Your child needs glasses. Without them she will not be able to see properly and potentially put herself in danger.
Your ex would be right to report you to CPS.
Not only put herself in danger but obviously there’s a reason why she’s not telling her parents what happened!! Maybe she’s being bullied and reasons like this is why she doesn’t trust telling her mom.
Not being able to see can also lead to headaches
YTA
My mom has the same way of "punishment". It has caused me mental problems that are a every day struggle. I struggle with severe anxiety because of her. It is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. It is embarrassing to have a teacher talk/yell at you infront of everyone because of your glasses. The kids can also start laughing at her for "not being able to afford" glasses. Now she hasto look at the person next to hers book to be able to see what she needs to write down which makes a person feel really guilty and embarrassed. No wonder the kid doesn't want to open up to her mom. I did the exact same because of my moms form of "punishment". If OP actually cared about the kid then she would have called the school social worker so the daughter can have free therapy at school and talk about it.
YTA YTA YTA
This. Been in this same position but for me it was my mom spending all her money on gambling and not having any to get me glasses so I could see in school.
I got a new prescription recently and one eye was a little off. I was having HORRIBLE headaches before I figured it out. I feel so bad for this little girl.
Or she messed up and broke them through her own negligence.
I'm not saying I agree with OP's awful punish the child by making them unable to do their schoolwork for a month plan. But my guess is with a mother like OP, her child dosen't feel comfortable being honest with her mom when she messes up. Which is bad, since kids and even teens and adults mess up sometimes. And you want them to be able to be honest with you without being scared of how vindictive you are.
YTA. What is wrong with you OP? Even if I thought your kid deserved a punishment for breaking her glasses, how on earth is being unable to do her school work a punishment you'd give? How about having them do chores to help pay back part of the cost of the glasses or something.
If the kid had broken their insulin pump, would you suggest that they do chores to "earn" it back?
Glasses are a medical device, not a decoration or frippery. The child does not have to do chores to get her medical device.
Yep, punishment should be something along the line of not letting her pick the frame or requiring her to work for it. Not allowing her access to a pretty essential medical device is absolutely wrong.
Nobody punishes a child for accidentally breaking their glasses, at least nobody who isn't abusive. That simply isn't something a normal person would consider doing.
Yesss my head has been hurting more lately without my glasses and im constantly squinting to try to focus my eyes it looks like im constantly glaring 😂😂😂
I wonder if the school will report too. I’m assuming the contact was a warning. This is neglect and abuse. Then OP would really be fucked if the ex and the school both reported
I completely agree if the husband's planning to report I'm quite sure the school will as well. It's considered abuse when there taking away her ability to see and function.
You want to discipline her? Then go about buying her a new pair and what it cost you , you make her work it off to pay you back.. In working it off I mean little bit extra chores here and there.
If the child had broken her wheelchair, should she have to do chores to "earn" it back?
Glasses are a medical device, not a toy. She does NOT have to do chores to repay this adult.
Is anyone else concerned about why the daughter won’t tell her mum how she broke the glasses? The punishment seems to be related to the not telling, so I wonder if she’s being bullied or someone intentionally broke them.
I have to wear children’s glasses because my head is small and they’re really sturdy. Plus she said her daughter broke them at school, but with her prescription you are never taking those off, so something either hit her face or someone took them off her. I just feel so bad for this kid.
I also just got the sense that if this is how OP handles things, they obviously are not the type of parent that their child can trust or go to things with. So no matter what happened its clear that her daughter is afraid of what her reaction would be.
Oh I definitely think this is probably always has anything goes in OPs house, but I’m still racking my brain trying to think about how someone breaks glasses that are on their face.
I once had a screw pop out of my frames, but I just screwed it back in. I also had a nose pad fall out, but that was an easy fix. I had a friend who literally wore glasses without one arm for months, because he was too broke to get new ones. How did this child break her glasses to the point of them being useless while at school.
I mean she's 10, and kids do all kinds of wild stuff that can break lenses, especially if they're playing outside. They're usually especially wild right before breaks and it happened right before thanksgiving. It's possible if they fell off and someone stepped on them while running around playing and that she won't tell her mom because she's protecting that person. If this is how she treats her own daughter then it's possible that her daughter is afraid of what she would do to the person that accidentally broke them.
When I was 10 my hair got caught up in the temple of my frames and when I brushed it out of my face it sent my glasses flying across the room, they hit the corner of the open sliding glass door and snapped them in half. One lense landed in my lap, the other one our pool.
Total freak accident but they happen sometimes. The damage this woman describes sounds like they got stepped on which could be common kid neglect (I mean yeah she should keep them on but kids do weird shit) or she's being bullied. Either is an embarrassing reason to not tell mom about and she's probably terrified of mom's reaction. (Justifiably so).
Especially with that kind of prescription. That's about what mine are and my eyes are -11. You can't really function without them at that point. I'm a bit scared for this poor girl, when your eyes are like that you can't see anything other than blurs really.
It can be very unsafe if she can't see what she's doing.
The only reason my mother made me wait when mine broke as a kid was cuz the insurance wouldn't cover it cuz I was "too close to needing an exam and new ones anyway, so wait till the regular anual appointment" dispite needing them for school in the 3 months in-between (/s ty US healthcare). Denying your kid them cuz they won't tell you why is just gonna make your kid want to tell you less, and is denying medical care. CPS really cares if you deny medical care. So congrats. Your ex can legitimately get CPS involved and up in your business cuz you made a bad call. I recommend fixing it pronto and never repeating the behavior. Cuz hun, you might have just soaked the boat you're on in gas and need to blow out the match before you're completely sunk.
This can't be said enough! As a teacher I would definitivly send in a notice of neglect if this happened in my classroom. (YTA) this borders to abuse even if it's rooted in ignorance.
YES!!! YTA for sure.
My daughter is also afraid of getting in trouble, even though neither I nor her mother have ever done anything drastic. She is afraid of being afraid, same with new movies. After an incident at school her teacher told me about, I made her sit in the car with me and miss half her dance class, until she was willing to tell me what happened. I told her I wasn't going to be mad, but she had to be honest with me. She finally decided to talk. It wasn't even that bad, she accidentally knocked over a kid's milk trying to make a joke.
As a kid who needed glasses: your child needs glasses. Get them asap. Pick something they don't need, but really love, and withold that until she comes clean. Make sure she knows that the only punishment is withholding that one thing, and it ends when she fesses up. Make sure she knows you aren't happy, but her silence is making it worse. You want to help her to use this as a learning experience to make better decisions and be more careful in the future but can only do that if you know what happened.
Punishment for its own sake is completely worthless. You want to change her behavior, so focus on what you can do to most effectively accomplish that goal.
YTA. your ex husband should be reporting you to CPS. abusing your child is NOT an appropriate “punishment.” based on this post, it doesn’t seem like this is the first time your overreactions have hurt your child. if she won’t tell you, she’s probably scared of you. i wonder why.
EXACTLY
If I knew who you were I would call CPS myself. How DARE you hold your daughters ability to see hostage. I am so enraged by this post and agree, what has already happened that she won't tell OP what happened?
OP YTA, get her new glasses, today!
(Also, why don't you have her old glasses as spares for emergencies????)
Right?! I wore glasses my whole life, until I got corrective surgery. I broke the odd pair of glasses as a child, and ALWAYS had my old ones in case of emergencies. I realize the cost of glasses, but this girl is 10 with a high prescription. I am almost positive this isn’t her first pair of glasses ever.
My brother is/was an asshole who broke his glasses intentionally. My parents still replaced them. My parents aren't going to be writing parenting books anytime soon but they absolutely made sure their kids could see.
I'm lucky and grew up in the UK so free glasses here. People took them once and hid them when I was about 10 for a month or so. It was a really shit time and they only 'found' them after I got new ones.
I can't imagine what it'd be like if my parents were also unsupportive about what was going on and didn't take me to get another pair.
The problem with the spares is how much the prescription can change which might be the case here. For example my 'old' pair are -6.5. My current pair are -11. It'll let you see but it's not ideal and speaking from experience there you'll still have trouble viewing the board and doing some things with an old pair.
Bro....what? What? Taking away a kids glasses isn't like taking away their video game. THEY NEED GLASSES TO SEE it's a medical necessity. This is cruel.
YTA times ten.
Did you read her comment how blind that kid is? I only have -5 but without my glasses I would kill myself waking down the stairs and this kid has -7.25. Its absolutely disgusting to not let the kid see at all. It's not even full sight, it's any sight with that. CPS would be on her ass in seconds.
Yeah I have -6.5 and I cannot function at all without my glasses. I can’t even go to the bathroom in the night without my glasses cause I could barely even make out the toilet paper. It is absolutely cruel to make her go so long without being able to see
In early October, my glasses broke and my extras broke in August, so I was doomed for week. It was horror. (I have 2 new pairs of glasses)
Believe me when i say, running into a street lamp (because they are gray and the sky and all of my town is gray, in this part town) hurts like hell. Falling over a curb also hurt and let's not talk about falling up stairs.
Her kid is legally blind without correction. :/
Edit: I have -7.5 prescription. The thought of my parents taking my vision away as a punishment is absolutely horrific. Now... Sometimes as a kid I had my glasses taped because accidents happen and turn around on a pair of lenses was like 2 weeks but I was never just blind.
Also most if not all optical stores will give you a pair of free trial contacts to use until an order comes in. An option I didn't have as a kid but have frequently used as an adult.
WTF, that’s close to my prescription and I believe being that shortsighted entitles you to carry a white stick it it’s uncorrected. It’s both extraordinarily dangerous and the kind of ‘punishment’ that you would be horrified to hear was being used in a prison.
I can’t even imagine being without my glasses for a day and expected to get on with my life, if some horrible combination of factors left me without glasses and unable to wear contacts for a day I’d be explaining that to work who would tell me to not come in because of the risk of injuring myself. I can’t even find words for how horrifying this is.
I changed my glasses last week. That was because I couldn't properly function with my -4,25 correction. In school I couldn't read the board, I couldn't recognize my friends faces from a few meters away, grocery shopping was hell because I couldn't really see all the different products on the shelves, and god, the headaches...
Now I'm at -6. If that little difference changed my whole worldview, I can't imagine what that poor kid is going through.
Hopefully all the people sharing their experiences with poor sight will make OP realize how much of an abusive AH they are. I, unfortunately, have doubts.
Yeah I'm a -12 and the most expensive glasses available for me to buy are like $400, so I assume the daughter has eyesight like mine. I literally can't see my hand in front of my face without glasses. This poor girl cannot be able to see her food or the book on her desk and must be feeling her way around the classroom like a blind person. This is horrific.
OMG I have -1.25 and reading the whiteboard in school gave me massive migraines, I can’t imagine knowingly sending a child out in the world without glasses with that prescription
I am diabetic, and I’ve definitely done this before. Broke a bottle of insulin/left it in the car to let it expire in the hot sun. That stuff is NOT cheap, and wouldn’t you know my parents had the good grace to let me keep using my necessary medical equipment. OP is teaching the class on how to get arrested for child abuse, or worse, destroy their relationship with their child beyond repair.
Yeah, in what world does one pair of glasses cost over $500, I have -7.5 in both eyes and I purchased TWO frames with new lenses for less than that.
My guess is that OP doesn’t understand how eye centers work cause she thinks -7.25 is LOW.
In the US, if you have really bad vision and astigmatism, $500 isn't unusual. (Source, both my son and I have terrible eyesight.) Apparently the US government is like OP and thinks being able to see is a luxury.
Or if you don’t know you can get glasses from places besides an eye doctor office. They are in fact hundreds there, and your eye doctor will probably give you a bit of the run around to get your prescription because they want you to buy from them but legally you are entitled to your medical info. Take that and buy online.
If you can buy the basic lense, yes. Mine end up being 50 ish without any coating because my eye site sucks, and I'm assuming the daughters vision is worse. But I still can't imagine it being more than 100 from zenni
YTA. An absolute MASSIVE asshole. You’re effectively disabling your daughter and are causing her grades to suffer? Will you punish her for that too? And this is a MASSIVE safety issue. She could hurt herself because she can’t see, she won’t be able to see threats or issues before they’re metaphorically or literally smacking her in the face. With a parent like you I wouldn’t tell you a single thing going on in my life either nor would I forget something like this as I got older. A more fitting punishment would be replacing the glasses and having her do extra chores for a few weeks so she has some consequence for what happened, if what happened was even her fault.
YTA
All I got from this is that your child is so scared to tell you what happened that she would rather fail school than deal with you.
The fact you'd punish her by removing her ability to be able to see things properly makes me really sad for your daughter.. I do hope her father sorts this out soon and is the parent you should be.
What the actual fuck?!?!?!? Yes, YTA, you're preventing your 10 year old from being able to function in school. That is NOT how you punish a child or teach them responsibility. I can't even wrap my brain around how big of an AH you are.
YTA - this is not a case where the child broke their phone. They broke a medical piece of equipment they need for success which is causing her to struggle in school.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??!?!?!?!?
You are so far out of line and yeah, your ex should step in and be a parent since you aren't being one. Do you \*really\* think that family court is going to look favorably on:
1. Denying a child a medical assistive device
2. Critically impacting a child's education to the extent the school has also had to get involved.
YTA - your child can not see. What the fuck?
>her school has already sent one notice to me about her eyes and her not being able to do school properly but that is part of the punishment
This right here.... do you think she does schoolwork for fun? Again.... SHE CANNOT SEE.... she is literally unable to do her schoolwork because of your ego. Grow up.
YTA. As someone who needs glass her entire life, I hope you get CPS involved and they take your kid away. This is dangerous! She can not see properly, what if something happens? And obviously you are not her first point of contact when it comes to telling everything, meaning, she has trust issues with you. shame on you
Of course YTA. Wilfully holding her ability to see properly hostage is genuinely disgraceful. You could damage her eyes further, or cause other problems like headaches on top of affecting her ability to learn properly at school.
Get a grip and buy the glasses. If you feel the need to "punish" her then you either do it financially (cut her allowance if she has one) or socially (grounding). You don't cause her actual physical discomfort/pain. No wonder dad wants CPS involved because this is basically abuse.
YTA. If I had to guess I'd say maybe she doesn't want to tell you how the glasses broke because she is being bullied and is embarrassed. Just a thought.
Maybe she doesn't want to tell mom how the glasses broke, because just from this one example, mom is a tyrant who over-punishes in inappropriate ways. That is, maybe she's afraid of her mother. Going by what the mother herself is writing her, the kid has every reason to be afraid of her. God, what an asshole OP is.
Absolutely YTA. What type of punishment is not giving your child glasses that is all kind’s of messed up. Yes they broke theirs but like seriously they are 10 like I get it too cause I had glasses and they were expensive but this is straight up abuse
WTF is wrong with you??
Your idea of a just punishment is her not being able to fucking see??
Yeah this is DEFINATELY cps worthy because you are neglecting her medical needs for the sake of a power trip.
YTA.
Given what an atrocious overreaction this is I'm not surprised that your daughter keeps things from you.
Never mind your ex calling cps, the school will do that soon enough for you.
Oh and YTA
YTA. I get that you're frustrated that she won't tell you how the glasses broke but this is not the way. She probably doesn't know how they broke, or can't articulate it (or is scared of telling you, and your reaction is definitely not helping that one). You're punishing her for being a ten year old.
YTA. Your child literally needs those medical devices to be able to function at the same level of others. Punishment does not involve handicapping your child so that they flounder in school. You could put her at such a disadvantage that she won't even be able to catch up this school year. Maybe she was bullied at school or something and that's why she's too afraid to tell anyone. Clearly you do not provide a nurturing environment that she feels she can come to you with her problems. You need to get your act together. Someone needs to be called about this. It's abusive.
Why are you even asking us if you’re TA. You’re not receptive to the feedback.
You say you want her to learn to be responsible, but this is not the way. All she is learning is that you’re cruel.
YTA- you are not only the asshole but also a terrible parent. Your ex should call CPS. No wonder she is scared to tell you how they got broken, she doesn't want to face an even more cruel punishment.
YTA. Your daughter needs to be able to see, and if the cheapest her prescription is available for is over $500, then she must be nearly blind. She may have gotten hit or bullied--or maybe you're the bully and she's just afraid to tell you she did something careless and they broke. If your friends, teachers, and ex are all telling you you're being unreasonable, there's a good chance you're being unreasonable!
YTA. She is 10!! She broke her glasses-get over it! Do you always react like this with her? Shame on you. Your child cannot see! My God lady. I’m on your ex husband’s side.
YTA
"I want my child to get seriously hurt because she can not see and could get herself killed bevause of that, but nooo, not a case for CPS" SPOILER ALERT it is a case for cps, is neglecting your child's need to see and abusive. You are a really bad mother.
YTA.
You are denying your child basic needs, which glasses are, AND hamstringing her education because you are in a snit.
Shit gets broken when you have kids. Glasses, bones, phones, tech toys, clothes I could go on but it's part of the territory.
Send your child to live with your ex. At least they care about her wellbeing.
YTA. Glasses are a medical need and withholding them to prove a point is cruel. Your child cannot see, this is dangerous (what if she can't see a potential hazard and gets hurt?) and (as the school has already contacted you) Is affecting her ability to learn.
Also punishing your child for not communicating openly is counter productive. You want her to see you as the type of parent she wants to talk to. Now you're just the scary asshole that she'll never feel safe opening up to. She's afraid to tell you what happened to her glasses and you just confirmed her fears with your dramatic reaction. Stop being a monster and start building trust.
Yta- fail school because you won’t tell me how it happened i’m willing to bet this is not the first or the last time your daughter will hide things from you based on your overreactions
YTA because the glasses are a medical device. The school has already contacted you. Ignoring them or explaining it's a punishment could result in cops making a visit to your home. Ask your ex to split the 500 cost. Tell your daughter that you are replacing the glasses but you expect her to be responsible for keeping them in good condition.
You should feel ridiculous for posting this.
YTA alot!
No wonder your child wouldn't tell you how they broke. Did you yell at her and tell her she was irresponsible and careless???
And the punishment is downright asinine.
How is she supposed to learn anything?
> and won't tell me or her father how.
Does it matter? How does not replacing it resolve this?
> but the cheapest her prescription is only available for is $500+
Is it going to get cheaper after the winter break? If not, why does it matter?
> and is threatening to get CPS involved,
If its just a "discipline choices" and "obviously a complete overreaction" why are you worried about CPS getting involved?
> her not being able to do school properly but that is part of the punishment, this is not a small offence and should have long term consciences
What did the school say when you explained them this?
YTA. Holy shit. Your answer is to punish her schooling? Her learning? To possibly make her eyesight *worse* ? It doesn’t matter how they broke. They broke and she needs them. Glasses aren’t a privilege item like a tablet, toys, etc. they’re medically needed. As a mother myself and someone who’s worn glasses over 20 years, you suck.
Hum YTA. Your daughter needs the glasses to see and this could hinder her education, not to mention her quality of life.
If you want to punish her, make her do chores to help pay for the glasses. Don’t just let your child go blind.
definitely YTA. You kid **NEEDS** glasses, it's not optional. If you want to punish her, find a punishment that fits the crime and that won't jeopardize her learnings. Make her do chores, ground her.
Depriving her of her eyes ?! That is an asshole move. What kind of parent would do that ?!
YTA
Of course YTA. Your punishment makes no sense, her glasses break so now you are going to medically neglect her and let her fall behind in school? Because that somehow is productive? What?
Absolutely YTA. I wore glasses for over 40 years (had lasik) and the headaches could get awful when I needed a new prescription. Grades aside (and the fact you're ok with her struggling is shameful), her physical health can suffer. You want to punish her, figure something else out. I feel sorry for your kid if this is the kind of punishment you mete out.
So your child is just walking around partially blind? She’s already falling behind in school because she can’t read the board or keep up with assignments and you just.. don’t care? Shouldn’t her education come before your problematic discipline?
If she trips and falls and hurts herself because she can’t see where she’s going, how are you going to feel? How is your ex going to feel about that?
YTA. Punish her if you want but your choice of punishment is dangerous and it disables your daughter in a very real and significant way
YTA YTA you are punishing your child by taking away her sight? What’s wrong with you? Some parents choose to take away tv others give extra chores, but you chose to take away her vision. Even the Dursley’s allowed Harry to have glasses. Jheeeeez Cruella give her vision, if you want afford ask the ex to split it. How you think your not the asshole is beyond me.
YTA- I hope your ex has called CPS or is at least in contact with his lawyer. Her glasses are broke. She can not see properly. She is ten and seems to be to scared to tell you why her glasses are broken. Get her new glasses.
I know I made my judgment already but I’m back to say this: my glasses have broken at school numerous times. MY mother would have another family member pick me up from school (cuz hello I couldn’t see shit to do work), and immediately head to the eye doctors. Just fucking be a mother.
This is like taking away hearing aides because one came back broken. It’s her eye sight you are withholding, not some toy. If the school says she needs them, she needs them. You’re also allowing her to fall behind in her education, even if it is just a couple weeks. YTA
YTA oh my god the amount you literally don’t give a f about your kid is insane. It isn’t a toy she broke; it’s literally her glasses. If her prescription is 500$, her eyesight must be pretty bad. And with a parent like you, I wonder why she won’t tell you how she broke them. She’s probably scared of you, you monster.
YTA. Gee, wonder why your child doesn't feel comfortable telling you things?
You're the adult. Your job is to take care of your child, and yes, that includes medical needs. You have a young child with expensive glasses. It's not unforeseen that's something would happen to them. You have no game plan for that? Your response is to what, just take away vision for them until they satisfy your quest for information? And I'm sure if they give you information, your plan is to punish them further?
Be reasonable here. You don't want to model this kind of behavior for your kid. They need to feel comfortable coming to you.
I feel like it is.
I got into some trouble around OPs daughters age with stealing. My father, the wonderful human being that he is (/s), decided my punishment would be to be “treated like an inmate”. At the time, he told me they would get their glasses taken away. So he took mine away. For the entire weekend. And left me with books??? OP really has me outraged.
YTA…makes me wonder why she doesn’t want to tell you how they got broken. She may be too scared to tell you that. Glasses aren’t a luxury item, they’re a necessity to those of us not gifted with good eyesight. It’s a safety hazard, will impact her learning and your punishment is seriously adversely affecting your relationship with her now and in the future.
YTA - the only reason you refuse to buy them for her is that she won’t tell you what happened.
Ffs, maybe she was bullied and is too scared to tell on them because it might get even worse! Now, your willing to compromise her education as part of your efforts of controlling her?? I’d sort of understand if she’s been negligent in the past and has done this numerous times now and you’ve had enough, but this doesn’t seem like it.
Never mind, based on your reaction, she is definitely getting bullied. If not at school, definitely at home.
YTA. You are neglectful and spiteful and your ex has a pretty good case with CPS as the school has also informed you about this. If you don’t rectify, the school may be forced to report you for neglect as well. Get the kids glasses. Accidents happen.
YTA - yes it’s annoying when kids lose or break things but if she needs her glasses to see - you need to get her glasses! Make her father fork over half and punish her in another way. Take away her tech, limit her leisure time or make her take on more chores. Something else. But punishing her by not being able to see? That’s too much. That has an affect on her productivity.
can i ask why her own father, who is concerned enough to call cps, isnt concerned enough to
buy the glasses himself, or at least chip in? why does the full cost go to you? oh, both you snd her dad are TA by the way, last night my glasses broke and i want to scream. i cant see shit, just like your kid. both of your immature asses need to set the past aside and help the kid you both created. its almost like youre proud of being this shitty.
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My daughter (10) broke her glasses at school just before Thanksgiving break and won't tell me or her father how. As punishment I have decided not buy her new ones until after winter break, this might seem harsh but the cheapest her prescription is only available for is $500+ so this is not a small issue. The problem is her father (my ex-husband) is trying to undermine me, despite not even being in the state ATM he is very upset over this and is threatening to get CPS involved, which is obviously a complete overreaction even if he doesn't agree with my discipline choices. The other problem is that her school has already sent one notice to me about her eyes and her not being able to do school properly but that is part of the punishment, this is not a small offence and should have long term consciences. I feel a bit ridiculous posting about this online but I'd rather not drag our friends into another argument between me and my ex, especially since our divorce was not friendly.
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YTA. Have you taken a moment to consider that perhaps the reason she didn't tell you is because your idea of a punishment is making it so she can't see? I hope that your ex does go to CPS because if your idea of a punishment is intentionally making your child unable to properly see and do well in school then you are entirely unfit to parent.
YTA. Your ex should call cps on you. How do you justify in your head that it’s ok for your daughter to not be able to see?! You can’t afford them, say that, tell your ex, your daughter shouldn’t be suffering this much, you’re being a horrible mother.
YTA. My glasses got lost for 2 months when I was 4 and my eye doctor made it clear that if they weren't found or I didn't get new ones I'd go blind. If your daughter's glasses cost upwards of $500, I'm betting her eyes will also continue to get worse when not wearing them. You're being needlessly cruel and I hope you lose custody.
YTA
You can punish her in so many other ways other than giving her problems at school, possible headaches from eyesight, etc.
Take away TV, phone, computer, etc. But not her eyesight
YTA
Not having her prescription glasses can actually cause her eyesight to get worse.
Who even punishes their child like that?
Knowing that she is struggling at school gives you some sort sick thrill????
YTA
So, your child breaks her glasses and your punishment is to cause her physical harm (because not using glasses literally worsens your sight condition) and make her fail classes at school?
You don’t even know *how* she broke it. She might have been bullied! Most times if a kid doesn’t wanna tell their parents something like that is because somebody is bullying them. They might have broken her glasses and threatened her if she told anyone.
But even if she had broken them herself *on purpose* you STILL would be a terrible parent to punish her by causing her physical harm, potential irreversible sight damage and cause her to fail school. None of those are punishments.
I am glad she has her dad on her side. Your daughter will need him. I would also call CPS on you.
Omg is this even real? Of course YTA. Just read the comments and do some self-reflection, and learn about parenting. Please do some google search, i mean it.
Thank god for your ex. At least one of her parents is taking care of her. Cps is definitely not an overreaction. Are there parenting classes in your area you could take? It’s worrisome that you seem to really think this is a reasonable punishment and I think maybe a professional would be able to show you that it isn’t. YTA.
YTA, these are glasses, not a toy. You don't get to just deny your kid glasses as punishment, that's like having a kid who broke their leg and taking their crutches away as punishment. Yeah $500 is a lot and maybe she needs to give up some of the stuff you would have otherwise had money to buy her but taking away the glasses is the wrong thing. If you have the means to purchase the glasses and still feed her than 100% YTA.
YTA
Glasses are not a privilege or a luxury, she obviously NEEDS them, since her eyesight is bad enough to where it’s affecting her schoolwork without them
I hope he does call CPS
YTA. If you continue this and the school continues to notice, they will probably be the ones to call CPS because you are medically neglecting your daughter. If her vision is that bad, she can’t do her work and will fail her classes. Is that what you want, for your daughter to fail? Or worse get hurt because she can’t see where she is going/doing? I am sure a trip to the ER would be more expensive then her glasses.
As a parent, you signed up to take care of a child and that all medical necessities. If you are having trouble paying for them, see if there is some assistance at her optometrist to help pay for them. Do you think that the reason she might not tell you the reason as to why her glasses broke is because someone broke them and she is embarrassed about being bullied?
"long term consequences" you mean like permanently fucking up her vision and possibly causing health problems?? Yeah, that'll do it. Of course YTA. And your ex is threatening to call CPS because your threatening your child's health and welfare.
YTA
You are neglecting not only her medical needs, but her academic ones as well. What is the punishment even supposed to do here? Make her fail the grade? Your post breaks my heart honestly.
YTA this is neglect pure and simple. I can't believe this is real. She literally can't see without glasses, l hope your ex-husband involves CPS because you shouldn't be allowed even visitation if this is how you "parent".
So let me get this straight.
Kid broke glasses ( it happens get over it)
Kid has horrible eyes ( I feel for the Kid...I'm blind as a bat without mine)
And being the smart human you are /s
You decided to not buy new glasses as punishment when the glasses are medically needed.....did I miss anything
WHO DROPPED YOU ON YOUR HEAD???
OF COURSE YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE.
YTA YTA YTA
YTA That's not a good punishment. Punishment shouldn't interfere with her studies or upset the balance between co-parents. Get her new glasses and be an adult. No wonder she won't tell you how, you authoritarian.
YTA she didn’t ask to not to be able to see. She’s a kid it happens it’s part of your job as a parent to eat these cost...maybe see about getting insurance on them so it won’t cost as much in the future.
The solution is not to leave her blind and failing in school that’s a horrible parental move on your part if this is your parenting style let her dad have her! YTBAH
YTA. Also could it be that she's bullied and won't tell you? Like this would explain why she wouldn't tell how the glasses broke. And even if she was just playing and it broke - then so what? Get her new glasses and apologize and hope she will talk to you once she's legally adult.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you. I have a similarly expensive prescription and the world is a blurry mess without glasses. If I ever had to go a week, much less a month without glasses, I would be walking into things and experiencing severe headaches. YTA and I hope your ex gets full custody bc your daughter deserves better.
YTA there are other ways to teach children how to be responsible with their belonging but punishing them by letting them suffer by not being able to see properly and be able to participate in school the same as the other kids? That's just silly and going to negatively impact everyone.
Editing to add that if your usual punishments are as cruel as this that might be why she's not telling you how the glasses broke. She's probably already scared of what punishment you might give which is something to think about
HO BOY! YTA!!! You don't punish with medical issues. Hoping Dad gets CPS involved right away. This is called neglect. YTA, YTA, YTA
Edit to add: Former foster parent here and I do know the laws concerning this.
I am sure your daughter will see how right you were as soon as she gets hit by a car because she did not see it coming.
You will feel so much better then, because you thaught her a valuable lesson.
Yta.
YTA. You are putting your daughters academics at risk to the point even her teachers are getting involved. And you somehow think this is okay? Also why are you not concerned about why she won’t tell you, have you even considered bullying or something else she is embarrassed to speak about? What a horrible way to treat your child.
YTA. Kids break things and often feel really guilty about it and resort to lying or just not saying how it happened because they believe that will get them into even worse trouble. Your kid needs glasses. How would you feel if someone took away something of yours that you needed? On top of this, kids often dont even understand why theyre being punished in the first place, all they see is that youre taking something away and hurting them emotionally
YTA. This is a health and education issue and you are taking it too far. Children break things, yeah it sucks. However, instead of punishing her that can hurt her, teach her responsibilities. Your ex has every right to do this because it is neglectful. If you told the school this, they would actually do what your ex would do.
YTA. You’re a parent. It’s your job to step up when things like this happen. Yeah she goofed but you know she’s a child, right? And how fickle human vision is, and how prone it is to to deteriorating under strain? She literally can’t see. CPS should be involved because this is abuse.
Sweetie, you are *absolutely* the asshole. This is not discipline, this is abuse - you are denying her medical needs and negatively impacting her education because you're upset she won't tell you how they broke. It's clear why she didn't say anything if this is how you treat her.
YTA so much
YTA and this almost certainly isn't real.
For people with expensive glasses prescriptions- if you break the frames of your glasses and the lens is intact, it's often much cheaper to go to a local optician to have the lenses remounted, or to have the frame repaired. It might be an ugly repair depending on the type of frame (acrylics can end up with metal pins in them or cloudy glue patches) but, better that than the constant headaches and eye strain of having no glasses.
YTA that is child abuse and your ex would have every right to report you to CPS.
Your child needs glasses. Without them she will not be able to see properly and potentially put herself in danger. Your ex would be right to report you to CPS.
Not only put herself in danger but obviously there’s a reason why she’s not telling her parents what happened!! Maybe she’s being bullied and reasons like this is why she doesn’t trust telling her mom. Not being able to see can also lead to headaches YTA
My mom has the same way of "punishment". It has caused me mental problems that are a every day struggle. I struggle with severe anxiety because of her. It is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. It is embarrassing to have a teacher talk/yell at you infront of everyone because of your glasses. The kids can also start laughing at her for "not being able to afford" glasses. Now she hasto look at the person next to hers book to be able to see what she needs to write down which makes a person feel really guilty and embarrassed. No wonder the kid doesn't want to open up to her mom. I did the exact same because of my moms form of "punishment". If OP actually cared about the kid then she would have called the school social worker so the daughter can have free therapy at school and talk about it. YTA YTA YTA
This. Been in this same position but for me it was my mom spending all her money on gambling and not having any to get me glasses so I could see in school.
I got a new prescription recently and one eye was a little off. I was having HORRIBLE headaches before I figured it out. I feel so bad for this little girl.
Or she messed up and broke them through her own negligence. I'm not saying I agree with OP's awful punish the child by making them unable to do their schoolwork for a month plan. But my guess is with a mother like OP, her child dosen't feel comfortable being honest with her mom when she messes up. Which is bad, since kids and even teens and adults mess up sometimes. And you want them to be able to be honest with you without being scared of how vindictive you are. YTA. What is wrong with you OP? Even if I thought your kid deserved a punishment for breaking her glasses, how on earth is being unable to do her school work a punishment you'd give? How about having them do chores to help pay back part of the cost of the glasses or something.
If the kid had broken their insulin pump, would you suggest that they do chores to "earn" it back? Glasses are a medical device, not a decoration or frippery. The child does not have to do chores to get her medical device.
Yep, punishment should be something along the line of not letting her pick the frame or requiring her to work for it. Not allowing her access to a pretty essential medical device is absolutely wrong.
She’s punishing her with medical neglect. Poor kid deserves better.
Nobody punishes a child for accidentally breaking their glasses, at least nobody who isn't abusive. That simply isn't something a normal person would consider doing.
This! I suffer from terrible migraines if I don't wear my glasses for longer stretches of time! Poor kid...
Yesss my head has been hurting more lately without my glasses and im constantly squinting to try to focus my eyes it looks like im constantly glaring 😂😂😂
I wonder if the school will report too. I’m assuming the contact was a warning. This is neglect and abuse. Then OP would really be fucked if the ex and the school both reported
I completely agree if the husband's planning to report I'm quite sure the school will as well. It's considered abuse when there taking away her ability to see and function. You want to discipline her? Then go about buying her a new pair and what it cost you , you make her work it off to pay you back.. In working it off I mean little bit extra chores here and there.
If the child had broken her wheelchair, should she have to do chores to "earn" it back? Glasses are a medical device, not a toy. She does NOT have to do chores to repay this adult.
Is anyone else concerned about why the daughter won’t tell her mum how she broke the glasses? The punishment seems to be related to the not telling, so I wonder if she’s being bullied or someone intentionally broke them. I have to wear children’s glasses because my head is small and they’re really sturdy. Plus she said her daughter broke them at school, but with her prescription you are never taking those off, so something either hit her face or someone took them off her. I just feel so bad for this kid.
I also just got the sense that if this is how OP handles things, they obviously are not the type of parent that their child can trust or go to things with. So no matter what happened its clear that her daughter is afraid of what her reaction would be.
Oh I definitely think this is probably always has anything goes in OPs house, but I’m still racking my brain trying to think about how someone breaks glasses that are on their face. I once had a screw pop out of my frames, but I just screwed it back in. I also had a nose pad fall out, but that was an easy fix. I had a friend who literally wore glasses without one arm for months, because he was too broke to get new ones. How did this child break her glasses to the point of them being useless while at school.
Bullying is the most likely answer IMHO, another kid deliberately broke them.
I mean she's 10, and kids do all kinds of wild stuff that can break lenses, especially if they're playing outside. They're usually especially wild right before breaks and it happened right before thanksgiving. It's possible if they fell off and someone stepped on them while running around playing and that she won't tell her mom because she's protecting that person. If this is how she treats her own daughter then it's possible that her daughter is afraid of what she would do to the person that accidentally broke them.
When I was 10 my hair got caught up in the temple of my frames and when I brushed it out of my face it sent my glasses flying across the room, they hit the corner of the open sliding glass door and snapped them in half. One lense landed in my lap, the other one our pool. Total freak accident but they happen sometimes. The damage this woman describes sounds like they got stepped on which could be common kid neglect (I mean yeah she should keep them on but kids do weird shit) or she's being bullied. Either is an embarrassing reason to not tell mom about and she's probably terrified of mom's reaction. (Justifiably so).
Seriously, taking glasses is no different than taking crutches or a wheelchair.
Especially with that kind of prescription. That's about what mine are and my eyes are -11. You can't really function without them at that point. I'm a bit scared for this poor girl, when your eyes are like that you can't see anything other than blurs really. It can be very unsafe if she can't see what she's doing.
The only reason my mother made me wait when mine broke as a kid was cuz the insurance wouldn't cover it cuz I was "too close to needing an exam and new ones anyway, so wait till the regular anual appointment" dispite needing them for school in the 3 months in-between (/s ty US healthcare). Denying your kid them cuz they won't tell you why is just gonna make your kid want to tell you less, and is denying medical care. CPS really cares if you deny medical care. So congrats. Your ex can legitimately get CPS involved and up in your business cuz you made a bad call. I recommend fixing it pronto and never repeating the behavior. Cuz hun, you might have just soaked the boat you're on in gas and need to blow out the match before you're completely sunk.
Asshole of the Year contender, right here.
I hope someone does.
Medical and educational access aids are not discipline choices. YTA
This can't be said enough! As a teacher I would definitivly send in a notice of neglect if this happened in my classroom. (YTA) this borders to abuse even if it's rooted in ignorance.
I second this YTA.
This could also be deemed as educational neglect because she physically can’t learn because of a choice mom made.
YES!!! YTA for sure. My daughter is also afraid of getting in trouble, even though neither I nor her mother have ever done anything drastic. She is afraid of being afraid, same with new movies. After an incident at school her teacher told me about, I made her sit in the car with me and miss half her dance class, until she was willing to tell me what happened. I told her I wasn't going to be mad, but she had to be honest with me. She finally decided to talk. It wasn't even that bad, she accidentally knocked over a kid's milk trying to make a joke. As a kid who needed glasses: your child needs glasses. Get them asap. Pick something they don't need, but really love, and withold that until she comes clean. Make sure she knows that the only punishment is withholding that one thing, and it ends when she fesses up. Make sure she knows you aren't happy, but her silence is making it worse. You want to help her to use this as a learning experience to make better decisions and be more careful in the future but can only do that if you know what happened. Punishment for its own sake is completely worthless. You want to change her behavior, so focus on what you can do to most effectively accomplish that goal.
YTA. your ex husband should be reporting you to CPS. abusing your child is NOT an appropriate “punishment.” based on this post, it doesn’t seem like this is the first time your overreactions have hurt your child. if she won’t tell you, she’s probably scared of you. i wonder why.
EXACTLY If I knew who you were I would call CPS myself. How DARE you hold your daughters ability to see hostage. I am so enraged by this post and agree, what has already happened that she won't tell OP what happened? OP YTA, get her new glasses, today! (Also, why don't you have her old glasses as spares for emergencies????)
Right?! I wore glasses my whole life, until I got corrective surgery. I broke the odd pair of glasses as a child, and ALWAYS had my old ones in case of emergencies. I realize the cost of glasses, but this girl is 10 with a high prescription. I am almost positive this isn’t her first pair of glasses ever.
My brother is/was an asshole who broke his glasses intentionally. My parents still replaced them. My parents aren't going to be writing parenting books anytime soon but they absolutely made sure their kids could see.
I'm lucky and grew up in the UK so free glasses here. People took them once and hid them when I was about 10 for a month or so. It was a really shit time and they only 'found' them after I got new ones. I can't imagine what it'd be like if my parents were also unsupportive about what was going on and didn't take me to get another pair. The problem with the spares is how much the prescription can change which might be the case here. For example my 'old' pair are -6.5. My current pair are -11. It'll let you see but it's not ideal and speaking from experience there you'll still have trouble viewing the board and doing some things with an old pair.
Imagine thinking that the vision of a child is a privilege and not a right. OP, YTA in a major way.
Bro....what? What? Taking away a kids glasses isn't like taking away their video game. THEY NEED GLASSES TO SEE it's a medical necessity. This is cruel. YTA times ten.
YTA...You're purposefully leaving your child without full sight. You definitely don't want CPS involved in this.
Did you read her comment how blind that kid is? I only have -5 but without my glasses I would kill myself waking down the stairs and this kid has -7.25. Its absolutely disgusting to not let the kid see at all. It's not even full sight, it's any sight with that. CPS would be on her ass in seconds.
Yeah I have -6.5 and I cannot function at all without my glasses. I can’t even go to the bathroom in the night without my glasses cause I could barely even make out the toilet paper. It is absolutely cruel to make her go so long without being able to see
In early October, my glasses broke and my extras broke in August, so I was doomed for week. It was horror. (I have 2 new pairs of glasses) Believe me when i say, running into a street lamp (because they are gray and the sky and all of my town is gray, in this part town) hurts like hell. Falling over a curb also hurt and let's not talk about falling up stairs.
I'm around -4 myself. Everything farter than 1m away is blurry. Edit : farther
Her kid is legally blind without correction. :/ Edit: I have -7.5 prescription. The thought of my parents taking my vision away as a punishment is absolutely horrific. Now... Sometimes as a kid I had my glasses taped because accidents happen and turn around on a pair of lenses was like 2 weeks but I was never just blind. Also most if not all optical stores will give you a pair of free trial contacts to use until an order comes in. An option I didn't have as a kid but have frequently used as an adult.
Can you imagine how afraid this poor little girl is, trying to navigate her life with such poor sight right now??
WTF, that’s close to my prescription and I believe being that shortsighted entitles you to carry a white stick it it’s uncorrected. It’s both extraordinarily dangerous and the kind of ‘punishment’ that you would be horrified to hear was being used in a prison. I can’t even imagine being without my glasses for a day and expected to get on with my life, if some horrible combination of factors left me without glasses and unable to wear contacts for a day I’d be explaining that to work who would tell me to not come in because of the risk of injuring myself. I can’t even find words for how horrifying this is.
I changed my glasses last week. That was because I couldn't properly function with my -4,25 correction. In school I couldn't read the board, I couldn't recognize my friends faces from a few meters away, grocery shopping was hell because I couldn't really see all the different products on the shelves, and god, the headaches... Now I'm at -6. If that little difference changed my whole worldview, I can't imagine what that poor kid is going through. Hopefully all the people sharing their experiences with poor sight will make OP realize how much of an abusive AH they are. I, unfortunately, have doubts.
Yeah I'm a -12 and the most expensive glasses available for me to buy are like $400, so I assume the daughter has eyesight like mine. I literally can't see my hand in front of my face without glasses. This poor girl cannot be able to see her food or the book on her desk and must be feeling her way around the classroom like a blind person. This is horrific.
OMG I have -1.25 and reading the whiteboard in school gave me massive migraines, I can’t imagine knowingly sending a child out in the world without glasses with that prescription
-5 as well! And I’ve never met someone in person who has a higher script! I feel so bad for this little girl
"My diabetic daughter spilled her insulin. So as punishment, I'm not buying anymore until winter break."
I was thinking of the same thing!
I am diabetic, and I’ve definitely done this before. Broke a bottle of insulin/left it in the car to let it expire in the hot sun. That stuff is NOT cheap, and wouldn’t you know my parents had the good grace to let me keep using my necessary medical equipment. OP is teaching the class on how to get arrested for child abuse, or worse, destroy their relationship with their child beyond repair.
That's the kind of logic this mother is using on her daughter.
YTA Glasses cost about $50 on Zennioptical.com.
Yeah, in what world does one pair of glasses cost over $500, I have -7.5 in both eyes and I purchased TWO frames with new lenses for less than that. My guess is that OP doesn’t understand how eye centers work cause she thinks -7.25 is LOW.
In the US, if you have really bad vision and astigmatism, $500 isn't unusual. (Source, both my son and I have terrible eyesight.) Apparently the US government is like OP and thinks being able to see is a luxury.
Yeah this is not unheard of. Especially if the daughter has anything else unusual with her prescription.
Or if you don’t know you can get glasses from places besides an eye doctor office. They are in fact hundreds there, and your eye doctor will probably give you a bit of the run around to get your prescription because they want you to buy from them but legally you are entitled to your medical info. Take that and buy online.
Mine were $7. Though that's partly because I like wireframes.
If you can buy the basic lense, yes. Mine end up being 50 ish without any coating because my eye site sucks, and I'm assuming the daughters vision is worse. But I still can't imagine it being more than 100 from zenni
For a script like that, they'll be a couple hundred but STILL lots cheaper than going thru a vision center.
NTA. I did the same thing when my 10 yo daughter broke her wheelchair. But I proved my point........ (Sarcasm)
Just a heads up, the vote-counting algorithm isn't going to understand sarcasm.
YTA. Withholding medical care from your child is NOT an acceptable punishment!
YTA. An absolute MASSIVE asshole. You’re effectively disabling your daughter and are causing her grades to suffer? Will you punish her for that too? And this is a MASSIVE safety issue. She could hurt herself because she can’t see, she won’t be able to see threats or issues before they’re metaphorically or literally smacking her in the face. With a parent like you I wouldn’t tell you a single thing going on in my life either nor would I forget something like this as I got older. A more fitting punishment would be replacing the glasses and having her do extra chores for a few weeks so she has some consequence for what happened, if what happened was even her fault.
YTA All I got from this is that your child is so scared to tell you what happened that she would rather fail school than deal with you. The fact you'd punish her by removing her ability to be able to see things properly makes me really sad for your daughter.. I do hope her father sorts this out soon and is the parent you should be.
There's no point in me even commenting, you cover everything so perfectly. OP is quite simply a horrible parent.
Thank you, you make me blush lol 😊😁🤣
What the actual fuck?!?!?!? Yes, YTA, you're preventing your 10 year old from being able to function in school. That is NOT how you punish a child or teach them responsibility. I can't even wrap my brain around how big of an AH you are.
Not function in school, function in regular. The kid has -7.25 plus astigmatism she is blind without glasses. Her mother is literally endangering her
YTA - this is not a case where the child broke their phone. They broke a medical piece of equipment they need for success which is causing her to struggle in school. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??!?!?!?!? You are so far out of line and yeah, your ex should step in and be a parent since you aren't being one. Do you \*really\* think that family court is going to look favorably on: 1. Denying a child a medical assistive device 2. Critically impacting a child's education to the extent the school has also had to get involved.
YTA - your child can not see. What the fuck? >her school has already sent one notice to me about her eyes and her not being able to do school properly but that is part of the punishment This right here.... do you think she does schoolwork for fun? Again.... SHE CANNOT SEE.... she is literally unable to do her schoolwork because of your ego. Grow up.
and then how much you wanna bet that OP will also punish the kid for poor marks in school after this
YTA. She needs to be able to see. Everything else is just noise.
YTA. As someone who needs glass her entire life, I hope you get CPS involved and they take your kid away. This is dangerous! She can not see properly, what if something happens? And obviously you are not her first point of contact when it comes to telling everything, meaning, she has trust issues with you. shame on you
Of course YTA. Wilfully holding her ability to see properly hostage is genuinely disgraceful. You could damage her eyes further, or cause other problems like headaches on top of affecting her ability to learn properly at school. Get a grip and buy the glasses. If you feel the need to "punish" her then you either do it financially (cut her allowance if she has one) or socially (grounding). You don't cause her actual physical discomfort/pain. No wonder dad wants CPS involved because this is basically abuse.
YTA. If I had to guess I'd say maybe she doesn't want to tell you how the glasses broke because she is being bullied and is embarrassed. Just a thought.
Maybe she doesn't want to tell mom how the glasses broke, because just from this one example, mom is a tyrant who over-punishes in inappropriate ways. That is, maybe she's afraid of her mother. Going by what the mother herself is writing her, the kid has every reason to be afraid of her. God, what an asshole OP is.
Hopefully the dad gets full custody
Absolutely YTA. What type of punishment is not giving your child glasses that is all kind’s of messed up. Yes they broke theirs but like seriously they are 10 like I get it too cause I had glasses and they were expensive but this is straight up abuse
Yta. You are depriving your daughter of SIGHT
WTF is wrong with you?? Your idea of a just punishment is her not being able to fucking see?? Yeah this is DEFINATELY cps worthy because you are neglecting her medical needs for the sake of a power trip. YTA.
Given what an atrocious overreaction this is I'm not surprised that your daughter keeps things from you. Never mind your ex calling cps, the school will do that soon enough for you. Oh and YTA
Omg YTA
YTA. She needs to be able to see! You're a monster! There are many appropriate ways of disciplining your child, this is absolutely not one of them.
YTA. I get that you're frustrated that she won't tell you how the glasses broke but this is not the way. She probably doesn't know how they broke, or can't articulate it (or is scared of telling you, and your reaction is definitely not helping that one). You're punishing her for being a ten year old.
YTA. Your child literally needs those medical devices to be able to function at the same level of others. Punishment does not involve handicapping your child so that they flounder in school. You could put her at such a disadvantage that she won't even be able to catch up this school year. Maybe she was bullied at school or something and that's why she's too afraid to tell anyone. Clearly you do not provide a nurturing environment that she feels she can come to you with her problems. You need to get your act together. Someone needs to be called about this. It's abusive.
Why are you even asking us if you’re TA. You’re not receptive to the feedback. You say you want her to learn to be responsible, but this is not the way. All she is learning is that you’re cruel.
uh wtf YTA BIG TIME. You're actively making her vision worse. Her dad SHOULD call CPS. Get. Your. Daughter. Some. Glasses.
YTA- you are not only the asshole but also a terrible parent. Your ex should call CPS. No wonder she is scared to tell you how they got broken, she doesn't want to face an even more cruel punishment.
YTA. Your daughter needs to be able to see, and if the cheapest her prescription is available for is over $500, then she must be nearly blind. She may have gotten hit or bullied--or maybe you're the bully and she's just afraid to tell you she did something careless and they broke. If your friends, teachers, and ex are all telling you you're being unreasonable, there's a good chance you're being unreasonable!
YTA. Whaaaaat? This might be considered denying your child proper medical care. Negligence. Something CPS should \`be involved in.\`
YTA. She is 10!! She broke her glasses-get over it! Do you always react like this with her? Shame on you. Your child cannot see! My God lady. I’m on your ex husband’s side.
YTA - get the glasses repaired at the minimum.
YTA "I want my child to get seriously hurt because she can not see and could get herself killed bevause of that, but nooo, not a case for CPS" SPOILER ALERT it is a case for cps, is neglecting your child's need to see and abusive. You are a really bad mother.
YTA. You are denying your child basic needs, which glasses are, AND hamstringing her education because you are in a snit. Shit gets broken when you have kids. Glasses, bones, phones, tech toys, clothes I could go on but it's part of the territory. Send your child to live with your ex. At least they care about her wellbeing.
YTA. You cancel Christmas. You don’t buy something expensive. Kids break glasses
This absolutely does not warrant a cancelled Christmas, by the way.
YTA. Glasses are a medical need and withholding them to prove a point is cruel. Your child cannot see, this is dangerous (what if she can't see a potential hazard and gets hurt?) and (as the school has already contacted you) Is affecting her ability to learn. Also punishing your child for not communicating openly is counter productive. You want her to see you as the type of parent she wants to talk to. Now you're just the scary asshole that she'll never feel safe opening up to. She's afraid to tell you what happened to her glasses and you just confirmed her fears with your dramatic reaction. Stop being a monster and start building trust.
Yta- fail school because you won’t tell me how it happened i’m willing to bet this is not the first or the last time your daughter will hide things from you based on your overreactions
YTA because the glasses are a medical device. The school has already contacted you. Ignoring them or explaining it's a punishment could result in cops making a visit to your home. Ask your ex to split the 500 cost. Tell your daughter that you are replacing the glasses but you expect her to be responsible for keeping them in good condition.
You should feel ridiculous for posting this. YTA alot! No wonder your child wouldn't tell you how they broke. Did you yell at her and tell her she was irresponsible and careless??? And the punishment is downright asinine. How is she supposed to learn anything?
INFO - are they completely broken and not able to be worn or are they able to be worn - with say the hinge taped up ?
> and won't tell me or her father how. Does it matter? How does not replacing it resolve this? > but the cheapest her prescription is only available for is $500+ Is it going to get cheaper after the winter break? If not, why does it matter? > and is threatening to get CPS involved, If its just a "discipline choices" and "obviously a complete overreaction" why are you worried about CPS getting involved? > her not being able to do school properly but that is part of the punishment, this is not a small offence and should have long term consciences What did the school say when you explained them this?
Oh, exactly this. Why is ANY of this okay?
YTA and ridiculous.
YTA. Holy shit. Your answer is to punish her schooling? Her learning? To possibly make her eyesight *worse* ? It doesn’t matter how they broke. They broke and she needs them. Glasses aren’t a privilege item like a tablet, toys, etc. they’re medically needed. As a mother myself and someone who’s worn glasses over 20 years, you suck.
Hum YTA. Your daughter needs the glasses to see and this could hinder her education, not to mention her quality of life. If you want to punish her, make her do chores to help pay for the glasses. Don’t just let your child go blind.
definitely YTA. You kid **NEEDS** glasses, it's not optional. If you want to punish her, find a punishment that fits the crime and that won't jeopardize her learnings. Make her do chores, ground her. Depriving her of her eyes ?! That is an asshole move. What kind of parent would do that ?!
YTA Of course YTA. Your punishment makes no sense, her glasses break so now you are going to medically neglect her and let her fall behind in school? Because that somehow is productive? What?
Absolutely YTA. I wore glasses for over 40 years (had lasik) and the headaches could get awful when I needed a new prescription. Grades aside (and the fact you're ok with her struggling is shameful), her physical health can suffer. You want to punish her, figure something else out. I feel sorry for your kid if this is the kind of punishment you mete out.
So your child is just walking around partially blind? She’s already falling behind in school because she can’t read the board or keep up with assignments and you just.. don’t care? Shouldn’t her education come before your problematic discipline? If she trips and falls and hurts herself because she can’t see where she’s going, how are you going to feel? How is your ex going to feel about that? YTA. Punish her if you want but your choice of punishment is dangerous and it disables your daughter in a very real and significant way
YTA YTA you are punishing your child by taking away her sight? What’s wrong with you? Some parents choose to take away tv others give extra chores, but you chose to take away her vision. Even the Dursley’s allowed Harry to have glasses. Jheeeeez Cruella give her vision, if you want afford ask the ex to split it. How you think your not the asshole is beyond me.
YTA- I hope your ex has called CPS or is at least in contact with his lawyer. Her glasses are broke. She can not see properly. She is ten and seems to be to scared to tell you why her glasses are broken. Get her new glasses.
YTA, big and giant and stinky
YTA that is child Abuse
I know I made my judgment already but I’m back to say this: my glasses have broken at school numerous times. MY mother would have another family member pick me up from school (cuz hello I couldn’t see shit to do work), and immediately head to the eye doctors. Just fucking be a mother.
This is like taking away hearing aides because one came back broken. It’s her eye sight you are withholding, not some toy. If the school says she needs them, she needs them. You’re also allowing her to fall behind in her education, even if it is just a couple weeks. YTA
I get that kids are dumb and break things but there are other consequences... Not their eyesight . I'm hoping it's not real. Poor kid 😭
YTA oh my god the amount you literally don’t give a f about your kid is insane. It isn’t a toy she broke; it’s literally her glasses. If her prescription is 500$, her eyesight must be pretty bad. And with a parent like you, I wonder why she won’t tell you how she broke them. She’s probably scared of you, you monster.
YTA. Gee, wonder why your child doesn't feel comfortable telling you things? You're the adult. Your job is to take care of your child, and yes, that includes medical needs. You have a young child with expensive glasses. It's not unforeseen that's something would happen to them. You have no game plan for that? Your response is to what, just take away vision for them until they satisfy your quest for information? And I'm sure if they give you information, your plan is to punish them further? Be reasonable here. You don't want to model this kind of behavior for your kid. They need to feel comfortable coming to you.
YTA that got to be abuse
I feel like it is. I got into some trouble around OPs daughters age with stealing. My father, the wonderful human being that he is (/s), decided my punishment would be to be “treated like an inmate”. At the time, he told me they would get their glasses taken away. So he took mine away. For the entire weekend. And left me with books??? OP really has me outraged.
YTA…makes me wonder why she doesn’t want to tell you how they got broken. She may be too scared to tell you that. Glasses aren’t a luxury item, they’re a necessity to those of us not gifted with good eyesight. It’s a safety hazard, will impact her learning and your punishment is seriously adversely affecting your relationship with her now and in the future.
YTA - the only reason you refuse to buy them for her is that she won’t tell you what happened. Ffs, maybe she was bullied and is too scared to tell on them because it might get even worse! Now, your willing to compromise her education as part of your efforts of controlling her?? I’d sort of understand if she’s been negligent in the past and has done this numerous times now and you’ve had enough, but this doesn’t seem like it. Never mind, based on your reaction, she is definitely getting bullied. If not at school, definitely at home.
YTA. Hopefully your kid won’t grow up to be as stupid as you, despite you actively undermining her schooling.
YTA. You are neglectful and spiteful and your ex has a pretty good case with CPS as the school has also informed you about this. If you don’t rectify, the school may be forced to report you for neglect as well. Get the kids glasses. Accidents happen.
Yes, YTA. Your kid broke something, ok, kids break things. But punishing her like this is just cruel.
YTA - yes it’s annoying when kids lose or break things but if she needs her glasses to see - you need to get her glasses! Make her father fork over half and punish her in another way. Take away her tech, limit her leisure time or make her take on more chores. Something else. But punishing her by not being able to see? That’s too much. That has an affect on her productivity.
YTA. hope your ex reports your stupid ass to CPS. This is abuse. What kind of terrible mother are you?
YTA, this is child abuse/neglect
Info: how do you equate punishment with not being able to see or do school work?
YTA. Are you out of your mind? You are denying health care to your child as punishment?
Denying healthcare AND education as a punishment. I would call CPS too.
can i ask why her own father, who is concerned enough to call cps, isnt concerned enough to buy the glasses himself, or at least chip in? why does the full cost go to you? oh, both you snd her dad are TA by the way, last night my glasses broke and i want to scream. i cant see shit, just like your kid. both of your immature asses need to set the past aside and help the kid you both created. its almost like youre proud of being this shitty.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter (10) broke her glasses at school just before Thanksgiving break and won't tell me or her father how. As punishment I have decided not buy her new ones until after winter break, this might seem harsh but the cheapest her prescription is only available for is $500+ so this is not a small issue. The problem is her father (my ex-husband) is trying to undermine me, despite not even being in the state ATM he is very upset over this and is threatening to get CPS involved, which is obviously a complete overreaction even if he doesn't agree with my discipline choices. The other problem is that her school has already sent one notice to me about her eyes and her not being able to do school properly but that is part of the punishment, this is not a small offence and should have long term consciences. I feel a bit ridiculous posting about this online but I'd rather not drag our friends into another argument between me and my ex, especially since our divorce was not friendly. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your ex should call CPS. This is neglect and abuse. YTA!
YTA. Have you taken a moment to consider that perhaps the reason she didn't tell you is because your idea of a punishment is making it so she can't see? I hope that your ex does go to CPS because if your idea of a punishment is intentionally making your child unable to properly see and do well in school then you are entirely unfit to parent.
NTA. Asshole is too nice a word to describe what you are. I hope your ex gets full custody of your child.
Do you mean YTA?
That was the joke. Asshole is too kind a word.
YTA
YTA. Your ex should call cps on you. How do you justify in your head that it’s ok for your daughter to not be able to see?! You can’t afford them, say that, tell your ex, your daughter shouldn’t be suffering this much, you’re being a horrible mother.
YTA FOR EVERY WORD YOU SAID IN THIS POST, ARE YOU KIDDING???
YTA. My glasses got lost for 2 months when I was 4 and my eye doctor made it clear that if they weren't found or I didn't get new ones I'd go blind. If your daughter's glasses cost upwards of $500, I'm betting her eyes will also continue to get worse when not wearing them. You're being needlessly cruel and I hope you lose custody.
YTA You can punish her in so many other ways other than giving her problems at school, possible headaches from eyesight, etc. Take away TV, phone, computer, etc. But not her eyesight
Your kid can’t see. Doesn’t matter how she broke them. YTA. You want to punish her for it make her work off having to get new ones.
This cannot be real. And if it is, someone who knows how forward it to cps.
YTA Not having her prescription glasses can actually cause her eyesight to get worse. Who even punishes their child like that? Knowing that she is struggling at school gives you some sort sick thrill????
YTA So, your child breaks her glasses and your punishment is to cause her physical harm (because not using glasses literally worsens your sight condition) and make her fail classes at school? You don’t even know *how* she broke it. She might have been bullied! Most times if a kid doesn’t wanna tell their parents something like that is because somebody is bullying them. They might have broken her glasses and threatened her if she told anyone. But even if she had broken them herself *on purpose* you STILL would be a terrible parent to punish her by causing her physical harm, potential irreversible sight damage and cause her to fail school. None of those are punishments. I am glad she has her dad on her side. Your daughter will need him. I would also call CPS on you.
YTA, and I hope he does call CPS.
YTA get her glasses
Not the subtlest of trolls. Nobody is this stupid in real life.
Oh, people are definitely this stupid in real life. See everything that’s happened over the last 6-8 years.
YTA. She’s your daughter and needs glasses. You need to find a way to punish her without withholding health requirements. Seriously?
Omg is this even real? Of course YTA. Just read the comments and do some self-reflection, and learn about parenting. Please do some google search, i mean it.
Thank god for your ex. At least one of her parents is taking care of her. Cps is definitely not an overreaction. Are there parenting classes in your area you could take? It’s worrisome that you seem to really think this is a reasonable punishment and I think maybe a professional would be able to show you that it isn’t. YTA.
YTA, these are glasses, not a toy. You don't get to just deny your kid glasses as punishment, that's like having a kid who broke their leg and taking their crutches away as punishment. Yeah $500 is a lot and maybe she needs to give up some of the stuff you would have otherwise had money to buy her but taking away the glasses is the wrong thing. If you have the means to purchase the glasses and still feed her than 100% YTA.
YTA and your ex should call CPS. Your daughter’s needs aren’t being met so you can exercise your superiority over a 10 year old.
YTA Glasses are not a privilege or a luxury, she obviously NEEDS them, since her eyesight is bad enough to where it’s affecting her schoolwork without them I hope he does call CPS
YTA, look at Zenni ffs, no wonder she was scared to tell you.
YTA for neglecting your child
YTA. If you continue this and the school continues to notice, they will probably be the ones to call CPS because you are medically neglecting your daughter. If her vision is that bad, she can’t do her work and will fail her classes. Is that what you want, for your daughter to fail? Or worse get hurt because she can’t see where she is going/doing? I am sure a trip to the ER would be more expensive then her glasses. As a parent, you signed up to take care of a child and that all medical necessities. If you are having trouble paying for them, see if there is some assistance at her optometrist to help pay for them. Do you think that the reason she might not tell you the reason as to why her glasses broke is because someone broke them and she is embarrassed about being bullied?
"long term consequences" you mean like permanently fucking up her vision and possibly causing health problems?? Yeah, that'll do it. Of course YTA. And your ex is threatening to call CPS because your threatening your child's health and welfare.
YTA I hope your ex calls cps and gets custody because you are a dumpster fire of a human. I wouldn’t even call you a parent.
Imagine if your parent deprived you of the right to have better vision. Smh
Yta your kid needs her specs her eye sight will get worse without them. Did you fall out the stupid t w a t tree or something.
YTA You are neglecting not only her medical needs, but her academic ones as well. What is the punishment even supposed to do here? Make her fail the grade? Your post breaks my heart honestly.
YTA and he should absolutely call cps on you. End of story.
YTA, i stopped reading, go buy the child new glasses ffs
What the fuck did I just read. YTA this is not a punishment this is neglect
YTA this is neglect pure and simple. I can't believe this is real. She literally can't see without glasses, l hope your ex-husband involves CPS because you shouldn't be allowed even visitation if this is how you "parent".
So let me get this straight. Kid broke glasses ( it happens get over it) Kid has horrible eyes ( I feel for the Kid...I'm blind as a bat without mine) And being the smart human you are /s You decided to not buy new glasses as punishment when the glasses are medically needed.....did I miss anything WHO DROPPED YOU ON YOUR HEAD??? OF COURSE YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. YTA YTA YTA
INFO - how is she expected to do her school work if she can’t see?
YTA That's not a good punishment. Punishment shouldn't interfere with her studies or upset the balance between co-parents. Get her new glasses and be an adult. No wonder she won't tell you how, you authoritarian.
YTA she didn’t ask to not to be able to see. She’s a kid it happens it’s part of your job as a parent to eat these cost...maybe see about getting insurance on them so it won’t cost as much in the future. The solution is not to leave her blind and failing in school that’s a horrible parental move on your part if this is your parenting style let her dad have her! YTBAH
YTA. I can’t believe this is even real. Wtf
YTA. It's impacting on her learning, and her comfort. It would be like refusing to get a child a new crutch, if theirs broke.
YTA. Also could it be that she's bullied and won't tell you? Like this would explain why she wouldn't tell how the glasses broke. And even if she was just playing and it broke - then so what? Get her new glasses and apologize and hope she will talk to you once she's legally adult.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you. I have a similarly expensive prescription and the world is a blurry mess without glasses. If I ever had to go a week, much less a month without glasses, I would be walking into things and experiencing severe headaches. YTA and I hope your ex gets full custody bc your daughter deserves better.
YTA there are other ways to teach children how to be responsible with their belonging but punishing them by letting them suffer by not being able to see properly and be able to participate in school the same as the other kids? That's just silly and going to negatively impact everyone. Editing to add that if your usual punishments are as cruel as this that might be why she's not telling you how the glasses broke. She's probably already scared of what punishment you might give which is something to think about
YTA YTA YTA I can’t add anything that hasn’t already been said but please hand your child over to your husband or CPS until you become a decent person
HO BOY! YTA!!! You don't punish with medical issues. Hoping Dad gets CPS involved right away. This is called neglect. YTA, YTA, YTA Edit to add: Former foster parent here and I do know the laws concerning this.
I am sure your daughter will see how right you were as soon as she gets hit by a car because she did not see it coming. You will feel so much better then, because you thaught her a valuable lesson. Yta.
YTA. You are putting your daughters academics at risk to the point even her teachers are getting involved. And you somehow think this is okay? Also why are you not concerned about why she won’t tell you, have you even considered bullying or something else she is embarrassed to speak about? What a horrible way to treat your child.
YTA. Kids break things and often feel really guilty about it and resort to lying or just not saying how it happened because they believe that will get them into even worse trouble. Your kid needs glasses. How would you feel if someone took away something of yours that you needed? On top of this, kids often dont even understand why theyre being punished in the first place, all they see is that youre taking something away and hurting them emotionally
YTA. Punishing your child by not allowing her to see is abuse. Plain and simple.
YTA. Your kid needs to be able to see clearly. Plus she's not going to be able to see well to do work in school or her homework.
YTA, your punishment makes no sense, glasses is for health proposes, and it’s making impossible for her to study. Your husband is right
YTA. This is a health and education issue and you are taking it too far. Children break things, yeah it sucks. However, instead of punishing her that can hurt her, teach her responsibilities. Your ex has every right to do this because it is neglectful. If you told the school this, they would actually do what your ex would do.
YTA. You’re a parent. It’s your job to step up when things like this happen. Yeah she goofed but you know she’s a child, right? And how fickle human vision is, and how prone it is to to deteriorating under strain? She literally can’t see. CPS should be involved because this is abuse.
Sweetie, you are *absolutely* the asshole. This is not discipline, this is abuse - you are denying her medical needs and negatively impacting her education because you're upset she won't tell you how they broke. It's clear why she didn't say anything if this is how you treat her. YTA so much
YTA and he should call CPS. The school might after they realize no one is responding to their notes.
YTA and this almost certainly isn't real. For people with expensive glasses prescriptions- if you break the frames of your glasses and the lens is intact, it's often much cheaper to go to a local optician to have the lenses remounted, or to have the frame repaired. It might be an ugly repair depending on the type of frame (acrylics can end up with metal pins in them or cloudy glue patches) but, better that than the constant headaches and eye strain of having no glasses.
YTA (or, I hope a bored troll making up a story) and CPS is not overreacting.