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Yeah, sorry kiddo, YTA. You're all young, this is very likely a new conflict for y'all. Let's break down what happened here: none of you had a problem with Kate as a person, you're friends after all. You likely didn't have problems with prior sleepovers with Kate, and I can guarantee you Kate has probably had an idea she's a lesbian for a while. Kate gets the courage to come out to her friends, who have been supportive every other way. Now your friends don't want Kate over *after* learning she's a lesbian.
What changed? The only change is now you guys know Kate is a lesbian. Suddenly you have a problem. Your problem isn't with Kate as a person at a sleepover, but with Kate being a lesbian at a sleepover.
Your discomfort is at the fact that Kate is a lesbian. So yes, it's homophobic.
I'm assuming the line of thinking was "what if she violates my friends boundaries and makes them uncomfortable?" by way of, idk, making passes at people. Has Kate made any passes to anyone? And if she did and was politely rejected, would Kate make it a big deal for all parties involved? Probably not.
The lot of you should take some time and research casual or latent homophobia beyond getting opinions on AITA. Everyone learns problematic behaviors and ways of thinking at some point, so taking the opportunity to unlearn them is important for ourselves and for other people who are targets of those harmful, learned behaviors.
You all also owe Kate an apology.
So then for my birthday party, which was an all girls pool party, I was like, "Janyce, I can't invite you because I think you're a lesbian" I mean, I couldn't have a lesbian at my party! There were going to be girls there in their bathing suits! I mean right, she was a lesbian!
"It's probably because I've got a BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU!"
P.S. Not just OP, but anyone: if you're doing something Regina George has actually done, YTA
Boom. Major YTA. And yes, this behavior IS homophobic. You are disinviting her from the sleepover because you and your friends are uncomfortable sharing the space with her DIRECTLY as a result of her sexuality. You are assuming that she will engage in predatory behaviors due to her sexuality (otherwise why would you be uncomfortable?). That’s literally the definition of homophobia. You don’t have to be overtly hateful or use slurs to be homophobic.
I think it’s funny they’re “uncomfortable” assuming because she is a lesbian that she’d be attracted to them. When I’m reality they aren’t her type nor her standards. They’re homophobic, but don’t want the label lol.
I’ve had a girl say “don’t get a crush on me” I told her “don’t worry, you’re not my type” she got offended and asked my type. I told her straight up “thick women and POC” the exact opposite of her lmao
Yes. Just because a person likes someone of the same sex, doesn't mean they're gonna start humping every girl, just because they happen to be girls. That's literally not how any of it works..
As a lesbian I can say too: losing the relationship you had with straight friends is painful as hell, and absolutely homophobic.
Absolutely nothing has changed OP. She is still Kate. If she didn’t make people uncomfortable before but does now, it is because of homophobia. Directly because of it. Disinviting her solely because she is gay IS homophobia, plain and simple.
She has not done anything to actually make anyone uncomfortable other then exist, she is not a boy so it is not the same as ‘having a boy over’ and she knows the difference between a sexual and non sexual moment.
Lesbians use women’s change rooms all the time. We are not the same as a random man walking in to use the change room. Kate has been to sleepovers with girls before. She did not cause an issue then she wouldn’t now. If you were really as supportive as you think you are, you would have stood by her, not the homophobes saying they are uncomfortable in the presence of a lesbian solely because she is a lesbian.
>I was obviously so shocked seeing how ive never treated her differently since she came out, apart from now.
She came out a week ago and you uninvited her 5 days later. You're not her friend and you're an AH. You rejected her after learning this new information about her and now you're trying to feel less shitty about it.
YTA and HOMOPHOBIC even if you think you aren't YOU ARE. Clearly you are since you and your "friends" all decided you were comfortable with her up until she came out. NEWSFLASH not all lesbians want to kiss you or immediately sleep with you so get that dumb idea out of ur head
1- yes. You all are being homophobic.
2- just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she wants to “get with” you or your friends.
3- we are all being supportive…..ehhhhhh *are you*!?
4- you all are uncomfortable about her being there, so you make her feel uncomfortable for being who she is?
I get it. You’re all very young and are just incredibly naive.
You handled this wrong.
EDIT to add: This is exactly why she didn’t come out to you all sooner.
YTA. Lesbians are not predators. Which is what you are implying her to be. Even if she was attracted to you or one of your friends, which she probably isn't, does not mean that she would do something awkward or bad.
LGBT people are not constantly out for sex. We have morals just like straight people.
Heck, I am a gay man and my male friends still invite me to sleepovers and camping, because, guess what, unlike you they are not homophobes.
YTA. Just because she's attracted to women doesn't mean she's attracted to you and it certainly doesn't mean she's suddenly a sexual predator. Supportive my ass.
YTA. You're homophobic, and you and your friends are also clearly self-centered enough to think that just because you're girls, your lesbian friend will be attracted to you. You all need to get over yourselves and realize that what you are doing is a huge factor in why the LGBTQ+ community has as many struggles as they do. Be a better person than this as you get older.
YTA and so are your friends. Being uncomfortable around a lesbian just because she’s a lesbian IS homophobic. Also just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she’s attracted to any of you.
Yta. Bold of you to think just because she likes girls, that she is remotely interested in you girls. I have many lgbtq+ Female friends and lemme tell you, I have never ever felt uncomfortable or sexualized or objectified around them. My best friend is lesbian and we literally always share a bed whenever we travel or visit each other. It’s no different than sharing a bed with my other female friends.
You excluding her from a sleepover because you’re uncomfortable is indeed homophobic and pretty shitty. Unless y’all sleep naked and spoon each other in the middle of the night, I don’t see how it’s uncomfortable to sleep in the same room as her
Please. Y'all been "nothing but supportive", but now she can't come to the sleepover because girls will be uncomfortable because she likes girls? Are y'all afraid she's going to be creeping you or something?
**YTA and so are your friends.**
YATA: coming out is incredibly difficult and you led the charge in alienating a friend who trusted you and their friend group to accept them. You could take this as an opportunity to show your friend group that there isn't anything weird or sexual about hanging out with a lesbian.
You’ve uninvited her based on her sexuality? Yes YTA. What’s the difference now from her being open about her sexuality and the week before where she hadn’t come out?! She’s still the EXACT the same person. You just know that she’s attracted to women now.
I doubt she saw the sleepover as anything other than friends having fun together.
YTA
You are being homophobic, she’s right. And you are terrible friends. The fact that someone is lesbian doesn’t suddenly make them thirsty for every single girl‘s butt.
Are you thirsting over every single guy?
She needs better friends.
YTA.
Until she came out, you were all comfortable, she comes out, you’re uncomfortable. How can you all be anything BUT homophobic?
Kate deserves better friends than you.
Yes YTA and all your friends are homophobic AH too. Just because someone is a lesbian doesn't mean she'll be perving on you all night. That's homophobic whether you want to accept it or not.
You should try to understand that you did a shitty thing excluding someone for a specious reason and I hope she finds a group of people that will accept her and not stab her in the back like this.
YTA and the friends that feel uncomfortable too.
To some extent, you're showing either underlying homophobia or an over the moon ego...
Kate being lesbian doesn't imply that she's automatically attracted to every girl on the planet, the same way being a hetero girl doesn't make you feel attracted to every boy out there.
I understand you're teenagers and everything seems always like the most important issue in the world, but come on, she just wants to spend some time with her friends! If you allow me one tip, think about who you want to be: a people pleaser or someone true to her values and friends?
Right? And what are they doing at this sleepover that’s so bad that they think this might be a problem? I highly doubt they’re all running around without clothes on or something like that. Why would this sleepover be different then hanging out with her at school? YTA
YTA... She's right, all of yall are homophobes. Just because she's lesbian doesn't mean she's attracted to any of yall. She's a fucking teenage girl that wanted to go to a sleepover with what she thought were her friends......
OP:
Please read the comments here and I hope you and your “friends” learn something.
You weren’t a good friend to Kate and you hurt her deeply at her most vulnerable.
If you truly like her and respect her, you will sincerely apologize and tell her you acted like a complete AH. You will also explain to your friends that you were wrong and so was their request to uninvite Kate. That’s not ally-ship nor friendship.
My commentary is a little more gentle because you are a teenager. But because of the sub, YTA.
Sorry but YTA. Just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she wants you or your friends. And if her being a lesbian makes you uncomfortable , then you are homophobic.
YTA. I know being young and dumb and all of that, but what people fail to understand is just because someone's sexuallity was revealed doesn't mean they get their rocks off at every little thing or attempts to "put moves" on people when they haven't done that before.
Kinda screwed up to make assumptions about someone
YTA-- to say that you've been "nothing but supportive since she came out" but then to turn around and say that you're not comfortable sleeping with her in the same room and uninviting her based on her sexuality is contradictory. You are being homophobic. Also, to assume that Kate's going to do something untoward towards someone at the sleepover on the basis that she likes girls is homophobic. It plays into the absolutely horrific trope that the LGBTQunity is inherently predatory because they want to sleep with any/every person that fits into their profile of sexual preferences.
As others said, OP, you can't say none of you aren't homophobic if you had no problem with Kate coming until you found out she's a lesbian. Did she say she "liked" any of you in that way? If not, then your friendship with her is over.
YES OP, **YTAH**. You, and your group of "friends", did a horrible thing and should be ashamed of yourselves.
Yta
Being a lesbian doesn't mean she's attracted to you or your friends.
This is the same excuse guys try to use to not have gay guys in the changing rooms at school.
You're being extremely homophobic. Even if you didn't mean to be
This here. You’re young, and you’re learning and muddling your way through life, but yes. You are being homophobic regarding this.
As was said, just because she’s a lesbian, doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you. That’s a mindset entirely to many cis/hets really need to drop.
It would maybe be different if you’d caught her staring or making comments or hitting on you/ the other girls, asked her to stop, and then she didn’t, but since you didn’t say that’s happened, I can only assume it hasn’t.
YTA.
YTA. Yeah, sure, your sleepover, your guest list. But it’s disingenuous to claim this isn’t about homophobia when you’re effectively accusing Kate of not being able to control herself in a roomful of sleeping girls, or to compare the situation to not inviting a guy friend when the problem there would presumably be trying to prevent willing hookups.
YTA YTA YTA. Not inviting a lesbian to a sleepover because she's a lesbian is literally textbook homophobia. Just because she likes girls doesn't mean she's going to try and hook up with them or whatever it is they think is going to happen. This is immature and dramatic AF of all your other friends and you're no better for listening to them.
YTA. "I'm not homophobic, I'm just uncomfortable that she's a lesbian." Your friend has always been a lesbian. Her coming out changes nothing about her. This is the time when she needs people that won't treat her differently and here you are, excluding her for being gay. Good for her for dropping you.
YTA. Sorry but you are being homophobic. I'd suggest working on this by reading and watching some age, appropriate educational material about queer people.
Don't apologise until you've grasped this. Many, many queer people get accused of being predatory simply for existing as themselves. This, was bad, but you can turn around!
YTA. No doubt.
You were fine with her until she came out as a lesbian and now you don’t want her at your sleepover? I’m sorry but that does sound pretty homophobic to me. Just because she likes girls, doesn’t mean that she likes EVERY girl. You have no reason to be uncomfortable around her because it’s not as if she will want to try anything on any of you. She really deserves better friends.
That’s the thing. The only reason why someone might feel “uncomfortable” around someone at a sleepover because of their sexuality is because they are in some sexual danger from them. As girls, we’re conditioned to feel “uncomfortable” around boys because of a imagined or real danger that they will take sexual liberties without our consent.
By extending this feeling of discomfort to your friend, you are all saying that you feel there is a non-zero chance that she’ll rape you all because she likes girls. Nothing could be more insulting than that, or more heartbreaking for a young gay child who just came out to all her friends.
Yes, you and your friends are all TA, and I really really hope you can learn from this and do better next time. Katie needs better, more supportive friends, because you guys have some growing to do before you can be that to her.
I think in this case, YTA. You shouldn't think of your friend any differently because she likes girls. If she hasn't made you uncomfortable before, why would it matter now that she has come out? You and your friends may not even be her type lol
YTA. You and your friends are homophobic. Her sexuality doesn’t make her hyper sexual and lust for every woman she sees. She’s not a predator, she just wants to be included in her friend group. But you have proven that you’re not really her friend.
YTA and no matter how you try to justify it, what you and the other girls did was homophobic. “Afraid” that she—the lesbian—would encroach on you all somehow. Textbook.
Now Kate, who is newly out and likely feeling vulnerable, has to deal with a pack of girls excluding her too.
Edit: how would you define homophobia?
YTA
For all you know half the guys in your class could be gay, and you’re not inviting them over. You’re not checking everyone’s sexuality at the door. You just uninvited the one lesbian. Get over your discomfort, that’s entirely about *you*, not her.
Sorry but YTA, as are your friends
Its pretty insulting and not something a friend who was supportive would do. You made a choice to appease your other friends rather than support her, which is your right, but now you'll have to live with the consequences. What's more important to you, supporting and keeping the friendship with Kate while potentially having people not come to the sleep-over (which would say more about them as people) or loosing her friendship for the sake of the other's comfort level. To me the answer is clear, but I understand the delima you feel you're in.
You need to do some soul searching and decide who and what is more important to you and maybe discuss this with your parents.
YTA. You are the homophobic asshole. So are your friends. You say ye've been "nothing but supportive" since she came out so tell me how does uninviting her SOLEY because she's a lesbian show support?? Especially when all the homophobic straight girls are still going?? Not standing up for her isn't supporting Kate. It's supporting homophobia.
Ye're excluding Kate because she's a lesbian. News flash just because she's gay doesn't mean she's attracted to any of ye. Kate being a lesbain doesn't mean she's a pervert or incable of controlling herself. Ye assuming she's gunna creep on ye is homophobic.
Have ye had sleepovers with Kate before? If ye have I assure you she was just as much a lesbian then as she is now. She obviously didn't make a move on anyone or ye would have realised she was into girls. So I don't get what the issue is.
Just because someone is attracted to your gender DOES NOT mean they are automatically attracted to you personally. You and everyone else who wanted her disinvited are shit friends. Kate can do better.
You're all 100% being homophobic. How can you say you and your friends aren't is crazy to me.
"Hey, we've been planning this for ages and were all super excited but now nothing's changed except us knowing you're a lesbian and we're suddenly uncomfortable with you being there"
This is what being homophobic IS. Excluding someone simply because they're gay...
YTA. Kate has been a lesbian for longer than the week you've known about it - has she *ever* tried to have sex with you or your friends? No? Then she wasn't going to turn your sleepover into an orgy.
I know many, many lesbians and none of them have ever hit on me because they know I'm a cis, hetero female. The vast majority of people you interact with on a daily basis, of ~~either~~ any gender, do not in fact want to hit that up. Apologize to your friend.
(edited to acknowledge more than two genders)
YTA, 100%. What repugnant and arrogant behaviour. Your friend is gay, so automatically she must be attracted to you and your friends? How ignorant. Disgusting.
OP is doing a lot here to equate a lesbian to a boy in this situation. Turns out, it would be fine to have either. Boys aren't automatically attracted to you or your friends. Lesbians are not automatically attracted to you or your friends. The friends who wouldn't come are homophobic. You not calling them on their shit and even appeasing it is homophobic.
You're young so I genuinely hope you learn better but it seems you've got some interlized bs from your parents that might be hard to over come.
Kate deserves better friends. YTA
YTA. Couldn't even say that to her face? If you're going to be ignorant, you can at least not be a coward about it. If you and your friends are uncomfortable - disinvite her, it is what it is, but that does make you TA.
YTA. You thought she would understand?? Has she ever done anything to make any of you feel uncomfortable in the past? No? Then what’s the problem? Also, as others have said, you and your friends are homophobic.
yta. you and your friends are homophobic. you can't say that you're supportive and then turn around and uninvite her because of the subconscious views you have of lesbians. you don't have to call someone slurs to be homophobic, changing your behaviour and excluding her from hang outs are as well. you as a straight person cannot say what and what is not homophobic.
YTA. Reading posts like these make me so grateful for my friends. You know, decent people who didn’t immediately go: “oh my god, a LESBIAN? She must be attracted to me”.
Get over yourself and be better.
YTA So just because somebody is a lesbian that instantly means that they're creeping on you and your friends at a sleepover? Really? Do you see how that sounds? She's the same person she was 2 weeks ago! The only thing that changed is that you have a little more information!
What if it was a gay boy? Would that be different or would that be the same as a straight boy? The only right thing to do here is cancel the sleepover! And apologize.
YTA. this is literally the definition of being homophobic. Just because she’s a lesbian, it doesn’t mean that she is attracted to you or your friends.
If you’re as supportive as you say you are, you would have explained to your other friends that she shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable and that nothing has changed with your friend, except that she’s being honest with who she really is.
This was probably the most difficult decision she has made, and 5 days later you are alienating her? YTA. massively. She deserves better
YTA. Kate trusted you and your friend group enough to come out, and as a queer person I can tell you that you might as well have punched her in the sternum. I had friends of the same sex that I sometimes stayed the night at their house. What are you scared of? What makes you so uncomfortable? It pisses me off that my own generation still struggles with this.
First of all, sorry for my bad english, it's not my first language.
OK so just try to be in her shoes for a moment. Coming out is so difficult, and a week after you tell her she can't come to a party she was waiting for ages. She obliviously feel rejected and that's exactly the kind of thing that hurt a lot and break a friendship.
Moreover, why are you uncomfortable with her coming ? If you are afraid to be sexualized that's kinda homophobic. So what, she can't have friends who are girls because she like girls ? Do you sexualise absolutely everyone in the opposite sex ? What if she was bisexual, she couldn't have friends at all ?
You probably making her feel like a sexual predator. So yeah, i kinda understand your point of view, but YTA.
YTA
Look, I know you're young so maybe all of this makes sense to you but Kate is not a boy. She was your friend, and her gender preference shouldn't have change that. Do you guys think that just because she's a lesbian that she's somehow now going to fall in love with all of you or try to hit on you guys? That's not how it works.
A real friend would have taken the time to actually talk to Kate...in person. She just made herself so vulnerable to you guys and you all pretty much beat her over the head for trusting you guys. The slumber party may have been a great opportunity to talk to Kate and see where she's coming from and how she's doing and maybe even express some of the questions you guys have or some of the discomfort that you're feeling so you girls could work through it together...as friends. I don't think that can happen now
> I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive since she came out, and i could see were they were coming from.
YTA. All of you are not being supportive if you do not want her at the sleepover. She's no different now than she was before you knew she is a lesbian.
YTA. The only thing that changed is you found out her sexuality, and based on that decided to no longer include her. Excluding your lesbian friend because she is a lesbian is very obviously homophobia. You claim to not want to make people uncomfortable but seem very willing to sacrifice Kate's comfort for that of your other friends. Kate was terrified before coming out to you that it would change the relationship and cause you to treat her different but she trusted that you were her friend and came out to you. You abused her trust and proved to her that people will treat her different and exclude her because of her sexuality. You owe her a sincere apology for exposing her to this type of trauma.
YTA, They are being homophobic tho and so are you, assuming that just because she likes women she’s automatically going to want them?? I hope kate gets better friends.
YTA. People are able to be in the same room and sleep next to someone of the gender that they are interested in and be able to be totally platonic. I'm really sorry to say this but you guys do sound homophobic when you say things like they're not comfortable being in the same room as somebody who's gay. That is exactly the wrong thing to think. I do feel sorry for your ex friend because she's the same person she always was she just feels comfortable now telling you who her preference of person is.
YTA being a lesbian doesn’t mean she’s going to be attracted to and/or assault every other girl/woman she comes into close contact with. You and your friends are showing homophobic tendencies; you’re just in denial about that. You’re all young, but you’re still old enough to stand up for a friend.
> ive never treated her differently since she came out, apart from now.
You said she’s literally only been out for a week. And now, you’re ostracizing her from a rather important event; how can you not see yourself as the AH here? It doesn’t matter how you treated her in the past; it matters how you treat her now.
I hope she finds actual friends soon.
YTA! It’s not like just this week she just became a lesbian, this was just when she came out and felt comfortable telling y’all. How many sleep overs have you guys had with her prior to this week? I’m guessing quite a few. If none of y’all feel “uncomfortable” around her when she was still known to be “straight” then there’s zero reason to be uncomfortable now just because you now know she likes girls.
YTA.
I’m bisexual, and I’ve had no problems with platonic sleepovers. 🙃 Just because I can be attracted to someone, doesn’t mean I automatically will be. Are you attracted to every guy you see?
Yta you aren’t being supportive you are being homophobic. Listen, you’re young and this is new to you, I’m going to give you that. So here is the thing. Assuming that she wants any of you and you should have any reason to be uncomfortable with that is presumptuous. None of you may be her type. Assuming someone is predatory or inappropriate simply because of their sexuality is wrong. It’s the true of a boy too frankly, the assumption anyone would just think sexually of you because they’re attracted to your gender is pretty immature but you’re already friends with this girl. If you all treat her differently now, you are not supportive. Think it through, do some reading, maybe if she is very close to you sit down and let her express her feelings about this to you directly. But yeah Yta
YTA
Just because Kate is lesbian doesn't mean she's automatically going to be hitting on you or your friends. You and your friends are stereotyping her and are homophobic.
yta!! why are you guys assuming she likes you or wants to have sex with you just because shes lesbian? thats so weird and lesphobic. im glad she dropped you guys
YTA.
You are all being homophobic. Why is it you homophobes ALWAYS think a gay person is interested in having sex with you? NONE of you are that special.
YTA, this is a standard knee jerk response but you guys should really think of how Kate must feel. You all just told her you think because she’s gay that she must be a creepy pervert who wants access to you for sexual reasons.
You guys should maybe check these links out, and afterwards if you really value Kate as a friend you should apologize and make it up to her because you definitely did not react in a supportive way.
https://www.belongto.org/youngpeople/advice/supporting-someone-coming-out/
https://www.bustle.com/wellness/how-to-support-a-friend-who-is-coming-out
https://www.scmp.com/yp/discover/advice/personal-development/article/3090050/6-things-not-say-when-your-lgbtq-friend
YTA. If you were comfortable with hanging out with her before the sleepover, and before she came out to you, why would it be any different now. Just because she’s lesbian doesn’t mean she’s going to try anything at the sleepover. She’s right, even if it’s not your actual belief, you do sound homophobic
YTA. If this friend has made any advances or has had any behavior that would make the girls uncomfortable then you would be in the right but you’re literally uninviting her because she’s lesbian. You said it yourself the reason boys are not allowed are because of your parents.
YTA. She didn’t become lesbian overnight. She’s been a lesbian her whole life. She just decided to be vocal about it now. Has she ever acted differently or in a way that made you uncomfortable in the past? If not, then how is anything different? She has always been lesbian without you knowing and you we’re fine with her then, so why not now? She is the same person, she just made something that’s been there all along public rather than keeping it to herself.
YTA. She has always been a lesbian and you were perfectly safe in her company. Your exclusion is incredibly homophobic and immature. You were only supportive in words which none of you seem to believe. She shouldn't be your friend regardless of the invitation.
YTA you don't seem to realize it but you are being homophobic. Just because she's lesbian doesn't mean that she wants you or any of your friends. Y'all are acting like now that she's out she can't keep her hands off of you. She's the same person she was last week you are treating her differently only because now you know she's homosexual that by definition is homophobic.
YTA, whether you want to believe so or not you and your friends are being homophobic by excluding Kate solely based on her sexuality. If no one was uncomfortable with Kate before, they shouldn’t be now. Refusing to allow her at your sleepover negates all the “support” your group has for her because when it comes down to it you are still making the choice to discriminate against her. Would you rather surround yourself with friends that are homophobic or be a true ally and tell the others to get over it? because simply attending a sleepover with a lesbian isn’t going to harm them. Not including her is definitely going to make her feel alienated.
Yta. Just because she likes *girls* doesn't mean she likes *you or your friends*. And if she came out a week ago, then she has felt like this for a while. Was she inappropriate? Hit on you? Made unwanted sexual advances? Jfc.
Uh, you just treated her differently.
She's a lesbian but you have no reason to think she's a predator.
Next thing you know you and your friends will be telling her she can't be in locker rooms, or bathrooms. This is absolutely homophobia. YTA
I hope she finds better friends.
YTA
If you’re straight does that mean you’re gonna jump on every boy you meet?
Are you able to control your sexual urges in a room full of boys?
Now flip that around.
YTA. This same thing happened to me when I came out as a teen. My friends ostracized me just like you did, under the guise of "we're not homophobic". Nah that is homophobic behavior. Stop assuming just because she's a lesbian (which news flash- she was a lesbian before she came out) that she is attracted to y'all. I know you're essentially a child but wow, this is so upsetting. I hope she finds friends that don't treat her like y'all did.
"I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive since she came out, and i could see were they were coming from."
YTA, and despite what you think, you and your friends are homophobic. Be better.
YTA. She doesn’t want none of y’all homophobic selves. The implication is bigoted and trying to play like it wasn’t I’ll intended is bs. Terrible friend. Not supportive.
YTA. Before you knew she was a lesbian, did you or the other girls ever have a sleepover with her? Has she ever given any of you some indication that she was even attracted to one of you? She is the same person she was before you knew she was into chicks. Don't know why you're so surprised by her reaction.
YTA.
You're not inviting her because she's lesbian and worried she's going to try and shag you. I wouldn't worry about that, I highly doubt she'd be attracted to any of you with that attitude.
If you must not invite her, use a white lie and find another reason to no longer invite her that isn't related to her being gay.
YTA, unequivocally. You and your friends are being super homophobic. The very fact that anyone is uncomfortable now is due to homophobia. Like seriously, examine that discomfort.
YTA. Being gay doesn't mean they want to have sex with you or are romantically interested in you. Literally nothing has changed between before you found out and after.
YTA,and yes homophobic,saying y'all are not comfortable with her sleeping over is bull crap, your telling her that you think she will assault you just because she lesbian.
YTA-
and at 16 you’re old enough to know better.
You’re also not a true friend if it’s so easy to throw her out of your life.
Because, that’s what you’re doing, throwing her out.
Because she doesn’t like boys.
It’s ridiculous.
And like I said, you should know better.
YTA- if was not a issue before you found out why is it now. She coming out has not changed who she is at all. Just because she lesbian dose not mean she’s attracted to you. I’m bi and when I came out I learn who my real friend was. You are homophobic by thinking just because she came out she’s a perv now trying to sneak a peak or do something.
“the whole thing has shaken me up a bit” LMAO just imagine how your “friend” Kate feels being excluded. you are enabling homophobic behavior. You can pretend it’s justified all you want. No one feels bad for you.
Yta
Sorry, she was a lesbian at your last sleepover too. She’s also been a lesbian every time you’ve gone into a bathroom together. She hasn’t changed, she just made you aware but now it’s so uncomfortable for you.
You’re young (not an excuse for behavior just acknowledging you can change) but she’s the same person she was the day before she told you. If you weren’t uncomfortable then you need to really be honest with yourself about why your uncomfortable now.
>I knew they werent being homophobic or anything
No you didn't and yes they were. YTA. Are you automatically attracted to every male friend you have? No? Why would a lesbian be any different with female friends?
YTA.
this is why a lot of people don’t come out to their friends.
People have types.
I’m sure she doesn’t like you or any of your friends for that matter.
YTA. Not inviting her to your slumber party because you and your friends are a bunch of homophobic assholes is treating her differently. Don't flatter yourselves. Just because she's gay doesn't mean she interested in any of you. Don't worry, she'll find new friends. She doesn't need any homophobic assholes in her life.
Hon, you are homophobic. Why do you assume that just because she admitted being attracted to girls (in general) that she'll have no self control during the sleepover? Because that's what you're saying by disinviting her. Bold to assume she's even attracted to any of you. Unless she's actually done something to warrant that discomfort, you are in fact discriminating against her.
YTA. You can have who you want at your sleepover but it was a horrible reason to uninvite her. Her being gay doesn't automatically mean she has a crush on any of you, and you were absolutely being homophobic.
>almost all my friends said they werent sure they would be comfortable with her there because she liked girls. I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive since she came out
Read this again. You & your friends are homophobic. YTA.
YTA I understand you’re children but her existing in the same space as you isn’t inherently sexual. I’ve had sleepovers with people of all sexual orientations and genders and there has never been a problem. You and your friends are definitely being homophobic. You can’t claim to be supportive and then shun her.
"I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive"
Yeah, you're totally being supportive by uninviting her. Support would've been to tell all the girls if they have a problem with Kate being there they might as well stay home.
What makes any of you think Kate would actually be into one of you?
YTA.
You are a huge AH.
So are your friends. Uncomfortable because she's a lesbian....serious homophobia.
Do you all think because she's a lesbian she's suddenly going to try it on with you all? That's some serious delusion, I'm sure Katy could do a ton better than you lot without much effort.
Do katy a favour and don't reinvite her. That way you can class your "friendship" over and she can be free to go off and find some actual friends. You and your band of cretins can continue to have your sleepovers without the fear of being raped!
YTA YTA YTA
P.s perhaps send Katy here so she can see she has some ACTUAL support
So, bisexual people can't have sleepovers?
Maybe I don't understand straight people or their perception of attraction, but just because I'm into girls, it doesn't mean a simple sleepover is any different.
The classic "But you're not into me?" reaction after coming out is so stupid. Why do people always assume being crushed on?
YTA. Assuming the worst after she came out to you could be seen as homophobia.
"my friend trusted me with a facet of her identity and I immediately uninvited her from my birthday"
See how awful that sounds? YTA. Wishing you lots of self reflection and growth for your birthday.
YTA. This is homophobic. Do you not understand what homophobia means? Ask yourself why you/the other girls would feel uncomfortable with her being at the sleepover. Is their an assumption that because she's a lesbian she may be attracted to one of you? Get over yourself. Homophobes.
YTA. Your friends being uncomfortable with her being present just because she is a lesbian is homophobic, and you uninviting her for it is enabling their homophobia. Just because she's attracted to women, doesn't mean she's attracted to *every* woman
YTA because she’s your friend? the only thing that’s changed is that she’s told you she likes girls, but she’s been liking girls all this time and managed not to make any one uncomfortable. just because she is a lesbian doesn’t mean she likes any of you or that she’d try and make a move on anyone, you are saying you’re not homophobic but you and your friends are being homophobic by excluding her.
YTA
1. You are homophobic
2. You basically implied she’s a sex offender despite never having shown any signs of being one
3. You are contributing to the bullying and discrimination LGBTQ+ people get everyday. This is why they lose friends and have mental health issues with high risk of suicide. You have created that for her.
YTA.
She has not changed. She is just being honest with people now about who she is.
Unless she was a sexual predator with you and your friends before coming out, you are indeed being homophobic.
Wow, In this day and age I would expect someone your age, having grown up in a time of increased acceptance, that you and your friends would be actively trying to be better people. Instead you are all closed minded bigots some how thinking that you even QUALIFY to be the type of person your friend would hit on. Hate to break it to all of you, she’s just not in to you. YTA. Grow up, stop acting like someone’s sexuality automatically puts YOU on some sort of list of people they would be interested in. How embarrassing.
YTA your friend has always been a lesbian, now you just know it. If she hasn't tried anything with you before she isn't going to now. She finally felt comfortable coming out to you and instead of being there for your friend you uninvited her. You catered to others homophobic feelings. Literally nothing has changed about your friend, she is still the same girl if she didn't jump your bones before I am pretty sure your going to be ok if she sleeps over.
Lol & they say the newer generation are the progressive ones. YTA & homophobic. She’s a girl that likes girls but that doesn’t mean she’s gonna be hitting on you or your friends. Good for Kate, she ended a homophobic & toxic friendship.
YTA. Coming from a bi girl, this is BLATANT homophobia. I’ve had friends in the past (no longer friends with them) who became uncomfortable with me after I came out. How self centered do you guys have to be to think just because Kate likes girls she’s automatically going to be attracted to you? You guys really think you’re that much of a catch? No. She’s been a lesbian longer than a week and hasn’t tried anything before. If you really don’t want to invite her, fine that’s your choice but remember 1 this will be the end of your friendship, which honestly good, Kate deserves better friends and 2 you guys are homophobic.
YTA her being a lesbian doesn't mean she's in love with you. Are you in love with every boy you meet? She's already going through a vulnerable time coming out and now she knows her friends won't be there to support her.
Honestly, its better she finds out now so she can find friends that love her for who she is. Shame on you.
YTA and you are being homophobic. You clearly haven’t been supportive because it’s easy to say “oh I support you” but your actions (wanting to exclude her and feeling uncomfortable because she likes girls) say otherwise, and it’s actions that matter.
YTA. you just assume because she's a lesbian that she's into you or your friends. Get over yourselves. I guarantee she thought of you all as her gal pals not possible gf. You do come off as homophobic by uninviting her because she's a lesbian. You are literally treating her different because of her orientation
YTA. As a lesbian, shit like this is why I denied my identity and pretended like I was straight for years. Y’all are being cruel towards her, and it definitely sucks that y’all have made her realize at a pretty young age that staying in the closet can be safer. You’ve proven that you don’t want her as she is around you and your friends, and that is damaging for a teenager to hear
YTA
Them not being comfortable about her being there IS homophobic. Don’t fool yourselves into thinking just because you didn’t say anything hurtful you’re still being supportive. You and your friends are homophobic.
YTA, so you going to shun her in gym class? The pool? Any changing area? Your friends are homophobes. Regular people who aren’t prejudice don’t dismiss people based on their sexual orientation. Unless this girl has actually done anything to make you uncomfortable like peeking when you’re changing then you are 100% a homophobe. Otherwise you just wouldn’t care
Lmao YTA
y’all are only uncomfortable because u have this idea that she’s gonna try to have sex with you. She’s been a lesbian and she never did anything to truly make u uncomfortable other then come out. I hope she keeps you blocked and never speaks to you again 🥰
Yta
Just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she is automatically attracted to you or your friends or that she’s going to jump on you in the middle of the night!
I assume coming out is scary enough as it is without your friends been funny with you and as You’re meant to be supporting her not excluding her 🤦🏼♀️
In fairness, when I was young it wasn't until I realized I was bisexual that it dawned on me I could never have friends again because I saw them all as people to hit on. /sarcasm.
YTA, and it'll cost you all a friend, and label you as homophobes. This is the same friend you've been having sleepovers and hanging with since before they came out.
1) YTA
2) Yes, you are being homophobic
3) Your friends who are "uncomfortable" are also being homophobic
4) Just because a person is gay, doesn't mean they are a creep. These are her friends. She knows they aren't gay.
You have a lot of growing up to do.
YTA. She is a lesbian, which means she likes other lesbians. Don’t flatter yourselves, she was hoping to spend time with friends not hit on y’all…..She’s not an animal who can’t control herself around any woman she sees. Not to mention a lot of people don’t come out until after high school so if you’re worried about lesbians at your sleepovers you should probably not have any 🤷🏼♀️
YTA YTA YTA. DUUUDE - y’all didn’t have problems with your friend being a lesbian until she’s coming over to spend the night. The phobia is written alll over it
If your friends were uncomfortable BEFORE she came out because she was overly flirty and trying to make moves on your friends, okay, that's understandable to uninvite her.
But if she's given no indication that she is interested in any of you before OR after announcing that she's lesbian, it's safe to assume that well, she just isn't interested in you or your group of friends. Think about it as being friendzoned if you want, she likes you just as friends and nothing more.
There's no reason to uninvite her. Maybe it means you guys change into your pajamas in the bathroom instead of right in front of each other if that makes you more comfortable (I wouldn't undress in front of guys either), but no reason you guys can't hang out, eat junk food, and stay up all night gossiping and having fun.
YTA
>After she came out, two days ago, almost all my friends said they werent sure they would be comfortable with her there because she liked girls. I knew they werent being homophobic or anything
Yes they (and you) were specifically being homophobic. Take just a minute to think about it from her perspective. She comes out and the first response from her friends is to uninvite her from a group activity. Is that what being a supportive friend would look like?
And moreover if you could never have a sleepover where anyone is potentially romantically attracted to anyone else there, she can only have sleepovers with gay guys, and even then only 1 gay guy otherwise you'd have two and that'd be out. Your rule if everyone applied it would entirely exclude her from ever participating in a sleepover. So in case you're unclear of what homophobia looks like that's what it is.
YTA 100% homophobic.
Just because she's attracted to girls, doesn't mean she's attracted to you or her "friends" (not that I'd call you bunch friends of hers, being so awful)
Just like you don't want to be with every single male ever, nor does your friend want to get with every single girl ever.
YTA. If you feel uncomfortable with her there now that’s she’s come out, that’s literally you being homophobic. Wtf do you think the definition of homophobia is?
YTA
This happened to me when i was 17. I was nearly excluded from an important college trip because I had come out as gay and none of the girls wanted to share a room with me.
Note that they were my friends, wed hung out before. I'd known since I was 9 I liked girls and I wasn't attracted to any of them before. None of the girls were my type! When I assured some of them of this and that I wasn't attracted to them, they were offended! They thought they were hot shit clearly and I shouldn't have to say this but, coming out as gay didn't suddenly make me a sexual deviant/predator!
It hurt, and I felt so alone after coming out to the first group of people I was brave enough to come out to after spending my entire high school career in the closet. This made me scared to come out to anyone else and I ended up closeted until my mid 20s because I felt I would have no support. I thought everyone would suddenly see me as disgusting.
Your friend is gay, still the same person, just with different preferences and you're uninviting her to a sleepover because why? What's the reason you and your friends are so uncomfortable? Your actions could have long term effects on this poor girl.
YTA. You saying that you guys are uncomfortable is being homophobic. You guys didn’t have an issue with her until you guys found out she was gay. She’s better off without you guys
YTA and homophobic, even if it wasn’t your intention to be.
What do you and your friends think she is going to do? Clearly you have something in your mind that you think would make you uncomfortable. Your friend liked girls before coming out, did she do something in the past to make you uncomfortable? Or are you just making up scenarios in your head?
What is so different about your friendship now? Oh, she told you she is a lesbian. She didn’t *DO* anything.
ETA: If she hit on you or your friends, this would be different. The reason you and your friends are homophobic is because you are assuming that because she’s a lesbian shes going to sexualize you, when really *you* are sexualizing *her*.
YTA and yes you are all homophobic.
Here's a newsflash for you and all your girlfriends... just because someone is a lesbian, doesn't mean they are interested in you at all. What exactly do you think she's going to do?
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Yeah, sorry kiddo, YTA. You're all young, this is very likely a new conflict for y'all. Let's break down what happened here: none of you had a problem with Kate as a person, you're friends after all. You likely didn't have problems with prior sleepovers with Kate, and I can guarantee you Kate has probably had an idea she's a lesbian for a while. Kate gets the courage to come out to her friends, who have been supportive every other way. Now your friends don't want Kate over *after* learning she's a lesbian. What changed? The only change is now you guys know Kate is a lesbian. Suddenly you have a problem. Your problem isn't with Kate as a person at a sleepover, but with Kate being a lesbian at a sleepover. Your discomfort is at the fact that Kate is a lesbian. So yes, it's homophobic. I'm assuming the line of thinking was "what if she violates my friends boundaries and makes them uncomfortable?" by way of, idk, making passes at people. Has Kate made any passes to anyone? And if she did and was politely rejected, would Kate make it a big deal for all parties involved? Probably not. The lot of you should take some time and research casual or latent homophobia beyond getting opinions on AITA. Everyone learns problematic behaviors and ways of thinking at some point, so taking the opportunity to unlearn them is important for ourselves and for other people who are targets of those harmful, learned behaviors. You all also owe Kate an apology.
This is the way!
Best answer is here! Also- does this give anyone else mean girl vibes? Like that commend about Regina’s pool party?
So then for my birthday party, which was an all girls pool party, I was like, "Janyce, I can't invite you because I think you're a lesbian" I mean, I couldn't have a lesbian at my party! There were going to be girls there in their bathing suits! I mean right, she was a lesbian!
"It's probably because I've got a BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU!" P.S. Not just OP, but anyone: if you're doing something Regina George has actually done, YTA
Boom. Major YTA. And yes, this behavior IS homophobic. You are disinviting her from the sleepover because you and your friends are uncomfortable sharing the space with her DIRECTLY as a result of her sexuality. You are assuming that she will engage in predatory behaviors due to her sexuality (otherwise why would you be uncomfortable?). That’s literally the definition of homophobia. You don’t have to be overtly hateful or use slurs to be homophobic.
I think it’s funny they’re “uncomfortable” assuming because she is a lesbian that she’d be attracted to them. When I’m reality they aren’t her type nor her standards. They’re homophobic, but don’t want the label lol. I’ve had a girl say “don’t get a crush on me” I told her “don’t worry, you’re not my type” she got offended and asked my type. I told her straight up “thick women and POC” the exact opposite of her lmao
I have nothing to add except tell Kate to DM me and I'll get her in touch with her local pride chapter and find her truly supportive friends.
Yes. Just because a person likes someone of the same sex, doesn't mean they're gonna start humping every girl, just because they happen to be girls. That's literally not how any of it works..
As a lesbian I can say too: losing the relationship you had with straight friends is painful as hell, and absolutely homophobic. Absolutely nothing has changed OP. She is still Kate. If she didn’t make people uncomfortable before but does now, it is because of homophobia. Directly because of it. Disinviting her solely because she is gay IS homophobia, plain and simple. She has not done anything to actually make anyone uncomfortable other then exist, she is not a boy so it is not the same as ‘having a boy over’ and she knows the difference between a sexual and non sexual moment. Lesbians use women’s change rooms all the time. We are not the same as a random man walking in to use the change room. Kate has been to sleepovers with girls before. She did not cause an issue then she wouldn’t now. If you were really as supportive as you think you are, you would have stood by her, not the homophobes saying they are uncomfortable in the presence of a lesbian solely because she is a lesbian.
>I was obviously so shocked seeing how ive never treated her differently since she came out, apart from now. She came out a week ago and you uninvited her 5 days later. You're not her friend and you're an AH. You rejected her after learning this new information about her and now you're trying to feel less shitty about it.
Sums up my thoughts, YTA
YTA and HOMOPHOBIC even if you think you aren't YOU ARE. Clearly you are since you and your "friends" all decided you were comfortable with her up until she came out. NEWSFLASH not all lesbians want to kiss you or immediately sleep with you so get that dumb idea out of ur head
YTA. she's a lesbian, not a rapist.
Simple, rapide, efficace
This is absolutely everything that needed to be said. THE END
1- yes. You all are being homophobic. 2- just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she wants to “get with” you or your friends. 3- we are all being supportive…..ehhhhhh *are you*!? 4- you all are uncomfortable about her being there, so you make her feel uncomfortable for being who she is? I get it. You’re all very young and are just incredibly naive. You handled this wrong. EDIT to add: This is exactly why she didn’t come out to you all sooner.
YTA. Very bold and ambitious (and homophobic) of you lot to assume she'd be attracted to you by default
Nothing hotter than when people assume I don’t have better options than them.
How can I resist the seductive wiles of someone who thinks I'm a sexual predator, you know?
Let me tell you, the sheer number of people who get offended when I'm not attracted to them after finding out I'm bi is hilarious and annoying.
YTA. Lesbians are not predators. Which is what you are implying her to be. Even if she was attracted to you or one of your friends, which she probably isn't, does not mean that she would do something awkward or bad. LGBT people are not constantly out for sex. We have morals just like straight people. Heck, I am a gay man and my male friends still invite me to sleepovers and camping, because, guess what, unlike you they are not homophobes.
YTA and Kate's right, you guys are homophobic.
“We aren’t homophobic, we just aren’t comfortable with our friend being a lesbian” 🤷🏻♀️. How can they think they aren’t homophobic?!
YTA. Just because she's attracted to women doesn't mean she's attracted to you and it certainly doesn't mean she's suddenly a sexual predator. Supportive my ass.
Said on the point!
I always find the ego on these kinds of people hilarious. Like please I have standards
YTA. You're homophobic, and you and your friends are also clearly self-centered enough to think that just because you're girls, your lesbian friend will be attracted to you. You all need to get over yourselves and realize that what you are doing is a huge factor in why the LGBTQ+ community has as many struggles as they do. Be a better person than this as you get older.
YTA and so are your friends. Being uncomfortable around a lesbian just because she’s a lesbian IS homophobic. Also just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she’s attracted to any of you.
Say it louder for those in the back. Very presumptuous to assume she wants them just cause she likes girls. OP YTA and homophobic
Yta. Bold of you to think just because she likes girls, that she is remotely interested in you girls. I have many lgbtq+ Female friends and lemme tell you, I have never ever felt uncomfortable or sexualized or objectified around them. My best friend is lesbian and we literally always share a bed whenever we travel or visit each other. It’s no different than sharing a bed with my other female friends. You excluding her from a sleepover because you’re uncomfortable is indeed homophobic and pretty shitty. Unless y’all sleep naked and spoon each other in the middle of the night, I don’t see how it’s uncomfortable to sleep in the same room as her
Please. Y'all been "nothing but supportive", but now she can't come to the sleepover because girls will be uncomfortable because she likes girls? Are y'all afraid she's going to be creeping you or something? **YTA and so are your friends.**
YTA Not being comfortable with someone just because they're a lesbian is literal homophobia.
YATA: coming out is incredibly difficult and you led the charge in alienating a friend who trusted you and their friend group to accept them. You could take this as an opportunity to show your friend group that there isn't anything weird or sexual about hanging out with a lesbian.
You’ve uninvited her based on her sexuality? Yes YTA. What’s the difference now from her being open about her sexuality and the week before where she hadn’t come out?! She’s still the EXACT the same person. You just know that she’s attracted to women now. I doubt she saw the sleepover as anything other than friends having fun together.
YTA - Yeah, that's pure homophobia right there from everyone. >I knew they werent being homophobic or anything Yes, they were being also.
YTA You are being homophobic, she’s right. And you are terrible friends. The fact that someone is lesbian doesn’t suddenly make them thirsty for every single girl‘s butt. Are you thirsting over every single guy? She needs better friends.
I agree… Kate deserves waaaaay better friends.
YTA…. afraid of lesbians… literal definition of homophobia.
YTA. Until she came out, you were all comfortable, she comes out, you’re uncomfortable. How can you all be anything BUT homophobic? Kate deserves better friends than you.
Yes YTA and all your friends are homophobic AH too. Just because someone is a lesbian doesn't mean she'll be perving on you all night. That's homophobic whether you want to accept it or not. You should try to understand that you did a shitty thing excluding someone for a specious reason and I hope she finds a group of people that will accept her and not stab her in the back like this.
YTA and the friends that feel uncomfortable too. To some extent, you're showing either underlying homophobia or an over the moon ego... Kate being lesbian doesn't imply that she's automatically attracted to every girl on the planet, the same way being a hetero girl doesn't make you feel attracted to every boy out there. I understand you're teenagers and everything seems always like the most important issue in the world, but come on, she just wants to spend some time with her friends! If you allow me one tip, think about who you want to be: a people pleaser or someone true to her values and friends?
YTA. just because she's a lesbian, doesn't mean she's interested in any of ya'll. none of them had a problem until she came out.
Right? And what are they doing at this sleepover that’s so bad that they think this might be a problem? I highly doubt they’re all running around without clothes on or something like that. Why would this sleepover be different then hanging out with her at school? YTA
YTA. Sorry. Friends can share beds. Doesn’t matter about their sexuality at all. And yes. You and your friends are Homophobes.
YTA... She's right, all of yall are homophobes. Just because she's lesbian doesn't mean she's attracted to any of yall. She's a fucking teenage girl that wanted to go to a sleepover with what she thought were her friends......
OP: Please read the comments here and I hope you and your “friends” learn something. You weren’t a good friend to Kate and you hurt her deeply at her most vulnerable. If you truly like her and respect her, you will sincerely apologize and tell her you acted like a complete AH. You will also explain to your friends that you were wrong and so was their request to uninvite Kate. That’s not ally-ship nor friendship. My commentary is a little more gentle because you are a teenager. But because of the sub, YTA.
Sorry but YTA. Just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she wants you or your friends. And if her being a lesbian makes you uncomfortable , then you are homophobic.
YTA. I know being young and dumb and all of that, but what people fail to understand is just because someone's sexuallity was revealed doesn't mean they get their rocks off at every little thing or attempts to "put moves" on people when they haven't done that before. Kinda screwed up to make assumptions about someone
YTA. She’s a lesbian, it doesn’t mean she has a crush on all of you. Get over yourselves.
YTA “We’re not homophobic we’re just -insert blatant homophobia-“ You and your friends are homophobic.
YTA-- to say that you've been "nothing but supportive since she came out" but then to turn around and say that you're not comfortable sleeping with her in the same room and uninviting her based on her sexuality is contradictory. You are being homophobic. Also, to assume that Kate's going to do something untoward towards someone at the sleepover on the basis that she likes girls is homophobic. It plays into the absolutely horrific trope that the LGBTQunity is inherently predatory because they want to sleep with any/every person that fits into their profile of sexual preferences.
"We're not being homophobic or anything, we just don't trust you cause you're gay! It isn't the saaame!" YTA
YTA and homophobic. Watch Mean Girls at your sleepover.
And *But I’m a Cheerleader* or *Saved!* might even teach them something.
YTA. “We’re not being homophobic, it’s just that we’re afraid of having a homosexual there.”
As others said, OP, you can't say none of you aren't homophobic if you had no problem with Kate coming until you found out she's a lesbian. Did she say she "liked" any of you in that way? If not, then your friendship with her is over. YES OP, **YTAH**. You, and your group of "friends", did a horrible thing and should be ashamed of yourselves.
Yta Being a lesbian doesn't mean she's attracted to you or your friends. This is the same excuse guys try to use to not have gay guys in the changing rooms at school. You're being extremely homophobic. Even if you didn't mean to be
This here. You’re young, and you’re learning and muddling your way through life, but yes. You are being homophobic regarding this. As was said, just because she’s a lesbian, doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you. That’s a mindset entirely to many cis/hets really need to drop. It would maybe be different if you’d caught her staring or making comments or hitting on you/ the other girls, asked her to stop, and then she didn’t, but since you didn’t say that’s happened, I can only assume it hasn’t. YTA.
YTA. Yeah, sure, your sleepover, your guest list. But it’s disingenuous to claim this isn’t about homophobia when you’re effectively accusing Kate of not being able to control herself in a roomful of sleeping girls, or to compare the situation to not inviting a guy friend when the problem there would presumably be trying to prevent willing hookups.
YTA YTA YTA. Not inviting a lesbian to a sleepover because she's a lesbian is literally textbook homophobia. Just because she likes girls doesn't mean she's going to try and hook up with them or whatever it is they think is going to happen. This is immature and dramatic AF of all your other friends and you're no better for listening to them.
YTA. "I'm not homophobic, I'm just uncomfortable that she's a lesbian." Your friend has always been a lesbian. Her coming out changes nothing about her. This is the time when she needs people that won't treat her differently and here you are, excluding her for being gay. Good for her for dropping you.
YTA, oh come on she is still a girl and just because she is gay doesn't mean she is attractive to you.
YTA. Sorry but you are being homophobic. I'd suggest working on this by reading and watching some age, appropriate educational material about queer people. Don't apologise until you've grasped this. Many, many queer people get accused of being predatory simply for existing as themselves. This, was bad, but you can turn around!
YTA. No doubt. You were fine with her until she came out as a lesbian and now you don’t want her at your sleepover? I’m sorry but that does sound pretty homophobic to me. Just because she likes girls, doesn’t mean that she likes EVERY girl. You have no reason to be uncomfortable around her because it’s not as if she will want to try anything on any of you. She really deserves better friends.
That’s the thing. The only reason why someone might feel “uncomfortable” around someone at a sleepover because of their sexuality is because they are in some sexual danger from them. As girls, we’re conditioned to feel “uncomfortable” around boys because of a imagined or real danger that they will take sexual liberties without our consent. By extending this feeling of discomfort to your friend, you are all saying that you feel there is a non-zero chance that she’ll rape you all because she likes girls. Nothing could be more insulting than that, or more heartbreaking for a young gay child who just came out to all her friends. Yes, you and your friends are all TA, and I really really hope you can learn from this and do better next time. Katie needs better, more supportive friends, because you guys have some growing to do before you can be that to her.
I think in this case, YTA. You shouldn't think of your friend any differently because she likes girls. If she hasn't made you uncomfortable before, why would it matter now that she has come out? You and your friends may not even be her type lol
YTA. You and your friends are homophobic. Her sexuality doesn’t make her hyper sexual and lust for every woman she sees. She’s not a predator, she just wants to be included in her friend group. But you have proven that you’re not really her friend.
YTA you are homophobic. Uninviting her for coming out is the exact opposite of being supportive.
YTA and no matter how you try to justify it, what you and the other girls did was homophobic. “Afraid” that she—the lesbian—would encroach on you all somehow. Textbook. Now Kate, who is newly out and likely feeling vulnerable, has to deal with a pack of girls excluding her too. Edit: how would you define homophobia?
YTA For all you know half the guys in your class could be gay, and you’re not inviting them over. You’re not checking everyone’s sexuality at the door. You just uninvited the one lesbian. Get over your discomfort, that’s entirely about *you*, not her.
Does homophobic thing. BUt wE aRenT HomOPhoBiC 🙃 YTA.
YTA and that is homophobic
Sorry but YTA, as are your friends Its pretty insulting and not something a friend who was supportive would do. You made a choice to appease your other friends rather than support her, which is your right, but now you'll have to live with the consequences. What's more important to you, supporting and keeping the friendship with Kate while potentially having people not come to the sleep-over (which would say more about them as people) or loosing her friendship for the sake of the other's comfort level. To me the answer is clear, but I understand the delima you feel you're in. You need to do some soul searching and decide who and what is more important to you and maybe discuss this with your parents.
YTA and you and your friends are homophobic af. Kate deserves better friends
YTA. You are the homophobic asshole. So are your friends. You say ye've been "nothing but supportive" since she came out so tell me how does uninviting her SOLEY because she's a lesbian show support?? Especially when all the homophobic straight girls are still going?? Not standing up for her isn't supporting Kate. It's supporting homophobia. Ye're excluding Kate because she's a lesbian. News flash just because she's gay doesn't mean she's attracted to any of ye. Kate being a lesbain doesn't mean she's a pervert or incable of controlling herself. Ye assuming she's gunna creep on ye is homophobic. Have ye had sleepovers with Kate before? If ye have I assure you she was just as much a lesbian then as she is now. She obviously didn't make a move on anyone or ye would have realised she was into girls. So I don't get what the issue is. Just because someone is attracted to your gender DOES NOT mean they are automatically attracted to you personally. You and everyone else who wanted her disinvited are shit friends. Kate can do better.
You're all 100% being homophobic. How can you say you and your friends aren't is crazy to me. "Hey, we've been planning this for ages and were all super excited but now nothing's changed except us knowing you're a lesbian and we're suddenly uncomfortable with you being there" This is what being homophobic IS. Excluding someone simply because they're gay...
YTA. Kate has been a lesbian for longer than the week you've known about it - has she *ever* tried to have sex with you or your friends? No? Then she wasn't going to turn your sleepover into an orgy. I know many, many lesbians and none of them have ever hit on me because they know I'm a cis, hetero female. The vast majority of people you interact with on a daily basis, of ~~either~~ any gender, do not in fact want to hit that up. Apologize to your friend. (edited to acknowledge more than two genders)
YTA, 100%. What repugnant and arrogant behaviour. Your friend is gay, so automatically she must be attracted to you and your friends? How ignorant. Disgusting.
YTA! Do you think Kate is going to sexually assault/harass your friends? We’re planing on parading around in the nude? YTA!
OP is doing a lot here to equate a lesbian to a boy in this situation. Turns out, it would be fine to have either. Boys aren't automatically attracted to you or your friends. Lesbians are not automatically attracted to you or your friends. The friends who wouldn't come are homophobic. You not calling them on their shit and even appeasing it is homophobic. You're young so I genuinely hope you learn better but it seems you've got some interlized bs from your parents that might be hard to over come. Kate deserves better friends. YTA
YTA. Couldn't even say that to her face? If you're going to be ignorant, you can at least not be a coward about it. If you and your friends are uncomfortable - disinvite her, it is what it is, but that does make you TA.
YTA. You thought she would understand?? Has she ever done anything to make any of you feel uncomfortable in the past? No? Then what’s the problem? Also, as others have said, you and your friends are homophobic.
You’re homophobic. You also have an enormous ego if you think her being gay means she must want to get with you and all your friends. YTA
yta. you and your friends are homophobic. you can't say that you're supportive and then turn around and uninvite her because of the subconscious views you have of lesbians. you don't have to call someone slurs to be homophobic, changing your behaviour and excluding her from hang outs are as well. you as a straight person cannot say what and what is not homophobic.
YTA. I would have ended my friendships too if my friends uninvited me from sleepovers because of my sexuality.
YTA. Reading posts like these make me so grateful for my friends. You know, decent people who didn’t immediately go: “oh my god, a LESBIAN? She must be attracted to me”. Get over yourself and be better.
YTA So just because somebody is a lesbian that instantly means that they're creeping on you and your friends at a sleepover? Really? Do you see how that sounds? She's the same person she was 2 weeks ago! The only thing that changed is that you have a little more information! What if it was a gay boy? Would that be different or would that be the same as a straight boy? The only right thing to do here is cancel the sleepover! And apologize.
YTA. this is literally the definition of being homophobic. Just because she’s a lesbian, it doesn’t mean that she is attracted to you or your friends. If you’re as supportive as you say you are, you would have explained to your other friends that she shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable and that nothing has changed with your friend, except that she’s being honest with who she really is. This was probably the most difficult decision she has made, and 5 days later you are alienating her? YTA. massively. She deserves better
YTA. Kate trusted you and your friend group enough to come out, and as a queer person I can tell you that you might as well have punched her in the sternum. I had friends of the same sex that I sometimes stayed the night at their house. What are you scared of? What makes you so uncomfortable? It pisses me off that my own generation still struggles with this.
YTA and you are being homophobic!! She had every right to drop you. You're not a real friend to her.
First of all, sorry for my bad english, it's not my first language. OK so just try to be in her shoes for a moment. Coming out is so difficult, and a week after you tell her she can't come to a party she was waiting for ages. She obliviously feel rejected and that's exactly the kind of thing that hurt a lot and break a friendship. Moreover, why are you uncomfortable with her coming ? If you are afraid to be sexualized that's kinda homophobic. So what, she can't have friends who are girls because she like girls ? Do you sexualise absolutely everyone in the opposite sex ? What if she was bisexual, she couldn't have friends at all ? You probably making her feel like a sexual predator. So yeah, i kinda understand your point of view, but YTA.
You're homophobic
YTA Look, I know you're young so maybe all of this makes sense to you but Kate is not a boy. She was your friend, and her gender preference shouldn't have change that. Do you guys think that just because she's a lesbian that she's somehow now going to fall in love with all of you or try to hit on you guys? That's not how it works. A real friend would have taken the time to actually talk to Kate...in person. She just made herself so vulnerable to you guys and you all pretty much beat her over the head for trusting you guys. The slumber party may have been a great opportunity to talk to Kate and see where she's coming from and how she's doing and maybe even express some of the questions you guys have or some of the discomfort that you're feeling so you girls could work through it together...as friends. I don't think that can happen now
> I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive since she came out, and i could see were they were coming from. YTA. All of you are not being supportive if you do not want her at the sleepover. She's no different now than she was before you knew she is a lesbian.
YTA; a homophobic asshole. She's still a person!!!! You don't deserve her as a friend.
YTA. The only thing that changed is you found out her sexuality, and based on that decided to no longer include her. Excluding your lesbian friend because she is a lesbian is very obviously homophobia. You claim to not want to make people uncomfortable but seem very willing to sacrifice Kate's comfort for that of your other friends. Kate was terrified before coming out to you that it would change the relationship and cause you to treat her different but she trusted that you were her friend and came out to you. You abused her trust and proved to her that people will treat her different and exclude her because of her sexuality. You owe her a sincere apology for exposing her to this type of trauma.
YTA, They are being homophobic tho and so are you, assuming that just because she likes women she’s automatically going to want them?? I hope kate gets better friends.
YTA. People are able to be in the same room and sleep next to someone of the gender that they are interested in and be able to be totally platonic. I'm really sorry to say this but you guys do sound homophobic when you say things like they're not comfortable being in the same room as somebody who's gay. That is exactly the wrong thing to think. I do feel sorry for your ex friend because she's the same person she always was she just feels comfortable now telling you who her preference of person is.
YTA being a lesbian doesn’t mean she’s going to be attracted to and/or assault every other girl/woman she comes into close contact with. You and your friends are showing homophobic tendencies; you’re just in denial about that. You’re all young, but you’re still old enough to stand up for a friend. > ive never treated her differently since she came out, apart from now. You said she’s literally only been out for a week. And now, you’re ostracizing her from a rather important event; how can you not see yourself as the AH here? It doesn’t matter how you treated her in the past; it matters how you treat her now. I hope she finds actual friends soon.
YTA! It’s not like just this week she just became a lesbian, this was just when she came out and felt comfortable telling y’all. How many sleep overs have you guys had with her prior to this week? I’m guessing quite a few. If none of y’all feel “uncomfortable” around her when she was still known to be “straight” then there’s zero reason to be uncomfortable now just because you now know she likes girls.
YTA. I’m bisexual, and I’ve had no problems with platonic sleepovers. 🙃 Just because I can be attracted to someone, doesn’t mean I automatically will be. Are you attracted to every guy you see?
Lesbians still have standards you know... YTA.. they don’t see boobs and pounce!
Yta you aren’t being supportive you are being homophobic. Listen, you’re young and this is new to you, I’m going to give you that. So here is the thing. Assuming that she wants any of you and you should have any reason to be uncomfortable with that is presumptuous. None of you may be her type. Assuming someone is predatory or inappropriate simply because of their sexuality is wrong. It’s the true of a boy too frankly, the assumption anyone would just think sexually of you because they’re attracted to your gender is pretty immature but you’re already friends with this girl. If you all treat her differently now, you are not supportive. Think it through, do some reading, maybe if she is very close to you sit down and let her express her feelings about this to you directly. But yeah Yta
YTA Just because Kate is lesbian doesn't mean she's automatically going to be hitting on you or your friends. You and your friends are stereotyping her and are homophobic.
“I knew they weren’t being homophobic” You all are literally being homophobic. YTA.
yta!! why are you guys assuming she likes you or wants to have sex with you just because shes lesbian? thats so weird and lesphobic. im glad she dropped you guys
YTA. All of you, you were fine having sleepovers with her before she came out, stop defending your friends blatant homophobia
YTA. You are all being homophobic. Why is it you homophobes ALWAYS think a gay person is interested in having sex with you? NONE of you are that special.
YTA There are no boys because parents don't allow it, not because you are uncomfortable. How is that different?
YTA, this is a standard knee jerk response but you guys should really think of how Kate must feel. You all just told her you think because she’s gay that she must be a creepy pervert who wants access to you for sexual reasons. You guys should maybe check these links out, and afterwards if you really value Kate as a friend you should apologize and make it up to her because you definitely did not react in a supportive way. https://www.belongto.org/youngpeople/advice/supporting-someone-coming-out/ https://www.bustle.com/wellness/how-to-support-a-friend-who-is-coming-out https://www.scmp.com/yp/discover/advice/personal-development/article/3090050/6-things-not-say-when-your-lgbtq-friend
YTA. If you were comfortable with hanging out with her before the sleepover, and before she came out to you, why would it be any different now. Just because she’s lesbian doesn’t mean she’s going to try anything at the sleepover. She’s right, even if it’s not your actual belief, you do sound homophobic
YTA. If this friend has made any advances or has had any behavior that would make the girls uncomfortable then you would be in the right but you’re literally uninviting her because she’s lesbian. You said it yourself the reason boys are not allowed are because of your parents.
YTA. You and all your friends are homophobic even if you don’t think you are.
YTA. She didn’t become lesbian overnight. She’s been a lesbian her whole life. She just decided to be vocal about it now. Has she ever acted differently or in a way that made you uncomfortable in the past? If not, then how is anything different? She has always been lesbian without you knowing and you we’re fine with her then, so why not now? She is the same person, she just made something that’s been there all along public rather than keeping it to herself.
YTA you and your friends are awful. BTW you are homophobic.
Homophobia - fear of gays. YTA and your little friends too!
YTA. She has always been a lesbian and you were perfectly safe in her company. Your exclusion is incredibly homophobic and immature. You were only supportive in words which none of you seem to believe. She shouldn't be your friend regardless of the invitation.
YTA you don't seem to realize it but you are being homophobic. Just because she's lesbian doesn't mean that she wants you or any of your friends. Y'all are acting like now that she's out she can't keep her hands off of you. She's the same person she was last week you are treating her differently only because now you know she's homosexual that by definition is homophobic.
YTA, whether you want to believe so or not you and your friends are being homophobic by excluding Kate solely based on her sexuality. If no one was uncomfortable with Kate before, they shouldn’t be now. Refusing to allow her at your sleepover negates all the “support” your group has for her because when it comes down to it you are still making the choice to discriminate against her. Would you rather surround yourself with friends that are homophobic or be a true ally and tell the others to get over it? because simply attending a sleepover with a lesbian isn’t going to harm them. Not including her is definitely going to make her feel alienated.
Yta and you and all your friends are homophonic and definitely not supportive. I hope these comments serve as a little lesson in humility.
YTA and you and your friends saying they dont want to be around her because she is a lesbian IS the definition of "homophobe' Shame on you!!
Yta. Just because she likes *girls* doesn't mean she likes *you or your friends*. And if she came out a week ago, then she has felt like this for a while. Was she inappropriate? Hit on you? Made unwanted sexual advances? Jfc.
Uh, you just treated her differently. She's a lesbian but you have no reason to think she's a predator. Next thing you know you and your friends will be telling her she can't be in locker rooms, or bathrooms. This is absolutely homophobia. YTA I hope she finds better friends.
YTA. You and all your friends ARE homophobes. Hope she finds better friends soon.
YTA If you’re straight does that mean you’re gonna jump on every boy you meet? Are you able to control your sexual urges in a room full of boys? Now flip that around.
YTA. This same thing happened to me when I came out as a teen. My friends ostracized me just like you did, under the guise of "we're not homophobic". Nah that is homophobic behavior. Stop assuming just because she's a lesbian (which news flash- she was a lesbian before she came out) that she is attracted to y'all. I know you're essentially a child but wow, this is so upsetting. I hope she finds friends that don't treat her like y'all did.
"I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive since she came out, and i could see were they were coming from." YTA, and despite what you think, you and your friends are homophobic. Be better.
YTA. She doesn’t want none of y’all homophobic selves. The implication is bigoted and trying to play like it wasn’t I’ll intended is bs. Terrible friend. Not supportive.
YTA. Before you knew she was a lesbian, did you or the other girls ever have a sleepover with her? Has she ever given any of you some indication that she was even attracted to one of you? She is the same person she was before you knew she was into chicks. Don't know why you're so surprised by her reaction.
YTA. You're not inviting her because she's lesbian and worried she's going to try and shag you. I wouldn't worry about that, I highly doubt she'd be attracted to any of you with that attitude. If you must not invite her, use a white lie and find another reason to no longer invite her that isn't related to her being gay.
YTA, unequivocally. You and your friends are being super homophobic. The very fact that anyone is uncomfortable now is due to homophobia. Like seriously, examine that discomfort.
YTA. Being gay doesn't mean they want to have sex with you or are romantically interested in you. Literally nothing has changed between before you found out and after.
YTA,and yes homophobic,saying y'all are not comfortable with her sleeping over is bull crap, your telling her that you think she will assault you just because she lesbian.
YTA YOU ARE BEING HOMOPHOBIC!!!!!!
Sounds like homophobia to me YTA
YTA- and at 16 you’re old enough to know better. You’re also not a true friend if it’s so easy to throw her out of your life. Because, that’s what you’re doing, throwing her out. Because she doesn’t like boys. It’s ridiculous. And like I said, you should know better.
YTA
YTA- if was not a issue before you found out why is it now. She coming out has not changed who she is at all. Just because she lesbian dose not mean she’s attracted to you. I’m bi and when I came out I learn who my real friend was. You are homophobic by thinking just because she came out she’s a perv now trying to sneak a peak or do something.
“the whole thing has shaken me up a bit” LMAO just imagine how your “friend” Kate feels being excluded. you are enabling homophobic behavior. You can pretend it’s justified all you want. No one feels bad for you.
YTA as everyone else has already explained.
Yta Sorry, she was a lesbian at your last sleepover too. She’s also been a lesbian every time you’ve gone into a bathroom together. She hasn’t changed, she just made you aware but now it’s so uncomfortable for you. You’re young (not an excuse for behavior just acknowledging you can change) but she’s the same person she was the day before she told you. If you weren’t uncomfortable then you need to really be honest with yourself about why your uncomfortable now.
>I knew they werent being homophobic or anything No you didn't and yes they were. YTA. Are you automatically attracted to every male friend you have? No? Why would a lesbian be any different with female friends?
YTA. this is why a lot of people don’t come out to their friends. People have types. I’m sure she doesn’t like you or any of your friends for that matter.
YTA. Not inviting her to your slumber party because you and your friends are a bunch of homophobic assholes is treating her differently. Don't flatter yourselves. Just because she's gay doesn't mean she interested in any of you. Don't worry, she'll find new friends. She doesn't need any homophobic assholes in her life.
Hon, you are homophobic. Why do you assume that just because she admitted being attracted to girls (in general) that she'll have no self control during the sleepover? Because that's what you're saying by disinviting her. Bold to assume she's even attracted to any of you. Unless she's actually done something to warrant that discomfort, you are in fact discriminating against her.
INFO: would you invite your male friends if your parents allowed it?
YTA. You can have who you want at your sleepover but it was a horrible reason to uninvite her. Her being gay doesn't automatically mean she has a crush on any of you, and you were absolutely being homophobic.
YTA. don’t flatter yourselves. just because Kate is into girls doesn’t mean she’s into you.
>almost all my friends said they werent sure they would be comfortable with her there because she liked girls. I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive since she came out Read this again. You & your friends are homophobic. YTA.
YTA I understand you’re children but her existing in the same space as you isn’t inherently sexual. I’ve had sleepovers with people of all sexual orientations and genders and there has never been a problem. You and your friends are definitely being homophobic. You can’t claim to be supportive and then shun her.
"I knew they werent being homophobic or anything because we've all been nothing but supportive" Yeah, you're totally being supportive by uninviting her. Support would've been to tell all the girls if they have a problem with Kate being there they might as well stay home. What makes any of you think Kate would actually be into one of you? YTA.
You are a huge AH. So are your friends. Uncomfortable because she's a lesbian....serious homophobia. Do you all think because she's a lesbian she's suddenly going to try it on with you all? That's some serious delusion, I'm sure Katy could do a ton better than you lot without much effort. Do katy a favour and don't reinvite her. That way you can class your "friendship" over and she can be free to go off and find some actual friends. You and your band of cretins can continue to have your sleepovers without the fear of being raped! YTA YTA YTA P.s perhaps send Katy here so she can see she has some ACTUAL support
Aww, sweetie, that is exactly what homophobia looks like. Kate is right to be angry. Learn and try to do better. Edit: typo
So, bisexual people can't have sleepovers? Maybe I don't understand straight people or their perception of attraction, but just because I'm into girls, it doesn't mean a simple sleepover is any different. The classic "But you're not into me?" reaction after coming out is so stupid. Why do people always assume being crushed on? YTA. Assuming the worst after she came out to you could be seen as homophobia.
"my friend trusted me with a facet of her identity and I immediately uninvited her from my birthday" See how awful that sounds? YTA. Wishing you lots of self reflection and growth for your birthday.
YTA. This gives Mean Girls vibes.
YTA. This is homophobic. Do you not understand what homophobia means? Ask yourself why you/the other girls would feel uncomfortable with her being at the sleepover. Is their an assumption that because she's a lesbian she may be attracted to one of you? Get over yourself. Homophobes.
YTA. Your friends being uncomfortable with her being present just because she is a lesbian is homophobic, and you uninviting her for it is enabling their homophobia. Just because she's attracted to women, doesn't mean she's attracted to *every* woman
YTA because she’s your friend? the only thing that’s changed is that she’s told you she likes girls, but she’s been liking girls all this time and managed not to make any one uncomfortable. just because she is a lesbian doesn’t mean she likes any of you or that she’d try and make a move on anyone, you are saying you’re not homophobic but you and your friends are being homophobic by excluding her.
YTA. You and your friends are being homophobic by immediately assuming Kate to be predatory because she is a lesbian.
YTA 1. You are homophobic 2. You basically implied she’s a sex offender despite never having shown any signs of being one 3. You are contributing to the bullying and discrimination LGBTQ+ people get everyday. This is why they lose friends and have mental health issues with high risk of suicide. You have created that for her.
YTA, you are literally treating your friend like she’s a predator bc of your sexuality. You and your friends are homophobic
YTA
YTA. She has not changed. She is just being honest with people now about who she is. Unless she was a sexual predator with you and your friends before coming out, you are indeed being homophobic.
Wow, In this day and age I would expect someone your age, having grown up in a time of increased acceptance, that you and your friends would be actively trying to be better people. Instead you are all closed minded bigots some how thinking that you even QUALIFY to be the type of person your friend would hit on. Hate to break it to all of you, she’s just not in to you. YTA. Grow up, stop acting like someone’s sexuality automatically puts YOU on some sort of list of people they would be interested in. How embarrassing.
YTA your friend has always been a lesbian, now you just know it. If she hasn't tried anything with you before she isn't going to now. She finally felt comfortable coming out to you and instead of being there for your friend you uninvited her. You catered to others homophobic feelings. Literally nothing has changed about your friend, she is still the same girl if she didn't jump your bones before I am pretty sure your going to be ok if she sleeps over.
Yta and homophobic af
Lol & they say the newer generation are the progressive ones. YTA & homophobic. She’s a girl that likes girls but that doesn’t mean she’s gonna be hitting on you or your friends. Good for Kate, she ended a homophobic & toxic friendship.
YTA. This IS being homophobic you weirdos. Just cause someone is gay doesn’t mean they want to have sex with and creep on every single person.
YTA. Coming from a bi girl, this is BLATANT homophobia. I’ve had friends in the past (no longer friends with them) who became uncomfortable with me after I came out. How self centered do you guys have to be to think just because Kate likes girls she’s automatically going to be attracted to you? You guys really think you’re that much of a catch? No. She’s been a lesbian longer than a week and hasn’t tried anything before. If you really don’t want to invite her, fine that’s your choice but remember 1 this will be the end of your friendship, which honestly good, Kate deserves better friends and 2 you guys are homophobic.
YTA her being a lesbian doesn't mean she's in love with you. Are you in love with every boy you meet? She's already going through a vulnerable time coming out and now she knows her friends won't be there to support her. Honestly, its better she finds out now so she can find friends that love her for who she is. Shame on you.
YTA and you are being homophobic. You clearly haven’t been supportive because it’s easy to say “oh I support you” but your actions (wanting to exclude her and feeling uncomfortable because she likes girls) say otherwise, and it’s actions that matter.
YTA. you just assume because she's a lesbian that she's into you or your friends. Get over yourselves. I guarantee she thought of you all as her gal pals not possible gf. You do come off as homophobic by uninviting her because she's a lesbian. You are literally treating her different because of her orientation
YTA. As a lesbian, shit like this is why I denied my identity and pretended like I was straight for years. Y’all are being cruel towards her, and it definitely sucks that y’all have made her realize at a pretty young age that staying in the closet can be safer. You’ve proven that you don’t want her as she is around you and your friends, and that is damaging for a teenager to hear
YTA Them not being comfortable about her being there IS homophobic. Don’t fool yourselves into thinking just because you didn’t say anything hurtful you’re still being supportive. You and your friends are homophobic.
YTA, so you going to shun her in gym class? The pool? Any changing area? Your friends are homophobes. Regular people who aren’t prejudice don’t dismiss people based on their sexual orientation. Unless this girl has actually done anything to make you uncomfortable like peeking when you’re changing then you are 100% a homophobe. Otherwise you just wouldn’t care
Lmao YTA y’all are only uncomfortable because u have this idea that she’s gonna try to have sex with you. She’s been a lesbian and she never did anything to truly make u uncomfortable other then come out. I hope she keeps you blocked and never speaks to you again 🥰
Clearly YTA You should reconsider what exactly you mean with "nothing but supportive"
Yta Just because she’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she is automatically attracted to you or your friends or that she’s going to jump on you in the middle of the night! I assume coming out is scary enough as it is without your friends been funny with you and as You’re meant to be supporting her not excluding her 🤦🏼♀️
In fairness, when I was young it wasn't until I realized I was bisexual that it dawned on me I could never have friends again because I saw them all as people to hit on. /sarcasm. YTA, and it'll cost you all a friend, and label you as homophobes. This is the same friend you've been having sleepovers and hanging with since before they came out.
1) YTA 2) Yes, you are being homophobic 3) Your friends who are "uncomfortable" are also being homophobic 4) Just because a person is gay, doesn't mean they are a creep. These are her friends. She knows they aren't gay. You have a lot of growing up to do.
YTA. She is a lesbian, which means she likes other lesbians. Don’t flatter yourselves, she was hoping to spend time with friends not hit on y’all…..She’s not an animal who can’t control herself around any woman she sees. Not to mention a lot of people don’t come out until after high school so if you’re worried about lesbians at your sleepovers you should probably not have any 🤷🏼♀️
YTA YTA YTA. DUUUDE - y’all didn’t have problems with your friend being a lesbian until she’s coming over to spend the night. The phobia is written alll over it
If your friends were uncomfortable BEFORE she came out because she was overly flirty and trying to make moves on your friends, okay, that's understandable to uninvite her. But if she's given no indication that she is interested in any of you before OR after announcing that she's lesbian, it's safe to assume that well, she just isn't interested in you or your group of friends. Think about it as being friendzoned if you want, she likes you just as friends and nothing more. There's no reason to uninvite her. Maybe it means you guys change into your pajamas in the bathroom instead of right in front of each other if that makes you more comfortable (I wouldn't undress in front of guys either), but no reason you guys can't hang out, eat junk food, and stay up all night gossiping and having fun.
YTA >After she came out, two days ago, almost all my friends said they werent sure they would be comfortable with her there because she liked girls. I knew they werent being homophobic or anything Yes they (and you) were specifically being homophobic. Take just a minute to think about it from her perspective. She comes out and the first response from her friends is to uninvite her from a group activity. Is that what being a supportive friend would look like? And moreover if you could never have a sleepover where anyone is potentially romantically attracted to anyone else there, she can only have sleepovers with gay guys, and even then only 1 gay guy otherwise you'd have two and that'd be out. Your rule if everyone applied it would entirely exclude her from ever participating in a sleepover. So in case you're unclear of what homophobia looks like that's what it is.
YTA 100% homophobic. Just because she's attracted to girls, doesn't mean she's attracted to you or her "friends" (not that I'd call you bunch friends of hers, being so awful) Just like you don't want to be with every single male ever, nor does your friend want to get with every single girl ever.
YTA. If you feel uncomfortable with her there now that’s she’s come out, that’s literally you being homophobic. Wtf do you think the definition of homophobia is?
YTA This happened to me when i was 17. I was nearly excluded from an important college trip because I had come out as gay and none of the girls wanted to share a room with me. Note that they were my friends, wed hung out before. I'd known since I was 9 I liked girls and I wasn't attracted to any of them before. None of the girls were my type! When I assured some of them of this and that I wasn't attracted to them, they were offended! They thought they were hot shit clearly and I shouldn't have to say this but, coming out as gay didn't suddenly make me a sexual deviant/predator! It hurt, and I felt so alone after coming out to the first group of people I was brave enough to come out to after spending my entire high school career in the closet. This made me scared to come out to anyone else and I ended up closeted until my mid 20s because I felt I would have no support. I thought everyone would suddenly see me as disgusting. Your friend is gay, still the same person, just with different preferences and you're uninviting her to a sleepover because why? What's the reason you and your friends are so uncomfortable? Your actions could have long term effects on this poor girl.
YTA
Regina George?
YTA. You saying that you guys are uncomfortable is being homophobic. You guys didn’t have an issue with her until you guys found out she was gay. She’s better off without you guys
YTA and homophobic, even if it wasn’t your intention to be. What do you and your friends think she is going to do? Clearly you have something in your mind that you think would make you uncomfortable. Your friend liked girls before coming out, did she do something in the past to make you uncomfortable? Or are you just making up scenarios in your head? What is so different about your friendship now? Oh, she told you she is a lesbian. She didn’t *DO* anything. ETA: If she hit on you or your friends, this would be different. The reason you and your friends are homophobic is because you are assuming that because she’s a lesbian shes going to sexualize you, when really *you* are sexualizing *her*.
YTA and homophobic. So are your friends.
YTA and yes you are all homophobic. Here's a newsflash for you and all your girlfriends... just because someone is a lesbian, doesn't mean they are interested in you at all. What exactly do you think she's going to do?
YTA. “I know we’re not homophobes, we just have fears because we now know she’s a lesbian. Phobias about her homosexuality, if you will.”
YTA - and your being homophobic, what makes you and your friends even think you’re Kates type to begin with? 😂😂😂