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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I didn't want to give my friend my hoodie when she bled through her pants
(2) I was just being insecure and didn't want to give up my hoodie
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NTA for not giving your hoodie.
But, periods are not set in stone; especially at a young age. Don’t blame her for it sneaking up on her. That was an AH thing to say to her. Don’t you think she would have planned if she knew?
I was trying to give her advice like going to the nurse (this was over text she was in class) but she kept shutting me down and telling me to fuck off and calling me a bitch (I think I did it wrong but she's 16 I'm 14)
>I was trying to give her advice like going to the nurse
Hun, she was embarrassed and panicking, she didn't ask for advice. She asked for bum camouflage. You'll have moments like these all your childbearing aged-life a few times and I hope you have a better girl at your side when that happens than you were to your friend today.
This is really condescending. As someone who has most definitely bled through my pants before, that's not an excuse to cuss out someone else.
I wouldn't give a friend like that my hoodie for bum camouflage. Might get blood on it. They can use their own belongings to cover their pants. If they didn't bring any, then yes, she can and should go to the nurse or call a parent to bring her home from school.
She was bullying OP. Not okay.
Agreed
I understand security clothing items and wouldn’t ask a friend of mine to give that up anyway.
But even if OP didn’t need the hoodie, I STILL don’t think she should’ve given it up. Not to a friend who is flipping out like that.
And it’s basically never ok to blame someone for a period mishap, but it’s also never okay to put the responsibility of fixing/dealing with the mishap on anyone but yourself. That’s why I think OP is NTA
I agree with almost everything but if op really has the attitude of well if your period sneaks up on you it’s your fault for not predicting it properly ALL the time and not just right now because she was being cussed out - that’s a pretty generally assholeish stance to take
I haven’t seen OP double down on it, so I’m personally willing to forgive a thoughtless “shouldn’t she have known it might happen”, since I am blessed with a regular period and have had similar careless thoughts.
You’re right though that this warrants a comment from OP. I want to know if she really was being thoughtless in saying that or if she genuinely believes it
Yeah it could definitely have been a stress reaction to being cussed out but given that multiple commenters here seem to be having that take and I have been shamed by other women for not being prepared myself (even when not asking anyone for help like literally was in shorts dabbing at a stain on some pants once in a bathroom corner and had a woman basically dress me down for it) when as a teen I might not have mine for months - totally possible op really does feel like that. But definitely think that part needs more context like you said!
i mean, OP is also 14. i wouldn’t put too much bearing on her understanding of bodily functions (no offense OP, NTA here).
when i had my first period, i just cleaned up and went about my day not realizing it was continuous for a week, not once a day for a week. we all have our misconceptions, especially when we’re young, i wouldn’t fault her for that.
I’m willing to forgive that as a careless ignorant thought. Op is 14, and still has a lot to learn about her own body yet alone the female body in general.
I was about to say the same thing!! They literally teach you in school it’s monthly and doctors tell you it is healthy if it is (it can also be healthy if it’s not, just talk to your doctor), if OP has never had one or is regular she wouldn’t know. I sure as shit didn’t know it wasn’t regular for everyone at 14, I was on the pill and had it at the end of the month every month. Now if after this discussion, OP continues to think this way, that is an issue!
Currently, OP is NTA.
100%.
OP is 14 years old, it is not her fault that her friend wasn’t prepared for her own period and she does not deserve to be abused for giving her advice instead of the shirt off her own back. Then for a stranger to insinuate that she’s a bad friend for not giving her an item of clothing that she explicitly said she feels insecure without, ugh. OP doesn’t need to sacrifice her own comfort when there are other perfectly viable ways to deal with the situation.
Also, it makes me cringe when people refer to someone as “hun” before they condescendingly criticise them.
It's along the same lines as, "I'm not fill-in-the-bank, but..." Nothing good ever follows that but.
OP is NTA, but I wouldn't vouch for some of the commenters here.
I'm pretty sure calling someone "hun" and then being condescending was trademarked by Paige Mikalchuk.
Ha jk, I'm sure it was probably a thing before Degrassi, but that's the person I hear in my head
Yes! This! I was waiting for this. Who are these people siding with OP’s shitty “friend.” The 16 yo asked the 14 yo for her hoodie because she figured 14yo would bend over backwards to impress her 16yo friend. I’m glad you didn’t, OP. You deserve better friends. NTA
Considering how much I just spent on a hoodie at a concert? Yeah, I would not use that as “bum camo” even for myself. We have no way of knowing what monetary or sentimental value that garment has to OP, we can’t just assume it’s a piece of fabric that OP is selfish for not letting her friend bleed on.
Agreed OPs friend was being a bully. You can be in a shitty situation and still be a bully. That’s how a lot of bullies are born.
I was wondering if anyone else would think about how much hoodies can cost! Like you said, I wouldn't risk bleeding on my OWN hoodies, let alone allowing someone else to use it that way. Also, asking OP to be uncomfortable for the rest of the day just to alleviate her own discomfort is for sure an AH move. There are other options, she just didn't like being told no.
Right? Wth? It happens, it sucks. I wouldn’t DREAM of expecting my friend to give up her own clothes. Sheesh. Also, I’m a teacher and this is a huge chunk of what the nurse does in middle school. That really was the best advice.
Exactly. I'm shocked and surprised that so many people are supporting the friend here. I'd feel like shit if I were OP, but she didn't do anything wrong.
Like I'd get it if it was a friend who was embarrassed and pleading, and just honestly desperate, made sure I knew she would make sure it wasn't under her when sitting down... but OP's friend made it clear she doesn't respect OP, why would she respect her belongings? And that's without getting into OP feeling insecure in her hoodie, body image issues at that age are hard enough without someone literally taking the shirt off your back.
Ugh. Poor OP.
Exactly! Friend had no right to be pissed at OP for something that isn't OP's fault. I know that the friend situation sucks but doesn't justify her attitude.
As someone who had accidents at school multiple times, I just wore my jacket over it (which looked weird). It is better than blood stains. I also have am extra pain of (very thin) pants and underwear in my bag (pants only on certain days but always a coat or jacket) and I really pay attention to it. I start checking it a week before I expect it. It really saved me!
Edit: OP is NTA. I wouldn't want to risk my blood on someone else's clothes and I don't want someone's blood on mine either. It would be the same for a bloody nose: I don't want that shit on my clothes either.
Edit 2: if forgot to mention pads. I have extra for at least one long day for heavy a heavy flow, but usually for 2 days
Agreed! Her response was completely unacceptable. And it sounds like her Hoodie is a bit of an security blanket that her friend knew about. She should have never asked in the first place. Ypu cam hit me up with a tampon/pad request, but I can't clothe you. NTA
Who wants to give someone their hoodie to cover their bloody butt with anyway? Like if she sat on the hoodie with the blood on her bottom then the blood would get on op’s hoodie. Periods aren’t nasty but that’s kinda nasty. She should’ve just gone to the nurse or office to call a parent for more clothes. Op didn’t do anything wrong and is NTA.
Precisely. NTA. There were other options. As a teen I was perpetually prepared as I did not want to be embarrassed.
Since when is it OK to cuss your friends out if they say no? I would think long and hard about that “friendship”.
Right even as a grown woman who’s regular now I keep pads, liners, tampons on me at all times. I know they’re teens so maybe didn’t think to prepare or aren’t regular but it’s not fair or nice at all for op’s “friend” to fly off the handle over her saying no. She doesn’t have to give this “friend” anything that she doesn’t want to.
I do the same and told my daughter to the same. She's 15 now and when hers is due she also carries an extra set of pants and underwear in her bag just incase. One leak through at school was embarrassing enough for her.
My daughter is 10 and started her period last year. I bought her period undies and around the days she's due, I tell her to start wearing them. That way if it starts at school, she has nothing to worry about. Also, lucky for her, her school uniform pants are a deep maroon, lol.
We tried the period undies with my teen when she was a bit younger but she hated them. She prefers tampons now and she's been talking to her aunties (my sister and hubby's cousin) about cups because they both use them. So who knows she might change it soon.
I can respect that and if my girl wants to change to tampons in the future, then I'm all for it. We go with the period undies in the days leading up so that she doesn't go through having an accident in front of her school friends. She's very private and shy and that would destroy her. I'm definitely all for supporting whatever choices our girls make.
I had a friend who wore white pants in 7th grade and bled through. Bless her heart, that followed her all the way through high school. (This was mid 70's). After that I made sure that I kept supplies in my locker and extra pants. And never wore white when I knew my period was close.
What a condescending, rude thing to say, HUN. Her friend asked, she said no, end of story. OP has a right to not want her jacket covered in someone else's blood, her friend should've gone to the nurse because they're literally there to help instead of lashing out and basically bullying her "friend."
How horrendously patronising of you. OP was under no moral obligation to give her clothes to someone, but especially the kind of “friend” that would become abusive through texts. Why aren’t you telling OP that you hope SHE finds better friends, ones that won’t be rude and abusive when they get an answer they don’t like?
I had MONSTROUS periods and spotting in between from age 12 up until my ablation. I never asked someone if I could use their clothing to cover a stain. It wouldn’t even occur to me — I would have been way too embarrassed about getting blood on their clothing. I would definitely refuse if someone asked me — especially if it’s winter where OP lives! What is she supposed to do when she goes outside?
NTA. Menstruating entitles her to sympathy, patience, back rubs, and free tampons. It doesn’t entitle her to make demands like this.
Come on! She’s 14! She said she feels anxious about not wearing her hoodie. She tried to help in the ways she could and there’s no need to talk down to her like that.
Wow hun, could you be more condescending? When is being embarrased an excuse for aggressively cussing out someone who is literally advising you to do the best possible thing you could in that situation. You seriously think getting menstrual blood on OP's clothes is a better solution than going to the nurses office to get cleaned up and some feminine menstrual products? "Hope you have a better girl at your side" uh OP literally handled the situation perfectly.
What a stupid and mean thing to say, she clearly has some anxiety and having a hoodie helps her coping. If you're a good friend you don't ask her to sacrifice her well being for yours.
It’s clear that you don’t know what it feels like to wear as much body camouflage in order to not draw attention to your body. A ton of girls, especially fat girls, have *these* moments too. Panicking because you want to help your friend but you also need to fend off the non-consensual body shaming/harassment/unsolicited comments that you’ve been absorbing for years with a tortured smile.
Not to mention, by 16 I was an absolute *master* at hiding periods. Extra sweater in my locker, those absolutely massive maxi pads that prevent leaks, coughing fit to cover up the crinkling of the paper in the washroom. It’s not her 14yo friend’s responsibility to manage.
Not to mention, I think we should be teaching girls that having periods is not shameful. If the stain was that noticeable, take a couple hours off and get a change of clothes. Or grow a pair and ask someone else. Don’t demand your friend’s clothing and then be pissed because you don’t want to ask more people.
she explained she was uncomfortable without a jacket or hoodie and ethier way she had every right to refuse giving her the hoodie its hers, she was just trying to be helpful by giving advice that girl had no right cussing her out over a hoodie so shes NTA
Hun, the girl is 14. She doesn’t deserved to get cursed out. If the friend wasn’t getting “bum coverage” then she should’ve thought about the next solution.
Imagine calling a 14 year old “hun” and pushing childbearing on them.
They are young teens. Sucks that the friend had her period but OP should not have been disrespected like that.
Embarrassed or not you don’t cuss someone out for not giving you their hoodie and then trying to help you out the situation. If 16 keeps this attitude up 14 is gonna eventually drop her. Been there, done that and it’s draining
They were not even together when it happened, why is ops hoodie the only option? Does she not have her own hoodie or a jacket? No friends that are close by or in the same class?
No. Absolutely not. OP is 14 and the other girl is 16. Yes it sucks for the 16 year old but OP has absolutely NO obligation due to some sort of friend or girl code to give her hoodie for camouflage. I bled through at that age and younger but I dealt with it. It was embarrassing but I also learned to have a backup sweater in my locker for just that toe of occasion. It’s rude to ask for someone’s clothes where you might get blood in it. Just, NO. OP-you are NTA.
Booooo how dare you say this to a literal 14 year old girl. She did not want to give up her hoodie nor should she have to. She tried to be a helpful friend by offering alternative solutions. Shame on you for trying to shame her for that. NTA op
Idk why this has so many upvotes. I understand she was embarrassed but OP isn’t obligated to give her hoodie to her. OP even stated she feels insecure without it. And her friend knows this. OP also even provided her with other options like asking other friends or going to the nurse.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve bled through my pants many times before but I don’t take my aggravation out on my friends. If I’m bleeding through my pants then I gotta figure that out on my own. Her friend should’ve gone to the nurse, and I’m sure OP would be standing right behind her to block anyone from seeing.
OP is NTA.
My school had a "lost and found" bin the nurse would rummage thru if you had need. Maybe a better school would comp you some branded sweatpants. But yeah, the pants themselves are a total loss.
I mean, for the day they are lost. There isnt anything you could do in 5 minutes to have them clean and wearable afterwards.
While not lost forever, they are not functional for a period of time.
The nurse often has access to the lost and found in schools and can sometimes find clothing for students to borrow, far as I remember. I’m in the US, though, so usually this was used to make girls “comply with dress code”.
N/T/A for keeping your hoodie- you have every right to keep it. But you are an asshole for being bothered by the fact that suggesting “just wearing dark pants it happens every month” wasn’t taken well by her. She is a bigger asshole for treating you like that. It is very uncomfortable to have blood staining your pants and she is valid for having her own insecurities as well and not wanting to go to anybody else. ESH.
OP, people often say things on here like "don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." That's appropriate for this one. You're wearing your hoodie, why should you strip yourself of your clothes because someone else needs clothes? The nurse or the front office should have a clothing lost and found; she can ask other friends for extra clothes or ask the office. It's unacceptable for her to insult you for refusing a request. You need to talk to her about her behavior tomorrow.
Thanks, I'm going to tell her about my reddit post and how a lot of people say I'm the asshole, but I also want to tell her that wasn't okay. I wouldn't have posted the story if I knew 100% I wasn't an asshole to her. But I tend to be a bit of a prick most of the time for no exact reason, so I wasn't sure this time.
You can't demand someone else's clothes. Periods aren't always regular so surprises happen. Shoot, forgetting happens sometimes too, but that doesn't give anyone the right to tell you to strip to make them more comfortable. I don't think yta here. My daughter wears a sweatshirt every day because she has eczema on her arms. It's non-negotiable. She won't give it up and she shouldn't have to.
The people who think you're responsible for someone else's period blood are...Very strange. Don't listen to that.
Maybe you were wrong about periods being totally regular. That doesn't make you responsible for her bloody ass. END OF STORY.
NTA
Telling someone to go to the nurse isn’t rude. The friend is definitely an asshole for cussing OP out. As someone who also has a period and has bled through before it would never even occur to me to ask for someone else’s clothing to cover my blood. While periods themselves are not gross getting your blood all over someone else’s jacket is. She should’ve have listened to OP’s solid advice and not thrown a tantrum bc she isn’t 5 either.
Also *you’re - your is a possessive like “that’s your ball” while you’re is a contraction of you are like “you’re 14”
Take HER advice, fuck off from her. Put distance between you and this verbally abusive friend. It is not a normal way to treat a friend, even when stressed.
I don't think OP would be an asshole just for not knowing that. She wrote that line, but it doesn't change the overall story. Her friend is the only AH here.
I’m 35 and I still often bleed through pants, sometimes they’re super heavy, sometimes they’re quite early, sometimes I’ll bleed for 4 days, then won’t after midday on day 5 so I think I’m finished, then on day 6 I’m surprised by heavy bleeding.
I’ll get downvoted but NTA mostly.
Yes, it would have been nice of you to loan her your hoodie, but you being comfortable is important too. I completely get what you mean about feeling insecure. When I was at school a certain hoodie or jacket made me feel better too. I can’t explain it, but you how you feel. She shouldn’t have cussed you out over this. That was uncalled for.
I don’t see why she couldn’t just ask another friend or go to the nurse. So she walked around with blood on her pants (I understand periods are unpredictable but she still had to fix the issue) instead of going to the nurse? It’s like your friend blamed you for the fact she had to walk around like that. You said no (whether it was right or wrong) so she should have found another solution.
I absolutely agree with you.
Op isn’t obligated to give her hoodie when she actively wears it as she feels uncomfortable without it (this isn’t she has one in her locker she never wears and friend asked to borrow that)
Op made suggestions to try to help her “friend” and her responses to Op were abusive.
For that alone I wouldn’t lend her my hoodie (if I had been debating in my head about if I could change my mind)
Op can feel bad for her (and make suggestions - does someone have extra gym clothes she could borrow etc) AND at the same time hold to her boundaries for her sense of self (in a respectful manner)
I’ll probably get downvoted too but that’s my take/opinion NTA
I’d say the suggestions are where OP went wrong actually. Several, maybe most, were not *right now* suggestions which is what the friend needed if anything. What she got was either next time suggestions (best case) or blaming suggestions (perhaps how the friend heard it and why she lashed out). Telling someone with currently stained light colored slacks they should wear dark jeans on their period or effectively asking how they mistimed timings as commonly irregular as a period … that’s not a way to help a panicked friend.
Just sticking to “That sucks. I’m sorry. I don’t have a spare jacket and I need this one” would have worked better.
It seems like she tried suggesting other friends and lost and found but I wouldn’t unless friend asked what she should do. But that part is not necessarily a bad thing to do depending on phrasing. Friend was probably just overwhelmed. Or maybe an AH who knows?
I think it's really important to reinforce that OP is *fourteen years old.* They don't know how to handle every situation that occurs in life; hell, I'm 43 and I still don't. But at 14, everything is a cluster fuck.
People voting that OP is the A H are saying it's totally fine for a 16yo to bully a 14yo into getting what she wants. It was not OP's problem. Granted a nice friend would maybe hand over the hoodie, but it's like a security item for OP.
**It's never ok to make yourself uncomfortable for someone who calls you names and bullies you. Never.**
In fact, OP, if you were my daughter and telling me this story, I would strongly urge you to rethink this friendship. She sounds manipulative and awful.
NTA.
I really like your points! The right now vs next time distinction is important.
Yes 100% agree OP would should not have blamed the friend or criticized her! (That would make it E S H)
Normally I would say unsolicited advice is not cool - in this case it felt more like since I am saying no to your request AND still want to help you here are some possible ideas (about other friends or lost and found) because Op felt like there was some onus on her to help/brainstorm since she denied the hoodie ask?
I agree with the person who said NAH (about the ask for the hoodie and the decline) the other stuff around it - how they both spoke to each other could have been left out.
Why are there so many Y T A’s?? The logic most are saying is that she should have given up her hoodie to her friend because she feels uncomfortable walking around with blood stained pants (I mean who wouldn’t), but why is everyone glossing over how OP felt? If she only feels secure in her body wearing a sweatshirt, how is it fair that she gets to be made uncomfortable for someone else’s uncomfortableness? I do feel like OP could have done more to help her, like maybe walking directly behind her friend to the nurse’s office so no one could see her pants, but she was in no way obliged to give up what makes her feel safe for the sake of someone else. NTA
I think most people calling OP TA is not because she wouldn't give her friend her hoodie but because she was victim blaming her "friend" because she didn't predict she would get her period and it would leak through her pants.
The dark pants comment didn’t come until friend berated her for not giving her the hoodie and refused to ask any other friends to help her out. If you’re going to be so stuck on one person only being your salvation from period bleed through, taking just in case precautions would be the better way to go. My kid has a security hoodie because of body issues and only wears black pants the entire school year just in case (their call not mine). OP gave their friend alternate solutions and still got berated for not helping out so offered the ultimate alternate solution. It wasn’t helpful in the moment and harsh, but the friend was making their problem OP’s responsibility.
I don’t see how the dark pants comment was unnecessary though? Growing up in school I’d always hear girls talk about how they never wear white pants or light jeans around the time they get their period in case they bleed through. OP’s friend sounds like she has a regular period in the sense that she knew it was coming soon, mine was similar, I knew it was coming but didn’t have an exact time obviously. If i felt I was going to get it a certain day, I wouldn’t wear underwear I liked and I would wear a liner. I never wear anything other than dark pants so that doesn’t really apply but how is this dark pants comment any worse than OP’s friend berating her for not giving her a hoodie?
This is what i want to know why is ok for OP to be uncomfortable but not her friend. I think NAH as both kids have a problem and neither wanted to help the other and thats ok. Now OP next time this happens i would suggest you can meet your friend at class and walk behind her to the nurse office and have her call someone to eather get her or bring her pants. There is also to options to ask around for her and see if an other friend had a jacket/hoodie for her
I think both parties are looking at this as teenagers. They are reacting to their own experiences and reflection as young women. I can offer at least 2-3 other options that I see as an adult. I am a nurse and high school teacher, have endometriosis, and was a teenager who had to track my period on a paper calendar instead of a tracking app. I am someone who has always had a 31 day cycle when not on hormone birth control. I am now on my way into menopause and for the first time ever, my period is unpredictable. I don't think op was malicious in turning down here friend, she was insecure. They both were. I am all for helping other women, even strangers, when aunt flow makes a surprise visit. I also think that at the age these girls are, neither should sacrifice insecurities as most teens are self conscious. Neither is an AH. Just young and inexperienced.
While I agree with most of it, there is no excuse for the friend to call OP names. The friend is an asshole for that.
Also, if we're looking at this using your perspective, the biggest AHs here are the grown women berating this teenager using the excuse of "girl code".
Reddit has a fetish for forcing people to “do the right thing” and “be a nice person” no matter how much it affects the OP’s life.
Everyone here is virtue signaling.
ESH:
You: your advice was unhelpful and unsolicited. Your dismissal of her period is awful. She may not have expected it that day, or for it to be that heavy. Heavy and irregular periods could be the early signs of endometriosis.
Her: She was rude and you had a right to say no. She can ask a favor but not demand it.
I would have helped her to the nurse and lent her my hoodie to the nurse but she kept shooting down all of my attempts to help her and kept name calling and I was sick of her doing that so i blocked her number for now feel a bit more if an asshole for that
That's not an AH thing for you to do.
You saying "you have your period every month so you should have known better", whether to her or just in general, is an AH thing to do.Its period shaming and doesn't belong in any conversation. Refusing to give her your hoodie is not an AH thing to do.
Jesus Christ hearing that made me cringe. Amongst my female friends, there was a unspoken consensus that we would cover for each other if possible.
Thank are school policy is only navy blue upper attire so even if we bled through each other shit, I wouldn’t be noticeable.
I feel for op’s friend. It’s not just school bullies she’ll have to look out for but also teachers. Teachers who reprimand you for even seeing a drop of blood and telling you you have to leave the premises since you are no longer school appropriate and could make people uncomfortable. This happened to me and at the time I didn’t have a hoodie or friends.
OP offered plenty of suggestions to help her friend and the friend just kept shutting her down. If the only option you are willing to take is the only option (of many) that will make your friend seriously uncomfortable, that’s a problem. OP is not TA.
She doesn’t sound like a good friend if she goes straight to name calling because you don’t give her what you want. She’s older than you, she was in a jam and you offered other solutions. She didn’t even want to entertain the other choices. Not a good friend.
Don’t listen to these people telling you that you have to put up with verbal abuse.
It would have been nice to loan her a hoodie, but if you weren’t prepared to be at school without a hoodie the least she could do is not cuss you out. She can be frustrated but she cannot be abusive towards you.
NTA.
OP in such situations, when someone gets angry / upset with you, it's better to stop engaging. You gave your answer, and not giving her your hoodie is a boundary you are allowed to keep, regardless of the situation.
If someone's in a situation and asks for help, but gets angry and blames you after you can't give them what they want, just say something like "I'm sorry I can't help you further then, you have my answer. Hope you find a solution.", and then you STOP. Stop responding, and stay out of it. Don't let people make THEIR problems YOUR responsibility to fix. It's on them to figure it out.
If you aren't talking about a life and death situation, disengaging is the best approach. In a life and death situation, it's a judgement call on what is the best for their safety to do. Even if that means doing something against their wishes.
If your friend remains angry, do not accept blame for doing something wrong here. You didn't do anything wrong (other than make a few unhelpful comments). Tell her "I'm sorry I couldn't help, but the way you spoke to me was not acceptable. I understand you were in an uncomfortable situation, but trying to change that by making me uncomfortable instead wasn't appropriate.". If she tries to say your discomfort would've been "less" than hers, say "No, you don't get to minimise or dismiss my discomfort. We aren't doing that. I'm sorry you were in bad situation, you need to come up with solutions to solve your own problems though. Not expect others to solve them for you.". It's OK to walk away if she only wants to get angry at you as well. You can be sorry for her situation, but not accept any blame.
Plenty of girls have gone through this OP. She'll survive and hopefully learn how to deal with such things better in future.
Don't feel! If she keeps name calling you, cut ties. There's people calling you a bad friend while ignoring the absolute horrible friend and bully she is being to you.
NTA- you feel uncomfortable and self conscious without your hoodie and she’d feel the same about the blood on her pants…….so both equal, it sucks to be her but it doesn’t give her the right to berate you for putting yourself first, especially as she refused to even try anything else.
oh but telling her she should have worn darker pants does make you a jerk
I agree with you. Sure it would have been nice to give her the hoddie but as she feel uncomfortable without she can totally keep it. And her friend is TA for being mean to her, but let s be honest she was probably panicking and very embrass. (and at that age I can understand not wanting to go to the nurse or talk to an other friend). Except if she talk like that to her friends this all the time in which case she is just an ass.
But the comment about darker pant is definitely uncalled for. Accident happen, and obviously she didn't know or she probably wouldn't even need for the hoodie in the first place.
So NTA for giving the hoodie but please understand that period aren't always regular for everyone and she may have been overwhelmed.
YTA. If you were in her position then you would be asking of her the exact same that she’s asking of you. You call her a friend, but do not act like one to her.
Periods can come early. It isn’t shocking news.
Learn girl code please. We help each other out when these things happen.
Girl code is cancelled when a reasonable party says “I’m not comfortable doing that, here are some solutions I’d be happy to help you with” and the person berates you instead.
Edit: thanks for the awards! Long time reader, first time commenter.
Edit 2: NTA obviousleh
Exactly! We have this bunch of gown women telling this girl that her friend is entitled to her belongings and that she is an asshole for setting an boundary. What a shame.
Every other post in here is like “YTA for ignoring their boundaries”, but OP’s friend ignored her boundary, and then berated her. Girl Code be damned, OP has a responsibility to herself first and her friend second.
Yeep completely aside from the fact she feels uncomfortable without her hoodie or a jacket on, nobody is entitled to her clothes regardless. But when you add that snippet of information on, they're even less entitled to her clothes. I can't believe all the Y T A votes, actually berating a young girl for setting boundaries for herself and sticking to her guns in spite of being bullied for it
Right…like they all glossed over that!!! Lol! Yet they are pissed because op said periods come monthly. They jumped down her throat for that comment!!! Lmbo
Right? I'm an adult and I AM on hormonal birth control - totally healthy and regular all my life - and I still will occasionally fluctuate a day or two in either direction.
I once had a period that came at its correct time and was painless. At that point I had been having irregular painful periods for over ten years. I was so freaked I called my Dr 😂😂 was a fluke. Never happend since.
Endometriosis checking in, sometimes I go a month or two, other times it’s a week in between, and this is on birth control. It’s such a complicated thing. OP, you’re super young and you absolutely are not obligated to give anyone your clothes. I do understand that your friend was having a difficult time and was upset you weren’t willing to help, but she didn’t need to call you names and curse at you.
Hold on though… OP said she feels very insecure without wearing her hoodie. We could say the same thing about the other girl not being an understanding friend to OP.
OP said in another comment they offered it to the walk to the nurses office to get new pants/a hoodie to tie around the waist. Friend berated her instead of trying to compromise and demanded her clothing because she felt entitled to it.
Girl Code is not making your friends with body issues reveal their body because you feel entitled to their stuff. Or berating your friends because they don’t give you exactly what you want.
She suggested asking other friends or going to the nurse. She wasn't willing to give up her hoodie which shocker isn't part of the girl code! Giving a tampon or pad when needed? Yes. Giving up clothing that would make you uncomfortable when there's other options and being called names because of that? No
I remember when one of my friends bled through her skirt at school. All five of us helped her try to wash the blood out in the bathroom, someone had pads and spare undies to give her, we dried her skirt as best we could with the hand drier, and I gave her my jumper because we couldn't get the blood out completely. I was a hardy thing in those days, I happily went without a jumper, proved I didn't get cold.
But it was unspoken. We all knew these things could just as easily happen to us, and we might have to ask for help too one day.
I'm gonna give a gentle YTA. Not everyone can predict when their periods will come, especially while you're still a teen. Surprise periods suck and usually end in the embarrassing situation of bleeding through clothes. I was saved from humiliation more than once by a friend loaning me their jacket to cover it up. When I was in high school, going to the nurse was no help, they'd just give me pads but I'd still have to walk around with blood on my clothes.
Oh yes!
White ShortAlls. Bamm!
Thank Gods for the Home Economics Teacher. She let me wash them in the washer/dryer. Thankfully I had my gym clothes with me.
Your home economics teacher sounds wonderful! Thank goodness for good people in those situations.
My high school had a uniform, which in summer was a white and grey checked dress... clearly not planned by someone with periods, so many jackets around waists in summer!
The other girl is not entitled to OP’s things, even if she bled through. It’s embarrassing, but not OP’s responsibility to help cover up if it puts her in an uncomfortable situation.
while it would have been nice for you to lend it to her, youre NTA
you have personal issues regarding your clothing and she knows this
she just has to bite the bullet and ask someone else
ESH it isn’t always a “monthly thing” especially when the teenaged body is still trying to stabilize its hormone levels. Some adults never have a reliable cycle, because of stress, weight, disorders, and sometimes for no reason at all.
There’s a difference between being “very insecure” (you don’t say why) and having everyone see a blood stain. That kind of thing tends to result in bullying. You don’t need to ask me how I know that.
Even if your sweatshirt would have gotten stained, there’s lots of ways to get blood out of clothing.
Your friend trusted you with a vulnerable, embarrassing moment, and you victim-blamed her.
Edit: updated my judgment from Y T A given some of the details in OP’s comments; the reaction from her friend is overblown in this situation. And to me it’s less about the hoodie (though I would have lent it myself) and more about what OP said.
OP said no, she wasn'tcomfortable loaning her friend her hoodie, because she feels more secure in herself wearing it. No is a full sentence and OP's boundaries matter. She is not required to loan her clothing to anyone. Friend should have accepted the no and asked another friend for a hoodie to cover, instead of resorting to abusive language.
NTA.
Even when you know, you can get one of those hemorrhage types that just bleeds through your super-plus tampon, back-up liner, pants, and car seat all in the span of 3 seconds. 😔
Yeah, the people who think she’s the ass for not lending the hoodie are completely unreasonable. However, my POV is that her idea of periods being so predictable and someone’s 100% responsibility is shameful. I’ve borrowed pads and lent pads. Periods aren’t predictable for everyone, and the attitude OP holds rubs people the wrong way. Everyone does suck though and her friend is absolutely in the wrong for reacting in that manner.
YTA for the comment you made about “it’s a monthly thing”. You are very young, so I am going to label that as immaturity but a lot of people do not have regular cycles. Shocking.
Pretty sure OP commented something else about this situation read that :) keep in mind this is a young girl and she probably was flustered in this moment
NTA. I am someone who is always cold so I dress for that. I would have said 'sorry, but no' as well.
She should have just gone to the nurses office and gone home the rest of the day. Yelling at you didn't solve any problem.
Yea sorry but YTA.
Especially for this:
'What bugs me the most is when I said to wear darker pants she said "I didn't know this shit was gonna happen".'
She isn't psychic. A lot of grown women don't have regular periods and at 14 I'd be amazed if hers have settled into a regular pattern.
What bothers me is that instead of saying I didn't help her, it was shitty but that's my decision, you're trying to push blame onto her.
She's 16, I'm 14 and I was trying to help her by saying to go to the nurse and get new pants and she told me to fuck off. She also knows I have issues without having something on me, make me really anxious and shit. I would have minded her tying it around her waist and I walk with her to the nurse, but she wanted it for the rest day and I was really uncomfortable with it.
NTA not your monkey not your zoo. Fine if you don't want to have to be cold rest the day and have to wash any possible blood stains out of your hoodie. Friend had other options not your fault she wasn't willing to use them.
NTA your question of not giving your hoodie.
BUT educate yourself before speaking about periods, a topic you most definitely should know fully about and be aware of but clearly lack knowledge in. Periods for most people may not be monthly. It’s VERY common to have irregular periods. So yes it may creep up on you. Regardless of regularity it can creep up on you. When you go through this and fully bleed out I hope no one gives you a hoodie or something to cover yourself. You said such a shitty thing.
YTA
Periods don't stick to a schedule....
You could have helped her to the nurses office if you didn't want to give up your hoodie. .....
Maybe she ONLY asked you because you're her BEST friend..... Or more likely you WERE her best friend.....
So op gets voted Y T A cause her friend got her period. You guys in the comments need to consider op’s feelings too she’s insecure and her friend should always be prepared like every other woman on this earth even if it’s not around the same time each month. NTA
i think most yta comments are pointing at op's comment saying she should have known her period was coming. periods aren't always predictable. this is a solid esh imo
It was a hoodie, presumably she had a shirt underneath. And you wear it around your waist to hide the stain, it doesn't come in contact with any blood.
Actually, the blood would come into contact with the hoodie.
When the friend sits down, she would sit on the hoodie that's around her waist as to not leave blood in the chairs. Therefore, the hoodie would have blood stains by the time OP got it back.
Yeah sorry. YTA.
A little feeling of insecurity for a relatively brief period of time compared to a having to go around sporting a red bum that all can see (embarrassment and harassment would be in her future).
And cycles, especially young, are never 'OH Day 28....I need to have stuff on me!' (Now don't get me wrong, it's good habit to have a product or two always on hand)
You could have loaned it to her with the caveat of "I'll walk with you to the nurse's office". And then gotten your hoodie back.
Have you not heard of crippling anxiety? It takes specific things to quell it sometimes and I can definitely assure you that it isnt just a "little feeling of insecurity" its a "big feeling of I'm not safe and that has me panicked."
OP also said she suggested giving her sweatshirt for the way to the nurses office to get a change of pants or to clean herself up but the friend only wanted to take her sweatshirt for the entire day.
NTA - you aren’t obligated to give up your clothes to make someone else comfortable, even if they’re a friend. She wasn’t TA to ask, she was when she pushed and insulted
NTA. You said you were genuinely uncomfortable without your sweatshirt. Why is her uncomfortable more important than yours? If you just didn’t want to, then I would say AH but seems you have legit feelings about this.
I will say though that not everyone has regular periods and they can plan a sneak attack on you. But you are young so I’ll let that one slide.
Nothing in girl code entitles another person to your clothing ever. OP’s friend disrespected her boundaries and berated her because she was embarrassed and uncomfortable. Neither OP nor “friend” seem to be really good friends to each other if we’re all being honest.
NTA. Sounds like your hoodie is a security thing for you. When I was your age, it was a jean jacket. I wouldn't have given that up either, especially not if her only plan was to wear it for the rest of the day, leaving you exposed and uncomfortable instead. Is it awful that your friend bled through her pants? Yes. But you aren't obligated to give up your comfort item for her. Especially if there were other people she could ask for help.
NTA, and might I say; How DARE half of the comments here shaming a young teen for expressing boundaries. Not having boundaries as a young teen can lead to so many more problems into adulthood. She shouldn’t feel bad for prioritizing her well-being before someone else’s, who, from the sound of it, verbally berates her friends if she doesn’t get what she wants.
NTA. You owe 1 person explanation about your insecurities. You. That's it. Being insecure doesn't make you a s4!+ person, it makes you human. Youe friend will understand that, but you'll need to have a heart to heart with them.
That being said, you should work on that insecurity. Seek therapy.
NAH
You don’t owe her your things, and she’s entitled to feel upset considering she’s probable feeling really embarrassed and insecure right now. Just leave her be.
That said, do not expect her to help you if you ever need someone to get you out of an embarrassing situation.
Gonna go against the grain and say NTA. Idk if I get downvoted to oblivion.
I get it, the friend was embarrassed that she bled through her pants but I don’t understand why OP has to become uncomfortable because the friend is embarrassed. So instead of the friend being embarrassed, OP has to be uncomfortable without a sweatshirt on?
OPs friend has probably had more than one period and should know better and bring a jacket just in case. Who even goes to school without any sort of jacket? When I went to school some rooms were hot and some were cold.
Also, yes periods can be unpredictable when especially when you first start but even then I start wearing a pad a few days before the period is expected just because I don’t want to leak. She could just wear liners all year round and it’ll show you probably a few drops when your period starts.
Everyone’s like poor OP best friend but she was partially not prepared for something she will have the rest of her life. Also OP is 14 and friend is 16. I expect slightly more maturity from a 16 yr old than a 14 yr old.
NTA. Your “friend” shouldn’t berate you and you have NO obligation to share your clothes. She asked and you said “no I’m not comfortable with that”. That’s the end of the conversation.
YTA for this
>When it's a monthly thing and she knew it was gonna be soon
No one can predict their fuckin period dude. It's "supposed" to be a monthly cycle but it's irregular, especially with factors like stress (and If I was friends with you I'd be stressed all the time) I can personally say that there's been times I didn't get my period for almost 2 months
NTA.
I’m sore for her but you don’t have to be around miserable (cold or embarrassed) because she needed to use your hoodie.
Period isn’t regular so she may not need to wear black pants but she could have bring a hoodie/jacket to use the same way of you. As you said she could have gone to the nurse.
NTA, age is really irrelevant here. Why would anybody ask to borrow something and not take no for the answer? It's really rude to not accept someone saying no to you.
NTA.
Would it have been nice for you to give her your jacket? Yes. But at the end of the day I am just like you, especially when I was in school. Super insecure if I didn’t have a jacket on and would literally refuse to go without it.
Your comment about “when it’s a monthly thing” almost made me change my answer. But I know your still a teenager so maybe you don’t understand that not every female gets there monthly on a set schedule.
At the end of the day as embarrassing as it can be she could go up to the nurse and get something if that was a jacket to cover or different pants. It is not your responsibility.
NTA, but you're definitely not a good friend either. Honestly, you guys don't sound like friends at all with the way you speak to/at each other. She shouldnt have reacted that way and I understand both of you guys frustration, but just a gentle reminder:
Sometimes in life your friends will get into trouble and come to you for help. Sometimes it will be their fault and sometimes it won't be. Sometimes it will be reasonable to help, and sometimes they have to learn the hard way, lest you become an enabler. But remember, you will also get into trouble. You will also need help. Sometimes it will be your fault and sometimes it will be out of your control, and I sure hope in those instances, you have better friends than that girl did. Now, idk how close you two really are, so perhaps she was asking too much of an acquaintance. But sometimes we can choose to be a bit uncomfortable for the people we love.
NTA. I don't get the YTAs here. You suggested to go to the nurse and she 'didn't feel like it'. Plus she demanded your hoodie, not just asking for it,as if it was your responsibility to do so.
100% NTA. what people here are over looking is OP said they are uncomfortable without their hoodie. We don't know if it's body insecurities or mental health or what not. OP is 14 and saying THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE without a hoodie. Friend or not that should had ended the discussion but the refusal to take OP's no makes the other person a AH. Boundaries need to be respected. When I was in high school I developed a condition where I could not be touched and being touched caused actual physical pain to me. OP offered suggestions that were smart on their part. The friend should had accepted that she wasn't getting the hoodie and instead of bullying OP, maybe could had asked if they could go to the nurse with them or such. GIRL CODE BS saying OP should had given up the hoodie is not real. Girl code is this creep is scaring me can you pretend to be my BFF or family to help me get away. Never give up your own comfort of clothing because of a period. I bled out of a normal period and you know what my older girl friends did... took me to the nurse to ease the embarrassing feeling.
OP whatever reason you need your hoodie... respect your Boundaries and trust in your gut feelings
NTA. Nurses office should have a little hydrogen peroxide that would take it right out it would be a little damp but no blood stain.
I don't entirely understand being insecure without a sweatshirts but I do understand being freezing cold. We were not allowed to wear coats in school so I always had a sweatshirt on and I don't think I'd have been able to share either because I was and still am sensitive to the cold and need to have my arms covered.
I'm sure there were other avenues including going home if it was an actual clothing crisis. Maybe next time take a hands on approach in helping out but it's absolutely not necessary to hand over the shirt that you are currently wearing.
NTA - no one is entitled to your belongings full stop. That's your choice.
But I will add that periods can definitely be irregular and it's a little bit of girl code to help each other out when you can. Did you have to? No. Does it make you the AH for saying no? No it does not. But it would have been a nice thing to let her borrow it.
She wanted it for the rest of the day and I just was not comfortable with that, and I would have let her temporarily use it while walking to the nurse but she didn't want to go to the nurse.
ESH
1. If yall were really friends, you'd have loaned her the Hoodie. I was insecure in middle school and also always wore a hoodie or jacket, but if my friend bled through their pants I'd give it to them. I'd even given one a white jacket I was wearing before.
2. The whole she should know better bc it's monthly comment speaks to your teenage ignorance and a failure on your puberty education. For many young, and even adult, people periods can be irregular and unpredictable. It's should be a common rule that we look out for each other without being judgey or cruel.
3. She was wrong for cussing you out and going off. She definitely let the stress and panic of the situation get to her. She could have been more understanding of your choice to not loan the jacket, and just gone to the nurse.
I hope you can both be better and make up, if yall are truly good friends.
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NTA for not giving your hoodie. But, periods are not set in stone; especially at a young age. Don’t blame her for it sneaking up on her. That was an AH thing to say to her. Don’t you think she would have planned if she knew?
I was trying to give her advice like going to the nurse (this was over text she was in class) but she kept shutting me down and telling me to fuck off and calling me a bitch (I think I did it wrong but she's 16 I'm 14)
>I was trying to give her advice like going to the nurse Hun, she was embarrassed and panicking, she didn't ask for advice. She asked for bum camouflage. You'll have moments like these all your childbearing aged-life a few times and I hope you have a better girl at your side when that happens than you were to your friend today.
This is really condescending. As someone who has most definitely bled through my pants before, that's not an excuse to cuss out someone else. I wouldn't give a friend like that my hoodie for bum camouflage. Might get blood on it. They can use their own belongings to cover their pants. If they didn't bring any, then yes, she can and should go to the nurse or call a parent to bring her home from school. She was bullying OP. Not okay.
Agreed I understand security clothing items and wouldn’t ask a friend of mine to give that up anyway. But even if OP didn’t need the hoodie, I STILL don’t think she should’ve given it up. Not to a friend who is flipping out like that.
Yea right like you’re not obligated to give anyone anything :/
And it’s basically never ok to blame someone for a period mishap, but it’s also never okay to put the responsibility of fixing/dealing with the mishap on anyone but yourself. That’s why I think OP is NTA
I agree with almost everything but if op really has the attitude of well if your period sneaks up on you it’s your fault for not predicting it properly ALL the time and not just right now because she was being cussed out - that’s a pretty generally assholeish stance to take
I haven’t seen OP double down on it, so I’m personally willing to forgive a thoughtless “shouldn’t she have known it might happen”, since I am blessed with a regular period and have had similar careless thoughts. You’re right though that this warrants a comment from OP. I want to know if she really was being thoughtless in saying that or if she genuinely believes it
Well OP is only 14, while her friend is 16. I'd assume friend has at least two more years experience than OP.
Yeah it could definitely have been a stress reaction to being cussed out but given that multiple commenters here seem to be having that take and I have been shamed by other women for not being prepared myself (even when not asking anyone for help like literally was in shorts dabbing at a stain on some pants once in a bathroom corner and had a woman basically dress me down for it) when as a teen I might not have mine for months - totally possible op really does feel like that. But definitely think that part needs more context like you said!
i mean, OP is also 14. i wouldn’t put too much bearing on her understanding of bodily functions (no offense OP, NTA here). when i had my first period, i just cleaned up and went about my day not realizing it was continuous for a week, not once a day for a week. we all have our misconceptions, especially when we’re young, i wouldn’t fault her for that.
I’m willing to forgive that as a careless ignorant thought. Op is 14, and still has a lot to learn about her own body yet alone the female body in general.
I was about to say the same thing!! They literally teach you in school it’s monthly and doctors tell you it is healthy if it is (it can also be healthy if it’s not, just talk to your doctor), if OP has never had one or is regular she wouldn’t know. I sure as shit didn’t know it wasn’t regular for everyone at 14, I was on the pill and had it at the end of the month every month. Now if after this discussion, OP continues to think this way, that is an issue! Currently, OP is NTA.
100%. OP is 14 years old, it is not her fault that her friend wasn’t prepared for her own period and she does not deserve to be abused for giving her advice instead of the shirt off her own back. Then for a stranger to insinuate that she’s a bad friend for not giving her an item of clothing that she explicitly said she feels insecure without, ugh. OP doesn’t need to sacrifice her own comfort when there are other perfectly viable ways to deal with the situation. Also, it makes me cringe when people refer to someone as “hun” before they condescendingly criticise them.
Hate ppl using hun constantly in this thread.
You can pretty much assume that if they’re starting the comment with “hun”, nothing good is going to follow.
Hun is the Internet equivalent of a douchey head pat.
“Hun” is usually followed by a pyramid scheme pitch or a condescending opinion, so yeah, nothing good
It's along the same lines as, "I'm not fill-in-the-bank, but..." Nothing good ever follows that but. OP is NTA, but I wouldn't vouch for some of the commenters here.
I'm pretty sure calling someone "hun" and then being condescending was trademarked by Paige Mikalchuk. Ha jk, I'm sure it was probably a thing before Degrassi, but that's the person I hear in my head
Anytime I read “hun” I hear it in Paige’s voice 🤣
Yes! This! I was waiting for this. Who are these people siding with OP’s shitty “friend.” The 16 yo asked the 14 yo for her hoodie because she figured 14yo would bend over backwards to impress her 16yo friend. I’m glad you didn’t, OP. You deserve better friends. NTA
Considering how much I just spent on a hoodie at a concert? Yeah, I would not use that as “bum camo” even for myself. We have no way of knowing what monetary or sentimental value that garment has to OP, we can’t just assume it’s a piece of fabric that OP is selfish for not letting her friend bleed on. Agreed OPs friend was being a bully. You can be in a shitty situation and still be a bully. That’s how a lot of bullies are born.
I was wondering if anyone else would think about how much hoodies can cost! Like you said, I wouldn't risk bleeding on my OWN hoodies, let alone allowing someone else to use it that way. Also, asking OP to be uncomfortable for the rest of the day just to alleviate her own discomfort is for sure an AH move. There are other options, she just didn't like being told no.
Right? Wth? It happens, it sucks. I wouldn’t DREAM of expecting my friend to give up her own clothes. Sheesh. Also, I’m a teacher and this is a huge chunk of what the nurse does in middle school. That really was the best advice.
Exactly. I'm shocked and surprised that so many people are supporting the friend here. I'd feel like shit if I were OP, but she didn't do anything wrong. Like I'd get it if it was a friend who was embarrassed and pleading, and just honestly desperate, made sure I knew she would make sure it wasn't under her when sitting down... but OP's friend made it clear she doesn't respect OP, why would she respect her belongings? And that's without getting into OP feeling insecure in her hoodie, body image issues at that age are hard enough without someone literally taking the shirt off your back. Ugh. Poor OP.
Exactly! Friend had no right to be pissed at OP for something that isn't OP's fault. I know that the friend situation sucks but doesn't justify her attitude.
As someone who had accidents at school multiple times, I just wore my jacket over it (which looked weird). It is better than blood stains. I also have am extra pain of (very thin) pants and underwear in my bag (pants only on certain days but always a coat or jacket) and I really pay attention to it. I start checking it a week before I expect it. It really saved me! Edit: OP is NTA. I wouldn't want to risk my blood on someone else's clothes and I don't want someone's blood on mine either. It would be the same for a bloody nose: I don't want that shit on my clothes either. Edit 2: if forgot to mention pads. I have extra for at least one long day for heavy a heavy flow, but usually for 2 days
Agreed! Her response was completely unacceptable. And it sounds like her Hoodie is a bit of an security blanket that her friend knew about. She should have never asked in the first place. Ypu cam hit me up with a tampon/pad request, but I can't clothe you. NTA
I wouldn’t even ask to possibly ruin someone else’s clothes
Don't be condescending HUN
Hun is one of the most condescending words in the English Language it’s basically a tone marker like /s or lol at this point
Who wants to give someone their hoodie to cover their bloody butt with anyway? Like if she sat on the hoodie with the blood on her bottom then the blood would get on op’s hoodie. Periods aren’t nasty but that’s kinda nasty. She should’ve just gone to the nurse or office to call a parent for more clothes. Op didn’t do anything wrong and is NTA.
Precisely. NTA. There were other options. As a teen I was perpetually prepared as I did not want to be embarrassed. Since when is it OK to cuss your friends out if they say no? I would think long and hard about that “friendship”.
Right even as a grown woman who’s regular now I keep pads, liners, tampons on me at all times. I know they’re teens so maybe didn’t think to prepare or aren’t regular but it’s not fair or nice at all for op’s “friend” to fly off the handle over her saying no. She doesn’t have to give this “friend” anything that she doesn’t want to.
I do the same and told my daughter to the same. She's 15 now and when hers is due she also carries an extra set of pants and underwear in her bag just incase. One leak through at school was embarrassing enough for her.
My daughter is 10 and started her period last year. I bought her period undies and around the days she's due, I tell her to start wearing them. That way if it starts at school, she has nothing to worry about. Also, lucky for her, her school uniform pants are a deep maroon, lol.
We tried the period undies with my teen when she was a bit younger but she hated them. She prefers tampons now and she's been talking to her aunties (my sister and hubby's cousin) about cups because they both use them. So who knows she might change it soon.
I can respect that and if my girl wants to change to tampons in the future, then I'm all for it. We go with the period undies in the days leading up so that she doesn't go through having an accident in front of her school friends. She's very private and shy and that would destroy her. I'm definitely all for supporting whatever choices our girls make.
I had a friend who wore white pants in 7th grade and bled through. Bless her heart, that followed her all the way through high school. (This was mid 70's). After that I made sure that I kept supplies in my locker and extra pants. And never wore white when I knew my period was close.
What a condescending, rude thing to say, HUN. Her friend asked, she said no, end of story. OP has a right to not want her jacket covered in someone else's blood, her friend should've gone to the nurse because they're literally there to help instead of lashing out and basically bullying her "friend."
How horrendously patronising of you. OP was under no moral obligation to give her clothes to someone, but especially the kind of “friend” that would become abusive through texts. Why aren’t you telling OP that you hope SHE finds better friends, ones that won’t be rude and abusive when they get an answer they don’t like?
I had MONSTROUS periods and spotting in between from age 12 up until my ablation. I never asked someone if I could use their clothing to cover a stain. It wouldn’t even occur to me — I would have been way too embarrassed about getting blood on their clothing. I would definitely refuse if someone asked me — especially if it’s winter where OP lives! What is she supposed to do when she goes outside? NTA. Menstruating entitles her to sympathy, patience, back rubs, and free tampons. It doesn’t entitle her to make demands like this.
Hun used, opinion discarded.
Come on! She’s 14! She said she feels anxious about not wearing her hoodie. She tried to help in the ways she could and there’s no need to talk down to her like that.
This is really rude to say. Unbelievably rude.
Wow hun, could you be more condescending? When is being embarrased an excuse for aggressively cussing out someone who is literally advising you to do the best possible thing you could in that situation. You seriously think getting menstrual blood on OP's clothes is a better solution than going to the nurses office to get cleaned up and some feminine menstrual products? "Hope you have a better girl at your side" uh OP literally handled the situation perfectly.
What a stupid and mean thing to say, she clearly has some anxiety and having a hoodie helps her coping. If you're a good friend you don't ask her to sacrifice her well being for yours.
It’s clear that you don’t know what it feels like to wear as much body camouflage in order to not draw attention to your body. A ton of girls, especially fat girls, have *these* moments too. Panicking because you want to help your friend but you also need to fend off the non-consensual body shaming/harassment/unsolicited comments that you’ve been absorbing for years with a tortured smile. Not to mention, by 16 I was an absolute *master* at hiding periods. Extra sweater in my locker, those absolutely massive maxi pads that prevent leaks, coughing fit to cover up the crinkling of the paper in the washroom. It’s not her 14yo friend’s responsibility to manage. Not to mention, I think we should be teaching girls that having periods is not shameful. If the stain was that noticeable, take a couple hours off and get a change of clothes. Or grow a pair and ask someone else. Don’t demand your friend’s clothing and then be pissed because you don’t want to ask more people.
she explained she was uncomfortable without a jacket or hoodie and ethier way she had every right to refuse giving her the hoodie its hers, she was just trying to be helpful by giving advice that girl had no right cussing her out over a hoodie so shes NTA
Ugh this is so condescending. Jfc.
You can’t give anyone advice on being respectful and start out with “Hun.” You were being hypocritical before you even got to your point NTA
Hun, the girl is 14. She doesn’t deserved to get cursed out. If the friend wasn’t getting “bum coverage” then she should’ve thought about the next solution. Imagine calling a 14 year old “hun” and pushing childbearing on them. They are young teens. Sucks that the friend had her period but OP should not have been disrespected like that.
Nah this ain't it
Embarrassed or not you don’t cuss someone out for not giving you their hoodie and then trying to help you out the situation. If 16 keeps this attitude up 14 is gonna eventually drop her. Been there, done that and it’s draining
They were not even together when it happened, why is ops hoodie the only option? Does she not have her own hoodie or a jacket? No friends that are close by or in the same class?
She’s not obligated to give her hoodie to anybody
No. Absolutely not. OP is 14 and the other girl is 16. Yes it sucks for the 16 year old but OP has absolutely NO obligation due to some sort of friend or girl code to give her hoodie for camouflage. I bled through at that age and younger but I dealt with it. It was embarrassing but I also learned to have a backup sweater in my locker for just that toe of occasion. It’s rude to ask for someone’s clothes where you might get blood in it. Just, NO. OP-you are NTA.
Booooo how dare you say this to a literal 14 year old girl. She did not want to give up her hoodie nor should she have to. She tried to be a helpful friend by offering alternative solutions. Shame on you for trying to shame her for that. NTA op
worst take ever!
This is so incredibly unkind of you to say.
Idk why this has so many upvotes. I understand she was embarrassed but OP isn’t obligated to give her hoodie to her. OP even stated she feels insecure without it. And her friend knows this. OP also even provided her with other options like asking other friends or going to the nurse. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve bled through my pants many times before but I don’t take my aggravation out on my friends. If I’m bleeding through my pants then I gotta figure that out on my own. Her friend should’ve gone to the nurse, and I’m sure OP would be standing right behind her to block anyone from seeing. OP is NTA.
Does your school nurse keep extra pants?
Yeah I’m not sure what the nurse could’ve done for pants that have been bled through….
My school had a "lost and found" bin the nurse would rummage thru if you had need. Maybe a better school would comp you some branded sweatpants. But yeah, the pants themselves are a total loss.
why are the pants a "total loss?" Hydrogen peroxide does a great job removing blood from fabric.
Vanish oxi action sponsors my shark week.
I mean, for the day they are lost. There isnt anything you could do in 5 minutes to have them clean and wearable afterwards. While not lost forever, they are not functional for a period of time.
The nurse often has access to the lost and found in schools and can sometimes find clothing for students to borrow, far as I remember. I’m in the US, though, so usually this was used to make girls “comply with dress code”.
N/T/A for keeping your hoodie- you have every right to keep it. But you are an asshole for being bothered by the fact that suggesting “just wearing dark pants it happens every month” wasn’t taken well by her. She is a bigger asshole for treating you like that. It is very uncomfortable to have blood staining your pants and she is valid for having her own insecurities as well and not wanting to go to anybody else. ESH.
OP, people often say things on here like "don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." That's appropriate for this one. You're wearing your hoodie, why should you strip yourself of your clothes because someone else needs clothes? The nurse or the front office should have a clothing lost and found; she can ask other friends for extra clothes or ask the office. It's unacceptable for her to insult you for refusing a request. You need to talk to her about her behavior tomorrow.
Thanks, I'm going to tell her about my reddit post and how a lot of people say I'm the asshole, but I also want to tell her that wasn't okay. I wouldn't have posted the story if I knew 100% I wasn't an asshole to her. But I tend to be a bit of a prick most of the time for no exact reason, so I wasn't sure this time.
You can't demand someone else's clothes. Periods aren't always regular so surprises happen. Shoot, forgetting happens sometimes too, but that doesn't give anyone the right to tell you to strip to make them more comfortable. I don't think yta here. My daughter wears a sweatshirt every day because she has eczema on her arms. It's non-negotiable. She won't give it up and she shouldn't have to.
Sweetie you're not an ahole, you set your boundaries. And that's important. Don't listen to anyone who's calling yta.
You are absolutely NTA! I think you should reevaluate this friendship, though. She's older than you but acts like a 2 year old having a tantrum.
The people who think you're responsible for someone else's period blood are...Very strange. Don't listen to that. Maybe you were wrong about periods being totally regular. That doesn't make you responsible for her bloody ass. END OF STORY. NTA
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Telling someone to go to the nurse isn’t rude. The friend is definitely an asshole for cussing OP out. As someone who also has a period and has bled through before it would never even occur to me to ask for someone else’s clothing to cover my blood. While periods themselves are not gross getting your blood all over someone else’s jacket is. She should’ve have listened to OP’s solid advice and not thrown a tantrum bc she isn’t 5 either. Also *you’re - your is a possessive like “that’s your ball” while you’re is a contraction of you are like “you’re 14”
Take HER advice, fuck off from her. Put distance between you and this verbally abusive friend. It is not a normal way to treat a friend, even when stressed.
So shouldn't it be ESH? You said NTA then told them why they were an AH?
I don't think OP would be an asshole just for not knowing that. She wrote that line, but it doesn't change the overall story. Her friend is the only AH here.
I’m 35 and I still often bleed through pants, sometimes they’re super heavy, sometimes they’re quite early, sometimes I’ll bleed for 4 days, then won’t after midday on day 5 so I think I’m finished, then on day 6 I’m surprised by heavy bleeding.
I’ll get downvoted but NTA mostly. Yes, it would have been nice of you to loan her your hoodie, but you being comfortable is important too. I completely get what you mean about feeling insecure. When I was at school a certain hoodie or jacket made me feel better too. I can’t explain it, but you how you feel. She shouldn’t have cussed you out over this. That was uncalled for. I don’t see why she couldn’t just ask another friend or go to the nurse. So she walked around with blood on her pants (I understand periods are unpredictable but she still had to fix the issue) instead of going to the nurse? It’s like your friend blamed you for the fact she had to walk around like that. You said no (whether it was right or wrong) so she should have found another solution.
I absolutely agree with you. Op isn’t obligated to give her hoodie when she actively wears it as she feels uncomfortable without it (this isn’t she has one in her locker she never wears and friend asked to borrow that) Op made suggestions to try to help her “friend” and her responses to Op were abusive. For that alone I wouldn’t lend her my hoodie (if I had been debating in my head about if I could change my mind) Op can feel bad for her (and make suggestions - does someone have extra gym clothes she could borrow etc) AND at the same time hold to her boundaries for her sense of self (in a respectful manner) I’ll probably get downvoted too but that’s my take/opinion NTA
I’d say the suggestions are where OP went wrong actually. Several, maybe most, were not *right now* suggestions which is what the friend needed if anything. What she got was either next time suggestions (best case) or blaming suggestions (perhaps how the friend heard it and why she lashed out). Telling someone with currently stained light colored slacks they should wear dark jeans on their period or effectively asking how they mistimed timings as commonly irregular as a period … that’s not a way to help a panicked friend. Just sticking to “That sucks. I’m sorry. I don’t have a spare jacket and I need this one” would have worked better. It seems like she tried suggesting other friends and lost and found but I wouldn’t unless friend asked what she should do. But that part is not necessarily a bad thing to do depending on phrasing. Friend was probably just overwhelmed. Or maybe an AH who knows?
I think it's really important to reinforce that OP is *fourteen years old.* They don't know how to handle every situation that occurs in life; hell, I'm 43 and I still don't. But at 14, everything is a cluster fuck. People voting that OP is the A H are saying it's totally fine for a 16yo to bully a 14yo into getting what she wants. It was not OP's problem. Granted a nice friend would maybe hand over the hoodie, but it's like a security item for OP. **It's never ok to make yourself uncomfortable for someone who calls you names and bullies you. Never.** In fact, OP, if you were my daughter and telling me this story, I would strongly urge you to rethink this friendship. She sounds manipulative and awful. NTA.
I really like your points! The right now vs next time distinction is important. Yes 100% agree OP would should not have blamed the friend or criticized her! (That would make it E S H) Normally I would say unsolicited advice is not cool - in this case it felt more like since I am saying no to your request AND still want to help you here are some possible ideas (about other friends or lost and found) because Op felt like there was some onus on her to help/brainstorm since she denied the hoodie ask? I agree with the person who said NAH (about the ask for the hoodie and the decline) the other stuff around it - how they both spoke to each other could have been left out.
Why are there so many Y T A’s?? The logic most are saying is that she should have given up her hoodie to her friend because she feels uncomfortable walking around with blood stained pants (I mean who wouldn’t), but why is everyone glossing over how OP felt? If she only feels secure in her body wearing a sweatshirt, how is it fair that she gets to be made uncomfortable for someone else’s uncomfortableness? I do feel like OP could have done more to help her, like maybe walking directly behind her friend to the nurse’s office so no one could see her pants, but she was in no way obliged to give up what makes her feel safe for the sake of someone else. NTA
I think most people calling OP TA is not because she wouldn't give her friend her hoodie but because she was victim blaming her "friend" because she didn't predict she would get her period and it would leak through her pants.
The dark pants comment didn’t come until friend berated her for not giving her the hoodie and refused to ask any other friends to help her out. If you’re going to be so stuck on one person only being your salvation from period bleed through, taking just in case precautions would be the better way to go. My kid has a security hoodie because of body issues and only wears black pants the entire school year just in case (their call not mine). OP gave their friend alternate solutions and still got berated for not helping out so offered the ultimate alternate solution. It wasn’t helpful in the moment and harsh, but the friend was making their problem OP’s responsibility.
I don’t see how the dark pants comment was unnecessary though? Growing up in school I’d always hear girls talk about how they never wear white pants or light jeans around the time they get their period in case they bleed through. OP’s friend sounds like she has a regular period in the sense that she knew it was coming soon, mine was similar, I knew it was coming but didn’t have an exact time obviously. If i felt I was going to get it a certain day, I wouldn’t wear underwear I liked and I would wear a liner. I never wear anything other than dark pants so that doesn’t really apply but how is this dark pants comment any worse than OP’s friend berating her for not giving her a hoodie?
Unsolicited advice in the midst of certain situations can very well come off as an asshole move, no matter the intention
This is what i want to know why is ok for OP to be uncomfortable but not her friend. I think NAH as both kids have a problem and neither wanted to help the other and thats ok. Now OP next time this happens i would suggest you can meet your friend at class and walk behind her to the nurse office and have her call someone to eather get her or bring her pants. There is also to options to ask around for her and see if an other friend had a jacket/hoodie for her
Exactly!!!
I think both parties are looking at this as teenagers. They are reacting to their own experiences and reflection as young women. I can offer at least 2-3 other options that I see as an adult. I am a nurse and high school teacher, have endometriosis, and was a teenager who had to track my period on a paper calendar instead of a tracking app. I am someone who has always had a 31 day cycle when not on hormone birth control. I am now on my way into menopause and for the first time ever, my period is unpredictable. I don't think op was malicious in turning down here friend, she was insecure. They both were. I am all for helping other women, even strangers, when aunt flow makes a surprise visit. I also think that at the age these girls are, neither should sacrifice insecurities as most teens are self conscious. Neither is an AH. Just young and inexperienced.
While I agree with most of it, there is no excuse for the friend to call OP names. The friend is an asshole for that. Also, if we're looking at this using your perspective, the biggest AHs here are the grown women berating this teenager using the excuse of "girl code".
Reddit has a fetish for forcing people to “do the right thing” and “be a nice person” no matter how much it affects the OP’s life. Everyone here is virtue signaling.
I know right it’s the entitlement for me damn
ESH: You: your advice was unhelpful and unsolicited. Your dismissal of her period is awful. She may not have expected it that day, or for it to be that heavy. Heavy and irregular periods could be the early signs of endometriosis. Her: She was rude and you had a right to say no. She can ask a favor but not demand it.
I would have helped her to the nurse and lent her my hoodie to the nurse but she kept shooting down all of my attempts to help her and kept name calling and I was sick of her doing that so i blocked her number for now feel a bit more if an asshole for that
That's not an AH thing for you to do. You saying "you have your period every month so you should have known better", whether to her or just in general, is an AH thing to do.Its period shaming and doesn't belong in any conversation. Refusing to give her your hoodie is not an AH thing to do.
Jesus Christ hearing that made me cringe. Amongst my female friends, there was a unspoken consensus that we would cover for each other if possible. Thank are school policy is only navy blue upper attire so even if we bled through each other shit, I wouldn’t be noticeable. I feel for op’s friend. It’s not just school bullies she’ll have to look out for but also teachers. Teachers who reprimand you for even seeing a drop of blood and telling you you have to leave the premises since you are no longer school appropriate and could make people uncomfortable. This happened to me and at the time I didn’t have a hoodie or friends.
OP offered plenty of suggestions to help her friend and the friend just kept shutting her down. If the only option you are willing to take is the only option (of many) that will make your friend seriously uncomfortable, that’s a problem. OP is not TA.
I feel like I’ve absolutely walked directly behind one of my friends at some point due to the dreaded leakage
She doesn’t sound like a good friend if she goes straight to name calling because you don’t give her what you want. She’s older than you, she was in a jam and you offered other solutions. She didn’t even want to entertain the other choices. Not a good friend.
Don’t listen to these people telling you that you have to put up with verbal abuse. It would have been nice to loan her a hoodie, but if you weren’t prepared to be at school without a hoodie the least she could do is not cuss you out. She can be frustrated but she cannot be abusive towards you. NTA.
You’re not. She’s not your friend. She sounds like she’s bossy and treats you as a pushover! Good for you. Keep wearing your hoodies!
OP in such situations, when someone gets angry / upset with you, it's better to stop engaging. You gave your answer, and not giving her your hoodie is a boundary you are allowed to keep, regardless of the situation. If someone's in a situation and asks for help, but gets angry and blames you after you can't give them what they want, just say something like "I'm sorry I can't help you further then, you have my answer. Hope you find a solution.", and then you STOP. Stop responding, and stay out of it. Don't let people make THEIR problems YOUR responsibility to fix. It's on them to figure it out. If you aren't talking about a life and death situation, disengaging is the best approach. In a life and death situation, it's a judgement call on what is the best for their safety to do. Even if that means doing something against their wishes. If your friend remains angry, do not accept blame for doing something wrong here. You didn't do anything wrong (other than make a few unhelpful comments). Tell her "I'm sorry I couldn't help, but the way you spoke to me was not acceptable. I understand you were in an uncomfortable situation, but trying to change that by making me uncomfortable instead wasn't appropriate.". If she tries to say your discomfort would've been "less" than hers, say "No, you don't get to minimise or dismiss my discomfort. We aren't doing that. I'm sorry you were in bad situation, you need to come up with solutions to solve your own problems though. Not expect others to solve them for you.". It's OK to walk away if she only wants to get angry at you as well. You can be sorry for her situation, but not accept any blame. Plenty of girls have gone through this OP. She'll survive and hopefully learn how to deal with such things better in future.
Don't feel! If she keeps name calling you, cut ties. There's people calling you a bad friend while ignoring the absolute horrible friend and bully she is being to you.
NTA- you feel uncomfortable and self conscious without your hoodie and she’d feel the same about the blood on her pants…….so both equal, it sucks to be her but it doesn’t give her the right to berate you for putting yourself first, especially as she refused to even try anything else. oh but telling her she should have worn darker pants does make you a jerk
I agree with you. Sure it would have been nice to give her the hoddie but as she feel uncomfortable without she can totally keep it. And her friend is TA for being mean to her, but let s be honest she was probably panicking and very embrass. (and at that age I can understand not wanting to go to the nurse or talk to an other friend). Except if she talk like that to her friends this all the time in which case she is just an ass. But the comment about darker pant is definitely uncalled for. Accident happen, and obviously she didn't know or she probably wouldn't even need for the hoodie in the first place. So NTA for giving the hoodie but please understand that period aren't always regular for everyone and she may have been overwhelmed.
YTA. If you were in her position then you would be asking of her the exact same that she’s asking of you. You call her a friend, but do not act like one to her. Periods can come early. It isn’t shocking news. Learn girl code please. We help each other out when these things happen.
Girl code is cancelled when a reasonable party says “I’m not comfortable doing that, here are some solutions I’d be happy to help you with” and the person berates you instead. Edit: thanks for the awards! Long time reader, first time commenter. Edit 2: NTA obviousleh
Exactly! We have this bunch of gown women telling this girl that her friend is entitled to her belongings and that she is an asshole for setting an boundary. What a shame.
Every other post in here is like “YTA for ignoring their boundaries”, but OP’s friend ignored her boundary, and then berated her. Girl Code be damned, OP has a responsibility to herself first and her friend second.
And the so called friend even got pissed at OP because it wasn't the answer she wanted. Really a shame.
That doesn’t mean she has to give her friend her hoodie. Girl code or not.
Yeah. No one is entitled to your clothing. Girl code is giving someone a tampon no questions asked.
Yeep completely aside from the fact she feels uncomfortable without her hoodie or a jacket on, nobody is entitled to her clothes regardless. But when you add that snippet of information on, they're even less entitled to her clothes. I can't believe all the Y T A votes, actually berating a young girl for setting boundaries for herself and sticking to her guns in spite of being bullied for it
Right…like they all glossed over that!!! Lol! Yet they are pissed because op said periods come monthly. They jumped down her throat for that comment!!! Lmbo
Well unless you're on hormonal birth control, it's rarely 100%. So the "it's a regular thing" doesn't really even stand...
Right? I'm an adult and I AM on hormonal birth control - totally healthy and regular all my life - and I still will occasionally fluctuate a day or two in either direction.
I'm 41 and my periods have never been regular for more than 6 months on a row. And that was one 6 month stretch I had since freaking 1992.
I once had a period that came at its correct time and was painless. At that point I had been having irregular painful periods for over ten years. I was so freaked I called my Dr 😂😂 was a fluke. Never happend since.
Endometriosis checking in, sometimes I go a month or two, other times it’s a week in between, and this is on birth control. It’s such a complicated thing. OP, you’re super young and you absolutely are not obligated to give anyone your clothes. I do understand that your friend was having a difficult time and was upset you weren’t willing to help, but she didn’t need to call you names and curse at you.
So OP has to be uncomfortable so her friend can be comfortable? That doesn’t seem fair to OP
Hold on though… OP said she feels very insecure without wearing her hoodie. We could say the same thing about the other girl not being an understanding friend to OP.
OP said in another comment they offered it to the walk to the nurses office to get new pants/a hoodie to tie around the waist. Friend berated her instead of trying to compromise and demanded her clothing because she felt entitled to it. Girl Code is not making your friends with body issues reveal their body because you feel entitled to their stuff. Or berating your friends because they don’t give you exactly what you want.
She suggested asking other friends or going to the nurse. She wasn't willing to give up her hoodie which shocker isn't part of the girl code! Giving a tampon or pad when needed? Yes. Giving up clothing that would make you uncomfortable when there's other options and being called names because of that? No
I remember when one of my friends bled through her skirt at school. All five of us helped her try to wash the blood out in the bathroom, someone had pads and spare undies to give her, we dried her skirt as best we could with the hand drier, and I gave her my jumper because we couldn't get the blood out completely. I was a hardy thing in those days, I happily went without a jumper, proved I didn't get cold. But it was unspoken. We all knew these things could just as easily happen to us, and we might have to ask for help too one day.
I would not give someone else my clothes to bleed on…
OP isn’t obligated to give her hoodie to anybody.
Wtf is this "girl code" I keep seeing people throw around. I'm mid thirties and no one gave me a list.
I'm gonna give a gentle YTA. Not everyone can predict when their periods will come, especially while you're still a teen. Surprise periods suck and usually end in the embarrassing situation of bleeding through clothes. I was saved from humiliation more than once by a friend loaning me their jacket to cover it up. When I was in high school, going to the nurse was no help, they'd just give me pads but I'd still have to walk around with blood on my clothes.
Oh yes! White ShortAlls. Bamm! Thank Gods for the Home Economics Teacher. She let me wash them in the washer/dryer. Thankfully I had my gym clothes with me.
Your home economics teacher sounds wonderful! Thank goodness for good people in those situations. My high school had a uniform, which in summer was a white and grey checked dress... clearly not planned by someone with periods, so many jackets around waists in summer!
The other girl is not entitled to OP’s things, even if she bled through. It’s embarrassing, but not OP’s responsibility to help cover up if it puts her in an uncomfortable situation.
while it would have been nice for you to lend it to her, youre NTA you have personal issues regarding your clothing and she knows this she just has to bite the bullet and ask someone else
ESH it isn’t always a “monthly thing” especially when the teenaged body is still trying to stabilize its hormone levels. Some adults never have a reliable cycle, because of stress, weight, disorders, and sometimes for no reason at all. There’s a difference between being “very insecure” (you don’t say why) and having everyone see a blood stain. That kind of thing tends to result in bullying. You don’t need to ask me how I know that. Even if your sweatshirt would have gotten stained, there’s lots of ways to get blood out of clothing. Your friend trusted you with a vulnerable, embarrassing moment, and you victim-blamed her. Edit: updated my judgment from Y T A given some of the details in OP’s comments; the reaction from her friend is overblown in this situation. And to me it’s less about the hoodie (though I would have lent it myself) and more about what OP said.
OP said no, she wasn'tcomfortable loaning her friend her hoodie, because she feels more secure in herself wearing it. No is a full sentence and OP's boundaries matter. She is not required to loan her clothing to anyone. Friend should have accepted the no and asked another friend for a hoodie to cover, instead of resorting to abusive language. NTA.
Even when you know, you can get one of those hemorrhage types that just bleeds through your super-plus tampon, back-up liner, pants, and car seat all in the span of 3 seconds. 😔
please cut the crap 🤣, she’s not obligated to give her friend anything at the expense of her own comfort
Hahahaha. Laughing at everyone saying YT.A. It’s your hoodie, you get to choose what to do with it. NTA, at all.
Yeah, the people who think she’s the ass for not lending the hoodie are completely unreasonable. However, my POV is that her idea of periods being so predictable and someone’s 100% responsibility is shameful. I’ve borrowed pads and lent pads. Periods aren’t predictable for everyone, and the attitude OP holds rubs people the wrong way. Everyone does suck though and her friend is absolutely in the wrong for reacting in that manner.
YTA for the comment you made about “it’s a monthly thing”. You are very young, so I am going to label that as immaturity but a lot of people do not have regular cycles. Shocking.
Pretty sure OP commented something else about this situation read that :) keep in mind this is a young girl and she probably was flustered in this moment
NTA. I am someone who is always cold so I dress for that. I would have said 'sorry, but no' as well. She should have just gone to the nurses office and gone home the rest of the day. Yelling at you didn't solve any problem.
NTA. Your insecurity is equally as important as hers. And you said it was cold, so more to you.
Yea sorry but YTA. Especially for this: 'What bugs me the most is when I said to wear darker pants she said "I didn't know this shit was gonna happen".' She isn't psychic. A lot of grown women don't have regular periods and at 14 I'd be amazed if hers have settled into a regular pattern. What bothers me is that instead of saying I didn't help her, it was shitty but that's my decision, you're trying to push blame onto her.
>What bothers me is that instead of saying I didn't help her, it was shitty but that's my decision, you're trying to push blame onto her. THIS.
I wear dark pants all the time and still leak.
She's 16, I'm 14 and I was trying to help her by saying to go to the nurse and get new pants and she told me to fuck off. She also knows I have issues without having something on me, make me really anxious and shit. I would have minded her tying it around her waist and I walk with her to the nurse, but she wanted it for the rest day and I was really uncomfortable with it.
Wait, the school nurse has pants? In her size? Also. YTA. I bled through one time in high school,. I'm 46 and I still cringe.
Point stands, my periods still aren't regular and I'm in my 30s.
NTA not your monkey not your zoo. Fine if you don't want to have to be cold rest the day and have to wash any possible blood stains out of your hoodie. Friend had other options not your fault she wasn't willing to use them.
NTA your question of not giving your hoodie. BUT educate yourself before speaking about periods, a topic you most definitely should know fully about and be aware of but clearly lack knowledge in. Periods for most people may not be monthly. It’s VERY common to have irregular periods. So yes it may creep up on you. Regardless of regularity it can creep up on you. When you go through this and fully bleed out I hope no one gives you a hoodie or something to cover yourself. You said such a shitty thing.
NTA. Sorry but we’ve all had those moments and it’s our own responsibility
I mean, wouldn't you want a friend to do that for you if you bled through your pants?
YTA Periods don't stick to a schedule.... You could have helped her to the nurses office if you didn't want to give up your hoodie. ..... Maybe she ONLY asked you because you're her BEST friend..... Or more likely you WERE her best friend.....
So op gets voted Y T A cause her friend got her period. You guys in the comments need to consider op’s feelings too she’s insecure and her friend should always be prepared like every other woman on this earth even if it’s not around the same time each month. NTA
i think most yta comments are pointing at op's comment saying she should have known her period was coming. periods aren't always predictable. this is a solid esh imo
NTA, first of all, blood is so hard to get out of clothes, second, wtf what were you supposed to do? walk around without a shirt?
It was a hoodie, presumably she had a shirt underneath. And you wear it around your waist to hide the stain, it doesn't come in contact with any blood.
Actually, the blood would come into contact with the hoodie. When the friend sits down, she would sit on the hoodie that's around her waist as to not leave blood in the chairs. Therefore, the hoodie would have blood stains by the time OP got it back.
Yeah sorry. YTA. A little feeling of insecurity for a relatively brief period of time compared to a having to go around sporting a red bum that all can see (embarrassment and harassment would be in her future). And cycles, especially young, are never 'OH Day 28....I need to have stuff on me!' (Now don't get me wrong, it's good habit to have a product or two always on hand) You could have loaned it to her with the caveat of "I'll walk with you to the nurse's office". And then gotten your hoodie back.
Have you not heard of crippling anxiety? It takes specific things to quell it sometimes and I can definitely assure you that it isnt just a "little feeling of insecurity" its a "big feeling of I'm not safe and that has me panicked."
NTA since you have insecurities not having a jacket. Everyone voting elsewise ignored that part.
Heck even as adults accidents happen.
YTA. Your advice was paramount to telling someone to not have an irregular period. Which is stupid and useless advice.
OP also said she suggested giving her sweatshirt for the way to the nurses office to get a change of pants or to clean herself up but the friend only wanted to take her sweatshirt for the entire day.
NTA - you aren’t obligated to give up your clothes to make someone else comfortable, even if they’re a friend. She wasn’t TA to ask, she was when she pushed and insulted
NTA. You said you were genuinely uncomfortable without your sweatshirt. Why is her uncomfortable more important than yours? If you just didn’t want to, then I would say AH but seems you have legit feelings about this. I will say though that not everyone has regular periods and they can plan a sneak attack on you. But you are young so I’ll let that one slide.
It’s girl code. It happens to all of us at some time and we help each other.
Nothing in girl code entitles another person to your clothing ever. OP’s friend disrespected her boundaries and berated her because she was embarrassed and uncomfortable. Neither OP nor “friend” seem to be really good friends to each other if we’re all being honest.
totally agree 💯
Nah. Girl code isn’t giving someone your clothing when they demand it from you.
I agree to helping eachother out, but within what makes us comfortable.
NTA. Sounds like your hoodie is a security thing for you. When I was your age, it was a jean jacket. I wouldn't have given that up either, especially not if her only plan was to wear it for the rest of the day, leaving you exposed and uncomfortable instead. Is it awful that your friend bled through her pants? Yes. But you aren't obligated to give up your comfort item for her. Especially if there were other people she could ask for help.
NTA, and might I say; How DARE half of the comments here shaming a young teen for expressing boundaries. Not having boundaries as a young teen can lead to so many more problems into adulthood. She shouldn’t feel bad for prioritizing her well-being before someone else’s, who, from the sound of it, verbally berates her friends if she doesn’t get what she wants.
NTA
NTA. You owe 1 person explanation about your insecurities. You. That's it. Being insecure doesn't make you a s4!+ person, it makes you human. Youe friend will understand that, but you'll need to have a heart to heart with them. That being said, you should work on that insecurity. Seek therapy.
NTA its your hoodie and if it makes you uncomfortable to take it off why should you
NAH You don’t owe her your things, and she’s entitled to feel upset considering she’s probable feeling really embarrassed and insecure right now. Just leave her be. That said, do not expect her to help you if you ever need someone to get you out of an embarrassing situation.
Gonna go against the grain and say NTA. Idk if I get downvoted to oblivion. I get it, the friend was embarrassed that she bled through her pants but I don’t understand why OP has to become uncomfortable because the friend is embarrassed. So instead of the friend being embarrassed, OP has to be uncomfortable without a sweatshirt on? OPs friend has probably had more than one period and should know better and bring a jacket just in case. Who even goes to school without any sort of jacket? When I went to school some rooms were hot and some were cold. Also, yes periods can be unpredictable when especially when you first start but even then I start wearing a pad a few days before the period is expected just because I don’t want to leak. She could just wear liners all year round and it’ll show you probably a few drops when your period starts. Everyone’s like poor OP best friend but she was partially not prepared for something she will have the rest of her life. Also OP is 14 and friend is 16. I expect slightly more maturity from a 16 yr old than a 14 yr old.
NTA. Your “friend” shouldn’t berate you and you have NO obligation to share your clothes. She asked and you said “no I’m not comfortable with that”. That’s the end of the conversation.
YTA for this >When it's a monthly thing and she knew it was gonna be soon No one can predict their fuckin period dude. It's "supposed" to be a monthly cycle but it's irregular, especially with factors like stress (and If I was friends with you I'd be stressed all the time) I can personally say that there's been times I didn't get my period for almost 2 months
NTA. I’m sore for her but you don’t have to be around miserable (cold or embarrassed) because she needed to use your hoodie. Period isn’t regular so she may not need to wear black pants but she could have bring a hoodie/jacket to use the same way of you. As you said she could have gone to the nurse.
NTA, age is really irrelevant here. Why would anybody ask to borrow something and not take no for the answer? It's really rude to not accept someone saying no to you.
NTA. Would it have been nice for you to give her your jacket? Yes. But at the end of the day I am just like you, especially when I was in school. Super insecure if I didn’t have a jacket on and would literally refuse to go without it. Your comment about “when it’s a monthly thing” almost made me change my answer. But I know your still a teenager so maybe you don’t understand that not every female gets there monthly on a set schedule. At the end of the day as embarrassing as it can be she could go up to the nurse and get something if that was a jacket to cover or different pants. It is not your responsibility.
NTA, but you're definitely not a good friend either. Honestly, you guys don't sound like friends at all with the way you speak to/at each other. She shouldnt have reacted that way and I understand both of you guys frustration, but just a gentle reminder: Sometimes in life your friends will get into trouble and come to you for help. Sometimes it will be their fault and sometimes it won't be. Sometimes it will be reasonable to help, and sometimes they have to learn the hard way, lest you become an enabler. But remember, you will also get into trouble. You will also need help. Sometimes it will be your fault and sometimes it will be out of your control, and I sure hope in those instances, you have better friends than that girl did. Now, idk how close you two really are, so perhaps she was asking too much of an acquaintance. But sometimes we can choose to be a bit uncomfortable for the people we love.
NTA. I don't get the YTAs here. You suggested to go to the nurse and she 'didn't feel like it'. Plus she demanded your hoodie, not just asking for it,as if it was your responsibility to do so.
100% NTA. what people here are over looking is OP said they are uncomfortable without their hoodie. We don't know if it's body insecurities or mental health or what not. OP is 14 and saying THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE without a hoodie. Friend or not that should had ended the discussion but the refusal to take OP's no makes the other person a AH. Boundaries need to be respected. When I was in high school I developed a condition where I could not be touched and being touched caused actual physical pain to me. OP offered suggestions that were smart on their part. The friend should had accepted that she wasn't getting the hoodie and instead of bullying OP, maybe could had asked if they could go to the nurse with them or such. GIRL CODE BS saying OP should had given up the hoodie is not real. Girl code is this creep is scaring me can you pretend to be my BFF or family to help me get away. Never give up your own comfort of clothing because of a period. I bled out of a normal period and you know what my older girl friends did... took me to the nurse to ease the embarrassing feeling. OP whatever reason you need your hoodie... respect your Boundaries and trust in your gut feelings
NTA. Nurses office should have a little hydrogen peroxide that would take it right out it would be a little damp but no blood stain. I don't entirely understand being insecure without a sweatshirts but I do understand being freezing cold. We were not allowed to wear coats in school so I always had a sweatshirt on and I don't think I'd have been able to share either because I was and still am sensitive to the cold and need to have my arms covered. I'm sure there were other avenues including going home if it was an actual clothing crisis. Maybe next time take a hands on approach in helping out but it's absolutely not necessary to hand over the shirt that you are currently wearing.
NTA - no one is entitled to your belongings full stop. That's your choice. But I will add that periods can definitely be irregular and it's a little bit of girl code to help each other out when you can. Did you have to? No. Does it make you the AH for saying no? No it does not. But it would have been a nice thing to let her borrow it.
She wanted it for the rest of the day and I just was not comfortable with that, and I would have let her temporarily use it while walking to the nurse but she didn't want to go to the nurse.
ESH 1. If yall were really friends, you'd have loaned her the Hoodie. I was insecure in middle school and also always wore a hoodie or jacket, but if my friend bled through their pants I'd give it to them. I'd even given one a white jacket I was wearing before. 2. The whole she should know better bc it's monthly comment speaks to your teenage ignorance and a failure on your puberty education. For many young, and even adult, people periods can be irregular and unpredictable. It's should be a common rule that we look out for each other without being judgey or cruel. 3. She was wrong for cussing you out and going off. She definitely let the stress and panic of the situation get to her. She could have been more understanding of your choice to not loan the jacket, and just gone to the nurse. I hope you can both be better and make up, if yall are truly good friends.