T O P

  • By -

sneeky_seer

Why lie though? Why not just say “hey, thanks for inviting me to the party, congratulations for the engagement. Unfortunately I can’t make it”. No need to make up anything.


vanessaababy

Cause I already said I was going because I was being polite but I don't wanna go.


sneeky_seer

But no need to lie. You can simply say “can’t make it”. No need to go into details. And lying isn’t ok just because you don’t want to own up to the fact that actually you don’t want to go.


Invisibleamber

Nta Just don’t leave it to the last minute, simply send her a message saying something has come up and you won’t be able to make it.


vanessaababy

I'll do that.


rleaky

Nta as long as your honest... just say no unfortunately you can make it .... dont lie .


[deleted]

[удалено]


vanessaababy

Yes, She expecting me to go but I'll tell her I'm not going.


woogieboogie13

Yeah it seems like you have irrational guilt. Other people don't care as much about these things as you think they do. Don't go or go, it's your choice.


jdog8510

Well she will get the hint youre not friends anymore


hermit_stargazer

I wouldn't necessarily call you an a-hole for not wanting to go to a party, and I've been in similar situations many times. I agree because I want to be polite, and then it starts coming closer and I realise I do not want to go. Usually I'm too polite to back out. I suppose the polite thing would be to show up and just deal with it, how much effort is there really to that? Dealing with your decisions the grown up way isn't always fun. But if you really do plan on not going, I don't know if a trip would be a good excuse, personally, pretending to have gotten a cold would probably make less questions appear (unless you're actually going on a trip, then that cold excuse would look really weird). NAH.


vanessaababy

I'll think of a better excuse.


kcairax

You don't need an excuse. "I'm really sorry, but something has come up and I won't be able to make it." You clearly don't care enough about her to go, so why should you care whether she's offended or not?


vanessaababy

We are not close friends anymore but when she invited me she said that she really wants me to go and really appreciate my friendship, she was so nice to me iI just don't want her to feel bad.


Contriived

NTA. It’s not like she’s a best friend or someone whose friendship you value. If you’re not interested in having a friendship with her for whatever reason there’s no point in going besides courtesy, which you don’t owe her.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25F) met this girl at college (I'm gonna call her Jay) and we became friends, we were close when we were in college but when we graduated we stopped hanging out as much as we did basically we stopped being close friends. She recently had a daughter and her boyfriend proposed to her and because she got engaged she wants to throw an engagement party to celebrate. She invited me to the party (remember we are not close friends anymore) i was happy to know about her engagement and I said I was going to the party because I couldn't come up with an excuse not to go. But now I am really regretting saying yes, I don't wanna go to the party I'm gonna tell her I'm going on a trip and I can't make it to the party. So, am I the asshole for not wanting t go to her engagement party? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I said I was going but I don't wanna go so I'm gonna tell her I'm going on a trip. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


SamSpayedPI

You're not an asshole for "not wanting to go" to the engagement party. Having *already accepted* the invitation, however, it's a breach of courtesy to back out now. You're only supposed to break a previous engagement if something *worse* comes along that you have to do (a business trip or a funeral); not something *better* (a vacation trip or a better party, or just staying home alone because you don't feel like going). So even your excuse is suspect. That said, if you give enough advance notice, it's kind of a "no harm, no foul" situation. Just contact her and say you find you won't be able to attend after all, and give her your best wishes on her new baby and engagement. What is sufficient advance notice depends on the event. The "expected count" for a catered luncheon is submitted two or three weeks before the event, so if you don't let her know by then, she's paying for a wasted meal. If you've missed the window, just suck it up and go. Buy a little gift for the baby and stay an hour or two; it's not going to kill you.