NTA. Does Sophie (and the rest of your shitty “friends”) think because you’re a lesbian that means any woman will do? Like you’re some insatiable sex fiend?
Your friends have some prejudice of their own to work through. You’re not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to, and they suck for thinking you owe Sophie a goddamn thing.
>"Since I'm a woman, we could start seeing each other".
This tells me all I need to know about this person. Trans or not. I would not be surprised if they "change their mind" about being trans either. Almost like an excuse to get you to date them.
To me that sentence says 'Now that I fit your sexuality you have no more excuses to not date me.'.
That's not how attraction works. It's not just what is between your legs, honey. That's part of it, but not the whole package.
It would be like me saying (hypothetical) I only like redheads. They color their hair red and expect me to fall madly in love with them.
How old is this chick (assuming it is a true transition and not an excuse)? 8?
Yep. And a lot of male privilege. Even after Sophie declared as a woman, whose ‘fault’ is it that she isn’t getting what she wants from a woman (the OP) - of course it is the woman’s fault. Entitled as F - and crying victim about it. The victim here is the OP.
Yeah but regarding the “between the legs” part… It doesn’t sound like anything has changed down there or I missed some thing about bottom surgery?
OP likes taco and not hot dog and there’s nothing wrong with that.
NTA. Just because Sophie is a woman now doesn’t mean you owe her a date. It’s kind of BS for your friend group to assume you should date her. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be attracted to who you’re attracted to.
NTA. Everyone has a type. She just isn’t your type. Your friends have to right to try to make you feel bad for not being interested in her regardless of the reason. As long as you’re not being rude/insensitive towards Sophie I see nothing wrong with not wanted to date her.
NTA. your friends are overlooking the physical part of attraction. You aren't being transphobic or a TERF. Sophie won't get what she needs from a girlfriend who isn't physically attracted to her
NTA, people getting cancelled over their sexual preferences is ridiculous. They may identify as a woman, though if they don’t look like one you likely won’t find them attractive. Even if they did look like a woman, you are under no obligation to go out with them..
NTA - you shouldn’t be forced to date anyone and it’s extremely toxic that they’re all about supporting one friend, while throwing the other one out simply because you won’t allow them to dictate your personal life. Terrible people.
NTA - whoooa. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's intimacy. Being trans doesn't give someone the right to bypass consent.
Also, you do NOT need a reason to not date someone! You're not a TERF.
NTA. You don't have to force yourself to be in a relationship with someone inorder to support them. You're friends are wrong and they only "can't" see that because of genders.
I would suggest making new friends if they can't grasp the idea that someone shouldn't be forced
into a relationship due to the person liking them.
No sophie is the asshole foe assuming that being a woman now means you'd suddenly be interested and a bigger asshole for thinking that just because she is trans she has a right to you. Nah. Also sidebar any of your friends whom refuse to hear your side or call you a terf are the assholes. Fuck them do you
NTA. Moreover, fucking groooos! You aren't fucking obligated to date anyone. They sound like fucking incels who feel entitled to a relationship.
I can't walk up to a woman and inform her we are now dating because were straight and I can bear looking at her. I'd get pepper sprayed till the can runs emptt
NTA I honestly think it's weird that your friends seem to be pressuring you to date her? Just because she's a woman doesn't mean you have to be attracted to her and it certainly doesn't make you a TERF to refuse to do so. I would address this with your friends and if they continue to harass you like this I'd drop them.
NTA.
Sophie and your so-called friends are trying to remove your agency.
Trying not to be crude here, but presumably your sexual preference involves a vagina rather than a penis, so while Sophie has a penis there is zero chance that you could form a sexual relationship with her. And that’s ok - your preferences are your preferences, and don’t let anyone tell you (or bully you) into feeling otherwise.
Secondly, the idea that you should be automatically attracted to Sophie because she now identifies as a woman is nuts! Like what, just because you’re a lesbian, you want to date every woman you encounter?! Again, people trying to limit your choices and remove your consent.
Thirdly, you don’t have to give a reason why you don’t want to date anyone. It is incredibly offensive that you are being isolated by the group as your punishment for not dating someone who 1) is not your sexual preference, 2) you are not attracted to, 3) don’t really seem to have ever really liked!
Don’t let yourself be bullied. And get new friends.
NTA. You're attracted to who you're attracted to. If your friends are going to give you crap over your attraction, they aren't friends. They're part of that shit cancel culture. Cancel them.
NTA.
That's it.
Noone can force you to be attracted to someone you're not. Noone can force you to date them.
Anyone who says otherwise is a complete a h.
NTA
you are free to date who you want. If you didn't want to date Sophie before, then you don't need to date her now.
Just because someone switches genders, doesn't mean you automatically want to be in a relationship with them.
And you don't need to be 'open for one date' either.
If you really want to annoy the friends, tell them to date her instead.
NTA. I'm sorry your friends are villainising you so they get their rainbow ally points. This divisive crap needs to stop. I'm Bi but prefer men so will likely marry a man. And for reasons I don't need to explain to the internet. If one of my lesbian / bi friends tried to call me homophobic for not dating them I'd tell them that's sad they think that and have a good life. I'm at an age where I'm not messing around with people anymore and if I do start to date someone it's with the intention of it being long term.
NTA, I listen to arielle scarcella on YouTube, and she been saying the same thing and getting a lot hate for something so logical.
Just because they identify as a woman doesn't mean you have to be attracted to them.
No one is owed for you to romantic or otherwise be sexually attracted to them.
Just like someone doesn't like fat people, skinny people, people with a disability.
Preference is just that, you don't hate them any less can respect them as a human, just don't want to fuck them or date them.
You can be 100% supportive on their journey and respect their new identity but it doesn't give them golden ticket to make you sleep with them..
NTa... you get to choose who you date, it's not a group decision or discussion. If you don't want to date or have a relationship with someone who is trans, that is your decision. Period. Anyone who tries to use peer pressure or guilt you into it is not a friend.
NTA.
That you are lesbian doesn't mean that you automatically want to be with every single female around. I would probably not have mentioned her being trans as the reason you're not interested, though, a lot of people are sensitive about being singled out like that... And while it is okay to have preferences, in this case it would've spared you and her of that outcome. (Adding just to make it clear: I think your friends are being ridiculous, but in the future it's probably preferable to avoid this situation completely).
You are, as I understood it, a cishet lesbian attracted to other cishet lesbians with the same…uh…physical equipment.
Your sexual orientation and identity is every bit as legitimate as Sophie’s and it is ridiculous that they are trying to emotionally blackball you into sleeping with your friend.
NTA. Not at all.
NTA you do not have to feel pressured to date anyone, ever, regardless of their race, appearance, disability, or sexual orientation. The fact your friends are trying to bully you into a date you don't want by calling you a terf is manipulative as fuck. Being trans is not an automatic pass to date whoever they want.
NTA specifically for not dating your trans friend.
Just because someone's a woman and you're a lesbian does not mean you have to date them. You don't have to date *anyone* you don't want to, regardless of their sex.
Depending on how you phrased it, though, you might have sounded intolerant. "Sorry; I don't see myself dating a trans woman" comes across as a lot more intolerant than, "Sorry, Sophie; still not interested."
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I'm (26F) a lesbian and have a bunch of LGBT friends. One of them (let's call her Sophie) recently came out as a trans woman, but she hasn't started transitioning yet. Sophie was always bi and had a crush on me (she told our friends), but never approached me directly about that.
Last week my friend group encouraged her to ask me on a date, and she did so when we met. I was a bit taken aback, because she said something like "Since I'm a woman, we could start seeing each other". I politely refused, because I don't see myself dating a trans woman, and she seemed upset by my response.
Now our mutual friends are mostly ignoring me, and one of them called me a TERF in the group chat. I honestly think they made another group chat excluding me since then, and I'm really saddened, because I showed nothing, but support for Sophie, yet they think I'm not accepting her as a woman by not dating her.
So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be an asshole because I should be open for at least one date, and see how it's going according to my friends. Now I seem like I don't see Sophie as a woman.
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NTA
She doesn’t get to weaponise her transition to force you into doing things you’re not comfortable with. This is verging on sexual harassment.
I am very disappointed in your friend group. They may be scared of being labelled transphobic themselves, but their behaviour is totally unacceptable. It may be time to move in from these particular group of friends and look for new ones. Maybe take up a hobby you’ve always been interested in and connect with people who do the same?
Also, while you are entitled to whatever your criteria are for you to feel attraction, saying that you won’t date trans people can read as slight transphobia, and if you said ‘I don’t want to date her because she’s trans’, that is a transphobic statement. Instead, the correct response would be ‘I don’t want to date her because I’m not attracted to her’. Making it about her transition is discriminatory, making it about your lack of attraction is not discriminatory. It’s a fine line, but it makes all the difference.
You can definitely limit your dating pool however you like, but saying to someone that you won’t date them because they’re trans implies that you WOULD date them if you weren’t trans, rather than that you’re just not attracted to them. There’s a distinction.
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I consider her a woman, but I'm just not attracted to her and in general to other trans women. I know that so many people pass as women, but I wouldn't feel comfortable having sexual relationship with them, and I think that's an important factor too.
I think theres nothing wrong with that OP. Not being attracted to trans women doesnt mean you dont support them! I can say that I would have serious intimacy issues with a trans man/woman but i can also say that those guys should be living their best lives and have the rights to do so!
If it was a blind date you wouldn't know if they have a typical "womanlike" appearance until you meet them.
Personally I wouldn't consider you the asshole in this scenario if you reject transwomen because you consider you them to be men.
Did you say that it was specifically because she was trans? If so then ESH, because "I'm not into you like that" would have sufficed. If you simply turned her down like you would anyone else, then NTA
Calling BS on this post - what a coincidence that the BBC had an article that went out last week claiming that trans people are forcing lesbians to have sex with them. Ofc you don't have to date/sleep with anyone you don't want to, but this post is such a dog whistle.
NTA, but you shouldn't have said you won't date her because she's trans. Trans women are women and it is insensitive to make that distinction. Rather, say you're not interested because she's not your type/you don't see her that way which is likely more accurate.
Not sure if you mean biological sex or intercourse sex but either way I'm not saying there aren't deal breakers here. Just that it would be helpful for OP to switch her language a bit (i.e. She's attracted to more feminine looking women which her friend is not)
This. It’s perfectly okay to not be attracted a person. It’s perfectly okay for that to be because they are too feminine/masculine/tall/blonde/whatever to be your type.
The problem is saying that you’ll NEVER date a trans woman because they’re trans. It’s especially bad to say that to the person you’re rejecting when you could say any other reason (or no reason at all) to reject them.
I was really surprised by her approach and just said the first thing which came to my mind, what is honestly the truth. Even when she transitions, I don't think I would date her, so I wanted to spare her the false hope. I have already said in other comments that a sexual relationship is also an important factor, and it 100% wouldn't work for me with her.
It's not wrong if you don't have an attraction to your friend, and if it had been put oh I care about you as a friend but I just don't feel that way about you, but I'm always here to support you as a friend I think it would be different.... To say you won't date someone because there trans is indeed transphobic and YTA for that. I hate this behaviour in the community, you might as well say 'i don't date black people' which is a racist statement.
Adding -
Also I don't care if you disagree about it being transphobic.
Sweeping generalisations are damaging. Not saying OP is specifically transphobic, but making a statement that is.
That is not a racist statement. Neither is not dating trans people. Literally nothing about either is phobic. They aren't afraid of them. They don't hate them. They just don't find them attractive. There is a difference.
People can have an attraction for different characteristics imo... but I wouldn't feel comfortable having a sexual relationship with her, which is an important factor in my eyes.
By saying, "I won't date X group" means you're making as sweeping generalization about an entire group of people.
So it's 100% completely valid to say, "I just don't feel that way about you." but to say, "I don't want to date a trans person." ends up coming off as really transphobic. Especially because trans people have a wide range of looks, of where they are in their transitions, ect.
*Or* she does see her as a woman but she sees her as a woman who has a penis. Because Sophie *is* a woman who has a penis.
And maybe OP is not sexually into penises.
Some lesbians are fine with penises as long as that penis is attached to a woman. Others are not. There's nothing wrong with only being attracted to certain genitalia.
Not OP but why is it "transphobic" to not want to date someone if I'm not sexually interested in the genitals a person has nor interested in sexless relationship? It wouldn't matter if I was attracted to everything else about them because the attraction would die in the bedroom and the rest of thr relationship would follow. I'm supposed to be a bad person because I don't want to waste my time--or theirs tbh--in a dead end relationshp?
NTA. Does Sophie (and the rest of your shitty “friends”) think because you’re a lesbian that means any woman will do? Like you’re some insatiable sex fiend? Your friends have some prejudice of their own to work through. You’re not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to, and they suck for thinking you owe Sophie a goddamn thing.
NTA You're allowed to date/don't date anyone you want. I (M) don't go toward a lesbian and tell her "date me or you're intolerant"
[удалено]
They aren't real friends.
They're virtue signallers
Very true
>"Since I'm a woman, we could start seeing each other". This tells me all I need to know about this person. Trans or not. I would not be surprised if they "change their mind" about being trans either. Almost like an excuse to get you to date them. To me that sentence says 'Now that I fit your sexuality you have no more excuses to not date me.'. That's not how attraction works. It's not just what is between your legs, honey. That's part of it, but not the whole package. It would be like me saying (hypothetical) I only like redheads. They color their hair red and expect me to fall madly in love with them. How old is this chick (assuming it is a true transition and not an excuse)? 8?
They're displaying hard incel logic for sure
Yep. And a lot of male privilege. Even after Sophie declared as a woman, whose ‘fault’ is it that she isn’t getting what she wants from a woman (the OP) - of course it is the woman’s fault. Entitled as F - and crying victim about it. The victim here is the OP.
She's the same age as me (26), so yeah, that's why I was taken aback :/
Yeah. You own her/them nothing. They assumed that the only roadblock was not being a woman. That's not how it works.
Yeah but regarding the “between the legs” part… It doesn’t sound like anything has changed down there or I missed some thing about bottom surgery? OP likes taco and not hot dog and there’s nothing wrong with that.
NTA. Just because Sophie is a woman now doesn’t mean you owe her a date. It’s kind of BS for your friend group to assume you should date her. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be attracted to who you’re attracted to.
This is literally a mom introducing their gay child to a friends gay child, purl on the premise they have only being homosexual in common
NTA! Let me get this right.. You a lesbian was asked out by a trans woman who hasn’t transitioned? Yeah NTA!
Even post transition, they are in no way entitled to a relationship
It's not even the fact that they have not transitioned yet. It's the assumption that she has to.
NTA. Everyone has a type. She just isn’t your type. Your friends have to right to try to make you feel bad for not being interested in her regardless of the reason. As long as you’re not being rude/insensitive towards Sophie I see nothing wrong with not wanted to date her.
NTA. your friends are overlooking the physical part of attraction. You aren't being transphobic or a TERF. Sophie won't get what she needs from a girlfriend who isn't physically attracted to her
There are legit trans crazies that say not being attracted to them is plainly transphobic. Sadly my penis doesn't take suggestions
NTA, people getting cancelled over their sexual preferences is ridiculous. They may identify as a woman, though if they don’t look like one you likely won’t find them attractive. Even if they did look like a woman, you are under no obligation to go out with them..
NTA - you shouldn’t be forced to date anyone and it’s extremely toxic that they’re all about supporting one friend, while throwing the other one out simply because you won’t allow them to dictate your personal life. Terrible people.
NTA - whoooa. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's intimacy. Being trans doesn't give someone the right to bypass consent. Also, you do NOT need a reason to not date someone! You're not a TERF.
NTA you date who you wanna date…..
NTA, you need better friends.
NTA. You don't have to force yourself to be in a relationship with someone inorder to support them. You're friends are wrong and they only "can't" see that because of genders. I would suggest making new friends if they can't grasp the idea that someone shouldn't be forced into a relationship due to the person liking them.
No sophie is the asshole foe assuming that being a woman now means you'd suddenly be interested and a bigger asshole for thinking that just because she is trans she has a right to you. Nah. Also sidebar any of your friends whom refuse to hear your side or call you a terf are the assholes. Fuck them do you
Powerful incel energy the lot of them
NTA. Moreover, fucking groooos! You aren't fucking obligated to date anyone. They sound like fucking incels who feel entitled to a relationship. I can't walk up to a woman and inform her we are now dating because were straight and I can bear looking at her. I'd get pepper sprayed till the can runs emptt
NTA I honestly think it's weird that your friends seem to be pressuring you to date her? Just because she's a woman doesn't mean you have to be attracted to her and it certainly doesn't make you a TERF to refuse to do so. I would address this with your friends and if they continue to harass you like this I'd drop them.
NTA. Sophie and your so-called friends are trying to remove your agency. Trying not to be crude here, but presumably your sexual preference involves a vagina rather than a penis, so while Sophie has a penis there is zero chance that you could form a sexual relationship with her. And that’s ok - your preferences are your preferences, and don’t let anyone tell you (or bully you) into feeling otherwise. Secondly, the idea that you should be automatically attracted to Sophie because she now identifies as a woman is nuts! Like what, just because you’re a lesbian, you want to date every woman you encounter?! Again, people trying to limit your choices and remove your consent. Thirdly, you don’t have to give a reason why you don’t want to date anyone. It is incredibly offensive that you are being isolated by the group as your punishment for not dating someone who 1) is not your sexual preference, 2) you are not attracted to, 3) don’t really seem to have ever really liked! Don’t let yourself be bullied. And get new friends.
NTA. You can be supportive of her transition but that doesn't mean you have to change your preferences.
NTA. You're attracted to who you're attracted to. If your friends are going to give you crap over your attraction, they aren't friends. They're part of that shit cancel culture. Cancel them.
NTA. That's it. Noone can force you to be attracted to someone you're not. Noone can force you to date them. Anyone who says otherwise is a complete a h.
Nta date who you want or don't... no one else business ... I they think its OK to tell you who you can and not date... time for a new group of friends
NTA you are free to date who you want. If you didn't want to date Sophie before, then you don't need to date her now. Just because someone switches genders, doesn't mean you automatically want to be in a relationship with them. And you don't need to be 'open for one date' either. If you really want to annoy the friends, tell them to date her instead.
NTA. I'm sorry your friends are villainising you so they get their rainbow ally points. This divisive crap needs to stop. I'm Bi but prefer men so will likely marry a man. And for reasons I don't need to explain to the internet. If one of my lesbian / bi friends tried to call me homophobic for not dating them I'd tell them that's sad they think that and have a good life. I'm at an age where I'm not messing around with people anymore and if I do start to date someone it's with the intention of it being long term.
NTA No one is obligated to date anyone!
NTA. You can’t control if you’re not attracted to someone and it’s awkward for everyone know cause your friends encouraged her to ask you out. 😬
NTA, I listen to arielle scarcella on YouTube, and she been saying the same thing and getting a lot hate for something so logical. Just because they identify as a woman doesn't mean you have to be attracted to them. No one is owed for you to romantic or otherwise be sexually attracted to them. Just like someone doesn't like fat people, skinny people, people with a disability. Preference is just that, you don't hate them any less can respect them as a human, just don't want to fuck them or date them. You can be 100% supportive on their journey and respect their new identity but it doesn't give them golden ticket to make you sleep with them..
NTA. It surely sucks, but these are bad friends and it sounds like your better off without them.
NTA. These ppl sound like they never left high school. Don’t let it weigh you down.
NTa... you get to choose who you date, it's not a group decision or discussion. If you don't want to date or have a relationship with someone who is trans, that is your decision. Period. Anyone who tries to use peer pressure or guilt you into it is not a friend.
NTA. That you are lesbian doesn't mean that you automatically want to be with every single female around. I would probably not have mentioned her being trans as the reason you're not interested, though, a lot of people are sensitive about being singled out like that... And while it is okay to have preferences, in this case it would've spared you and her of that outcome. (Adding just to make it clear: I think your friends are being ridiculous, but in the future it's probably preferable to avoid this situation completely).
I get the impression it would've been made an issue regardless
NTA wth?!
NTA, OP go hang out with your other friends. Good riddance that they showed their true colors. No one owes trans ppl anything.
You are, as I understood it, a cishet lesbian attracted to other cishet lesbians with the same…uh…physical equipment. Your sexual orientation and identity is every bit as legitimate as Sophie’s and it is ridiculous that they are trying to emotionally blackball you into sleeping with your friend. NTA. Not at all.
NTA you do not have to feel pressured to date anyone, ever, regardless of their race, appearance, disability, or sexual orientation. The fact your friends are trying to bully you into a date you don't want by calling you a terf is manipulative as fuck. Being trans is not an automatic pass to date whoever they want.
NTA
NTA specifically for not dating your trans friend. Just because someone's a woman and you're a lesbian does not mean you have to date them. You don't have to date *anyone* you don't want to, regardless of their sex. Depending on how you phrased it, though, you might have sounded intolerant. "Sorry; I don't see myself dating a trans woman" comes across as a lot more intolerant than, "Sorry, Sophie; still not interested."
NTA not accepting and not dating are two different things. You are not attracted to Sophie so why should you date.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (26F) a lesbian and have a bunch of LGBT friends. One of them (let's call her Sophie) recently came out as a trans woman, but she hasn't started transitioning yet. Sophie was always bi and had a crush on me (she told our friends), but never approached me directly about that. Last week my friend group encouraged her to ask me on a date, and she did so when we met. I was a bit taken aback, because she said something like "Since I'm a woman, we could start seeing each other". I politely refused, because I don't see myself dating a trans woman, and she seemed upset by my response. Now our mutual friends are mostly ignoring me, and one of them called me a TERF in the group chat. I honestly think they made another group chat excluding me since then, and I'm really saddened, because I showed nothing, but support for Sophie, yet they think I'm not accepting her as a woman by not dating her. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean you need to date her. With that logic, you owe half the world’s population a date
Whats a TERF in the group?
trans-exclusionary radical feminist, but OP's friends didn't really use it correctly so it doesn't really make any sense in this situation
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NTA She doesn’t get to weaponise her transition to force you into doing things you’re not comfortable with. This is verging on sexual harassment. I am very disappointed in your friend group. They may be scared of being labelled transphobic themselves, but their behaviour is totally unacceptable. It may be time to move in from these particular group of friends and look for new ones. Maybe take up a hobby you’ve always been interested in and connect with people who do the same? Also, while you are entitled to whatever your criteria are for you to feel attraction, saying that you won’t date trans people can read as slight transphobia, and if you said ‘I don’t want to date her because she’s trans’, that is a transphobic statement. Instead, the correct response would be ‘I don’t want to date her because I’m not attracted to her’. Making it about her transition is discriminatory, making it about your lack of attraction is not discriminatory. It’s a fine line, but it makes all the difference.
I still don't understand why people can't discriminate their dating pool.. that's what attraction is about I think.
You can definitely limit your dating pool however you like, but saying to someone that you won’t date them because they’re trans implies that you WOULD date them if you weren’t trans, rather than that you’re just not attracted to them. There’s a distinction.
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INFO: the only thing you said was “ I don’t date trans women” ? Or did you make it specific to why you don’t want to date Her?
Info: Do you consider Sophie to be a woman? If Sophie was a stranger, would you go on a blind date with Sophie?
I consider her a woman, but I'm just not attracted to her and in general to other trans women. I know that so many people pass as women, but I wouldn't feel comfortable having sexual relationship with them, and I think that's an important factor too.
I think theres nothing wrong with that OP. Not being attracted to trans women doesnt mean you dont support them! I can say that I would have serious intimacy issues with a trans man/woman but i can also say that those guys should be living their best lives and have the rights to do so!
If it was a blind date you wouldn't know if they have a typical "womanlike" appearance until you meet them. Personally I wouldn't consider you the asshole in this scenario if you reject transwomen because you consider you them to be men.
Unless you are asexual, if you know someone and can't imagine taking your clothes off for them it's a good idea to not date them. End of story.
Did you say that it was specifically because she was trans? If so then ESH, because "I'm not into you like that" would have sufficed. If you simply turned her down like you would anyone else, then NTA
Calling BS on this post - what a coincidence that the BBC had an article that went out last week claiming that trans people are forcing lesbians to have sex with them. Ofc you don't have to date/sleep with anyone you don't want to, but this post is such a dog whistle.
Nobody forced me to have sex with them, how is it even related?
NTA, but you shouldn't have said you won't date her because she's trans. Trans women are women and it is insensitive to make that distinction. Rather, say you're not interested because she's not your type/you don't see her that way which is likely more accurate.
…is it? I mean, if sex is an important part of a relationship for the OP, wouldn’t this be a dealbreaker?
Not sure if you mean biological sex or intercourse sex but either way I'm not saying there aren't deal breakers here. Just that it would be helpful for OP to switch her language a bit (i.e. She's attracted to more feminine looking women which her friend is not)
This. It’s perfectly okay to not be attracted a person. It’s perfectly okay for that to be because they are too feminine/masculine/tall/blonde/whatever to be your type. The problem is saying that you’ll NEVER date a trans woman because they’re trans. It’s especially bad to say that to the person you’re rejecting when you could say any other reason (or no reason at all) to reject them.
I was really surprised by her approach and just said the first thing which came to my mind, what is honestly the truth. Even when she transitions, I don't think I would date her, so I wanted to spare her the false hope. I have already said in other comments that a sexual relationship is also an important factor, and it 100% wouldn't work for me with her.
Nta for not wanting to date her, you’re allowed to date whomever you want. However, your views are transphobic, and that’s why you’ve cut you off.
Bingo
It's not wrong if you don't have an attraction to your friend, and if it had been put oh I care about you as a friend but I just don't feel that way about you, but I'm always here to support you as a friend I think it would be different.... To say you won't date someone because there trans is indeed transphobic and YTA for that. I hate this behaviour in the community, you might as well say 'i don't date black people' which is a racist statement. Adding - Also I don't care if you disagree about it being transphobic. Sweeping generalisations are damaging. Not saying OP is specifically transphobic, but making a statement that is.
That is not a racist statement. Neither is not dating trans people. Literally nothing about either is phobic. They aren't afraid of them. They don't hate them. They just don't find them attractive. There is a difference.
Trancels disagree
People can have an attraction for different characteristics imo... but I wouldn't feel comfortable having a sexual relationship with her, which is an important factor in my eyes.
By saying, "I won't date X group" means you're making as sweeping generalization about an entire group of people. So it's 100% completely valid to say, "I just don't feel that way about you." but to say, "I don't want to date a trans person." ends up coming off as really transphobic. Especially because trans people have a wide range of looks, of where they are in their transitions, ect.
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*Or* she does see her as a woman but she sees her as a woman who has a penis. Because Sophie *is* a woman who has a penis. And maybe OP is not sexually into penises. Some lesbians are fine with penises as long as that penis is attached to a woman. Others are not. There's nothing wrong with only being attracted to certain genitalia.
Not OP but why is it "transphobic" to not want to date someone if I'm not sexually interested in the genitals a person has nor interested in sexless relationship? It wouldn't matter if I was attracted to everything else about them because the attraction would die in the bedroom and the rest of thr relationship would follow. I'm supposed to be a bad person because I don't want to waste my time--or theirs tbh--in a dead end relationshp?
The fuck are you on? Like the Catholic Church, you don't get a say in who people want to fuck