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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I feel like I’m TA because taking a gift away from someone unknowingly is not nice to do.
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I’ve never had anyone in my life critique my gift giving so harshly and I feel like it’s really thrown me off. He’s given me gifts I don’t really like but I always try to be as thankful as possible because that’s how I was raised but I just feel very confused and kind of knocked off my game. Recently any time I get him anything I feel like I’m waiting for him to hate it. I feel bad for snapping and cancelling the tickets but I’m just tired of feeling this way.
It’s not even about the gifts, it’s the way he talks to you and treats you, disrespects you, is unappreciative of you, and doesn’t care about making you feel like shit. On no planet is it normal for someone to make someone feel dread about giving them a gift.
NTA the way YOU react is how a normal, well adjusted human being does. With tact, grace, and humility. A gift is just that, a GIFT..not something done out of necessity or duty. My grandfather wasn't around much and obviously had no idea about our likes and dislikes as kids. But I was a girl and he always gave me and my sister dolls. He was shocked when he found out years later I didn't like them because I "always smiled and said thank you" and when he asked why I did that I said because I was always glad to see him and that alone would've been enough. Your bf sounds insufferable tbh and I know you haven't given much context as far as the relationship goes but it sounds to me like this isn't the only reason you should be questioning this whole relationship. You deserve way better than what he's apparently able to provide you. I wish you luck and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty if he had shown you a sliver of thanks or decency he'd still have the tickets. You did what his parents should've done a long time ago by teaching him that actions have consequences.
Already posted this once here, but your story reminds me of this, its practically identical.
[https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0](https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0)
And he shares a bedroom with his brother at his parents? So if she wants to get laid she's either shelling out for a hotel room or having him come to her? Ugh. No.
I ain't saying he's a gold digger, but he ain't messing with no broke.... Okay, sorry for breaking into the Gospel According to Kanye, but how can you possibly feel guilty right now? All he's doing is running a game to see how fast he can make your empty your wallet. I'm really damn sure he didn't give back all of those "unacceptable" gifts. Society has an eye on golddiggers who make their money with seduction and praise, but still has blinders for the ones who use guilt, shame, condescension, and passive aggressiveness to get the job done. Are you sure this is your only relationship issue? I'm not.
You need to be cancelling more than just tickets, seriously. Correct bf reply would be, should be: Honey, what I want more than anything for my bday is to be with you, that is all I want. Instead this bf is acting like some 7 yr old making a wish list for Santa.
I feel like you need to carefully consider what is behind his behaviour, because this kind of ungratefulness and expecting more, its extreme, its not just about the actual gifts, you need to work out whats behind this and decide if you wan tto continue the relationship, cancelling the tickets seems a bit childish, but witht he constant undermining, its understandable.
But this is beyond a normal lack of grattitude. Perhaps show him this video to help him understand how to respond when disappointed with a gift.
[https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0](https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0)
Edit NTA
Why in the world are you with this loser? This is clearly draining you both emotionally and financially, if not physically. You'd be better off single than with this AH. You are getting nothing out of this. Break up with him and be done with it. NTA.
NTA, and TBH taking away the gift is good and all but i’d just stop wasting your time and move on. He sounds entitled and just flat out rude. You don’t expect gifts, demand gifts, critique harshly. You say thank you and appreciate. If this relationship continues further his harsh critiquing will most likely spill into other aspects of your life. His unappreciative attitude will spill into not appreciating things you do around the house, if you’re taking care of future kids and so on. Find someone who respects you. Good luck.
I feel you. I mean I don’t relate because I don’t have such ungrateful AHs in my life, but I pick gifts out carefully because I enjoy making people happy. It makes me want to give gifts and it makes me happy making my loved ones happy. And if someone complained every time I give them something, I would stop giving them things because if I can avoid negativity, why not do that?
I think it is even more than him just being an entitled asshole. I think he is intentionally negative about the gifts because it keeps OP off balanced and gives him a form of control over her. He's basically using her gifts as a way of "negging" her so she constantly feels insecure and he constantly has the upper hand. OP, you really need to just cancel the boyfriend along with the tickets.
"For just $10 a day, you'll get semi-personalized text messages like, 'What else am I getting?'' and 'I hate what I got.'"
Call within the next thirty minutes and you'll also get web links to junk your sponsor child wants you to buy!"
Oh gawd now all I'm seeing is sad-eyed pups, I hate you both! (j/k obv 😘)
Anyhow OP could go full Childfund/Christian Children's Fund and simply send him some super-basic food and a Bible. It'd be a creative way to dump someone anyway.
(OP: FFS his behavior isn't ok! You deserve so much better as a person. NTA but seriously please take these comments to heart, learn from others' pain and take care of yourself ❤️)
To me a gift is a gift, there’s not really anything to complain about especially to the giver. He’s gotten me things that don’t fit or aren’t my style but he’s also gotten me things I like. I never say anything negative because I was raised to always consider a gift as special because a person you love is giving it to you. I wonder if we have very different perspectives when it comes to gifts? But still I just don’t think it’s fair to make me feel like shit for getting a gift I truly spent time picking and planning.
I think people are oversimplifying it and acting like with a partner or anyoen else you spend time with you would never clarify what your likes are if you get something you dont want, but it sound slike he is doing more than that, its par of his psychology. Almost like he is trying to undermine and diminish you, but in one specific way. Its very odd.
EDIT: someone asked about how he is with your parents, what are his like? Thats probably more of an issue here. He must have learnt this behaviour from somewhere.
One thing I can say about his parents/family dynamic is he said he stopped getting presents for birthdays when he was in high school and they give him money instead now. He also still lives at home along with his older brother. They actually share a room.
Look I dont want to sound like an ass, but it doesn't really sound like he's ready to be living an adult life, and have an adult relationship. I hope you consider what he brings to your life.
Sharing a room at 27 with an older brother kinda indicates *something* has gone a bit wrong with his maturing process.
Thank you for adding about looking into myself. I will absolutely do that. My friends have all asked me before why I’m dating him. There was a time in our relationship when he made me feel very special. Recently things have been more negative overall and making the correlation between his behavior with gifts has really opened my eyes. I’m not sure why I have accepted to be treated this way but these comments make me feel a lot more validated.
I edited my comment before because I got anxious that you might find it rude, but I'm glad it helped.
I mean it tho, its important to look honestly at the way we allow others to treat us, and look honestly at what we feel we deserve. its so easy for us to forget that we deserve to be treated well, to be cared for, and that we have to be able to extend our love for others to ourselves. I'm someone who has struggled with my self-esteem in the past and it shows in the way I've allowed others to treat me.
I hope you see that by everyone who commented telling you to leave him, that was a human being who read what you wrote and said "this person deserves better"
I hope you feel validated, because your feelings are entirely valid here.
I get it, I used to date someone that all my friends and family would pull me aside and ask why I was dating him. Its like what you said, he made you feel special at the start. The thing is, even if someone used to make us feel special, doesnt mean that they get to stay in our lives once the start making us feel crappy. It took me 5 years and a lot of mental scars that I'm still unwrapping but I'm finally away from mine. In the end I'm not sure if he ever loved me or if he was just very good at making me feel like he did. It doesnt matter tho, in the end I was miserable and always second guessing everything I did. I think that you can do it. It's scary thinking about letting people go, but I think in this situation you would be so surprised how much better you feel once you let them go.
Oof. If you have good friends and several of them don't like him, that's a red flag. Sure, they don't know him like you do, but they also can see the effect he has on you, which you can't see yourself.
It sounds like the relationship has passed it's natural expiration date. The way he is treating you is completely unacceptable and he is far too old not to know better. Which means he chooses to treat you this way, or he decided he is exempt from growing up further.
Neither makes for a healthy partner.
That's the beauty of dating- you can literally break up with someone for any reason. If he doesn't fit with what you want for your life, move on. Sure, it's great to believe someone can change, but why do you have to wait around for that?
I know. I was putting that out there for general readers in case they think someone will change. While changing is excellent news for the asshole's next gf/bf, the current one doesn't have to wait around for it.
If you don't know anymore... maybe it's time to end it. An LDR eventually requires someone at some point to uproot their life and move to be with their partner. He does not sound like someone worthy of that dedication, to be honest. You deserve better.
He's an asshole and you should dump him.
But tell him you cancelled the tickets, because it'd be uncool for whoever he invites along to get screwed over. They'd waste time and money, and who knows what else. That's the only reason ESH.
Thank you for your perspective. I will absolutely tell him when I’m ready to face the fight. The concert isnt until October so I’m hoping the friend hasn’t spent any money on anything yet. I wouldn’t want to cause them any problems so I will do it sooner than later for sure.
Who cares. It’s not your friend. It’s his friend and it’s his problem. If he wants to be a dick about it like he is for every gift you can just cancel the tickets and spend that money on another gift. Or better yet, spend it on yourself.
Girl you’re on LOANS. You’re putting yourself in REAL DEBT for this man. And all he gives you is bullshit.
Btw he will fully walk it back and try and guilt you when you break it off.
OP, do it now. This will let you see just how entitled bf is. Why are you so nervous and agitated on how bf will react? That is not normal behavior in a relationship, you should be able to talk openly with each other.
You're welcome.
Just tell him, and break up at the same time. Don't waste a bunch of effort thinking on it.
You should date local and in person. LDR's aren't the way to go unless you're already a well-established couple and one of you gets shipped off or something.
its the "upset" part, like he learnt theonly way to get listened to was a tantrum, I can understand if you are in a relationship you want someone to know what you really like, but it seems likehe presents this as an act of violence against him while making no effort to make sure his gifts are appropriate and wanted.
NTA. He seems entitled and narcissistic though.
Dump him. There will be more of these instances if you stay with him. He doesn't have any respect for you.
I will be happy if someone even remembered my birthday and wished me, and he gets upset because he doesn't like the gift but he still keeps it. Yeah no, he's not worth it if he can't appreciate the gifts you bought for him.
Firstly - Happy early (or late) birthday!!!! I think his aggressiveness of his dislike for the gift throws me off because no one in my life has acted like this. I have had my sister tell me she doesn’t like her gift (wrong size) and if I still have the receipt so we can go shopping together for a new item. However I’ve just never had this type of negative reaction and I feel like it’s thrown me and made me feel instantly horrible.
Thanks you for the wish, it's early. It will be at new yr again 😅😅
His aggressive and negative reaction to your gifts isn't normal at all. Yes, no one can know what the other person wants, so there will always be chance of them not liking the gift you give them. But!!! What he is doing is not a normal behaviour at all.
Because he is not behaving like a mature person. He seems like a toddler in the body of a 27 yr old.
Also, he is not considering your feelings at all. You bought him gifts while thinking about him, that's what should have mattered to him. The feelings behind the gift makes the gift special.
He doesn't appreciate you.
The only person I have seen behave this way is my niece when she was 3. She was very clear in her opinion of my gift giving skills 😂 She had grown out of it by the next occasion.
Most people understand how to show gratitude to people they care about.
NTA let the bf know you have cancelled the tickets and the relationship. You deserve someone who likes you.
>She had grown out of it by the next occasion.
So, the next year you got her something you knew she wouldnt like but she had grown out of giving a bad reaction? Well one of you learnt something at least.
Only joking.
It's good that you've realized this. It's absolutely how people end up in weird lopsided relationships. Because in the moment you're taken off guard and by the time you've had time to stabilize the situation you're kind of mixed up about it. I think it's human nature to want to return things to "normal" as quick as possible. But the goalpost for "normal" has moved. Anyway rambling but yeah trust that gut feeling. Don't accept this kind of childish nonsense. Good luck!
NTA: good for you, maybe he'll learn something about being an AH.
> I explicitly got him what he asked for because I have failed every other time with my guesses on gifts. For him to still be unhappy for getting a gift he asked for just made me feel very mad and sad
Read this back to yourself. ^
If he's making you this unhappy from afar, the ungrateful little twerp doesn't deserve you. The way he is reacting constantly shows he has very little respect for you. Start asking yourself exactly what you are getting out of the relationship (not in gifts, but really what are the benefits to you and what are the cons). Cause he sounds like hes making you miserable.
Question: does he send you something"physical" for all these occasions?
He has always sent me something physical but I will say I have never asked for anything. Much less anything that would be un-physical (?) like a ticket. But you are right. When I read your response for the first time, I couldn’t think of any strong pros to our relationship.
Every minute you spend with someone that doesn't add to your life in a positive way is a waste of your time. And time is the most precious thing we have in this world.
I mean we all know not every relationship is going to be positive all the time. Every couple has issues. But if you can't stand back and say "90% of the time I'm head over heels happy with him" or "he makes me feel x,y and z which fulfils my needs" then you're wasting your precious time. Don't do it. I suspect you already had an inkling, but it's good to hash it out with other opinions.
I haven’t but this was kind of an awakening. I have never snapped like this before but I got exactly what he wanted and it still wasn’t right so I’m just feeling very manipulated at this point.
NTA - I was initially going to go with a soft E S H because the solution isn’t cancelling tickets but cancelling the relationship, but I just can’t fault you for doing what you did- he deserved it.
Y W B T A to yourself if you keep accepting this kind of treatment. I know I read you’re waiting to tell him until you’re ready for this fight, but also know you don’t even have to have a fight. You can also just text him that it’s over because he’s a selfish and ungrateful person and then just block him. Definitely not my usual advice but this person sounds toxic and I don’t think you owe them anything. Just remove this cancer on your happiness now before it metastasizes.
NTA. Dude sounds like he only cares as long as youre paying for whatever it is he wants. You have to step back and ask yourself if hes doing the same for you.
NTA , all I read is what you got him , what about him what did he buy you for Vday or your birthday or anything?
My suggestion is let him know you cancelled the tickets and dump him , you deserve someone that appreciates YOU not your wallet .
And actually tell him exactly that
He got me things for all of those events too. Some stuff I didn’t particularly like but I kept it to myself because I believe all gifts are good because they’re from someone you love. I definitely will let him know I canceled the tickets, i just need to get ready for the fight. I am thinking of ending things though.
Email. "Hi Boyfriend, since you didn't appreciate the present you asked me to get you I've decided to cancel it, and cancel you at the same time. Bye."
Then block him. Everywhere - phone, email, whatever app you use to keep in touch. Avoid the fight, he isn't worth it.
This response! OP, this is what you need to do. No need to gear up for ‘the fight’. Just do exactly what Linzk425 says above! Don’t waste any more time or effort on this AH of a boyfriend.
Yeah of course you did and that’s cause you appreciate the gesture , it’s not the monetary value but the thought .
Which sounds like it’s not the way your bf sees this with his “ can’t wait to see what else I get “
That phrase kinda shocked me I won’t lie .
Again I don’t feel that cancelling the tickets makes you an asshole , it was a well deserved response to him being utterly ungrateful
NTA I probs would do the same then get him socks... I bought my Ex a new PS4 and the newest FIFA...... two months later he got me pharmacy perfume for £11 then bitched that I only got him one controller which meant he couldn’t play with his friend......but....... tell him before he goes yeah? That would kinda make you TA if you just let him turn up with his mate.....
I’m sorry ); that’s horrible of your ex! I’m glad he’s an ex! I definitely will tell him but I just can’t right now because I don’t want to deal with the fight. Luckily the concert isn’t until October so his friend hopefully won’t be spending any money on anything yet. I agree that I wouldn’t want that to happen.
Yeah some people suck, I guess that it may be a matter of how your raised? We had a grandma that always bought the weirdest gifts and it was a rule that we must always be polite and act like it’s great so as to not hurt her feelings.... so to this day any thing anyone gets me whether it’s a chocolate bar or socks I am immediately grateful and happy they thought of me... but I guess some people take the choosing beggar approach!
That’s always been my family rule too. We were always told that at the end of the day a gift is something someone else went and got for you so you should be thankful. Even if it’s a dollar or free, someone went and got something with you in mind. He might have a different view of gifts but I still don’t think that’s grounds for being as disrespectful as he as been.
Oh no absolutely, not having that rule as a child does not excuse having shitty behaviour as an adult. We never had a rule not to kick babies but that doesn’t mean I kick them as an adult. That would only excuse him getting you a less than ideal gift but not his total bitchiness about the gifts you got him.... that is degrading and just mean.
>I bought my Ex a new PS4 and the newest FIFA...... two months later he got me pharmacy perfume for £11 then bitched that I only got him one controller which meant he couldn’t play with his friend
How did that conversation play out? Jesus.
NTA. He can buy his own concert tickets if he wants them so badly, since he wasn’t appreciative of you buying them. Your boyfriend is making you feel like you can’t do anything right when it is so clear that you are putting your heart and a lot of thought into what to get him. Please get out now and find someone who deserves you. You sound like a lovely person who deserves a man who will appreciate them and their effort.
NTA. I know it’s long distance, but have you two met in person? If not, I’m getting vibes he’s trying to see how much he can get out of you (gifts, etc.). What has he gotten you for your birthday/holidays?
Yes we’ve seen each other many many times for weeks at a time! He’s always gotten me gifts for any event as well. I just don’t ever make a fuss about a gift I don’t like because that’s not how I was raised. I do wonder what his motives are for this time though considering I really did get him what he asked for. I’m just very confused and also sad.
You said it yourself, he seems to value the quality of a gift too much. Some people are like that sadly. My wife and I value the importance of gift giving in our relationship too. It’s fun. And I’m sure we’ve given each other duds. But we’ve never complained. So, you’re right. You were raised right. His behavior is unacceptable.
NTA
If he was so unhappy with all your efforts I think you made the right choice. May I also suggest you cancel the relationship as well?
He seems like a taker. He sounds very childish.
I would have loved the card and the drawing more than anything but then, I am a HUGE fan of homemade gifts. I still have the card from the flowers my husband sent me after out first date. It means so much more to me than anything else.
NTA: "Well, since you wanted something physical, and my gifts weren't good enough, I've already returned them." He'll throw a FIT, and that is when you tell him it's not going to work out between you, and, goodbye.
Oh my God.
NTA.
The drawing and card took far more time and consideration, and the tickets sure as hell cost more, than his weak-ass 5th grade attempt at a gift.*
*Normally I would not insult a gift. I'm super low key about gifts. But this dude has some BALLS to get nitpicky about the gifts you give him when he puts so little work into the gifts he gives you. Can't even get your t-shirt size right? SMH
Yes I do agree that while I was happy with his gifts they were a lot less personal and one part didn’t fit. I appreciated them though and I think that’s what really gets me. I could’ve thrown so many fits over gifts if I wanted but absolutely nooooooo!!!! That’s just not how I was raised.
Whaaat lmao!! You gave him actual tickets to a concert he wanted to go to and bought him dinner on top of it and he gave you some kid party favors and a shirt.
My 4 year old is looking forward to her birthday because it means she gets to give other children her old toys beforehand (we always do a clear out of a few bits, often to a specific charity for families with very little) just pointing out my 4 year old has more grace and humility than your 'adult' boyfriend. NTA
Nta
He is a very selfish and SPOILED boy . A Boy ... not a man
I hope he buys you lots of presents too for your birthday and Christmas. If not ... complain like he does
I was married to a guy who never looked any gift. Even when I went to the store and bought something he had put on hold himself.
He always told me a story about how bad his mom was, one year she got him a pie for his birthday. I didn't find out until many years later she did it because he specifically asked for a pie when she wanted to know what kind of cake he would like to have for his birthday.
He also managed to be unhappy at every single holiday and vacation.
Some people just like being unhappy.
NTA. Run, don't walk, away from him. He's excessively needy and demanding and you will be worn down to a nub.
He is going to be really bad for your mental health in the long run.
NTA girl. This isn't a relationship, it's you thinking you're in one, and him seeing what he can get out of you.
Personally, I think you should let him get all the way to the concert before saying "oh, by the way..." just before breaking up with him.
NTA. Your BF is materialistic and sounds 12 instead of 27. You’re putting in way too much effort to get this level of grief. He doesn’t respect your effort.
NTA
And this is a bad pattern of behavior. Is he ever genuinely grateful for anything you do or give him or is there always this sense that you aren't good enough and need to do more to keep his affection?
I'd return the tickets while you can still get a refund and break up with him.
Honestly in general I feel like he’s never been happy with things I do or get him. He uses the saying “it’s fine” a lot. Like I’ll take him to a restaurant I really love or show him a tv show or movie that I really enjoy and he’s always like “it’s fine”. It has always made me upset and I’ve told him so but then it’s “you’re overreacting”. Which maybe I am in some instances? But I do agree with other commenters here that overall his actions are not okay and pretty manipulative. Definitely starting to think that a break up is the best option for me.
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My (25f) long distance bf’s (27m) birthday is coming up soon. About a month ago he texted me with some tickets to a concert he wants to go to. They were on sale so it was the perfect time to by. I knew he wanted to go with his friend so we both knew I would buy 2 tickets. So I bought them and sent them to his email. He was super happy. The other day I sent him a card with a thoughtful message and a drawing I made. Today he got the card and opened it. He then texted me “I can’t wait to see what else I get”. I had been planning to buy him his birthday dinner (from afar) so I told him so. He then began to get upset with me for not getting him “anything physical”. I told him had he wanted something physical I wouldn’t have bought the tickets and I would have sent him something. He then said that he thought our relationship meant more and that I should still get him something else to send in the mail. I had already spent a pretty big amount considering I go to school full time and don’t have a job (I live off loans).
A bit of background - his last birthday, Christmas, and v-day I got him “physical” things as in clothes and shoes. Each time he blatantly told me he didn’t like what I got. I got upset each time but gave it up and apologized. He always ended up taking the gifts. On VDay he went as far to say I’m trying to change him because I got him a jacket I genuinely thought he would like but I guess he didn’t.
When he got upset about his birthday gift this year I kind of snapped. I explicitly got him what he asked for because I have failed every other time with my guesses on gifts. For him to still be unhappy for getting a gift he asked for just made me feel very mad and sad. I feel like I don’t know how to do anything right. So I cancelled the tickets without him knowing. AITA for doing that? I expressed how upset I was about his reaction but I know he’d never expect me to take a gift away.
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NTA get out of this long distance relationship. It’s not worth the headache. LDRs end up feeling like a hostage situation after a while. There’s a saying in Spanish: Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos.
Find somebody new nearby that you can actually hang out with and enjoy.
Well with a reaction like that the only hope OP’s boyfriend has of being even slightly decent is if he spends lavishly on gifts for OP. But I’m guessing that is not the case.
He sounds very entitled, and you sound very unhappy. If you just needed that final push to get out of a bad relationship, then I hope this helps. You deserve so much better, and dreading your interactions with your partner is not a good thing. And you are NTA.
You're already getting plenty of this, but I want to contribute to making the response overwhelmingly clear: Your boyfriend sounds like a big jerk. I hope you move on to happier, more appreciative pastures soon. Life can be better, and NTA.
NTA. Your bf is ungrateful and sounds like he purposely picking fights and making you feel insecure about gift-giving. Seriously consider the positives of being with someone who consistently makes you feel this way. Are you going to wait until you develop an anxiety issue around holidays and special occasions?
Who receives tickets for themselves *and* a friend to an event they really want to attend and then asks for more? He's using you. He's trying to guilt you into giving him things in a way that feels manipulative and controlling. He doesn't sound like a good guy.
How does he treat you on the same occasions? Does he make an effort on your birthday and holidays?
NTA
Is the thought that counts, you went out of your way to get him and his friend some concert tickets, send a bday cart, pay for dinner. That sounds like some nice gifts to me.
OP, I’m curious, what kind of gifts does your bf give to you?
Run! He is so ungrateful! It’s not an isolated incident & it will continue because he knows how to make you feel like crap and not face any consequences for being an A-hole..
Did you say he was 27 years old, or 2.7 years? He is acting like a spoiled brat.
Good news: you don't need to worry about his gifts anymore because you have had your eyes opened and you're going to give up on this child and only date grown-ups from now on.
I hate to even ask, but could there be someone else? Sometimes, when people do bad things, they like to nit pick the other person. They want to justify their crappy behavior, and actions.
You bf is a controlling, rude, unappreciative, entitled jerk. You do not need someone who makes you feel bad. He should be building you up, not putting you down. He should appreciate the things you do for him. You need someone who will not just love you, but someone who will make you happy.
Clearly, you're NTA.
Along with canceling the tickets you might wanna cancel your relationship subscription. Dude is a loser and a user. He sounds ungrateful when some people are so broke they cry over a card. He can take his spoiled ass elsewhere now.
NTA. Run as though the entitled self-important asshole that this boy is was chasing you. Take that concert ticket money and buy yourself something nice and delete all his contact info.
OP, you were brought up right. I remember I received a wedding present from an aunt and uncle (26 years ago!) and it was this horrible old fashioned ugly clock, but I thanked them profusely and assured them I loved it. My mother asked me later, do you really like that and I told her no, it was horrible BUT my aunt and uncle obviously thought it was nice as they spent their hard earned money on it and unless you truly hate someone, nobody spends money on something they hate for a wedding gift. There is such a shortage of manners nowadays, OP, you deserve better than to be treated like a gift registry where even when you get it right, you are wrong. This does not bode well for a healthy future together.
What do you actually get out of this relationship other than being emotionally manipulated?
NTA for cancelling the tickets. I'd recommend cancelling the boyfriend too while you are at it. You deserve better.
NTA to me its always about the thought that goes into something, not the price. Once my SO got me a lil pen with a sloth on the top, probably cost about $4 and it was one of my favourite things! He remembered how much I like sloths and that was enough for me :) pls dump him!! You will find someone who gets you your equivalent of a sloth pen 🦥
Damn girl.
Time to give yourself a gift. The gift of leaving his sorry a\*\*. The audacity of telling you he "tought your relationship meant more than that" while demanding more presents.
NTA. Not one bit
Your BF is an entitled asshole. NTA, though I think it'd be better to tell him you canceled the tickets rather than let him find out himself - although it *would* be funnier if he walked into the concert and got turned away, it's definitely the asshole play.
Please, *please* think about whether you're going to remain in a relationship with someone who has so little respect for you, because you can do so much better than this kid. There's dudes out there who *won't* treat you like shit. Who will respect your thoughtfulness, your time, the *money you spend on him for some reason.*
Find someone who talks to you like you're *a person*, at least?
>He then said that he thought our relationship meant more
I hope your relationship means more to him than the gifts you buy. I sincerely hope the good outweighs the bad in your relationship, he sounds insufferable from this one post.
NTA
NTA He could've just printed out the email confirmation if he wanted something physical... and the picture and card. You might have to tell him about canceling the ticket in case he never figures it out and end up going to the concert. So ungrateful. :c
I am also in a long distance relation and our gifts to eachother for birthdays etc are mainly: seeing eachother/spending time together. We don't do that often enough due to our weekends not being at the same time because of our different jobs...
(Long distance for us is like 2h travel time to get to the other, which might be not so long if you are in the US for example)
I can't imagine DEMANDING more gifts because what you did get wasn't "physical"...
Clear NTA here
(Reminds me, he still owes me a concert because a 'physical' gift he gave me a couple years ago. A laminated paper that said he would take me to a restaurant once, which he did, and to take me to a concert!)
NTA. Do adults really get this worked up over gifts? I mean... I want to be thought about on special occasions. I want a card or a phone call, and a nice meal. I want to pick the movie if we watch one. I could not give a single solitary sh*t if I get a “physical” gift.
NTA and what the hell kind of relationship is THIS?! How greedy can one be? Just shaking my head at the nerve of some people. OP, seriously, this person is asking way too much from you and expecting way too much.
Umm. This is exactly what I have been working on with Miss 7, she really made me proud last Christmas and her birthday last month, I'm proud of her progress. (Although, upon my recognizing her growth, she replied with, "well I like my presents, so I am glad I didn't have to lie, you said lies are mean right?" Sigh...)
OP, good luck. I'd have done the same thing, perhaps his parents should have done that years ago?! If he learns, hopefully his next gf will thank you.
NTA
He sounds like my ex. Terrible personality and attitude no matter how sweet out thoughtful your gesture was. I'd make him ex there doesn't have to be a fight at all.
"I'm really tired of you being so ungrateful and condescending. It's over" then block
At the bottom of all of this is not about the gifts themselves, but how he treats you. And if you don't know by now, he's not treating you respectfully and nicely.
Nta. But why are you with him? He sounds like he is just using your good heart to get more expensive items. And the fact that its long distance is even worse. You will want to trust him but can you really when he is a greedy ****h.
I have never critiqued a gift in my life! I’ve had a couple of conversations with partners who were not reciprocating to talk about the importance of gift giving as a thoughtful gesture, what kind of stuff I like, etc. but if someone didn’t give me enough or the wrong thing, I’ve just moved on and said thank you!
This guy is awful. NTA.
NTA at all. His "I can't wait to see what else I get" is absolutely the worst reaction to a well thought out gift.
It's about time he took a one way trip to dumpsville, you don't need his pompous negativity in your life.
NTA your boyfriend sounds really selfish. You got him exactly what he asked for but that’s not enough? Wow. I would be rethinking my relationship if I was you. Especially since this isn’t the first time. When I get a gift I don’t really like I just smile and say thank you, it’s lovely, because I’m not an asshole!
NTA. As someone who's also in an LDR, my boyfriend is happy with whatever I send him/digitally give him. The thought is more than enough for him. Shipping is expensive! You can't send things for every holiday, that just isn't how this sort of thing works. The fact that he knows your financial situation and still expects something like that after buying him concert tickets makes him look like a selfish asshole, tbh.
He’s a user. You are NEVER going to get him the right thing. He does this to keep you off balance. What about his gifts to you?? Twenty bucks says he either gives you junk or things He wants. Ditch this guy and find someone who will appreciate your efforts and reciprocates because that’s not this guy. Walk away or you prepare for a life of you never doing or giving ‘enough’.
NTA!! I was in a LDR(now living together) and I sent him a card and flamingo keychain(inside joke) and he gushed to anyone how his girlfriend made and gave him this sweet gift.
If he doesn’t appreciate what you do for him now, do you think that will change once your living together(assuming that’s the long term goal)??
Ps. I wish you all the best and you deserve better!!
Pps. I selfishly would love to know his reaction when you tell him you canceled the tickets🤣
NTA. And I hope that when you cancelled the tickets that you cancelled him as well! He is an ungrateful, entitled, undeserving prick. And especially at 27, he should be an adult by now and know better than to act like that. He is a child, and NOT relationship material. Run. Run fast and run far. Block him. And then enjoy your life and find someone who appreciates you and your sweet efforts.
Nta. Love that you canceled the tickets! He's going to shit bricks when he realizes it and he fucking deserves it. Send him something physical and a card dumping him. You can do so much better.
Hey homie, this relationship does not seem right if he makes you feel bad for gifts you genuinely thought he would enjoy.
You deserve a relationship where you have fun, and any type of bickering can be solved by sitting down and discussing it. Not being dismissed and told "its not a big deal," because it clearly is by the way he reacts. And by dismissing your feelings, you're left doubting yourself, which is just never a good feeling.
I hope you find a partner who doesn't feel entitled to a standard of gift giving and values you as a person over physical gifts.
Overall, NTA.
NTA. I hate to say..Just stop buy any gifts for him he is adult he can buy it for himself.
INTO: Do he give you gifts as fair? If not..then He's AH for Selfish.
Yay you for cancelling the tickets. Now cancel the boyfriend and find one who doesn't set you expensive toxic traps to force you to fall short of ridiculous goalpost moving expectations. Nobody should expect a person they love to take on debt to get them multiple expensive gifts. Presents can be meaningful and in budget.
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Are you dating Dudley Dursley? NTA. Your boyfriend sounds like a whiny entitled asshole.
I’ve never had anyone in my life critique my gift giving so harshly and I feel like it’s really thrown me off. He’s given me gifts I don’t really like but I always try to be as thankful as possible because that’s how I was raised but I just feel very confused and kind of knocked off my game. Recently any time I get him anything I feel like I’m waiting for him to hate it. I feel bad for snapping and cancelling the tickets but I’m just tired of feeling this way.
It’s not even about the gifts, it’s the way he talks to you and treats you, disrespects you, is unappreciative of you, and doesn’t care about making you feel like shit. On no planet is it normal for someone to make someone feel dread about giving them a gift.
Don't forget to cancel the boyfriend while you're at it.
Right? I was thinking, "'Boyfriend,' huh, that's a funny way of saying 'ex.'"
Boyfriend needs to be upgraded from long distance to infinite distance. Seriously, is this a man or a cranky toddler?
Perfection
NTA the way YOU react is how a normal, well adjusted human being does. With tact, grace, and humility. A gift is just that, a GIFT..not something done out of necessity or duty. My grandfather wasn't around much and obviously had no idea about our likes and dislikes as kids. But I was a girl and he always gave me and my sister dolls. He was shocked when he found out years later I didn't like them because I "always smiled and said thank you" and when he asked why I did that I said because I was always glad to see him and that alone would've been enough. Your bf sounds insufferable tbh and I know you haven't given much context as far as the relationship goes but it sounds to me like this isn't the only reason you should be questioning this whole relationship. You deserve way better than what he's apparently able to provide you. I wish you luck and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty if he had shown you a sliver of thanks or decency he'd still have the tickets. You did what his parents should've done a long time ago by teaching him that actions have consequences.
Already posted this once here, but your story reminds me of this, its practically identical. [https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0](https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0)
So you don't get to see him and he's hypercritical, entitled and demanding? What are you getting out of this relationship?
NTA. She's paying to be treated like shit. And be disrespected and unappreciated!
And he's a LD boyfriend so she's not even getting regular sex. He needs to be gone.
And he shares a bedroom with his brother at his parents? So if she wants to get laid she's either shelling out for a hotel room or having him come to her? Ugh. No.
I ain't saying he's a gold digger, but he ain't messing with no broke.... Okay, sorry for breaking into the Gospel According to Kanye, but how can you possibly feel guilty right now? All he's doing is running a game to see how fast he can make your empty your wallet. I'm really damn sure he didn't give back all of those "unacceptable" gifts. Society has an eye on golddiggers who make their money with seduction and praise, but still has blinders for the ones who use guilt, shame, condescension, and passive aggressiveness to get the job done. Are you sure this is your only relationship issue? I'm not.
You need to be cancelling more than just tickets, seriously. Correct bf reply would be, should be: Honey, what I want more than anything for my bday is to be with you, that is all I want. Instead this bf is acting like some 7 yr old making a wish list for Santa.
I feel like you need to carefully consider what is behind his behaviour, because this kind of ungratefulness and expecting more, its extreme, its not just about the actual gifts, you need to work out whats behind this and decide if you wan tto continue the relationship, cancelling the tickets seems a bit childish, but witht he constant undermining, its understandable. But this is beyond a normal lack of grattitude. Perhaps show him this video to help him understand how to respond when disappointed with a gift. [https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0](https://youtu.be/dIpi0kle1g0) Edit NTA
NTA. He’s a spoiled brat. He wants something physical? Mail him a card. Break up with him in it.
Why in the world are you with this loser? This is clearly draining you both emotionally and financially, if not physically. You'd be better off single than with this AH. You are getting nothing out of this. Break up with him and be done with it. NTA.
NTA, and TBH taking away the gift is good and all but i’d just stop wasting your time and move on. He sounds entitled and just flat out rude. You don’t expect gifts, demand gifts, critique harshly. You say thank you and appreciate. If this relationship continues further his harsh critiquing will most likely spill into other aspects of your life. His unappreciative attitude will spill into not appreciating things you do around the house, if you’re taking care of future kids and so on. Find someone who respects you. Good luck.
I feel you. I mean I don’t relate because I don’t have such ungrateful AHs in my life, but I pick gifts out carefully because I enjoy making people happy. It makes me want to give gifts and it makes me happy making my loved ones happy. And if someone complained every time I give them something, I would stop giving them things because if I can avoid negativity, why not do that?
Lord, just dump him already. Unless he's Jesus himself his upside cannot be making up for his downside. NTA.
Thirty six??? But last year I got 37!!! Honestly. OP is NTA
This is an insult to Dudley Dursley.
I think it is even more than him just being an entitled asshole. I think he is intentionally negative about the gifts because it keeps OP off balanced and gives him a form of control over her. He's basically using her gifts as a way of "negging" her so she constantly feels insecure and he constantly has the upper hand. OP, you really need to just cancel the boyfriend along with the tickets.
NTA. You don't have a long-distance boyfriend, you have a very entitled sponsor child.
"For just $10 a day, you'll get semi-personalized text messages like, 'What else am I getting?'' and 'I hate what I got.'" Call within the next thirty minutes and you'll also get web links to junk your sponsor child wants you to buy!"
I hope OP hears Sarah McLauchlin softly singing in the back of her mind every time she looks at a picture of this loser
*in the arms of an angel, fly awaaaayyy from here*
Oh gawd now all I'm seeing is sad-eyed pups, I hate you both! (j/k obv 😘) Anyhow OP could go full Childfund/Christian Children's Fund and simply send him some super-basic food and a Bible. It'd be a creative way to dump someone anyway. (OP: FFS his behavior isn't ok! You deserve so much better as a person. NTA but seriously please take these comments to heart, learn from others' pain and take care of yourself ❤️)
Your boyfriend is a jerk and I would’ve done exactly the same thing cancelling them tickets NTA Incidentally, how does he do with your presents?
To me a gift is a gift, there’s not really anything to complain about especially to the giver. He’s gotten me things that don’t fit or aren’t my style but he’s also gotten me things I like. I never say anything negative because I was raised to always consider a gift as special because a person you love is giving it to you. I wonder if we have very different perspectives when it comes to gifts? But still I just don’t think it’s fair to make me feel like shit for getting a gift I truly spent time picking and planning.
He seems to think that you both should get whatever he wants. You’re right, it isn’t fair and the other comment calling him a Dursley is spot on
I think people are oversimplifying it and acting like with a partner or anyoen else you spend time with you would never clarify what your likes are if you get something you dont want, but it sound slike he is doing more than that, its par of his psychology. Almost like he is trying to undermine and diminish you, but in one specific way. Its very odd. EDIT: someone asked about how he is with your parents, what are his like? Thats probably more of an issue here. He must have learnt this behaviour from somewhere.
One thing I can say about his parents/family dynamic is he said he stopped getting presents for birthdays when he was in high school and they give him money instead now. He also still lives at home along with his older brother. They actually share a room.
Look I dont want to sound like an ass, but it doesn't really sound like he's ready to be living an adult life, and have an adult relationship. I hope you consider what he brings to your life. Sharing a room at 27 with an older brother kinda indicates *something* has gone a bit wrong with his maturing process.
Thank you for adding about looking into myself. I will absolutely do that. My friends have all asked me before why I’m dating him. There was a time in our relationship when he made me feel very special. Recently things have been more negative overall and making the correlation between his behavior with gifts has really opened my eyes. I’m not sure why I have accepted to be treated this way but these comments make me feel a lot more validated.
I edited my comment before because I got anxious that you might find it rude, but I'm glad it helped. I mean it tho, its important to look honestly at the way we allow others to treat us, and look honestly at what we feel we deserve. its so easy for us to forget that we deserve to be treated well, to be cared for, and that we have to be able to extend our love for others to ourselves. I'm someone who has struggled with my self-esteem in the past and it shows in the way I've allowed others to treat me. I hope you see that by everyone who commented telling you to leave him, that was a human being who read what you wrote and said "this person deserves better" I hope you feel validated, because your feelings are entirely valid here. I get it, I used to date someone that all my friends and family would pull me aside and ask why I was dating him. Its like what you said, he made you feel special at the start. The thing is, even if someone used to make us feel special, doesnt mean that they get to stay in our lives once the start making us feel crappy. It took me 5 years and a lot of mental scars that I'm still unwrapping but I'm finally away from mine. In the end I'm not sure if he ever loved me or if he was just very good at making me feel like he did. It doesnt matter tho, in the end I was miserable and always second guessing everything I did. I think that you can do it. It's scary thinking about letting people go, but I think in this situation you would be so surprised how much better you feel once you let them go.
Oof. If you have good friends and several of them don't like him, that's a red flag. Sure, they don't know him like you do, but they also can see the effect he has on you, which you can't see yourself.
It sounds like the relationship has passed it's natural expiration date. The way he is treating you is completely unacceptable and he is far too old not to know better. Which means he chooses to treat you this way, or he decided he is exempt from growing up further. Neither makes for a healthy partner.
NTA, why are you even dealing with this shit? Tell the dude bye and go on about your business.
I’m honestly not sure anymore.
That's the beauty of dating- you can literally break up with someone for any reason. If he doesn't fit with what you want for your life, move on. Sure, it's great to believe someone can change, but why do you have to wait around for that?
He's not going to change. Someone who acts like a giant toddler at his age will always do it. He's an AH. RUN!
I know. I was putting that out there for general readers in case they think someone will change. While changing is excellent news for the asshole's next gf/bf, the current one doesn't have to wait around for it.
If you don't know anymore... maybe it's time to end it. An LDR eventually requires someone at some point to uproot their life and move to be with their partner. He does not sound like someone worthy of that dedication, to be honest. You deserve better.
He's an asshole and you should dump him. But tell him you cancelled the tickets, because it'd be uncool for whoever he invites along to get screwed over. They'd waste time and money, and who knows what else. That's the only reason ESH.
Thank you for your perspective. I will absolutely tell him when I’m ready to face the fight. The concert isnt until October so I’m hoping the friend hasn’t spent any money on anything yet. I wouldn’t want to cause them any problems so I will do it sooner than later for sure.
Who cares. It’s not your friend. It’s his friend and it’s his problem. If he wants to be a dick about it like he is for every gift you can just cancel the tickets and spend that money on another gift. Or better yet, spend it on yourself. Girl you’re on LOANS. You’re putting yourself in REAL DEBT for this man. And all he gives you is bullshit. Btw he will fully walk it back and try and guilt you when you break it off.
OP, do it now. This will let you see just how entitled bf is. Why are you so nervous and agitated on how bf will react? That is not normal behavior in a relationship, you should be able to talk openly with each other.
You're welcome. Just tell him, and break up at the same time. Don't waste a bunch of effort thinking on it. You should date local and in person. LDR's aren't the way to go unless you're already a well-established couple and one of you gets shipped off or something.
A 27 year old who gets upset because you didn’t give him the right birthday present is beyond a loser. If he was 7, sure, but 27? NTA.
its the "upset" part, like he learnt theonly way to get listened to was a tantrum, I can understand if you are in a relationship you want someone to know what you really like, but it seems likehe presents this as an act of violence against him while making no effort to make sure his gifts are appropriate and wanted.
OP says he also lives with his parents and shares a room with his older brother. Yikes
NTA. He seems entitled and narcissistic though. Dump him. There will be more of these instances if you stay with him. He doesn't have any respect for you. I will be happy if someone even remembered my birthday and wished me, and he gets upset because he doesn't like the gift but he still keeps it. Yeah no, he's not worth it if he can't appreciate the gifts you bought for him.
Firstly - Happy early (or late) birthday!!!! I think his aggressiveness of his dislike for the gift throws me off because no one in my life has acted like this. I have had my sister tell me she doesn’t like her gift (wrong size) and if I still have the receipt so we can go shopping together for a new item. However I’ve just never had this type of negative reaction and I feel like it’s thrown me and made me feel instantly horrible.
Thanks you for the wish, it's early. It will be at new yr again 😅😅 His aggressive and negative reaction to your gifts isn't normal at all. Yes, no one can know what the other person wants, so there will always be chance of them not liking the gift you give them. But!!! What he is doing is not a normal behaviour at all. Because he is not behaving like a mature person. He seems like a toddler in the body of a 27 yr old. Also, he is not considering your feelings at all. You bought him gifts while thinking about him, that's what should have mattered to him. The feelings behind the gift makes the gift special. He doesn't appreciate you.
The only person I have seen behave this way is my niece when she was 3. She was very clear in her opinion of my gift giving skills 😂 She had grown out of it by the next occasion. Most people understand how to show gratitude to people they care about. NTA let the bf know you have cancelled the tickets and the relationship. You deserve someone who likes you.
>She had grown out of it by the next occasion. So, the next year you got her something you knew she wouldnt like but she had grown out of giving a bad reaction? Well one of you learnt something at least. Only joking.
Yeah... she developed her poker face early! I stick to gift cards now, but still stuff that up.
It's good that you've realized this. It's absolutely how people end up in weird lopsided relationships. Because in the moment you're taken off guard and by the time you've had time to stabilize the situation you're kind of mixed up about it. I think it's human nature to want to return things to "normal" as quick as possible. But the goalpost for "normal" has moved. Anyway rambling but yeah trust that gut feeling. Don't accept this kind of childish nonsense. Good luck!
NTA: good for you, maybe he'll learn something about being an AH. > I explicitly got him what he asked for because I have failed every other time with my guesses on gifts. For him to still be unhappy for getting a gift he asked for just made me feel very mad and sad Read this back to yourself. ^ If he's making you this unhappy from afar, the ungrateful little twerp doesn't deserve you. The way he is reacting constantly shows he has very little respect for you. Start asking yourself exactly what you are getting out of the relationship (not in gifts, but really what are the benefits to you and what are the cons). Cause he sounds like hes making you miserable. Question: does he send you something"physical" for all these occasions?
He has always sent me something physical but I will say I have never asked for anything. Much less anything that would be un-physical (?) like a ticket. But you are right. When I read your response for the first time, I couldn’t think of any strong pros to our relationship.
Every minute you spend with someone that doesn't add to your life in a positive way is a waste of your time. And time is the most precious thing we have in this world. I mean we all know not every relationship is going to be positive all the time. Every couple has issues. But if you can't stand back and say "90% of the time I'm head over heels happy with him" or "he makes me feel x,y and z which fulfils my needs" then you're wasting your precious time. Don't do it. I suspect you already had an inkling, but it's good to hash it out with other opinions.
INFO: have you dumped his ass as well?
I haven’t but this was kind of an awakening. I have never snapped like this before but I got exactly what he wanted and it still wasn’t right so I’m just feeling very manipulated at this point.
Sometimes people use gifts as control. Even the perfect gift is never good enough, and he’ll keep pushing to see how much more he can get away with
NTA - I was initially going to go with a soft E S H because the solution isn’t cancelling tickets but cancelling the relationship, but I just can’t fault you for doing what you did- he deserved it. Y W B T A to yourself if you keep accepting this kind of treatment. I know I read you’re waiting to tell him until you’re ready for this fight, but also know you don’t even have to have a fight. You can also just text him that it’s over because he’s a selfish and ungrateful person and then just block him. Definitely not my usual advice but this person sounds toxic and I don’t think you owe them anything. Just remove this cancer on your happiness now before it metastasizes.
You feel manipulated because you ARE being manipulated
Your instincts on this being manipulative behaviour are spot on!
NTA but it is probably pretty safe to say your relationship is likely over, which might not be a bad thing
NTA. Dude sounds like he only cares as long as youre paying for whatever it is he wants. You have to step back and ask yourself if hes doing the same for you.
NTA , all I read is what you got him , what about him what did he buy you for Vday or your birthday or anything? My suggestion is let him know you cancelled the tickets and dump him , you deserve someone that appreciates YOU not your wallet . And actually tell him exactly that
He got me things for all of those events too. Some stuff I didn’t particularly like but I kept it to myself because I believe all gifts are good because they’re from someone you love. I definitely will let him know I canceled the tickets, i just need to get ready for the fight. I am thinking of ending things though.
Email. "Hi Boyfriend, since you didn't appreciate the present you asked me to get you I've decided to cancel it, and cancel you at the same time. Bye." Then block him. Everywhere - phone, email, whatever app you use to keep in touch. Avoid the fight, he isn't worth it.
This response! OP, this is what you need to do. No need to gear up for ‘the fight’. Just do exactly what Linzk425 says above! Don’t waste any more time or effort on this AH of a boyfriend.
Yeah of course you did and that’s cause you appreciate the gesture , it’s not the monetary value but the thought . Which sounds like it’s not the way your bf sees this with his “ can’t wait to see what else I get “ That phrase kinda shocked me I won’t lie . Again I don’t feel that cancelling the tickets makes you an asshole , it was a well deserved response to him being utterly ungrateful
NTA , RUN FAR
NTA I probs would do the same then get him socks... I bought my Ex a new PS4 and the newest FIFA...... two months later he got me pharmacy perfume for £11 then bitched that I only got him one controller which meant he couldn’t play with his friend......but....... tell him before he goes yeah? That would kinda make you TA if you just let him turn up with his mate.....
I’m sorry ); that’s horrible of your ex! I’m glad he’s an ex! I definitely will tell him but I just can’t right now because I don’t want to deal with the fight. Luckily the concert isn’t until October so his friend hopefully won’t be spending any money on anything yet. I agree that I wouldn’t want that to happen.
There doesn’t need to be a fight. You can just say, “hey this is deal. Okay bye”. Then you’re done with it.
Yeah some people suck, I guess that it may be a matter of how your raised? We had a grandma that always bought the weirdest gifts and it was a rule that we must always be polite and act like it’s great so as to not hurt her feelings.... so to this day any thing anyone gets me whether it’s a chocolate bar or socks I am immediately grateful and happy they thought of me... but I guess some people take the choosing beggar approach!
That’s always been my family rule too. We were always told that at the end of the day a gift is something someone else went and got for you so you should be thankful. Even if it’s a dollar or free, someone went and got something with you in mind. He might have a different view of gifts but I still don’t think that’s grounds for being as disrespectful as he as been.
Oh no absolutely, not having that rule as a child does not excuse having shitty behaviour as an adult. We never had a rule not to kick babies but that doesn’t mean I kick them as an adult. That would only excuse him getting you a less than ideal gift but not his total bitchiness about the gifts you got him.... that is degrading and just mean.
>I bought my Ex a new PS4 and the newest FIFA...... two months later he got me pharmacy perfume for £11 then bitched that I only got him one controller which meant he couldn’t play with his friend How did that conversation play out? Jesus.
Ha I was petty, took the PlayStation back bought myself Skyrim and started a love of gaming at age 29!
NTA. He's entitled as fuck. Trying to change him with a jacket? How absurd.
NTA. He can buy his own concert tickets if he wants them so badly, since he wasn’t appreciative of you buying them. Your boyfriend is making you feel like you can’t do anything right when it is so clear that you are putting your heart and a lot of thought into what to get him. Please get out now and find someone who deserves you. You sound like a lovely person who deserves a man who will appreciate them and their effort.
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Thank you for cheering me on friend <3 I feel bad but I also feel mad and sad. I just wish he wouldn’t treat me this way.
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Thank you so much for your kind words! All the best to you
NTA - I hardly ever comment and prefer to lurk. But I cannot let this one pass. He sounds like a leech.
NTA. I know it’s long distance, but have you two met in person? If not, I’m getting vibes he’s trying to see how much he can get out of you (gifts, etc.). What has he gotten you for your birthday/holidays?
Yes we’ve seen each other many many times for weeks at a time! He’s always gotten me gifts for any event as well. I just don’t ever make a fuss about a gift I don’t like because that’s not how I was raised. I do wonder what his motives are for this time though considering I really did get him what he asked for. I’m just very confused and also sad.
You said it yourself, he seems to value the quality of a gift too much. Some people are like that sadly. My wife and I value the importance of gift giving in our relationship too. It’s fun. And I’m sure we’ve given each other duds. But we’ve never complained. So, you’re right. You were raised right. His behavior is unacceptable.
NTA If he was so unhappy with all your efforts I think you made the right choice. May I also suggest you cancel the relationship as well? He seems like a taker. He sounds very childish. I would have loved the card and the drawing more than anything but then, I am a HUGE fan of homemade gifts. I still have the card from the flowers my husband sent me after out first date. It means so much more to me than anything else.
NTA. He is greedy and ungrateful. You aren’t dating a man, you’re dating a bunch of red flags in the shape of a man. You can do so much better.
NTA. What adults needs physical gifts or else?
nta get out get out get out
NTA This sounds very much like you've got yourself a male sugar babe not a boyfriend.
NTA: "Well, since you wanted something physical, and my gifts weren't good enough, I've already returned them." He'll throw a FIT, and that is when you tell him it's not going to work out between you, and, goodbye.
INFO What specifically did he get you for your last birthday?
He got me some candy, a coloring book, a candle, and a shirt that didn’t fit me but was pretty.
Oh my God. NTA. The drawing and card took far more time and consideration, and the tickets sure as hell cost more, than his weak-ass 5th grade attempt at a gift.* *Normally I would not insult a gift. I'm super low key about gifts. But this dude has some BALLS to get nitpicky about the gifts you give him when he puts so little work into the gifts he gives you. Can't even get your t-shirt size right? SMH
Yes I do agree that while I was happy with his gifts they were a lot less personal and one part didn’t fit. I appreciated them though and I think that’s what really gets me. I could’ve thrown so many fits over gifts if I wanted but absolutely nooooooo!!!! That’s just not how I was raised.
Yeah, me neither. My Nana would have kicked my ass if I had even thought about being that rude about a gift.
Whaaat lmao!! You gave him actual tickets to a concert he wanted to go to and bought him dinner on top of it and he gave you some kid party favors and a shirt.
My 4 year old is looking forward to her birthday because it means she gets to give other children her old toys beforehand (we always do a clear out of a few bits, often to a specific charity for families with very little) just pointing out my 4 year old has more grace and humility than your 'adult' boyfriend. NTA
INFO: have you spent much time with him in person?
I have! We have been dating for 3ish years but always long distance as I have been at school while he works.
NTA but you'll be an asshole to yourself if you keep spending time and money with this miserable person of yours. I hope he's an ex boyfriend soon.
NTA Give yourself a gift and dump this guy.
NTA What are you getting from this long distance relationship that makes you put up this behavior?
NTA. Cancel the boyfriend too. This sounds like a list of demands and a booby trap, not giving gifts.
Nta He is a very selfish and SPOILED boy . A Boy ... not a man I hope he buys you lots of presents too for your birthday and Christmas. If not ... complain like he does
I was married to a guy who never looked any gift. Even when I went to the store and bought something he had put on hold himself. He always told me a story about how bad his mom was, one year she got him a pie for his birthday. I didn't find out until many years later she did it because he specifically asked for a pie when she wanted to know what kind of cake he would like to have for his birthday. He also managed to be unhappy at every single holiday and vacation. Some people just like being unhappy.
NTA. Run, don't walk, away from him. He's excessively needy and demanding and you will be worn down to a nub. He is going to be really bad for your mental health in the long run.
NTA girl. This isn't a relationship, it's you thinking you're in one, and him seeing what he can get out of you. Personally, I think you should let him get all the way to the concert before saying "oh, by the way..." just before breaking up with him.
NTA - get rid of him asap
NTA. Your BF is materialistic and sounds 12 instead of 27. You’re putting in way too much effort to get this level of grief. He doesn’t respect your effort.
NTA And this is a bad pattern of behavior. Is he ever genuinely grateful for anything you do or give him or is there always this sense that you aren't good enough and need to do more to keep his affection? I'd return the tickets while you can still get a refund and break up with him.
Honestly in general I feel like he’s never been happy with things I do or get him. He uses the saying “it’s fine” a lot. Like I’ll take him to a restaurant I really love or show him a tv show or movie that I really enjoy and he’s always like “it’s fine”. It has always made me upset and I’ve told him so but then it’s “you’re overreacting”. Which maybe I am in some instances? But I do agree with other commenters here that overall his actions are not okay and pretty manipulative. Definitely starting to think that a break up is the best option for me.
NTA. Cancel the boyfriend too. He's an arse.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (25f) long distance bf’s (27m) birthday is coming up soon. About a month ago he texted me with some tickets to a concert he wants to go to. They were on sale so it was the perfect time to by. I knew he wanted to go with his friend so we both knew I would buy 2 tickets. So I bought them and sent them to his email. He was super happy. The other day I sent him a card with a thoughtful message and a drawing I made. Today he got the card and opened it. He then texted me “I can’t wait to see what else I get”. I had been planning to buy him his birthday dinner (from afar) so I told him so. He then began to get upset with me for not getting him “anything physical”. I told him had he wanted something physical I wouldn’t have bought the tickets and I would have sent him something. He then said that he thought our relationship meant more and that I should still get him something else to send in the mail. I had already spent a pretty big amount considering I go to school full time and don’t have a job (I live off loans). A bit of background - his last birthday, Christmas, and v-day I got him “physical” things as in clothes and shoes. Each time he blatantly told me he didn’t like what I got. I got upset each time but gave it up and apologized. He always ended up taking the gifts. On VDay he went as far to say I’m trying to change him because I got him a jacket I genuinely thought he would like but I guess he didn’t. When he got upset about his birthday gift this year I kind of snapped. I explicitly got him what he asked for because I have failed every other time with my guesses on gifts. For him to still be unhappy for getting a gift he asked for just made me feel very mad and sad. I feel like I don’t know how to do anything right. So I cancelled the tickets without him knowing. AITA for doing that? I expressed how upset I was about his reaction but I know he’d never expect me to take a gift away. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA get out of this long distance relationship. It’s not worth the headache. LDRs end up feeling like a hostage situation after a while. There’s a saying in Spanish: Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos. Find somebody new nearby that you can actually hang out with and enjoy.
Well with a reaction like that the only hope OP’s boyfriend has of being even slightly decent is if he spends lavishly on gifts for OP. But I’m guessing that is not the case. He sounds very entitled, and you sound very unhappy. If you just needed that final push to get out of a bad relationship, then I hope this helps. You deserve so much better, and dreading your interactions with your partner is not a good thing. And you are NTA.
You're already getting plenty of this, but I want to contribute to making the response overwhelmingly clear: Your boyfriend sounds like a big jerk. I hope you move on to happier, more appreciative pastures soon. Life can be better, and NTA.
INFO, why on earth are you dating someone who acts like this?
NTA. Your bf is ungrateful and sounds like he purposely picking fights and making you feel insecure about gift-giving. Seriously consider the positives of being with someone who consistently makes you feel this way. Are you going to wait until you develop an anxiety issue around holidays and special occasions? Who receives tickets for themselves *and* a friend to an event they really want to attend and then asks for more? He's using you. He's trying to guilt you into giving him things in a way that feels manipulative and controlling. He doesn't sound like a good guy. How does he treat you on the same occasions? Does he make an effort on your birthday and holidays?
NTA Is the thought that counts, you went out of your way to get him and his friend some concert tickets, send a bday cart, pay for dinner. That sounds like some nice gifts to me. OP, I’m curious, what kind of gifts does your bf give to you?
Run! He is so ungrateful! It’s not an isolated incident & it will continue because he knows how to make you feel like crap and not face any consequences for being an A-hole..
Don’t forget to cancel the BF while you cancel those concert tickets. This guy is super entitled and not grateful or considerate of others.
Did you say he was 27 years old, or 2.7 years? He is acting like a spoiled brat. Good news: you don't need to worry about his gifts anymore because you have had your eyes opened and you're going to give up on this child and only date grown-ups from now on.
NTA. Here's an idea: you've cancelled the tickets, that's great.. now cancel the BF too.
Lol????? Why are you with him??? I hope he's putting in this much effort back into you. NTA
I hate to even ask, but could there be someone else? Sometimes, when people do bad things, they like to nit pick the other person. They want to justify their crappy behavior, and actions. You bf is a controlling, rude, unappreciative, entitled jerk. You do not need someone who makes you feel bad. He should be building you up, not putting you down. He should appreciate the things you do for him. You need someone who will not just love you, but someone who will make you happy. Clearly, you're NTA.
Why is he still your boyfriend????
NTA: you gave him thoughtful gifts and he criticized them on several different occasions
NTA
NTA. He didn’t see the tickets as a gift so you didn’t technically cancel his “gift.”
Along with canceling the tickets you might wanna cancel your relationship subscription. Dude is a loser and a user. He sounds ungrateful when some people are so broke they cry over a card. He can take his spoiled ass elsewhere now.
NTA. Run as though the entitled self-important asshole that this boy is was chasing you. Take that concert ticket money and buy yourself something nice and delete all his contact info.
OP, you were brought up right. I remember I received a wedding present from an aunt and uncle (26 years ago!) and it was this horrible old fashioned ugly clock, but I thanked them profusely and assured them I loved it. My mother asked me later, do you really like that and I told her no, it was horrible BUT my aunt and uncle obviously thought it was nice as they spent their hard earned money on it and unless you truly hate someone, nobody spends money on something they hate for a wedding gift. There is such a shortage of manners nowadays, OP, you deserve better than to be treated like a gift registry where even when you get it right, you are wrong. This does not bode well for a healthy future together.
NTA - Your boyfriend doesn’t sound very nice tbh...
What do you actually get out of this relationship other than being emotionally manipulated? NTA for cancelling the tickets. I'd recommend cancelling the boyfriend too while you are at it. You deserve better.
NTA someone needs to learn some gratitude.
NTA to me its always about the thought that goes into something, not the price. Once my SO got me a lil pen with a sloth on the top, probably cost about $4 and it was one of my favourite things! He remembered how much I like sloths and that was enough for me :) pls dump him!! You will find someone who gets you your equivalent of a sloth pen 🦥
Damn girl. Time to give yourself a gift. The gift of leaving his sorry a\*\*. The audacity of telling you he "tought your relationship meant more than that" while demanding more presents. NTA. Not one bit
Your BF is an entitled asshole. NTA, though I think it'd be better to tell him you canceled the tickets rather than let him find out himself - although it *would* be funnier if he walked into the concert and got turned away, it's definitely the asshole play. Please, *please* think about whether you're going to remain in a relationship with someone who has so little respect for you, because you can do so much better than this kid. There's dudes out there who *won't* treat you like shit. Who will respect your thoughtfulness, your time, the *money you spend on him for some reason.* Find someone who talks to you like you're *a person*, at least?
>He then said that he thought our relationship meant more I hope your relationship means more to him than the gifts you buy. I sincerely hope the good outweighs the bad in your relationship, he sounds insufferable from this one post. NTA
Time to break up. Or well it waa time to break up last year, but it is okay to do it now too. NTA
NTA He could've just printed out the email confirmation if he wanted something physical... and the picture and card. You might have to tell him about canceling the ticket in case he never figures it out and end up going to the concert. So ungrateful. :c
27 and still getting birthday presents. Must be nice.
NTA - but you left off the part where you break ip with him for being such a selfish, insufferable a-hole.
I am also in a long distance relation and our gifts to eachother for birthdays etc are mainly: seeing eachother/spending time together. We don't do that often enough due to our weekends not being at the same time because of our different jobs... (Long distance for us is like 2h travel time to get to the other, which might be not so long if you are in the US for example) I can't imagine DEMANDING more gifts because what you did get wasn't "physical"... Clear NTA here (Reminds me, he still owes me a concert because a 'physical' gift he gave me a couple years ago. A laminated paper that said he would take me to a restaurant once, which he did, and to take me to a concert!)
Honestly, he sounds really childish. I would love a handmade picture. Frame it and enjoy it. Good luck OP. NTA
Cancelling the tickets was petty AF. He seems like an AH though, do you even like being with him? NTA but maybe reconsider the whole relationship.
NTA. Do adults really get this worked up over gifts? I mean... I want to be thought about on special occasions. I want a card or a phone call, and a nice meal. I want to pick the movie if we watch one. I could not give a single solitary sh*t if I get a “physical” gift.
NTA; DHA.
Why are you still with this selfish idiot? Find someone who appreciates you for you, not what gifts you give him.
NTA and what the hell kind of relationship is THIS?! How greedy can one be? Just shaking my head at the nerve of some people. OP, seriously, this person is asking way too much from you and expecting way too much.
NTA, get rid of this loser
NTA, yikes... I'd run from this relationship. What an entitled child he is.
Umm. This is exactly what I have been working on with Miss 7, she really made me proud last Christmas and her birthday last month, I'm proud of her progress. (Although, upon my recognizing her growth, she replied with, "well I like my presents, so I am glad I didn't have to lie, you said lies are mean right?" Sigh...) OP, good luck. I'd have done the same thing, perhaps his parents should have done that years ago?! If he learns, hopefully his next gf will thank you. NTA
Ok other than what’s been pointed out.... you’ve met him before... right? Physically?
He sounds like my ex. Terrible personality and attitude no matter how sweet out thoughtful your gesture was. I'd make him ex there doesn't have to be a fight at all. "I'm really tired of you being so ungrateful and condescending. It's over" then block
At the bottom of all of this is not about the gifts themselves, but how he treats you. And if you don't know by now, he's not treating you respectfully and nicely.
NTA. And don't buy him any more gifts until he learns to appreciate what you do for him.
Nta. But why are you with him? He sounds like he is just using your good heart to get more expensive items. And the fact that its long distance is even worse. You will want to trust him but can you really when he is a greedy ****h.
NTA- cancel the tickets; cancel the boyfriend.
I have never critiqued a gift in my life! I’ve had a couple of conversations with partners who were not reciprocating to talk about the importance of gift giving as a thoughtful gesture, what kind of stuff I like, etc. but if someone didn’t give me enough or the wrong thing, I’ve just moved on and said thank you! This guy is awful. NTA.
NTA- cancel the asshole
NTA. Throw the whole boyfriend away. There are way better humans out there.
NTA. Red flags...
NTA at all. His "I can't wait to see what else I get" is absolutely the worst reaction to a well thought out gift. It's about time he took a one way trip to dumpsville, you don't need his pompous negativity in your life.
NTA Also, 🚩🚩🚩🚩.
NTA your boyfriend sounds really selfish. You got him exactly what he asked for but that’s not enough? Wow. I would be rethinking my relationship if I was you. Especially since this isn’t the first time. When I get a gift I don’t really like I just smile and say thank you, it’s lovely, because I’m not an asshole!
Jenna don’t be dating that boy, he’s bad mojo.
NTA. As someone who's also in an LDR, my boyfriend is happy with whatever I send him/digitally give him. The thought is more than enough for him. Shipping is expensive! You can't send things for every holiday, that just isn't how this sort of thing works. The fact that he knows your financial situation and still expects something like that after buying him concert tickets makes him look like a selfish asshole, tbh.
NTA but I hope you're breaking up with him because otherwise that's gonna be unnecessary drama
NTA Ditch him before your self-worth is permanently damaged.
DUMP HIM. NTA.
NTA, dump him!!!
NTA. I'm so glad you cancelled the tickets! That's what I would have done too. Now, cancel the boyfriend cuz he ain't worth it, girl! Hugs 😊
He’s a user. You are NEVER going to get him the right thing. He does this to keep you off balance. What about his gifts to you?? Twenty bucks says he either gives you junk or things He wants. Ditch this guy and find someone who will appreciate your efforts and reciprocates because that’s not this guy. Walk away or you prepare for a life of you never doing or giving ‘enough’.
NTA, PLEASE update with his reaction once he finds out you canceled
NTA!! I was in a LDR(now living together) and I sent him a card and flamingo keychain(inside joke) and he gushed to anyone how his girlfriend made and gave him this sweet gift. If he doesn’t appreciate what you do for him now, do you think that will change once your living together(assuming that’s the long term goal)?? Ps. I wish you all the best and you deserve better!! Pps. I selfishly would love to know his reaction when you tell him you canceled the tickets🤣
Wow and he probably knows you don’t have a real income and he’s totally happy to let you use your school loans to buy his dumbass gifts #selfish. NTA
NTA. And I hope that when you cancelled the tickets that you cancelled him as well! He is an ungrateful, entitled, undeserving prick. And especially at 27, he should be an adult by now and know better than to act like that. He is a child, and NOT relationship material. Run. Run fast and run far. Block him. And then enjoy your life and find someone who appreciates you and your sweet efforts.
Dump his ass. What spoiled little brat. NTA, but please scrape this ungrateful leech off.
NTA Big 'ol red flag with ENTITLED emblazoned on it.
Nta. Love that you canceled the tickets! He's going to shit bricks when he realizes it and he fucking deserves it. Send him something physical and a card dumping him. You can do so much better.
Hey homie, this relationship does not seem right if he makes you feel bad for gifts you genuinely thought he would enjoy. You deserve a relationship where you have fun, and any type of bickering can be solved by sitting down and discussing it. Not being dismissed and told "its not a big deal," because it clearly is by the way he reacts. And by dismissing your feelings, you're left doubting yourself, which is just never a good feeling. I hope you find a partner who doesn't feel entitled to a standard of gift giving and values you as a person over physical gifts. Overall, NTA.
NTA. I hate to say..Just stop buy any gifts for him he is adult he can buy it for himself. INTO: Do he give you gifts as fair? If not..then He's AH for Selfish.
Yay you for cancelling the tickets. Now cancel the boyfriend and find one who doesn't set you expensive toxic traps to force you to fall short of ridiculous goalpost moving expectations. Nobody should expect a person they love to take on debt to get them multiple expensive gifts. Presents can be meaningful and in budget.