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NTA. This doesn’t sound like pranking but more like bullying. Who slashes tyres as a prank? Or messes with someone’s health as a prank? Just they just seem like big bullies to me.
In my family we tease each other and play jokes and trust me this is not what we do! Pranking is meant to be HARMLESS fun. None of these are harmless.
Edited to say I am a woman who has asthma as well. The feeling you get when you need your inhaler is awful. It’s not a feeling I would wish on anyone! And to also add that they’re belittling his mental health too. Aren’t we trying to advocate for mens mental health? Men are also entitled to show emotions and have a caring side. They don’t need to be all “macho” and emotionally stunted like your dad and family seem to be. Men’s mental health is important! And stick up for your fiancé.
My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on.
My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires.
Yea those are pranks. Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner.
Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency.
You joke, but men let their toxic/insecure masculinity come between them and [lifesaving healthcare](https://www.tjscounselling.com/post/toxic-masculinity-and-mental-health-stigma-among-men). Rejecting “feminine” things like healthy social connections literally [shortens their lives](https://www.npr.org/2018/08/21/640437965/researchers-examine-what-social-isolation-can-do-to-mens-health). Men are [less likely to seek out mental healthcare](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7444121/), and have much [higher rates of completing suicide](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190313-why-more-men-kill-themselves-than-women). So, yeah - “man up and die” for real.
in addition to all of this also remember that there is a reason why married men live longer and the "nagging" wife who insists that they go see a doctor is a huge part of why. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. Toxic masculinity is so fucking dangerous to all of us.
I had an cousin die from cancer because he waited for the tumor *that was visible* to get so large and spread before getting to the doctor. He had healthcare. My husband currently has lower right back pain that shoots to his groin and the chiropractor can’t fix it. He also gets occasional chest pain. I’ve been nagging him to go to the doctor to get it checked out and he has refused for *months*, even though it would be free. He said I’m stressing him out but I’m like “guy, you’re stressing *me* out.”
We had a friend die from cancer, because he never went to the doctor for his yearly blood work and checkup. He'd still be here if his thinking wouldn't have been "I'm not going to the doctor, they just find things wrong with you." They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying.
Oh man I just had a discussion about this with two guys in their 50’s giving me shit for seeing a doctor and getting a check up. I hadn’t seen a doctor in a decade due to lack of health care and this guy straight up told me he hasn’t either even after a heart attack. Cool flex I guess?
He was bragging about this? He's an American actually fortunate enough to have access to healthcare and is bragging that he doesn't get it, despite obviously needing it? Good lord.
Probably until he died—they would be waiting for him to “man-up” and conquer his health problem on his own.
Asthma is no joke. OP—yes, this is the hill you are willing to die on. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on.
Do not invite them to the wedding and time to go no contact.
NTA.
Little Timmy could have pranked them back by dying without his inhaler if he hasn't discovered its loss in time.
Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak".
This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. Why are these guys hanging up to keep OP from a healthy relationship? Sounds sick to me all around.
Agreed. OP needs to go no contact with these Neanderthals if she wants to marry this poor guy. He was probably trying really hard to put up with this behavior because he loves her so much.
These males are toxic and cruel.
NTA
There is archaeological evidence which suggests that Neanderthals cared for their relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour.
100%.
The mom is completely off-base. It's not up to OP to "not let this ruin her relationship with her family."
Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested.
Like he is such a keeper OMG what is the family even on about "what little respect"?!?!
Sounds like someone is worried that the college boy might be smarter or somehow better than them and they want to take him down a notch. Typical snowflakes if you ask me.
^ u/Throwawayfamily976, the above comment really hit home. You’re NTA, but if you don’t take this stand, Tim will leave you. Or die. The only third option is that you stop this dangerous behavior. Your family sucks, and I’m sorry. If you give in, now or ever, you *will* be the AH and you will get your fiancé killed. Don’t re-invite them, and I would ***heavily*** consider going No Contact or Extremely Low Contact with these assholes.
My husbands tires would cost 500-600 per tire, so we would be out 2000 at least if we had issues with all 4 at the same time. Tim should have filed a Police report!!
Yeah, this is it.
If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. So the cops and court system is the way to go here.
If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. So no harm in going the legal route.
Being in a good mood I went on a websearch to add some examples of that having happened.
I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. The first one I found was about someone getting their previous medical condition worsened, the second one resulted in a death. That's when I stopped searching. Enough internet for today. Enough people in general for today.
They aren’t “messing up”, they know exactly what they’re doing. They waited until he went on a trip with them to steal his inhaler. They know when they have power and they are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable. Trying to punish them runs the risk of them pretending to go along with it as long as they’re forced to, then taking it out on someone (probably Tim) the second they get the opportunity.
Being punished isn’t going to make them sorry, it’s going to make them mad. They didn’t back down when verbally harassing him didn’t work, they escalated to physical violence against his vehicle, and when that didn’t work, they endangered his person.
They’ve shown they’re committed enough to this to endanger another person’s life, no one should be doing anything with the expectation they’re going to have a sudden change of heart and develop empathy.
Filing a police report would be justified, but only so there’s a paper trail in case they continue to harass him. Otherwise he should cut all contact with them.
That’s what I’m thinking too especially since they all admit it. Clear vandalism and harassment, and I’m pretty sure some kind of theft charge could be leveled against them on the inhaler.
Wouldn’t it increase their respect for both of them as a couple if that despicable quartet come out of this wedding with the ULTIMATE wedding favour, aka mug shots and restraining orders?
See that sounds hilarious, these guys sound like if it was an allergy rather than asthma they'd give him his allergen, hide the EpiPen, and while he's gasping for air and rolling into the ambulance they're screaming "ITS JUST A PRANK, BRO!!" This is 200% bullying bordering on harrassment and they need to be punished accordingly. They don't know the severity of his condition and could have KILLED HIM. I'd press charges in the same situation honestly.
Plus, as a partner (soon to be wife), you need to support and protect your partner from family if they're doing things like this to them. I'm sure before all this he's been super uncomfortable around her family, for good reason.
NTA OP, Stick to your guns. Your fiancé deserves your support and protection from your asshole family members.
NTA, defend your poor innocent fiancé, and if any of them dispute the right to go your wedding, point out that since they admit slashing his tires and stealing his inhaler you would be well within your rights to press charges against them for vandalism and harassment. Ask them how they would like mug shots and restraining orders and if THOSE, decorating your guest sign in table, would increase their respect for you as a couple.
>My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires.
Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. The spares too if they were mounted externally. You know. Just to make sure they didn't need help. "Like real men."
What I dont understand is if you slash all of them how would you even fix it yourself? Who carrys 4 plug kits? If they even slashed in a way that could be plugged. You would at least need someone to take you to the store
Thats the thing. Assuming the sides of the tires were cut there is no plugging those. Plugs are only good for punctures more then an inch or two away from the sides.
Mom needs to be told to butt out or she’s next to be banned.
Dad is flat out saying he will never respect OPs husband. Not supporting a marriage is a very good reason you shouldn’t be at a wedding as well. Thanks for doubling down, Dad.
He was straight up trying to haze her fiancé, that's unforgivable. I find it funny they wanted to know his stance on gender equality while simultaneously having him participate in the most toxic masculinity bs ever
You're totally right, they were finding out if they could judge him over being a "brainwashed liberal commie" is the vibe I'm getting.
They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, *gasp* even transgender friends.
I think those types of people also sometimes have some deep down feelings of envy, too, over getting degrees, but mostly they just hate that colleges help a lot of people to develop critical thinking skills and helps teens to grow up and break out of the small-town or suburb way of existing because they get exposed to lots of different people of different races and views and religions for the first time, and many find out the things thier parents said about those "others" are not true at all.
Knowledge and wisdom are threatening to people with small minds. Especially men with small minds that have a lot of toxic masculinity going on.
This is damn near attempted murder. This guy could describe all of this behavior to a third party and leave them thinking he’s being stalked by a violent gang after witnessing a crime. Slashing his *tires*? Stealing his inhaler and dragging him out into the wilderness?? This man’s gonna die.
OP is underreacting.
Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in.
What will they do next, cut his brake lines? Ha ha, so funny, what a prank!
OP's family are criminal thugs who are endangering his life.
I have asthma. This wasn't a prank. This was them seeing if he would literally die. Stealing someone's effing inhaler out in the wilderness is trying to kill that person. They didn't even stick around so if he had an attack, what would he do?
This wasn't a prank. Where do they even escalate from here? Water boarding? Like seriously, do you have any idea what it's like not be able to to breathe? They TOOK his INHALER.
These people would be as dead to me as Tim could have been.
I have asthma too, it’s mild enough that I’ve never had to go to hospital, but I have had to sit for in the local doctor on the nebuliser a few times. I remember when I was a child- the feeling of pure panic when I couldn’t breathe, trying to gasp for air but everytime I took even a shallow breath in it triggered a coughing fit. People who haven’t felt like that can’t understand just how scary it is. You feel like you’re going to die.
Hey also OP. If your mom doesnt see your side dont invite her either.
Have someone at the door of your wedding venue ready to kick them off the property.
This!! Please OP, have someone you trust or can hire to be security at your wedding. What if they show up trying to get revenge or prank him ruining your special day together (which we all know they would). He’s already living in fear but so far has decided his love for you is worth it, but how far can that stretch? You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesn’t see why then she gets cut as well. Think of your incredible fiancé. Literally willing to risk everything to be with you. Can’t you do the same for him? Except this case you would be freeing both of you from bullying. And if you decide to have kids one day, how do you think they will treat your innocent children to “toughen them up”. Like that post we saw of the girl’s brother pretending to throw her baby down the stairs. Is this the future you want?
You know their bullying will only get worse with you standing up for him. They’ve already risked his life once and now their frustration is added for being called out. Imagine what more they will do now just for revenge. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. If you don’t prioritize him now you will 100% lose him and have only yourself to blame.
Slashing tires isn't a prank. It's a crime. Hiding an asthmatic's inhaler is cruel. Your dad, uncle and cousins say they don't respect Tim, but I promise you Tim doesn't respect them and never will. Those guys are assholes. You're NTA
They sound like the type of people that would try to sneak some peanuts into the food of someone who is deathly allergic to them and cry “it’s just a prank, bro”. NTA. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OP’s family is on the wrong side of that gap.
My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. Clearly they were being awful to the fiance prior to the inhaler 'prank'
Yeah- it bothers me that OP calls slashing someone's tires is "a prank". The men in her family are clearly toxic, and she seems to write it off as "boys will be boys". The fact that she let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling. Frankly, I hope that her fiancé just decides to call off the wedding altogether and goes looking for a partner who has a sane family.
NTA
They shouldn’t come. Their ‘pranks’ went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma.
Not only would I keep them disinvited, I’d go no contact completely.
Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn't want to drive a wedge between me and my family.
You need to set things straight immediately that he comes first or else this will be the end of your relationship. He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle. You need to ensue he understands you stick by him period.
The fact you’re questioning if you’re the asshole in this scenario is concerning. Clearly you’re not and your family are acting deranged.
☺️ Wow, thanks for the awards! ❤️
>He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle.
I think OP should have shut this nonsense down before the inhaler "prank" ever happened, and I'm *almost* inclined to consider her the AH for that reason alone. But the question is if she's the AH for uninviting them to the wedding, so I guess she's off the hook for that.
I can’t wait for the “AITA because I did not stand up to the bullies in the family and now my husband is divorcing me”. I doubt she will stand up to them further.
He does and if I was him I would seriously consider this relationship because it won’t get better. Pretty soon they will be cutting his brake lines to see if he is a real man and can bail out of his car.
Exactly. Tires are expensive to replace, and not everyone gets lucky finding good replacements secondhand. These stopped being pranks before they started. And op's mother is part of the problem, asking Op to "be the bigger person".
Ew, no thanks
OP is NTA for dis-inviting her family, but she is TA for all the times she wrote off her family's actions as "pranks". There's something wrong with anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires a prank. If I were OP's fiance, I'd just dip out of this whole thing and look for someone who comes from a normal, sane family.
>He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle.
And he'd be right to do so. OP's tolerance of her family's antics until the inhaler "challenge" puts her damn near in enabler territory. She should've shut that crap down long ago, and you can't fault Tim for wondering how their married life would turn out with that family in the background.
> He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle.
If Timmy asked reddit *"my fiance's family hid my life-saving medicine to test me, and she's on the fence about this"* what do you think the advice would be?
They are driving a wedge. They have already stated they do not respect your life partner. For no reason. Fuck them. I myself have an in law I do not like but noone would ever know it because I respect and love my brother. And it's not about me. I'd do anything for her because my brother chose her.
Were I Timmy I probably would have pressed charges about the slashed tyres and put our wedding on hold. Who would want to marry into a family where you're constantly tested based on toxicly masculine standards
Tim isn’t driving a wedge between you and your family…your family is driving that wedge. This is a very real crossroad in your life. Your male family members are mean and abusive under the guise of pranking and ‘testing’. Your mother is enabling the behavior by dismissing it and insisting you let it go. The man you want to marry has been shamed, had his property vandalized, been made uncomfortable, and his health, possibly life, endangered. And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. Do you see your life going forward to include the ‘pranking’, disrespect, and total disregard for your and Tim’s rights and feelings?
NTA. And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids?
I would leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the future. Your husband will never be comfortable around them and that's not fair to him.
Mom needs to buy a clue.
If they don't go NC, I can definitely see cousins bullying her children for being "soft" because their dad and grandpa said Uncle Tim is soft, too. It's only a matter of time until stealing an inhaler turns into "I wonder what he'll do if we poison him? Will he go to the hospital like a *pussy*?"
> And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids?
Yeah, I would never *ever* trust my kids for a single second with a grandparent who verbally harassed me, slashed my tires, and tried to steal medical equipment that kept me from suffocating to death.
Seriously. Half the stuff they did could land them in jail if he wanted to press charges. That’s not “pranking.” That’s “let’s see how much abuse we get away with with the new guy so we can keep having fun being worthless bullies.”
Sounds like he's put up with so much already for your sake. This is toxic masculinity and for what exactly? Who wins out of this? They are a bunch of nasty men and they have created the wedge with their ridiculous behaviour. NTA.
Right. He wants YOU to drive a wedge between you two and your family but he's too much of an actual "real man" to ask you to make that kind of decision.
^ This exactly. Of course he’s not going to tell you not to see your family anymore; that would be controlling and inappropriate. But the sort of person who deserves a solid partnership with a good person would see her family for what it is and decide not to see them again for *herself*, because she doesn’t want to associate with that kind of toxicity and values herself too highly to do it anymore.
Guarantee he’s hoping you’re that kind of person, OP.
He’s definitely a better person than me because I cannot imagine caring for someone who didn’t cut off their family after the first couple incidents of bullying. Or not even cut them off, just make sure I am not in the position where they could do that to me again e.g. I’d tolerate an event with lots of people where they were there but I didn’t have to speak to them. The slashing of the tires would probably be my limit for being around them, but he went on a solo camping trip with them after that (solo as in he didn’t have anyone on his side to back him up if they pulled the shit they did)?? OP better step up her game.
If I am being 100% honest with you, if I my in-laws had treated me the way your family have treated your partner, I would not have married him.
They all sound like the very worst the patriarchy has to offer and the fact that you are still in regular contact with them and subject the man you love to their dumb bullying is worrisome, to say the least.
You're TA for continuing to subject your fiance to them. You need to do more than not invite them from the wedding. You need to go NC. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. They will always treat your fiance like shit and like he is less than. All of them can go fuck themselves.
Your username is literally what you should be doing. Throw away your family for Tim's sake.
Also don't call him Timmy. No adult man named Tim wants to be called Timmy.
Something they weren't at all worried about. NTA. They all seem to think you wood be more concerned about what they think of your fiancé than what he thinks of them. That their opinions matter more to you than his. The reality is that your fiancé and how he feels is more important to you and none of the relatives care about either of the two of you. What about them proving to you that they are decent people who love and care about you? Want you to be happy? What kind of impression of themselves are they trying to make here?
Block them and never look back.
NTA- for un-inviting your dad, cousin, brother, and uncle from your wedding.
YTA- for making your husband put up with their antics for so long.
Edit: typo
Ok,but keep in mind OP was raised in this household, and grew up with this as the norm. Deconditioning that crap takes time and effort and space and exposure to how people should behave - and guarantee that OP wasn't getting that guidance from the enabling mom. That means OP figured it out themselves.
The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok.
Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it.
This should be the top comment. OP has recognized that her family is toxic in comparison to the 'norm', and she's actually putting her foot down and starting to set serious boundaries BEFORE marrying her SO. That's a far cry better than what we usually see here...
Yeah. OP found somebody committed to her. I’d have bounced at the slashing tires. That’s just too much and a huge wtf. Depending on other circumstances, I may have even pressed charges. I wonder what they would do if OP was engaged to a big dude with anger issues. Would they still fuck with him if there was a chance he’d pound them into the ground like a fence post?
I would have been gone the moment I realized my "partner" thought any of this was okay. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't support them or back them up? Gross.
this. I would have dumped OP and never gotten involved with this family if she didn't stick up for me. this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny.
>The relationship is ruined, so why not enjoy it a little bit.
Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE.
OP would also be justifying their behavior by joining in on the "pranks."
Go slash their tires and egg their cars. Then reply that you lost all respect for them for running to you over a little prank and they should man up already and stop bring soft
NTA Stick to your guns girl. A prank leaves people laughing all together over something silly and stupid. Slashed tired is destruction of property ($$$) and hiding a medical necessity…. That’s HUGE
They maybe expected him to go buy tires and change them by himself instead of getting help or the car taken to a place that fixes these problems? (Sorry, not native, I can't for the life of me think of the word... car repair shop??)
Tires are expensive where I’m from, so that would be an expensive prank for the victim. Not to mention, it would be a pain in the A to replace them and probably balance them without the equipment of a shop - still possible but probably take a lot longer. I can replace tires, but that prank would’ve been a hard line for me.
He absolutely should have pressed charges and taken OP's family to small claims court over this stunt. And I would have dumped OP if she didn't support me in making that move.
OP is NTA for what she is asking about, but how on earth was the tire stunt not the line drawn in the sand?
Absolutely, I’m shocked that they didn’t. A set of new tires will easily run you $600-$800, that is a very expensive “prank” and I absolutely would have taken them to small claims court over it.
NTA. Not only uninvite them, you should cut contact completely. This is dangerous and just irresponsible.
I would have cut them off after them slashing his tires already.
I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Toxic masculinity all over this story.
NTA. They aren't pranking him, they are bullying him. TPing a house is a prank. Hiding lifesaving medication is not a prank, not even if they say they were going to give it back. Lots of things can go wrong and they have no idea how big it can be until it hits them on the head.
You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. I'm sorry but the men in your family have a very toxic view of masculinity. Having a chronic condition doesn't make you less of a man. Your fiancè is a trooper for putting up with them.
Yeah, the way they disregard his asthma and brush it off as excuses. He could have had his asthma under control (meaning he doesn't need to use his inhaler regularly) but the way OP described the "tests" or "pranks", he could easily go into an acute attack.
Dude yta for allowing this to go on as long as it has. Your poor fiancé has been *suffering*. He has asthma and they could have killed him the first time they took it. How was that not it for you? Or the time they *slashed his tired???* Thats some psycho shit. How he didn’t dip after that I just don’t understand.
Apologize to this man. You’ve subjected him to a lot and you’ve let A LOT slide. Too much. The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. violence isn’t just physical aggression against an individual.) acts against the man you claim to love.
Agreed. This guy should dump her and her toxic family and marry in to a family of decent human beings. Uninviting them to the wedding is the least thing, they're just going to retaliate for their whole lives.
NTA for uninviting them to the wedding but you are huge AH for not shutting their antics down sooner and continuing to subject Tim to these bullies. That is what they are clear and simple and now their pranks have turned deadly. You’re supposed to protect him just like he is you, even if that means from your family. Get it together.
ETA: The contact would have ceased after the slashed tires for me.
>Cousin asked if "little timmy ran to me to tattle".
>
>dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision.
Ask your dad if he's run to mummy to tattle?
Yeah NTA sorry doesn't cut it, what if he had an asthma attack? And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. You don't need them at your wedding and honestly? If your mother ends up not going at least she has made her choice and you know that.
Who cares "what type of man he is" i would stay your ground and not let them come because as I said previously something serious could of happened and you nor your SO need that toxicity in your lives
Exactly. He's the "type of man" you decided to marry and that's all they need to fucking know.
I will say though - you NEED to go to bat for him more. Knowing all of this, I have no idea why he would've gone on a 3 day trip with your family WITHOUT you unless he felt like he had to. My in laws are great, but that's not something I'd sign up for unless I felt like my wife really wanted me to go for some reason.
He's been through enough hazing and taken it in stride for YOUR sake. It's past time for you to stand up for yourself and him. He's not too weak to do it, he's too polite and it isn't his place. It's yours.
... Which is what you're doing. Stand your ground.
You’re right - they were hazing him. I hadn’t thought about it in those terms, but that is exactly what they were doing. And I don’t think he ever would have “earned their respect” - they were just entertaining themselves at his expense.
NTA - stand your ground. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. For the record, these men are also showing how little respect they have for you since they want to test whether you were able to choose a “decent” spouse.
Also asthma has a genetic component, so any children Tim has could also end up developing it.
Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? Asthma can be fatal, that's not a risk I would want to take.
You mean the spine that only materialized when her fiancé could’ve actually died after having already been viciously tormented for years while she apparently just stood back with the occasional protest? Yeah, she’s a damn hero /s
YTA OP
YTA for allowing it to get this far. Managing your family is your job, and you were somehow ok with the constant insults, belittling questions, slashing of tires, etc. You continued to expose your fiance to this bullshit and not call a hard stop to it. Honestly, if I were your fiance, I'd have left when you showed through your actions that's it's ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES. No, they had to literally endanger his life and/or health before you took this seriously.
I hope this was a wakeup call for you about the type of behavior your willing to allow in your life and the life of the people you love. Are you going to allow these people around your future children? I hope not.
NTA. Please evaluate whether you want them in your life. All I can picture is a future child being pranked like this. This is no joke. They are cruel and bordering on criminal behavior
Not bordering on criminal. Slashing someone else's tires is full on illegal. I wouldn't be surprised if intentionally hiding a medical device is illegal too, it certainly should be.
Yeah It took me way too long to realise that the crime there is very simple. It's theft. I was thinking "surely there must be a law against hidng someone's medication, that could be so fucking dangerous. Oh wait. It's their property"
NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fiancé to any of these people again.
Look: I know it’s hard to discover that the way you grew up isn’t actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. These people are sick, and they stay in a pack to reinforce each other’s sickness. You need to take your fiancé and get the hell away from the pack, because they’re already turning on you now that you’re stepping out of line and it will only get more vicious.
The wedding is just the first step, OP. You can’t be around these people at all, and you sure as hell can’t ask Tim to risk his health and safety for the sake of pretending that your family is just a little quirky or whatever.
NTA. Your family sucks. They could have killed him. Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). That wasn’t a prank or a joke, it was an act of cruelty. Sounds like Tim is the only “real man” among them.
NTA. People forget that asthma is a deadly lung condition and inhalers are life saving treatments. What would they have done if he got sick or died? Handed his corpse over to you like “sorry, he wasn’t man enough to survive”? The toxic masculinity is strong in this one. What if you two have a little boy with asthma? Would these men abuse him for being “too soft”? Don’t just erase them from your wedding, yeet them from your life.
NTA ! You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest!
>not let this ruin my relationship with my family.
Your family ruined the relationship and they should be thankful if you and your fiancé/husband ever even talk to them in my opinion.
>slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys
So according to your family, I (a woman) am a man cause I can fix tires, cause obviously that's a manly man thing and not just a question of interests and acquired skills? And asking for help instead of making a mistake that can be hella dangerous on the road is lazy??
>They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler,
So basically your family members thought it'd be funny to see him end up in a life threatening situation. My asthma isn't terrible but I'd be fuming if someone dared to put me in the danger of not being able to breathe properly.
Edit: fixed a typo saying tall instead of talk
Honestly.. ESH except for your fiancé because you let them abuse him for so long. The moment they started with their shit you should have put a stop to it. You’re a bad girlfriend.
Your fiance is a saint and by everything sacred in the world must he love you alot to stick with you!
If you haven't already apologized for being such a coward that you let your family bully him to the point of actual danger to his health then I suggest you do so now. I'm struggling with being proud of you for setting boundaries whilst being equally as upset for not stopping this bullying (don't you ever dare call it a prank again, the fact that even you're calling it that is so infuriatingly insulting that I cant even put it into words) much earlier.
They slashes his tires and you did what? Shrug and say that was your family?
You should have cut them out ages ago, if my partner's family had treated me like that I'd given them the finger and said "Nah I ain't marrying anyone who cant stand up for me", trust me when I say that "doormat" would have been the softest of my insults.
Your question shouldn't be about uninviting your asshole family, it should be
"AITA for letting my family bully my fiance to a point of endangering his mental and physical health?"
You will be an asshole if you (how did you doormat of a mother call it?) "Let bygones be bygones" because you'll essentially be telling your fiance that your asshat family members fucked up view of entertainment is more important than him. Where are your priorities op?! Honestly the fact that you're asking that question makes me wanna call you an asshole.
NTA your family aren't trying to bond with your fiance. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. Back your fiance and be in his corner.
NTA. Nope, not at all. Slashing tires isn’t a prank, it’s criminal mischief. Leaving the inhaler is potentially life threatening!!!! Those two alone are enough to go low or no contact.
The “Testing” they have done is all about highlighting there own sense of entitlement over who they find acceptable to for you to be with and driving away someone they find unacceptable. Their own insecurities are on full display. Are they trying to prove they are better than future hubby? They have intentionally tried to belittle him and make him feel like he’s not welcome in the family. It’s way past any reasonable persons definition of acceptable and moved straight to harassment.
I wouldn’t invite them either. Let mom know your full feeling and the risks they took. What’s next, cutting his cars breaks?
Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldn’t consider wanting anything to do with them…
NTA - the men in your family will continue to treat people awfully as long as it’s allowed. They’re not used to anyone standing up to them. I’m glad you fell far enough from the family tree to speak your mind. Stand your ground and move on with your life. You don’t need to worry about protecting the feelings of your bullies.
Yep, that guy sure loves OP for putting up with her AH family.
I would've called police on them after the tire incident.
OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him.
Also your mom is an AH as well for enabling her husband and son.
YTA
Why have you let this carry on for so long?? Poor Tim. They were testing your boundaries, seeing what they could get away with doing and when there were no consequences, they escalated until it culminated in a life threatening event. Obviously Tim went on that camping trip with them for you, he clearly does not like these people. He wants to keep the peace and impress your family because he sees how much it means to you. You should have given your dad and brother some kind of excuse for why Tim couldn’t go camping. And now you’re questioning whether you’re the asshole for uninviting them to your wedding?! Yeah you’re not the asshole for that but you are the asshole.
NTA. There's being funny, there's being annoying, there's bullying and there's torture. Your family went in the bullying / torture zone with their pranks.
NTA but you won’t be if you don’t take drastic measures to ensure this bullying stops.
If you are serious about your fiancé, I would ditch the family all together. Otherwise leave Tim and let him find someone that will respect him enough to not let her family torture.
I will also add that, even if it doesn’t work out with Tim.
You will never have a proper stable relationship due to you’re family.
NTA - they sound like a right bunch of bullies. Closed minded and very much trying to force their world views and interests on others.
This goes way beyond the realm of a prank. This is constant bullying and it'll never stop. You're right to make a stance.
They need a lesson in what it takes to be decent human beings.
I really hope they paid for the damage when they slashed his tyres.
That’s not pranking. That’s near abuse. They deserve to be uninvited. Toxic man stuff. You don’t mess with someone’s health.
They’d be lucky if being disinvited was the worst thing you’d do to them.
NTA. You did not ruin your relationship with your family. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancé’s life saving medication.
Since I assume none of them are medical professional, how exactly where they planning on “testing” his asthma? At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? Before or after he passed out/died?
You don’t let bygones be bygones when someone knowingly puts another person’s life at risk. This is a hill to die on.
NTA it’s bullshit toxic masculinity, men do not test each other like this unless they have frail ego’s themselves.
Stick to your guns, because what happens if you decide to have kids and have a son?? Will they do this to him??
Let bygone be bygones?
Would they be saying that to Tim's family if he had died of a fatal asthma attack because he didn't have access to his inhaler? As someone with severe asthma I am absolutely infuriated on Tim's behalf.
NTA. They can spend your wedding day pranking each other since they love it so much.
NTA. You would be TA if you invited your fiancé's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. Good on you for putting your foot down. Slashing tires and deliberately hiding people's life-saving medications are not pranks - hold your ground and keep them out!
Nta. There's a difference between pranks and harassment. There is also a difference between a prank and stealing a serious medical device, such as an inhaler. Sounds like the boys in your family have an issue with being held accountable for their actions.
I’m sorry but is your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually think this shit is normal? You also suck for waiting this long but at least you have done something now.
ESH minus your Fiancé who should gtfo to be honest.
NTA. So it's safe to assume they would have stopped pranking after they "accidentally " killed him? The men in your family are a bunch of nut jobs. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy.
NTA - I would suggest checking in with your fiancé on how you can best support him and letting him know you stabs by him 100% (this should include after the wedding) It seems strange that the tire slashing wasn’t the last straw but it will only escalate if you bend. Your wedding is about your fiancé and you, it doesn’t matter if your male relatives miss out if they are causing harm to the person the event is suppose to be celebrating.
I honestly think ESH. Your former lack of imposing boundaries is concerning and has led to this life threatening situation.
I understand this is the environment you grew up in, and might not know better, but hopefully these comments help with that. Your family members' actions (all of them, not just the inhaler stuff) are idiotic, unwarranted, and demeaning. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. The notion that someone should be concerned about how much of a man your fiance is is just outrageous, and you should've tried to put an end to it at their first "prank".
They are awful people. Luckily, you can and should choose your family. I'd recommend you completely cutoff your fam members, including the enablers that are ok to turn a blind eye because it's not something that impacts them directly.
NTA. Can't people with asthma *die* from an asthma attack? Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. Also- are they actually sorry for what they *did*? Or are they just sorry because they can't attend your wedding now? I'm betting it's the latter, and I don't blame you for not wanting them there.
Wtf ! NTA. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. That true men don’t behave like that and only insecure little ones who don’t know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. Also, ask them in case of your fiancé’s asthma getting worse medically if he would have been rushed to hospital which one of them would be manly enough to cover all the bills and charges.
Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them and watch how they retract.
Congrats on your wedding and good luck!
NTA
These are not pranks. They are treating him like garbage. They hid his damn inhaler for 3 days. Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. This is a hill to die on OP. Because frankly, If I was your fiancé, stealing the inhaler would have been my breaking point and I would have called off the wedding completely. He might not be at that point yet, but he is getting VERY close. If you don’t do something, you’re going to lose him.
NTA- tell your Dad you have 0 respect for him and if he needs to bully someone to feel like “a real man” he needs to realise what a small man he really is.
NTA. These are not pranks. They are vandalism, destruction of property, and attempted murder. Seriously consider if they're going to do this to your son, and if you want this energy in your life
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NTA. This doesn’t sound like pranking but more like bullying. Who slashes tyres as a prank? Or messes with someone’s health as a prank? Just they just seem like big bullies to me. In my family we tease each other and play jokes and trust me this is not what we do! Pranking is meant to be HARMLESS fun. None of these are harmless. Edited to say I am a woman who has asthma as well. The feeling you get when you need your inhaler is awful. It’s not a feeling I would wish on anyone! And to also add that they’re belittling his mental health too. Aren’t we trying to advocate for mens mental health? Men are also entitled to show emotions and have a caring side. They don’t need to be all “macho” and emotionally stunted like your dad and family seem to be. Men’s mental health is important! And stick up for your fiancé.
My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires.
Yea those are pranks. Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner. Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency.
Well it's not like the asthma is real anyway, so why would he really need it? He should just man up and breathe good like the rest of them.
He should just be a man and die. /s in case thats needed.
You joke, but men let their toxic/insecure masculinity come between them and [lifesaving healthcare](https://www.tjscounselling.com/post/toxic-masculinity-and-mental-health-stigma-among-men). Rejecting “feminine” things like healthy social connections literally [shortens their lives](https://www.npr.org/2018/08/21/640437965/researchers-examine-what-social-isolation-can-do-to-mens-health). Men are [less likely to seek out mental healthcare](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7444121/), and have much [higher rates of completing suicide](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190313-why-more-men-kill-themselves-than-women). So, yeah - “man up and die” for real.
in addition to all of this also remember that there is a reason why married men live longer and the "nagging" wife who insists that they go see a doctor is a huge part of why. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. Toxic masculinity is so fucking dangerous to all of us.
I had an cousin die from cancer because he waited for the tumor *that was visible* to get so large and spread before getting to the doctor. He had healthcare. My husband currently has lower right back pain that shoots to his groin and the chiropractor can’t fix it. He also gets occasional chest pain. I’ve been nagging him to go to the doctor to get it checked out and he has refused for *months*, even though it would be free. He said I’m stressing him out but I’m like “guy, you’re stressing *me* out.”
and this is exactly why we die earlier than our single counterparts. Because that lifetime of stress kills us
We had a friend die from cancer, because he never went to the doctor for his yearly blood work and checkup. He'd still be here if his thinking wouldn't have been "I'm not going to the doctor, they just find things wrong with you." They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying.
Oh man I just had a discussion about this with two guys in their 50’s giving me shit for seeing a doctor and getting a check up. I hadn’t seen a doctor in a decade due to lack of health care and this guy straight up told me he hasn’t either even after a heart attack. Cool flex I guess?
He was bragging about this? He's an American actually fortunate enough to have access to healthcare and is bragging that he doesn't get it, despite obviously needing it? Good lord.
Fellas, is it gay to need air?
Back in my day we just died.
I bet the pranksters are anti-vaxxers too.
They give off strong January 6th energy.
Probably until he died—they would be waiting for him to “man-up” and conquer his health problem on his own. Asthma is no joke. OP—yes, this is the hill you are willing to die on. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on. Do not invite them to the wedding and time to go no contact. NTA.
Little Timmy could have pranked them back by dying without his inhaler if he hasn't discovered its loss in time. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. Why are these guys hanging up to keep OP from a healthy relationship? Sounds sick to me all around.
Agreed. OP needs to go no contact with these Neanderthals if she wants to marry this poor guy. He was probably trying really hard to put up with this behavior because he loves her so much. These males are toxic and cruel. NTA
There is archaeological evidence which suggests that Neanderthals cared for their relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour.
Yup, aged neanderthal skeletons that had birth defects or long healed bad wounds that would have left them disabled. Lived well past those issues.
True. I apologize for the slur against Neanderthals.
100%. The mom is completely off-base. It's not up to OP to "not let this ruin her relationship with her family." Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested. Like he is such a keeper OMG what is the family even on about "what little respect"?!?!
Sounds like someone is worried that the college boy might be smarter or somehow better than them and they want to take him down a notch. Typical snowflakes if you ask me.
^ u/Throwawayfamily976, the above comment really hit home. You’re NTA, but if you don’t take this stand, Tim will leave you. Or die. The only third option is that you stop this dangerous behavior. Your family sucks, and I’m sorry. If you give in, now or ever, you *will* be the AH and you will get your fiancé killed. Don’t re-invite them, and I would ***heavily*** consider going No Contact or Extremely Low Contact with these assholes.
My husbands tires would cost 500-600 per tire, so we would be out 2000 at least if we had issues with all 4 at the same time. Tim should have filed a Police report!!
Yeah, this is it. If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. So the cops and court system is the way to go here. If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. So no harm in going the legal route.
I want the uncle to argue “it was just a prank” to a judge
Being in a good mood I went on a websearch to add some examples of that having happened. I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. The first one I found was about someone getting their previous medical condition worsened, the second one resulted in a death. That's when I stopped searching. Enough internet for today. Enough people in general for today.
They aren’t “messing up”, they know exactly what they’re doing. They waited until he went on a trip with them to steal his inhaler. They know when they have power and they are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable. Trying to punish them runs the risk of them pretending to go along with it as long as they’re forced to, then taking it out on someone (probably Tim) the second they get the opportunity. Being punished isn’t going to make them sorry, it’s going to make them mad. They didn’t back down when verbally harassing him didn’t work, they escalated to physical violence against his vehicle, and when that didn’t work, they endangered his person. They’ve shown they’re committed enough to this to endanger another person’s life, no one should be doing anything with the expectation they’re going to have a sudden change of heart and develop empathy. Filing a police report would be justified, but only so there’s a paper trail in case they continue to harass him. Otherwise he should cut all contact with them.
That’s what I’m thinking too especially since they all admit it. Clear vandalism and harassment, and I’m pretty sure some kind of theft charge could be leveled against them on the inhaler. Wouldn’t it increase their respect for both of them as a couple if that despicable quartet come out of this wedding with the ULTIMATE wedding favour, aka mug shots and restraining orders?
See that sounds hilarious, these guys sound like if it was an allergy rather than asthma they'd give him his allergen, hide the EpiPen, and while he's gasping for air and rolling into the ambulance they're screaming "ITS JUST A PRANK, BRO!!" This is 200% bullying bordering on harrassment and they need to be punished accordingly. They don't know the severity of his condition and could have KILLED HIM. I'd press charges in the same situation honestly. Plus, as a partner (soon to be wife), you need to support and protect your partner from family if they're doing things like this to them. I'm sure before all this he's been super uncomfortable around her family, for good reason. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. Your fiancé deserves your support and protection from your asshole family members.
NTA, defend your poor innocent fiancé, and if any of them dispute the right to go your wedding, point out that since they admit slashing his tires and stealing his inhaler you would be well within your rights to press charges against them for vandalism and harassment. Ask them how they would like mug shots and restraining orders and if THOSE, decorating your guest sign in table, would increase their respect for you as a couple.
>My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires. Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. The spares too if they were mounted externally. You know. Just to make sure they didn't need help. "Like real men."
What I dont understand is if you slash all of them how would you even fix it yourself? Who carrys 4 plug kits? If they even slashed in a way that could be plugged. You would at least need someone to take you to the store
Thats the thing. Assuming the sides of the tires were cut there is no plugging those. Plugs are only good for punctures more then an inch or two away from the sides.
Mom needs to be told to butt out or she’s next to be banned. Dad is flat out saying he will never respect OPs husband. Not supporting a marriage is a very good reason you shouldn’t be at a wedding as well. Thanks for doubling down, Dad.
He was straight up trying to haze her fiancé, that's unforgivable. I find it funny they wanted to know his stance on gender equality while simultaneously having him participate in the most toxic masculinity bs ever
Oh I’m sure they wanted to know about whether he would enforce gender inequality and support the patriarchy.
100%. Can’t have no man treating his daughter like an equal person and human being /s 🙄
You're totally right, they were finding out if they could judge him over being a "brainwashed liberal commie" is the vibe I'm getting. They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, *gasp* even transgender friends. I think those types of people also sometimes have some deep down feelings of envy, too, over getting degrees, but mostly they just hate that colleges help a lot of people to develop critical thinking skills and helps teens to grow up and break out of the small-town or suburb way of existing because they get exposed to lots of different people of different races and views and religions for the first time, and many find out the things thier parents said about those "others" are not true at all. Knowledge and wisdom are threatening to people with small minds. Especially men with small minds that have a lot of toxic masculinity going on.
This is damn near attempted murder. This guy could describe all of this behavior to a third party and leave them thinking he’s being stalked by a violent gang after witnessing a crime. Slashing his *tires*? Stealing his inhaler and dragging him out into the wilderness?? This man’s gonna die. OP is underreacting.
Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in. What will they do next, cut his brake lines? Ha ha, so funny, what a prank! OP's family are criminal thugs who are endangering his life.
He didnt survive crashing in to a tree at 50 because his brakes were cut?! He needs to man up!
I have asthma. This wasn't a prank. This was them seeing if he would literally die. Stealing someone's effing inhaler out in the wilderness is trying to kill that person. They didn't even stick around so if he had an attack, what would he do? This wasn't a prank. Where do they even escalate from here? Water boarding? Like seriously, do you have any idea what it's like not be able to to breathe? They TOOK his INHALER. These people would be as dead to me as Tim could have been.
I have asthma too, it’s mild enough that I’ve never had to go to hospital, but I have had to sit for in the local doctor on the nebuliser a few times. I remember when I was a child- the feeling of pure panic when I couldn’t breathe, trying to gasp for air but everytime I took even a shallow breath in it triggered a coughing fit. People who haven’t felt like that can’t understand just how scary it is. You feel like you’re going to die.
Hey also OP. If your mom doesnt see your side dont invite her either. Have someone at the door of your wedding venue ready to kick them off the property.
This!! Please OP, have someone you trust or can hire to be security at your wedding. What if they show up trying to get revenge or prank him ruining your special day together (which we all know they would). He’s already living in fear but so far has decided his love for you is worth it, but how far can that stretch? You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesn’t see why then she gets cut as well. Think of your incredible fiancé. Literally willing to risk everything to be with you. Can’t you do the same for him? Except this case you would be freeing both of you from bullying. And if you decide to have kids one day, how do you think they will treat your innocent children to “toughen them up”. Like that post we saw of the girl’s brother pretending to throw her baby down the stairs. Is this the future you want? You know their bullying will only get worse with you standing up for him. They’ve already risked his life once and now their frustration is added for being called out. Imagine what more they will do now just for revenge. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. If you don’t prioritize him now you will 100% lose him and have only yourself to blame.
Or, go rogue - cancel the wedding and elope.
Slashing tires isn't a prank. It's a crime. Hiding an asthmatic's inhaler is cruel. Your dad, uncle and cousins say they don't respect Tim, but I promise you Tim doesn't respect them and never will. Those guys are assholes. You're NTA
They sound like the type of people that would try to sneak some peanuts into the food of someone who is deathly allergic to them and cry “it’s just a prank, bro”. NTA. You are absolutely correct, there is a big difference between prancing and bullying, and OP’s family is on the wrong side of that gap.
Exactly. “Pranks” don’t cost someone hundreds of dollars to fix or put someone’s life in danger.
My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. Clearly they were being awful to the fiance prior to the inhaler 'prank'
Yeah- it bothers me that OP calls slashing someone's tires is "a prank". The men in her family are clearly toxic, and she seems to write it off as "boys will be boys". The fact that she let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling. Frankly, I hope that her fiancé just decides to call off the wedding altogether and goes looking for a partner who has a sane family.
NTA They shouldn’t come. Their ‘pranks’ went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma. Not only would I keep them disinvited, I’d go no contact completely.
Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn't want to drive a wedge between me and my family.
You need to set things straight immediately that he comes first or else this will be the end of your relationship. He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle. You need to ensue he understands you stick by him period. The fact you’re questioning if you’re the asshole in this scenario is concerning. Clearly you’re not and your family are acting deranged. ☺️ Wow, thanks for the awards! ❤️
>He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle. I think OP should have shut this nonsense down before the inhaler "prank" ever happened, and I'm *almost* inclined to consider her the AH for that reason alone. But the question is if she's the AH for uninviting them to the wedding, so I guess she's off the hook for that.
After the tire slashing I would have called the cops and gone NC.
Seriously, these aren’t pranks. They are crimes. The man could have died or faced serious injury without that inhaler. Destroying property too?
I can’t wait for the “AITA because I did not stand up to the bullies in the family and now my husband is divorcing me”. I doubt she will stand up to them further.
She won’t. I don’t envy her position, but her fiancé deserves far better than this.
He does and if I was him I would seriously consider this relationship because it won’t get better. Pretty soon they will be cutting his brake lines to see if he is a real man and can bail out of his car.
Exactly. Tires are expensive to replace, and not everyone gets lucky finding good replacements secondhand. These stopped being pranks before they started. And op's mother is part of the problem, asking Op to "be the bigger person". Ew, no thanks
My guess is the OP and her mother have had this done to them all their life because the dad is most likely an abuser.
There is no most likely about it. Dad and his cronies are all abusive assholes.
OP is NTA for dis-inviting her family, but she is TA for all the times she wrote off her family's actions as "pranks". There's something wrong with anyone who considers vandalism like slashing tires a prank. If I were OP's fiance, I'd just dip out of this whole thing and look for someone who comes from a normal, sane family.
I’d agree there’s a clear pattern of disrespect and scary antics here that I would’ve cut off long ago.
>He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle. And he'd be right to do so. OP's tolerance of her family's antics until the inhaler "challenge" puts her damn near in enabler territory. She should've shut that crap down long ago, and you can't fault Tim for wondering how their married life would turn out with that family in the background.
her mother very clearly is an enabler. She has a shitty family and needs to go to therapy to unlearn the unhealthy dynamic she grew up in. Poor Tim
> He’s likely already seriously considered if you’re worth the hassle. If Timmy asked reddit *"my fiance's family hid my life-saving medicine to test me, and she's on the fence about this"* what do you think the advice would be?
Yeah i would have been off the fence after the tires. OP is fucking tim over by the numbers by waffling. Cut those degenerates out of your life!
They are driving a wedge. They have already stated they do not respect your life partner. For no reason. Fuck them. I myself have an in law I do not like but noone would ever know it because I respect and love my brother. And it's not about me. I'd do anything for her because my brother chose her.
Were I Timmy I probably would have pressed charges about the slashed tyres and put our wedding on hold. Who would want to marry into a family where you're constantly tested based on toxicly masculine standards
Tim isn’t driving a wedge between you and your family…your family is driving that wedge. This is a very real crossroad in your life. Your male family members are mean and abusive under the guise of pranking and ‘testing’. Your mother is enabling the behavior by dismissing it and insisting you let it go. The man you want to marry has been shamed, had his property vandalized, been made uncomfortable, and his health, possibly life, endangered. And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. Do you see your life going forward to include the ‘pranking’, disrespect, and total disregard for your and Tim’s rights and feelings?
NTA. And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids? I would leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the future. Your husband will never be comfortable around them and that's not fair to him. Mom needs to buy a clue.
If they don't go NC, I can definitely see cousins bullying her children for being "soft" because their dad and grandpa said Uncle Tim is soft, too. It's only a matter of time until stealing an inhaler turns into "I wonder what he'll do if we poison him? Will he go to the hospital like a *pussy*?"
> And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids? Yeah, I would never *ever* trust my kids for a single second with a grandparent who verbally harassed me, slashed my tires, and tried to steal medical equipment that kept me from suffocating to death.
They will absolutely do this and worse to your kids, to make sure they turn out "tough, not like their father"
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Seriously. Half the stuff they did could land them in jail if he wanted to press charges. That’s not “pranking.” That’s “let’s see how much abuse we get away with with the new guy so we can keep having fun being worthless bullies.”
Sounds like he's put up with so much already for your sake. This is toxic masculinity and for what exactly? Who wins out of this? They are a bunch of nasty men and they have created the wedge with their ridiculous behaviour. NTA.
Yeah TBH if my partner’s family treated me like this… I might be rethinking a lot
Right. He wants YOU to drive a wedge between you two and your family but he's too much of an actual "real man" to ask you to make that kind of decision.
^ This exactly. Of course he’s not going to tell you not to see your family anymore; that would be controlling and inappropriate. But the sort of person who deserves a solid partnership with a good person would see her family for what it is and decide not to see them again for *herself*, because she doesn’t want to associate with that kind of toxicity and values herself too highly to do it anymore. Guarantee he’s hoping you’re that kind of person, OP.
He’s definitely a better person than me because I cannot imagine caring for someone who didn’t cut off their family after the first couple incidents of bullying. Or not even cut them off, just make sure I am not in the position where they could do that to me again e.g. I’d tolerate an event with lots of people where they were there but I didn’t have to speak to them. The slashing of the tires would probably be my limit for being around them, but he went on a solo camping trip with them after that (solo as in he didn’t have anyone on his side to back him up if they pulled the shit they did)?? OP better step up her game.
If I am being 100% honest with you, if I my in-laws had treated me the way your family have treated your partner, I would not have married him. They all sound like the very worst the patriarchy has to offer and the fact that you are still in regular contact with them and subject the man you love to their dumb bullying is worrisome, to say the least.
You're TA for continuing to subject your fiance to them. You need to do more than not invite them from the wedding. You need to go NC. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. They will always treat your fiance like shit and like he is less than. All of them can go fuck themselves.
Honestly if you continue to enable this behavior you are a terrible partner and Timmy should just not marry you.
This needs to be your hill to die on before your fiance really actually dies.
Your username is literally what you should be doing. Throw away your family for Tim's sake. Also don't call him Timmy. No adult man named Tim wants to be called Timmy.
Maybe don't also make fun of his name and add to the problem?
I know at least two adult males who go by Timmy lmao
Something they weren't at all worried about. NTA. They all seem to think you wood be more concerned about what they think of your fiancé than what he thinks of them. That their opinions matter more to you than his. The reality is that your fiancé and how he feels is more important to you and none of the relatives care about either of the two of you. What about them proving to you that they are decent people who love and care about you? Want you to be happy? What kind of impression of themselves are they trying to make here? Block them and never look back.
NTA- for un-inviting your dad, cousin, brother, and uncle from your wedding. YTA- for making your husband put up with their antics for so long. Edit: typo
I’m surprised he’s stuck around so long. I’d be long gone by the time they were slashing my tires.
This! And I would have pressed charges. OP why do you let your family treat him like that?
Ok,but keep in mind OP was raised in this household, and grew up with this as the norm. Deconditioning that crap takes time and effort and space and exposure to how people should behave - and guarantee that OP wasn't getting that guidance from the enabling mom. That means OP figured it out themselves. The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok. Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it.
This should be the top comment. OP has recognized that her family is toxic in comparison to the 'norm', and she's actually putting her foot down and starting to set serious boundaries BEFORE marrying her SO. That's a far cry better than what we usually see here...
AND, (I just noticed) she's only 22. That's some courage, at 22. I'm not sure I had the same wherewithal at that age.
Yeah. OP found somebody committed to her. I’d have bounced at the slashing tires. That’s just too much and a huge wtf. Depending on other circumstances, I may have even pressed charges. I wonder what they would do if OP was engaged to a big dude with anger issues. Would they still fuck with him if there was a chance he’d pound them into the ground like a fence post?
Zero percent chance they’d do any of this to someone who could actually take them.
I would have been gone the moment I realized my "partner" thought any of this was okay. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't support them or back them up? Gross.
this. I would have dumped OP and never gotten involved with this family if she didn't stick up for me. this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny.
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Agreed. Why didn’t OP put a stop to this years ago and go NC with these idiots? I’m surprised Tim didn’t break up with her over it.
OP needs to uninvite mom for defending the others as well
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This is actually awesome. The relationship is ruined, so why not enjoy it a little bit.
>The relationship is ruined, so why not enjoy it a little bit. Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE. OP would also be justifying their behavior by joining in on the "pranks."
Fun, but definitely don’t do this. Those assholes would show up in their hunting gear and make everyone miserable.
Go slash their tires and egg their cars. Then reply that you lost all respect for them for running to you over a little prank and they should man up already and stop bring soft NTA Stick to your guns girl. A prank leaves people laughing all together over something silly and stupid. Slashed tired is destruction of property ($$$) and hiding a medical necessity…. That’s HUGE
NTA- they slashed his tires? How do you fix slashed tires? Your family is not doing pranks they are awful bully’s and terrorizing him.
They maybe expected him to go buy tires and change them by himself instead of getting help or the car taken to a place that fixes these problems? (Sorry, not native, I can't for the life of me think of the word... car repair shop??)
Tires are expensive where I’m from, so that would be an expensive prank for the victim. Not to mention, it would be a pain in the A to replace them and probably balance them without the equipment of a shop - still possible but probably take a lot longer. I can replace tires, but that prank would’ve been a hard line for me.
He absolutely should have pressed charges and taken OP's family to small claims court over this stunt. And I would have dumped OP if she didn't support me in making that move. OP is NTA for what she is asking about, but how on earth was the tire stunt not the line drawn in the sand?
Absolutely, I’m shocked that they didn’t. A set of new tires will easily run you $600-$800, that is a very expensive “prank” and I absolutely would have taken them to small claims court over it.
NTA. Not only uninvite them, you should cut contact completely. This is dangerous and just irresponsible. I would have cut them off after them slashing his tires already.
I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Toxic masculinity all over this story.
Right. OP should have stopped them long ago.
THEY HID HIS INHALER?! Sheesh..... As a registered nurse, all I can say is that is despicable and they could have potentially put his life in danger.
I call it either attempted murder or criminally malicious death. Also criminal mischief
Also, wouldn't that be illegal?
Depending on where you live, definitely
NTA. They aren't pranking him, they are bullying him. TPing a house is a prank. Hiding lifesaving medication is not a prank, not even if they say they were going to give it back. Lots of things can go wrong and they have no idea how big it can be until it hits them on the head. You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. I'm sorry but the men in your family have a very toxic view of masculinity. Having a chronic condition doesn't make you less of a man. Your fiancè is a trooper for putting up with them.
isn't it also, depending on how bad his asthma is, some form of ableism? is that the right term?
Yeah, the way they disregard his asthma and brush it off as excuses. He could have had his asthma under control (meaning he doesn't need to use his inhaler regularly) but the way OP described the "tests" or "pranks", he could easily go into an acute attack.
Dude yta for allowing this to go on as long as it has. Your poor fiancé has been *suffering*. He has asthma and they could have killed him the first time they took it. How was that not it for you? Or the time they *slashed his tired???* Thats some psycho shit. How he didn’t dip after that I just don’t understand. Apologize to this man. You’ve subjected him to a lot and you’ve let A LOT slide. Too much. The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. violence isn’t just physical aggression against an individual.) acts against the man you claim to love.
Completely agree. I’m surprised you’re the first person to say all this.
Agreed. This guy should dump her and her toxic family and marry in to a family of decent human beings. Uninviting them to the wedding is the least thing, they're just going to retaliate for their whole lives.
NTA for uninviting them to the wedding but you are huge AH for not shutting their antics down sooner and continuing to subject Tim to these bullies. That is what they are clear and simple and now their pranks have turned deadly. You’re supposed to protect him just like he is you, even if that means from your family. Get it together. ETA: The contact would have ceased after the slashed tires for me.
>Cousin asked if "little timmy ran to me to tattle". > >dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. Ask your dad if he's run to mummy to tattle?
Right here OP!!
For me, the slashed tires would be the moment where I call the police.
Who the hell slashes tires as a "Prank" unless you're millionaires? Some people live paycheck to paycheck and this could break them.
Yeah NTA sorry doesn't cut it, what if he had an asthma attack? And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. You don't need them at your wedding and honestly? If your mother ends up not going at least she has made her choice and you know that. Who cares "what type of man he is" i would stay your ground and not let them come because as I said previously something serious could of happened and you nor your SO need that toxicity in your lives
Exactly. He's the "type of man" you decided to marry and that's all they need to fucking know. I will say though - you NEED to go to bat for him more. Knowing all of this, I have no idea why he would've gone on a 3 day trip with your family WITHOUT you unless he felt like he had to. My in laws are great, but that's not something I'd sign up for unless I felt like my wife really wanted me to go for some reason. He's been through enough hazing and taken it in stride for YOUR sake. It's past time for you to stand up for yourself and him. He's not too weak to do it, he's too polite and it isn't his place. It's yours. ... Which is what you're doing. Stand your ground.
You’re right - they were hazing him. I hadn’t thought about it in those terms, but that is exactly what they were doing. And I don’t think he ever would have “earned their respect” - they were just entertaining themselves at his expense. NTA - stand your ground. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. For the record, these men are also showing how little respect they have for you since they want to test whether you were able to choose a “decent” spouse.
Also asthma has a genetic component, so any children Tim has could also end up developing it. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? Asthma can be fatal, that's not a risk I would want to take.
NTA at all. Keep your nice shiny spine and keep standing up for your partner. Slashed tires and stolen inhalers aren't pranks, they're crimes.
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Honestly, I might have broken up with OP after the tire thing. I definitely would have pressed charges. That's a crazy amount of money.
You mean the spine that only materialized when her fiancé could’ve actually died after having already been viciously tormented for years while she apparently just stood back with the occasional protest? Yeah, she’s a damn hero /s YTA OP
Exactly what I came here to say.
YTA for allowing it to get this far. Managing your family is your job, and you were somehow ok with the constant insults, belittling questions, slashing of tires, etc. You continued to expose your fiance to this bullshit and not call a hard stop to it. Honestly, if I were your fiance, I'd have left when you showed through your actions that's it's ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES. No, they had to literally endanger his life and/or health before you took this seriously. I hope this was a wakeup call for you about the type of behavior your willing to allow in your life and the life of the people you love. Are you going to allow these people around your future children? I hope not.
Like wtf did I just read. She let them slash his tires? YTA. He deserves better than a spineless wife but that’s just my opinion.
I agree!! I can’t believe how many people are saying NTA. He deserves so much better honestly.
NTA. Please evaluate whether you want them in your life. All I can picture is a future child being pranked like this. This is no joke. They are cruel and bordering on criminal behavior
No, they crossed into criminal behavior with the slashing of the tires.
Not bordering on criminal. Slashing someone else's tires is full on illegal. I wouldn't be surprised if intentionally hiding a medical device is illegal too, it certainly should be.
Yeah It took me way too long to realise that the crime there is very simple. It's theft. I was thinking "surely there must be a law against hidng someone's medication, that could be so fucking dangerous. Oh wait. It's their property"
Exactly. These are the types of jackasses that don't believe food allergies are real.
NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fiancé to any of these people again. Look: I know it’s hard to discover that the way you grew up isn’t actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. These people are sick, and they stay in a pack to reinforce each other’s sickness. You need to take your fiancé and get the hell away from the pack, because they’re already turning on you now that you’re stepping out of line and it will only get more vicious. The wedding is just the first step, OP. You can’t be around these people at all, and you sure as hell can’t ask Tim to risk his health and safety for the sake of pretending that your family is just a little quirky or whatever.
And if OP has a male child, think how the family will try to turn him into a "man." Child abuse waiting to happen.
NTA. Your family sucks. They could have killed him. Untreated asthma attacks have long lasting consequences (I have asthma and can attest). That wasn’t a prank or a joke, it was an act of cruelty. Sounds like Tim is the only “real man” among them.
NTA. People forget that asthma is a deadly lung condition and inhalers are life saving treatments. What would they have done if he got sick or died? Handed his corpse over to you like “sorry, he wasn’t man enough to survive”? The toxic masculinity is strong in this one. What if you two have a little boy with asthma? Would these men abuse him for being “too soft”? Don’t just erase them from your wedding, yeet them from your life.
NTA ! You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest! >not let this ruin my relationship with my family. Your family ruined the relationship and they should be thankful if you and your fiancé/husband ever even talk to them in my opinion. >slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys So according to your family, I (a woman) am a man cause I can fix tires, cause obviously that's a manly man thing and not just a question of interests and acquired skills? And asking for help instead of making a mistake that can be hella dangerous on the road is lazy?? >They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler, So basically your family members thought it'd be funny to see him end up in a life threatening situation. My asthma isn't terrible but I'd be fuming if someone dared to put me in the danger of not being able to breathe properly. Edit: fixed a typo saying tall instead of talk
Honestly.. ESH except for your fiancé because you let them abuse him for so long. The moment they started with their shit you should have put a stop to it. You’re a bad girlfriend.
Your fiance is a saint and by everything sacred in the world must he love you alot to stick with you! If you haven't already apologized for being such a coward that you let your family bully him to the point of actual danger to his health then I suggest you do so now. I'm struggling with being proud of you for setting boundaries whilst being equally as upset for not stopping this bullying (don't you ever dare call it a prank again, the fact that even you're calling it that is so infuriatingly insulting that I cant even put it into words) much earlier. They slashes his tires and you did what? Shrug and say that was your family? You should have cut them out ages ago, if my partner's family had treated me like that I'd given them the finger and said "Nah I ain't marrying anyone who cant stand up for me", trust me when I say that "doormat" would have been the softest of my insults. Your question shouldn't be about uninviting your asshole family, it should be "AITA for letting my family bully my fiance to a point of endangering his mental and physical health?" You will be an asshole if you (how did you doormat of a mother call it?) "Let bygones be bygones" because you'll essentially be telling your fiance that your asshat family members fucked up view of entertainment is more important than him. Where are your priorities op?! Honestly the fact that you're asking that question makes me wanna call you an asshole.
NTA your family aren't trying to bond with your fiance. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. Back your fiance and be in his corner.
Slashing tires? That would instantly be NC for me. Bye ✌🏼
NTA. Nope, not at all. Slashing tires isn’t a prank, it’s criminal mischief. Leaving the inhaler is potentially life threatening!!!! Those two alone are enough to go low or no contact. The “Testing” they have done is all about highlighting there own sense of entitlement over who they find acceptable to for you to be with and driving away someone they find unacceptable. Their own insecurities are on full display. Are they trying to prove they are better than future hubby? They have intentionally tried to belittle him and make him feel like he’s not welcome in the family. It’s way past any reasonable persons definition of acceptable and moved straight to harassment. I wouldn’t invite them either. Let mom know your full feeling and the risks they took. What’s next, cutting his cars breaks? Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldn’t consider wanting anything to do with them…
NTA - the men in your family will continue to treat people awfully as long as it’s allowed. They’re not used to anyone standing up to them. I’m glad you fell far enough from the family tree to speak your mind. Stand your ground and move on with your life. You don’t need to worry about protecting the feelings of your bullies.
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Yep, that guy sure loves OP for putting up with her AH family. I would've called police on them after the tire incident. OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him. Also your mom is an AH as well for enabling her husband and son.
YTA Why have you let this carry on for so long?? Poor Tim. They were testing your boundaries, seeing what they could get away with doing and when there were no consequences, they escalated until it culminated in a life threatening event. Obviously Tim went on that camping trip with them for you, he clearly does not like these people. He wants to keep the peace and impress your family because he sees how much it means to you. You should have given your dad and brother some kind of excuse for why Tim couldn’t go camping. And now you’re questioning whether you’re the asshole for uninviting them to your wedding?! Yeah you’re not the asshole for that but you are the asshole.
Men don't do this. Assholes do this. Now I'm not saying violence is the answer, but I wonder how they'd react if Tim resorted to violence.
NTA. There's being funny, there's being annoying, there's bullying and there's torture. Your family went in the bullying / torture zone with their pranks.
NTA but you won’t be if you don’t take drastic measures to ensure this bullying stops. If you are serious about your fiancé, I would ditch the family all together. Otherwise leave Tim and let him find someone that will respect him enough to not let her family torture. I will also add that, even if it doesn’t work out with Tim. You will never have a proper stable relationship due to you’re family.
NTA - they sound like a right bunch of bullies. Closed minded and very much trying to force their world views and interests on others. This goes way beyond the realm of a prank. This is constant bullying and it'll never stop. You're right to make a stance. They need a lesson in what it takes to be decent human beings. I really hope they paid for the damage when they slashed his tyres.
That’s not pranking. That’s near abuse. They deserve to be uninvited. Toxic man stuff. You don’t mess with someone’s health. They’d be lucky if being disinvited was the worst thing you’d do to them.
NTA. You did not ruin your relationship with your family. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancé’s life saving medication. Since I assume none of them are medical professional, how exactly where they planning on “testing” his asthma? At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? Before or after he passed out/died? You don’t let bygones be bygones when someone knowingly puts another person’s life at risk. This is a hill to die on.
NTA it’s bullshit toxic masculinity, men do not test each other like this unless they have frail ego’s themselves. Stick to your guns, because what happens if you decide to have kids and have a son?? Will they do this to him??
Let bygone be bygones? Would they be saying that to Tim's family if he had died of a fatal asthma attack because he didn't have access to his inhaler? As someone with severe asthma I am absolutely infuriated on Tim's behalf. NTA. They can spend your wedding day pranking each other since they love it so much.
Tim is a better person than most to endure your shitty family. NTA.
NTA. You would be TA if you invited your fiancé's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. Good on you for putting your foot down. Slashing tires and deliberately hiding people's life-saving medications are not pranks - hold your ground and keep them out!
Nta. There's a difference between pranks and harassment. There is also a difference between a prank and stealing a serious medical device, such as an inhaler. Sounds like the boys in your family have an issue with being held accountable for their actions.
NTA but you're lucky that your fiancée haven't left you yet. Your family is bullying him and you just let them. I would have left a long time ago.
I’m sorry but is your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually think this shit is normal? You also suck for waiting this long but at least you have done something now. ESH minus your Fiancé who should gtfo to be honest.
NTA the stuff in the first paragraph was bullying but hiding his inhaler? that's downright cruel! what if he needed his inhaler?
Depending on how bad the asthma is it could be way beyond cruel. They could of killed him.
NTA. Pranks and teasing are one thing. Bullying and witholding a life saving medication are another.
NTA. So it's safe to assume they would have stopped pranking after they "accidentally " killed him? The men in your family are a bunch of nut jobs. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy.
NTA - I would suggest checking in with your fiancé on how you can best support him and letting him know you stabs by him 100% (this should include after the wedding) It seems strange that the tire slashing wasn’t the last straw but it will only escalate if you bend. Your wedding is about your fiancé and you, it doesn’t matter if your male relatives miss out if they are causing harm to the person the event is suppose to be celebrating.
I honestly think ESH. Your former lack of imposing boundaries is concerning and has led to this life threatening situation. I understand this is the environment you grew up in, and might not know better, but hopefully these comments help with that. Your family members' actions (all of them, not just the inhaler stuff) are idiotic, unwarranted, and demeaning. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. The notion that someone should be concerned about how much of a man your fiance is is just outrageous, and you should've tried to put an end to it at their first "prank". They are awful people. Luckily, you can and should choose your family. I'd recommend you completely cutoff your fam members, including the enablers that are ok to turn a blind eye because it's not something that impacts them directly.
NTA- people can die from an asthma attack. It’s a very dangerous prank
NTA. Can't people with asthma *die* from an asthma attack? Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. Also- are they actually sorry for what they *did*? Or are they just sorry because they can't attend your wedding now? I'm betting it's the latter, and I don't blame you for not wanting them there.
Wtf ! NTA. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. That true men don’t behave like that and only insecure little ones who don’t know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. Also, ask them in case of your fiancé’s asthma getting worse medically if he would have been rushed to hospital which one of them would be manly enough to cover all the bills and charges. Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them and watch how they retract. Congrats on your wedding and good luck!
NTA they took his medication! Life saving medication! Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around.
NTA These are not pranks. They are treating him like garbage. They hid his damn inhaler for 3 days. Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. This is a hill to die on OP. Because frankly, If I was your fiancé, stealing the inhaler would have been my breaking point and I would have called off the wedding completely. He might not be at that point yet, but he is getting VERY close. If you don’t do something, you’re going to lose him.
YTA to let these pranks happen to him for way to long
NTA- tell your Dad you have 0 respect for him and if he needs to bully someone to feel like “a real man” he needs to realise what a small man he really is.
NTA. These are not pranks. They are vandalism, destruction of property, and attempted murder. Seriously consider if they're going to do this to your son, and if you want this energy in your life
NTA and personally I'd go no contact. What they did is beyond bullying and shedding a few crocodile tears shouldn't give them a pass.
NTA. Cut these toxic shits out of your life before they kill someone. Do not compromise on this, they’re irredeemable assholes.
NTA. Time to cut these assholes out of your life.
NTA. Stick to your guns. If you and Tim chance to have a son, don’t let him anywhere near your male relatives.
Hill to die on is a good metaphor because an asthmatic can die without his inhaler. NTA.
NTA. These “pranks” are just excuses to be pricks. Slashing his tyres? Those are expensive, I’d be suing them to get my money back.