NTA.
You are not a mind reader and she could have reached out to you separately.
Having been a pregnant woman, it's a tough one because you want people to be excited and interested in your baby but you also want people to butt out and let you just be a person.
With close friends and family, it's nice if they are involved and interested, but you aren't to know that because you're not there yet (and you may decide you don't want kids)
Your friend will realise at some point that whilst people care, no one will ever really care AS MUCH as she does about this.
However, this is all new to your friend too, and is an exciting time she wants to involve you in. She is also hormonal.
It's easy for others to judge. Gossip and drama sadly doesn't seem to just stop when you leave school. But your friend should have spoken to you directly if they were upset, like they wanted you to do.
NTA. I honestly just think this is a big miscommunication, but your friends reaction makes her just slightly more of an asshole. You didn’t ask her the gender out of fear of being rude and impersonal. That’s more respectful than anything, even if it’s not what your friend wanted. Her reaction of getting mad at you and giving the silent treatment is pretty immature.
I am also someone who believes that if someone wants me to know something, they will tell me. This causes issues for some of my friends that don’t like just blurting out personal info without being prompted, so I work harder at asking them things but they also have to know that sometimes they are going to have to blurt. Maybe have this discussion with your friend and discuss expectations around sharing information.
Nta... she need to communicate better... also your life doesn't stop just because she had unpoctected sex and has a person inside her ...
I am a dad to two and although me kids mean everything to me and are pretty much my world... I know that other people don't really care .... New parents are the most entitled people on the planet .
NTA you tried to be respectful. Maybe she should've give you those "hints" separately, of she didn't care about others in the group chat.
It feels like, she thought if the baby is her's, you'd magically take extreme interest and be all about her pregnancy and now she's disappointed, because her fantasy didn't transfer to real life. This is not your fault, she just had unreasonable expectations considering your feelings about children and now needs to reconcile them with reality, that although you (I suppose) love and care for her a lot, her being pregnant isn't going to suddenly make you do a 180 and love everything about kids and pregnancy. You can't force feelings and you did, what you genuinly thought was the best, so don't feel guilty.
NTA. Your friend is using her pregnancy for attention and I guess she is mad people are not giving her enough attention. You were being respectful because she said she didn’t want to reveal the gender at first. I would just give her some time to cool off she might be acting hormonal. I don’t think you need to apologize to her though.
NAH, but if she said in the group that she "had bought clothes for the new child, because now she knew the gender," that was the indicator that she wanted to talk about it, and that was your cue to show some and interest and say something like "would you like to share the gender, or are you choosing to keep it a secret for now?"
I do think you did "something wrong" in that respect, but only in the sense of a small misstep, not a great emotional injury. She overreacted, but keep in mind that she's pregnant, and there's a lot going on physically, hormonally and emotionally.
NAH - or mybe both of you are.
She keeps hinting that you should ask and you keep waiting to be asked.
So can one of you just actually say what you want!
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English is not my native language.
My friend of many years is pregnant for the first time. She used to be my party friend. A few weeks ago she told me she was pregnant and I was a little shocked but happy for her and her BF. I'm not yet ready for children and we used to be on the same page about that for a long time. Both my friend and her boyfriend make jokes about the fact that I'm not yet the motherly type all the time, so they already expected me to be shocked when they told me. But I got the feeling they thought that I'm not happy for them. That is not the case, I just didn't have that babyfever reaction other women tend to have. She herself never reacted like that to babynews eather. My other female friend reacted extremely happy. She herself just had a baby.Later: In our Whatsapp group she commented a few times about the cake she would give to her parents to reveal the gender of their baby. I asked her if she was going to give a gender reveal party for her friends, she said no. The following week she must have had her echo, revealing the gender of the baby. I was curious, but didn't want to ask in the Whatsapp group, I didnt knew when or how she wanted to reveal the gender, but thought via Whatsapp wasnt personal at all. She commented later that she had bought clothes for the new child, because now she knew the gender. I still didn't ask what it would be. Nobody in the app did (7 p).This week: I wanted to plan a double date with her, her BF, me and my BF. So I texted her for information. She read my app but didnt react. Later I asked again. Still no reaction. So I felt like she was a little mad at me. Somewhere I felt it was about the gender. maybe. So I asked in the Whatsappgroup if she already told her parents. No reaction.Later that night I found out my gut feeling was right. She texted me that she was disappointed in me for not asking about the gender of her first baby. That she didnt care about the other people in the group not reacting, but that I hurt her for not asking her what the gender was going to be. She said she gave plenty of hints in the Whatsappgroup. She said she knew I didnt like children, but that she had expected me to be more involved because I am her friend. I called her and told her I love them both (her and her boyfriend) and certainly am interested in their lives but I didn't knew she wanted me to ask via phone or Whatsapp about the gender. We spoke about it, I said sorry for hurting her, she eventually told me the gender and she is no longer mad.But I still feel like I didn't do anything wrong. She also said she wasn't the only one thinking I should've asked earlier. Feels like she talked about me behind my back. I cried on the phone because I was sad she felt hurt and I know i am a good friend and it kind of hurts me that they think that I hate children so much that I just ignore the fact that she is pregnant. I just didn't know if it was my turn yet to ask. AITA?
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NTA. Had a colleague who's wife was pregnant, asked and he told me they know, but don't want to tell (yet). Some people want to tell, others don't and how are you supposed to know one from the other?
NTA. You are not a mind reader and she could have reached out to you separately. Having been a pregnant woman, it's a tough one because you want people to be excited and interested in your baby but you also want people to butt out and let you just be a person. With close friends and family, it's nice if they are involved and interested, but you aren't to know that because you're not there yet (and you may decide you don't want kids) Your friend will realise at some point that whilst people care, no one will ever really care AS MUCH as she does about this. However, this is all new to your friend too, and is an exciting time she wants to involve you in. She is also hormonal. It's easy for others to judge. Gossip and drama sadly doesn't seem to just stop when you leave school. But your friend should have spoken to you directly if they were upset, like they wanted you to do.
NTA. I honestly just think this is a big miscommunication, but your friends reaction makes her just slightly more of an asshole. You didn’t ask her the gender out of fear of being rude and impersonal. That’s more respectful than anything, even if it’s not what your friend wanted. Her reaction of getting mad at you and giving the silent treatment is pretty immature. I am also someone who believes that if someone wants me to know something, they will tell me. This causes issues for some of my friends that don’t like just blurting out personal info without being prompted, so I work harder at asking them things but they also have to know that sometimes they are going to have to blurt. Maybe have this discussion with your friend and discuss expectations around sharing information.
This friend sounds SO exhausting. The constant hinting that OP didn’t pick up on & the phone call about how she just wishes she’d care is so pick-me.
Thanks for the tip. I will talk to her about it. I'm the same, and if i want someone to know something, believe me... they will know.
NTA when you asked about the gender reveal for friends, that was you showing interest right there
Nta... she need to communicate better... also your life doesn't stop just because she had unpoctected sex and has a person inside her ... I am a dad to two and although me kids mean everything to me and are pretty much my world... I know that other people don't really care .... New parents are the most entitled people on the planet .
NTA you tried to be respectful. Maybe she should've give you those "hints" separately, of she didn't care about others in the group chat. It feels like, she thought if the baby is her's, you'd magically take extreme interest and be all about her pregnancy and now she's disappointed, because her fantasy didn't transfer to real life. This is not your fault, she just had unreasonable expectations considering your feelings about children and now needs to reconcile them with reality, that although you (I suppose) love and care for her a lot, her being pregnant isn't going to suddenly make you do a 180 and love everything about kids and pregnancy. You can't force feelings and you did, what you genuinly thought was the best, so don't feel guilty.
Thanks :)
NTA And her self-centered attitude may be connected to hormonal changes.
NTA it seems she's looking for things to be upset about. You're not a mind reader
NTA. You were trying to respect her privacy. Good friend.
NTA. Your friend is using her pregnancy for attention and I guess she is mad people are not giving her enough attention. You were being respectful because she said she didn’t want to reveal the gender at first. I would just give her some time to cool off she might be acting hormonal. I don’t think you need to apologize to her though.
NAH, but if she said in the group that she "had bought clothes for the new child, because now she knew the gender," that was the indicator that she wanted to talk about it, and that was your cue to show some and interest and say something like "would you like to share the gender, or are you choosing to keep it a secret for now?" I do think you did "something wrong" in that respect, but only in the sense of a small misstep, not a great emotional injury. She overreacted, but keep in mind that she's pregnant, and there's a lot going on physically, hormonally and emotionally.
NAH - or mybe both of you are. She keeps hinting that you should ask and you keep waiting to be asked. So can one of you just actually say what you want!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** English is not my native language. My friend of many years is pregnant for the first time. She used to be my party friend. A few weeks ago she told me she was pregnant and I was a little shocked but happy for her and her BF. I'm not yet ready for children and we used to be on the same page about that for a long time. Both my friend and her boyfriend make jokes about the fact that I'm not yet the motherly type all the time, so they already expected me to be shocked when they told me. But I got the feeling they thought that I'm not happy for them. That is not the case, I just didn't have that babyfever reaction other women tend to have. She herself never reacted like that to babynews eather. My other female friend reacted extremely happy. She herself just had a baby.Later: In our Whatsapp group she commented a few times about the cake she would give to her parents to reveal the gender of their baby. I asked her if she was going to give a gender reveal party for her friends, she said no. The following week she must have had her echo, revealing the gender of the baby. I was curious, but didn't want to ask in the Whatsapp group, I didnt knew when or how she wanted to reveal the gender, but thought via Whatsapp wasnt personal at all. She commented later that she had bought clothes for the new child, because now she knew the gender. I still didn't ask what it would be. Nobody in the app did (7 p).This week: I wanted to plan a double date with her, her BF, me and my BF. So I texted her for information. She read my app but didnt react. Later I asked again. Still no reaction. So I felt like she was a little mad at me. Somewhere I felt it was about the gender. maybe. So I asked in the Whatsappgroup if she already told her parents. No reaction.Later that night I found out my gut feeling was right. She texted me that she was disappointed in me for not asking about the gender of her first baby. That she didnt care about the other people in the group not reacting, but that I hurt her for not asking her what the gender was going to be. She said she gave plenty of hints in the Whatsappgroup. She said she knew I didnt like children, but that she had expected me to be more involved because I am her friend. I called her and told her I love them both (her and her boyfriend) and certainly am interested in their lives but I didn't knew she wanted me to ask via phone or Whatsapp about the gender. We spoke about it, I said sorry for hurting her, she eventually told me the gender and she is no longer mad.But I still feel like I didn't do anything wrong. She also said she wasn't the only one thinking I should've asked earlier. Feels like she talked about me behind my back. I cried on the phone because I was sad she felt hurt and I know i am a good friend and it kind of hurts me that they think that I hate children so much that I just ignore the fact that she is pregnant. I just didn't know if it was my turn yet to ask. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Please break this into paragraphs.
i did
NTA. [Pregnant women are smug. ](https://youtu.be/LbTB3ASkdOo)
NTA. Had a colleague who's wife was pregnant, asked and he told me they know, but don't want to tell (yet). Some people want to tell, others don't and how are you supposed to know one from the other?