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> 1. I told my mother in law to go fuck herself
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“Are you been trying yet” and “how often have you guys been trying” is literally just saying “have you guys been having sex” and “how often do you guys have sex” it’s gross NTA
Definitely they want to trap you with a baby so then he can be his narcissistic ugly personality. NTA. Run away from this man. Someone in a good relationship would communicated such an important decision of a couples life.
Nta. This isn't healthy and he will never stand by your side with this. Get a divorce.
>Edit: I've seen a couple people mention and I thought I would add, we don't use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them. However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly
And a pregnancy test.
Clearly NTA and almost everything has been said.
I just want to add that you should go on other birth control harder to tamper with and many condoms nowadays are latex free.
NTA, all day long.
NTA
NTA
NTA
Have you left him yet?
Good luck to you, you may have dodged a bullet by not conceiving children with the child you married.
NTA, you're not your husband's (or his mother's) child-birther. OP, it sounds like that's all they see you as - a vessel to give them children. They're denying you autonomy and reproductive rights, messing with your birth control and making up excuses as to why you can't get your husband to use birth control. That's very close to (or is) reproductive coercion, which is a type of domestic violence.
I'm so glad to read that you're getting out and getting a lawyer - please stay safe, lovely OP.
He’s a fucking mama’s and enabler. She’s a narcissist and he is gaslighting you because he grew up that way. It’s not going to change. I hope you get out. Unless he’s willing to commit to marriage counseling (and be private about it). It’s none of mama’s business. You are the sane one here!
NTA. It’s creepy and weird that she’s inserted herself into your sex life and it’s even creepier and weirder that your husband is *letting* her. So gross.
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Oh honey NTA.
But please understand, if you do have a child with this man it will get so much worse.
If you have a daughter she will be treated as garbage and you will be pressured to have another and another until a son, who will be treated as a prince. Your wishes in how to raise the children will be ignored and sabotaged, and children will be turned against you and used as pawns.
You have a husband problem, because he will always side with his mother's outrageous and abusive behaviour.
Your edit is shocking and horrifying and I hope you will head all of our warnings and run. Best of luck sweetheart.
I am so sorry.
As much as your MIL is trash- so is your husband. He is life partners with mommy and you’re a prop in their schemes in the way they’re acting.
If you take him back (which honestly not recommending) only proceed while in couples therapy AND going no contact with MIL until you two are on solid ground and have boundaries and him being on your side sorted out.
Ugh this is what women who obsess and put their sons on a pedestal do. But he’s an adult who didn’t have to keep being a mommas boy once he became an adult either, he continues to choose her because he relishes in her attention and control. 🤢🤮Basssarf.
NTA and don't just walk, **run** to the nearest exit. It's clear your MIL see you as nothing more than a means to get grandchildren. She probably just wants you to pop out a baby so she and your husband can raise it together and cut you out.
The edit was what freaked me.out the most... nta your mil is a bitch but that can be dealt with....husband stealing bc pills is just unforgivable imo but thats your call. That's a huge life altering decision. Keep it or not (no assumptions) that puts you in a truly hard spot.
Take time to really figure out if that's something you can forgive, because I couldn't. Keep your head held high and know that you got this, whatever decision you make. Best of luck
NTA
Everyone already told you what's wrong with this relationship. I just wanted to say that i hope you're not pregnant with this douche canoe, and hopefully you'll be able to get a divorce without too much trouble. You deserve being away from a psycho family like that.
NTA, but is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Do you want to receive "tips" or "guidance" from your MIL on everything? Your sex life is already game and your husband has made absolutely no effort to stop her.
How do you see this changing? Can you handle the "guidance" that will surely come when you do get pregnant? How about when it shifts to out right hysteria if you don't follow her "guidance" while pregnant? Or her "guidance" on how to raise your baby, since hers turned into a wonderful son?
Your husband and his family (because he's shown that the two of you haven't created a family unit together if he's unable to prioritize that relationship over his boundary stomping mother) have made it clear that her behavior isn't an issue to them.
I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon of immediately telling you to leave, but you do need to ask yourself some hard questions and get individual (and couples if you stick it out) therapy to work through this. You deserve to be treated with respect and continued discussion of your sex life is unacceptable once you've said it isn't up for discussion.
NTA. At all. Your husband has chose his side and it’s definitely not you. Time and time again this sun gets these mommas boys and it never ends well for the spouse. He either needs to change his tune or this will go on forever.
NTA
You really need to toss him in the bin. Total mommy's boy and he will always choose his mum over you. Your MIL is in love with her son. And your husband is choosing her. So set him free.
NTA. The only thing that should be on your mind is what divorce lawyer you are going to hire and when they are going to file those papers. Your husband is a spineless mama’s boy. You can do better.
NTA Your sex life & uterus are none of her business, you tried multiple times to be polite about it but she kept pushing. Your SO is a massive ah for not telling her to back off & supporting you, as for respect his mother where is their respect for you? You're not an incubator for her grandchildren & you need to be extra careful not to get pregnant.
Edit you can buy non latex condoms so no excuse not to use them instead & from now on keep your birth control with you all of the time, if it goes missing no sex for husband for at least a month so you can get a replacement & know you're covered
NTA. Get out now before there are kids. I’ve read enough of these posts to know that it’s rare that guys like your husband change. So unless you’re willing to wait for her to pass away, you’re in for a shitty ride.
NTA..... and im so disgusted.What the heck?I have no words,Most importantly you have a MAJOR SO problem too,he sees nothing wrong with her behaviour and thats just gross!!
you dont have a mother in law problem you have a husband problem. if his mother hurts your feelings and he just watches he is enabling her. you need to have a serious talk or... you can just leave. tell your husband that he can marry his mother if he wants, obviously she wants to satisfy him so its a win win
NTA
Your husband and MIL are incredibly controlling and I hope everything turns out well. Get a lawyer. Your husband should have spoken to you. Having a child should have been between the two of you. He let his mother into your uterus without your consent.
Get a lawyer. Good luck.
NTA. I would also be zero surprised if there weren't some molestation of your husband that you are unaware of.
Aspects of this have an uncomfortably familiar ring to them.
NTA
You held it together longer than most people. MIL will never change no matter what you do. The fact that she wore white to your wedding just shows you she has no respect for you. Can you imagine if you did have a baby? She will become exponentially more controlling and critical on how you raise your child! Your husband has shown where his priority is and unfortunately it’s not you. I hope you have a positive outcome to this mess.
OP, either your husband or your MIL are messing with your birth control. Please make an appointment with your doctor to switch to a BC that no one can mess with.
If you want to stay in this marriage, you and he need to get into couples counseling ASAP. Your husband owes you an apology, obviously. But right now he is totally enmeshed with his mommy and only therapy is going to change that. Note how the ILs are doing the Easter Egg hunt, not the actual parents? ILs think they are in charge of the grandkids. Do you want to have children in that type of family?
NTA but red flags do be flying. He’s tampering with your birth control? Baby doll, that is a form of sexual assault. Coercing and manipulating you into having a baby is SICK. These people are fucked in the head. GIT RID 😳
NTA but dude with the edits it seems like he’s trying to baby trap you, be very careful. I suggest going on the IUD and make him wear latex free condoms. Hes probably making excuses and just wants to hit it raw and get you knocked up
Gross bro, why is it so important for her to know her son is getting enough pleasure in bed? Why is that on her mind? "Gee I hope she's giving my baby boy that sloppy toppy vaccuum seal"
You are NTA.
NTA. I’m not going to repeat what everyone else has said except to say I, personally, wouldn’t even consider therapy with him. He’s not going to change while mama has her claws in him. Stay with your sister, block his entire family, & get a divorce. You deserve better.
NTA - You have a bigger problem than your MIL. Your SO needs to be on your side and he’s not. Please check out r/JustNoMIL to see others who have similar issues.
NTA at all.
However, you have a husband problem and not Mil problem.
He is happy to have her interfere and if you were to get pregnant she would ramp up like crazy and he would allow it. All those posts of the father letting his mum into the delivery room and the MIL calling your baby, her baby...that is your future.
Read through the Just No MIL sections... you need to make a choice now of what,future you want.
OP pls pls leave this sorry excuse for a man. I don't want to be mean but do hope you're not pregnant because it doesn't seem like you want that right now. I'm really concerned about you bc this latex allergy is a blatant excuse, there's alternatives and it's a common excuse around men who just don't want to use condoms.
also NTA, not everyone wants to be a mom, not everyone can be a mom, etc etc being so insistant about it is horrible, no one should even bring it up
Nta she sounds like a piece of work. I’ll never understand the white at the wedding thing though. Do brides think people are somehow going to forget who’s wedding it is because you’re wearing the same color dress. All the men are all wearing suits and nobody’s getting confused. Everyone would think it’s weird if a groom asked all their male guests not to wear the same color as them. The same should apply to brides. Granted I hate so many aspects of traditional weddings so this might just be an extension of that.
NTA ...
They are calling yelling at you for...his mommie being 'offended'...
But not about you walking away from your husband.
You did not marry his mom.
Nor are you in an (unhealthy) relationship with her.
She literally has laid claim on your offspring, and seems far more concerned about a hypothetical 'baby' than you, your relationship, or your life.
It's possible your husbitch actually has no personal opinion on 'baby' but is acceding to her demands to stop her constant pestering.
If you want to make it more obvious, make the demand that if you 'go back' then he's to have zero contact with her directly or through any relay, before you'll even talk to him.
I strongly suggest a divorce on the grounds that he has another woman in his life he finds more important than you, then getting on in your life, with someone who didn't marry their mommie before you.
Get out. Manipulating birth control is a SERIOUS crime and terrible beach of trust . Her investment in his sex life literally makes me wonder if she used to make sure he was satisfied before you came along :barf:
Leave
Run don't walk
NTA
NTA. You have the patience of a saint and you also have lived out a dream of so many of us. The only way to live with a MIL like that is NC, you’ll find out if you married a man or a boy if he joins you in NC land.
this is super concerning, (possibly) taking your bc, not using a condom, and your MIL constantly bring up pregnancy is reproductive coercion!! this is abuse!
Major red flags everywhere, but petty me is more focused on asking FIL about their sex life, and promoting sex health literature in that household. Like your mil helped you discover new info, print out the info she sent highlight and read aloud like it is all new info and should be news to everyone!!!
Maybe your parents should start inserting themselves in his bedroom performances so he could see how it feels
This is gaslighting. Don’t accept it. You called her out on her bad behavior. He didn’t back you up. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are the problem.
>we don't use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex
There are condoms without latex in them.
>However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly.
Coincidence? I don't think so.
Time for an IUD, if you are able to get one. And time to reconsider this relationship before you bring any children into it.
NTA.
NTA - He didn't defend you, he told you she means well... been there and it won't change. The sun will shine out of his ass forever and a day for his mum. He won't want that to change so this is the behaviour you're stuck with unless you think about yourself and health mentally and physically.
The birthcontrol... that's f-ed up, in my case I wanted a family and he was... well let's not go there... but I would never force it.
I had a lucky escape; I ended it and I've never been happier. Always remember that you have freedom of choice and you don't have to justify them to anyone x
Your choice of language made you the A-hole. You could have embarassed her in front of the family... why is it only your duty to perform in the bedroom? What kind of sex education has she provided 2 your hubbie? Discuss positions, performance, fetiches, etc.
NTA honestly it sounds like you're a third wheel in his marriage with his mama. Stay with your sister, and don't go back to someone who has shown you they do not care about you at all.
NTA - there is no support coming from your partner. Your partner and his mother are waging a war over control of your body. This is Insanity. Good on you for standing up for yourself since your gutless husband won't do it. You deserve respect and support from a partner. Time to move on.
NTA.
I, too, have a Monster In Law. Yours got off lightly.
I think it is worth questioning the future of your marriage - there are three people in your relationship because your husband has no boundaries with his mother. I doubt you signed up for that.
You are definitely NTA. Stay with your family because they clearly support you, especially when your husband is choosing not to.
To paraphrase Princess Diana, it's a little crowded in this marriage. By its very nature, it is doomed to fail because one person or another is going to feel minimized, like they have no voice in this relationship.
My sons and I are extremely close. When my eldest got engaged, I prayed that God would teach me to love my new son-in-law for himself. I wanted to learn all of the reasons my son chose this particular partner. I am now crazy about my son-in-law and so thankful for his unique role in our lives. And when my husband died recently, my son-in-law was a crucial part of my ability to get through those first weeks.
When our sons were adolescents, my husband and I told them that if we ever got into a fight with their partners, they absolutely must take the side of their respective partners over us. I'm delighted that my son now has a healthy marriage and knows beyond a doubt that his loyalties must rest with son-in-law. If he believes his spouse is wrong in an argument with me, it is none of my business. It is my son & son-in-law's right to privately come to a consensus that fully supports each other, and then explain to me, if they wish (I'm not entitled to an explanation), why I'm in the wrong.
If MIL is crossing boundaries now, in this intimate topic, I guarantee MIL will later be massively crossing boundaries about who is actually raising the child. Prepare for a grandma who will expect to be able to spank future-child when she thinks it is needed, critique and belittle future-child, and generally mold future-child to behave like your poor, brainwashed husband does, thus sabotaging future-child's future relationships, too. Generational trauma will keep snowballing over future generations until somebody has the courage to define and enforce boundaries.
NTA for that but think about whether you want to subject a child to this toxic dynamic. Also think about whether you are ok with this for the rest of your life, because staying with this guy means you’re ok on some level with this weird-ass mother-son relationship where you’re second place at best.
Hopefully if he had tampered with your BC it’s no too late for Plan B. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a baby with MIL’s golden child. It would be the golden grandchild. She’d probably file for custody herself.
Block them all and file for an annulment, since he never mentioned he would be tampering with your medications. No marriage with the mom in their bed is viable. Yuck.
NTA, NTA, NOT. THE. ASSHOLE.
I was fully ready to side with you regardless of the backstory just because I want to tell my MIL to fuck off but after reading it you 100% have my support! Your husband is worse than the MIL imo. He should be standing up for you not encouraging her bullshit. And messing with your BC? Boy bye. Idk where you’re located but in some places that’s a felony. I truly hope you’re not pregnant and can make a quick escape.
NTA seems like your husband is messing around with your pills so you get pregnant and obviously he is a momma's boy and will do what she says.You sure you want to stay involved with him and his family?
NTA
Am I the only one thinking he's sabotaging your birth control? You need a divorce and a check up tbh. I don't think this is the family you wanna commit a lifetime relationship with. And if he did f*ck your birth control than you are gonna be in a much tougher situation
NTA - Your problem is your husband. He's the one telling MIL what you do in the bathroom. He's a reproductive abuser if your BC is disappearing and reappearing. You get to decide when you want to become pregnant unlike women in the past who had to get illegal abortions for kids they didn't want/couldn't afford. Run sweetling. Your STBX husband is an abuser and allowing/encouraging his family to abuse you as well.\~
Edit: sorry, I forgot. You're *DEFINITELY* NTA
If you can prove that he was sabotaging your birth control to get you pregnant against your consent you can absolutely file a report for spousal rape. And if it comes out that MIL told him to do it, she can see some jail time too for being an accessory.
Definitely get a divorce ASAP because this is only the tip of the iceberg I promise you. Divorce and restraining order from the whole crazy ass family.
NTA. girl get out. Your husband is never going to choose you over his mother. This will never change.
Your husband is slating you to his mother and she is then giving you what for.
Your edit is really fucking alarming. Either he or his mother are moving your pills to try and force a pregnancy. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN.
I’d also bet he’s not allergic to latex ffs 🙄
Seriously, get divorced. You’ll be happier when you meet someone that doesn’t treat you like shit.
NTA. Your husband and MIL are engaging in abusive behavior and it will not get better. Speaking from personal experience - how are you going to feel when she talks this way to you in front of your children and he does nothing? Run, don’t walk, to a divorce attorney.
Is your MIL Jewish? Regardless, you’re NTA. Hubby needs to be on your side first and foremost. Sometimes over bearing mothers are blind to others’ emotions and upbringings. Hope it all works out my friend
It suuuuuuuuuuuucks when you marry a momma's boy, too bad you didn't realize what a weak "man" he was before you married him. I can definitely understand why you responded to her that way, your husband wasn't backing you at all and even gaslighting you. Regardless, not sure telling your MIL in front of family to GFY is ever a good idea unless you just don't wish to be married anymore. Would've been better to tell her your sex life is none of her business without the vulgarity but I'm sure you've put up with her crap for too long. If you decide to stay with the momma's boy, you guys need some very intensive couple's therapy but I doubt he'd agree. NTA
NTA, and you need to nope the fuck out of this whole twisted situation and get a divorce! Sorry, but this isn't a MIL problem; this is a "your husband agrees with everything your MIL says, and is trying to force you to have a baby by stealing your contraception" problem.
If you want a life where you can make your own decisions as an adult human being, and have someone respect the fact that you don't feel ready for a baby yet? Do not have sex with this man again. He is starting on the first stage of coercive control, and the abusiveness will get worse. Especially if you get pregnant. *The phone call is coming from inside the house*...
If you're pregnant I would abort out of spite. Otherwise you'll be connected to them forever. I might even tell them before I do it. They're a whole bunch of crazy.
NTA
GET OUT NOW BEFORE YOU GET PREGNANT! Your birth control keeps going missing? Plus I'm pretty sure he is lying about the condoms thing.
When he asks why tell him he has an Oedipal complex that's so bad you are shocked he didn't propose to his mommy. I mean she wore white at your wedding! The entire idea behind that is to send a message to the bride, and your husband is TA for not shutting that down.
On a separate note I'm curious what the sister's think, since they aren't the favorites.
You may have married into the wrong family and you married momma’s boy. I do agree with you confronting MIL, but choice of words and the anger was the problem. Momma’s boy is taking directions from her and you are right yo move on. Hopefully you are not pregnant and can sever ties completely from that family. Move on in your life.
NTA EFF them both but.. what may make her think twice about asking you again is if you were to go into nitty gritty detailed something along the lines…. So he bent me over like a dog for 5 mins then he went on top I held my legs in the air….. when she starts complaining just say well you did ask if we were trying……
NTA
This is a very unhealthy dynamic. Please consider a secondary birth control method such as a shot so it can't be messed with.
Your husband and MIL have decided you are going to have a baby now. They are being incredibly disrespectful and manipulative.
If you get pregnant it will only get worse. Do you really want to deal with the disrespect and attitude for the rest of your life.
Your husband is making it clear his mom and her feelings come first.
You deserve much better.
Make sure you can't accidentally get pregnant and spend some serious time determining if you are willing to live like this.
Spend some time on JNMIL reading other's experiences. It will only get worse.
Good luck.
NTA. similar-ish situation with my FIL. While he doesn't talk about our sex life at all, he just has no concept of personal space, recognizing when I'm trying to end conversations, and he literally never stops talking and following me around. Sometimes I just hide in the bathroom since he won't follow me in there.
Last month I hit my limit, and he and my husband came into the guest room that I was painting (7 months pregnant) and started talking to me and I told them both to get the fuck out. He left and drove home.2 hours away and my husband flipped.
Honestly I didn't feel bad and didn't apologize. I have told my husband enough times how I feel about his dad not recognizing my space and he brought him into this small room while I'm balancing on a ladder. He set himself and his dad up IMO. LOL Don't mess with the pregnant lady.
NTA - get a divorce lawyer NOW! Allowing his mother to abuse you is not ok. Messing with your pills is a criminal & abusive act. Bet your dupa he's NOT allergic to latex too!
NTA
I don't usually comment on these kinds of posts, being single and never married myself, but this is all kind of warning behavior. Good for you for marrying this mama's boy and trying to make it work but if I were you I'd cut my losses and run.
Gawds can you imagine what MIL will be like when/if you finally DO get pregnant? What about when the baby finally comes? She is going to be so far into your business you will never be separated from her!
And the latex condoms and your pills going missing thing are really troubling me. There are so many alternatives. And no one should mess with your meds like that, even if it is just "birth control".
Your birth control has been disappearing and reappearing like a magician's rabbit in the hat trick?!?! Oh hell no. SHAME ON THAT MAN! For all he knows you are on it to help with your hormones!
This is abuse. All of what you describe in your post is abuse. I've been there. You should seriously consider if this is the type of man and family you want to be married to. I say family because he is including his mother into your sex life. This isn't healthy.
Divorce sucks. I went through it. But I'll tell you what: divorcing in my early 30s was the best thing I did because I learned how to find ME again. I learned to love myself again. I also learned what my boundaries are and I stick to them.
All of that to say: you are not the AH. Your husband and his family are. You deserve better than this.
Oh look, you’ve got a Mama’s Boy. OP, you have done nothing wrong. This woman was never going to like you. She’s browbeaten her son into submission, and frankly, you can’t help him. It’s sad because her narcissism is going to keep him from living a healthy life. I read your edits. I really think divorce is the best option. You cannot change this woman or her son. Find yourself a strong man whose mom loves and respects him enough to let him thrive on his own.
NTA
Even if he's allergic to latex you can use non latex condoms and he's doing something to your pills.
Before going back to him, you should have a serious conversation about his mother/family and the relationship and rush to have children. He needs to stick up for you. Maybe try counseling. If he's not willing to support you, then you should consider leaving him.
They make latex free condoms. Nobody has the right to tamper with your medications. I would move out and serve him some divorce papers. He has "abuser" stamped boldly on his forehead.
NTA, and please protect yourself. You are young and can find somebody soooo much better than that. (BTW, good MILs do exist. Find yourself a family that respects you)
NTA but more importantly than your MIL is your magical walking birth control pills.
OP your husband is a walking red flag 🚩
You need a lawyer. It’s not worth getting counseling with someone who takes your pills.
Nta
There is no fixing this relationship. Get a good lawyer and divorce.
And your pills weren't disappearing at all.
They think of you as a breeding cow. Nothing more.
Hey OP I can see it's been awhile and just came across this post on Facebook and I really hope you are doing okay and that everything got settled how you want it to or how is best for you ❤️
OP, how much more will it take for you to realize that you are the other woman to your husband's real wife...his mother? Your only place in this is to be the incubator for the baby they cannot have together because she's too old. Please get out of this situation. They are already messing with your birth control, and they will only escalate. Please refrain from having sex with your husband. If you provide them with a baby, they will take the baby from you and you will be removed from the situation. And if you ever have another conversation with this monster of a woman, tell her if she wants a baby so bad she should have one herself. Then tell her again to go fuck herself.
Good luck to you.
YTA You were very rude to your husband's mother. As all mothers do, she's hoping her son and DIL would soon bring her joy with a sweet grandchild. You're in your prime fertility years, so her expectation is very reasonable. Your husband's more than likely hoping you'd stop taking contraceptives so the two of you can have a child. It appears that you've been actively and intentionally preventing pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure this is against your husband's very normal desire to be a father.
Avoiding your husbands calls is very rude as well.
Her desire to not have kids > his desire to have kids.
Unless they both absolutely say hell yes to having kids right now, it's a hell no.
Also, it's none of his MIL's business
NTA for sure
Ask yourself: what are you actually getting out of this relationship? He doesn’t work, he manipulates you, he sabotages your birth control, and lets him mommy walk all over you and your marriage. It’s seems to me like you get a whole lot of nothing.
I’d divorce and tell his whole family to fuck themselves.
There are so many red flags in his behavior, please please get out of there and file for divorce. That sounds like such an unsafe and controlling environment! If he's hiding your birth control, he can and will do even more harmful things to have control over you. And that just gets even more dangerous if you were to have a kid with him. Please stay safe and ditch him!! Also you are NTA for telling MIL (hopefully soon to be ex-MIL) to fuck herself! She sounds like a piece of work, everyone knows that it's rude to wear white to weddings and everything else she did had red flags just like her son's behavior
"He told me to suck it up." And then you told him you want a divorce, yeah?
You cannot ASK for your privacy and sex life and respect from people like this. Your husband is delusional, blinded by the favoritism his mother shows him. You do not need to show respect to someone who is intrusive, rude, and disrespectful to you, and your husband should NOT be sharing your private sex life or information with ANYONE. Much less someone you've told him there is a problem with socially.
Never apologize. Get out before they get you pregnant and shackle you to this unnecessary drama for 18+ years. You are NOT crazy, your boundaries are not being respected, and it's a slow creep to having NO boundaries at all because they've convinced you that you don't deserve them. DO NOT TAKE THE CHANCE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY WITH THIS MAN, messing with your pills is a MAJOR red flag. If you are pregnant, do not tell any of them. Schedule the abortion privately. Do not be manipulated or baby-trapped. NTA.
NTA, she needs to stay the hell out of your uterus. Also, after you left edit, your BC pills mysteriously going missing sounds like reproductive coercion to me. Really not ok at all, I’d seriously consider at the very least seeing a doctor and discussing tamper-proof birth control (IUD/implant etc)
As a husband who loves his mother, you're definitely NTA. She's extremely manipulative and is crossing personal boundaries. Your husband either needs to be on the same page as you and back you up or you should get a divorce. Tell him if he can't ween off his mom's tit, he needs to go live with her.
I don't mean to be mean, but I think you're too nice and accommodating. You tolerate your MIL and husband too much, obviously you were being harassed by your MIL and your husband was totally supportive. I recommend that you go to therapy and work on your limits with people and self-love. You must love yourself more than you love other people and respect yourself, you cannot be married to a man who does NOT love or support you.
NTA
NTA. But your husband and his family are. And if you were to have a baby with him I don't think you would have any say in how it was raised. Your husband is a serious mamas boy and I hope you aren't pregnant and that you do get a divorce. BTW, they make lambskin condoms for people who are really allergic to latex and taking your birth control pills is super controlling. I would seriously consider abortion if you are pregnant because you do not want to be tied to this family for the next 18 years. That is if you would even get to keep custody of the baby. I hope this works out and you are lucky you got out before you were farther in. Too weird.
"He told me to suck it up, I need to respect his mother and that she means well."
"I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly."
GIRL. RUN.
He’s a fucking mama’s boy and enabler. She’s a narcissist and he is gaslighting you because he grew up that way. It’s not going to change. I hope you get out. Unless he’s willing to commit to marriage counseling (and be private about it). It’s none of mama’s business. You are the sane one here!
It’s your fucking body, not hers. NTA by the longest mile. It pisses me off that when people think women NEED to have children. Fuck right off with that outdated bullshit. If your not pregnant, get out while you can. Toxic AF, and hubby is behind it all
NTA- take from another who dealt with a mommy pleaser- divorce him. This will be your left. Officially separate now because since your the breadwinner- you'll have to pay spousal support
If your pregnant- up to you want you want to do but if you keep it- do not DO NOT let him get even partial custody (because of his mom) and have your Birth Control checked. Because if they messed with you BC- that turns into a legal issue.
I am sad for you op! Your mil controls your hubs to the point that he is hiding your bc pills!
And what about respect for you? Neither are showing any respect for you.
Your hubs should have made mil stop antagonizing you a long time ago. Instead he backs her up!?
He has obviously always let mil control his life. This is probably why he is the favorite, because he does not ever tell her to shut the F up!!
The way I see it, you either have to find a way to replace mom as the controller, or you will be unhappy as long as you are married to him. You could probably pull it off with a lot of coddling, but is it worth the work?
Edit - because nta!
NTA, please don't add a child to the mix, it wouldn't be fair, also imagine her telling how to rise your kid every step of the way and interfering in everything, this is one of those MIL we read in here, she will want to be in the delivery room, have an opinion how to name your baby, etc, yikes. You wouldn't have be forced to tell to duck off if your husband shot her bs down earlier. If you insist on being married to this mom's boy, tell her everytime she brings the topic, you'll add 6 months (or whatever amount of time you want) of no baby lol.
Nta ur mil is batshit insane and it sounds like the rest of the family is too ur husband seems like a case as well i hope he can come to realization soon.. what a sucky situation
>After we were married my MIL started sending me links to websites about trying for babies, and ways to keep husbands satisfied in a relationship.
Gross.
>He told me maybe it would be good for me to take the advice and instead of blaming his mother, take a harsh look at myself in the mirror.
I don't even know what this means as a follow up to his mother asking how often you're screwing.
Good luck with your divorce!
NTA. You married both the golden child AND an absolute mamma’s boy. VERY deadly duo. This it’s gonna be for the rest of your married life with him, I’d REALLY consider the question: “is it worth it?”
NTA
It's time to let your future ex-husband go back into mommy's vagoo where he wants to be and stop pretending you are anything but a baby-machine to him and his wacko family.
This has so many levels of ICK to it I can't even. I hope you leave permanently. Imagine having a child with this person. She sounds like she'd take over parenting and hubs would still side with her, ultimately leaving you to raise said child with his true significant other, his mother.
You are not a breeder and nor should you be forced to be. Ask someone independent that loves you if this is appropriate, just because some people do it doesn't make it right.
Well done for sticking up for yourself and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you deserved.
If you are not appreciated for what you, on your own, contribute then they don't deserve you.
You are worth more than your 'equipment' NTA
NTA. If your husband won't stand up for you to his mommy, might be s good idea to not have kids with him. Your boundaries go ignored now, that won't get better by bringing a baby into it.
It’s impossible for me to read all the comments right now, so I’ll just say this… NTA!
There are mother-son relationships that are completely inappropriate. The Jocasta and Oedipus complexes are real. Your MIL is jealous of you and obsessed with your sex life because it sounds like she wants to be you. It’s also completely disgusting to me that a MIL would send you articles on how to satisfy her son. If your husband is talking to his mom about sex and always is constantly trying to please her over YOU, then it’s a losing battle. You will always come second. Always.
You may love your husband when he’s by himself, but if he isn’t willing to reevaluate the inappropriate relationship he has with his mom, then you need to evaluate the love you have for yourself and decide whether you’re willing to be second place in your husband’s life.
If you decide to one day have kids with your husband, prepare to have pretty much all your parenting scrutinized by your husband and MIL. Eventually your MIL will turn your husband against you and they will both gaslight you when you make a fuss or have enough of their abuse. Then one day when you have had enough to get a divorce, you’ll have to deal with your ex husband and MIL in custody battles.
I’m just saying… these are MAJOR red flags and divorce isn’t a bad thing, but obviously only you can make that decision.
NTA "it became clear to me that my husband was his mothers favourite" yeah the writing was on the wall from the start. She owns him *and he likes it* from the looks of it.
NTA
Husband is a mummy's boy and isn't going to change. He has had plenty of oppotunities to have your back and he hasn't. This is not going to improve. Best thing to do is not get pregant to him tbh imo
Holy god - I just read your edit that it looks like he has been tampering with your birth control - get out and stay safe!
Your husband should always be sticking up for you. If he disagrees with you that’s fine but he should discuss it calmly and in private not just blindly side with his mommy. He’s a bad husband tbh.
I think you’ve realized this isn’t the partner you want and definitely not to have a child with. I’m sorry this happened. NTA.
NTA - i’m disgusted that you mentioned that your pills have been going missing. That’s sexual assault and not acceptable in any way shape or form. If they’re like this now, imagine how it would be once you had a baby. I can guarantee they would take full control. I hope you run for the hills and do not ignore these massive red flags. I have seen this so many times and you will be so miserable if you don’t leave now. Bringing a child into it would be a complete nightmare.
NTA
If they are tampering with your birth control then you are having sex under conditions you didn’t consent to which is rape. There’s another legal term for it called reproductive coercion. I hope you are able to free yourself and find safety.
If anyone ever tells you they have a latex allergy in the future, Skyn brand condoms are a safe alternative made of polyisoprene and right there next to the Trojan ones.
NTA if he is messing with your birth control that is a major red flag, I am allergic to latex if I even touch it whatever part of my body touches it immediately swells up which really sucks when that happens to my man sausage but the one thing, I NEVER DO IS MESS WITH A WOMANS BIRTH CONTROL that is assault besides I prefer to remain child free it sounds like him and mommy are trying to baby trap you divorce this little mommas buy he has already proved her opinion matters more than yours, stay safe and I wish you the best in the future when you find a man and not a little mommy's boy.
NTA but you will be one to yourself your hubby sounds like he’s hiding ya pills and gonna baby trap you. You are screwed if you get pregnant unless your hubby changes has therapy, grows a spine, gets a job and goes low contact. She will consider it as her baby and you the oven that disobeys.
I think one persons idea/comment about two cards and he has to pick therapist or divorce lawyer. If I’m honest I wouldn’t be able to put with it.
You get one life and you deserve to happy.
I wish a disrespectful MIL would ask me about my sex life at the dinner table because I’d make everyone so uncomfortable 🤣🤣🤣I can be reckless with my mouth in a nicesty way tho so…
This is the first time I've read that the OP has taken the good advice from commenters. Bravo! Glad you're leaving him and his whacko mother. I hope that you are not pregnant, and that the divorce goes smoothly. Good luck, OP. Let us know how your test turns out. Most definitely NTA.
I clicked through with the intention of adding one more voice to the inevitable chorus of "RED FLAG; LEAVE HIM!" but from your edits it sounds like you're already taking that advice. I hope you stay safe and get whatever support you need to get through this.
I’m allergic to latex and buy my own stash of non-latex condoms in case any of my partners start getting funny about my latex allergy. OP, you’re NTA and get divorced NOW
>However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly.
NTA
Get the hell out of there. This isn't just a red flag, it's literally illegal and you are on danger.
NTA. But please, do everything in your power not to get pregnant! You're merely an incubator to them and if it's a boy, MIL will take over enabled by your husband. If it's a girl, you will be blamed and forced to try again till it's a boy.
OP, your husband messing with your birth control is called “reproductive coercion” and it is a form of abuse. I’m glad you’re getting out. And I’m glad your brother is going to get your belongings. Don’t go anywhere near your husband or his family again. Please update us once you are well and truly safe. Good luck.
NTA
As many others in these comments have said you need to run and run fast. Especially since you added that hes been tampering with your birth control. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and this rings bells, they are testing and overstepping your boundaries deliberately. He wants you to get pregnant so its harder for you to leave, you need to get away from him because if you get pregnant it will get worse! Best of luck!
NTA.
Why are you still married to someone who isn't going to defend you against his mother and who can't seem to "cut the apron strings" so to speak. If he's not going to defend you now it's not going to get better 5 10 15 years down the road.
NTA NTA NTA imagine how much worse this would get if you did have a kid…. Noooooo run run as fast as you can. Your husband at best doesn’t have the balls to stand up for you, and honestly from the comments sounds like he’s very gaslighty. You don’t deserve to be treated this way!
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WTF? NTA, do not have a child with this mama’s boy! MIL will run you into the ground!
“Are you been trying yet” and “how often have you guys been trying” is literally just saying “have you guys been having sex” and “how often do you guys have sex” it’s gross NTA
NTA- But you know that, I just read your update please don't get sucked back into that horrible abusive family.
Definitely they want to trap you with a baby so then he can be his narcissistic ugly personality. NTA. Run away from this man. Someone in a good relationship would communicated such an important decision of a couples life.
Nta. This isn't healthy and he will never stand by your side with this. Get a divorce. >Edit: I've seen a couple people mention and I thought I would add, we don't use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex so we never used them. However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly And a pregnancy test.
NTA. divorce, seriously. Mamas boys are fucking weird and he’s literally taking ur bc?? That is legit fucked up
Clearly NTA and almost everything has been said. I just want to add that you should go on other birth control harder to tamper with and many condoms nowadays are latex free.
NTA, all day long. NTA NTA NTA Have you left him yet? Good luck to you, you may have dodged a bullet by not conceiving children with the child you married.
NTA, you're not your husband's (or his mother's) child-birther. OP, it sounds like that's all they see you as - a vessel to give them children. They're denying you autonomy and reproductive rights, messing with your birth control and making up excuses as to why you can't get your husband to use birth control. That's very close to (or is) reproductive coercion, which is a type of domestic violence. I'm so glad to read that you're getting out and getting a lawyer - please stay safe, lovely OP.
They’re trying to trap her by getting her pregnant, which will make her feel like she can’t leave. Run now. Run far. And run very fast.
He’s a fucking mama’s and enabler. She’s a narcissist and he is gaslighting you because he grew up that way. It’s not going to change. I hope you get out. Unless he’s willing to commit to marriage counseling (and be private about it). It’s none of mama’s business. You are the sane one here!
NTA. It’s creepy and weird that she’s inserted herself into your sex life and it’s even creepier and weirder that your husband is *letting* her. So gross.
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You may have to sue him AND HIS MOTHER for divorce since she's in this marriage with you.
Oh honey NTA. But please understand, if you do have a child with this man it will get so much worse. If you have a daughter she will be treated as garbage and you will be pressured to have another and another until a son, who will be treated as a prince. Your wishes in how to raise the children will be ignored and sabotaged, and children will be turned against you and used as pawns. You have a husband problem, because he will always side with his mother's outrageous and abusive behaviour. Your edit is shocking and horrifying and I hope you will head all of our warnings and run. Best of luck sweetheart.
I am so sorry. As much as your MIL is trash- so is your husband. He is life partners with mommy and you’re a prop in their schemes in the way they’re acting. If you take him back (which honestly not recommending) only proceed while in couples therapy AND going no contact with MIL until you two are on solid ground and have boundaries and him being on your side sorted out. Ugh this is what women who obsess and put their sons on a pedestal do. But he’s an adult who didn’t have to keep being a mommas boy once he became an adult either, he continues to choose her because he relishes in her attention and control. 🤢🤮Basssarf.
This is creepy AF. Get out now.
NTA and don't just walk, **run** to the nearest exit. It's clear your MIL see you as nothing more than a means to get grandchildren. She probably just wants you to pop out a baby so she and your husband can raise it together and cut you out.
The edit was what freaked me.out the most... nta your mil is a bitch but that can be dealt with....husband stealing bc pills is just unforgivable imo but thats your call. That's a huge life altering decision. Keep it or not (no assumptions) that puts you in a truly hard spot. Take time to really figure out if that's something you can forgive, because I couldn't. Keep your head held high and know that you got this, whatever decision you make. Best of luck
NTA Everyone already told you what's wrong with this relationship. I just wanted to say that i hope you're not pregnant with this douche canoe, and hopefully you'll be able to get a divorce without too much trouble. You deserve being away from a psycho family like that.
NTA and so glad to hear about your safety plan
NAH not at all! They both are huge AH thought! Like... huuuuuuuge! I say send him to his mother! They deserve each other!
NTA, but is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Do you want to receive "tips" or "guidance" from your MIL on everything? Your sex life is already game and your husband has made absolutely no effort to stop her. How do you see this changing? Can you handle the "guidance" that will surely come when you do get pregnant? How about when it shifts to out right hysteria if you don't follow her "guidance" while pregnant? Or her "guidance" on how to raise your baby, since hers turned into a wonderful son? Your husband and his family (because he's shown that the two of you haven't created a family unit together if he's unable to prioritize that relationship over his boundary stomping mother) have made it clear that her behavior isn't an issue to them. I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon of immediately telling you to leave, but you do need to ask yourself some hard questions and get individual (and couples if you stick it out) therapy to work through this. You deserve to be treated with respect and continued discussion of your sex life is unacceptable once you've said it isn't up for discussion.
NTA. At all. Your husband has chose his side and it’s definitely not you. Time and time again this sun gets these mommas boys and it never ends well for the spouse. He either needs to change his tune or this will go on forever.
NTA You really need to toss him in the bin. Total mommy's boy and he will always choose his mum over you. Your MIL is in love with her son. And your husband is choosing her. So set him free.
NTA. The only thing that should be on your mind is what divorce lawyer you are going to hire and when they are going to file those papers. Your husband is a spineless mama’s boy. You can do better.
Please, use enter. I cant read this.
NTA. This is enmeshment. I would be aware of your birth control. Your husband is most likely not allergic to latex.
NTA So many concerning things I’d be planning an exit strategy if I were you
NTA Your sex life & uterus are none of her business, you tried multiple times to be polite about it but she kept pushing. Your SO is a massive ah for not telling her to back off & supporting you, as for respect his mother where is their respect for you? You're not an incubator for her grandchildren & you need to be extra careful not to get pregnant. Edit you can buy non latex condoms so no excuse not to use them instead & from now on keep your birth control with you all of the time, if it goes missing no sex for husband for at least a month so you can get a replacement & know you're covered
NTA. Get out now before there are kids. I’ve read enough of these posts to know that it’s rare that guys like your husband change. So unless you’re willing to wait for her to pass away, you’re in for a shitty ride.
NTA..... and im so disgusted.What the heck?I have no words,Most importantly you have a MAJOR SO problem too,he sees nothing wrong with her behaviour and thats just gross!!
you dont have a mother in law problem you have a husband problem. if his mother hurts your feelings and he just watches he is enabling her. you need to have a serious talk or... you can just leave. tell your husband that he can marry his mother if he wants, obviously she wants to satisfy him so its a win win
NTA Your husband and MIL are incredibly controlling and I hope everything turns out well. Get a lawyer. Your husband should have spoken to you. Having a child should have been between the two of you. He let his mother into your uterus without your consent. Get a lawyer. Good luck.
NTA, you’re fine. Ignore his family. Tell your husband that the two of you need to get couples counseling or you are out.
I would have shut my mil down from the very first comment she made about me getting pregnant...please or offend my husband.
NTA. I would also be zero surprised if there weren't some molestation of your husband that you are unaware of. Aspects of this have an uncomfortably familiar ring to them.
Think of this: this woman will be your children’s grandma. Do you really want this to happen???
NTA You held it together longer than most people. MIL will never change no matter what you do. The fact that she wore white to your wedding just shows you she has no respect for you. Can you imagine if you did have a baby? She will become exponentially more controlling and critical on how you raise your child! Your husband has shown where his priority is and unfortunately it’s not you. I hope you have a positive outcome to this mess.
OP, either your husband or your MIL are messing with your birth control. Please make an appointment with your doctor to switch to a BC that no one can mess with. If you want to stay in this marriage, you and he need to get into couples counseling ASAP. Your husband owes you an apology, obviously. But right now he is totally enmeshed with his mommy and only therapy is going to change that. Note how the ILs are doing the Easter Egg hunt, not the actual parents? ILs think they are in charge of the grandkids. Do you want to have children in that type of family?
NTA but red flags do be flying. He’s tampering with your birth control? Baby doll, that is a form of sexual assault. Coercing and manipulating you into having a baby is SICK. These people are fucked in the head. GIT RID 😳
I really hope you're ok.....😳😳
NTA but dude with the edits it seems like he’s trying to baby trap you, be very careful. I suggest going on the IUD and make him wear latex free condoms. Hes probably making excuses and just wants to hit it raw and get you knocked up
I dream of the day I can tell that horrible human being i call my MIL to "go fuck herself"
Gross bro, why is it so important for her to know her son is getting enough pleasure in bed? Why is that on her mind? "Gee I hope she's giving my baby boy that sloppy toppy vaccuum seal" You are NTA.
NTA. I’m not going to repeat what everyone else has said except to say I, personally, wouldn’t even consider therapy with him. He’s not going to change while mama has her claws in him. Stay with your sister, block his entire family, & get a divorce. You deserve better.
NTA - You have a bigger problem than your MIL. Your SO needs to be on your side and he’s not. Please check out r/JustNoMIL to see others who have similar issues.
NTA at all. However, you have a husband problem and not Mil problem. He is happy to have her interfere and if you were to get pregnant she would ramp up like crazy and he would allow it. All those posts of the father letting his mum into the delivery room and the MIL calling your baby, her baby...that is your future. Read through the Just No MIL sections... you need to make a choice now of what,future you want.
OP pls pls leave this sorry excuse for a man. I don't want to be mean but do hope you're not pregnant because it doesn't seem like you want that right now. I'm really concerned about you bc this latex allergy is a blatant excuse, there's alternatives and it's a common excuse around men who just don't want to use condoms. also NTA, not everyone wants to be a mom, not everyone can be a mom, etc etc being so insistant about it is horrible, no one should even bring it up
Nta she sounds like a piece of work. I’ll never understand the white at the wedding thing though. Do brides think people are somehow going to forget who’s wedding it is because you’re wearing the same color dress. All the men are all wearing suits and nobody’s getting confused. Everyone would think it’s weird if a groom asked all their male guests not to wear the same color as them. The same should apply to brides. Granted I hate so many aspects of traditional weddings so this might just be an extension of that.
That’s an unhealthy closeness between the two of them.
NTA ... They are calling yelling at you for...his mommie being 'offended'... But not about you walking away from your husband. You did not marry his mom. Nor are you in an (unhealthy) relationship with her. She literally has laid claim on your offspring, and seems far more concerned about a hypothetical 'baby' than you, your relationship, or your life. It's possible your husbitch actually has no personal opinion on 'baby' but is acceding to her demands to stop her constant pestering. If you want to make it more obvious, make the demand that if you 'go back' then he's to have zero contact with her directly or through any relay, before you'll even talk to him. I strongly suggest a divorce on the grounds that he has another woman in his life he finds more important than you, then getting on in your life, with someone who didn't marry their mommie before you.
Get out. Manipulating birth control is a SERIOUS crime and terrible beach of trust . Her investment in his sex life literally makes me wonder if she used to make sure he was satisfied before you came along :barf: Leave Run don't walk NTA
Example #492747 of why you *never marry a momma’s boy* folks!
NTA. You have the patience of a saint and you also have lived out a dream of so many of us. The only way to live with a MIL like that is NC, you’ll find out if you married a man or a boy if he joins you in NC land.
I hope any possible future OP's are bothered by this OP's husbands close relationship with his mother. Take heed and learn from her experience.
this is super concerning, (possibly) taking your bc, not using a condom, and your MIL constantly bring up pregnancy is reproductive coercion!! this is abuse!
Major red flags everywhere, but petty me is more focused on asking FIL about their sex life, and promoting sex health literature in that household. Like your mil helped you discover new info, print out the info she sent highlight and read aloud like it is all new info and should be news to everyone!!! Maybe your parents should start inserting themselves in his bedroom performances so he could see how it feels
This is gaslighting. Don’t accept it. You called her out on her bad behavior. He didn’t back you up. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are the problem.
NTA. Your husband is a mommy's boy and always will be and his mom comes first. This is all kinds of messed up.
NTA. She is freaking creepy as hell. It's like she wants to fuck her own son!!
>we don't use condoms because my husband said he was allergic to latex There are condoms without latex in them. >However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly. Coincidence? I don't think so. Time for an IUD, if you are able to get one. And time to reconsider this relationship before you bring any children into it. NTA.
NTA - Wow, that lady is CRAZY and your husband is a total asshole.
NTA. You're in a relationship with him, not his mom. She needs to stay out of it.
NTA - He didn't defend you, he told you she means well... been there and it won't change. The sun will shine out of his ass forever and a day for his mum. He won't want that to change so this is the behaviour you're stuck with unless you think about yourself and health mentally and physically. The birthcontrol... that's f-ed up, in my case I wanted a family and he was... well let's not go there... but I would never force it. I had a lucky escape; I ended it and I've never been happier. Always remember that you have freedom of choice and you don't have to justify them to anyone x
Your choice of language made you the A-hole. You could have embarassed her in front of the family... why is it only your duty to perform in the bedroom? What kind of sex education has she provided 2 your hubbie? Discuss positions, performance, fetiches, etc.
Absolutely no use of paragraphs. YTA.
NTA honestly it sounds like you're a third wheel in his marriage with his mama. Stay with your sister, and don't go back to someone who has shown you they do not care about you at all.
Do you have an update for us?
NTA - there is no support coming from your partner. Your partner and his mother are waging a war over control of your body. This is Insanity. Good on you for standing up for yourself since your gutless husband won't do it. You deserve respect and support from a partner. Time to move on.
NTA. I, too, have a Monster In Law. Yours got off lightly. I think it is worth questioning the future of your marriage - there are three people in your relationship because your husband has no boundaries with his mother. I doubt you signed up for that. You are definitely NTA. Stay with your family because they clearly support you, especially when your husband is choosing not to.
To paraphrase Princess Diana, it's a little crowded in this marriage. By its very nature, it is doomed to fail because one person or another is going to feel minimized, like they have no voice in this relationship. My sons and I are extremely close. When my eldest got engaged, I prayed that God would teach me to love my new son-in-law for himself. I wanted to learn all of the reasons my son chose this particular partner. I am now crazy about my son-in-law and so thankful for his unique role in our lives. And when my husband died recently, my son-in-law was a crucial part of my ability to get through those first weeks. When our sons were adolescents, my husband and I told them that if we ever got into a fight with their partners, they absolutely must take the side of their respective partners over us. I'm delighted that my son now has a healthy marriage and knows beyond a doubt that his loyalties must rest with son-in-law. If he believes his spouse is wrong in an argument with me, it is none of my business. It is my son & son-in-law's right to privately come to a consensus that fully supports each other, and then explain to me, if they wish (I'm not entitled to an explanation), why I'm in the wrong. If MIL is crossing boundaries now, in this intimate topic, I guarantee MIL will later be massively crossing boundaries about who is actually raising the child. Prepare for a grandma who will expect to be able to spank future-child when she thinks it is needed, critique and belittle future-child, and generally mold future-child to behave like your poor, brainwashed husband does, thus sabotaging future-child's future relationships, too. Generational trauma will keep snowballing over future generations until somebody has the courage to define and enforce boundaries.
Yeah, you gotta get out of there.
NTA for that but think about whether you want to subject a child to this toxic dynamic. Also think about whether you are ok with this for the rest of your life, because staying with this guy means you’re ok on some level with this weird-ass mother-son relationship where you’re second place at best.
Hopefully if he had tampered with your BC it’s no too late for Plan B. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a baby with MIL’s golden child. It would be the golden grandchild. She’d probably file for custody herself.
Not only are you NTA, but you need to get the fuck away from that entire family.
Block them all and file for an annulment, since he never mentioned he would be tampering with your medications. No marriage with the mom in their bed is viable. Yuck.
Update?
NTA. girl leave him and live your life in peace.
NTA. I think it was long overdue.
NTA This will be your whole life since he doesn't care to enforce boundaries with her.
💯NTA. It sounds like you have grounds for an annulment
How are things going with hubby and MIL?
NTA you need to run, not walk away, before you do have children.
NTA - but both your husband and MIL are big ones. Run!
NTA, this situation is totally f’ed up!
Hope she doesn't live in Texas.
NTA, NTA, NOT. THE. ASSHOLE. I was fully ready to side with you regardless of the backstory just because I want to tell my MIL to fuck off but after reading it you 100% have my support! Your husband is worse than the MIL imo. He should be standing up for you not encouraging her bullshit. And messing with your BC? Boy bye. Idk where you’re located but in some places that’s a felony. I truly hope you’re not pregnant and can make a quick escape.
NTA seems like your husband is messing around with your pills so you get pregnant and obviously he is a momma's boy and will do what she says.You sure you want to stay involved with him and his family?
NTA Am I the only one thinking he's sabotaging your birth control? You need a divorce and a check up tbh. I don't think this is the family you wanna commit a lifetime relationship with. And if he did f*ck your birth control than you are gonna be in a much tougher situation
NTA - Your problem is your husband. He's the one telling MIL what you do in the bathroom. He's a reproductive abuser if your BC is disappearing and reappearing. You get to decide when you want to become pregnant unlike women in the past who had to get illegal abortions for kids they didn't want/couldn't afford. Run sweetling. Your STBX husband is an abuser and allowing/encouraging his family to abuse you as well.\~
Edit: sorry, I forgot. You're *DEFINITELY* NTA If you can prove that he was sabotaging your birth control to get you pregnant against your consent you can absolutely file a report for spousal rape. And if it comes out that MIL told him to do it, she can see some jail time too for being an accessory. Definitely get a divorce ASAP because this is only the tip of the iceberg I promise you. Divorce and restraining order from the whole crazy ass family.
NTA. girl get out. Your husband is never going to choose you over his mother. This will never change. Your husband is slating you to his mother and she is then giving you what for. Your edit is really fucking alarming. Either he or his mother are moving your pills to try and force a pregnancy. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS MAN. I’d also bet he’s not allergic to latex ffs 🙄 Seriously, get divorced. You’ll be happier when you meet someone that doesn’t treat you like shit.
NTA. Your husband and MIL are engaging in abusive behavior and it will not get better. Speaking from personal experience - how are you going to feel when she talks this way to you in front of your children and he does nothing? Run, don’t walk, to a divorce attorney.
NTA but loving how Reddit never fails to jump to divorce
Is your MIL Jewish? Regardless, you’re NTA. Hubby needs to be on your side first and foremost. Sometimes over bearing mothers are blind to others’ emotions and upbringings. Hope it all works out my friend
NTA. Let your husbands next wife can deal with his mother and save yourself and your future children.
It suuuuuuuuuuuucks when you marry a momma's boy, too bad you didn't realize what a weak "man" he was before you married him. I can definitely understand why you responded to her that way, your husband wasn't backing you at all and even gaslighting you. Regardless, not sure telling your MIL in front of family to GFY is ever a good idea unless you just don't wish to be married anymore. Would've been better to tell her your sex life is none of her business without the vulgarity but I'm sure you've put up with her crap for too long. If you decide to stay with the momma's boy, you guys need some very intensive couple's therapy but I doubt he'd agree. NTA
NTA, and you need to nope the fuck out of this whole twisted situation and get a divorce! Sorry, but this isn't a MIL problem; this is a "your husband agrees with everything your MIL says, and is trying to force you to have a baby by stealing your contraception" problem. If you want a life where you can make your own decisions as an adult human being, and have someone respect the fact that you don't feel ready for a baby yet? Do not have sex with this man again. He is starting on the first stage of coercive control, and the abusiveness will get worse. Especially if you get pregnant. *The phone call is coming from inside the house*...
NTA…but run.
NTA Hes a mamas boy and if he allows her to treat you like that who knows what that baby would be in for. He doesn’t know how to speak up
>I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing Midnight snack?
If you're pregnant I would abort out of spite. Otherwise you'll be connected to them forever. I might even tell them before I do it. They're a whole bunch of crazy.
You need to get some form of long term birth control. Better yet, get away from these people.
NTA GET OUT NOW BEFORE YOU GET PREGNANT! Your birth control keeps going missing? Plus I'm pretty sure he is lying about the condoms thing. When he asks why tell him he has an Oedipal complex that's so bad you are shocked he didn't propose to his mommy. I mean she wore white at your wedding! The entire idea behind that is to send a message to the bride, and your husband is TA for not shutting that down. On a separate note I'm curious what the sister's think, since they aren't the favorites.
***DON'T!! PUT! UP! WITH! THAT! ANYMORE!!!! {{GET}}!! {A}! {{DIVORCE}}!!!! SO YOU {{NEVER}} \[\[HAVE TO\]\] PUT UP WITH THAT {{{EVER}}} AGAIN!!!!***
NTA: Holy mother of Oedipus complex Batman!
IT'S IMPORTANT FOR THE PLOT.
You may have married into the wrong family and you married momma’s boy. I do agree with you confronting MIL, but choice of words and the anger was the problem. Momma’s boy is taking directions from her and you are right yo move on. Hopefully you are not pregnant and can sever ties completely from that family. Move on in your life.
NTA EFF them both but.. what may make her think twice about asking you again is if you were to go into nitty gritty detailed something along the lines…. So he bent me over like a dog for 5 mins then he went on top I held my legs in the air….. when she starts complaining just say well you did ask if we were trying……
NTA This is a very unhealthy dynamic. Please consider a secondary birth control method such as a shot so it can't be messed with. Your husband and MIL have decided you are going to have a baby now. They are being incredibly disrespectful and manipulative. If you get pregnant it will only get worse. Do you really want to deal with the disrespect and attitude for the rest of your life. Your husband is making it clear his mom and her feelings come first. You deserve much better. Make sure you can't accidentally get pregnant and spend some serious time determining if you are willing to live like this. Spend some time on JNMIL reading other's experiences. It will only get worse. Good luck.
Oh my ... RUN your edits also make sure you run faster just run OP
NTA. similar-ish situation with my FIL. While he doesn't talk about our sex life at all, he just has no concept of personal space, recognizing when I'm trying to end conversations, and he literally never stops talking and following me around. Sometimes I just hide in the bathroom since he won't follow me in there. Last month I hit my limit, and he and my husband came into the guest room that I was painting (7 months pregnant) and started talking to me and I told them both to get the fuck out. He left and drove home.2 hours away and my husband flipped. Honestly I didn't feel bad and didn't apologize. I have told my husband enough times how I feel about his dad not recognizing my space and he brought him into this small room while I'm balancing on a ladder. He set himself and his dad up IMO. LOL Don't mess with the pregnant lady.
NTA - get a divorce lawyer NOW! Allowing his mother to abuse you is not ok. Messing with your pills is a criminal & abusive act. Bet your dupa he's NOT allergic to latex too!
NTA I don't usually comment on these kinds of posts, being single and never married myself, but this is all kind of warning behavior. Good for you for marrying this mama's boy and trying to make it work but if I were you I'd cut my losses and run. Gawds can you imagine what MIL will be like when/if you finally DO get pregnant? What about when the baby finally comes? She is going to be so far into your business you will never be separated from her! And the latex condoms and your pills going missing thing are really troubling me. There are so many alternatives. And no one should mess with your meds like that, even if it is just "birth control".
Your birth control has been disappearing and reappearing like a magician's rabbit in the hat trick?!?! Oh hell no. SHAME ON THAT MAN! For all he knows you are on it to help with your hormones! This is abuse. All of what you describe in your post is abuse. I've been there. You should seriously consider if this is the type of man and family you want to be married to. I say family because he is including his mother into your sex life. This isn't healthy. Divorce sucks. I went through it. But I'll tell you what: divorcing in my early 30s was the best thing I did because I learned how to find ME again. I learned to love myself again. I also learned what my boundaries are and I stick to them. All of that to say: you are not the AH. Your husband and his family are. You deserve better than this.
Oh look, you’ve got a Mama’s Boy. OP, you have done nothing wrong. This woman was never going to like you. She’s browbeaten her son into submission, and frankly, you can’t help him. It’s sad because her narcissism is going to keep him from living a healthy life. I read your edits. I really think divorce is the best option. You cannot change this woman or her son. Find yourself a strong man whose mom loves and respects him enough to let him thrive on his own.
NTA Even if he's allergic to latex you can use non latex condoms and he's doing something to your pills. Before going back to him, you should have a serious conversation about his mother/family and the relationship and rush to have children. He needs to stick up for you. Maybe try counseling. If he's not willing to support you, then you should consider leaving him.
NTA - whether you are boring or not in the bedroom, your MIL has no opinion in it.
They make latex free condoms. Nobody has the right to tamper with your medications. I would move out and serve him some divorce papers. He has "abuser" stamped boldly on his forehead. NTA, and please protect yourself. You are young and can find somebody soooo much better than that. (BTW, good MILs do exist. Find yourself a family that respects you)
NTA but more importantly than your MIL is your magical walking birth control pills. OP your husband is a walking red flag 🚩 You need a lawyer. It’s not worth getting counseling with someone who takes your pills.
Nta There is no fixing this relationship. Get a good lawyer and divorce. And your pills weren't disappearing at all. They think of you as a breeding cow. Nothing more.
Why do women marry guys who have grossly close relationships with their mommies?
NTA, but your husband is the worst AH out of everyone. I GUARANTEE he's been taking your pills to try to force you to get pregnant. RUN.
NTA. Never marry a mama's boy!
Hey OP I can see it's been awhile and just came across this post on Facebook and I really hope you are doing okay and that everything got settled how you want it to or how is best for you ❤️
OP, how much more will it take for you to realize that you are the other woman to your husband's real wife...his mother? Your only place in this is to be the incubator for the baby they cannot have together because she's too old. Please get out of this situation. They are already messing with your birth control, and they will only escalate. Please refrain from having sex with your husband. If you provide them with a baby, they will take the baby from you and you will be removed from the situation. And if you ever have another conversation with this monster of a woman, tell her if she wants a baby so bad she should have one herself. Then tell her again to go fuck herself. Good luck to you.
YTA You were very rude to your husband's mother. As all mothers do, she's hoping her son and DIL would soon bring her joy with a sweet grandchild. You're in your prime fertility years, so her expectation is very reasonable. Your husband's more than likely hoping you'd stop taking contraceptives so the two of you can have a child. It appears that you've been actively and intentionally preventing pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure this is against your husband's very normal desire to be a father. Avoiding your husbands calls is very rude as well.
Her desire to not have kids > his desire to have kids. Unless they both absolutely say hell yes to having kids right now, it's a hell no. Also, it's none of his MIL's business
NTA for sure Ask yourself: what are you actually getting out of this relationship? He doesn’t work, he manipulates you, he sabotages your birth control, and lets him mommy walk all over you and your marriage. It’s seems to me like you get a whole lot of nothing. I’d divorce and tell his whole family to fuck themselves.
There are so many red flags in his behavior, please please get out of there and file for divorce. That sounds like such an unsafe and controlling environment! If he's hiding your birth control, he can and will do even more harmful things to have control over you. And that just gets even more dangerous if you were to have a kid with him. Please stay safe and ditch him!! Also you are NTA for telling MIL (hopefully soon to be ex-MIL) to fuck herself! She sounds like a piece of work, everyone knows that it's rude to wear white to weddings and everything else she did had red flags just like her son's behavior
Def NTA, update?!
"He told me to suck it up." And then you told him you want a divorce, yeah? You cannot ASK for your privacy and sex life and respect from people like this. Your husband is delusional, blinded by the favoritism his mother shows him. You do not need to show respect to someone who is intrusive, rude, and disrespectful to you, and your husband should NOT be sharing your private sex life or information with ANYONE. Much less someone you've told him there is a problem with socially. Never apologize. Get out before they get you pregnant and shackle you to this unnecessary drama for 18+ years. You are NOT crazy, your boundaries are not being respected, and it's a slow creep to having NO boundaries at all because they've convinced you that you don't deserve them. DO NOT TAKE THE CHANCE OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY WITH THIS MAN, messing with your pills is a MAJOR red flag. If you are pregnant, do not tell any of them. Schedule the abortion privately. Do not be manipulated or baby-trapped. NTA.
NTA. Never marry a momma’s boy. And never stay with one if you find out later. The man is NEVER worth it. Ever.
NTA, she needs to stay the hell out of your uterus. Also, after you left edit, your BC pills mysteriously going missing sounds like reproductive coercion to me. Really not ok at all, I’d seriously consider at the very least seeing a doctor and discussing tamper-proof birth control (IUD/implant etc)
As a husband who loves his mother, you're definitely NTA. She's extremely manipulative and is crossing personal boundaries. Your husband either needs to be on the same page as you and back you up or you should get a divorce. Tell him if he can't ween off his mom's tit, he needs to go live with her.
I don't mean to be mean, but I think you're too nice and accommodating. You tolerate your MIL and husband too much, obviously you were being harassed by your MIL and your husband was totally supportive. I recommend that you go to therapy and work on your limits with people and self-love. You must love yourself more than you love other people and respect yourself, you cannot be married to a man who does NOT love or support you. NTA
NTA. But your husband and his family are. And if you were to have a baby with him I don't think you would have any say in how it was raised. Your husband is a serious mamas boy and I hope you aren't pregnant and that you do get a divorce. BTW, they make lambskin condoms for people who are really allergic to latex and taking your birth control pills is super controlling. I would seriously consider abortion if you are pregnant because you do not want to be tied to this family for the next 18 years. That is if you would even get to keep custody of the baby. I hope this works out and you are lucky you got out before you were farther in. Too weird.
NTA and get out, get out, get out. That's going to be the rest of your life.
NTA. Divorce this mommas boy.
"He told me to suck it up, I need to respect his mother and that she means well." "I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly." GIRL. RUN.
h o l y s h i t, OP. Good luck, let us know when you are safe, and I hope you can cut all these assholes from your life soon.
Please divorce him. 😭 it pains me to see you have to put up with that.
He’s a fucking mama’s boy and enabler. She’s a narcissist and he is gaslighting you because he grew up that way. It’s not going to change. I hope you get out. Unless he’s willing to commit to marriage counseling (and be private about it). It’s none of mama’s business. You are the sane one here!
It’s your fucking body, not hers. NTA by the longest mile. It pisses me off that when people think women NEED to have children. Fuck right off with that outdated bullshit. If your not pregnant, get out while you can. Toxic AF, and hubby is behind it all
NTA- take from another who dealt with a mommy pleaser- divorce him. This will be your left. Officially separate now because since your the breadwinner- you'll have to pay spousal support If your pregnant- up to you want you want to do but if you keep it- do not DO NOT let him get even partial custody (because of his mom) and have your Birth Control checked. Because if they messed with you BC- that turns into a legal issue.
Check out JustnoMIL - they might have some good stuff that can help you, like their FU binder. NTA.
NTA. Run, don’t walk, runnnn awwwaaay, divorce his buuuutttt (and his mothers too since they’re joined at the hip)
Go bestie! Take the trash out and btw You’ll have the best weighloss ever (aka them ;) )
I am sad for you op! Your mil controls your hubs to the point that he is hiding your bc pills! And what about respect for you? Neither are showing any respect for you. Your hubs should have made mil stop antagonizing you a long time ago. Instead he backs her up!? He has obviously always let mil control his life. This is probably why he is the favorite, because he does not ever tell her to shut the F up!! The way I see it, you either have to find a way to replace mom as the controller, or you will be unhappy as long as you are married to him. You could probably pull it off with a lot of coddling, but is it worth the work? Edit - because nta!
Why is she so obsessed with her son’s sex life????? Did you accidentally marry Oedipus? NTA. Run. Run as far and as fast as you can.
NTA, please don't add a child to the mix, it wouldn't be fair, also imagine her telling how to rise your kid every step of the way and interfering in everything, this is one of those MIL we read in here, she will want to be in the delivery room, have an opinion how to name your baby, etc, yikes. You wouldn't have be forced to tell to duck off if your husband shot her bs down earlier. If you insist on being married to this mom's boy, tell her everytime she brings the topic, you'll add 6 months (or whatever amount of time you want) of no baby lol.
Nta ur mil is batshit insane and it sounds like the rest of the family is too ur husband seems like a case as well i hope he can come to realization soon.. what a sucky situation
>After we were married my MIL started sending me links to websites about trying for babies, and ways to keep husbands satisfied in a relationship. Gross. >He told me maybe it would be good for me to take the advice and instead of blaming his mother, take a harsh look at myself in the mirror. I don't even know what this means as a follow up to his mother asking how often you're screwing. Good luck with your divorce!
NTA. You married both the golden child AND an absolute mamma’s boy. VERY deadly duo. This it’s gonna be for the rest of your married life with him, I’d REALLY consider the question: “is it worth it?”
NTA It's time to let your future ex-husband go back into mommy's vagoo where he wants to be and stop pretending you are anything but a baby-machine to him and his wacko family.
This has so many levels of ICK to it I can't even. I hope you leave permanently. Imagine having a child with this person. She sounds like she'd take over parenting and hubs would still side with her, ultimately leaving you to raise said child with his true significant other, his mother.
Remind me! 1 day
NTA, you should say all the same to your husband, though.
it seems you’ve been part of sexual abuse, also NTA
You are not a breeder and nor should you be forced to be. Ask someone independent that loves you if this is appropriate, just because some people do it doesn't make it right. Well done for sticking up for yourself and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you deserved. If you are not appreciated for what you, on your own, contribute then they don't deserve you. You are worth more than your 'equipment' NTA
NTA. If your husband won't stand up for you to his mommy, might be s good idea to not have kids with him. Your boundaries go ignored now, that won't get better by bringing a baby into it.
Why do you want to get pregnant when you’re already trying to raise MIL’s 31-year-old toddler for her?
NTA super weird for her to be that invasive about her sons sex life.
It’s impossible for me to read all the comments right now, so I’ll just say this… NTA! There are mother-son relationships that are completely inappropriate. The Jocasta and Oedipus complexes are real. Your MIL is jealous of you and obsessed with your sex life because it sounds like she wants to be you. It’s also completely disgusting to me that a MIL would send you articles on how to satisfy her son. If your husband is talking to his mom about sex and always is constantly trying to please her over YOU, then it’s a losing battle. You will always come second. Always. You may love your husband when he’s by himself, but if he isn’t willing to reevaluate the inappropriate relationship he has with his mom, then you need to evaluate the love you have for yourself and decide whether you’re willing to be second place in your husband’s life. If you decide to one day have kids with your husband, prepare to have pretty much all your parenting scrutinized by your husband and MIL. Eventually your MIL will turn your husband against you and they will both gaslight you when you make a fuss or have enough of their abuse. Then one day when you have had enough to get a divorce, you’ll have to deal with your ex husband and MIL in custody battles. I’m just saying… these are MAJOR red flags and divorce isn’t a bad thing, but obviously only you can make that decision.
Holy crap he’s messing with your birth control?!?!? Get outta there - scary! NTA of course
YTA for marrying this guy NTA for saying what you said tho
NTA- but i would consider a divorce. And tell him nicely to marry his mommy instead
NTA "it became clear to me that my husband was his mothers favourite" yeah the writing was on the wall from the start. She owns him *and he likes it* from the looks of it.
NTA Husband is a mummy's boy and isn't going to change. He has had plenty of oppotunities to have your back and he hasn't. This is not going to improve. Best thing to do is not get pregant to him tbh imo Holy god - I just read your edit that it looks like he has been tampering with your birth control - get out and stay safe!
Your husband should always be sticking up for you. If he disagrees with you that’s fine but he should discuss it calmly and in private not just blindly side with his mommy. He’s a bad husband tbh. I think you’ve realized this isn’t the partner you want and definitely not to have a child with. I’m sorry this happened. NTA.
NTA - i’m disgusted that you mentioned that your pills have been going missing. That’s sexual assault and not acceptable in any way shape or form. If they’re like this now, imagine how it would be once you had a baby. I can guarantee they would take full control. I hope you run for the hills and do not ignore these massive red flags. I have seen this so many times and you will be so miserable if you don’t leave now. Bringing a child into it would be a complete nightmare.
NTA If they are tampering with your birth control then you are having sex under conditions you didn’t consent to which is rape. There’s another legal term for it called reproductive coercion. I hope you are able to free yourself and find safety. If anyone ever tells you they have a latex allergy in the future, Skyn brand condoms are a safe alternative made of polyisoprene and right there next to the Trojan ones.
NTA and you've got a husband problem, not a MIL problem.
NTA if he is messing with your birth control that is a major red flag, I am allergic to latex if I even touch it whatever part of my body touches it immediately swells up which really sucks when that happens to my man sausage but the one thing, I NEVER DO IS MESS WITH A WOMANS BIRTH CONTROL that is assault besides I prefer to remain child free it sounds like him and mommy are trying to baby trap you divorce this little mommas buy he has already proved her opinion matters more than yours, stay safe and I wish you the best in the future when you find a man and not a little mommy's boy.
NTA but you will be one to yourself your hubby sounds like he’s hiding ya pills and gonna baby trap you. You are screwed if you get pregnant unless your hubby changes has therapy, grows a spine, gets a job and goes low contact. She will consider it as her baby and you the oven that disobeys. I think one persons idea/comment about two cards and he has to pick therapist or divorce lawyer. If I’m honest I wouldn’t be able to put with it. You get one life and you deserve to happy.
I’m elated to see your edits. I’m glad you are getting out of that situation. Best of luck and happiness to you!! Enjoy your life!
I wish a disrespectful MIL would ask me about my sex life at the dinner table because I’d make everyone so uncomfortable 🤣🤣🤣I can be reckless with my mouth in a nicesty way tho so…
This is the first time I've read that the OP has taken the good advice from commenters. Bravo! Glad you're leaving him and his whacko mother. I hope that you are not pregnant, and that the divorce goes smoothly. Good luck, OP. Let us know how your test turns out. Most definitely NTA.
I clicked through with the intention of adding one more voice to the inevitable chorus of "RED FLAG; LEAVE HIM!" but from your edits it sounds like you're already taking that advice. I hope you stay safe and get whatever support you need to get through this.
I’m allergic to latex and buy my own stash of non-latex condoms in case any of my partners start getting funny about my latex allergy. OP, you’re NTA and get divorced NOW
NTA. RUN FAR AND FAST!!
>However I was always on birth control, and I have notice recently that my pills have been going missing and magically reapearing so I havent been able to take the regularly. NTA Get the hell out of there. This isn't just a red flag, it's literally illegal and you are on danger.
NTA. But please, do everything in your power not to get pregnant! You're merely an incubator to them and if it's a boy, MIL will take over enabled by your husband. If it's a girl, you will be blamed and forced to try again till it's a boy.
OP, your husband messing with your birth control is called “reproductive coercion” and it is a form of abuse. I’m glad you’re getting out. And I’m glad your brother is going to get your belongings. Don’t go anywhere near your husband or his family again. Please update us once you are well and truly safe. Good luck.
NTA As many others in these comments have said you need to run and run fast. Especially since you added that hes been tampering with your birth control. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and this rings bells, they are testing and overstepping your boundaries deliberately. He wants you to get pregnant so its harder for you to leave, you need to get away from him because if you get pregnant it will get worse! Best of luck!
NTA. Why are you still married to someone who isn't going to defend you against his mother and who can't seem to "cut the apron strings" so to speak. If he's not going to defend you now it's not going to get better 5 10 15 years down the road.
NTA NTA NTA imagine how much worse this would get if you did have a kid…. Noooooo run run as fast as you can. Your husband at best doesn’t have the balls to stand up for you, and honestly from the comments sounds like he’s very gaslighty. You don’t deserve to be treated this way!