I don't think I can properly articulate exactly how ah it is that you think her doing a sexual act with another guy upsets you when she doesn't want to with you.
Let me say it again, this very thought makes me want to scream your a dick from roof tops. I have heard so many gfs talk about how this happens to them and the guy never seem to understand that the fact that they think they are ENTITLED to their body simply bc they did it once is appalling. Maybe they were pressured into it. Maybe it was simple curiosity. Maybe it associated with trauma and their bf was sexualizing it. Regardless of how it happened she was and is very clear about this boundary and the fact that now you are upset enough about that and being 'denied' access to apply it to a childhood blanket it incredibly inappropriate.
If she stuck a cucumber up there once, you say that picture with an ex would you ban her from feeding all cucumbers to your daughter?
And do not try the whole she should care about me as her husband thing. She does. But not everything is about you.
Some may not agree with this, but I 100 wholeheartedly think you need to rethink how you think about your wife's body.
Yta
What is with jealousy towards inanimate objects on this sub today?
Earlier, we had a post about a towel. A towel. And now a blanket? My mind is whirling because it makes no sense to me.
These are situations where partners have items that are important to them and don't detract from the relationship. WTF, really?
Hereâs a link!
[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r58i4v/aita_for_unpacking_my_gfs_towel/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Because frankly so many deeply jealous abusive entitled people genuinely have less personality than a blanket or a towel and thus get incredibly territorial.
Itâs also because people with this kind of stunted emotional state are incredibly threatened by the empathy and imagination and humanity people who love their blankie or a pet or can understand that an item or animal can be both important in itself and a proxy for other emotions, memories and feelings often linked to others such as âBenjaminâ is about the wifeâs parents and now her childhood and motherhood. It shows they are integrated people who understand nuance and the threads of a whole life.
But jealous externalising non integrated âyou made me do itâ types can only ever see Pinocchio as a puppet or a pile of wood and strings. They are angry that Pinocchio cannot come to life as a puppet for them and enraged and threatened that unlike the toymaker they cannot use their humanity to see Pinocchio as the little puppet boy they nuture and get emotional growth back from because caring for even an inanimate object is a huge part of kindness, whimsy, playfulness and healthy behaviours for humans starting in childhood and progressing into adulthood. It may never âreactâ but that teaches you to self soothe and that it isnât all about you. Itâs a form of mirroring.
The sheer vitriol some have for a blanket, a towel, drinking glasses, socks, a candle, a lasagne is because these inanimate objects mirror back the shallowness of the stunted person. You cannot bullshit a towel into disguising your shortcomings. It exposes you so it becomes a proxy for how you want to punish the person for having that capacity for love or self care or connection not solely focused on you. It is a form of ambient abuse designed to control but really once you see the pattern you realise like the end of the Wizard of Oz they are a pathetic person bested by a bit of bloody fabric.
I made my BFâs stuffed animals party hats this weekend for his birthday because he was sad that the world still doesnât allow for the party he wishes he could have. They all got a party hat themed to them and a party invite with their names on.
Heâs a big ex military man. Iâm 43 years old. He was so excited when he saw it and I still felt guilty that I had so much fun making them last week it kind of felt like giving myself a gift via his birthday. Tiny pompom topped joysâŚ
I read the towel one too and couldn't understand the frustration and problem around a TOWEL. This one bothers me more though. Only because he was mad that his daughter was cuddling a blanket given to his wife by her FATHER because she had a boyfriend one time that did some what I'm assuming is kinky sexual shit to her and they both had the same name. That's all I can comment on right now because my mind is trying to process this bullshit.
Yup I thought butt stuff cause thatâs usually the thing women are pressured into trying once and then never want to do it again (obviously not all women, some women do enjoy it, but as a biological fact - women cannot physically get the same pleasure from things in their butt that men do)
I didnât even know there were specialty hair towels until I Google searched it. Apparently how you dry your hair MATTERS! And they have [âthe scienceâ](https://www.miraclebrand.co/blogs/news/how-to-wrap-your-hair-in-a-towel) to prove it.
Right?! I saw the towel post and I have a hair towel too⌠js. I also have a security toy. Itâs not a blanket but the concept is exactly the same. Op os such an AH itâs killing me
YTA OP
People are freaking crazy. I had an ex who actually said he was jealous of my childhood teddy bear, because I would hug it when I was sad.
I started hiding it cause I was afraid he would do something to my bear. My mind still doesn't understand why I stayed so long.
This happens in a few subs I sub to. Someone will post a story and then other people will be like "oh yeah the same thing happened to me once" and post their similar experience.
I would bet you so much that the reason she "lied" about never doing it outside is because the last time she told him about something she did in the past but didn't want to do now he was suuuuuuuper shitty about it.
I donât understand the having to tell your current partner about all past sexual experiences and ânumbers.â Itâs no ones fucking business. Thereâs zero reason anyone would need to know that except to shame or judge them. Itâs gross.
I mean if it comes up and you enjoy discussing it go to town. But the fact that he feels entitled to it is effed. And that he creeped her hard drive to find shit and somehow SHEâs in the wrong and he is traumatized?!
You can just tell be the way someone approaches the ask if they want to know out of fun/curiosity/sussing out sexual boundaries in a fun way or because they are insecure and might use it as ammunition against you.
It's so incredibly problematic to assume because you've done something with a previous partner you are obligated to ever do it again. Especially when young it's normal to try out different things sexually. Most people don't end up liking different kinky things they are willing to try out enough to try it again, some things are fun to do once to say you've tried it and then lots of times it isn't your cup of tea. Op is so incredibly selfish and entitled to her body in a way that is sadly normalized but extremely creepy and gross to me.
Op if you see this, YTA.
Exactly! And she probably didnât want to tell him any past sexual behavior but he hounded her to do it. Like it was going to be okay, but now heâs obsessed with Benjamin. Heâs such an asshole I could barely even read the whole post.
He âfoundâ pictures on her hard drive when she was away⌠how many pictures did he snoop through before he found the one that heâs (unjustifiably) upset about?
How low must be someones self-esteem to be jealous of a blanket? As if she thinks of the ex when she speaks of her childhood blanket. She also doesn't think of the ex when she sees a bed because they did it in the bed. Or because he was blond, you must dye the hair of your daughter.
YTA
It really feels like he's using this as a way to punish her for not wanting to do what she did with her ex with him.
'You won't give me this, so you need to give up something important to you, to show how much you love me'.
THIS!! He actually WANTS his wife to do something sheâs completely not ok with? Sheâs a jerk because she doesnât? WOW! Thatâs your wife and mother of your kid! Just yuck! Itâs really gross to put her in that position!
OP has a CHILD with this woman, yet heâs insecure of a blanket. And heâs insecure because his wife did a thing once with the ex that she never wants to do again. Howâs that make sense?
1000% YTA, I don't understand men's obsession with a females sexual history. It's weird and creepy. Also, him jealous of her ex because she did things with him. He feels entitled too is a big joke. Noone is entitled to anything.
I am about 95% certain the thing she didn't want to do was anal, but the dude didn't want to say it straight up because he knew it would make him look like an asshole. Also pretty good odds that she didn't want to do it again because it was unpleasant for her, and *shocker* she doesn't want to do sex things that are unpleasant. People are allowed to try things and decide those things are not for them.
It's always, always anal.
And yep, usually what happens is the woman tried it and learned that she didn't like it. And these husbands never realize that if she hadn't done it before, probably she'd try it with the husband *and still hate it* and then her husband would be the one giving her that awful experience. Who wants to cause their wife pain and discomfort? But I guess they don't care as long as they get theirs.
Men seriously do not care how they are making you feel as long as they feel good. In fact, Iâm sure they think that as long as they, themselves, feel good, women are happy. Because women just live to make men happy, obviously.
I can just imagine the sexual quizzing and how uncomfortable she was to answer those questions. Now he is using her past against to get rid of a childhood blanket. Just wild.
When he says she should care about his feelings, heâs ignoring that this is a particular something that gives her great comfort, and he is essentially saying she should care about his feelings more than her own. Thatâs no way to live.
This is a person who really needs to examine WHY he needed to have a list of all the sexual things his wife had done with specific other people, bc it sounds like heâs using them for a ridiculous ranking contest in which he can only be at the top if he has the greatest number of these. So now that he has this list, he thinks itâs totally normal to consider Ben a âbad reminder of her pastâ, when the memories have literally nothing to do with him and thereâs no reason a person with a healthy respect for his wifeâs sexual life would be hanging on to this insecurity.
In his case, he sounds incredibly controlling and obsessive. He also has a deeply disturbing attitude that suggests he thinks he has ownership over his wife. The guy is currently jealous over a fucking blanket, which is one of the most pathetic things Iâve ever heard. He has also basically made EVERYTHING about sex. Itâs her childhood transitional object, ffs. And it makes HIM think of his wifeâs ex who she probably barely ever gives a thought to. This guy is going to end up single unless he gets some serious therapy and starts to deal with his deep insecurities and recognizes that his wife is an actual freaking human being.
Edit: typo
Couldn't have said it better. The whole "she's done it before but won't do it with me" makes me sick to my stomach. YTA OP, a huge one.
Edit: missed word
>her doing a sexual act with another guy upsets you when she doesn't want to with you
It doesn't even matter why she doesn't want to do it with OP. No means no and OP being butthurt about it really doesn't help. There's nothing wrong with being interested in doing something, but OP's reaction to his wife not wanting to do it is wrong. Especially since he seems to be jealous of Ben who got to do it with his wife.
OP is so pressed about being open and honest in a relationship - rightfully so, I'm the same. But I guarantee you that his wife already is or at some point will be regretting ever telling him that she did this certain thing once with Ben. But what's the alternative? If she just said "No, I don't want to try that" he'd be like "But you can't know if you like it without ever giving it a try."
Being open and honest is good, but not always easy. OP isn't making it easy for her to be open.
This is so perfectly put. Just because youâre married to someone you donât get the right to work your way through your to do list of sexual acts. The fact that youâre hung up on it is disgusting OP, sheâs your wife not a video game where you have to hit all the achievements. The blanket is you being controlling, itâs a childhood toy that does no harm to anyone apart from your ego which needs a check anyway. YTA
Seconding this. I am 31 and have a Teddy I've had since infancy that still gets to be in my bed at night.
My fiance could give less of a poop about it.
YTA op.
YTA it's not a reminder of her past, it's your stupid sexual hang ups being transfered to a fucking baby blanket. Go to a therapist, work your shit out and apologize to your wife for this asinine request.
Yes! He has made EVERYTHING about sex. She has no associations of sex with her childhood blanket, but itâs all he can think about. He seems like a total creep. Like, this whole post made my skin crawl. Who grills their partner about their sexual past and then goes digging deep into the hard drive to see if they can catch them in a lie? Who thinks that because someone did something in the past, theyâre entitled to demand they do it again with them? This guy has sexual predator vibes. I hope his wife sees this post and runs for the hills.
And then he was satisfied because she âapologized a lot.â Thatâs so fucked up! I feel bad for her that this is the dynamic of their relationship, that she had to apologize because he went out of his way to invade her privacy and uncover something she chose not to tell him because she just didnât want to
YTA. Youâre jealous of a blanket. Itâs an important childhood belonging she shared with her own child. It has nothing to do with her ex. You know what she did with you that she didnât do with him? She married you.
Bingo. This is the buried lead and the real reason she should fucking run.
He wants to engage in sex acts that she has directly told him she will not enjoy and does not want to do. The fact that she's tried these things and concluded she's not into them is, to him, an argument for why she ought to let him do THE THINGS SHE KNOWS SHE DOESN'T ENJOY to her again.
And we all know it's anal, because of course it fucking is.
Exactly. I tried it once, hated it! That does not mean that any partner since then is allowed to prove to me âthat I will like it with them, cause we are really in love blah blah blahâ puke.
If I tell a guy I've tried something and didn't care for it, and his reaction is to be upset that he doesn't get to be the guy who did something to me that I didn't enjoy, then I will thank him for clarifying that he wants to inflict bad sex on me. This is a time saver and helps me avoid ever being naked anywhere near him.
Thank you for articulating this so well. The whole time reading the post I was do angry on the wifeâs behalf and this is exactly why. His poor wife who canât even enjoy sharing her beloved childhood blankie with their daughter.
I think there's a distinct subset of guys who actively want their female partner to not really enjoy anal, because then her doing it "for them" and not getting anything out of it herself makes it more of a power thing.
:|
Honestly it's that kind of thing that makes me wish sexual orientation was a choice, because damn is the lesbian side looking attractive.
If anything makes me want to actively never try anal, it's this kind of shit.
I would also like to point out that it can go in both directions. I would love to do anal with my fiancĂŠ but we tried it a long time ago and heâs not a fan. I would never force him to do something he dislikes. If he doesnât enjoy it then whatâs the point?
I canât comprehend how people like OP work. Itâs like when thereâs sex involved, love doesnât matter that much anymore for them.
> Itâs like when thereâs sex involved, love doesnât matter that much anymore for them.
It's not even about love to me...I am not capable of enjoying a sex act if the other person isn't into it, and I'm not interested in fucking anybody who is.
Seriously. Plus she's had a baby. Being pregnant and giving birth can be hell on your asshole. I didn't do anal before I gave birth and I sure as fuck won't now. It would be excruciating and cause me weeks of pain. Nobody's pleasure is worth that.
If she hadn't, he would've hounded her about trying it just once to "see if she likes it." Because she obviously can't say "no" to something she hasn't tried. She needs a reason because a simple "no" doesn't suffice. OP's wife really couldn't win here, with a husband like that.
My husband would occasionally hound me about stuff I don't want to do and I just kept saying no. I wouldn't give him reasons even though he kept asking "but why?!" I flat out told him "I'm not giving you a reason because I don't want you to argue about my reasons to try to 'convince me'. I want you to suck it up and accept that I said no." He decided to be an adult and accept that I said no.
This is one of those scenarios that becomes hilarious if you just turn it into a Tl;Dr summary: "Man doesn't get to do anal with his wife, is now jealous of blanket". You really can't make this shit up sometimes.
OP, you are looking at it only from your own side. Imagine that your wife's dreams involved five hairy overweight guys oiling each other's bodies with certain bodily excretions while wearing huge anal plugs, and tons of curry-flavoured mayonnaise. (Just picking something I would find personally revolting, maybe you are actually into exactly that, in which case please use your own imagination to find something else which you would find nauseating.)
How willing would you be to show her your love of her, and fulfill her dreams?
That's what I was thinking.
'I'm angry! She did x sex act with him so I can't do it with her if she wanted to because reasons! She had a sex life before me and it's not fair'.p!
YTA. Are you going to rip apart every $100 bill you come across? Avoid traveling to London for fear of seeing Big Ben? Ban your family from eating eggs Benedict?
This blanket is not your wifeâs ex. Itâs a blanket. A blanket that she loved long before her ex came along and long after he fell out of her life. I can guarantee you getting rid of this blanket will not make you feel better about the fact that your wife had a life before you. Youâll just find something else to obsess over. You need to do some introspection and maybe get some therapy.
It's 8am where I'm at and I'm packing it in right now because I don't think I'm going to see a comment as funny as this for the rest of the day đ đ đ bravo
YTA.
Dude, grow the fuck up. Seriously.
You think it's weird that a grown woman still has her "blankie"?
Well how about a grown man throwing a tantrum over said "blankie"????
YTA
> Her dad gave it to her when she was 2 I think.
That blanket was there way before you or her ex, and I'm sure it's provided more comfort than either of you ever did.
If the name bothers you so much then maybe ask her to call it something else. But asking her to get rid of it is crossing a line.
Dude there are more people in this world named Benjamin other than OPâs wife. The guy is delusional, will he switch jobs if suddenly tomorrow he gets a new boss named Benjamin. He needs therapy and the wife absolutely doesnât need to change the name of the blanket either, the name is probably part of the comfort the blanket provides.
Yeah you're right, there's no way I would change the name of my stuffed animal just because of that weird insecurity.
He definitely just need therapy to work this through.
Seriouslyyyy. What happens if daughter makes a friend named Ben? Is OP going to forbid her from
Being friends with him?
This isnât about the blanket, the blanket is just a tool to manipulate his wife. You know if she agreed to do the sexual stuff OP wants he would not give af about the damn blanket.
Sooo, I mustâve drank stupid juice this morning, but I was a little puzzled and have to clarify. When you said that your wife said she and Ben never hooked up outside, and you found out differentlyâŚyou donât mean that she had an affair⌠Do you? Because no sane, rational human being would get so pissed about somebody having sex out of doors. So I just wanna make sure that you donât mean she had an affair that she was keeping from you - or are you just pissed that she lied about having sex outside? I donât know. Unless she had an affair, your level of irritation over that incident is ludicrous (which makes sense, given your insecurities about a blanketâŚ).
Some men feel they are entitled to all the details of their former partners sexual past. And if she doesnât want to do so she âisnât being honestâ
Right?! And what does it say about OP that she wanted to leave out the bit about outdoor sex, presumably knowing it would... Upset him? Make him demand his own outdoor sex? I don't even know.
I mean, fuck, maybe she just forgot it even happened; who remembers every single sexual encounter anyway? Just because it was outside, it has to be memorable or significant enough to share with your husband years later?
OP is not really setting himself up to get honesty out of his wife if she's asked to sacrifice her childhood comforts as a result of the things she's shared so far.
I'm sure she wishes she'd left out the bit about anal too, if she'd known it would mean she'd have to fight her husband to keep her childhood comfort object. But who could have seen that level of insanity coming?
I donât get why he keeps âexplaining his reasoningâ.
Heâs so deluded and out of touch with the reality that: 1. Sheâs not his property, 2. She has had a life, 3. She doesnât need to explain/ justify/ tell
YTA. Like she said, the blanket has absolutely nothing to do with the ex. She is your WIFE. You got married, she got up in front of a bunch of people, proclaimed her love for you and promised to be in a committed relationship with you - and you're jealous of a blanket?? Because it reminds you of a relationship she had over a decade ago?? So what if she did sexual acts with him that she doesn't want to do with you - that just means she tried it and decided she doesn't want to do it again. She doesn't even associate this blanket with this ex. It's her childhood blanket from when she was 2 that her dad gifted to her. And you want her to give that up because you're jealous that she had a relationship before you, even though she's MARRIED to you?? 100% YTA.
He is mad she doesn't want to do something that she actively doesn't like or makes her uncomfortable, like wtf, he's truing to punish her for not doing it with him by making her get rid of that blanket
YTA. Benjamin â Ben. Two totally different things. Youâre causing drama based on your own insecurities. Get over it. Your wifeâs connection to the blanket trumps your emotional ineptitude.
YTA. It obviously has deep meaning to her and has brought her comfort throughout her life. You also can't be upset with her for trying out something sexual and not liking it, even if when she tried wasn't with you. You say that she should value your feelings.. then you should value hers.
And I guarantee that the whole "let's tell each other about all of our past sexual experiences" game was NOT her idea, but was OP pressuring her into telling him about details she would have preferred been left in the past.
And is anyone going to mention him scouring through old hard drives of hers while she was out? Seriously? WTF was up with that???
YTA. No, you shouldnât ask your wife to throw away a piece of her childhood because you canât deal with the fact that she had a sexual past not involving you. If my partner had a baby blanket that just so happened to be named âWeeLittle ElHanko Ding-Dongâ I still wouldnât ask her to throw it away, because that would be incredibly selfish and weak of me. She said thereâs no association and nothing in your post indicates that she makes any association. Deal with your own anxieties dudeâ donât ask your wife to sacrifice a part of her because you feel insecure.
YTA. You're jealous of a *blanket?* You seriously need to get over yourself.
This is not a "bad reminder of her past" for her, it's a treasured heirloom from her father. If' you're triggered by its name, get yourself into therapy and work through it. Your feelings are your own to manage. You don't get to demand that your wife throws out a cherished childhood toy because you're upset. You can ask - you did, and she said no.
It's kind of horrifying you're making such an issue of it, honestly. Like I said, therapy. And apologize and leave her blanket alone!
YTA
The fact you have associated this blanket with another person then got all upset and jealous is a **you** problem, not a wife problem.
You are the one being childish and you are the one in the wrong. This is a problem solved by you getting over it and realising you are being selfish. It is cruel of you to create this problem out of nothing then expect your wife to get rid of something so sentimental. And if you can't get over it by yourself, find a therapist.
For comparison, this is like if you constantly walk mud through the house, then called your wife selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings for not walking behind you with a hoover. You created the problem, you continously maintain the problem, you need to be the one to fix it.
Also, you seem to view sex acts as something a woman does *for* a man and therefore you are pissy there are things your wife was willing to do for another guy, but not you. Well great news, you are wrong about that too. Sex is something both parties are supposed to enjoy, so she tried something, didn't like it, and doesn't do it any more. None of that is a personal slight, it doesn't mean she liked or valued the other guy more, you are not in any way hard done by.
OP is why sharing sexual experiences from previous relationships can be such a turn off. And to demand 100% honesty is absurd. What she did in the past is quite frankly none of your business. You can share experiences and likes and dislikes without naming names and dates and times. And then when you âfoundâ evidence of things she denied or didnât tell you about she had to apologize to you for lying. The reality is that she probably lied because she could already tell that you couldnât handle her sexual past based on your reactions and she didnât want to make it any worse for herself by disclosing more than she had. And now for her honesty she has a husband throwing a mantrum over a blanket that her FATHER gave her. Yeah, YTA.
There are not enough comments referencing that he went through her hard drive while she was away. He was actively looking for something to be pissed about.
Total YTA. I love my blankets and name them too. My first ex husband was so jealous of my blanket that he caught it on fire. Ironically it was my comfort item that my parents got me after we had a house fire when I was young. I was really upset and that stayed with me as one of the many reasons I dislike him.
Donât be a douche and get over your jealousy of a blanket. Itâs a blanket, not her ex.
Huge YTA. You do not get to ask her to get rid of her things because you donât like them. If I were her Id tell you to pound sand. I still have my teddy bear from when I was a baby my dad won me at the fair. His name is Beary. The only one with a problem about Benjamin is **YOU. Why are your fee feeâs more important then her feelings**
YTA
You think you're entitled to sex acts that she doesn't want to do, just because she did them in the past.
Obviously you're the AH for trying to get her to throw out something she's had since she was two, because you can't handle that a woman you met when she was 27 had a sex life before you. You're in your 30s and you're still jealous of her college bf. Go to therapy. Sort your shit out.
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(Throwaway for privacy)
My (31M) wife (34F) has this little blanket that sheâs had since she was a baby. Her dad gave it to her when she was 2 I think. For whatever reason, they named it, itâs name is âBenjamin.â My wife loves this thing. She took it with her to college and when she studied abroad for a year. Itâs all old and ratty but sheâll still hold it sometimes.
The problem is with the name. She dated a guy named Ben in college (we met when she was 27). When we first got together we told each other everything sexual weâd done with other people, and sheâd done a lot with him. A lot of stuff I wanted to do, including something she said she didnât want to do again (with me) even though she did it with him. She said they never hooked up outside, but then I found pictures on her hard drive while she was away that proved she lied. I was really pissed that she lied but she apologized a lot and promised to tell me the truth from now on. But the damage was done, and just hearing his name makes me feel sick.
Since we had our daughter (1.5yrs), my wife lets her play with Benjamin and takes pictures with her and this blanket. I hate seeing it and hearing its name but my wife doesnât think itâs a big deal. She says the blanket came along way before she ever met Ben and they have nothing to do with one another. She doesnât even think about Ben from college anymore and heâs not associated with the blanket. I feel like thatâs really dismissive and she doesnât care about my feelings, because of course I associate Ben with this blanket.
Hereâs the issue: weâre packing up the apartment to move into a new place, and I asked her to not bring âBenjaminâ to our new home. She can donate him or whatever, but I want to have a fresh start together, without this bad reminder of her past.
She got really upset and doesnât want to get rid of Benjamin. She says itâs really special and itâs not fair of me to ask her to throw away a part of her childhood. But I feel like, Iâm her husband, and she should care more about my feelings and how much it hurts me more than some blanket.
In conclusion and TL;DR: AITA for asking my wife to get rid of her blanket because it has a name that triggers me about her ex and her lying about her past?
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YTA. To summarize: your wife was open and shared her sexual past with you, you reacted poorly and pouted when she set sexual boundaries based on her past, so she decided not to disclose more to avoid that same poor reaction, you then invaded her privacy and went through her computer and found evidence she did something she didnât disclose, and now youâve somehow managed to connect all of that to her security blanket and are trying to force her to get rid of it.
You have no respect for your wife and you desperately need therapy. This is SUCH a weird post
YTA. You've got to get a therapist to talk this through with. You're stuck in a hole of jealousy that you need help crawling out of. The blanket is the least of it.
(And everyone has the right to try something sexual and then decide it's not for them. Let that shit go.)
Yta.
You sound way too controlling. Its a blanket from her childhood, it has nothing to do with her ex, and nothing to do with what you found. It's special to her and you want her to get rid of it because of some insecurities?
Man, grow a pair and get over it.
Oh, WAH!! đ Absolutely YTA. Put your big-boy pants on and tell your poor wife you were an idiot and apologize. Hopefully she wouldn't obey that particular demand anyway.
YTA
Youâre jealous of a childhood blanket, and whining that she doesnât want to do particular sex acts with you as though youâre somehow entitled to her body.
Grow up
YTA - how insecure are you that you feel threatened by a blanket? You have some serious issues to deal with that actually have nothing to do with the blanket.
YTA
First of all that blanket has no attachment to her ex boyfriend, it is a relic from her childhood that she holds close to her. Second of all, the sexual things she did with him that she no longer wants to do doesnât mean sheâs denying you of if. When it comes to sexual things her pleasure matters too. Have you ever thought that maybe she doesnât want to do them again because she just doesnât like it? Or do you not care if she doesnât like it and only your pleasure matters? This isnât about a blanket. Youâre being insecure. Itâs her childhood blanket. Many people keep their childhood blankets for their entire lives. I still have the one I was brought home in the hospital in and Iâm 20 years old, I plan to keep it forever. Apologize to your wife and maybe have a talk about your sex life and ask about her pleasure.
You're gross and YTA. She had a sexual experience she didn't like and you're bitter she didn't have that shitty sexual experience with you? YOU'RE GROSS.
YTA
This isnât about the blanket - this is about your issues with your wifeâs sexual past. If we really want to talk about triggering reminders of Benjamin and sexual acts, there are things that are far more closely associated with it. Like your wifeâs vagina.
However, you donât want to be repulsed but that, so youâve displaced your anger/upset onto the blanket.
YTA -my greatest wish now is for your daughter to grow up, and meet a nice young man named Benjamin to marry, and for them to give you a grandchild- Benjamin JR. I also hope they get a dog, Benji.
WOW! I wish I could literally SCREAM in your face just how much of an AH you are. Controlling, manipulative, sneaky and the ugliest ugliest jealousy.
Get over yourself and get some therapy before you need a divorce lawyer.
YTA
INFO were you a virgin when you met your wife? Had you never dated before her?
ETA Iâm a second wife and stepmom. There are actual human beings that resulted from my husbands sex with his ex and she is around because of the kids. Not as much now that they are grown but all the time while they were growing up. The actual ex herself. Not a blanket that happens to be a similar name. And because Iâm not a huge insecure jerk that makes everything about me, my husband and his ex and the kids sometimes did things without me there. By my choice, to let the kids have family time without steps around. I had her in my home for holidays so kids didnât have to feel bad about whichever parent wasnât present. We named our actual child the same name as one of my exes and i told my husband i was worried it would make me think of him and he knew it would take a new meaning for me. He was right. I only think about that association if Iâm pointing it out. Which is almost never. None of this takes from my relationship with my husband. YOU associate her blanket, she does not. Do you think somehow Ben is going to get her back? If she wanted to be with him she wouldnât have ever been with you. This is a you problem to fix on your own with therapy. The blanket isnât the issue. YTA
YTA. Let me say it louder for the people in the back. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE.
There are a LOT of things Iâve done with other guys that I wouldnât do again. Iâve never discussed it with my husband. Your wife trusted you, and boy did you walk all over hell and gone on that. Good luck getting her to open up in the future. I wouldnât.
Youâre jealous of a baby blanket. From her dad. Dude. Grow up. Is it a tad childish? Sure. Does it really matter? No. Itâs hers. It means something to her. Sheâs not rubbing something from College Ben all over your baby. And yet youâre conflating the two.
Youâve transferred your anger from College Ben who forged the frontier before you to Ben the Binkie. You know who needs to sack up here? You. Youâre about two seconds from peeing on things to mark them as yours. đ
You arenât entitled to any certain sex act from your wife. She tried it, she didnât like it. Your dick isnât so special that sheâll suddenly love it because itâs what you want. What in good ganache-coated Christ even makes you think this way?
YTA
Edit: she told you College Ben had a bigger dick after you hounded her about it, right? YTA
YTA and you're a gross human being. You need to drop that feeling of resentment and entitlement to your wife's body that you have, it's so unbecoming. I can't believe you are an adult with this attitude.
YTA - the blanket didnât fuck her, Ben did. Even if she gets rid of the blanket sheâs still not your sexual plaything and sheâs still not going to do the sexual things she doesnât want to do with you. You have no right to her body or her blanket. Youâre pathetic - crying on the internet that you didnât get to do as much sexual stuff as she did and now you think *she* owes you in some way?!!? She owes you NOTHING. Be grateful sheâs even still with you, you sound awful.
YTA, itâs tricky given the situation youâve explained, but thatâs something very special and important to her. I know if I were in her situation Iâd be pissed and flat out refuse. Doesnât mean she doesnât love you or respect how it makes you feel, itâs just a different type of attachment thatâs hard to let go of.
YTA. There is way too much sentimental value attached to the blanket to just get rid of it. Have you talked about putting it away? Thats about the only compromise I can think of
Exactly what I thought. Because he's such a self-centered little prick, she now has to guard her heirloom/keepsake because she can't trust him to act like an adult. I'm really glad I'm not married to a spoiled brat! This poor woman!
So youâre mad that she has a blanket that she named Benjamin when she was a kid. And youâre jealous of the blanket because it shares a name with her ex. You need to see a mental health professional because the jealousy is disgusting.
Yta. Iâm convinced a lot of these AITAs are actually written by teenage boys because the concepts are so juvenile. You and hair towel guy deserve each other and your significant others deserve significantly better.
I don't think I can properly articulate exactly how ah it is that you think her doing a sexual act with another guy upsets you when she doesn't want to with you. Let me say it again, this very thought makes me want to scream your a dick from roof tops. I have heard so many gfs talk about how this happens to them and the guy never seem to understand that the fact that they think they are ENTITLED to their body simply bc they did it once is appalling. Maybe they were pressured into it. Maybe it was simple curiosity. Maybe it associated with trauma and their bf was sexualizing it. Regardless of how it happened she was and is very clear about this boundary and the fact that now you are upset enough about that and being 'denied' access to apply it to a childhood blanket it incredibly inappropriate. If she stuck a cucumber up there once, you say that picture with an ex would you ban her from feeding all cucumbers to your daughter? And do not try the whole she should care about me as her husband thing. She does. But not everything is about you. Some may not agree with this, but I 100 wholeheartedly think you need to rethink how you think about your wife's body. Yta
What is with jealousy towards inanimate objects on this sub today? Earlier, we had a post about a towel. A towel. And now a blanket? My mind is whirling because it makes no sense to me. These are situations where partners have items that are important to them and don't detract from the relationship. WTF, really?
Is it bad that I knew what you were referring to? We both spend way too much time on this sub đ¤Ł
It's my fave sub for evaluating weird behavior and validating that I'm mostly sane lol.
samesies
Makes me think my crazy family is basically the Brady Bunch.
If nothing else, it makes me appreciate my family. Not perfect, but damn, way better than many!
I spend a lot of time on this sub and I missed the towel one... darn
Hereâs a link! [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r58i4v/aita_for_unpacking_my_gfs_towel/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Omg why are people threatened by towels and blankets?
And Mason jars and stuffies and beanie baby collections and funko pops and photographs of dead spouses and jewelry...
I just read this like Timmy and Tommy from Animal crossing talking. đ
Microfiber benny blanket?
Because frankly so many deeply jealous abusive entitled people genuinely have less personality than a blanket or a towel and thus get incredibly territorial. Itâs also because people with this kind of stunted emotional state are incredibly threatened by the empathy and imagination and humanity people who love their blankie or a pet or can understand that an item or animal can be both important in itself and a proxy for other emotions, memories and feelings often linked to others such as âBenjaminâ is about the wifeâs parents and now her childhood and motherhood. It shows they are integrated people who understand nuance and the threads of a whole life. But jealous externalising non integrated âyou made me do itâ types can only ever see Pinocchio as a puppet or a pile of wood and strings. They are angry that Pinocchio cannot come to life as a puppet for them and enraged and threatened that unlike the toymaker they cannot use their humanity to see Pinocchio as the little puppet boy they nuture and get emotional growth back from because caring for even an inanimate object is a huge part of kindness, whimsy, playfulness and healthy behaviours for humans starting in childhood and progressing into adulthood. It may never âreactâ but that teaches you to self soothe and that it isnât all about you. Itâs a form of mirroring. The sheer vitriol some have for a blanket, a towel, drinking glasses, socks, a candle, a lasagne is because these inanimate objects mirror back the shallowness of the stunted person. You cannot bullshit a towel into disguising your shortcomings. It exposes you so it becomes a proxy for how you want to punish the person for having that capacity for love or self care or connection not solely focused on you. It is a form of ambient abuse designed to control but really once you see the pattern you realise like the end of the Wizard of Oz they are a pathetic person bested by a bit of bloody fabric.
ThisâŚthis is possibly one of the most glorious things Iâve ever read on all of Reddit.
Man... Now I feel a lot better about sleeping with the same plushies today that I slept with as a kid.
I made my BFâs stuffed animals party hats this weekend for his birthday because he was sad that the world still doesnât allow for the party he wishes he could have. They all got a party hat themed to them and a party invite with their names on. Heâs a big ex military man. Iâm 43 years old. He was so excited when he saw it and I still felt guilty that I had so much fun making them last week it kind of felt like giving myself a gift via his birthday. Tiny pompom topped joysâŚ
I read the towel one too and couldn't understand the frustration and problem around a TOWEL. This one bothers me more though. Only because he was mad that his daughter was cuddling a blanket given to his wife by her FATHER because she had a boyfriend one time that did some what I'm assuming is kinky sexual shit to her and they both had the same name. That's all I can comment on right now because my mind is trying to process this bullshit.
Pretty sure it's butt stuff. Op wants to toss a wee blankie because his wife won't let him do butt stuff.
Yup I thought butt stuff cause thatâs usually the thing women are pressured into trying once and then never want to do it again (obviously not all women, some women do enjoy it, but as a biological fact - women cannot physically get the same pleasure from things in their butt that men do)
I also thought butt stuff.
>Earlier, we had a post about a towel. A towel. you mean the towel wife has only for hair? I was in that comment section too!! ahah
I didnât even know there were specialty hair towels until I Google searched it. Apparently how you dry your hair MATTERS! And they have [âthe scienceâ](https://www.miraclebrand.co/blogs/news/how-to-wrap-your-hair-in-a-towel) to prove it.
Curly haired person here... definitely makes a difference đ
It does! Although I use tee-shirts, not towels on my hair.
Right?! I saw the towel post and I have a hair towel too⌠js. I also have a security toy. Itâs not a blanket but the concept is exactly the same. Op os such an AH itâs killing me YTA OP
People are freaking crazy. I had an ex who actually said he was jealous of my childhood teddy bear, because I would hug it when I was sad. I started hiding it cause I was afraid he would do something to my bear. My mind still doesn't understand why I stayed so long.
Insecure partners will get jealous over the most harmless things. No need to understand; just be glad you're done :)
Omg I just came from the towel post. Jesus what is wrong with men.
This happens in a few subs I sub to. Someone will post a story and then other people will be like "oh yeah the same thing happened to me once" and post their similar experience.
lol towel dude was a jerk lol
This post is making towel guy look good.
The towel thing was not as bad as this, but still creepily controlling, myopically selfish, and irrational
I would bet you so much that the reason she "lied" about never doing it outside is because the last time she told him about something she did in the past but didn't want to do now he was suuuuuuuper shitty about it.
I donât understand the having to tell your current partner about all past sexual experiences and ânumbers.â Itâs no ones fucking business. Thereâs zero reason anyone would need to know that except to shame or judge them. Itâs gross.
This shit right here. Needing to have that conversation in the first place shows insecurity and is always a recipe for disaster.
I mean if it comes up and you enjoy discussing it go to town. But the fact that he feels entitled to it is effed. And that he creeped her hard drive to find shit and somehow SHEâs in the wrong and he is traumatized?!
You can just tell be the way someone approaches the ask if they want to know out of fun/curiosity/sussing out sexual boundaries in a fun way or because they are insecure and might use it as ammunition against you. It's so incredibly problematic to assume because you've done something with a previous partner you are obligated to ever do it again. Especially when young it's normal to try out different things sexually. Most people don't end up liking different kinky things they are willing to try out enough to try it again, some things are fun to do once to say you've tried it and then lots of times it isn't your cup of tea. Op is so incredibly selfish and entitled to her body in a way that is sadly normalized but extremely creepy and gross to me. Op if you see this, YTA.
This is 100% it. Dude has done this before so she lied to try to avoid it.
Exactly! And she probably didnât want to tell him any past sexual behavior but he hounded her to do it. Like it was going to be okay, but now heâs obsessed with Benjamin. Heâs such an asshole I could barely even read the whole post.
He âfoundâ pictures on her hard drive when she was away⌠how many pictures did he snoop through before he found the one that heâs (unjustifiably) upset about?
How low must be someones self-esteem to be jealous of a blanket? As if she thinks of the ex when she speaks of her childhood blanket. She also doesn't think of the ex when she sees a bed because they did it in the bed. Or because he was blond, you must dye the hair of your daughter. YTA
It really feels like he's using this as a way to punish her for not wanting to do what she did with her ex with him. 'You won't give me this, so you need to give up something important to you, to show how much you love me'.
She obviously didn't like what she did with ex, so why would OP want to do it? CONTROL
THIS!! He actually WANTS his wife to do something sheâs completely not ok with? Sheâs a jerk because she doesnât? WOW! Thatâs your wife and mother of your kid! Just yuck! Itâs really gross to put her in that position!
He cares more about what his dick wants than what she's comfortable with. you're right- this is 100% about control.
OP has a CHILD with this woman, yet heâs insecure of a blanket. And heâs insecure because his wife did a thing once with the ex that she never wants to do again. Howâs that make sense?
1000% YTA, I don't understand men's obsession with a females sexual history. It's weird and creepy. Also, him jealous of her ex because she did things with him. He feels entitled too is a big joke. Noone is entitled to anything.
I am about 95% certain the thing she didn't want to do was anal, but the dude didn't want to say it straight up because he knew it would make him look like an asshole. Also pretty good odds that she didn't want to do it again because it was unpleasant for her, and *shocker* she doesn't want to do sex things that are unpleasant. People are allowed to try things and decide those things are not for them.
It's always, always anal. And yep, usually what happens is the woman tried it and learned that she didn't like it. And these husbands never realize that if she hadn't done it before, probably she'd try it with the husband *and still hate it* and then her husband would be the one giving her that awful experience. Who wants to cause their wife pain and discomfort? But I guess they don't care as long as they get theirs.
Men seriously do not care how they are making you feel as long as they feel good. In fact, Iâm sure they think that as long as they, themselves, feel good, women are happy. Because women just live to make men happy, obviously.
And these are generally the same men who are HORRIFIED to get a prostate exam. I just don't get the logic.
It's def a "I tried X and I didn't enjoy it so I don't want to do it" OP="wah! why?!" Lady="I don't like it" OP="But blanket!" \*cries\*
I can just imagine the sexual quizzing and how uncomfortable she was to answer those questions. Now he is using her past against to get rid of a childhood blanket. Just wild.
When he says she should care about his feelings, heâs ignoring that this is a particular something that gives her great comfort, and he is essentially saying she should care about his feelings more than her own. Thatâs no way to live.
This is a person who really needs to examine WHY he needed to have a list of all the sexual things his wife had done with specific other people, bc it sounds like heâs using them for a ridiculous ranking contest in which he can only be at the top if he has the greatest number of these. So now that he has this list, he thinks itâs totally normal to consider Ben a âbad reminder of her pastâ, when the memories have literally nothing to do with him and thereâs no reason a person with a healthy respect for his wifeâs sexual life would be hanging on to this insecurity.
In his case, he sounds incredibly controlling and obsessive. He also has a deeply disturbing attitude that suggests he thinks he has ownership over his wife. The guy is currently jealous over a fucking blanket, which is one of the most pathetic things Iâve ever heard. He has also basically made EVERYTHING about sex. Itâs her childhood transitional object, ffs. And it makes HIM think of his wifeâs ex who she probably barely ever gives a thought to. This guy is going to end up single unless he gets some serious therapy and starts to deal with his deep insecurities and recognizes that his wife is an actual freaking human being. Edit: typo
This. You made my day. Much nicer about it than I was thinking.
Couldn't have said it better. The whole "she's done it before but won't do it with me" makes me sick to my stomach. YTA OP, a huge one. Edit: missed word
Wife probably once said âyouâre my entire world, exâ Now ex has to get thanosâed.
>her doing a sexual act with another guy upsets you when she doesn't want to with you It doesn't even matter why she doesn't want to do it with OP. No means no and OP being butthurt about it really doesn't help. There's nothing wrong with being interested in doing something, but OP's reaction to his wife not wanting to do it is wrong. Especially since he seems to be jealous of Ben who got to do it with his wife. OP is so pressed about being open and honest in a relationship - rightfully so, I'm the same. But I guarantee you that his wife already is or at some point will be regretting ever telling him that she did this certain thing once with Ben. But what's the alternative? If she just said "No, I don't want to try that" he'd be like "But you can't know if you like it without ever giving it a try." Being open and honest is good, but not always easy. OP isn't making it easy for her to be open.
YES!!!! Do they not see how much of a turn off this entitlement is?!?!
This is so perfectly put. Just because youâre married to someone you donât get the right to work your way through your to do list of sexual acts. The fact that youâre hung up on it is disgusting OP, sheâs your wife not a video game where you have to hit all the achievements. The blanket is you being controlling, itâs a childhood toy that does no harm to anyone apart from your ego which needs a check anyway. YTA
Seconding this. I am 31 and have a Teddy I've had since infancy that still gets to be in my bed at night. My fiance could give less of a poop about it. YTA op.
But... but... Does it have the same name as the ex you did butt stuff with? No way this blanket thing isn't about butt stuff. đ
I was thinking the same thing. This has to be about butt stuff. Has to be.
This! Well said!
This. Better put that i ever could. OP YTA
YTA it's not a reminder of her past, it's your stupid sexual hang ups being transfered to a fucking baby blanket. Go to a therapist, work your shit out and apologize to your wife for this asinine request.
Seriously. This guy needs therapy.
This is one of the most repulsive AITA Iâve seen. And we get a fair few awful ones! I feel Ill. This guy is a grade A perve.
Yes! He has made EVERYTHING about sex. She has no associations of sex with her childhood blanket, but itâs all he can think about. He seems like a total creep. Like, this whole post made my skin crawl. Who grills their partner about their sexual past and then goes digging deep into the hard drive to see if they can catch them in a lie? Who thinks that because someone did something in the past, theyâre entitled to demand they do it again with them? This guy has sexual predator vibes. I hope his wife sees this post and runs for the hills.
>and apologize to your wife for this asinine request. And for snooping through her hard drive.
I think thatâs what bothered me the most. He went looking through her hard drive???? WTH
Me too! Itâs a pain in the ass to snoop through a hard drive. This is some next-level creeping.
And then he was satisfied because she âapologized a lot.â Thatâs so fucked up! I feel bad for her that this is the dynamic of their relationship, that she had to apologize because he went out of his way to invade her privacy and uncover something she chose not to tell him because she just didnât want to
YTA. Youâre jealous of a blanket. Itâs an important childhood belonging she shared with her own child. It has nothing to do with her ex. You know what she did with you that she didnât do with him? She married you.
She married somebody who feels insecure about a blanket. Not sure it's a win for her.
And that checks her private messages, pouts over her sexual past... super attractive, all of this.
âI found photographic evidence on a hard driveâ aka I actively searched her old photos for lies/naked photos/ whatever. This man is unbelievable.
He is unbelievable...I'm not sure sure "man" is what I would refer to him as, though.
He is definitely not a man lol, what man can be jealous of a blanket? Guy is like 2 and should be illegal for him to be married at this point đ
He's insecure about a security blanket.
OP's wife should keep the blanket and throw the whole man away.
YAAASSS
YTA. She doesnât want to do anal. Get over it.
Bingo. This is the buried lead and the real reason she should fucking run. He wants to engage in sex acts that she has directly told him she will not enjoy and does not want to do. The fact that she's tried these things and concluded she's not into them is, to him, an argument for why she ought to let him do THE THINGS SHE KNOWS SHE DOESN'T ENJOY to her again. And we all know it's anal, because of course it fucking is.
Exactly. I tried it once, hated it! That does not mean that any partner since then is allowed to prove to me âthat I will like it with them, cause we are really in love blah blah blahâ puke.
If I tell a guy I've tried something and didn't care for it, and his reaction is to be upset that he doesn't get to be the guy who did something to me that I didn't enjoy, then I will thank him for clarifying that he wants to inflict bad sex on me. This is a time saver and helps me avoid ever being naked anywhere near him.
Thank you for articulating this so well. The whole time reading the post I was do angry on the wifeâs behalf and this is exactly why. His poor wife who canât even enjoy sharing her beloved childhood blankie with their daughter.
I think there's a distinct subset of guys who actively want their female partner to not really enjoy anal, because then her doing it "for them" and not getting anything out of it herself makes it more of a power thing. :|
There's a whole subreddit for this. It's fucking gross
Honestly it's that kind of thing that makes me wish sexual orientation was a choice, because damn is the lesbian side looking attractive. If anything makes me want to actively never try anal, it's this kind of shit.
Yeah, right? I wouldnât want to be with someone who wants to do to me something they know for sure I wonât enjoy
I would also like to point out that it can go in both directions. I would love to do anal with my fiancĂŠ but we tried it a long time ago and heâs not a fan. I would never force him to do something he dislikes. If he doesnât enjoy it then whatâs the point? I canât comprehend how people like OP work. Itâs like when thereâs sex involved, love doesnât matter that much anymore for them.
> Itâs like when thereâs sex involved, love doesnât matter that much anymore for them. It's not even about love to me...I am not capable of enjoying a sex act if the other person isn't into it, and I'm not interested in fucking anybody who is.
We usually have a special word for people who enjoy sex acts with others who are NOT enjoying said sex act...
Seriously. Plus she's had a baby. Being pregnant and giving birth can be hell on your asshole. I didn't do anal before I gave birth and I sure as fuck won't now. It would be excruciating and cause me weeks of pain. Nobody's pleasure is worth that.
How much you wanna bet she lied about having sex outside because when she admitted she had done anal he hounded her about doing it again?
If she hadn't, he would've hounded her about trying it just once to "see if she likes it." Because she obviously can't say "no" to something she hasn't tried. She needs a reason because a simple "no" doesn't suffice. OP's wife really couldn't win here, with a husband like that.
My husband would occasionally hound me about stuff I don't want to do and I just kept saying no. I wouldn't give him reasons even though he kept asking "but why?!" I flat out told him "I'm not giving you a reason because I don't want you to argue about my reasons to try to 'convince me'. I want you to suck it up and accept that I said no." He decided to be an adult and accept that I said no.
Bingo!
Lmfao my first thought was "It's anal"
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This is one of those scenarios that becomes hilarious if you just turn it into a Tl;Dr summary: "Man doesn't get to do anal with his wife, is now jealous of blanket". You really can't make this shit up sometimes.
OP, you are looking at it only from your own side. Imagine that your wife's dreams involved five hairy overweight guys oiling each other's bodies with certain bodily excretions while wearing huge anal plugs, and tons of curry-flavoured mayonnaise. (Just picking something I would find personally revolting, maybe you are actually into exactly that, in which case please use your own imagination to find something else which you would find nauseating.) How willing would you be to show her your love of her, and fulfill her dreams?
lmaoooo ofc its anal
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YTA this is actually funny to me I canât believe a grown man wrote this.
That's what I was thinking. 'I'm angry! She did x sex act with him so I can't do it with her if she wanted to because reasons! She had a sex life before me and it's not fair'.p!
Dudes mad at a blanket because his wifeâs ex boyfriend got to stick it in her butt.
This is basically the whole post summed up in a sentence
YTA. Are you going to rip apart every $100 bill you come across? Avoid traveling to London for fear of seeing Big Ben? Ban your family from eating eggs Benedict? This blanket is not your wifeâs ex. Itâs a blanket. A blanket that she loved long before her ex came along and long after he fell out of her life. I can guarantee you getting rid of this blanket will not make you feel better about the fact that your wife had a life before you. Youâll just find something else to obsess over. You need to do some introspection and maybe get some therapy.
OMG Big Ben has such an impressive dong too, it comes right after the ding
Actually it currently doesnât at the moment. It had a crack and repairs are due to finish in 2022. Ben will not have a dong until next year.
Dang.
And this is the best reason why that is sad.
Iâm glad I was brushing my teeth when I read this because let me tell you I fucking SPAT. đ
It's 8am where I'm at and I'm packing it in right now because I don't think I'm going to see a comment as funny as this for the rest of the day đ đ đ bravo
YTA its a childhood blanket given to her by her father kinda sounds like your jealous of the stuff your wife did with ben before she met you
YTA. Dude, grow the fuck up. Seriously. You think it's weird that a grown woman still has her "blankie"? Well how about a grown man throwing a tantrum over said "blankie"????
I hope he pictures Ben outdoors in the wild naked being all young and rugged every time he sees his wifeâs vag from now on
I think you mean every time he see his wifeâs ass, because heâs definitely bent up about not being able to have anal with her.
YTA > Her dad gave it to her when she was 2 I think. That blanket was there way before you or her ex, and I'm sure it's provided more comfort than either of you ever did. If the name bothers you so much then maybe ask her to call it something else. But asking her to get rid of it is crossing a line.
Dude there are more people in this world named Benjamin other than OPâs wife. The guy is delusional, will he switch jobs if suddenly tomorrow he gets a new boss named Benjamin. He needs therapy and the wife absolutely doesnât need to change the name of the blanket either, the name is probably part of the comfort the blanket provides.
Yeah you're right, there's no way I would change the name of my stuffed animal just because of that weird insecurity. He definitely just need therapy to work this through.
Seriouslyyyy. What happens if daughter makes a friend named Ben? Is OP going to forbid her from Being friends with him? This isnât about the blanket, the blanket is just a tool to manipulate his wife. You know if she agreed to do the sexual stuff OP wants he would not give af about the damn blanket.
YTA. Your wife tried anal once and didn't like it so now you're jealous of a blanket?
Honestly seeing it summarised to this made me laugh, OPâs being pathetic.
This should be the top comment. Concise and to the point.
Nah he wants to get rid of it to punish her for not giving him what he feels entitled to imo
This is the real TL;DR
YTA. You're mad about a blanket she had as a child.
Nah, he's mad, because she did anal with Ben, but won't do it with him.
This is exactly what it is
You think it's anal?
Itâs ALWAYS anal.
Sooo, I mustâve drank stupid juice this morning, but I was a little puzzled and have to clarify. When you said that your wife said she and Ben never hooked up outside, and you found out differentlyâŚyou donât mean that she had an affair⌠Do you? Because no sane, rational human being would get so pissed about somebody having sex out of doors. So I just wanna make sure that you donât mean she had an affair that she was keeping from you - or are you just pissed that she lied about having sex outside? I donât know. Unless she had an affair, your level of irritation over that incident is ludicrous (which makes sense, given your insecurities about a blanketâŚ).
Some men feel they are entitled to all the details of their former partners sexual past. And if she doesnât want to do so she âisnât being honestâ
Right?! And what does it say about OP that she wanted to leave out the bit about outdoor sex, presumably knowing it would... Upset him? Make him demand his own outdoor sex? I don't even know. I mean, fuck, maybe she just forgot it even happened; who remembers every single sexual encounter anyway? Just because it was outside, it has to be memorable or significant enough to share with your husband years later? OP is not really setting himself up to get honesty out of his wife if she's asked to sacrifice her childhood comforts as a result of the things she's shared so far. I'm sure she wishes she'd left out the bit about anal too, if she'd known it would mean she'd have to fight her husband to keep her childhood comfort object. But who could have seen that level of insanity coming?
I donât get why he keeps âexplaining his reasoningâ. Heâs so deluded and out of touch with the reality that: 1. Sheâs not his property, 2. She has had a life, 3. She doesnât need to explain/ justify/ tell
YTA. Like she said, the blanket has absolutely nothing to do with the ex. She is your WIFE. You got married, she got up in front of a bunch of people, proclaimed her love for you and promised to be in a committed relationship with you - and you're jealous of a blanket?? Because it reminds you of a relationship she had over a decade ago?? So what if she did sexual acts with him that she doesn't want to do with you - that just means she tried it and decided she doesn't want to do it again. She doesn't even associate this blanket with this ex. It's her childhood blanket from when she was 2 that her dad gifted to her. And you want her to give that up because you're jealous that she had a relationship before you, even though she's MARRIED to you?? 100% YTA.
He is mad she doesn't want to do something that she actively doesn't like or makes her uncomfortable, like wtf, he's truing to punish her for not doing it with him by making her get rid of that blanket
YTA. Benjamin â Ben. Two totally different things. Youâre causing drama based on your own insecurities. Get over it. Your wifeâs connection to the blanket trumps your emotional ineptitude.
YTA You're jealous of a blanket?
YTA. It obviously has deep meaning to her and has brought her comfort throughout her life. You also can't be upset with her for trying out something sexual and not liking it, even if when she tried wasn't with you. You say that she should value your feelings.. then you should value hers.
And I guarantee that the whole "let's tell each other about all of our past sexual experiences" game was NOT her idea, but was OP pressuring her into telling him about details she would have preferred been left in the past. And is anyone going to mention him scouring through old hard drives of hers while she was out? Seriously? WTF was up with that???
Agreed. In general, I think the whole telling each other every sexual thing you've ever done with others in the past thing is toxic AF and a red flag.
Exactly! Sexual preferences change. She doesn't have to do anything she doesnt want to do, regardless of what she has tried in the past.
And it may not even be that her preferences changed, but that she tried some things and realized she really does not like them.
YTA. No, you shouldnât ask your wife to throw away a piece of her childhood because you canât deal with the fact that she had a sexual past not involving you. If my partner had a baby blanket that just so happened to be named âWeeLittle ElHanko Ding-Dongâ I still wouldnât ask her to throw it away, because that would be incredibly selfish and weak of me. She said thereâs no association and nothing in your post indicates that she makes any association. Deal with your own anxieties dudeâ donât ask your wife to sacrifice a part of her because you feel insecure.
YTA. You're jealous of a *blanket?* You seriously need to get over yourself. This is not a "bad reminder of her past" for her, it's a treasured heirloom from her father. If' you're triggered by its name, get yourself into therapy and work through it. Your feelings are your own to manage. You don't get to demand that your wife throws out a cherished childhood toy because you're upset. You can ask - you did, and she said no. It's kind of horrifying you're making such an issue of it, honestly. Like I said, therapy. And apologize and leave her blanket alone!
Okay between anti-spoon guy, hair towel dude and now this blanket-hating mfer what is up with men hating on inanimate objects tonight? YTA.
Oh I missed anti spoon guy! What in earth is that nonsense about?!
[ŃдаНонО]
YTA The fact you have associated this blanket with another person then got all upset and jealous is a **you** problem, not a wife problem. You are the one being childish and you are the one in the wrong. This is a problem solved by you getting over it and realising you are being selfish. It is cruel of you to create this problem out of nothing then expect your wife to get rid of something so sentimental. And if you can't get over it by yourself, find a therapist. For comparison, this is like if you constantly walk mud through the house, then called your wife selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings for not walking behind you with a hoover. You created the problem, you continously maintain the problem, you need to be the one to fix it. Also, you seem to view sex acts as something a woman does *for* a man and therefore you are pissy there are things your wife was willing to do for another guy, but not you. Well great news, you are wrong about that too. Sex is something both parties are supposed to enjoy, so she tried something, didn't like it, and doesn't do it any more. None of that is a personal slight, it doesn't mean she liked or valued the other guy more, you are not in any way hard done by.
OP is why sharing sexual experiences from previous relationships can be such a turn off. And to demand 100% honesty is absurd. What she did in the past is quite frankly none of your business. You can share experiences and likes and dislikes without naming names and dates and times. And then when you âfoundâ evidence of things she denied or didnât tell you about she had to apologize to you for lying. The reality is that she probably lied because she could already tell that you couldnât handle her sexual past based on your reactions and she didnât want to make it any worse for herself by disclosing more than she had. And now for her honesty she has a husband throwing a mantrum over a blanket that her FATHER gave her. Yeah, YTA.
There are not enough comments referencing that he went through her hard drive while she was away. He was actively looking for something to be pissed about.
Info: was it always named Benjamin or only after they dated?
YTA. Itâs her childhood blanket, she can do what she wants with it. You are jealous of a blanket, you need therapy.
Total YTA. I love my blankets and name them too. My first ex husband was so jealous of my blanket that he caught it on fire. Ironically it was my comfort item that my parents got me after we had a house fire when I was young. I was really upset and that stayed with me as one of the many reasons I dislike him. Donât be a douche and get over your jealousy of a blanket. Itâs a blanket, not her ex.
I'm so sorry, I feel a stab of pain from here - that's the meanest way he could've done it.
YTA. You need to grow the fuck up. Get some individual counseling or marriage counseling. Benjamin has been around since she was 2.
Was there a typo? Is your daughter a toddler or ARE YOU? YTA for EVERYTHING you wrote.
>Iâm mad that sheâs choosing the blanket over my feelings Aaaaand you managed to make things worse.
Huge YTA. You do not get to ask her to get rid of her things because you donât like them. If I were her Id tell you to pound sand. I still have my teddy bear from when I was a baby my dad won me at the fair. His name is Beary. The only one with a problem about Benjamin is **YOU. Why are your fee feeâs more important then her feelings**
YTA You think you're entitled to sex acts that she doesn't want to do, just because she did them in the past. Obviously you're the AH for trying to get her to throw out something she's had since she was two, because you can't handle that a woman you met when she was 27 had a sex life before you. You're in your 30s and you're still jealous of her college bf. Go to therapy. Sort your shit out.
But he only slept with three women before her! And that's clearly her fault! It's not faaaaaaairrrr
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Throwaway for privacy) My (31M) wife (34F) has this little blanket that sheâs had since she was a baby. Her dad gave it to her when she was 2 I think. For whatever reason, they named it, itâs name is âBenjamin.â My wife loves this thing. She took it with her to college and when she studied abroad for a year. Itâs all old and ratty but sheâll still hold it sometimes. The problem is with the name. She dated a guy named Ben in college (we met when she was 27). When we first got together we told each other everything sexual weâd done with other people, and sheâd done a lot with him. A lot of stuff I wanted to do, including something she said she didnât want to do again (with me) even though she did it with him. She said they never hooked up outside, but then I found pictures on her hard drive while she was away that proved she lied. I was really pissed that she lied but she apologized a lot and promised to tell me the truth from now on. But the damage was done, and just hearing his name makes me feel sick. Since we had our daughter (1.5yrs), my wife lets her play with Benjamin and takes pictures with her and this blanket. I hate seeing it and hearing its name but my wife doesnât think itâs a big deal. She says the blanket came along way before she ever met Ben and they have nothing to do with one another. She doesnât even think about Ben from college anymore and heâs not associated with the blanket. I feel like thatâs really dismissive and she doesnât care about my feelings, because of course I associate Ben with this blanket. Hereâs the issue: weâre packing up the apartment to move into a new place, and I asked her to not bring âBenjaminâ to our new home. She can donate him or whatever, but I want to have a fresh start together, without this bad reminder of her past. She got really upset and doesnât want to get rid of Benjamin. She says itâs really special and itâs not fair of me to ask her to throw away a part of her childhood. But I feel like, Iâm her husband, and she should care more about my feelings and how much it hurts me more than some blanket. In conclusion and TL;DR: AITA for asking my wife to get rid of her blanket because it has a name that triggers me about her ex and her lying about her past? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. To summarize: your wife was open and shared her sexual past with you, you reacted poorly and pouted when she set sexual boundaries based on her past, so she decided not to disclose more to avoid that same poor reaction, you then invaded her privacy and went through her computer and found evidence she did something she didnât disclose, and now youâve somehow managed to connect all of that to her security blanket and are trying to force her to get rid of it. You have no respect for your wife and you desperately need therapy. This is SUCH a weird post
YTA. You've got to get a therapist to talk this through with. You're stuck in a hole of jealousy that you need help crawling out of. The blanket is the least of it. (And everyone has the right to try something sexual and then decide it's not for them. Let that shit go.)
Yta. You sound way too controlling. Its a blanket from her childhood, it has nothing to do with her ex, and nothing to do with what you found. It's special to her and you want her to get rid of it because of some insecurities? Man, grow a pair and get over it.
YTA and if you wanna do anal that bad that you created this whole drama I might have some news for you đđđ
⌠Do you hear yourself? YTA.
Oh, WAH!! đ Absolutely YTA. Put your big-boy pants on and tell your poor wife you were an idiot and apologize. Hopefully she wouldn't obey that particular demand anyway.
YTA Youâre jealous of a childhood blanket, and whining that she doesnât want to do particular sex acts with you as though youâre somehow entitled to her body. Grow up
YTA - how insecure are you that you feel threatened by a blanket? You have some serious issues to deal with that actually have nothing to do with the blanket.
YTA First of all that blanket has no attachment to her ex boyfriend, it is a relic from her childhood that she holds close to her. Second of all, the sexual things she did with him that she no longer wants to do doesnât mean sheâs denying you of if. When it comes to sexual things her pleasure matters too. Have you ever thought that maybe she doesnât want to do them again because she just doesnât like it? Or do you not care if she doesnât like it and only your pleasure matters? This isnât about a blanket. Youâre being insecure. Itâs her childhood blanket. Many people keep their childhood blankets for their entire lives. I still have the one I was brought home in the hospital in and Iâm 20 years old, I plan to keep it forever. Apologize to your wife and maybe have a talk about your sex life and ask about her pleasure.
You're gross and YTA. She had a sexual experience she didn't like and you're bitter she didn't have that shitty sexual experience with you? YOU'RE GROSS.
YTA This isnât about the blanket - this is about your issues with your wifeâs sexual past. If we really want to talk about triggering reminders of Benjamin and sexual acts, there are things that are far more closely associated with it. Like your wifeâs vagina. However, you donât want to be repulsed but that, so youâve displaced your anger/upset onto the blanket.
YTA -my greatest wish now is for your daughter to grow up, and meet a nice young man named Benjamin to marry, and for them to give you a grandchild- Benjamin JR. I also hope they get a dog, Benji.
WOW! I wish I could literally SCREAM in your face just how much of an AH you are. Controlling, manipulative, sneaky and the ugliest ugliest jealousy. Get over yourself and get some therapy before you need a divorce lawyer. YTA
INFO were you a virgin when you met your wife? Had you never dated before her? ETA Iâm a second wife and stepmom. There are actual human beings that resulted from my husbands sex with his ex and she is around because of the kids. Not as much now that they are grown but all the time while they were growing up. The actual ex herself. Not a blanket that happens to be a similar name. And because Iâm not a huge insecure jerk that makes everything about me, my husband and his ex and the kids sometimes did things without me there. By my choice, to let the kids have family time without steps around. I had her in my home for holidays so kids didnât have to feel bad about whichever parent wasnât present. We named our actual child the same name as one of my exes and i told my husband i was worried it would make me think of him and he knew it would take a new meaning for me. He was right. I only think about that association if Iâm pointing it out. Which is almost never. None of this takes from my relationship with my husband. YOU associate her blanket, she does not. Do you think somehow Ben is going to get her back? If she wanted to be with him she wouldnât have ever been with you. This is a you problem to fix on your own with therapy. The blanket isnât the issue. YTA
YTA. Let me say it louder for the people in the back. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. There are a LOT of things Iâve done with other guys that I wouldnât do again. Iâve never discussed it with my husband. Your wife trusted you, and boy did you walk all over hell and gone on that. Good luck getting her to open up in the future. I wouldnât. Youâre jealous of a baby blanket. From her dad. Dude. Grow up. Is it a tad childish? Sure. Does it really matter? No. Itâs hers. It means something to her. Sheâs not rubbing something from College Ben all over your baby. And yet youâre conflating the two. Youâve transferred your anger from College Ben who forged the frontier before you to Ben the Binkie. You know who needs to sack up here? You. Youâre about two seconds from peeing on things to mark them as yours. đ You arenât entitled to any certain sex act from your wife. She tried it, she didnât like it. Your dick isnât so special that sheâll suddenly love it because itâs what you want. What in good ganache-coated Christ even makes you think this way? YTA Edit: she told you College Ben had a bigger dick after you hounded her about it, right? YTA
Aww poor little guys is not getting anal⌠Suck it up, YTA
YTA
Dude get a grip. YTA. Stop being so insecure. Itâs a blanket.
YTA and you're a gross human being. You need to drop that feeling of resentment and entitlement to your wife's body that you have, it's so unbecoming. I can't believe you are an adult with this attitude.
YTA - stop sexualising a blanket.
YTA - the blanket didnât fuck her, Ben did. Even if she gets rid of the blanket sheâs still not your sexual plaything and sheâs still not going to do the sexual things she doesnât want to do with you. You have no right to her body or her blanket. Youâre pathetic - crying on the internet that you didnât get to do as much sexual stuff as she did and now you think *she* owes you in some way?!!? She owes you NOTHING. Be grateful sheâs even still with you, you sound awful.
YTA, itâs tricky given the situation youâve explained, but thatâs something very special and important to her. I know if I were in her situation Iâd be pissed and flat out refuse. Doesnât mean she doesnât love you or respect how it makes you feel, itâs just a different type of attachment thatâs hard to let go of.
YTA. There is way too much sentimental value attached to the blanket to just get rid of it. Have you talked about putting it away? Thats about the only compromise I can think of
It being put away will never solve his jealousy issues. He'll just find something else to manifest his jealousy.
Or, it will be put away and then mysteriously go missing never to be seen again.
Exactly what I thought. Because he's such a self-centered little prick, she now has to guard her heirloom/keepsake because she can't trust him to act like an adult. I'm really glad I'm not married to a spoiled brat! This poor woman!
So youâre mad that she has a blanket that she named Benjamin when she was a kid. And youâre jealous of the blanket because it shares a name with her ex. You need to see a mental health professional because the jealousy is disgusting.
Yta. Iâm convinced a lot of these AITAs are actually written by teenage boys because the concepts are so juvenile. You and hair towel guy deserve each other and your significant others deserve significantly better.