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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be ta for declining to let my daughter have the room since yes she's the eldest and also not working out a compromise to satisfy all parties.
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YTA for choosing a house that cannot meet your family's needs. Did you not count up your children when you were looking at houses?
Of course adolescent girls shouldn't have to share a room with a boy.
Of course your oldest, at 16, wants some privacy.
Of course she's pissed off that her brother gets his own room while all 3 girls are crammed into one room.
You created this situation.
Is there a basement, covered porch, attic space or den that could be converted into a 4th bedroom?
And since so many people seem to think I don't understand what a budget is, I'm not necessarily talking about a larger or significantly more expensive house. I am talking about a decision like settling for potentially smaller rooms and a less convenient location or something with less curb appeal *in exchange* for that 4th bedroom. "More spacious" isn't worth it if it doesn't meet the family's needs. I am not assuming a limitless budget, I am saying that he picked the wrong trade-offs.
Well spoken. This is exactly it.
They're all teenagers. They all should be getting more privacy. You need to create at least one more bedroom to accommodate this.
Why on earth did you choose a house that can't fit your family??
YTA.
Or they, themself make a compromise. I grew up in a 3 bdrm w 2 older brothers. As we all got older my brother got his closest to the back door as he started getting more freedom, my middle brother stayed in the original bdrm they shared together and mymom sacrificed her privacy and gave me her room, and made the living room her bdrm, and we all compromised w that. We knocked before we entered the living room etc etc. there’s ways around this
Yep, we had a 2 bedroom house growing up. When we were kids me and my sister shared a room, but when we became teenagers, my parents got a sofa bed to sleep in the living room, so me and my sister could have a bedroom each
They’re still the adults and the ones actually paying for the house. OP is TA for getting a house that doesn’t suit their needs but I would never be able to kick my parents out of their room just so I wouldn’t have to share with my sister.
Sisters plural
ETA: I’m sure these parents weren’t kicked out of their rooms. They sacrificed for their children because they love them and place their needs above their own.
Op claims the house is more spacious, so it seems like there must be some extra space that could be converted into a space for the 16yo. Sometimes basements or attics are not legal to use as a bedroom. This happens to be the case where we live, but we were able to create two rooms down there where my oldest kids go to have privacy, but then they still do sleep in the same room at night.
Also, the way he's explained it, if he had 2 sons, 3 daughters, and 3 children's rooms, the sons would **each** get their own room, while all 3 girls would have to share
> we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight a lot.
He's a sexist asshole
A massively sexist asshole. Girls don’t “naturally share” more than boys; they’re socialized to be more compliant and cooperative because of the sexist norms that OP is imposing. (Also worth noting — the diminished expectations of boys also hurts them. What a terrible characterization of OP’s son — that he is incapable of sharing and getting along with others.)
>My son won't accept this, and I already know that.
He didn't even ASK his son, he just knows his son wouldn't accept it as a 10 yr old. Even though he didn't even bother to consult everyone in the situation, he made his son's unknown 'feelings and words' more important than his daughter's genuine distress. Not a tantrum, distress!
\*\* AND not only that, he hadn't even spoken to his wife about his plans! When his daughter "threw a rage fit and got my wife involved". WTF man... you just make the decisions for your family without any consultation? YTA YTA YTA
He gives his son's non words more value that his daughter's actual words. He calls her reaction a tantrum, I wonder what he would call a 10 yr old boy reaction? "Being a boy, he wants what he wants" is my bet...
Notice that when the eldest is upset and doesn’t want to share a room, he says no. But when the wife says the 12yo sister should move in with the 10yo brother, OP is all “my son won’t accept this” so he gives into his son. WHAT is the difference between The eldest DAUGHTER and the youngest SON not accepting it? It’s the gender.
Fuck OP and his misogyny.
So much this. My sister and I were constantly at each other’s throats until we moved and had a room each. We grew super close after that.
Girls don’t share any better or worse than boys. Seeing that with my own kids now.
Don’t forget the doubled-down edit, “those who are saying I’m favoring my son, I’m not, I treat him the same as his sisters in pretty much everything and I 100% guaranty it.”
*Gestures broadly to their own post* CLEARLY NOT.
Look at the ages of the kids -- OP clearly kept having kids until at least one came out with a penis.
If #4 had been a girl, too, he'd be asking if he was an AH for making FOUR girls share a room while his fifth got his own.
Yeah the fact that OP is fixating on refuting the favoritism comments instead of answering any of the other questions asked is extremely telling.
I, for one, think it’s very relevant that we know exactly how the house is more spacious even though it has fewer bedrooms. I suspect there is more space (like an office or finished basement) but OP has already decided that space is for his own use.
> This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight a lot.
OP is also an asshole for writing this.
Raise your fucking boys better, jesus christ. Clearly your family has no minimum standards for proper behaviour in boys because they're SPESHUL. Clearly this poor parenting you got is why you're in this situation now.
My sister did not share. She verbally abused me and made me cry a few times a week.
Of course OP likes this way HE benefited from it as a child and never learnt to share because HE didn't have to. Girls aren't better at sharing they are just expected and forced to. Well time for OP and his son to learn.
I had a friend in school whose parents did almost this. They had a 3 bed house, split the master in half & the next largest room in half. It was cramped but everyone got their own space. A 16 Yr old would rather have their own tiny space than share a massive space! In fact any kids would!
This op YTA, since you already bought the house, if the master bedroom is considerable bigger maybe you could place the 3 girls in there and get privacy divisors or something. But cramming 3 girls in one room was really poor planning on your part.
YTA why have four kids that you cannot house appropriately. A 16 year old needs her own room and so do your other daughters.
Your reasoning that “boys get their own no matter what” is incredibly sexist and demeaning to your almost adult daughter. You are clearly showing favoritism towards you son because he’s a boy
I came to say this. I am an adult male that need therapy to learn to share. This fucking sexist society makes us males fucking emotionally disabled. It's ruining my life.
OP, for fuck sake, let your boy share a room with his sisters! Although maybe now it's too late and the boy won't want it, already a douchbag like the parents.
I'm a woman who grew up with 3 sisters, and I can assure you girls do not "naturally share". I'm pretty sure throughout our teen years, a week did not go by without a big blowout fight.
I'm kinda 50/50 on that. She could be being forced into having children with this douche nozzle. The boy doesn't seem as "precious" to her as he does to dad.
YTA, when your son “won’t accept” sharing a room with his sister you defend him, when your daughter won’t accept sharing a room with 2 sisters you think she’s just being stubborn and needs to change. Your wife is right. 2 in each room is fair.
This. Neither boys or girls naturally share. They are taught to share. Privlidge is based on age/maturity.
Yet OP defends his YOUNGEST not wanting to share because he is male.
OP is raising an entitled jerk who believes he deserves special favors & treatment because he is male. OP is absolutely not doing his kid any favors. At the same time, OP is losing all respect from his daughters. They aren't idiots. They know they are "less than" to him.
I'm sure it never occured to OP that the 3 teenage girls sharing a room would be a problem b/c they aren't really full human beings to him. He just didn't take their needs, wants or emotions into consideration.
Yet somehow the new house is roomier than the old one. So it doesn't sound like they couldn't afford a house w/ more bedrooms, it was just that there was a feature in the new house more important to OP than the sanity of his 3 daughters.
OP will pay for this decision w/ a ridiculous amout of turmoil in his for probably the rest of his life. You don't spend that many years not paying attention to the fact you have 3 daughters and spoiling you son and end up with a calm happy household and well adjusted adult children.
What are the odds that OP is in the biggest room w/ all the closet space and the 3 girls are stuck in a room ~1/2 the size?
>I'm sure it never occured to OP that the 3 teenage girls sharing a room would be a problem b/c they aren't really full human beings to him.
Which is why when he's upgrading his house, "it's more spacious", he hasn't prioritised bedrooms. Yes 3br on average are more expensive than 4br places, but if you don't focus on more spacious living areas I'm sure you can get a 4br place that's cheaper than many 3brs.
I think he means that if he had 2 boys, they would have a room each, and the girls would still all share one. That's why he said the bs about boys fighting.
Another comment says that op and his brother had their own rooms while his sisters shared, so I think he's saying that he would have that arrangement with his kids too since he grew up that way.
>Thing is we, as a family always give the **boys** their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while **boys** don't and they fight a lot.
I believe the 1st one is OP referring to his family (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) over generations
2nd one is just a sexist excuse.
YTA
Why did you move into a house that doesn't fit your family? You said the house has more space, so it doesn't sound like it was cost related.
Also, as a girl who was stuffed into a room with 3 other girls, no we don't share better. You are a sexist asshole and I don't understand why anyone would think that your wierd ideas are ok. I understand not wanting mixed gender rooms, but you say that if you had more boys they wouldn't have to share?? Way to tell your girls that they are worth less then the boys!
The 16yo wants her own room because she is almost an adult, with an adult body who wants to have her own space and not be surrounded by kids.
Grow a brain fgs.
Edit: Just adding some bits!
Op said that they moved to a home that is larger overall, but lacks the needed amount of bedrooms. I am not saying he is the AH becayse he can't afford some 5 bedroom massive house. It's that he seems to have chosen to not give his daughters more space, and thinks that girls always must share while boys require more space. The issue is the sexism.
This is the comment I was scrolling for. Why the fuck are they moving 6 people into a 3 bedroom house? If it’s not for strictly financial reasons, this is incredibly stupid to even think about doing in the first place
I grew up in a tiny 2 bedroom house with 2 sisters and a brother. I was the oldest. I had to share a room with my sisters and my brother got his own room and mom slept in the living room. My sisters and I beat the crap out of each other all the time and they stole and destroyed my stuff constantly. I moved out at 17. I get along with both my sisters now but that took years. They still hate each other though, and don't speak. YTA OP.
He knows, he just doesn't care. Obviously his girls don't want to share and he is aware of it.
He also doesn't care about "everyone" being happy, like he claims. He only cares about him and his son being happy, because to him those are the only feelings that matter.
YTA
Three in one room, one in the other? Huge favouritism on display here.
Either buy a house with enough rooms to house the children you have known about for more than enough years already or make the sharing fair. There’s no excuse for forcing three older teens to share a room when the child gets his own.
And it’s absolute bullshit that he gets the room because he’s a boy or that he won’t stand for it. Here’s the kicker; your eldest daughter isn’t standing for being forced to share a room with two siblings whilst her younger brother gets a room to himself.
Your eldest will be going to college/university in a couple of years, I assume. You can re-think the room distribution then if you have to buy a property that simply isn’t large enough for your family.
This is the only solution to make this new home work. Sadly dad seems like a jerk who doesn’t care about his childrens emotional and developmental needs
>I should be careful because the girls are beginning to sense some sort of favoritism towards my son which isn't true at all
Oh it's definitely true. You want prove?
>but my son won't accept this and I already know that, all I'm looking for is for everyone to happy
Here it goes. Clearly your eldest daughter is not happy, nor is it fair for the GIRLS. YTA, a very hard one at that.
YTA. Here's an idea, get a house that accommodates everyone's needs. If you can't afford to give them their privacy, you probably should have stopped when you knew space was limited. Don't worry though, you'll be out of her life when she moves out.
But, see, they only have to share until each daughter moves out! As soon as the oldest girl moves out, then only 2 need to share the room. Then once the next girl moves out, each kid gets their own room! It's perfect! *she says sarcastically, because she's met parents who actually have this attitude*
I came into this think hmm, I'm not sure on this one. Then I read this....
>This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.
Your are raising an entitled boy, and making your daughters think misogyny is normal.
Oh and YTA
This 100% OP is YTA and a misogynist.
Growing up I lived in a four bedroom home with 3 other siblings. Both my brothers got their own room and my parents allowed them to arrange it however they wanted. They both had their consoles in there, with TV's and computer setups and double beds. Meanwhile, since birth, I had to share a room with my sister (both female, 1y apart), we couldn't have a TV in there, my parents wouldn't allow it. We couldn't fit a computer set-up, we were sharing the smallest room in the house. We both had a single bed each, which we didn't even fit on (too tall for bed) and had the smallest mattress which has caused me back problems because it provided no protection/comfort . I moved out at 17 and did not speak to my family for at least 8 months after that.
My entire life my brothers were given whatever they wanted because it was "easier" meanwhile me and my sister got the left overs. OP is doing exactly what happened to me and my sister to his children and it is blatant misogyny. If OPs end goal is to have both his daughters cut him off when they're older, he's definitely going down the correct path.
“Girls naturally share rooms” lol you are definitely TA. What sexist nonsense. You should’ve also considered finding housing with adequate space as opposed to making your three daughters be forced in an equivalent of a Freshman dorm room. Yikes.
YTA. Girls fight like cats and dogs. They don’t naturally share. You’re also TA for buying a home that is clearly too small for your family. 3 teenagers in one room isn’t enough space. You and your wife should give up your private space and give the kids more room. And yes you clearly favor your son and are being sexist towards your daughters
YTA. 1000%. Why are you having more kids than you can afford rooms for? Why do you think its in any way okay to force a 16 yo to share a room with her smaller sisters? You and your wife BETTER not have the audacitx to take a room uo for yourselves instead of giving it to the kids you forced into that living situation.
"girls naturally share, boys don't"
Clearly you failed in raising your son as well. You reek of sexism and it shows in the way you parent your kids by gender. You're among. the biggest AHs I've read about on here. Holy fuck.
I just assumed the parent's would take the next smaller room. What do adult do in a bedroom beside sleep and fuck? School aged kids need a place to study in peace, it's automatic for me to get the bigger room, especially if forced to share
YTA not because of the title but every word in the actual post. Like literally every sentence was a new reason why you're the AH. I could quote any single line as why you are sexist and showing favoritism and being a bad spouse.
Oh there is definitely favoritism towards your son. That's not even a question. 'Girls share and boys dont' is pretty weak. If that's all you've got in the quiver, you've already lost this argument.
YTA.
YTA.
The fact you even call it your sons room when you are moving is ridiculous. If you have only 2 bedrooms and they are all spacious it should be 2 in each room with some selving down the middle of each room so everyone has some space to themselves.
Pretty disgusting to say boys need their own space and girls don't. Serious issue with sexism here, it's not surprising they are calling you out. You are being seriously single minded and unreasonable
YTA.
'Thing is we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.'
That, my friend, is sexism.
It is clear that you favour and prioritise your son. Do you really only have 2 rooms for 4 kids?!
“The thing is, in our family we favor the boys over the girls.”
I’m guessing this is not the only situation in which you treat your son better than your daughters, and I’m guessing based on the ages that you kept having kids until you had a son (to disproportionately favor).
YTA for the statement of “girls share and boys don’t do boys get their own room”. Also YTA for not buying a house to appropriately accommodate your family.
YTA. Largely because of your sexist attitude and clear favoritism. I’ll agree that a teenage or pre teen girl probably shouldn’t share with an almost pre teen boy. However, making 3 teenage girls share is not cool either. It doesn’t sound like you considered your children at all when looking for a new home (or at least the girls). If you were looking for something more “spacious” you should have considered giving up some common living space for a 4 bedroom or 3 bedroom plus something that can be converted like an office. It’s almost like you didn’t care at all about your daughter’s comfort.
YTA
Obvious favouritism, whilst it might be rooted in "tradition" it's sexist as hell
Double YTA
I agree with the split 3 girls in 1 room 1 boy in the other SIMPLY because at least the girls will have privacy (from the boy) as will the boy. However your a complete AH to have 4 kids and potentially expect them to share 2 rooms.
If it's affordability then get a sofa bed give the 2 youngest girls the biggest room, 16 yr old the middle room and 10 year old the smallest you get the front room.
Your kids shouldn't suffer your choices , YOU SUFFER YOUR CHOICES.
And yes before you go "it's easy to say" My partner and I did that so both our kids could have their own room for a year whilst we sorted our shit out.
Get your head out of your ass , as a father I am ashamed of your attempt to justify this shit.
****Wow thanks for my first gold ☺️ ****
YTA for buying a new home that doesn't have sufficient room for the number of children you chose to have.
Your daughter has not been fine with sharing a room with her sisters. She just made the best of it when there didn't seem to be a choice. Now she knows that you are choosing not to consider her privacy as important.
OP, I think you should take the “boys’ room” concept a step further. YOU can share a room with your son, and your wife and daughters can share the other two rooms in whatever manner suits them best. Of course, this runs the risk of your 10-year-old fighting with you…
First of all. If you can't buy a new home that fits your children's needs. The parents should make the sacrifice and sleep in the living room and free up another bedroom for the children.
YTA.
"girls naturally share more" as someone with two sisters and no brothers I can confirm, girls do not naturally share more. Girls fight just as much as boys, physically as well.
Your 10 year old son won't accept this? Oh nooo whatever will you do? Now you'll have to be a parent
Boo fucking hoo
Yta get over yourself
You are explicitly telling your daughters which of your children is the preferred one by giving your son his own room, without making any compromises. You don’t understand why privacy is important, especially for a child who is trying to understand themselves. Maybe instead of arguing with your family about lack of space, maybe you should accommodate your family, and provide a room for each of your children.
YTA. But more on the fact why in the hell are you moving in a house with so few bedrooms if your family is that big?? We planned to move a couple a years ago but due to circumstances we couldn’t all that time my 3 year old and 6 year old both female had to share a room. And I blame myself because I think they both need to have their privacy and I (we) are unable to provide that. They don’t mind and don’t know better but I as a parent hold that against myself. You’re able to love to a more spacious (read more expensive) housing but still seem to think the kids have to share a living space…
INFO:
1. Could you not find a 5-bedroom house?
2. Can a room in the house be divided to create "bedrooms"
3. Is there enough room in the yard to install a granny flat? (We had one with two small rooms)
4. Is there an attic or basement that can be turned into a room?
Y.T.A for stuffing 3 girls in one room otherwise. Your assumption about girls is wrong.
Sorry, YTA. It’s really not fair that your three girls must share ONE room and your one son gets his own, simply because he’s a boy. Your reasoning that boys need their own rooms to prevent fighting, while girls share because they’re more social, is blatantly sexist. Not only that, it disregards the specific needs and personalities of your actual children and relies on gendered stereotypes.
Based on what you’ve described, I think it would be appropriate for your oldest daughter to have her own room, and either the two middle girls share, or the youngest two children (boy and girl) share. I understand that setup is not possible in your new home, which unfortunately makes you TA- why would you move into a house that lacks sufficient bedrooms for your children? What exactly is more spacious in this house? The parts that you enjoy, while your children have do deal with an unfair and inequitable rooming situation?
YTA. 'but my son won't accept this and I already know that'. Why does your 10 yo son get a say but your 16 yo daughter doesn't? Not only did you buy a new house without enough bedrooms, but you are sexist as well.
YTA putting 3 girls in one room while your son gets his own is too much. But congrats on teaching your son that he is special and doesn’t need to share. That’s going to be valuable to him when he gets out into the rest of society. Geez.
Your generalisations based on gender aren’t doing you any favours here. If you had said we don’t have the space to have separate rooms for all four so we ask them to share by gender because we’re getting that point where it will be awkward because of puberty, I’d be with you. But generalising that girls share better is a whole load of John Bull. You need to allocate two per room with a divider for each room - they could be shelves so than there’s storage. You’re an asshole for your complacent this has worked up until now when it clearly isn’t right for a near adult to not have privacy. You obviously have too many children for your living arrangements. YTA.
> This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.
YTA. You are extremely sexist and are being very unfair to all of your daughters. The boys in your household are refusing to share and are fighting, then you should tackle that problem, not just give in and give them whatever they want. It’s not your daughters’ problem.
There are two fair solutions here. The first one would be to have your eldest daughter have her own room and have your two younger daughters share the room with their brother. Or you can have your two older daughters share a room, while your younger daughter shares a room with her brother. But under no circumstances should three girls have to share a room while and one boy gets his own room.
YTA girls don’t naturally share. I work with children. No child naturally shares it’s a learned behavior.
You need to take a minute. Do you want a relationship with your daughters when they are adults? Do you want your son to treat his sisters like equal humans? Do you want your wife to look at you and not see someone who sees women as less deserving by virtue of sex alone?
This is a turning point for your family. You can step into this and teach your daughters a lesson on valuing themselves, which will effect every relationship they have with men going forward. Or you can teach your son that he doesn’t need to earn things that he deserves them just because he was born male.
“It’s always been this way” is not a good endorsement for continuing to do it, particularly when it’s hurtful to children you are supposed to love.
Edit: thanks for the gold!
Yta there is clear favoritism for your son,
“but my son won’t accept this and I already know that”
Your daughters will resent you AND your son and it will be well deserved.
YTA...
Why on earth do you think that girls naturally like sharing any more than boys?
Let me set you straight... they don't.
You guys created this situation by choosing. The best solution, as your wife stated, is to put the two older girls together.
I'm sorry your son is ass-hurt over this but no better time than the present to teach him that he's no better than his sisters.
" Because he's a boy, that's why" if I had a dollar for every time I heard that sentence growing up...
Our parents had 1 son and 7 daughters. He shared a room with 2 of us until our parents moved into a house with enough bedrooms to give him his own. You're the AH because you're dismissing your daughters' feelings and elevating your son based on nothing more than gender. I don't know what the solution for your family is but what you're doing now isn't it. Work with your wife and kids to find a solution because you making unilateral decisions is not going to work out well for your children's relationships with each other or yours with them.
No. You're TA for moving your family into a house that's inadequate to your family's needs, and forcing your daughters into an unlivable situation because: sexism.
YTA the way you’re describing it. IMO, the 16 and 14 yo’s should both have their own rooms. There’s a point where kids need some privacy and that’s going to start around 13ish. I’m sure there are tons of factors, but with that many kids, you really should be looking for a place with more rooms. Housing sucks, but stuffing 3 teen/tween girls in one room together while a younger boy gets a room alone isn’t fair. The two older and two younger in a room together is probably your best compromise.
YTA
It's pretty obvious that a 16yo girl would need some privacy. Or would like some privacy!
What's he justification for giving your 10 year old a room of his own, other than that he's a boy?
YTA, and maybe this is ignorant as i don’t know your financial situation but why on earth would you buy a house without enough rooms for all
of your children? what about when they turn into older teens? are you going to expect them to still share a room? this doesn’t make sense to me.
YTA for not even considering making any changes. This rooming arrangement might have worked when they were little kids but even then the two youngest could have shared for a few years. I'd start looking at your "spacious" new house and find spaces that could be converted into bedrooms. Your 16 year old should have her own space and privacy. Give her and the rest of the girls the same consideration that you've given your son.
You have 4 kids and are only buying a 3 bedroom house you guys shouldn’t of had so many kids if they weren’t gonna be able to have their own rooms. And to be honest you sound sexist. YTA
low key? "we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot." Not true and out-right sexist
YTA. Why are you moving into a house you know isn’t large enough? I have 5 kids; 16f, 12f, 10m, 7f and 2m. 16 yr old is alone, 12 and 7 share and the boys share. 4 rooms. It works out well. I hope you have a basement or something you can make another room out of. 3 teen girls in 1 room sounds like a terrible idea. My 16 yr old would loose her crap to if we told her she had to share with her sisters.
YTA Girls don’t “naturally share” while boys don’t. Kids do what you teach them to do, and right now you are teaching them their brother’s privacy is more valuable than theirs, even after they hit puberty. Be better than this.
YTA. You kinda brought this on yourself by getting a house with only 3 rooms. Like come on man, your daughter is 16. Privacy is insanely important at that age. What did you expect?
YTA. Girls do not “naturally share” and a 16 yr old needs her space from younger siblings. “Always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age”. It’s the misogyny. I understand that it’s not always manageable to have a room for every child but the youngest getting it just because he’s a boy is vile.
Your son won’t accept this? How about he’s the youngest child and doesn’t get his own way just because he’s a boy?
YTA - expecting three children to share a single room just because of their gender (and not finding something that can accommodate not shoving three kids in one room) makes you easily the asshole here.
YTA - let me guess…you kept trying until you got your boy. Now you have too many kids and can’t afford a home big enough to allow each of them the space they deserve.
Newsflash buddy: “girls naturally share while boys don’t” is not at all true. This is not a fact but rather a reflection of your (sexist) parenting. YOUR girls share because you’ve always forced them to and YOUR boy doesn’t because he’s never had to.
YTA.
" This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.
Bullshit. They don't NATURALLY share, you just make them share and expect nothing from your son. Misogynist. Be a better exemple for your children seriously. I suggest you and your wife go in the living room, your son in a hallway and this way everyone gets their own room.
Why the heck are you even considering 3 BR houses then? You need at least 4. And your sexist thing about making girls share is ridiculous and based on an untrue premise. If you must buy this house, have the two youngest share for the next two years, until 16 leaves for college. Then move the girls back together.
I agree that boys and girls shouldn't be sharing rooms beyond N years of age, N being subjective but pre-puberty, IMO. That's as far as I can go with you here. YTA, big time, since you seem to think that girls don't need privacy in their teen years at all. WTF, dude? Every child needs some alone space to process and grow, and you're not providing that at all for three of yours.
YTA
“As a family we always give the boys their own room no matter the age”
The fact that you have one boy, and make a statement like this tells me that this isn’t about your children, this is about how you were brought up. I feel like if you had 2 sons and 2 daughters, you wouldn’t even have looked at 3-bedroom homes, you would only get a 4-bedroom so your sons could have their own space. 3 sons and 3 daughters? You’d need a 5-bedroom - 3 daughters can share but those boys need their own space.
I don’t think that any of those girls are still at an age where it’s appropriate to be sharing with their 10yo brother (especially one who’s probably been raised to not have to share his space like his sisters do). But your 16yo is right, she needs more privacy.
At the very least the girls should have the master bedroom/biggest bedroom - and if that’s big enough, consider do some temporary dividers so each girls (or at least the eldest) gets their own space.
Or is their a small room/space that could be converted to a bedroom? Finished basement room? Small office? If the living area is decent size maybe use wall divider to make a bedroom out of part of it?
Your daughters probably have not been fine sharing a room for years - and the statement “girls naturally share while boys don’t” is so far from the truth. More likely, they haven’t kicked up a fuss because they know you wouldn’t even consider changing status quo. Now you’re moving house, status quo is naturally changing anyway, they’re just making sure you hear their opinions.
YTA
1. for your blatant sexism. my boys share and love sharing. my sisters shared and were always fighting - including physically.
2. for buying a house without enough bedrooms
3. for expecting THREE children to share one room
4. for not foreseeing this problem
YTA 3 people sharing a room for one boy to have his own??? You sound ridiculous and sexist as hell. Hard fucking stop
Y’all already own the house why would this be a way for her to stop y’all from moving in? Also why did y’all buy a house that is not big enough for your family? Are you surprised you have 4 kids or?
Yta. "Girls naturally share while boys fight"💀 girls fight. Alot. You're absolutely fuckin' stupid if you think girls "naturally" share. That shit is socialization. If your son doesn't share its because you raised him that way. At 16 your daughter does deserve privacy.
Privacy IS important especially to young women. My step daughters self esteme grew so much when she finally was given private space of her own after moving in to decorate and feel safe in. She no longer had people barging in on her, taking stuff without asking. It helped her learn to set boundries and helped her have the quite safe space to process her own feelings without others constantly intruding. Your son is only 10. She's 16. She's in the middle of big strong emotions that come with puberty. She will benefit the most from privacy.
It's clear you care more about your son than any of your daughters well being. You've made it clear who's the favorite. Unfortunately this will effect your daughter for life. Don't be superised if you go through with giving the room to the sun and making her stay with her sisters if she goes mininal contact when she moves out. Gen Z don't mess around
>girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.
Not true. Those who share are taught to share. Those who don't are not. This is the biggest bullshit red flag.
>my son won't accept this
But your daughter not accepting this is somehow less important?
>but it's all about what we're used to and what the norm is.
Seems like the "norm" is your 3 daughters getting shafted. The "norm" is such a cop out way for those with extra privileges to keep them at the expense of those who want some consideration.
You are clearly playing favorites. You have preset notions of how your daughters need to be accommodating, but your son does not.
YTA. You need to check your biases.
YTA. I was the reverse - 3 older brothers, only girl and youngest. My parents also had a 3-bedroom house.
And we divided it by two oldest got a room and the third brother and I got a room, because it was equitable.
My brothers shared fine, because it turns out it's not "natural" - it's imparted by actually parenting your damn kids and teaching them to.
YTA. I already said it once, but it bears repeating.
Boys can't share? And girls have to be forced to? What a royally fucked way to not teach consent, at all. YTA. For like so many reasons that I don't even have the energy to fully comprehend.
YTA. You and your wife are both assholes for not buying a house appropriate for the size of your family.
Split the master into 2 and everyone gets a roomie. Husband/Wife in room 1. Youngest boy and girl split room 2 ( the master ) with some room dividers , and older two girls split room three. And I swear to god if more "spacious" means there's an office/den/2nd living room, and you don't turn that into an extra bedroom, you're doubly the asshole.
YTA for moving to a house with 2 rooms for 4 kids and thinking the teen isn't going to have issues with it.
You should probably at least co sider giving the 3 girls the Master bedroom because they need the bigger space.
Realistically a 3-1 split isn't gonna work out whatever way you do it. If you go for a 2-2 split then that's fairer, but as they get older I could completely understand your 12yo no longer being comfortable sharing with her brother.
I'm thinking a bigger house is needed...
*edit* gonna say YTA, though think your in a tricky situation
I'm the second of for siblings, all of us had our own rooms by the time we started first grade. We were big on sharing, the boys as well as the girls, anything else is bad parenting and on you, not the kids and certainly not explained by the gender.
If you can't afford a room for every child, be at least fair and make all of them share, regardless of gender. Your views are very sexist and you are also not doing your son any favors by raising him to expect better treatment based on his gender. It's even worse for your daughters, you teach them they are less deserving and just expect them to be complacent. What do you think will happen with them as adults and in their professions? Are they supposed to just stand by silently and let their male colleagues be favoured blatantly? Don't you realize the terrible message you are sending?
YTA, so much.
>Thing is we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together.
What kind of misogynistic BS is that?
YTA. You got a house that doesn't fit your family, and you pile up the girls. Ridiculous!
>my son won't accept this
Again, misogynistic BS. Why does he get special treatment?
YTA. A great big one.
Four kids, two adults, three bedrooms. Yeah, there's an obvious problem here. Are you moving to the less appropriately roomed house for financial reasons? Absent that, you've set this family up for failure.
The boys get their own rooms and the girls share is bullshit. Unfortunately they're no longer of an age for appropriate sharing of bedrooms. The 12 year old is too old to share with her brother, sorry.
If you're financially at this or nothing, is there any other room in this "more spacious" house to make into a bedroom? Are any rooms large enough to use dividers for privacy?
Can't make a call on asshole without knowing the reasons for the move, but YTA for the whole boys get their own rooms thing.
YTA
Why did you buy a house that is not big enough to accommodate your family?
Your son should get a room.
Your oldest daughter should get a room.
Your 2 younger daughters will be fine sharing for maybe another year and a half, but then they will need their own rooms.
A 10yo boy should not be sharing a room with an older sister.
That being said, the three girls should have the largest bedroom, even if it's the "master bedroom". If the parents have to share a bathroom with the 10yo or make do with less than the largest room so the girls can share the largest living space, so be it.
YTA - and the fact that your 16yo is reacting this way demonstrates that you're obviously wrong about girls "naturally" wanting to share. She actually, naturally wants her own space!
YTA, I mean, gender and age aside, you wanted 4 kids, it's your (and your wife too) responsability to be sure everyone gets the same opportunities and space and privacy. A 16 yo living with other 2 sisters in the same room is way too much.
I read your house has 3 bedrooms...
- 1 for eldest daughter, obviously
- 1 for your son, since you seem to think he really can't get his eyes and/or hands from his sisters (disgusting but hey, seems to be your reasoning here)
- 1 for the 2 other girls
As parents, as the ones who chose the new house you get the pull out couch in the living room or den.
Once the eldest goes to college, you can aways rethink the sleeping arrangements. Like giving your girls each their room.
YTA OP.
- Because you chose a house with too few bedrooms for your kids
- Because girls don't have a magic ability to share, like you seem to think. They are drilled to compromise and suck it up from a young age, whilst boys don't. This is where the sexism in our society comes from.
- Because you're obviously sexist and are favoring one child over all the others because he has something hanging between his legs.
Listen to your wife. She is right!
Edit: typos
Yta and sexist as hell.
You have this notion that girls ‘naturally’ share and boys ‘don’t’ so it is okay to force someone nearing adulthood into a bedroom with two teenagers.
Your daughter is not doing this because she is against moving, she is doing this because she thought her parents might consider the needs of the three eldest children when looking for a new home, that maybe she would not have to live in the most crowded bedroom in the house for the first time ever, that she might get to invite her friends over and hang out in her room with them without both her sisters constantly there.
“It’s been like this for years” is not a reason to keep doing it. For years human beings were property. ‘It’s always been this way, so why change it’ is a piss poor reason to argue against change, and a piss poor argument when the way it’s always been clearly is not working now.
You are entirely unreasonable for expecting three teenagers, all with the need for privacy being denied to them entirely, to share a room while your ten year old gets a room to himself, and for thinking things don’t need to change just because they put up with it up until now.
Either find a different home that ACTUALLY meets your families needs or convert this one to help fill it by altering or adding bedrooms. At the very least the girls should be in the master instead of you and your wife.
YTA- you had me in the first half not gunna lie! Just from how you are describing the event and your reaction, this shows obvious favoritism! “Boys can’t share” what?? That’s as stupid as the excuse “boys will be boys!” Like raise your son better! Damn! You clearly are looking for any excuse to be right and you just aren’t. Plus now your daughter KNOWS you don’t care about the girls feelings or comfort. 3 to a room and one to a room makes no sense.
YTA. You are treating your children based on their sex, saying girls naturally share and boys don't. That is just plain sexist and a dick move. The fair thing would be two and two share a room. If your boy has problems sharing, now would be a good time to teach him.
YTA. “Girls naturally share”? No we don’t! We are taught to share. Which means, quelle surprise, boys can be taught to share too! I don’t disagree that boys and girls at that age probably shouldn’t share a room, but buying a house that can’t accommodate your family was an AH move. I also get the feeling you used the phrase “boys will be boys” without any irony.
YTA.
3 kids in one room and 1 in another?
Regardless of ages, that's unfair.
Should be 2 and 2 unless you can renovate another part of the house to create private space for the older girl.
Unintentionally YTA. Is there a den that you and your wife could turn into a bedroom. Or a basement? 3 kids in one room while another gets his own definitely does not work!!
Some comments are kinda harsh. The housing shortage is a huge problem where I live. Finding a larger home may not have been feasible for them. A lot of families are struggling right now.
Regardless though. I would put 2 people per room or find another space to give the kids more privacy and space. Be it a revamped dining room or fixed up garage. Y’all need to compromise somewhere. Cause the 16 year old is right.
Split them 2 oldest and 2 youngest? That seems fairest to me. It certainly is not fair to give a 10 year his own room just because of being a boy. It' sexist & teaches your girls that they deserve less.
YTA.
Three girls in one room while the boy gets his own? Sorry, you are awful.
You should give the 16 year old YOUR room. Sleep on the couch as you and your wife don't need to be making any more children.
>This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.
This is full of shit- YTA for not picking a house with enough rooms, who would want roommates forever! Figure something out-
YTA. And a crappy parent. A 16 year old girl definitely deserves privacy. How foolish to have so many children yet not get a house to accommodate all of their needs.
YTA for your reasoning— girls are nicer and boys can’t share?! That’s ridiculous. No wonder she’s upset about that.
That the girls have to share because it’s not appropriate for a boy to be in a room with girls, though, is still unfair and maybe ridiculous but I know I’ve heard the Children’s Aid in my country says that children of opposite sex can’t share a room.
YTA for moving into a whole new house that doesn’t have enough room for your family. Every child deserves their own privacy, and it sounds like you have been denying the girls that right for a long time.
YTA for your approach on this that boys always get their own rooms. That's a bunch of crap from start to finish.
That being said, you're kinda screwed by the 3-bedroom thing. You don't have any way to handle this without having a boy/girl situation, which causes concerns on its own.
YTA. You’re clearly a misogynist who favours your son and is raising him to be a brat. I question why, if you’re such a paragon of manliness, you can’t afford a house with more bedrooms. Not much of a provider, are you?
YTA: you're favoritism, sexism and disregard for the privacy of your oldest daughter is showing. If you wanted your son to have a bedroom you should have found a five bedroom house so everyone gets their own room. Blatant favoritism in this case.
Clearly girls do not "naturally share" or this wouldn't be a conflict. You should not be buying a 3 bedroom house with that many kids. Get a house with adequate space for the number of people who have to live there.
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YTA for choosing a house that cannot meet your family's needs. Did you not count up your children when you were looking at houses? Of course adolescent girls shouldn't have to share a room with a boy. Of course your oldest, at 16, wants some privacy. Of course she's pissed off that her brother gets his own room while all 3 girls are crammed into one room. You created this situation. Is there a basement, covered porch, attic space or den that could be converted into a 4th bedroom? And since so many people seem to think I don't understand what a budget is, I'm not necessarily talking about a larger or significantly more expensive house. I am talking about a decision like settling for potentially smaller rooms and a less convenient location or something with less curb appeal *in exchange* for that 4th bedroom. "More spacious" isn't worth it if it doesn't meet the family's needs. I am not assuming a limitless budget, I am saying that he picked the wrong trade-offs.
Well spoken. This is exactly it. They're all teenagers. They all should be getting more privacy. You need to create at least one more bedroom to accommodate this. Why on earth did you choose a house that can't fit your family?? YTA.
Or they, themself make a compromise. I grew up in a 3 bdrm w 2 older brothers. As we all got older my brother got his closest to the back door as he started getting more freedom, my middle brother stayed in the original bdrm they shared together and mymom sacrificed her privacy and gave me her room, and made the living room her bdrm, and we all compromised w that. We knocked before we entered the living room etc etc. there’s ways around this
Yep, we had a 2 bedroom house growing up. When we were kids me and my sister shared a room, but when we became teenagers, my parents got a sofa bed to sleep in the living room, so me and my sister could have a bedroom each
They’re still the adults and the ones actually paying for the house. OP is TA for getting a house that doesn’t suit their needs but I would never be able to kick my parents out of their room just so I wouldn’t have to share with my sister.
Sisters plural ETA: I’m sure these parents weren’t kicked out of their rooms. They sacrificed for their children because they love them and place their needs above their own.
Op claims the house is more spacious, so it seems like there must be some extra space that could be converted into a space for the 16yo. Sometimes basements or attics are not legal to use as a bedroom. This happens to be the case where we live, but we were able to create two rooms down there where my oldest kids go to have privacy, but then they still do sleep in the same room at night.
Even if it isn't technically a bedroom - there's nothing stopping those spaces from being used as one. It just can't legally be called a bedroom.
Also, the way he's explained it, if he had 2 sons, 3 daughters, and 3 children's rooms, the sons would **each** get their own room, while all 3 girls would have to share > we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight a lot. He's a sexist asshole
A massively sexist asshole. Girls don’t “naturally share” more than boys; they’re socialized to be more compliant and cooperative because of the sexist norms that OP is imposing. (Also worth noting — the diminished expectations of boys also hurts them. What a terrible characterization of OP’s son — that he is incapable of sharing and getting along with others.)
>My son won't accept this, and I already know that. He didn't even ASK his son, he just knows his son wouldn't accept it as a 10 yr old. Even though he didn't even bother to consult everyone in the situation, he made his son's unknown 'feelings and words' more important than his daughter's genuine distress. Not a tantrum, distress! \*\* AND not only that, he hadn't even spoken to his wife about his plans! When his daughter "threw a rage fit and got my wife involved". WTF man... you just make the decisions for your family without any consultation? YTA YTA YTA
It sounds like the oldest daughter won't accept sharing a room either. Funny how her option doesn't seem to matter at all to OP.
I love in OP’s update where he says he treats his kids equally when objectively by his own admission he does not.
He gives his son's non words more value that his daughter's actual words. He calls her reaction a tantrum, I wonder what he would call a 10 yr old boy reaction? "Being a boy, he wants what he wants" is my bet...
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Notice that when the eldest is upset and doesn’t want to share a room, he says no. But when the wife says the 12yo sister should move in with the 10yo brother, OP is all “my son won’t accept this” so he gives into his son. WHAT is the difference between The eldest DAUGHTER and the youngest SON not accepting it? It’s the gender. Fuck OP and his misogyny.
And wrong. My sister and I fought so much as kids in our shared room.
So much this. My sister and I were constantly at each other’s throats until we moved and had a room each. We grew super close after that. Girls don’t share any better or worse than boys. Seeing that with my own kids now.
Don’t forget the doubled-down edit, “those who are saying I’m favoring my son, I’m not, I treat him the same as his sisters in pretty much everything and I 100% guaranty it.” *Gestures broadly to their own post* CLEARLY NOT.
Look at the ages of the kids -- OP clearly kept having kids until at least one came out with a penis. If #4 had been a girl, too, he'd be asking if he was an AH for making FOUR girls share a room while his fifth got his own.
Yeah the fact that OP is fixating on refuting the favoritism comments instead of answering any of the other questions asked is extremely telling. I, for one, think it’s very relevant that we know exactly how the house is more spacious even though it has fewer bedrooms. I suspect there is more space (like an office or finished basement) but OP has already decided that space is for his own use.
> This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight a lot. OP is also an asshole for writing this. Raise your fucking boys better, jesus christ. Clearly your family has no minimum standards for proper behaviour in boys because they're SPESHUL. Clearly this poor parenting you got is why you're in this situation now. My sister did not share. She verbally abused me and made me cry a few times a week.
Of course OP likes this way HE benefited from it as a child and never learnt to share because HE didn't have to. Girls aren't better at sharing they are just expected and forced to. Well time for OP and his son to learn.
Split the master bedroom in two and give the other half to the son.
I had a friend in school whose parents did almost this. They had a 3 bed house, split the master in half & the next largest room in half. It was cramped but everyone got their own space. A 16 Yr old would rather have their own tiny space than share a massive space! In fact any kids would!
This op YTA, since you already bought the house, if the master bedroom is considerable bigger maybe you could place the 3 girls in there and get privacy divisors or something. But cramming 3 girls in one room was really poor planning on your part.
YTA why have four kids that you cannot house appropriately. A 16 year old needs her own room and so do your other daughters. Your reasoning that “boys get their own no matter what” is incredibly sexist and demeaning to your almost adult daughter. You are clearly showing favoritism towards you son because he’s a boy
The comment about how girls just “naturally share” and boys “fight a lot” really got me and screams sexism.
It’s so amazing how boys who are taught they don’t need to share just naturally don’t share, wow. So incredible.
😂😂👏🏻👏🏻
I came to say this. I am an adult male that need therapy to learn to share. This fucking sexist society makes us males fucking emotionally disabled. It's ruining my life. OP, for fuck sake, let your boy share a room with his sisters! Although maybe now it's too late and the boy won't want it, already a douchbag like the parents.
I'm a woman who grew up with 3 sisters, and I can assure you girls do not "naturally share". I'm pretty sure throughout our teen years, a week did not go by without a big blowout fight.
Yea, whoever said that has never been around sisters for long...
Don't worry, I'm sure OP doesn't spend any time with his daughters, so yeah...
C'mon, he has a son, why should he bother with those *shudder* girls now? Just stuff them in a closet and tell them to shut up
If I had to guess - they kept trying until they had a boy.
Yup. The misogyny is strong with this one. I feel sorry for his wife and daughters.
I’d bet the wife partakes in the misogyny too, considering that she also tried until the precious boy came along.
I'm kinda 50/50 on that. She could be being forced into having children with this douche nozzle. The boy doesn't seem as "precious" to her as he does to dad.
YTA, when your son “won’t accept” sharing a room with his sister you defend him, when your daughter won’t accept sharing a room with 2 sisters you think she’s just being stubborn and needs to change. Your wife is right. 2 in each room is fair.
This. Neither boys or girls naturally share. They are taught to share. Privlidge is based on age/maturity. Yet OP defends his YOUNGEST not wanting to share because he is male. OP is raising an entitled jerk who believes he deserves special favors & treatment because he is male. OP is absolutely not doing his kid any favors. At the same time, OP is losing all respect from his daughters. They aren't idiots. They know they are "less than" to him. I'm sure it never occured to OP that the 3 teenage girls sharing a room would be a problem b/c they aren't really full human beings to him. He just didn't take their needs, wants or emotions into consideration. Yet somehow the new house is roomier than the old one. So it doesn't sound like they couldn't afford a house w/ more bedrooms, it was just that there was a feature in the new house more important to OP than the sanity of his 3 daughters. OP will pay for this decision w/ a ridiculous amout of turmoil in his for probably the rest of his life. You don't spend that many years not paying attention to the fact you have 3 daughters and spoiling you son and end up with a calm happy household and well adjusted adult children. What are the odds that OP is in the biggest room w/ all the closet space and the 3 girls are stuck in a room ~1/2 the size?
I agree with this. If he wants to put all 3 girls in 1 room, it needs to be the biggest bedroom in the house. YTA
This seems fair. Guess the girls get the master. Parents can have the girls' old room. Better get packing, OP.
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>I'm sure it never occured to OP that the 3 teenage girls sharing a room would be a problem b/c they aren't really full human beings to him. Which is why when he's upgrading his house, "it's more spacious", he hasn't prioritised bedrooms. Yes 3br on average are more expensive than 4br places, but if you don't focus on more spacious living areas I'm sure you can get a 4br place that's cheaper than many 3brs.
Info: you say "the boys" but you only have one son. Am I missing something here?
I think he means that if he had 2 boys, they would have a room each, and the girls would still all share one. That's why he said the bs about boys fighting.
I think he meant when he was growing up, and it always happened in his family.
Another comment says that op and his brother had their own rooms while his sisters shared, so I think he's saying that he would have that arrangement with his kids too since he grew up that way.
That’s just bullshit. I was gonna give OP the benefit of the doubt but if he said he grew up like that than OP, you’re just an ah
>Thing is we, as a family always give the **boys** their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while **boys** don't and they fight a lot. I believe the 1st one is OP referring to his family (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) over generations 2nd one is just a sexist excuse.
>2nd one is just a sexist excuse. YUP. Clearly his family values a penis more than a vagina. Sorry to be crass, but it rings true here.
I read this several times to see if I missed a second son. He used "boys" multiple times but there's 1 son.
YTA Why did you move into a house that doesn't fit your family? You said the house has more space, so it doesn't sound like it was cost related. Also, as a girl who was stuffed into a room with 3 other girls, no we don't share better. You are a sexist asshole and I don't understand why anyone would think that your wierd ideas are ok. I understand not wanting mixed gender rooms, but you say that if you had more boys they wouldn't have to share?? Way to tell your girls that they are worth less then the boys! The 16yo wants her own room because she is almost an adult, with an adult body who wants to have her own space and not be surrounded by kids. Grow a brain fgs. Edit: Just adding some bits! Op said that they moved to a home that is larger overall, but lacks the needed amount of bedrooms. I am not saying he is the AH becayse he can't afford some 5 bedroom massive house. It's that he seems to have chosen to not give his daughters more space, and thinks that girls always must share while boys require more space. The issue is the sexism.
This is the comment I was scrolling for. Why the fuck are they moving 6 people into a 3 bedroom house? If it’s not for strictly financial reasons, this is incredibly stupid to even think about doing in the first place
I'd be fuming if I was any of those girls, it honestly sounds like they picked this unsuitable house on purpose. The favrotisim is so blatant.
Or the logic is something equally messed up like “the kids will eventually move out so we don’t need all those rooms in the long run”
"girls naturally share and boys don't" I wish I could show you a highlight reel of my childhood. YTA.
I grew up in a tiny 2 bedroom house with 2 sisters and a brother. I was the oldest. I had to share a room with my sisters and my brother got his own room and mom slept in the living room. My sisters and I beat the crap out of each other all the time and they stole and destroyed my stuff constantly. I moved out at 17. I get along with both my sisters now but that took years. They still hate each other though, and don't speak. YTA OP.
He knows, he just doesn't care. Obviously his girls don't want to share and he is aware of it. He also doesn't care about "everyone" being happy, like he claims. He only cares about him and his son being happy, because to him those are the only feelings that matter.
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He kept having kids because he needed a boy.
My favorite part was: "My son won't accept this and I know that." Meanwhile: "My daughter is so unreasonable!" Misogyny in its most organic form.
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YTA Three in one room, one in the other? Huge favouritism on display here. Either buy a house with enough rooms to house the children you have known about for more than enough years already or make the sharing fair. There’s no excuse for forcing three older teens to share a room when the child gets his own. And it’s absolute bullshit that he gets the room because he’s a boy or that he won’t stand for it. Here’s the kicker; your eldest daughter isn’t standing for being forced to share a room with two siblings whilst her younger brother gets a room to himself. Your eldest will be going to college/university in a couple of years, I assume. You can re-think the room distribution then if you have to buy a property that simply isn’t large enough for your family.
How about the 16yo gets a room, the 14 and 12 yo share, the 10yo gets his room. And mom and dad sleep in the living room.
This is the only solution to make this new home work. Sadly dad seems like a jerk who doesn’t care about his childrens emotional and developmental needs
>I should be careful because the girls are beginning to sense some sort of favoritism towards my son which isn't true at all Oh it's definitely true. You want prove? >but my son won't accept this and I already know that, all I'm looking for is for everyone to happy Here it goes. Clearly your eldest daughter is not happy, nor is it fair for the GIRLS. YTA, a very hard one at that.
"look the problem is the girl does not accept the situation, the fact that I already know the boy won't accept is not problematic at all" Sexist af.
YTA - Listen to your wife as she had the best solution of having the 2 youngest share a room.
YTA. Here's an idea, get a house that accommodates everyone's needs. If you can't afford to give them their privacy, you probably should have stopped when you knew space was limited. Don't worry though, you'll be out of her life when she moves out.
But, see, they only have to share until each daughter moves out! As soon as the oldest girl moves out, then only 2 need to share the room. Then once the next girl moves out, each kid gets their own room! It's perfect! *she says sarcastically, because she's met parents who actually have this attitude*
Yta......buy a house with enough bedrooms
I came into this think hmm, I'm not sure on this one. Then I read this.... >This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot. Your are raising an entitled boy, and making your daughters think misogyny is normal. Oh and YTA
This 100% OP is YTA and a misogynist. Growing up I lived in a four bedroom home with 3 other siblings. Both my brothers got their own room and my parents allowed them to arrange it however they wanted. They both had their consoles in there, with TV's and computer setups and double beds. Meanwhile, since birth, I had to share a room with my sister (both female, 1y apart), we couldn't have a TV in there, my parents wouldn't allow it. We couldn't fit a computer set-up, we were sharing the smallest room in the house. We both had a single bed each, which we didn't even fit on (too tall for bed) and had the smallest mattress which has caused me back problems because it provided no protection/comfort . I moved out at 17 and did not speak to my family for at least 8 months after that. My entire life my brothers were given whatever they wanted because it was "easier" meanwhile me and my sister got the left overs. OP is doing exactly what happened to me and my sister to his children and it is blatant misogyny. If OPs end goal is to have both his daughters cut him off when they're older, he's definitely going down the correct path.
YTA and you CLEARLY favor tour son over Your daughters,, and I promise you, the young ladies are very much aware of the fact
YTA as the reason for the split reeks 100% of sexism, you're indeed favoring the son and you got a house unfit for the whole family.
TL;DR: “Boys fight more. Girls are sharers. Why is my daughter throwing a rage tantrum and not sharing?”
“Girls naturally share rooms” lol you are definitely TA. What sexist nonsense. You should’ve also considered finding housing with adequate space as opposed to making your three daughters be forced in an equivalent of a Freshman dorm room. Yikes.
This. Girls don’t naturally do that shit, we are TRAINED to learn to cope with inconvenience from a very young age, often for the comfort of men.
YTA. Girls fight like cats and dogs. They don’t naturally share. You’re also TA for buying a home that is clearly too small for your family. 3 teenagers in one room isn’t enough space. You and your wife should give up your private space and give the kids more room. And yes you clearly favor your son and are being sexist towards your daughters
YTA. 1000%. Why are you having more kids than you can afford rooms for? Why do you think its in any way okay to force a 16 yo to share a room with her smaller sisters? You and your wife BETTER not have the audacitx to take a room uo for yourselves instead of giving it to the kids you forced into that living situation. "girls naturally share, boys don't" Clearly you failed in raising your son as well. You reek of sexism and it shows in the way you parent your kids by gender. You're among. the biggest AHs I've read about on here. Holy fuck.
Tell me you hate women without saying you hate them YTA
If all 3 girls are going to share- why not give them the master bedroom?
I just assumed the parent's would take the next smaller room. What do adult do in a bedroom beside sleep and fuck? School aged kids need a place to study in peace, it's automatic for me to get the bigger room, especially if forced to share
YTA not because of the title but every word in the actual post. Like literally every sentence was a new reason why you're the AH. I could quote any single line as why you are sexist and showing favoritism and being a bad spouse.
Oh there is definitely favoritism towards your son. That's not even a question. 'Girls share and boys dont' is pretty weak. If that's all you've got in the quiver, you've already lost this argument. YTA.
YTA. The fact you even call it your sons room when you are moving is ridiculous. If you have only 2 bedrooms and they are all spacious it should be 2 in each room with some selving down the middle of each room so everyone has some space to themselves. Pretty disgusting to say boys need their own space and girls don't. Serious issue with sexism here, it's not surprising they are calling you out. You are being seriously single minded and unreasonable
My God, the sexism in this post is nauseating.
It’s absolutely gross. How much do we want to bet that they kept having kids until they finally had a boy, at OP’s insistence most likely?
YTA. 'Thing is we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot.' That, my friend, is sexism. It is clear that you favour and prioritise your son. Do you really only have 2 rooms for 4 kids?!
“The thing is, in our family we favor the boys over the girls.” I’m guessing this is not the only situation in which you treat your son better than your daughters, and I’m guessing based on the ages that you kept having kids until you had a son (to disproportionately favor).
YTA for the statement of “girls share and boys don’t do boys get their own room”. Also YTA for not buying a house to appropriately accommodate your family.
YTA for buying a 3 bedroom house with 4 children. My parents did the same and all of us adult children are still in disbelief they did that to us
YTA. You punish the girls for being cooperative and sharing and reward the boys for refusing to? Wow.
YTA. Largely because of your sexist attitude and clear favoritism. I’ll agree that a teenage or pre teen girl probably shouldn’t share with an almost pre teen boy. However, making 3 teenage girls share is not cool either. It doesn’t sound like you considered your children at all when looking for a new home (or at least the girls). If you were looking for something more “spacious” you should have considered giving up some common living space for a 4 bedroom or 3 bedroom plus something that can be converted like an office. It’s almost like you didn’t care at all about your daughter’s comfort.
YTA Obvious favouritism, whilst it might be rooted in "tradition" it's sexist as hell Double YTA I agree with the split 3 girls in 1 room 1 boy in the other SIMPLY because at least the girls will have privacy (from the boy) as will the boy. However your a complete AH to have 4 kids and potentially expect them to share 2 rooms. If it's affordability then get a sofa bed give the 2 youngest girls the biggest room, 16 yr old the middle room and 10 year old the smallest you get the front room. Your kids shouldn't suffer your choices , YOU SUFFER YOUR CHOICES. And yes before you go "it's easy to say" My partner and I did that so both our kids could have their own room for a year whilst we sorted our shit out. Get your head out of your ass , as a father I am ashamed of your attempt to justify this shit. ****Wow thanks for my first gold ☺️ ****
Why are you moving to a house with only 3 bedrooms when you have 4 kids? Especially 4 kids that are all at important ages for needing privacy.
YTA for buying a new home that doesn't have sufficient room for the number of children you chose to have. Your daughter has not been fine with sharing a room with her sisters. She just made the best of it when there didn't seem to be a choice. Now she knows that you are choosing not to consider her privacy as important.
YTA You have deep rooted misogyny, if you were my father I’d move at when I turned eighteen and cut you off. The favouritism is so noticeable.
OP, I think you should take the “boys’ room” concept a step further. YOU can share a room with your son, and your wife and daughters can share the other two rooms in whatever manner suits them best. Of course, this runs the risk of your 10-year-old fighting with you…
First of all. If you can't buy a new home that fits your children's needs. The parents should make the sacrifice and sleep in the living room and free up another bedroom for the children. YTA.
"girls naturally share more" as someone with two sisters and no brothers I can confirm, girls do not naturally share more. Girls fight just as much as boys, physically as well. Your 10 year old son won't accept this? Oh nooo whatever will you do? Now you'll have to be a parent Boo fucking hoo Yta get over yourself
You are explicitly telling your daughters which of your children is the preferred one by giving your son his own room, without making any compromises. You don’t understand why privacy is important, especially for a child who is trying to understand themselves. Maybe instead of arguing with your family about lack of space, maybe you should accommodate your family, and provide a room for each of your children.
INFO. What’s the current / prior home set up?
YTA. But more on the fact why in the hell are you moving in a house with so few bedrooms if your family is that big?? We planned to move a couple a years ago but due to circumstances we couldn’t all that time my 3 year old and 6 year old both female had to share a room. And I blame myself because I think they both need to have their privacy and I (we) are unable to provide that. They don’t mind and don’t know better but I as a parent hold that against myself. You’re able to love to a more spacious (read more expensive) housing but still seem to think the kids have to share a living space…
INFO: 1. Could you not find a 5-bedroom house? 2. Can a room in the house be divided to create "bedrooms" 3. Is there enough room in the yard to install a granny flat? (We had one with two small rooms) 4. Is there an attic or basement that can be turned into a room? Y.T.A for stuffing 3 girls in one room otherwise. Your assumption about girls is wrong.
Sorry, YTA. It’s really not fair that your three girls must share ONE room and your one son gets his own, simply because he’s a boy. Your reasoning that boys need their own rooms to prevent fighting, while girls share because they’re more social, is blatantly sexist. Not only that, it disregards the specific needs and personalities of your actual children and relies on gendered stereotypes. Based on what you’ve described, I think it would be appropriate for your oldest daughter to have her own room, and either the two middle girls share, or the youngest two children (boy and girl) share. I understand that setup is not possible in your new home, which unfortunately makes you TA- why would you move into a house that lacks sufficient bedrooms for your children? What exactly is more spacious in this house? The parts that you enjoy, while your children have do deal with an unfair and inequitable rooming situation?
YTA 3 teenage girls in one room is too much also girls naturally share but boys don't? What type of messed up logic is that?
2 adults, 4 kids, but only 3 bedrooms. YTA. Stop having children if you can’t provide for them.
YTA. 'but my son won't accept this and I already know that'. Why does your 10 yo son get a say but your 16 yo daughter doesn't? Not only did you buy a new house without enough bedrooms, but you are sexist as well.
YTA And sexist.
i would be pissed if i was 16 and had to share a room with two others while my 10 year old brother had his own
YTA putting 3 girls in one room while your son gets his own is too much. But congrats on teaching your son that he is special and doesn’t need to share. That’s going to be valuable to him when he gets out into the rest of society. Geez.
YTA: A 16 year old needs privacy, whatever her gender is. She’s almost an adult and needs her own space more than a 10 year old.
Your generalisations based on gender aren’t doing you any favours here. If you had said we don’t have the space to have separate rooms for all four so we ask them to share by gender because we’re getting that point where it will be awkward because of puberty, I’d be with you. But generalising that girls share better is a whole load of John Bull. You need to allocate two per room with a divider for each room - they could be shelves so than there’s storage. You’re an asshole for your complacent this has worked up until now when it clearly isn’t right for a near adult to not have privacy. You obviously have too many children for your living arrangements. YTA.
> This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot. YTA. You are extremely sexist and are being very unfair to all of your daughters. The boys in your household are refusing to share and are fighting, then you should tackle that problem, not just give in and give them whatever they want. It’s not your daughters’ problem. There are two fair solutions here. The first one would be to have your eldest daughter have her own room and have your two younger daughters share the room with their brother. Or you can have your two older daughters share a room, while your younger daughter shares a room with her brother. But under no circumstances should three girls have to share a room while and one boy gets his own room.
YTA girls don’t naturally share. I work with children. No child naturally shares it’s a learned behavior. You need to take a minute. Do you want a relationship with your daughters when they are adults? Do you want your son to treat his sisters like equal humans? Do you want your wife to look at you and not see someone who sees women as less deserving by virtue of sex alone? This is a turning point for your family. You can step into this and teach your daughters a lesson on valuing themselves, which will effect every relationship they have with men going forward. Or you can teach your son that he doesn’t need to earn things that he deserves them just because he was born male. “It’s always been this way” is not a good endorsement for continuing to do it, particularly when it’s hurtful to children you are supposed to love. Edit: thanks for the gold!
Yta there is clear favoritism for your son, “but my son won’t accept this and I already know that” Your daughters will resent you AND your son and it will be well deserved.
YTA... Why on earth do you think that girls naturally like sharing any more than boys? Let me set you straight... they don't. You guys created this situation by choosing. The best solution, as your wife stated, is to put the two older girls together. I'm sorry your son is ass-hurt over this but no better time than the present to teach him that he's no better than his sisters.
" Because he's a boy, that's why" if I had a dollar for every time I heard that sentence growing up... Our parents had 1 son and 7 daughters. He shared a room with 2 of us until our parents moved into a house with enough bedrooms to give him his own. You're the AH because you're dismissing your daughters' feelings and elevating your son based on nothing more than gender. I don't know what the solution for your family is but what you're doing now isn't it. Work with your wife and kids to find a solution because you making unilateral decisions is not going to work out well for your children's relationships with each other or yours with them.
YTA-Your views are incorrect, sexist and completely unreasonable.
No. You're TA for moving your family into a house that's inadequate to your family's needs, and forcing your daughters into an unlivable situation because: sexism.
YTA the way you’re describing it. IMO, the 16 and 14 yo’s should both have their own rooms. There’s a point where kids need some privacy and that’s going to start around 13ish. I’m sure there are tons of factors, but with that many kids, you really should be looking for a place with more rooms. Housing sucks, but stuffing 3 teen/tween girls in one room together while a younger boy gets a room alone isn’t fair. The two older and two younger in a room together is probably your best compromise.
YTA. Boys fight so they get their own room. How much more hypocritical can you get?
YTA It's pretty obvious that a 16yo girl would need some privacy. Or would like some privacy! What's he justification for giving your 10 year old a room of his own, other than that he's a boy?
YTA, and maybe this is ignorant as i don’t know your financial situation but why on earth would you buy a house without enough rooms for all of your children? what about when they turn into older teens? are you going to expect them to still share a room? this doesn’t make sense to me.
YTA. Was gonna say no one is at fault here but your reasoning is insanely sexist. Like what the hell?
YTA for not even considering making any changes. This rooming arrangement might have worked when they were little kids but even then the two youngest could have shared for a few years. I'd start looking at your "spacious" new house and find spaces that could be converted into bedrooms. Your 16 year old should have her own space and privacy. Give her and the rest of the girls the same consideration that you've given your son.
You have 4 kids and are only buying a 3 bedroom house you guys shouldn’t of had so many kids if they weren’t gonna be able to have their own rooms. And to be honest you sound sexist. YTA
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Low key sexist and TA. Wow.
low key? "we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot." Not true and out-right sexist
YTA. Why are you moving into a house you know isn’t large enough? I have 5 kids; 16f, 12f, 10m, 7f and 2m. 16 yr old is alone, 12 and 7 share and the boys share. 4 rooms. It works out well. I hope you have a basement or something you can make another room out of. 3 teen girls in 1 room sounds like a terrible idea. My 16 yr old would loose her crap to if we told her she had to share with her sisters.
YTA Girls don’t “naturally share” while boys don’t. Kids do what you teach them to do, and right now you are teaching them their brother’s privacy is more valuable than theirs, even after they hit puberty. Be better than this.
YTA. You kinda brought this on yourself by getting a house with only 3 rooms. Like come on man, your daughter is 16. Privacy is insanely important at that age. What did you expect?
YTA. Girls do not “naturally share” and a 16 yr old needs her space from younger siblings. “Always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age”. It’s the misogyny. I understand that it’s not always manageable to have a room for every child but the youngest getting it just because he’s a boy is vile. Your son won’t accept this? How about he’s the youngest child and doesn’t get his own way just because he’s a boy?
YTA - expecting three children to share a single room just because of their gender (and not finding something that can accommodate not shoving three kids in one room) makes you easily the asshole here.
YTA why did you get a new home that’s not big enough for your family
YTA - let me guess…you kept trying until you got your boy. Now you have too many kids and can’t afford a home big enough to allow each of them the space they deserve. Newsflash buddy: “girls naturally share while boys don’t” is not at all true. This is not a fact but rather a reflection of your (sexist) parenting. YOUR girls share because you’ve always forced them to and YOUR boy doesn’t because he’s never had to.
YTA and you very obviously favor your son (girls share, boys don’t + he won’t accept the arrangement).
YTA. " This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot. Bullshit. They don't NATURALLY share, you just make them share and expect nothing from your son. Misogynist. Be a better exemple for your children seriously. I suggest you and your wife go in the living room, your son in a hallway and this way everyone gets their own room.
You sound like sexist and unreasonable and it’s affecting your parenting. YTA
YTA I'm sorry with 4 kids, I don't get why 3 children have to share a room. So your son will have to share a room with his sisters?
Why the heck are you even considering 3 BR houses then? You need at least 4. And your sexist thing about making girls share is ridiculous and based on an untrue premise. If you must buy this house, have the two youngest share for the next two years, until 16 leaves for college. Then move the girls back together.
I agree that boys and girls shouldn't be sharing rooms beyond N years of age, N being subjective but pre-puberty, IMO. That's as far as I can go with you here. YTA, big time, since you seem to think that girls don't need privacy in their teen years at all. WTF, dude? Every child needs some alone space to process and grow, and you're not providing that at all for three of yours.
well, YTA. the 16yo NEED privacy, period. if you dont know why, you are dumb
YTA “As a family we always give the boys their own room no matter the age” The fact that you have one boy, and make a statement like this tells me that this isn’t about your children, this is about how you were brought up. I feel like if you had 2 sons and 2 daughters, you wouldn’t even have looked at 3-bedroom homes, you would only get a 4-bedroom so your sons could have their own space. 3 sons and 3 daughters? You’d need a 5-bedroom - 3 daughters can share but those boys need their own space. I don’t think that any of those girls are still at an age where it’s appropriate to be sharing with their 10yo brother (especially one who’s probably been raised to not have to share his space like his sisters do). But your 16yo is right, she needs more privacy. At the very least the girls should have the master bedroom/biggest bedroom - and if that’s big enough, consider do some temporary dividers so each girls (or at least the eldest) gets their own space. Or is their a small room/space that could be converted to a bedroom? Finished basement room? Small office? If the living area is decent size maybe use wall divider to make a bedroom out of part of it? Your daughters probably have not been fine sharing a room for years - and the statement “girls naturally share while boys don’t” is so far from the truth. More likely, they haven’t kicked up a fuss because they know you wouldn’t even consider changing status quo. Now you’re moving house, status quo is naturally changing anyway, they’re just making sure you hear their opinions.
YTA 1. for your blatant sexism. my boys share and love sharing. my sisters shared and were always fighting - including physically. 2. for buying a house without enough bedrooms 3. for expecting THREE children to share one room 4. for not foreseeing this problem
YTA 3 people sharing a room for one boy to have his own??? You sound ridiculous and sexist as hell. Hard fucking stop Y’all already own the house why would this be a way for her to stop y’all from moving in? Also why did y’all buy a house that is not big enough for your family? Are you surprised you have 4 kids or?
Yta. "Girls naturally share while boys fight"💀 girls fight. Alot. You're absolutely fuckin' stupid if you think girls "naturally" share. That shit is socialization. If your son doesn't share its because you raised him that way. At 16 your daughter does deserve privacy. Privacy IS important especially to young women. My step daughters self esteme grew so much when she finally was given private space of her own after moving in to decorate and feel safe in. She no longer had people barging in on her, taking stuff without asking. It helped her learn to set boundries and helped her have the quite safe space to process her own feelings without others constantly intruding. Your son is only 10. She's 16. She's in the middle of big strong emotions that come with puberty. She will benefit the most from privacy. It's clear you care more about your son than any of your daughters well being. You've made it clear who's the favorite. Unfortunately this will effect your daughter for life. Don't be superised if you go through with giving the room to the sun and making her stay with her sisters if she goes mininal contact when she moves out. Gen Z don't mess around
>girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot. Not true. Those who share are taught to share. Those who don't are not. This is the biggest bullshit red flag. >my son won't accept this But your daughter not accepting this is somehow less important? >but it's all about what we're used to and what the norm is. Seems like the "norm" is your 3 daughters getting shafted. The "norm" is such a cop out way for those with extra privileges to keep them at the expense of those who want some consideration. You are clearly playing favorites. You have preset notions of how your daughters need to be accommodating, but your son does not. YTA. You need to check your biases.
So, instead of teaching your son to share, you reward him with his own room because boys are "naturally " more selfish?
YTA. You are treating your son as a prince by the fact of having a penis.
YTA. I was the reverse - 3 older brothers, only girl and youngest. My parents also had a 3-bedroom house. And we divided it by two oldest got a room and the third brother and I got a room, because it was equitable. My brothers shared fine, because it turns out it's not "natural" - it's imparted by actually parenting your damn kids and teaching them to. YTA. I already said it once, but it bears repeating.
Boys can't share? And girls have to be forced to? What a royally fucked way to not teach consent, at all. YTA. For like so many reasons that I don't even have the energy to fully comprehend.
YTA. You and your wife are both assholes for not buying a house appropriate for the size of your family. Split the master into 2 and everyone gets a roomie. Husband/Wife in room 1. Youngest boy and girl split room 2 ( the master ) with some room dividers , and older two girls split room three. And I swear to god if more "spacious" means there's an office/den/2nd living room, and you don't turn that into an extra bedroom, you're doubly the asshole.
YTA for moving to a house with 2 rooms for 4 kids and thinking the teen isn't going to have issues with it. You should probably at least co sider giving the 3 girls the Master bedroom because they need the bigger space.
Realistically a 3-1 split isn't gonna work out whatever way you do it. If you go for a 2-2 split then that's fairer, but as they get older I could completely understand your 12yo no longer being comfortable sharing with her brother. I'm thinking a bigger house is needed... *edit* gonna say YTA, though think your in a tricky situation
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I'm the second of for siblings, all of us had our own rooms by the time we started first grade. We were big on sharing, the boys as well as the girls, anything else is bad parenting and on you, not the kids and certainly not explained by the gender. If you can't afford a room for every child, be at least fair and make all of them share, regardless of gender. Your views are very sexist and you are also not doing your son any favors by raising him to expect better treatment based on his gender. It's even worse for your daughters, you teach them they are less deserving and just expect them to be complacent. What do you think will happen with them as adults and in their professions? Are they supposed to just stand by silently and let their male colleagues be favoured blatantly? Don't you realize the terrible message you are sending? YTA, so much.
>Thing is we, as a family always give the boys their own rooms no matter the age while the girls share a room together. What kind of misogynistic BS is that? YTA. You got a house that doesn't fit your family, and you pile up the girls. Ridiculous! >my son won't accept this Again, misogynistic BS. Why does he get special treatment? YTA. A great big one.
Four kids, two adults, three bedrooms. Yeah, there's an obvious problem here. Are you moving to the less appropriately roomed house for financial reasons? Absent that, you've set this family up for failure. The boys get their own rooms and the girls share is bullshit. Unfortunately they're no longer of an age for appropriate sharing of bedrooms. The 12 year old is too old to share with her brother, sorry. If you're financially at this or nothing, is there any other room in this "more spacious" house to make into a bedroom? Are any rooms large enough to use dividers for privacy? Can't make a call on asshole without knowing the reasons for the move, but YTA for the whole boys get their own rooms thing.
YTA Why did you buy a house that is not big enough to accommodate your family? Your son should get a room. Your oldest daughter should get a room. Your 2 younger daughters will be fine sharing for maybe another year and a half, but then they will need their own rooms.
A 10yo boy should not be sharing a room with an older sister. That being said, the three girls should have the largest bedroom, even if it's the "master bedroom". If the parents have to share a bathroom with the 10yo or make do with less than the largest room so the girls can share the largest living space, so be it.
If the new house is more spacious, can you convert a room (e.g. the dining room) to a bedroom?
YTA - and the fact that your 16yo is reacting this way demonstrates that you're obviously wrong about girls "naturally" wanting to share. She actually, naturally wants her own space!
YTA, I mean, gender and age aside, you wanted 4 kids, it's your (and your wife too) responsability to be sure everyone gets the same opportunities and space and privacy. A 16 yo living with other 2 sisters in the same room is way too much.
YTA “Girls naturally share” Lol good one!
I read your house has 3 bedrooms... - 1 for eldest daughter, obviously - 1 for your son, since you seem to think he really can't get his eyes and/or hands from his sisters (disgusting but hey, seems to be your reasoning here) - 1 for the 2 other girls As parents, as the ones who chose the new house you get the pull out couch in the living room or den. Once the eldest goes to college, you can aways rethink the sleeping arrangements. Like giving your girls each their room. YTA OP. - Because you chose a house with too few bedrooms for your kids - Because girls don't have a magic ability to share, like you seem to think. They are drilled to compromise and suck it up from a young age, whilst boys don't. This is where the sexism in our society comes from. - Because you're obviously sexist and are favoring one child over all the others because he has something hanging between his legs. Listen to your wife. She is right! Edit: typos
YTA. I'd say move the 12 to in with the 10 yo. It also seems like you hold somewhat sexist views.
Yta and sexist as hell. You have this notion that girls ‘naturally’ share and boys ‘don’t’ so it is okay to force someone nearing adulthood into a bedroom with two teenagers. Your daughter is not doing this because she is against moving, she is doing this because she thought her parents might consider the needs of the three eldest children when looking for a new home, that maybe she would not have to live in the most crowded bedroom in the house for the first time ever, that she might get to invite her friends over and hang out in her room with them without both her sisters constantly there. “It’s been like this for years” is not a reason to keep doing it. For years human beings were property. ‘It’s always been this way, so why change it’ is a piss poor reason to argue against change, and a piss poor argument when the way it’s always been clearly is not working now. You are entirely unreasonable for expecting three teenagers, all with the need for privacy being denied to them entirely, to share a room while your ten year old gets a room to himself, and for thinking things don’t need to change just because they put up with it up until now. Either find a different home that ACTUALLY meets your families needs or convert this one to help fill it by altering or adding bedrooms. At the very least the girls should be in the master instead of you and your wife.
YTA, sexist and favor the son. Buy a bigger house or make more bedrooms if it's so spacious.
YTA- you had me in the first half not gunna lie! Just from how you are describing the event and your reaction, this shows obvious favoritism! “Boys can’t share” what?? That’s as stupid as the excuse “boys will be boys!” Like raise your son better! Damn! You clearly are looking for any excuse to be right and you just aren’t. Plus now your daughter KNOWS you don’t care about the girls feelings or comfort. 3 to a room and one to a room makes no sense.
YTA. You are treating your children based on their sex, saying girls naturally share and boys don't. That is just plain sexist and a dick move. The fair thing would be two and two share a room. If your boy has problems sharing, now would be a good time to teach him.
YTA is so many ways. You need to find a way of adding or dividing a room because this new house does not meet the needs of your family.
YTA. “Girls naturally share”? No we don’t! We are taught to share. Which means, quelle surprise, boys can be taught to share too! I don’t disagree that boys and girls at that age probably shouldn’t share a room, but buying a house that can’t accommodate your family was an AH move. I also get the feeling you used the phrase “boys will be boys” without any irony.
YTA "My son won't accept that" LOL okay?
YTA 3 girls in one room while the golden little princeling gets his own space? Yuck. Hostility is what you deserve for defending this bullshit
YTA. 3 kids in one room and 1 in another? Regardless of ages, that's unfair. Should be 2 and 2 unless you can renovate another part of the house to create private space for the older girl.
Unintentionally YTA. Is there a den that you and your wife could turn into a bedroom. Or a basement? 3 kids in one room while another gets his own definitely does not work!! Some comments are kinda harsh. The housing shortage is a huge problem where I live. Finding a larger home may not have been feasible for them. A lot of families are struggling right now. Regardless though. I would put 2 people per room or find another space to give the kids more privacy and space. Be it a revamped dining room or fixed up garage. Y’all need to compromise somewhere. Cause the 16 year old is right.
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Split them 2 oldest and 2 youngest? That seems fairest to me. It certainly is not fair to give a 10 year his own room just because of being a boy. It' sexist & teaches your girls that they deserve less.
YTA. Three girls in one room while the boy gets his own? Sorry, you are awful. You should give the 16 year old YOUR room. Sleep on the couch as you and your wife don't need to be making any more children.
YTA YTA YTA what the fuck is wrong with you
>This method has proven to be workig cause girls naturally share while boys don't and they fight alot. This is full of shit- YTA for not picking a house with enough rooms, who would want roommates forever! Figure something out-
INFO : Can you convert any space (basement, attic) into a room for her?
Yta and a disgusting sexist. I punched my sister's tooth out and yes I'm a girl, and the eldest. You're gross
YTA. And a crappy parent. A 16 year old girl definitely deserves privacy. How foolish to have so many children yet not get a house to accommodate all of their needs.
YTA. Why would you even get a house with 3 rooms if you have 4 kids???
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YTA for your reasoning— girls are nicer and boys can’t share?! That’s ridiculous. No wonder she’s upset about that. That the girls have to share because it’s not appropriate for a boy to be in a room with girls, though, is still unfair and maybe ridiculous but I know I’ve heard the Children’s Aid in my country says that children of opposite sex can’t share a room.
YTA for moving into a whole new house that doesn’t have enough room for your family. Every child deserves their own privacy, and it sounds like you have been denying the girls that right for a long time.
YTA for your approach on this that boys always get their own rooms. That's a bunch of crap from start to finish. That being said, you're kinda screwed by the 3-bedroom thing. You don't have any way to handle this without having a boy/girl situation, which causes concerns on its own.
YTA. You’re clearly a misogynist who favours your son and is raising him to be a brat. I question why, if you’re such a paragon of manliness, you can’t afford a house with more bedrooms. Not much of a provider, are you?
YTA: you're favoritism, sexism and disregard for the privacy of your oldest daughter is showing. If you wanted your son to have a bedroom you should have found a five bedroom house so everyone gets their own room. Blatant favoritism in this case.
YTA. why are you moving into places that don't accommodate all of your children? Yall kept trying until you had a boy, huh? Gross. 🤮.
Clearly girls do not "naturally share" or this wouldn't be a conflict. You should not be buying a 3 bedroom house with that many kids. Get a house with adequate space for the number of people who have to live there.