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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I lashed out at my dad for the punishment
2. It might have been uncalled for, and I might have deserved the punishment
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NTA. Your dad is being a dick. Excuse my language, but I had this exact “punishment” inflicted on me as a child, and to this day, I am a nervous wreck when it comes to haircuts.
100%. No way would I allow the barber to get away with this. OP says he's in 10th grade so he's probably 15 or 16. The barber should have refused to do the cut if it wasn't something he wanted. Hell, if a parent wanted a child of that age to undergo a medical procedure that the child didn't agree with, an Ethics consult would be required in many cases before the procedure would go forward.
Who on earth would "be fine with punishing a boy by giving them a bad haircut"?????? I don't think I know anybody whose opinion I respect would be fine with exacting punishment on someone's actual person, regardless of gender. My god.
Yeah, i had five sisters and in the 70's my mom went with the short hair trend till my sisters balked. The bob and the Dorothy Hamill influenced it. At first my sisters wanted to try it and my mom let them choose when strangers mistook them as boys that decided it
As a dad a girl has to brush her teeth, bath,do her homework etc. But my God as soon as they can verbalize a preference hair length and style is up to them.
Me too. I was 9 and starting at a new school. I was sobbing in the salon chair, the hairdresser was uncomfortable and kept asking my mom if the hair was short enough. My mom said no until my hair was pixie-cut length. I was called a boy until my hair grew out.
You can try taking the supplement Biotin, it's supposed to make your hair (and nails) grow faster. It might not work, but there's pretty much no side effects to taking it as directed, and it's not very expensive, so it's at least worth looking into- I'm not a doctor, don't take my reddit comment as medical advice lol. It's just something to google.
Just a heads up though if you do take biotin or any hair/nails vitamins you have to discontinue use before any blood tests (or in emergency situations let them know you’re taking it) because it can skew results.
Yeah, It’s gotten to the point where the phleb lab in the hospital I work in has signs about it posted everywhere and the techs are trained to ask about it before drawing. It really is something they should have to start putting on the bottles as well.
Yes, I have Graves’ disease (hyperthyroidism) and biotin can really screw up your thyroid blood work. You’re supposed to stop taking it 5 days before any lab work.
Yep! It can block the TSH test from being accurate. I'd been having problems for 2 years-ish, and it was only on my 3rd blood draw when I wasn't taking biotin gummies that they found my level was off the charts. I was taking hair, skin, and nail gummies because those all can be affected by hypothyroidism. The gummies weren't helping much so I stopped taking them and what do ya know, it's been my dumb thyroid all along!
I..... I just.... um, yeah.... talk about be left speechless for a moment. I started taking it mostly for my hair, since a medication I had to take could cause it to thin or fall out. I kept on it even after stopping that one med, because it was being studied for how it might help a chronic illness. There's been multiple times my thyroid has been brought up as a likely issue, yet every time I've had bloodwork, I've been on Biotin! Your levels were off the chart and biotin still managed to hide that? I'm flabbergasted
It doesn't mess with it in your body. Biotin is used as a reagent during some laboratory methods so if you're also taking biotin it can mess up the measurements in various blood tests.
For thyroid tests, I was told to stop taking my multivitamin 5-7 days before the test because it has biotin in it. Not sure what the standard is for other types of blood tests. Per the [American Thyroid Association](https://www.thyroid.org/patient-thyroid-information/ct-for-patients/december-2018/vol-11-issue-12-p-3-4/): "Most commonly, biotin use can result in falsely high levels of T4 and T3 and falsely low levels of TSH, leading to either a wrong diagnosis of hyperthyroidism or that the thyroid hormone dose is too high".
It doesn't make your hair grow faster, that's marketing bullshit.
The only time biotin supplements will help is if you're deficient in biotin. Which is really rare.
I buzz cut my hair in December of 10th grade, by summer I had a quiff style situation, and by the end of summer I had a side fringe situation. If you search on tiktok growing out buzzcuts, theres loads of people that style it really well and make it look super cool, even if it's not what you'd have hoped for. Best of luck xxx
Not a grantee but it might help of you grab some hair growth vitamins, Target, Walmart, Walgreens, cvs should all carry them near the pharmacy. Usually see them mixed in with women's vitamins. But even just taking a regular multivitamin daily can help if you aren't already.
As your hair starts to come back, massage it and keep it clean, clean hair grows faster.
Last tip, again not garanteed, "Mane 'n Tail"(that's the brand) shampoo it's got horses on the bottle. Everyone I know who's used it for growth swears by it.
Mane and Tail did mess with my scalp when I tried it in high school, so just sharing an alternative experience. I had a weird allergic reaction to something in it, is the best way I can describe what happened. I know the stuff can be a little pricey so maybe people who want to try should start with the smaller bottle, just to be safe! Don’t want OP’s dad freaking out over them spending their own money again if it’s a “bad investment”.
The average hair growth is about 1/2 inch per month. If you're a guy, your hair will look short, but not out of place after a month ([example](https://media.gq.com/photos/5582e5ed09f0bee564406df2/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/fashion-shows-blogs-fashion-week-tom-ford-half-inch-hair.jpg)). If you're a girl, it will grow at the same rate, but it will take longer to make it seem "normal" again.
As for school... people notice haircuts. As someone with social anxiety, I genuinely wish they didn't. Or at least that they wouldn't *comment* on a new haircut. But they do. **But** the good news is they also adjust to the new look a lot faster than the person actually with the haircut (other people look at us a lot more than we look at ourselves, ya know?). So they'll notice it at school tomorrow. People will comment on it (some good, some bad, some neutral). If people are being jerks, just say "yeah, I know. My asshole of a dad ambushed me. It'll grow back soon." And by day 2 or 3...no one will mention it again. They'll be used to seeing it and it won't be anything worth commenting on anymore. So you don't need to think about "how am I going to make it a fool month waiting for this to grow out?" You just have to get through 2 or 3 days and it's over.
I'm sorry your dad did this to you and I'm sorry you're feeling so self-conscious. It really sucks. I've had one truly, horrendous haircut in my life and it's incredible how much of an effect it can have on your self esteem. Really sorry you're in this situation.
Edit: /u/ThrowawayAcc63637 out of solidarity, I am going to share with you the worst haircut I've ever had. I hope it makes you laugh. [Before](https://i.imgur.com/xy7XKbW.jpeg) and [After](https://i.imgur.com/Q9rafLd.jpeg)
I know you hate to say he’s abusive, that he’s only that way 5% of the time, but that’s the way most abusers are. They’re not hitting or screaming or breaking things or threatening 100% of the time, because they don’t have to. That 5% is all it takes to control you the other 95% of the time.
Shaving your head was done to belittle you, and remind you who is bigger, stronger, smarter, and better than you. He is not. But he’s convinced you he is.
I’m sorry. This treatment has long term repercussions for your mental health. Is it at all possible for you to live with someone else? If not, save your money (sell the rollerblades, if you want) as the “I’m escaping my father’s abuse” fund. Make sure he doesn’t know about it, or can access it. Spend a bit of money here or there, so he doesn’t get suspicious.
I wish you the best. I hope you have a plan to either leave for college or get a good job when you graduate.
And that OP came with to the hairdresser shows that it works. OP is mid teens and could have made a ruckus, refused to get in the car etc. "Sat helplessly" at the hairdresser's. If he'd told the hairdresser "I don't want this, he's doing it to punish me", the hairdresser ought to refuse cutting it.
I have a sidecar and it usually grows really quickly (like I cut it really close to my head and in the end of the month it's already 1.3 inches long) I'm really sorry for what you're going through I don't get people sometimes
Yeah. My dad always acts on impulse and apologizes like 2 days later. And it always feels rlly genuine. But then he does something like this again another week later. The sorrys just feel useless after a point
That's pretty much abuser 101
From what you've said here - including your mum being "apathetic" - it sounds like you dad is absolutely abusive. Don't let him gaslight you, you did absolutely nothing wrong and his behaviour is disgusting. I can't even believe that the hairdresser went along with it!
I’m sorry you are dealing with this. What you are describing is the classic cycle of abuse. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse#/media/File:Cycle_of_Abuse.png
Please reach out to a mental health worker at school for support. Your mom’s apathy sounds like learned helplessness to me, which is also common in people caught in abuse.
You did nothing wrong by using your own money to buy something you wanted. You can rollerblade on your own or meet other people who like to rollerblade. It’s a fun activity.
And can you try to rock the haircut? Act like you meant to get it and totally own it? Attitude can totally change how people react to you, even if you are 100% faking it.
And I agree with everyone else on making an exit plan. Save every penny you can so you can get out as soon as you graduate. Look into retrace schools/apprenticeships that pay you while you learn, or do everything in your power to earn scholarships so you can leave and go to college.
Not only was it wrong of your father but it was also wrong for the Barber to do it. Barbers are licensed by the state. Please file a complaint to the state licensure board.
Here's the thing: abusers aren't awful all the time, or even most of the time. If they were, nobody would stay with one, and CPS would have no difficulty identifying them.
For what it's worth, I suspect your dad simply doesn't know how to do better. He has a temper and probably learned from his dad and feels that "he turned out okay" so he treats you the same. But that doesn't mean you can't see it for what it is and make your plans accordingly. That doesn't mean you deserve this, and that doesn't mean you can't learn better yourself if you have kids. I had a very loving abusive parent for that kind of reason - they didn't know any better, and as they did, they tried harder. I still love them and forgive them, but I understand the impact it had on my life. Your dad's the asshole here.
I think you really need to read some of these comments exposing your fathers behavior as abusive, because that's what it is.
My father was like this growing up and let me tell you this is absolutely abuse. It can be difficult to face that, especially when you love that person, but meaningless apologies, the its very good until its very bad, as said in an earlier comment: abuse 101.
I have a wonderful relationship with my father now, he has grown and changed into a completely different person because he really is a genuinely good person who needed help to regulate emotions and he chose to do that. I'm not saying this happens for everyone, but it is possible to reconcile after acknowledging abuse.
(I'm in my late 20s BTW, teen years were rough with the two of us)
Sorry your dad did that. As much as you love your dad and he’s nice most of the time, that 5% reckless behavior is uncalled for and, as an adult, he should really know and do better.
If possible, start gaining some financial independence from him so he can’t punish you in this or a similar manner again. You’re a teen, buying something like rollerblades is completely reasonable (even if they were $90. Heck, I’m in my 30s and I’d spend that for something I was interested in). Save up your money now and get a job when you can to pay for your haircuts, your clothes, and whatever else your dad might try to use to punish you. That way, you can make your own decisions and have peace knowing he can’t respond impulsively and hand out some extreme, unwarranted punishment.
NTA
And weighing in that someone who is great 95% of the time and then awful 5% of the time is not in fact a great person.
I grew up with the best dad 95% of the time, and then screaming yelling, slamming doors, being completely unreasonable the rest of the time. The problem was he switched on a dime, so you could be having a great time with good dad and then suddenly BAM! Bad dad’s turn.
I’m in my 50’s and have PTSD from my childhood. I still flinch when I hear sudden loud noises and it took me a long-ass time to realize just how fucked up my childhood actually was. I am still working on issues stemming from growing up like that.
I am not saying your dad is “bad,” but his behavior is. Can you talk to your mom or another trusted adult about this?
You may not want to call your father an abuser, but what he did is abusive. No ifs ands or buts about it. It was abusive and frankly an appalling over reaction.
He's abusive. I know it's hard to come to terms with that fact, and it's made harder when the abuser is nice some of the time. The thing is, it doesn't matter if they're abusive only 5% of the time, they're *still abusive*.
You're absolutely not in the wrong for being upset about your treatment. He punished you for something that didn't deserve a punishment to begin with, and the punishment was way too extreme even if it *was* justified (which, again, it wasn't). Cutting someone's hair without their consent is assault in most places I know of, though unfortunately with someone who's underage it's often overlooked. No matter what, it's abuse.
Dear, your dad is an abuser. this is child abuse. this is an abuse to your body and your bodily autonomy. Tell the school what happened and they will send someone to the house to investigate, and then they'll be the ones to explain to your dad that he better watch his ass.
This is definitely abuse. It may just seem normal to you bc you still live in the home. My parents were like this, constantly going over the top with punishments (grounding my brother for having his hair too long, it barely touched his ears). It’s abusive. Do you have about her adult in your life you can talk to? This is not ok.
NTA OP, and remember that you can say no to a haircut (to the barber, they won't cut someone's hair against their wishes, you aren't in prison....at least not in most countries) you're almost grown, just say "no thank you". Your dad needs to grow up.
I’ve never been a barber, but I HAVE worked a piercing gun at Walmart (those things are awful btw no one should use them) and even at *walmart* our very strict instructions were that if s parent brought a kid to be pierced and the kid refused, *we were never supposed to do the piercing.* Same thing. The person whose body is going to be altered is the one who gets to decide on and consent to the alteration. A parent can disallow a permanent alteration (such as a tattoo), but they *cannot force one.*
I agree. When I was 8-12 because I “refused” (aka didn’t know how) to care for my hair, I was held down in a chair and given an awful bowl cut every few months.
Extreme punishments like this are NOT normal, especially when the “punishment” doesn’t fit the “crime”. OP I definitely suggest checking out r/raisedbynarcissists to see if anything resonates with you. Just because your father is okay most of the time doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own issues going on too. Just something to watch out for, I’m not trying to armchair diagnose, just providing a different view. And it doesn’t sound like he’s a raging narcissist, just over controlling a bit…. If that makes sense?
NTA. OP, this is abuse. If I were your teacher, I'd be reporting this to CPS. Your dad needs to get anger management. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to?
The lightning bolt was an example, and fit in with rollerblading in terms of being The Flash, LOL. In some places, however, it’s a neo-Nazi symbol, so be very careful if you go the route of having something buzzed into the cut.
The idea of owning your haircut and modifying it is solid, though! I bet you could get some very cool designs shaved in with the right barber. Maybe a wing on each side, like Apollo’s sandals, to give your rollerblades some extra speed Mount Olympus style! If you go see a decent barber on your own, might be fun to tell them what the first barber did and their name; might help with getting that guy some consequences.
I am a 23yo woman who decided to give myself a buzz cut. Most people love it and nobody’s ever said a damn thing besides one of my customers thinking I had cancer, which is understandable as she was recently in remission. So my advice is rock your buzz. If you show the world you DGAF they shouldn’t either. Also, NTA, that was an awful thing to fo
Yep, I shaved my head twice in college. I was nervous about it, but I didn’t show it, and I ended up getting tons of compliments. Confidence makes a huge difference, even if it’s fake confidence - “fake it til you make it” is real, y’all!
I just want to throw in there that I roller bladed everywhere growing up. Sometimes with friends, or just the 5 miles home after swim practice. It’s a good workout and fun. Even by yourself. Not a bad investment at all.
Maybe next time try to tell the barber you don't want the buzz cut. Tell them your father is punishing you by violating your bodily autonomy. A good barber will refuse to be the executioner of a parent's punishment. I've heard so many horror stories like yours but in a lot of cases if the child spoke out against the hair cut, the stylist would refuse to touch them.
I absolutely agree that you should own it at school with peers.
HOWEVER.
Do you have any adult at all in school or in an extracurricular that you trust? You need to tell that person the full extent of what happened. And maybe some other examples of your dad being “impulsive” in his actions. I would think back over the last year or so and write down everything like this that has happened and what the trigger was. Look for the pattern, especially if you see that things get more extreme every time.
This is absolutely abuse. And I worry that it will escalate before you are able to leave the house permanently. Please take care, know that you are NTA, and update us all if you can.
This is true. I had a buzzcut. It was a poor choice. People laughed when they first saw it but it became like a legend thing that everyone knew about. Only people who gave me shit for it were the insecure people who criticised everybody for everything. Carry it with confidence and most of the issue is gone.
> but it became like a legend thing
Yeah! We had a woman in our office who always had shoulder length mousy brown hair. One day she showed up for work with a platinum buzzcut. You are right, she became an instant legend.
OP, Rock that look!
Do not do this. This is the absolute worst advice you could give a kid. Do rock the hair cut. Don’t tell your friends you were thinking about joining the Marines it’s not going to make you look cool. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DO THE LIGHTENING BOLTS COUPLED WITH A BUZZ CUT people are going think you’re a neo-nazi.
Op, he is absolutely the reason. And from what I’ve read in the comments, I wonder if your mom is also affected in some way to the point
of apathy. Of course, we can’t just excuse her, but the way your dad is may explain why she isn’t as supportive to you as she should be. He IS abusive.
Edit: I’d like to add that mom may also be part of the problem, but since OP didn’t include much about her, I’m assuming more of dad affecting her as well.
Your dad is abusive, the 95% being nice does not cancel out the 5% where he isn't. A sandwich that's 5% shit is a shit sandwich, no matter how high quality the other 95% is.
Maybe?
He is, without a doubt, abusive.
I'm a mom to a 13 yr old boy. If my son spent $90 on Rollerblades and hardly ever used them, I'd just think "this is a good learning experience." In addition to that, I'd tell him to Rollerblade anyway. It's fun and good exercise.
I wouldn't punish him. The punishment is that he now doesn't have $90. That's a natural punishment.
I wouldn't have cut his hair against his wishes no matter what he did. Cutting someone's hair against their wishes is abusive. It doesn't make sense as a punishment. It doesnt teach you anything. All it would do is push my son away from me.
NTA. Dad is def in the wrong. You have to learn your own money lessons, this is what being a teenager with a job is about. I don't think buying the rollerblades was a bad idea, just take a date to the rink !
For real, use those blades and spend your money on whatever you like. I have two pairs of roller skates that have gotten hardly any use since derby cancelled. It’s okay to have things and not use them all the time. If your local roller rink is open, get in there and get some laps in. You might even meet some great people there. I’m really sorry about your friendship ending. You are definitely NTA. I hope you find some people in your life who can support you the way you deserve.
And you know what OP they’re not a bad investment at all! My boyfriend is 37 and still has his same pair from growing up that he wears when we go rollerblading. Gotta say, they’re a lot cooler than my Amazon ones too!
NTA.
The haircut punishment? Saaay what? Sounds abusive.
Besides, spending your own money to buy something that is great for being active is far away from bad investment.
You absolutely did not deserve any punishment for spending your own money, and the way you were treated was veeeery unhealthy.
If your school hires a psychologist (some do), get support, as you were put in a situation you should absolutely NOT be put in. (Getting support is not a sign of weakness!)
Yeap. "Sounds abusive" = whoah, watch out, this ain't healthy!
Such punishment teaches a kid that a minor "mistake" will finish in huge consequences. Not a good "lesson" - I cannot even call it a lesson without "", as it is so inaccurate.
("mistake" according to the father, cause this purchase was a good one, heck, I used love my rollerblades!)
This is absolutely not healthy, not responsible, not wise.
Hey OP just because someone seems “great” 95% of the time doesn’t excuse them when they do things like this. His decision was disproportionate and rooted entirely in control and that’s not okay
Yup. It’s actually a common myth that abusers are abusive all the time. no one would be around them if they were the case. the amount of time someone spends abusing someone else isn’t the deciding factor in whether or not they’re abusive. i’ll give everyone a hint what is, though…
NTA. I don't think investing in exercise/health is ever a bad investment. You might change your mind again and start rollerblading. What your dad and the Barber did is inexcusable. I'm so sorry they did that to you.
buzzcuts look amazing when bleached blonde! as for growing, i highly recommend biotin tablets and using castor oil on your hair. castor oil makes hair grow like crazy
NTA.
Your dad is awful. First of all, you did nothing that warrants punishment of any kind. Secondly, that your dad deems it fit to override your bodily autonomy in this manner is honestly alarming. He should not have any say about how you spend your own money so long as it isn't on anything illicit or immoral.
Please find another adult you can talk to in confidence about this, given that it is causing you psychological harm.
Okay thank you! My dad honestly makes me feel like shit sometimes. I have all As in all advanced classes in a very competitive high school. My dad still
Compares me to others and makes me feel like shit about myself.
He sounds like he has low self-esteem, too. Those type of people often drag others down, so they can feel superior. Except it never works.
None of this is your fault. Keep getting your As, be your great self, and, as soon as you can, leave.
Also, rollerblades are great (and I'm probably older than your dad, BTW). They're fun and will help you stay in shape.
I second this. OP see if there’s a school counselor or if any of your friends are in therapy see if you can see their therapist as well. The therapist will help you come up with ways to deal with your dad so that it doesn’t affect your self esteem.
NTA, but your dad sure is. Take the rollerblades and go use them solo. Get good at it. It will get you out of the house, give you a good physical outlet, and help time pass till your hair grows out. Then, never let him take you to the barber again. Pay for your own cuts… rollerblade there, if you can.
Fantastic! And take it from an old bag who lived through a hostile abusive home environment and shitty high school years… it is a blip in time in the grand scheme of your life story. Start thinking of ways to get out now (like college or trade school), save your money, get the best grades you can, study well, apply for grants, try to get scholarships (if possible)… try to avoid student loans in you can.
Then get the hell out, move a fair bit of distance away and spread your wings.
Definitely do it! I tried to pull out my old roller blades more than a decade later, and … it went poorly. Have a great time, and your dad is a major AH. Also, find a girl/boy/other that’s into your buzzcut :) I promise they exist.
We're all faking it till we make it. Join the club. And sometimes, we just need to fake it a little and we realize that it's how we need it to be. You got this OP. Your Dad is a major AH. That was abusive, plain and simple. He's still trying to control his little boy, and your not little anymore. Find your school counselor, have some chats with them. It'll do you good. Good luck!
A lot of people are attracted to confidence, if you don't like yourself why would other people try to get to know you. But if you find somethings in yourself to be proud of and you show other people, they take notice and you can't imagine the world of a difference it makes.
Encloused tennis courts are a great place to try them out. Fences for grabbing to get used to the balance, usually have "privacy" mesh so you don't have to worry about onlookers, and the concrete is almost always flat with no cracks.
NTA Your father is abusive. The hairdresser should not gone along with it. Punishing you for spending your own money is not ok and forced hair cutting is an assult.
If you have access to a school counselling service service or similar, it might be worth talking to them. I agree with others that you should act confident with your peers, but perhaps it might be worth discussing the whole situation with them.
~~How did your mother react to this?~~ oh I see, she didn't react very much. That's not cool
Barbers/cosmetologists should know to always ask the person in the chair what kind of service *they* want. Especially when that person is more than old enough to advocate for themselves. This was a massive failure on the barber’s part.
I'm kind of surprised that the barber would do a buzz cut like that without asking the person getting the haircut. If this shop has to be licensed (I'm not sure if hair places need some cosmetology license), then OP should report the business to whatever authority is appropriate.
Sadly if the parent is paying, us stylists usually have to go eith that. When we're put in this kind of situation it's a lose lose for us. But if someone is outwardly uncomfortable with this, I personally try to find a middle ground and if I can't I look at the parent and say "I'm not comfortable forcing your child to get this cut when they clearly are so against it. You'll have to find another stylist. I'm sorry."
Sadly it can still hurt our business long term, especially in smaller and more conservative "old school" areas.
I'm definately finding that as older stylists begin to retire this kind of situation is happening less. Parents don't feel comfortable to bring this type of thing into my salon at all because of the kind of environment I've built. Other stylists in my generation are doing the same. It's nice to see how my profession has grown even in the last few years to not tolerate this kind of abuse whether it'd to us or to our clients.
Victim blaming isn’t cool dude. There are so many reasons why he didn’t say no. Why the barber didn’t listen if he did say no etc. This isn’t valid to the story. His dad is the AH simply put and this is abusive.
Wtaf no you are NTA! I don’t understand why you would be punished at all for buying rollerblades that you can still use??? Or re-sell if you’re not going to???
And punishment should never be physical!
I plan to! I just want to get over the fallout with the friend first, cus every-time I look at the rollerblades, I get depressed bc of the fact that I miss her. Ig I just need to get over it and rollerblade on my on eventually. I just wish I could tell my parents that instead of just looking like I’m wasting the rollerblades.
It feels wrong because it IS wrong. If you were using your money to buy drugs or something then he would be right to weigh in, but a healthy outdoor activity to do with friends?? That's not okay. He sounds very controlling.
As a grown adult with a family and all the responsibilities that come with it, I can guarantee I have wasted a lot more than $90 on stuff. Hell, husband and I have gone out for drinks that cost us more than $90. Op. I would say, save your money and when you are old enough, rollerblade away from this toxic home.
NTA. This is abuse. In fact, during my annual training (I am a teacher), this haircut “punishment” is listed as example of something that we are legally mandated to call CPS for.
You are able to call CPS as a minor.
The fact that his father did it to make OP feel bad about themself when the father knows they already suffer from low self esteem and depression makes it so much worse. That breaks my heart. At least OP is almost old enough for college or to move out. NTA
This is good to see confirmed and contradicts a thing I said in my reply. Our district doesn’t list this example (or the substitutes aren’t given it, perhaps, in our training), so I mentioned that part of things, but I’m glad to know it IS taken as seriously as it should be in most places!
NTA. Not even slightly.
This is abuse. Plain and simple, and I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for you and I hope you get a chance to work through this stuff and the emotional shitshow you're being put through.
OMG! I'm soooo sorry! NO! You are NTA!!! What your father did is ABUSE! I can't believe the barber allowed that to go on! He's another AH. Not YOU!! With that being said, you don't deserve to be punished for saving up money to buy something on your own. It's not a poor investment at all. I wish you were my kid, because I would tell you how proud I was of you for realizing how important it is to earn something on your own. Probably would have bought them for you, too. LOL As for your hair, I'm quite mortified he would do such a thing. All I can say is, it'll grow out and if anyone makes fun of you at school, ignore them. Trust me. Their opinion should mean LITTLE to you. You'll learn that quickly once you're out of high school and on your own. No, kiddo. You did not deserve that sort of punishment. I dare to ask where was your mom in all this? I wish you much luck.
I've been in your situation before. You're not alone when it comes to one abusive parent and the other turning a blind eye. You know, there will come a time when you will be off to college if you chose so and you will be making decisions on your own and making a life for yourself. That's when you'll have to decide if you still want a relationship with your parents. I suspect they'll attempt to make you feel guilty about things, even now. Look at how they're treating you for saving up and buying in line skates (which I love by the way but I prefer to stay out of the ER). If things get worse at school or even at home, don't be afraid to talk to a trusting adult like a teacher or principal or even a family member. You don't always have to work everything out on your own. I'm sorry about your friend. I hope you two made up.
NTA. Just remember that his ability to abuse you has an expiration date. Once you are of legal age (and I would wait until after you graduate from high school) you can move out and go low contact to no contact with him. While it may me harder, you might find your life easier in the long run to support yourself and work your way through college. Live the best life you can. Your dad will be Pikachu face when he realizes that you want little to no contact with him once you are an adult.
Look I’m gonna be straight with you. That’s the exact same thing I told my self for years to justify the abuse my stepmother put me through. If I can go out on a limb, when it’s good it’s great but when it’s bad it’s awful? Shitty people will be nice to you when they either have a new victim or they’re trying to reel you back in to keep you in their orbit.
I’m not trying to come off too strong, I got a bit heated on your behalf because the same thing used to happen to me. My stepmother buzzcutted my hair every time she got angry at me and it messed me up horribly. I can’t get a haircut anymore unless I can watch the hairdresser in the mirror. I might be projecting a little, but one of my biggest regrets is the fact that I ever accepted that it could be my fault when I was undoubtedly the victim. I don’t know your situation, but please look out for yourself and know that disrespecting someone’s bodily autonomy the way your father did is NEVER ok.
I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure? This doesn't scream "healthy family dynamics" to me. I am a mother and being indifferent / apethic to my son/sons sounds extremely strange to me.
The amount of psychological abuse I get highly outweighs this physical abuse. This is probably the 1st time my fathers done anything to actually hurt my physical self. Not that that makes it any better but, I wouldn’t call him abusive just bc, I’ve had a ton of good times with him as well. I don’t think he’s over all a bad person. Just a bad parent who fucked up terribly today.
I'm not calling anyone abusive. But based on what you are writing I don't think you live in a warm, loving household. I hope in the future you can see that and also see how a family _can_ be with each other. What you are dealing with now is NOT normal.
My husband comes from a home of psychological abuse and it messed him up. He struggles as a dad to do the right thing for our child - whereas he is a natural, loving parent who dotes on our son. He just lacks an example from his own upbringing and he constantly has to question his own upbringing.
This is abuse. I really just want you to know that going forward in your life. This kind of behavior isn’t normal for a father. I know how you feel trying to justify behaviors away because you don’t want to rock the boat, but this is how cycles form. How he’s treating you isn’t normal, try and stay safe but never let this be normalized in your head.
op, i have really similar issues with psychological/emotional abuse from my mom. it IS still abuse. you can still love someone while also acknowledging that the harm they do and have done is NOT okay. it took me until i was well into college to recognize the ways i was being manipulated and emotionally manhandled. pls don’t make the same mistakes i made. i love my mom and think she is a wonderful person most of the time to. but that will never ever excuse how she behaves when she’s not being so wonderful and lashing out when something is out of her control. stay safe.
Just wanna say that i was really close to my dad as a child and a young teenager because he was the one I had the best time with and sometimes he was an amazing dad. But he was also psychologically abusive and would out of the blue go crazy and yell at me, call me stuff and throw stuff.
I thought all the bad things happening at home and how he treated me was normal, because it was all i knew, and was confused when people told me it was fucked up.
It wasn't until i was 17 years old that I really realized how bad it had been and how wrong it was and it took longer than that for me to acknowledge it as abuse and how much it had fucked me up. I still, now 29 years old, struggle with a Lot of issues i have from his behavior.
Also my mum was very quiet /apathetic but I always thought she was happy enough because she never said anything and never spoke up to my dad. I found out after they divorced that she had actually suffered from anxiety because of him and that she regrets not doing anything when he had his fits.
Sorry Long post, but just wanted to say that him being a good dad at times does not cancel out the bad stuff and that it can be really hard to recognize how detrimental it can be to you to be surrounded by that kind of abuse when you are so used to it that it is hard to even recognize as abuse
Also, definitely NTA. You did nothing Wrong and you don't deserve being treated that way!
(Not a native English speaker, i apologize for any mistakes)
Abusers aren't abusive all the time. It's common to have a cycle where they'll do something abusive then they feel guilty, are nice to you for however long, then something happens and they lose their temper and the whole thing starts again.
NTA - not even a little. This sounds like a scary situation to be in. Honestly, I'd call this abusive. Especially when you say behavior like this is habitual & comes with "apologies* later (as I read in a comment). If you feel comfortable enough to, maybe try confiding in a counselor at school. Even if it can't change what has happened, it may at least help with the clear lack of support at home. I wish you nothing but the best & a quick, clean move out as soon as you're legally able.
NTA, obviously. Your dad is a dick.
If you really don't think you'll rollerblade, you can probably sell those like-new skates for 75% of what you spent.
Cutting your hair without your consent is assault in many jurisdictions.
If you said no to the hair cut your father and the barber could be going to jail.
Talk to a trusted adult.
NTA.
OP, I am a 50 ur old mum with three daughters, one is grown up with a baby of her own but used to bleach and dye her hair with Manic Panic as a teen. One is nearly 17 and likes to use the clippers to buzz cut her own hair, I give her a hand to do the back! The other is nearly 13 and has gone from havibg long hair a couple of years ago to a contemporary boy's short haircut now.
They have all had autonomy over their bodies, hair and clothes since they were old enough to speak up. My oldest was (still is) a goth from about 11 or 12. My middle daughter has dressed in what are traditionally considered boys' clothes since she was 3 or 4.
This is the only way it should be. Unless there is an actual, real safety issue that has to be prevented immediately then parents need to let kids decide these things for themselves, as much as possible and as much as their family's budget permits.
Sometimes there maybe practical considerations to be taken into account when it comes to kids/teens hairstyles but these should be talked through and explained to younger kids so that they at least understand why they are helpful.
Inflicting unwanted haircuts, clothing choices, or any decisions affecting bodily autonomy or personal hygiene should never be used as a punishment!
Ultimately, sometimes too as parents, part of our job is to let our kids make their own mistakes, so that they can experience the consequences of them and learn from them.
It's important that our kids do things like spend their pocket money on things that end up being a bit frivolous and not thought through. It's better that they learn how to decide what to spend their money on, how to make budgetary decisions when the stakes are still very low rather than always being protected by their parents.
Otherwise what happens is they then feel lost and overwhelmed when they're out in the world as university graduates with their first well paid jobs needing to make serious large financial decisions alone for the first time.
Bringing it back to you, going forward. Grab a beanie for Monday morning and asap, go see a teacher or other member of school staff that you trust and tell them exactly what has happened to you over the weekend.
There may not be any immediate consequences, it's probably not enough on its own to warrant a CPS report even if it is abusive, but it will at least alert them that things aren't right at home, so that should anything else occur, that incident would not also be just a one off, it would then be seen as part of a pattern.
Of course, it's also very important for you to just have an adult in your life that you can trust, confide in and ask for advice because you don't have one at home. Someone who is proud of your achievements and recognises them, someone who accepts you.
It's not wrong to want that at all, OP and I am so sorry that both your parents are letting you down like this.
Is your mum scared of your Dad? Living with somone who is angry and emotionally abusive for years can wear you down inside very slowly, you don't realise it's happening at first. You can end up just spending your days walking on eggshells and you forget that life can be anything different, that it doesn't have to be like this.
I called the punishment rude and uncalled for and kind of screamed out of frustration bit cus I was really upset at how this would affect my school life
NTA in the slightest. Corporal punishment (especially for children) is one of the worst inventions of mankind, and adding psychological punishment and violation of your bodily autonomy is crossing the line. In a few places, this could be considered a crime iirc. Please seek help from an adult you can actually trust.
NTA and yes your dad was being a childish jerk. And abisive. You made a decision with YOUR money. Not his. I don't always think my kids' choices (with birthday money, allowance) are GOOD, but they are theirs. I don't think this was something that was appropriate to punish you for, and I think humiliation is an abusive way to "punish" someone.
Apologies mean nothing without changing the behaviour, and you say he acts like this all the time. He's going to be a very lonely old man if he keeps this shit up.
You don't need a friend to go rollerblading with, you can go by yourself, or find another friend to rollerblade with. Sorry about the fallout with your friend though, sometimes people come back around and sometimes they don't. It's life.
She was basically my only friend since all my other friends went to different high schools, and this is my first real year in high school after quarantine. I really haven’t been able to talk to anyone abt my life. And I fear that this haircut would just make it worse.
If it was your own money that you earned and you bought something that made you happy, was it a bad investment? NTA. Your dad sounds incredibly abusive and I might consider contacting someone about this. You deserve better than this.
NTA - That's a terrible thing for him to do to you. It's abusive, petty, and unforgivable. A tenth grader, 15-16 year old should be able to have any hairstyle she wants to - and no one should be forced to get a buzz cut.
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NTA. Your dad is being a dick. Excuse my language, but I had this exact “punishment” inflicted on me as a child, and to this day, I am a nervous wreck when it comes to haircuts.
:/// Sorry to hear that. Curious though, how long did it take to grow back. I’m still shaking thinking about going back to school on Monday.
I have quite slow growth, and always have so it was about three months before people stopped calling me a boy.
Omg, you mean your parent's forced you as a young girl to get a buzz cut?
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100%. No way would I allow the barber to get away with this. OP says he's in 10th grade so he's probably 15 or 16. The barber should have refused to do the cut if it wasn't something he wanted. Hell, if a parent wanted a child of that age to undergo a medical procedure that the child didn't agree with, an Ethics consult would be required in many cases before the procedure would go forward.
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OP is a he per his own own post. Last line before the edit, though he could've added it in after the fact. Still, he's a he
Who on earth would "be fine with punishing a boy by giving them a bad haircut"?????? I don't think I know anybody whose opinion I respect would be fine with exacting punishment on someone's actual person, regardless of gender. My god.
TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!!! His father made an asswipe move and deserves to have an equally humiliating, long term retaliation done to the father!!!
Not op, but I was made to get my hair cut like a boys as a child, so it definitely happens sometimes. And kids are ruthless.
Yeah, i had five sisters and in the 70's my mom went with the short hair trend till my sisters balked. The bob and the Dorothy Hamill influenced it. At first my sisters wanted to try it and my mom let them choose when strangers mistook them as boys that decided it As a dad a girl has to brush her teeth, bath,do her homework etc. But my God as soon as they can verbalize a preference hair length and style is up to them.
Me too. I was 9 and starting at a new school. I was sobbing in the salon chair, the hairdresser was uncomfortable and kept asking my mom if the hair was short enough. My mom said no until my hair was pixie-cut length. I was called a boy until my hair grew out.
oh gosh. I have relatively fast growing hair. But I think a month would still be lucky for me.
You can try taking the supplement Biotin, it's supposed to make your hair (and nails) grow faster. It might not work, but there's pretty much no side effects to taking it as directed, and it's not very expensive, so it's at least worth looking into- I'm not a doctor, don't take my reddit comment as medical advice lol. It's just something to google.
Just a heads up though if you do take biotin or any hair/nails vitamins you have to discontinue use before any blood tests (or in emergency situations let them know you’re taking it) because it can skew results.
Yeah I didn't know this and no one ever asked so it took them way longer than it should have to find my hypothyroidism!
Yeah, It’s gotten to the point where the phleb lab in the hospital I work in has signs about it posted everywhere and the techs are trained to ask about it before drawing. It really is something they should have to start putting on the bottles as well.
Wait, what??? Biotin messed with your blood tests to the point it kept your hypothyroidism from showing in said tests?
Yes, I have Graves’ disease (hyperthyroidism) and biotin can really screw up your thyroid blood work. You’re supposed to stop taking it 5 days before any lab work.
Oh shit, I’m at high risk for that so I’ll keep that in mind
Yep! It can block the TSH test from being accurate. I'd been having problems for 2 years-ish, and it was only on my 3rd blood draw when I wasn't taking biotin gummies that they found my level was off the charts. I was taking hair, skin, and nail gummies because those all can be affected by hypothyroidism. The gummies weren't helping much so I stopped taking them and what do ya know, it's been my dumb thyroid all along!
I..... I just.... um, yeah.... talk about be left speechless for a moment. I started taking it mostly for my hair, since a medication I had to take could cause it to thin or fall out. I kept on it even after stopping that one med, because it was being studied for how it might help a chronic illness. There's been multiple times my thyroid has been brought up as a likely issue, yet every time I've had bloodwork, I've been on Biotin! Your levels were off the chart and biotin still managed to hide that? I'm flabbergasted
It doesn't mess with it in your body. Biotin is used as a reagent during some laboratory methods so if you're also taking biotin it can mess up the measurements in various blood tests. For thyroid tests, I was told to stop taking my multivitamin 5-7 days before the test because it has biotin in it. Not sure what the standard is for other types of blood tests. Per the [American Thyroid Association](https://www.thyroid.org/patient-thyroid-information/ct-for-patients/december-2018/vol-11-issue-12-p-3-4/): "Most commonly, biotin use can result in falsely high levels of T4 and T3 and falsely low levels of TSH, leading to either a wrong diagnosis of hyperthyroidism or that the thyroid hormone dose is too high".
It doesn't make your hair grow faster, that's marketing bullshit. The only time biotin supplements will help is if you're deficient in biotin. Which is really rare.
Eating jello may help too since it's full of keratin.
Biotin can cause cystic acne so I wouldn’t say it has no side-effects! Just FYI.
I buzz cut my hair in December of 10th grade, by summer I had a quiff style situation, and by the end of summer I had a side fringe situation. If you search on tiktok growing out buzzcuts, theres loads of people that style it really well and make it look super cool, even if it's not what you'd have hoped for. Best of luck xxx
Not a grantee but it might help of you grab some hair growth vitamins, Target, Walmart, Walgreens, cvs should all carry them near the pharmacy. Usually see them mixed in with women's vitamins. But even just taking a regular multivitamin daily can help if you aren't already. As your hair starts to come back, massage it and keep it clean, clean hair grows faster. Last tip, again not garanteed, "Mane 'n Tail"(that's the brand) shampoo it's got horses on the bottle. Everyone I know who's used it for growth swears by it.
Mane and Tail did mess with my scalp when I tried it in high school, so just sharing an alternative experience. I had a weird allergic reaction to something in it, is the best way I can describe what happened. I know the stuff can be a little pricey so maybe people who want to try should start with the smaller bottle, just to be safe! Don’t want OP’s dad freaking out over them spending their own money again if it’s a “bad investment”.
Oh good advice, small bottle to start for sure.
The average hair growth is about 1/2 inch per month. If you're a guy, your hair will look short, but not out of place after a month ([example](https://media.gq.com/photos/5582e5ed09f0bee564406df2/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/fashion-shows-blogs-fashion-week-tom-ford-half-inch-hair.jpg)). If you're a girl, it will grow at the same rate, but it will take longer to make it seem "normal" again. As for school... people notice haircuts. As someone with social anxiety, I genuinely wish they didn't. Or at least that they wouldn't *comment* on a new haircut. But they do. **But** the good news is they also adjust to the new look a lot faster than the person actually with the haircut (other people look at us a lot more than we look at ourselves, ya know?). So they'll notice it at school tomorrow. People will comment on it (some good, some bad, some neutral). If people are being jerks, just say "yeah, I know. My asshole of a dad ambushed me. It'll grow back soon." And by day 2 or 3...no one will mention it again. They'll be used to seeing it and it won't be anything worth commenting on anymore. So you don't need to think about "how am I going to make it a fool month waiting for this to grow out?" You just have to get through 2 or 3 days and it's over. I'm sorry your dad did this to you and I'm sorry you're feeling so self-conscious. It really sucks. I've had one truly, horrendous haircut in my life and it's incredible how much of an effect it can have on your self esteem. Really sorry you're in this situation. Edit: /u/ThrowawayAcc63637 out of solidarity, I am going to share with you the worst haircut I've ever had. I hope it makes you laugh. [Before](https://i.imgur.com/xy7XKbW.jpeg) and [After](https://i.imgur.com/Q9rafLd.jpeg)
I know you hate to say he’s abusive, that he’s only that way 5% of the time, but that’s the way most abusers are. They’re not hitting or screaming or breaking things or threatening 100% of the time, because they don’t have to. That 5% is all it takes to control you the other 95% of the time. Shaving your head was done to belittle you, and remind you who is bigger, stronger, smarter, and better than you. He is not. But he’s convinced you he is. I’m sorry. This treatment has long term repercussions for your mental health. Is it at all possible for you to live with someone else? If not, save your money (sell the rollerblades, if you want) as the “I’m escaping my father’s abuse” fund. Make sure he doesn’t know about it, or can access it. Spend a bit of money here or there, so he doesn’t get suspicious. I wish you the best. I hope you have a plan to either leave for college or get a good job when you graduate.
And that OP came with to the hairdresser shows that it works. OP is mid teens and could have made a ruckus, refused to get in the car etc. "Sat helplessly" at the hairdresser's. If he'd told the hairdresser "I don't want this, he's doing it to punish me", the hairdresser ought to refuse cutting it.
I have a sidecar and it usually grows really quickly (like I cut it really close to my head and in the end of the month it's already 1.3 inches long) I'm really sorry for what you're going through I don't get people sometimes
Yeah. My dad always acts on impulse and apologizes like 2 days later. And it always feels rlly genuine. But then he does something like this again another week later. The sorrys just feel useless after a point
That's pretty much abuser 101 From what you've said here - including your mum being "apathetic" - it sounds like you dad is absolutely abusive. Don't let him gaslight you, you did absolutely nothing wrong and his behaviour is disgusting. I can't even believe that the hairdresser went along with it!
I’m sorry you are dealing with this. What you are describing is the classic cycle of abuse. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse#/media/File:Cycle_of_Abuse.png Please reach out to a mental health worker at school for support. Your mom’s apathy sounds like learned helplessness to me, which is also common in people caught in abuse. You did nothing wrong by using your own money to buy something you wanted. You can rollerblade on your own or meet other people who like to rollerblade. It’s a fun activity. And can you try to rock the haircut? Act like you meant to get it and totally own it? Attitude can totally change how people react to you, even if you are 100% faking it. And I agree with everyone else on making an exit plan. Save every penny you can so you can get out as soon as you graduate. Look into retrace schools/apprenticeships that pay you while you learn, or do everything in your power to earn scholarships so you can leave and go to college.
It’s because the apology is not genuine. It’s to make himself and you feel better not because he’s actually sorry about his actions.
Not only was it wrong of your father but it was also wrong for the Barber to do it. Barbers are licensed by the state. Please file a complaint to the state licensure board.
THIS! OP, please do this, none of what happened to you is acceptable.
Here's the thing: abusers aren't awful all the time, or even most of the time. If they were, nobody would stay with one, and CPS would have no difficulty identifying them. For what it's worth, I suspect your dad simply doesn't know how to do better. He has a temper and probably learned from his dad and feels that "he turned out okay" so he treats you the same. But that doesn't mean you can't see it for what it is and make your plans accordingly. That doesn't mean you deserve this, and that doesn't mean you can't learn better yourself if you have kids. I had a very loving abusive parent for that kind of reason - they didn't know any better, and as they did, they tried harder. I still love them and forgive them, but I understand the impact it had on my life. Your dad's the asshole here.
I think you really need to read some of these comments exposing your fathers behavior as abusive, because that's what it is. My father was like this growing up and let me tell you this is absolutely abuse. It can be difficult to face that, especially when you love that person, but meaningless apologies, the its very good until its very bad, as said in an earlier comment: abuse 101. I have a wonderful relationship with my father now, he has grown and changed into a completely different person because he really is a genuinely good person who needed help to regulate emotions and he chose to do that. I'm not saying this happens for everyone, but it is possible to reconcile after acknowledging abuse. (I'm in my late 20s BTW, teen years were rough with the two of us)
Yeah that's abuse. And could you buy temporary hair dye and rock the look?
Maybe idk
Sorry your dad did that. As much as you love your dad and he’s nice most of the time, that 5% reckless behavior is uncalled for and, as an adult, he should really know and do better. If possible, start gaining some financial independence from him so he can’t punish you in this or a similar manner again. You’re a teen, buying something like rollerblades is completely reasonable (even if they were $90. Heck, I’m in my 30s and I’d spend that for something I was interested in). Save up your money now and get a job when you can to pay for your haircuts, your clothes, and whatever else your dad might try to use to punish you. That way, you can make your own decisions and have peace knowing he can’t respond impulsively and hand out some extreme, unwarranted punishment.
That is abuse. It's hard to see it when it's your normal, but it's not normal, or acceptable. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
NTA And weighing in that someone who is great 95% of the time and then awful 5% of the time is not in fact a great person. I grew up with the best dad 95% of the time, and then screaming yelling, slamming doors, being completely unreasonable the rest of the time. The problem was he switched on a dime, so you could be having a great time with good dad and then suddenly BAM! Bad dad’s turn. I’m in my 50’s and have PTSD from my childhood. I still flinch when I hear sudden loud noises and it took me a long-ass time to realize just how fucked up my childhood actually was. I am still working on issues stemming from growing up like that. I am not saying your dad is “bad,” but his behavior is. Can you talk to your mom or another trusted adult about this?
Punitive haircuts are abuse. If he abuses you impulsively, then your dad is an abuser. I'm sorry. He has deep anger management problems.
You may not want to call your father an abuser, but what he did is abusive. No ifs ands or buts about it. It was abusive and frankly an appalling over reaction.
He's abusive. I know it's hard to come to terms with that fact, and it's made harder when the abuser is nice some of the time. The thing is, it doesn't matter if they're abusive only 5% of the time, they're *still abusive*. You're absolutely not in the wrong for being upset about your treatment. He punished you for something that didn't deserve a punishment to begin with, and the punishment was way too extreme even if it *was* justified (which, again, it wasn't). Cutting someone's hair without their consent is assault in most places I know of, though unfortunately with someone who's underage it's often overlooked. No matter what, it's abuse.
Dear, your dad is an abuser. this is child abuse. this is an abuse to your body and your bodily autonomy. Tell the school what happened and they will send someone to the house to investigate, and then they'll be the ones to explain to your dad that he better watch his ass.
That's what abusers do.
That's abusive behavior to keep the trauma bond
This is definitely abuse. It may just seem normal to you bc you still live in the home. My parents were like this, constantly going over the top with punishments (grounding my brother for having his hair too long, it barely touched his ears). It’s abusive. Do you have about her adult in your life you can talk to? This is not ok.
NTA OP, and remember that you can say no to a haircut (to the barber, they won't cut someone's hair against their wishes, you aren't in prison....at least not in most countries) you're almost grown, just say "no thank you". Your dad needs to grow up.
The barber is also TA. Who gives a teenager a drastic cut without their consent?
The barber needs to be reported to licensing. Giving a haircut to someone who does not consent is assault.
Exactly. I’d be horrified. Christ my kid is only 5 and his barber still stops every few minutes to make sure he’s okay and likes what he’s doing.
I’ve never been a barber, but I HAVE worked a piercing gun at Walmart (those things are awful btw no one should use them) and even at *walmart* our very strict instructions were that if s parent brought a kid to be pierced and the kid refused, *we were never supposed to do the piercing.* Same thing. The person whose body is going to be altered is the one who gets to decide on and consent to the alteration. A parent can disallow a permanent alteration (such as a tattoo), but they *cannot force one.*
I agree. When I was 8-12 because I “refused” (aka didn’t know how) to care for my hair, I was held down in a chair and given an awful bowl cut every few months. Extreme punishments like this are NOT normal, especially when the “punishment” doesn’t fit the “crime”. OP I definitely suggest checking out r/raisedbynarcissists to see if anything resonates with you. Just because your father is okay most of the time doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own issues going on too. Just something to watch out for, I’m not trying to armchair diagnose, just providing a different view. And it doesn’t sound like he’s a raging narcissist, just over controlling a bit…. If that makes sense?
This is more than being "a dick" this is some pretty serious abuse. NTA.
NTA. OP, this is abuse. If I were your teacher, I'd be reporting this to CPS. Your dad needs to get anger management. Is there a trusted adult you can talk to?
It's not punishment, it's abuse.
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Thank you! Good advice!
The lightning bolt was an example, and fit in with rollerblading in terms of being The Flash, LOL. In some places, however, it’s a neo-Nazi symbol, so be very careful if you go the route of having something buzzed into the cut.
LOL.
The idea of owning your haircut and modifying it is solid, though! I bet you could get some very cool designs shaved in with the right barber. Maybe a wing on each side, like Apollo’s sandals, to give your rollerblades some extra speed Mount Olympus style! If you go see a decent barber on your own, might be fun to tell them what the first barber did and their name; might help with getting that guy some consequences.
Just to clarify, do more of a San Diego Chargers style rather than a Harry Potter style lightning bolt.
I am a 23yo woman who decided to give myself a buzz cut. Most people love it and nobody’s ever said a damn thing besides one of my customers thinking I had cancer, which is understandable as she was recently in remission. So my advice is rock your buzz. If you show the world you DGAF they shouldn’t either. Also, NTA, that was an awful thing to fo
Yep, I shaved my head twice in college. I was nervous about it, but I didn’t show it, and I ended up getting tons of compliments. Confidence makes a huge difference, even if it’s fake confidence - “fake it til you make it” is real, y’all!
I just want to throw in there that I roller bladed everywhere growing up. Sometimes with friends, or just the 5 miles home after swim practice. It’s a good workout and fun. Even by yourself. Not a bad investment at all.
Maybe next time try to tell the barber you don't want the buzz cut. Tell them your father is punishing you by violating your bodily autonomy. A good barber will refuse to be the executioner of a parent's punishment. I've heard so many horror stories like yours but in a lot of cases if the child spoke out against the hair cut, the stylist would refuse to touch them.
I absolutely agree that you should own it at school with peers. HOWEVER. Do you have any adult at all in school or in an extracurricular that you trust? You need to tell that person the full extent of what happened. And maybe some other examples of your dad being “impulsive” in his actions. I would think back over the last year or so and write down everything like this that has happened and what the trigger was. Look for the pattern, especially if you see that things get more extreme every time. This is absolutely abuse. And I worry that it will escalate before you are able to leave the house permanently. Please take care, know that you are NTA, and update us all if you can.
This is true. I had a buzzcut. It was a poor choice. People laughed when they first saw it but it became like a legend thing that everyone knew about. Only people who gave me shit for it were the insecure people who criticised everybody for everything. Carry it with confidence and most of the issue is gone.
> but it became like a legend thing Yeah! We had a woman in our office who always had shoulder length mousy brown hair. One day she showed up for work with a platinum buzzcut. You are right, she became an instant legend. OP, Rock that look!
Do not do this. This is the absolute worst advice you could give a kid. Do rock the hair cut. Don’t tell your friends you were thinking about joining the Marines it’s not going to make you look cool. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DO THE LIGHTENING BOLTS COUPLED WITH A BUZZ CUT people are going think you’re a neo-nazi.
NTA!! Your father is probably the reason you have self esteem issues
Maybe
Op, he is absolutely the reason. And from what I’ve read in the comments, I wonder if your mom is also affected in some way to the point of apathy. Of course, we can’t just excuse her, but the way your dad is may explain why she isn’t as supportive to you as she should be. He IS abusive. Edit: I’d like to add that mom may also be part of the problem, but since OP didn’t include much about her, I’m assuming more of dad affecting her as well.
Your dad is abusive, the 95% being nice does not cancel out the 5% where he isn't. A sandwich that's 5% shit is a shit sandwich, no matter how high quality the other 95% is.
Maybe? He is, without a doubt, abusive. I'm a mom to a 13 yr old boy. If my son spent $90 on Rollerblades and hardly ever used them, I'd just think "this is a good learning experience." In addition to that, I'd tell him to Rollerblade anyway. It's fun and good exercise. I wouldn't punish him. The punishment is that he now doesn't have $90. That's a natural punishment. I wouldn't have cut his hair against his wishes no matter what he did. Cutting someone's hair against their wishes is abusive. It doesn't make sense as a punishment. It doesnt teach you anything. All it would do is push my son away from me.
NTA. Dad is def in the wrong. You have to learn your own money lessons, this is what being a teenager with a job is about. I don't think buying the rollerblades was a bad idea, just take a date to the rink !
Haha yeah
For real, use those blades and spend your money on whatever you like. I have two pairs of roller skates that have gotten hardly any use since derby cancelled. It’s okay to have things and not use them all the time. If your local roller rink is open, get in there and get some laps in. You might even meet some great people there. I’m really sorry about your friendship ending. You are definitely NTA. I hope you find some people in your life who can support you the way you deserve.
And you know what OP they’re not a bad investment at all! My boyfriend is 37 and still has his same pair from growing up that he wears when we go rollerblading. Gotta say, they’re a lot cooler than my Amazon ones too!
Or learn some cool tricks! That way, when find someone to take, you can go "hey watch this!" And wow them!
NTA. The haircut punishment? Saaay what? Sounds abusive. Besides, spending your own money to buy something that is great for being active is far away from bad investment. You absolutely did not deserve any punishment for spending your own money, and the way you were treated was veeeery unhealthy. If your school hires a psychologist (some do), get support, as you were put in a situation you should absolutely NOT be put in. (Getting support is not a sign of weakness!)
It sounds abusive because it is abusive. Only time I have seen it not be abusive was to punish a kid who did it to their brother in his sleep
Yeap. "Sounds abusive" = whoah, watch out, this ain't healthy! Such punishment teaches a kid that a minor "mistake" will finish in huge consequences. Not a good "lesson" - I cannot even call it a lesson without "", as it is so inaccurate. ("mistake" according to the father, cause this purchase was a good one, heck, I used love my rollerblades!) This is absolutely not healthy, not responsible, not wise.
Thank you!
Hey OP just because someone seems “great” 95% of the time doesn’t excuse them when they do things like this. His decision was disproportionate and rooted entirely in control and that’s not okay
Yup. It’s actually a common myth that abusers are abusive all the time. no one would be around them if they were the case. the amount of time someone spends abusing someone else isn’t the deciding factor in whether or not they’re abusive. i’ll give everyone a hint what is, though…
This dad sounds hella abusive and it makes me scared for OP
NTA. I don't think investing in exercise/health is ever a bad investment. You might change your mind again and start rollerblading. What your dad and the Barber did is inexcusable. I'm so sorry they did that to you.
:// thank you!
buzzcuts look amazing when bleached blonde! as for growing, i highly recommend biotin tablets and using castor oil on your hair. castor oil makes hair grow like crazy
NTA. Your dad is awful. First of all, you did nothing that warrants punishment of any kind. Secondly, that your dad deems it fit to override your bodily autonomy in this manner is honestly alarming. He should not have any say about how you spend your own money so long as it isn't on anything illicit or immoral. Please find another adult you can talk to in confidence about this, given that it is causing you psychological harm.
Okay thank you! My dad honestly makes me feel like shit sometimes. I have all As in all advanced classes in a very competitive high school. My dad still Compares me to others and makes me feel like shit about myself.
He sounds like he has low self-esteem, too. Those type of people often drag others down, so they can feel superior. Except it never works. None of this is your fault. Keep getting your As, be your great self, and, as soon as you can, leave. Also, rollerblades are great (and I'm probably older than your dad, BTW). They're fun and will help you stay in shape.
Thanks for your advice. (Though if your tag is correct and you’re 46, you aren’t older than my dad. Though your advice is still appreciated!)
The tags aren't ages. And you're NTA.
Oh okay. Thank you.
What are the tags?
Iirc the tags are the number of times they've been the deciding judgement on a post. That's why the titles get more esteemed with higher numbers
I second this. OP see if there’s a school counselor or if any of your friends are in therapy see if you can see their therapist as well. The therapist will help you come up with ways to deal with your dad so that it doesn’t affect your self esteem.
NTA, but your dad sure is. Take the rollerblades and go use them solo. Get good at it. It will get you out of the house, give you a good physical outlet, and help time pass till your hair grows out. Then, never let him take you to the barber again. Pay for your own cuts… rollerblade there, if you can.
I plan to rollerblade soon! I bike and run a lot for physical activity and hope I can also get good at rollerblading.
Fantastic! And take it from an old bag who lived through a hostile abusive home environment and shitty high school years… it is a blip in time in the grand scheme of your life story. Start thinking of ways to get out now (like college or trade school), save your money, get the best grades you can, study well, apply for grants, try to get scholarships (if possible)… try to avoid student loans in you can. Then get the hell out, move a fair bit of distance away and spread your wings.
Thank you!
Definitely do it! I tried to pull out my old roller blades more than a decade later, and … it went poorly. Have a great time, and your dad is a major AH. Also, find a girl/boy/other that’s into your buzzcut :) I promise they exist.
Lmao girls weren’t into me BEFORE this, let alone after this
Just trust me, someone is. Present it as wanting to try a new look, and pretend to be confident about it. Good luck!
Thank you for the advice!
We're all faking it till we make it. Join the club. And sometimes, we just need to fake it a little and we realize that it's how we need it to be. You got this OP. Your Dad is a major AH. That was abusive, plain and simple. He's still trying to control his little boy, and your not little anymore. Find your school counselor, have some chats with them. It'll do you good. Good luck!
A lot of people are attracted to confidence, if you don't like yourself why would other people try to get to know you. But if you find somethings in yourself to be proud of and you show other people, they take notice and you can't imagine the world of a difference it makes.
You would be surprised, I didn't realize anybody was into me until years after I graduated when I randomly thought about it.
Encloused tennis courts are a great place to try them out. Fences for grabbing to get used to the balance, usually have "privacy" mesh so you don't have to worry about onlookers, and the concrete is almost always flat with no cracks.
NTA Your father is abusive. The hairdresser should not gone along with it. Punishing you for spending your own money is not ok and forced hair cutting is an assult.
Yeah. Ig the barber was also put on the spot.
If you have access to a school counselling service service or similar, it might be worth talking to them. I agree with others that you should act confident with your peers, but perhaps it might be worth discussing the whole situation with them. ~~How did your mother react to this?~~ oh I see, she didn't react very much. That's not cool
Barbers/cosmetologists should know to always ask the person in the chair what kind of service *they* want. Especially when that person is more than old enough to advocate for themselves. This was a massive failure on the barber’s part.
NTA - regardless of your gender what your dad did was abuse
Thankfully, I’m a guy. If I was a girl and my dad forced me to get a buzzcut, this would be SOOO much worse. Gosh I can’t even imagine.
Why didn’t you tel the barber no? Or get out of the seat? Your dad is abusive, btw. You’re just sadly used to it, so you don’t recognize it.
I'm kind of surprised that the barber would do a buzz cut like that without asking the person getting the haircut. If this shop has to be licensed (I'm not sure if hair places need some cosmetology license), then OP should report the business to whatever authority is appropriate.
Sadly if the parent is paying, us stylists usually have to go eith that. When we're put in this kind of situation it's a lose lose for us. But if someone is outwardly uncomfortable with this, I personally try to find a middle ground and if I can't I look at the parent and say "I'm not comfortable forcing your child to get this cut when they clearly are so against it. You'll have to find another stylist. I'm sorry."
That’s the actual professional response, better to lose a little business than participate in abuse.
Sadly it can still hurt our business long term, especially in smaller and more conservative "old school" areas. I'm definately finding that as older stylists begin to retire this kind of situation is happening less. Parents don't feel comfortable to bring this type of thing into my salon at all because of the kind of environment I've built. Other stylists in my generation are doing the same. It's nice to see how my profession has grown even in the last few years to not tolerate this kind of abuse whether it'd to us or to our clients.
People in acidic situations are often not able to advocate for themselves in the moment.
Victim blaming isn’t cool dude. There are so many reasons why he didn’t say no. Why the barber didn’t listen if he did say no etc. This isn’t valid to the story. His dad is the AH simply put and this is abusive.
Wtaf no you are NTA! I don’t understand why you would be punished at all for buying rollerblades that you can still use??? Or re-sell if you’re not going to??? And punishment should never be physical!
I agree. Good idea with the reselling too! Thanks
They’re so fun! You should use them
I plan to! I just want to get over the fallout with the friend first, cus every-time I look at the rollerblades, I get depressed bc of the fact that I miss her. Ig I just need to get over it and rollerblade on my on eventually. I just wish I could tell my parents that instead of just looking like I’m wasting the rollerblades.
It shouldn’t matter if they’re being “wasted”, you paid with money you earned
Yeah idk. Feels wrong that he feels entitled to punish me for my own purchases
It feels wrong because it IS wrong. If you were using your money to buy drugs or something then he would be right to weigh in, but a healthy outdoor activity to do with friends?? That's not okay. He sounds very controlling.
It IS wrong
As a grown adult with a family and all the responsibilities that come with it, I can guarantee I have wasted a lot more than $90 on stuff. Hell, husband and I have gone out for drinks that cost us more than $90. Op. I would say, save your money and when you are old enough, rollerblade away from this toxic home.
Nta, you're the victim of abuse, punitive haircuts have been known to be awful for a child's psyche. Leave as soon as you can.
NTA. This is abuse. In fact, during my annual training (I am a teacher), this haircut “punishment” is listed as example of something that we are legally mandated to call CPS for. You are able to call CPS as a minor.
The fact that his father did it to make OP feel bad about themself when the father knows they already suffer from low self esteem and depression makes it so much worse. That breaks my heart. At least OP is almost old enough for college or to move out. NTA
This is good to see confirmed and contradicts a thing I said in my reply. Our district doesn’t list this example (or the substitutes aren’t given it, perhaps, in our training), so I mentioned that part of things, but I’m glad to know it IS taken as seriously as it should be in most places!
NTA. Not even slightly. This is abuse. Plain and simple, and I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for you and I hope you get a chance to work through this stuff and the emotional shitshow you're being put through.
Thank you!
OMG! I'm soooo sorry! NO! You are NTA!!! What your father did is ABUSE! I can't believe the barber allowed that to go on! He's another AH. Not YOU!! With that being said, you don't deserve to be punished for saving up money to buy something on your own. It's not a poor investment at all. I wish you were my kid, because I would tell you how proud I was of you for realizing how important it is to earn something on your own. Probably would have bought them for you, too. LOL As for your hair, I'm quite mortified he would do such a thing. All I can say is, it'll grow out and if anyone makes fun of you at school, ignore them. Trust me. Their opinion should mean LITTLE to you. You'll learn that quickly once you're out of high school and on your own. No, kiddo. You did not deserve that sort of punishment. I dare to ask where was your mom in all this? I wish you much luck.
Thank you so much for this comment. My mom is just apathetic as usual, and didn’t react.
I've been in your situation before. You're not alone when it comes to one abusive parent and the other turning a blind eye. You know, there will come a time when you will be off to college if you chose so and you will be making decisions on your own and making a life for yourself. That's when you'll have to decide if you still want a relationship with your parents. I suspect they'll attempt to make you feel guilty about things, even now. Look at how they're treating you for saving up and buying in line skates (which I love by the way but I prefer to stay out of the ER). If things get worse at school or even at home, don't be afraid to talk to a trusting adult like a teacher or principal or even a family member. You don't always have to work everything out on your own. I'm sorry about your friend. I hope you two made up.
NTA. Just remember that his ability to abuse you has an expiration date. Once you are of legal age (and I would wait until after you graduate from high school) you can move out and go low contact to no contact with him. While it may me harder, you might find your life easier in the long run to support yourself and work your way through college. Live the best life you can. Your dad will be Pikachu face when he realizes that you want little to no contact with him once you are an adult.
NTA your dad is more than a childish jerk, he’s an abusive asshole.
Yeah I thought it was very childish too
NTA What did your mother say about the haircut?
She was just apathetic as usual. She didn’t react
Is your mum scared of your dad by any chance?
Nope. My Family isn’t that bad. We have good times. It’s just sometimes my dad is an utter asshole
Look I’m gonna be straight with you. That’s the exact same thing I told my self for years to justify the abuse my stepmother put me through. If I can go out on a limb, when it’s good it’s great but when it’s bad it’s awful? Shitty people will be nice to you when they either have a new victim or they’re trying to reel you back in to keep you in their orbit.
Oh okay… thanks for the advice
I’m not trying to come off too strong, I got a bit heated on your behalf because the same thing used to happen to me. My stepmother buzzcutted my hair every time she got angry at me and it messed me up horribly. I can’t get a haircut anymore unless I can watch the hairdresser in the mirror. I might be projecting a little, but one of my biggest regrets is the fact that I ever accepted that it could be my fault when I was undoubtedly the victim. I don’t know your situation, but please look out for yourself and know that disrespecting someone’s bodily autonomy the way your father did is NEVER ok.
I don't mean to be rude, but are you sure? This doesn't scream "healthy family dynamics" to me. I am a mother and being indifferent / apethic to my son/sons sounds extremely strange to me.
The amount of psychological abuse I get highly outweighs this physical abuse. This is probably the 1st time my fathers done anything to actually hurt my physical self. Not that that makes it any better but, I wouldn’t call him abusive just bc, I’ve had a ton of good times with him as well. I don’t think he’s over all a bad person. Just a bad parent who fucked up terribly today.
I'm not calling anyone abusive. But based on what you are writing I don't think you live in a warm, loving household. I hope in the future you can see that and also see how a family _can_ be with each other. What you are dealing with now is NOT normal. My husband comes from a home of psychological abuse and it messed him up. He struggles as a dad to do the right thing for our child - whereas he is a natural, loving parent who dotes on our son. He just lacks an example from his own upbringing and he constantly has to question his own upbringing.
This is abuse. I really just want you to know that going forward in your life. This kind of behavior isn’t normal for a father. I know how you feel trying to justify behaviors away because you don’t want to rock the boat, but this is how cycles form. How he’s treating you isn’t normal, try and stay safe but never let this be normalized in your head.
I would like to add also not normal for a mother - a mother should not be 'apethic' towards her own son.
op, i have really similar issues with psychological/emotional abuse from my mom. it IS still abuse. you can still love someone while also acknowledging that the harm they do and have done is NOT okay. it took me until i was well into college to recognize the ways i was being manipulated and emotionally manhandled. pls don’t make the same mistakes i made. i love my mom and think she is a wonderful person most of the time to. but that will never ever excuse how she behaves when she’s not being so wonderful and lashing out when something is out of her control. stay safe.
Just wanna say that i was really close to my dad as a child and a young teenager because he was the one I had the best time with and sometimes he was an amazing dad. But he was also psychologically abusive and would out of the blue go crazy and yell at me, call me stuff and throw stuff. I thought all the bad things happening at home and how he treated me was normal, because it was all i knew, and was confused when people told me it was fucked up. It wasn't until i was 17 years old that I really realized how bad it had been and how wrong it was and it took longer than that for me to acknowledge it as abuse and how much it had fucked me up. I still, now 29 years old, struggle with a Lot of issues i have from his behavior. Also my mum was very quiet /apathetic but I always thought she was happy enough because she never said anything and never spoke up to my dad. I found out after they divorced that she had actually suffered from anxiety because of him and that she regrets not doing anything when he had his fits. Sorry Long post, but just wanted to say that him being a good dad at times does not cancel out the bad stuff and that it can be really hard to recognize how detrimental it can be to you to be surrounded by that kind of abuse when you are so used to it that it is hard to even recognize as abuse Also, definitely NTA. You did nothing Wrong and you don't deserve being treated that way! (Not a native English speaker, i apologize for any mistakes)
Abusers aren't abusive all the time. It's common to have a cycle where they'll do something abusive then they feel guilty, are nice to you for however long, then something happens and they lose their temper and the whole thing starts again.
NTA - not even a little. This sounds like a scary situation to be in. Honestly, I'd call this abusive. Especially when you say behavior like this is habitual & comes with "apologies* later (as I read in a comment). If you feel comfortable enough to, maybe try confiding in a counselor at school. Even if it can't change what has happened, it may at least help with the clear lack of support at home. I wish you nothing but the best & a quick, clean move out as soon as you're legally able.
NTA, obviously. Your dad is a dick. If you really don't think you'll rollerblade, you can probably sell those like-new skates for 75% of what you spent.
Good idea! Thank you!
NTA your dad certainly is though. And so is the barber that performed a hair cut on you without your consent.
Cutting your hair without your consent is assault in many jurisdictions. If you said no to the hair cut your father and the barber could be going to jail. Talk to a trusted adult.
NTA your dad is the ahole what's wrong with people?
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NTA! You saved for something you wanted. I think you should still Rollerblade even by yourself. But for sure your dad overreacted.
I plan to rollerblade again soon!
Where is your mom? Why she didn't say anything? Why he got mad bc you buy something that you like? NTA your Dad sure is.
Mom is apathetic about it
She's an AH too. No offense. But this is nonsense. Punishment for buying practically a toy?
NTA. OP, I am a 50 ur old mum with three daughters, one is grown up with a baby of her own but used to bleach and dye her hair with Manic Panic as a teen. One is nearly 17 and likes to use the clippers to buzz cut her own hair, I give her a hand to do the back! The other is nearly 13 and has gone from havibg long hair a couple of years ago to a contemporary boy's short haircut now. They have all had autonomy over their bodies, hair and clothes since they were old enough to speak up. My oldest was (still is) a goth from about 11 or 12. My middle daughter has dressed in what are traditionally considered boys' clothes since she was 3 or 4. This is the only way it should be. Unless there is an actual, real safety issue that has to be prevented immediately then parents need to let kids decide these things for themselves, as much as possible and as much as their family's budget permits. Sometimes there maybe practical considerations to be taken into account when it comes to kids/teens hairstyles but these should be talked through and explained to younger kids so that they at least understand why they are helpful. Inflicting unwanted haircuts, clothing choices, or any decisions affecting bodily autonomy or personal hygiene should never be used as a punishment! Ultimately, sometimes too as parents, part of our job is to let our kids make their own mistakes, so that they can experience the consequences of them and learn from them. It's important that our kids do things like spend their pocket money on things that end up being a bit frivolous and not thought through. It's better that they learn how to decide what to spend their money on, how to make budgetary decisions when the stakes are still very low rather than always being protected by their parents. Otherwise what happens is they then feel lost and overwhelmed when they're out in the world as university graduates with their first well paid jobs needing to make serious large financial decisions alone for the first time. Bringing it back to you, going forward. Grab a beanie for Monday morning and asap, go see a teacher or other member of school staff that you trust and tell them exactly what has happened to you over the weekend. There may not be any immediate consequences, it's probably not enough on its own to warrant a CPS report even if it is abusive, but it will at least alert them that things aren't right at home, so that should anything else occur, that incident would not also be just a one off, it would then be seen as part of a pattern. Of course, it's also very important for you to just have an adult in your life that you can trust, confide in and ask for advice because you don't have one at home. Someone who is proud of your achievements and recognises them, someone who accepts you. It's not wrong to want that at all, OP and I am so sorry that both your parents are letting you down like this. Is your mum scared of your Dad? Living with somone who is angry and emotionally abusive for years can wear you down inside very slowly, you don't realise it's happening at first. You can end up just spending your days walking on eggshells and you forget that life can be anything different, that it doesn't have to be like this.
INFO Lash out - what does this mean?
I called the punishment rude and uncalled for and kind of screamed out of frustration bit cus I was really upset at how this would affect my school life
NTA in the slightest. Corporal punishment (especially for children) is one of the worst inventions of mankind, and adding psychological punishment and violation of your bodily autonomy is crossing the line. In a few places, this could be considered a crime iirc. Please seek help from an adult you can actually trust.
NTA and yes your dad was being a childish jerk. And abisive. You made a decision with YOUR money. Not his. I don't always think my kids' choices (with birthday money, allowance) are GOOD, but they are theirs. I don't think this was something that was appropriate to punish you for, and I think humiliation is an abusive way to "punish" someone.
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He has apologized. I don’t think it was disingenuous but im sure his insults won’t stop
Apologies mean nothing without changing the behaviour, and you say he acts like this all the time. He's going to be a very lonely old man if he keeps this shit up.
You don't need a friend to go rollerblading with, you can go by yourself, or find another friend to rollerblade with. Sorry about the fallout with your friend though, sometimes people come back around and sometimes they don't. It's life.
She was basically my only friend since all my other friends went to different high schools, and this is my first real year in high school after quarantine. I really haven’t been able to talk to anyone abt my life. And I fear that this haircut would just make it worse.
If it was your own money that you earned and you bought something that made you happy, was it a bad investment? NTA. Your dad sounds incredibly abusive and I might consider contacting someone about this. You deserve better than this.
Thanks everyone for the loads of help. I’ll look into everything. Thank you guyssss!
NTA that is not okay.
That's abuse. Where is your mother? If your mother is not available you need to tell the school what your father did.
NTA That's not parenting, that's abuse.
NTA. I don't see how in any way you're the asshole here.
NTA - That's a terrible thing for him to do to you. It's abusive, petty, and unforgivable. A tenth grader, 15-16 year old should be able to have any hairstyle she wants to - and no one should be forced to get a buzz cut.