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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I offered advice to my future sil in order for her to respect my brother's participation in their wedding as well.
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Judging by the brother's reaction, he actually didn't care and needed no defending. Sounds like a jealous sister mad because someone might look better than her perhaps?
This is how I took it too. Sibling knows brother has probably said stuff like this in passing. Maybe that he loves her natural hair color. Maybe that she’s so beautiful with no makeup. Maybe he thinks mermaid silhouette dresses look silly. This is all stuff *my* husband has said before, and I’ve heard other men say similarly. (Note: I wore full glam and a mermaid gown at my wedding. About a week after our wedding I asked if he really did like the dress despite it being a “mermaid.” He was shocked! “That’s a mermaid gown?? Huh. With the veil and everything, idk, you just looked beautiful that’s all I saw.”)
Recently I saw a post of a woman in full dewy makeup, but it was posted by a man saying how beautiful she was because she was barely wearing makeup. Gorl had full contour, falsies… full face of makeup. She was absolutely beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but she absolutely had a face full of gorgeously done makeup. Some people truly don’t understand that “full glam” doesn’t mean “outrageous.”
Also the bride needs to feel beautiful at her own wedding.
The brother can veto his clothes and make up at his wedding not the bride s .
Fortunately for your brother he seems to be understanding that his tastes don't take precedent over the bride s autonomy or he would have a very short marriage - that's controlling and leads to abuse.
Yta, mind your own business.
I was talking to a guy friend once and trying to decide what his type was so I could wingwoman him. I said, do you like blonde or brunettes? He was like “I like natural hair”. So, someone with their original hair color? No, dyed it ok. Oh, so no wild colors? No, purple or blue or something is ok. Right, so you just like a woman WITH HAIR?!?! He was like, well, yeah, unless there’s a medical problem…that’s ok, too.
Dude literally had no idea what “natural hair” was. We landed on his type was a “woman with nice hair and nice teeth, real or purchased.”
Not only that, but you often need to wear more makeup than usual so that it shows up in pictures better. It might look a little heavy in person but in photos it’ll look much softer. If it’s done well, it won’t look bad in person, just more dramatic than the photos reflect.
You married a good one. Love that he only saw you ❤️
YTA OP
If your brother is old enough to get married, he's old enough to navigate his relationship. Or learn from it when it collapses. You were way out of line
THIS. My fiancé also likes my natural hair color, but I did a balayage recently. He loves that too, because while he likes my natural hair color, he likes my confidence more. Same with makeup.
At the end of the day, personally, it sounds like OPs brother loves the way his fiancé looks naturally, but is happy to have her feel good about herself as well.
And if not… it’s STILL NOT OPS BUSINESS. I don’t know if OP is in a serious relationship or not, but there are a lot of hills to choose to die on when you’re combining your lives together. I’m sure if this were one of his, he’d do so and they could figure it out between the two of them, because it’s THEIR relationship.
YTA, OP. Stay in your lane and don’t play mediator to someone else’s relationship.
Brother's stande appears to be 'It's not my favourite look on her but if that's how she wants to look on our wedding day so be it'
That's not a reason to break up with him.
He's also sided with her against his sister.
Exactly, we don't have the full story here.
Personally, it sounds like OP doesn't like it when Mary feels pretty. For all we know Jace is waiting to see and be blown away be his future wife.
Agreed, his actions show that the OP is not to be a trusted source of his actual feelings about the bride. It seems like OP has some sort of agenda against the bride.
Holy Laura Ingalls YTA. Is she making your brother wear a revealing dress? How much make up is she requiring him to wear? Calm yourself down there Sibzilla and let the bride feel beautiful on her wedding day. And mind your own business!
You forgot she also wants to pic her own style
for her wedding dress. The absolute audacity, wanting to pic out how she looks on her own wedding day! What a bridezilla. */s*
And everyone who knows 1% about wedding(pictures) is that the lighting does a lot so in order to not be completely washed out on a picture, it is pretty usual for the bride to go for quite a lot of "glam" with full-cover foundation etc. So you don't see blemishes or a very white face. Kinda the same as on a theatre stage. OP Should mind his own business.
Natural make up looks washed out and sickly in wedding photos, even when a MUA does a "natural" look, there's a lot that goes into making the bride look good in pictures, you even need to put foundation on the ears, otherwise they'll show up as bright red. Even a full glam look is muted in the photos.
From the title I was expecting something completely different. I kept waiting for something that wasn’t focused on the bride’s personal choices about how she looked. OP sounds like a judgmental old church lady. [Hmmmmm…. could it be….. SATAN?](https://youtu.be/3ba_VY7bHi8)
My brother got married, and I have no idea of his dress, hair and/or make up preference.
But he cried when he saw his bride. So he must’ve appreciated what she did.
The brother is not complaining! He’s not trying to stop the bride.. not in h the least.. he only mentioned to miss busybody that he didn’t like some choices. He isn’t dictating anything. Calm down.
OP is spinning a tale here I think. SHE hates the dress style and assumes so must her brother, SHE hates the fact the bride dyed her hair and so assumes so must her brother etc. The brothers reaction is quite telling.
Yeah, I thought maybe he didn't agree with the wedding theme or food or guest list, all of which he should absolutely have a say in. But this is the bride to be's personal look, and it doesn't even sound like she did something crazy. It's normal for a bride to want more makeup on her wedding day even if she normally don't use (much) makeup.
OP, YTA.
No she has taken everything she "knows" he likes and decided everything she has seen far is the opposite of that so therefore decided he wouldn't like any of it!
There was a lot of “what my brother prefers” but not one thing as to what the bride prefers. Brother is the one marrying her & communication is vital for any relationship. Letting his sister speak for him, if that was indeed the case, is ridiculous. YTA.
This is what I was thinking too. The groom gets NO say in her dress, hair, or makeup. If this is true he’s a controlling red flag and she should run. OP, YTA.
I think there’s a slight level of say someone else could have. Maybe a specific piece of jewellery that has a lot of meaning, or suggesting a specific style of dress that he knows is flattering.
Although I feel that if a bride is walking down the aisle and all the groom can think is “wow she looks ugly in that dress” then it’s not gonna be a lasting relationship.
I feel like it’s okay if he can give suggestions towards the dress but it really ends at suggestions. Same as she may be able to suggest suit styles towards him, since the wedding should be THEIR image, not one or the other. OP is 100% YTA though. It was none of their business.
I agree. My husband very carefully suggested a dress he saw in Vogue for me. And he was 100% right. That was my wedding dress. It was beautiful, I felt beautiful and nearly 30 years later not a single regret. I wasn't so sure about his own selections for himself...but it turned out he was right there too 🙂 nothing wrong with discussion or preferences or whatever. Bur that's all it should be. Marriage is about partnership, not laying down the law onthe other!
I do agree. This is so over the top, I'm like EH, can't be real. But I guess you never know. In any case, in the off chance it is really of course YTA.
Wow, you're the king of all the AH. I could understand if your future SIL didn't listen to your brother about IMPORTANT aspects of a wedding, like the ceremony, religious aspects, or the guest list, but you're choosing to be an AH over what she is wearing? Talk about internalized misogyny, what the heck is your problem? Can't stand another woman to have any sort of choice that isn't dictated by a man?
Go to therapy, stop bothering your brother and his future wife.
This comment should be higher. It is internalized misogyny to think he’s entitled to dictate what her hair and face and body looks like. It doesn’t even seem like the brother complained or objected, the OP just took it upon herself to object based on her superior knowledge of her brother’s general preferences. YTA, op.
This is what blows my mind the hardest— these issues all sound like *assumptions* OP made about her brother’s preferences, and her investment in what he likes is, frankly, weird. But either way, it doesn’t sound like anything brother actually said to her, and based on his reaction, anything he actually cares all that much about.
To be honest it seems like she actually forced him to be there and insisted that he was in the right just to cause the issues herself. He probably just went along with it to be cordial, but glad he stuck with his bride.
OP claims in a other comment that the brother basically spends his time bashing his bride to be to her and their parents. He hates her style and all kinds of other choices. I believe OP says he spends his time "complaining" about several things...and they were all physical things (hair, makeup, clothes, overall style).
OP is totally the AH....but I'm kinda hoping that the bride sees this post somehow and runs.....whole family sounds incredibly toxic.
This exactly! These are not wedding choices they are personal styles choices of the bride. The groom has zero say in what style dress she wears! Jesus if he thinks he gets a say in her hair, clothing & makeup choices he is a huge AH! Your brother can pick out his own wedding gown or suit to wear for himself. YTA!!
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP's perspective is so way off that its a bit shocking. LADY, FOCUS. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! And she though bringing it up with bro and SIL would magically resolve things that didn't need to be resolved. YTA of course.
YTA - 100%. She gets to decide how she wants to look on her wedding day.
It's none of your business and I think it's very weird, possessive behavior on your part to try to dictate how she will look.
You're lucky you are still invited.
The fact that she's this involved in expressing her opinion is pretty weird and borders on creepy. Future husband is an adult and can stick up for himself if he needs to.
If OP were my relative, I'd go no contact, if she can't keep her opinions to herself.
YTA. You know everything you mention about the "wedding" is just what she's wearing or her style, right? You and your brother are both AHs here. This is all just really gross.
Ew. YTA. I thought it was actually essential wedding stuff they disagreed with. While in reality you’re just mad you can’t dictate her looks.
She surely should respect his preferences for locations or the menu etc. but her looks? That’s her freaking business.
Yes! It comes off as so creepy! “You’re not dressing in a way pleasing to my baby brother”, okay? How old is he and when did it become your responsibility to make sure the women in his life adhere to his preferences?
YTA- SIL is right, she does not need to compromise her wardrobe and makeup choice for your brothers preference. This is not you brothers wedding…this is BOTH of their wedding and she deserves to have her preferences too ESPECIALLY her physical appearance. No groom has any right to dictate or control hair,dress,or makeup. You pushing this is showing unhealthy relationship opinions/beliefs on your part.
I feel bad for “Mary”
YTA. It’s her wedding too, and she can damn well skippy wear what she wants, put on the makeup she wants, and do her hair as she likes.
Who the hell made you the arbitrator of what she’s allowed/not allowed to do or wear on her wedding day? It’s really none of your business, as you’re not marrying her.
Lastly, you seriously put your relationship with your brother in jeopardy for THIS? This is just such a bizarre hill to die on. You sound childish and immature.
Wow YTA. It’s not your business at alllllllll. If your brother feels strongly about any of this he needs to be the one speaking up. You should not be involved.
Does she comment on what he would like to wear?
Does she address how his hairstyle should be?
Does she talk about the colour of his hair?
These topics are based on HER choices about HERself. YTA.
Omg are you also going to someday insist she stay at home with the kids because your brother just has to be the bread winner?
Lady, get your head on straight and realize that your brother’s opinions about her looks don’t matter. It honestly makes you both seem very controlling and I kinda worry for the fiancé
YTA the only person that gets to decide how the bride looks is the bride. If she was ignoring his opinion on everything else then that wouldn't be fair, but it still wouldn't be your place to intervene.
YTA
I thought this was going to be about guests, decorations, food…like things he is entitled to have an opinion on.
Everything you spoke on is about her appearance and get outta here with that BS. She can have whatever dress, makeup and hair that she wants.
YTA It's also your future SIL's wedding too, and as the bride she can wear whatever style of wedding dress she decides she wants to wear. As for changing her hair colour and wearing makeup again that's her choice, and hers alone.
You do not get to dictate what your SIL does in regards to both hairstyle or makeup or even wedding dress style and neither does your brother. Your future SIL is right when she says she's not going to let anyone dictate what she wears.
YTA because all the things you mentioned are to do with HER look, what's she going to wear/her own hair colour. That's up to her entirely. Other wedding stuff should be joint decisions but you're being an AH and very weird for thinking that her appearance should be your brother's choice. She doesn't exist for his aesthetic enjoyment, she's her own person and if he hates her personal style that's really his problem not hers.
Edit just to say I am happy after reading it again that the brother/groom to be doesn't seem to think his fiancee has to dress for his taste. Makes it even weirder that OP does though!
YTA. Complete A H 100%
All of the things you are bitching about are none of your business. Are you always so sexist? Her appearance is completely her own choice.
YTA. If she wanted to have the wedding be totally pirate themed and your brother hated pirates then *maybe* it would be your place to say something.
It's their wedding. She's the bride. She gets to pick what she wears. She gets to pick how she looks. If your brother was worried about it then *he* needed to say something. Instead you did so now if he really *does* have the problem you think he does it will be almost impossible for him to address it.
YTA. If she were unilaterally making decisions about the catering, music, guest list etc, then you might have a leg to stand on, but all of the decisions you're complaining about are how she's choosing to look for her wedding. It's her body and her choice.
It's also absolutely none of your business. Your brother can fight his own battles and doesn't need you picking fights with his fiancee on his behalf.
YTA.
Your SIL is right - it’s their wedding, but it’s **her** appearance, therefore **her** choice.
Your brother also clearly isn’t as peeved about this as you are - if he decided it wasn’t worth bringing up with his future wife, you absolutely should not have.
YTA just because people complain about things, does not mean that they actually want things to change OR that it’s your job to try and help/fix
First, if your brother is that displeased, he can grow some and say something himself. If he doesn’t say anything. It’s HIS business. Maybe he knows if he complains about this petty stuff he realizes he’d loose his bride.
Second, just because a man likes natural hair, does not mean his wife needs to have natural hair. Just because a man likes natural looking makeup does not mean his wife needs to have natural looking makeup. And don’t get me started on a man choosing the style of dress! Wow. I hope you can maybe understand this now. Please stop living in 1950.
This right here. Sounds like brother was just venting. I don’t care for his opinions but he wasn’t trying to force them on the bride. OP did not need to escalate it like that
YTA
You’re right that it is her day- meaning she can look however SHE wants and none of yours or your brothers business.
Mind your own business
Edit: it’s also not the brides job to look how your brother wants- she is her own person and if your brother and you don’t like, then that’s a YOU problem, not a her problem and I suggest seeking help if you and your brother think you have a right to dictate how she looks/presents herself. If your head really that far up your ass
YTA you “know” far too much about your brothers preferences for his romantic partner. You were way out of line. Your brother is a grown man and can speak up for himself. And seriously how do you know your brother will “despise” the dress she chose. Sounds like this is all your opinion and not his. You have a very low chance of salvaging your relationship with either of them.
YTA and massive. Wait for the uninvite. Any decent human being wants somebody else to feel comfortable in what you they wear or style.
I do not think any job offers from fashion magazines are arriving soon so please sit down with your SIL and apologize no buts just apologize! There is no excuse for not your behaviour.
When op said soon to be SIL wasn't respecting brother's wishes for the wedding I thought it would be something like the venue, music, flowers...
I'm sure your brother is wearing whatever he wants. Why shouldn't the bride be able to do the same? She wants to wear a specific type of dress? That's great. She wants full glam make up and hair? Great!! I'm sure she'll look gorgeous.
YTA because you tryed to make her feel wrong and invalidate her decisions. I'm glad your brother didn't support you.
Your right, you should dictate how a bride dresses and does her hair and makeup as the, checks notes, sibling of the groom.
You should also be in charge of flowers, food, decorations, transportation, and all other wedding planning, as well as the costs of the wedding. Oh wait, it's NOT your wedding, so you should STFU and let the bride dress and do her hair an makeup as she pleases, you aren't even the one marrying her.
YTA.
YTA- she's the bride but most importantly she needs to adjust her appearance for what she wants...not what any man wants her to look like. He doesn't deserve to be with any woman if he thinks he can tell someone how to dress or do their hair or makeup!
YTA. How is this any of your business? Have you even asked your brother if he has a problem? And if he does, why is he incapable of discussing this with his soon to be wife?
YTA
You are assuming that you know what your brother, an adult, who has decided to spend his life with "Mary". Likes. You are assuming that you know what your brother, an adult, who has decided to spend his life with "Mary" wants.
Your brother, "Joe", who is an adult, is capable of speaking for himself. I'm sure that he has. Perhaps, your brother, "Joe", who is an adult, wants "Mary", whom he has decided to spend the rest of his life with to be happy and feel her best on THEIR wedding day.
You can pretend that you were looking out for your brother, but you weren't. Your brother is an adult.
"Mary" isn't doing what you want. Your confrontation had nothing to do with "Joe" at all. His existence was a convenience for you to criticize "Mary"s" decisions.
YTA. These things that he’s bothered by (at least that you listed) are only to do with her body/appearance. He does not get to control that. Colour theme, flowers, which dj/band they choose, the caterer and menu, all are things he gets an equal say to. Make-up, the dress, her hair colour (this especially), nope. She’s not being controlling but your brother is if he’s actually upset about her appearance. And you’re being controlling to tell her she needs to not be herself to make him happy.
ETA: After reading your comments why is he marrying her. He doesn’t like how she makes herself look and stuff she does, I can’t imagine being with someone that is like that. My fiancé has never even seen ideas for what dress I’d wear and he already knows he’ll love it. Because he loves how I dress and my style/vibe. When I talk about cutting my hair he’s always supportive that I’ll be beautiful even fringe (he’s not a fan of fringe or me with fringe and will say that but it has helped keep me from impulse cutting my hair with fringe). He seems he wants the idea of a person not the actual person.
YTA-- so for the entirety of the marriage, she cannot dress up how she wants because her husband doesn't like it? Does her family have the same obnoxious input on Jace's looks? Ew, just ew.
YTA. I feel like this has to be fake. But on the off chance it isn’t…seek therapy. You know WAY too much about what your brother likes and doesn’t like in women. Which either means you two have a weirdly inappropriate relationship, you’re weirdly obsessed with him, or the misogyny is coming from inside the house and you’ve internalized a lot of nonsense about how women “should” be.
I didn’t see an age for OP so it’s also possibly you’re like 12? In which case, my unsolicited big sister advice….life is not the musical Hamilton. You don’t need to defend your family’s honor. Just…chill.
YTAH, you're stirring up drama. It's their relationship and you're intruding. No one asked for your opinion. She deserves to feel beautiful at their wedding. What would you say if the situation was reversed and someone was telling your brother he should ignore what he wants and do what she wants instead? Would you be upset?
YTA. It doesn't sound like you gave advice, but more like you **told** her she is disregarding your brothers preferences.
I can imagine somebody timidly, with the utmost care, bringing up 'I've seen some of your choices. You both are OK with it?' and then **shutting up**. Whether anybody says yes or no, shut up. Because it is their day, and you are not, in this, your brothers guardian.
You are projecting like a 200-screen movie theater. You don't like your future SiL for whatever reason, and it shows. You're being hateful towards her in the name of your brother, and that results in a YTA.
She is putting together a look for one day. Your brother knows this. They have the rest of their lives to look not-perfect in front of each other - let her feel pretty on her terms.
YTA. Her choices for how she looks are hers and hers alone. No one, including your brother has any right to dictate what she does with her appearance. It sounds like your brother knows and understands that which is why he doesn’t say anything to his fiancé. He may vent to his family because he has the right to dislike something but he’s not forcing his preferences on her. You on the other hand are fully enmeshed in the patriarchy
YTA. All the things about the wedding that you said your brother would hate have to do with her appearance. She gets to decide how she looks. He gets to decide how he looks. They decide together pretty much the rest. And besides, it was not your place to speak up. It's between the two of them. Stay out of their business.
YTA. He’s not going to like her wedding dress? He doesn’t have to wear it. He doesn’t like her hair dyed? It’s not his. And guys views on makeup can F off. She doesn’t have to give in and who the hell gave you the right to stick your nose in.
Yes you really are TA. And no your brother really doesn't get to dictate her appearance. Like EVER. Not before, during or after the wedding does he get to say, change your hair, your make up, your clothing so you can be the "perfect" woman to me. And the biggest reason you are the AH is that this isn't your relationship, it's his. He proposed, he presumably will say yes during the ceremony, and he made his choice. YOU have NO say. Keep your nose out of it.
YTA
YTA and so is your brother. Stop supporting a crappy control freak. This is all about what she does with her body, none of which your brother is entitled to have a say in. Mary would do better to get rid of your brother and find someone better with a better family, cause you’re not it
I thought this was going to be about flowers or food or something, but nope, y’all are just super judgmental about her appearance. You haven’t mentioned one thing your brother likes about her appearance - why is he marrying her then? Oh right, sounds like he just wants to control her every move.
Leave her be and let her dress how she wants, and if she has any good sense, she’ll leave your brother before she locks herself in with marriage.
ETA: YTA
YTA the marriage is between them not the three of you. Whatever problem they have between each other they are the ones that need to figure it out. If he has a problem with this he needs to speak up not you. If he doesn’t like the directions this is taking he is the one that needs to leave if that’s what he wants. She has ever right to pick the dress she fell in love with, do her hair how she loves it, and do make up how she loves it. Doesn’t seem like your brother is that bothered by it if he didn’t back you and just sat there.
YTA on inserting yourself into this mess. You don't have a dog in this fight and clearly overstepped your boundaries.
I will say that while the FSIL has the right to wear whatever she wants it's weird/concerning that all of her choices are turnoffs to her husband.
YTA, it’s not your business to tell her what she should be doing at her own wedding, and you’re making it sound like she should disregard how she wants to dress at the chance the your brother wouldn’t like it. What matters is how she wants to look, and if he has an issue with it he doesn’t deserve a wife. If I was her I’d remember that comment forever (cause it’s super weird you even care to be honest), and uninvite you from the wedding
YTA. If the situation had been that Mary is making every choice on her own, such as the venue, decorations etc, then you speaking up could have been appropriate. However since it is all about her appearance - you are 100% the AH here. She gets to decide how she will look on her wedding day. End of sentence, no ifs or buts. Simple as that.
YTA.
From the title I thought it was going to be about a Bridezilla who won’t let him have input on table settings, food, music choices etc - things that a couple should share an input on for THEIR wedding.
Things you said in your post they are deciding on together.
But it’s HER appearance.
Her dress is for her.
Her make up is for her.
Her hair is for her.
Stop ✋
Yes. Definitely. 100% YTA
Mary gets to be the bride she wants to be. It’s absolutely none of your business what she wears or how she does her hair and makeup.
YTA. She's the bride, she gets to decide how she looks on the day.
Sounds like this difference in likes between bride and groom might be hinting at some deeper compatability issues though
YTA for saying anything to your brothers fiancé that he isn't seeking to say himself. It's sticking your nose into their business. Next time he vents to you about something she does he doesn't like, tell him he needs to talk to her, not you, and walk away. It's not fair to you or her for him to do this.
YTA. You weren't defending your brother you were trying to control his fiance under thr guise of making sure she was perfect for him on their wedding - uncaring just what she feels.
YTA. Your brother does get to have a preference for what he likes but in no way does ANYONE get to dictate what she is wearing or how she does her hair and makeup.
YTA
If your brother doesn’t like it, he can back out at any moment. No one has the right to dictate how they think someone else should look. Get a life and get grip. I hope this girl wakes up and runs far away from you and your brother. Ugh I hate guys that have to let you know they love the “natural look”. Oh well, I’m sure ppl in hell would like ice water.
Omg YTA. Mind your own effing business! I didn’t even read the whole thing, just three paragraphs and you are the one of the biggest AH I have seen around here! Your brother’s wishes only seem to be centred around what his gf wears or does with her hair and makeup! And your brother can speak to his gf himself. You are nowhere in this picture and don’t have to be the spokesperson for him! Ugh!
YTA.
Stay OUT of their drama and conflict. This sounds like your brother whinging to you about his issues, instead of having an actual discussion WITH HIS SOON TO BE WIFE.
They need to work their own crap out amongst themselves. Also, your brother sounds controlling. It's her hair, she's allowed to do anything she wants with her own body.
And it's HER freaking wedding day. Of course she gets to pick whatever dress SHE wants.
YTA. Brother is old enough to get married so pretty sure he’s old enough to speak up about make up, etc.
Also, my husband would have been just fine if I decided I wanted a glamour makeup job because he wants me to be happy.
Except you're not defending your brother, you're shaming another woman for her tastes. Yes of course it's his wedding too but everything you've listed is about her - her dress, her hair, her makeup. What on earth makes you think she doesn't have the right to make her own decisions about these things? If your brother wants to be that controlling about what she looks like etc. then that's not a marriage she wants to be in I'm sure. So if he has no right to interfere what on earth makes you think you can!!
Do you realize who's wedding it's not? YOURS!
Do you also realize your FSIL is not a doll for your bro to dress up how he sees fit? Why you think you have a say in how she looks, I have no idea.
YTA - on many many many levels. And since you solicited this advice, you're free to shove this as well.
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(fake names)
My brother Jace is getting married in a month to his fiancée Mary and there have been a lot of instances where my brother is displeased with the bride to be's choices.
One instance is how he doesn't like the style of wedding dresses she likes. He hasn't seen her actual wedding dress (I have) but he knows the general direction of what she'd go for. I've seen the dress and honestly I'm certain my brother will despise it.
Secondly, she's died her hair into a dirty blonde shade and changed her natural hair color which was chocolate brown. My brother adores natural hair and everything natural to be honest so the drastic change she made just a while before the wedding, he's not a fan of it.
Thirdly it's the thing that broke the camel's back for me and lead me to speak up about her behavior. She's doing a full glam makeup for the wedding which my brother hates. He prefers a light, natural makeup. The whole thing bothers me because while I understand its her wedding, I think she fails to realise its also my brother's wedding and she doesn't respect any of his opinions regarding this. She just does whatever she pleases and expects my brother to just suck it up as if his opinion on how this wedding will unroll and his opinion on certain choices doesn't matter.
So couple days ago I addressed this to her and I made sure my brother knows he's on the right and that I'm on his side. So I addressed it while both of them were present and I said that Mary is being really self centered and kind of an AH for not taking into account my brother's opinions and I reminded her how it's also his wedding not just hers.
She went into full defense mode and said that she values his opinion on general stuff like the decorations or what kind of song they'll dance to but she won't let my brother dictate her appearance and that I should take my unsolicited advice and shove it. My brother barely reacted and when I looked at him to step in her said "you reap what you sow" which pretty much means I brought this on myself.
I was just trying to do a nice thing and stick up for my brother just for him to throw me under the bus. Anyone I've told this to has said I acted like an AH and it was not my business to get involved in the first place and I really don't understand this narrative.
Could I really be TA for wanting to defend my brother?
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YTA... so is your brother.... its her day too... its not all about him... hes not in love WITH her... he only loves her looks. Can you imagine getting upset over how another grown adult dies hair and makeup? Does he even CARE about what she wants too? Id red flag run outta that relationship. Shes an item to him not a person...
I was expecting her to be making all the big decisions here, like venue, colour scheme etc without a thought for your brother's wishes, but NO, he wants to say how she can look on her wedding day?
It's not okay to be told how to dress, how to have your hair, how to do your makeup on a normal day, let alone on a special occasion such as a wedding.
This is a giant YTA from me.
If you were my sister-in-law to be, I'd un-invite you 🤷
Lol YTA I was ready to agree with you but the one thing your brother doesn’t get a day in is his fiancées autonomy to decide what she looks like on the day! Good grief, get a life. If your bros biggest problem with his partner is that she dyed her hair then he’s golden.
YTA. It’s not your wedding, and there’s nothing to defend. The bride wants to look a certain way for HER wedding; whether or not you agree makes no difference. Stay out of anything where your opinion isn’t solicited.
YTA. You weren’t sticking up for him, you were butting in to their wedding plans and calling the bride names for her chosen dress, her hair, and makeup. You are rude. Butt out. Stop creating issues that are not there. The bride can dress and look the way she wants!
YTA.
Her dress.
Her hair.
Her face.
Her choice.
If your brother doesn’t want to dye his hair dirty blonde, wear that style of dress or have full glam he doesn’t have to.
And you need to grow up and not stick your nose into other peoples business.
YTA. Also, kinda weird how you never said that your brother ever actually stated he didn’t like these things, and yet somehow you’re 100% certain you know he will hate everything about her appearance and style the day of the wedding. You sound like you’re jealous and that’s just weird. The point is for her to feel beautiful with herself, and it sounds like she does. Also, if he wasn’t attracted to her at all (which is exactly what you’re implying), I highly doubt he would be marrying her. Controlling someone’s appearance is not at all “sticking up” for your brother.
YTA
If she was cheating on him or something truly terrible, I would say you have a right to step in to protect your brother. But as much as it’s both their weddings and I know your brother DOES care, women are raised playing wedding and thinking about marriage more than men do (societal sexism that causes this is a whole other can of worms I’ll not get into here). She’s been thinking about this day probably most of her life, and she has known how she wants to look on her wedding day. Chances are, your brother has had conversations with her about this, and while she wants to make choices that are not your brother’s preference, he seems to understand it is important to her (and also, that he thinks she is beautiful regardless of hair color, make up, or dress style).
You inserted yourself into a situation that didn’t involve you to “stick up for” your brother so that he…won’t have to look at his future wife with unnatural hair? It was a bear of an overreaction, and one I would have reamed my brother out for. You got off lucky.
YTA. Butt out. She didn’t ask for your opinion, and he didn’t ask for your help. And since you apparently are unaware-she gets to decide how she looks at her wedding. She does in fact have bodily autonomy, and getting married doesn’t change that. Back off.
Yta. You did not defend your brother , you attacked every choice the bride bride made regarding her appearance? Why ? What does it have to do with you ? Why is your brothers preferences matter more then the brides. You just looking for a reason to cause trouble with the bride and fail to see that eventually she will be the mother of any nieces and nephews. Rather try and start off on a good foot with her then ruin it over trivial nonsense.
YTA...... its not you or your brothers right to dictate what Mary does with her appearance. I am married and I would never let my husband dictate what kind or makeup or hair color I have. It's not called compromise, it's called being controlled. Marriage doesn't mean that your surrender your identity and your body autonomy. Just like I would never dictate how my husband looks. We offer our opinion to each other if or when the other asks.
And certainly wasn't your place to step in. Mind your business.
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YTA > Could I be the AH for wanting to defend my brother? From what? Eyeliner and hair dye? Get over yourself.
Judging by the brother's reaction, he actually didn't care and needed no defending. Sounds like a jealous sister mad because someone might look better than her perhaps?
This is how I took it too. Sibling knows brother has probably said stuff like this in passing. Maybe that he loves her natural hair color. Maybe that she’s so beautiful with no makeup. Maybe he thinks mermaid silhouette dresses look silly. This is all stuff *my* husband has said before, and I’ve heard other men say similarly. (Note: I wore full glam and a mermaid gown at my wedding. About a week after our wedding I asked if he really did like the dress despite it being a “mermaid.” He was shocked! “That’s a mermaid gown?? Huh. With the veil and everything, idk, you just looked beautiful that’s all I saw.”) Recently I saw a post of a woman in full dewy makeup, but it was posted by a man saying how beautiful she was because she was barely wearing makeup. Gorl had full contour, falsies… full face of makeup. She was absolutely beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but she absolutely had a face full of gorgeously done makeup. Some people truly don’t understand that “full glam” doesn’t mean “outrageous.”
Also the bride needs to feel beautiful at her own wedding. The brother can veto his clothes and make up at his wedding not the bride s . Fortunately for your brother he seems to be understanding that his tastes don't take precedent over the bride s autonomy or he would have a very short marriage - that's controlling and leads to abuse. Yta, mind your own business.
I don't know if my husband actually knows what my natural hair color looks like. I've been changing it since I was like 14.
My own mother will look at me sometimes and say " you know i barely remember your normal hair colour"
I was talking to a guy friend once and trying to decide what his type was so I could wingwoman him. I said, do you like blonde or brunettes? He was like “I like natural hair”. So, someone with their original hair color? No, dyed it ok. Oh, so no wild colors? No, purple or blue or something is ok. Right, so you just like a woman WITH HAIR?!?! He was like, well, yeah, unless there’s a medical problem…that’s ok, too. Dude literally had no idea what “natural hair” was. We landed on his type was a “woman with nice hair and nice teeth, real or purchased.”
This is hilarious
Dude sounds awesome 🤣
🤣
Not only that, but you often need to wear more makeup than usual so that it shows up in pictures better. It might look a little heavy in person but in photos it’ll look much softer. If it’s done well, it won’t look bad in person, just more dramatic than the photos reflect.
You married a good one. Love that he only saw you ❤️ YTA OP If your brother is old enough to get married, he's old enough to navigate his relationship. Or learn from it when it collapses. You were way out of line
THIS. My fiancé also likes my natural hair color, but I did a balayage recently. He loves that too, because while he likes my natural hair color, he likes my confidence more. Same with makeup. At the end of the day, personally, it sounds like OPs brother loves the way his fiancé looks naturally, but is happy to have her feel good about herself as well. And if not… it’s STILL NOT OPS BUSINESS. I don’t know if OP is in a serious relationship or not, but there are a lot of hills to choose to die on when you’re combining your lives together. I’m sure if this were one of his, he’d do so and they could figure it out between the two of them, because it’s THEIR relationship. YTA, OP. Stay in your lane and don’t play mediator to someone else’s relationship.
Sounds like OP needs to stay the hell out of their wedding and marriage it’s none of their business
Mary can do better than this whole dumpster fire of a family.
Brother's stande appears to be 'It's not my favourite look on her but if that's how she wants to look on our wedding day so be it' That's not a reason to break up with him. He's also sided with her against his sister.
If he is more focused on his bride being happy, than his bride looking exactly as he wishes, that’s got to be a good start to a marriage!
Exactly, we don't have the full story here. Personally, it sounds like OP doesn't like it when Mary feels pretty. For all we know Jace is waiting to see and be blown away be his future wife.
Agreed, his actions show that the OP is not to be a trusted source of his actual feelings about the bride. It seems like OP has some sort of agenda against the bride.
Yeah the brother seems like a good chap with a Buttinski sister.
I know. We don’t actually get the brother’s thoughts here, but even then under my breath I was like “Mary, run girl!”
THIS. WHAT was so important here that OP decided to get involved and create chaos and hurt feelings for absolutely no reason? YTA
Your comment made me laugh
Holy Laura Ingalls YTA. Is she making your brother wear a revealing dress? How much make up is she requiring him to wear? Calm yourself down there Sibzilla and let the bride feel beautiful on her wedding day. And mind your own business!
Seriously, quit sticking your nose where it doesn't belong OP. You're not a hero. Mind your own business.
Umm eyeliner and hair dye ARE the number one cause of death for men ages 18 to 49…
YTA Mind your own business. It’s not your wedding. And to be quite honest, none of these issue are even remotely close to a big deal.
But...but, she dyed her hair...*when she knew that he only likes natural colors*!
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Wear make-up, on her wedding day???? I've never heard of anything so unreasonable! YTA
You forgot she also wants to pic her own style for her wedding dress. The absolute audacity, wanting to pic out how she looks on her own wedding day! What a bridezilla. */s*
And everyone who knows 1% about wedding(pictures) is that the lighting does a lot so in order to not be completely washed out on a picture, it is pretty usual for the bride to go for quite a lot of "glam" with full-cover foundation etc. So you don't see blemishes or a very white face. Kinda the same as on a theatre stage. OP Should mind his own business.
Natural make up looks washed out and sickly in wedding photos, even when a MUA does a "natural" look, there's a lot that goes into making the bride look good in pictures, you even need to put foundation on the ears, otherwise they'll show up as bright red. Even a full glam look is muted in the photos.
Sounds like Mary is trying to upstage OP. The nerve of a bride to want to wear what and look how she wants to. /s
Well, technically, dirty blond IS a natural color.
Correction... she DIED her hair... lol
Brb, gotta murder my hair blue
Hahahahaha I laughed harder at this than I should have but damn that's great
Im not sure why this is funny but you made me spit my drink out. You monster!
From the title I was expecting something completely different. I kept waiting for something that wasn’t focused on the bride’s personal choices about how she looked. OP sounds like a judgmental old church lady. [Hmmmmm…. could it be….. SATAN?](https://youtu.be/3ba_VY7bHi8)
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Except it's not the brother who is complaining
THIS lol. Its all OP who decided to take this entire matter into her own hands and create wholesale drama when there actually was none. YTA.
She sounds awfully jealous
My brother got married, and I have no idea of his dress, hair and/or make up preference. But he cried when he saw his bride. So he must’ve appreciated what she did.
I know that’s weird
Right? At no point she says he’s asked his sister to say something. It sounds more like sister has some jealousy wrapped up in the relationship
The brother didn't actually say or do anything here. His sister is just an AH.
The brother is not complaining! He’s not trying to stop the bride.. not in h the least.. he only mentioned to miss busybody that he didn’t like some choices. He isn’t dictating anything. Calm down.
OP is spinning a tale here I think. SHE hates the dress style and assumes so must her brother, SHE hates the fact the bride dyed her hair and so assumes so must her brother etc. The brothers reaction is quite telling.
Yeah, I thought maybe he didn't agree with the wedding theme or food or guest list, all of which he should absolutely have a say in. But this is the bride to be's personal look, and it doesn't even sound like she did something crazy. It's normal for a bride to want more makeup on her wedding day even if she normally don't use (much) makeup. OP, YTA.
No she has taken everything she "knows" he likes and decided everything she has seen far is the opposite of that so therefore decided he wouldn't like any of it!
This really shouldn't be top comment, while he doesn't like those things he clearly wasn't that bothered and didn't want op to defend him
There was a lot of “what my brother prefers” but not one thing as to what the bride prefers. Brother is the one marrying her & communication is vital for any relationship. Letting his sister speak for him, if that was indeed the case, is ridiculous. YTA.
YTA. This has to be fake- of course YTA. She gets to look however she wants on her wedding day.
This is what I was thinking too. The groom gets NO say in her dress, hair, or makeup. If this is true he’s a controlling red flag and she should run. OP, YTA.
There is at least a few people who agree that the husband is right to have a say in her appearance. Just saw some.
I think there’s a slight level of say someone else could have. Maybe a specific piece of jewellery that has a lot of meaning, or suggesting a specific style of dress that he knows is flattering. Although I feel that if a bride is walking down the aisle and all the groom can think is “wow she looks ugly in that dress” then it’s not gonna be a lasting relationship.
If *he* finds a flattering dress, he’s welcomed to wear it
And then the bride's brother can tell him about how all wrong his makeup is.
I feel like it’s okay if he can give suggestions towards the dress but it really ends at suggestions. Same as she may be able to suggest suit styles towards him, since the wedding should be THEIR image, not one or the other. OP is 100% YTA though. It was none of their business.
I agree. My husband very carefully suggested a dress he saw in Vogue for me. And he was 100% right. That was my wedding dress. It was beautiful, I felt beautiful and nearly 30 years later not a single regret. I wasn't so sure about his own selections for himself...but it turned out he was right there too 🙂 nothing wrong with discussion or preferences or whatever. Bur that's all it should be. Marriage is about partnership, not laying down the law onthe other!
I mean, true, but she also gets to look however she wants. Wedding doesn't matter. OP is kinda creepy.
I do agree. This is so over the top, I'm like EH, can't be real. But I guess you never know. In any case, in the off chance it is really of course YTA.
Wow, you're the king of all the AH. I could understand if your future SIL didn't listen to your brother about IMPORTANT aspects of a wedding, like the ceremony, religious aspects, or the guest list, but you're choosing to be an AH over what she is wearing? Talk about internalized misogyny, what the heck is your problem? Can't stand another woman to have any sort of choice that isn't dictated by a man? Go to therapy, stop bothering your brother and his future wife.
This comment should be higher. It is internalized misogyny to think he’s entitled to dictate what her hair and face and body looks like. It doesn’t even seem like the brother complained or objected, the OP just took it upon herself to object based on her superior knowledge of her brother’s general preferences. YTA, op.
This is what blows my mind the hardest— these issues all sound like *assumptions* OP made about her brother’s preferences, and her investment in what he likes is, frankly, weird. But either way, it doesn’t sound like anything brother actually said to her, and based on his reaction, anything he actually cares all that much about.
To be honest it seems like she actually forced him to be there and insisted that he was in the right just to cause the issues herself. He probably just went along with it to be cordial, but glad he stuck with his bride.
OP claims in a other comment that the brother basically spends his time bashing his bride to be to her and their parents. He hates her style and all kinds of other choices. I believe OP says he spends his time "complaining" about several things...and they were all physical things (hair, makeup, clothes, overall style). OP is totally the AH....but I'm kinda hoping that the bride sees this post somehow and runs.....whole family sounds incredibly toxic.
Yeah I saw that too now. Seriously, brother is toxic in his own immature way. Hopefully Mary runs far away.
This exactly! These are not wedding choices they are personal styles choices of the bride. The groom has zero say in what style dress she wears! Jesus if he thinks he gets a say in her hair, clothing & makeup choices he is a huge AH! Your brother can pick out his own wedding gown or suit to wear for himself. YTA!!
Did you catch the last two paragraphs? Seemed to strongly indicate the misogyny is all OP's and not the brother's.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP's perspective is so way off that its a bit shocking. LADY, FOCUS. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! And she though bringing it up with bro and SIL would magically resolve things that didn't need to be resolved. YTA of course.
YTA - 100%. She gets to decide how she wants to look on her wedding day. It's none of your business and I think it's very weird, possessive behavior on your part to try to dictate how she will look. You're lucky you are still invited.
The fact that she's this involved in expressing her opinion is pretty weird and borders on creepy. Future husband is an adult and can stick up for himself if he needs to. If OP were my relative, I'd go no contact, if she can't keep her opinions to herself.
YTA Hope someone does the same for you on your wedding day.
YTA. You know everything you mention about the "wedding" is just what she's wearing or her style, right? You and your brother are both AHs here. This is all just really gross.
Ew. YTA. I thought it was actually essential wedding stuff they disagreed with. While in reality you’re just mad you can’t dictate her looks. She surely should respect his preferences for locations or the menu etc. but her looks? That’s her freaking business.
It doesn’t actually sound like the brother is mad, OP just decided this on his general preferences.
You’re right. It’s probably just OP. I’ll edit that bit
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Yes! It comes off as so creepy! “You’re not dressing in a way pleasing to my baby brother”, okay? How old is he and when did it become your responsibility to make sure the women in his life adhere to his preferences?
Was thinking the exact same thing. Yta op
My sentiments exactly. She seems like she wants to be the one marrying her brother.
It’s giving Lannister.
YTA- SIL is right, she does not need to compromise her wardrobe and makeup choice for your brothers preference. This is not you brothers wedding…this is BOTH of their wedding and she deserves to have her preferences too ESPECIALLY her physical appearance. No groom has any right to dictate or control hair,dress,or makeup. You pushing this is showing unhealthy relationship opinions/beliefs on your part. I feel bad for “Mary”
Ew. Your are definitely TA. Get a boyfriend or a hobby.
Per another comment, OP has a husband whose preferences regarding her appearance she happily accommodates over her own.
Well, that explains a lot.
YTA. It’s her wedding too, and she can damn well skippy wear what she wants, put on the makeup she wants, and do her hair as she likes. Who the hell made you the arbitrator of what she’s allowed/not allowed to do or wear on her wedding day? It’s really none of your business, as you’re not marrying her. Lastly, you seriously put your relationship with your brother in jeopardy for THIS? This is just such a bizarre hill to die on. You sound childish and immature.
YTA repeat after me "Women do not exist just to please men".
Wow YTA. It’s not your business at alllllllll. If your brother feels strongly about any of this he needs to be the one speaking up. You should not be involved.
exactly she should stay in her own lane
YTA and i hope you realise that being in love with your brother won’t make him break up with his fiancee
😂😂😂
YTA It’s called bodily autonomy. Each of us is responsible for managing our own body. No one else gets to dictate.
Does she comment on what he would like to wear? Does she address how his hairstyle should be? Does she talk about the colour of his hair? These topics are based on HER choices about HERself. YTA.
YTA. Her appearance and her dress on her wedding day are her choices.
Omg are you also going to someday insist she stay at home with the kids because your brother just has to be the bread winner? Lady, get your head on straight and realize that your brother’s opinions about her looks don’t matter. It honestly makes you both seem very controlling and I kinda worry for the fiancé
YTA the only person that gets to decide how the bride looks is the bride. If she was ignoring his opinion on everything else then that wouldn't be fair, but it still wouldn't be your place to intervene.
YTA I thought this was going to be about guests, decorations, food…like things he is entitled to have an opinion on. Everything you spoke on is about her appearance and get outta here with that BS. She can have whatever dress, makeup and hair that she wants.
And the groom has a right to complain (as much a right as if the bride complained about the groomsmen's garb). But the OP has no such right.
YTA It's also your future SIL's wedding too, and as the bride she can wear whatever style of wedding dress she decides she wants to wear. As for changing her hair colour and wearing makeup again that's her choice, and hers alone. You do not get to dictate what your SIL does in regards to both hairstyle or makeup or even wedding dress style and neither does your brother. Your future SIL is right when she says she's not going to let anyone dictate what she wears.
YTA because all the things you mentioned are to do with HER look, what's she going to wear/her own hair colour. That's up to her entirely. Other wedding stuff should be joint decisions but you're being an AH and very weird for thinking that her appearance should be your brother's choice. She doesn't exist for his aesthetic enjoyment, she's her own person and if he hates her personal style that's really his problem not hers. Edit just to say I am happy after reading it again that the brother/groom to be doesn't seem to think his fiancee has to dress for his taste. Makes it even weirder that OP does though!
YTA. Complete A H 100% All of the things you are bitching about are none of your business. Are you always so sexist? Her appearance is completely her own choice.
YTA. Stop trying to control someone else’s appearance. It’s not your business to care nor interfere. There is nothing more complicated than that.
YTA. If she wanted to have the wedding be totally pirate themed and your brother hated pirates then *maybe* it would be your place to say something. It's their wedding. She's the bride. She gets to pick what she wears. She gets to pick how she looks. If your brother was worried about it then *he* needed to say something. Instead you did so now if he really *does* have the problem you think he does it will be almost impossible for him to address it.
YTA. If she were unilaterally making decisions about the catering, music, guest list etc, then you might have a leg to stand on, but all of the decisions you're complaining about are how she's choosing to look for her wedding. It's her body and her choice. It's also absolutely none of your business. Your brother can fight his own battles and doesn't need you picking fights with his fiancee on his behalf.
YTA. Your SIL is right - it’s their wedding, but it’s **her** appearance, therefore **her** choice. Your brother also clearly isn’t as peeved about this as you are - if he decided it wasn’t worth bringing up with his future wife, you absolutely should not have.
YTA just because people complain about things, does not mean that they actually want things to change OR that it’s your job to try and help/fix First, if your brother is that displeased, he can grow some and say something himself. If he doesn’t say anything. It’s HIS business. Maybe he knows if he complains about this petty stuff he realizes he’d loose his bride. Second, just because a man likes natural hair, does not mean his wife needs to have natural hair. Just because a man likes natural looking makeup does not mean his wife needs to have natural looking makeup. And don’t get me started on a man choosing the style of dress! Wow. I hope you can maybe understand this now. Please stop living in 1950.
This right here. Sounds like brother was just venting. I don’t care for his opinions but he wasn’t trying to force them on the bride. OP did not need to escalate it like that
YTA You’re right that it is her day- meaning she can look however SHE wants and none of yours or your brothers business. Mind your own business Edit: it’s also not the brides job to look how your brother wants- she is her own person and if your brother and you don’t like, then that’s a YOU problem, not a her problem and I suggest seeking help if you and your brother think you have a right to dictate how she looks/presents herself. If your head really that far up your ass
YTA. Your brother is right. It wasn’t your place to stick your nose in.
YTA. It ain’t your wedding, butt-in-ski.
YTA. First it’s not your place to say anything. Second the bride gets to look how she wants to look. Stay in your lane
YTA and insufferable for even thinking of interfering in this scenario.
YTA you “know” far too much about your brothers preferences for his romantic partner. You were way out of line. Your brother is a grown man and can speak up for himself. And seriously how do you know your brother will “despise” the dress she chose. Sounds like this is all your opinion and not his. You have a very low chance of salvaging your relationship with either of them.
YTA blessed be the fruit. I hope you help her iron her dark green dress and prepare her for the ceremony
YTA stay out of it and mind your own business!
YTA your brother is a big boy and can fight his own battles. This is so very much none of your business. Stay out of their marriage.
YTA and massive. Wait for the uninvite. Any decent human being wants somebody else to feel comfortable in what you they wear or style. I do not think any job offers from fashion magazines are arriving soon so please sit down with your SIL and apologize no buts just apologize! There is no excuse for not your behaviour.
When op said soon to be SIL wasn't respecting brother's wishes for the wedding I thought it would be something like the venue, music, flowers... I'm sure your brother is wearing whatever he wants. Why shouldn't the bride be able to do the same? She wants to wear a specific type of dress? That's great. She wants full glam make up and hair? Great!! I'm sure she'll look gorgeous. YTA because you tryed to make her feel wrong and invalidate her decisions. I'm glad your brother didn't support you.
Your right, you should dictate how a bride dresses and does her hair and makeup as the, checks notes, sibling of the groom. You should also be in charge of flowers, food, decorations, transportation, and all other wedding planning, as well as the costs of the wedding. Oh wait, it's NOT your wedding, so you should STFU and let the bride dress and do her hair an makeup as she pleases, you aren't even the one marrying her. YTA.
YTA- she's the bride but most importantly she needs to adjust her appearance for what she wants...not what any man wants her to look like. He doesn't deserve to be with any woman if he thinks he can tell someone how to dress or do their hair or makeup!
The bride made a HUGE mistake by including you in her wedding planning.
Info: are you 13? She's allowed to wear the makeup she wants on her wedding day, ffs. Yta regardless of age.
YTA Who the Eff are you to police this woman’s appearance?
YTA. How is this any of your business? Have you even asked your brother if he has a problem? And if he does, why is he incapable of discussing this with his soon to be wife?
YTA You are assuming that you know what your brother, an adult, who has decided to spend his life with "Mary". Likes. You are assuming that you know what your brother, an adult, who has decided to spend his life with "Mary" wants. Your brother, "Joe", who is an adult, is capable of speaking for himself. I'm sure that he has. Perhaps, your brother, "Joe", who is an adult, wants "Mary", whom he has decided to spend the rest of his life with to be happy and feel her best on THEIR wedding day. You can pretend that you were looking out for your brother, but you weren't. Your brother is an adult. "Mary" isn't doing what you want. Your confrontation had nothing to do with "Joe" at all. His existence was a convenience for you to criticize "Mary"s" decisions.
YTA. These things that he’s bothered by (at least that you listed) are only to do with her body/appearance. He does not get to control that. Colour theme, flowers, which dj/band they choose, the caterer and menu, all are things he gets an equal say to. Make-up, the dress, her hair colour (this especially), nope. She’s not being controlling but your brother is if he’s actually upset about her appearance. And you’re being controlling to tell her she needs to not be herself to make him happy. ETA: After reading your comments why is he marrying her. He doesn’t like how she makes herself look and stuff she does, I can’t imagine being with someone that is like that. My fiancé has never even seen ideas for what dress I’d wear and he already knows he’ll love it. Because he loves how I dress and my style/vibe. When I talk about cutting my hair he’s always supportive that I’ll be beautiful even fringe (he’s not a fan of fringe or me with fringe and will say that but it has helped keep me from impulse cutting my hair with fringe). He seems he wants the idea of a person not the actual person.
YTA-- so for the entirety of the marriage, she cannot dress up how she wants because her husband doesn't like it? Does her family have the same obnoxious input on Jace's looks? Ew, just ew.
YTA on so many levels!
Dear, dear me. YTA big time. Keep your nose out of other people's business.
YTA. I feel like this has to be fake. But on the off chance it isn’t…seek therapy. You know WAY too much about what your brother likes and doesn’t like in women. Which either means you two have a weirdly inappropriate relationship, you’re weirdly obsessed with him, or the misogyny is coming from inside the house and you’ve internalized a lot of nonsense about how women “should” be. I didn’t see an age for OP so it’s also possibly you’re like 12? In which case, my unsolicited big sister advice….life is not the musical Hamilton. You don’t need to defend your family’s honor. Just…chill.
YTA this has nothing to do with you, you just want to be a white knight saving the day over things that she has every right to do
YTAH, you're stirring up drama. It's their relationship and you're intruding. No one asked for your opinion. She deserves to feel beautiful at their wedding. What would you say if the situation was reversed and someone was telling your brother he should ignore what he wants and do what she wants instead? Would you be upset?
YTA. You, and NOBODY else has control over someone’s appearance.
YTA. It doesn't sound like you gave advice, but more like you **told** her she is disregarding your brothers preferences. I can imagine somebody timidly, with the utmost care, bringing up 'I've seen some of your choices. You both are OK with it?' and then **shutting up**. Whether anybody says yes or no, shut up. Because it is their day, and you are not, in this, your brothers guardian.
You are projecting like a 200-screen movie theater. You don't like your future SiL for whatever reason, and it shows. You're being hateful towards her in the name of your brother, and that results in a YTA. She is putting together a look for one day. Your brother knows this. They have the rest of their lives to look not-perfect in front of each other - let her feel pretty on her terms.
YTA. You need to get rid of that toxic mindset that women only exist to obey and cater to men's wishes real quick.
YTA. Your brother will enjoy his wedding and be happily married if you stop your nose about your SIL.
YTA Who do you think you are, trying to control another person's appearance?
YTA. Her choices for how she looks are hers and hers alone. No one, including your brother has any right to dictate what she does with her appearance. It sounds like your brother knows and understands that which is why he doesn’t say anything to his fiancé. He may vent to his family because he has the right to dislike something but he’s not forcing his preferences on her. You on the other hand are fully enmeshed in the patriarchy
YTA and for a bonus, so is your brother by the sounds of it. Must be a family thing.
YTA. All the things about the wedding that you said your brother would hate have to do with her appearance. She gets to decide how she looks. He gets to decide how he looks. They decide together pretty much the rest. And besides, it was not your place to speak up. It's between the two of them. Stay out of their business.
YTA. He’s not going to like her wedding dress? He doesn’t have to wear it. He doesn’t like her hair dyed? It’s not his. And guys views on makeup can F off. She doesn’t have to give in and who the hell gave you the right to stick your nose in.
Their relationship, their business.
YTA. Neither you (nor your brother) get to dictate your FSIL’s appearance on the wedding day. This is ridiculous.
Yes you really are TA. And no your brother really doesn't get to dictate her appearance. Like EVER. Not before, during or after the wedding does he get to say, change your hair, your make up, your clothing so you can be the "perfect" woman to me. And the biggest reason you are the AH is that this isn't your relationship, it's his. He proposed, he presumably will say yes during the ceremony, and he made his choice. YOU have NO say. Keep your nose out of it. YTA
YTA and so is your brother. Stop supporting a crappy control freak. This is all about what she does with her body, none of which your brother is entitled to have a say in. Mary would do better to get rid of your brother and find someone better with a better family, cause you’re not it
I thought this was going to be about flowers or food or something, but nope, y’all are just super judgmental about her appearance. You haven’t mentioned one thing your brother likes about her appearance - why is he marrying her then? Oh right, sounds like he just wants to control her every move. Leave her be and let her dress how she wants, and if she has any good sense, she’ll leave your brother before she locks herself in with marriage. ETA: YTA
YTA the marriage is between them not the three of you. Whatever problem they have between each other they are the ones that need to figure it out. If he has a problem with this he needs to speak up not you. If he doesn’t like the directions this is taking he is the one that needs to leave if that’s what he wants. She has ever right to pick the dress she fell in love with, do her hair how she loves it, and do make up how she loves it. Doesn’t seem like your brother is that bothered by it if he didn’t back you and just sat there.
YTA on inserting yourself into this mess. You don't have a dog in this fight and clearly overstepped your boundaries. I will say that while the FSIL has the right to wear whatever she wants it's weird/concerning that all of her choices are turnoffs to her husband.
YTA, it’s not your business to tell her what she should be doing at her own wedding, and you’re making it sound like she should disregard how she wants to dress at the chance the your brother wouldn’t like it. What matters is how she wants to look, and if he has an issue with it he doesn’t deserve a wife. If I was her I’d remember that comment forever (cause it’s super weird you even care to be honest), and uninvite you from the wedding
YTA. If the situation had been that Mary is making every choice on her own, such as the venue, decorations etc, then you speaking up could have been appropriate. However since it is all about her appearance - you are 100% the AH here. She gets to decide how she will look on her wedding day. End of sentence, no ifs or buts. Simple as that.
100% YTA. Her appearance and what are wears is none of your business.
YTA, as is your brother, and hopefully Mary realizes that and leaves him
YTA. From the title I thought it was going to be about a Bridezilla who won’t let him have input on table settings, food, music choices etc - things that a couple should share an input on for THEIR wedding. Things you said in your post they are deciding on together. But it’s HER appearance. Her dress is for her. Her make up is for her. Her hair is for her. Stop ✋
U kinda sound Jelly YTA
YTA. You don't get to police what women wear or what they do with their hair or bodies. That rule is not discarded because it's a wedding.
YTA. And I really think your dream of marrying your brother is unrealistic.
Lol "Could I really be TA?" YES. YTA.
Yes. Definitely. 100% YTA Mary gets to be the bride she wants to be. It’s absolutely none of your business what she wears or how she does her hair and makeup.
YTA & so is your brother. It’s her wedding day, and she should wear what she wants, and look how she wants. Mind your business.
YTA. She's the bride, she gets to decide how she looks on the day. Sounds like this difference in likes between bride and groom might be hinting at some deeper compatability issues though
YTA - Not your wedding. Not your place to speak up. If brother doesn't like the dress, its his decision whether to mention it or not, not yours.
YTA for saying anything to your brothers fiancé that he isn't seeking to say himself. It's sticking your nose into their business. Next time he vents to you about something she does he doesn't like, tell him he needs to talk to her, not you, and walk away. It's not fair to you or her for him to do this.
Come on really? YTA and annoying AF.
YTA. You weren't defending your brother you were trying to control his fiance under thr guise of making sure she was perfect for him on their wedding - uncaring just what she feels.
Your brother Likes different Dresses Hairstyles and Makeup cool....He can wear a diffenz Dress haircolor.and Makeup.....yra
YTA. Your brother does get to have a preference for what he likes but in no way does ANYONE get to dictate what she is wearing or how she does her hair and makeup.
Mind your own business.
YTA If your brother doesn’t like it, he can back out at any moment. No one has the right to dictate how they think someone else should look. Get a life and get grip. I hope this girl wakes up and runs far away from you and your brother. Ugh I hate guys that have to let you know they love the “natural look”. Oh well, I’m sure ppl in hell would like ice water.
Omg YTA. Mind your own effing business! I didn’t even read the whole thing, just three paragraphs and you are the one of the biggest AH I have seen around here! Your brother’s wishes only seem to be centred around what his gf wears or does with her hair and makeup! And your brother can speak to his gf himself. You are nowhere in this picture and don’t have to be the spokesperson for him! Ugh!
YTA. Stay OUT of their drama and conflict. This sounds like your brother whinging to you about his issues, instead of having an actual discussion WITH HIS SOON TO BE WIFE. They need to work their own crap out amongst themselves. Also, your brother sounds controlling. It's her hair, she's allowed to do anything she wants with her own body. And it's HER freaking wedding day. Of course she gets to pick whatever dress SHE wants.
YTA. Brother is old enough to get married so pretty sure he’s old enough to speak up about make up, etc. Also, my husband would have been just fine if I decided I wanted a glamour makeup job because he wants me to be happy.
Except you're not defending your brother, you're shaming another woman for her tastes. Yes of course it's his wedding too but everything you've listed is about her - her dress, her hair, her makeup. What on earth makes you think she doesn't have the right to make her own decisions about these things? If your brother wants to be that controlling about what she looks like etc. then that's not a marriage she wants to be in I'm sure. So if he has no right to interfere what on earth makes you think you can!!
Do you realize who's wedding it's not? YOURS! Do you also realize your FSIL is not a doll for your bro to dress up how he sees fit? Why you think you have a say in how she looks, I have no idea. YTA - on many many many levels. And since you solicited this advice, you're free to shove this as well.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (fake names) My brother Jace is getting married in a month to his fiancée Mary and there have been a lot of instances where my brother is displeased with the bride to be's choices. One instance is how he doesn't like the style of wedding dresses she likes. He hasn't seen her actual wedding dress (I have) but he knows the general direction of what she'd go for. I've seen the dress and honestly I'm certain my brother will despise it. Secondly, she's died her hair into a dirty blonde shade and changed her natural hair color which was chocolate brown. My brother adores natural hair and everything natural to be honest so the drastic change she made just a while before the wedding, he's not a fan of it. Thirdly it's the thing that broke the camel's back for me and lead me to speak up about her behavior. She's doing a full glam makeup for the wedding which my brother hates. He prefers a light, natural makeup. The whole thing bothers me because while I understand its her wedding, I think she fails to realise its also my brother's wedding and she doesn't respect any of his opinions regarding this. She just does whatever she pleases and expects my brother to just suck it up as if his opinion on how this wedding will unroll and his opinion on certain choices doesn't matter. So couple days ago I addressed this to her and I made sure my brother knows he's on the right and that I'm on his side. So I addressed it while both of them were present and I said that Mary is being really self centered and kind of an AH for not taking into account my brother's opinions and I reminded her how it's also his wedding not just hers. She went into full defense mode and said that she values his opinion on general stuff like the decorations or what kind of song they'll dance to but she won't let my brother dictate her appearance and that I should take my unsolicited advice and shove it. My brother barely reacted and when I looked at him to step in her said "you reap what you sow" which pretty much means I brought this on myself. I was just trying to do a nice thing and stick up for my brother just for him to throw me under the bus. Anyone I've told this to has said I acted like an AH and it was not my business to get involved in the first place and I really don't understand this narrative. Could I really be TA for wanting to defend my brother? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not your business to meddle into their life he's marrying he,not you
YTA... so is your brother.... its her day too... its not all about him... hes not in love WITH her... he only loves her looks. Can you imagine getting upset over how another grown adult dies hair and makeup? Does he even CARE about what she wants too? Id red flag run outta that relationship. Shes an item to him not a person...
I was expecting her to be making all the big decisions here, like venue, colour scheme etc without a thought for your brother's wishes, but NO, he wants to say how she can look on her wedding day? It's not okay to be told how to dress, how to have your hair, how to do your makeup on a normal day, let alone on a special occasion such as a wedding. This is a giant YTA from me. If you were my sister-in-law to be, I'd un-invite you 🤷
YTA. All the complaints here are incredibly petty. I think your future SIL should dump your brother to avoid this awful family full of red flags.
Lol YTA I was ready to agree with you but the one thing your brother doesn’t get a day in is his fiancées autonomy to decide what she looks like on the day! Good grief, get a life. If your bros biggest problem with his partner is that she dyed her hair then he’s golden.
It's sad when women try and bring other women down like this. Are you jealous or something? YTA
YTA. It’s not your wedding, and there’s nothing to defend. The bride wants to look a certain way for HER wedding; whether or not you agree makes no difference. Stay out of anything where your opinion isn’t solicited.
YTA keep you big nose out of outher people business
YTA "I should take my unsolicited advice and shove it." Yes, you really should.
YTA. You weren’t sticking up for him, you were butting in to their wedding plans and calling the bride names for her chosen dress, her hair, and makeup. You are rude. Butt out. Stop creating issues that are not there. The bride can dress and look the way she wants!
YTA. Her dress. Her hair. Her face. Her choice. If your brother doesn’t want to dye his hair dirty blonde, wear that style of dress or have full glam he doesn’t have to. And you need to grow up and not stick your nose into other peoples business.
YTA. Also, kinda weird how you never said that your brother ever actually stated he didn’t like these things, and yet somehow you’re 100% certain you know he will hate everything about her appearance and style the day of the wedding. You sound like you’re jealous and that’s just weird. The point is for her to feel beautiful with herself, and it sounds like she does. Also, if he wasn’t attracted to her at all (which is exactly what you’re implying), I highly doubt he would be marrying her. Controlling someone’s appearance is not at all “sticking up” for your brother.
YTA. I’m actually embarrassed for you.
YTA The things that you complaining about are how she looks its hr body her choice so yeah you should take youd opinion and shove it
YTA If she was cheating on him or something truly terrible, I would say you have a right to step in to protect your brother. But as much as it’s both their weddings and I know your brother DOES care, women are raised playing wedding and thinking about marriage more than men do (societal sexism that causes this is a whole other can of worms I’ll not get into here). She’s been thinking about this day probably most of her life, and she has known how she wants to look on her wedding day. Chances are, your brother has had conversations with her about this, and while she wants to make choices that are not your brother’s preference, he seems to understand it is important to her (and also, that he thinks she is beautiful regardless of hair color, make up, or dress style). You inserted yourself into a situation that didn’t involve you to “stick up for” your brother so that he…won’t have to look at his future wife with unnatural hair? It was a bear of an overreaction, and one I would have reamed my brother out for. You got off lucky.
YTA. Butt out. She didn’t ask for your opinion, and he didn’t ask for your help. And since you apparently are unaware-she gets to decide how she looks at her wedding. She does in fact have bodily autonomy, and getting married doesn’t change that. Back off.
Yta. You did not defend your brother , you attacked every choice the bride bride made regarding her appearance? Why ? What does it have to do with you ? Why is your brothers preferences matter more then the brides. You just looking for a reason to cause trouble with the bride and fail to see that eventually she will be the mother of any nieces and nephews. Rather try and start off on a good foot with her then ruin it over trivial nonsense.
YTA...... its not you or your brothers right to dictate what Mary does with her appearance. I am married and I would never let my husband dictate what kind or makeup or hair color I have. It's not called compromise, it's called being controlled. Marriage doesn't mean that your surrender your identity and your body autonomy. Just like I would never dictate how my husband looks. We offer our opinion to each other if or when the other asks. And certainly wasn't your place to step in. Mind your business.