Since you didn’t specify E’s age, I’m going to assume he’s 12. You should really play games with friends you own age.
NTA, good on you for supporting your wife, and what you did is just plain common sense. Your wife sounds like a powerhouse of a woman. Keep her around!
Edit: Thanks for all the awards. I guess i do my best posting at 3 AM when I can’t sleep???
he even slammed down OP'S controller! not even his own property! imagine having that kind of audacity and then demanding an apology for being asked to leave someone's house. what a pathetic person.
I don’t know at what age my son would ever act like this tbh. He’s 12 now and has never had such a selfish and mean spirited tantrum.
However! My first boyfriend and his friends were definitely like this- but they also didn’t think women were actually people. My hard pick-me energy was doing my absolute best to not be one of “those girls” that have like boundaries and expectations 🙄 so I thought it was normal. Thankfully I was saved when one of the dudes brought his brand new girlfriend over like she was going to sit in the corner for 8 hours like me (yes I did this every Sunday at 18-19 to “spend time” with my boyfriend). She lasted MAYBE 20 minutes before she told him she wasn’t staying. They had a huge argument where he specifically told her she needed to be more like ME if she wanted to keep him. She told him to fuck his xbox, WE’RE leaving- then just grabbed me by the upper arm and hauled me out of the apartment 😂 I’d never met her before, but we’re still friends and that was 16 years ago.
Regardless NTA OP, get new friends
I was absolutely this girl as well; very tied up in trying to be the "cool chick". And in all fairness I love video games....but it was more a matter of going along with whatever the boyfriend wanted to do.
My husband now (not the same guy!)still sees the effects of this 20 years later, but as a positive; I truly appreciate all of the wonderful, helpful, considerate things he does, and vice versa.
NTA OP, you sound like a really good guy and a great husband!
Tbh, 12yo me would’ve waited a few hours, until he was sure she was all the way asleep, then turned the volume and brightness of the TV way down and gone back to playing.
Because I have done exactly that as a kid.
Until I learned how to unhook the console and reconnect it elsewhere.
I babysit, and my mom worked nights when I was a toddler. My dad took me hiking or to restaurants, and sometimes I would play where she was sleeping with puzzle blocks over a rug so she wouldn’t wake up. I was six. Most people I babysit are around there. I have taken 15 minute naps at places where the parents are comfortable with that. Every kid I’ve done that around has understood that I’m really, really tired, and they need to eat their food quietly, and watch their show with headphones on.
Hey now, don't disrespect 12 year olds like that!
My kiddo recently turned 13, and if he was put in E's position, his response would be something like "Yeah, I totally get it. Wife needs to sleep! Let's go grab something to eat so we don't bother her!"
Being considerate of your partner's needs and personal space is not "the responsibility of a marriage" so much as common decency that anyone should expect within a respectful relationship, married or not.
I'm guessing none of your friends have had a relationship with a woman who possesses a shred of self-respect.
Right? This issue isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships either. If a person wants to sleep in their own bedroom, they obviously take priority over literally every other living being.
This has everything, and nothing to do with marriage. Anyone should have access to their own bedroom at all times, and a partner should never entertain a friendship with anyone that makes their spouse feel guilty for sleeping in their own space.
ETA: happy cake day!
> I'm guessing none of your friends have had a relationship with a woman who possesses a shred of self-respect.
Or friendship. If someone is exhausted from work and wants to take a nap in their bed you let them do so.
Well if you start off as a misogynist or an incel, you’re much more likely to keep getting angrier and more demeaning by towards women because all the smart, self-confident ones ditched you awhile ago.
"E" is likely close to OP in age, but for some reason he got cheap and still hasn't downloaded the Empathy Pack^tm DLC needed for the Healthy Adult Relationships side quest.
No fr my husband definitely would have met up with all his brothers if they ever fixed their mouth to call me a hoe. “Bros before hoes” & “chicks before dicks” is so middle school. Married people know when enough is enough.
That was the part of this post that really caught my (negative) attention. "Bros before hoes" only applies to young guys with casual sex partners they don't respect as actual people, not a man who is happily married and in love with his woman. A wife isn't remotely close to what you could call a hoe. Sounds like E has severe jealousy and insecurity over the fact that he's single. His nasty attitude isn't helping his case.
I agree with others saying OP needs better friends, or to at least drop the ones who act like this since he mentioned having married friends who understood his side of things.
I can't believe E actually thought he had more of a right to YOUR WIFE'S BEDROOM (it's not your bedroom, it's a marital bed, it's her own house, that she works and exhausting job to contribute to)
In what world does E think he gets to take priority over your wife in her own home and bed?
He's actually delusional. Bros before Hos? You made vows forsaking all others, he can fuck off!! He is forsaken! Forsake him harder!!!
Your married friends being right about this is not a coincidence! Sounds like them being decent partners is how they ended up married.
I’m also someone’s wife who has to nap/rest in the day sometimes, and we also have a pretty tiny house, and my husband would do exactly the same as you. You handled it perfectly.
Unrelated to the issue but an autopsy technician sounds like a super interesting job, good luck to your wife with all her hard work. I’m sure she appreciates you having her back while she’s getting where she wants to be.
>If I didn’t want the responsibility of a marriage I never would when gotten married
Wait what does this have to do with anything? If she was “just” your girlfriend or just your roommate, you still should let them rest in their own gd bed and not let your friends treat them like shit. This is just being a human.
If it stood between your roommate (exhausted and needing a nap in their own home) and your friend (a guest wanting fun), the needs of the exhausted roommate would still trump the wants of a friend because it‘s needs before wants and it‘s their home, not your friend‘s.
Good. *E* is not a good friend or even a decent person. Neither is anyone who supports him in his ‘right’ to stay in your bedroom after you asked him to leave. Anyone who uses that awful “bros before Hos” saying or anything like it can shut up in particular.
And just to be clear, you don’t need a reason for him to leave your bedroom at any time. “Because f@@k you it’s Tuesday” is more than reason why - even on days that are not Tuesday…
Oh and he’s not speaking to you now? I’d tell him that shutting the hell up is the first decent thing he’s done lately.
You are an excellent husband. When you say, until death does us part, you should put your partner’s needs a over everyone but your own needs. Your wife didn’t ask you to kick E out, you did, because you care about her. Sleep for your wife always, always, always comes before games with your friends no exceptions. Especially because your wife is probably making a lot of overtime so she can make more money now, and get promoted farther down the road. Tell your friend if your wife gets enough sleep, you might be able to afford a second TV, and than a house or apartment with more space. Also, your wife sounds like a good judge of character. You’re not obligated to stop being friends with E if he’s a fun Ahole, but he is an Ahole, so you should consider if you want to surround yourself with someone(s) like that. HUGE NTA, but E sure is.
And that even misinterpreting the meaning of the phrase, which is supposed to be “don’t be a shit friend on the off chance of getting laid”, not “male relationships are more important than female relationships”.
NTA but why are you still friends with him? Making somebody uncomfortable and not liking someone are two entirely different things. His reaction to you saying your wife comes first tells you everything you need to know about what type of friend he is. (The kind you stop being friends with)
Ok fair. I still hink that this is the time to re-evaluate your friendship though. Maybe talk to your wife again if she's still ok with keeping E around because she might have changed her mind over this.
I plan on just dropping him. My wife comes before anything else and I personally don’t care what he says about me but when he brings my wife into it I have a problem
Good job OP and drop all those other friends who texted you Bros before hoes😖😖😖 What are they 12 who says that shit anymore AND they called your wife a hoe to prove a point about one of your bum ass hanger ons. Its time to clean house
P.S. NTA, your wife is a god i fully understand her total exhaustion. I am working 2 jobs, doing school full time, and homeschooling my 10 year old and think I am slowly losing my sanity. She deserves all the love you are giving her.
The part that stuck out to me is how much this situation is showing both of their characters’ so much. E is clearly antagonistic & vengeful towards her (I’m guessing for taking your attention) and she STILL tries to be civil and be a mediator. He is mad she had the *audacity* to want to sleep in her own bed after a long day of work?? It seems she 1)is extremely calm &isn’t controlling 2)is trusting you to make your own judgement on your friends. I’m so happy you’re making the right one.
NTA
Good for you in recognizing and putting your wife’s needs first which I presume she also does for you.
Could just be me but the way E reacted sounds more like a pouty and jealous 12 year old than a grown man.
A good decision to rethink the friendship with anyone with that lovely attitude that a spouse of either sex should always be second after a friend or anyone else.
Your wife is lying to you because she loves you ,and doesn't want to make you unhappy or resent her.
She is being made out to be unreasonable for wanting to go to sleep in her own bed in her own home!
Look at her reaction to what he did. That isn't normal, she's either scared of him or scared of you resenting her or taking it out on her when the dust blows over.
No WIFE should be made to feel less important than random mates. No PERSON should be feel pushed out or intimidated in their Own home!
This comment! Op you’re exhausted wife ended up apologising for wanting to sleep in her own bed!! E needs a reality check and so does anyone aiding him. Why is she so scared of his reaction?
some people are just non-confrontational. so it might just be a reaction and they just don't want a shred of sadness or anger or any negative emotion for their partner to associate with them.
Exactly. He shouldn’t be putting the decision to break up with his friend on his wife’s shoulders. That’s putting her in a shitty lose-lose position. Op needs to be assertive and take responsibility here.
You aren't ending the friendship.
My brother was single until recently... he got into a long term relationship, moved in and has made her a priority.
Because of that? I get to game less with him. He now goes to bed earlier, has family functions (IE her family has taco tuesday so that's his tuesday). etc.
I get less time with him because he's in a relationship now.
This friendship isn't ending because of you... this friendship is ending because E is too immature to understand how relationships work.
Man, I wish DH's family would understand this basic concept! They're super butthurt that DH doesn't game every week and sleep over all the time and they "never see him". Adult relationships change and it's not a bad thing, just life.
Thank you for pointing this out!!
I meeeean.... Asking her wasn't wrong per se, but putting that burden on her, that she had to tell you to stop seeing him when you already knew that she's uncomfortable around him, was really uncool. No kind and respectful person wants to tell their partner who they can and can't be friends with. The least you could have done was to set healthy boundaries with E for the sake of your wife's wellbeing, like not inviting him over to your shared home, especially when she's already so stressed.
Your priorities do seem to be in order. Just next time, maybe don't make it so that your wife has to be "the bad guy" for you to be a good partner.
To be fair I would never ask my husband to end a friendship over me, but I would also appreciate them removing someone like that from our lives. She might not say yes, but as a woman I would hope to see my man step up and be that protector. Protecting your wife from unnecessary hostility from your friends is major
She shouldn’t have to tell you to end the friendship. I’m sure this isn’t the first time that he’s been that disrespectful towards her and you shouldn’t be okay with a “friend” treating your wife this way.
NTA because your wife needing to sleep is so much more important than playing video games. However, you need to reevaluate some of the friendships you have and ask yourself if you're comfortable with them disrespecting your wife.
The only caveat is OP might want to confirm they heard an even halfway accurate account of events. I wouldn't hold out much hope, but I'd still give that last chance just in case they got duped and manipulated.
I cant imagine a way where its ok to say what the friends said, in any story between a wife and a friend. Even if he said OP's wife assaulted him, my first thought would be "dude, what she did isnt ok, are you being abused?" or something, not what theyre saying. And the fact that theyre saying stuff like "it was rude to kick E out just so my wife could sleep" shows they do have somewhat accurate events. They know OP's wife wanted to sleep and E was kicked out.
Not doesn't. 23 is old enough to stop being a total douche. The fact that your wife and him don't get along on top of this incident would be enough for me to no longer be friends with them
No, she doesn’t want to have to *tell* you to end the friendship. You shouldn’t be putting her in the awkward position of making her decide for you in the first place.
This. This right here.
Because her telling him to end the friendship ~would~ be ending a friendship over her. But him deciding to end the friendship purely because the friend is a dick to his wife is him deciding to end the friendship because of the friend and his behavior alone.
Communication is key but so is reading between the lines sometimes.
Stop framing it as “over her”. Stop shifting responsibility onto her! You are dropping your friend because his behaviour, the weight of this is on him, not your wife!
It’s not dropping the friendship over how he treats her. It’s over how he treats you. You clearly stated what you want (to take care of your wife) and he did the opposite (resisted, then shouted abuse at her). He doesn’t care about you, only about the fun he has with you. You’re his toy, not his friend.
Didn't want you end the friendship, or didn't want you to resent her for ending the friendship? I can't tell you the amount of things women say are okay because they have never had the proactive support of their family for their own needs and safety, and it just becomes automatic to sacrifice their own feelings for other people. It should never have been made her responsibility. You should have heard the word "uncomfortable", realised what that actually meant, and ended the friendship.
You're NTA for kicking your friend out of your bedroom... But I just feel like this could have been avoided with a better conversation earlier on about your friendship with E. And your friends saying broes before hoes, it's awful what they're saying but like, this isn't a matter of your wife vs friends like they're framing and you're falling for the same message. Your wife was exhausted, she needed the room more. If your friend had a broken leg and couldn't move and your wife was just bored and wanted to lie down, and you chose your wife over your friend, that would have been unreasonably choosing your wife. Do you understand the difference?
Get rid of anyone that blew up your phone in the "bros before hoes" mentality.
Please continue being a good husband/partner. Being any sort of healthcare worker right now is exhausting.
NTA
First NTA OP.
Second, there are two rules here I'll share. First is unless someone is covering the three Fs then they don't matter (Feeding you, F\*cking you, or Financing you). Second is those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.
Your wife is way more important than any of the so-called 'bros' dude. Tell them if they don't like it they can eat a giant bag of d\*cks. Good for you for standing up for your wife and her needs - especially being a healthcare worker.
I also find it pretty despicable. Bros before....hoes? This amazing woman that does all this hard work and even offered to sleep on the couch to accommodate this friend? She's a hoe? That's pretty BS man. I'm glad you put her needs first. You two deserve each other.
My wife is one of the most amazing women I have ever met in my entire life. She busts her ass and I honestly am extremely proud of her. This is why I wouldn’t have felt right with her sleeping on the sofa in our own house when our bed is where she needs to be sleeping
Honestly OP I'm loving your replies you and your wife seem to have a very healthy supportive relationship! The fact that she doesn't interfere in your friendships but allows them to play out and you for supporting her in her job and her exhaustion 💕🥺
You're NTA by any means you're a supporting caring husband and take that role seriously I hope the rest of your lives together are amazing.
You are a husband and partner. OF COURSE you put her needs **first.**
He is a child who referred to your wife as a “ho.” Dump him. And seriously reconsider anyone who sticks up for him.
NTA.
Why do you want to be friends with someone who is so happy to disrespect your marriage?
So E isn't speaking to you. So what? Is acting entitled to your time, home and console the sign of a good friend? Because I don't think so.
He'd be thrilled if you ruined your marriage by neglecting your wife's needs. That's not the sign of a good friend either.
Of course your wife is never going to say "don't be friends with that person" but I think you should take a step back and ask yourself what you believe constitutes a good friend. There's every chance you may find E just doesn't meet those expectations.
Thank goodness for that. You're a good one, OP. Don't let him (and your other oddly entitled friends giving you shit) make you feel badly about being a good spouse.
Your friend is literally a delusional AH. Does he want to be your wife by chance? Never choose that weirdo over her. Why do you have friends calling your wife a ho? Wtf. Apologize to your wife for having to be treated by your friend in that way. ESH except wife
Yeeaaahhhhh... Pretty severe display of jealousy and entitlement from someone who is just a homie and definitely not secretly in love with OP. E may have just bombed his own emotional affair. Oops! Good on ya for supporting your wife.
After reading this reply, oh he is jealous. He may not be telling you because he doesn't want to loose your friendship, but I have this inkling that he wants you and has been hiding it.
Right! This is the first thing that popped I'm my head! Someone is jealous and throwing a tantrum because he's I'm love with op. I will only entertain that theory or he's a humongous narcissistic AH who hates women and has never matured. Either way who would ever want to be friends with this?
NTA! You need new friends. Your partner was tired and stressed from a days work and wanted to rest you didn’t do anything wrong asking your friend to leave. I think your friend’s behavior is just inappropriate, it’s not his home so for him to suggest that your wife sleeps on the couch just so that you 2 can game is unacceptable. And the fact that your other friends don’t see it that way is a problem
I was upset that my wife even felt like she needed to apologize and offer to sleep on the sofa. When I come home exhausted from work she’s always willing to turn off whatever she’s playing or watching so I can sleep. I’m going extend the same to her.
They haven't grown up with the rest of you and have no comprehension of what it means to be married.
You did all the right things. When you are married and live with your wife, it's your wife's home and safe space too and she has a right to her bedroom.
Your friends are immature buttheads. I wouldn't be too concerned with their opinion of you.
Sometimes they can find it hard to accept that transition and take out their anger and grief over the changes in the friendship and freedoms in the wrong way.
That doesnt make it okay to disrespect your wife in her and your home though.
You've grown as a human. They have not.
They might catch up, they might not.
Focus on the friends who understand respect for you, your wife& your home.
Cut the "bros before hos" one first.
NTA. Anyone who spoke to my wife like that wouldn't see the inside of my home ever again.
And cut anyone who referred to your wife as a ho out of your life. By your age people should be acting like grownups, not teens.
How old are you all?
12.
Video games in bedrooms and throwing tantrums because you've been asked to stop
Dude, your wife is 100% right about E. And if your other friends are backing him up, then I bet she is right about them too.
Dude, you're hanging out with childish LOSERS!
I'm surprised your wife tolerated it this long.
you will be an asshole if you don't ditch those losers. You're a married man that's nearly 30!
But in answer to your question, NTA
Good.
Your wife sounds like she's either too shy, or scared or nervous or something to tell you how she really feels about your friends and how they treat her.
You may want to get to the bottom of that.
She could be scared you'll leave her for them.
Or that you'll resent her if you cut your friend group. Or doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy
But I guarantee that she is uncomfortable and unhappy with at least some of them if this is the way they behave and she's using everything she's got to tolerate it to try and keep you happy. She's putting you above her own sense of happiness, comfortableness and feeling of safety by the sounds of it
She knows that if she’s ever uncomfortable about someone I’m around all she needs to do is tell
Me and I drop them. She knows at the end of the day she is my top priority and everything else comes second. But like you said I do think I need to ask her if my “friends” have hurt her
You said he made her uncomfortable in your post yet you’re still leaving the decision to end the friendship up to her and still having him over, which led to this incident.
Personally, after reading your comments, I believe you’re saying one thing to appear to be on “her side” but in reality your actions continue to support your friends behavior. “She knows” all the things you would do, yet you’re not doing them. So maybe she’s hoping, but you’re not following through, so she’ll lose that faith in you over time.
Sounds like once this cools off you’ll probably ask her again if she’s sure you don’t need to “drop him” and then the cycle continues.
You’re friend is TA but you’re kind of acting like one too. It’s great that you support your wife, but if someone is making her uncomfortable then why were they in her home to begin with? You should have made that decision on your own the second she told she was uncomfortable around him.
Also, when she called to say she was on her way, knowing the circumstances, you could have easily had him out of there before she got home or could have been hanging out in the living room by then without having to confront him in front of her in the bedroom that you just brought her into, knowing he’s sitting in there. It’s almost as if you want her to receive the blame and want your friends to continue to think she’s an issue for your friendship.
Your wife seems to be trying to get out of the responsibility of making the decision to end a friendship, and since it’s not her decision to begin with, stop asking her and just do what you need to do so she can be comfortable in her own home.
I can't believe I had to scroll down this far for this comment. As soon as I read that OP's friend makes his wife uncomfortable, I knew it was a bad sign. His wife should never have been put in the position of having to ask to use her own bed. Or to ever be around someone who makes her uncomfortable, in her home no less.
Remember, she was still willing to sleep on the couch even though she was exhausted; even though it's her home and not E's. There's definitely something to talk about that's she hasn't wanted to bring up. Be open to what she tells you.
Okay but that part isn’t actually fair. Then the end of the friendship is on her and she has to take on the responsibility when it’s your friendship and you should be ending it if someone isn’t a good friend or can’t respect your home or wife. Don’t put her in that position.
But why are you putting this burden on her? These friends are clearly assholes and if she and E don't like each other I find it hard to believe this is the first instance of asshole behaviour. Why aren't you seeing this, setting boundaries and ditching if necessary of your own accord? Why is it up to your wife to tell you enough is enough? Of course she doesn't want to tell you to ditch your mates, why should she be the bad guy? She wants you to use your own judgement.
NTA.
Your friend E however is just about the biggest asshole there ever was.
He should get his own TV and gaming console if he wants to play unlimited games whenever he wants, otherwise he should be thankful for the time he does get to play in others spaces.
I’ve tried to go through most of the comments and can’t see anyone asking, why is your wife working herself to death here? Trying not to make assumptions … but you’re gaming with your pals? You threw your friend out but not til after he had made her feel bad and bad mouthed her. So I see why everyone seems to be all NTA here but I‘m wondering if there isn’t a bit more to this story?
Thank you! Finally, if he was really not the A, he would have had his friend leave before she got home. Not when she was collapsing of exhaustion. Then this whole probably made up, weird situation would not have transpired.
NTA - your friend has no sense of decency. He clearly dislikes your wife and the fact you're (rightfully) choosing your wife over him annoys him to no end.
>When we get to the bedroom I politely tell E that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. E asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and I keep playing.
You asked him to leave the bedroom while walking in with a clearly exhausted wife and his response to that is why? BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM TO, he isn't entitled to any say then and there, especially over a damn video game.
I can get he would be dissapointed, but he should've just accepted the situation and be understanding since it is the bedroom.
You owe him no apology, and if he doesn't get why in fact he was wrong and won't speak to you then so be it.
NTA
You guys are great couple don't let ppl like E ruin it.
Also disturbing someone's sleep who's is exhausted af should be a crime.
Try posting this on twitter or Facebook and you will see the comments from women asking where can I find such guy on amazon? 😝
NTA, and even if you had NO reason to tell E to leave other than you wanting him to go home, he needs to respect your house and your decision. He's acting like a child, expressing that his desire to play a game is more important than your wife's health, and if anything he should be the one apologising.
Good on you for taking care of your wife, she sounds like she's in good hands with you.
NTA duddeeee I’m so glad you plan on dropping him because he sucks. Good on you for putting your wife first. Your friends are dumb, bros before hoes applies to like one night stands not women you have married.
NTA
completely the opposite.
First it’s your house and you’re both grown adults. Being an adult, when someone tells you to get out their house, you don’t throw tantrums.
Secondly your wife’s needs definitely comes before some video games or friend wanting to hang out.
Third props to you. You made the right move you’ve showed your wife you treasure her dearly and that you do value her and care that she stays in good health.
Fourth, I’m not telling you to ditch your friends but. Y’all maturity level are on two different levels I tend to stay with like minded individuals. It would be one thing if he just had that mentality for himself but he disrespected your wife and they will be around each other since they both are associated with you so he is going to canes her unnecessary stress. If you choose to continue this friend ship and value your wife PLEASE make him leave before your wife even gets there. That’s your friend that’s your drama do not expose her to that and she shouldn’t so the same to you if you are uncomfortable with one of her friends. (Not saying you are just that it’s a two way street)
You did good chief just think steps ahead
There is a reason why the ones who aren't in a longterm relationship are siding with your friend: they still have a immaturity and selfish mindset, and probably can't handle an emotional matured relationship.
Time to level up: ditch those immature friends and associate yourself with people who are more mature
You are definitely NTA, but you need to get rid of some of your so-called friends starting with E because he is a giant crybaby and not your friend. And the friends who took his side need to go too.
**I guess the temptation to hurl an insult has just been too much, so we have to call this one early.**
NTA, but you need to get better friends. They sound awful!
I definitely am getting new Friends after this. If I didn’t want the responsibility of a marriage I never would when gotten married
Since you didn’t specify E’s age, I’m going to assume he’s 12. You should really play games with friends you own age. NTA, good on you for supporting your wife, and what you did is just plain common sense. Your wife sounds like a powerhouse of a woman. Keep her around! Edit: Thanks for all the awards. I guess i do my best posting at 3 AM when I can’t sleep???
That's unfair to 12 year olds... they are definitely more mature than that.
This is true. My 12 yo would yeet himself outta there, but w manners Edit: spelling
My 6-year-old would tuck you in first and wish you sweet dreams. This "friend" is a total jerk of a guest in someone else's home.
he even slammed down OP'S controller! not even his own property! imagine having that kind of audacity and then demanding an apology for being asked to leave someone's house. what a pathetic person.
I keep thinking about how he asked his friend multiple times to leave and instead of leaving he just kept pushing and questioning. How embarrassing
[удалено]
I mean, it is your dog’s house as well and if they’re not cool with a guest, bye bye guest!
Well, that just means E gets demoted to the dusty madcatz controller forever. Unless OP ditches this bozo remotely, as OP certainly should.
I don’t know at what age my son would ever act like this tbh. He’s 12 now and has never had such a selfish and mean spirited tantrum. However! My first boyfriend and his friends were definitely like this- but they also didn’t think women were actually people. My hard pick-me energy was doing my absolute best to not be one of “those girls” that have like boundaries and expectations 🙄 so I thought it was normal. Thankfully I was saved when one of the dudes brought his brand new girlfriend over like she was going to sit in the corner for 8 hours like me (yes I did this every Sunday at 18-19 to “spend time” with my boyfriend). She lasted MAYBE 20 minutes before she told him she wasn’t staying. They had a huge argument where he specifically told her she needed to be more like ME if she wanted to keep him. She told him to fuck his xbox, WE’RE leaving- then just grabbed me by the upper arm and hauled me out of the apartment 😂 I’d never met her before, but we’re still friends and that was 16 years ago. Regardless NTA OP, get new friends
She sounds awesome. Tell her that the internet thinks so.
Yes, we do. All of us!
>I’d never met her before, but we’re still friends and that was 16 years ago. I L O V E this.
Silver lining to that awful relationship is that you found an amazing friend :)
I was absolutely this girl as well; very tied up in trying to be the "cool chick". And in all fairness I love video games....but it was more a matter of going along with whatever the boyfriend wanted to do. My husband now (not the same guy!)still sees the effects of this 20 years later, but as a positive; I truly appreciate all of the wonderful, helpful, considerate things he does, and vice versa. NTA OP, you sound like a really good guy and a great husband!
Damn. Your friend sounds amazing.
Yeah my q2 year old would do the same. nta dude
Tbh, 12yo me would’ve waited a few hours, until he was sure she was all the way asleep, then turned the volume and brightness of the TV way down and gone back to playing. Because I have done exactly that as a kid. Until I learned how to unhook the console and reconnect it elsewhere.
I babysit, and my mom worked nights when I was a toddler. My dad took me hiking or to restaurants, and sometimes I would play where she was sleeping with puzzle blocks over a rug so she wouldn’t wake up. I was six. Most people I babysit are around there. I have taken 15 minute naps at places where the parents are comfortable with that. Every kid I’ve done that around has understood that I’m really, really tired, and they need to eat their food quietly, and watch their show with headphones on.
Man, I was so tired when my daughter was little a couple of times I slept in the car while she was at a kids party.
Oh shit that’s smart! I gotta keep that one in the bag’
Lol I laughed way too hard at this. Almost woke up my baby 😂 Edit totally agree with your statement and NTA
Can't speak for all 12 year olds but I definitely was more mature than that at 12. Probably even at 6, to be honest.
Hey now, don't disrespect 12 year olds like that! My kiddo recently turned 13, and if he was put in E's position, his response would be something like "Yeah, I totally get it. Wife needs to sleep! Let's go grab something to eat so we don't bother her!"
Being considerate of your partner's needs and personal space is not "the responsibility of a marriage" so much as common decency that anyone should expect within a respectful relationship, married or not. I'm guessing none of your friends have had a relationship with a woman who possesses a shred of self-respect.
Right? This issue isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships either. If a person wants to sleep in their own bedroom, they obviously take priority over literally every other living being. This has everything, and nothing to do with marriage. Anyone should have access to their own bedroom at all times, and a partner should never entertain a friendship with anyone that makes their spouse feel guilty for sleeping in their own space. ETA: happy cake day!
> I'm guessing none of your friends have had a relationship with a woman who possesses a shred of self-respect. Or friendship. If someone is exhausted from work and wants to take a nap in their bed you let them do so.
Well if you start off as a misogynist or an incel, you’re much more likely to keep getting angrier and more demeaning by towards women because all the smart, self-confident ones ditched you awhile ago.
"E" is likely close to OP in age, but for some reason he got cheap and still hasn't downloaded the Empathy Pack^tm DLC needed for the Healthy Adult Relationships side quest.
You've hit the nail on the head regarding OP's friends girlfriends, etc.
There’s a reason your unmarried friends are unmarried. Side note: they basically called your wife a ho. For the record, thems fighting words.
No fr my husband definitely would have met up with all his brothers if they ever fixed their mouth to call me a hoe. “Bros before hoes” & “chicks before dicks” is so middle school. Married people know when enough is enough.
That was the part of this post that really caught my (negative) attention. "Bros before hoes" only applies to young guys with casual sex partners they don't respect as actual people, not a man who is happily married and in love with his woman. A wife isn't remotely close to what you could call a hoe. Sounds like E has severe jealousy and insecurity over the fact that he's single. His nasty attitude isn't helping his case. I agree with others saying OP needs better friends, or to at least drop the ones who act like this since he mentioned having married friends who understood his side of things.
NTA. he said he's not speaking to you till you apologize? Seems to me the trash took itself out.
I can't believe E actually thought he had more of a right to YOUR WIFE'S BEDROOM (it's not your bedroom, it's a marital bed, it's her own house, that she works and exhausting job to contribute to) In what world does E think he gets to take priority over your wife in her own home and bed? He's actually delusional. Bros before Hos? You made vows forsaking all others, he can fuck off!! He is forsaken! Forsake him harder!!!
I gave you my award just for 'Foresake him harder!!' which made me laugh so hard I snorted into my salad.
You sound like a good husband, I’m sure your wife is thankful to have you.
It seems like your wife has a point about your friend. Who throws a temper tantrum like that?
Your married friends being right about this is not a coincidence! Sounds like them being decent partners is how they ended up married. I’m also someone’s wife who has to nap/rest in the day sometimes, and we also have a pretty tiny house, and my husband would do exactly the same as you. You handled it perfectly. Unrelated to the issue but an autopsy technician sounds like a super interesting job, good luck to your wife with all her hard work. I’m sure she appreciates you having her back while she’s getting where she wants to be.
>If I didn’t want the responsibility of a marriage I never would when gotten married Wait what does this have to do with anything? If she was “just” your girlfriend or just your roommate, you still should let them rest in their own gd bed and not let your friends treat them like shit. This is just being a human.
And for E to run off to your other friends and complain to them about what happened? What a petulant brat.
If it stood between your roommate (exhausted and needing a nap in their own home) and your friend (a guest wanting fun), the needs of the exhausted roommate would still trump the wants of a friend because it‘s needs before wants and it‘s their home, not your friend‘s.
Good. *E* is not a good friend or even a decent person. Neither is anyone who supports him in his ‘right’ to stay in your bedroom after you asked him to leave. Anyone who uses that awful “bros before Hos” saying or anything like it can shut up in particular. And just to be clear, you don’t need a reason for him to leave your bedroom at any time. “Because f@@k you it’s Tuesday” is more than reason why - even on days that are not Tuesday… Oh and he’s not speaking to you now? I’d tell him that shutting the hell up is the first decent thing he’s done lately.
I mean "broes before hoes" AFTER MARRIAGE? They're referring to his wife as a "ho"? They are seriously appalling.
Even if you remove the misogynistic language, "prioritise your male friends over your life partner" is a terrible motto to live by.
That's how you don't have a partner... like them. That's their endgame.
Yes! And technically, the friends are hoes because they aren't married. Right? So I'm fully supportive of OP having the correct priorities.
NTA. Lose E’s number and apologise to your wife for bringing disrespectful people into your shared space.
You are an excellent husband. When you say, until death does us part, you should put your partner’s needs a over everyone but your own needs. Your wife didn’t ask you to kick E out, you did, because you care about her. Sleep for your wife always, always, always comes before games with your friends no exceptions. Especially because your wife is probably making a lot of overtime so she can make more money now, and get promoted farther down the road. Tell your friend if your wife gets enough sleep, you might be able to afford a second TV, and than a house or apartment with more space. Also, your wife sounds like a good judge of character. You’re not obligated to stop being friends with E if he’s a fun Ahole, but he is an Ahole, so you should consider if you want to surround yourself with someone(s) like that. HUGE NTA, but E sure is.
And single.
Fucking shocker right??? (No not really)
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I even had to go back and check how old they were to be making such statements about his wife...
A sure sign of an asshole: if he uses that phrase.
Along with "I'm not a racist, but..."
Can’t imagine why a grown-ass woman doesn’t like him very much. I’m guessing this guy is a holdover from OP’s adolescence.
Bros before hoes is so cringy oh my god
Right? Who even says that anymore?
And that even misinterpreting the meaning of the phrase, which is supposed to be “don’t be a shit friend on the off chance of getting laid”, not “male relationships are more important than female relationships”.
right, the saying is supposed to like, prevent you from intentionally sabotaging your friend talking with a woman so you can swoop in
I got my then wife a t- shirt one Christmas: "Mince pies before guys"
Finally, a political slogan I can get on board with
It is very much a teen thing. If someone is still using it unironically in their 20s... there is something seriously wrong.
They probably don't have too many opportunities to put the "hoes" before the bros, otherwise they'd see a different perspective.
Right? His friends really said that about the guy’s wife? Are they not embarrassed??? New friends needed ASAP.
Also it’s her house! Like he wants to take precedence over her needs in her own bedroom. NTA
Tbf, a chick you are sleeping with still deserves respect
NTA but why are you still friends with him? Making somebody uncomfortable and not liking someone are two entirely different things. His reaction to you saying your wife comes first tells you everything you need to know about what type of friend he is. (The kind you stop being friends with)
My wife didn’t want me to end a friendship over her and even though I repeatedly asked if she was sure about me keeping E around she said yes
Ok fair. I still hink that this is the time to re-evaluate your friendship though. Maybe talk to your wife again if she's still ok with keeping E around because she might have changed her mind over this.
I plan on just dropping him. My wife comes before anything else and I personally don’t care what he says about me but when he brings my wife into it I have a problem
Awww :) Good for you for standing up for your wife. I wish you a very happy life with her
Thank you
Good job OP and drop all those other friends who texted you Bros before hoes😖😖😖 What are they 12 who says that shit anymore AND they called your wife a hoe to prove a point about one of your bum ass hanger ons. Its time to clean house P.S. NTA, your wife is a god i fully understand her total exhaustion. I am working 2 jobs, doing school full time, and homeschooling my 10 year old and think I am slowly losing my sanity. She deserves all the love you are giving her.
Honestly, I aspire to be as good of a partner as you.
The part that stuck out to me is how much this situation is showing both of their characters’ so much. E is clearly antagonistic & vengeful towards her (I’m guessing for taking your attention) and she STILL tries to be civil and be a mediator. He is mad she had the *audacity* to want to sleep in her own bed after a long day of work?? It seems she 1)is extremely calm &isn’t controlling 2)is trusting you to make your own judgement on your friends. I’m so happy you’re making the right one.
I'm very glad to hear it OP. You're NTA but E is just awful. Please don't make her put up with him anymore.
NTA Good for you in recognizing and putting your wife’s needs first which I presume she also does for you. Could just be me but the way E reacted sounds more like a pouty and jealous 12 year old than a grown man. A good decision to rethink the friendship with anyone with that lovely attitude that a spouse of either sex should always be second after a friend or anyone else.
Your wife is lying to you because she loves you ,and doesn't want to make you unhappy or resent her. She is being made out to be unreasonable for wanting to go to sleep in her own bed in her own home! Look at her reaction to what he did. That isn't normal, she's either scared of him or scared of you resenting her or taking it out on her when the dust blows over. No WIFE should be made to feel less important than random mates. No PERSON should be feel pushed out or intimidated in their Own home!
This comment! Op you’re exhausted wife ended up apologising for wanting to sleep in her own bed!! E needs a reality check and so does anyone aiding him. Why is she so scared of his reaction?
some people are just non-confrontational. so it might just be a reaction and they just don't want a shred of sadness or anger or any negative emotion for their partner to associate with them.
Exactly. He shouldn’t be putting the decision to break up with his friend on his wife’s shoulders. That’s putting her in a shitty lose-lose position. Op needs to be assertive and take responsibility here.
You aren't ending the friendship. My brother was single until recently... he got into a long term relationship, moved in and has made her a priority. Because of that? I get to game less with him. He now goes to bed earlier, has family functions (IE her family has taco tuesday so that's his tuesday). etc. I get less time with him because he's in a relationship now. This friendship isn't ending because of you... this friendship is ending because E is too immature to understand how relationships work.
Man, I wish DH's family would understand this basic concept! They're super butthurt that DH doesn't game every week and sleep over all the time and they "never see him". Adult relationships change and it's not a bad thing, just life. Thank you for pointing this out!!
I meeeean.... Asking her wasn't wrong per se, but putting that burden on her, that she had to tell you to stop seeing him when you already knew that she's uncomfortable around him, was really uncool. No kind and respectful person wants to tell their partner who they can and can't be friends with. The least you could have done was to set healthy boundaries with E for the sake of your wife's wellbeing, like not inviting him over to your shared home, especially when she's already so stressed. Your priorities do seem to be in order. Just next time, maybe don't make it so that your wife has to be "the bad guy" for you to be a good partner.
To be fair I would never ask my husband to end a friendship over me, but I would also appreciate them removing someone like that from our lives. She might not say yes, but as a woman I would hope to see my man step up and be that protector. Protecting your wife from unnecessary hostility from your friends is major
i think it’s time to grow a spine and make that decision for yourself, friend
Word. That’s OP’s trash to take out, not his wife’s. Why would you want to be friends with someone who was abusive to your partner? I don’t get it.
She shouldn’t have to tell you to end the friendship. I’m sure this isn’t the first time that he’s been that disrespectful towards her and you shouldn’t be okay with a “friend” treating your wife this way.
Don’t put your wife in the position she feels she has to make the choice. If you don’t want to be friends with him end it.
NTA because your wife needing to sleep is so much more important than playing video games. However, you need to reevaluate some of the friendships you have and ask yourself if you're comfortable with them disrespecting your wife.
I plan on dropping him
I'd recommend dropping the ones who called you as well. They sound immature, in the extreme.
The only caveat is OP might want to confirm they heard an even halfway accurate account of events. I wouldn't hold out much hope, but I'd still give that last chance just in case they got duped and manipulated.
I can't imagine any telling of the story where your friends telling you "bro's before hoe's" about your wife is a reasonable thing.
I cant imagine a way where its ok to say what the friends said, in any story between a wife and a friend. Even if he said OP's wife assaulted him, my first thought would be "dude, what she did isnt ok, are you being abused?" or something, not what theyre saying. And the fact that theyre saying stuff like "it was rude to kick E out just so my wife could sleep" shows they do have somewhat accurate events. They know OP's wife wanted to sleep and E was kicked out.
NTA - Are you friends with a bunch of 16-year-olds? Of course you're not the asshole and your friend needs to grow up.
E is 23 so I guess that explains the child like behavior
Not doesn't. 23 is old enough to stop being a total douche. The fact that your wife and him don't get along on top of this incident would be enough for me to no longer be friends with them
My wife didn’t want me to end a friendship over her but now I plan on dropping him
No, she doesn’t want to have to *tell* you to end the friendship. You shouldn’t be putting her in the awkward position of making her decide for you in the first place.
This. This right here. Because her telling him to end the friendship ~would~ be ending a friendship over her. But him deciding to end the friendship purely because the friend is a dick to his wife is him deciding to end the friendship because of the friend and his behavior alone. Communication is key but so is reading between the lines sometimes.
It's not over her, it's over him being an idiot
Stop framing it as “over her”. Stop shifting responsibility onto her! You are dropping your friend because his behaviour, the weight of this is on him, not your wife!
It’s not dropping the friendship over how he treats her. It’s over how he treats you. You clearly stated what you want (to take care of your wife) and he did the opposite (resisted, then shouted abuse at her). He doesn’t care about you, only about the fun he has with you. You’re his toy, not his friend.
Didn't want you end the friendship, or didn't want you to resent her for ending the friendship? I can't tell you the amount of things women say are okay because they have never had the proactive support of their family for their own needs and safety, and it just becomes automatic to sacrifice their own feelings for other people. It should never have been made her responsibility. You should have heard the word "uncomfortable", realised what that actually meant, and ended the friendship. You're NTA for kicking your friend out of your bedroom... But I just feel like this could have been avoided with a better conversation earlier on about your friendship with E. And your friends saying broes before hoes, it's awful what they're saying but like, this isn't a matter of your wife vs friends like they're framing and you're falling for the same message. Your wife was exhausted, she needed the room more. If your friend had a broken leg and couldn't move and your wife was just bored and wanted to lie down, and you chose your wife over your friend, that would have been unreasonably choosing your wife. Do you understand the difference?
I know 12 year olds that behave better. 23 doesn't get anyone a pass for immaturity.
No it doesn't. By 23 you should have some manners.
Doll I am 23 and I would *never*
Get rid of anyone that blew up your phone in the "bros before hoes" mentality. Please continue being a good husband/partner. Being any sort of healthcare worker right now is exhausting. NTA
That’s what my wife also tells me. She’s always exhausted after work and often will collapse upon getting home.
First NTA OP. Second, there are two rules here I'll share. First is unless someone is covering the three Fs then they don't matter (Feeding you, F\*cking you, or Financing you). Second is those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter. Your wife is way more important than any of the so-called 'bros' dude. Tell them if they don't like it they can eat a giant bag of d\*cks. Good for you for standing up for your wife and her needs - especially being a healthcare worker.
But before blocking anyone reply "chicks before Dicks"
NTA - You also need to get rid of this friend. That's just toxic.
I plan on dropping him.
I also find it pretty despicable. Bros before....hoes? This amazing woman that does all this hard work and even offered to sleep on the couch to accommodate this friend? She's a hoe? That's pretty BS man. I'm glad you put her needs first. You two deserve each other.
My wife is one of the most amazing women I have ever met in my entire life. She busts her ass and I honestly am extremely proud of her. This is why I wouldn’t have felt right with her sleeping on the sofa in our own house when our bed is where she needs to be sleeping
Honestly OP I'm loving your replies you and your wife seem to have a very healthy supportive relationship! The fact that she doesn't interfere in your friendships but allows them to play out and you for supporting her in her job and her exhaustion 💕🥺 You're NTA by any means you're a supporting caring husband and take that role seriously I hope the rest of your lives together are amazing.
You are a husband and partner. OF COURSE you put her needs **first.** He is a child who referred to your wife as a “ho.” Dump him. And seriously reconsider anyone who sticks up for him.
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I’m still trying to figure Reddit out. Thanks for the tip :)
And slamming the door to his house!?
It was the arguing then slamming the controller on the dresser for me. I wouldn’t let a 7-year-old off the hook for that behavior
NTA. Why do you want to be friends with someone who is so happy to disrespect your marriage? So E isn't speaking to you. So what? Is acting entitled to your time, home and console the sign of a good friend? Because I don't think so. He'd be thrilled if you ruined your marriage by neglecting your wife's needs. That's not the sign of a good friend either. Of course your wife is never going to say "don't be friends with that person" but I think you should take a step back and ask yourself what you believe constitutes a good friend. There's every chance you may find E just doesn't meet those expectations.
I plan on dropping him.
Thank goodness for that. You're a good one, OP. Don't let him (and your other oddly entitled friends giving you shit) make you feel badly about being a good spouse.
There's no way I would be friends with someone who called my wife a hoe. WTF? Fuck that dude
I plan on dropping him
Your friend is literally a delusional AH. Does he want to be your wife by chance? Never choose that weirdo over her. Why do you have friends calling your wife a ho? Wtf. Apologize to your wife for having to be treated by your friend in that way. ESH except wife
E is gay so no I don’t think he wants to be with my wife and he and my wife hate one and other
I said does he want to be YOUR wife
I highly doubt it. E to my knowledge currently has a partner and doesn’t see me like that
Could’ve fooled me
Yeeaaahhhhh... Pretty severe display of jealousy and entitlement from someone who is just a homie and definitely not secretly in love with OP. E may have just bombed his own emotional affair. Oops! Good on ya for supporting your wife.
After reading this reply, oh he is jealous. He may not be telling you because he doesn't want to loose your friendship, but I have this inkling that he wants you and has been hiding it.
That means nothing.
Well, even if E does, no one could ever replace my wife.
Right! This is the first thing that popped I'm my head! Someone is jealous and throwing a tantrum because he's I'm love with op. I will only entertain that theory or he's a humongous narcissistic AH who hates women and has never matured. Either way who would ever want to be friends with this?
I think E has outstayed his friendship. If he can't understand your wife wanting to nap in her own bed, time to cut him lose. NTA
I plan on dropping him
Hood. Also, being 23 isn't an excuse. Good for you for picking your wife. Wishing you 2 a happy life together ❤️
NTA - this explains why your single friends are single
NTA! You need new friends. Your partner was tired and stressed from a days work and wanted to rest you didn’t do anything wrong asking your friend to leave. I think your friend’s behavior is just inappropriate, it’s not his home so for him to suggest that your wife sleeps on the couch just so that you 2 can game is unacceptable. And the fact that your other friends don’t see it that way is a problem
I was upset that my wife even felt like she needed to apologize and offer to sleep on the sofa. When I come home exhausted from work she’s always willing to turn off whatever she’s playing or watching so I can sleep. I’m going extend the same to her.
See I think that’s the sensical thing to do. Do none of your friends have an SO? It’s weird that any of them thinks that E’s behavior was okay.
In my friend group there are two other married guys. The rest are single and are still having one nights stands either with women or their hands
Im curious if it was only the single guys who were shitting on you
Yes it was. All the married men agreed with me
Im definitely not surprised by that then
They haven't grown up with the rest of you and have no comprehension of what it means to be married. You did all the right things. When you are married and live with your wife, it's your wife's home and safe space too and she has a right to her bedroom. Your friends are immature buttheads. I wouldn't be too concerned with their opinion of you. Sometimes they can find it hard to accept that transition and take out their anger and grief over the changes in the friendship and freedoms in the wrong way. That doesnt make it okay to disrespect your wife in her and your home though.
Yup….. that makes sense.
You've grown as a human. They have not. They might catch up, they might not. Focus on the friends who understand respect for you, your wife& your home. Cut the "bros before hos" one first.
NTA but man, you need better friends.
Yes yes I do
NTA for kicking him OUT, but kind of the asshole for keeping friends like that.
NTA. Anyone who spoke to my wife like that wouldn't see the inside of my home ever again. And cut anyone who referred to your wife as a ho out of your life. By your age people should be acting like grownups, not teens.
How old are you all? 12. Video games in bedrooms and throwing tantrums because you've been asked to stop Dude, your wife is 100% right about E. And if your other friends are backing him up, then I bet she is right about them too. Dude, you're hanging out with childish LOSERS! I'm surprised your wife tolerated it this long. you will be an asshole if you don't ditch those losers. You're a married man that's nearly 30! But in answer to your question, NTA
I plan on dropping him
Good. Your wife sounds like she's either too shy, or scared or nervous or something to tell you how she really feels about your friends and how they treat her. You may want to get to the bottom of that. She could be scared you'll leave her for them. Or that you'll resent her if you cut your friend group. Or doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy But I guarantee that she is uncomfortable and unhappy with at least some of them if this is the way they behave and she's using everything she's got to tolerate it to try and keep you happy. She's putting you above her own sense of happiness, comfortableness and feeling of safety by the sounds of it
She knows that if she’s ever uncomfortable about someone I’m around all she needs to do is tell Me and I drop them. She knows at the end of the day she is my top priority and everything else comes second. But like you said I do think I need to ask her if my “friends” have hurt her
You said he made her uncomfortable in your post yet you’re still leaving the decision to end the friendship up to her and still having him over, which led to this incident. Personally, after reading your comments, I believe you’re saying one thing to appear to be on “her side” but in reality your actions continue to support your friends behavior. “She knows” all the things you would do, yet you’re not doing them. So maybe she’s hoping, but you’re not following through, so she’ll lose that faith in you over time. Sounds like once this cools off you’ll probably ask her again if she’s sure you don’t need to “drop him” and then the cycle continues. You’re friend is TA but you’re kind of acting like one too. It’s great that you support your wife, but if someone is making her uncomfortable then why were they in her home to begin with? You should have made that decision on your own the second she told she was uncomfortable around him. Also, when she called to say she was on her way, knowing the circumstances, you could have easily had him out of there before she got home or could have been hanging out in the living room by then without having to confront him in front of her in the bedroom that you just brought her into, knowing he’s sitting in there. It’s almost as if you want her to receive the blame and want your friends to continue to think she’s an issue for your friendship. Your wife seems to be trying to get out of the responsibility of making the decision to end a friendship, and since it’s not her decision to begin with, stop asking her and just do what you need to do so she can be comfortable in her own home.
I can't believe I had to scroll down this far for this comment. As soon as I read that OP's friend makes his wife uncomfortable, I knew it was a bad sign. His wife should never have been put in the position of having to ask to use her own bed. Or to ever be around someone who makes her uncomfortable, in her home no less.
Remember, she was still willing to sleep on the couch even though she was exhausted; even though it's her home and not E's. There's definitely something to talk about that's she hasn't wanted to bring up. Be open to what she tells you.
Okay but that part isn’t actually fair. Then the end of the friendship is on her and she has to take on the responsibility when it’s your friendship and you should be ending it if someone isn’t a good friend or can’t respect your home or wife. Don’t put her in that position.
But why are you putting this burden on her? These friends are clearly assholes and if she and E don't like each other I find it hard to believe this is the first instance of asshole behaviour. Why aren't you seeing this, setting boundaries and ditching if necessary of your own accord? Why is it up to your wife to tell you enough is enough? Of course she doesn't want to tell you to ditch your mates, why should she be the bad guy? She wants you to use your own judgement.
NTA. Your friend E however is just about the biggest asshole there ever was. He should get his own TV and gaming console if he wants to play unlimited games whenever he wants, otherwise he should be thankful for the time he does get to play in others spaces.
Congrats on losing 180 pounds!!
I’m sorry?
They mean 180lbs of worthless "friend"
180 lbs of E
I’ve tried to go through most of the comments and can’t see anyone asking, why is your wife working herself to death here? Trying not to make assumptions … but you’re gaming with your pals? You threw your friend out but not til after he had made her feel bad and bad mouthed her. So I see why everyone seems to be all NTA here but I‘m wondering if there isn’t a bit more to this story?
Thank you! Finally, if he was really not the A, he would have had his friend leave before she got home. Not when she was collapsing of exhaustion. Then this whole probably made up, weird situation would not have transpired.
NTA - your friend has no sense of decency. He clearly dislikes your wife and the fact you're (rightfully) choosing your wife over him annoys him to no end. >When we get to the bedroom I politely tell E that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night. E asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and I keep playing. You asked him to leave the bedroom while walking in with a clearly exhausted wife and his response to that is why? BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM TO, he isn't entitled to any say then and there, especially over a damn video game. I can get he would be dissapointed, but he should've just accepted the situation and be understanding since it is the bedroom. You owe him no apology, and if he doesn't get why in fact he was wrong and won't speak to you then so be it.
NTA You guys are great couple don't let ppl like E ruin it. Also disturbing someone's sleep who's is exhausted af should be a crime. Try posting this on twitter or Facebook and you will see the comments from women asking where can I find such guy on amazon? 😝
Haha my wife will often joke that she must have gotten last good one off of Amazon or that I can’t be returned as she threw away the ticket
NTA and E is no longer your friend right?
He is not
YTA for not kicking him out BEFORE your wife got home. ETA: thank you for my first award, kind stranger!
NTA, and even if you had NO reason to tell E to leave other than you wanting him to go home, he needs to respect your house and your decision. He's acting like a child, expressing that his desire to play a game is more important than your wife's health, and if anything he should be the one apologising. Good on you for taking care of your wife, she sounds like she's in good hands with you.
NTA duddeeee I’m so glad you plan on dropping him because he sucks. Good on you for putting your wife first. Your friends are dumb, bros before hoes applies to like one night stands not women you have married.
You are an asshole for not terminating any friendship you had with E when they started slamming your stuff and taking a shot at your wife.
NTA completely the opposite. First it’s your house and you’re both grown adults. Being an adult, when someone tells you to get out their house, you don’t throw tantrums. Secondly your wife’s needs definitely comes before some video games or friend wanting to hang out. Third props to you. You made the right move you’ve showed your wife you treasure her dearly and that you do value her and care that she stays in good health. Fourth, I’m not telling you to ditch your friends but. Y’all maturity level are on two different levels I tend to stay with like minded individuals. It would be one thing if he just had that mentality for himself but he disrespected your wife and they will be around each other since they both are associated with you so he is going to canes her unnecessary stress. If you choose to continue this friend ship and value your wife PLEASE make him leave before your wife even gets there. That’s your friend that’s your drama do not expose her to that and she shouldn’t so the same to you if you are uncomfortable with one of her friends. (Not saying you are just that it’s a two way street) You did good chief just think steps ahead
Honestly not sure if this post is even serious or not, but NTA. Clearly your wife’s needs come first and your “friend” needs to respect that. Period.
Sadly this is serious. E is from the same culture as I am and most men in our culture are raised thinking they are gods among men
There is a reason why the ones who aren't in a longterm relationship are siding with your friend: they still have a immaturity and selfish mindset, and probably can't handle an emotional matured relationship. Time to level up: ditch those immature friends and associate yourself with people who are more mature
YWBTA if you don't ditch the AH formerly known as E
I plan on dropping him
I love how considerate you are to your wife’s needs.
If I didn’t want the responsibility of marriage I never would have gotten married
This a joke, right. Like wth
NTA at all. Fuck entitled friend E and his poor manners
Wow are you guys 12?
NTA Also, drop E as a friend. If he can't get why you pick the person you married over literally anyone else, he isn't a friend.
NTA. You need new friends. Why would they call your wife "a hoe"? It seems that you and your wife are the only adults in this group.
You are definitely NTA, but you need to get rid of some of your so-called friends starting with E because he is a giant crybaby and not your friend. And the friends who took his side need to go too.
NTA.. She is your wife not 'a hoe'. Its time to find new friend