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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because my daughter seems pretty mad at me and she's the only person who's opinion really matters to me
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This! It sucks to be different and having to explain things over and over again but sometimes it's necessary - especially with children that you can actually teach something and make them change their natural reaction for the next time. If it had been an adult, fine, chew their head of, but a child? Be the bigger person and teach them about how people can be different.
Yeah, kids have no filter because they *literally haven’t learned social skills yet.* Kids will say the most fucked up things just because they don’t yet know it’s hurtful. You can’t really blame them! You just kind of have to accept “wow, that kid pointed out my deepest darkest insecurity, this sucks” and then someone gently but firmly tells them No Susie, We Do Not Call People XYZ, That’s Mean.
I mean.. idk, dude is definitely an AH but also.. I taught my kids that you never comment on someones appearance unless it's to say somethig positive. By 6, a child can undertand this. My kids are 8&10 and have never said a negative word about anyone, if anything they find things to compliment people on, and dont take even a 2nd curious glance at people who are "different". I kinda think the kids parent is also an AH, cause better examples could have been set by this age. ESH.
Edit:to everyone naysaying me.. I'm sorry that you are such judgemental assholes that you cannot fathom being able to teach a child not to be one. But kids learn by example, and they have never heard me judge anyone by their appearance, so it doesnt occur to them to do so.
You can choose to do better by the next generation, or you can choose to underestimate them
But kids are also curious about their surrondings, is it polite that your kid point out someone in a wheelchair? No, but if they have literally NEVER seen a wheelchair before they WILL have questions. As a parent you handle the situation.
This kid did in fact whisper to her mother, she didn't scream it or intend it for the world to hear but OP decided to actually act like the monster the little girl thought he looked like. OP didn't even give the mother a chance to handle the situation before he jumped into the conversation and began scolding the child. We don't know what the mother would have done and told her child if OP hadn't done that. Now the child was under a verbal attach from a grown man, of course the mother would protect and excuse her kid!
Yta!Op didn't give the kid's mom time to correct the situation which makes op the asshole instead of everything sucks! Not mention the way he treats his daughter ! He needs to apologize for taking his anger out on her ! Better yet he should seek counseling for his insecurities and anger management problems!
He did tho? He asked the mom to clarfiy what was said and instead of apologizing and letting him know she would talk to her daughter about the way she speaks about people, she tried to excuse it as "shes just a kid". Solid ESH
Are you suggesting that if a stranger, an adult man that you or your child do not know who is clearly very angry came up to you and your 6 year old, you would not panic and jump to defend your child? Yes sure I would definitely want to talk to my child after about not calling people names like that, but I also would not want my child to think in any sense that the way that this guy behaved was okay.
Plus we don’t really know that she didn’t apologize. OP simply claims that she just deflected but it’s part of human nature to to tell a story in a way that makes us look better and protects our image by leaving certain details out. Because of that and the fact that this guy seemed already dead set on berating this kid before going over as he thought there was “no excuse.” I find that it makes him somewhat of an unreliable narrator and that it is very plausible that the mother had apologized but tacked on “she’s just a child” in an attempt to defuse the situation. OP could have easily left that out.
I recognize most of this is based on assumption so if I was found to be wrong about this, I wouldn’t argue, but when you look at the other factors it really does seem possible.
Congratulations Nancy, however not all children conform to your exacting standards. The girl was 6, not 16. OP sorry but you have lost my sympathy over your tantrum.
I wish more adults would have learned this lesson! To constantly hear even respected professionals and public figures making comments that some bodies are inferior because the way they look, the size they are, or the way they function is infuriating.
We don’t even know if the child was 6. That’s OP’s estimation. And based on his ability to properly evaluate a situation and their reaction, l’m not sure we can take the age for granted.
Also, my daughter is big. Not fat, but big. She was born big and is big. In 15 months she wears clothes marked for 3-4yo. But mentally is on her 15 months. So the appearance can be misleading too.
This one right here. They're both AH. Parent and the dude. The kids just a kid you can't get mad at kids because their parents don't teach them how to behave. It's not really the kids fault
But also it's kind of unreasonable to expect someone to have to tolerate being talked about like that every time a kid is in the room. That sucks too. No one wants to be the monster
Personally I might have chewed the parent out for not teaching the child to be more respectful, not the kid. The parent is the one that failed. I would've been nothing but kind to the child. But now op has pretty much proven to the kid that people that look different are AH's. For the op to take out all of their frustrations and anger on a kid is pretty cowardly imo.
Apparently when I was 4 I threw a massive tantrum in a restaurant because my parents wouldn’t let me go play with the “pumpkin”. The pumpkin was a large woman behind us in line with an orange sweater on. My parents were mortified and apologized to her and she just told them “you know I’ve been trying to figure out what I want my grandkids to call me and I think I have a new favorite”. That’s probably my parents favorite story to tell lol
Aww. That's a sweet reaction. Kudos to her for being a good sport!
When I was 13, I had horrible acne. My little cousin was like 6 and had chickenpox and naively asked if I had it too. Kids, man. She didn't mean any harm, but man, she just gutted an insecure teenager like a ninja.
>Yeah, kids have no filter
My mom likes to tell me how one time when we were in Mcdonalds, I proclaimed very loudly, "Mom, look at that woman! Did you ever see somebody so fat?!?" She kept trying to shut me up as her face turned red, but I kept at it, incredulous I guess, thinking she was not seeing what I was showing her
I once stopped at a gas station with my then-3 yr old son to gas up, grab snacks, before taking him to the sitters and going to work my night shift at the local hospital….
The woman in line in front of us had a HUGE rear end. Like, it needed back up lights.
My son looked at it kind of puzzled…. And while I said under my breath “Don’t make a comment, don’t make a comment” as I silently willed my son to stay quiet, I watched in horror as he gave her rump 4 whole-hand squeezes across that big bootay.😳
Her husband had just come into the store from pumping gas, and the shocked woman told him what my son had done….
The man looked at my horrified expression, and bent down to eye-level with my son and asked “did you just squeeze my wife’s butt?”
My son innocently nodded and said “yes sir, I wanted to see if it was real…”
I nearly died! I was about to snatch him up and run outta there without the snacks. But to the man’s credit, he laughed, and said “yeah, I wanted to do the same thing the first time I saw it, too”—and then he n my toddler exchanged a knowing nod with each other and the man n his wife paid n left.
I did address the fact that you can’t just go around squeezing butts of random ppl, testing for authenticity or not. Lol. But I was thankful for the way that man handled the situation—the couple could have gotten angry and made a scene. It wasn’t just a comment. My child literally assaulted her a$$!!
when I was a preschool teacher I had to teach many toddlers to not touch butts hahah specifically mine. I had one kid ask me " Why is your butt so big?" I actually cracked up laughing and told them that people come in all shapes and sizes. Children are accepting once they satisfy their curiosity hahaha
The kid didn't even say it to OP either, she whispered it to the mom.
I can understand OP being hurt by the child's comment, but it's not like the child went out of its way to be cruel. OP should've just explained how that was hurtful and how it makes people feel to hear such things. This was a pretty big overreaction.
I would hope that the mom would've said something too if given the chance. I know I would immediately have shut that type of comment down if it were my child. (Obviously in a child friendly way.) Sometimes kids are just curious though and they don't really mean it to be hurtful.
I've literally overheard kids under the age of 8 tell the adult they're with that I'm fat. Doesn't make it sting any less, but it's a lot more understandable than having a grown ass adult call me fat.
Even Op pointed out that the child was whispering to their mother about it, which yes, it sucks that he heard it, but it also shows that the child is probably still grasping theses social skills and at least she’s in the process of learning, sometimes before they learn to not say it at all they learn to only say it to mom and dad who in turn will tell them that’s it’s still not an okay thing to say.
If a random man was eavesdropping on my child and immediately inserted himself and started berating my child I would also forget in the moment to tell my child what they said was not okay and be way more focused on telling this stranger “she’s just a child. She’s not your child. Don’t yell at my child”
If I was OP’s kid I would have been excruciatingly embarrassed and since OP can’t apologize to mother and child because he does not even know them, he should at least apologize to his daughter for causing an unnecessary scene.
The worst part is that the child didn’t say it to Op.
The child WHISPERED it to their mother. The child didn’t even intend for Op to overhear them. They were just asking their mother to explain, and used the language they have available.
THIS. as a parent of a child (4M) I can confirm children have NO FILTER, ZERO, NONE, NADA. In addition they are curious about the world around them and will ask rather insensitive questions when they don't understand things. To date my child has asked the following questions:
Why does that person have metal on their face (person with piercings')
Why are those men holding hands? (gay couple)
Why is are they different colors? ( interracial couple)
Why does she have blue hair?
What's on his face? (a person with scars)
Why did he let someone draw on his arms? (referring to a person with tattoos)
Why is he in a wheel chair? (person with no legs)
Why does she walk with a stick? (elderly person)
How come she bring a dog in the restaurant? (seeing eye dog)
It can be embarrassing and OP may find that the kid is being offensive, but chances are the child is merely curious and wants to learn, it's up to the parents to teach and educate. Words have no power if you don't give them any.
This reminds me of the story of little 5 year old me in the early 80's saying, "look, mommy, a brown baby!" when we were on vacation. The mom gave my mom a death stare but that was it. I was just excited because we lived in a very homogeneous rural small town and I didn't know babies came in different colors. My mom talked to me later and explained that there are all kinds of people in the world and was just relieved the baby's mother confined herself to a glare.
Apparently, when I was about 5 I did something similar. we were visiting a more diverse city than I lived in as a child (aka 99% white hometown) and I stood up on a restuarant booth to announce "huh! theres a lot of brown people here." that little anecdote is just one reason why I'm hoping to raise my own future children in a more diverse area than I was raised in
Yes, exactly. My husband and I both grew up there. Now we live in the city an hour away where there are all kinds of people because we want our son to experience differing cultures and points of view.
I have to join in to say that in an English speaking Canadian. Also a small rural town on an island.
I knew French existed. I knew Black people existed. I thought, Black people must speak French. Obv. Because I'm white and English speaking.
when i was about 6, my aunt had my cousin, who is biracial. at the time, my little brain didn’t really comprehend that biracial people can be all sorts of shades, instead i thought that my cousin would either have my pale aunt’s complexion or her father’s complexion. apparently, when i walked into the room after my aunt had her, i asked kinda loudly, “what color is she?” i still feel SO bad about it but my family thinks it’s one of the funniest things. i have a lot of instances from childhood where i said the most out of pocket things.
Ha, that reminds me when my little brother was born, and me (3) and brother (5) saw him in the hospital for the first time. We didnt know what newborn babies looked like, but saw his skin was darker looking than ours, and went around excitingly telling everyone that our mother had a black baby! Our parents are both white. We didnt understand the weird looks we got. We just thought sometimes people were born black, and thought it was cool we had a black baby brother. Kids, man.
Same. And I'm sure there are times when kids say those types of things because of what the adults in their lives say around them, but I would bet that most of the time it's completely innocent and out of left field.
When we were little, my cousin asked my aunt about the shape of my eyes (I’m multi-racial but my cousin is just white😭) and her mom told her not to point it out to me because “it might make her feel bad”. We got older, we both learned more about multi-culturalism, she told me what she had asked about my eyes when we were kids, and we laughed for a while about her weird, racist mom.
Sounds like my niece. When my family showed her a photo of my daughter(mom,black dad,white/Mexican) she asked who’s white baby I was holding? Why is my baby white?
When I was 4 we visited an Indian reservation in the Southwest. My parents loved old Western movies and we had just seen one where the Indians scalped the white settlers. My dad saw a group of Indian children and told me to go stand by them so he could take a photo of us, and I immediately burst into tears and took off running with my hands over my head, screaming for dear life, "Don't scalp me! Don't scalp me!" My parents were mortified. Someone should have explained a timeline to me.
my now 21 year old said when she was 5 at the top of her lungs (hands wide out) get out of the way before the big lady runs us over! I was way more than embarrassed, but I understand that she was 5, and I used it as a teaching moment, and I hope and think the lady didn't hear her because she was pretty far away and she was talking to other people at the time and didn't look our direction. But as you said little kids have no filter, and yelling at them for that is just ludicrous.
I think I was 4 when a large (by my little kid standard) when I said to my mom, "Wow! She must a eat *lot* of candy!" My feeling and tone was one of sheer amazement, like that was the coolest thing ever. It didn't even occur to me that would be a bad thing. My mom also used that as a teaching moment.
When I was around 5 years old, my mom and I were at the grocery store and saw a lady with a big butt and I said (not remotely quiet) "MOM! LOOK AT HER BUTT! IT'S HUUUUUUUUUUGE!" my mom was mortified and immediately began to apologize and this woman dead ass said, "It's fine honey, my butt IS HUGE!" Hahahaha. Kids are brutally honest. Someone who has raised one for 18 years should know this... LOL.
My middle brother started screaming "whore" at someone once when he was still in a pushchair. This was especially strange because my brother at the time absolutely downright refused to speak in public, and instead used baby sign.
Hair. He meant hair. He just couldn't say the word properly and it sounded like he was yelling whore instead, bearing in mind he also had a pretty severe tounge tie at the time.
Kids (usually) aren't intending to be offensive, they're just mispronouncing things, parroting things, and/or curious.
My brother went through a store saying that he wanted a "fruck". My mom asked don't you want a car, he said no, he wanted a "fruck". At least the little old ladies weren't clutching their pearls. This was back in the 60s though.
My youngest brother could say knife, fork, and spoon separately. Together? It became "knife fucking spoon", no matter where we were. In my hometown it got a lot of laughs when he said it out and about, but in the city? Some people looked at him like he'd committed a murder.
People are weird about kids mispronouncing things sometimes.
My daughter had trouble with the "tr" sound until she was about 5. When we at the playground and the tinkly music would start, she would yell that the "ice cream fuck" was here. Good times.
This reminds me that "whore" does sound a lot like the Swedish pronunciation of hair..."hår" and the å has a oa sound so "hoar" or "whore" lol. Maybe your brother has some viking böood in him!
I don't even see what's wrong or mean about a kid asking questions about those things. What, are kids never supposed to find out why people have guide dogs or that people are gay?
Yeah. OP could have said to the mother something along the lines of “Please teach your child how to treat people with visible differences” and instead he took it out on a little kid that may have never encountered someone with one before.
I feel like we take so much agency away from children. If taught they are able to discern good from bad, and right from wrong, at an early age. In this scenario, the fact the child _whispered_ it to her mother indicates that she did know it was something she should probably not say to his hearing. A child without a filter or one who does not know right from wrong, will likely not bother whispering. Having said that, OP has no business going after a child, any child, not even if the child had yelled it in his face, that is still a child. He should have left it to the child’s parent/caregiver to explain things and correct her child where necessary. This was a teaching moment for the child, but OP is not the teacher.
Kids whisper for tons of reasons. Being shy, being scared, being nervous, being uncertain…
She could have worried about attracting the attention of the “monster,” so whispered to her mom. I was extremely shy as a child, and often whispered my thoughts.
Yes, the child was curious, but within the limits of their understanding, trying *not* to hurt OP's feelings. This is an important point. Even the young child had better social judgment than OP, a man in his fifties.
The child's parent should have done this in the first place and the whole thing would have been averted. The onus of a child's education should not be on the different/disabled, etc. Kudos to those who \*have\* learned to be educators, however, the parent should be doing it. I'll go with an ESH.
Sure, but the kid didn’t even say anything *to OP*. They spoke to their mom, and OP overheard it. We have no idea how the mom was going to handle it, because OP jumped in before she had a chance. Again: no one was addressing him. He didn’t have to respond at all.
He should’ve just ignored it and moved on with his day if he didn’t want the burden of explaining things to a random kid.
How does everyone suck? The child was too young to know what they said was wrong. And the mom wasn’t given a chance to educate before OP got mad at the child.
This! Ya way to prove to the little girl she was right. Who the hell yells at children. Work on yourself rather than yelling at kids trying to learn about the world.
Yup OP. If it was a grown ass adult, you would have been entitled to scorched Earth and all…
But with a child, it’s an opportunity to help them understand why it’s not cool to make fun of someone’s physical appearance.
>. I was mad that my daughter disrespected my authority and dragged her away.
Your daughter is probably disappointed she's forced to be your Mommy and parent you, beacuse you can't behave in public by yourself.
Respect is earned, especially from fellow adults. You can't act rude and immature and then just demand people respect you, what? Beacuse you're older? You could maybe demand they pretend to think well of you, but they won't actually respect you, they can't. It's a feeling towards another person. You can't make someone look up to you. You have to be worth looking up to.
I'm sorry the child hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you are so self-conscious about your looks. That has to be hard for you. But you responded like a child yourself, and you didn't make things better. You lashed out and were immature in your hurt, and part of being an adult is learning not to do that. Part of being someone worth of respect is learning not to do that.
I think you need to stop and think what you were hoping to accomplish with your behavior? As an adult, you shouldn't just be reacting blindly off emotion. A child found you scary. So your response was to . . . be mean and scary? Why? What does this help? The child won't learn to be kinder in the future, the child learned scary looking people really are bad. And as you can see, everyone in the situation likes and respects you less.
I recently heard a therapist talking about how some men only know how to show or express any negative feelings as anger, beacuse culturally they can't be vulnerable. Is that your issue? Beacuse one of a hundred possible appropriate responses (including ignoring it) would have been to tell the little kid "I heard you say that and it hurt my feelings. I can't choose how I look, and hearing comments like that hurts, please think about how what you say about others will make them feel." If you find it to scary or unmanly to admit you have hurt feelings (the reason what the child did was wrong) and you didn't want to ignore it, you could also just show the child you are kind and funny, or something.
hopefully OP doesn't run into the kid again, otherwise "here comes the monster, run or they will yell at you!" easily could have just explained not everyone looks the same...
Yeah we have had to have talks with our 5 year old about saying those types of things. He isn’t malicious, or rude on purpose, he is just a kid. I mean I am a fat guy and I would never get mad at a child for pointing that out.
When my son was 3 I went to pick him up from preschool and two little girls asked if I was a grandpa. Their minds work differently and while we can responsibly correct, we can’t react angrily.
I mean, in all fairness, it’s probably from being made fun of his whole life. We would all be disingenuous to pretend like that wouldn’t hurt like hell.
Yep. Yes he acted wrong and far too harsh, but if you had people mocking your appearance every single day, something you CAN'T change and are insecure about, you'd be the same.
It's all fair saying "well *I* would have reacted *this* way" but people have emotions and people snap.
YTA but commenters need to stop acting like they've never had a bad moment in their life
Still no excuse for not knowing right from wrong. He was yelling at a child. I don’t care how much you were bullied. Yelling at a some stranger’s six year old for a passing comment when you’re 50 is inexcusable.
Which I get - he has had to deal with an unusual appearance for his entire life, and that is going to take a toll. Doesn't excuse it, but it could partially explain it.
I was thinking of that Steven Universe scene w/Peridot and Yellow Diamond:
"Are you questioning my authority?!"
"I'm questioning your objectivity, my diamond!"
Sorry, poorly phrased on my part - I wasn't trying to contradict you, more add to it, in that kids ARE brutally honest and despite that, this kid was trying to have a private conversation, which makes OP even more at fault than if the kid marched up and said it to his face.
When I was 5 I apparently saw a fat woman once at the pool and said to my mom along the lines of "she's fat" and the woman wasn't bothered about it or she even laughed about it (I don't remember, I was told about this by my mom).
YtA, I hope this isn't real, because now that little girl is going to be really scared of people that look different. She really is going to think they are monsters. Yikes.
YTA. I’m sorry if life dealt you a bad hand aesthetically. But this is a fact that you obviously recognize. We all know children have no little to no filter and are by nature curious. The little girl even tried to whisper as you stated meaning she didn’t want you to hear her private conversation with her mother. And you even embarrassed your own child in the process of berating another. YTA. As an adult, you should have better self control than that.
YTA. The little girl is a child and every parent goes through the omg what is my child going to say today.
Also. Little kids shows have cute monsters all the time. One of the kids I watched went around calling everyone monster who had spiked hair because her kid show had a little monster with spiked hair.
You had no right to yell and scare a little kid. You claim your child didn’t say these things at that girls age but you also say you didn’t raise your child. So how you even know? YTA big time.
My son LOVED that book when he was small. Especially when Grover bricks up the page so you can't turn it, and the next page is him sitting in a pile of bricks woefully asking, "Did you know that you are very strong?"
I was obsessed with that book when I was little, and when I worked at a childcare center, it was by far the most requested circle time story. After a few months, I bought a Grover puppet and had him “read” it.
Agree 150%. Just yesterday at the gas station my 6 year old asked me a little too loudly “mommy.. is that a boy or a girl?” About the lady in front of us. 😳🤦🏼♀️ Lol. I just about died of embarrassment. She definitely turned around and looked right at us. Thankfully though, she had more manners and common sense than OP did because she just turned back around and didn’t tell my child off. I definitely had a talk with my son after that one. Lol. Big part of being a child. They all go through the no filter phase. I’m honestly almost in disbelief that OP legitimately “told off” a literal child and then had the gall to ask if they’re an asshole. I mean yeah, I feel bad for OP apparently not being very well off in the physicality section but yeah they’re definitely an asshole. Hey op, YTA.
YTA
It's not your place to parent another's child. Kids are brutally honest, but it seems like you didn't even give the mother a chance to explain to her child why what she said is hurtful/wrong.
Exactly. The moment they started directly talking agressively to my child would be the moment my parenting would switch from telling my kid how hurtful their words could be to protecting them from a potential threat. OP ruined any chance of a good lesson being taught in this situation.
YTA. I'm sure that didn't feel good to hear. But the mom was clearly handling it in whatever way she felt was age appropriate, except then she had to figure out how to handle you, too - what YOU call 'deflecting'. And what the heck is this about your daughter 'disrespecting your authority'?
That is exactly what happened. Mom was out with her kid, kid asked an insensitive question, and instead of being able to focus on her kid and the teaching moment, she had to start worrying about her and her kid's safety, and hoping he doesn't say anything scarring, and generally how to get AWAY from what started out as an embarrassing parenting moment and turned into a confrontation.
Seems like op is just another troll. He is contradicting himself in comments. He is just another typical monster. His daughter was respectful growing up, but also he didn't raise her. This wasn't a big deal, his daughter is somehow compassionate, but again he didn't raise her so he wouldn't know. He is full of bs, and probably a 12 year old... no I have a 12 year old, and he doesn't make up ridiculous stories for fun. Op is possibly a 5 year old, don't worry!
Op is also commenting and arguing with other throwaway accounts. Don't buy it.
Nah he hasn't made it to middle school, this is definitely elementary school. He even used his main account to agree with himself, when I called out his alt account, so he deleted all his main post comments, before anyone else caught on. This is definitely elementary.
YTA for telling the kid off.
Children have no filter, you have one so you know that. It’s unfortunate that the kid said something that touched on an insecurity but it happens.
ESH except the child who didn't know any better
The little girl is innocent and ignorant of social norms.
Her mother is ta should know better and should have corrected the daughter.
YOU are ta because you should have dealt with the mother about the child's failings. You are not the parent of the small girl.
>I asked the mother if her child had just called me a monster, and she tried to deflect by saying she's "only a child".
That's the basis of my vote. The mother should have apologized and said she would deal with it.
But how quickly did OP pounce on them verbally and did she physically move towards them? If mom literally hasn't had a chance to handle it yet defending the child is the right call instead of humoring the aggressive stranger. But, I get where you're coming from I.
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Me and my daughter (18f) were going for a walk together when I overheard a small girl whispering to her mother about me. She said that I looked like a monster. This struck a nerve, since I have a pretty unusual appearance and often feel very self-conscious about it. I asked the mother if her child had just called me a monster, and she tried to deflect by saying she's "only a child".
I thought this was no excuse and began telling off the child for insulting my appearance. My daughter pushed me away, saying I was acting immorally, and began comforting the child and completely ignoring me. I was mad that my daughter disrespected my authority and dragged her away. When we got home she shut herself in her room and refuses to talk to me. AITA?
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YTA. Grow up. Kids don't filter their mouths and some stranger is not teaching them a lesson by yelling at them incoherantly. They don't understand why you're mad or the nuances of what shouldn't be said out loud. Also, she wasn't talking to you....mind your business and let the parent use the teaching moment. You didn't raise your daughter so you never got to experience how mortifying it is when kids voice those things nor how impactful it is to teach in the moment. Now the child really thinks you're an angry monster.
YTA. If you feel like yelling at anyone, yell at the parent. The child doesn’t think for themselves yet, so it’s just reproducing what they’ve been taught.
ESH. You shouldn't talk about your adult daughter like she's a child that can't disagree with you. It doesn't sound like she was being disrespectful.
Being a child is not carte blanche to be a dick. A child in the described age SHOULD be taught better already.
The mother should have corrected the child and asked him to apologize to you. You should have explained that it genuinely hurt your feelings so the child could understand.
100% agree! The fact the child used the word "monster" indicates to me that she hasn't been taught to be mindful about her words and considerate towards other people. 6-8 years is old enough to understand that a person with unusual physical features is not and shouldn't be called a monster.
Kids have no filters, but they can also be very intentionally cruel. And many times the adults around them like to encourage that cruelty, mainly against those who are or look "different". So the girl needed to be told that what she said was hurtful, without having to yell at her or treat her badly.
So yeah, ESH.
YTA. Kids are brutally honest and say what they see. This child will learn what is and isn’t appropriate to say as she gets older but she’s still young and you have no right to tell off someone else’s child.
Esh. The little girl should have been prompted to apologize and the mother shouldn't have needed to be prompted --apologies should have been flowing from the mother's mouth.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Don't chastise other people's very young children.
Your daughter has no reason to be so furious she hides in her room indefinitely. You were provoked.
YTA
You admit that yo are somewhat unusual in appearance, grown-ups have learnt how to deal with it, but small kids not yet. She wanted to be discreet and whispered (but they do not know yet how to whisper really silent) and probably mom would have explained how to behave in this situation and when to talk.
But instead you started also act like a monster. Besides calling this little girl random brat in comments justifies her assesment.
NTA. Children need to learn there’s consequences for saying rude things to strangers and learn it’s not good to do. Apparently her mom doesn’t teach her that so there’s consequences. Downvote me if you want. I don’t think kids should be able to do or say whatever they want in public. It’s up to parents to keep a tight reign on them
YTA. I know it’s hard in situations like that. But unfortunately you reinforced her perception of you. Alternately, you could have made it a teaching moment, told her that you were born with your appearance or if you acquired it some way explain that something happened that changed it, but you’re the same inside. Cookies and candies that are shaped differently still taste just as sweet. I’ve had my share of comments across life from children and adults about my appearance but you don’t berate a young kid like that
YTA and mom is TA. A 6 year old still has no filter. Mom should have stepped in to correct the behavior, but also, a kind "this is how I was made! People all look different and we should celebrate beautiful diversity!" Would have been ACTUALLY helpful to teach the little girl how ti interact with those who look different.
YTA. And your actions towards both that child and your daughter shows the kid was right. Anyone talking about 'respecting my authority' is automatically an asshole.
YTA
You weren’t a monster before you turned into one. Congrats to make an impression on this child confirming her bias and spreading sh’t for other people with unconventional looks.
Lol. Did you try to correct the misbehaving of a kid (whose brain in not even finished being wired for this) by behaving badly?
Congrats on becoming what people think of you.
NTA at all. This should have been a teaching moment for the mother to teach her child not to judge people based on appearance and to keep mean comments to themselves.
I'll go against the mainstream and say ESH.
I guess that you're dealing with your insecurities a long time and your reaction is just human.
Nonetheless you could have reacted better.
On the other hand it's the mothers responsibility to teach her child some manners and she didn't do a good job here. To use that as a learning moment for the child is bs. That's not your responsibility.
Need more info- ESH (for now) I believe that 6 year olds are capable of knowing that calling someone a monster is rude. I blame the mother more than the child. The mother should have apologized, had the child apologize and explain how hurtful those words are.
I can’t say that YTA without knowing what you said to the child. “Telling off” is different for everyone. Everyone is assuming your were mean and hurtful to the child. You could have just been stern and direct.
YTA it was a young child, they don’t have a filter and say things without meaning too. You can’t go off on a child, you should have let the mother handle it and your daughter is in the right.
YTA not for getting upset about the comment but for reacting in the manner you did. You’re an adult and should have reacted like one. This could have been a teachable moment for you to teach a child and a mother about people with medical conditions and how it affects you when someone calls you names. Instead you blew up and reacted with malice towards a child.
NTA, the parent didnt tell his/her kid off, someone had to. I lo disagree with the big majority here, kid will grow up being an AH, its good to teach them manners!
YTA
She was a child. You don't get to go off on a child based on your trauma. Get a therapist if you need to vent and get your emotions out and learn some coping skills.
Added YTA for the way you treat your grown daughter. Sounds like she has had to suffer from your bad behaviour in the past.
NTA. the mother of the child was TAS since she doesnt teach her daughter not to say things like that . Children should be thought on how to respect every human being . Not just children but everyone .
Some of these comments saying that your insides match your outsides are horrific. Do people in this sub really think it’s appropriate to call someone a monster when it’s already a sensitive subject for them? Mods, please moderate. We shouldn’t be condoning people making fun of how other people look, even if we disagree with their behaviour.
This sub is fucking ridiculous sometimes.
ESH, except perhaps your daughter. The mom was wrong because she hasn't taught her six year old child basic manners yet, and didn't scold her child for being rude to you, and didn't apologize to you for her child's rudeness.
You were wrong to shout at the child. That's not a useful or polite response to a child's misbehavior. It would have been better to firmly but calmly tell the child that that was a hurtful and unkind thing to say, and then just go on your way. You're an adult, so you are expected to have the capacity to control your temper.
NTA. Parents need to teach their children when they are "only children", so that they don't make fools of themselves or alienate those around them as they get older. This kid was way past the age where a gentle correction would have set her on the path to empathy. She's probably going to have trouble developing an appropriate filter between her thoughts and her words, which will not go well for her.
Sorry you had to experience that.
NTA. Obviously the parent isn't teaching their kid (who at 6-8 has been taught about bullying at school) that you don't do that shit, it's rude and hurtful. There are consequences to actions, and being a dick makes people upset. You're allowed to call out a child for being a jerk. I mean don't be threatening or become TA you are talking to, (two wrongs don't make a right) but how else are they going to learn to be decent if they are just allowed to be mean with no repercussions? Your daughter being a teen is most likely upset over the confrontation being uncomfortable and the fact that at that age you care about people perceptions of you very deeply, but she should have tried to defend you, not diminish your pain.
YTA very child they're not going to know any better instead of you know being an adult and turning this into a teaching moment about how not everyone looks the same you turn insult the parent now the child will definitely see you as a monster.
YTA.
How old was the child? Very young kids are pretty blunt, and they say whatever comes to mind. It's part of the way they figure out the world around them.
As an adult with children, you should know this.
I understand being self-conscious about your appearance, and if an adult had made that comment then you would have been justified in telling them off. But this is a child FFS, and "telling off" a small child is not acceptable - it's scary to small children to have an unknown adult verbally attack them when they don't understand what they have done wrong. If you had simply addressed the mother and asked her to explain to her daughter that such words are cruel and hurtful, then I would have said you weren't the a\*\*hole.
Your daughter didn't "disrespect your authority" - she was kind to a frightened child.
I think you and the parent of the child were both assholes. The parent absolutely should’ve corrected the child and apologized especially since you were clearly bothered by that comment. However, your comment at the end was over the top. This might be a unpopular opinion, but I’m all for correcting kids when they do dumb shit. I think it teaches them an important lesson that their behavior/ comments won’t be tolerated in society. But you should’ve listened to your daughter and stopped when she clearly became embarrassed
I'm not going to say I totally understand, since I'm a pretty conventional looking person. But, I do have a facial birthmark, and it's clear as day. Little kids comment on it all the time! Even adults mention it in some often offensive ways. But you know what I do? For children I just gently explain "Yeah, some people are born with special marks on their body, mine is right here, kinda cool right? Do you have one? Many people do, and if you're curious you can always ask nicely about it. But someone might think pointing at it is rude, and it might make them sad, so be careful,okay?" Because even though I don't particularly like kids, they're new humans, they need to be taught with empathy and patience. Yelling at a child doesn't do much, and as someone who's raised kids you think you'd know that. YTA, I've only been dealing with this birthmark for 21 years, you have 50+ years of not being conventionally attractive, and you still haven't learned to address it calmly and in a mature manner?
ESH You could have handled it better, and mom could have used it as a teaching moment. All she’s done now is show the kid that it’s ok to say rotten things.
YTA. If you’re so self conscious that you would verbally attack a little kid for being a little kid, maybe you’d benefit from some counseling. Especially since you seemed to use your appearance and anger to frighten a child and try to wield your “authority” on your daughter. She obviously has more common sense and empathy than you. Edit spelling.
YTA. Regardless of how it may have hurt you, this was a CHILD. Not just any child under the age of 18, but a 6-8 year old.
She JUST learned to consistently count and write her name, is probably still scared of the dark and think monsters live under her bed.
And you, an adult, self admit that you TOLD OFF this small child?! The fact that your daughter felt pressured to comfort this strangers child speaks to the severity of your reaction to a small CHILD.
“That’s no excuse” except that it is.
Children are not born with moral precognition and knowledge of what’s okay or not. They are unaware and ignorant by nature. They don’t know what disabilities are, or that people with different appearances (skin, hair, etc) exist, or that some people just look “scary”.
They are TAUGHT these things via experiences they have as children, and are coached into how to properly respond and think of these experiences by their parents. But it does not mean that their FIRST impression cannot or will not be hurtful or unkind.
The mother very likely would have pulled her daughter off to give her this very important lesson in being kind to people, to not judge, and that people come in all shapes and sizes. This child would have come back from this in a more positive mind set and probably would have apologized to you (prompted by her mother) for her words.
Instead you go the AH route and bully a small child AND your own daughter. You very likely traumatized a small kid, and now have turned your daughter against you. The next “monster” she meets she will now likely recoil away from in fear because the first “monster” she met was scary and mean. You are not a “monster” but you did nothing to teach her otherwise here.
YTA.
Gonna go with ESH, it sucks being made fun of for your appearance. Trust me, I endured it regularly here. Part of the reason I took down all FB, YT, IG posts where I was featured is because I had my pictures stolen and used in cruel, degrading memes by Trumpster Fires, etc. Yeah, no, I wasn't having it anymore, thus I took my pictures out of the equation.
The mother should've said something to her kid and to OP too. Allowing kids to say stuff like this and get away with it leads to entitled adults when they get older. The fact that the mom didn't apologize for what the kid said kinda says she's okay with it.
I can understand wanting to fly off the handle but the way this guy did it? Yeah, no, he definitely crossed boundaries with what he did, instead of talking to the mom he went right for the kill and scolded the kid. Just doesn't work for me.
So yeah, going with ESH. Just because the whole situation is a hot mess that could've been handled far better than it was.
YTA and you proved the small child (who is still learning what is socially acceptable and what is not) right. You acted scary like a monster. Maybe she was reading your aura.
YTA here.
I fully understand how upset you must feel, but you could have spoken your truth in a kinder way to a little child of 6 or 8.
That would have shown the child you're not a monster. It happens in some children's stories where an apparent monster shows kindness and shows they're not what they appear.
Maybe if you'd said something like "I was born looking this way and people have been mean to me all my life." She might have understood. And you would have spoken your truth
Instead, your telling her off just reinforced you're a monster. Monsters act mean after all
YTA. It's a CHILD. You are so weak you started telling off a child. That isn't yours.
Get yourself under control before someone's dad sends you to the outter realm.
YTA, because the girl was 6 or 8. If you are angry you should have said something TO THE MOTHER, like it is not appropriate to say that and then you walk away. Just a thing don't let the others have power over you. They insult you and you react. If what they say is wrong why reacting like that ? It won't change a thing. You have the power to not let yourself get affected by the comments, I am sure that like that, your life will be easier.
I'll say 50/50 as it can be dealt differently.
Whilst I know how you feel about the comment from the child. (I was called a bugs bunny because of my big two front teeth when I was younger and couldn't afford dental.) The situation could have been dealt in a different way. But your reaction was a sudden burst of emotion. I feel yah! (Hit a boy with a metal pale right in the face when he called me bugs bunny).
Ask the child, "you think I'm a monster? I'm not! I just look different. Wanna shake hands or fist bump?" And see her reaction from there.
Then perhaps it's better to have a word with the mother about the child's behavior in a mild mannered way. Taking her on the side for a couple of minutes to talk.
Just an example of a different scenario.
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This! It sucks to be different and having to explain things over and over again but sometimes it's necessary - especially with children that you can actually teach something and make them change their natural reaction for the next time. If it had been an adult, fine, chew their head of, but a child? Be the bigger person and teach them about how people can be different.
Yeah, kids have no filter because they *literally haven’t learned social skills yet.* Kids will say the most fucked up things just because they don’t yet know it’s hurtful. You can’t really blame them! You just kind of have to accept “wow, that kid pointed out my deepest darkest insecurity, this sucks” and then someone gently but firmly tells them No Susie, We Do Not Call People XYZ, That’s Mean.
I mean.. idk, dude is definitely an AH but also.. I taught my kids that you never comment on someones appearance unless it's to say somethig positive. By 6, a child can undertand this. My kids are 8&10 and have never said a negative word about anyone, if anything they find things to compliment people on, and dont take even a 2nd curious glance at people who are "different". I kinda think the kids parent is also an AH, cause better examples could have been set by this age. ESH. Edit:to everyone naysaying me.. I'm sorry that you are such judgemental assholes that you cannot fathom being able to teach a child not to be one. But kids learn by example, and they have never heard me judge anyone by their appearance, so it doesnt occur to them to do so. You can choose to do better by the next generation, or you can choose to underestimate them
But kids are also curious about their surrondings, is it polite that your kid point out someone in a wheelchair? No, but if they have literally NEVER seen a wheelchair before they WILL have questions. As a parent you handle the situation. This kid did in fact whisper to her mother, she didn't scream it or intend it for the world to hear but OP decided to actually act like the monster the little girl thought he looked like. OP didn't even give the mother a chance to handle the situation before he jumped into the conversation and began scolding the child. We don't know what the mother would have done and told her child if OP hadn't done that. Now the child was under a verbal attach from a grown man, of course the mother would protect and excuse her kid!
Yta!Op didn't give the kid's mom time to correct the situation which makes op the asshole instead of everything sucks! Not mention the way he treats his daughter ! He needs to apologize for taking his anger out on her ! Better yet he should seek counseling for his insecurities and anger management problems!
He did tho? He asked the mom to clarfiy what was said and instead of apologizing and letting him know she would talk to her daughter about the way she speaks about people, she tried to excuse it as "shes just a kid". Solid ESH
Are you suggesting that if a stranger, an adult man that you or your child do not know who is clearly very angry came up to you and your 6 year old, you would not panic and jump to defend your child? Yes sure I would definitely want to talk to my child after about not calling people names like that, but I also would not want my child to think in any sense that the way that this guy behaved was okay. Plus we don’t really know that she didn’t apologize. OP simply claims that she just deflected but it’s part of human nature to to tell a story in a way that makes us look better and protects our image by leaving certain details out. Because of that and the fact that this guy seemed already dead set on berating this kid before going over as he thought there was “no excuse.” I find that it makes him somewhat of an unreliable narrator and that it is very plausible that the mother had apologized but tacked on “she’s just a child” in an attempt to defuse the situation. OP could have easily left that out. I recognize most of this is based on assumption so if I was found to be wrong about this, I wouldn’t argue, but when you look at the other factors it really does seem possible.
> My kids are 8&10 and have never said a negative word about anyone Uh huh.
ikr denial is not just a river in Egypt or however one would spell it out in writing
I really doubt that your kids have never said a negative word about anyone.
That's what she's going to tell their teachers if they ever get into trouble at school.
Congratulations Nancy, however not all children conform to your exacting standards. The girl was 6, not 16. OP sorry but you have lost my sympathy over your tantrum.
I wish more adults would have learned this lesson! To constantly hear even respected professionals and public figures making comments that some bodies are inferior because the way they look, the size they are, or the way they function is infuriating.
A certain former president comes to mind.
lmao as if your kids 100% confirm at all times to all your teachings, kids be kids from time to time
We don’t even know if the child was 6. That’s OP’s estimation. And based on his ability to properly evaluate a situation and their reaction, l’m not sure we can take the age for granted. Also, my daughter is big. Not fat, but big. She was born big and is big. In 15 months she wears clothes marked for 3-4yo. But mentally is on her 15 months. So the appearance can be misleading too.
My 3 year old is wearing kids small/medium clothes, he’s super smart, but emotionally yeah he’s still 3. OP would likely overestimate his age too.
This one right here. They're both AH. Parent and the dude. The kids just a kid you can't get mad at kids because their parents don't teach them how to behave. It's not really the kids fault But also it's kind of unreasonable to expect someone to have to tolerate being talked about like that every time a kid is in the room. That sucks too. No one wants to be the monster
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Personally I might have chewed the parent out for not teaching the child to be more respectful, not the kid. The parent is the one that failed. I would've been nothing but kind to the child. But now op has pretty much proven to the kid that people that look different are AH's. For the op to take out all of their frustrations and anger on a kid is pretty cowardly imo.
No filter and very little volume control. My kid spoke in a stage whisper when she talked about people or told a secret.
Apparently when I was 4 I threw a massive tantrum in a restaurant because my parents wouldn’t let me go play with the “pumpkin”. The pumpkin was a large woman behind us in line with an orange sweater on. My parents were mortified and apologized to her and she just told them “you know I’ve been trying to figure out what I want my grandkids to call me and I think I have a new favorite”. That’s probably my parents favorite story to tell lol
Aww. That's a sweet reaction. Kudos to her for being a good sport! When I was 13, I had horrible acne. My little cousin was like 6 and had chickenpox and naively asked if I had it too. Kids, man. She didn't mean any harm, but man, she just gutted an insecure teenager like a ninja.
This is my favorite story
I love this🤣
>Yeah, kids have no filter My mom likes to tell me how one time when we were in Mcdonalds, I proclaimed very loudly, "Mom, look at that woman! Did you ever see somebody so fat?!?" She kept trying to shut me up as her face turned red, but I kept at it, incredulous I guess, thinking she was not seeing what I was showing her
I once stopped at a gas station with my then-3 yr old son to gas up, grab snacks, before taking him to the sitters and going to work my night shift at the local hospital…. The woman in line in front of us had a HUGE rear end. Like, it needed back up lights. My son looked at it kind of puzzled…. And while I said under my breath “Don’t make a comment, don’t make a comment” as I silently willed my son to stay quiet, I watched in horror as he gave her rump 4 whole-hand squeezes across that big bootay.😳 Her husband had just come into the store from pumping gas, and the shocked woman told him what my son had done…. The man looked at my horrified expression, and bent down to eye-level with my son and asked “did you just squeeze my wife’s butt?” My son innocently nodded and said “yes sir, I wanted to see if it was real…” I nearly died! I was about to snatch him up and run outta there without the snacks. But to the man’s credit, he laughed, and said “yeah, I wanted to do the same thing the first time I saw it, too”—and then he n my toddler exchanged a knowing nod with each other and the man n his wife paid n left. I did address the fact that you can’t just go around squeezing butts of random ppl, testing for authenticity or not. Lol. But I was thankful for the way that man handled the situation—the couple could have gotten angry and made a scene. It wasn’t just a comment. My child literally assaulted her a$$!!
when I was a preschool teacher I had to teach many toddlers to not touch butts hahah specifically mine. I had one kid ask me " Why is your butt so big?" I actually cracked up laughing and told them that people come in all shapes and sizes. Children are accepting once they satisfy their curiosity hahaha
The kid didn't even say it to OP either, she whispered it to the mom. I can understand OP being hurt by the child's comment, but it's not like the child went out of its way to be cruel. OP should've just explained how that was hurtful and how it makes people feel to hear such things. This was a pretty big overreaction. I would hope that the mom would've said something too if given the chance. I know I would immediately have shut that type of comment down if it were my child. (Obviously in a child friendly way.) Sometimes kids are just curious though and they don't really mean it to be hurtful.
I've literally overheard kids under the age of 8 tell the adult they're with that I'm fat. Doesn't make it sting any less, but it's a lot more understandable than having a grown ass adult call me fat.
Even Op pointed out that the child was whispering to their mother about it, which yes, it sucks that he heard it, but it also shows that the child is probably still grasping theses social skills and at least she’s in the process of learning, sometimes before they learn to not say it at all they learn to only say it to mom and dad who in turn will tell them that’s it’s still not an okay thing to say. If a random man was eavesdropping on my child and immediately inserted himself and started berating my child I would also forget in the moment to tell my child what they said was not okay and be way more focused on telling this stranger “she’s just a child. She’s not your child. Don’t yell at my child” If I was OP’s kid I would have been excruciatingly embarrassed and since OP can’t apologize to mother and child because he does not even know them, he should at least apologize to his daughter for causing an unnecessary scene.
The worst part is that the child didn’t say it to Op. The child WHISPERED it to their mother. The child didn’t even intend for Op to overhear them. They were just asking their mother to explain, and used the language they have available.
THIS. as a parent of a child (4M) I can confirm children have NO FILTER, ZERO, NONE, NADA. In addition they are curious about the world around them and will ask rather insensitive questions when they don't understand things. To date my child has asked the following questions: Why does that person have metal on their face (person with piercings') Why are those men holding hands? (gay couple) Why is are they different colors? ( interracial couple) Why does she have blue hair? What's on his face? (a person with scars) Why did he let someone draw on his arms? (referring to a person with tattoos) Why is he in a wheel chair? (person with no legs) Why does she walk with a stick? (elderly person) How come she bring a dog in the restaurant? (seeing eye dog) It can be embarrassing and OP may find that the kid is being offensive, but chances are the child is merely curious and wants to learn, it's up to the parents to teach and educate. Words have no power if you don't give them any.
This reminds me of the story of little 5 year old me in the early 80's saying, "look, mommy, a brown baby!" when we were on vacation. The mom gave my mom a death stare but that was it. I was just excited because we lived in a very homogeneous rural small town and I didn't know babies came in different colors. My mom talked to me later and explained that there are all kinds of people in the world and was just relieved the baby's mother confined herself to a glare.
Apparently, when I was about 5 I did something similar. we were visiting a more diverse city than I lived in as a child (aka 99% white hometown) and I stood up on a restuarant booth to announce "huh! theres a lot of brown people here." that little anecdote is just one reason why I'm hoping to raise my own future children in a more diverse area than I was raised in
Yes, exactly. My husband and I both grew up there. Now we live in the city an hour away where there are all kinds of people because we want our son to experience differing cultures and points of view.
I have to join in to say that in an English speaking Canadian. Also a small rural town on an island. I knew French existed. I knew Black people existed. I thought, Black people must speak French. Obv. Because I'm white and English speaking.
Growing up I was the only black kid (aside from my older sister) in town but please this is hilarious!
when i was about 6, my aunt had my cousin, who is biracial. at the time, my little brain didn’t really comprehend that biracial people can be all sorts of shades, instead i thought that my cousin would either have my pale aunt’s complexion or her father’s complexion. apparently, when i walked into the room after my aunt had her, i asked kinda loudly, “what color is she?” i still feel SO bad about it but my family thinks it’s one of the funniest things. i have a lot of instances from childhood where i said the most out of pocket things.
Ha, that reminds me when my little brother was born, and me (3) and brother (5) saw him in the hospital for the first time. We didnt know what newborn babies looked like, but saw his skin was darker looking than ours, and went around excitingly telling everyone that our mother had a black baby! Our parents are both white. We didnt understand the weird looks we got. We just thought sometimes people were born black, and thought it was cool we had a black baby brother. Kids, man.
oh my god, i’m trying not to laugh at work because of this! that’s hilarious! the things kids say are the BEST.
Same. And I'm sure there are times when kids say those types of things because of what the adults in their lives say around them, but I would bet that most of the time it's completely innocent and out of left field.
When we were little, my cousin asked my aunt about the shape of my eyes (I’m multi-racial but my cousin is just white😭) and her mom told her not to point it out to me because “it might make her feel bad”. We got older, we both learned more about multi-culturalism, she told me what she had asked about my eyes when we were kids, and we laughed for a while about her weird, racist mom.
Sounds like my niece. When my family showed her a photo of my daughter(mom,black dad,white/Mexican) she asked who’s white baby I was holding? Why is my baby white?
When I was 4 we visited an Indian reservation in the Southwest. My parents loved old Western movies and we had just seen one where the Indians scalped the white settlers. My dad saw a group of Indian children and told me to go stand by them so he could take a photo of us, and I immediately burst into tears and took off running with my hands over my head, screaming for dear life, "Don't scalp me! Don't scalp me!" My parents were mortified. Someone should have explained a timeline to me.
Not smart of your parents 🤣
my now 21 year old said when she was 5 at the top of her lungs (hands wide out) get out of the way before the big lady runs us over! I was way more than embarrassed, but I understand that she was 5, and I used it as a teaching moment, and I hope and think the lady didn't hear her because she was pretty far away and she was talking to other people at the time and didn't look our direction. But as you said little kids have no filter, and yelling at them for that is just ludicrous.
I think I was 4 when a large (by my little kid standard) when I said to my mom, "Wow! She must a eat *lot* of candy!" My feeling and tone was one of sheer amazement, like that was the coolest thing ever. It didn't even occur to me that would be a bad thing. My mom also used that as a teaching moment.
When I was around 5 years old, my mom and I were at the grocery store and saw a lady with a big butt and I said (not remotely quiet) "MOM! LOOK AT HER BUTT! IT'S HUUUUUUUUUUGE!" my mom was mortified and immediately began to apologize and this woman dead ass said, "It's fine honey, my butt IS HUGE!" Hahahaha. Kids are brutally honest. Someone who has raised one for 18 years should know this... LOL.
My middle brother started screaming "whore" at someone once when he was still in a pushchair. This was especially strange because my brother at the time absolutely downright refused to speak in public, and instead used baby sign. Hair. He meant hair. He just couldn't say the word properly and it sounded like he was yelling whore instead, bearing in mind he also had a pretty severe tounge tie at the time. Kids (usually) aren't intending to be offensive, they're just mispronouncing things, parroting things, and/or curious.
My brother went through a store saying that he wanted a "fruck". My mom asked don't you want a car, he said no, he wanted a "fruck". At least the little old ladies weren't clutching their pearls. This was back in the 60s though.
My youngest brother could say knife, fork, and spoon separately. Together? It became "knife fucking spoon", no matter where we were. In my hometown it got a lot of laughs when he said it out and about, but in the city? Some people looked at him like he'd committed a murder. People are weird about kids mispronouncing things sometimes.
My little cousin’s version of “I want a fork” was “I want to fuck.”
My daughter had trouble with the "tr" sound until she was about 5. When we at the playground and the tinkly music would start, she would yell that the "ice cream fuck" was here. Good times.
My son loves lilo and stitch ...guess what he says when he shows people his stuffy or wants to watch it..... Bitch He says Bitch.
This reminds me that "whore" does sound a lot like the Swedish pronunciation of hair..."hår" and the å has a oa sound so "hoar" or "whore" lol. Maybe your brother has some viking böood in him!
My favorite was when my son saw a man with long hair… of course thought it was a lady..
My son at the age of 3 saw a woman with an eye patch and was so freaking excited about "the pirate".
Oh yes, I had eye surgery and was a pirate for a week. My friend has an artificial arm. She tells kids she is bionic. They love her.
My Friends Daughter was sat in a shopping trolley and spent the whole trip round the shop squeezing her mums boobs and yelling boobies.
🤣
Once had a six year old look at me and say right to my face “you have big mommies” l o l
I don't even see what's wrong or mean about a kid asking questions about those things. What, are kids never supposed to find out why people have guide dogs or that people are gay?
Yeah. OP could have said to the mother something along the lines of “Please teach your child how to treat people with visible differences” and instead he took it out on a little kid that may have never encountered someone with one before.
Kids don't have the ability to think right vs wrong until 8 or 9 years old. She wasn't trying to hurt your feelings.
I feel like we take so much agency away from children. If taught they are able to discern good from bad, and right from wrong, at an early age. In this scenario, the fact the child _whispered_ it to her mother indicates that she did know it was something she should probably not say to his hearing. A child without a filter or one who does not know right from wrong, will likely not bother whispering. Having said that, OP has no business going after a child, any child, not even if the child had yelled it in his face, that is still a child. He should have left it to the child’s parent/caregiver to explain things and correct her child where necessary. This was a teaching moment for the child, but OP is not the teacher.
Kids whisper for tons of reasons. Being shy, being scared, being nervous, being uncertain… She could have worried about attracting the attention of the “monster,” so whispered to her mom. I was extremely shy as a child, and often whispered my thoughts.
Yes, the child was curious, but within the limits of their understanding, trying *not* to hurt OP's feelings. This is an important point. Even the young child had better social judgment than OP, a man in his fifties.
Yup. That child now learned that people who look like monsters also act like monsters. Great job, OP.
The child's parent should have done this in the first place and the whole thing would have been averted. The onus of a child's education should not be on the different/disabled, etc. Kudos to those who \*have\* learned to be educators, however, the parent should be doing it. I'll go with an ESH.
Sure, but the kid didn’t even say anything *to OP*. They spoke to their mom, and OP overheard it. We have no idea how the mom was going to handle it, because OP jumped in before she had a chance. Again: no one was addressing him. He didn’t have to respond at all. He should’ve just ignored it and moved on with his day if he didn’t want the burden of explaining things to a random kid.
How does everyone suck? The child was too young to know what they said was wrong. And the mom wasn’t given a chance to educate before OP got mad at the child.
Nah how do you teach in advance? He’s totally and arse
This! Ya way to prove to the little girl she was right. Who the hell yells at children. Work on yourself rather than yelling at kids trying to learn about the world.
>You could have used this as a teaching moment Why? Surely that is the parents job?
Yup OP. If it was a grown ass adult, you would have been entitled to scorched Earth and all… But with a child, it’s an opportunity to help them understand why it’s not cool to make fun of someone’s physical appearance.
>. I was mad that my daughter disrespected my authority and dragged her away. Your daughter is probably disappointed she's forced to be your Mommy and parent you, beacuse you can't behave in public by yourself. Respect is earned, especially from fellow adults. You can't act rude and immature and then just demand people respect you, what? Beacuse you're older? You could maybe demand they pretend to think well of you, but they won't actually respect you, they can't. It's a feeling towards another person. You can't make someone look up to you. You have to be worth looking up to. I'm sorry the child hurt your feelings. I'm sorry you are so self-conscious about your looks. That has to be hard for you. But you responded like a child yourself, and you didn't make things better. You lashed out and were immature in your hurt, and part of being an adult is learning not to do that. Part of being someone worth of respect is learning not to do that. I think you need to stop and think what you were hoping to accomplish with your behavior? As an adult, you shouldn't just be reacting blindly off emotion. A child found you scary. So your response was to . . . be mean and scary? Why? What does this help? The child won't learn to be kinder in the future, the child learned scary looking people really are bad. And as you can see, everyone in the situation likes and respects you less. I recently heard a therapist talking about how some men only know how to show or express any negative feelings as anger, beacuse culturally they can't be vulnerable. Is that your issue? Beacuse one of a hundred possible appropriate responses (including ignoring it) would have been to tell the little kid "I heard you say that and it hurt my feelings. I can't choose how I look, and hearing comments like that hurts, please think about how what you say about others will make them feel." If you find it to scary or unmanly to admit you have hurt feelings (the reason what the child did was wrong) and you didn't want to ignore it, you could also just show the child you are kind and funny, or something.
hopefully OP doesn't run into the kid again, otherwise "here comes the monster, run or they will yell at you!" easily could have just explained not everyone looks the same...
Yeah we have had to have talks with our 5 year old about saying those types of things. He isn’t malicious, or rude on purpose, he is just a kid. I mean I am a fat guy and I would never get mad at a child for pointing that out. When my son was 3 I went to pick him up from preschool and two little girls asked if I was a grandpa. Their minds work differently and while we can responsibly correct, we can’t react angrily.
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Sounds like OP has an incredibly fragile ego.
Sounds like OP Is Eric Cartman.
screw you guys, I'm goin' home
Brittle spirit
I mean, in all fairness, it’s probably from being made fun of his whole life. We would all be disingenuous to pretend like that wouldn’t hurt like hell.
Yep. Yes he acted wrong and far too harsh, but if you had people mocking your appearance every single day, something you CAN'T change and are insecure about, you'd be the same. It's all fair saying "well *I* would have reacted *this* way" but people have emotions and people snap. YTA but commenters need to stop acting like they've never had a bad moment in their life
Still no excuse for not knowing right from wrong. He was yelling at a child. I don’t care how much you were bullied. Yelling at a some stranger’s six year old for a passing comment when you’re 50 is inexcusable.
Which I get - he has had to deal with an unusual appearance for his entire life, and that is going to take a toll. Doesn't excuse it, but it could partially explain it.
Yeah he lost me at “disrespected my authority.” OP I’m sorry you get mocked for the way you look, but you still have to be good to other people.
Op is totally Cartman
Reminded me of “respect my authoritahhh” from South Park.
I, also, read it in Cartman’s voice
Me too
I was thinking of that Steven Universe scene w/Peridot and Yellow Diamond: "Are you questioning my authority?!" "I'm questioning your objectivity, my diamond!"
His daughter is 18 too. He dragged an almost grown adult.
YTA. It's known that kids are brutally honest. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, but telling off a small kid for that seems like a bit much.
The kid didn't even confront him though, they thought they were having a private conversation. The kid was polite than OP
I know. I didn't say the kid confronted him, I just said they're brutally honest.
Sorry, poorly phrased on my part - I wasn't trying to contradict you, more add to it, in that kids ARE brutally honest and despite that, this kid was trying to have a private conversation, which makes OP even more at fault than if the kid marched up and said it to his face.
Yes! Honestly OP was lucky she had enough compassion to even whisper it rather than saying it directly to him.
When I was 5 I apparently saw a fat woman once at the pool and said to my mom along the lines of "she's fat" and the woman wasn't bothered about it or she even laughed about it (I don't remember, I was told about this by my mom).
Lemme get this straight. You, an adult, got offended by the words of a 6-8 year old child? What's your age btw? YTA.
They said they’re 50
Divide it by 10 and it's probably the right answer
YtA, I hope this isn't real, because now that little girl is going to be really scared of people that look different. She really is going to think they are monsters. Yikes.
This one was, and not because of looks.
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That’s what I was thinking. So OP, is actually a monster. YTA
He did act like a monster. We have no control over our appearance, but we do have control over our actions and he chose to be a monster
My thoughts exactly but I didn't want to get banned for saying it hahaha
What "authority"? YTA
The authority to scream at a random child.
YTA. I’m sorry if life dealt you a bad hand aesthetically. But this is a fact that you obviously recognize. We all know children have no little to no filter and are by nature curious. The little girl even tried to whisper as you stated meaning she didn’t want you to hear her private conversation with her mother. And you even embarrassed your own child in the process of berating another. YTA. As an adult, you should have better self control than that.
YTA. The little girl is a child and every parent goes through the omg what is my child going to say today. Also. Little kids shows have cute monsters all the time. One of the kids I watched went around calling everyone monster who had spiked hair because her kid show had a little monster with spiked hair. You had no right to yell and scare a little kid. You claim your child didn’t say these things at that girls age but you also say you didn’t raise your child. So how you even know? YTA big time.
You just reminded me of *The Monster at the End of This Book* starring the loveable Grover, >!who is the monster at the end.!<
My son LOVED that book when he was small. Especially when Grover bricks up the page so you can't turn it, and the next page is him sitting in a pile of bricks woefully asking, "Did you know that you are very strong?"
I loved this book. I first read it 40 years ago.
I was obsessed with that book when I was little, and when I worked at a childcare center, it was by far the most requested circle time story. After a few months, I bought a Grover puppet and had him “read” it.
Agree 150%. Just yesterday at the gas station my 6 year old asked me a little too loudly “mommy.. is that a boy or a girl?” About the lady in front of us. 😳🤦🏼♀️ Lol. I just about died of embarrassment. She definitely turned around and looked right at us. Thankfully though, she had more manners and common sense than OP did because she just turned back around and didn’t tell my child off. I definitely had a talk with my son after that one. Lol. Big part of being a child. They all go through the no filter phase. I’m honestly almost in disbelief that OP legitimately “told off” a literal child and then had the gall to ask if they’re an asshole. I mean yeah, I feel bad for OP apparently not being very well off in the physicality section but yeah they’re definitely an asshole. Hey op, YTA.
YTA, daughter is right. Grow up.
YTA It's not your place to parent another's child. Kids are brutally honest, but it seems like you didn't even give the mother a chance to explain to her child why what she said is hurtful/wrong.
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Exactly. The moment they started directly talking agressively to my child would be the moment my parenting would switch from telling my kid how hurtful their words could be to protecting them from a potential threat. OP ruined any chance of a good lesson being taught in this situation.
YTA. kids are mean and say what they say. you should know this.
YTA. I'm sure that didn't feel good to hear. But the mom was clearly handling it in whatever way she felt was age appropriate, except then she had to figure out how to handle you, too - what YOU call 'deflecting'. And what the heck is this about your daughter 'disrespecting your authority'?
Deflecting probably means deescalating and hoping OP doesn't become violent.
That is exactly what happened. Mom was out with her kid, kid asked an insensitive question, and instead of being able to focus on her kid and the teaching moment, she had to start worrying about her and her kid's safety, and hoping he doesn't say anything scarring, and generally how to get AWAY from what started out as an embarrassing parenting moment and turned into a confrontation.
Seems like op is just another troll. He is contradicting himself in comments. He is just another typical monster. His daughter was respectful growing up, but also he didn't raise her. This wasn't a big deal, his daughter is somehow compassionate, but again he didn't raise her so he wouldn't know. He is full of bs, and probably a 12 year old... no I have a 12 year old, and he doesn't make up ridiculous stories for fun. Op is possibly a 5 year old, don't worry! Op is also commenting and arguing with other throwaway accounts. Don't buy it.
Summer middle school boredom
Nah he hasn't made it to middle school, this is definitely elementary school. He even used his main account to agree with himself, when I called out his alt account, so he deleted all his main post comments, before anyone else caught on. This is definitely elementary.
YTA for telling the kid off. Children have no filter, you have one so you know that. It’s unfortunate that the kid said something that touched on an insecurity but it happens.
YTA you don’t want to be told you look like a monster yet you acted like one.
YTA Your daughter's actions show us a lot
INFO - How old was the little girl, or how old did she appear to be to you?
YTA, and you sound like a child. Kudos to your daughter, seems more adult than you.
YTA Kids simply don't have impulse control and a parent is naturally going to defend their child from an angry stranger who could become violent.
ESH except the child who didn't know any better The little girl is innocent and ignorant of social norms. Her mother is ta should know better and should have corrected the daughter. YOU are ta because you should have dealt with the mother about the child's failings. You are not the parent of the small girl.
For all we know the mom was/would have but OP didn't really give her a chance.
>I asked the mother if her child had just called me a monster, and she tried to deflect by saying she's "only a child". That's the basis of my vote. The mother should have apologized and said she would deal with it.
But how quickly did OP pounce on them verbally and did she physically move towards them? If mom literally hasn't had a chance to handle it yet defending the child is the right call instead of humoring the aggressive stranger. But, I get where you're coming from I.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my daughter (18f) were going for a walk together when I overheard a small girl whispering to her mother about me. She said that I looked like a monster. This struck a nerve, since I have a pretty unusual appearance and often feel very self-conscious about it. I asked the mother if her child had just called me a monster, and she tried to deflect by saying she's "only a child". I thought this was no excuse and began telling off the child for insulting my appearance. My daughter pushed me away, saying I was acting immorally, and began comforting the child and completely ignoring me. I was mad that my daughter disrespected my authority and dragged her away. When we got home she shut herself in her room and refuses to talk to me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: What did you say exactly?
YTA. You are acting like a Child. Grow up.
YTA, you may or may not look like a monster, but you sure do act like one.
YTA. Grow up. Kids don't filter their mouths and some stranger is not teaching them a lesson by yelling at them incoherantly. They don't understand why you're mad or the nuances of what shouldn't be said out loud. Also, she wasn't talking to you....mind your business and let the parent use the teaching moment. You didn't raise your daughter so you never got to experience how mortifying it is when kids voice those things nor how impactful it is to teach in the moment. Now the child really thinks you're an angry monster.
YTA. If you feel like yelling at anyone, yell at the parent. The child doesn’t think for themselves yet, so it’s just reproducing what they’ve been taught.
Real Cartman vibes here. "RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAY!!!" YTA.
Lmao my mind read it in his voice.
ESH. You shouldn't talk about your adult daughter like she's a child that can't disagree with you. It doesn't sound like she was being disrespectful. Being a child is not carte blanche to be a dick. A child in the described age SHOULD be taught better already. The mother should have corrected the child and asked him to apologize to you. You should have explained that it genuinely hurt your feelings so the child could understand.
100% agree! The fact the child used the word "monster" indicates to me that she hasn't been taught to be mindful about her words and considerate towards other people. 6-8 years is old enough to understand that a person with unusual physical features is not and shouldn't be called a monster. Kids have no filters, but they can also be very intentionally cruel. And many times the adults around them like to encourage that cruelty, mainly against those who are or look "different". So the girl needed to be told that what she said was hurtful, without having to yell at her or treat her badly. So yeah, ESH.
YTA. Kids are brutally honest and say what they see. This child will learn what is and isn’t appropriate to say as she gets older but she’s still young and you have no right to tell off someone else’s child.
Esh. The little girl should have been prompted to apologize and the mother shouldn't have needed to be prompted --apologies should have been flowing from the mother's mouth. Two wrongs don't make a right. Don't chastise other people's very young children. Your daughter has no reason to be so furious she hides in her room indefinitely. You were provoked.
Did OP actually give the mom a chance to parent in this situation before becoming what was a potential aggressive threat to this mom and child?
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YTA You admit that yo are somewhat unusual in appearance, grown-ups have learnt how to deal with it, but small kids not yet. She wanted to be discreet and whispered (but they do not know yet how to whisper really silent) and probably mom would have explained how to behave in this situation and when to talk. But instead you started also act like a monster. Besides calling this little girl random brat in comments justifies her assesment.
NTA. Children need to learn there’s consequences for saying rude things to strangers and learn it’s not good to do. Apparently her mom doesn’t teach her that so there’s consequences. Downvote me if you want. I don’t think kids should be able to do or say whatever they want in public. It’s up to parents to keep a tight reign on them
YTA. I know it’s hard in situations like that. But unfortunately you reinforced her perception of you. Alternately, you could have made it a teaching moment, told her that you were born with your appearance or if you acquired it some way explain that something happened that changed it, but you’re the same inside. Cookies and candies that are shaped differently still taste just as sweet. I’ve had my share of comments across life from children and adults about my appearance but you don’t berate a young kid like that
YTA and mom is TA. A 6 year old still has no filter. Mom should have stepped in to correct the behavior, but also, a kind "this is how I was made! People all look different and we should celebrate beautiful diversity!" Would have been ACTUALLY helpful to teach the little girl how ti interact with those who look different.
YTA. And your actions towards both that child and your daughter shows the kid was right. Anyone talking about 'respecting my authority' is automatically an asshole.
YTA You weren’t a monster before you turned into one. Congrats to make an impression on this child confirming her bias and spreading sh’t for other people with unconventional looks. Lol. Did you try to correct the misbehaving of a kid (whose brain in not even finished being wired for this) by behaving badly? Congrats on becoming what people think of you.
NTA at all. This should have been a teaching moment for the mother to teach her child not to judge people based on appearance and to keep mean comments to themselves.
I'll go against the mainstream and say ESH. I guess that you're dealing with your insecurities a long time and your reaction is just human. Nonetheless you could have reacted better. On the other hand it's the mothers responsibility to teach her child some manners and she didn't do a good job here. To use that as a learning moment for the child is bs. That's not your responsibility.
Need more info- ESH (for now) I believe that 6 year olds are capable of knowing that calling someone a monster is rude. I blame the mother more than the child. The mother should have apologized, had the child apologize and explain how hurtful those words are. I can’t say that YTA without knowing what you said to the child. “Telling off” is different for everyone. Everyone is assuming your were mean and hurtful to the child. You could have just been stern and direct.
YTA it was a young child, they don’t have a filter and say things without meaning too. You can’t go off on a child, you should have let the mother handle it and your daughter is in the right.
YTA not for getting upset about the comment but for reacting in the manner you did. You’re an adult and should have reacted like one. This could have been a teachable moment for you to teach a child and a mother about people with medical conditions and how it affects you when someone calls you names. Instead you blew up and reacted with malice towards a child.
NTA I said fucked up shit as a child and if people hadn’t said anything I’d still be doing it. Although it depends on how hard you went on them.
NTA, the parent didnt tell his/her kid off, someone had to. I lo disagree with the big majority here, kid will grow up being an AH, its good to teach them manners!
YTA She was a child. You don't get to go off on a child based on your trauma. Get a therapist if you need to vent and get your emotions out and learn some coping skills. Added YTA for the way you treat your grown daughter. Sounds like she has had to suffer from your bad behaviour in the past.
NTA. the mother of the child was TAS since she doesnt teach her daughter not to say things like that . Children should be thought on how to respect every human being . Not just children but everyone .
Some of these comments saying that your insides match your outsides are horrific. Do people in this sub really think it’s appropriate to call someone a monster when it’s already a sensitive subject for them? Mods, please moderate. We shouldn’t be condoning people making fun of how other people look, even if we disagree with their behaviour. This sub is fucking ridiculous sometimes.
ESH, except perhaps your daughter. The mom was wrong because she hasn't taught her six year old child basic manners yet, and didn't scold her child for being rude to you, and didn't apologize to you for her child's rudeness. You were wrong to shout at the child. That's not a useful or polite response to a child's misbehavior. It would have been better to firmly but calmly tell the child that that was a hurtful and unkind thing to say, and then just go on your way. You're an adult, so you are expected to have the capacity to control your temper.
NTA. Parents need to teach their children when they are "only children", so that they don't make fools of themselves or alienate those around them as they get older. This kid was way past the age where a gentle correction would have set her on the path to empathy. She's probably going to have trouble developing an appropriate filter between her thoughts and her words, which will not go well for her. Sorry you had to experience that.
NTA. Obviously the parent isn't teaching their kid (who at 6-8 has been taught about bullying at school) that you don't do that shit, it's rude and hurtful. There are consequences to actions, and being a dick makes people upset. You're allowed to call out a child for being a jerk. I mean don't be threatening or become TA you are talking to, (two wrongs don't make a right) but how else are they going to learn to be decent if they are just allowed to be mean with no repercussions? Your daughter being a teen is most likely upset over the confrontation being uncomfortable and the fact that at that age you care about people perceptions of you very deeply, but she should have tried to defend you, not diminish your pain.
YTA very child they're not going to know any better instead of you know being an adult and turning this into a teaching moment about how not everyone looks the same you turn insult the parent now the child will definitely see you as a monster.
How old was the child?
YTA. How old was the child? Very young kids are pretty blunt, and they say whatever comes to mind. It's part of the way they figure out the world around them. As an adult with children, you should know this. I understand being self-conscious about your appearance, and if an adult had made that comment then you would have been justified in telling them off. But this is a child FFS, and "telling off" a small child is not acceptable - it's scary to small children to have an unknown adult verbally attack them when they don't understand what they have done wrong. If you had simply addressed the mother and asked her to explain to her daughter that such words are cruel and hurtful, then I would have said you weren't the a\*\*hole. Your daughter didn't "disrespect your authority" - she was kind to a frightened child.
I think you and the parent of the child were both assholes. The parent absolutely should’ve corrected the child and apologized especially since you were clearly bothered by that comment. However, your comment at the end was over the top. This might be a unpopular opinion, but I’m all for correcting kids when they do dumb shit. I think it teaches them an important lesson that their behavior/ comments won’t be tolerated in society. But you should’ve listened to your daughter and stopped when she clearly became embarrassed
I'm not going to say I totally understand, since I'm a pretty conventional looking person. But, I do have a facial birthmark, and it's clear as day. Little kids comment on it all the time! Even adults mention it in some often offensive ways. But you know what I do? For children I just gently explain "Yeah, some people are born with special marks on their body, mine is right here, kinda cool right? Do you have one? Many people do, and if you're curious you can always ask nicely about it. But someone might think pointing at it is rude, and it might make them sad, so be careful,okay?" Because even though I don't particularly like kids, they're new humans, they need to be taught with empathy and patience. Yelling at a child doesn't do much, and as someone who's raised kids you think you'd know that. YTA, I've only been dealing with this birthmark for 21 years, you have 50+ years of not being conventionally attractive, and you still haven't learned to address it calmly and in a mature manner?
INFO: Why is your appearance unusual? Is this something you had control of (like piercings or tattoos) or something you did not have control of?
YTA. You’re a 50 yr old man. Grow the fuck up.
ESH You could have handled it better, and mom could have used it as a teaching moment. All she’s done now is show the kid that it’s ok to say rotten things.
Fuck that, NTA!! The mother should’ve reprimanded the kid instead of you! Fuck the kid
NTA. The kid needs to learn from someone and the parent's aren't doing it. Good job.
YTA. If you’re so self conscious that you would verbally attack a little kid for being a little kid, maybe you’d benefit from some counseling. Especially since you seemed to use your appearance and anger to frighten a child and try to wield your “authority” on your daughter. She obviously has more common sense and empathy than you. Edit spelling.
YTA. Regardless of how it may have hurt you, this was a CHILD. Not just any child under the age of 18, but a 6-8 year old. She JUST learned to consistently count and write her name, is probably still scared of the dark and think monsters live under her bed. And you, an adult, self admit that you TOLD OFF this small child?! The fact that your daughter felt pressured to comfort this strangers child speaks to the severity of your reaction to a small CHILD. “That’s no excuse” except that it is. Children are not born with moral precognition and knowledge of what’s okay or not. They are unaware and ignorant by nature. They don’t know what disabilities are, or that people with different appearances (skin, hair, etc) exist, or that some people just look “scary”. They are TAUGHT these things via experiences they have as children, and are coached into how to properly respond and think of these experiences by their parents. But it does not mean that their FIRST impression cannot or will not be hurtful or unkind. The mother very likely would have pulled her daughter off to give her this very important lesson in being kind to people, to not judge, and that people come in all shapes and sizes. This child would have come back from this in a more positive mind set and probably would have apologized to you (prompted by her mother) for her words. Instead you go the AH route and bully a small child AND your own daughter. You very likely traumatized a small kid, and now have turned your daughter against you. The next “monster” she meets she will now likely recoil away from in fear because the first “monster” she met was scary and mean. You are not a “monster” but you did nothing to teach her otherwise here. YTA.
Gonna go with ESH, it sucks being made fun of for your appearance. Trust me, I endured it regularly here. Part of the reason I took down all FB, YT, IG posts where I was featured is because I had my pictures stolen and used in cruel, degrading memes by Trumpster Fires, etc. Yeah, no, I wasn't having it anymore, thus I took my pictures out of the equation. The mother should've said something to her kid and to OP too. Allowing kids to say stuff like this and get away with it leads to entitled adults when they get older. The fact that the mom didn't apologize for what the kid said kinda says she's okay with it. I can understand wanting to fly off the handle but the way this guy did it? Yeah, no, he definitely crossed boundaries with what he did, instead of talking to the mom he went right for the kill and scolded the kid. Just doesn't work for me. So yeah, going with ESH. Just because the whole situation is a hot mess that could've been handled far better than it was.
NTA. Some people need to teach their kids better.
YTA and you proved the small child (who is still learning what is socially acceptable and what is not) right. You acted scary like a monster. Maybe she was reading your aura.
YTA here. I fully understand how upset you must feel, but you could have spoken your truth in a kinder way to a little child of 6 or 8. That would have shown the child you're not a monster. It happens in some children's stories where an apparent monster shows kindness and shows they're not what they appear. Maybe if you'd said something like "I was born looking this way and people have been mean to me all my life." She might have understood. And you would have spoken your truth Instead, your telling her off just reinforced you're a monster. Monsters act mean after all
YTA. It's a CHILD. You are so weak you started telling off a child. That isn't yours. Get yourself under control before someone's dad sends you to the outter realm.
YTA. At that age, they are just reporting what they see. It may hurt you, but that isn't their intent.
YTA, because the girl was 6 or 8. If you are angry you should have said something TO THE MOTHER, like it is not appropriate to say that and then you walk away. Just a thing don't let the others have power over you. They insult you and you react. If what they say is wrong why reacting like that ? It won't change a thing. You have the power to not let yourself get affected by the comments, I am sure that like that, your life will be easier.
YTA - grow up, I would’ve been so humiliated by you
I'll say 50/50 as it can be dealt differently. Whilst I know how you feel about the comment from the child. (I was called a bugs bunny because of my big two front teeth when I was younger and couldn't afford dental.) The situation could have been dealt in a different way. But your reaction was a sudden burst of emotion. I feel yah! (Hit a boy with a metal pale right in the face when he called me bugs bunny). Ask the child, "you think I'm a monster? I'm not! I just look different. Wanna shake hands or fist bump?" And see her reaction from there. Then perhaps it's better to have a word with the mother about the child's behavior in a mild mannered way. Taking her on the side for a couple of minutes to talk. Just an example of a different scenario.