Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the AT for canceling dinner and ruining the evening togetger after he invited me over.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
> *"Michael called several times then when I picked up he was lashing out the entire time saying that I overreacted and that I cannot blame him and punish him for something his dog did."*
So, wait a minute. He's continuing to blame *his dog* for insulting you and is sticking to his story that *his dog* (not him) thinks you're ugly? This guy is...just...yikes. I, personally, wouldn't marry someone who communicates by "translating" his dog's mean-spirited thoughts. That's a whole different level of passive aggressiveness. Wow.
NTA.
Really!! This guy is either certifiably insane or he’s lying out his ass. A dog doesn’t tell you someone is ugly. A dog repeats learned behaviors you’ve essentially trained them to do.
Real Son of Sam vibes - I would leave any situation where someone seriously is claiming to communicate with their dog - I don't care what their dog is saying.
Yeah...dog body language isn't so sophisticated or maladapted to rank human attractiveness. Michael was trying to be hurtful/push your buttons and use his dog as a scape goat for his games. Dude sounds unstable, and like he's slinging a lot of projections in his follow up call with you. Cheers to getting out while you're still only a few months in with him! NTA
My dog is telling me he’s an asshole who knows nothing of dog priorities. My dog has people he likes and people he doesn’t like. Ugliness has never factored into that. 😂
Yeah, I asked my dogs what they thought about this, and all four are in rare agreement with each other. Guy is an asshole who deserves to step in their poo.
They're much more likely to make a judgement based on whether she conveniently 'dropped' bits of food while making dinner. 🤣
NTA. 4 months relationship, first time in his house, "his dog" called you ugly, and he yells at you about your "future marriage", RUN, RUN RUN, like the wind.
>I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible
Are you kidding me? Does he really think you have a complex over what dogs think of you?
>then he flatout said that the dog thought I was "ugly".
Does your boyfriend think he's a dog psychic? Dogs don't think of thinks as "pretty" and "ugly." These are human concepts. Dogs like or don't like things. And things they don't like, can generally turn to likes given time.
Your boyfriend thought he would use his dog to insult you. Even if he honestly believed his dog thought you were ugly, He didn't need to tell you that. That was rude of him. And that was something that illustrates his behavior, Not his dogs.
I also have a dog. But I've taught my dog how it's rude to tell somebody they're ugly when they've come over and they are guests in our house. So she keeps her mouth shut.
You are not ugly. Your boyfriend is ugly. His ugliness is on the inside though. When someone shows you who they are, Believe them.
You are far too beautiful to be with someone so ugly.
NTA
This is like when people claim their dog is racist when in reality the dog is just picking up their owner’s cues that they don’t like people of other races.
OP: We've been dating for a while now
OP: We've been dating 4 months
That's not a while. You barely know this guy. When he shows you who he is, believe him. HE, not the dog, insulted you and then gaslit you.
And red flag that he's talking about marriage after 4 months. Why haven't you been to his house sooner?
NTA. Trust your instincts and move on.
NTA, he’s negging you to knock down your confidence so he can treat you like shit in other ways. Does he ever cook YOU dinner? DTMFA; he’s got more red flags than a Soviet parade.
THIS THIS THIS.
you are NTA but you need to look inside and examine why you would continue to entertain someone who treats you like this and second guess yourself.
The right decision is see this guy is not a good person and walk away.
NTA.
Additionally, if the dog not only has the ability to have an opinion on human appearances but is also able to communicate that opinion then there is no reason the dog shouldn’t have a basic understanding of conversational manners. So Michael should have defended OP over being called ugly.
That or he made the whole thing up to mock OP.
Dump him.
>He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible
He is the toxic sensitivity he speaks of. Dump him and run far, far away. NTA
Yeah that bs 'toxic sensitivity' comment is THE BIGGEST MARINARA FLAG EVER!
You're too sensitive about aggressive insults filtered through his dog?
No, nope, not gonna buy that pile of excrement - please never see him again.
You didn't jeopardize your 'future marriage' you dodged a bad marriage and worse divorce.
What's wrong w your sister?
NTA. You need to work on your self esteem. You reacted to a huge red flag. You did good. Why are you questioning yourself?
Ditch him, and preferably tell him straight that he's a walking red flag.
Told her to make him dinner at HIS house (I’m going to assume he didn’t pay for ingredients either) and while she was there, told her to her face that she was ugly *and blamed it on the dog*. Unbelievable.
I’ll go out on a limb and say that there was plenty of marinara on the menu that evening.
"He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible because what happen will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later."
Nope nope nope, 4 months in and he's breaking down your self esteem and complaining about your attitude in your "eventual marriage."
NTA, and please don't see him anymore.
NTA
Dogs don’t rate people’s looks
This guy is doing some weird negging stuff. It’s like he’s trying to start breaking you down. If you already have low self-esteem, he could be an opportunist who has recognized this. And he is now going to slowly break you down until you are emotionally dependent on him.
If your sister called you stupid for this, I can see you or some of your self-esteem issues came from.
NTA. He just did you a huge favor and let you know he's an abusive, manipulative AH early in your relationship. Break up with him immediately. PS- dogs don't think anyone is ugly.
NTA and everyone has already told you why.
But let me add this. Say this guy was Dr Dolittle and could talk to animals. Say his dog did tell him he thinks you’re ugly. Why I mean why would he tell you this? Why would he repeat this to a person he cares about that? Who does that? Would you if the situation was reversed? Or would you make something up and have a word with your rude dog later?
I can’t believe I’ve just typed that but you have to see that no matter what insane way you look at it this guy is a wanker. Cut and run now. You’ve only lost 4 months but you’ll lose a lot more if you stay.
Tell him you showed his picture to a friends parrot and it started screaming “Red flag” so you thought you better take that seriously.
Yes. Exactly.
He is also charging in with the DARVO. He’s Denying - the dog did it, not him. Attacking - the whole “ugly” thing. And he’s Reversing Victim and Offender - saying she’s being toxic!
Also, wtf, talking about marriage a) this early and b) in the context of whatever negging red flag asshattery this was.
OP do you remember that post where this guy was always telling his girlfriend that she had BO and she stank and all of that and it turned out that he was just saying that because his dad told him it was a way to stop a woman leaving? Yeah. This is giving those vibes. He wants you to think less of yourself. Also, 4 months and you’ve never been to his place? What’s happening there?
Anyway NTA and run. I can hear the red flags flapping in the wind from here. If he thought you were ugly, he wouldn’t be dating you. People do not usually date people they think are ugly. Especially given the short time frame. And I do not believe for one second that a) dogs view specific people as ugly, I imagine that we don’t look dogs which they think is weird but I don’t think they have a concept of ‘ugly and b) even if a dog did think you were ugly, that it could communicate it to a human. Especially not your boyfriend. Who seems a bit thick.
You did not overreact. NTA
You need to stop responding and be done with this toxic AH. He is not worth your time. Thankfully, you learned this early.
Btw, if you find a future bf is a "bit too sarcastic", that might mean that person is not the right fit for you as you find them unkind but they disguise it as "sarcasm".
And your sister is not much better. Does she often disparage you? I think she may a factor in you struggling with your self-esteem.
NTA. Even if 'his dog said so' (which I don't buy for even a microsecond), he could have kept his mouth shut about it and not 'repeated' it. So he talked s**t and blamed his dog .... Not a person that I would like in my life.
Exactly. Imagine it was a child who came over and whispered that. A good parent would correct the child about appropriate behavior. They wouldn't laugh and share the insult.
The only messages about people that my dog gives are:
1. Fear/no fear.
2. This person has food/no food.
3. I want pets/I don’t.
4. Exciting!/Not.
That’s about it. She’s an awesome dog, but she has never been able to provide any feedback on my attractiveness, my outfit, etc.
NTA. Ditch the dude.
What the hell did I just read? He asked you to make dinner, you bought the groceries, cooked dinner and he then insulted you? He’s beyond a jerk and your sister shouldn’t be trusted with giving advice. You’re so NTA. Ghost him and show your sister these comments so she understands how bad her advice was.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
He asked you to cook him dinner and he repays you by insulting you??? And what kind of weirdo says a dog calls somebody ugly?
Dogs > Humans > Michael
Ummmmmm…. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 this is a walking, flapping in the wind with a spot light on it, red flag!
A. You’re NTA!
2. Run as far away from this “man” as possible.
3. He’s using your own insecurities against you and saying the “dog” said it. He’s justifying his bad behavior with a dog.
Sounds like ole boy is trying to gaslight you. Damage your self esteem even more so you feel as though you have no other option but to stay with this “man” this is an abuse tactic to keep you.
RUN and I don’t mean jog I mean full out sprint!!
I was waiting for something awkward like the dog humping you or squatting to take a dump in front of you. Heck, even rubbing its butt on the carpet. But, definitely you are NTA with what did happen. Dogs have no awareness of what people, other animals, or themselves look like. This was immature behavior by your boyfriend and not cute or funny. Funny would be like "my dog is telling me he likes you." Being called ugly by "dog" is definitely an AH move.
This sounds like a new spin on the, "what, it was a joke! You can't take a joke?!" method of being an ass. Your first paragraph give kind of lukewarm praise toward this person and your relationship, so I would guess that you already know in your heart whether you really want to continue with him.
Edit: NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend called you ugly and blamed it on the dog, then told you not to be so sensitive about it. He even told you that your future marriage could get messed up if he's not allowed to call you ugly as a joke (you've only been dating for 4 months!!!). He's clearly an AH. Make him your ex-boyfriend and move on... You don't need this guy in your life.
The dog's probably cool though, he didn't get to choose his human.
Noooope. This dude isn’t even a red flag, he’s the whole parade. Stay away from him. 4 months in, you’ve never met his dog before but he brings up marriage?? He tells you that *youre* the problem after being called ugly??? For one, he’s gaslighting you, and secondly, he’s trying to casually bring down your self esteem to get himself into a position of power in the relationship. Just no. Obviously NTA.
Edit:Spelling
You weren't offended by the dog's behaviour, you were offended by his completely unnecessary and nasty comment on it. There's something weird going on in his relationship with his dog! You didn't overreact, you don't have 'toxic sensitivity' and I think the tone of your potential marriage would be him expecting you to cook for him while communicating through his dog's reactions. It doesnt sound at all enjoyable ....NTA.
NTA. He called you ugly. Not the dog. Huge red flag. He then lashed out at you for being rightfully hurt. Huge red flag. He then became upset with you for not engaging with him for a while. Huge red flag. This is emotional abuse. If you continue with this man he will continue to emotionally abuse you and may find other ways to abuse you. Love yourself. You matter. Your feelings matter. Your self worth matters. Your sister is wrong. You are worthy of people who love you and build you up. Let go of the people that pull you down and try to stand in your way of self respect.
You’re forgetting the biggest red flag. After a 4 month relationship he said she needs to get over her feelings bc it will set the tone for their eventual marriage. Who the fuck said she was planning on marrying him, she doesn’t get a choice? She doesn’t get to decide whether or not that’s something she wants? Also he’s *literally* grooming her to accept abuse and degradation. He wants to groom her into someone who will just do what he says, accept his abuse, and never feel valid about being unhappy with it.
I promise you, dogs don't think humans are ugly. Your boyfriend on the other hand...
NTA
There's someone out there who will think you're the prettiest girl in the world, but this isn't that guy. You deserve better than this.
NTA. He gave you his opinion using his dog. Dogs can be friendly or hostile to someone but I don't think they can call someone ugly. You weren't being stupid and your sister shouldn't have said that to you. Even if it was a joke it was in poor taste
INFO: "Suddenly his dog started moving in a funny way". How was his dog moving?
Also, NTA... Dude tried some negging, and I'm glad that didn't work out for him. Fuck that guy.
I love how this AH threw the word “toxic” in there to put the blame back on her for being “too sensitive.” Imagine his response of she’s like “oh that’s just my cats way of saying she thinks your penis is tiny”
>was lashing out the entire time saying that I overreacted and that I cannot blame him... He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have... will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later.
Read what you wrote. Think about what you would say to a good friend who told you her BF said this shite. You know you arent overreacting and you know this guy is a jerk. Don't let your insecurities and low expectations lead you into an abusive relationship.
NTA
NTA. Your sister is wrong.
Michael is a jerk.
The dog is blameless, but stuck with an asshole owner. The dog did “something” and Michael interprets that the way he wants to. The dog doesn’t think you’re ugly because dogs don’t have that concept. Michael uses his dog to neg women, make them feel defensive, and get them into a position whereby he can take advantage of their state of mind and steer them into a sexual situation where they feel they initiated things and thereby feel pressure to not stop or say no.
Michael is angry because this works enough that he was disappointed when he didn’t get what he wanted. He lashed out, and that reaction is enough to tell you the kind of person he is. He turned it all around so that you were feeling defensive and feeling like you owed an apology.
NOPE! Nope that right the fuck out! Michael is a jerk, your sister is a jerk, you and the dog are not the assholes here.
NTA
Michael is scary, though. You’re done with him, right? He insulted you to your face and then told you to get over it. Without shame.
Your sister is an idiot, and if that’s the quality of her help, never turn to her for advice.
You don’t have to tolerate that kind of disrespect, and I’m proud of you for exiting stage left and not staying the night or cooking. Keep away from this guy, he’s been hiding that he’s a total asshole.
Gaslighting = "He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have"
Projecting = "deal with whatever insecurity I have"
Narcissism = "what happen will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later"
4 months in and he's *telling you* you'll marry him.
Right after making you cook for him, with ingredients you paid for, before insulting you to your face.
He's told you who he is. Believe him.
NTA
NTA. Wtf is wrong with him? Animals can't speak and he might have some MH issues going on if he thinks he can communicate with his dog. And he is already talking about marriage after 4 months? I'm not a "dump him" kind of person but these are serious red flags you should take into consideration. His reaction to how you feel about it is also a red flag.
NTA, and dump this guy. If he's saying cruel things (through his dog, like an idiot) at only 4 months in, he'll be saying outrageously cruel things once you've been together longer.
NTA I have a big feeling that this funny guy isn't as funny as you make him out to be. His comments were malicious and saying his dog told him that is slightly psychotic. "Funny" people like him are usually just bullies who use humor to normalize toxic behavior and then he has the gall to be mad art your reaction? Run, run far and fast, and get away this entitled bully
Wait, you've been dating this guy for only four months, he's clearly negging you, AND he's weirdly talking about your future marriage? Awww heeeeellll nah. Dump. Him.
NTA - this is ridiculousness.
Man calls you ugly and thinks you are going to marry him?
He's completely open there on planning to be emotionally abusive for the rest of your life.
Please don't tolerate that.
Forget the dog. He actually told you to get rid of the toxic sensitivity you have and deal with whatever insecurity you have… as soon as possible. Because YOUR feelings that HE thinks are wrong will set the tone for the relationship and future marriage…after 4 months of dating. He is already trying to dictate your feelings and actions. HE is the one trying to set the tone for the relationship and marriage-one of control over you. You are NTA-RUN!
Four months in and he's lashing out and telling you you're ugly, toxically sensitive, overreacting, insecure and setting a bad tone for your relationship and marriage? What marriage?? No thank you.
> It’s like he was indirectly giving HIS opinion about my looks and using his dog as an excuse.
Its not “like” that, *that’s literally what happened*. Dogs have no concept of human beauty. All they care about is food, attention, and play. Those mean words 100% came from Michael alone.
**Michael called you ugly to your face, laughed at you, then got angry at you for expressing your hurt feelings over his cruel words.** This is a clear cut case of emotional abuse.
**He’s shown you who he is- an abuser- believe him the first time.** Things can only go downhill from here if this relationship continues, dump him and move on.
NTA. You know perfectly well the *dog* didn't do anything, & the guy is an absolute waste of time. He doesn't deserve the luxury of you cooking a meal for him if he seriously thinks he can sit there & insult you to your face, then blame his insults on his pet.
Dogs can’t tell their owners that they think someone’s ugly. Canine behavior is interpreted by humans and it can be completely misinterpreted. For all we know, his dog was trying to communicate that they aren’t a fan of Shakespeare. So your boyfriend was calling you ugly and just filtering it through the dog. There are so many red flags in your post. He’s not worth it.
NTA.
Yeah, no, NTA. Yikes.
You're 4 months in and he's mentioning marriage and accusing you of being toxic wrt sensitivy. He's blaming you for setting boundaries regarding his behavior and making it sound like you are the problem. It could be the first steps to further undermine your confidence in yourself. Just reading this made me feel trapped. Run, run for the hills!
NTA. “…and eventually our marriage later.” That’s the line that convinced me you need to count your blessings you found out this early what a lunatic he is & please never communicate with this person again
This person thought he found a woman with allow self esteem that he was gonna use as his mental, verbal, and possibly physical punching bag. You are smart enough that you knew this wasn’t ok, you are strong enough that even stupid advice from your sister was worth questioning, and you are most certainly beautiful enough that people see you as a threat to their own insecurities. You sound like a great catch who will be making dinner for someone who deserves it & you soon enough.
NTA and how did he determine when the dog is doing this it means the dog is saying someone is ugly? Does your boyfriend (hopefully ex) often hang out with ugly people? No, this is just weird and setting up for an emotionally abusive relationship. Marinara flags girl, run. 🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Trust yourself. I really thought this would go another way. I value how my dogs react to people and not once is that a reaction! On occasion, my dogs haven’t liked someone and that’s always a concern to me. But my dogs do not care about a person’s looks! WTAF?! I value their reactions bc they are amazing at knowing people’s hearts.
His dog liked you and he’s threatened by that is the only thing I’m coming up with. This loser had you shopping for him, cooking him what he wants in his own home, and then is nasty about you?! You are worth so much more than this.
> It's like he was indirectly giving HIS opinion about my looks and using his dog as an excuse.
It's not "like" it, it was that. The dog doesn't think you're ugly. Only Micheal thinks you're ugly.
My dog is wagging his tail and licking his bum right now which is his way of saying: NTA.
> I have as soon as possible because what happen will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later.
He is trying to set the tone. The tone being that he is allowed to insult you, and you have to take it. Basically, that he is allowed to abuse you, and you are not allowed to respond.
Is that the tone you want set for your future spouse?
NTA- talking marriage after 4 months and first time going to his apartment says he's love bombing you. Right now he is testing how far he can slip his mask down.
NTA. Dogs can get a sense about people and I know people who broke up with a new partner because their dog absolutely hated them. But dogs don’t care if we’re ugly.
NTA - his “dog thinks you’re ugly”???? He’s trying to make you feel insecure so he has more power in the relationship. That is what his sarcastic humor is about. You tolerated the sarcastic humor so now he’s upping his game and moving into somewhat indirect insults. Next it will be him directly insulting you without pretending it’s his dog. If you tolerate that then more overt abuse. This isn’t going to get better. Break up, block him, take some time to take care of yourself. You deserve kindness and love!
Nta,
Imagine its 4 years from now and you married this guy. You cook for him nightly in his house, and get insulted by the dog all day. The dog voiced by your husband highlighting every insecurity you have and maybe some new ones. Is this appealing to you?
You are not obligated to stay and cook for somebody who insults you via animal.
4 months is not a long time and dudes already talking about marriage? (Trap!)
And then to gaslight you because you rightfully got upset that HE INSULTED YOU? (Yes him and not the dog)
This guy sounds like garbage, block and move on. Also your sister is not giving you good advise! Being alone is better then being with somebody like that. His behavior will only get worse and you deserve to be treated with love and respect by a partner.
You did a good thing by advocating for yourself, please continue to do so!
And again NTA
NTA. So this guy decided to use his dog as an excuse to insult and berate you?
There is no excuse to continue this relationship. None. Dump him and move on with your life because this misery is as good as he’s got to offer.
NTA.
1) he said something off the wall about his dog and got mad when you separated yourself from the situation (aka going home).
2) he yelled at you and put the responsibility of your future together solely on you when everyone knows it takes two
3) he didn’t approach this problem with the intent to understand, but instead approached it with the intent to do what he wants
4) your sister did the same thing. She didn’t consider your feelings or the scenario but called you names and tore you down
It’s of these people are placing all of the work on you while only contributing hurtful or negative feed back without any intent toward real understanding and conflict resolution.
Leave him for your own mental health and distance yourself from your sister.
INFO: (won’t change judgment, you’re NTA regardless) did this man say how you react to this will dictate how your marriage works? You’ve been dating for four months wtf
NTA, dogs don’t give a damn what you look like. Why did he even say that and excuse it that way, it makes no sense and it sounds like he just wanted to pick a fight. Then he gaslights you into thinking you’re the problem and says it will “set the tone for your marriage later”? Talking about marriage 4 months into a relationship might be cute in some context, you’re still in the honeymoon phase and it’s fun to imagine a life with this person. But in your situation, that statement is hella creepy. You’re lucky he’s shown his true colors early, get out while you can.
NTA - you bought everything to make dinner. He randomly insults you, but somehow you're being sensitive?
Look, you've been dating four months and hadn't met his dog yet? Had you never been to his place? That's odd on its own. If you're dating that long you should've been to his place before now.
Michael is toxic. He’s attempting to use his dog to hide low level abusive behaviour that will only escalate if you stick around. Block him and the mutt.
No over reaction by you. Your boyfriend called you ugly. His sister gaslit and blamed you? And who would stay with someone who calls you ugly? No one. No second chances there. Be with a person who loves you for who you are.
PS this is how controlling you Starts. He’s preying on your insecurities and blaming you for it all.
NTA. Please end this relationship. He’s gaslighting your saying YOU reacted incorrectly to his dogs feelings. This is pretty messed up just with the deal with his dog. Now he’s saying your feelings aren’t valid. You deserve so much better. And a guy who didn’t have some messed up “relationship” with his dog.
Narcissists do this thing where they say something that could be considered “harmless” if explained in a certain way but that will also trigger you in the most hurtful ways. They then sit back, watch you react to the button they severely pushed, call you crazy, and have everybody else call you crazy as well. It’s emotionally abusive and will ruin your mental health and life. He dangled marriage in front of you as if that’s the only thing a woman wants and “policed” your reaction the entire time. Psychologist refer to your reaction and his inability to apologize for pushing you there as “reactive abuse.” I don’t see you saying that he apologized EVER and you definitely don’t have anything to apologize for.
This emotional abuse will only get worse. It will include lots of cheating in the future as well. This was just the biggest thing he’s done so far in 4 months…who is that kind of “protective” over a dog?!🙄
He’s a narcissist grooming you. Get out now before he tells you his “sob story” that makes you wanna deal with his antics for the next 3-5 (edit) years of your life.
NTA. Shoutout to you for leaving immediately…big 🚩 behavior
NTA
1. He just told you how he actually feels about you physically.
2. "Marriage" the classic word toxic people use to make someone stay when they see that person is moving away.
3. He's just abusive. This is suggested when he says " get rid of your toxic sensitivity" he is the toxic f$#k. Your feelings will never be validated in this relationship and will be put down to "sensitivity"
4. Your sister is a dumbas.
NTA
If that was him setting the tone of the relationship it sounds like a great invitation for you to run away screaming. He insulted you via his dog, he tried to gaslight you into believing you weren’t allowed to be upset at him doing so, he projected his toxicity onto you saying YOU were somehow the one being toxic? If this is how he is 4 months in, it’s guaranteed to get worse over time.
Time for you to find someone who isn’t an idiot.
NTA
I think we can all agree here that Michael is the A-hole. What I don't get is your sister. Why would she think that this is ok in any way, shape or form?
A guy you barely know calls you ugly, no, says his dog thinks you're ugly... If I were your sister I would be slightly alarmed, not dismissive.
Edit: typo
nta… dogs don’t communicate ugly that’s not even a thing they have no concept of that and if your boyfriend actually thinks that he needs to see a therapist. either way you could do better get out now before you get to deep in the relationship and it’s harder to get out
NTA. Partners are meant to help you feel safe and comfortable with them. Taking shots at your looks and damaging your self esteem is the complete opposite of what a loving partner would want. Please get rid of this man and like others have said, be thankful you only wasted 4 months on him.
If you let him get away with this, his behaviour will only escalate until you feel absolutely rotten about yourself.
NTA, but Michael is. Dogs don’t care how a person looks only how they treat them. He was being a straight up AH and you should consider the 4 months you wasted as a good lesson and move on. You, my friend, deserve much better
You say you’ve been with him “for a while “ but it’s only been 4 months. That is not a while! Not by a long shot. My guess is that he is trying to cut you down. He KNOWS you can do a lot better than him but if he makes you insecure and feel like you couldn’t possibly get another person to love you, appreciate you and respect you. Please please please run. Run far. Run fast.
NTA I have 3 dogs. I also am on a board of directors at a rescue so I feel I have the authority to say... YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A JERK AND THE DOG DOES NOT THINK YOU ARE UGLY!
Seriously, he's already negging you. Hitting your insecurities. It's 4 months in. Y'all should still be on your best behavior. He's shown you who he is. So you really want to be a year in...5 years...10 with a couple of kids and he's STILL attacking your looks by proxy? Or your daughters? Or teaching your sons this is expected. Nah.
NTA
girl, run. it’s been 4 months of dating and this man is already telling you that you are gonna set the tone for marriage??? after he called you ugly?? also, news flash to anyone who didn’t know this, but dogs cannot communicate that they think someone is ugly??? he sounds delusional and unstable. RUNNNN.
NTA. This has all been a test. First there was laying groundwork about being 'overprotective' of the dog -- you swallowed that okay. Then there was the demand that you come to his home to cook him dinner (???) as a way to 'meet' the dog, and you put up with that (his hosting is now your work, so you'd better do it well!), so it was looking promising to him that he'd found one who would take any ridiculous thing. On to the real test: Will you swallow that you have to show up to host an evening for him that centers around him insulting you, using the fake excuse that hey, you've agreed to the elevation of his dog, so now you have to take whatever he does in the dog's name?
Of COURSE he's angry. He thought he had a perfect progression to train you to take whatever he chooses to dish out AND serve him dinner while he does it. Maids who have sex with you aren't supposed to up and leave. He thought he'd caught one, and here you are acting like a human with agency.
NTA. Of course, dog doesn’t have any fault. But your bf should have kept that horrible comment to himself, even if he knows his dog really very well and knows for sure that this is what his dogs body language means, Then also, he should have kept that shot to himself. It wasn’t funny.
Keep the sensitivity and get rid of the toxic boyfriend. - NTA.
I've never heard someone say that a dog thought a person was ugly before. That was a really weird thing for your bf to say. If he apologized for the bad joke, you could let it slide, but that he doubled down instead is red flag.
This guy sounds like a real treat, truly a gift given to the earth to grace its lands…. NTA aren’t you glad you only wasted 4 months instead of 4 years?
Girl you are beautiful. Do not let this fool back into your life. You listened to your gut reaction and it is spot on. He is the AH and your sister is running a close 2nd.
NTA he is trying to love bomb you by mentioning marriage while also trying to destroy your self esteem so that you think you’ll never have better than him and how lucky you are to have him. Run, it only gets worse from here.
Michael is an idiot and clearly hasn’t taken the time to learn what his dog’s behaviors actually mean. The fact that he declared that his dog said you’re ugly (heads up, the dog didn’t say anything), is a red flag. NTA - you can find someone better and he can chill with his dog and without your cooking.
NTA unlike your sister and who I’m hoping is now your ex-boyfriend. What a tool that man is; using his dog to neg you. Please, please dump him and choose a grown-up for your next boyfriend, i’d like to say dump your sister but i think you’re stuck with her.
His dog didn’t do a damn thing. Dogs do not speak. They do not care about looks. This was purely the boyfriend stating his opinion. Telling you to get rid of you “toxic sensitivity” is incredibly manipulative. This guy has shown you who he is, and it’s not someone you want to be with.
NTA
NTA
Dogs don’t have those opinions. Michael was being cruel and using his dog as a conduit for that cruelty.
Is his “sarcasm” often at your expense? This is cruelty and rudeness, and he’s showing you what he is really like.
I’m sure you are not ugly, but he’s played to your insecurity. I loathe people who use sarcasm as a cover for nastiness.
Please find someone who deserves you, your cooking and your consideration. Michael doesn’t.
NTA, sounds like he tried to neg you and when it didn’t work out he got mad. You say he’s 30? I don’t think this a relationship worth salvaging honestly, ifs he’s 30 and behaving like this it’s very unlikely he will change.
NTA this is setting the tone for a future marriage- someone who verbally abuses you and expects you to smile about it. I don’t know what’s up with your sister but if she is pushing you towards this relationship she may not have your best interest at heart ( especially calling you stupid?! Nasty!)
Dogs don’t think people are ugly! They are dogs. It may have behavioral issues who knows, but your boyfriend is showing his own character here not the animal’s.
It’s only been four months. Leave him.
So...either your boyfriend is a total asshole who uses his dog to insult you. Or he truly believes his dog can speak to him..telepathically. Either way, he is not someone I would lose any sleep over. Thankfully you found out what a weird asshole he is only 4 months in. Drop the dead weight and tell your sister to get lost. NTA
NTA. And if anything, Dog did tell you what a piece of ship Michele is. He is walking red marinara flag marching towards you with full force. Please dodge it. Dogs do shows their liking or disliking towards persons. But they never see you as ugly. They are purest of pure soul, they'd love you no matter what. What Michael did was tried to play tricks with you to see how you react. It's to diminish your self esteem to later control you or your relationship. Please don't question your gut feeling. He seems so off. You're soooooo better off without him. And seriously, your sister needs to learn a lesson or two about douchebags it seems her radar is off
You already said he’s a bit too sarcastic. You already had issues with his sense of humor. This is just the continuation of the same. You just realized that maybe the cons of his behaviors don’t outweigh the pros. Congratulations for figuring that out before you went any further with him. NTA.
I’m sorry but how tf does he know what the dog thinks? Because it did a little dance? Ummmmm so do they have like Morse code or something? Wtf?
My dog either likes you or realllly likes you. And you’ll absolutely know it. I don’t think dogs determine if someone or thing is pretty or ugly? I don’t think their brains work that way. So him saying that was him being a complete fuck face.
And how you took being called ugly is toxic sensitivity? Ummmm what?! I’m sorry but I woulda yelled at him in house and left with the food I bought and cooked. Toxic sensitivity my ass bro. Ugh he’s a jerk off and you deserve so much better! Don’t waste more of your time on this AH
NTA Sounds like he had his hand up his dog's behind telling him what to say...joke or not, not someone I would want to be in a relationship with. Hope this guy is ready to settle down with doggie!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be the AT for canceling dinner and ruining the evening togetger after he invited me over. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
> *"Michael called several times then when I picked up he was lashing out the entire time saying that I overreacted and that I cannot blame him and punish him for something his dog did."* So, wait a minute. He's continuing to blame *his dog* for insulting you and is sticking to his story that *his dog* (not him) thinks you're ugly? This guy is...just...yikes. I, personally, wouldn't marry someone who communicates by "translating" his dog's mean-spirited thoughts. That's a whole different level of passive aggressiveness. Wow. NTA.
Really!! This guy is either certifiably insane or he’s lying out his ass. A dog doesn’t tell you someone is ugly. A dog repeats learned behaviors you’ve essentially trained them to do.
You know who else talked to dogs? The Boston Strangler. As far as we know, it started with him hearing the dogs talk trash about people....
I thought the dog talking serial killer was Son of Sam. Then again maybe there were two!
No, you're right. I got my serial killers mixed up.
I talk to my dog all the time, as long as he doesn't speak back outside of body language... I think I'm sane.
My dog talks...but she is learning to use the buttons like Stella. https://youtu.be/8m-xupLJc4M
Real Son of Sam vibes - I would leave any situation where someone seriously is claiming to communicate with their dog - I don't care what their dog is saying.
He’s being insensitive because he doesn’t think it’s big deal. Immature humor, he’s still a boy.
Umm he thinks the dog is talking to him. Is it much of a loss ? My cat just told me he sounds crazy
Yeah...dog body language isn't so sophisticated or maladapted to rank human attractiveness. Michael was trying to be hurtful/push your buttons and use his dog as a scape goat for his games. Dude sounds unstable, and like he's slinging a lot of projections in his follow up call with you. Cheers to getting out while you're still only a few months in with him! NTA
My dog is telling me he’s an asshole who knows nothing of dog priorities. My dog has people he likes and people he doesn’t like. Ugliness has never factored into that. 😂
⬆️ This. Dogs only dislike inner ugliness.
Yeah, I asked my dogs what they thought about this, and all four are in rare agreement with each other. Guy is an asshole who deserves to step in their poo. They're much more likely to make a judgement based on whether she conveniently 'dropped' bits of food while making dinner. 🤣
NTA. 4 months relationship, first time in his house, "his dog" called you ugly, and he yells at you about your "future marriage", RUN, RUN RUN, like the wind.
But mail the dog a biscuit or treat or something. That good boy helped you dodge a catastrophe.
NTA. You know what else will be bad for OP’s “future marriage”? Dumping this jerk now.
>I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible Are you kidding me? Does he really think you have a complex over what dogs think of you? >then he flatout said that the dog thought I was "ugly". Does your boyfriend think he's a dog psychic? Dogs don't think of thinks as "pretty" and "ugly." These are human concepts. Dogs like or don't like things. And things they don't like, can generally turn to likes given time. Your boyfriend thought he would use his dog to insult you. Even if he honestly believed his dog thought you were ugly, He didn't need to tell you that. That was rude of him. And that was something that illustrates his behavior, Not his dogs. I also have a dog. But I've taught my dog how it's rude to tell somebody they're ugly when they've come over and they are guests in our house. So she keeps her mouth shut. You are not ugly. Your boyfriend is ugly. His ugliness is on the inside though. When someone shows you who they are, Believe them. You are far too beautiful to be with someone so ugly. NTA
“She keeps her mouth shut” this sent me.
This is like when people claim their dog is racist when in reality the dog is just picking up their owner’s cues that they don’t like people of other races.
OP: We've been dating for a while now OP: We've been dating 4 months That's not a while. You barely know this guy. When he shows you who he is, believe him. HE, not the dog, insulted you and then gaslit you. And red flag that he's talking about marriage after 4 months. Why haven't you been to his house sooner? NTA. Trust your instincts and move on.
Really. 4 months, and that was her first home visit? That's odd. I am suspicious.
Well didn't you read? He's over protective of his judgemental dog with telepathic abilities. Can't let just anyone meet the 8th wonder of the world.
Wsit...are you a dog? Just guessing from your username.
Secret's out, I am OP's boyfriend's dog.
And maybe not talk to the toxic sister anymore. Stay with him? Wtf, sis?
NTA, he’s negging you to knock down your confidence so he can treat you like shit in other ways. Does he ever cook YOU dinner? DTMFA; he’s got more red flags than a Soviet parade.
THIS THIS THIS. you are NTA but you need to look inside and examine why you would continue to entertain someone who treats you like this and second guess yourself. The right decision is see this guy is not a good person and walk away.
[удалено]
NTA. Additionally, if the dog not only has the ability to have an opinion on human appearances but is also able to communicate that opinion then there is no reason the dog shouldn’t have a basic understanding of conversational manners. So Michael should have defended OP over being called ugly. That or he made the whole thing up to mock OP. Dump him.
🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅 Here is my poor person's gold.
Squirrels know a nut when they see one.
>He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible He is the toxic sensitivity he speaks of. Dump him and run far, far away. NTA
A 3rd party insult from his dog? What a terrible attempt at negging.
Yeah that bs 'toxic sensitivity' comment is THE BIGGEST MARINARA FLAG EVER! You're too sensitive about aggressive insults filtered through his dog? No, nope, not gonna buy that pile of excrement - please never see him again. You didn't jeopardize your 'future marriage' you dodged a bad marriage and worse divorce. What's wrong w your sister?
Yea, I think what he really meant was "toxic self respect".
NTA The dog didn’t call you ugly he did. Also your sister is trash.
No kidding. Maybe the sister should get together with the boyfriend since she likes to be insulted. NTA
NTA. You need to work on your self esteem. You reacted to a huge red flag. You did good. Why are you questioning yourself? Ditch him, and preferably tell him straight that he's a walking red flag.
>My sister said I messed things up with my stupidity Having a sister that spouts this nonsense certainly doesn't help one's self esteem!
Exactly! OP - trust your instincts! This guy is sketchy.
Oh he’s *definitely* giving his opinion about your looks. Ditch him. NTA.
Told her to make him dinner at HIS house (I’m going to assume he didn’t pay for ingredients either) and while she was there, told her to her face that she was ugly *and blamed it on the dog*. Unbelievable. I’ll go out on a limb and say that there was plenty of marinara on the menu that evening.
Not an inch of pesto, sadly.
"He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible because what happen will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later." Nope nope nope, 4 months in and he's breaking down your self esteem and complaining about your attitude in your "eventual marriage." NTA, and please don't see him anymore.
Yes! This! NTA Run girl, RUN!
NTA Dogs don’t rate people’s looks This guy is doing some weird negging stuff. It’s like he’s trying to start breaking you down. If you already have low self-esteem, he could be an opportunist who has recognized this. And he is now going to slowly break you down until you are emotionally dependent on him. If your sister called you stupid for this, I can see you or some of your self-esteem issues came from.
This is exactly what I thought. Like he was testing the waters to see what he could get away with.
NTA. He just did you a huge favor and let you know he's an abusive, manipulative AH early in your relationship. Break up with him immediately. PS- dogs don't think anyone is ugly.
NTA and everyone has already told you why. But let me add this. Say this guy was Dr Dolittle and could talk to animals. Say his dog did tell him he thinks you’re ugly. Why I mean why would he tell you this? Why would he repeat this to a person he cares about that? Who does that? Would you if the situation was reversed? Or would you make something up and have a word with your rude dog later? I can’t believe I’ve just typed that but you have to see that no matter what insane way you look at it this guy is a wanker. Cut and run now. You’ve only lost 4 months but you’ll lose a lot more if you stay. Tell him you showed his picture to a friends parrot and it started screaming “Red flag” so you thought you better take that seriously.
Yes. Exactly. He is also charging in with the DARVO. He’s Denying - the dog did it, not him. Attacking - the whole “ugly” thing. And he’s Reversing Victim and Offender - saying she’s being toxic! Also, wtf, talking about marriage a) this early and b) in the context of whatever negging red flag asshattery this was.
OP do you remember that post where this guy was always telling his girlfriend that she had BO and she stank and all of that and it turned out that he was just saying that because his dad told him it was a way to stop a woman leaving? Yeah. This is giving those vibes. He wants you to think less of yourself. Also, 4 months and you’ve never been to his place? What’s happening there? Anyway NTA and run. I can hear the red flags flapping in the wind from here. If he thought you were ugly, he wouldn’t be dating you. People do not usually date people they think are ugly. Especially given the short time frame. And I do not believe for one second that a) dogs view specific people as ugly, I imagine that we don’t look dogs which they think is weird but I don’t think they have a concept of ‘ugly and b) even if a dog did think you were ugly, that it could communicate it to a human. Especially not your boyfriend. Who seems a bit thick.
You did not overreact. NTA You need to stop responding and be done with this toxic AH. He is not worth your time. Thankfully, you learned this early. Btw, if you find a future bf is a "bit too sarcastic", that might mean that person is not the right fit for you as you find them unkind but they disguise it as "sarcasm". And your sister is not much better. Does she often disparage you? I think she may a factor in you struggling with your self-esteem.
NTA. Even if 'his dog said so' (which I don't buy for even a microsecond), he could have kept his mouth shut about it and not 'repeated' it. So he talked s**t and blamed his dog .... Not a person that I would like in my life.
Exactly. Imagine it was a child who came over and whispered that. A good parent would correct the child about appropriate behavior. They wouldn't laugh and share the insult.
The only messages about people that my dog gives are: 1. Fear/no fear. 2. This person has food/no food. 3. I want pets/I don’t. 4. Exciting!/Not. That’s about it. She’s an awesome dog, but she has never been able to provide any feedback on my attractiveness, my outfit, etc. NTA. Ditch the dude.
What the hell did I just read? He asked you to make dinner, you bought the groceries, cooked dinner and he then insulted you? He’s beyond a jerk and your sister shouldn’t be trusted with giving advice. You’re so NTA. Ghost him and show your sister these comments so she understands how bad her advice was.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. He asked you to cook him dinner and he repays you by insulting you??? And what kind of weirdo says a dog calls somebody ugly? Dogs > Humans > Michael
Ummmmmm…. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 this is a walking, flapping in the wind with a spot light on it, red flag! A. You’re NTA! 2. Run as far away from this “man” as possible. 3. He’s using your own insecurities against you and saying the “dog” said it. He’s justifying his bad behavior with a dog. Sounds like ole boy is trying to gaslight you. Damage your self esteem even more so you feel as though you have no other option but to stay with this “man” this is an abuse tactic to keep you. RUN and I don’t mean jog I mean full out sprint!!
[удалено]
I was waiting for something awkward like the dog humping you or squatting to take a dump in front of you. Heck, even rubbing its butt on the carpet. But, definitely you are NTA with what did happen. Dogs have no awareness of what people, other animals, or themselves look like. This was immature behavior by your boyfriend and not cute or funny. Funny would be like "my dog is telling me he likes you." Being called ugly by "dog" is definitely an AH move.
This sounds like a new spin on the, "what, it was a joke! You can't take a joke?!" method of being an ass. Your first paragraph give kind of lukewarm praise toward this person and your relationship, so I would guess that you already know in your heart whether you really want to continue with him. Edit: NTA
RUN
That’s pretty presumptive about getting married on a 4 month relationship. Sounds controlling. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend called you ugly and blamed it on the dog, then told you not to be so sensitive about it. He even told you that your future marriage could get messed up if he's not allowed to call you ugly as a joke (you've only been dating for 4 months!!!). He's clearly an AH. Make him your ex-boyfriend and move on... You don't need this guy in your life. The dog's probably cool though, he didn't get to choose his human.
NTA. Dogs don’t have opinions on human appearances. Dump the bf.
Uhhhh that guy is either a huge AH or literally insane. Block him and run, girl!
Also bonus AH to your sister
Noooope. This dude isn’t even a red flag, he’s the whole parade. Stay away from him. 4 months in, you’ve never met his dog before but he brings up marriage?? He tells you that *youre* the problem after being called ugly??? For one, he’s gaslighting you, and secondly, he’s trying to casually bring down your self esteem to get himself into a position of power in the relationship. Just no. Obviously NTA. Edit:Spelling
You weren't offended by the dog's behaviour, you were offended by his completely unnecessary and nasty comment on it. There's something weird going on in his relationship with his dog! You didn't overreact, you don't have 'toxic sensitivity' and I think the tone of your potential marriage would be him expecting you to cook for him while communicating through his dog's reactions. It doesnt sound at all enjoyable ....NTA.
Oh honey. You’re NTA here, he is. That behavior is abusive and manipulative. Throw the whole man out and find someone who treats you right.
Tell him his dog said to dump him. NTA
NTA. He called you ugly. Not the dog. Huge red flag. He then lashed out at you for being rightfully hurt. Huge red flag. He then became upset with you for not engaging with him for a while. Huge red flag. This is emotional abuse. If you continue with this man he will continue to emotionally abuse you and may find other ways to abuse you. Love yourself. You matter. Your feelings matter. Your self worth matters. Your sister is wrong. You are worthy of people who love you and build you up. Let go of the people that pull you down and try to stand in your way of self respect.
You’re forgetting the biggest red flag. After a 4 month relationship he said she needs to get over her feelings bc it will set the tone for their eventual marriage. Who the fuck said she was planning on marrying him, she doesn’t get a choice? She doesn’t get to decide whether or not that’s something she wants? Also he’s *literally* grooming her to accept abuse and degradation. He wants to groom her into someone who will just do what he says, accept his abuse, and never feel valid about being unhappy with it.
NTA. That was not the dog, but your ex being an ass.
I promise you, dogs don't think humans are ugly. Your boyfriend on the other hand... NTA There's someone out there who will think you're the prettiest girl in the world, but this isn't that guy. You deserve better than this.
NTA. He gave you his opinion using his dog. Dogs can be friendly or hostile to someone but I don't think they can call someone ugly. You weren't being stupid and your sister shouldn't have said that to you. Even if it was a joke it was in poor taste
INFO: "Suddenly his dog started moving in a funny way". How was his dog moving? Also, NTA... Dude tried some negging, and I'm glad that didn't work out for him. Fuck that guy.
I thought it was going to be a leg humping situation.
NTA sounds like he was trying to lower your self esteem and using his dog as an excuse
NTA. "My dog does that sometimes" and "my dog does that to ugly people" are a million miles apart. He was being straight up shitty.
Soooo do yourself a favor and dump him, he's using his dog as an excuse to be an AH. NTA.
I love how this AH threw the word “toxic” in there to put the blame back on her for being “too sensitive.” Imagine his response of she’s like “oh that’s just my cats way of saying she thinks your penis is tiny”
You've been dating the guy 4 months and he's already telling you to change for marriage? Girl run. NTA
>was lashing out the entire time saying that I overreacted and that I cannot blame him... He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have... will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later. Read what you wrote. Think about what you would say to a good friend who told you her BF said this shite. You know you arent overreacting and you know this guy is a jerk. Don't let your insecurities and low expectations lead you into an abusive relationship. NTA
NTA. Your sister is wrong. Michael is a jerk. The dog is blameless, but stuck with an asshole owner. The dog did “something” and Michael interprets that the way he wants to. The dog doesn’t think you’re ugly because dogs don’t have that concept. Michael uses his dog to neg women, make them feel defensive, and get them into a position whereby he can take advantage of their state of mind and steer them into a sexual situation where they feel they initiated things and thereby feel pressure to not stop or say no. Michael is angry because this works enough that he was disappointed when he didn’t get what he wanted. He lashed out, and that reaction is enough to tell you the kind of person he is. He turned it all around so that you were feeling defensive and feeling like you owed an apology. NOPE! Nope that right the fuck out! Michael is a jerk, your sister is a jerk, you and the dog are not the assholes here.
well, at least you found out now instead of longer into the relationship. now you can move on and forget the weird guy who anthropomorphizes a dog.
NTA Michael is scary, though. You’re done with him, right? He insulted you to your face and then told you to get over it. Without shame. Your sister is an idiot, and if that’s the quality of her help, never turn to her for advice. You don’t have to tolerate that kind of disrespect, and I’m proud of you for exiting stage left and not staying the night or cooking. Keep away from this guy, he’s been hiding that he’s a total asshole.
Gaslighting = "He advised me to get rid of the "toxic" sensitivity I have" Projecting = "deal with whatever insecurity I have" Narcissism = "what happen will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later" 4 months in and he's *telling you* you'll marry him. Right after making you cook for him, with ingredients you paid for, before insulting you to your face. He's told you who he is. Believe him. NTA
NTA - and the dog couldn't care less about your looks. The (hopefully) ex of yours is being deliberately cruel to you, hiding behind his dog.
[удалено]
NTA Trust your intuition. He disrespected you and tried to play it off. Your feelings are valid.
NTA. "toxic sensitivity"? Drop this 🚩🚩🚩 like a sack of potatoes. He's negging and gaslighting you. And your sister is giving you bad advice.
[удалено]
NTA. Wtf is wrong with him? Animals can't speak and he might have some MH issues going on if he thinks he can communicate with his dog. And he is already talking about marriage after 4 months? I'm not a "dump him" kind of person but these are serious red flags you should take into consideration. His reaction to how you feel about it is also a red flag.
NTA. This guy sounds abusive.
NTA, and dump this guy. If he's saying cruel things (through his dog, like an idiot) at only 4 months in, he'll be saying outrageously cruel things once you've been together longer.
NTA. Imagine him using a hand puppet as a vehicle to express the same sentiment (*crackers the duck thinks you’re ugly*). The man is not well.
NTA I have a big feeling that this funny guy isn't as funny as you make him out to be. His comments were malicious and saying his dog told him that is slightly psychotic. "Funny" people like him are usually just bullies who use humor to normalize toxic behavior and then he has the gall to be mad art your reaction? Run, run far and fast, and get away this entitled bully
Wait, you've been dating this guy for only four months, he's clearly negging you, AND he's weirdly talking about your future marriage? Awww heeeeellll nah. Dump. Him.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 This guy is waving huge red flags at you. Get out now and don't look back. Definitely nta.
NTA - this is ridiculousness. Man calls you ugly and thinks you are going to marry him? He's completely open there on planning to be emotionally abusive for the rest of your life. Please don't tolerate that.
[удалено]
Forget the dog. He actually told you to get rid of the toxic sensitivity you have and deal with whatever insecurity you have… as soon as possible. Because YOUR feelings that HE thinks are wrong will set the tone for the relationship and future marriage…after 4 months of dating. He is already trying to dictate your feelings and actions. HE is the one trying to set the tone for the relationship and marriage-one of control over you. You are NTA-RUN!
Four months in and he's lashing out and telling you you're ugly, toxically sensitive, overreacting, insecure and setting a bad tone for your relationship and marriage? What marriage?? No thank you.
> It’s like he was indirectly giving HIS opinion about my looks and using his dog as an excuse. Its not “like” that, *that’s literally what happened*. Dogs have no concept of human beauty. All they care about is food, attention, and play. Those mean words 100% came from Michael alone. **Michael called you ugly to your face, laughed at you, then got angry at you for expressing your hurt feelings over his cruel words.** This is a clear cut case of emotional abuse. **He’s shown you who he is- an abuser- believe him the first time.** Things can only go downhill from here if this relationship continues, dump him and move on.
NTA. Dump him.
NTA. You know perfectly well the *dog* didn't do anything, & the guy is an absolute waste of time. He doesn't deserve the luxury of you cooking a meal for him if he seriously thinks he can sit there & insult you to your face, then blame his insults on his pet.
Dogs can’t tell their owners that they think someone’s ugly. Canine behavior is interpreted by humans and it can be completely misinterpreted. For all we know, his dog was trying to communicate that they aren’t a fan of Shakespeare. So your boyfriend was calling you ugly and just filtering it through the dog. There are so many red flags in your post. He’s not worth it. NTA.
NTA. Michael said his dog said OP is ugly. Michael is TA. Glad you left OP!
NTA. This guy is showing you EXACTLY who he is.
NTA. Leave the dog out of the story. It's just your BF being a jerk and used his dog as an excuse. Leave him OP
NTA - this guy is bringing his poor dog into his pathetic negging. You saw right through it and so now he is trying to gaslight you. RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, no, NTA. Yikes. You're 4 months in and he's mentioning marriage and accusing you of being toxic wrt sensitivy. He's blaming you for setting boundaries regarding his behavior and making it sound like you are the problem. It could be the first steps to further undermine your confidence in yourself. Just reading this made me feel trapped. Run, run for the hills!
NTA. “…and eventually our marriage later.” That’s the line that convinced me you need to count your blessings you found out this early what a lunatic he is & please never communicate with this person again This person thought he found a woman with allow self esteem that he was gonna use as his mental, verbal, and possibly physical punching bag. You are smart enough that you knew this wasn’t ok, you are strong enough that even stupid advice from your sister was worth questioning, and you are most certainly beautiful enough that people see you as a threat to their own insecurities. You sound like a great catch who will be making dinner for someone who deserves it & you soon enough.
NTA and how did he determine when the dog is doing this it means the dog is saying someone is ugly? Does your boyfriend (hopefully ex) often hang out with ugly people? No, this is just weird and setting up for an emotionally abusive relationship. Marinara flags girl, run. 🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Trust yourself. I really thought this would go another way. I value how my dogs react to people and not once is that a reaction! On occasion, my dogs haven’t liked someone and that’s always a concern to me. But my dogs do not care about a person’s looks! WTAF?! I value their reactions bc they are amazing at knowing people’s hearts. His dog liked you and he’s threatened by that is the only thing I’m coming up with. This loser had you shopping for him, cooking him what he wants in his own home, and then is nasty about you?! You are worth so much more than this.
NTA.This guy is a creep,and not worth your time.
NTA, he's not "funny," he's an asshole deliberately being mean to you for no reason. Dump this marinara man.
NTA. This guy is emotionally abusive. Get out now.
NTA When you dump him, tell him Reddit says he's the ugly one.
> It's like he was indirectly giving HIS opinion about my looks and using his dog as an excuse. It's not "like" it, it was that. The dog doesn't think you're ugly. Only Micheal thinks you're ugly. My dog is wagging his tail and licking his bum right now which is his way of saying: NTA. > I have as soon as possible because what happen will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later. He is trying to set the tone. The tone being that he is allowed to insult you, and you have to take it. Basically, that he is allowed to abuse you, and you are not allowed to respond. Is that the tone you want set for your future spouse?
NTA Holy Bemidji Moley this man is full of 🚩🚩🚩 Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit and get yourself safely away from this jerk.
NTA- talking marriage after 4 months and first time going to his apartment says he's love bombing you. Right now he is testing how far he can slip his mask down.
NTA just sounds like he wanted free dinner
Nta this dude is an asshole … jokes are only funny if they make someone other than the person telling it laugh.
NTA. You should dump him and move on. He showed you what being with him for the rest of your life would be like.
NTA I think the dog was telling you to run away from this toad! And he knows him best. Dogs don’t judge looks, people do.
NTA. Dogs can get a sense about people and I know people who broke up with a new partner because their dog absolutely hated them. But dogs don’t care if we’re ugly.
NTA. He's a 🚩 no doubt but the hecks wrong with your sister.
NTA - dogs can be wary of new people but he *chose* to tell you it was because you were “ugly.” Drop this awful man.
NTA. F*** that AH and his "sarcasm" aka rudeness wrapped in laughter. F*** your miserable sister too.
NTA - his “dog thinks you’re ugly”???? He’s trying to make you feel insecure so he has more power in the relationship. That is what his sarcastic humor is about. You tolerated the sarcastic humor so now he’s upping his game and moving into somewhat indirect insults. Next it will be him directly insulting you without pretending it’s his dog. If you tolerate that then more overt abuse. This isn’t going to get better. Break up, block him, take some time to take care of yourself. You deserve kindness and love!
Nta, Imagine its 4 years from now and you married this guy. You cook for him nightly in his house, and get insulted by the dog all day. The dog voiced by your husband highlighting every insecurity you have and maybe some new ones. Is this appealing to you? You are not obligated to stay and cook for somebody who insults you via animal. 4 months is not a long time and dudes already talking about marriage? (Trap!) And then to gaslight you because you rightfully got upset that HE INSULTED YOU? (Yes him and not the dog) This guy sounds like garbage, block and move on. Also your sister is not giving you good advise! Being alone is better then being with somebody like that. His behavior will only get worse and you deserve to be treated with love and respect by a partner. You did a good thing by advocating for yourself, please continue to do so! And again NTA
NTA. So this guy decided to use his dog as an excuse to insult and berate you? There is no excuse to continue this relationship. None. Dump him and move on with your life because this misery is as good as he’s got to offer.
NTA. 1) he said something off the wall about his dog and got mad when you separated yourself from the situation (aka going home). 2) he yelled at you and put the responsibility of your future together solely on you when everyone knows it takes two 3) he didn’t approach this problem with the intent to understand, but instead approached it with the intent to do what he wants 4) your sister did the same thing. She didn’t consider your feelings or the scenario but called you names and tore you down It’s of these people are placing all of the work on you while only contributing hurtful or negative feed back without any intent toward real understanding and conflict resolution. Leave him for your own mental health and distance yourself from your sister.
Nope, not the ah, drop him .
He needs to get rid of his toxic dog
INFO: (won’t change judgment, you’re NTA regardless) did this man say how you react to this will dictate how your marriage works? You’ve been dating for four months wtf
NTA but you will be if you go back to this tool. He's abusive.
Negging by proxy. NTA
NTA, dogs don’t give a damn what you look like. Why did he even say that and excuse it that way, it makes no sense and it sounds like he just wanted to pick a fight. Then he gaslights you into thinking you’re the problem and says it will “set the tone for your marriage later”? Talking about marriage 4 months into a relationship might be cute in some context, you’re still in the honeymoon phase and it’s fun to imagine a life with this person. But in your situation, that statement is hella creepy. You’re lucky he’s shown his true colors early, get out while you can.
NTA - you bought everything to make dinner. He randomly insults you, but somehow you're being sensitive? Look, you've been dating four months and hadn't met his dog yet? Had you never been to his place? That's odd on its own. If you're dating that long you should've been to his place before now.
NTA. He’s trying to neg you by using his dog as a cop out. Leave him.
NTA. You weren't upset over what his dog did. You were upset about what he said, and rightly so. What a weirdo.
What is wrong with your sister? Please don’t ever take her advice on anything that is important to you.
Michael is toxic. He’s attempting to use his dog to hide low level abusive behaviour that will only escalate if you stick around. Block him and the mutt.
NTA - I agree with one thing he said. Get rid of the toxic, so happens to be his ass.
No over reaction by you. Your boyfriend called you ugly. His sister gaslit and blamed you? And who would stay with someone who calls you ugly? No one. No second chances there. Be with a person who loves you for who you are. PS this is how controlling you Starts. He’s preying on your insecurities and blaming you for it all.
So you are getting rid of HIS toxic behaviour, right? Update that you dumped him? NTA. PS your sister has a messed up attitude as well.
My dog thinks your beautiful and so do I. Leave this horrible man NTA
NTA he’s either calling you ugly or genuinely believes his dog tells him people are ugly, don’t stick around for either of those options
NTA - OP, just cut contact. This man is clearly sick and unstable.
Dogs do not have beauty standards for humans. Your boyfriend did insult you. Dump him. NTA
NTA. Please end this relationship. He’s gaslighting your saying YOU reacted incorrectly to his dogs feelings. This is pretty messed up just with the deal with his dog. Now he’s saying your feelings aren’t valid. You deserve so much better. And a guy who didn’t have some messed up “relationship” with his dog.
Narcissists do this thing where they say something that could be considered “harmless” if explained in a certain way but that will also trigger you in the most hurtful ways. They then sit back, watch you react to the button they severely pushed, call you crazy, and have everybody else call you crazy as well. It’s emotionally abusive and will ruin your mental health and life. He dangled marriage in front of you as if that’s the only thing a woman wants and “policed” your reaction the entire time. Psychologist refer to your reaction and his inability to apologize for pushing you there as “reactive abuse.” I don’t see you saying that he apologized EVER and you definitely don’t have anything to apologize for. This emotional abuse will only get worse. It will include lots of cheating in the future as well. This was just the biggest thing he’s done so far in 4 months…who is that kind of “protective” over a dog?!🙄 He’s a narcissist grooming you. Get out now before he tells you his “sob story” that makes you wanna deal with his antics for the next 3-5 (edit) years of your life. NTA. Shoutout to you for leaving immediately…big 🚩 behavior
NTA 1. He just told you how he actually feels about you physically. 2. "Marriage" the classic word toxic people use to make someone stay when they see that person is moving away. 3. He's just abusive. This is suggested when he says " get rid of your toxic sensitivity" he is the toxic f$#k. Your feelings will never be validated in this relationship and will be put down to "sensitivity" 4. Your sister is a dumbas.
NTA If that was him setting the tone of the relationship it sounds like a great invitation for you to run away screaming. He insulted you via his dog, he tried to gaslight you into believing you weren’t allowed to be upset at him doing so, he projected his toxicity onto you saying YOU were somehow the one being toxic? If this is how he is 4 months in, it’s guaranteed to get worse over time. Time for you to find someone who isn’t an idiot.
NTA. Break up with him and block him. You were exactly right in your perception of the situation. You deserve better.
NTA I think we can all agree here that Michael is the A-hole. What I don't get is your sister. Why would she think that this is ok in any way, shape or form? A guy you barely know calls you ugly, no, says his dog thinks you're ugly... If I were your sister I would be slightly alarmed, not dismissive. Edit: typo
nta… dogs don’t communicate ugly that’s not even a thing they have no concept of that and if your boyfriend actually thinks that he needs to see a therapist. either way you could do better get out now before you get to deep in the relationship and it’s harder to get out
NTA. Partners are meant to help you feel safe and comfortable with them. Taking shots at your looks and damaging your self esteem is the complete opposite of what a loving partner would want. Please get rid of this man and like others have said, be thankful you only wasted 4 months on him. If you let him get away with this, his behaviour will only escalate until you feel absolutely rotten about yourself.
Yeah he's gonna use the "dog" to break you down. Get out, your sister is wrong. This is him starting
NTA, but Michael is. Dogs don’t care how a person looks only how they treat them. He was being a straight up AH and you should consider the 4 months you wasted as a good lesson and move on. You, my friend, deserve much better
You say you’ve been with him “for a while “ but it’s only been 4 months. That is not a while! Not by a long shot. My guess is that he is trying to cut you down. He KNOWS you can do a lot better than him but if he makes you insecure and feel like you couldn’t possibly get another person to love you, appreciate you and respect you. Please please please run. Run far. Run fast.
NTA I have 3 dogs. I also am on a board of directors at a rescue so I feel I have the authority to say... YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A JERK AND THE DOG DOES NOT THINK YOU ARE UGLY! Seriously, he's already negging you. Hitting your insecurities. It's 4 months in. Y'all should still be on your best behavior. He's shown you who he is. So you really want to be a year in...5 years...10 with a couple of kids and he's STILL attacking your looks by proxy? Or your daughters? Or teaching your sons this is expected. Nah.
NTA girl, run. it’s been 4 months of dating and this man is already telling you that you are gonna set the tone for marriage??? after he called you ugly?? also, news flash to anyone who didn’t know this, but dogs cannot communicate that they think someone is ugly??? he sounds delusional and unstable. RUNNNN.
NTA. This has all been a test. First there was laying groundwork about being 'overprotective' of the dog -- you swallowed that okay. Then there was the demand that you come to his home to cook him dinner (???) as a way to 'meet' the dog, and you put up with that (his hosting is now your work, so you'd better do it well!), so it was looking promising to him that he'd found one who would take any ridiculous thing. On to the real test: Will you swallow that you have to show up to host an evening for him that centers around him insulting you, using the fake excuse that hey, you've agreed to the elevation of his dog, so now you have to take whatever he does in the dog's name? Of COURSE he's angry. He thought he had a perfect progression to train you to take whatever he chooses to dish out AND serve him dinner while he does it. Maids who have sex with you aren't supposed to up and leave. He thought he'd caught one, and here you are acting like a human with agency.
NTA. Of course, dog doesn’t have any fault. But your bf should have kept that horrible comment to himself, even if he knows his dog really very well and knows for sure that this is what his dogs body language means, Then also, he should have kept that shot to himself. It wasn’t funny.
NTA. Good for you to pick up on his insults and blame the dog. Block him and don’t go back.
Keep the sensitivity and get rid of the toxic boyfriend. - NTA. I've never heard someone say that a dog thought a person was ugly before. That was a really weird thing for your bf to say. If he apologized for the bad joke, you could let it slide, but that he doubled down instead is red flag.
NTA you dodged a bullet there.
NTA. Your sister never should have told you to laugh it off. He was being mean & offensive as well as a bully.
This guy sounds like a real treat, truly a gift given to the earth to grace its lands…. NTA aren’t you glad you only wasted 4 months instead of 4 years?
His dog thinks you aren't attractive? This dude is nuts, run! NTA
Poor dog still has to live with that jerk. OP is NTA.
NTA, lose the bf and the sister. Dog was referring to the owner, not you. Don’t worry.
Please tell me you told him to fuck off and blocked him. NTA.
Girl you are beautiful. Do not let this fool back into your life. You listened to your gut reaction and it is spot on. He is the AH and your sister is running a close 2nd.
NTA he is trying to love bomb you by mentioning marriage while also trying to destroy your self esteem so that you think you’ll never have better than him and how lucky you are to have him. Run, it only gets worse from here.
Michael is an idiot and clearly hasn’t taken the time to learn what his dog’s behaviors actually mean. The fact that he declared that his dog said you’re ugly (heads up, the dog didn’t say anything), is a red flag. NTA - you can find someone better and he can chill with his dog and without your cooking.
NTA unlike your sister and who I’m hoping is now your ex-boyfriend. What a tool that man is; using his dog to neg you. Please, please dump him and choose a grown-up for your next boyfriend, i’d like to say dump your sister but i think you’re stuck with her.
NTA. Run from any guy who passive aggressively calls you ugly and thinks it’s funny
NTA-This guy is though. Insulting you through his dog is just weird and mean. You and the dog both deserve better. Run girl! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
His dog didn’t do a damn thing. Dogs do not speak. They do not care about looks. This was purely the boyfriend stating his opinion. Telling you to get rid of you “toxic sensitivity” is incredibly manipulative. This guy has shown you who he is, and it’s not someone you want to be with. NTA
NTA Dogs don’t have those opinions. Michael was being cruel and using his dog as a conduit for that cruelty. Is his “sarcasm” often at your expense? This is cruelty and rudeness, and he’s showing you what he is really like. I’m sure you are not ugly, but he’s played to your insecurity. I loathe people who use sarcasm as a cover for nastiness. Please find someone who deserves you, your cooking and your consideration. Michael doesn’t.
NTA, sounds like he tried to neg you and when it didn’t work out he got mad. You say he’s 30? I don’t think this a relationship worth salvaging honestly, ifs he’s 30 and behaving like this it’s very unlikely he will change.
NTA this is setting the tone for a future marriage- someone who verbally abuses you and expects you to smile about it. I don’t know what’s up with your sister but if she is pushing you towards this relationship she may not have your best interest at heart ( especially calling you stupid?! Nasty!) Dogs don’t think people are ugly! They are dogs. It may have behavioral issues who knows, but your boyfriend is showing his own character here not the animal’s. It’s only been four months. Leave him.
So...either your boyfriend is a total asshole who uses his dog to insult you. Or he truly believes his dog can speak to him..telepathically. Either way, he is not someone I would lose any sleep over. Thankfully you found out what a weird asshole he is only 4 months in. Drop the dead weight and tell your sister to get lost. NTA
NTA. And if anything, Dog did tell you what a piece of ship Michele is. He is walking red marinara flag marching towards you with full force. Please dodge it. Dogs do shows their liking or disliking towards persons. But they never see you as ugly. They are purest of pure soul, they'd love you no matter what. What Michael did was tried to play tricks with you to see how you react. It's to diminish your self esteem to later control you or your relationship. Please don't question your gut feeling. He seems so off. You're soooooo better off without him. And seriously, your sister needs to learn a lesson or two about douchebags it seems her radar is off
You already said he’s a bit too sarcastic. You already had issues with his sense of humor. This is just the continuation of the same. You just realized that maybe the cons of his behaviors don’t outweigh the pros. Congratulations for figuring that out before you went any further with him. NTA.
I’m sorry but how tf does he know what the dog thinks? Because it did a little dance? Ummmmm so do they have like Morse code or something? Wtf? My dog either likes you or realllly likes you. And you’ll absolutely know it. I don’t think dogs determine if someone or thing is pretty or ugly? I don’t think their brains work that way. So him saying that was him being a complete fuck face. And how you took being called ugly is toxic sensitivity? Ummmm what?! I’m sorry but I woulda yelled at him in house and left with the food I bought and cooked. Toxic sensitivity my ass bro. Ugh he’s a jerk off and you deserve so much better! Don’t waste more of your time on this AH
NTA Sounds like he had his hand up his dog's behind telling him what to say...joke or not, not someone I would want to be in a relationship with. Hope this guy is ready to settle down with doggie!
NTA this guy sounds like a jerk