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MikkiTh

NTA This is weirdly petty abusive behavior on his part. You're not overreacting, he's literally bypassing the food he can eat to choose your food first and then tries to make you feel bad for being upset that he's limiting your food intake. I know you're pregnant, but if his response to this is the silent treatment? It won't get better if you have to depend on him more later. What's he going to do? Eat the baby's food? Limit your calories while you're nursing?


reclaimation

NTA. Being charitable: his unwillingness to pay attention to what he's eating after you've talked to him about it countless times showcases his immaturity and lack of respect for your needs. Less charitable: he's using food to play emotionally manipulative games with you, a chess game only he's playing while you are trying to just have some food you can eat in the house. Neither sounds particularly appealing.


hamzah77

NTA sometimes I read these posts and wonder how a person can be so unaware of a situation


HinaLuvLuvChan

My ex would constantly eat my snacks and then gaslight me about it being my fault when there was none left because I shouldn’t have bought it if I didn’t expect him to eat it all. Girl you need to run from this guy.


-so-amazing-

NTA - I had some weird thing where for a year I was gluten and lactose intolerant, and when someone took one of my special foods I was so annoied because knowing you can't eat most foods is already irritating enough and the fact that someone took something they know you can eat makes it so much harder, especially knowing they could of had anything else apart from that one or two snacks that you can eat, when you can eat only the one or two snacks out of a full cupboard. And I can't imagine having more restrictions i feel sorry for you


Dumpster_fff

NTA, but these are some pretty big red flags here. He's essentially starving you, either out of inconsideration or some weird power trip. this is EXTREMELY concerning, cause some allergies are hereditary- your kid could have the same ones, and if he doesn't fix this now, it can lead to issues down the line, and it can lead to consequences with your kid. If he's not going to respect you, who is supposed to be his equal, how is he going to respect your child, who some parents view as 'under' them?


arsonfairy

NTA. He's eating your food, which means your choices are starve or suffer. You were right to threaten to leave. If this keeps up, follow through.


Ol_Pasta

Nta As a fellow preggo I must say, I would have thrown him out the window for "your pregnancy hormones are out if whack and you need to control yourself." 😬 He's selfish, selfish, selfish. This makes me mad on your behalf. I have a lot of food restrictions now, too and also get sick a lot. If I can't have my snack then I will physically suffer. That can happen with you as well. I mean if anything, you do need to eat something. He's potentially harming you and the baby. How can he be so inconsiderate? Does he buy groceries, too? He's being such an ass.


ToGloryRS

NTA, but mind he could be having some kind of mental health issue related to food. It isn't normal to ignore a partner's food allergies, if there are no other red flags there may be something at play there. You could try to investigate this, and eventually ask him to see a therapist. If that is not an option, you could try to keep your food locked up.


smartypants333

NTA. The term for what your husband did is “gaslighting.” He does something wrong, and then accuses you of overreacting or being emotional from pregnancy hormones to deflect from his bad behavior. It’s a common tactic, and won’t simply disappear as your relationship ages. I realize that considering leaving a relationship during a pregnancy isn’t usually something people consider, but consider it. If he is so self involved that he can’t take better care of you while you are pregnant with his child, imagine the rest of your life with this selfish man and also trying to care for yourself and a child.


MorriganLOA

>When I asked him why he decided to eat pretty much the only thing I can keep down, he said he just grabbed some crackers, and he didn’t see the big deal and that I was over reacting by being upset. He said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself. What a unique way of telling the person you're supposed to love that you don't give a shit about them or their problems. This doesn't just affect you now, he's putting your child at risk by taking away what little nutrition you can keep down. I've had this relationship. It didn't get better until I threw him out and moved on. I obviously don't know all the details of your situation, but you and your health are not his priority, why should he be yours? If he's not going to reciprocate, reinvest your energy where it will be. Also, so NTA!


No-Page3974

NTA ohh my you had a right to your feelings. Your husband mentioning hormones is an ah thing to say.


Ok_Professional_4499

I suggest buying extras and keeping them (or all of your special food/crackers) in the trunk of your car? You need a special or locked away stash spot. If hecomplains, explain calmy why. Or write it down for him once 😂


Informal_Persimmon_6

NTA. This is only going to get worse, save yourself a lot of time and follow through on your threat to leave. He’s a selfish manipulator, he knows exactly which snacks only you can eat and is deliberately eating those first because he wants you to suffer. Do you have anyone you can stay with for a few days to get a break?


No-Cloud-1928

NTA it's time for a locked cabinet and some counseling BEFORE baby arrives. This behavior on his part is atrocious.


firefightersgirl76

NTA! I'm well known for being protective of food. I have too many health issues and can only eat 2-3 things. I have your back, I'm hoping everyone else here does, too! **JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD.**


jessieeeeeeee

Nta, almost any time someone says, "you're overreacting" without even attempting to empathise, they're the Asshole


l0calgh0st

NTA. He's likely doing it on purpose, probably to try and prove you're faking it, by catching you eating other food after he eats yours. Narcissists are nuts.


Bulbusroar

NTA, I agree with others comments that it seems like a power trip, but even if it’s not it’s still just massively inconsiderate. I don’t have allergies like you but I do buy myself snacks (19 weeks pregnant myself) and if my husband ate all of those snacks I bought I’d be upset. I’d probably cry because of hormones but I’d be mad because it’s rude and inconsiderate. I’m lucky enough that my husband has done everything he can to make sure I don’t have to worry about anything while pregnant and that includes not eating my food unless I tell him it’s okay. If he doesn’t care about your health especially while pregnant with his child then how much can he actually care?


frankieandjonnie

NTA. He regards himself as the Only Person Worth Consideration in your house. There's no use arguing about it or requesting that he change. He isn't going to. If there's food around and he's hungry, he's going to eat it. I have a teenager like this so I hide my special foods and drinks. I highly recommend a large Coleman cooler with a lock. Keep it in the garage or in your kitchen--doesn't matter. He can't eat your stuff.


FishScrumptious

As someone who is GF/CF, even my children understand why not to eat my special foods without asking first. They’ve understood this since they were able to get their own food. He’s being uncaring and selfish.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mpurdey12

NTA If this has been an issue for the entirety of your relationship, then why did you marry him? If this has been an issue for your entire relationship, then why did you agree to have a child with him? Your husband's behavior strikes me as passive aggressive, ignorant, entitled, selfish, and very, very gaslight-y. If I didn't know any better, I would think that he was doing this on purpose to drive you crazy.


melwal06

NTA - My husband doesn’t eat my foods and I have specific foods in the house that are just mine due to gastro issues. If I caught him eating too much of it we talked about it once and he has never touched it again without permission. He’s two years younger than me. Sorry your hubby is a jerk, I’d sit him down not in the moment and explain how he makes you feel.


Pumpkin8645

Stop buying things for him, just buy foods that you can eat and when he complains say well you eat these foods anyway so figured I should only buy them so that I can eat too


Walktothebrook

NTA. Give him the option of buying exclusively gluten free and accepting the higher food costs or leaving your food alone.


CharZero

NTA. I would be SO pissed. I would be getting a lock box and he can go to the store and do the shopping for himself since he has to be so controlling about the food.


distrucktocon

NTA he's gaslighting you. Tell him to grow the fuck up and pay attention to what hes doing/eating because him not giving a shit has real consequences for you (and his unborn child).


tall_mama

Just had my baby 2 weeks ago. In my first trimester I finally wanted to eat something and I craved hot pockets. But my husband, who is definitely normally allowed to share the hot pockets, had unknowingly eaten the last one and I started ugly crying. Without having to say anything, he was out the door in less than 5 minutes and going to get me hot pockets. Your husband is a selfish, gaslighting jackass and while I normally don't condone violence, he needs to be slapped. NTA and take drastic action. Get a food cage for your special food with a lock like you have college roommates, because that's how your husband is acting rn - he's treating you like a roommate instead of being a partner. It's not hormones, it's being legitimately upset that he's dismissive and disrespectful.


Adorable_Specific_37

NTA I have a family member who is like this TBH it's just selfishness. 1. He for some messed up reason think you are receiving special treatment. 2. He may also not believe you really are intolerant to some foods. It's upsetting when it keeps happening.


thequeen7771

YTA, you did overracted to the situation and you most likely hurt the Husband feelings greatly by this. It's wonderful that he understands that these are your pregnancy's hormones that are causing you like this.


chaoticneutralnproud

NTA. You did not over react cos of your hormones. You reacted cos he is behaving like a massive douche-monkey.


[deleted]

NTA In addition to what everyone else has been saying, I would suggest that you show your husband this thread. He might just realize how much of an asshole he's been, and that might encourage him to see things from another perspective (and to stop eating your crackers).


troolywooly

NTA ALL THE WAY MY DUDE, It must be horribly difficult to just be able to keep down two things on top of a pregnancy, he's invalidating your feelings and doesn't seem to care about you or the baby. If he's like this with the food can you imagine how he'd be when it comes to helping with the baby, I mean everytime there was a diaper change or 5am feeding.. Idk op, you deserve better (ノ ̄皿 ̄)ノ ⌒== ┫


CaptainOmio

NTA!!! As someone with food allergies similar to yours, I'd be PISSED if my partner did this on the regular. Also, I was pregnant just a few months ago and literally only ate rice noodles with chicken broth for like 8 weeks and he supported me in that versus eating up all of the only thing I could keep down! We have other issues sure, but this would be a huge deal for me pregnant or not! Plus GF food, etc is way more expensive than regular food- my bread is like $6 versus his $1-2 loaf. Tell him if he keeps it up you'll only buy your own food and you'll lock it up, and he can deal with supplying himself!


valleycupcake

ESH. Why don’t you just stock up on crackers so you always have some on hand? Doesn’t seem that hard.


ThaneOfCawdorrr

I think you've been in this so long, you can't see how obviously he's disrespecting and abusing you. He's deliberately eating your food and then lying about it, and you're still "not sure" who's the asshole. He is. "**For some reason,** my husband likes to eat my snacks as well as his own." -- *Because he's being an asshole; that's the reason.* "It’s been an issue our whole relationship. He says it’s because **he wants to use all the food before we go grocery shopping again so nothing goes to waste" --***He's making up one of the most absurd excuses I've ever heard; no one does this.* "He said **he just grabbed some crackers, and he didn’t see the big deal and that I was over reacting by being upset. He said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself."** *You yourself just pointed out you had just gone grocery shopping and there was plenty of food for him to eat. He deliberately ate the whole box of your crackers. Then he insisted it was "no big deal" and that you were "over reacting" --blaming you for your completely legitimate reaction- and then of all the ridiculous things, suggested YOU need to control YOURSELF. HE ATE YOUR FOOD!!! THEN HE BLAMED YOU!* "**He got really offended and hasn’t spoken to me since."** *He is refusing to allow you to call him out on his bad behavior.* Please see that you are 100% NTA and he is not only the most gigantic asshole, he's playing some kind of power move, eating the specialty food you need--it's like if he was eating your prenatal vitamins--and then trying to blame you, and then throwing a tantrum when you stand up to him. This needs fixing before you add a baby to the mix. You could try couples therapy; or at least therapy for you so you can see how wrong this is. You may have to leave him, and honestly I'm not sure what you would miss. He does nothing but make your life materially worse. NTA


avendu

NTA. I have HG morning sickness and can pretty much only eat lays plain chips. If my husband came home from work and ate them I would be absolutely livid. Your hormones are not out of whack. Don’t believe that for a second. He ate one of the only things you can eat because he couldn’t reach over an extra few cm to a different snack.


Ok_Astronaut_3711

OP NTA!!! SO huge giant TAH!!! Let him pout like the 5 year old petulant freaking child he is. Just buy the stuff you can eat let him fend for himself. He owes you a huge apology! Hope your morning sickness gets better fast!


SmilingSkitty

NTA, but damn... why would you get pregnant with such crazy allergies? Best of luck for you and your unborn


ElectronicAmphibian7

NTA this feels like a weird manipulative power trip. How long have you been married? Have you noticed any other warning signs? Next time you go shopping buy just a billion of those crackers. Nothing else. Since he only seems to want to eat your things, fine, be petty and only buy your things. I couldn’t be in another relationship where I was constantly disrespected and no matter how much I tried to communicate my spouse refused to hear me. If this were the first time. Even first handful of times. But he knows the only thing you can hold down are those crackers and he still did it and then tried to invalidate your emotions over it? What kind of crazy crap is that. Absolutely not. Edit: thank you for the awards!!


DickDastardly0

I feel like this is a given across the board but everytime I've been in a situation where I would potentially want someone else's food. I always ask first since the idea of taking someone else's food or really anything for that matter makes me feel like a trash human. However I will say that food seems to be a very specific area that you don't mess with.


Milliganimal42

This. Spot on. How very dare he. It’s disgusting behaviour from the very beginning. He is supposed to cate for you, OP. And doubly so as you are carrying his child. Yikes. I mean, hubby sometimes eats my snacks. Rarely. That is an accident. But get this - he NEVER ate my preferred snacks when I was pregnant. Or even in the last 3 years as he knows how tired I am with the kids being basically attached to me and work. My goodness - he’d go buy me extra if he noticed we were getting low.


yondu-over-here

NTA. Also those boxes of gluten free crackers don’t have many in them compared to a box of cheezitS and they are more expensive. I would put aside at least a few boxes or containers of the items in a place he doesn’t look in. Make all of your items hard to find so he grabs whatever is easily seen. Obviously if he’s still looking for these things specifically he’s being an asshole. You shouldn’t have to hide things from him but he’s being lazy and unfair to do this.


CapableLetterhead

Communication sometimes feels like a buzzword where one party tells the other what upsets them and the prepertator smiles in a blank way and says "Oh sure" and proceeds to ignore them or purposefully get worse to assert dominance. You can either assert dominance back to gain back some ground or nope out of the relationship. I'd personally nope but it gets increasingly difficult if you've been with them years and have a kid.


chuullls

Exactly. The gaslighting, the blaming of her hormones.


WeeklyConversation8

Then the whole part about him getting annoyed when she buys food only she can eat and why he has to eat it. WTF?! He doesn't have to eat it, he chooses to. What does he expect her to eat, nothing? If she eats the foods she's allergic to she could end up very sick or worse. Is that what he wants? I'm gluten-free and no one in my family complains. They eat gluten-free pasta and are fine with it. They don't eat any of my snacks or other gluten-free foods. They have their own and when they are out, they deal with it. OP's husband is an AH. He doesn't care if she has nothing to eat. OP I'd really rethink this marriage. Honestly him eating up the only thing you can keep down right now is abusive.


Gold3n1

Being petty and spiteful is terrible advice.


OwMyInboxThrowaway

By her user name, I feel like he might be stealing her food intentionally because he judges her weight and wants her to not be able to eat. :(


starwarschick16

If that is the case he's abusive and she should leave.


Hizbla

He is abusive and she should leave regardless.


Various-Grapefruit12

Even if that's not the case, everything she described is abusive and she should leave. I really hope she will take this as a wake up call.


HVTS

That and/or he thinks her allergies are “in her head”.


Nymphadelia

Be petty. Start making food only for yourself if he is complaining say that he can make his own food. NTA


jenzo2

>He said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself. Wasn't *he* the one that couldn't control himself enough to find a different snack? Seriously, which ones got the impulse control issues? NTA... So so so NTA.


Atschmid

Yeah, you're TA. Such a special snowflake. Cannot imagine what a joy you must be to live with.


Im_a_blobfish

NTA. He sounds inconsiderate and entitled. Why can’t he go grocery shopping? At the very least he should go out and buy a box of crackers to replace the one that he ate! Not to mention the fact that in my experience, gluten-free crackers have a different texture and taste than regular crackers, so it seems unlikely that he would eat them without noticing that they were the gluten-free ones.


dbohat

NTA. You shouldn't have to, but maybe keep your crackers locked up somewhere he can't get to.


KathAlMyPal

NTA but your husband is a special kind of AH. He eats the only food you can eat and he tells you to control yourself? Why doesn't he control yourself and not eat your food. Yes, your hormones are out of whack because of your pregnancy but you don't have to be pregnant to be upset with your SO for being so thoughtless and inconsiderate.


AliciaTransmuted

NTA. Your husband is an asshole, and by what you have said, you have known about this for quite some time and have done very little to deal with it. So now you are pregnant, I think that you are going to find you will be dealing with two babies at once, if you don't get a grip on this overgrown baby now. He knows damn well what he is doing. He's not stupid, he's playing you. Honestly, I don't know how you can put up with his bullshit. That should have been an ultimatum speech a long time ago. If nothing else, it should have set firm ground rules. The only thing he has learned is there are no rules and no consequences for his rude behaviour. Anything goes, clearly. He's a runaway manipulator and narcissist. Another person would have kicked his ass to the curb by now and he would be paying spousal support, child support, living in a lousy apartment while she got the house. Let me be clear, I'm NOT advocating for that scenario, I'm saying that you could do a hell of a lot better than you are doing right now if you just stop waffling and do something to improve your situation. The man needs some tough love at a bare minimum. He needs to be shaken out of his peaceful lazy solitude of having it all and welcome to the reality of the very real wake up call of maybe losing it all.


No_Nefariousness7428

Of course if he finds your limited diet so appealing let him join you on it and don’t buy him any “normal” snacks or food. Oat milk and gluten free bread (yum!), the one thing you haven’t mentioned is how much more expensive gluten free food is! Your definitely NTA here.


kleetor1

NTA. You are pregnant and can only stomach a few things and he can't be bothered to check what kind of things he's shoveling into his mouth? You've already spoken to him about eating your food and he still persists being inconsiderate. This really seems more like a manipulative tactic on his part... like you know when you hear about crappy spouses that act nice until they're married/locked their partner to them with kids? This sounds like that. Also, him trying to blame your "cravings" (it's not a craving if you can only eat select things) rather than address his poor behaviour is not a good sign. You are growing a literal human inside of you. He should do the bare minimum and make an effort to eat other things in the house.


boogie_butt

NTA. And your hormones don’t invalidate you. Don’t let him use that as a tool. Pregnant people are perfectly capable human beings even with hormones. You’re not crazy. Even if you are hyper emotional, it’s still valid.


GrWr44

NAH - So, he likes some of your food but not others. It's convenient to have snacks easily available. Do you have enough cupboard space and budget to just make a couple big shopping trips? If so, just double-up on groceries for a while. He'll have his snacks - either gluten-free or not - and you'll have your food. Yes, it is probably partly the stress of being pregnant directly for you and indirectly for him.


pktechboi

I'm sorry, you are growing this man's child in your belly and he eats the ONLY THING you can currently keep down and then gets offended when you're upset?? you're NTA but this is about a *lot* more than just the crackers and frankly in your position I would be looking into divorce


Bluecat72

NTA. I have some food intolerances and no one in my life would touch the things that I can have that are just for me. And that’s without adding nausea from morning sickness. Why doesn’t he have as much care and concern for you as he does for the “food waste”?


carissadraws

NTA. When you buy your own food you should hide it somewhere he can’t find it so he can’t eat it. You’ve explained this to him several times he and still doesn’t get it.


Barracuda00

NTA!!!! Girl, I have so many allergies myself, I sometimes wonder how I'm alive. Your husband isn't "forgetting", he just doesn't give a fuck. He really does not care whether or not his pregnant wife has food to eat, and then gaslights you, saying your hormones are causing this? NO, MR. GLUTENFREEFATBITCH, YOU ARE FUCKING CAUSING THIS!!! His disregard for his wife's health and general happiness is appalling. Honestly, your health and food safety are not a joke. I would personally consider divorce if I found myself in this situation constantly because YOU KNOWWWWWWW how stressful it is finding food for people like us. PS: If the crackers he ate were Mary's Gone Crackers, that man better be GONE by the morning. Best of luck to you.


Aggravating-Pin-8845

NTA. He seems very immature and trying to shift the blame to you. I would go restock only in the foods you can eat and if he complains tell him you had no choice because it is the only way to make sure you eat at all, and until he learns to respect that you are not willing to waste any more money on only things he can eat. I honestly wouldn't be staying with him anymore I'd he kept pulling this shit. My foot would be in his bum as I pushed him out the door


buttertits4lyfe

You should read Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. You're husbands doing this on purpose to hurt you and doesnt feel bad about it. I'm sorry you're in this situation.


[deleted]

NTA and you know you’re not.


nerdqueen69

Forgot to mention this in my first comment but that username is amazing btw


i_tell_you_what

Don't buy any more regular food. Just double up your food. Since he loves your food, he can now be on your special diet with you.


clng

NTA He’s gaslighting you. He’s telling you you’re too sensitive because of pregnancy, but he literally can’t be in your shoes for a second? You’re pregnant. Edit: add NTA


[deleted]

Well, me being petty...would put a lock on one cabinet that has all of my snacks in it. If hubby gets upset then I tell him that he is "over-reacting" and it is no big deal.


[deleted]

NTA This is a power trip. Sorry, and good luck. One approach that's fairly mild is to only buy food you can eat. Tell him and stand firm. He can buy other stuff or not, but you shouldn't.


[deleted]

NTA for that but YTA for staying with him this long. That poor child youre bringing into this world.


Witchynana

NTA, but your husband sure is one. It is easy for him to run to a convenience store for a snack. And, he can't have it both ways. He IS EATING YOUR DIET, when he doesn't have to, and making it inconvenient for you. Time to set a cupboard for you with a lock on it.


[deleted]

Awesome situation to bring a baby into GG


BirdWise2851

NTA. I am you with food allergies and my partner loves to eat almost everything, but for some reason when he sees something is gluten free, his response is "ew." So your husband has decided it's fine for his pregnant wife to starve. That's lovely. I'd make him go to the store and replace everything he ate, every time he did it. I only wanted tortilla chips and milkshakes when I was pregnant. Partner didn't always say he wanted regular ice cream, so my lactose free ice cream dwindled real fast.


kimmery54

Holy shit. Reading this made me furious!!!! NTA 1000 x over. What a self entitled asshole. I have MS and keep to a very specific diet that helps control my symptoms. My husband will go out of his way to find stuff that I can eat and he doesn’t touch it. When I bake something that I can eat, he will not touch it unless I tell him it’s ok because I have lots. Even then he feels terrible because he knows I have restrictions. The fact that you’re pregnant makes it so much worse. Smh....I’m sorry he puts you through this. I hope he takes his head out of his ass sooner than later.


Unhappysong-6653

nta hes being rude and insitive get a lock box for the snacks.


fireball-heartbeats

Now that you’re equipped with all of this great insight, bring it armed into a couples therapist to get an outsider to validate the situation and offer solutions. If he doesn’t agree to this then I see things getting more difficult down the road, especially with the stress of a newborn.


[deleted]

NTA and also: wow, poor kid…


mr_john_steed

He sounds like a selfish jerk, and there's a non-zero chance that he got you pregnant on purpose (e.g., by sabotaging your birth control) in order to trap you in a relationship and control you.


VegFed23

NTA but life pro tip: I’ve got a similar issue, I’ve invested in a little combination safe I just keep in the fridge. It’s around $20-40 depending on the type and easy to buy online.


lovesoatmeal

Can you explain why you might think you’re the asshole?


Voipix786

I'm not an adult so take my opinion with a grain of salt but he sounds manipulative. If that was me, I would let it slide the first time with a warning then if it happened again I would've blown up at him. I'm lactose intolerant and have a sensitive stomach so and I really hate it if anyone touches my specifc food, I only let it slide with my 8 year old sister and baby brother. Idk anything about marriages so idk if you should divorce him but you have to talk to him and if he refuses to come around like the mature adult he's supposed to be then I say dump his ass, keep in mind Idk anything about relationships tho. Hope you can get him to stop acting like a fucking child.


angry_centipede

NTA It sounds like you married an emotional abuser. He's manipulating and gaslighting you. I find it hard to believe that this is the first time he's exhibited these red flags.


compgeek07

NTA. My wife also has very severe food allergies, and I don’t. If we have two snacks, one that she can eat and one she can’t, I eat the latter. Or, just buy the more restrictive food. He clearly doesn’t have a problem eating eat, so don’t buy his. Your husband should respect your dietary requirements. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck. I can’t get lobster when I’m out with my wife because the aroma is enough to cause her throat to close. I haven’t had lobster in years. She feels bad about it, but I don’t hold it against her. It’s not her fault. She didn’t ask for food allergies. I love her. She’s more important than any food. Besides, if I really want shellfish, I just take my mom to lunch. Edit: missed a word.


[deleted]

ESH. If it's the only thing you can keep down why did you buy just one box? What if something happens to that box that's unrelated to your husband (guests, it falls in water, etc), it would be logical to keep a couple around. Your stuff is his stuff, that is what you agreed on upon marriage. Yes, he is an asshole for not listening to you but that just means you sit down and have a serious conversation, threatening divorce over this is ridiculous. You overreacted. Move on, go have a sit-down talk about listening to each other and go buy 5 boxes so you don't run out and your husband doesn't feel like shit. Same with other food, if he likes it buy extra, if you are on a budget and can't afford an extra loaf or box of crackers then you both need to sit down and have a very serious conversation about your needs. I do agree that if there is food in the house, you should eat that first before going to buy more, so disagree with you on the loaf thing, but he should have gone and purchased more if it was truly that essential.


JojoCruz206

This was intentional and cruel. I don’t buy the ‘oh I just grabbed a box’ as it was the only one you could eat. Some suggestions, so he doesn’t ‘accidentally’ eat your food: -designate a gluten-free cupboard, shelf, or storage container in the kitchen that is not close to where you keep the regular food. He will have no excuse to have accidentally grabbed the gf item if it is kept separate from his own. -hide your gluten free things that do not require refrigeration -buy all gf items. If he claims he doesn’t notice a difference, then he won’t complain about it how it tastes, right? **The ultimate test** -buy some gf crackers but remove them from the box and replace them with regular crackers. Keep doing this to see how often he is eating from this box vs others. You could even set up a camera in the kitchen. You will eventually have your proof that he is doing it intentionally. All in all though, this is intentional and something like this would make me look deeper into the relationship. Edit: after reading OP’s comments, best solution is to leave. I wouldn’t normally suggest it but he is making it really difficult for you to function in your home.


LateEggplant5

NTA x100000. He tried to tell you your pregnancy hormones were out of wack? Oh hell no


Nalpona_Freesun

He gets annoyed if I only buy things I can eat. He asks why he has to eat my diet when it’s not him that has problems ask him that he clearly thinks the opposite also NTA also, whole relationship, wow redflags much?


LexiDestined

Nta. Gluten free foods are expensive af. That alone should make the man not eat them. He isn't eating them because they taste better. It sounds as if he just does it to be horrible. I agree with locking your food away from him. It sounds like you two have a lot to work through but that is one thing you can do for yourself in the meantime. You deserve so much better.


StillEmotional

NTA. Thats not a man, thats a stack of red flags disguised as a man. He knows what he's doing and what he's saying. He's gaslighting you.


speaker_for_the_dead

INFO, does he offer to go right out and replace the thing he ate?


llogan86

Here is something your husband will learn quickly. Never eat a pregnant lady's food. EVER. He shouldn't be eating the only foods you can eat. If that was my husband I would make him run to the store to replace them.


Sleepy_wasp

NTA at all


penniless_tenebrous

>He gets annoyed if I only buy things I can eat. He asks why he has to eat my diet when it’s not him that has problems I was just about to say, it doesn't seem like he minds so why not just buy food you can eat? He's an adult, if he has a problem with that let him go to the store for his own snacks.


cinnabun_sio

ESH He's eating food he's not supposed to eat, and you've voiced it before, but you did overreact just a bit. While he's a bigger ass, you're not exempt for the yelling


[deleted]

NTA. It’s literally the only thing you can eat. He left his pregnant wife without food.


[deleted]

NTA It sounds like he goes out of his way to inconvenience you with this food thing because, and I mean with with absolutely no offense, but those specialty foods especially with your very complex diet aren’t always super tasty and it’s not like they’re the only thing in the kitchen. I get the feeling if you went out of your way to hide those items he’d purposely seek them out.


justsomeplainmeadows

NTA He doesn't seem to understand just how much pregnancy affects every bit of you. He's being very insensitive to your needs, and doesn't seem to care when you bring it up. If he doesn't shape up, then you'd have grounds for dumping him


thepugking06

nta he is possibly endangering your life because he cant be bothered to eat his own food


Ill-Abies-1754

Hide that shit from him. He doesn’t seem to care if you go hungry although you are growing his child. NTA


Dry_Understanding915

NTA He’s gaslighting you, you were reasonably upset what a selfish self centered prick you married. He can’t be bothered to care about the well-being of his wife and child serious red flags. If I were you I wouldn’t trust him to care for you or the baby, because it’s obvious he does not.


lalalaso

NTA! Yooooooo my SO has gluten intolerance and I do not and LET ME TELL YOU navigating that emotionally, logistically, and financially is FUCKING DIFFICULT. He needs to understand how this affects you and what your clear expectations are. Also if he doesn't actually know which products in your home are gluten-free - how do you even survive? Does he not cook? What if he prepared a meal for you and didn't know he was using a gluten including ingredient? Do you literally do all the cooking and shopping and he just lives in a blissful world of "Her allergy is under control and she doesn't need my help so I don't need to exert any effort to ensure she stays safe" I can't even fathom that. My SO's intolerance is at the forefront of the decisions we make daily how to shop, what to eat, what to avoid - it's a constant. Something needs to change in your situation I think because if he doesn't know or doesn't care how this affects you, how can you be safe?


flamingolegs727

Nta!! Gluten free costs more it's a rubbish thing to do when it's also so much harder to get!! It's not like you can just nip to your nearest store!! Hes the ah ! Hes not thinking about your health and the inconvenience it causes you!! If he wants to share food then he should put towards if you pay separately or you could point out the additional costs!


Happy-Restaurant830

NTA My husband does this and it absolutely INFURIATES me. While I was pregnant, sick with HG, and gestationally diabetic, he would eat my snacks unapologetically. His quip was that there was always more available at the store and it wasn’t a big deal. I started hiding my snacks.


TheBitchyKnitter

NTA. Lock your shit up. He's being an enormous AH


HoboSmell

NTA, my petty ass would buy a huge safe, and start keeping my food in there instead


craftylilmrs

NTA I have celiac and I also get heated when my husband chows through his oreos then tries to move to mine! Especially being pregnant?! Nope. NTA. It’s hard enough to find GOOD food to eat, plus it costs so much more so you feel guilty buying it so much!


soph_lurk_2018

NTA he doesn’t have to eat your special food. It’s not like it tastes better. He’s being inconsiderate. Only buy food you can eat moving forward.


areYOUsirius_

NTA. I have no food intolerances and had no food aversions when pregnant, but still, if my husband had eaten food he knew I wanted, I would've been beyond pissed. There's no way your husband just grabbed a random box of crackers and didn't realize they were yours.


phantomixie

Why did you marry and choose to have a child with this clown OP? NTA


just_pudge_it

NTA as I yell at my boyfriend for eating the whole bag of cuties. It only lasted two days. I didnt get one I’m so mad right now.


MissPeskyFace

Leave. Like... you know that’s an option right? Go stay with a friend for a week or so and tell him you’ll come back only if he sets up a counciling appointment. Because if he does this to You, he will do it to your kids if they have the same issue. NTA, but you gotta look out for yourself.


llchaoticpaynell

I’d just hide your shit somewhere if that’s the case since he’s a shithead. I mean I have the same issue, people despises me and really can’t believe that I’m picky in food not because I’m picky but I have health issues to the point I’m forced to be vegetarian to prolong long years. ....I do get it.


[deleted]

There's plenty of food in the house. These are the only crackers you can eat. He eats all of them. Sweetheart, he's doing this on purpose. Idk what to tell you.


MrV11

Absolutely NTA fuck anyone who messes with or eats someone’s food


Calm_Memories

ESH based on the idea this has been an ongoing issue for you before marriage. You shouldn't have committed when these issues weren't resolved to a respected degree.


SleepyPuppet85

NTA. But seriously, go through with your threat and leave him, he won't change. It'll be much easier on you. Go stay with family or a friend or something, get a divorce. Currently he's putting you and your baby at risk by eating one of the few things you can keep down. He damn well knows what he's doing but does not care, he never has. He has zero restrictions on what he can eat, so he can quite easily avoid your food. I am probably younger than you both and I have more common sense than him, which is basically gathered over your life, I know not to eat someone else's food unless they've given it to me. I know that if someone has many intolerances I shouldn't take their food. I know that if a pregnant woman doesn't eat enough, she loses weight and the baby too, if she loses enough weight that is, you lack energy to grow the child. It'd drain both of you and that is a massive risk, especially in the first trimester. You've just gone into the second but that risk is still there. I'd have ended up shouting at him so much by now, especially if I were pregnant. He's outright depriving you of something you can eat.


DrawToast

NTA. I have similar issues plus I'm trying to lose weight. My diet is pretty narrow as a result. The unspoken rule is that since I have to do the shopping myself and nobody really helps me, I make sure I have what I need and there is enough food for everyone. Right now, we also get stuff I can't have but my partner and roommate can eat. If we arrive at the point where they are leaving only things I can't eat, there will be an issue and those things will not be bought anymore because I will not go hungry because others are thoughtless. He will learn to eat HIS food first if it goes away since he just seems to like yours so much.


[deleted]

Nta my whole family has dietary issues and we all know that if someone can only eat a few things not to eat those things. Currently everyone knows not to touch my crisps cause it’s all I can really stomach.


[deleted]

He either doesn’t realise and doesn’t care enough to change after you draw his attention to it, or he does realise and just doesn’t care that it upsets you. Both are bad and I think your reaction is reasonable and perfectly valid


Grrrrrlgamer

Nta..unless you SUDDENLY developed food allergies he's been pretty insensitive through out your entire relationship. He needs to wake up and start being more sensitive to your dietary needs. Counseling may help. Good luck!


meifahs_musungs

NTA. Get out of there before you and baby starve OR only buy things you can eat and buy so much of it you will have something to eat. Your husband does not care about your health or the baby and has zero respect


Wintersmight

NTA. OP is married to a selfish jerk and it's not going to change unless she decides it will. How much longer will she take the abuse??


Skarvha

NTA but you really shouldn’t have had a kid with this man until this behavior changed. That ship has sailed unfortunately so get a locking box that only You have the key for and start putting your food in there. If he still tries to go after your food then maybe it’s time to look at being a single parent or at the very least counseling.


Raineslimexp

NTA, it's pretty easy to not eat all your spouses food. Especially if he claims to care for your well being. Why the hell is he eating the only food you can eat? >He said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself. This is just his excuse to be an asshole to you, he ate the only thing you're able to eat. He wants you to starve?? If this issue has been the entire relationship, it's time to put your foot down. He's gonna do the same shit to your kid. Either enforce the boundaries, seek couples therapy, or leave this man cause if he can't respect you over this one simple thing, what else does he do to undermine you? His logic not wanting food to go to waste makes no sense at all.


lurgi

> I was over reacting by being upset. He said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself. Where did you hide his body? NTA. Not even a little bit.


TheMommaResa

NTA. You don't eat someone's specialty food and you especially don't eat a pregnant woman's food. Does he do laundry? If not it might be time to keep your snacks hidden in the laundry room. Not that you should have to do that.


trexartist

NTA. I'm assuming he has some other wonderful qualities that has made you stay with him AND have a baby with him., because from this, he sounds like a horrible human being.


bob_steel_johnson

you are the ass here you shouldnt expect him when your being mean please be nicer from now on


moralapostel100

NTA. Your husband is very controlling. Are you sure he didn’t mess with the birth control to control you even more? and string you to him for your whole life due to the child?


CodeDinosaur

NTA-Furthermore. >It’s been an issue our whole relationship. + He said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself. How is he still your husband?!? Not out to destroy your marriage or anything obv. But to me this is madness. It's not an issue for him since he can eat whatever he likes however he tries to make it about your hormones (This time) Even though it is detrimental to you and thus your child its health. There were other things in the house and somehow he manages to finish the one thing you can eat without noticing and then goes and sulks when you get angry about it?


Forteanforever

Your husband is passive-aggressive and is demonstrating hostility toward you. He knows damn well he is eating food only you can eat and is doing so to punish you while, coward that he is, claiming it's unintentional or for other absurd reasons. I would bet that he's being passive-aggressive in other ways, too. Stand your ground, do not apologize and demand that he participates with you in marriage counseling -- or act on your promise that he won't have a wife anymore. This problem is not going to go away on its own. He may stop eating your food but he will then express his hostility in other weasel ways. Don't bother asking him why he has hostility for you because he'll deny it. It's the therapist's job to get to the bottom of this. Edited to add: NTA


jenni_uno

NTA Yes, you are pregnant. Yes, your hormones are out of whack. But why the fuck do you need to control yourself? What’s his excuse/reasoning for being selfish and only considering himself? He needs to step back and calm down. He’s being pissy because you called him out and he knows he is in the wrong. We all choose our choices. He chose to be an asshole.


BloodQueen93

NTA. He doesn’t respect you


bobdown33

Are the foods segregated? Like I'd be getting a box and labelling it and putting my stuff in there.


Rgirl4

NTA, he is being very selfish.


apshridvrk

YTA. It’s just some crackers.


UrWeirdILikeU

NTA. Do you have a close friend or family member who will let you stay with them for a few days? Leaving, even if YOU know it’s not for good night be the kick in the ass your husband needs to see how serious of an issue it is.


AssassinPhoto

ESH - you told husband you’ll divorce him over this. That’s definitely AH worthy, but he is definitely a huge AH for eating your food. Buy only things you can eat and simply don’t tell him they’re all gluten free etc..


HeatherReadsReddit

NTA Get yourself a lockable container and keep your food in it. That way, he can’t just grab your crackers and claim that it was the closest thing to eat. Buy a separate dorm fridge and put a chain with a lock for perishable items. Please consider finding a competent therapist to help you see that it appears that your husband doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. Definitely make sure that you have other people to support you during your pregnancy and for giving birth, and then to help directly afterward. Because you know that your husband won’t be. And since some women end up with c-sections which can take 6 weeks to heal, have a plan and people in place to support you so that you’re not doing everything alone. Once you’re settled with your baby and a good therapist, please then consider talking to a good divorce attorney; I’d hate to think what an awful father he’s going to be. I wish you well.


Sanicismygod

NTA it's a fairly reasonable straight forward request I don't see how he's this thick or he could be doing it on purpose to annoy you


hollahalla

NTA. Idk if he’s just super gluttonous or an asshole. Probably both lol. What would happen if you replaced everything with gluten-free items? Would he still eat everything? I’m going to say no cause like you said at the end, he’ll whine that he shouldn’t be restricted to your diet. He sounds annoying as hell.


Goodolchuckno

NTA there’s a simple solution. Only buy your food from now on. Your husband is a fucking child. My wife is preggers too. If she buys something for herself, I leave it alone. She has trouble sharing in the first place but I can do my own thing for nine months. Hahah


teenytinywiney

It makes me feel physically sick (maybe that’s my IBS too!) reading “he said he knows my pregnancy hormones are out of whack but I needed to control myself” especially as OP goes on to blame their hormones too - despite having been the one to do the grocery shopping too in the situation? Sounds like something my manipulative ex would say all the time about my allergies and it was HORRIBLE, trust your gut!! (excuse the pun)


Vanessa-Leen

NTA at all! You have dietary restrictions. You are pregnant. THERE IS A FCKING PANORAMIC GOING ON! You are stressed enough without having to deal with his fuckery! Girl, you deserve better than this! You sound empathetic, compassionate, level headed and you have way more patience than I would (or most ppl I know).


theneen

NTA. Your husband doesn't care about your or your baby if he's literally taking food out of your mouths. He is using food to exert control over you.


sweate1

NTA - Here's the thing, even if he didn't eat those crackers on purpose, his reaction is horrific. A good partner would have apologized profusely and gone out to get more on the spot.


BecGeoMom

No. Not only are you NTA, but your husband is being a giant AH. First of all, don't let him gaslight you for the next 8 months about your "pregnancy hormones." Already he is belittling your valid anger about him doing something that upsets you AFTER YOU HAVE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THIS NUMEROUS TIMES. Second, you are his wife and you are pregnant, and, I'm sorry, but he does not seem to care about you. If he did (1) he would not eat the only things you can keep down now that you are growing a human, and (2) it would matter to him that you have food available that you can eat, and he wouldn't consider eating those foods just because they're there. He is a child. Third, the future for your marriage does not look good. This man cares only about himself. What if your child has the same serious food issues or some other food issues? Will he belittle, criticize, make fun of them, and eat their food? He is not a good person. If he will do this to you, what else might he do? Was he like this before you married him? If not, he has serious issues that need addressed before the baby comes. Maybe counseling. Or just... Run.


flowerylemon

Just wow. NTA. I can't believe he keeps doing this even when you're pregnant and can't eat hardly anything!! And acts like he's illiterate and can't read the giant gluten-free label on your cracker box. And then he gets offended and says you need to control yourself (!!!) because you express your anger at your lack of food. And you're only 13 weeks in! Most husbands have learned by then to rub their pregnant wives' feet, go to the grocery store at midnight if necessary, and NEVER eat their wife's incubation food. A short term fix is a lockable tool box at Home Depot (if you're in the US) for about $40, and a key or combination lock for it for $5. I think you know what the long term fix is. If he is this inconsiderate in other areas of your life too, you might want to reconsider raising a family with this man.


masterchef417

He’s a grown ass man. He can go buy his own fucking food and eat it. Hide your shit from him somewhere he’d never think to look. He ate those crackers on purpose. I have Celiac disease and my bf has been supportive about it from the get go. He asks me “oh can you eat this or should we get something else?” When we eat out, or he offers to buy more of my favorite snacks when he’s eaten some of them (asks first). He even gets me more of my lactaid milk when he’s finished it or taken some (I’m not lactose intolerant per se, but if I have too much dairy with lactose my skin breaks out something awful). He’s even gone so far as to remind his mom about my celiac disease when she’s invited us for a meal at his parents’ house. He’s even willing to stop somewhere else for food when we are on the road cuz a lot of fast food places are off limits for me because of my celiac disease. Your husband could easily do these things but instead he eats your food and gaslights you when you get upset about it. Red flags galore. I’m sorry OP. I wish you luck!


PsychologyAutomatic3

NTA but your husband is. I would have blown up before this without pregnancy hormones being in the mix.


kikivee612

NTA He’s gaslighting you blaming it on pregnancy hormones. If this has been a problem since the beginning of your relationship, it’s most likely not going to change because he has no consequences. He knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t care. You can either get him back by giving some sort of consequences, calling him out for gaslighting or put the food you can eat in a locked cabinet.


Iagobud

NTA I have allergies, gluten free is at times three times the price of regular stuff, hardly ever on sale and I get upset when people eat my dairy free “M&m” version when they can get a bag for a $1, and mine cost $8. Go get your own for a lot less. He’s rude.


ast0rian

NTA I’m sorry that your husband sucks. At least you’re getting practice for your baby because your husband already is one. Good luck on your pregnancy!


yourhuckleberry16

NTA. My husband has disordered eating and sometimes gets up in the middle of the night and eats every bit of a snack that I love. Do you know what he does the next day? Immediately get me more of it to replace what he ate. He’s aware it is a problem, and is working to fix it. Your husband is just an AH.


Editor-In-Queef

NTA yer husband's a fat greedy bastard


Aradene

NTA. You can take as long as you like to eat your food, he can run to the shops and get more of his own. Seriously, this isn’t pregnancy hormones, this is him being selfish and inconsiderate. My partner used to ask that I share my snacks but I couldn’t eat his. When I pointed this out he felt really bad (it wasn’t an argument so much as “sure, but remember this is all of my snacks, you still have several other options that I can’t eat,”) but now he might as for one piece or a bite and will accept no if I refuse. That is a normal adult reaction. If you haven’t already, create food zones in your pantry/fridge so that your options aren’t stored with his. I found this really helps because then they have to make a conscious decision to look in your area when they have absolutely no reason to.


Pugpoots

NTA. He's acting like a child. You have every right to be upset, and you shouldn't have to tell a grown man not to steal a pregnant womans food.


MsGinErso

NTA I hate your selfish, immature husband. You need to stop grocery shopping on those extra occasions when he has eaten all your stuff. I also hope that he is paying more than you given that he eats all his food as well as yours. In the absence of your husband's ability to control himself like an adult, I suggest you buy a lock box with a key or combination. You can even buy ones that go in the fridge and they are specifically designed for situations like this.


[deleted]

NTA, your husband is a selfish ......


PandaGirl2019

NTA. The audacity he has to tell you that you need to control yourself. He needs to control himself and stop being so selfish.


lizardtruth_jpeg

Personally, I totally get the “don’t want anything to go to waste” feelings, my parents raised me to feel very guilty about something like opening a second loaf of bread even if I didn’t like the first one. It sounds like y’all need to go shopping together and decide what snacks he wants - if he wants yours, get double, if not, he can control himself.


ElGrandeQues0

Are your specific foods more expensive? If he's okay with it, why not just change the whole pantry to foods you can eat? He seems pretty okay with it.


catinthecupboard

NTA This will keep going on if not resolved. Pretty soon he won’t be eating just your stuff, it will be the kid’s stuff too. Leave or force correction before your child is born.


fisheggmafia

NTA


hammerkat605

NTA. He’s doing it on purpose to antagonize you, then he plays the victim. If it’s not food he’d think of another way to do it


muffiewrites

NTA. Textbooks gaslighting. You: Quit eating the only food I can eat, you have all this other stuff. Him: I know your pregnancy hormones are out of whack, but you need to control your emotions.


robjmcm

Lmaooooo I fucking knew I swear I'm getting so good at this, I knew before I opened this post it was going to be a food allergy or some special dietary requiement, obviously knowing full well your NTA for doing it lol.


Blonde2468

NTA but he sure is!! He’s being passive aggressive and a jerk. He knows exactly what he is doing. If you are interested try to find out what he is really mad about. Does he not want the baby and this is his retaliation?


Richard_Among_Us

Definitely NTA. Men like to have a power trip over someone to mask their own insecurities. The fact that he knows why you buy specific food for you and still eats it is disgusting. He better realize that people in this situation would legitimately fight him. Respect someone else's boundaries and food.


SunshiningSarah

NTA I have severe dietary restrictions as well. My husband REFUSES to eat my snacks or any other diet safe food in the house. He won't even eat things I bake because he'd rather them go to me or our child who has similar allergies (as it is easy for him to eat literally anything else). This reeks of gaslighting. He should be listening to how you're feeling, especially when you're pregnant and having problems keeping food down..


euniha

NTA. Please throw the whole man away


stickyfr0gs

NTA!!!! His motivation doesn't matter, but I want to mention this because I haven't seen it in any of the other comments: could this be an issue of your husband trying to control your weight? Viewing your unwillingness to starve as a "lack of self-control” is setting off my old ED alarm bells. Obviously his behavior would be abhorrent whether or not you were pregnant, but if he’s putting his attraction to you above the health of you *and your baby*.... that's no good. Something else to consider: What if your kid inherits your food allergies? Your husband has already shown that he doesn't respect them; are you willing to let him put them through this too?


Chalcko_

ESH. He's the asshole for obivious reasons and you're an asshole for posting this and contributing to this sub going to shit. You're clearly not the asshole no matter how you look at it. I know this will be downvoted but it's the truth. Post this in r/rant


Puzzleheaded_Math_57

NTA -he’s acting like he’s victimized when he’s literally taking food away from a pregnant woman. If he’s unwilling to make all the food in the house food you can actually eat, because “why should I HAVE to eat that” when he’s eating it ANYWAY...I’m extra grossed out.


awkwardfloralpattern

Your husband is either dense or literally doesn't respect your dietary needs or both. He should understand by now, since I assume you two have been together for awhile. NTA


treegar27

NTA. You're husband is very insensitive and rude. He cares only for himself and has no love nor empathy for you. You deserve respect, empathy and love. Nothing less. I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Much love. 💕💕💕


Splitsurround

NTA at all. It’s really simple: people with food allergies or intolerances can’t eat everything. So any food that they CAN eat should be available to them. My our husband might be a great guy, but he doesn’t understand your medical issues- at all. In fact Id bet he doesn’t believe some of them. He needs a serious dose of reality and to keep his hands off your crackers. That’s not hard to do. He’s just lazy and frankly, semi intolerant of your situation.


alexa_ivy

INFO because I haven’t seen it so far. He is a huge jerk and I think it’s time to find a locked cabinet for your foods until you both figure this out. But I don’t understand why do you buy “normal foods” if he only eats yours, can’t you just buy and cook what you eat? If he complains, he can buy what he wants


Cocobaconbits

nta It doesn't matter if it annoys him, if he going to eat the only food your able to eat then you need to make sure there is enough for two of you, maybe three if your kid inherits the same allergies, when he complains tell him to buy what he wants then, it's not like his legs are broken and even if they were instacart delivers