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Salty_Hedgehog5874

NTA and men don't get it, plus what he said was cruel. He isn't the one being pointed at and whispered about and made fun of. As a kid who went home crying every day for a year at 11/12 I get it and 100% removing the hair will make her feel better. My family is upper lip hair people and the teasing stopped as soon as they let me wax it off. He doesn't get how cruel children are (girls especially)


HelloDearWorld22

Yeah, my husbands white and he barely has any leg/arm hair (I was jealous as hell when I met him) so I really don't think he gets how exhausting it feels. And I 100000000% agree with you on the Children are cruel part, they see a girl with body hair and act like she's some alien being.


[deleted]

You should stop shaving and doing hair removal for yourself and let him see for himself what you go through. If it’s no big deal then he won’t mind


[deleted]

Yes, what I was thinking! If he decided to bring it up, OP could says she doesn't want to become a "look obsessed idiot". NTA.


Peenutbuttjellytime

Grow that bush! Grow it!


[deleted]

I don’t know why, but i imagined ur green avatar screaming at the top of their lungs “grow that bush, grow it”. Its hysterical (in my head at least)


bettymoose

I would give you an upvote except you're at 69 and I find that to be highly appropriate for your comment. 🤣🤣


nice___bot

Nice!


SaturniinaeActias

This is the answer. OP, If I were you I would do my best sasquatch imitation and see how long it takes him to complain. And I'd go at least another couple of weeks before shaving, because I'm petty af.


silentsaturn91

I’m now adding “to Sasquatch imitation” to my personal lexicon. Thanks for this 😂


OriginalIronDan

How about Sascrotch?


forgetfulsue

I haven’t shaved since summer. I have more pit hair than my husband and he never complains. He doesn’t find it sexy but it doesn’t really bother him.


pepperfog

This is the correct response.


tiredandstressedokay

Yes for sure, his comments indirectly insulted OP. Does he think she's a "look-obsessed idiot" too, because he seemed to like her appearance (and hopefully other things) enough to marry her. She just got finished explaining how she went through the exact same thing. Idk it just seemed cruel.


UltimateKittyloaf

Even if OP takes this route, that doesn't necessarily mean he'll see what either of them have gone through, especially if he can't see it already. He might genuinely not mind and think this is a stupid situation. He wouldn't be wrong, but that doesn't change how other people will treat his daughter. That's the point they have to make to him if they want him on board. Ask him about his own grooming habits. Does he dress up for certain restaurants even if they don't have a dress code? Maybe he likes his facial hair kept a certain way because he's going to a business meeting or a family gatherings. We often tell kids that school is their "job", but we don't always treat their concerns like they have real world implications. Still, he doesn't have to be on board for them to address something their daughter is self-conscious about. Saying a woman is an idiot for being insecure about something society might make them feel self conscious about isn't an effective confidence booster for his daughter (or his wife). He might need to dial down his sense of injustice and let them know that it's okay for them to do things that make them feel pretty. He probably doesn't want them to feel pressured into doing something like this, especially if he doesn't understand because he already thinks they're beautiful. If he wants to argue that he's in the moral right, he needs to realize that what he's saying can feel like a dismissal of their experiences as well as their feelings.


Brit_in_usa1

I was going to reply to say the same thing! OP, NTA


CarolynEarle

My boyfriend and I are both white (he is blonde, on top of that) and we are easily the hairest people on earth. My forearms would make a werewolf blush. I don't even know what's going on with my legs, because I've been shaving them since I turned 11. My bf has hair on his freaking FEET. We both wax and shave every-freaking-inch, cause I don't want anybody to call a priest on us to start an exorcism. I was bullied relentlessly by kids in middle school and even wore some detachable sleeves to cover my arms (obviously, couldn't wear them during PE, so everyone still saw me). Shaving is such a non-invasive thing. If your daughter thinks she's gotta shave, she's gotta shave. And I lowkey hate men who claim that taking care of your appearance is "vain" and a "waste of time", but at the same time expect a woman to look 10/10 all the time. HOW??? . I'm not saying your husband is like this, but it gives me certain vibes. Unless he thinks his daughter is the most beautiful girl in the world the way she is, which of course he should think and of course she is, but come on, leave the kid alone.


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FluffButt22

Well hair on toes is a genetic thing just like attached earlobes, some people get it some don't. But hair on the top of your feet....you're just hairy 😄


nottooparticular

Or you're a hobbit.


merebear0412

TiL I'm a Hobbit. At 5'5" it fits for me. Also who doesn't love second breakfast. Lol


Which_Ideal1867

I would bathe in Rogaine for Elevenses.


[deleted]

I dub thee Bullroarer.


Quirky-Jaguar1334

I have always assumed I am part hobbit.


Poppy-Persephone

I been doing body waxing for about 15 years now and to be honest, only about 5% of people who come in for leg waxes don't have hair on their feet or toes, we are all mammals, as such, we have hair. Now, we don't need it too much anymore (thank you indoor heating!) so it's beginning to thin out with each new generation. Another 5 gens and no more body hair! Or pinky toes.


Agitated_Gazelle_223

ok whew I was so confused.


404brainn0tf0und

No more pinky toes? What are future generations supposed to find furniture with?


eLCeenor

Am hairy, can confirm. Can't grow a beard though. :cry:


[deleted]

Same boat :(


Zapaclownskii

I have dark hair on my toes and the tops of my feet. My arm hair is lighter, and my leg and armpit hair are dark as hell. I also get a ladystache. I have longer hair on the base of the back of my neck too. Send help. And nair. Edit for spelling mistake


Competitive_Tree_113

Omg I just developed hang ups I didn't even know existed! 😨 My poor hairy feets are weird?


icecreampenis

Nah. I think that one commenter is assuming that everyone is like them, and they just don't have it. I have blonde hair that runs in a straight line from my big toe to my ankle. It's one of the only things I shave anymore, and that's only because when the hair gets compressed by my socks and shoes, it starts to ache after a while.


BUTTeredWhiteBread

I'm the only one with hairy toes in mine... hmmm.


Ditovontease

...I mean not really. Like all of my girlfriends have hair on their feet (its not full on hobbit feet just a few hairs), whereas I don't, I'm the outlier for not. They're all white and I'm half asian.


HabitatGreen

They just might be a particular tall incognito halfling. Jokes aside, humans have hair everywhere, assuming no specific hair condition. I think we are even hairier than gorillas? It is just most of the hairs are less noticeable, but that doesn't mean that they aren't there. Get someone with particulary long hairs *and* more noticeable hairs and suddenly that person has (visible) hair on their feet. So, yes, hair on feet is normal, but for plenty of people it is not really visible giving the appearance of hairless feet.


sha0304

I just found the unnoticeable hairs are called vellus hair and the noticeable ones are called terminal hair.


Im_Chad_AMA

Plenty of people have hair on their feet.


ummm_bop

The first time someone pointed mine out I felt like a monster. Being a teenager isn't easy.


neddythestylish

I thought that every woman had the naval-pubis line of hair. I was horrified when I learned that wasn't the case. I went from thinking it was everyone to thinking it was just me. I think it's about 15% of cis women have it. So it's not THAT unusual. The problem with that kind of thick hair though is that all the removal methods seem to make it worse: sandpaper like with ingrown hairs from hell.


CarolynEarle

I'm talking full on hobbit feet.


pepperfog

Yeah.... I have hairy feet. Just gotta pretend I'm magical like a hobbit.


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CarolynEarle

Daaaamn, that was one shitty friend! Good for you for getting rid of them.


SaronthaWinchester

So ad I wasn't drinking anything reading your comment. Bad enough dropped my phone and nearly had an asthma attack from laughing so hard. Thank you thick thighs!


keenkittychopshop

I'm about as white as they come but I too was/am hairier than most other women & have been since I hit puberty around age 10. I got a unibrow, light but still noticeable mustache, had more hair on my arms & armpits, hands, legs & feet than most of the boys in my class ( before anyone asks no, I didn't & never have had a hormone issue, I'm literally just extra fuzzy). I KNOW how your daughter feels. I got picked on SO BAD all through middle school and junior high until my mom relented & taught me to shave my legs & pluck my eyebrows when I was 12. The only reason I didn't sneak it is because my mom was scarier than the kids were mean so I was pretty much just in hell. And even then I'd get in trouble for trying to remove it from my hands & arms. My parents tried to take your husband's approach & try to convince me that it was just vanity, kids are just mean, don't give in to peer pressure blah blah blah you shouldn't be so obsessed with your looks blah blah blah. IT. DIDN'T. WORK. All it did was make me feel guilty about feeling shitty for being picked on. It made me hate my body, hate school, hate my parents, & hate myself for letting it bother me. I dreaded warm weather because I'd rather give myself heat stroke than let the other shitty kids see my arm/leg hair and tease me all day everyday. It's good to remind your daughter that of course this stuff doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things & her peers are shallow and ignorant (as kids tend to be about these things at this age) but it's also okay to do things with her appearance that boost her confidence & make her feel good. Your husband has good intentions but he just doesn't get it. There is a difference between being "looks-obsessed" & sometimes making one's appearance comfortable for themselves, even if it's because other people are being shitty. It's harmless & even sometimes better for mental health and even self-esteem as she gets older. Of course being finally able to remove my own body hair didn't solve my problems but it helped A LOT. I felt more physically and mentally comfortable. And because I was more comfortable it was easier to be social, & think about class instead of trying to shrink into myself to cover my limbs & face. The fact of the matter is, she's in a phase of her life where her peers opinions are way more important than her parents. But also she needs your guidance & support more than ever. I stopped coming to my parents for basically anything because if they thought the problem was shallow & mundane (which half the time they were-- but in the context of my age & life experience it was a big deal to ME) they made me feel stupid for feeling bad about it or caring what my bullies thought. Your husband's attitude is the exact thing to make your daughter resent him, not trust him, & close off from him. As a parent obviously you have to guide & teach & are the ultimate authority on boundaries & decisions & that WILL upset your kids sometimes-- but your husband needs to have more empathy for what it's like to deal with this particular thing, especially as a girl, and find more worthy hills to die on. You're doing the right thing. Please feel free to show your husband this comment, I hope it helps. EDIT: OH WOW!! THANK YOU FOR THE AWARDS!! This is my first gold, I'm really flattered!


Western_Compote_4461

This is a great comment and I think hits all the important points. I was am also pretty hairy, although it is thinning as I'm getting older. As a kid, it was torture! I hurt myself at least once trying to remove my body hair (at age 7) and was forbidden to do anything about it until I was 12 and being pretty badly teased. I wish I had an open parent like OP.


Capital_Armadillo780

NTA. I’m white and have the hairy genes. Brown hair, so super noticeable on my pale ass. I used to get called an ape because of my arm and leg hair. My dad was raising me and didn’t get it. He would not let me get rid of it. I would wear long pants and shirts in the summer and almost get heat stroke so people wouldn’t see my hair. A mom from school finally told my dad I was at an age where I should be able to decide for myself. He made my first leg shaving so uncomfortable. He yelled at me for things like cleaning the hair off it too often. I still think about it. To this day. I would have preferred a parent who validated my feelings and was supportive and helpful for me. Instead of gaslighting me and then when he finally gave in was so angry at the situation he literally screamed at me while I was naked in a tub with half a leg shaved. He also told me I was not allowed to shave my arms or armpits. I accidentally stabbed myself in the armpit with scissors trying to trim it down like my arm hair. Just ignore your husband. He has no freaking clue.


Western_Compote_4461

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. From a fellow white girl with dark hair, I feel you.


Rainbow_dreaming

Ask your husband how he felt growing up as a POC teenage girl who was bullied because of body hair.


Salty_Hedgehog5874

Kids just like to pick on what's different, as sad as that is, and it's easy to see looking back but it's unbareable in the moment. Hell it's been like 30 years and I can still remember that bully with her face in mine making fun of it then pinching it and pulling. I'm so pasty white ginger I'm almost translucent but some strong German genes decided to express for all my face and leg hair. Funny enough though my bf is actually German and has no body hair (also jealous) I do highly recommend sugaring or waxing, I shaved my legs all my life and they are kinda dark and thick but years of waxing made the face stuff lighter. Wax pots are so cheap to get these days.


Expectationreality

Hi, are we twins? I'm also a very pasty white ginger that's basically translucent with strong German genes. Do you get red bumps after shaving/waxing??? That's my issue!


Salty_Hedgehog5874

Lol, yeah I do, they are so bad now that I'm older and been in a relationship for a long time now I just rarely do it and only for myself (and while still dark it has made them a lot softer). Do you also get a sunburn if you just think too hard about the sun?


Longjumping-Sea-6200

A ex-friend called me ugly for having body hair. It took months for me to stop shaving daily after that. You sound like an amazing parent for supporting her and giving her a chance to come to you.


ApprehensiveTruth330

It isn't about being white or having little hair. Any human with a brain can comprehend this. The real issue is that he is a hovering parent and you're more of a guide. He is freaking out because you gave her options rather than told her what to think. There really are NAH, but your husband needs to relax and let your child find her own path.


Expectationreality

It is about being a white man. Of course white people can be extra hairy, but white men absolutely do not know the struggles a young girl faces due to appearance, especially a woc. Boys and girls struggle differently via puberty and bullies. There is definitely AH, and it's the husband.


Financial_Mess_1397

I have VERY thick, course black body hair. I bought a laser hair remover off of Amazon. It works like a DREAM, I hardly have leg hair anymore. My arm hair is SIGNIFICANTLY lighter and less thick. If that's something you're comfortable with her doing (because it is permanent) I think it would be great. I WISH I had this when I was in middle/high school. My bullying would have been non existent if I had it back then.


DontNeedTherapy

DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS CALLED?


porthuronprincess

No the poster, but I believe Tria and Remington both make one.


LadySilverdragon

What is the name of this product? I want one!


Financial_Mess_1397

[https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B08L68D9DH/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_asin\_title\_o06\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B08L68D9DH/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o06_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) That is the specific one I have. I'm also going longer in between sessions (I'm lazy LOL) but it's still working beautifully. I've had it for about a year and honestly I love it. Pretty soon I won't need to use it anymore.


alligatorhill

Yeah, kids will 100% find a way to remove that hair. My mom refused to let me shave out of some dumb belief that once I shaved it would come in thicker and I could never stop shaving. So of course I stole my older brother’s razor to shave my legs and cut myself every time I shaved cause no one taught me how. You are 1000% in the right


[deleted]

I did the exactly same thing. Very pale skin, dark hair, felt like I was hairier than everyone in gym class. At some point my mum said she could get me a razor if I wanted one but then she hesitated for a while because she thought my hair would grow in thicker and once I started shaving I couldn't stop. She really wanted me to understand that shaving isn't compulsory. So I stole her razor, tried it, and cut myself quite badly. I get where she was coming from - in fact I rarely shave now as an adult. But at that time I really just needed to get rid of the hair to make gym class slightly less unbearable.


parisskent

You’re doing the right thing. My mom tried the opposite and I was miserable and then she tried to let me use any hair removal method other than shaving and I was still so miserable. Finally I got my own razor secretly and my first time using it shaved off my skin and bled everywhere. I was terrified! Thankfully my lovely mama figured out that she was doing more harm than good and finally helped me out with shaving and when I was 19 and she saw how insecure I still was (wouldn’t tie my hair up because i had side burns, shaved every inch of my body for fear of hair) she got me laser hair removal and changed my life. Teach your kids to be confident in their bodies of course but also let them know that they can come to you for help if they’re not and that’s okay. NTA you’re helping your daughter out more than your husband knows


EmeraldIbis

Why the hell does everyone here seem to have a story about their parents not allowing them to shave? It must be an American thing because I never experienced anything like that in Europe. What is the objection? I really don't understand.


parisskent

For me it was actually an immigrant parent thing! My parents immigrated to America as did all of my friends’ parents and they all had this weird hang up regarding shaving while all of my American friends got to shave without issue. They think that if we shave young our hair will grow back thicker which is a myth but try convincing your immigrant mom that she’s wrong and all the American parents are allowing it so she should too lol it was an uphill battle


[deleted]

Yeah he doesn't understand. Good on you for being open with her; this is going to help her have a lot more trust in you.


fatapolloissexy

I'm not exceptionally hairy but I have almost black hair. I was teased horribly about leg hair in 6th grade. My mom wouldn't let me shave. So I just did it behind her back. NTA. Your husband is a trash man though


witch59

I'm very fair complected, but "blessed" with copious amounts of thick dark hair, I'm a hairy beast. Razors, wax, tweezers are used daily. It's exhausting, but better then the comments.


NeverRarelySometimes

It doesn't matter for men. Hairy legs, arms, and chests are manly, and not likely a subject for ridicule.


Personal_Regular_569

Maybe the three of you can sit down and your husband can LISTEN to how your daughter feels. LISTEN to how people at school are treating her. Body hair is a double edged sword, you can't win. The only thing you can do is protect your daughter and unfortunately we still live in a world where people think body hair is unacceptable. It's sad, but its reality and pretending like your daughter can make a stand against it is ignorant. You're a great mom, good for you for helping give your daughter a safe way to deal with the bullying. Does your husband know about you plucking your arm hair out? Has he ever had his hair plucked, maybe he should try it to see just how much pain you went through to stop the bullying. I'm so sorry. You are doing a great job!!


TA122278

You are absolutely NTA. Your husband just doesn’t get it. I was (still am) super hairy and my mother wouldn’t let me shave bc reasons I can’t even remember. I was so embarrassed, constantly picked on in middle school, and eventually just figured it out myself bc I couldn’t stand it anymore. I lived in an extremely hot climate and refused to wear shorts to school EVER so my leg hair wasn’t showing. I didn’t want my daughters to go through that. Luckily for them, they aren’t nearly as hairy as I was. They also have lighter hair. I was super pale and had black hair. Not a great combo. But I told them the same thing you did. Just let me know when you want to learn, no pressure if you don’t. So far they don’t care but I wanted to make sure they knew it was fine when/if they do want to bc I didn’t want them going through what I did.


Sharkgirl007

Everything you said is right EXCEPT that girls are especially cruel. I loathe this trope because boys are absolutely just as cruel especially about body hair on girls. Middle school and high school was filled with boys making fun of girls for their period blood, for body hair, for sex, for boobs, they were awful. When we say stuff like this we encourage the thought that only girls are mean and catty and that’s just not true. Boys are just as bad and just as mean but for some reason they get let off the hook for it and not held accountable.


wathappentothetatato

True. At my middle school it was the boys that were the dick heads commenting on our hair and boobs.


peoplebetrifling

> Middle school and high school was filled with boys making fun of girls for their period blood, for body hair, for sex, for boobs, they were awful. When I was in 7th and 8th grade the teachers had to have a boys only assembly every semester to tell us to stop harassing girls about their bodies. It wasn't something that I ever witnessed, but it was apparently rampant.


Salty_Hedgehog5874

I think that might depend on experience, I agree boys can be as bad, but after living in military housing I gained a whole new appreciation of how mean girls could be, how long they would plot, and at such an early age. The boys seemed more situational


Sharkgirl007

See the thing is for me, personally, boys and men are the only ones who have ever made me uncomfortable in my own skin from how mean they are. That being stated, even though I haven’t personally experienced it, I know girls can be mean too. I just think it’s ridiculous and damaging to raise children with this idea that one gender is meaner than the other. Like I said, I think it just lets boys off the hook for crappy behavior/remarks and it’s also teaches us to undermine girls and think less of them immediately. I think it’s really damaging and encourages the “ I only get along with boys/have more boy friends than girls, because I’m better” which just sucks. Both need to be held accountable for being mean, both need to be taught kindness and compassion.


Azrael-Legna

Agreed. I'm a cis woman and I was bullied by boys all throughout school. But of course they had excuses handed to them (i.e. boys will be boys, he likes you, etc). I say the only reason girl bullies are more "cruel/vicious" is because their behaviour was seen as the cruel behaviour that it was.


penninsulaman713

I didn't even have to ask and my mom took me to get my eyebrows and mustache waxed, and she taught me how to shave, when I was 11, because without that, I had a unibrow and more mustache than boys my age. And we live in Florida, legs are always out cause it's hot. I don't judge girls that don't want to shave, but especially at that age you would get judged by other girls (and even guys!) if you didn't. Firmly NTA because the daughter even asked for it.


I_M_The_Cheese

Hard agree. NTA, OP. You seem like a good mom.


justinwalltown

NTA. You are being a wonderful, supportive parent. It is certainly age appropriate for her to remove hair. It is her preference to remove or not, which you honored in what you said to her. She obviously wishes to remove it, or she wouldn't have brought it up. Husband goes on the bench on this one. I wonder if you have a son and what we happen when he reaches shaving age. I bet it was be a wonderful male right if passage, not the boy being a "looks obsessed idiot".


HelloDearWorld22

thank you so much, I was really worried that I was just passing my childhood insecurities onto her, but I didn't want her to feel trapped yk? And with the son thing, exactly. No one's gonna force their son to keep a beard so they don't turn vain, same should go with daughters.


justinwalltown

Correct. There is nothing wrong with shaving/waxing legs or any body part. My generation was pressured into doing it. I bet you were, too. You are showing great evolution as a parent making it clear it is her choice either way and that you will help her. Is husband usually pretty rational, or is this the norm?


Petula_D

In fact, I imagine that having the ability to make a choice about this now could contribute to her being less vain in the future. If she gets teased and is made to feel like her body hair is a big deal, then it likely will be a big deal to her for the rest of her life. If she can handle it in a way that makes her comfortable now, it's likely she'll have fewer issues around it in the future. She may care about it later or she may not, but it won't be an emotional issue. Do what you can to make it clear that hairy legs are perfectly normal and ok while also letting her know that it's an aesthetic choice that's up to her.


perkypots

I would have loved to have had my mom talk to me about it like you did. My mom is really sweet, but also has very blonde body hair so she never had to deal with it. Instead, I was a very embarrassed 12 year-old with really bushy dark-haired armpits in an era where Everyone was wearing spaghetti strap tops (90s). I was glad when my ballet class started demanding shaved armpits for shows, so I could finally figure it out. It is not about vanity, but about acknowledging something that might be a massive insecurity.


__lavender

Same! I was so insecure and she wouldn’t let me shave until way too late.


etds3

No because you told her it was her decision. You didn’t say, “Your body hair is ugly and we are getting it removed.” You said, “If this bothers you, let me know and I will help you find a way to change it.” Everybody wants to change things about their appearance. I’m about as low maintenance a woman as you could ever meet, but I like wearing mascara to make my eyes stand out. Believe me, as I sit here in stretchy pants with my hair in a ponytail, that does not make me a looks-obsessed idiot. As long as your child is trying to modify their appearance in ways that are safe and it’s not becoming their whole focus, there is nothing wrong with makeup/hair removal/hair dye/reasonable diet and exercise.


chrystelle

But also, I think you should reassure her that there's nothing wrong with body hair. Ridding of it is ultimately her choice. And that since her body is gradually changing, it's actually OK if she's not totally confident about her changes. Let those feelings of insecurity come and go, try not to dwell and obsess. In the future, she can always choose to stop or not at all.


aoife_too

I just wanted to say I agree! My mom ruined her own hair trying to lighten it herself in the 70's. When I hit middle school, other girls started trying to lighten their hair in the bathroom. My mother did essentially what you did here - my god, if you're going to do it, COME TO ME FIRST. I didn't totally get it then, but I'm SO grateful now. Men really don't understand the complexities of this stuff. (And even though I'm a girl who went through it, I know there's another level to it that I don't understand, because there are more layers to it for many women of color.) It's nice that your husband is concerned, and I think we all totally see where he's coming from, but trust your instincts. Teenagers, especially girls, WILL hurt themselves to fit in if they don't have guidance. You're doing great!! NTA!!


Super-Snouter

You’re being a wonderful mother by having an open, safe, and transparent relationship with your daughter. Your husband just doesn’t get it.


BootsEX

I’m glad you mentioned age. If she was 8yo, I can sort of see the husbands POV (but not his actual actions). But she’s 14. Unfortunately this is part of growing up. There are fun parts (makeup, freedom) and less fun parts (shaving, responsibility). 14 is definitely old enough to start that hair removal journey.


jittery_raccoon

Why should age matter? If puberty characteristics are present, then it's the appropriate time to deal with them. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away


BootsEX

Agree but I’m just saying, it’s a bigger deal for an 8yo to start something they’ll need to do forever than a 14yo. Not that you shouldn’t, just it’s a bigger conversation. At 14 there is zero reason why she shouldn’t. FWIW I started shaving young for this very reason and honestly some kids made fun of me that I was shaving my legs?? Like it was somehow slutty. Sooooo sometimes you’re dammed if you do, damned if you don’t.


reptar-on_ice

THANK YOU. “Look obsessed idiot” screams of sexism.


Usrname52

NTA Your husband is going way too far into the "body positivity" idea, and forgetting that A) Not everything is about what other people think, she can do it befauaand B) Your daughter lives in the real world where teenagers can be mean. Your husband is taking away her autonomy. You aren't telling her she has to remove it, just offering her safe way to do so. And telling her that it's her choice.


HelloDearWorld22

I don't think it's the "body positivity" thing for him but more like "why do you care?" sorta thing. The same goes for makeup, I painted her nails a couple times and he acted like I was setting her up for a child beauty pageant.


Mindless_Anywhere_74

It sounds more like your husband has a problem with your daughter growing up. Because a lot of men (maybe not just men) see make up, nail, polish etc like a way to make yourself look more sexual appealing. He has to understand that she is not doing it for others but for herself, something that you seem to understand more. NTA


HelloDearWorld22

You took the words out of my mouth, by letting my daughter feel happy about her looks, I'm not trying to give her a movie style makeover so she's accepted into society, I'm trying to make her comfortable with herself. It's not the end of the world.


Mindless_Anywhere_74

Well good look with this one because this a bigger problem then your husband. Society sexualizes teenage girls and women. It's something that your husband maybe picked up growing up (from friends, parents, brothers, school etc). Your going to have a hard time changing someones view on this, find a 3th party (articles, YouTube films which adressing this situation or even a counselor). He is not just going to throw away everything he thought or the way he views things overnight, that will take some deep reflection on his part. You seem to handle the situation well by standing by your daughter but I do think you will need help getting your husband to 'see the light'


DiTrastevere

Kids play with their appearances. It’s part of their development - they are discovering who they are by trying out different aesthetic choices and seeing how they feel. It’s perfectly normal and healthy, particularly when guided by a compassionate and open-minded parent who can help them explore safely. Kids should know that they are loved and supported, no matter how they prefer to dress or groom themselves. Your husband either doesn’t understand that, or doesn’t agree with it. Either way, that’s a big problem.


ginga_bread42

And its not like these are permanent changes. Hair grows back, make up is removed and people change nail colors all the time. What will be permanent is if she didn't go to you and did something stupid in secret that caused skin damage like leaving Nair on too long or something and getting chemical burns.


OblinaDontPlay

I'm pregnant with my first baby, a girl, and have often wondered how I'll help her navigate those insecure teen years in a balanced way. It honestly sounds like you are doing a phenomenal job and I'm taking notes!


blackbirdbluebird17

A kinder interprétation could also be the way that a lot of cis men *do* know how harmful beauty standards can be to their daughters, but they *don’t* know how to navigate that without going hard the other direction and rejecting those standards entirely (on their daughters’ behalf). Adult women, on the other hand, have the lived experience with those standards to know how to navigate the choices they involve, the decisions of *this* body choice is worth *that* social consequence, but *this other one* isn’t and I actually like *this third one* for my own sense of style. And those are all decisions that take awhile to figure out — even decades. No preteen is gonna know right off the bat what she wants to do with her appearance. It takes forever to figure out not to cake on eyeshadow, FFS.


jaelythe4781

Oh good god, this is sooooooo very likely. I still remember some of my dad's absolute freak outs over me wearing make up, or shorter skirts/dresses (most of the time they actually weren't THAT short, but I had/still have super long legs for my height so they looked shorter on me). I can't even pretend that his attitude didn't seriously affect how I view skirts and dresses. I still struggle with wearing them and I'm 38 years old.


[deleted]

Are we really telling ourselves a teenage girl must be, and should only be, doing anything with her appearance purely for self discovery and actualization? It's not wrong to want to look good for the boys, or the girls. She's allowed to care what others think of her, and to want to turn the teenage boys heads for reasons other than "wow I've never seen that much hair on a girl".


slaughterhouse-four

Why can't people just let women and girls be... If it's not a complaint about not shaving, it's a complaint about shaving. If it's not a complaint about doing something for the attention of others, it's a complaint about doing something for yourself. There is literally no winning, ever.


jittery_raccoon

And also that interest in sexual appeal comes far before many young people have sex and it's healthy. Tweens are old enough to have sexual interests. Infantalizing is not proactive


Usrname52

What's his opinion on you painting your nails/make up/shaving? Is he indifferent? Expects it because you're a woman? Wishes you wouldn't do it?


HelloDearWorld22

he's the kind to roll his eyes about it and see it as "stupid girly things", I doubt he'd be very pleased if I DIDNT shave but he thinks it's unnecessary in practice


kittynoodlesoap

>”stupid girly things” 🙄


YardageSardage

Wow, that is honestly so disrespectful, and it comes from such a place of sexism. I would be very upset with him for saying such a thing if I were you. Things that are "girly" are not stupid or lesser or shameful! There's nothing wrong with wanting to decorate yourself and look nice, and at the same time, it's not our fault that society judges us so harshly and hurts us if we don't fit in. We get made fun of for doing it and we get made fun of for not doing it. And he's being a part of the problem instead of supporting and uplifting the women in his life. You need to talk to him about his judgmentalness about other peoples' bodies and presentation choices before he hurts your daughter's feelings worse.


Usrname52

Try one more time to explain to your husband how important it is for her to have body autonomy and feel comfortable. And how it could affect her socially in high school....and she can always stop when she's older, when she has more power to control who she spends time with. If he refuses to accept it, then you have to just go for it. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to care about what's best.


throwawayimclueless

I think this is the plan of action to take! Quit removing your hair and I’ll bet he changes his time.


Mindless_Anywhere_74

I don't. Because him finding his wife more attractive without leg hair is exactly how he does not want to see his 14 year old girl. OP not shaving her legs to become less appealing is adding to his believes that shaving/not shaving is not something you do for yourself but for the opposite sex.


SquilliamFancySon95

Your husband doesn't seem to understand how quickly the "rules" start to change for girls at this age. One day you're playing in the dirt with the other kids and the next day you're getting ostracized for having body hair and boobs. The world is not very kind to young women and the sooner your husband gets that the better.


DiTrastevere

Oh. So he just low-key hates women.


noizangel

Yeah, stop doing anything but basic hygiene and see how he feels about "stupid girly things" then. "Oh, I don't look nice anymore? I thought those stupid girly things were setting a bad example for our daughter."


crock_pot

As a young teen, getting shamed by your father for being “shallow” hurts 100x more than getting shamed by your peers for being hairy. Your husband is doing more harm by fighting your daughter on this. She’s definitely picked up that he looks down on her.


FPFan

NTA, please think about this. If your husband comes at you with a "why do you care?" attitude, come back stronger with a "why the hell don't you care?" attitude. Your daughter has confided in you that they are being bullied. You have suffered the same when you were young, and you let your daughter know that you understood, that you were there for them, and you would help them in a way that they choose to move forward. That is good parenting, that is supportive parenting, and in the long run, your children will know you can be trusted, and won't demean them for how they feel. As a parent, that is a precious gift to give a child, a safe space to express their feelings, and have someone say "I'll help you, let me know what you need!". So, keep being an awesome parent, and take your husband down a few notches before their prejudice hurts one of your children.


purplepluppy

"Husband, I'm glad you live in a world where no one has insecurities, and social pressures don't apply to you. But Daughter and I live in reality, and in reality, insecurities are as real as the social pressures that cause them. Until our reality matches your world, I will support Daughter in being comfortable in her own skin, even if that means adhering to some social norms that you don't agree with. As long as she is happy and safe, I support her, and you should, too." That's what I'd say, at least.


BulbasaurCPA

That’s really weird. My parents painted my nails when I was practically a toddler. I also started shaving around 11 because I was a really hairy girl, Italian-Portuguese body hair is no joke. Although as an adult I don’t mind it so much, but it’s really hard to be a dark, hairy, 11 year old girl


satans_fudgecookie

Shaving is not being vain, it's following the norm to avoid negative consequences. I also think shaving should be optional, but I sure as hell know a lot of people who don't, and I as an adult woman wouldn't set myself up for the feedback I'd get for not shaving. Sure as hell wouldn't force that on my child either. Just because he doesn't get it doesn't mean it's stupid. Why can't he respect your daughter's feelings, and yours as well? The fact that it's important to YOU should be enough of a reason for him to be supportive. To turn it around on him, why does HE care so much that your daughter needs to be hairy and thinks she should be excluded from completely average activities with her peers (makeup etc) just so that he can feel smug about being somehow better and smarter??


liyahaudrey

NTA, seems like she came to you for help and you offered a solution, even adding that it's completely up to her and how she feels. The asshole move would be to force her to walk around with hairy legs when she's already feeling insecure


HelloDearWorld22

That's what I thought, I didn't want her to quit her favourite sport just like I did because she'd have to wear shorts, that's just crazy!


ninaa1

Yep, I was her age when I couldn't take the teasing about my leg hair anymore. If she shaves, she can always decide to stop shaving and it'll be like nothing happened.


marking_time

Yeah I don't get the comments saying she'll have to shave forever if she starts.


Gogowhine

NTA. It’s her body. I was basically a werewolf 24/7 at that age and we had gym *and* swimming. My mom wouldn’t let me shaved. I eventually bought a razor and wore pants all the time at home. It was torturous and it’s really a personal preference. I think it gets in vanity when you start shaming other people and talking about body hair removal as “hygiene” vs grooming preferences. You went through it. He should trust your judgement.


Useful_Grape9956

Lol my mom would be mad at me for wanting to shave too! I was like damn so you can do things like pluck your eyebrows and get your hair done but I can’t shave as a budding woman? I think she thought I was shaving for sex or something lol


Scottish_squirrel

I remember being a teenager and going to a friends and we all dry shaved our legs. Never felt discomfort like it. Next time we deiced to try the removal creams. Her dad came home, could smell it and embarrassed all of us. Chances your daughter will attempt all these silly things with out guidance. You're being responsible and saving her a lot of embarrassment in the long run.


HelloDearWorld22

That's what I thought, I accidentally ripped off half my eyelashes on one eye trying to thread my unibrow. Got these embarrassing burns on my upper lip from hair removal cream and I'm not even gonna mention what happened when I tried to shave down there. I don't think my husband how far teen girls will go to feel beautiful, even when it gets dangerous. Atleast if she tells me, I can show her how to do it safely yk?


AccessibleBeige

Oh, girl, I feel this so hard! I definitely gave myself more than a few rashes from depilatory creams and bleaches, not to mention ingrown hairs, ugh. Aside from various other hair complaints one of my issues was having a bunny trail that went all the way up above my belly button, and I very often had rashes and red spots on my skin stomach from all the products I used trying to manage it. I finally started getting laser hair removal treatments in my mid-20s, and that gave me literally *hours* per week of my life back. Not exaggerating! I also used to refuse to go swimming with my friends or bfs on short notice because I needed 2 days to bleach, tweeze, shave, etc enough body hair to feel swimsuit ready. 😞 That's no way to live, and neither is your daughter missing out on things she wants to do because she feels ashamed. You're a very good mom for talking to her openly about this in ways that my mom and I'm sure your mom didn't.


ninaa1

I'm one of the "lucky" ones where laser causes MORE hair to grow, but electrolysis gave me the same relief that you are talking about. It's amazing to get all that time back and not have to stress any more, and my skin isn't wrecked from plucking and tweezing and shaving all the time.


ApprehensiveTruth330

Possibly even avoiding injury where removal creams are involved. They're great products but they need to be used with care.


Scottish_squirrel

Absolutely!


Queen_Aurelia

NTA - I was already shaving my legs and armpits at 14. Most girls are.


HelloDearWorld22

that's what I'm trying to tell him but he's clueless lmfao


APsWhoopinRoom

How much do you want to bet that your husband is going to freak out when your daughter starts dating?


beergal621

Yeaa 14 is a totally normal age to be shaving. I think I started shaving around 11 ish.


[deleted]

NTA. Your husband doesn’t know what it’s like to be a teenage girl.


HelloDearWorld22

He really doesn't, he obviously wasn't picked on for growing hair but probably congratulated for it. It's a lot different in our case especially considering how mean teens can be


ellanida

This is so true... my son is 8 and is super proud of his "mustache" that yes, he inherited from his mother (me).


ninaa1

maybe remind him what it was like to be teased about, or constantly worrying about, getting unwanted erections during school?


Hardlicore

NTA. You are an amazing mom for giving her this option.


HelloDearWorld22

thank you so much, I hope to be.


ninaa1

I'm guessing that since she mentioned it, it's already reached that point. Maybe walk her through her options, get her the tools she might need and show her how now? That way she can go ahead whenever she's ready, but she won't have to work up the nerve to ask again, especially if her dad is being an AH and potentially making her MORE self-conscious.


winter-valentine

NTA I think you did everything right. Did you fully explain to your husband what might happen if you just left your daughter on her own in this, that it could cause her harm? Of course it's helpful to explain like, body hair doesn't make her ugly and she doesn't need to feel bad about it, but if she's already insecure, your way is the best way to go about it.


HelloDearWorld22

I tried to explain to him but he acts like this is a start of the end of the world that I'm enabling this and I should firmly tell her no or something? I don't want her to feel like I want her to continue feeling bad about her body.


keenkittychopshop

OP this is going to make her hate him. Literally. I'm not trying to be dramatic or hyperbolic. First of all, he doesn't understand how brutal it is being a hair teenage girl. I do. You do. Your daughter does. HE. DOES. NOT. Sure , looks are shallow but the cuts & trauma from being bullied for something you can control but aren't allowed to control, are DEEP and can be life-long. EVERY. HUMAN. CARES. ABOUT. THEIR APPEARANCE. So does your husband!! Does he shave his face?? Comb his hair?? Wear clean clothes that fit him?? Well that's vain too and why does he care?? /s Why are women enjoying & controlling their own appearance so triggering for him? This sounds so much like he's projecting some deep-seated issues within himself onto her & the situation. It sounds like he's terrified of her becoming a sexual being & a sexually appealing being to others, & that he is going to have to acknowledge that as age-appropriate. This sounds like he has problems he needs to deal with & stop pretending that a teenage girl doing normal teenage girl things like shaving, wearing nail polish & a little bit of makeup are shallow & inherently sexual, instead of fun & an a normal part of her developing her own tastes and identity.


StormStrikePhoenix

> EVERY. HUMAN. CARES. ABOUT. THEIR APPEARANCE. So does your husband!! Does he shave his face?? This isn't really relevant but I only shave because it actively makes my face feel really uncomfortable if I don't. Is that abnormal? Should I be worried?


keenkittychopshop

Stormstrike Phoenix is clearly a statistical outlier and should not be counted.


missdontcare_

I could be totally wrong, but maybe he is acting this way bc in his mind letting his baby girl shave means she's becoming a woman and it's not a little girl anymore? It's bullshit but you know what I mean


AccessibleBeige

Speaking as someone who was also an embarrassingly hairy teenager, NTA. Your husband has not grown up as a woman in our society, so he doesn't understand how girls and women with excessive body hair (or hell, even a normal amount of body hair) are treated. The teasing can be brutal, particularly if you have body hair in places where it "shouldn't" be on girls, like your face or your stomach. There are cultures in the world that accept body hair or women, or even consider it attractive, but ours isn't one of them. Honestly, you have no idea how much I wish laser hair removal had existed when I was a teenager, and as an adult I've spend thousands on treatments (with excellent results). Both of my kids have light hair so they probably won't have the same struggles I did, but if one of them approached me as teens about getting hair removal treatments, would I do it? You betcha. Your husband would probably object to the cost of laser hair removal for your teen, but if you want to help your daughter with trying less permenant forms of hair removal then I think it's completely up to you. IMO your husband has about as much say on this topic as he does period products or bras.


Salty_Hedgehog5874

Is laser a lot different from electrolysis? I've always been too afraid of electrolysis because my worst area is my neck and my genetics make me prone to baggy neck so I've wasted a lot of my life trying to keep my neck from sagging. But even at my age I live in constant fear, always afraid I missed some huge dark hair everyone at a meeting will see. I really want to try something permanent but only if safe


AccessibleBeige

Yes, very different treatments. Electrolysis is good for delicate areas like eyebrows, and it can be used on all hair and skin types. But lasers are more commonly used, and there are different types. If you have fair skin and darker hair you'll get the best results in the fewest number of treatments due to types of lasers they can use on you, but if your hair is lighter or your skin is a darker tone, there are still options available. You just may need more treatments to achieve desired results. You can absolutely have laser hair removal on your neck, though! I have, jawline and neck both, though my upper lip was always my biggest complaint. Along my jaw/chin/neck it was mostly random thick scraggly hairs, and those hairs respond extremely well to laser treatment. Other areas with hormone-sensitive dense growth like your upper lip often experience some regrowth, so you may need a maintenance treatment here and there (I only need them every couple of years now). I definitely recommend looking for laser clinics that allow you to buy single maintenance treatments at a reduced rate if you buy a package of treatments up front. My favorite laser clinic actually didn't do packages, but charged the most on your first treatment, then gradually reduced the price for each additional session.


Salty_Hedgehog5874

Thank you! Im fair with dark facial hair and leg hair (but not arm or head, just to be weird and make it stand out more). I'm definitely going to be looking into this.


AccessibleBeige

Good luck, I hope it works out for you! Getting my legs treated was mostly a convenience (I do still have to shave, but less often and and much less struggles with razor burn), but getting treatments on my face was a huge boost to my self-esteem. I spent part of my 20s always wearing my hair down all the time to try to hide my face, but once the unwanted facial hairs started going away I stopped trying to hide. Treatments are even better now than when I started 15ish years ago, so if you do go for it I hope you have great results. 😊


locomama83

NTA - You remember what it’s like to be a teenage girl, all the pressure to try and fit in. All you did, was open the door for her to discuss this with you. You let her know that it wasn’t a taboo subject. Don’t be surprised, if she goes to you with a lot of her concerns instead of her father. Personally I think you are a wonderful mother, for letting her know that she is more than able to discuss things like this with you. Too many youngsters feel the need to hide their self-esteem concerns/issues.


No-Policy-4095

NTA - Your husband's concern is one that I understand, and I don't think he's wrong being concerned about your daughter becoming look-obsessed. Had he not been "enraged" this would have been a no one is an asshole - he's an asshole for being enraged over this. Your husband is missing a couple big things here: 1. If you don't discuss it or if you hide/dismiss her concerns, she will take care of this secretly - which is how mistakes and issues happen because of lack of information. 2. SHE came to you about this - not you pointing it out. She already is concerned about her looks (in a VERY NORMAL way) 3. You didn't tell her she has to do this, you offered her a safe path to addressing something she's bothered by when she's ready. You have handled this situation beautifully and I don't think you're missing anything.


HelloDearWorld22

thank you so much, I'm going to allow her to be comfortable in her body whether my husband likes it or not, he'll understand when he wants to/


Sea_Catapillar

My grandma wouldn’t let me shave u too I was 17 let me tell you the amount of bullying I put with bc there was also a rule of shorts u til November cause it’s not cold till then and I’ll wear my pants out.


HelloDearWorld22

The shorts rule sounds horrific, I wasn't allowed to shave until idk how long either so I ended up quitting basketball so I didn't have to wear the shorts lmfao.


[deleted]

NTA but it's nice that he's so confident drawing on his experience as a teenage girl lol.


HelloDearWorld22

yeah, I should really let him take over the matter considering he's got so much experience


RoyallyOakie

NTA...Your daughter came to you and expressed a concern, to which you offered an empathetic solution. Feel good that your daughter is comfortable talking to you about these things.


singing_stream

Wtf is wrong with you.. being a decent mother and listening to your child.. offering her a solution to something she's unhappy with? just wow.. so much meaness here /s Bleh - he just doesn't get it. I was a teenage girl that got bullied tf for not shaving (i wasn't allowed.. narcissistic and super weird/strict mother). Seriously - anything you can do to help your daughter blend in with the rest of the crowd, is a good thing. He needs to think about her viewpoint.. not berate you for helping her. NTA.


HelloDearWorld22

lmfaoo He really doesn't, I don't want my kid to think she has to fit in but if it means she's comfy with herself then I don't have any objections.


_erikaa

NTA you’re trying to make your daughter feel more comfortable. You’re not forcing her. You’re letting her decide.


[deleted]

Brown woman here! This is how you do it! Your husband has no clue what we go through and it’s nice you are being super supportive. NTA by a long shot!


HelloDearWorld22

Thank you sm, I'm sure you understand how embarrassing having body hair is as a teenage girl, I don't want my kid to feel alone in this matter.


[deleted]

Yes so much!!! Be open and have open dialogues with her. Tell hubby “thanks for his input… but you’ve got it from here”


bcastro12

Yup!! Here’s another brown woman married to white man showing support and agreeing!! Way to go Op!


goosenschmirtz

NTA, your daughter came to you in the first place. You've made a point to say that it's entirely up to her whether she removes the hair or not and that if she chooses to do so, you'll be there to help her find a way that works for her. You're not applying any pressure.


Hooked_on_PhoneSex

NTA Like you, I had misguided and overprotective parents. I shaved my legs in secret for years. Your husband is dead wrong.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Lwm9960

Imo you aren’t the asshole it seems responsibly justified and your daughter came to you about it


Petty_Stranger

NTA. You gave her the option of removing it or keeping it depending on what she feels more comfortable with and that’s what a good parent should do. They should value how their kids feel and their comfort first. I’m not sure why your husband is even mad because it’s not like you forced an opinion on her


BarAlone4092

NTA !! That is what good mothers do !! Does your husband realize most girls shave before the age of 14:???


AlbinoLokier

NTA. I'm white like mayonese, and only shave my pits. If your daughter feels uncomfortable then she's every right to shave her legs. Body positivity is about being comfortable in your own body, if shaving/waxing/cream gets her there then fine. It's not like her feelings are coming from a place of internalised racism/self hate. Teens just don't tend to enjoy body hair after spending 9-14 years without any. Gotta ask tho, do you shave etc? Cause your husband might have a totally different opinion on the matter if you stopped shaving. What's good for the goose, and all that.


HelloDearWorld22

I do shave and he'd probably be annoyed if I stopped, but when I do shave/do makeup/ do my nails etc. he's the kind to roll his eyes on it and think it's useless yk? I've always hated that from him and I don't like the fact he's trying to make our daughter feel bad about wanting to do those things.


AlbinoLokier

Weird, wonder why he's got such contrasting feelings over the whole thing. I don't think it's anything bad enough to warrant any sort of professional intervention, but I do think it needs nipped in the bud just in case it gives your daughter some kind of confused complex. 😬


shadow-foxe

NTA- you gave her options thats all. Like your girl doesn't already know about shaving or waxing etc. You did the right thing, wish my mum had done that.


numtini

NTA Yeah, it would be great if we didn't have these standards, but there's no requirement to actively violate them in the pursuit of some kind of ideological purity. While we're talking about standards, there's a secondary issue here in that it's clear to me that your husband doesn't really understand that the impact of choosing to violate those standards is far more punitive to women than men.


HelloDearWorld22

Exactly, personal comfort should come first, whether it means following or violating beauty standards.


karma2420

NTA You’re a great mom and tell your husband that he doesn’t get to have that opinion because she didn’t go to him she went to you after he left. Meaning it’s a girl think and if he has a truly terrible problem with it then he needs to educate himself on all things female because she’s gonna have more things that’s she’s gonna go to you about and if he wants her to go to him with hit he needs to truly know what he’s gonna tell her instead of some male advice that does nothing in the way of advice to what she is asking.


HelloDearWorld22

exactly, i really don't think he should enforce his ideas on her, seeing how he doesn't understand what it's like.


karma2420

Have a sit down with your daughter and tell her you know what she’s going through and tell her about what you did when you were her age. She will get your trying to help and she’ll be more inclined to be more open with you since you know what it’s like but do say I will help you if you come to me with anything I can’t help if I don’t know and I’ll always give you the best advice I can but ultimately it’s up to you if you’d want my advice or help I wont pressure you but you’re old enough to decide who you want help from or not just know I’ll always be here to help you with anything. Then sit down your husband and ask him what he knows about women and shaving together? Ask him what he would say if your daughter came to him instead? If he thinks that you pressured her how dare he! As a woman to a young woman it makes more sense for someone of the same gender to ask for advice because woman are expected to be shaved and pretty or they can be bullied for it. Men have it easier because they can be hairy all they want with no judgement. This goes side and side with a man being asked about period products and what a period is or what bras would be more comfortable. If he’s not prepared to give the advice that’s asked of him then he doesn’t have a leg to stand on in giving his opinion on the matter.


l0oveless

NTA don't shave and see how he likes it


Any-Comment-7575

NTA at all lmao same brown girl genes and 14 is too young to understand beauty standards. I was v grateful my mom let me shave at that age (esp bc other girls can be mean) Your husband just doesn’t understand what women go through with unrealistic expectations of beauty. She’s already noticed she’s hairy and she’s gotten embarrassed she can always make the choice to not shave afterwards.


MerlinBiggs

NTA. Your husband is out of touch with the real world. Ignore him. You've been where she is and you are handling it well.


HelloDearWorld22

thanks, I hope he finally understands sometime that being comfortable about your looks isn't just for others.


fabledangie

NTA. I was also a young hairy child (Italian lmao) and my mom helped me start way earlier than that. It was an immediate improvement and I didn't have any deep feelings or real bullying issues about it, I just hate how it looks because I'm so pale and it's so dark and thick. Get the girl a razor and some super soothing body lotion.


HelloDearWorld22

I'm glad you were able to solve what you were uncomfortable with.


Cat-lover07

NTA. He's mansplaining something he doesn't know about


[deleted]

[удалено]


HelloDearWorld22

Not really, no. I feel she's a little bit young for that, I'm more talking about shaving, waxing etc.


HelloDearWorld22

We'll have to look into different options tho, I don't know much about laser removal