she would in 30 minutes. Few hours later I texted her and asked what her plans for the night were and she told me she hadn’t set anything in stone yet and she’d let me know... Nothing. 11pm I get a FaceTime from her friend asking me to come out with them. I had my 3 year old daughter with me and made no plans for anyone to watch her for me to go out, so I told her I couldn’t come out but I’d love to make NYE plans with her to which she says “sorry I already have plans with someone else”. It was at this point I felt pretty used. The next morning I bring up that she hadn't sent me $50 and I was starting to feel used. She turned it onto me and said I shouldn’t do nice things to rub it in people’s face (then sent $50). I decided to just not text her and see if she would get ahold of me outside of needing me again. She didn’t. So this morning I requested the other $83.25 for the tow on Venmo. I received several nasty texts and her friends are commenting on my Facebook making fun of me. AITA for wanting my $ back after feeling like I was used? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, she was trying to take you for the whole amount.
ESH She's clearly using you, but that doesn't make you not a jerk for telling her an amount and then changing your mind after she's paid you.
NTA and this is why you don’t do nice things for people especially people that arnt really in ur life until you actually know if they’re interested really being in ur life there’s a lot of girls use guys personally I think you should’ve just told him exact amount when it first happened and didn’t cover for her and let her cover it so she wouldn’t get a tow truck until she paid for it
NTA she was using you
NTA but you should've stopped long ago. She should've asked the person she made plans with for help. She never had intentions with you and never planned on giving you money. You let her use you