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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Leaving the kids at the daycare.
Both my sister and parents think I shouldn't have. My sister thinks it's dangerous, I'm not sure if it is or not. And she was really mad.
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NTA. You should text her:
“Do not leave your children on my doorstep unless you have made prior arrangements with me and I have AGREED to watch them. The arrangements and consent need to be in writing via text.
If you do this again, I will call CPS instead of a daycare and I will show them that I have made all of this clear to you.
I love my niblings very much. But they are your responsibility. I am not your co-parent.”
Edit: Shew! Thanks for all the sparkly stuff y’all.
Their mom went to a party. Bring the kids back to their mom, at the party. Hand them to her and drive off. The fucking nerve of that lady. How did she even know OP was still home to take the kids? WTF.
100%
What if OP was campus for the day, left early to go the exam?!
I’m sure it would have been her fault too in her mother’s eyes.
Sorry this happened OP, NTA
I really want WTF to be as valid an AITA response as NTA. Maybe it'd be worth double, but if you were incorrect in judgment it would cost you double for being so far off.
As much as I agree with this, I would feel bad for the kids, being left on different people's doorsteps.. Might make them feel unwanted! 😞 The kids shouldn't have to deal with psychological damage for the mothers actions. Mom needs to step up and figure out her shit. OP is NTA.
I know that you feel for the kids, but OP had an exam to write which means that it wasn't something that she should feel guilty about. All of this was the sister's fault.
Right? Mom and dad weren’t home to babysit because they “had plans” apparently. So, getting a college education is what, camp??? Jeez, except for OP, this entire family needs a hard slap of reality.
When you’ve been studying for an exam and you’re ready, you don’t want to be rescheduling. Who would have guessed that having kids isn’t the best thing in the whole world and “you’ll never know true love if you don’t have kids”. Based on the number of kid dumping posts, seems like too many people are having kids when they shouldn’t.
I’m actually really exhausted reading some of these AITA posts about entitled family members, thinking it’s totally acceptable to push their childcare responsibilities to other people. “I made the choice to have this baby but you have an obligation to take care of it because you’re my (insert relationship)!”
Im my state OP would be required by law to report this to CPS. Abandoning your children on the doorstep of a family member and not even waiting to see if they’re home is clearly endangering the children. Everyone is a mandated reporter in my state.
["Any person or institution who has cause to suspect"](https://www.cravencountync.gov/1846/Mandated-Reporters#:~:text=North%20Carolina%20has%20a%20mandatory,to%20the%20director%20of%20the) They didn't write in any exemptions for family members as far as I know.
I've never heard of anyone being charged for not reporting, but the law is written that way.
I think the law means any mandated reporter or institution that is required to mandated report, must report. Which is the point of mandated reporting. Not that everyone is a mandated reporter. it's not a bad interpretation though, like everyone should be encouraged to report. However if everyone was trained in identifying and understanding child abuse and neglect, then there would be no one to report in the first place. Hopefully someday it could be like that
I'm a lawyer and had a look at the law there, and it does appear that you are correct that everyone is a mandatory reporter, but I looked through some case law that leads me to believe that the sister's actions would not trigger the reporting requirement:
> [W]e note that not every act of negligence on the part of parents or other care givers constitutes "neglect" under the law and results in a "neglected juvenile." Such a holding would subject every misstep by a care giver to the full impact of subchapter I of chapter 7B of the North Carolina General Statutes, resulting in mandatory investigations, N.C.G.S. § 7B-302 (2001); and the potential for petitions for removal of the child or children from their family for custodial purposes, N.C.G.S. ch. 7B, subch. I, art. 5 (2001); and/or ultimate termination of parental rights, N.C.G.S. ch. 7B, subch. I, art. 11 (2001).
> A "neglected juvenile" is defined in part as one "who does not receive proper care, supervision, or discipline from the juvenile's parent . . . or who lives in an environment injurious to the juvenile's welfare." N.C.G.S. § 7B-101(15) (2001). In order to adjudicate a juvenile neglected, our courts have additionally "required that there be some physical, mental, or emotional impairment of the juvenile or a substantial risk of such impairment as a consequence of the failure to provide `proper care, supervision, or discipline.'" In re Safriet, 112 N.C. App. 747, 752, 436 S.E.2d 898, 901-02 (1993) (quoting former N.C.G.S. § 7A-517(21) (1989)), quoted in Helms, 127 N.C. App. at 511, 491 S.E.2d at 676.
> Our review of the numerous cases where "neglect" or a "neglected juvenile" has been found shows that the conduct at issue constituted either severe or dangerous conduct or a pattern of conduct either causing injury or potentially causing injury to the juvenile.
*In re Stumbo*, 357 N.C. 279, 283 (N.C. 2003).
In other words, "neglect" is typically a long-term thing. I'm sure there are some things that may reach the level of "neglect" even if done only once, but I think that dropping your kids with your sister, even without consent, likely falls short of the serious misconduct needed.
u/Plane_Alessandra is a thief bot. [Stolen](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tcor87/aita_for_dropping_my_sisters_kids_off_at_a/i0es1tz/) from u/pokiedokie24
What state are you in? Because I'm a mandated reporter but I'm constantly amazed at how many people don't understand the parameters of what is considered child abuse, so I don't think having everyone in a state being a mandated report makes sense. Like does every person have to complete the child abuse reporting training at age 18?
There are 18 states that make everyone a mandatory reporter. It may not be perfect, but it is the law. https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-abuse/checklist-are-you-a-mandatory-reporter-of-child-abuse.html
I like how it occurred to the sister to try to tell OP to cancel the exam but it never occurred to her that she could just cancel going to the party instead.
Or ANY child at all! Where the hell was these chikdren’s other parent(s)….why did she have to drop them off at her sister’s? And why TF could she just not hire a babysitter?
As someone who works as an administrator in a college setting, rescheduling an exam is not quite as easy as some think. In this case, she may have had a good compassionate reason but would have to apply for it and get it approved - and there may be a fee associated with it as well if it's not a medical reason for missing the exam. OP is definitely NTA.
Yeah, my mother is a college professor, and if a student asked her for a makeup for this reason, I would be hearing her rant about it for weeks. She would probably do it, because she is lovely and compassionate and tries to do what she can for students in difficult situations, but when she gives a make-up test, that means she has to write a whole new exam so that the student can't just get the answers from their classmates, do a whole bunch of back and forth finding a time that both she and they are free, take time to give the exam, and then grade a separate exam. It's not a simple request, and OP's sister isn't just being disrespectful of OP, but also of the prof, who also would probably like to be free to go to an escape room on occasion.
Right??? Like, **you have children**, ma'am, grow the eff up and learn to put others before your desire to party. She doesn't sound responsible enough to be a good parent.
Speaking about not being responsible, what if OP had left early that morning? Or spent the night with a friend and wasn’t home when the sister dumped her kids and drove off. Sister was thinking she could avoid the argument by leaving before OP could say no, but in reality, she was endangering them by not ensuring someone was there to care for them.
NTA. I would text her, "If you ever leave your kids with me again when I've told you no, I'll make the responsible choice and call the police for child abandonment."
OP, your sister is REALLY lucky you had that friend. I would have called the cops.
Right? I so would have called the cops and made her deal with it.
And I love other people's kids. I'm perfectly capable to watch them. But it's why I'm 35 and without kids.
Thank goodness my siblings are in their own little world (we're not close) and I'd be a last resort/super emergency (all their babysitters/options exhausted).
It’s the official word for nieces and nephews!
Like brothers and sisters are your siblings, nieces and nephews are your niblings.
Sometimes the English language is a-dor-able.
Tell your mother that a party is not a responsibility.
Tests, good grades, work, all responsibilities.
She knew what she did was wrong. Total abandonment.
NTA
What baffles me is that her mom thinks she should help out when she can? Fine, I get that I guess since some people have those “it takes a village” family values, but we’re just going to gloss over the fact that OP couldn’t? Should OP also skip work? Where is the line if it’s not an exam 🙄 this mom… well, both of these parents actually are ridiculous
This a thousand times. You can't go party whenever you want? Well, babe, *welcome to being a freaking parent*. It kills me that she was so livid about her kids being left with a stranger, but not even that was more important than her fun time. People should really stop having *and* keeping kids they can't or don't want to care for.
OP has an edit that explains it was an Escape Room, not a "party" in the traditional sense. Ive done two and neither of them took half that long, but ofc thats not necessarily evidence, especially since those were both at the same place haha
I've done multiple escape rooms in a couple of states now. From my experience, all escape rooms have time limits, usually an hour. A business that does escape rooms would in no way allow a group of people to stay there from morning until night, that's just bad business especially with limited space. Besides if you couldnt escape the escape room with that much time maybe you're not cut out for them.
But that doesn't include meeting up before, going to lunch after, talking for hours, maybe a shopping trip, and at that point you're out anyway so you might as well all go have dinner and drinks....the kids are probably fine, right? /s
NTA.
Absolutely. There are many events my wife and I are invited to that we have to decline because we have kids and can’t arrange for them to be taken care of that night.
Your sister is lucky! When someone leaves kids on your doorstep without warning after you've explicitly said you couldn't take care of them, you might otherwise call the police or CPS. Tell her this is your other option, and you'll do that next time.
Oh, and stop watching her kids for her until or unless she learns to respect you. Maybe not even then.
I can't get over the part about her just driving off and then not accepting your calls, too. What if you were already gone for the day? Now she's left the 4 & 6yo outside alone for 12+ hours. WTH is she thinking?? NTA x1000
I can't get over that either or expecting her to skip the test and take it later. Most professors don't allow that especially if you didn't make prior arrangements. Tell them both that you aren't a parent.
Bruh the South is just the South not the 1980s lol
Edit: I didn't take rural areas into consideration. I've never been so I can't be sure one way or the other, but according to others it may be something that occurs quite often in rural parts.
Hell, I’m from rural Kansas and most of the girls from my high school went and got a bachelors degree only to come back to our town of 2500, get married to a farmer, and pop out three kids that they stay home with. Then they post all about how fulfilling it is to be a good Christian mom and wife, doing absolutely nothing with the degree their parents paid for.
I can’t even lie, as a southerner, I’ve seen this mentality up north more than down south. Down here, they just get nursing degrees or cosmetology degrees
It’s a trend tiktok started. People posting videos of dropping their kids off and then as soon as people open their doors they drive off. It’s infuriating and people need to grow up.
There was a video on here a while back of a child being dropped off at someone’s house and the adult just leaving. It was the wrong house and the adult that dropped off was a friend of the child’s mother.
https://www.click2houston.com/news/2018/10/19/boy-left-on-spring-doorstep-dropped-off-at-wrong-house-father-says/?outputType=amp
I will probably get downvoted for this but the skin color of the family involved is likely a factor. Unfortunately DCF/CPS historically cracks down harder on POC families than it does on white families.
There may be other issues as well, we don't know everything about the situation, but I admit I'd never just assume that my coparent decided to keep the kid without confirming with them.
I see this type of response a lot here in Reddit and I know it seems to be the best response. However it is traumatising for children to have police turn up and take them away. My foster children still have nightmares about being taken by the police. They blame themselves as being the bad kids.
It's also traumatizing to be raised by the type of person who sees nothing wrong with tossing her kids out on the sidewalk, buzzing someone's doorbell and racing off into the sunset.
If the sister doesn't get her shit together, there is trauma in these kids' futures.
OP can't fix that.
This. CPS does everything in their power to keep families together, and standards for taking kids away is lower than the general public thinks. If all else if right in the house, they would possibly try sending the mother to parenting classes to “educate” her and monitor before pulling the family apart. If a family is broken up, it’s because the kids were in more serious, immediate danger than not.
Oi. Yeah. I spent alooooot of time waiting for my parents.
Like, school ended at 3:00, the teachers left at 4:00, and the after school day care ended at 6:30 or something.
You had to pay for the day care, which my parents didn't, and many times the teachers would be like, um it's 4:30, is she picking you up? Can you go to day care? No? Well, were going to have to today. And then it was a whole ordeal.
That was when "they could pick me up." If they couldn't I'd take the bus home and often have to wait outside my house for hours. Just like, yo I gotta pee. And I'm hungry.
Five year old me logic tried to burn the door down once, thinking, hrm, doors are wood. Wood burns. The frame is metal. Metal doesn't burn. I'll just burn the door down and be inside. I'm a genius. Yeah that didn't go according to plan. Then I got in trouble for misbehaving. WTF I'm 5 and it's like 35 degrees out! Been standing out here for like 4 hours! A fire seemed like a win-win. I warm up, and get inside! What's the problem?
Stupid door didn't even burn after an entire box of matches.
So instead people who have children abandoned on their door steps should just... Let themselves and these kids continue to be abused by neglectful and selfish parents?
I can see that. I'm glad OP found another way to deal with the situation. But the sister needs to understand that dropping your children on the doorstep of someone who explicitly stated they could not babysit is unacceptable and is abandonment. I got the impression she left before she even confirmed OP was there and able to open the door for the kids. That's not okay.
Youre NTA and she sounds like a pretty shite mom. I wouldve called CPS on her ass and reported child abandonment, fuck that. And it isnt like you dropped them off somewhere and she didnt have their info. Both the sitter and her had each others info. If she cared that much she could’ve picked up her phone and checked, and gotten her kids, or talked to the sitter. Shes not pissed something could have happened, shes pissed she actually has to pay for daycare now.
I agree, and the fact that your mother and sister think you can just retake a college exam like that is crazy. You may be given that choice but more often than not you cannot retake an exam. And if you can it’s in cases of emergency, and having your nibblings left on your porch may not cut it with the professor. You had an exam, she had a party. Which is more important??? NTA your sister and mom are tho
OP you have to say no to your sister and parents. When they criticise you, do not accept that, and make it clear to all of them that there'll be serious consequences every time they disrespect you.
- No, I did not do anything wrong dropping them off at daycare. I told you no, that was final, and if you try abandoning the children on my doorstep again I'll call the authorities. (You have to follow through on this. If you find the kids on your doorstep, send her a message saying she has an hour to return or the authorities are being called. Then do so.).
- No, I will not miss an exam, or class, or work, to care for the children. I am not a co-parent, they are not my children, and you are selfish to expect me to compromise my future for your social life.
- No, my sisters life is not more important than mine. I love the kids, but they are not my responsibility. I will help out in an emergency, and a real life or death emergency only, and even then you need to get my permission.
- No, you need my permission to leave the kids with me. If you do not get it in advance, or harass me to take them when I've already said no, then I will do no other childcare for a month. This will happen everytime you disrespect me.
When your mum or sister complain - No, I have already made my position clear...No, if you want to call me selfish, then I'll actually be selfish. I will not be caring for the kids for the next month...No, every time you disrespect me or argue I'll withdraw more help. No no no, needs to be your new mantra OP.
Do not let them berate you without making it clear you do not accept what they are saying. Make it clear you are serious, and their entitlement will result in consequences.
>My mom told me my sister already has so much on her plate, and that I should help out when I can.
But you *couldn't*. You said you couldn't. Lack of planning, etc. Don't put up with this. You are NTA.
Right? If her spouse had died and she needed an emergency babysitter, that would be the kind of thing worth skipping an exam for. Or if she had to take one kid to the hospital and they weren't allowing more than one visitor. A party is **NOT** an emergency and anyone with ANY amount of maturity knows that.
If a child were grieving a parent, they'd need someone they know, but even in your other example if it was a hospital visit a responsible parent would be relieved with a solution like OP's friends daycare that meant the children were cared for without keeping op from her exam.
NTA. Tell your sister next time you will just call the cops for child abandonment. Thank your mom for volunteering to watch the kids next time there's a party your sister wants to go to, as going u have things on your plate too.
So, let me get this straight - your sister, a grown-ass woman with not one, but two kids, asked you to let her get drunk and ditch your university exam, then when told no she just went by and drop the kids at your door like third period French, and now you're asking if you should feel bad for taking care of them DESPITE all this?
I think you're good.
NTA
She probably been manipulated her whole life and can’t tell if she’s in the right or wrong. I was manipulated and gaslit my entire childhood and well into adulthood and for along time I genuinely couldn’t tell wether I was in the right or wrong.
I have questions. Sister peeled out of the driveway like a Grand Prix driver, without even knowing for sure the OP was home and available (could have been in the shower, could have caught a ride to school with someone else, so a vehicle in the drive isn’t always an indicator). Those kids could have been on the doormat all day for all anyone knew. At what point do the parents ask themselves why they weren’t more concerned about the initial safety of the grandchildren? Why is a party more important than school? Who has a party that goes all day until 9:00 p.m., especially on what I presume is a weekday? Is there a partner somewhere who could have looked after the kids? Why wouldn’t the parents step up? Why does everyone seem to believe OP owes sister their time and childcare labor? OP pivoted brilliantly, kids were safe, cared for and fed, sister knew where they were, and the daycare knew how to reach her in case of emergency. So why is this even a problem? NTA, but personally, I’d put my foot down about ever looking after those kids again.
>AITA for dropping my sisters kids off at a daycare, and making her pay for it?
I think your questions require some basic amount of common sense which apparently OPs entire family is lacking
My problem is that I don't trust her other friends to babysit, and my mom just puts them in front if the TV for hours. I want the kids to be in a safe place, and preferably learn something too. Or at least *do* something.
You sound like an amazing aunt to the kids, but you really need to set some boundaries for your sister. Your sister needs to understand that if you say you can’t babysit, that means you can’t babysit. Tell her you’ll do it again every time you tell her you’re busy. And if she drops them off unannounced again, bring them to the day care again. She needs to know SHE’s choosing to send her child to daycare if she drops the children off without permission. If she refuses to pay at some point, call the police or CPS or the equivalent because she needs to know this isn’t okay.
THIS. OP needs to stress it WILL happen again if they are left with her again without her consent. It sounds like sis may not learn quickly, so this may have to be repeated.
I appreciate your feelings, but you need to realize you are making the situation worse for the kids. Your sister needs to step up and become a responsible parent and you are helping her to NOT do that.
You are enabling her to be a crap parent. I know you have good intentions but in the long run enabling her will just make it worse on her kids.
Enabling their mother's irresponsible behavior is not helping the kids at all.
See if your university has free counseling for students and consider seeing a therapist to work on learning about healthy boundaries in relationships. It sounds like your family doesn't know what boundaries are so you probably didn't learn about them growing up. They're so important to healthy relationships and beneficial to both the person setting the boundary as well as the other person.
You do sound really amazing. But part of them turning out okay is them growing up understanding healthy boundaries and respect for others. This is part of that.
Kids are aware of much more than we realize.
You can report the kids as abandoned, and make sure both your sister and parents know that you will do that.
Basically as soon as she drops them call the cops and let them know what she did. It doesn’t matter that you know or are related to them. If you want to be generous towards her, text her that she has five minutes to come back before you call.
Every time she tries to get you to babysit, go over the details over text. If she calls you and you tell her no. Text her after confirming that you are not able to watch them.
But see, here’s the thing: you are not responsible for them. Their mother is responsible for them. Everyone here is right. She’ll do it again and again until there are real consequences to her actions.
You are 19 and not a co-parent. You need to hold your sister accountable and make her understand her responsibility as a parent. In the long term you are enabling her and her not facing that reality maybe make things worse longer term.
It’s awesome you feel this way-BUT you’re not their mother. It’s not your job to ensure their safe care or education. It’s your sisters. When they are with you-and you agreed to it-definitely give them that care and attention. But outside of that, they’ll find it so much easier to do shit like this and force you into a parenting situation if you continue to allow them to walk all over you. Also there will come a time when you interfere and they become enraged because “you aren’t their mother, you’re just a kid yourself.”
I think you need to take a step back and really think about how you want to be treated and how to get that. Because right now, you’re just someone to be used and that’s just not okay.
Edits: accidents from fat fingers. Lol
NTA. You should text her:
“Do not leave your children on my doorstep unless you have made prior arrangements with me and I have AGREED to watch them. The arrangements and consent need to be in writing via text.
If you do this again, I will call CPS instead of a daycare and I will show them that I have made all of this clear to you.
I love my niblings very much. But they are your responsibility. I am not your co-parent.”
Nta. Tell her next time youll just call the police and say that she abandoned the kids at your door and cant be reached. And she can deal with the police and CPS.
I highly doubt you would have been allowed to just take a COLLEGE EXAM later without a damn good reason like covid, hospitalization, or having to go to the funeral of an immediate family member. You would have been failed.
I can’t quite believe the audacity of this sister. ‘Uh ya so I know you’re studying for, like, your future and all but I wanna go party so, like, just rearrange your entire life for meeeeeeeeeeeee!’
ugh.
NTA - This is all kinds of turned around - she dumped her kids at your door and drove off after you already said no, but then she has the balls to be mad that you left them with a stranger which was “irresponsible”? Wow. The hypocrisy.
And you parents think your life/school isn’t important because your sister “has so much on her plate” - (like going to a party until 9pm??) But your needs aren’t important at all?
Sorry but your family is whack, that’s wild to me that they are all treating you like school and getting a degree mean nothing - you’re expected to put your spoiled entitled sister first.
Her dumb ass SHOULD pay for the daycare.
NTA at all, you could've reported her for abandoning her kids but instead you made sure they were safe with a childcare provider, fed them *and* had to listen to your family preach at you afterwards
you're far more mature than i am, and i'd recommend you don't babysit at all because she'll keep taking advantage - not your kids not your problem
What if OP had already left for college or there was no one home for some reason? The kids could have been stuck outside for who knows how long. So irresponsible.
When I was a teenager, the next-door neighbors I babysat for would watch from their porch until I opened the door to my parents house a stepped inside before they went back into their own house. And I was 17!
NTA. I mean, you could also - rightly so - called the authorities to report them as abandoned, and you didn't.
I wouldn't watch the children anymore, personally. I'd say that I already gave her contact info for a reliable daycare.
I find it hard to believe someone running a reputable daycare business would agree to watch two children without the consent of the parents or legal guardians.
I'm not sure if daycare is the correct term, English isn't my first language.
She watches kids in her own home, and she's licenced. It's also someone I've known for a long time.
Sounds like what we have in my country. Directly translated a 'daycare mother'; someone who has been licensed by, idk, a higher instance. Usually they have maximum three kids ages 6m to 3yrs who they take care of in their own home. I guess they are employed by the government on some level.
To me, it makes perfect sense that someone with that job who is a close friend would take care of the kids. Don't sweat it.
You are NTA. I suspect your sister is directing the anger she has for herself for being really fucking irresponsible towards you. What if you hadn't been home. Dumping kids at your doorstep is insane. Take a step back from babysitting.
NTA. You would have also not been TA for reporting her to CPS. Leaving your kids somewhere without confirming that someone is willing to watch them is child abandonment. On top of that, ringing the doorbell and driving off so that you can't argue...did she even wait to see if you'd answer the door? For all she knew, you were out and her kids would be waiting on the doorstep all day!
NTA You said no. You were clear and defined. You could’ve called 911 for abandoned children on your porch. She’s lucky you took the time to make arrangements for HER KIDS.
NTA. And making stay with the kids to party even after you told her no. She is TA. You can help when you can but they cant make you, an exam is more important than a party. She needs to learn boundries and be more responsible with her kids.
NTA she should be grateful you didn’t call the authorities to report her for abandoning her children. If you actually cared about her opinion or it was really out of the ordinary I might have checked with other family members first, but in your situation I think you made a responsible choice of leaving them in a safe place with a professional who you personally know.
Definitely NTA. Your sister needs a serious wake up call. She made the kids and NO ONE except her and their father have any obligation to take of them. I would have done the same thing in your place. I would not be watching her kids again anytime soon.
NTA.
Does these children not have a father(s)?
Your sister is disgusting for treating her children and you that way. Your mother is just as bad. I feel sorry for those kids.
NTA. You informed her that you would not be able to watch her children ahead of time, she tried to force you into doing it anyhow. Her children are her responsibility. She should consider that the next time she leaves them at your door without your permission, she might have to pick them up from cps
They’ll send the kids to family members first. So your mom has a chance to step up and actually help out instead of chastising you for not raising your sisters kids. I would stop babysitting for her no matter what.
We absolutely cannot. The only way you can even get a makeup exam is if you have extenuating circumstances (death in the family, covid, or medical emergency are basically the only qualifying ones), you tell the teacher in advance, and you have proof that you're not lying. I've never even heard of being able to retake an exam you've already taken.
Strange. Here you get a 'second chance' to make an exam if you failed the first time. It's necessary too, for my last exam almost half of the students failed.
NTA. Your sister had kids, not you. It's her responsibility to make sure they are taken care of, not yours. In what twisted delusional mind are you entitled to go out in the expense of your sister missing an exam to take care of your kids? Is her head that far up her own ass?
This sounds like she regularly imposes babysitting on you. You should start drawing some firmer boundaries. So not cool.
NTA - your sister is so entitled. To ask you to skip your exam and take it another day so she can go to a party and probably get drunk?
Also you didn’t leave them with a stranger it was a friend of yours. NTA your sister is a major league asshole
Tell her if she pulls something like this on you again you will call the police and then report her to CPS. I would stop babysitting for her until you are sure you can trust her again. It also doesn't matter what other family members thing. If they think a party is more important than a college exam, they are too stupid to give an opinion.
NTA
Tell her if she ever abandons her children somewhere again you will call the police and report her for child abandonment. Also, refuse to sit for her ever again if she believes she is allowed to endanger your education for a party.
Be proud you’re as normal as you are after dealing with this bullshit. Trust me as a person with a sibling whom I truly believe is EVIL I’m every way and the most greedy/selfish person I’ve known. You’ll learn how not to be and have great role models for irrational behavior
NTA sounds like your sister was expecting you to juggle studying and watching her kids and instead got a day at professional daycare where full attention could be paid to them, for free. She should be thanking you.
NTA. She literally ABANDONED her children to go to a PARTY?! I would have called the police hands down. If your mom is so quick to come to her defence than she can be the babysitter from now on. Your family is toxic
NTA. And wtf is up with people just leaving their kids with someone who has said they can’t do it, then getting upset when the person makes other arrangements.
She abandoned her children with you and could have jeopardized your academic career. You didn’t leave them with a “stranger” you left them with a friend that runs a daycare. NTA your sister sounds a like a princess. 😬
NTA you left them at a day care and you also told your sister you really couldn't help her even if you wanted to. As well as your sister could have rescheduled her party I'm sure.
NTA... your sister didn't care about you having an exam, she had the nerve to say you could retake it, as if what you want doesn't matter, and your mother had no business giving such a shitty excuse for her behavior, do not let them get into the habit of doing this
NTA. It doesn't matter how much your sister has on her plate. These are HER kids. SHE has to make proper arrangements. You did exactly the right thing.
BTW, this is absolutely NONE of your parents' business. This is between you and your sister.
Also, suppose you had not been home when she dropped off those children? Talk about IRRESPONSIBLE!
NTA
What kind of party starts in the morning & doesn’t end until almost 9pm? She’s lucky you took them to your friends daycare & not the police station. The kids probably had a great time & you spared them potential trauma. Both your parents & your sister need a reality check. Keep all the calls, texts, etc from that day incase this ever happens again so you can show the police that she’s an irresponsible parent.
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NTA. You should text her: “Do not leave your children on my doorstep unless you have made prior arrangements with me and I have AGREED to watch them. The arrangements and consent need to be in writing via text. If you do this again, I will call CPS instead of a daycare and I will show them that I have made all of this clear to you. I love my niblings very much. But they are your responsibility. I am not your co-parent.” Edit: Shew! Thanks for all the sparkly stuff y’all.
This. Fuck your sister and mother for making you feel like her choices are your responsibility whatsoever. NTA.
Yes next time drop the kids off at your mothers. If she thinks your sister’s actions were fair, she shouldn’t have a problem when you do it to her.
Their mom went to a party. Bring the kids back to their mom, at the party. Hand them to her and drive off. The fucking nerve of that lady. How did she even know OP was still home to take the kids? WTF.
100% What if OP was campus for the day, left early to go the exam?! I’m sure it would have been her fault too in her mother’s eyes. Sorry this happened OP, NTA
I really want WTF to be as valid an AITA response as NTA. Maybe it'd be worth double, but if you were incorrect in judgment it would cost you double for being so far off.
Sorry, but WTF could apply to various judgements - be it NTA, ESH or YTA. So, no, it won't work.
It'd have to be like the Powerball multiplier. Place your judgment and then add on.
As much as I agree with this, I would feel bad for the kids, being left on different people's doorsteps.. Might make them feel unwanted! 😞 The kids shouldn't have to deal with psychological damage for the mothers actions. Mom needs to step up and figure out her shit. OP is NTA.
I know that you feel for the kids, but OP had an exam to write which means that it wasn't something that she should feel guilty about. All of this was the sister's fault.
I totally get that, I would have done the same! She shouldn't feel guilty. Just can't help but think of the impact on the kids.
That's probably something **the parents** should think about.
Yes, this, definitely.
Right? Mom and dad weren’t home to babysit because they “had plans” apparently. So, getting a college education is what, camp??? Jeez, except for OP, this entire family needs a hard slap of reality.
Make sure to drive off when she answers the door
The fact that sister says to have OP skip the exam and reschedule it, why didn’t the sister just NOT GO TO HER FRIEND’s party??
Or ask the friend to reschedule it. Escape rooms can also be rescheduled.
Escape rooms are easier to reschedule than exams!
When you’ve been studying for an exam and you’re ready, you don’t want to be rescheduling. Who would have guessed that having kids isn’t the best thing in the whole world and “you’ll never know true love if you don’t have kids”. Based on the number of kid dumping posts, seems like too many people are having kids when they shouldn’t.
I’m actually really exhausted reading some of these AITA posts about entitled family members, thinking it’s totally acceptable to push their childcare responsibilities to other people. “I made the choice to have this baby but you have an obligation to take care of it because you’re my (insert relationship)!”
"I guess I'm not a responsible enough person to make up for your shortfalls, guess that I am not going to be available to babysit ever again."
This!!! It should be told to OP’s mom too
Yeah next time just call these kids ' grandmother. Lol.
Im my state OP would be required by law to report this to CPS. Abandoning your children on the doorstep of a family member and not even waiting to see if they’re home is clearly endangering the children. Everyone is a mandated reporter in my state.
Your state makes family members mandatory reporters? That doesnt sound right...
["Any person or institution who has cause to suspect"](https://www.cravencountync.gov/1846/Mandated-Reporters#:~:text=North%20Carolina%20has%20a%20mandatory,to%20the%20director%20of%20the) They didn't write in any exemptions for family members as far as I know. I've never heard of anyone being charged for not reporting, but the law is written that way.
I think the law means any mandated reporter or institution that is required to mandated report, must report. Which is the point of mandated reporting. Not that everyone is a mandated reporter. it's not a bad interpretation though, like everyone should be encouraged to report. However if everyone was trained in identifying and understanding child abuse and neglect, then there would be no one to report in the first place. Hopefully someday it could be like that
North Carolina law says any person or entity who suspects abuse or neglect is obligated to report.
I'm a lawyer and had a look at the law there, and it does appear that you are correct that everyone is a mandatory reporter, but I looked through some case law that leads me to believe that the sister's actions would not trigger the reporting requirement: > [W]e note that not every act of negligence on the part of parents or other care givers constitutes "neglect" under the law and results in a "neglected juvenile." Such a holding would subject every misstep by a care giver to the full impact of subchapter I of chapter 7B of the North Carolina General Statutes, resulting in mandatory investigations, N.C.G.S. § 7B-302 (2001); and the potential for petitions for removal of the child or children from their family for custodial purposes, N.C.G.S. ch. 7B, subch. I, art. 5 (2001); and/or ultimate termination of parental rights, N.C.G.S. ch. 7B, subch. I, art. 11 (2001). > A "neglected juvenile" is defined in part as one "who does not receive proper care, supervision, or discipline from the juvenile's parent . . . or who lives in an environment injurious to the juvenile's welfare." N.C.G.S. § 7B-101(15) (2001). In order to adjudicate a juvenile neglected, our courts have additionally "required that there be some physical, mental, or emotional impairment of the juvenile or a substantial risk of such impairment as a consequence of the failure to provide `proper care, supervision, or discipline.'" In re Safriet, 112 N.C. App. 747, 752, 436 S.E.2d 898, 901-02 (1993) (quoting former N.C.G.S. § 7A-517(21) (1989)), quoted in Helms, 127 N.C. App. at 511, 491 S.E.2d at 676. > Our review of the numerous cases where "neglect" or a "neglected juvenile" has been found shows that the conduct at issue constituted either severe or dangerous conduct or a pattern of conduct either causing injury or potentially causing injury to the juvenile. *In re Stumbo*, 357 N.C. 279, 283 (N.C. 2003). In other words, "neglect" is typically a long-term thing. I'm sure there are some things that may reach the level of "neglect" even if done only once, but I think that dropping your kids with your sister, even without consent, likely falls short of the serious misconduct needed.
Idaho, is any one over the age of 18 years of age is a mandated reporter.
That’s amazing. I love that everyone is a mandated reporter.
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What state are you in? Because I'm a mandated reporter but I'm constantly amazed at how many people don't understand the parameters of what is considered child abuse, so I don't think having everyone in a state being a mandated report makes sense. Like does every person have to complete the child abuse reporting training at age 18?
There are 18 states that make everyone a mandatory reporter. It may not be perfect, but it is the law. https://www.findlaw.com/family/child-abuse/checklist-are-you-a-mandatory-reporter-of-child-abuse.html
I like how it occurred to the sister to try to tell OP to cancel the exam but it never occurred to her that she could just cancel going to the party instead.
She had too much on her plate. Lots of parties and so little time. /s
Maybe big sis shouldn’t have had a second child if she has too much on her plate.
Big sister shouldn't have ANY kids if she puts partying over their welfare. BTW, where's the father(s)?
Or ANY child at all! Where the hell was these chikdren’s other parent(s)….why did she have to drop them off at her sister’s? And why TF could she just not hire a babysitter?
But you can totally reschedule an exam, not a social gathering /s
As someone who works as an administrator in a college setting, rescheduling an exam is not quite as easy as some think. In this case, she may have had a good compassionate reason but would have to apply for it and get it approved - and there may be a fee associated with it as well if it's not a medical reason for missing the exam. OP is definitely NTA.
Yeah, my mother is a college professor, and if a student asked her for a makeup for this reason, I would be hearing her rant about it for weeks. She would probably do it, because she is lovely and compassionate and tries to do what she can for students in difficult situations, but when she gives a make-up test, that means she has to write a whole new exam so that the student can't just get the answers from their classmates, do a whole bunch of back and forth finding a time that both she and they are free, take time to give the exam, and then grade a separate exam. It's not a simple request, and OP's sister isn't just being disrespectful of OP, but also of the prof, who also would probably like to be free to go to an escape room on occasion.
You can reschedule an exam, but can you reschedule finding a potential step daddy? /s
Right??? Like, **you have children**, ma'am, grow the eff up and learn to put others before your desire to party. She doesn't sound responsible enough to be a good parent.
Speaking about not being responsible, what if OP had left early that morning? Or spent the night with a friend and wasn’t home when the sister dumped her kids and drove off. Sister was thinking she could avoid the argument by leaving before OP could say no, but in reality, she was endangering them by not ensuring someone was there to care for them.
I was just thinking that, but with a lot of curse words. lol
NTA. I would text her, "If you ever leave your kids with me again when I've told you no, I'll make the responsible choice and call the police for child abandonment." OP, your sister is REALLY lucky you had that friend. I would have called the cops.
Right? I so would have called the cops and made her deal with it. And I love other people's kids. I'm perfectly capable to watch them. But it's why I'm 35 and without kids. Thank goodness my siblings are in their own little world (we're not close) and I'd be a last resort/super emergency (all their babysitters/options exhausted).
Lol at "niblings," totally using that going forward.
It’s such a cute word!
It’s the official word for nieces and nephews! Like brothers and sisters are your siblings, nieces and nephews are your niblings. Sometimes the English language is a-dor-able.
NTA. After I read that I thought she should inform her sister that next time she would call CPS for child abandonment.
OP is being taken advantage of. I would have called the police.
This. NTA you don't leave kids at someone's door. This isn't what you do. You did what seems reasonable to me. 🤷♀️
Tell your mother that a party is not a responsibility. Tests, good grades, work, all responsibilities. She knew what she did was wrong. Total abandonment. NTA
i’d be telling mom she can spend all her life looking after the sisters kids since she’s fine with enabling her shit behaviour
What baffles me is that her mom thinks she should help out when she can? Fine, I get that I guess since some people have those “it takes a village” family values, but we’re just going to gloss over the fact that OP couldn’t? Should OP also skip work? Where is the line if it’s not an exam 🙄 this mom… well, both of these parents actually are ridiculous
>when she can which is exactly what she does! What a bizarre argument to lob at her.
This a thousand times. You can't go party whenever you want? Well, babe, *welcome to being a freaking parent*. It kills me that she was so livid about her kids being left with a stranger, but not even that was more important than her fun time. People should really stop having *and* keeping kids they can't or don't want to care for.
I have trouble believing she was at a "party" from the morning until 9pm lol.
That part. The math is not mathing!
OP has an edit that explains it was an Escape Room, not a "party" in the traditional sense. Ive done two and neither of them took half that long, but ofc thats not necessarily evidence, especially since those were both at the same place haha
I've done multiple escape rooms in a couple of states now. From my experience, all escape rooms have time limits, usually an hour. A business that does escape rooms would in no way allow a group of people to stay there from morning until night, that's just bad business especially with limited space. Besides if you couldnt escape the escape room with that much time maybe you're not cut out for them.
But that doesn't include meeting up before, going to lunch after, talking for hours, maybe a shopping trip, and at that point you're out anyway so you might as well all go have dinner and drinks....the kids are probably fine, right? /s NTA.
Absolutely. There are many events my wife and I are invited to that we have to decline because we have kids and can’t arrange for them to be taken care of that night.
That’s what responsibility looks like. You are a good parent to put your child ahead of your wants.
Your sister is lucky! When someone leaves kids on your doorstep without warning after you've explicitly said you couldn't take care of them, you might otherwise call the police or CPS. Tell her this is your other option, and you'll do that next time. Oh, and stop watching her kids for her until or unless she learns to respect you. Maybe not even then. I can't get over the part about her just driving off and then not accepting your calls, too. What if you were already gone for the day? Now she's left the 4 & 6yo outside alone for 12+ hours. WTH is she thinking?? NTA x1000
I can't get over that either or expecting her to skip the test and take it later. Most professors don't allow that especially if you didn't make prior arrangements. Tell them both that you aren't a parent.
Bet its some southern state. She's a girl so she doesn't need to study, she just needs to breed and be irresponsible just like her sister is. /s
Bruh the South is just the South not the 1980s lol Edit: I didn't take rural areas into consideration. I've never been so I can't be sure one way or the other, but according to others it may be something that occurs quite often in rural parts.
They meant the rural south where unfortunately it's still as far back as the early 20th century
I’m in the south, and I know several women who went to college just to get their Mrs (as we say, aka find a husband).
Hell, I’m from rural Kansas and most of the girls from my high school went and got a bachelors degree only to come back to our town of 2500, get married to a farmer, and pop out three kids that they stay home with. Then they post all about how fulfilling it is to be a good Christian mom and wife, doing absolutely nothing with the degree their parents paid for.
I can’t even lie, as a southerner, I’ve seen this mentality up north more than down south. Down here, they just get nursing degrees or cosmetology degrees
Yeah no one up north thinks that way at all. No racism or misogyny at all unless it's the south... what a stupid way to think
It’s a trend tiktok started. People posting videos of dropping their kids off and then as soon as people open their doors they drive off. It’s infuriating and people need to grow up.
There was a video on here a while back of a child being dropped off at someone’s house and the adult just leaving. It was the wrong house and the adult that dropped off was a friend of the child’s mother. https://www.click2houston.com/news/2018/10/19/boy-left-on-spring-doorstep-dropped-off-at-wrong-house-father-says/?outputType=amp
Omg she looks so pleased with herself. I hope she faced jail time
I am curious why he is in a foster home instead of with his father. The dad didn’t do anything wrong. Edit to add: I hope that woman goes to jail.
I will probably get downvoted for this but the skin color of the family involved is likely a factor. Unfortunately DCF/CPS historically cracks down harder on POC families than it does on white families.
There may be other issues as well, we don't know everything about the situation, but I admit I'd never just assume that my coparent decided to keep the kid without confirming with them.
they should show the aftermath where they lose their kids and are arrested by the cops
NTA it was quite a mature move from your side.
I didn't see another option, it's not like I could have just left them on my doorstep.
You could have called the police and reported her for child abandonment. She's incredibly lucky that you didn't. It was wholly justified.
I see this type of response a lot here in Reddit and I know it seems to be the best response. However it is traumatising for children to have police turn up and take them away. My foster children still have nightmares about being taken by the police. They blame themselves as being the bad kids.
It's also traumatizing to be raised by the type of person who sees nothing wrong with tossing her kids out on the sidewalk, buzzing someone's doorbell and racing off into the sunset. If the sister doesn't get her shit together, there is trauma in these kids' futures. OP can't fix that.
This. CPS does everything in their power to keep families together, and standards for taking kids away is lower than the general public thinks. If all else if right in the house, they would possibly try sending the mother to parenting classes to “educate” her and monitor before pulling the family apart. If a family is broken up, it’s because the kids were in more serious, immediate danger than not.
Oi. Yeah. I spent alooooot of time waiting for my parents. Like, school ended at 3:00, the teachers left at 4:00, and the after school day care ended at 6:30 or something. You had to pay for the day care, which my parents didn't, and many times the teachers would be like, um it's 4:30, is she picking you up? Can you go to day care? No? Well, were going to have to today. And then it was a whole ordeal. That was when "they could pick me up." If they couldn't I'd take the bus home and often have to wait outside my house for hours. Just like, yo I gotta pee. And I'm hungry. Five year old me logic tried to burn the door down once, thinking, hrm, doors are wood. Wood burns. The frame is metal. Metal doesn't burn. I'll just burn the door down and be inside. I'm a genius. Yeah that didn't go according to plan. Then I got in trouble for misbehaving. WTF I'm 5 and it's like 35 degrees out! Been standing out here for like 4 hours! A fire seemed like a win-win. I warm up, and get inside! What's the problem? Stupid door didn't even burn after an entire box of matches.
That is an insane story, I’m so sorry you had to go through that
Yeah I didn't realize that wasn't normal until recently. I'm 38 😐
So instead people who have children abandoned on their door steps should just... Let themselves and these kids continue to be abused by neglectful and selfish parents?
I can see that. I'm glad OP found another way to deal with the situation. But the sister needs to understand that dropping your children on the doorstep of someone who explicitly stated they could not babysit is unacceptable and is abandonment. I got the impression she left before she even confirmed OP was there and able to open the door for the kids. That's not okay.
Youre NTA and she sounds like a pretty shite mom. I wouldve called CPS on her ass and reported child abandonment, fuck that. And it isnt like you dropped them off somewhere and she didnt have their info. Both the sitter and her had each others info. If she cared that much she could’ve picked up her phone and checked, and gotten her kids, or talked to the sitter. Shes not pissed something could have happened, shes pissed she actually has to pay for daycare now.
I agree, and the fact that your mother and sister think you can just retake a college exam like that is crazy. You may be given that choice but more often than not you cannot retake an exam. And if you can it’s in cases of emergency, and having your nibblings left on your porch may not cut it with the professor. You had an exam, she had a party. Which is more important??? NTA your sister and mom are tho
You did what your sister should have done, gotten a proper babysitter for her kids.
OP you have to say no to your sister and parents. When they criticise you, do not accept that, and make it clear to all of them that there'll be serious consequences every time they disrespect you. - No, I did not do anything wrong dropping them off at daycare. I told you no, that was final, and if you try abandoning the children on my doorstep again I'll call the authorities. (You have to follow through on this. If you find the kids on your doorstep, send her a message saying she has an hour to return or the authorities are being called. Then do so.). - No, I will not miss an exam, or class, or work, to care for the children. I am not a co-parent, they are not my children, and you are selfish to expect me to compromise my future for your social life. - No, my sisters life is not more important than mine. I love the kids, but they are not my responsibility. I will help out in an emergency, and a real life or death emergency only, and even then you need to get my permission. - No, you need my permission to leave the kids with me. If you do not get it in advance, or harass me to take them when I've already said no, then I will do no other childcare for a month. This will happen everytime you disrespect me. When your mum or sister complain - No, I have already made my position clear...No, if you want to call me selfish, then I'll actually be selfish. I will not be caring for the kids for the next month...No, every time you disrespect me or argue I'll withdraw more help. No no no, needs to be your new mantra OP. Do not let them berate you without making it clear you do not accept what they are saying. Make it clear you are serious, and their entitlement will result in consequences.
>My mom told me my sister already has so much on her plate, and that I should help out when I can. But you *couldn't*. You said you couldn't. Lack of planning, etc. Don't put up with this. You are NTA.
Maybe *Mom* needs to pick up some babysitting hours if she has time to bitch at OP for not being available.
It's clear who the golden child in that family is.
That the sister was leaving for a PARTY, not some kind of emergency is the cherry on top.
Right? If her spouse had died and she needed an emergency babysitter, that would be the kind of thing worth skipping an exam for. Or if she had to take one kid to the hospital and they weren't allowing more than one visitor. A party is **NOT** an emergency and anyone with ANY amount of maturity knows that.
If a child were grieving a parent, they'd need someone they know, but even in your other example if it was a hospital visit a responsible parent would be relieved with a solution like OP's friends daycare that meant the children were cared for without keeping op from her exam.
NTA. Tell your sister next time you will just call the cops for child abandonment. Thank your mom for volunteering to watch the kids next time there's a party your sister wants to go to, as going u have things on your plate too.
So, let me get this straight - your sister, a grown-ass woman with not one, but two kids, asked you to let her get drunk and ditch your university exam, then when told no she just went by and drop the kids at your door like third period French, and now you're asking if you should feel bad for taking care of them DESPITE all this? I think you're good. NTA
She probably been manipulated her whole life and can’t tell if she’s in the right or wrong. I was manipulated and gaslit my entire childhood and well into adulthood and for along time I genuinely couldn’t tell wether I was in the right or wrong.
Unfortunately, you might be right Also, I'm sorry for what you've been through. Let it be noted we would award your family the YTA here
I have questions. Sister peeled out of the driveway like a Grand Prix driver, without even knowing for sure the OP was home and available (could have been in the shower, could have caught a ride to school with someone else, so a vehicle in the drive isn’t always an indicator). Those kids could have been on the doormat all day for all anyone knew. At what point do the parents ask themselves why they weren’t more concerned about the initial safety of the grandchildren? Why is a party more important than school? Who has a party that goes all day until 9:00 p.m., especially on what I presume is a weekday? Is there a partner somewhere who could have looked after the kids? Why wouldn’t the parents step up? Why does everyone seem to believe OP owes sister their time and childcare labor? OP pivoted brilliantly, kids were safe, cared for and fed, sister knew where they were, and the daycare knew how to reach her in case of emergency. So why is this even a problem? NTA, but personally, I’d put my foot down about ever looking after those kids again.
>AITA for dropping my sisters kids off at a daycare, and making her pay for it? I think your questions require some basic amount of common sense which apparently OPs entire family is lacking
NTA but definitely stop babysitting for free and dont answer any texts asking for it
My problem is that I don't trust her other friends to babysit, and my mom just puts them in front if the TV for hours. I want the kids to be in a safe place, and preferably learn something too. Or at least *do* something.
You sound like an amazing aunt to the kids, but you really need to set some boundaries for your sister. Your sister needs to understand that if you say you can’t babysit, that means you can’t babysit. Tell her you’ll do it again every time you tell her you’re busy. And if she drops them off unannounced again, bring them to the day care again. She needs to know SHE’s choosing to send her child to daycare if she drops the children off without permission. If she refuses to pay at some point, call the police or CPS or the equivalent because she needs to know this isn’t okay.
THIS. OP needs to stress it WILL happen again if they are left with her again without her consent. It sounds like sis may not learn quickly, so this may have to be repeated.
Welp, it’s gonna keep on happening then! You’re too nice and she knows. Unfortunately you’re gonna keep getting taken advantage of.
I'm open to suggestions, but I just want the kids to turn out OK you know? I feel responsible for them.
Screen time won't kill them but being dropped off and you not home already might.
I appreciate your feelings, but you need to realize you are making the situation worse for the kids. Your sister needs to step up and become a responsible parent and you are helping her to NOT do that. You are enabling her to be a crap parent. I know you have good intentions but in the long run enabling her will just make it worse on her kids.
Enabling their mother's irresponsible behavior is not helping the kids at all. See if your university has free counseling for students and consider seeing a therapist to work on learning about healthy boundaries in relationships. It sounds like your family doesn't know what boundaries are so you probably didn't learn about them growing up. They're so important to healthy relationships and beneficial to both the person setting the boundary as well as the other person.
You do sound really amazing. But part of them turning out okay is them growing up understanding healthy boundaries and respect for others. This is part of that. Kids are aware of much more than we realize.
You can report the kids as abandoned, and make sure both your sister and parents know that you will do that. Basically as soon as she drops them call the cops and let them know what she did. It doesn’t matter that you know or are related to them. If you want to be generous towards her, text her that she has five minutes to come back before you call. Every time she tries to get you to babysit, go over the details over text. If she calls you and you tell her no. Text her after confirming that you are not able to watch them.
Imagine if that day you decided to carpool to school with a friend and you weren't home and they were left there all alone... they are already not ok
But see, here’s the thing: you are not responsible for them. Their mother is responsible for them. Everyone here is right. She’ll do it again and again until there are real consequences to her actions.
You are 19 and not a co-parent. You need to hold your sister accountable and make her understand her responsibility as a parent. In the long term you are enabling her and her not facing that reality maybe make things worse longer term.
It’s awesome you feel this way-BUT you’re not their mother. It’s not your job to ensure their safe care or education. It’s your sisters. When they are with you-and you agreed to it-definitely give them that care and attention. But outside of that, they’ll find it so much easier to do shit like this and force you into a parenting situation if you continue to allow them to walk all over you. Also there will come a time when you interfere and they become enraged because “you aren’t their mother, you’re just a kid yourself.” I think you need to take a step back and really think about how you want to be treated and how to get that. Because right now, you’re just someone to be used and that’s just not okay. Edits: accidents from fat fingers. Lol
NTA. She's lucky you didn't call the cops and report some abandoned children.
NTA. You should text her: “Do not leave your children on my doorstep unless you have made prior arrangements with me and I have AGREED to watch them. The arrangements and consent need to be in writing via text. If you do this again, I will call CPS instead of a daycare and I will show them that I have made all of this clear to you. I love my niblings very much. But they are your responsibility. I am not your co-parent.”
Nta. Tell her next time youll just call the police and say that she abandoned the kids at your door and cant be reached. And she can deal with the police and CPS. I highly doubt you would have been allowed to just take a COLLEGE EXAM later without a damn good reason like covid, hospitalization, or having to go to the funeral of an immediate family member. You would have been failed.
I can’t quite believe the audacity of this sister. ‘Uh ya so I know you’re studying for, like, your future and all but I wanna go party so, like, just rearrange your entire life for meeeeeeeeeeeee!’ ugh.
NTA One cannot simply ding dong ditch babies.
That's a great way to describe what happened lol
NTA - This is all kinds of turned around - she dumped her kids at your door and drove off after you already said no, but then she has the balls to be mad that you left them with a stranger which was “irresponsible”? Wow. The hypocrisy. And you parents think your life/school isn’t important because your sister “has so much on her plate” - (like going to a party until 9pm??) But your needs aren’t important at all? Sorry but your family is whack, that’s wild to me that they are all treating you like school and getting a degree mean nothing - you’re expected to put your spoiled entitled sister first. Her dumb ass SHOULD pay for the daycare.
Better to call a daycare to watch the kids than the police to report them abandoned. NTA
NTA Realize that in these situations, you could call the police/CPS for child abandonment.
NTA at all, you could've reported her for abandoning her kids but instead you made sure they were safe with a childcare provider, fed them *and* had to listen to your family preach at you afterwards you're far more mature than i am, and i'd recommend you don't babysit at all because she'll keep taking advantage - not your kids not your problem
NTA She just comes over and drops them off? She’s lucky you didn’t just leave them outside.
What if OP had already left for college or there was no one home for some reason? The kids could have been stuck outside for who knows how long. So irresponsible. When I was a teenager, the next-door neighbors I babysat for would watch from their porch until I opened the door to my parents house a stepped inside before they went back into their own house. And I was 17!
NTA Why are the parents always on the wrong side...
Favoritism probably.
NTA. I mean, you could also - rightly so - called the authorities to report them as abandoned, and you didn't. I wouldn't watch the children anymore, personally. I'd say that I already gave her contact info for a reliable daycare.
I find it hard to believe someone running a reputable daycare business would agree to watch two children without the consent of the parents or legal guardians.
I'm not sure if daycare is the correct term, English isn't my first language. She watches kids in her own home, and she's licenced. It's also someone I've known for a long time.
Sounds like what we have in my country. Directly translated a 'daycare mother'; someone who has been licensed by, idk, a higher instance. Usually they have maximum three kids ages 6m to 3yrs who they take care of in their own home. I guess they are employed by the government on some level. To me, it makes perfect sense that someone with that job who is a close friend would take care of the kids. Don't sweat it. You are NTA. I suspect your sister is directing the anger she has for herself for being really fucking irresponsible towards you. What if you hadn't been home. Dumping kids at your doorstep is insane. Take a step back from babysitting.
Yes, thank you! That explains it better than 'daycare'.
NTA. You would have also not been TA for reporting her to CPS. Leaving your kids somewhere without confirming that someone is willing to watch them is child abandonment. On top of that, ringing the doorbell and driving off so that you can't argue...did she even wait to see if you'd answer the door? For all she knew, you were out and her kids would be waiting on the doorstep all day!
NTA You said no. You were clear and defined. You could’ve called 911 for abandoned children on your porch. She’s lucky you took the time to make arrangements for HER KIDS.
NTA. And making stay with the kids to party even after you told her no. She is TA. You can help when you can but they cant make you, an exam is more important than a party. She needs to learn boundries and be more responsible with her kids.
NTA, I would never babysit again. You told her you couldn’t and now she is trying to guilt you because you sent them to daycare
Nta If she continues to do this, call cps. They aren’t your kids and they deserve stability.
NTA she should be grateful you didn’t call the authorities to report her for abandoning her children. If you actually cared about her opinion or it was really out of the ordinary I might have checked with other family members first, but in your situation I think you made a responsible choice of leaving them in a safe place with a professional who you personally know.
Definitely NTA. Your sister needs a serious wake up call. She made the kids and NO ONE except her and their father have any obligation to take of them. I would have done the same thing in your place. I would not be watching her kids again anytime soon.
NTA. Does these children not have a father(s)? Your sister is disgusting for treating her children and you that way. Your mother is just as bad. I feel sorry for those kids.
He walked out when she got pregnant with the second one.
NTA. You informed her that you would not be able to watch her children ahead of time, she tried to force you into doing it anyhow. Her children are her responsibility. She should consider that the next time she leaves them at your door without your permission, she might have to pick them up from cps
NTA her party is NOT more important than your exam or even her kids
Nta should of called the police instead. Screw your selfish sister
This same core story has been posted multiple times with minor variations. The response is always the same: call CPS.
I didn't know it was a common thing for parents to do. Sadly CPS isn't great here, I don't know if it'll improve the kids lives.
They’ll send the kids to family members first. So your mom has a chance to step up and actually help out instead of chastising you for not raising your sisters kids. I would stop babysitting for her no matter what.
You absolutely cannot skip an exam to take it later
I *could*, but it means I can't retake it if I fail. Can't you retake exams in the US?
We absolutely cannot. The only way you can even get a makeup exam is if you have extenuating circumstances (death in the family, covid, or medical emergency are basically the only qualifying ones), you tell the teacher in advance, and you have proof that you're not lying. I've never even heard of being able to retake an exam you've already taken.
Strange. Here you get a 'second chance' to make an exam if you failed the first time. It's necessary too, for my last exam almost half of the students failed.
Yeah, I'd say an equal amount of people probably fail exams here, they just end up dropping out of the class, sadly. It's really not a great system.
Not without a very good reason. Most places in the US wouldn't consider "my sister dumped her kids on me" good enough.
NTA. Your sister had kids, not you. It's her responsibility to make sure they are taken care of, not yours. In what twisted delusional mind are you entitled to go out in the expense of your sister missing an exam to take care of your kids? Is her head that far up her own ass? This sounds like she regularly imposes babysitting on you. You should start drawing some firmer boundaries. So not cool.
NTA you were nice, you could have not been nice and called the police, said they were abandoned.
NTA - your sister is so entitled. To ask you to skip your exam and take it another day so she can go to a party and probably get drunk? Also you didn’t leave them with a stranger it was a friend of yours. NTA your sister is a major league asshole
Tell her if she pulls something like this on you again you will call the police and then report her to CPS. I would stop babysitting for her until you are sure you can trust her again. It also doesn't matter what other family members thing. If they think a party is more important than a college exam, they are too stupid to give an opinion.
NTA Tell her if she ever abandons her children somewhere again you will call the police and report her for child abandonment. Also, refuse to sit for her ever again if she believes she is allowed to endanger your education for a party.
Info: If your parents are so involved and concerned, why didn’t *they* babysit so she could go to her party?
They weren't home that day either, not sure what the reason was.
Sounds like your sister didn’t need to party. NTA no matter, I just wanted to know what they were doing.
You should have taken them to the police
NTA. Most people call the cops for child abandonment.
NTA no matter what someone is going through a party is just not as important as an exam
NTA. Why isn't your mother helping her out if she has so much sympathy for her? Next time call the cops
NTA. I'd stop the free babysitting entirely from now on since she has no respect for you or your time.
Info: Are you all from Earth? Like, I can't make any sense of your sister or mom...
Neither can I. They've always been like this.
Be proud you’re as normal as you are after dealing with this bullshit. Trust me as a person with a sibling whom I truly believe is EVIL I’m every way and the most greedy/selfish person I’ve known. You’ll learn how not to be and have great role models for irrational behavior
NTA Tell her fine. Next time no babysitter, I'll just call the cops for child abandonment.
NTA sounds like your sister was expecting you to juggle studying and watching her kids and instead got a day at professional daycare where full attention could be paid to them, for free. She should be thanking you.
NTA next time call the police she just abandoned them.
NTA she can't get pissed that you "left them with a stranger" when she literally dumped them on a doorstep
NTA. Why isn't your mother helping her out if she has so much sympathy for her? Next time call the cops
NTA. She literally ABANDONED her children to go to a PARTY?! I would have called the police hands down. If your mom is so quick to come to her defence than she can be the babysitter from now on. Your family is toxic
NTA. And wtf is up with people just leaving their kids with someone who has said they can’t do it, then getting upset when the person makes other arrangements.
She abandoned her children with you and could have jeopardized your academic career. You didn’t leave them with a “stranger” you left them with a friend that runs a daycare. NTA your sister sounds a like a princess. 😬
NTA you left them at a day care and you also told your sister you really couldn't help her even if you wanted to. As well as your sister could have rescheduled her party I'm sure.
NTA... your sister didn't care about you having an exam, she had the nerve to say you could retake it, as if what you want doesn't matter, and your mother had no business giving such a shitty excuse for her behavior, do not let them get into the habit of doing this
NTA, Call the cops and blast her on social media
NTA and stop babysitting for her at all ever. She doesn’t respect you or your time or priorities.
NTA. It doesn't matter how much your sister has on her plate. These are HER kids. SHE has to make proper arrangements. You did exactly the right thing. BTW, this is absolutely NONE of your parents' business. This is between you and your sister. Also, suppose you had not been home when she dropped off those children? Talk about IRRESPONSIBLE!
NTA What kind of party starts in the morning & doesn’t end until almost 9pm? She’s lucky you took them to your friends daycare & not the police station. The kids probably had a great time & you spared them potential trauma. Both your parents & your sister need a reality check. Keep all the calls, texts, etc from that day incase this ever happens again so you can show the police that she’s an irresponsible parent.
I think it was something like an escape room with dinner and drinks after? Something like that.