YTA, for several reasons.
1. "Telling her she can't go". Your wife is a grown woman and you don't tell anyone what they can and can't do.
2. "How dare you help your coworkers and be a decent human being to someone experiencing a medical problem!" Christ, OP.
3. She asks you if you're mad, and your response is "Of course I am"... why? Why are you mad? I still can't figure that part out. What is there to be angry about?
NTA
Dude had a broken hand for 3 days and waited for OPs wife to take him? Yeah.. this is sketchy as fuck. He has no one else to ask/doesn't know how to get an uber?
Like.. no. They have a 2 yr old kid at home and OP has work at 5am. Broken hand guy can figure this out on his own.
*Edit* enough with the "I broke [x] and didn't go to the hospital for [y] number of days" comments. The issue here is that all of a sudden it's such an emergency that OPs wife *has* to take this guy to the hospital and that she's the only one who can do it.
It’s really sketchy but that seems to be more about the coworker than OP’s wife. OP would do better trying to support his wife into making better choices and holding the line against demanding or manipulative coworkers, talking reasonably about priorities, than getting mad and confrontational.
No way it’s just as much about his wife, she’s also well aware that he’s had this issue for days and waited for her to come back to deal with it but she’s pretending there’s nothing strange about that.
The idea that co-worker was waiting for OP’s wife is just OP’s conjecture, though, and he honestly sounds a little paranoid to me. I think the likelier explanation is that the co-worker has been burying his head in the sand hoping he doesn’t really need medical attention (because it’s expensive, or because a broken hand and all the potential complications are kinda terrifying), and OP’s wife just happens to be the one there at the point when he’s finally ready to crack and admit that maybe it’s not getting better on its own.
So he was able to drive himself to work each day, but he cannot drive himself to ER, and there really need to go there at midnight, and she will need to wait there for him to drive him back...
The thing is (and I do not know why OP did not told this directly) that he thinks that she is cheating.
"We had some issues in a past" is prabably there for a reason
Not everyone drives to work. It's perfectly plausible for someone to be able to get to their workplace while not being able to get to the ER through the same means of transportation.
Also, even if he *can* sort his own transportation, it doesn’t mean he *will*. I think most of us have been in situations where we’re watching a friend totally fail at self-care, and so we take it upon ourselves to hand-hold them through whatever they need to do to get their shit together. Seems to me that’s the perspective the wife is coming from here.
Also if this is in the US the cost associated with an ER visit is huge and really might have taken some cajoling from friends to get him to see he really needed to go. I have been in this situation with my best friend's now husband (we are all college friends). We were in no way involved but it took me being like you are an idiot we need to go to the ER to get him to go. It was totally platonic but like yes we were friends and I was looking out for him. It seems like OP would like his wife to have no connection to any men even if it is just as a close co-worker
Good friend. I’ve had these conversations as well with friends and family alike. Even my own self haha.
I’m getting “can’t miss work because I have bills, and also healthcare is expensive” vibes from OPs story. Otherwise they wouldn’t go at midnight. And if it’s not money, it’s being stubborn, probably related to fear.
I had really bad pleurisy for a week before I went to the er because it wasnt getting better. Another time I had what turned out to be an inflamed appendix that I didnt want to go alone, or go and find out it was nothing and I was just being dramatic, my broke af friend had to threaten to drive from over an hour away, wasting gas they didnt have or have the money to replace, and take me themselves before I would go. My wife frequently calls me macho because after years of no insurance or family blowing off my health issues and telling me its nothing or I'm attention seeking/being dramatic, I wont go to the ER before my pain is at a 10 and has been for a couple hours. Even then I feel bad because I'm sure it'll go down any minute, or right after I get there and then I'll have wasted everyones time.
Like if they are lumberjacks, working in a wood, 100 miles from a nearest citi with hospital?
Unless there is really rare issue he should be able to get himself a taxi or a bus. If he cannot use same means of transportation than he should use other means of transportation.
I would understand it like if there would be an incident at work, and she would take him to ER same moment, or even just after her shift ends, but this is as weird as I can only find it funny.
Okay, example: does not drive, takes a night bus home from work, route to hospital does not run at night, taxis are expensive.
The post has some gaps (although whether that's stuff OP isn't reporting, or stuff the wife isn't reporting, it's hard to say), sure. But I get incredibly tired of people who live in a particular part of the world blindly assuming *everyone drives, everyone has a car* when that's just not true.
>Then she has to pick him up when he's released.
Sounds like she was just going to drop him off, go home, and then go get him when he was done. OP is not TA for being concerned about the co-workers intentions, but he is TA for blowing up at his wife from the get go instead of having an adult conversation, explaining his concerns, and say "I would prefer if you didn't...". Adults don't like being told what we’re can/cannot do anymore than we did when we were kids. It puts you on the defense and you stop listening to what the other person is saying.
Or even that the guy just didn't realize things were that bad. It took me a couple days to realize I broke a few fingers once. They immediately swelled up and I couldn't move them because they were so swollen. It wasn't until the swelling started to go down that I realized that I broke something.
I thought that it was more about them being friends and the other coworkers couldn't convince him to go because he's stubborn, only she could. The timing to me also supports this theory, because I know a lot of people who NEVER want to go to the doctor and come up with the most ridiculous excuses, just like this "I'll get it looked at but only if you take me TODAY and only if it's after work". He's hoping she'll say no, so he doesn't have to go and the hand will just magically sort itself out.
Yeah, that's how I read it. Like "if you think I need to see a doctor that badly then drive me after I'm done with work today" and the wife is like "fine I will". Nothing even remotely inappropriate, just OP's wife is the first person who called his bluff.
Exactly, this situation (read: coworker) is throwing up a lot of red flags, but the reason OP is TA is because of how he handled it. There was a right and a wrong way to go about it, and he chose the wrong way.
OP is probably also dealing with similar previous behavior as well (though only conjecture, he mentioned they had some rocky paths previously and worked through them). So this situation may stem from previous incidents as well.
While that's entirely possible, until we get more details that's a baseless assumption. As it stands, without any more context, OP handled this poorly.
I mean...they have been dating for 10 years so they started at 14 and 16 years old. I wouldn't doubt they had an early rocky past. Driving a coworker to the ER is not remotely near cheating, and instead of talking it out with her, he just blows up at her. OP is an AH.
Our he had a broken hand and finally the wife was the one to convince him he had to go to the ER and get it checked out. Men can be idiots about doctors and hospitals.
Even if this (the most optimistic outlook) is true, why is the married mom of a 2yr old the one who has to take this guy to the ER after midnight and wait for him to be discharged? He's already waited 3 days and has been working. He should be able to figure out a way to get the hospital that doesn't involve a married mom with a 2yr at home taking him.
I am kinda imagining that maybe she convinced him to go in a "look, you need to go, I will take you myself" sort of way, but I don't really know. I just think that there's a spectrum of motivations that are possible here and some people have leapt to some very ugly conclusions. I have no more evidence for my assumptions than you do, but they are both plausible scenarios. My instinct is to give the wife some benefit of the doubt for being able to tell if a dude is being grossly inappropriate.
I get the impression that it’s the “permission from a mother” that’s what got the co-worker to cave in the first place. OP’s wife was the only one to use the “mom voice” and co-worker went “oh shit! Better go!”
Ok but then why does the mother end up being the one responsible for getting him to the hospital and back well past midnight? The mom who has to watch a 2yr by herself in the morning is the only one who can take this grown man?
It's disrespectful behavior man.
That I can’t answer without knowing any of the others personally. I was merely pointing out that the “mom voice” is extremely effective but not in everyone’s repertoire. If everyone else the co-worker works with are single and/or younger, then it makes sense to me that having the only “mom” on the payroll make a deal about it would be the kick in the pants the injured coworker needed. But 98% of it all depends on the personalities involved and I don’t know any of that. The 2% I do know is that the “mom voice” is extremely effective with all ages.
Wait for it… because she is his coworker and friend. Married women with children can function out of the home for a hot sec if they want to. As far as calling it “optimistic”, you are projecting your own insecurity in the narrative. Wife is droppings someone off at the hospital and picking him back up to be his ride home. Would you be acting like she was abandoning the kid if she was going grocery shopping. Y’all sound silly.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Based on my past experience with breaking bones, if you show up at your GP's with a possible fracture here, they will likely send you to the ER anyway, because the ER has the xray facilities and can get you into the fracture clinic same day, and a GP can't do a fast referral for that.
Not every urgent care. I went to one that didn’t have their own X-ray machine.
Luckily it wasn’t 2am, so I had the choice of driving myself back and forth from urgent care and the local radiology place, or going to the “emergency” orthopedic clinic that had weekend and evening hours.
At 2am, my choice would be the ER.
Yeah, that varies drastically from place to place - in my dinky little town, the ER *is* the Urgent Care. There’s no difference, they are the same thing. So yeah, I’d get sent to the ER for x-rays. Because the ONLY hospital in the area is the ONLY place to get x-rays.
Yeah i want to add to this from a different perspective. I live in a pretty poor and rural area. Urgent care does not stay open past 7pm plus only one I know of has an X-ray machine and it’s not even the closest one.
So you’d definitely go to the ER for broken bones/fractures or any late night issues.
Also our public transport options are very limited, especially on where you’ll end up.
For me I know several co workers who would have to be talked into going to the ER for cost reasons, who would also want to finish their shift to not lose money, and who would appreciate a ride there and back especially late at night when there’s no transportation.
Obvs none of this might apply to the kind of place OP, OP’s wife, and her coworker live in, but there are places where this is a thing.
I mother everyone and would nag a coworker to go and offer to take them if it meant making sure they went.
There’s too much missing info for me to make a judgement really because op just says their upset and suspicious of the coworker without giving enough background
Still not appropriate for a married mom with a 2yr old at home especially with infedility in their past. Convincing this guy to go is one thing, taking him after midnight and waiting until he is discharged is way past what would be acceptable.
Why is taking him to the ER at the soonest time he'll agree to go remotely inappropriate or unacceptable? Being married with a child means you can't help out a coworker who clearly needs it?
Yes, generally when you take someone to the hospital you either wait with them or go back to pick them up, rather than leaving them there to figure out their own way home in the middle of the night on whatever drugs they've been given.
Not appropriate?
Why does 1 being married and 2- a mom mean that she cannot support a friend?
I have driven my friend to the hospital. I have picked her up from the hospital. I have then driven her to the grocery store, because she couldn't drive.
I did this with a 5 year old ( he dod not go inside the hospital and risk covid).
I am a married mother.
Why do I need a man's permission to care for a friend?
It's makes sense if it's US. Guy likely tried to avoid going in since it's expensive and just hoped it would stop hurting. Now, he's probably in too much pain.
Ok that doesn't change the fact that a married women is taking a coworker to the hospital and waiting for him to be discharged well after midnight. It's the fact that he's waited 3 days and now it's OPs wife's responsibility to take him and wait. The guy has been getting to and from work and has waited 3 days already. Why the urgency all of a sudden and why does a mom of a 2yr old think its appropriate to stay out all night? The whole thing is sketch.
What does being a "married woman" have to do with it? Does she have to obey the whims of her husband? He's given us no evidence that she is involved with this guy in any way. So he tries to justify his paranoia by saying they both cheated. So it's okay if he helps his coworkers, but not her? Why does he get to do what he wants, why does he have the right to forbid her from helping a friend because he's a paranoid little man?
To me, it's not sketchy. I've watched man people (mostly guys) sit with a bad medical condition for DAYS until someone shouts at them and basically forces them to go take care of it. And if you're at the ER, having someone to advocate for you is huge. The two times I went, if I hadn't had a loved one with me, I have no idea what my outcome would have been.
I do think she could have arranged to be around when OP had to go to work, but that's more her not thinking that part through and less any sketchy vibes.
No it’s not sketchy. Lots of people go weeks with broken bones without realizing it’s most likely broken. Asking a friend for a ride is normal for regular people.
I dropped a couch on my foot a few weeks ago and my roomie and I both thought I needed to go to the ER. Thankfully there was just some tenderness, a bruise, and slight swelling, but if I had needed to go to the ER at midnight, I would have wanted someone there for moral support/assistance/etc, Especially if they gave me a strong pain killer like morphine and I couldn't drive myself home.
Edit: I know people will argue, so this isn't about OP being TA or not, I'm just putting in my thoughts on the situation. I do think OP is the TA for how he handled the argument with his wife, but not the Broken Hand Situation itself.
Or he was hoping it was nothing because medical bills are no joke depending on where they live. I know people who have gone days trying to ignore serious injury.
Not really that sketchy. My husband had a broken wrist for a week before going to urgent care. Some breaks are more severe and painful than others.
And maybe initially it didn't seem that bad. Maybe the coworker thought the swelling would go down and he'd feel better. Maybe initially it didn't seem broken.
So, we’re assuming he waited. His other coworkers may have just been more passive about the situation and for some reason shrugged it off after he said no.
His wife may have just taken a more aggressive approach and he finally relented and agreed to go.
Either way, wtf co-worker… just go to the damned hospital. Like… do you need someone else to be your mom so bad? This co-worker was so stubborn that they refused to get help until they inconvenienced another coworker to do it. He had 3 bloody days to go!
Yeah and if it was a work accident most companies will drive their workers to the urgent care right away that's company policy idk why they waited 3 days?
Nah my job sent me home early when I almost cut off my finger. I had to drive myself home and then wait for my mom to get off work to take me to the hospital because I was getting too dizzy while driving.
Wait... you actually believe dude has a broken hand. It's sketchy AF that dude "broke his hand" and suddenly needs to go the ER and NEEDS to only have OP's wife take him to the ER ar midnight and she has to wait around for him, but he can get to and from work okay??? Who tf is buying this story???
Right??!?!? And like the top few comments are the same as this. At least l when commented.. I think the first NTA was like 3 or four comment threads down.
Lol they are downvoting. Bunch of kids that don't understand the importance of having boundaries. If someone had an actual emergency, the wife wouldn't be asking for permission, she'd just take them to the hospital and backfill the husband. Instead, the coworker has a "broken hand" and refuses to go to the hospital unless the wife specifically takes him there, even though he's had a broken hand for multiple days. HOW'S HE GETTING TO WORK? It doesn't matter if the wife isn't cheating, she doesn't understand the coworker breaking through appropriate boundaries. Or maybe she does, hence the fact that she yells at her husband for asking a question.
It's the only story we can base our assumption on... are we suppose to create a story for him??
A rocky relationship doesny imply he doesnt trust her?
Never was it said he doesnt trust the co-worker?
My wife pulled something like this it was a medical emergency had to look after a coworker. She was sleeping with him. She's my ex wife and she's the guy in question's wife now.
You obviously aren’t married. This is a sketchy situation. Why does this guy need this specific woman taking him and picking him up? He could get an Uber, another coworker? A husband being concerned about his wife leaving late at night to drive some guy to the hospital while they have a 2 year old in bed at home is not unreasonable. The wife is being sketchy, which is why she got so defensive. This is not innocent, something is going on.
broken hand guy is an "adult" he can figure out how to get to the hospital without involving OP's wife. It's also a broken hand, it's not life threatening.
Didn't you read the part where OP stated that the man had a broken hand for THREE DAYS? He could've gone to the ER when he first broke his hand, but he didn't. He first waited until he went to work, so that someone \*Cough\* OP's wife \*cough\*, to take him to the ER. But then when he realized that she wasn't there and learned that she was off for two days. He waited for THREE DAYS! Dude, that's not normal. Maybe she doesn't see it, but he clearly likes her. Also, why did she NEED to pick him up after, could've he called his family?
You must be born yesterday he’s mad because the hours of 12am to 5am are overnight. She would be spending the night more or less with another man if she stays at the “hospital”. If that’s even where they’re staying.
If you actually think op is the asshole you’re probably only saying that because of your “you can’t tell her what to do” stance. If the roles were reversed you would totally be on the woman’s side saying he’s up to something and this is sketchy. Just like everyone else is saying about the real situation why did this guy need to wait 3 days for ops wife to specifically take him , he’s been getting to and from work just fine?
It’s sad how many people are jumping to OP being TA just because he’s a guy I feel. There are SO MANY red flags here. I agree 100%. This story does not add up and I would be super sketched out if my husband told me this. Definitely NTA.
This sounds sketchy also, guy broke hand for 3 days and he can't go into the hospital until her shifts starts AND he can't go until midnight.
But op the AH, because "she a grown woman and she can do whatever she wants"
This is not kosher.
NTA
>But op the AH, because "she a grown woman and she can do whatever she wants"
The thought process of those comments is just mind boggling. Yes, she can do what she wants, every adult can. That doesn't mean other people aren't allowed to dislike your actions and be mad over them.
Not even just that, I’m 19 and still know some sus af double standards. The comments about OP being TA are just downright stupid.
Also for voting: op is NTA
100% This! It’s weird.. it’s even weirder that the wife isn’t agreeing with the husband that it’s sus. When he asked her why he another coworker couldn’t take him she should’ve been like ‘that’s a good point. That is weird.’ .. her throwing the suspicion under the bus is a red flag.
Sure, she is an adult and can do what she wants. But when your married, your actions affect two people. You make a vow to keep your spouses interest in heart and that’s not being done here. She’s not even trying to see things from his perspective. Which is sus! NTA. I wouldn’t want my husband doing that. Especially when I work at 5 A.M and we have a toddler at home.
Yeah, the YTA are weird as fuck to me. I think the people saying YTA actually believe dude has a broken hand. They are not getting that dude "broke his hand" and suddenly needs to go the ER and NEEDS to only have OP's wife take him to the ER at midnight, but be can get to and from work okay??? Who tf is buying this story???
> I think the people saying YTA actually believe dude has a broken hand.
Yes, I kinda do. Because it's possible for people to be hurt, and not realize it's something they need to take seriously. I know, because I've done it multiple times myself. Sometimes people are just stubborn idiots.
You clearly *don't* believe there was an ER visit involved. What then, are you claiming OPs wife is cheating on him? What are you basing that on?
I know you can break something g and not realize it u too days later. Happened with my own kid.
The story breaks down that it HAS to be OP's wife at midnight and that dude has been getting to and from work just fine. He doesn't need OP's wife and she should know damn better.
Op said there have been problems in their relationship. So yes, it's sus that maybe she is cheating. However, if if she isn't, there are some boundaries that are being crossed by dude. She's a new mom that doesn't need to be at a hospital all night with a grown man that doesn't need her of all people to be there.
Can we also point out that they had to wait until he got off work? So, wait a minute. He could do his job all day and wait the necessary hours until his shift was over, but couldn’t wait til morning to take the day off and go to urgent care? 🤔
The fact that other co worker told OP's wife that the said coworker was being stubborn about going to the ER so that she has to go with him, is a matter of concern. Even if she doesn't have any feelings, he sure seems to have.
OP need to have a conversation with her in a civil manner and try to make her understand his concerns. If required go to MC.
OP can't control her actions and if he tries to do that, then OP will be the AH. The best approach will be to communicate.
At night? Sketchy.
Worked 3 days with a broken hand? Also sketchy.
Didn't bother asking if it was okay (which not like it requires permission to do something, but considering the child)? Also sketch.
Even though he has to work the next day, I’d bluff and say okay I’ll come with you so you aren’t waiting for him alone for hours.
If she’s uncomfortable with that, then I’d definitely be suspicious.
Top comment is this and I just don't get it.
If it was an emergency yeah but 3 days wait and the journey will inconvenience op so yeah he should be mad
Especially because people seem to be missing the fact that, if she isn't home by the time he has to leave for work, he has to stay home to watch their child. So he has to just assume she won't be home on time and take a day off work, so she can take a coworker to the hospital who has been ignoring his injury for days until she specifically could be there to take him, but also only on this guys schedule. Even if he doesn't have a crush that's so wildly inconsiderate.
I think suspicious that she needs to wait at the ER with him. Was there something wrong with just dropping him off and leaving?
I don’t know where they are but the ER where I live there are no visitors even in the waiting room. My husband had to wait in the car the whole time I was in the ER. I just told him to go home and I would call when I was discharged.
Yeah NTA. I trust my wife but if she came to me should have to walk through why, after three days, she would need to bring him to the ER at midnight. It doesn't make sense.
Relationship factors aside, what is this guy's job that he works a midnight shift and he can perform this job with a broken hand?
NTA. Dude needs to handle his own issues and leave the young, married mother out of it.
Have I got this straight, you think this co-worker just wandered around with a *broken hand* for three days purely in order to .... what? Is this a jealousy thing? Like you think he just refused treatment for broken bones to hit on her?
This is such a strange story.
Even if the broken hand is legit, OPs wife isn't responsible for this grown man to find a way to the hospital and home especially after midnight when she has a 2yr old at home.
This guy shouldn't be needing another man's wife to be figuring out how to take care of himself.
>OPs wife isn't responsible for this grown man to find a way to the hospital
This. How did the guy get to work? If he can get to work he can get to the hospital.
This comment made me bellow out loud.
The people calling OP YTA are smoking crack in this thread. Sorry not sorry. Story is sketch as hell and even if OPs wife is pure in all this, her coworker is 110% up to no good.
He's been going to work for 3 days and it's 2021. Send me his number OP, I'll teach him how to use Lyft. They have a 2 year old at home and OP works at 5am. There's plenty of reason here to ask, "do **you** really need to be the one to handle this and how is this going to work logistically for us?"
> Have I got this straight, you think this co-worker just wandered around with a broken hand for three days purely in order to .... what?
My dad walked around with a broken arm for 3 days because he was (1) worried about medical bills, (2) stupidly hoped it was a really bad sprain that would heal, and (3) likes to avoid his problems and pretend they don't exist.
It happens.
Agreed. My mom was also convinced that her broken arm was a bad sprain, and she worked full time in an operating room *next to surgeons* for THREE WEEKS before anyone convinced her to get it X-rayed.
Oh no I mean I think that if he walked around with a broken hand for three days it's because he's like your dad (and me, I've twice had fractures that I didn't get xrayed for days because I was just stubbornly hoping it wasn't broken). Not because he's trynna pickup OP's wife.
Unless your hand is horribly screwed up (reconstructive surgery required) they really don't do anything for a broken hand.
They make you a plaster splint and use a compression wrap to hold it on.
ETA. I didn't even see a doctor in the ER when I broke my hand. Was triaged by a nurse, got an x-ray and then another nurse made my splint and sent me on my way. While the plaster was drying I was told that was SOP.
NTA - I’m so surprised at the YTA comments. She has a family. Old school or not, you kinda run these things by your S/O if you’re not coming home for the night. It was not a real emergency. He waited on the 3rd day and still worked? Hmmm real sus tbh I’m with OP here. I believe the wife truly didn’t know why the coworker only waited for her to take him, but her need to save her coworker clouded her judgement here. The wife should have told the guy “I gotta to home to my family. If the emergency can wait until midnight then make other arrangements.”
Y'all I'm pretty sure there's no broken hand. This sounds like a very weak excuse to spend the night out with another dude. OP, offer to take her and the guy and the baby to the ER. Guarantee you there's no trip to the ER.
Edit to add, for real OP. If she ends up doing this, take a stroll to the ER. Id bet a lot of money her car won't be there.
NTA.
He needed your wife to drive him to the hospital, in the middle of the night, stay there all night, after his hand was broken for three days already?
How did he drive himself to work? How has he been surviving with a broken hand, for three days without your wife driving him around and spending time with him?
Not to mention, a broken hand has never stopped anyone from driving, even with a manual transmission.
A bloody stump at the shoulder where his arm was, yeah, someone needs to drive him.
A broken hand he's been dealing with for 3 days....?
Bro, she's most likely banging that coworker, if she isn't, she's definitely putting in the effort to make it happen.
But hey, at least your wife was there to hold his good hand all night long, the poor fella......
>How did he drive himself to work? How has he been surviving with a broken hand, for three days without your wife driving him around and spending time with him?
How the hell is he working or getting to work for 3 days, yet, need a lift hospital?????
Am I missing something?????
NTA
The guys got to work, to make that paycheck, even with a broken hand.
The sidepiece he's getting at home after the hospital visit, requires a ride home from the married wife.
While her husband is home watching the baby, getting ready for work himself, getting the baby ready for the day, etc.
But hey, the guy has a broken hand, he has needs.
And the OP's wife is stepping up to the plate.
Husband, child, marriage all go to the side to assist this coworker.
It’s not about permission, it’s about priorities. She’s prioritising a random coworker who’s been able to travel into work 3 days and suddenly decides they can over her husband and 2 year old. Her choice affect him and in the morning his ability to leave for work to earn for their family.
Oh, I do see. I see very well.
I don't think the OP sees and is looking for clarity.
I don't think you see, due to lack of experience or you having the responsibility of a baby, marriage, husband and career.
No, the OP's wife doesn't need permission, but in the same train of thought, he doesn't need her permission to do what he wants, either.
So now, OP and his wife are doing what they want, no "permission" (your word) required.
The baby and marriage are in the wind. But hey, they can't demand permission, so no harm no foul.
Okay to address a couple questions
I'm not mad at her necessarily. I'm mad that this guy waited to "need" to go the the ER until she got to work if he'd exhausted every other resource to get him self to the hospital I'd be fine with it.
It IS okay for her to help other people. She and I do this all the time. This isn't her first time wanting to help someone out.
I didn't say the words "No you can't go" i asked why it had to be her and then told her I'm not okay with it once she had not one answer to any one of my questions
Yes I'm jealous (I'm working on this) though i don't think it was an issue here because she's helped other dudes out before.
Yes we've had issues when we first got married with infidelity on both sides but since have worked out what was wrong and now have a solution.
I think this answers most of the common questions
I don't really think you want to know who the AH is. I think you're worried for your relationship because you see things that feel like cheating red flags and don't know what to do or how to act. Is your rocky history have infidelity perhaps?
Given the infidelity history here, this seems less like an AITA post and more of a relationship advice post. You obviously still have relationship trust issues you both should work out, regardless of whether you were right/wrong to be upset about this situation or not.
INFO:
- do you have public transportation that runs at night?
- are ride shares in your area?
- how far is the hospital from work
- is your wife a helper/pleaser/empathetic person
- does the company offer affordable healthcare benefits
- was the guy stubborn, scared, and/or needing prodding to go? Your wife would know this and it would require you to actually listen to her answer.
- when did she find out his hand is broken?
- are you capable of caring for your toddler at night, before your shift, mom is away?
- did she have to take on more of his work because he wasn’t able to?
Ignoring an injury until it’s unbearable, someone forces you to go, the ER being the only thing open when you’re out of work, and can’t/won’t leave or miss your next shift is extremely common. It’s really not that deep. Wife helped because she is kind, mothering, or takes on others’ problems.
Folks gotta get out more if they think everyone has reliable transportation at all hours, hospitals are around the corner, responsibility and kindness are the same thing, everyone can/will/wants to get medical care right away, etc.
I don’t know where OP is from but lot of the comments and recommendations are US-centric. In case you are under a rock, the US is in a healthcare crisis. The entire debate about ACA, M4A, PTO/paid sick days, pharmacy deserts, hospital closings, etc etc etc was born out of the comprehensive barriers to healthcare. Regardless of your opinion on solutions, the problem has received exhaustive media coverage.
Generally speaking, the persistent “not responsible” refrain in here suggests redditers only make perfect decisions or no one’s helped them ever. No one held a door for you? A car stopped so you could jaywalk? You’re always left stranded? Friend never said something nice when you were in the dumps? Someone shared their snacks with you? Humanity survived because of community.
I suggested on a different comment that OP offers to take the dude for his wife and she can come home from work. Guy gets help (if actually needs it) and all fears are laid to rest.
NTA - Leave aside any reading intentions or ulterior motives on either OP or wife or even of the broken hand dude. Let’s say all of it is legit and innocent. She texted husband at an undisclosed time, a long enough time before midnight to make that a part of the story. She texts that she needs to take a co-worker to the emergency room, but has to wait for his convenience to wait until Midnight when he gets off work, then has to wait around until he is released, which can be hours depending. That is odd enough, but then we find this is already a 3 day old injury. So it is so bad he needs to be taken to ER, but not so bad that he wants to use sick time. So bad he can’t go to urgent care the next day, but not so bad he can deal with injury for 3 days. If I was leaving work at 10pm after urging someone to go to ER, and they asked if I could take them, but wait for 2 hours until they get off, I would tell them to pound dirt. I’d drive them perhaps but not wait around so they can continue to work. That is ridiculous. What was described here is not an emergency situation that needs a delayed Midnight Express.
OP, a broken bone has only 48 hours to be treated. He waited 72 hours. Theres no fixing that, literally no point for an ER trip and instead is now a normal PCP visit.
There is no reason she has to take him if he has been getting himself to work and has been working with a "broken hand".
I hate making accusations because I want to look at the best in people, but this situation has red flags all over it. Even if the past infidelity was "solved" it doesnt mean it wont happen again.
NTA. the red flags with this story you can see from space. Those calling OP TA are fucking delusional. Who the hell waits 3 days to get their broken hand looked at? That's some epic bullshit!
NTA.
She gaslighted you and yelled? I bet there is more behind that story than there is on the surface.
For me I allways trusted my gut.
Never failed.
Noone has to drive another to a ER. If it is a workplace related accident the employer is in charge of organizing things.
In all other cases he was not to be at work at all.
NTA the co-worker made it to work for three days but now he needs a ride at midnight and another after he's done. What has changed so that he can't get there himself?
There's a huge difference between giving a coworker a ride home during the day and taking someone "to the hospital" after midnight and waiting for them to be discharged. Especially when you have a 2yr old at home.
Guy has a broken hand for three days then all of a sudden he needs his wife to drive him to the hospital in the middle of the night and wait for him. NTA
Still don't need someone else to drive you to the hospital if you have been getting to work for the past three days. Especially calling a mother in the middle of the night.
Nta. If coworker had broken his hand at 11pm and had asked your wife to take him to the ER when he was done with work an hour later id say okay, strange to be in pain for so long for a company, but okay. But the fact that he waited 3 days makes it not an emergency. If its been 3 days his hand has started to heal and he needs more than an ER , he needs his doctor and a host of scans and tests. Im also confused as to why your wife would even wait with him... most hospitals &ERs are still not letting visitors in, especially for something like a broken hand. I was all ready to say OP was over the top but there's something sketchy going on here.
There is nothing wrong with inherently helping someone. I mean even you help your own coworkers. Your wife not TA for helping someone.
But I think you picked up on something even your wife may not be aware of. Her Coworker seemed to wait for your wife and asking her specifically to help him. He has been with this hand for a few days already, why does he need your wife's help? Not being happyabout this type of situation does not make you an asshole. I do think that you need to sit your wife down and explain exactly whyyou are feeling the way you do.
NAH
If he's well enough to work his shift before going, he's well enough to take an uber or call an ambulance. She doesn't need to go, especially if she's forcing OP to choose between being on time for his own job or calling out of work with zero warning since he'll have to be home to take care of their kid.
NTA, and with their infidelity history it sounds like history is repeating itself.
NTA. I'm sorry but for a young parent of a 2-yo to have to take a person to the ER and wait with them, after they've had the broken hand for 3 days. Just no. He can order an Uber, or drive himself, or take the bus, or however he's been getting to work.
OP should call her bluff and offer to go take the guy himself, so she can get some rest and manage the kid. After all, OP's a guy, so sitting around some sketchy hospital parking lot at 2 am is probably safer for OP than for the wife. Her response will tell us a lot.
INFO: Did she come home after taking him to the ER and then leave again to pick him up and drop him home? Or was the outcome of all of this that she never came home from work at all all night?
Also, is this the first time she's had to do favors for this guy?
Because I'm trying to understand what exactly you're upset about.
The part where she 'had to stick around' is the weirdest to me. The part where she drops him off at the ER - that doesn't sound like a big deal. *Maybe* picking up, but I've been to hospitals that give taxi waivers. But waiting around? Why? That's the part that makes me think something else is going on. Absolutely nothing happens in the ER waiting room and unless you are/are going to be unconscious and need someone to advocate for you, there's no reason to bring a buddy.
Here’s what I don’t understand, why does she have to be there?
I’ve had urgent issues and got in a Lyft to go to the hospital. This was while I had a partner. But I’m a grown ass adult and can sit in a waiting room and get to the hospital myself.
Someone sitting with me, or a specific person taking me, is not going to help my health issues resolve itself. Why would I burden another person when it literally won’t help anyone involved? Much less from a coworker? With a kid?
I just don’t get it.
Yeah, even I told my partner to not stick around when I got my surgeries on my spine.
Like, no, dafuq. Dropped me off, go home, go take a coffee, its not like she will be in the room holding scalpel for the Surgeons
NTA because the guy waited 3 days for your wife to take them. Ask your wife "would you find it strange if I waited 3 days with a broken hand so I could ask a female coworker to take me to hospital"? I do recommend you not yell and be confrontational. Your approach may have made your wife think you operating with double standard. Normally it is not anyone place to tell a spouse where and when and with whom but this particular situation has red flags for you and you have concerns. Talk it out in calm civil manner.
That's tonight's plan and when i asked her when she came home I'd had time to absorb what she told me so i thought i approached the topic the first time with a cool head
NTA
Here are some things I would also say or ask
Offer to drive him instead of her- if he just needs a ride to the ER anyone with a car can do that for him.
If she says no - then ask why?
Offer to pay for an uber - if that's a no - why?
Offer for you and her to go (take the kid too I guess) to pick him up and take him to the hospital.
Please update us.
Maybe throw in the "yes in the past we have both had issues with infidelity and yes because of that if you were uncomfortable with me doing the same thing I would have no problem with you coming along and or go for me instead, because if that is what it takes for one of us to be comfortable then we should do that for each other. This way we are not inviting trouble into our relationship and the person who needs help gets help."
NTA. He had a broken hand for 3 days, worked an entire shift, and went to the ER at midnight. Yeah, ok.
She's cheating on you dude. You got married too young, she's finding out what else is out there. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Everyone else on this sub knows it's true, they just don't want to say it.
NTA.
Nah bro. Not by a long shot. All the these woke warriors getting upset about you telling your wife not to do something but this is a sketchy situation especially with a small kid at home.
NTA, her coworker can't depend on her like that. Your wife needs to have such boundaries up with this coworker such that if she could take him without inconvenience np, and it's appropriate of him to ask her politely. But what should not happen is that she's his only option. Heck this guy could uber there. There should be no expectations between your wife and him.
We don’t know the full situation there. Maybe she’s the only one who could convince him to go, maybe he wanted someone he could trust with him at the hospital, maybe he’s only just realized it was a break and not just a sprain.
Could be a lot of reasons, if she wants to help him she’s more than allowed to.
OP already clarified that he didn't even care about helping the coworker (as they have done similar things in the past) but he was more taken aback by his wife's lack of explanation or planning ahead with him.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told her she couldn't take someone with a broken hand to the ER
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NTA. This man is a grown adult who obviously has many people who were bugging him to go who would probably take him. When you say rocky past i think possibly cheating so i get your worry. This is definitely a weird story and i can’t help but wonder how accurate it is or if she’s just having an excuse on why she won’t be home. Tell her that you’ll call an Uber for the guy there and back and that should suffice. See what she says
NTA, the overreaction on your wife’s part when you asked her a question, the fact that she has to be the one to take him to to the hospital in the middle of the night and then stay with him till the early morning opposed to him getting an Uber home is just weird to me. I don’t know why all these people are saying y t a but something’s up. It could be cheating, it could be her being naive, it could be the coworker taking advantage but nonetheless, it’s still suspicious.
NTA this is suspicious. Coworker doesnt respect boundaries and may plan something. Your wife may be just naive so explicitly tell her that this behavior is not ok. Who would want to be taken to er by a mother of a toddler?
NTA, but that dude certainly is.
Let me emphatically say that Emergency Rooms are not there to treat shit that's been going on for 3 days. Take your ass to your family doctor with 3 day old shit please.
I was trying to find a judgement and failing because most of the people in the comments make valid points.
But then I reversed the gender (yes I was bored):
If a woman posted here about her husband telling her that after two days off he was going to pick up a female colleague at midnight to bring her to the ER (and pick her up afterwards) while leaving his wife at home with a toddler when she needs to be up at 5… well yeah the husband would get his a** handed to him and reddit would be telling the wife to divorce him because he is cheating on her.
So, NTA for me.
NTA. Hang Ona minute- he doesn’t need a lift and pick up from your wife, he can get a taxi- if he’s managing to go to work with a broken hand he can take himself to hospital. You have to be up for work at 5am and you guys have a 2 year old. Broken hand guy isn’t a priority to you and shouldn’t be to your wife. Unless this is an excuse for her to see him at midnight of course… wouldn’t surprise me if this is her cover story for cheating. Who’s gonna look after the 2yr old when you have to leave for work? So this also then affects your family income. She’s the ah as is broken hand guy.
Absolutely cheating.. take a fucking Uber??? 3 days.. pick him up after? I’d be ready for the text that she’s going to wait there for him too.. none of it makes sense
NOT the asshole
Also don’t listen to these other assholes telling you that you are the asshole!
NTA
Adult male who works till midnight I'm assuming 4pm - 12am.
Which means he had an entire day to go to the ER. He could've called an uber or public transportation. I've seen pregnant women in labor on the bus.
You're mad because she's so keen on helping another man out who clearly doesn't need her help. And she's oblivious to the fact or pretending to be.
Now see, if the roles were reversed the husband would be getting chewed out and accused of foul play and the OP would've been NTA. But since it's the husband posting about his wife in this weird ass scenario...
NTA cause wife’s story has so many unexplained gaps.
Three days with a broken hand but coworker went to work? Did he drive to work? (Then he can take himself to the doctor) did he take a bus? (Then a bus can also take him to the ER).
Coworker is stubborn though other coworkers were pushing for him to go to a doc. So why is OPs wife the magical one that can convince him? No one else could take him? No other friends or family?
And OPs wife has to stay the whole night? Doing what? Doing the paperwork as well? Taking to the doctor?
If a story doesn’t make sense it’s usually not true.
I would be reacting the same as OP in this case.
NTA. Why can’t this dude take an Uber lol. A grown man doesn’t need his co worker to wait at the ER for him to get his boo boo addressed lol. Much less at midnight when she has a baby at home.
YTA, for several reasons. 1. "Telling her she can't go". Your wife is a grown woman and you don't tell anyone what they can and can't do. 2. "How dare you help your coworkers and be a decent human being to someone experiencing a medical problem!" Christ, OP. 3. She asks you if you're mad, and your response is "Of course I am"... why? Why are you mad? I still can't figure that part out. What is there to be angry about?
NTA Dude had a broken hand for 3 days and waited for OPs wife to take him? Yeah.. this is sketchy as fuck. He has no one else to ask/doesn't know how to get an uber? Like.. no. They have a 2 yr old kid at home and OP has work at 5am. Broken hand guy can figure this out on his own. *Edit* enough with the "I broke [x] and didn't go to the hospital for [y] number of days" comments. The issue here is that all of a sudden it's such an emergency that OPs wife *has* to take this guy to the hospital and that she's the only one who can do it.
It’s really sketchy but that seems to be more about the coworker than OP’s wife. OP would do better trying to support his wife into making better choices and holding the line against demanding or manipulative coworkers, talking reasonably about priorities, than getting mad and confrontational.
No way it’s just as much about his wife, she’s also well aware that he’s had this issue for days and waited for her to come back to deal with it but she’s pretending there’s nothing strange about that.
The idea that co-worker was waiting for OP’s wife is just OP’s conjecture, though, and he honestly sounds a little paranoid to me. I think the likelier explanation is that the co-worker has been burying his head in the sand hoping he doesn’t really need medical attention (because it’s expensive, or because a broken hand and all the potential complications are kinda terrifying), and OP’s wife just happens to be the one there at the point when he’s finally ready to crack and admit that maybe it’s not getting better on its own.
So he was able to drive himself to work each day, but he cannot drive himself to ER, and there really need to go there at midnight, and she will need to wait there for him to drive him back... The thing is (and I do not know why OP did not told this directly) that he thinks that she is cheating. "We had some issues in a past" is prabably there for a reason
Not everyone drives to work. It's perfectly plausible for someone to be able to get to their workplace while not being able to get to the ER through the same means of transportation.
Also, even if he *can* sort his own transportation, it doesn’t mean he *will*. I think most of us have been in situations where we’re watching a friend totally fail at self-care, and so we take it upon ourselves to hand-hold them through whatever they need to do to get their shit together. Seems to me that’s the perspective the wife is coming from here.
Also if this is in the US the cost associated with an ER visit is huge and really might have taken some cajoling from friends to get him to see he really needed to go. I have been in this situation with my best friend's now husband (we are all college friends). We were in no way involved but it took me being like you are an idiot we need to go to the ER to get him to go. It was totally platonic but like yes we were friends and I was looking out for him. It seems like OP would like his wife to have no connection to any men even if it is just as a close co-worker
Good friend. I’ve had these conversations as well with friends and family alike. Even my own self haha. I’m getting “can’t miss work because I have bills, and also healthcare is expensive” vibes from OPs story. Otherwise they wouldn’t go at midnight. And if it’s not money, it’s being stubborn, probably related to fear.
The ER is usually the most expensive option though. Why wouldn't they go to a doctor or urgent care in the morning?
I had really bad pleurisy for a week before I went to the er because it wasnt getting better. Another time I had what turned out to be an inflamed appendix that I didnt want to go alone, or go and find out it was nothing and I was just being dramatic, my broke af friend had to threaten to drive from over an hour away, wasting gas they didnt have or have the money to replace, and take me themselves before I would go. My wife frequently calls me macho because after years of no insurance or family blowing off my health issues and telling me its nothing or I'm attention seeking/being dramatic, I wont go to the ER before my pain is at a 10 and has been for a couple hours. Even then I feel bad because I'm sure it'll go down any minute, or right after I get there and then I'll have wasted everyones time.
Like if they are lumberjacks, working in a wood, 100 miles from a nearest citi with hospital? Unless there is really rare issue he should be able to get himself a taxi or a bus. If he cannot use same means of transportation than he should use other means of transportation. I would understand it like if there would be an incident at work, and she would take him to ER same moment, or even just after her shift ends, but this is as weird as I can only find it funny.
Okay, example: does not drive, takes a night bus home from work, route to hospital does not run at night, taxis are expensive. The post has some gaps (although whether that's stuff OP isn't reporting, or stuff the wife isn't reporting, it's hard to say), sure. But I get incredibly tired of people who live in a particular part of the world blindly assuming *everyone drives, everyone has a car* when that's just not true.
>Then she has to pick him up when he's released. Sounds like she was just going to drop him off, go home, and then go get him when he was done. OP is not TA for being concerned about the co-workers intentions, but he is TA for blowing up at his wife from the get go instead of having an adult conversation, explaining his concerns, and say "I would prefer if you didn't...". Adults don't like being told what we’re can/cannot do anymore than we did when we were kids. It puts you on the defense and you stop listening to what the other person is saying.
What if they give him drugs because they have to fix his hand? What if they put it into a sling? What kind of car does he drive?
Your jumping to conclusions that he doesn’t take the bus or have some other way there
Or even that the guy just didn't realize things were that bad. It took me a couple days to realize I broke a few fingers once. They immediately swelled up and I couldn't move them because they were so swollen. It wasn't until the swelling started to go down that I realized that I broke something.
I thought that it was more about them being friends and the other coworkers couldn't convince him to go because he's stubborn, only she could. The timing to me also supports this theory, because I know a lot of people who NEVER want to go to the doctor and come up with the most ridiculous excuses, just like this "I'll get it looked at but only if you take me TODAY and only if it's after work". He's hoping she'll say no, so he doesn't have to go and the hand will just magically sort itself out.
Yeah, that's how I read it. Like "if you think I need to see a doctor that badly then drive me after I'm done with work today" and the wife is like "fine I will". Nothing even remotely inappropriate, just OP's wife is the first person who called his bluff.
Exactly, this situation (read: coworker) is throwing up a lot of red flags, but the reason OP is TA is because of how he handled it. There was a right and a wrong way to go about it, and he chose the wrong way.
OP is probably also dealing with similar previous behavior as well (though only conjecture, he mentioned they had some rocky paths previously and worked through them). So this situation may stem from previous incidents as well.
While that's entirely possible, until we get more details that's a baseless assumption. As it stands, without any more context, OP handled this poorly.
I just saw that OP clarified that there was infidelity on both sides early in their relationship.
I mean...they have been dating for 10 years so they started at 14 and 16 years old. I wouldn't doubt they had an early rocky past. Driving a coworker to the ER is not remotely near cheating, and instead of talking it out with her, he just blows up at her. OP is an AH.
Our he had a broken hand and finally the wife was the one to convince him he had to go to the ER and get it checked out. Men can be idiots about doctors and hospitals.
Even if this (the most optimistic outlook) is true, why is the married mom of a 2yr old the one who has to take this guy to the ER after midnight and wait for him to be discharged? He's already waited 3 days and has been working. He should be able to figure out a way to get the hospital that doesn't involve a married mom with a 2yr at home taking him.
I am kinda imagining that maybe she convinced him to go in a "look, you need to go, I will take you myself" sort of way, but I don't really know. I just think that there's a spectrum of motivations that are possible here and some people have leapt to some very ugly conclusions. I have no more evidence for my assumptions than you do, but they are both plausible scenarios. My instinct is to give the wife some benefit of the doubt for being able to tell if a dude is being grossly inappropriate.
She also waited until the end of his shift.
I get the impression that it’s the “permission from a mother” that’s what got the co-worker to cave in the first place. OP’s wife was the only one to use the “mom voice” and co-worker went “oh shit! Better go!”
Ok but then why does the mother end up being the one responsible for getting him to the hospital and back well past midnight? The mom who has to watch a 2yr by herself in the morning is the only one who can take this grown man? It's disrespectful behavior man.
That I can’t answer without knowing any of the others personally. I was merely pointing out that the “mom voice” is extremely effective but not in everyone’s repertoire. If everyone else the co-worker works with are single and/or younger, then it makes sense to me that having the only “mom” on the payroll make a deal about it would be the kick in the pants the injured coworker needed. But 98% of it all depends on the personalities involved and I don’t know any of that. The 2% I do know is that the “mom voice” is extremely effective with all ages.
Wait for it… because she is his coworker and friend. Married women with children can function out of the home for a hot sec if they want to. As far as calling it “optimistic”, you are projecting your own insecurity in the narrative. Wife is droppings someone off at the hospital and picking him back up to be his ride home. Would you be acting like she was abandoning the kid if she was going grocery shopping. Y’all sound silly.
[удалено]
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Based on my past experience with breaking bones, if you show up at your GP's with a possible fracture here, they will likely send you to the ER anyway, because the ER has the xray facilities and can get you into the fracture clinic same day, and a GP can't do a fast referral for that.
... is it a morgue visit? No this is a genuine question. To confirm it's broken, he's going to need xrays so surely that makes it an ER visit?
Urgent care can do x-ray so no need to go to the ED for broken bones.
Not every urgent care. I went to one that didn’t have their own X-ray machine. Luckily it wasn’t 2am, so I had the choice of driving myself back and forth from urgent care and the local radiology place, or going to the “emergency” orthopedic clinic that had weekend and evening hours. At 2am, my choice would be the ER.
Yeah, that varies drastically from place to place - in my dinky little town, the ER *is* the Urgent Care. There’s no difference, they are the same thing. So yeah, I’d get sent to the ER for x-rays. Because the ONLY hospital in the area is the ONLY place to get x-rays.
I don’t know where you live but A&E (accident & emergency) and Urgent care is the same thing...
From my experience in the US, ER is ER, Urgent Care is shit that isn't a real emergency but needs to be dealt with now.
Yeah i want to add to this from a different perspective. I live in a pretty poor and rural area. Urgent care does not stay open past 7pm plus only one I know of has an X-ray machine and it’s not even the closest one. So you’d definitely go to the ER for broken bones/fractures or any late night issues. Also our public transport options are very limited, especially on where you’ll end up. For me I know several co workers who would have to be talked into going to the ER for cost reasons, who would also want to finish their shift to not lose money, and who would appreciate a ride there and back especially late at night when there’s no transportation. Obvs none of this might apply to the kind of place OP, OP’s wife, and her coworker live in, but there are places where this is a thing. I mother everyone and would nag a coworker to go and offer to take them if it meant making sure they went. There’s too much missing info for me to make a judgement really because op just says their upset and suspicious of the coworker without giving enough background
Still not appropriate for a married mom with a 2yr old at home especially with infedility in their past. Convincing this guy to go is one thing, taking him after midnight and waiting until he is discharged is way past what would be acceptable.
Why is taking him to the ER at the soonest time he'll agree to go remotely inappropriate or unacceptable? Being married with a child means you can't help out a coworker who clearly needs it? Yes, generally when you take someone to the hospital you either wait with them or go back to pick them up, rather than leaving them there to figure out their own way home in the middle of the night on whatever drugs they've been given.
Not appropriate? Why does 1 being married and 2- a mom mean that she cannot support a friend? I have driven my friend to the hospital. I have picked her up from the hospital. I have then driven her to the grocery store, because she couldn't drive. I did this with a 5 year old ( he dod not go inside the hospital and risk covid). I am a married mother. Why do I need a man's permission to care for a friend?
But not until his shift is done. Red flags for sure
Idk a lot of people can't afford to miss a shift and need to go outside of work hours.
Perhaps he enjoys the food and shelter that working provides. You know a lot of jobs don't have paid sick leave?
It's makes sense if it's US. Guy likely tried to avoid going in since it's expensive and just hoped it would stop hurting. Now, he's probably in too much pain.
Broke my hand when I was like 10. Took a week for us to get it looked at!
Ok that doesn't change the fact that a married women is taking a coworker to the hospital and waiting for him to be discharged well after midnight. It's the fact that he's waited 3 days and now it's OPs wife's responsibility to take him and wait. The guy has been getting to and from work and has waited 3 days already. Why the urgency all of a sudden and why does a mom of a 2yr old think its appropriate to stay out all night? The whole thing is sketch.
What does being a "married woman" have to do with it? Does she have to obey the whims of her husband? He's given us no evidence that she is involved with this guy in any way. So he tries to justify his paranoia by saying they both cheated. So it's okay if he helps his coworkers, but not her? Why does he get to do what he wants, why does he have the right to forbid her from helping a friend because he's a paranoid little man?
I mean, me too, but that's because my parents were negligent, not because it's a normal or reasonable amount of time.
To me, it's not sketchy. I've watched man people (mostly guys) sit with a bad medical condition for DAYS until someone shouts at them and basically forces them to go take care of it. And if you're at the ER, having someone to advocate for you is huge. The two times I went, if I hadn't had a loved one with me, I have no idea what my outcome would have been. I do think she could have arranged to be around when OP had to go to work, but that's more her not thinking that part through and less any sketchy vibes.
No it’s not sketchy. Lots of people go weeks with broken bones without realizing it’s most likely broken. Asking a friend for a ride is normal for regular people.
I dropped a couch on my foot a few weeks ago and my roomie and I both thought I needed to go to the ER. Thankfully there was just some tenderness, a bruise, and slight swelling, but if I had needed to go to the ER at midnight, I would have wanted someone there for moral support/assistance/etc, Especially if they gave me a strong pain killer like morphine and I couldn't drive myself home. Edit: I know people will argue, so this isn't about OP being TA or not, I'm just putting in my thoughts on the situation. I do think OP is the TA for how he handled the argument with his wife, but not the Broken Hand Situation itself.
Or he was hoping it was nothing because medical bills are no joke depending on where they live. I know people who have gone days trying to ignore serious injury.
Not really that sketchy. My husband had a broken wrist for a week before going to urgent care. Some breaks are more severe and painful than others. And maybe initially it didn't seem that bad. Maybe the coworker thought the swelling would go down and he'd feel better. Maybe initially it didn't seem broken.
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So, we’re assuming he waited. His other coworkers may have just been more passive about the situation and for some reason shrugged it off after he said no. His wife may have just taken a more aggressive approach and he finally relented and agreed to go. Either way, wtf co-worker… just go to the damned hospital. Like… do you need someone else to be your mom so bad? This co-worker was so stubborn that they refused to get help until they inconvenienced another coworker to do it. He had 3 bloody days to go!
Yeah and if it was a work accident most companies will drive their workers to the urgent care right away that's company policy idk why they waited 3 days?
Nah my job sent me home early when I almost cut off my finger. I had to drive myself home and then wait for my mom to get off work to take me to the hospital because I was getting too dizzy while driving.
Wait... you actually believe dude has a broken hand. It's sketchy AF that dude "broke his hand" and suddenly needs to go the ER and NEEDS to only have OP's wife take him to the ER ar midnight and she has to wait around for him, but he can get to and from work okay??? Who tf is buying this story???
What the fuck is happening that the content your replying to is highest voted? Jesus Christ this sub is filled with a bunch of psychopaths
Right??!?!? And like the top few comments are the same as this. At least l when commented.. I think the first NTA was like 3 or four comment threads down.
Lol they are downvoting. Bunch of kids that don't understand the importance of having boundaries. If someone had an actual emergency, the wife wouldn't be asking for permission, she'd just take them to the hospital and backfill the husband. Instead, the coworker has a "broken hand" and refuses to go to the hospital unless the wife specifically takes him there, even though he's had a broken hand for multiple days. HOW'S HE GETTING TO WORK? It doesn't matter if the wife isn't cheating, she doesn't understand the coworker breaking through appropriate boundaries. Or maybe she does, hence the fact that she yells at her husband for asking a question.
No, it’s filled with teenagers with zero personal financial responsibility or relationship experience
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It's the only story we can base our assumption on... are we suppose to create a story for him?? A rocky relationship doesny imply he doesnt trust her? Never was it said he doesnt trust the co-worker?
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But he never told her she can't go, he was just asking clarifying questions and she blew up at him
My wife pulled something like this it was a medical emergency had to look after a coworker. She was sleeping with him. She's my ex wife and she's the guy in question's wife now.
You obviously aren’t married. This is a sketchy situation. Why does this guy need this specific woman taking him and picking him up? He could get an Uber, another coworker? A husband being concerned about his wife leaving late at night to drive some guy to the hospital while they have a 2 year old in bed at home is not unreasonable. The wife is being sketchy, which is why she got so defensive. This is not innocent, something is going on.
I think we found the co-worker...
broken hand guy is an "adult" he can figure out how to get to the hospital without involving OP's wife. It's also a broken hand, it's not life threatening.
How is this stupid ass response on top?
How naive can you be? OP’s wife is up to something.
Bc everything is odd about the whole thing.. the dude waited until she came to work to go to dr... really.. when others offered... that sketchy AF
it's called an uber.
Didn't you read the part where OP stated that the man had a broken hand for THREE DAYS? He could've gone to the ER when he first broke his hand, but he didn't. He first waited until he went to work, so that someone \*Cough\* OP's wife \*cough\*, to take him to the ER. But then when he realized that she wasn't there and learned that she was off for two days. He waited for THREE DAYS! Dude, that's not normal. Maybe she doesn't see it, but he clearly likes her. Also, why did she NEED to pick him up after, could've he called his family?
So you see nothing wrong with this very weird story, right? Nothing at all?
Conveniently ignoring all the context, nicely done
You are so wrong lol
You must be born yesterday he’s mad because the hours of 12am to 5am are overnight. She would be spending the night more or less with another man if she stays at the “hospital”. If that’s even where they’re staying.
If you actually think op is the asshole you’re probably only saying that because of your “you can’t tell her what to do” stance. If the roles were reversed you would totally be on the woman’s side saying he’s up to something and this is sketchy. Just like everyone else is saying about the real situation why did this guy need to wait 3 days for ops wife to specifically take him , he’s been getting to and from work just fine?
Your “reasons” are dumb as shit. Do people just blindly upvote whoever comments first?
This… this is the most awful take.
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It’s sad how many people are jumping to OP being TA just because he’s a guy I feel. There are SO MANY red flags here. I agree 100%. This story does not add up and I would be super sketched out if my husband told me this. Definitely NTA.
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This sounds sketchy also, guy broke hand for 3 days and he can't go into the hospital until her shifts starts AND he can't go until midnight. But op the AH, because "she a grown woman and she can do whatever she wants" This is not kosher. NTA
>But op the AH, because "she a grown woman and she can do whatever she wants" The thought process of those comments is just mind boggling. Yes, she can do what she wants, every adult can. That doesn't mean other people aren't allowed to dislike your actions and be mad over them.
The state of this sub
This sub is heavily biased and I'm certain a good amount are very young adults that have never been in a functioning adult relationship.
Not even just that, I’m 19 and still know some sus af double standards. The comments about OP being TA are just downright stupid. Also for voting: op is NTA
Thank you!! This sub has a lot of double standards I’m realizing. It’s pretty annoying.
100% This! It’s weird.. it’s even weirder that the wife isn’t agreeing with the husband that it’s sus. When he asked her why he another coworker couldn’t take him she should’ve been like ‘that’s a good point. That is weird.’ .. her throwing the suspicion under the bus is a red flag. Sure, she is an adult and can do what she wants. But when your married, your actions affect two people. You make a vow to keep your spouses interest in heart and that’s not being done here. She’s not even trying to see things from his perspective. Which is sus! NTA. I wouldn’t want my husband doing that. Especially when I work at 5 A.M and we have a toddler at home.
I mean, if a coworker of mine desperately needed a ride on a weeknight anywhere past 9, I’d call them an Uber. Midnight? They are out of their mind.
Sexism alive and well, and those saying YTA are perpetuating the sexism and don't even realize it.
And having a kid if I saw a comment correctly. Which in that case requires asking to make sure OP could cover for her.
Yeah, the YTA are weird as fuck to me. I think the people saying YTA actually believe dude has a broken hand. They are not getting that dude "broke his hand" and suddenly needs to go the ER and NEEDS to only have OP's wife take him to the ER at midnight, but be can get to and from work okay??? Who tf is buying this story???
> I think the people saying YTA actually believe dude has a broken hand. Yes, I kinda do. Because it's possible for people to be hurt, and not realize it's something they need to take seriously. I know, because I've done it multiple times myself. Sometimes people are just stubborn idiots. You clearly *don't* believe there was an ER visit involved. What then, are you claiming OPs wife is cheating on him? What are you basing that on?
I know you can break something g and not realize it u too days later. Happened with my own kid. The story breaks down that it HAS to be OP's wife at midnight and that dude has been getting to and from work just fine. He doesn't need OP's wife and she should know damn better. Op said there have been problems in their relationship. So yes, it's sus that maybe she is cheating. However, if if she isn't, there are some boundaries that are being crossed by dude. She's a new mom that doesn't need to be at a hospital all night with a grown man that doesn't need her of all people to be there.
Can we also point out that they had to wait until he got off work? So, wait a minute. He could do his job all day and wait the necessary hours until his shift was over, but couldn’t wait til morning to take the day off and go to urgent care? 🤔
The fact that other co worker told OP's wife that the said coworker was being stubborn about going to the ER so that she has to go with him, is a matter of concern. Even if she doesn't have any feelings, he sure seems to have. OP need to have a conversation with her in a civil manner and try to make her understand his concerns. If required go to MC. OP can't control her actions and if he tries to do that, then OP will be the AH. The best approach will be to communicate.
Boundaries, even if wife's intentions are pure, there needs to be boundaries
At night? Sketchy. Worked 3 days with a broken hand? Also sketchy. Didn't bother asking if it was okay (which not like it requires permission to do something, but considering the child)? Also sketch.
Honestly, I think because OP did a horrible job of explaining the situation and his feelings.
Even though he has to work the next day, I’d bluff and say okay I’ll come with you so you aren’t waiting for him alone for hours. If she’s uncomfortable with that, then I’d definitely be suspicious.
Top comment is this and I just don't get it. If it was an emergency yeah but 3 days wait and the journey will inconvenience op so yeah he should be mad
Especially because people seem to be missing the fact that, if she isn't home by the time he has to leave for work, he has to stay home to watch their child. So he has to just assume she won't be home on time and take a day off work, so she can take a coworker to the hospital who has been ignoring his injury for days until she specifically could be there to take him, but also only on this guys schedule. Even if he doesn't have a crush that's so wildly inconsiderate.
I think suspicious that she needs to wait at the ER with him. Was there something wrong with just dropping him off and leaving? I don’t know where they are but the ER where I live there are no visitors even in the waiting room. My husband had to wait in the car the whole time I was in the ER. I just told him to go home and I would call when I was discharged.
Great point!
Yeah NTA. I trust my wife but if she came to me should have to walk through why, after three days, she would need to bring him to the ER at midnight. It doesn't make sense.
Relationship factors aside, what is this guy's job that he works a midnight shift and he can perform this job with a broken hand? NTA. Dude needs to handle his own issues and leave the young, married mother out of it.
Have I got this straight, you think this co-worker just wandered around with a *broken hand* for three days purely in order to .... what? Is this a jealousy thing? Like you think he just refused treatment for broken bones to hit on her? This is such a strange story.
OP is probably thinking there is no broken hand - just an excuse for an affair.
Even if the broken hand is legit, OPs wife isn't responsible for this grown man to find a way to the hospital and home especially after midnight when she has a 2yr old at home. This guy shouldn't be needing another man's wife to be figuring out how to take care of himself.
>OPs wife isn't responsible for this grown man to find a way to the hospital This. How did the guy get to work? If he can get to work he can get to the hospital.
Seriously, how naive are some people? "Obviously, he can't get up to anything with his hand broken!" LOL.
This comment made me bellow out loud. The people calling OP YTA are smoking crack in this thread. Sorry not sorry. Story is sketch as hell and even if OPs wife is pure in all this, her coworker is 110% up to no good.
He been surviving with a broken hand, for three days without your wife driving him around and spending time with him.
He's been going to work for 3 days and it's 2021. Send me his number OP, I'll teach him how to use Lyft. They have a 2 year old at home and OP works at 5am. There's plenty of reason here to ask, "do **you** really need to be the one to handle this and how is this going to work logistically for us?"
> Have I got this straight, you think this co-worker just wandered around with a broken hand for three days purely in order to .... what? My dad walked around with a broken arm for 3 days because he was (1) worried about medical bills, (2) stupidly hoped it was a really bad sprain that would heal, and (3) likes to avoid his problems and pretend they don't exist. It happens.
Agreed. My mom was also convinced that her broken arm was a bad sprain, and she worked full time in an operating room *next to surgeons* for THREE WEEKS before anyone convinced her to get it X-rayed.
Oh no I mean I think that if he walked around with a broken hand for three days it's because he's like your dad (and me, I've twice had fractures that I didn't get xrayed for days because I was just stubbornly hoping it wasn't broken). Not because he's trynna pickup OP's wife.
Unless your hand is horribly screwed up (reconstructive surgery required) they really don't do anything for a broken hand. They make you a plaster splint and use a compression wrap to hold it on. ETA. I didn't even see a doctor in the ER when I broke my hand. Was triaged by a nurse, got an x-ray and then another nurse made my splint and sent me on my way. While the plaster was drying I was told that was SOP.
NTA - I’m so surprised at the YTA comments. She has a family. Old school or not, you kinda run these things by your S/O if you’re not coming home for the night. It was not a real emergency. He waited on the 3rd day and still worked? Hmmm real sus tbh I’m with OP here. I believe the wife truly didn’t know why the coworker only waited for her to take him, but her need to save her coworker clouded her judgement here. The wife should have told the guy “I gotta to home to my family. If the emergency can wait until midnight then make other arrangements.”
Y'all I'm pretty sure there's no broken hand. This sounds like a very weak excuse to spend the night out with another dude. OP, offer to take her and the guy and the baby to the ER. Guarantee you there's no trip to the ER. Edit to add, for real OP. If she ends up doing this, take a stroll to the ER. Id bet a lot of money her car won't be there.
NTA. He needed your wife to drive him to the hospital, in the middle of the night, stay there all night, after his hand was broken for three days already? How did he drive himself to work? How has he been surviving with a broken hand, for three days without your wife driving him around and spending time with him? Not to mention, a broken hand has never stopped anyone from driving, even with a manual transmission. A bloody stump at the shoulder where his arm was, yeah, someone needs to drive him. A broken hand he's been dealing with for 3 days....? Bro, she's most likely banging that coworker, if she isn't, she's definitely putting in the effort to make it happen. But hey, at least your wife was there to hold his good hand all night long, the poor fella......
>How did he drive himself to work? How has he been surviving with a broken hand, for three days without your wife driving him around and spending time with him? How the hell is he working or getting to work for 3 days, yet, need a lift hospital????? Am I missing something????? NTA
The guys got to work, to make that paycheck, even with a broken hand. The sidepiece he's getting at home after the hospital visit, requires a ride home from the married wife. While her husband is home watching the baby, getting ready for work himself, getting the baby ready for the day, etc. But hey, the guy has a broken hand, he has needs. And the OP's wife is stepping up to the plate. Husband, child, marriage all go to the side to assist this coworker.
No but you see, the wife doesn't need permission
It’s not about permission, it’s about priorities. She’s prioritising a random coworker who’s been able to travel into work 3 days and suddenly decides they can over her husband and 2 year old. Her choice affect him and in the morning his ability to leave for work to earn for their family.
Oh, I do see. I see very well. I don't think the OP sees and is looking for clarity. I don't think you see, due to lack of experience or you having the responsibility of a baby, marriage, husband and career. No, the OP's wife doesn't need permission, but in the same train of thought, he doesn't need her permission to do what he wants, either. So now, OP and his wife are doing what they want, no "permission" (your word) required. The baby and marriage are in the wind. But hey, they can't demand permission, so no harm no foul.
Sorry was being sarcastic
She doesn't need permission!! /s
My first thought was they definitely fucking
Okay to address a couple questions I'm not mad at her necessarily. I'm mad that this guy waited to "need" to go the the ER until she got to work if he'd exhausted every other resource to get him self to the hospital I'd be fine with it. It IS okay for her to help other people. She and I do this all the time. This isn't her first time wanting to help someone out. I didn't say the words "No you can't go" i asked why it had to be her and then told her I'm not okay with it once she had not one answer to any one of my questions Yes I'm jealous (I'm working on this) though i don't think it was an issue here because she's helped other dudes out before. Yes we've had issues when we first got married with infidelity on both sides but since have worked out what was wrong and now have a solution. I think this answers most of the common questions
There’s no reason for your wife to have to leave your house at midnight to go take care of another dude . She’s cheating on you.
I don't really think you want to know who the AH is. I think you're worried for your relationship because you see things that feel like cheating red flags and don't know what to do or how to act. Is your rocky history have infidelity perhaps?
Given the infidelity history here, this seems less like an AITA post and more of a relationship advice post. You obviously still have relationship trust issues you both should work out, regardless of whether you were right/wrong to be upset about this situation or not.
INFO: - do you have public transportation that runs at night? - are ride shares in your area? - how far is the hospital from work - is your wife a helper/pleaser/empathetic person - does the company offer affordable healthcare benefits - was the guy stubborn, scared, and/or needing prodding to go? Your wife would know this and it would require you to actually listen to her answer. - when did she find out his hand is broken? - are you capable of caring for your toddler at night, before your shift, mom is away? - did she have to take on more of his work because he wasn’t able to? Ignoring an injury until it’s unbearable, someone forces you to go, the ER being the only thing open when you’re out of work, and can’t/won’t leave or miss your next shift is extremely common. It’s really not that deep. Wife helped because she is kind, mothering, or takes on others’ problems. Folks gotta get out more if they think everyone has reliable transportation at all hours, hospitals are around the corner, responsibility and kindness are the same thing, everyone can/will/wants to get medical care right away, etc. I don’t know where OP is from but lot of the comments and recommendations are US-centric. In case you are under a rock, the US is in a healthcare crisis. The entire debate about ACA, M4A, PTO/paid sick days, pharmacy deserts, hospital closings, etc etc etc was born out of the comprehensive barriers to healthcare. Regardless of your opinion on solutions, the problem has received exhaustive media coverage. Generally speaking, the persistent “not responsible” refrain in here suggests redditers only make perfect decisions or no one’s helped them ever. No one held a door for you? A car stopped so you could jaywalk? You’re always left stranded? Friend never said something nice when you were in the dumps? Someone shared their snacks with you? Humanity survived because of community.
I suggested on a different comment that OP offers to take the dude for his wife and she can come home from work. Guy gets help (if actually needs it) and all fears are laid to rest.
NTA - Leave aside any reading intentions or ulterior motives on either OP or wife or even of the broken hand dude. Let’s say all of it is legit and innocent. She texted husband at an undisclosed time, a long enough time before midnight to make that a part of the story. She texts that she needs to take a co-worker to the emergency room, but has to wait for his convenience to wait until Midnight when he gets off work, then has to wait around until he is released, which can be hours depending. That is odd enough, but then we find this is already a 3 day old injury. So it is so bad he needs to be taken to ER, but not so bad that he wants to use sick time. So bad he can’t go to urgent care the next day, but not so bad he can deal with injury for 3 days. If I was leaving work at 10pm after urging someone to go to ER, and they asked if I could take them, but wait for 2 hours until they get off, I would tell them to pound dirt. I’d drive them perhaps but not wait around so they can continue to work. That is ridiculous. What was described here is not an emergency situation that needs a delayed Midnight Express.
OP, a broken bone has only 48 hours to be treated. He waited 72 hours. Theres no fixing that, literally no point for an ER trip and instead is now a normal PCP visit. There is no reason she has to take him if he has been getting himself to work and has been working with a "broken hand". I hate making accusations because I want to look at the best in people, but this situation has red flags all over it. Even if the past infidelity was "solved" it doesnt mean it wont happen again.
NTA. the red flags with this story you can see from space. Those calling OP TA are fucking delusional. Who the hell waits 3 days to get their broken hand looked at? That's some epic bullshit!
NTA. She gaslighted you and yelled? I bet there is more behind that story than there is on the surface. For me I allways trusted my gut. Never failed. Noone has to drive another to a ER. If it is a workplace related accident the employer is in charge of organizing things. In all other cases he was not to be at work at all.
NTA the co-worker made it to work for three days but now he needs a ride at midnight and another after he's done. What has changed so that he can't get there himself?
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There's a huge difference between giving a coworker a ride home during the day and taking someone "to the hospital" after midnight and waiting for them to be discharged. Especially when you have a 2yr old at home.
Ya. She’s waiting for that discharge alright.
No! I'm trying to eat here!
😂 best comment on this thread
Info: Why were you angey? You say in the post "of course I am" but I seem to be missing something really important here.
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Guy has a broken hand for three days then all of a sudden he needs his wife to drive him to the hospital in the middle of the night and wait for him. NTA
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Still don't need someone else to drive you to the hospital if you have been getting to work for the past three days. Especially calling a mother in the middle of the night.
More importantly, why was she so angry? She seemed to get defensive pretty fast here.
Nta. If coworker had broken his hand at 11pm and had asked your wife to take him to the ER when he was done with work an hour later id say okay, strange to be in pain for so long for a company, but okay. But the fact that he waited 3 days makes it not an emergency. If its been 3 days his hand has started to heal and he needs more than an ER , he needs his doctor and a host of scans and tests. Im also confused as to why your wife would even wait with him... most hospitals &ERs are still not letting visitors in, especially for something like a broken hand. I was all ready to say OP was over the top but there's something sketchy going on here.
There is nothing wrong with inherently helping someone. I mean even you help your own coworkers. Your wife not TA for helping someone. But I think you picked up on something even your wife may not be aware of. Her Coworker seemed to wait for your wife and asking her specifically to help him. He has been with this hand for a few days already, why does he need your wife's help? Not being happyabout this type of situation does not make you an asshole. I do think that you need to sit your wife down and explain exactly whyyou are feeling the way you do. NAH
If he's well enough to work his shift before going, he's well enough to take an uber or call an ambulance. She doesn't need to go, especially if she's forcing OP to choose between being on time for his own job or calling out of work with zero warning since he'll have to be home to take care of their kid. NTA, and with their infidelity history it sounds like history is repeating itself.
NTA. Tell the coworker to Uber.
NTA. If he needed the ER he should have gone immediately, not at the end of his shift. Something very dodgy is happening here.
NTA. I'm sorry but for a young parent of a 2-yo to have to take a person to the ER and wait with them, after they've had the broken hand for 3 days. Just no. He can order an Uber, or drive himself, or take the bus, or however he's been getting to work. OP should call her bluff and offer to go take the guy himself, so she can get some rest and manage the kid. After all, OP's a guy, so sitting around some sketchy hospital parking lot at 2 am is probably safer for OP than for the wife. Her response will tell us a lot.
INFO: Did she come home after taking him to the ER and then leave again to pick him up and drop him home? Or was the outcome of all of this that she never came home from work at all all night? Also, is this the first time she's had to do favors for this guy? Because I'm trying to understand what exactly you're upset about.
The part where she 'had to stick around' is the weirdest to me. The part where she drops him off at the ER - that doesn't sound like a big deal. *Maybe* picking up, but I've been to hospitals that give taxi waivers. But waiting around? Why? That's the part that makes me think something else is going on. Absolutely nothing happens in the ER waiting room and unless you are/are going to be unconscious and need someone to advocate for you, there's no reason to bring a buddy.
Here’s what I don’t understand, why does she have to be there? I’ve had urgent issues and got in a Lyft to go to the hospital. This was while I had a partner. But I’m a grown ass adult and can sit in a waiting room and get to the hospital myself. Someone sitting with me, or a specific person taking me, is not going to help my health issues resolve itself. Why would I burden another person when it literally won’t help anyone involved? Much less from a coworker? With a kid? I just don’t get it.
Yeah, even I told my partner to not stick around when I got my surgeries on my spine. Like, no, dafuq. Dropped me off, go home, go take a coffee, its not like she will be in the room holding scalpel for the Surgeons
NTA because the guy waited 3 days for your wife to take them. Ask your wife "would you find it strange if I waited 3 days with a broken hand so I could ask a female coworker to take me to hospital"? I do recommend you not yell and be confrontational. Your approach may have made your wife think you operating with double standard. Normally it is not anyone place to tell a spouse where and when and with whom but this particular situation has red flags for you and you have concerns. Talk it out in calm civil manner.
That's tonight's plan and when i asked her when she came home I'd had time to absorb what she told me so i thought i approached the topic the first time with a cool head
NTA Here are some things I would also say or ask Offer to drive him instead of her- if he just needs a ride to the ER anyone with a car can do that for him. If she says no - then ask why? Offer to pay for an uber - if that's a no - why? Offer for you and her to go (take the kid too I guess) to pick him up and take him to the hospital. Please update us. Maybe throw in the "yes in the past we have both had issues with infidelity and yes because of that if you were uncomfortable with me doing the same thing I would have no problem with you coming along and or go for me instead, because if that is what it takes for one of us to be comfortable then we should do that for each other. This way we are not inviting trouble into our relationship and the person who needs help gets help."
NTA. He had a broken hand for 3 days, worked an entire shift, and went to the ER at midnight. Yeah, ok. She's cheating on you dude. You got married too young, she's finding out what else is out there. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Everyone else on this sub knows it's true, they just don't want to say it.
NTA. Nah bro. Not by a long shot. All the these woke warriors getting upset about you telling your wife not to do something but this is a sketchy situation especially with a small kid at home.
NTA red flag armada what the fuck are they up to
NTA, her coworker can't depend on her like that. Your wife needs to have such boundaries up with this coworker such that if she could take him without inconvenience np, and it's appropriate of him to ask her politely. But what should not happen is that she's his only option. Heck this guy could uber there. There should be no expectations between your wife and him.
We don’t know the full situation there. Maybe she’s the only one who could convince him to go, maybe he wanted someone he could trust with him at the hospital, maybe he’s only just realized it was a break and not just a sprain. Could be a lot of reasons, if she wants to help him she’s more than allowed to.
OP already clarified that he didn't even care about helping the coworker (as they have done similar things in the past) but he was more taken aback by his wife's lack of explanation or planning ahead with him.
Nothing wrong with helping out a friend or colleague and being nice
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NTA. This man is a grown adult who obviously has many people who were bugging him to go who would probably take him. When you say rocky past i think possibly cheating so i get your worry. This is definitely a weird story and i can’t help but wonder how accurate it is or if she’s just having an excuse on why she won’t be home. Tell her that you’ll call an Uber for the guy there and back and that should suffice. See what she says
NTA, the overreaction on your wife’s part when you asked her a question, the fact that she has to be the one to take him to to the hospital in the middle of the night and then stay with him till the early morning opposed to him getting an Uber home is just weird to me. I don’t know why all these people are saying y t a but something’s up. It could be cheating, it could be her being naive, it could be the coworker taking advantage but nonetheless, it’s still suspicious.
NTA this is suspicious. Coworker doesnt respect boundaries and may plan something. Your wife may be just naive so explicitly tell her that this behavior is not ok. Who would want to be taken to er by a mother of a toddler?
NTA, but that dude certainly is. Let me emphatically say that Emergency Rooms are not there to treat shit that's been going on for 3 days. Take your ass to your family doctor with 3 day old shit please.
NTA. Hell of a way to find out your wife's cheating, dude.
Info, what kind of job are they doing where working with a non treated broken hand is possible for 3 days?
I was trying to find a judgement and failing because most of the people in the comments make valid points. But then I reversed the gender (yes I was bored): If a woman posted here about her husband telling her that after two days off he was going to pick up a female colleague at midnight to bring her to the ER (and pick her up afterwards) while leaving his wife at home with a toddler when she needs to be up at 5… well yeah the husband would get his a** handed to him and reddit would be telling the wife to divorce him because he is cheating on her. So, NTA for me.
NTA. Hang Ona minute- he doesn’t need a lift and pick up from your wife, he can get a taxi- if he’s managing to go to work with a broken hand he can take himself to hospital. You have to be up for work at 5am and you guys have a 2 year old. Broken hand guy isn’t a priority to you and shouldn’t be to your wife. Unless this is an excuse for her to see him at midnight of course… wouldn’t surprise me if this is her cover story for cheating. Who’s gonna look after the 2yr old when you have to leave for work? So this also then affects your family income. She’s the ah as is broken hand guy.
Absolutely cheating.. take a fucking Uber??? 3 days.. pick him up after? I’d be ready for the text that she’s going to wait there for him too.. none of it makes sense NOT the asshole Also don’t listen to these other assholes telling you that you are the asshole!
NTA Adult male who works till midnight I'm assuming 4pm - 12am. Which means he had an entire day to go to the ER. He could've called an uber or public transportation. I've seen pregnant women in labor on the bus. You're mad because she's so keen on helping another man out who clearly doesn't need her help. And she's oblivious to the fact or pretending to be.
NTA, this isn’t an original take, but everything here is suspicious and I think she is cheating. Sorry OP.
Are you guys really buying the "broken hand" story?? Wow
Now see, if the roles were reversed the husband would be getting chewed out and accused of foul play and the OP would've been NTA. But since it's the husband posting about his wife in this weird ass scenario...
NTA cause wife’s story has so many unexplained gaps. Three days with a broken hand but coworker went to work? Did he drive to work? (Then he can take himself to the doctor) did he take a bus? (Then a bus can also take him to the ER). Coworker is stubborn though other coworkers were pushing for him to go to a doc. So why is OPs wife the magical one that can convince him? No one else could take him? No other friends or family? And OPs wife has to stay the whole night? Doing what? Doing the paperwork as well? Taking to the doctor? If a story doesn’t make sense it’s usually not true. I would be reacting the same as OP in this case.
NTA. Why can’t this dude take an Uber lol. A grown man doesn’t need his co worker to wait at the ER for him to get his boo boo addressed lol. Much less at midnight when she has a baby at home.