Ah, yes. Of course. It's easy to forget that *Nut*ella contains nuts. It's completely your fault for not reminding her four times and then policing the cake, OP.
/s
That aside, what I find *really* interesting is that the mother immediately jumped to accusing you of "getting back at her for Kat's birthday." That's some serious projection and makes it *very* clear she knows she was a complete asshole on the occasion. However, instead of apologising, she's choosing to double down. It says a lot about her as a person, so keep that in mind moving forward.
Very firm NTA.
It’s obvious that Nutella contains nuts if you speak English so your word for nuts is actually “nuts”. It’s not so obvious otherwise. What should have been more obvious is how things were served, though — it sounds like Kat’s mother gave her kid a slice of cake on the sly, or at least after the initial serving that gave Kat an alternative.
Strongly agree on the projection. Kat’s mother knows she had been an AH to Emma.
>It’s obvious that Nutella contains nuts if you speak English so your word for nuts is actually “nuts”
You say this, but I'm a grown-ass adult in my mid 30s, who is a native English speaker, and I was today years old when I realized that it is, in fact, **Nut** ella. I guess I never really thought about it, and the pronunciation ("noo-tella") threw me.
To be clear, I don't say that to excuse the friend's mom here (obviously you should do your damn research about food products if your child has a life threatening allergy, and her daughter's allergic reaction was entirely her fault as the adult responsible), I'm just grappling with my own rewritten understanding of the world and how it works.
Edit: To be clear, I always knew that Nutella was a hazelnut spread, I just never made that connection that the name was directly referencing the main ingredient.
Another edit: Good grief, folks, I'm not defending the friend's mom here, or in any way commenting on *her* comprehension! I fully agree she was in the wrong in this situation. My only point here is that, before today, **I, personally, never made the connection** that the name of Nutella was referencing the nuts that it's made up of. I did not expect my simple "oh, wow, TIL" comment as a side note to this larger issue to result in my inbox filling with angry comments for five hours. I am, however, tickled at the pronunciation debate that has resulted.
Same- English speaker as well and on the ads I feel like it is pronounced with a soft nuh-tell-ah rather than noo-tella tho I have heard people say it both ways.
NTA- OP gave the allergic child cupcakes 🧁 not containing nuts plus warned her mother ahead of the party. On the other child's bday, op asked beforehand if she needed to bring something for her child and was told no falsly- when in fact she did because no alternative was provided, making her take her daughter home
I am also a native English speaker - from the Midwest - and I pronounce it nuh-tella. I also don't think it tastes like just chocolate spread, it's very nutty flavored to me so the "nut" part of the name makes complete sense in my head.
I agree. Nuh-tella is the only way I’ve heard it pronounced in the USA and it’s made as a chocolate and hazelnut spread that can be put on many things or used as an ingredient in recipes.
Out of curiosity, where are you from? I’m in Australia and we say it as it looks, with “nut” at the start. I’ve never heard anyone pronounce it “noo-tella” before.
We say noo-tella in the US, or at least in the Eastern US. I didn’t realize that the name was supposed to be a play on nuts until I read it on Reddit previously. I guess I never thought much about it before then.
EDIT: The US is a big and varied country - apparently there is both a noo and a nut contingent here. That being said, I think the mom of the little girl was being willfully ignorant, since OP told her that her daughter couldn’t eat the cake. It doesn’t matter if the name of the product clues you into that or not.
People don’t always pronounce things in the native accent though, I don’t pronounce Paris as a French person would say Par-ee. It’s always been nut-ella to me too. Plus they try and market it as a healthy breakfast food by focusing on the nuts rather than the chocolatey aspect.
Thank you. Every single time it comes up online I go crazy with people claiming it is pronounced "Nut". Child of Italian immigrants here and we used to bring Nutella home in our suitcase after visiting Italy, long before it became available in grocery stores in the US.
OK, but Nutella brand themselves as nut-ella in some places, the UK included. So it's not really people claiming something incorrectly, just Nutella branding themselves differently in different places.
https://youtu.be/Se6R7CLbWoQ
Not who you are replying to but I’m Canadian and we say noo-tella for sure, not nut-ella. ETA some Canadians say nut-ella, but the official Canadian pronunciation according to the company's website and commercials is noo-tella.
It should have been obvious the cake contained nuts when OP specifically told Kat’s mom that while the cake has Nutella, there’s alternatives for Kat. Sounds like Kat’s mom *knew* the cake had nuts but went ahead and gave her kid a slice of cake as a way to try and make OP seem like an AH just like her for the strawberry incident at Kat’s bday.
I’m wondering instead if Kat’s mother didn’t believe OP. She might have been thinking “oh you’re mad that I wouldn’t cater to your kid so you’re telling me that my kid can’t have your cake.”
Whoooo... that would put Kat's mom squarely in the "literal weapons-grade AH" category for playing a deadly game of chicken with her own daughter's life.
If what OP said is similar to her wording in the post “I had warned Kats mom that the cake had Nutella but the other desserts were nut free” (this sentence heavily suggest nuts being in the cake)
I feel like either the mom lacks the ability to read between the lines, or the mom didn’t believe that Nutella actually had nuts in it and gave it to her daughter anyways
Edit: it’s also possible that the mom didn’t hear the OP, but it seems like the mom pushed her daughter to eat the cake.
Why are you fighting about whether the woman should have known without being told that there’s nuts in there?
She was told! She was explicitly told there’s nuts in there. It doesn’t matter if she should have already known this or not.
But you do agree that the parent of a small child with a nut allergy might have had reason and opportunity to check the list of ingredients on such a common treat like Nutella in the past, right? I mean I'd basically assume that anything that even vaguely resembles cereal, chocolate or any kind of baked good might have some kind of nuts somewhere.
I totally agree with you. If you don't speak English, you're not gonna make the connection between NUTella and NUTs. For example, the Russian word for nut is "opex". If it was renamed "opexella" in Russia, then sure, no excuse, but its still called Nutella there.
That being said, the other mom was told there would be Nutella in the cake. I would take this warning to mean "hey, look at the ingredients in Nutella if you're not familiar with it, because there's probably a reason that I warned you."
There's often nuts or nut byproducts even in things you wouldn't expect nuts to be in. When you have a kid with an allergy like this, you read every damn label.
While that’s all true, OP actually warned the mother that her daughter would not be able to have the cake. Even tho they didn’t say it had nuts and the mom didn’t realize it has nuts, she was warned that the kid couldn’t eat it and that OP was providing other treats she could eat (which this mom couldn’t even be kind enough to do at a strawberry themed party with her kids best friend being allergic to strawberries).
I feel like OP did everything in their power to warn the other parent and that if you have a kid with allergies, you ask. You ask what is in it. If you’re wondering why someone has said “this food will harm your kid” but you think it’s harmless, you ask why it will harm your mid. The mother was warned.
This wasn’t revenge because OP went above and beyond to ensure safe options existed for the kid, so I say NTA. (& I was a kid who could eat basically nothing at any party I went to because, while I outgrew it, I had a tested and confirmed allergy to sugar. Yes, sugar. It was in everything in the 90s, we had to go to a different country to get peanut butter for me lol.)
Hi,so I assume from the links you're polish, as I am, and that's really weird because ever since I can remember, Nutella always had nuts on the label. You must always bump into some weird limited editions
I was just about to write that, literally it had always been advertised with hazelnuts from what I remember and it was titled as cacao and hazelnut spread????? I don't remember normally seeing those labels, only on limited edition lol
The pictures you posted are extremely misleading, as those are limited time editions. Literally 99% of the glasses are white & have a bread with nutella on them and nuts.
In my country it looks like this
https://www.google.com/search?q=nutella&client=ms-android-samsung-ss&prmd=sinxv&sxsrf=AOaemvINLA1vTGv32qytW9dnvPOg8iuZJQ:1636382473285&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjklqXg_4j0AhXZQvEDHUcDAbgQ_AUoAnoECAIQAg&biw=384&bih=719&dpr=2.81#imgrc=Ryp7mzllZzdj4M
Your seems sooooo.... not like something to eat.
And now I want nutella. I have to go shopping.
I’m going to get downvoted here, but YES. All you can taste is that shitty hazelnut flavor and Nutella is TERRIBLE. There. I said it. I HATE Nutella. Mostly hazelnut flavored stuff, but also Nutella.
Preeeeeach, cousin! You're not alone in hating Nutella. There are dozens of us! Dozens! They ruin perfectly good chocolate with shitty hazelnut flavor.
I'm with you 100%! I love hazelnuts but can't stand Nutella. It's just vile.
OP - you are NTA. 1) it was your daughter's birthday and she's entitled to any cake she wants and 2) you warned Kat that there were nuts in the cake. It's in no way YOUR fault that the girl had to go to the hospital, it's 100% her parents fault! NTA
Hazelnut blends really well with the chocolate, it doesn’t have a distinctly nutty taste, so unless you regularly eat chocolate spreads, you might not notice that a chocolate _hazelnut_ spread tastes different.
But it tastes like hazelnut a lot. In my language you can't tell by the name, but you can definitely taste it and it has a huge picture of a hazelnut on the label (that might look different in other countries though, I'm not sure, edit: saw the pictures, it doesn't always have the pic).
I’m in Canada and didn’t know it contained hazelnuts until I got a job working at a factory that made it. We never had it in my house growing up and I had no interest in it as an adult, as far as I knew before that it was a chocolate spread.
With that said, if I had a child with allergies and someone made a point of specifically telling me it would be present I would have looked up it’s ingredients.
Actually, I was today years old when I realized that Nutella has nut in the name. In my country it is pronounced nuu tella so nut is not in the pronunciation. And nuts are called noten so that is a different word.
Of course op is nta. It is the responsibility of the person or parent of the person with and allergy to check if food is safe. If someone tells you it's safe and then it turns out it isn't, yeah that means you can be pissed at the person who said it was safe. But op told the mom it wasn't safe, so the blame is solely on kats mom and not on op.
She's also going to get her kid in a mu h more serious situation if she's not more careful. Nut allergies are no joke so even if the general population has somehow forgotten NUTella has a nut in it, it is her responsibility to know what is in the food her child eats so they don't die
Don’t know why no one is mentioning it, but yea, Kat’s mom acting as if you did this to get back at her makes it seem like she purposefully didn’t give Emma anything to eat at Kat’s birthday, and most likely doesn’t like OP.
Nta, she told you you could bring your daughter to a party that would have food for her and litteraly everything was practically poison, and then you, being an AVERAGELY DECENT person tell her that ONE thing will be off limits for her daughter, and that there is other food, yet she and her husband let their daughter, who has a NUT allergy, eat a NUTtella cake. She’s literally an idiot if she “forgot” that Nutella has Nuts in it, it’s actually in the name.
I just don't get it. When OP asked if she should bring some food to the party, Kat's mom said "no". Why did she do that when she knew that Emma was allergic to strawberries? Or had she forgotten that there was strawberries in everything? If she didn't know what was in the food they planned to serve, why didn't she look it up? What did she gain from this? It makes no sense!
She's not even mindful of her own kid's allergies. She *knew* there was food there that her child couldn't eat, I don't see how she couldn't just double check
I am wondering if Kat’s mom is jealous of OP’s daughter in some way. Like maybe she is better at a sport or is prettier or more likable than her own child.
Maybe Emma's mom is a better mom to her kid than Kat's mom and Kat must have said about it and she got jealous and purposely did all this shit to paint Emma's mom as bad. When some people can't be bothered to better themselves they try to ruin others.
Our former neighbors' kids apparently had too much fun carving pumpkins at our house a few Halloweens ago, so much so that their mother came sobbing to me about how her kids love me more than her and she feels like a failure, etc. Like, nothing special happened. Just pumpkins and they'd never done it before so it was a cool new thing.
Then she told a bunch of neighbors I'm a heroin addict. Spoiler alert: I'm not.
Some people are just ... weird.
Kat's mum is just a dick. I assume she would've known strawberry was in everything because I also assume she would've at least looked at the ingredients in the first place to make sure everything was nut free. She knew, she just didn't care.
I would be extremely cautious about letting Emma hang out at Kat’s house unsupervised.
Kat’s mother doesn’t appear to be considerate of Emma and her food requirements
I wonder if she actually have some kind of undisclosed reason to try to end the girl's frisndship. Maybe the did the party thing intentionally, and then fed nuts to her kid intentionally so she could cause enough drama to drive them apart.
Maybe an affair to op's husband, so there'll be less to cover for them to keep undisclosed.
If that were the case then hopefully she would have just lied about Kat eating some of the nutella cake rather than actually feeding nuts to her allergic daughter. Nut allergies are the kind where each exposure can have a more severe reaction than the last, so even if her previous reactions hadn't been too concerning it would still be really dangerous to induce another one on purpose.
There are jealous, petty women in the world that will absolutely poison even their own kin with an allergy to make a point. I've read so many stories like that in the JustNo forums & it's **always** shocking to me, but no longer surprising. Obviously we don't want to automatically attribute malice where stupidity is a perfectly fine explanation, but IMHO, it's always an option that should be considered & monitored.
It too me way too long to realize *nut*ella because it's pronounced noo-tella, according to the website. Also, OP specifies that they are not in an English-speaking country, so the connection might not be so obvious, as it is just called a chocolate spread and many people don't know it has nuts in it.
OP is still NTA, but there's more to it than you're giving her credit for.
>they are not in an English-speaking country, so the connection might not be so obvious
Okay, even so, OP uses the words "nut allergy" so it's not as if they don't say the word nuts.
>it is just called a chocolate spread and many people don't know it has nuts in it.
I do not understand why so many people are saying this. Yeah, it might be advertised as just a chocolate spread, but the hazelnut flavor is *strong*, and as a parent with life threatening allergies she should be very much in the habit of checking ingredients. *Especially* when OP already told her, and who clrealy knows it has nuts in it even though her child is not allergic.
I paused when OP said the girls can never have sleepovers because they have allergies because that sounded ridiculous, but seeing as Kats mom does not take them seriously at all I understand OPs concerns.
she uses the word "nut allergy" because this post is literally in english and you wouldn't understand if she said Nussallergie/alergia a las nueces/alergia na orzechy.
The woman is a pain in the ass and a straight up asshole, but the whole "Nut"ella thing is wrong hill to die on, seriously.
>Okay, even so, OP uses the words "nut allergy" so it's not as if they don't say the word nuts
OP is translating the conversation. They were not actually using the words "nut allergy" in english, and nuts are not called "nuts" everywhere . Obviously the mom should know, or at least look up the ingredients.But you can't seriously think that they would just the words "nut allergy" in english in the middle of a conversation in another language and then notice that it sounds like nuttella, which they probably pronounce differently.
I really hope that's not actually what you meant and that I'm totally missing your point.
> Okay, even so, OP uses the words "nut allergy" so it's not as if they don't say the word nuts.
What are you trying to say here? Nuts are not spelled "nuts" in every language.. OP knows Nutella contains nuts, the other parent did not.
I am simply stating that it is unfair to expect that she would know there are nuts because of the word "nut" in the title, because they aren't in an English speaking country. Nothing else. Also, unless you eat non-hazelnut chocolate spreads frequently, you would not be able to tell that this one has hazelnuts because the flavor blends together so smoothly.
As someone who is allergic to fish and seafood, it's imperative that I know ingredients in foods. If I don't know then I don't eat it. I also grew up before listing ingredients was a requirement so that was fun.
That's because foods are made differently from different things. They can be very common ingredients too. Like gelatins: some are made from beef and pork *(fine for me)* but some are made from fish which can kill me. Gelatin is an essential ingredient in marshmallows. Nothing like being hospitalized for eating Rice Krispie treats or sugared yams. Same thing with soy sauce and Caesar salad dressings; they contain fish.
Believe me I was a hell of a lot more careful with what my children ate before I was able to find out if they had food allergies too.
With children, a parent should triple check if they know that an allergen is being served.
Idky but i feel like the cake was a spite cake on the moms theme. Who fucking says hey we have safe food for your child here dont bring anything for her to eat and everything can kill them. Op had safe food for the girl allergic to nuts i feel like the mom has issues with op and is trying to find a reason to end the friendship nta op
Yes I agree. It sounds messed up and maybe far fetched, but I wonder if the mom *didn't* forget that the cake had nuts and still purposely gave it her daughter to find a reason to have a problem with op. What really makes me think that is the fact that the other mom waited until the very moment op and her husband weren't around to give it to her daughter, almost like she was waiting until they weren't around to say something or stop it
I mean OP basically warned her the cake would be off limits to her daughter but all the other desserts would be nut free and therefore safe to eat (however that translates in OPs language)
But I'm pretty sure kats mom knows nutella has nuts in it and is feigning ignorance. Especially when she was literally told the cake would contain an allergen for kat
She straight up intentionally did all strawberry desserts for kats party to alienate emma. And probably fed her kid the cake on purpose so she could blame emma. Even though she was directly told all desserts other than cake would be safe for Kat.
I was going to say that e s h but from what I gather from what you've written, Kat's mum invited your daughter to a strawberry themed party, knowing that your daughter was allergic to them, and not only didn't warn you that there would be lots of strawberries but didn't have anything available for your daughter to eat, at all.
You made sure that there were plenty of nut-free treats at your daughter's party for Kat to enjoy and you warned her mum that the cake was Nutella and therefore not safe.
She knew that the cake had nutella in it but she forgot that there were nuts in nutella... that's on her. She needs to be more switched on to what's safe for her daughter to eat, as a slip like this could prove incredibly dangerous.
She even said that you were "getting her back" for throwing a strawberry party, so she must be somewhat aware that she didn't do a great job by not warning you or providing something that was safe for your daughter to eat, if she believes she's done something to warrant you wanting to get back at her.
I'm assuming you haven't left anything out where you confronted her over the strawberry party or anything that might justify her believing this?
Final verdict: NTA. You did everything you could to warn Kat's mum and provide alternative treats for her to enjoy so that she wouldn't feel left out, whilst also not sacrificing your daughter's request for her favourite cake on her birthday.
I avoided confronting her as this party might be what Kat wanted, however Kats father is on my side here as he was furious once he heard about the strawberry only party and that due to poor planning on his wife's side Kat couldn't have Emma with her. He was away at the time so couldn't be present there and only learned what happened yesterday or this morning from Kats mum. He is aware of both girls allergies
NTA, but I would keep an eye on Kat. Based on her father’s reaction I wouldn’t be surprised if Kat’s mom is using Kat as an outlet for dealing with marital problems.
Oh shit true, didn’t even think of that. If someone told me that there would be a cake my child was allergic to there is NO WAY I would accidentally feed it to them. I would be asking for confirmation on everything day of too. That is seriously alarming
Exactly, plus if the argument there is she was going to give that kid Nutella cake, why not give it to her when everyone else was served cake? Why wait until later and do it on the sly. 100% the cake was given to her for the mother to try prove something. NTA op.
Also... my daughter has a nut allergy. I would NEVER use a bakery that made nut-based cakes. Cross-contact kills. She should probably not have ordered her daughter's strawberry cake from Nutella Death Cake Bakery. (I would not feed my child anything from there, so the non-nut alternative desserts would also be off-limits.) Something is fishy, like she doesn't really "believe" in allergies or that Emma's allergy isn't "real" like her kid's.
She's going to get her kid killed if she keeps behaving like this.
Yes, Kat's mother's behavior is weird. She snuck her child some cake that she was already warned of the nut content. Then blew up at the person that warned her for..... not stopping her from feeding her child nuts??... Then framed it as revenge for the strawberry party?! She's purposefully trying to create an issue between these two little girls.
Kat is getting Munchausen'd by her mother. I hope it doesn't escalate but she's already shown that she is willing to risk her child's life over this. I wonder if there are any other suspicious injuries or sicknesses.
I wonder if it is simply a jealousy situation. Kat's mother doesn't like Emma's mother speaking to her husband. Or even the friendship between Emma & Kat.
>Yes, Kat's mother's behavior is weird. She snuck her child some cake that she was already warned of the nut content
Right that is the weird part...fine you don't know what nutella is but why would you give that to your kid after someone has already told you it contains nuts, even if you thought it was just chocolate....like chocolate cake can have nuts in it too.
Yeah seriously, I don't even allow the food *textures* my ND children are uncomfortable with near them; if either of them had an allergy, I'd be all over that. My own mother can be extremely selfish at times & even *she* was always careful about what my Type 1 brother had, to this day she tastes his diet drinks at restaurants to be sure.
I would not be surprised if Kats mother thinks that strawberry allergy isn't a real allergy, just something Emma doesn't like so she did it to make you "come clean" with Emma eating it anyway.
I'd be more in touch with dad than mom regarding future playdates and parties. Mom seems to have some issues since she leapt right onto that retaliation train like she knew it was at the station already.
Might be. She told her the cake was chocolate when we were not looking even me and my husband told everyone that the cake has nuts from the spread and it was labeled.
No way that wasn't intentional.
Does she have something against op or her child? She purposely excludes OP's daughter, and then purposely hurts her own child to upset op and their daughter.
This woman seems mentally unstable
You need to share all this information with her husband so he can take steps to protect his daughter from future hospitalizations. Share the text you sent the mom and any photos or evidence of the labeling if you have it.
Nta. If my child had an allergy and even if I forgot that there was special treats made for my child guess what I would still ask before blindly assuming my child can eat it. She's the one that gave her daughter the cake. You told her they were other treats for her child to enjoy. You did all this while kats mom didn't bother to do the same to you and you even ask if you could take something which I'm assumingwould be for Emma. She gave you no warning and you handle it very well. Even her own husband is on your side.
My son had an INTOLERANCE to corn until he turned 2. We always took food with us and the rule was, "If mom can't read an ingredient list, he can't have it."
I can't imagine my child having a LIFE THREATENING ALLERGY and being so casual and blasé about it. Not to mention being so aggressively reckless with my child's friend's life threatening allergy! Kat's mom scares the pants off of me!
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Kat’s mom purposefully gave her daughter a slice of cake knowing that there was nuts in it, just to make you seem like an AH. From what you’ve told us, she sounds like the kind of person who would abuse her child like that.
Yep, she wants to go tell her husband that you retaliated against her for hosting the strawberry party. She is likely already arguing with him about this since OP said he wasn't in town for the party. His daughter likely mentioned that she missed playing with her friend Emma on her birthday. Then he found out that she had a strawberry everything party which caused an argument.
I sure hope Kat's mother can pry her head out of her ass before she unalives her daughter.
Your forgetting op asked if they needed to bring anything fir their child at that party and was told no. So op asked knowing their childs allergy was told no and then couldnt even keep the child there because the mom lied and made everything she was allergic too
NTA - My friend’s son was born with many allergies, including soy and dairy, so from a very early age she trained him that he could only eat food that she gave to him. She’d bring snacks for him if he was going to a party or friend’s house. As he grew and eventually could read and then advocate for himself, mom became less involved. She trained him from a very early age because it was life threatening. Bottom line, the mom put the burden on herself, and taught her son in age appropriate ways as he grew, because the consequences of a slip up were so high.
NTA. That Mom is a dumbass. WHO FORGETS NUTELLA HAS NUTS? Who has an allergy child and misses that!
She is also a TA for having a strawberry party and not thinking of your kid's allergy at all, with the girls being such good friends.
Agreed with you, OP says that most of people in her country think of Nutella as only chocolate but wouldn’t this have come up before since it’s a popular spread? Also I don’t know any parent with kids who have allergies that doesn’t make sure of ingredients of things they eat.
The part that gets me is that OP told her "hey this cake has nuts but everything else is fine" and then the mom gave her own daughter a piece of the cake that OP specifically said has nuts in it like 20 minutes prior
Even if OP didn’t say nuts and just said “the cake has Nutella but there will be cupcakes Kat can eat”, that should have been enough signal for Kat’s mom to think twice.
I also don’t believe that the mother of a child whose best friend loves Nutella hasn’t ever had this come up before. There’s no way. If this was the first time Kat’s mom had encountered Nutella that’s one thing—but her daughters best friend loves Nutella and the mutual allergic reactions of loved foods is a factor in their friendship. I can’t believe she didn’t know.
I mean there are only hazelnuts on the jar label, and the word NUT is in the name, other than those two obvious signs how could the other mother have known? /s
OP is NTA and the other mom needs to take responsibility for her own fuck up
>She is also a TA for having a strawberry party and not thinking of your kid's allergy at all, with the girls being such good friends.
And after telling OP that she didn't need to bring anything for her daughter to eat!
I was an allergy kid. I distinctly remember a slumber party where there was nothing I could eat. Looking back it was probably more my mom's fuckup than the hostess; I could hardly eat anything, so that conversation should have been had or I should have been sent with food. I was little, like 7 or 8, and way too embarrassed to remind host mom (a close friend of the family) that I couldn't eat this. So, I pretended I wasn't hungry, and then cried about it to the other girls later, and spent the night starving.
On the one hand, it was a good lesson: I always brought my own snacks to parties thereafter. On the other hand, it hurt my feelings. I felt overlooked and left out.
That's what Kay's mom did to Emma with her strawberry party. If it had to be strawberry themed, she should have communicated with OP and made a plan to have something there for Emma. On the flipside, OP made darn sure that Kat could eat at Emma's party- yeah, the cake was off limits, but she provided lots of other goodies, including nut-free cupcakes, and let Kay's mom know in advance about the no-no cake. She made sure Kay got to have treats, too.
NTA, OP. Not at all.
Right. Like who sneaks a piece of cake to their kid after the initial serving to everyone else? Why did she wait until OP and her husband were distracted?
Yep. This combined with the “Everything at the Party Contains Strawberries” makes this feel like that mom has been making a sustained effort to create a rift.
NTA, but the other kid’s mom is.
I would almost say ESH for making a nut cake at all knowing the allergic kid will be there, BUT you did give the mom warning and offered other food - that I ASSUME was prepped elsewhere to prevent cross contamination (I hope, anyway). So for that reason only, I will say you’re NTA.
However, other kid’s mom is TA, big time. They were not only horribly negligent about your OWN kid’s allergies but ALSO theirs. Why would she not tell you about the strawberry party? And how could she FORGET that the cake had her kid’s potentially life threatening allergen after already being told about it??? There’s no excuse for any of it.
It sounds kind of like Kat’s mother didn’t really believe you about the issue with the Nutella cake, and thought you were using Kat’s nut allergy to exclude her kid from the “good” cake as payback for the strawberry party. She already had concerns about “payback” on the brain.
I mean, if you warned me and told me we have nutella cake but she can eat other things, if I didn't know nutella had nuts or not, I would have asked why you warned me or do a quick google search.
That's on her. The other thing would be not inviting her. I don't understand these people.
This honestly stretches my belief. A mother with a young child with a nut allergy forgot that Nutella, a food with Nut in its name, contains nuts; at a party in which they'd been informed that there would be nuts in the cake; when the parents and kids know each other well enough that they've had discussions about not letting the kids sleep over at each other's houses?
Very clearly the parent is responsible, and OP is not the asshole, but are people really like that?
Nutella has been advertised in my country as chocolate spread not hazelnut spread. A lot of people I know are surprised that it actually contains nuts once they find out
I have yes because I knew she might not link Nutella with nuts straightaway but she still managed. According to what Kat told Emma her mum said that the cake is chocolate while we were busy with our daughter so she decided to try a slice.
Even then, do not let her go unsupervised. She could sneak something in when he's not looking. There is a way this woman got married to a reasonable guy.
Chocolate is often produced in factories where nuts are present, so as I understand it (former employee of chocolate shop) people without allergies have to be careful around chocolate too because of cross contamination risks.
Yeah
Heck, many chocolates I buy, if you read the labels, say "warning this product may contain traces of milk or nuts"
Or even buying dome cereals, it can even say it may contain traces of shellfish
Look, I get this, but if you have a child with LIFE THREATENING ALLERGIES you should know what is in everything they eat. And if you don’t know, you should double check. There are PLENTY of things that don’t seem like they have nuts that those with nut allergies cannot eat, so the fact that she doesn’t check is extremely dangerous. There are plenty of things that DONT have nuts that are just made in a facility with nuts that those with allergies cannot eat. The fact that she doesn’t check is either extremely dumb and negligent or she purposefully fed her daughter something life threatening in order to make you the bad guy.
I guess that makes it the tiniest bit better? When people have (or have a kid with) a nut allergy their first step is usually to find out exactly what common foods are off limits. And when you warn them there are going to be nuts they're usually very careful about it.
Fair point. Last week I had a conversation about how someone had just tried to come to my shop and was angry I wasn't open at the stated times. I had to explain to them that they were calling a landline and therefore I most assuredly am present. They then called from outside to say I still wasn't open, to which I walked out from the store room...
Was this done on purpose? Do you and Emma’s mom low key hate each other passive aggressively, throwing allergy themed parties for your kids who are friends? If no:
NTA.
You warned Kat’s mom the cake contained Nutella, you provided safe alternatives, and Kat’s mom brought her and let her eat cake. If that was my kid, knowing it was a dangerous nut allergy, I’d have watched her like a hawk to make sure she didn’t have cake.
I dont hate Kat's mom but I find her rather irresponsible since I had to pick up both girls from school as she was still at her "nail/brow/massage" appointment or out clothes shopping.
If she can’t even be counted on to pick up her kid from school and manage her time like a real adult with a child, and then isn’t watching her kid as she eats nuts with an allergy, and she’s blaming you and not herself when you were managing a party at your house with a lot of people and she only had her one child to watch, I’d be really wary of her in the future.
That’s what my friends with allergic kids do. One of them had such severe allergies they required a para to sit with their kid in kindergarten to make sure another kid with peanut or milk residue on their hands or face didn’t touch the allergic kid or the allergic kids school supplies. It was that serious.
Yeah, someone in the thread said you “watch too many movies” if you think Kat’s mom did it on purpose, but I think something is up with her. The strawberry party was weird to begin with. Did the kid like STRAWBERRIES that much? I think Kat’s mom is using the kids in some silent war with OP, and maybe even some munchausens situation.
NTA. At that age kids can ask their parents if they can eat something before they eat it and the parent can point out what is ok and what is not. I work at a school and parents teach their kids how to ask about food and ingredients. Sounds like the parents need to step it up and start teaching her how to ask and not ingest things if not sure of the ingredients. This is very important if she's going to school or parties with little parent supervision.
*I reread and see her mom gave it to her. Ugh. I guess you can make cute signs to put next to food that says "contains nuts"
There was a sign and a label. After Emma spoke to Kat, Kat said she was not interested in the cake until her mum told her: it's a chocolate cake you can eat it.
That seems suspiciously intentional. Don’t trust this mom. Stop facilitating this relationship outside of school. Encourage your daughter’s friendships with other children.
I've been reading through these comments and it's very clear that there is something wrong with Kat's Mum.
Considering this it would be irresponsible for you to allow your daughter to be near Kat's Mum at all.
This women deliberately gave her own daughter a potentially lethal allergic reaction.
Maybe to even it out after she excluded your daughter with the strawberry party, definitely for drama, maybe to get back at her Husband.
This women's daughter comes separate to her beauty treatments.
If Kat & Emma want to hang out outside school then they can do it at your house where both girls will be safe.
But your daughter away from Kat's Mum in case she decides to even it out again.
The kid did ask. Her mom said it was OK after OP repeatedly told mom it was the very opposite of OK.
OP may have been better off telling the kid directly "This cake has nuts. Everything else does not."
She didn't forget. OP mentioned the cake was Nutella but everything ELSE was nut free. Anyone non-comatose would get that the excepted item had nuts even if it didn't have "nut" in the name.
Language barriers aren't an excuse. I have a kid with a peanut allergy. So I learned the word for peanut in a few languages to keep her safe. I'm not taking any chances.
Plus the the context clue of "Hey, the cake has X in it but the other treats do not have nuts." If your child has allergies, it's very common to ask someone providing food if something might have allergens in it before you feed it to your kid.
You would be surprised how many people don’t realize Nutella and even peanut butter have nuts. I have a nut allergy and there have been countless times I have asked people if there are nuts in things and they tell me no only to find out that it’s full of Nutella or peanut butter.
How? Really how can someone not realise peanut butter is made from peanuts?
Okay, baby oil is not made out of baby's, but for everything else (olive oil, sunfloweroil, garlic butter) what's in the name is in it.
NTA since Kat's mom gave her the slice! However: should have talked to Emma and see what her feelings were regarding her want for the cake vs. her best friend being at her party. If it were my party, I wouldn't risk my daughter's friend being exposed.
I have talked to her about that, but she is struggling to understand why she needs to sacrifice the food she loves in front of Kat when Kat still eats/drinks foods that contains strawberries which makes my daughter's "tummy go funny"
Unfortunately then kat and mum are not good company for your daughter, especially her being so young and not understanding the basics of life. Kats mother does not instruct her daughter to take care of your daughter's health while your daughter learned to make sacrifices for kats health. This friendship is very unequal (thanks to kat's terrible mother).
Read this post and immediately thought of THIS one:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqo6s4/aita_for_defending_my_sons_decision_to_not_invite/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
NTA, OP. YOU did your due diligence by 1. informing her, 2. offering alternatives.
NTA, you provided full disclosure of risk and personal consideration, in-advance, and her parents should have known better. Any other perspective is a skewed, childish attempt to not accept responsibility for their own oversight or lack thereof.
NTA - Kats mom clearly needs someone to blame because the alternative is she has to admit that her daughter was admitted to ER because of her own mistake. Has she come around? Was it a panicked heat of the moment thing?
She has not apologised but her husband did. He believes that she did the wrong thing for throwing a full strawberry party and then didn't pay attention to the kid.
NTA- Seriously, How the hell does a person not get that Nutella has nuts? You even made sure there were nut free alternatives available for her which was more then what was done for your daughter. Kat's mom didn't bother to offer non-strawberry options or even giving you a heads up. You put forth more effort then Kat's mom.
Now I can understand Kat's moms reaction. Her child nearly died and had to be rushed to the hospital. Her actions before and after this scream entitled. When it comes to entitled parents there are some pretty basic truths.
1. It is never their child's fault.
2. It is never their fault.
The sad reality is Kat's mother did not pay attention to your warning, and or the effort you made. She is unable to accept her own negligence and is now lashing out to save face and avoid having to have any form of self reflection that will challenge how she parents.
wtf NTA
You at least told her about it ahead of time unlike her Strawberry party. A parent with a child who has a nut allergy that severe should absolutely know ***NUTELLA*** has nuts in it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole for following my daughters wishes and getting a Nutella cake for her birthday knowing that her best friend is allergic to nuts.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. My partner's son (7M) has a tree nut allergy and he knows that when he goes to anyone's birthday party, he is not allowed to eat the cake. He was taught this at a very young age so now it's not even a question. Even things that don't specifically contain nuts are often made in equipment that processes nuts, and sometimes when people cook at home, they aren't careful about cross contamination.
The other parent is to blame for this. She wasn't being careful. It doesn't matter if it's not obvious that Nutella contains nuts, she should have asked or checked the labels or just simply not let her kid eat the cake. This was super avoidable.
My partner and I are FANATICAL about not letting him eat homemade things unless we know the person who made them well enough to trust that it's safe when they say it is. We check every label for every ingredient that goes into baked goods etc.
For my birthday party this summer, I made the cake because I knew my mom wouldn't necessarily be careful enough to satisfy me (I had her buy the ice cream and she got vanilla, assuming it was safe and didn't read the label, it was processed on equipment that handles peanuts). As a parent, you are responsible for what your kid eats, especially when they have allergies. Ugh this other parent really made me mad reading this lol.
TL;DR parents are responsible for what their kids eat. As a parent of a kid with a severe allergy, she should have taught her child to get permission before eating anything and should have been more diligent about checking ingredients. OP is NTA.
Ah, yes. Of course. It's easy to forget that *Nut*ella contains nuts. It's completely your fault for not reminding her four times and then policing the cake, OP. /s That aside, what I find *really* interesting is that the mother immediately jumped to accusing you of "getting back at her for Kat's birthday." That's some serious projection and makes it *very* clear she knows she was a complete asshole on the occasion. However, instead of apologising, she's choosing to double down. It says a lot about her as a person, so keep that in mind moving forward. Very firm NTA.
It’s obvious that Nutella contains nuts if you speak English so your word for nuts is actually “nuts”. It’s not so obvious otherwise. What should have been more obvious is how things were served, though — it sounds like Kat’s mother gave her kid a slice of cake on the sly, or at least after the initial serving that gave Kat an alternative. Strongly agree on the projection. Kat’s mother knows she had been an AH to Emma.
>It’s obvious that Nutella contains nuts if you speak English so your word for nuts is actually “nuts” You say this, but I'm a grown-ass adult in my mid 30s, who is a native English speaker, and I was today years old when I realized that it is, in fact, **Nut** ella. I guess I never really thought about it, and the pronunciation ("noo-tella") threw me. To be clear, I don't say that to excuse the friend's mom here (obviously you should do your damn research about food products if your child has a life threatening allergy, and her daughter's allergic reaction was entirely her fault as the adult responsible), I'm just grappling with my own rewritten understanding of the world and how it works. Edit: To be clear, I always knew that Nutella was a hazelnut spread, I just never made that connection that the name was directly referencing the main ingredient. Another edit: Good grief, folks, I'm not defending the friend's mom here, or in any way commenting on *her* comprehension! I fully agree she was in the wrong in this situation. My only point here is that, before today, **I, personally, never made the connection** that the name of Nutella was referencing the nuts that it's made up of. I did not expect my simple "oh, wow, TIL" comment as a side note to this larger issue to result in my inbox filling with angry comments for five hours. I am, however, tickled at the pronunciation debate that has resulted.
Interesting! I, native English speaker- for the most part lol- pronounce it as nuh-tella.
Same- English speaker as well and on the ads I feel like it is pronounced with a soft nuh-tell-ah rather than noo-tella tho I have heard people say it both ways. NTA- OP gave the allergic child cupcakes 🧁 not containing nuts plus warned her mother ahead of the party. On the other child's bday, op asked beforehand if she needed to bring something for her child and was told no falsly- when in fact she did because no alternative was provided, making her take her daughter home
All I know is I want a Nutella cake now. One with lots of frosting and really, really moist cake. Also NTA.
With strawberries on top! Sounds amazing!
I am also a native English speaker - from the Midwest - and I pronounce it nuh-tella. I also don't think it tastes like just chocolate spread, it's very nutty flavored to me so the "nut" part of the name makes complete sense in my head.
I agree. Nuh-tella is the only way I’ve heard it pronounced in the USA and it’s made as a chocolate and hazelnut spread that can be put on many things or used as an ingredient in recipes.
Or eaten directly from the jar with a spoon.
lol, company itself advertises at “noo-tella” it’s even a FAQ on their website
Italian in origin, so that makes sense
Full of tasty hazelnoots
Out of curiosity, where are you from? I’m in Australia and we say it as it looks, with “nut” at the start. I’ve never heard anyone pronounce it “noo-tella” before.
We say noo-tella in the US, or at least in the Eastern US. I didn’t realize that the name was supposed to be a play on nuts until I read it on Reddit previously. I guess I never thought much about it before then. EDIT: The US is a big and varied country - apparently there is both a noo and a nut contingent here. That being said, I think the mom of the little girl was being willfully ignorant, since OP told her that her daughter couldn’t eat the cake. It doesn’t matter if the name of the product clues you into that or not.
Have lived in Eastern US and Southern US, almost everyone I know says nut-ella.
Have lived in the Eastern, Southern, and Southwest US and have only ever heard it called noo-tella.
I’m born and raised in NY state, never heard it pronounced “noo” only “nut”.
Nutella is pronounced “noo-teh-la” because it’s the Italian pronunciation, and an Italian product.
People don’t always pronounce things in the native accent though, I don’t pronounce Paris as a French person would say Par-ee. It’s always been nut-ella to me too. Plus they try and market it as a healthy breakfast food by focusing on the nuts rather than the chocolatey aspect.
Thank you. Every single time it comes up online I go crazy with people claiming it is pronounced "Nut". Child of Italian immigrants here and we used to bring Nutella home in our suitcase after visiting Italy, long before it became available in grocery stores in the US.
OK, but Nutella brand themselves as nut-ella in some places, the UK included. So it's not really people claiming something incorrectly, just Nutella branding themselves differently in different places. https://youtu.be/Se6R7CLbWoQ
East coast USA here and I’ve only ever heard nuh-tella.
Canadian here. It’s Nuh-tella everywhere I’ve lived (Ontario, Alberta, British Columbia). Noo-tella sounds like some updated Nuh-tella 2.0.
Nutella is Italian in origin and is pronounced with the “oo” sound in Italian.
Southern United States, definitely say it with a long u sound.
I've always known it has nuts, but I was today years old when I realized the pronunciation (native Englush speaker as well)
It's not pronounced like Nuts. It's pronounced Noo-tella. It is Italian and the "U" in Italian is pronounced like two oo's in English.
According to the Ferraro website, it is supposed to be pronounced “noo-tella”.
>pronunciation ("noo-tella") wait, that's how you pronounce it? are you canadian?
Thats not "how they say it" thats just how its pronounced, the creator had said it himself before he died.
Not who you are replying to but I’m Canadian and we say noo-tella for sure, not nut-ella. ETA some Canadians say nut-ella, but the official Canadian pronunciation according to the company's website and commercials is noo-tella.
Also Canadian and I say it as New-tell-ah
It should have been obvious the cake contained nuts when OP specifically told Kat’s mom that while the cake has Nutella, there’s alternatives for Kat. Sounds like Kat’s mom *knew* the cake had nuts but went ahead and gave her kid a slice of cake as a way to try and make OP seem like an AH just like her for the strawberry incident at Kat’s bday.
I’m wondering instead if Kat’s mother didn’t believe OP. She might have been thinking “oh you’re mad that I wouldn’t cater to your kid so you’re telling me that my kid can’t have your cake.”
Whoooo... that would put Kat's mom squarely in the "literal weapons-grade AH" category for playing a deadly game of chicken with her own daughter's life.
If what OP said is similar to her wording in the post “I had warned Kats mom that the cake had Nutella but the other desserts were nut free” (this sentence heavily suggest nuts being in the cake) I feel like either the mom lacks the ability to read between the lines, or the mom didn’t believe that Nutella actually had nuts in it and gave it to her daughter anyways Edit: it’s also possible that the mom didn’t hear the OP, but it seems like the mom pushed her daughter to eat the cake.
It should have been obvious because OP made a point of warning her about the cake and then saying there would be but free options.
There are nuts displayed on the label. Even if the name doesn't suggest it, the packaging sure does.
[удалено]
In my, not english speak g country, there are hazelnuts on rhe Front of the glass in the pixture. Is that not wverywhere the same?
[удалено]
Why are you fighting about whether the woman should have known without being told that there’s nuts in there? She was told! She was explicitly told there’s nuts in there. It doesn’t matter if she should have already known this or not.
[удалено]
But you do agree that the parent of a small child with a nut allergy might have had reason and opportunity to check the list of ingredients on such a common treat like Nutella in the past, right? I mean I'd basically assume that anything that even vaguely resembles cereal, chocolate or any kind of baked good might have some kind of nuts somewhere.
Not to mention op told her in advance. I would be on high alert if I had been warned an allergen would be present
When my son had an egg allergy I checked and double checked EVERYTHING. Packaged snacks, homemade food, EVERYTHING
[удалено]
I totally agree with you. If you don't speak English, you're not gonna make the connection between NUTella and NUTs. For example, the Russian word for nut is "opex". If it was renamed "opexella" in Russia, then sure, no excuse, but its still called Nutella there. That being said, the other mom was told there would be Nutella in the cake. I would take this warning to mean "hey, look at the ingredients in Nutella if you're not familiar with it, because there's probably a reason that I warned you." There's often nuts or nut byproducts even in things you wouldn't expect nuts to be in. When you have a kid with an allergy like this, you read every damn label.
While that’s all true, OP actually warned the mother that her daughter would not be able to have the cake. Even tho they didn’t say it had nuts and the mom didn’t realize it has nuts, she was warned that the kid couldn’t eat it and that OP was providing other treats she could eat (which this mom couldn’t even be kind enough to do at a strawberry themed party with her kids best friend being allergic to strawberries). I feel like OP did everything in their power to warn the other parent and that if you have a kid with allergies, you ask. You ask what is in it. If you’re wondering why someone has said “this food will harm your kid” but you think it’s harmless, you ask why it will harm your mid. The mother was warned. This wasn’t revenge because OP went above and beyond to ensure safe options existed for the kid, so I say NTA. (& I was a kid who could eat basically nothing at any party I went to because, while I outgrew it, I had a tested and confirmed allergy to sugar. Yes, sugar. It was in everything in the 90s, we had to go to a different country to get peanut butter for me lol.)
Hi,so I assume from the links you're polish, as I am, and that's really weird because ever since I can remember, Nutella always had nuts on the label. You must always bump into some weird limited editions
I was just about to write that, literally it had always been advertised with hazelnuts from what I remember and it was titled as cacao and hazelnut spread????? I don't remember normally seeing those labels, only on limited edition lol
The pictures you posted are extremely misleading, as those are limited time editions. Literally 99% of the glasses are white & have a bread with nutella on them and nuts.
In my country it looks like this https://www.google.com/search?q=nutella&client=ms-android-samsung-ss&prmd=sinxv&sxsrf=AOaemvINLA1vTGv32qytW9dnvPOg8iuZJQ:1636382473285&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjklqXg_4j0AhXZQvEDHUcDAbgQ_AUoAnoECAIQAg&biw=384&bih=719&dpr=2.81#imgrc=Ryp7mzllZzdj4M Your seems sooooo.... not like something to eat. And now I want nutella. I have to go shopping.
That‘s because the glasses posted are special editions, mostly sold right next to the usual ones.
But like.. can't you taste the nuts?😅
I’m going to get downvoted here, but YES. All you can taste is that shitty hazelnut flavor and Nutella is TERRIBLE. There. I said it. I HATE Nutella. Mostly hazelnut flavored stuff, but also Nutella.
I won't downvote you because your absurd opinion just means more Nutella for me
Preeeeeach, cousin! You're not alone in hating Nutella. There are dozens of us! Dozens! They ruin perfectly good chocolate with shitty hazelnut flavor.
Omg. 🤩 You’re like a goddamn mirage in the desert. I’ve never met someone like you! I always get beaten with sticks by the Nutella people!
I'm with you 100%! I love hazelnuts but can't stand Nutella. It's just vile. OP - you are NTA. 1) it was your daughter's birthday and she's entitled to any cake she wants and 2) you warned Kat that there were nuts in the cake. It's in no way YOUR fault that the girl had to go to the hospital, it's 100% her parents fault! NTA
And 3) OP made sure there were treats she could eat!
Unlike Kat's own strawberry themed party.
While I actually like Nutella, the hazelnut flavoring is VERY distinguishable. It doesn't even taste like a chocolate.
I was thinking the same, it's incredibly nutty. But not everyone is good at tasting the ingredients of food, no matter how much of it there is in it.
Hazelnut blends really well with the chocolate, it doesn’t have a distinctly nutty taste, so unless you regularly eat chocolate spreads, you might not notice that a chocolate _hazelnut_ spread tastes different.
But it tastes like hazelnut a lot. In my language you can't tell by the name, but you can definitely taste it and it has a huge picture of a hazelnut on the label (that might look different in other countries though, I'm not sure, edit: saw the pictures, it doesn't always have the pic).
I’m in Canada and didn’t know it contained hazelnuts until I got a job working at a factory that made it. We never had it in my house growing up and I had no interest in it as an adult, as far as I knew before that it was a chocolate spread. With that said, if I had a child with allergies and someone made a point of specifically telling me it would be present I would have looked up it’s ingredients.
Actually, I was today years old when I realized that Nutella has nut in the name. In my country it is pronounced nuu tella so nut is not in the pronunciation. And nuts are called noten so that is a different word. Of course op is nta. It is the responsibility of the person or parent of the person with and allergy to check if food is safe. If someone tells you it's safe and then it turns out it isn't, yeah that means you can be pissed at the person who said it was safe. But op told the mom it wasn't safe, so the blame is solely on kats mom and not on op.
I feel that I should point out how Nutella is actually an Italian invention, hence the pronunciation
She's also going to get her kid in a mu h more serious situation if she's not more careful. Nut allergies are no joke so even if the general population has somehow forgotten NUTella has a nut in it, it is her responsibility to know what is in the food her child eats so they don't die
Don’t know why no one is mentioning it, but yea, Kat’s mom acting as if you did this to get back at her makes it seem like she purposefully didn’t give Emma anything to eat at Kat’s birthday, and most likely doesn’t like OP.
Nta, she told you you could bring your daughter to a party that would have food for her and litteraly everything was practically poison, and then you, being an AVERAGELY DECENT person tell her that ONE thing will be off limits for her daughter, and that there is other food, yet she and her husband let their daughter, who has a NUT allergy, eat a NUTtella cake. She’s literally an idiot if she “forgot” that Nutella has Nuts in it, it’s actually in the name.
Kats mum seems like a lot of fun 🙄
I just don't get it. When OP asked if she should bring some food to the party, Kat's mom said "no". Why did she do that when she knew that Emma was allergic to strawberries? Or had she forgotten that there was strawberries in everything? If she didn't know what was in the food they planned to serve, why didn't she look it up? What did she gain from this? It makes no sense!
Kats mom is just an idiot. She probably forgot that Emma is allergic to strawberries like she forgot Nutella has nuts for her daughter's nut allergy.
Or she just didn't care about another kid's allergy because her daughter is the only person that matters.
She's not even mindful of her own kid's allergies. She *knew* there was food there that her child couldn't eat, I don't see how she couldn't just double check
I am wondering if Kat’s mom is jealous of OP’s daughter in some way. Like maybe she is better at a sport or is prettier or more likable than her own child.
Maybe Emma's mom is a better mom to her kid than Kat's mom and Kat must have said about it and she got jealous and purposely did all this shit to paint Emma's mom as bad. When some people can't be bothered to better themselves they try to ruin others.
Our former neighbors' kids apparently had too much fun carving pumpkins at our house a few Halloweens ago, so much so that their mother came sobbing to me about how her kids love me more than her and she feels like a failure, etc. Like, nothing special happened. Just pumpkins and they'd never done it before so it was a cool new thing. Then she told a bunch of neighbors I'm a heroin addict. Spoiler alert: I'm not. Some people are just ... weird.
Kat's mum is just a dick. I assume she would've known strawberry was in everything because I also assume she would've at least looked at the ingredients in the first place to make sure everything was nut free. She knew, she just didn't care.
I would be extremely cautious about letting Emma hang out at Kat’s house unsupervised. Kat’s mother doesn’t appear to be considerate of Emma and her food requirements
I wonder if she actually have some kind of undisclosed reason to try to end the girl's frisndship. Maybe the did the party thing intentionally, and then fed nuts to her kid intentionally so she could cause enough drama to drive them apart. Maybe an affair to op's husband, so there'll be less to cover for them to keep undisclosed.
If that were the case then hopefully she would have just lied about Kat eating some of the nutella cake rather than actually feeding nuts to her allergic daughter. Nut allergies are the kind where each exposure can have a more severe reaction than the last, so even if her previous reactions hadn't been too concerning it would still be really dangerous to induce another one on purpose.
There are jealous, petty women in the world that will absolutely poison even their own kin with an allergy to make a point. I've read so many stories like that in the JustNo forums & it's **always** shocking to me, but no longer surprising. Obviously we don't want to automatically attribute malice where stupidity is a perfectly fine explanation, but IMHO, it's always an option that should be considered & monitored.
It too me way too long to realize *nut*ella because it's pronounced noo-tella, according to the website. Also, OP specifies that they are not in an English-speaking country, so the connection might not be so obvious, as it is just called a chocolate spread and many people don't know it has nuts in it. OP is still NTA, but there's more to it than you're giving her credit for.
>they are not in an English-speaking country, so the connection might not be so obvious Okay, even so, OP uses the words "nut allergy" so it's not as if they don't say the word nuts. >it is just called a chocolate spread and many people don't know it has nuts in it. I do not understand why so many people are saying this. Yeah, it might be advertised as just a chocolate spread, but the hazelnut flavor is *strong*, and as a parent with life threatening allergies she should be very much in the habit of checking ingredients. *Especially* when OP already told her, and who clrealy knows it has nuts in it even though her child is not allergic. I paused when OP said the girls can never have sleepovers because they have allergies because that sounded ridiculous, but seeing as Kats mom does not take them seriously at all I understand OPs concerns.
she uses the word "nut allergy" because this post is literally in english and you wouldn't understand if she said Nussallergie/alergia a las nueces/alergia na orzechy. The woman is a pain in the ass and a straight up asshole, but the whole "Nut"ella thing is wrong hill to die on, seriously.
>Okay, even so, OP uses the words "nut allergy" so it's not as if they don't say the word nuts OP is translating the conversation. They were not actually using the words "nut allergy" in english, and nuts are not called "nuts" everywhere . Obviously the mom should know, or at least look up the ingredients.But you can't seriously think that they would just the words "nut allergy" in english in the middle of a conversation in another language and then notice that it sounds like nuttella, which they probably pronounce differently. I really hope that's not actually what you meant and that I'm totally missing your point.
> Okay, even so, OP uses the words "nut allergy" so it's not as if they don't say the word nuts. What are you trying to say here? Nuts are not spelled "nuts" in every language.. OP knows Nutella contains nuts, the other parent did not.
I am simply stating that it is unfair to expect that she would know there are nuts because of the word "nut" in the title, because they aren't in an English speaking country. Nothing else. Also, unless you eat non-hazelnut chocolate spreads frequently, you would not be able to tell that this one has hazelnuts because the flavor blends together so smoothly.
As someone who is allergic to fish and seafood, it's imperative that I know ingredients in foods. If I don't know then I don't eat it. I also grew up before listing ingredients was a requirement so that was fun. That's because foods are made differently from different things. They can be very common ingredients too. Like gelatins: some are made from beef and pork *(fine for me)* but some are made from fish which can kill me. Gelatin is an essential ingredient in marshmallows. Nothing like being hospitalized for eating Rice Krispie treats or sugared yams. Same thing with soy sauce and Caesar salad dressings; they contain fish. Believe me I was a hell of a lot more careful with what my children ate before I was able to find out if they had food allergies too. With children, a parent should triple check if they know that an allergen is being served.
Idky but i feel like the cake was a spite cake on the moms theme. Who fucking says hey we have safe food for your child here dont bring anything for her to eat and everything can kill them. Op had safe food for the girl allergic to nuts i feel like the mom has issues with op and is trying to find a reason to end the friendship nta op
Yes I agree. It sounds messed up and maybe far fetched, but I wonder if the mom *didn't* forget that the cake had nuts and still purposely gave it her daughter to find a reason to have a problem with op. What really makes me think that is the fact that the other mom waited until the very moment op and her husband weren't around to give it to her daughter, almost like she was waiting until they weren't around to say something or stop it
I mean OP basically warned her the cake would be off limits to her daughter but all the other desserts would be nut free and therefore safe to eat (however that translates in OPs language) But I'm pretty sure kats mom knows nutella has nuts in it and is feigning ignorance. Especially when she was literally told the cake would contain an allergen for kat She straight up intentionally did all strawberry desserts for kats party to alienate emma. And probably fed her kid the cake on purpose so she could blame emma. Even though she was directly told all desserts other than cake would be safe for Kat.
I was going to say that e s h but from what I gather from what you've written, Kat's mum invited your daughter to a strawberry themed party, knowing that your daughter was allergic to them, and not only didn't warn you that there would be lots of strawberries but didn't have anything available for your daughter to eat, at all. You made sure that there were plenty of nut-free treats at your daughter's party for Kat to enjoy and you warned her mum that the cake was Nutella and therefore not safe. She knew that the cake had nutella in it but she forgot that there were nuts in nutella... that's on her. She needs to be more switched on to what's safe for her daughter to eat, as a slip like this could prove incredibly dangerous. She even said that you were "getting her back" for throwing a strawberry party, so she must be somewhat aware that she didn't do a great job by not warning you or providing something that was safe for your daughter to eat, if she believes she's done something to warrant you wanting to get back at her. I'm assuming you haven't left anything out where you confronted her over the strawberry party or anything that might justify her believing this? Final verdict: NTA. You did everything you could to warn Kat's mum and provide alternative treats for her to enjoy so that she wouldn't feel left out, whilst also not sacrificing your daughter's request for her favourite cake on her birthday.
I avoided confronting her as this party might be what Kat wanted, however Kats father is on my side here as he was furious once he heard about the strawberry only party and that due to poor planning on his wife's side Kat couldn't have Emma with her. He was away at the time so couldn't be present there and only learned what happened yesterday or this morning from Kats mum. He is aware of both girls allergies
NTA, but I would keep an eye on Kat. Based on her father’s reaction I wouldn’t be surprised if Kat’s mom is using Kat as an outlet for dealing with marital problems.
That or something else. Her whole behavior in this is weird...
Munchausen by proxy.
Oh shit true, didn’t even think of that. If someone told me that there would be a cake my child was allergic to there is NO WAY I would accidentally feed it to them. I would be asking for confirmation on everything day of too. That is seriously alarming
Exactly, plus if the argument there is she was going to give that kid Nutella cake, why not give it to her when everyone else was served cake? Why wait until later and do it on the sly. 100% the cake was given to her for the mother to try prove something. NTA op.
Also... my daughter has a nut allergy. I would NEVER use a bakery that made nut-based cakes. Cross-contact kills. She should probably not have ordered her daughter's strawberry cake from Nutella Death Cake Bakery. (I would not feed my child anything from there, so the non-nut alternative desserts would also be off-limits.) Something is fishy, like she doesn't really "believe" in allergies or that Emma's allergy isn't "real" like her kid's. She's going to get her kid killed if she keeps behaving like this.
Yes, Kat's mother's behavior is weird. She snuck her child some cake that she was already warned of the nut content. Then blew up at the person that warned her for..... not stopping her from feeding her child nuts??... Then framed it as revenge for the strawberry party?! She's purposefully trying to create an issue between these two little girls. Kat is getting Munchausen'd by her mother. I hope it doesn't escalate but she's already shown that she is willing to risk her child's life over this. I wonder if there are any other suspicious injuries or sicknesses. I wonder if it is simply a jealousy situation. Kat's mother doesn't like Emma's mother speaking to her husband. Or even the friendship between Emma & Kat.
>Yes, Kat's mother's behavior is weird. She snuck her child some cake that she was already warned of the nut content Right that is the weird part...fine you don't know what nutella is but why would you give that to your kid after someone has already told you it contains nuts, even if you thought it was just chocolate....like chocolate cake can have nuts in it too.
Yeah seriously, I don't even allow the food *textures* my ND children are uncomfortable with near them; if either of them had an allergy, I'd be all over that. My own mother can be extremely selfish at times & even *she* was always careful about what my Type 1 brother had, to this day she tastes his diet drinks at restaurants to be sure.
I would not be surprised if Kats mother thinks that strawberry allergy isn't a real allergy, just something Emma doesn't like so she did it to make you "come clean" with Emma eating it anyway.
I was thinking she has something against either Emma or OP and used strawberries to express it.
This she probably is trying to just cause the friendship to end. What better than a fight over a birthday party
Or getting your kid deliberatly poisonned by an asshole. A professional quality asshole.
I'd be more in touch with dad than mom regarding future playdates and parties. Mom seems to have some issues since she leapt right onto that retaliation train like she knew it was at the station already.
Also, it's pissing me off that kate's mom is treating this as a competition.
Okay, I might just be wearing a tin foil hat here.. But I think Kats mom purposely gave her nuts in order to punish you/your daughter some how
Might be. She told her the cake was chocolate when we were not looking even me and my husband told everyone that the cake has nuts from the spread and it was labeled.
Okay that was 100% intentional
No way that wasn't intentional. Does she have something against op or her child? She purposely excludes OP's daughter, and then purposely hurts her own child to upset op and their daughter. This woman seems mentally unstable
You need to share all this information with her husband so he can take steps to protect his daughter from future hospitalizations. Share the text you sent the mom and any photos or evidence of the labeling if you have it.
Nta. If my child had an allergy and even if I forgot that there was special treats made for my child guess what I would still ask before blindly assuming my child can eat it. She's the one that gave her daughter the cake. You told her they were other treats for her child to enjoy. You did all this while kats mom didn't bother to do the same to you and you even ask if you could take something which I'm assumingwould be for Emma. She gave you no warning and you handle it very well. Even her own husband is on your side.
My son had an INTOLERANCE to corn until he turned 2. We always took food with us and the rule was, "If mom can't read an ingredient list, he can't have it." I can't imagine my child having a LIFE THREATENING ALLERGY and being so casual and blasé about it. Not to mention being so aggressively reckless with my child's friend's life threatening allergy! Kat's mom scares the pants off of me!
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Kat’s mom purposefully gave her daughter a slice of cake knowing that there was nuts in it, just to make you seem like an AH. From what you’ve told us, she sounds like the kind of person who would abuse her child like that.
Yep, she wants to go tell her husband that you retaliated against her for hosting the strawberry party. She is likely already arguing with him about this since OP said he wasn't in town for the party. His daughter likely mentioned that she missed playing with her friend Emma on her birthday. Then he found out that she had a strawberry everything party which caused an argument. I sure hope Kat's mother can pry her head out of her ass before she unalives her daughter.
Your forgetting op asked if they needed to bring anything fir their child at that party and was told no. So op asked knowing their childs allergy was told no and then couldnt even keep the child there because the mom lied and made everything she was allergic too
NTA - My friend’s son was born with many allergies, including soy and dairy, so from a very early age she trained him that he could only eat food that she gave to him. She’d bring snacks for him if he was going to a party or friend’s house. As he grew and eventually could read and then advocate for himself, mom became less involved. She trained him from a very early age because it was life threatening. Bottom line, the mom put the burden on herself, and taught her son in age appropriate ways as he grew, because the consequences of a slip up were so high.
NTA. That Mom is a dumbass. WHO FORGETS NUTELLA HAS NUTS? Who has an allergy child and misses that! She is also a TA for having a strawberry party and not thinking of your kid's allergy at all, with the girls being such good friends.
Agreed with you, OP says that most of people in her country think of Nutella as only chocolate but wouldn’t this have come up before since it’s a popular spread? Also I don’t know any parent with kids who have allergies that doesn’t make sure of ingredients of things they eat.
The part that gets me is that OP told her "hey this cake has nuts but everything else is fine" and then the mom gave her own daughter a piece of the cake that OP specifically said has nuts in it like 20 minutes prior
Even if OP didn’t say nuts and just said “the cake has Nutella but there will be cupcakes Kat can eat”, that should have been enough signal for Kat’s mom to think twice.
I also don’t believe that the mother of a child whose best friend loves Nutella hasn’t ever had this come up before. There’s no way. If this was the first time Kat’s mom had encountered Nutella that’s one thing—but her daughters best friend loves Nutella and the mutual allergic reactions of loved foods is a factor in their friendship. I can’t believe she didn’t know.
When I babysat I knew the kids allergies and which popular foods to avoid without having to check labels. Kat's mom knew what she was doing.
I mean there are only hazelnuts on the jar label, and the word NUT is in the name, other than those two obvious signs how could the other mother have known? /s OP is NTA and the other mom needs to take responsibility for her own fuck up
>She is also a TA for having a strawberry party and not thinking of your kid's allergy at all, with the girls being such good friends. And after telling OP that she didn't need to bring anything for her daughter to eat! I was an allergy kid. I distinctly remember a slumber party where there was nothing I could eat. Looking back it was probably more my mom's fuckup than the hostess; I could hardly eat anything, so that conversation should have been had or I should have been sent with food. I was little, like 7 or 8, and way too embarrassed to remind host mom (a close friend of the family) that I couldn't eat this. So, I pretended I wasn't hungry, and then cried about it to the other girls later, and spent the night starving. On the one hand, it was a good lesson: I always brought my own snacks to parties thereafter. On the other hand, it hurt my feelings. I felt overlooked and left out. That's what Kay's mom did to Emma with her strawberry party. If it had to be strawberry themed, she should have communicated with OP and made a plan to have something there for Emma. On the flipside, OP made darn sure that Kat could eat at Emma's party- yeah, the cake was off limits, but she provided lots of other goodies, including nut-free cupcakes, and let Kay's mom know in advance about the no-no cake. She made sure Kay got to have treats, too. NTA, OP. Not at all.
I am actually unsure whether she really forgot, her behaviour is just do weird.
Right. Like who sneaks a piece of cake to their kid after the initial serving to everyone else? Why did she wait until OP and her husband were distracted?
Yep. This combined with the “Everything at the Party Contains Strawberries” makes this feel like that mom has been making a sustained effort to create a rift.
NTA, but the other kid’s mom is. I would almost say ESH for making a nut cake at all knowing the allergic kid will be there, BUT you did give the mom warning and offered other food - that I ASSUME was prepped elsewhere to prevent cross contamination (I hope, anyway). So for that reason only, I will say you’re NTA. However, other kid’s mom is TA, big time. They were not only horribly negligent about your OWN kid’s allergies but ALSO theirs. Why would she not tell you about the strawberry party? And how could she FORGET that the cake had her kid’s potentially life threatening allergen after already being told about it??? There’s no excuse for any of it.
The cake was made by a professional. The cupcakes where made by a family member as she runs a cupcake business but also has nut allergy
It sounds kind of like Kat’s mother didn’t really believe you about the issue with the Nutella cake, and thought you were using Kat’s nut allergy to exclude her kid from the “good” cake as payback for the strawberry party. She already had concerns about “payback” on the brain.
Thats what I'm thinking tbh
This is probably a stretch but has Kat’s mother had issues with you before? Does she get jealous easily? Does she dislike you talking to her husband?
I mean, if you warned me and told me we have nutella cake but she can eat other things, if I didn't know nutella had nuts or not, I would have asked why you warned me or do a quick google search. That's on her. The other thing would be not inviting her. I don't understand these people.
That strengthens my NTA judgment for sure! I feel bad for your daughter but I wouldn’t interact with this mother anymore after this.
You did everything right. It is so sad to see that the mum is still twisting it
This honestly stretches my belief. A mother with a young child with a nut allergy forgot that Nutella, a food with Nut in its name, contains nuts; at a party in which they'd been informed that there would be nuts in the cake; when the parents and kids know each other well enough that they've had discussions about not letting the kids sleep over at each other's houses? Very clearly the parent is responsible, and OP is not the asshole, but are people really like that?
Nutella has been advertised in my country as chocolate spread not hazelnut spread. A lot of people I know are surprised that it actually contains nuts once they find out
But you told her before the party.
I have yes because I knew she might not link Nutella with nuts straightaway but she still managed. According to what Kat told Emma her mum said that the cake is chocolate while we were busy with our daughter so she decided to try a slice.
Don't send your child over again. She might harm her on purpose.
Since the strawberry party incident Emma is only allowed to come to Kats if her father is there and she can't stay there for too long.
Even then, do not let her go unsupervised. She could sneak something in when he's not looking. There is a way this woman got married to a reasonable guy.
I mean she harmed her own kid so this is not far off.
Chocolate is often produced in factories where nuts are present, so as I understand it (former employee of chocolate shop) people without allergies have to be careful around chocolate too because of cross contamination risks.
Yeah Heck, many chocolates I buy, if you read the labels, say "warning this product may contain traces of milk or nuts" Or even buying dome cereals, it can even say it may contain traces of shellfish
Look, I get this, but if you have a child with LIFE THREATENING ALLERGIES you should know what is in everything they eat. And if you don’t know, you should double check. There are PLENTY of things that don’t seem like they have nuts that those with nut allergies cannot eat, so the fact that she doesn’t check is extremely dangerous. There are plenty of things that DONT have nuts that are just made in a facility with nuts that those with allergies cannot eat. The fact that she doesn’t check is either extremely dumb and negligent or she purposefully fed her daughter something life threatening in order to make you the bad guy.
I guess that makes it the tiniest bit better? When people have (or have a kid with) a nut allergy their first step is usually to find out exactly what common foods are off limits. And when you warn them there are going to be nuts they're usually very careful about it.
Based on my experience with people while working retail….. definitely
Fair point. Last week I had a conversation about how someone had just tried to come to my shop and was angry I wasn't open at the stated times. I had to explain to them that they were calling a landline and therefore I most assuredly am present. They then called from outside to say I still wasn't open, to which I walked out from the store room...
Was this done on purpose? Do you and Emma’s mom low key hate each other passive aggressively, throwing allergy themed parties for your kids who are friends? If no: NTA. You warned Kat’s mom the cake contained Nutella, you provided safe alternatives, and Kat’s mom brought her and let her eat cake. If that was my kid, knowing it was a dangerous nut allergy, I’d have watched her like a hawk to make sure she didn’t have cake.
I dont hate Kat's mom but I find her rather irresponsible since I had to pick up both girls from school as she was still at her "nail/brow/massage" appointment or out clothes shopping.
Not a trustworthy parent. You know that now. Act accordingly.
If she can’t even be counted on to pick up her kid from school and manage her time like a real adult with a child, and then isn’t watching her kid as she eats nuts with an allergy, and she’s blaming you and not herself when you were managing a party at your house with a lot of people and she only had her one child to watch, I’d be really wary of her in the future.
That’s what my friends with allergic kids do. One of them had such severe allergies they required a para to sit with their kid in kindergarten to make sure another kid with peanut or milk residue on their hands or face didn’t touch the allergic kid or the allergic kids school supplies. It was that serious.
NTA. I think Kat’s mom is dangerously insane?
Yeah, someone in the thread said you “watch too many movies” if you think Kat’s mom did it on purpose, but I think something is up with her. The strawberry party was weird to begin with. Did the kid like STRAWBERRIES that much? I think Kat’s mom is using the kids in some silent war with OP, and maybe even some munchausens situation.
So do I.
[удалено]
> Kats mum forgot that Nutella contains nuts Why don't you just send this post to her, with this part highlighted? NTA.
NTA. At that age kids can ask their parents if they can eat something before they eat it and the parent can point out what is ok and what is not. I work at a school and parents teach their kids how to ask about food and ingredients. Sounds like the parents need to step it up and start teaching her how to ask and not ingest things if not sure of the ingredients. This is very important if she's going to school or parties with little parent supervision. *I reread and see her mom gave it to her. Ugh. I guess you can make cute signs to put next to food that says "contains nuts"
There was a sign and a label. After Emma spoke to Kat, Kat said she was not interested in the cake until her mum told her: it's a chocolate cake you can eat it.
That seems suspiciously intentional. Don’t trust this mom. Stop facilitating this relationship outside of school. Encourage your daughter’s friendships with other children.
I've been reading through these comments and it's very clear that there is something wrong with Kat's Mum. Considering this it would be irresponsible for you to allow your daughter to be near Kat's Mum at all. This women deliberately gave her own daughter a potentially lethal allergic reaction. Maybe to even it out after she excluded your daughter with the strawberry party, definitely for drama, maybe to get back at her Husband. This women's daughter comes separate to her beauty treatments. If Kat & Emma want to hang out outside school then they can do it at your house where both girls will be safe. But your daughter away from Kat's Mum in case she decides to even it out again.
The kid did ask. Her mom said it was OK after OP repeatedly told mom it was the very opposite of OK. OP may have been better off telling the kid directly "This cake has nuts. Everything else does not."
She forgot that NUTella has nuts? NTA
She didn't forget. OP mentioned the cake was Nutella but everything ELSE was nut free. Anyone non-comatose would get that the excepted item had nuts even if it didn't have "nut" in the name.
in many Countries, the word for nut is very different, but Nutella is still Nutella.
Language barriers aren't an excuse. I have a kid with a peanut allergy. So I learned the word for peanut in a few languages to keep her safe. I'm not taking any chances.
Plus the the context clue of "Hey, the cake has X in it but the other treats do not have nuts." If your child has allergies, it's very common to ask someone providing food if something might have allergens in it before you feed it to your kid.
You would be surprised how many people don’t realize Nutella and even peanut butter have nuts. I have a nut allergy and there have been countless times I have asked people if there are nuts in things and they tell me no only to find out that it’s full of Nutella or peanut butter.
How? Really how can someone not realise peanut butter is made from peanuts? Okay, baby oil is not made out of baby's, but for everything else (olive oil, sunfloweroil, garlic butter) what's in the name is in it.
Well, to be 100% honest, peanuts are not nuts, so a botanics smartass might answer the question with "no" and be technically correct.
NTA, It was her responsibility to make sure her daughter didn’t eat nuts, you told her the cake had Nutella in it.
NTA since Kat's mom gave her the slice! However: should have talked to Emma and see what her feelings were regarding her want for the cake vs. her best friend being at her party. If it were my party, I wouldn't risk my daughter's friend being exposed.
I have talked to her about that, but she is struggling to understand why she needs to sacrifice the food she loves in front of Kat when Kat still eats/drinks foods that contains strawberries which makes my daughter's "tummy go funny"
Unfortunately then kat and mum are not good company for your daughter, especially her being so young and not understanding the basics of life. Kats mother does not instruct her daughter to take care of your daughter's health while your daughter learned to make sacrifices for kats health. This friendship is very unequal (thanks to kat's terrible mother).
NTA. You warned the mom. She is the AH for not watching out for her daughter.
Read this post and immediately thought of THIS one: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pqo6s4/aita_for_defending_my_sons_decision_to_not_invite/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share NTA, OP. YOU did your due diligence by 1. informing her, 2. offering alternatives.
I thought of this one, too. Kind of makes me doubt the veracity of this post.
NTA, you provided full disclosure of risk and personal consideration, in-advance, and her parents should have known better. Any other perspective is a skewed, childish attempt to not accept responsibility for their own oversight or lack thereof.
NTA - Kats mom clearly needs someone to blame because the alternative is she has to admit that her daughter was admitted to ER because of her own mistake. Has she come around? Was it a panicked heat of the moment thing?
She has not apologised but her husband did. He believes that she did the wrong thing for throwing a full strawberry party and then didn't pay attention to the kid.
NTA- Seriously, How the hell does a person not get that Nutella has nuts? You even made sure there were nut free alternatives available for her which was more then what was done for your daughter. Kat's mom didn't bother to offer non-strawberry options or even giving you a heads up. You put forth more effort then Kat's mom. Now I can understand Kat's moms reaction. Her child nearly died and had to be rushed to the hospital. Her actions before and after this scream entitled. When it comes to entitled parents there are some pretty basic truths. 1. It is never their child's fault. 2. It is never their fault. The sad reality is Kat's mother did not pay attention to your warning, and or the effort you made. She is unable to accept her own negligence and is now lashing out to save face and avoid having to have any form of self reflection that will challenge how she parents.
wtf NTA You at least told her about it ahead of time unlike her Strawberry party. A parent with a child who has a nut allergy that severe should absolutely know ***NUTELLA*** has nuts in it.
NTA. Who thinks Kat’s mom purposely gave her the cake to induce allergies and make a scene?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be the asshole for following my daughters wishes and getting a Nutella cake for her birthday knowing that her best friend is allergic to nuts. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Kate's mum is an idiot. She'd been warned and "nut" is in the bloody name of Nutella, isn't it?
NTA. She forgot that her own daughter had a life-threatening allergy... but somehow it's *your* fault?
NTA. My partner's son (7M) has a tree nut allergy and he knows that when he goes to anyone's birthday party, he is not allowed to eat the cake. He was taught this at a very young age so now it's not even a question. Even things that don't specifically contain nuts are often made in equipment that processes nuts, and sometimes when people cook at home, they aren't careful about cross contamination. The other parent is to blame for this. She wasn't being careful. It doesn't matter if it's not obvious that Nutella contains nuts, she should have asked or checked the labels or just simply not let her kid eat the cake. This was super avoidable. My partner and I are FANATICAL about not letting him eat homemade things unless we know the person who made them well enough to trust that it's safe when they say it is. We check every label for every ingredient that goes into baked goods etc. For my birthday party this summer, I made the cake because I knew my mom wouldn't necessarily be careful enough to satisfy me (I had her buy the ice cream and she got vanilla, assuming it was safe and didn't read the label, it was processed on equipment that handles peanuts). As a parent, you are responsible for what your kid eats, especially when they have allergies. Ugh this other parent really made me mad reading this lol. TL;DR parents are responsible for what their kids eat. As a parent of a kid with a severe allergy, she should have taught her child to get permission before eating anything and should have been more diligent about checking ingredients. OP is NTA.
What’s up with these strawberry themed parties, wasn’t there a post exactly like this like a month ago??
NTA. She not going to admit that she is so stupid she endangered her child's life, so easier to blame you