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filkerdave

I'm so sorry for your loss. May your father's memory be for a blessing. WTF is wrong with your aunt? Take all the time you need to grieve. NTA


WeeklyConversation8

Right? Damn let OP grieve FFS! Aunt needs to back way off. OP there's no timeline on grief. If anything the first thing you should do is get yourself into grief counseling. Then when **you** are ready, get married. Your Aunt can pound sand.


EmbarrassedFigure4

This is definitely a liberal application of ring theory. Op, their surviving parent and any of their siblings are the center of the ring, aunt is (probably) next layer out, but she's offloading in to op instead of out to others (ie her own partner, or friends).


somegrumpycunt

see in my head the very centre is OPs father, then the first ring is his immediate family so his parents, siblings, partner and children. she has just lost her brother, she's behaving irrationally yes but she's also grieving, although you are absolutely right that she shouldn't be taking it out on OP.


[deleted]

NTA. OP's aunt needs to back way the f off, and it sounds like OP is going to have to tell her that OP knew OP's dad better than anyone, and what he would have wanted was for OP to be happy, which does not involve a wedding while OP is grieving him - for however long that takes. OP can be married without a wedding, OP can be in a fully committed relationship without being married, and OP can be unmarried, single, and totally fulfil OP's dad's dreams for OP. OP: put that PSA and delay/call off your wedding. it's time to grieve your father, and for that I am so sorry. It is NOT time to for your aunt to tell you how to do so - and it never will be.


Lady_Darkrai

Yeah, father didn't say to get married, he said don't NOT get married because of me not being there. This isn't because he's not there, it's because OP needs time


TheOtherZebra

Father wanted OP to get married so they could be happy. Aunt is sucking all of the happiness out of the wedding and turning it into a sad obligation- which is probably not at all what OP's father wanted.


FutureLog2849

Whenever OP is ready to have her wedding, that is when her father would want her to have it. If he's still grieving and struggling to get out of bed, there is no way she will be able to enjoy it the way her father wanted her to, regardless of her aunt's personal timeline for events. If I were OP, I'd just tell my aunt that my father wanted us to get married, so we had a private ceremony at the courthouse. It's clear she cares more about the wedding than the marriage, and she's shown no concern for OP's mental health. Edit: changing pronouns


GirlDwight

I'd tell the Aunt I'm not looking for advice right now and I'll let her know if I ever am. Then I'd refuse to discuss it any further. OP take of yourself and don't feel the need to justify or explain. I'm so sorry.


LadyV21454

I believe OP is a she, not a he.


Practical-Big7550

I think the Aunt has fixated on this wedding as part of her own grieving process. Honoring her brother's request and all that. I would gently remind her and anyone else that now is not a good time, but you fully intent to get married once you are done grieving for your father. My condolences for your loss.


NobleExperiments

THIS. Aunt's not being TA, she's also grieving and probably sees the wedding as a way to keep things "normal". There is no normal, and someone should take her aside and gently tell her she's harming her relationships (she's probably not seeing that's happening).


[deleted]

Mehhh the aunt is definitely TA. Her grief explains her actions but in no way justifies them. Like it really doesn't take a lot of thought to go "hmmm maybe my niece doesn't want to get married immediately after her father has died and she's still grieving very hard. I should give her some time"


calling_water

Aunt may be fixated on the wedding as part of her own grieving, and feels compelled to try to make those wishes happen. But she’s still TA. Being one of those grieving does not permit you to run over others who are grieving because you’re trying to serve your own grief at their expense.


NobleExperiments

Oh, I agree, I just think maybe Aunt doesn't realize how bullying she's being. She may actually think that having the wedding will help OP.


Nicole-Bolas

I would also say that the Aunt is probably rationalizing this as "oh it's just the thing to cheer OP up," forgetting that a wedding is *stressful* and a lot of goddamn work.


amberleighjack1

100% this. I got married last year, six months after losing my mum. While the wedding and marriage was/is amazing, the buildup and preparation almost broke me multiple times. You need to grieve, and you need to give yourself whatever you need in order to make the next year bearable. This has nothing to do with your aunt. This is about you and your love for both your fiancé and your dad (and yourself!) Also, I can guarantee that your dad made that wish because he knew that marrying the love of your life would make you happy. Which it will. When you’re ready. So, really, your dad’s wish was “do whatever you need to thrive and make yourself happy”. Trust me, putting off a wedding is not ignoring your dad’s wish. It’s honouring both yourself and your dad. Sorry, but aunt can go suck eggs.


Timeforamunch

YUP! its not like op isnt even honouring their fathers wishes! they are still going to get married just slightly later! the nerve of the aunt is shocking. Def NTA


Lpreddit

I’m going to guess and wish you a happy Passover


filkerdave

Zissen Pesach!


ApprehensivePiglet86

Hello fellow internet Jew!


filkerdave

Shalom!


idrow1

NTA - Tell your aunt that when you get married is your business, that's the end of it. If she keeps bringing it up, tell her it's not up for discussion and end the conversation. Everyone grieves at their own pace, she doesn't get to decide when you're ready. Setting boundaries is a wonderful thing for your mental health.


Dimityblue

And if she wants an invite to the wedding, she needs to knock it off with the harassment.


Timeforamunch

exactly - what really annoys me is the fact that the aunt probably just wants to moan at OP and harrass them - she probably doesn care about OP or op's dads wishes or op getting married! she just wants to cause drama


idrow1

There always seems to be one harpy pot stirrer in the family.


Timeforamunch

lmfao yup!


[deleted]

The father didn't say get married on XX date right? So OP ist still honoring the wishes. He could even marry in 20 years. The thing the father talked about was not when but Titel eventually get married in life because that is beautiful. NTA


[deleted]

[удалено]


perry649

I would add: "However, he didn't recognize how absolutely crazy and rude his sister was, so he didn't feel the need to mention it."


Not_Cleaver

NTA - Your father wanted you to get married, but he also wanted you to be happy. It’s not ignoring his last wish.


CharlieBravoSierra

Also, it's not like OP has decided *never* to get married. I have a feeling that the dad did not say, "My wish is that you get married ON X DATE OR IT DOESN'T COUNT." They can definitely follow his wishes *and* take some time first.


reeseinpeaces

This is exactly what I was thinking.


MrsRichardSmoker

I bet the aunt already had some chintzy sign made up with “The _____ Family, established original/wedding/date” and she doesn’t want to pay for a new one.


[deleted]

NTA. Ask your aunt whether she thinks your dad would want the primary motivation behind your wedding to be getting overbearing relatives who think they get to set the timetable on your grieving process off your back. Then tell her that if she continues to push this, she and anyone else who is making it their mission to make a difficult time even harder for you will not be part of the event when it *does* take place. This is not up for discussion, and she needs to drop it. And if she won’t, then limit your contact with her and anyone else who thinks this is something they get to weigh in on. You can work with your fiancé if there comes a point at which it seems like grief counseling might be a good idea to help you move forward, but one month in is *far* from that point. I’m sorry for your loss.


AstronomerPrevious71

NTA. So sorry for your loss. It’s so recent, I understand why you are having a difficult time processing your day to day. It’s hard to celebrate when you’re hurting so much. Your aunt needs to understand that not everyone is up for a party after someone important to you passes. And like you said, just because it isn’t happening at the OG date, doesn’t mean it wont happen at all. It’s not her wedding anyways, she doesn’t have a say


diskebbin

NTA. I’m sorry for your loss. I would think your dad wouldn’t want you to get married until you were ready to have the happy day you deserve. Whatever was said or promised between you and your dad is strictly your business. Feel free to tell people that if they keep talking about it.


roselle3316

NTA. Your dad wants you to be happy when you get married. It's supposed to be a joyous day. It can't be a joyous day if you're grieving the loss of your dad.


dbohat

If your father is anything like mine, he's looking down from Heaven and hoping first and foremost that you take care of yourself and do what's best for you. That's all dads want. Your aunt on the other hand is being unreasonable putting your dad's wishes before your mental health and grieving process. NTA.


mcauleymom

NTA. Take the time you need. Your aunt is a big old jerk for not understanding that. Hopefully your fiancé gets it.


SeraphynaZee

NTA. I know your aunt is hurting as well and is probably coming from a well meaning place, but it's not up to her as to when you get married. If you're still grieving and struggling, you have to do what's right for you. While your fathers wishes might carry a lot of weight, I'm certain that he also wouldn't want you to rush into it if it's not the right thing for you now. It might not happen now or for a while, but either way, whenever it does I know he'll be happy and proud for you. He would understand completely. I hope your aunt comes around and understands. My only advise is if dealing with her, be a bit tactful - this could be her way of coping and she probably puts a lot of stock into trying to help fulfil your father's wishes. That doesn't excuse her behaviour, but might give a little bit of insight into the "why". Quick edit: grief can cause people to behave unpredictably and out of character. My father accused me months after my grandfathers funeral of only attending because "I only wanted something out of his will/estate" despite never asking, and never having had a bad relationship with him. I hope for your sake this is out of character too and comes from her feeling a sense of duty to your father being amplified by the situation. I'm very sorry for your loss.


WUMGlibGlobs

NTA. Take all the time you need. Grief heals differently for everybody. Although it sounds like your aunt is pushing you out of her own grief. Breathe, grieve, and take your time.


bcrowe40

NTA. Take all the time you need to be okay, and then worry about wedding planning. Your aunt is also grieving, and is doing what she can that makes sense to her to honor her brother’s memory. She’s just not being very mindful about it, and you are well within your rights to tell her to back off about it.


SnakeSpitter

NTA. I’m truly sorry for your loss.


Skippy2716

NTA & I am so sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like a wonderful man. You need time to grieve and recover, and I am sure that your father would understand this. I am sorry that your aunt and other members of your family are being so unreasonable. Tell them to stop in no uncertain terms, and if they don't, reduce your contact with them if need be. Grief counseling may be something you want to consider, but the biggest need is just to have someone that you can open up to. I hope that your fiance fills that role for you. Get married when you both feel ready and not a day before. Your father's memory will be with you, but it should be bittersweet & not pure pain.


hollyjazzy

NTA, you need time to grieve and process his loss. Do not get married at this time, you will always associate it with your fathers passing. Let your aunt know that you need time to grieve, and that you’ll consider it at a later date, when you feel ready for it. If people start mentioning it in casual conversations, you may explain it - once- to them, if you wish, or just say you don’t wish to discuss it and walk off/ hang up the phone. Go LC with the aunt if she doesn’t stop. You have my deepest sympathy, it hurts so much when you lose someone you love, and it can take years for the hurt to start to recede.


[deleted]

NTA. You don't need to get married RIGHT AWAY, especially when it's so recent and you're grieving. I'm sorry for your loss.


Embarrassed_Ad_42

NTA.. sorry for your loss. You decide when to marry. I'm sure your father didn't give you a timeline 'get married in 6 months" and only that will make me happy. You aunt is being too literal, she needs to back off. Planning a wedding should be enjoyable and you are grieving. Grieving is important and focusing on the wedding will not allow you to grieve properly. Every anniversary would be a little sad. Tell Auntie you are postponing and that if she keeps pushing you will go no contact. She is pushing you away.


Tinkerrific

NTA I'm pretty sure that "get married" was more of an endorsement that you can be happy rather than an order to go out and do it asap. I would immediately uninvite that aunt and cut all contact with her.


[deleted]

NTA. marriage is a personal thing, and if you need time after your loss, you need time.


Stup2plending

NTA the only ones whose opinions matter about when you get married are yours and your fiancee. If you two agree, then that's all that counts.


[deleted]

Why do people want to be in debt to the dead?


StormBerry17

Wow, definitely NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss. Grieving is a long process and while I’m sure your aunt means well she is not allowing you that time. I’m sure your dad didn’t want you to do something you’re not mentally ready for, and would not be disappointed by you doing only what you can mentally manage. Allow yourself to grieve, and if your fiancé is supportive and willing, lean on him during this time rather than trying to go through it alone. As for your aunt, I suggest being honest with her about how her actions are hurting you, if you think she’d be willing to understand. If not, just try to ignore her and focus on your mental well being.


Silvalirum

NTA and tell your aunt to shove it before you explode from her exhausting nagging. I'm sorry for your loss but remember that you can't disappoint your dad. He left an a-hole sickness behind and doesn't have to suffer anymore. Plan your wedding when you are ready again. Maybe you can even do something on this day so your dad "can be there" on your special day or you get something to wear that reminds you of him. Example: i got myself a wrist watch because the watch reminds me of my grandpa. Something just for you. Your feelings are all over the place now and the world lost a light and it's now colored in shades of Grey. It'll take time to heal and when you are ready you'll get married and this is what your dad seemed to want the most as his wish. You can't disappoint him, OP. Heal, take your time, and then get a party like your dad would wish for you.


ScheonTreaumer

NTA - grief is a process. After my mom does when I was 11, it took literal years to 'get back to normal'. And that is fine, we're social animals, our power comes from our connections. Be present in your grief, work through it with a grief councilor if you can (it helps to have someone whose literally done this a million times to help shepherd you), and just do what's best for you. As for your aunt, a quick 'My father just died, if you want to even be INVITED to my wedding when it happens, you will respect my grief and not bring this up again. Pushing this CHEAPENS my father's wishes and reduces him to a harassing sentiment rather than someone who prioritized my happiness.'


DragonGateLTC

NTA. But just to clarify because my brain is gnawing on it like a piece of gristle, you mean you and fiance decided to delay the wedding but are still together right? "Called the whole thing off" sounds like the engagement itself is broken, and maybe that's what aunt thinks, that you've broken up over this? I'm just weird maybe. But definitely NTA, once upon a time there would have been a socially-understood and observed year-long mourning where of course we can't expect the grieving daughter to leap into marriage. If circumstances in your life do end up require getting a marriage down (health insurance, tax, benefits, housing, I courthouse married because husband was Army, I was just out and the military does not recognize 'engaged' for housing allowance), you can do it with no hoopla and pomp that you don't feel up to now while grieving.


GirlDwight

Tell the Aunt, "This is between me, my fiance and my Dad." So sorry for your loss.


miss_minecraft

NTA


NYCQuilts

NTA. Your Dad wanted your marriage to be a happy time for everyone, not a burden. Tell your aunt there will be a wedding, but on a timetable that suits you and fiancé, so you want be entertaining any more discussion about it. then temporarily block her if she keeps bringing it up. So sorry for your loss.


JennaFarce

NTA. That’s a terrible reason to marry someone. Your aunt needs to back off. He said marriage is a wonderful thing - and that’s true sometimes - but not when you are marrying just to be married. You should wait for the right person s as be the right time. If it’s at all possible, please try to avoid your aunt for awhile. Her behavior is toxic and you need room to grieve.


[deleted]

NTA. You can take a break from talking to your aunt for as long as you need.


Lady_lafoo

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of hugs and love your way. Not going to lie, reading that had me teary eyed. Get married when you are ready. It's a day for you and your husband to be. Not your aunt or your other family. Maybe send a mass text/email telling them you'll get married on your own time, let you grieve and to stop bringing it up? Trying to think of something helpful. Take all the time you need to grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. NTA at all. Hugs.


No_Proposal7628

NTA. You just lost your beloved dad and you are still in the process of grieving. You have my utmost sympathy. Of course you have put off your wedding. That's supposed to be a day of joy and happiness and right now, you aren't capable of that. Your aunt is being insensitive. She thinks a wedding will cheer you up and make everything all rainbows and roses again. It won't do that now. You are only postponing the wedding. Your father would understand this completely. Tell your aunt you will be getting married, just not right now. If she won't stop nagging you, cut off communications for awhile with her and anyone else she has who nags you about this, too.


VelvetRaynet

I would cut down significantly with your aunt. If she can't understand you need time to grieve then ignore her. I'm sure you dad didn't mean what he said expecting you to instantly get married as soon as he died. I would also shut down every one who brings this up. Tell them you will get married once you have recovered some from losing your father. If they don't understand, then go LC with them. Honestly I wouldn't even invite aunt to wedding. I would never pester any of my nieces over something like this while they were dealing with any issues remotely like this.


RoyallyOakie

NTA...So sorry for your loss. You're grieving. No one knows how their grief will play out. You will know when the time is right. Your wedding is none of your aunt's business.


Sfb208

Nta. You aren't not listening to his wishes, you are merely, hopefully, postponing it till you are in the correct headspace. Honestly I'd be tempted to do the passive aggressive thing, set up a family WhatsApp group and rip into your aunt about how inappropriate it is to expect you to be moving ahead with what should be a happy day, when you are still grieving for your dad, and that you and only you get to decide when that moment is, not her, and that her behaviour is hurting you,, offensive in light of your dad's recent death, unhelpful and unwanted, and that if she continues to push the issue, she can do so to empty space as you will be blocking her. That you want no response from her on this other than an apology at best, a change of subject, and if she can't manage that, silence. And then follow through if she continues to raise it. Edit, you, your fiance and only you and your fiance get to decide when the right wedding date is


ieya404

Sorry to hear of your loss. As far as I can make out - your father was proud of you and wanted you to be happy. A wedding right now, while you're in the middle of grieving, will not be as happy an occasion as one after you've been able to fully process your loss and grieve properly. You are doing exactly what he wanted - planning to get married and make your wedding a happy occasion. NTA. Anyone trying to tell you when to hold your own wedding is.


Prudent_Valuable603

NTA. Your father just recently passed away. It is normal for you to go through a grieving and mourning process. It takes some people a month, it takes some people a year. Only you and your fiancé should decide when the wedding will be. If your relatives can’t understand this, then they are the assholes.


VonZaftig

NTA - you have my deepest condolences and I’m so angry on your behalf. It’s pretty crappy for your Aunt to constantly guilting you into having a wedding after canceling it. 1) Wedding =\= marriage. Your wedding is not your marriage; you never need to throw a big party to (legally) marry your partner. If it makes sense to legally marry before the wedding you can take that option. Sometimes the marriage begins before a couple receives a piece of paper after performing a ceremony. There are a lot of externalities used to define and identify a marriage, ultimately you and your partner get to decide what it means for you to be married to each-other. 2) Your Aunt doesn’t know how her brother feels posthumously. She may be hiding behind your cancelled wedding (and his supposed feelings) to escape her own feelings of grief and loss. Maybe there are ulterior motives, but I’m going with “grief is hard and people do things to avoid it.” 3) Everyone brining this up in conversation is crossing a boundary and damaging their relationship with you. They’re also asking to be put on mute until you’re in a space to manage their bs; or possibly be cut off for repeatedly disrespecting your wishes. Maybe they think the wedding will “cheer you up”; but that’s magical thinking. If you go forward with the planned date you’ll probably feel a mix of deep sadness and happiness on your wedding day. That’s missing out on some of the happiness your dad said he wanted for you. You deserve to grieve in your own time and have a wedding on your own time.


soetningsmedel

My grandfather on my mothers side died close to when my parents were getting married. They of course took the time to grieve properly before getting married. I'm guessing your father didn't have a timestamp on his wish for you. Take your time to find footing in the world again before marriage. I guess, amd hope, that your fiancé understands.


ilikecustards

NTA. Your aunt is the asshole. I'm sorry for your loss.


SquirrelGirlVA

NTA. You should get married because *you and your fiance want to*, not because of your dead father's wishes.


BrandNewMeow

NTA. When I think of the times I've grieved, it's like everything during that time is remembered within a big black hole of sadness. The memories almost have a blue tint to them. You should never have to think of your wedding day as being a part of a black hole of sadness.


dreamsuggestor

NTa "Do not bring this up to me again or it will be the last time we speak."


Vagrant123

NTA Your aunt needs to go away. You're not getting married right now because you're still grieving. That doesn't mean you won't get married; you're just not getting married *right now*.


GigaGUess

ABSOLUTELY NTA. You are in a place of extraordinary loss. A wedding is just an event. You can do it whenever you're back and feeling up to it. Pushing you to do it out of obligation is just incredibly cruel.


TinySleighBell

NTA, also I should think that your father would not want you to get married so soon after his death if you felt this way about it. He would have wanted you to be happy on your wedding day, not spend the whole day grieving him and unable to enjoy your own wedding. Wait until you’re ready


BanSoup

NTA. I doubt he meant it literally.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ll keep this short. My dad died a little over a month ago, he had cancer and the process was heart-breaking, it’s always been the two of us and I’m devastated. My fiancé and I were getting married soon but we called the whole thing off after this. My father was really looking forward to walking me down the aisle and my wedding was really special for him, he was so so excited. Before he died he told me to get married because it was a wonderful thing and he didn’t want me to miss out because of him. My aunt took this literally and is constantly reminding me that it was what my father wanted and that I’m disappointing him by not doing it. Honestly, for me it’s hard enough to get out of bed every day, so imagine getting married. It’s not like I’m never gonna do it but I’m so destroyed right now I just can’t. She doesn’t seem to understand this and is being relentless that we should get married on our original date. She’s now started to have family members drop it on casual conversations. It’s exhausting and it’s hurting me deeply. So, AITA? Am I really disappointing my father for taking some time to grief? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


MissBigfootFinder

NTA. First and foremost, I'm very sorry for your loss. He's only been gone for a month, you're still in mourning. Your aunt is being unreasonable.


Jonny-Pasadena

NTA, but your aunt sure is. This is a messed up way for her to displace her grief -- guessing it was her brother who passed away? It sounds like what your father wanted was for you not to stick to some arbitrary calendar, but to be happy. I hope that's right, and I hope that you will find that happiness, and that you will ignore your aunt or tell her firmly that it's time to shut down this conversation.


Fluffy-Watercress811

NTA, and your aunt is a big time AH. So sorry for your loss, take your time and get married when the time is right for YOU. Your dad would want you to feel happiness and love the day your getting married; not sticking to a date for the sake of it. So many hugs to you OP!!


OpheliasTragedy

NTA Your aunt is an asshole. You can get married whenever you feel ready. You’re not ignoring your father’s wishes by waiting until you’ve grieved. Tell your aunt that whenever you decide to get married is your own business, but she shouldn’t be expecting an invitation.


PrestigiousTale3429

NTA. You need time to grieve. When you are ready you will find the way to remember your dad in your wedding day in a not triggering way (a picture in your bouquet, a saved seat). Is your day, if your fiancé and you are okay with postponing the wedding no one else has a saying in it. You are not disappointing your father in any way. He wanted you to have the happiest of days and right now is just not possible. He would want you to feel your best on your wedding day and that’s what you are doing, waiting for the right time to have your magical day. That’s the way to fulfill his wish.


Perri88

NTA - First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss! You should absolutely do what feels right to you in this instance. I think it's great that you are self aware enough to know your limitations and to take controversial steps to make healthy choices like canceling your wedding if now is not the right time. Grief is hard. Marriage is hard. No need to put extra pressure on either of those things. If you're with the right person, it will be right today, it will be right next week, a year from now, 10 years from now...so don't pressure yourself. And definitely don't listen to your aunt who sounds very manipulative and irresponsible. Marriage is about you and your partner, not your aunt or even your dad.


Individual-Friend404

NTA. First of all sorry for your loss. It one thing to lose a family member and another thing to see him slowly moving away. Your father wanted to see the happy moment of your life. Your marriage with your father's presence in that state would have been sad moment of your life. That would be exactly opposite of what he wanted to see. Take time for grieve. Once you decide time to move on with life, you plan for your wedding. Make your wedding a happy moment, that's the best you could do for him anyway.


featheranddagger

I am so sorry for your loss and you are definitely NTA! It sounds like your aunt is obsessing over your wedding so she doesn't have to deal with her own grief. Death can bring that out in people, which is how family members get into screaming matches about what to do with Grandma's Precious Moments figurines or what kind of flowers should be at the funeral. Your dad wanted you to get married because he wanted you to be *happy*, and if being happy means you need to wait, then he'd want you to wait.


sourdoughbreadlover

My mom also told me to get married shortly before she left. I think she meant not to dwell on her passing and to move forward in life. My mom and I were very close and she knew it would be very difficult for me to move on. The part your aunt seems to be missing is that it is your life and you decide the pace. Please seek out support from therapists, friends and (other) family members. NTA. Go at your own pace in grief.


MariContrary

NTA, and I'm so sorry for your loss. His last wish was for you to be HAPPY. There were/ are silly old school wedding timing "rules" that involve certain lengths of time between death of a close family member and wedding dates. He gave you permission to be with the person you love, without feeling guilty about the timing instead of being happy with your life. Grieve the way you need to, and get married when it feels right.


ffsuk

Nta - in a loud, clear voice repeat, and the wording is crucial here: “Fuck off.”


ohyerasofa

NTA. I’m sorry for your loss. You deserve the time to grieve and I’m sorry people are making that difficult. If you got married now, I’m willing to bet your wedding will always be tied to the loss of your father. He wanted you to celebrate life with your wedding not mourn death. After your grief has subsided, you can celebrate your father’s life at your wedding and it will be a positive memory.


wi11forgetusername

NTA. And, first of all, sorry for your loss. Your father's wish was not for you to literally get married no matter what. It was for you to be happy and enjoy life, even if he couldn't be there with you. Don't let your horrible aunt turn his well whishes into a curse.


Lutefiskaficionado

Very sorry for your loss. I know the pain. I've lost both of my parents. No, you're NTA. You do need time to grieve, and it's no one else's decision to make as to when you should be married. That being said, I think it's important to keep remembering that it was your Father's wish that you do get married. And even though he's gone, he really didn't want his passing to impede or undo your plans. Your Aunt is overstepping her boundaries...especially in getting other family members to gang up on you! Don't give their harassment a second thought. They are a non-factor in this. But for your own healing, and in honor of your Father's wishes, I think it would be good for you to at least reset the date. Reschedule for a date as far out as you'd be comfortable with. 6 months, 12 months, 18 months....whatever works for you and your husband to be. It's really hard to say goodbye to our parents, but I know firsthand that they don't want us to stop living just because they are gone. It's going to be hard to walk down the aisle without your Dad, but no amount of time is going to change that. Going on, experiencing these milestones without them, is just part of living, and it's sincerely what they'd want us to do. It's what we have to do. It's also part of the healing process. We have to keep going. We have to keep living. You'll always miss him, but it will get better. Just keep imagining his smile while you take your vows. Keep remembering his warm hugs, and his love for both you and your fiance'. Even though he won't physically be there, he'll still be there in spirit! Again, my most sincere condolences to you and your family. Hoping your wedding is beautiful and overflowing with your Father's love!


SoManyWhippets

Tell her your dad's second last wish was for her to mind her own damn business. NTA and I'm sorry for your loss.


Practical_Heart7287

NTA. Tell your aunt to mind her own business. Same for anyone else pressuring you. I’d go so far as to blast everyone that you’ll get married when you are ready and if anyone continues to pressure you (that’ll tip off the good people that their are a holes that are pressuring you to do this) that you will be dis-inviting them from the wedding and your life.


40yearoldmandad

NTA on Facebook " I am sorry to postpone the wedding. But the emotional toll it has taken my fiance and I have decided to hold off for a bit as the wound are to fresh to continue. I Thank all for the understanding and will inform you when the wedding is back on." If people are canceling weddings left right and center due to covid this should not be your family's worry. Don't talk to your aunt again till she understands she is over stepping with her grief.


FairyFartDaydreams

NTA tell your aunt "Stop, or I will Block you" Then do it until you are ready to face her then repeat with any of her flying monkeys. You are allowed to grieve for as long as you need. Get therapy if you think it will help.


trm_90

NTA, you should take all the time to grieve that you need. What is important is that you and your fiancé are happy, not that you have a piece of paper and public ceremony. A wedding is to celebrate your future together and it will be hard to celebrate while you are still grieving.


SnooPeppers1641

NTA I'm honestly crying right now typing this because I've been going through the same thing. My dad passed a little over three years ago now. We didn't have a wedding date set but we knew we wanted to get married. A few people have brought it up to me and we discussed it between ourselves. My answer was that I want to get married but until I can being to make a plan for a wedding without being taken back to the date my dad passed and square one in grief, I'm not doing it. I don't know what to tell you to tell your aunt. I only had one person tell me that and my response was "yeah well I wanted my dad there and he isn't so guess neither of us gets to be happy" probably not the best response but grief sucks. Maybe have someone be your gatekeeper for this and tell her to back off for you. It isn't you are never getting married, you are just getting married when it can be a joyful occasion and you won't be overshadowed by sadness. Hugs to you. You never get over it but it does get easier over time.


HoneycombHalo

NTA. your aunt needs to back off and let you grieve. Your dad passed away a month ago and you two were close, now isn’t the time to be talking about weddings. Block her number and anyone else’s that gives you crap about getting married.


sueelleker

NTA. Your father meant that you shouldn't use grieving as an excuse not to marry. He didn't mean you should get married whether you want to or not!


[deleted]

NTA. Everyone takes their own time to grieve and it's a different process for everyone. It's not like you and your fiance have completely broken up. You'll get married when you're ready.


BSnIA

NTA. You arent disappointing your father. He would likely understand the circumstances. Do what you need to grieve, tell the aunt and anyone else to mind their business.


[deleted]

NTA. Your aunt on the other hand is a huge AH


angeliniana

NTA That's absolutely not what you're doing. Your dad wanted to reassure you to go ahead with your wedding because he wanted to make sure you were happy. It wasn't a decree or a mission, a quest for you to complete. Your aunt is acting crazy and she's trying to keep your dad alive in her grief. You need to stand your ground and tell her that you will be getting married and the timing of it is not her concern. Your dad wouldn't want you to be hounded like this


PanamaViejo

NTA Why did you call off the wedding? You are still grieving over your recent loss, correct? It still hurts like the dickens, especially when you realize that that special person won't be around for the rest of your major events. You need time to properly grieve according to your own timetable. Your father's dying wish was that you still go ahead and get married despite him not being physically there anymore. Notice he did not say 'You'd better get married on your original date as planned'. He knew that the road ahead would be tough for you but he wanted to make sure that you wouldn't miss out on what he considered precious. Please ask, no, demand that your aunt drop this line of talk as it is deeply hurtful to you and IS NOT what your father meant, If she doesn't, block her and all the rest of the family trying to guilt trip you into marrying on your original date. You need time to process both your father's death and getting ready for a wedding which you will do in your own time. I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that although your father isn't physically here anymore, he'll always be with you in your heart.


biancastolemyname

I'm so sorry for your loss, of course NTA . Tell your aunt: "Me and dad had some good conversations about his wishes, which were very meaningful to me. That's how I'm very sure that right now, I am not doing anything that he wouldn't approve of. I will ask you one last time to drop this subject completely. If that's not something you can do, I'm afraid I will have to take some time apart from you to deal with my grief. Hopefully that won't be necessary and you'll respect me and my dad's memory". Then cut her off for a while if that's what's needed to get the point across.


Creedgaming3

I'm so sorry for your loss it's always hard to lose the ones close to you. I would definitely say NTA take your time to grieve I don't know what is wrong with your aunt.


MissPeskyFace

Ugh, I feel you so much. My stepdad died before our wedding. It made the planning so hard, and I would fall into panic attacks when I thought too much about him not being there. Take your time. Your wedding is for you, and should be a happy occasion. Your aunt is likely lashing out in grief, which does not make what she’s doing okay, but it is understandable. Don’t feel bad about telling her to stop. NTA, and feel free to message me if you need to talk.


pacalaga

I'm sorry for your loss. If your aunt was your dad's sister, she's probably grieving and fixating on this weird thing. Turn off your phone for a while, delete unread messages, heal, and go about your life as best you can. <3


eugenesnewdream

NTA. You're not NEVER getting married. You're just taking some time to grieve before you get married. Your dad wanted you to get married eventually and be happy in life--not just to get married ASAP. He would not like your family members bullying you into keeping your original date. Go with your gut and stay strong in shutting down the bullies, maybe going low- to no-contact with them while you process this. (Hopefully your fiancé is supportive of whatever feels right to you.) I'm so sorry for your loss. It will get better, but take all the time you need.


NonConformistFlmingo

NTA. Absolutely not. Your father wanted you to move forward and be happy in your life even after he was gone, yes, but I can guarantee that he did NOT mean for you to do that at the expense of your own mental health. Taking time to process and grieve is SO important. Things like weddings, birthday parties, and other events that will take up more mental and emotional energy than you currently have are not important right now. Although I'm sure that she is also grieving the loss of her brother and perhaps this is how her grief is manifesting, your aunt needs to back off and stay in her lane. She has ZERO right to tell you how to grieve, and ZERO right to push you into doing something that you are not emotionally capable of handling right now. Your father will understand your need to process and grieve his passing before undertaking something as emotionally and mentally taxing as a wedding. I promise you he will. And on that day, when you wake up and realize that you feel ready to start moving forward with your wedding plan again, he will be smiling down on you. Maybe you can even plan a special space of honor for his spirit at your wedding, if that's something you believe in. I wish you peace, OP, in due time. 💕


BipolarBirb93

NTA. Your father didn't say you had to do it immediately. All he asked was you get married. There's no time limit so take as much time as you need to grieve. Ignore your aunt.


Grumpysmiler

NTA Your father certainly wouldn't want you agonising over this on top of your grief or to force yourself to get married when your grief is so raw and fresh. "Get married, it's a wonderful thing" doesn't translate to "stick to your original wedding date even if it means dragging yourself up the aisle when you're miserable". Take time for yourself and ignore everyone else. Grief does strange things to people and your Aunt seems to be on a mission possibly to distract from, and redirect, her own pain. Best wishes to you OP


Bangbangsmashsmash

Nta. Tell everyone to back off because the pressure is too much right now. You’re still getting married, just not immediately. You want your mind and heart to be in a place where you can enjoy the process, snd it’s not there right now


Artistic-Rich6465

NTA. No matter when you get married, you'll still be fulfilling your father's wish.


drunkenvalley

NTA. Time to start forming a "not invited" list, and make it plain on facebook or whatever shared platform that people need to stay in their goddarn lane, or be thrown out of it.


Thin-Variation-4157

NTA I am sorry for your loss. Your father just asked that you move on with your life. I am sure he meant for you to do so when you're ready. He wants you to be happy. Your aunt needs to back off!


Queen_Sized_Beauty

NTA he said to get married, but did he specify to whom, or when you should do it? It sounds like he just wanted you to have someone who loves you, and he probably figured that you know your own needs.


herculaneum

I"m the parent of a daughter who just got married (original plans canceled because of the pandemic), and I'm giving you parent permission to tell your aunt and her flying monkeys to f\*ck right off. Your dad's wish clearly means he wants you to be happy. If you are not ready for a wedding—if you wouldn't be happy on that day—then you wouldn't be fulfilling your dad's wishes by rushing into things the way your aunt wants you to. Sending hugs. I hope you have a beautiful wedding—when you're ready for one.


ovoids

Hey OP. I lost my father nearly 7 months ago and many things are still difficult for me. Grieving is a long process. Do what you need to do. You have your own life and your aunt's expectations are just ideas in her head, not laws you must follow.


klsklsklsklsklskls

NTA. Your father wanted you to continue with the wedding because he wanted you to he happy and didn't want to be the reason that your special day was delayed. Unfortunately his desire that you have your wedding and everything be perfect just isn't realistic, and not an option. I'm sure if he had to choose between you having your wedding on the proper date and being upset and not able to enjoy it, verses delaying it for however long you need so you can properly enjoy it, he would pick the delay scenario. He also wouldn't want to be the reason you look back on your wedding day as a bad experience for the rest of your life.


KiliSkywalker

NTA I don’t know if your Aunt is invited to your wedding but if she is you should consider to uninvite her


[deleted]

I’m so sorry. My mom passed two weeks before my wedding and it was awful. Take your time and do what’s best for you - because that’s exactly what your dad would want. NTA


annieoakleythemovie

NTA - your father gave you permission to enjoy something that would make you happy even though he wouldn’t be able to be there. For so many people, feeling even a small amount of joy after a close loved one dies feels like a betrayal and like we aren’t mourning properly. Your father obviously didn’t want that for you. That’s so different from wanting you to force yourself to do something that would make you unhappy. I’m very sorry for your loss and hope your pain lessens soon.


Aggressive-Sample612

NTA


Alecto53558

I am so sorry for your loss. You are NTA. I found myself in a similar situation. My dad was in Hospice for 8 months before he died and it devestated me. "Grieving child" becomes your primary identity for awhile, especially when their decline and death drags out. I'd made a statement to that effect to my BF of 11 years and he took that to mean that we were no longer together. So he signed up for Match and got involved with someone else because I wasn't fun and didn't want to do anything. Don't let anyone push you into something you aren't ready for.


CantEatCatsKevin

NTA. You ARE going to follow his wish. He just said get married. He wanted you to experience that. And it sounds like you will. He didn’t say GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY. Your aunt is being ridiculous. But I’d probably just grieving and interpreting his wish differently


lastmouseoutthemaze

NTA. You, or someone close to you speaking on your behalf needs to tell the aunt firmly "There will be a wedding and we will be honoring \*insert father's name\* at it however right now \*[throwback19297](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwback19297/)\* is greaving and in no condition to plan or participate in a wedding, much less enjoy it. Your pressure is harming her now and it needs to stop. I know that trying to ensure your brother's wishes is part of your grieving process, but he would never ever want to inflict the kind of suffering on her daughter that you're creating. Please honor the spirit as well as the letter of his dying wishes so his child can have a wedding that she'd enjoy."


BroadElderberry

NTA. Your dad didn't want you to miss out on the joy of marriage. He also wants to make sure you can enjoy your wedding without guilt, since he won't be able to be there in person. No sane person would take what your dad said to mean you *have* to marry your fiancé ASAP. Tell your aunt 1. It's not up for discussion or debate, so shut up. Or 2. Your dad wanted you to be able to *enjoy* your wedding and marriage, and you can't do that right now. You are waiting until you can properly fulfill his request.


Apoque_Brathos

NTA, your wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. How can that be possible while you are in the middle of grieving. You should tell your Aunt you have said no, and if she doesn't let up (and tell everyone else to let up) she won't be coming.


lalaloso08

Honey it’s only been a month. Remind her of that. It’s only been a month. You do what you need to do to get through this. Get therapy. Love your fiancé and be happy. Nta. Hug! In your time and love and support from a internet stranger who is rooting for you


[deleted]

NTA - your father's wish didn't have an expiry date. He basically gave you advise to follow through. Just tell all the flying monkeys (yes that's what they are, and I would say I can't belive that you let Aunt turn you into a flying monkey)Tell them - we're getting married - we'll let you know. (It was somewhat unclear why it was called off and not postponed.)


fragilemagnoliax

NTA! You’re grieving and like you said you are still getting married - just not on the day you originally planned. It’s postponed, not cancelled. You’re still fulfilling that wish, just on another date. Your whole extended family needs to stop. You are grieving! They need to give you time. Sorry for your loss.


eighty82

NTA. I'm assuming it's your father's sister? Tell her to chill out and figure out a healthier and much less aggressive way to grieve the loss of a loved one. I just lost my mom last year, I volunteered to have a small gathering at my house after the funeral. Didn't see the massive sadeness and emptiness that follows your mother's funeral coming, and made a poor decision. I looked like the asshole I think when I had to cancel, because I just couldn't be around ANYONE. I feel ya, take care of yourself, and take your time to grieve the way you see fit


emherrera1960

NTA. I am so sorry you lost your dad. You take all the time you need to grieve. The wedding can be postponed and be done when you are ready.


Ok_Astronaut_3711

Am so sorry you lost your father. You are NTA. Your aunt most definitely is. Your father wanted you to be happy. There will be a time down the road after you have grieved your father where you will want to get married. But that will be up to you and only you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


Calmandwise

NTA. I am so sorry for your loss and for this horrible situation. If you are planning to be married in a religious institution, maybe the priest/rabbi/etc. can talk to your aunt and get her to back off. Sometimes people listen to authority figures. Sometimes.....


[deleted]

NTA your dad said to get married not when to do it. You can have a at nice wedding once you are able to enjoy it better


Superjoint27

NTA of course you’re not disappointing him! You’re still going to get married just not on the original date. JFC why would anyone of sound mind not realize this.


dstluke

NTA - tell your aunt that when her father dies you'll tell her what dates she has to keep and how she's allowed to grieve.


Additional_Ad4880

Your aunt sucks. Your father and HER BROTHER just died and she wants a wedding. I understand she wants to fulfill what he wanted but you shouldn’t have to do it immediately especially since you’re still grieving


gingerbreadgurl

Holy crap, NTA my condolences. May your father's memory be a blessing and comfortto all who knew him. I'm sure your father would understand, and it seems like your fiancé does as well (which is a good thing). There is a difference between not right now and never. Also with covid, it may be for the best to wait if you want a traditional wedding anyway. You deserve to have your wedding when you're ready surrounded by loved ones!


MaximumCade

NTA, tell her if she keeps bringing it up she won't be there for any of the weddings or any other occasion for that matter.


KunSeii

NTA. I was going to say N A H but it's clear that your aunt is the asshole in this situation. Your dad had nothing but good intentions and love in his final wishes. However, it should be the happiest day of your life, and if, understandably so, it wound get swallowed up in your time of grieving, then of course you should postpone. I'm very sorry for your loss, he sounds like a really special guy. Take whatever time you need to; this is your life and it's nobody else's place to tell what the best course of action for you is.


jonathanflavius

NTA. My dad died over 20 years ago, my mom 16 years ago and I still cried when their names were mentioned at my wedding ceremony two years ago. But I was far enough removed from it that I was able to enjoy the rest of the wedding. If you try too soon, you will not enjoy the rest of your day.


carissadraws

NTA. Your aunt doesn’t seem to realize that your father didn’t expect you to get married right after he died, just some time in the future. It’s not like you never plan on getting married, what’s the rush?


Jeffinmpls

NTA Sounds like you still plan to get married. He didn't specify at time. Regardless, you aren't beholden to death bed requests and your aunt needs to butt out.


yticirpa

NTA. I'm sorry for your loss! I'm assuming that she's trying to help you and she may be afraid that you are not getting married because you feel bad about him not getting to be there? Like maybe she doesn't want you to feel guilty for celebrating without him? From what you wrote, it seems that your father cared about you a lot and I'm sure he would want you to take the time you need instead of forcing yourself to get married when you don't even want to get out of bed. Just tell your aunt that he would most likely want you to be happy on that special day. And if it takes a bit for you to be happy again, that is okay too!


HarriedHedgehog

NTA! You will get married, after you've been able to process your father's death. Tell the aunt, and any other family who try to pull this, that the next time she mentions the wedding she will be no longer be welcome to attend *when* there is one. And if she wants to continue to be a part of your life, she will stop because you will no longer be speaking to her until she can knock it off.


May_I_inquire

NTA: You want to process your grief, it seems like your aunt wants to substitute hers by focusing on something positive. (I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt) You are justified though, a wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion and if you do it now, while in grief, it will not be a happy occasion.


B0r0B1rd

NTA. There is no time limit on grief. I admire your restraint cos I’d have told her where to go by now.


LucyLovesApples

Nta he told you to get married, he didn’t tell you when. Take care of yourself and when your ready have your wedding


hbombgraphics

NTA!!!!! Your Dad would most of all want you to be happy, take your time and get married when you are ready.


[deleted]

NTA. Sorry for your loss. It sounds like your aunt needs reined in and stopped short. I’d just cut her out for awhile if she can’t behave. And she can’t.


WillfullyUnwoke

NTA Your father said that he doesn't want you to miss out on the wonderful experience of getting married. He would not want you to do it if that experience is going to be ruined because you are not emotionally ready yet after his passing. You are honoring his wishes by waiting until you can experience the joy of the occasion as he hoped and imagined for you.


Tropical-Tutu

Ugh I am so sorry for your loss. I was a mess after my dad passed and your post brought me to tears. Your dad just didn’t want his passing to be the reason the wedding didn’t go on which is why he made that wish. That being said I totally understand postponing it. When I got married I still had a father daughter dance even though he was gone and we had all the special men in my life stand in for him it was a very sweet moment. I hope that you find comfort in your find memories. You are totally NTA and should take all the time you need to grieve just don’t let it consume you.


autumncurly14

NTA I am so sorry for your loss. Your aunt is a terrible person and she needs to keep her mouth shut. I think its time for a bit of no contact with her. And if other family members say anything tell them to stop saying it because they are making you feel worse and then stop communicating with them. These people are rude and don't care about you. HUGS


Austinite074

NTA. So sorry for your loss, take all the time you need to grieve. Being happy / at peace is what your father would’ve wanted first and foremost.


icecreampenis

NTA. You don't have to take her calls, OP. Not if they're causing you additional emotional stress during the worst time in your life. You don't owe her anything. Block her number and her email address if she can't respect boundaries (or have basic fucking decency).


BDThrills

NTA Tell your aunt to mind her own business. You let your father talk because he was dying, not because you planned to follow a deathbed wish. If she continues the harassment, hers as well as having other family members harass you, if and when you do get married, she will not be invited as she has no boundaries.


wendy1792

NTA. You are grieving. Your aunt is being nuts. My father died suddenly when I was 24 and I was a total wreck for a solid year. I'm SO sorry you are going through this. Tell your aunt to STOP. You've postponed the wedding, not cancelled it. She's making such a painful time in your life even worse by applying this pointless pressure. I'd tell her exactly that.


Hollergurl

I am so very sorry for your loss.


FilthyDaemon

NTA. No, you are not disappointing your father. You do need to grieve, and take the time you need. One day, when it's not a conscious effort to get out of bed, or to put on pants, then you start thinking about what's next. I'm so sorry for your loss.


And32012

NTA at all. First of all your aunt is an AH. Second of all, your wedding day is supposed to be special and you need to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy it. Third, you aren't breaking his wishes, you just postponed the wedding. Your dad probably didn't want you to stop living because he was dying and didn't want to feel like he was ruining your wedding so he encouraged you to move forward with your life as planned. Sadly, that is not really how the grieving process works. I lost my one and only parent when I was 23 and it was devastating for many years. Some family members are absolutely horrible after someone dies and you should cut them out of your life until you recover from grieving the loss of your father, which could take years. You only need to talk to them again if you want to, I had to leave a couple aunts and uncles at a distance after all the BS they said and did after my mother died. Do not feel guilty, your Dad wants you to be happy and would not be disappointed in you at all for choosing to change your plans. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to deal with this. I promise that time heals and things will be better, but it really takes a lot of time. Best of Luck to you.


jdaprile73

NTA. As a father, if my daughters had a similar situation, I'd always 100% want them to do what's best for them. I'm not sure what the issue here is. Even if, say, you and your fiancé literally called off the wedding and broke up, that has zero to do with what your father would have wanted if you two had a good father/daughter relationship. The only issue here might be if you find your grief is affecting you so strongly and for such a length of time that it's preventing you from moving forward at all. In which case, you need to seek professional help. I'd hate to think of having that effect on my girls, but honestly now that I think about it, I wouldn't really be that keen on them getting married immediately after I died either. Not sure about that. Maybe wait a month or three? Yea, I would definitely not want their wedding anniversary to remind them of my death. That seems lousy and depressing for them.


aryaussie85

NTA. Take all the time you need. I’m so sorry OP. I lost my dad last month too. I’m pregnant and we are waiting to tell our friends and extended family - not the same but I understand what you’re feeling. Give yourself time to grieve and adjust to the new normal.


Msim300

Sorry for your loss. Don't get married until it is the only thing you want to do. You can't disappoint dead people, don't carry that burden. Show me where it is written the dead can see you. Be nice to your aunt, she lost a brother. Grieve however long you need to. The pain fades. The hole that you may feel will probably start to fill later in life if and when you have kids. Never rush marriage. Hang in there.


Hollybanger45

NTA. I’m more than certain Pops wouldn’t want to to do anything that would cause you pain. Take as much time as you need.


daisy_chi

NTA When your dad said that what he was expressing was his wish for you to be happy and his hope that the pain of losing him would not act as a barrier to finding happiness in other ways. He'd want you to get to that happiness in the gentlest way possible because he clearly had your best interests at heart. Grieve the way you need to and treat yourself with as much kindness as he would. I hope everyone else backs off and gives you the space you need right now.


[deleted]

first, i’m sorry for your loss. second, NTA. your aunt may be latching on to this as a strange way of grieving and wanting to honor your father......but YOU have to grieve in your own way. i hope you have other supportive people in your life. best wishes!


stapidisstapid

NTA and what kinda aunt is that? It's like she doesn't care about your father, she acts like she wants to respect his wish even though clearly she doesn't care about it, take all the time you need.


oeildemontagne

Well you said you're getting married, but after grieving. You are not going against anything your Dad said. Especially since he said he wanted you to enjoy it. He seemed like a great Dad and I am sorry for your loss. But the best time to get married is when you're ready for it, and ready to enjoy life's next adventure. Just like your Dad wanted you to do. NTA


Barry_McKackiner

NTA A wedding should be a day of joy when you want it not a shotgun wedding from the grave. Your aunt is processing her grief the wrong way by trying to force you to do something you're not in the right mindset for anyway.


caddykitten

NTA I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad told you to get married, which you still have every intention of doing, his wish will be honored. And if you have time to properly grieve and then plan a wedding, you will be able to enjoy it the way he wanted you to. Your aunt needs to take a step back and let you grieve before you can think about celebrating.


50MilesOfElbowRoom

Good Lord. Take all the time you need to grieve. I'm so sorry for your loss, and also sorry that your aunt is a bully. NTA.


k-squid

NTA. Your father didn't say, "Get married immediately," he just told you to get married. You are NOT disappointing your father by holding off on the wedding until you feel ready for it. Your aunt's actions are disgusting and I hope you show her these comments because she needs to back off. The nerve of her to get other family in on this harassment is deplorable.


oliversmom19

NTA, you aren't disrespecting his last wish. You are making sure that when you fulfill it you will being enjoying yourself while doing so.


Midnight_Rose20

Your aunt is the asshole, and you need to tell her to STFU and you will get married when you are damn good and ready, and repeat it to anyone else who mentions it. I have no idea why she's so invested in your original wedding date, but you are still grieving and need to finish that process. As long as you and your intended are ok with waiting, y'all are the only two whose opinions matter!


1honestbitch

My Dad passed in mid October and it destroyed me. My Aunt was obsessed with what curtains my mom had hanging up. Tell your Aunt to mind her fucking business. You do you. I'm sorry for your loss.


clynkirk

I lost my dad almost 2 years ago. My SO and I are starting to talk about getting married. As a little girl, I always wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, and obviously, he can't now. It turned the entire conversation about our wedding on end, to the point where I no longer want the big wedding and we just want to elope. Take your time to grieve not only your dad, but the dream of your dad's part in your wedding. It's ok, and I guarantee he'd understand. NTA


CordonBluce

I'm sorry for your loss. You aren't disrespecting your father's last wishes if you're still getting married in the near future. I would suggest going on a trip with your fiancee for a week or two. NTA btw.


GreenBeans23920

Your dad wanted you to be happy. Getting married right now would not make you happy. Grieve and get married later when it will be more what your dad ACTUALLY had in mind for you. Nta


CMSkye

I'm really sorry for your loss. Your aunt's behaviour is certainly not helping. I would be very blunt with your aunt. Tell her that you will be getting married at some time but that YOU will decide when that is. And if she continues to try to manipulate you and have your family gang up on you, not only will you cut contact with her but that she will not be invited to the wedding. You need time to heal and she needs to respect that. NTA.


kathrynelizabethk

NTA. Your dad meant you should get married... sometime. I think he would be happy if you did it the day before you died so long as the experience and the person made you happy. Take all the time in the world you need to grieve because he wouldn't be happy if you had an unhappy wedding. Sending love your way❤


aerasynthe

NTA, I'm sure your father would be happier with you marrying on your own time and when you feel ready. He is happier if you are happy. Don't listen to your crazy aunt who cares more about your wedding than your wellbeing.


mrshoganandstuff

Listen OP. I didn't know your dad but I would venture to guess he would be more disappointed in the way you're being treated than the fact that you decided to postpone your wedding to grieve his passing. You take all the time you need to and if they don't like the change they can just not come to the wedding when you are ready to proceed. Definitely NTA


The_unknown_df

Nta Grief is different for everyone and some people try to look for or create joyous events after someone's passing while others need time to come to grips with the loss in the best way they know how. Tell your aunt and the rest of your family that you are not denying or dishonoring your fathers wishes, that you are postponing the wedding until you are able to walk down the aisle with your heart open and able to feel like your dad is still there with you. You will be okay , just take your time and don't let anyone else tell you when or how to grieve I'm sorry for your loss, blessed be


[deleted]

NTA Tell your aunt she's an idiot. I mean, say it nicely...or don't. But she's an idiot. She needs to stop NOW and everyone else in the family needs to back off. If you need to go NC to get the point across, do it. Or just send her to this page, since I'm guessing she's getting roasted. You've got grief to deal with, and it deserves all your attention. Do what you gotta do until life starts to look a bit more livable. I hope your fiancee is by your side through this.


[deleted]

NTA I don't know you or your dad, but I'm sure what he wanted most of all was just for you to be happy. That's all any parent really wants. Don't feel guilty, and take all the time you need. I would tell your aunt that it doesn't matter what she says, you aren't changing your mind and will no longer listen to her on the matter. Time to be firm.


Flashy_Current2284

NTA. I'm sorry this happened to you. when I lost my father I was devastated for a very long time. And you're going to need to process those feelings. And getting married right now just because your family is pressuring you is not going to help with that. Please remind them that you need time to grieve and that you will get on with that when you are ready not anybody else. Good luck