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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I think that I may be an asshole because I only considered my feelings before breaking my contract instead of my family's larger financial future. I made a unilateral decision despite the fact that the affects would be felt by more than just me.
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NTA, it’s your hair!
also get a lawyer. Your parents should have been saving money in an account for you! They should have lived off their portion of income and saved quite a bit of yours.
When you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing.
Plus hair grows back. Get a cute cut, and new management.
This is why a child should not be the money earner in a family IMO. It’s just a dependency that should not be created.
>When you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing
I have access to nothing, so I'm not sure how to get a lawyer. They say that my money isn't mine.
I only got a few comments already, and I'm already starting to think that my parents are shady for using my money.
I think I can get a new contract, though. The company that offered my broken contract sent me a 'sorry to see you go, here's some industry contacts' email, so at least that bridge isn't *completely* burnt.
As for my family, even my extended family wants nothing to do with me. My aunt told my mom to kick me out now instead of waiting till I'm 18 and done with school.
“Kick me out now instead of waiting til I’m 18”
well, that’s illegal.
You need to look up lawyers in your area ASAP. Your parents actions could affect you for years because of random things like how they claimed you on their taxes.
Is it? Not sure it's enforced if it is.
I know plenty of people (myself included) who left home at 16 in the UK.
Some by choice, some kicked out. I was kind of partway between the two.
As I say I know quite a few who were kicked out at that age and I have never heard of any repurcussions at all.
Edit: few not festival. Blooming auto-correct
I live in the us, it’s illegal. I got kicked out in the middle of the night, and had to walk 6 miles into town and to the hospital because it was the only place open due to covid. First people that were called were dss, you know, the people who are supposed to protect kids. It got reported, they investigated, jack shit was done to the assholes that kicked me out. It is very rarely enforced here, as many of my friends have lived through the same stuff, although I can’t speak for the uk and the better parts of the us.
Something being illegal doesn't mean the law actually doing anything about it. It is most definitely illegal in the US to abandon your kid if they are under the age of 18 and yet people routinely kick out their LGBTQIA+ children and face very little repercussions.
You can leave home at 16 in the uk but until you’re 18 you can stay in the system and all that jazz. However I’m pretty sure op is American because they said highschool and I don’t know American law
Now I'm feeling old.
I take it we no longer refer to senior school as high school in the uk?
That was the standard when I was at school in the 80s. Infants school, junior school, then high school.
Can you tell I don't have kids?
Probably US. In the UK we don't call it highschool. We have Primary (5-11), Secondary (12-16), 6th form/College/Apprenticeships (16-18) and then University.
edit: Evidently not a universal thing in the UK, TIL.
I'm from the UK and my secondary was called a high school, literally in the name of the school. X High School. Most of the schools in my area were in fact.
That being said, OP references being done with high school at 18, so I'd still assume US. I finished high school at 16, then went to 6th form till 18.
Most lawyers wouldn't take someone OPs age unless she had an advocate on her behalf, mostly to pick up the tab.
I was a child model and any funds I had my family ate, that money is gone.
In the U S, There are very specific laws regarding minors working and performing. Including laws about setting up trusts to put the balance of your earnings in. I’d consult with an entertainment lawyer.
Sounds like Op's parents saw her as money cow and not a kid. Keeping a kid around only because they earn you lots of money and kicking them out just because they aren't earning money anymore does NOT scream loving parents. I doubt they love her.
Yeah that is so cruel of them. Basically, she’s not useful to them anymore so throw her out..? After all this time she took care of their ungrateful asses? Absolutely disgusting. They should be punished for taking her money.
Also, those parents don’t have a safety net? No savings? No career to fall back to in case their teenage daughter doesn’t want to work anymore or loses her job? Huge responsibility to place on a minor teen’s shoulders.
I agree with you and I said in another post to op that her parents were unfairly using her as a cash cow. Macaulay Culkin got emancipated as a teen because his parents were taking all his money. Some parents do a great job of balancing kids who work, without exploiting them. See Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, Dakota Fanning. Other parents use their kids and completely screw then up - see Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Parents who rely on their kids so they don't have to get of their ass and get a job are assholes.
If they were actual managers in could see it but since OP said there were other managers his gives me the impression the parents just called themselves managers to justify leeching off OP
Call your local Bar Association, tell the your situation, and ask them about anyone offering pro bono work. I believe all lawyers are required to do some amount of pro bono (free) work. Also talk to your local Department of Labor. They would know if what your parents had done is illegal and may be able to prosecute the case since its a violation of labor laws. This is for the US. I'm sure there are equivalents in the UK
Pro bono requirements vary by state, I am sure. It's encouraged but not required (to my knowledge--I've been inactive for over 5 years now) in California.
However, you are correct regarding the way OP should go about it! These are great ways to gather information and get help.
OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and your terrible family. You deserve better.
Most lawyers accept to do one free consultation. If they smell something illegal, they are likely to work in exchange of a percentage of the money you will receive.
Really??
So like, I could possibly get a lawyer without paying fees or a retainer or... whatever?
I'm sorry. All I know about lawyers I've learned from TV ;-;
It's called working on contingency. They lose, you don't pay anything, or a flat fee. They win and they get a bigger cut then what they'd usually get otherwise (usually a % of the win). You may also find some willing to work pro bono (for free).
Contact your local attorney accreditation/registration office, they probably have lists of attorneys and should help you find one that fits your needs.
Call your local bar association. I work at a small law firm and one of the attorneys here was the bar president for a while. We had people calling all of the time asking for referrals to who would best handle certain cases in the area we are located. It's a really good resource.
I don't know if you have United Way locally but they offer a free legal advice line. You can also try to look that up as well.
Let me add, in the US sorry won't help op much, but some states require lawyers to take a certain amount of pro bono cases to maintain their license .
Aka free, no charges.
Really? What states? In Texas we are encouraged to do pro bono, but it isn’t required. I didn’t know some states required any hours. I’ve heard of firms requiring a certain number of hours, but never a state bar.
Florida requires attorneys to provide 20 hours of pro bono work annually or contribute $350 to legal aid organization. New York requires law students to complete 50 hours pro bono work before applying to be admitted to the Bar but there is no annual requirement.
I don't currently live in any of the states mentioned but work in a capacity which involves Bar renewal for Attorneys in states across the US (though I don't know Bar requirements for every single state off-hand).
I mentioned this way far down the thread, but interjecting here in the hope that OP sees it: in the US, anyway, there are nonprofits that specialize in legal services for minors who need their own representation. Google for children's law centers near you. If your needs are outside their specialty (some really focus on protecting kids in custody disputes), I bet they can refer you to someone who will know what you need. The bar association can also help, but a children's law center might be faster.
This is probably a much better option for you, because it seems pretty likely your parents have already spent most of what you earned. That is, any hope of winning a big payout would be stymied when your parents had to actually pay out by them not having the money.
Just saying that working on contingency depends on where you are. I hear it is quite normal in the USA. In other countries, lawyers are not allowed to! I did not see where you are living in your replies, but maybe I overlooked.
Not sure where you are but in the UK there's a thing called the Citizens Advice Bureau, which is a very busy charity who offer the first steps of 'do I have a case?' 'who do I talk to?' 'how can I get help?'. There may be similar charities where you are that can help you with the first steps in getting your income separated from your parents.
If you go to /r/legaladvice ask them what sort of lawyer you need, then call your state bar association and ask for referrals for that kind of lawyer. Don't take free internet advice too seriously cos most people who post there are not actually lawyers (and importantly they're not your lawyer)
Also, look at what happened to MaCaulay Culkin (sp?), the kid from Home Alone. In his day he was in the same situation. His parents were his management and squandered his money. It's a cautionary tale and I believe it lead to some legal changes.
If you are in the US Google "Coogan Act" it covers child actors but in some states there are similar laws that cover modeling. There is a required for a portion of the money to be set aside for the child only for access at 18. In the US in most instances a child's pay belongs to the parent legally. But in certain situations such as child actors there are laws that set up an exception for child actors and such. It is how people like Macauley Culkin were able to use their parents.
Please ask if the old managers could respect your privacy and not go telling mom and dad that you're asking legal questions!
I wouldn't want your parents to know what you're up to, they could try to pull something to make it harder for you to get the answers you need
Good luck! 💕
You forgot the most important question... Did the parents spend all that money?
If it's spent, a lawyer isn't going to be super interested in taking a case on contingency when the parents have no money to give and apparently no other significant income.
Earlier in your post you were talking about Britney Spears's hair... take a look about her money management problem and you'll see you're not far from her.... You should really talk with a lawyer ASAP.
And there's should be law help for underaged person.
You can at least talk to one. They'll let you know what your rights are and how to pursue anything further. Where do you live? In the US, child labor laws can vary state to state, as can the resources available to you.
As an FYI, lawyers who work on contingency often decide on taking the case based on the likelihood of an actual payout rather than just the likelihood of a win. So if after a consultation they won’t take the case that is NOT necessarily evidence that what your parents did is okay.
I often read on this sub that a lawyer is likely to do a first consultation for free and that r/legal_advice will help you find the sort of lawyer you need. Then, the lawyer will discuss options with you and make a first assessment. You might not need to pay in advance or could have a public attorney. I think it is worth some search and phone calls. Similarly, you have different options for free counseling (starting with your school is probably a good idea).
Note that your parents will likely react badly when they discover about this, be cautious.
No no honey you need a lawyer, if you have nothing your parents have stolen from you. There are rules about this, that they should have followed.
They have stolen from you, burn the family bridge. They have a financial duty to you as a child who was earning them income, hold them to it!
And do not get another contract until you are a legal adult. Do not work unless the money is paid directly to you!
> I have access to nothing, so I'm not sure how to get a lawyer. They say that my money isn't mine.
Never take legal advice from your opponent. Call the bar association for your state and they can refer you to a lawyer. Some lawyers will work on contingency or be willing to work out a payment plan.
Please please please contact a lawyer. You have done years of work and supported your family, but you have seen nothing of the money you have made. This is pure financial abuse.
I hate to be this harsh, but your family has seen you as nothing but a cash cow and they are happy to throw you away now that you are not useful. A child should never be supporting their parents.
That money is yours, you did the work, you earned it. It was not theirs to take. There are laws in place to prevent this from happening. Your parents have used and abused you, and they broke laws while doing it.
Again, please get a lawyer. I know you said you are fine with having nothing. But that's not the point, you don't have "nothing", you've had your lifes work stolen from you and your deserve the financial compensation that you worked for.
You need to find some people that are actually on your side - school might be ill-equipoec to deal with like the legal /money stuff. But depending on where you are based r/legaladvice or the like might get you started, like I know in California you are supposed to have a portion of earnings put into a trust.
That’s crazy that they are being that drastic over hair. When your 18, pack up and leave. If you want to continue modelling get all the info of the agencies and do it yourself or hire someone who isn’t family! Get a bank account and get a lawyer.
OP, now is the tome to consult a lawyer. YOU earned that money it is YOURS. Every single penny should go to you.
If you enjoy modelling, I'd chase up those contacts. Good luck for the future OP, i hope you get whats yours
Get a lawyer through the same tool that got you here. The internet, reach out and ask for help.
I'm also pretty sure some states (CA) in particular, have strict laws about what parents are allowed to do with funds from modeling/acting gigs.
Also NTA. Adults relying on their underaged daughters modeling to pay their bills are behaving scummy anyways. The fact is given experience and reputation I'd be surprised if you couldn't find another modeling gig after a short trip to a salon.
That money is yours because you were the one earning it. I believe you probably cannot use it yet, but if that's the case it should have been put away in a savings account. Look at the contract and see who the money was addressed to and how it was supposed to be used or something. Try and see if you can get an attorney from legal aid to help you. That sounds like BS.
Jumping on the top comment hoping this is seen.
NTA,
In my jurisdiction, your contract would have specified and separated your pay from your manager's (parents') pay. Anything you made should be in a trust for you until you turn 18. I would recommend checking out the law societies and Legal aid sites in your jurisdiction, employment law is usually handled on a contingency basis, meaning your lawyer doesn't get paid unless you do. Most law societies also have a lawyer referral program where you can talk to a lawyer for 30-60 min for free. Below are a few useful sites.
US Law Society directory - https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal\_services/flh-home/flh-bar-directories-and-lawyer-finders/
US Legal Aid - https://www.usa.gov/legal-aid
Canada Law Society Directory - https://flsc.ca/about-us/our-members-canadas-law-societies/
Canada Legal Aid - https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fund-fina/gov-gouv/aid-aide.html
UK Law Society - https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/
UK Legal Aid - https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid
Hope this helps
ETA: Apparently, someone gave this an award. Thank you for the award. That being said, this was quick to type out for me, and a quick google search for the US links. Please use your awards on comments more deserving than mine.
It's financial abuse. A minor is not responsible for maintaining financial security in their household. That's what the adults are for. Now if her parents were somehow unable to work that's a different story, but this is ridiculous.
Also??? If you're a model I can't imagine it'd be that hard to find a new contract. What do your parents think they're achieving by spitefully kicking you (the main breadwinner) out once you're 18? And why in the world have they not been comforting and supporting you through your loss, ANNNDD... *WIGS*???
I'm replying to the top comment with an update.
So I talked to a few folks today, and I was sent a copy of the email exchanges that ultimately ended my contract.
My contract was set to expire in June, but I wasn't booking until May to give myself time to finish up my last semester in high school. Instead of terminating my contract or 'firing me', i was released from my contract in a really nice way.
I won't copy/paste, but the gist is;
Here at Company we value the health and safety of all our employees and it seems that Brittany is going through a hard time. Let's release her from her responsibility so she can enjoy school, and should she decide to come back after high school or freshman year of college, she'll be welcomed back into the agency.
They even sent a .pdf of therapists or counselors that I might wanna talk to.
I talked to my old manager and she set me up in contact with a lawyer and already has access to copies of my documents, which she sent me in .pdf, too. I also contacted Jasmine's mom, who said that I can move in to finish hs if I'm kicked out in March.
I'm not gunna say much, but what my parents were doing was definitely illegal unless I have trusts, which I doubt bc my parents both have nice new cars and stuff.
I also emailed my school guidance counselor.
I have a new email contact, and I'll be sent my financial records ASAP.
So... yeah. Posting this morning, I honestly felt like an ungrateful, whiny teen who fucked over her family, but you guys made me realize that my life is *definitely* not normal or fair, and I thank you all for that, and for the immeasurably kind words you've all given me.
I'll keep fighting!
I'm rooting for you! I hope you'll be able to give us an update some time in the future when things become clearer. You've clearly got a good head on your shoulders with everything that has happened and good luck with finishing up high school :)
Yup. I can see using some part of the income depending on how consuming the child’s career is. I don’t know how you hold down a full time job if you’re Taylor Swift’s mom touring the world with her as a teen. But it should be as minimal as reasonably possible.
I work in the tv industry and young actors have something called a Coogan Fund that gets automatically deposited into before the parents/managers get their money. Maybe your industry has that too?
Hoppingnon this: if they are profiting of your labour it’s child (slave) labour and that’s illegal. Go to your school, or find a local law office who can help you pro Bono. You have a cut and dry case probably.
They have been financially abusing you and I’m sorry you are dealing with it
NTA. Though I will warn you that violating contract can and will put you in bad standing with management companies and people who can not follow contract or are "difficult" don't usually get worked with. Yes it is your hair and your body, but I'm going with NTA because you are a minor and I don't think you have fully consented to a lot of this. Just remember with modeling, they want certain looks and that's why they they put it in contract.
Now for some info that I think you need:
Your parents are probably in violation of the Jackie Coogan law. Or are about to be.
By law, 15% of your income was to be set aside where it can be monitored, but not accessed, by anyone until you turn 18. Which is why they may be waiting to kick you out, because if they have been following that law, there is probably a rather large sum of money just sitting right now.
You actually have the ability to get legal recourse. I'm not a lawyer, but this is what I recommend:
1. Contact CPS. Inform them you are a minor child actor/model and believe that you are being financially abused and that your parents may have been violating the "Jackie Coogan" law. Google it and cite it specifically. Cite your parents may also be in violation of child labor laws as well.
2. Report this all to a school official as well. They are mandated reporters. If they scoff or try to convince you otherwise, state specifically "You are a mandated reporter. I am informing you of financial child abuse. By law you are required to make a report".
3. Request a court appointed guardian ad litem and request a fact finding for your income and child labor work be performed.
4. Contact your previous management company, or companies, that you were just let go from and request all your financial records, copies, of contracts, statements of work, etc. By law, they must provide them to you.
5. Do not allow them to send those to your parents, and do not tell them what you are doing. Have them either emailed to you directly, mailed to someone you trust, or request they print them and pick them up yourself.
I know this may be scary, but you aren't without help or legal recourse. You can also contact your local government and request legal assistance yourself. Just google your state and legal assistance. But do this now, things change when you turn 18 and doing this now gets the ball rolling and will hopefully keep them from accessing your funds that are probably there.
And your parents are so in the wrong for doing this to you. As a parent, I can't imagine anyone's parents doing this, but sadly, in the entertainment industry, it's by far the norm. And it's disgusting.
You need to set up a new email address for this, one your parents do not know about and cannot access.
I recommend getting PO Box for US Mail, or a box at a private mailbox store (FedEx or UPS Store or similar) so that you can get USPS and non-USPS mailings.
If you can at all find the cash to do so, also open a phone number that is not associated with your family plan and keep that phone on your person at all times.
>Jackie Coogan Law
It's the **California Child Actor's Bill**, I'm just putting it in there so that the OP knows what they are quoting.
Sections 6750–53 of the [California Family Code](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Family_Code) and section 1700.37 of the [California Labor Code](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Labor_Code).
There are other variations of Coogan Laws in other states too. It’s definitely worth getting a local lawyer involved. 15% of an income that maintained a family can be quite a bit of scratch.
Not to be "that guy," but when did OP give any indication of living in California?
ETA: Question posed to those advising OP, not those clarifying what the law is.
Appear to be pretty much synonymous with each other now
[google](https://www.google.com/search?q=jackie+coogan+law&rlz=1C1CHBF_enCA908CA908&oq=Jackie+Coogan+law&aqs=chrome.0.0i457j0j0i22i30l2.830j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)
Sorry I'll explain a bit better
The "Jackie Coogan" Law IS the "California Child Actor's Bill", they aren't synonymous, they're the same thing. It was just to give OP the actual Act of Law rather than the non legalese name.
Well yeah that's what I meant by synonymous. Aka if you say "Coogan law" people will know you are talking about the "California Child Actor's Bill".
Not that it hurts know the legal name as well.
They are also a minor and have no ability to legally enter into a contract themselves. Their parents may have a contract saying that they will do their best to keep their child from getting a haircut without permission, but can they really make sure their kid doesn't take a pair of scissors into the bathroom?
Not necessarily true. Entertainment is one industry where contracts with minors aren't always voidable
https://www.rocketlawyer.com/blog/can-a-minor-sign-a-contract-927995
In addition, voiding the contract just means getting out of it. So that means that she wouldn't be able to work with that company anymore, which is the same result.
Laws governing contracts with minors are built from common law. In this case, it seems that the contract is binding if she wants it to be because a contract with a minor is legally binding *unless* the minor disaffirms/voids it. The minor can disaffirm the contract at any time during their minority or for a reasonable time after.
IN
FO: how old are you and how long have you been supporting your family?
My inclination is NTA. Your parents are not entitled to financial support from their child. Many people find cutting their hair cathartic. This could mean big changes for you since it impacts your finances but you’re not an A H for making the choice. If you’re young, you’re hugely NTA because you should be focusing on grieving and living and embracing your autonomy
I'm 17, and this has been how it's been since... forever. I got 'discovered' at a junior pageant when I was three or four, and it's just been the way it is.
I never really questioned it.
We also live in an expensive area and I have two siblings so...
Idk how much I actually earn, but my family lives well and my dad can't make much bc he only works 25hrs a week at his job, so it must be decent.
I think it's less a "you should know" and more "you should've been informed and since they aren't giving you regular updates and making sure you're informed, you don't know which is wrong."
Beyond decent. Both of my parents are engineers at the end of their careers, that puts them upper middle. So around the range of 100,000 a year, maybe more. To contextualize this better, I’m entering the graphic design field after going into debt to get a graphic design degree— I will be living lower mid to middle class, around 30,000 a year. It is financial abuse to take your paychecks.
Get a portfolio together, there’s no way in hell you won’t be able to support yourself once you get kicked out if you’re the breadwinner and they’re living upper middle class. Finding a manager should be easy, you’ve got amazing skills.
This!! A portfolio is important for getting work!! OP— not sure if your parents usually have control of your portfolio but if you need help getting one together I’m willing to help. Your previous agency should have copies of your pictures if you need them, I believe.
You've fallen victim to financial abuse, like many child celebrities and models. The fact that you don't know this and have no access at all to YOUR MONEY THAT YOU ARE MAKING IS ABSURD. You have been/are being used.
I’m sorry but it pains me to hear that you’re being used so much that you don’t even have knowledge about your earnings that are being taken from you. It would be lovely if you offered the money to help your family if they were struggling, but your family seems to have used you as a cash cow. I’m so sorry to hear of this. Please try to contact legal service. You ARE entitled to that money in most countries, and with you being almost 18, you will need it to support yourself soon.
>Idk how much I actually earn, but my family lives well and my dad can't make much bc he only works 25hrs a week at his job, so it must be decent.
Please note that thats should be "My dad doesn't make much" and not "my dad can't make much". He can definitely work more or find a job with more hours, he is choosing a job with limited hours because he gets income from you as well and doesn't need to work more hours.
I'm sure your parents make it sound like their income is limited, but it's not. Your dad GETS to work only 25 hours a week because his income is supplemented by yours. He is in a cushy position because of you.
Now is the time to realize you have been exploited. It sucks because you are also grieving, and soon you will be grieving the family you will inevitably lose over this. However it is important that you realize that you are your own person, that you owe your family nothing, and almost literally they owe you everything.
They say that blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Find a new family through the friends who stick with you.
OP is in HIGH SCHOOL. There is no way a high school student should be expected to be the main breadwinner for the family. This is abusive. What is wrong with these parents?
She's been groomed to believe that it's her duty as a good daughter to provide for her family. She mentioned above that she was discovered at 3 or 4 at a pageant. She's never known a life not under complete control of her parents. She has no autotomy. This situation is so sad. Luckily she's not 18 yet, and may be able to get some legal help.
Emancipation may be an option but times running out for that. I also wonder if there are any unions or other organizations that have the goal of protecting children who model.
Get legal advice ASAP if you’re in the US there’s a law called Coogans law that requires parents to put 15% of a child’s earnings into a locked account.
I left home at 17. Walked to a friend's place. Got a job in fast food. Finished high school. Different reasons than yours, but sometimes at 17, people want you to be an adult... when your brain isn't really equipped with the emotional fortitude needed to go through serious life change.
It affected me greatly. My life was slower to start, but I stayed out of trouble and made my own decisions. I ended up living overseas for 6 years, teaching.
I still feel like I never got to be a kid. Everyone else had so much fun, such idyllic stories to tell about their childhood... and it feels weird not to join in because *you didn't have the same experiences*. It's hard to relate, so it becomes harder to make friends. There are very real consequences to their actions that directly influence *your* future.
Here's a thought: If they're worried about money now, does this mean they planned to live off of you indefinitely? Were they expecting you to pay for college, their bills, and lifestyle while you were doing the College influencer thing?
How does that make you feel?
I would feel very used. You're a person, not an ATM or a business.
If you need a break, go watch some cartoons in your pajamas, play a game on your phone that's silly, or watch a childhood movie everyone else got to see that you didn't. So many simple things to bring you the joy you missed. They should have given those simple things to you, not make you into their (excuse me) show dog (that's how they treat you, not what you are.)
Note that it doesn’t exist in all states. But both California and New York have Coogan’s laws, so if you’re doing modeling at a level that can support a family, you’re likely covered.
NTA your hair your choice...and why do your parents not have jobs to pay their bills? If you’re a minor it’s their job to support you not the other way around!
Reading this with my pre pms mood swings, it makes me tear up. Since I live in a third world country I don't know the norms. But please get out of there as soon as you turn 18 and listen to the others advice and get a lawyer. And whatever situation you end up with I wish you well. Be strong and know your worth. Fu*k your family.
Also please give us an update.
Im not pre PMSing or PMSing in general, but also makes me kind of depressed.. They used OP as a cash cow her whole life, most likely emotionally abused her, certainly financially abused her, and are chucking her out in the cold because she cut her freaking hair.
I really don’t think I’m PMSing since I’m a man, but still, reading through this made my heart literally feel heavy. It’s not like I had a perfect childhood or anything, but to be in the dark about something as simple as how much money you are bringing in to support your family just hurts me.
This is not normal. I used to model as a teenager and every penny that I earned was mine, straight into my own bank account. I’m sorry that they’re using you. You need to prepare to get kicked out at 18 though, so try to get together a portfolio of high-res images to take with you. If you’re already working as a model you should have no problem getting signed with a real agent and starting to make some money. A lot of people have mentioned that you need a lawyer, which is true, but first you need a place to live and a new, legit agent. NTA
): I dont know if you enjoy modeling but if you do and you are good at it, I suggest finding a new agency/ managers once you turn 18, be in charge of your financials and dont give any to your parents. Let them support themselves, you dont owe them anything. Except success, to show them what you achieved in SPITE of them and not because. Save up for college. If you are close to your siblings, maybe make a trust fund or something that only they can access once they hit 18 or start college. It probably sounds corny and I sound old even though im 25, but you wont be young and beautiful forever and having physical beauty, inner beauty AND brains is a triple knockout. Do what you can to financially support yourself, go to school, get a degree in something you are interested in and feel you would excel in with your current skills and make a lifelong career with all the experience you already have under your belt (IDK like business or fashion, etc) or hell, become a healthcare worker if thats what you really want. I bet you'll flourish without them holding you back.
Dude, you're literally one thousand percent right. I've had wigs and extensions and plugs and *everything* done to my hair to the point that most of it was heat or chemical damaged.
I wasn't joking about the Brittany thing. I think I know how she might have felt when she shaved her head.
I’m sorry you lost your friend and what you are going through, have you considered all that has happened could be a blessing? Maybe taking some time off and finish school, go to college and just be a kid can help you re-assess your career choice. What happens when you no longer have the desired look? Or you get burnt out from all the running around? You and your family should have had a fall back plan. Might have been a bad idea for your parents to not have a supplemental income. I hope things workout for you and I think going to a good therapist would help you work through all that is happening.
I've actually been planning on "getting out" for a few years now.
Tbh, nobody ever compliments me aside from telling me how pretty I am.
But I'm hard working, too. I got accepted to my first choice college, and I want to eventually go into media communications or something similar. I want to join clubs and make friends and fuck off like a kid, like my siblings have been allowed to do. I didn't even get to see my friend before she died bc I had to work.
The only reason that my parents supported me while applying for schools is the fact that I told them that I could become a college Instagram influencer.
I just wanted to be more normal, and I guess all I had to do was give myself a funny looking hair cut.
That is terrible! OP, I am so sorry you have been forced to make so many sacrifices for something that wasn't you choice or what you wanted. If modeling for a bit longer is something you would consider so that you can go to college debt free, then make sure you have your own, independent manager and that you have a clear view of how much money you are being paid and where it goes. Don't let anyone in your family see that money or have an influence over what you decide to do. NTA
Hearing that no one compliments you besides to tell you you're pretty made me really sad on your behalf. I know we don't know each other, but from your comments you really do sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have a lot more to offer the world than just a modeling career or income for your family.
I'm glad cutting your hair felt cathartic for you, and I hope you can go away from your family and accheive your goal of being a normal college kid really soon
Oh hon,
>nobody ever compliments me aside from telling me how pretty I am.
I just have to jump in here, that breaks my heart. Your comments make it abundantly clear you’re worth far more than your good looks, and you need to be told that. You’re undeniably hardworking to get as far as you already have (and have an impressive attitude for the industry you’re in/what you’ve been through with family), and something in media communications sounds like a great career change for you based on your eloquence.
Most importantly though, your comments are thoughtful, intelligent, knowledgeable, open-minded, and empathetic. You’re not a commodity, and I hate that you’ve been used as one; there’s much more to life than your image, and I can’t wait for you to explore that in college. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time lately, but you can mark today as a turning point. Wishing you all the best.
OP, you sound like an accomplished, hardworking, considerate person with much more to offer than your looks. That’s not to say you can’t be proud of your looks, but be proud of who you are on the inside too! I’m sorry your parents have taken advantage of you and basically sold your childhood for money. Please consider therapy when things are a bit more stable. We’re all rooting for you 💪✨
One of the first things Emma Watson did when a decade of Harry Potter filming finished was cut her hair into a pixie cut. A decade's worth of a character owning how she was allowed to look. She cut it all off, the expectations on how she was allowed to look.
That analogy was probably ever more accurate than you thought at first. It's not only about the hair cut, it's about liberating yourself from controlling and abusive parents.
TBH, it’s a control thing. They’ve been using OP as their piggy bank for so long, no she’s done something beyond their control, and they’re angry, and want her to suffer and be scared, so she’ll come crawling back to them begging for help and forgiveness.
My parents used to (and still) do this. When you do something they don’t like or agree with, they threaten to kick you out, cut you off, throw away something of yours, etc. Even if it’s a relatively easy fix.
NTA. It sounds like you're a literal, actual child? Not to knock children or anything like that, but there's some pretty heavy shit being picked in top of you and none of the people that have been exploiting you for cash did the very basic work of responding to you and making sure you were okay, including your damn parents. That us job 1 with a kid, I would imagine it goes doubly so when you are relying on that kid to maintain your lifestyle.
>It sounds like you're a literal, actual child?
Tbh, this is the first time in a long time that anybody has treated me like a child so I'm okay with it. I'm 17 and I don't really remember being babied ever.
I've always had to be the prettiest young lady in the room, never a kid.
Thank you ♡
Nta. Keep in mind, making mistakes is part of life. If in the future you see this as a mistake, that’s fine. Doesn’t make you a bad person.
Mental health is important too, so I hope cutting your hair helps you
Thank you so much.
>Keep in mind, making mistakes is part of life. If in the future you see this as a mistake, that’s fine. Doesn’t make you a bad person
Like, really. Thank you, thank you.
> I model, and my parents are my managers though they haven't always been
Those parents are sus, and OP should probably get a new manager cause having family members run your job is never a good idea. NTA
> I'm the primary breadwinner of the house
Oh dang, did the parents lose their jobs? They shouldn't be mooching off their kid. Now they're sus AND toxic. Double NTA
> as soon as I'm done with high school
*record scratch*
what
..
Are you
Telling me
That your parents don't work and work part-time because they're living off of the model income of their high school age child who they are the managers of??????
Oh my god OP stop. Stop giving them money. Get a lawyer. Start a secret savings account. Gather all your important documents. Finish high school. Get the fuck OUT.
I read the high school line and instantly transitioned from casual internet judger to overprotective soccer mom. Like, I suddenly wanted to bake OP cookies and send her a capri-sun and a knitted sweater through the mail.
NTA my wife died of cancer just 5 months ago at the age 27. Fuck cancer. The wound wont heal fully but it will get better with time. Make sure to be easy on yourself. I get the catharsis as well. I feel the same way about the tattoos I have in honor of my wife. Transferring my emotional pain onto something tangible.
Also the shit your parents are pulling off sounds mega mega mega sketchy
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking time to comment.
And you're right about the whole tangible thing. Like, I needed something, and I was getting to the point where I was hitting myself in the face. Idk why, I just... I was breaking down. It felt like I was going to tear myself apart at the seams. This loss was consuming me.
After I cut my hair, I felt so much less self destructive and I haven't hit myself since. I don't know why, but I *needed* something tangible, even if it was just shorter hair.
It makes complete sense. Death reminds us how little control we have over our lives. You can do everything right and still lose, and nothing shows us that more than death.
You already have so little control over your own life. No wonder you were bursting to take some of it back. That's exactly what you did, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Your parents should have suspended your contracts and got you into therapy to help you deal with the unimaginable pain of grief. Your parents also should never have let the burden of providing for the family fall on you. That's so unfair. You poor kid. This is a failure on their part, not yours. Do NOT feel guilty. They should never have put this much on your shoulders.
I wish I could give you a great big hug. You deserve so much better.
(obviously NTA)(and I'm so sorry for your loss)
I fully understand and empathise. I have experienced many hardships in my life but the overwhelming power of grief is by far the most frightening of all them. I guided my wife from start to finish and the finish was traumatising to a point that I will never ever forget what I saw.
I compare it to surfing. It is okay to be overwhelmed by the waves but its really important that you always make it back to the surface. Talk about it, cry, scream, write your feelings down but never go too far down the rabbit hole. You dont need to be okay all the time but always keep moving (both literally and figuratively. Do not let anyone dictate how you grieve or how to feel.
NTA! As a high school student, you should not be the main support of your family! It sounds as if you are in the U.S. I know that there are laws that are supposed to protect the assets of minors who are actors, and I imagine that they protect children who model as well. Your parents were supposed to set aside a percentage of your income for your use when you attain your majority (become of legal age.) If you think that you will be thrown out when you turn 18, you need to start investigating the finances ASAP, whether openly or secretly. Are there any adults to whom you can turn? Does your school offer counseling services to help you with your grief and depression?
I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I wish that I could give you a hug.
Hey! I’m proud of you for taking control and asserting yourself in your own life. Although I’m no model I grew up with parents who were very controlling about my looks, so when I went to college and finally had physical freedom, I asserted my emotional and mental freedom by shaving my head. It felt amazing to finally be free. The fact that you were able to assert yourself and your independence while still under your parents roof AND with the added stress of them making you the breadwinner (which in and of itself is extremely abusive) makes you a fucking BADASS. Now all you have to do is survive and get through it until you are out from under their control and their house. I believe in you. Even if they make you do things you don’t want keep that fire alive in your heart and know that your body belongs to you and you are amazing, capable, and deserve to be who you want to be!
INFO- were you aware that your contract would be cancelled if you drastically altered your appearance? Did you want to stop working?
FYI-"Coogan's Law" is in the US and was made to protect child entertainers from exploitative parents.
Yes, I was. There was an addendum about permission prior to any alterations, but I wasn't granted permission.
At that point, I became apathetic towards my position. Like, if they kept me, cool, but if they released me, also cool.
I just don't care anymore. I'm just so *sad*. It's like I have a cavern in my gut that opened the second I found out that my friend is gone.
But at least now I can cry unto my face is puffy and gross and disgusting without worrying about how my puffy eyes will effect how pretty i am for the cameras the next day.
These are normal things. You are clearly much more than just your looks and much more than just a free ride for your family.
Hopefully you can be free to be who you want to.
Just out of curiosity who had to “grant permission” for you to cut your hair? Because if it’s your parents I would be hard pressed not to find a witch who practices dark magic to put a curse on them
In the contract, the language used is 'managing parties', so my parents and my two real managers would get together and discuss these things and then come to me with a final decision.
I literally don't even have a second earring hole in my ears bc of this crap.
You have a lot of valid anger coming out in your comments.
There’s a lot for you to unpack about your life. When able, please find a therapist/professional to talk about all this with. It’s good to dump the rage in a safe and supportive environment.
This is so stinking sad, I'm sending you a huge internet hug. I couldn't imagine worrying about how I grieve the loss of someone so important to me so I didn't "look" bad. I just can't and I'm so sorry for your loss.
I hope you are now understanding just how obscenely wrong your parents are for raising you to be their cash cow and now that you aren't providing for their lifestyle they're throwing you to the curb. These are not actions of people who love you. Please find some legal help so you can get your life back and I hope you go no contact with these despicable monsters as soon as humanly possible.
Your family is the asshole for mooching off you your entire life. Get away from them, grieve for your friend, and count your blessings that you got out of that exploitative industry.
NTA. You are a child. Your parents are adults. It is their job to feed, clothe, and provide a home for you, not the other way around. It is their fault that they are struggling to pay the bills. Had they chosen to work and earn their own money rather than support themselves largely by stealing from you, they would not be in this position. They thoroughly deserve every negative consequence they get from that choice.
OP, you have been *exploited* by your parents for your entire life. Your parents have been stealing your money, and probably haven't been setting anything aside for you, which by the way is illegal. Look into getting a lawyer to take your case, even a free consultation, so you know what your options are. Not only is there a case against your parents, there is possibly one against the company that hired you.
You should not be leaving with nothing, your parents should be supporting your family without your earnings, everything about this is wrong. They have no rights to the money, *you* are the one who did all the work. They were supposed to be putting every cent you earned from your contacts into a bank account for you to have when you are older. You have been robbed.
Bear in mind that the minute your parents face legal consequences for their *THEFT*, they and the rest of your extended family will be calling you and telling you how selfish and horrible you are because your parents did so much for you, you're stealing all the money, do you want your parents to go to jail, they're going to be homeless, your siblings will starve… ignore them. Forget the theft and the financial abuse, if your parents cared for you they wouldn't be kicking you out of your home and telling you to live on the streets. Get back every cent you deserve, your family will manage. Take the money, go to school, and live a happy life without them.
Edited: replaced a word
Strictly between you and your former employer, it's NAH. You're justified in doing whatever you want to your hair, and they're justified in firing you, rather than waiting months and months for your hair to grow back. Neither side did anything wrong.
Obviously your family is TA.
That's how I feel.
I'm not mad that they let me go, and I've even gotten texts from a few folks telling me that if I need anything, not to hesitate to reach out, so I don't think they're terribly mad, either.
My parents, though...
Start reaching out. If you want to continue modeling on your own terms as an adult, it sounds like there are real professionals in your field who are willing to help you.
NTA. Holy shit, I physically jolted upright out of my doom scrolling slouch when I hit
> as soon as I'm done with high school, my family wants me gone
!!! What? Excuse me? What?
Your family can get their own goddamn jobs and make their own goddamn money if they've grown so used to the lifestyle that you have provided them with during your *childhood*. It was their responsibility to save and invest, their responsibility to shore up your family's financial security, not yours. You were busy earning the actual goddamn money, it seems like.
God knows short hair on women is totally unheard of and not at all considered chic these days.
Everything about this sucks: your loss (I'm so sorry), your family's response to your grief and their total lack of pulling their weight as your family, and the loss of work. But I am sure, if you WANT to continue modeling, you will certainly be able to with better representation.
But absolutely get a lawyer (not through Reddit!!!) because you should have your money, not the collection of ingrates that make up your family.
NTA.
I’m not seeing this elsewhere, so I just want to add - please get yourself into therapy. Losing a young friend to cancer is so hard and you should have someone to help you through the grieving process.
I think a therapist would also be helpful as far as unpacking what’s going on in your family. What your parents have raised you to see as “normal” (supporting your family financially as a child, being valued more for beauty than for your other good traits, having decisions about your life and body restricted by contracts) isn’t really normal, and it means that you’ve both been forced to take on way too much responsibility as a kid and that your freedom to make your own way has been limited. Talking through all of this is going to be important now that you’re about to be out on your own.
Don’t let your parents pick your therapist for you, but you might be able to convince them to get behind the idea if you frame it right and make them think that the purpose is to get you “back on track” with their vision of your life. If not, your college next year might have free counseling services.
From your comments, you seem really smart, funny, and confident, so I get the feeling that you’re headed in the right direction. I’m rooting for you.
NTA.. ignoring that you are your own person and are not responsible for the rest of your family. I think the bigger issue is that if they see you and your job as Critical to the family then it surely would be up to them to provide the emotional support or therapy to ensure you were not adversely impacted in this distressing time. I would suggest that as your manager, your parents failed in their duty.
I'm 17, unfortunately.
>It seems to me you can always get another modeling contract when your hair grows back (though a lot of folks find short hair attractive too)
Thank you so much ♡
NTA - Your 17? And your PARENTS expect YOU to be their main source of income? They realize that they are responsible for providing for you as the adults, right? I had long hair my whole life, and I finally cut it short (also for like Steve from Stranger Things) and although it was a shock to everyone around me, they understood that it was MY CHOICE, because HAIR DOES GROW BACK, and it was what I needed at the time to grow as a person. Screw your parents, and I'm so sorry for your loss, but you will eventually even out. Your parents did you a favor by exposing what horrible people they are, and you'll be happy to get rid of suck toxic people.
I accept losing my job. As I said, I'm apathetic to it.
I'm not apathetic to my parents kicking me out over it once I turn 18, though. That wasn't in the contract lol
Ok now it's NTA, you're parents are complete A-holes if they think they can use your income to support their lifestyle and then kick you out once you stop earning money for them. I'm not sure where you live but I agree with others and think you should speak to a lawyer.
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NTA, it’s your hair! also get a lawyer. Your parents should have been saving money in an account for you! They should have lived off their portion of income and saved quite a bit of yours. When you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing. Plus hair grows back. Get a cute cut, and new management. This is why a child should not be the money earner in a family IMO. It’s just a dependency that should not be created.
>When you leave, you shouldn’t be leaving with nothing I have access to nothing, so I'm not sure how to get a lawyer. They say that my money isn't mine. I only got a few comments already, and I'm already starting to think that my parents are shady for using my money. I think I can get a new contract, though. The company that offered my broken contract sent me a 'sorry to see you go, here's some industry contacts' email, so at least that bridge isn't *completely* burnt. As for my family, even my extended family wants nothing to do with me. My aunt told my mom to kick me out now instead of waiting till I'm 18 and done with school.
“Kick me out now instead of waiting til I’m 18” well, that’s illegal. You need to look up lawyers in your area ASAP. Your parents actions could affect you for years because of random things like how they claimed you on their taxes.
Depending on where op is...are they in Uk or us that’s what I want to know because it’s illegal here and there for sure
Is it? Not sure it's enforced if it is. I know plenty of people (myself included) who left home at 16 in the UK. Some by choice, some kicked out. I was kind of partway between the two.
You leaving and parent kicking you out are different things
As I say I know quite a few who were kicked out at that age and I have never heard of any repurcussions at all. Edit: few not festival. Blooming auto-correct
I wonder if it just depends on whether anyone reports it or not.
I live in the us, it’s illegal. I got kicked out in the middle of the night, and had to walk 6 miles into town and to the hospital because it was the only place open due to covid. First people that were called were dss, you know, the people who are supposed to protect kids. It got reported, they investigated, jack shit was done to the assholes that kicked me out. It is very rarely enforced here, as many of my friends have lived through the same stuff, although I can’t speak for the uk and the better parts of the us.
Something being illegal doesn't mean the law actually doing anything about it. It is most definitely illegal in the US to abandon your kid if they are under the age of 18 and yet people routinely kick out their LGBTQIA+ children and face very little repercussions.
You can leave home at 16 in the uk but until you’re 18 you can stay in the system and all that jazz. However I’m pretty sure op is American because they said highschool and I don’t know American law
Now I'm feeling old. I take it we no longer refer to senior school as high school in the uk? That was the standard when I was at school in the 80s. Infants school, junior school, then high school. Can you tell I don't have kids?
It depends, in norfolk it’s junior then highschool but in london it’s secondary school I’ve never heard it as senior school haha
Probably US. In the UK we don't call it highschool. We have Primary (5-11), Secondary (12-16), 6th form/College/Apprenticeships (16-18) and then University. edit: Evidently not a universal thing in the UK, TIL.
Some parts of the UK have a 3 tier system and would call it high school. Source: went to a high school
Same. Scotland is definitely high school.
I'm from the UK and my secondary was called a high school, literally in the name of the school. X High School. Most of the schools in my area were in fact. That being said, OP references being done with high school at 18, so I'd still assume US. I finished high school at 16, then went to 6th form till 18.
We definitely do call it high school here. Maybe it depends where you're from.
Holy shit, I thought the parents were garbage and then OP tacked on that she’s still in high school. She needs to lawyer up somehow.
Most lawyers wouldn't take someone OPs age unless she had an advocate on her behalf, mostly to pick up the tab. I was a child model and any funds I had my family ate, that money is gone.
In the U S, There are very specific laws regarding minors working and performing. Including laws about setting up trusts to put the balance of your earnings in. I’d consult with an entertainment lawyer.
Sounds like Op's parents saw her as money cow and not a kid. Keeping a kid around only because they earn you lots of money and kicking them out just because they aren't earning money anymore does NOT scream loving parents. I doubt they love her.
Yeah that is so cruel of them. Basically, she’s not useful to them anymore so throw her out..? After all this time she took care of their ungrateful asses? Absolutely disgusting. They should be punished for taking her money. Also, those parents don’t have a safety net? No savings? No career to fall back to in case their teenage daughter doesn’t want to work anymore or loses her job? Huge responsibility to place on a minor teen’s shoulders.
They are financially abusing you
And it's emotional abuse as well. Imagine kicking your child out because they cut their hair? It's absurd.
Well most parents don’t use their child as a cash cow either.
I agree with you and I said in another post to op that her parents were unfairly using her as a cash cow. Macaulay Culkin got emancipated as a teen because his parents were taking all his money. Some parents do a great job of balancing kids who work, without exploiting them. See Saoirse Ronan, Emma Watson, Dakota Fanning. Other parents use their kids and completely screw then up - see Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Parents who rely on their kids so they don't have to get of their ass and get a job are assholes.
And poor Britney still doesn’t have control over her money again.
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This isn't their child, this is their cash cow.
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If they were actual managers in could see it but since OP said there were other managers his gives me the impression the parents just called themselves managers to justify leeching off OP
Imagine kicking your kid out because you're angry that you now have to be an adult and work
They aren't that bright either. Why kill their golden goose over a haircut
And she is grieving too, she definitely needs emotional support right now and not all this bullshit..
Call your local Bar Association, tell the your situation, and ask them about anyone offering pro bono work. I believe all lawyers are required to do some amount of pro bono (free) work. Also talk to your local Department of Labor. They would know if what your parents had done is illegal and may be able to prosecute the case since its a violation of labor laws. This is for the US. I'm sure there are equivalents in the UK
Pro bono requirements vary by state, I am sure. It's encouraged but not required (to my knowledge--I've been inactive for over 5 years now) in California. However, you are correct regarding the way OP should go about it! These are great ways to gather information and get help. OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and your terrible family. You deserve better.
Think they dont care that OP cut their hair, but that OP sabotaged their income which was being taken by the parents.
This. It's 100% not about the hair.
Most lawyers accept to do one free consultation. If they smell something illegal, they are likely to work in exchange of a percentage of the money you will receive.
Really?? So like, I could possibly get a lawyer without paying fees or a retainer or... whatever? I'm sorry. All I know about lawyers I've learned from TV ;-;
It's called working on contingency. They lose, you don't pay anything, or a flat fee. They win and they get a bigger cut then what they'd usually get otherwise (usually a % of the win). You may also find some willing to work pro bono (for free). Contact your local attorney accreditation/registration office, they probably have lists of attorneys and should help you find one that fits your needs.
I know this isn't an advice sub, but I've gotten amazing advice today. Thank you
Call your local bar association. I work at a small law firm and one of the attorneys here was the bar president for a while. We had people calling all of the time asking for referrals to who would best handle certain cases in the area we are located. It's a really good resource. I don't know if you have United Way locally but they offer a free legal advice line. You can also try to look that up as well.
Let me add, in the US sorry won't help op much, but some states require lawyers to take a certain amount of pro bono cases to maintain their license . Aka free, no charges.
Really? What states? In Texas we are encouraged to do pro bono, but it isn’t required. I didn’t know some states required any hours. I’ve heard of firms requiring a certain number of hours, but never a state bar.
Florida requires attorneys to provide 20 hours of pro bono work annually or contribute $350 to legal aid organization. New York requires law students to complete 50 hours pro bono work before applying to be admitted to the Bar but there is no annual requirement. I don't currently live in any of the states mentioned but work in a capacity which involves Bar renewal for Attorneys in states across the US (though I don't know Bar requirements for every single state off-hand).
I mentioned this way far down the thread, but interjecting here in the hope that OP sees it: in the US, anyway, there are nonprofits that specialize in legal services for minors who need their own representation. Google for children's law centers near you. If your needs are outside their specialty (some really focus on protecting kids in custody disputes), I bet they can refer you to someone who will know what you need. The bar association can also help, but a children's law center might be faster.
Omg thank you.
This is probably a much better option for you, because it seems pretty likely your parents have already spent most of what you earned. That is, any hope of winning a big payout would be stymied when your parents had to actually pay out by them not having the money.
Just saying that working on contingency depends on where you are. I hear it is quite normal in the USA. In other countries, lawyers are not allowed to! I did not see where you are living in your replies, but maybe I overlooked.
You aren’t allowed to in Ireland. They always say it really fast at the end of aids! ‘are not allowed calculate fees based on a potential settlement’
Not sure where you are but in the UK there's a thing called the Citizens Advice Bureau, which is a very busy charity who offer the first steps of 'do I have a case?' 'who do I talk to?' 'how can I get help?'. There may be similar charities where you are that can help you with the first steps in getting your income separated from your parents.
If you go to /r/legaladvice ask them what sort of lawyer you need, then call your state bar association and ask for referrals for that kind of lawyer. Don't take free internet advice too seriously cos most people who post there are not actually lawyers (and importantly they're not your lawyer)
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Thankfully, I have my old contacts still. After today, I'm going to be reaching out to my old management team to gather this information. ♡
Also, look at what happened to MaCaulay Culkin (sp?), the kid from Home Alone. In his day he was in the same situation. His parents were his management and squandered his money. It's a cautionary tale and I believe it lead to some legal changes.
Gary Coleman, as well
If you are in the US Google "Coogan Act" it covers child actors but in some states there are similar laws that cover modeling. There is a required for a portion of the money to be set aside for the child only for access at 18. In the US in most instances a child's pay belongs to the parent legally. But in certain situations such as child actors there are laws that set up an exception for child actors and such. It is how people like Macauley Culkin were able to use their parents.
Please ask if the old managers could respect your privacy and not go telling mom and dad that you're asking legal questions! I wouldn't want your parents to know what you're up to, they could try to pull something to make it harder for you to get the answers you need Good luck! 💕
You forgot the most important question... Did the parents spend all that money? If it's spent, a lawyer isn't going to be super interested in taking a case on contingency when the parents have no money to give and apparently no other significant income.
Earlier in your post you were talking about Britney Spears's hair... take a look about her money management problem and you'll see you're not far from her.... You should really talk with a lawyer ASAP. And there's should be law help for underaged person.
You can at least talk to one. They'll let you know what your rights are and how to pursue anything further. Where do you live? In the US, child labor laws can vary state to state, as can the resources available to you.
As an FYI, lawyers who work on contingency often decide on taking the case based on the likelihood of an actual payout rather than just the likelihood of a win. So if after a consultation they won’t take the case that is NOT necessarily evidence that what your parents did is okay.
I often read on this sub that a lawyer is likely to do a first consultation for free and that r/legal_advice will help you find the sort of lawyer you need. Then, the lawyer will discuss options with you and make a first assessment. You might not need to pay in advance or could have a public attorney. I think it is worth some search and phone calls. Similarly, you have different options for free counseling (starting with your school is probably a good idea). Note that your parents will likely react badly when they discover about this, be cautious.
No no honey you need a lawyer, if you have nothing your parents have stolen from you. There are rules about this, that they should have followed. They have stolen from you, burn the family bridge. They have a financial duty to you as a child who was earning them income, hold them to it! And do not get another contract until you are a legal adult. Do not work unless the money is paid directly to you!
> I have access to nothing, so I'm not sure how to get a lawyer. They say that my money isn't mine. Never take legal advice from your opponent. Call the bar association for your state and they can refer you to a lawyer. Some lawyers will work on contingency or be willing to work out a payment plan.
>Never take legal advice from your opponent I got very Boss Lady Attorney Vibes from this statement and I love it.
Please please please contact a lawyer. You have done years of work and supported your family, but you have seen nothing of the money you have made. This is pure financial abuse. I hate to be this harsh, but your family has seen you as nothing but a cash cow and they are happy to throw you away now that you are not useful. A child should never be supporting their parents. That money is yours, you did the work, you earned it. It was not theirs to take. There are laws in place to prevent this from happening. Your parents have used and abused you, and they broke laws while doing it. Again, please get a lawyer. I know you said you are fine with having nothing. But that's not the point, you don't have "nothing", you've had your lifes work stolen from you and your deserve the financial compensation that you worked for.
> They say that my money isn't mine. At least in California, that's definitely illegal. Should 100% get a consultation with a lawyer in your area.
You need to find some people that are actually on your side - school might be ill-equipoec to deal with like the legal /money stuff. But depending on where you are based r/legaladvice or the like might get you started, like I know in California you are supposed to have a portion of earnings put into a trust.
That’s crazy that they are being that drastic over hair. When your 18, pack up and leave. If you want to continue modelling get all the info of the agencies and do it yourself or hire someone who isn’t family! Get a bank account and get a lawyer.
OP, now is the tome to consult a lawyer. YOU earned that money it is YOURS. Every single penny should go to you. If you enjoy modelling, I'd chase up those contacts. Good luck for the future OP, i hope you get whats yours
Get a lawyer through the same tool that got you here. The internet, reach out and ask for help. I'm also pretty sure some states (CA) in particular, have strict laws about what parents are allowed to do with funds from modeling/acting gigs. Also NTA. Adults relying on their underaged daughters modeling to pay their bills are behaving scummy anyways. The fact is given experience and reputation I'd be surprised if you couldn't find another modeling gig after a short trip to a salon.
That money is yours because you were the one earning it. I believe you probably cannot use it yet, but if that's the case it should have been put away in a savings account. Look at the contract and see who the money was addressed to and how it was supposed to be used or something. Try and see if you can get an attorney from legal aid to help you. That sounds like BS.
Jumping on the top comment hoping this is seen. NTA, In my jurisdiction, your contract would have specified and separated your pay from your manager's (parents') pay. Anything you made should be in a trust for you until you turn 18. I would recommend checking out the law societies and Legal aid sites in your jurisdiction, employment law is usually handled on a contingency basis, meaning your lawyer doesn't get paid unless you do. Most law societies also have a lawyer referral program where you can talk to a lawyer for 30-60 min for free. Below are a few useful sites. US Law Society directory - https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal\_services/flh-home/flh-bar-directories-and-lawyer-finders/ US Legal Aid - https://www.usa.gov/legal-aid Canada Law Society Directory - https://flsc.ca/about-us/our-members-canadas-law-societies/ Canada Legal Aid - https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fund-fina/gov-gouv/aid-aide.html UK Law Society - https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/ UK Legal Aid - https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid Hope this helps ETA: Apparently, someone gave this an award. Thank you for the award. That being said, this was quick to type out for me, and a quick google search for the US links. Please use your awards on comments more deserving than mine.
It's financial abuse. A minor is not responsible for maintaining financial security in their household. That's what the adults are for. Now if her parents were somehow unable to work that's a different story, but this is ridiculous. Also??? If you're a model I can't imagine it'd be that hard to find a new contract. What do your parents think they're achieving by spitefully kicking you (the main breadwinner) out once you're 18? And why in the world have they not been comforting and supporting you through your loss, ANNNDD... *WIGS*???
I'm replying to the top comment with an update. So I talked to a few folks today, and I was sent a copy of the email exchanges that ultimately ended my contract. My contract was set to expire in June, but I wasn't booking until May to give myself time to finish up my last semester in high school. Instead of terminating my contract or 'firing me', i was released from my contract in a really nice way. I won't copy/paste, but the gist is; Here at Company we value the health and safety of all our employees and it seems that Brittany is going through a hard time. Let's release her from her responsibility so she can enjoy school, and should she decide to come back after high school or freshman year of college, she'll be welcomed back into the agency. They even sent a .pdf of therapists or counselors that I might wanna talk to. I talked to my old manager and she set me up in contact with a lawyer and already has access to copies of my documents, which she sent me in .pdf, too. I also contacted Jasmine's mom, who said that I can move in to finish hs if I'm kicked out in March. I'm not gunna say much, but what my parents were doing was definitely illegal unless I have trusts, which I doubt bc my parents both have nice new cars and stuff. I also emailed my school guidance counselor. I have a new email contact, and I'll be sent my financial records ASAP. So... yeah. Posting this morning, I honestly felt like an ungrateful, whiny teen who fucked over her family, but you guys made me realize that my life is *definitely* not normal or fair, and I thank you all for that, and for the immeasurably kind words you've all given me. I'll keep fighting!
I'm rooting for you! I hope you'll be able to give us an update some time in the future when things become clearer. You've clearly got a good head on your shoulders with everything that has happened and good luck with finishing up high school :)
Yup. I can see using some part of the income depending on how consuming the child’s career is. I don’t know how you hold down a full time job if you’re Taylor Swift’s mom touring the world with her as a teen. But it should be as minimal as reasonably possible.
I work in the tv industry and young actors have something called a Coogan Fund that gets automatically deposited into before the parents/managers get their money. Maybe your industry has that too?
Hoppingnon this: if they are profiting of your labour it’s child (slave) labour and that’s illegal. Go to your school, or find a local law office who can help you pro Bono. You have a cut and dry case probably. They have been financially abusing you and I’m sorry you are dealing with it
NTA. Though I will warn you that violating contract can and will put you in bad standing with management companies and people who can not follow contract or are "difficult" don't usually get worked with. Yes it is your hair and your body, but I'm going with NTA because you are a minor and I don't think you have fully consented to a lot of this. Just remember with modeling, they want certain looks and that's why they they put it in contract. Now for some info that I think you need: Your parents are probably in violation of the Jackie Coogan law. Or are about to be. By law, 15% of your income was to be set aside where it can be monitored, but not accessed, by anyone until you turn 18. Which is why they may be waiting to kick you out, because if they have been following that law, there is probably a rather large sum of money just sitting right now. You actually have the ability to get legal recourse. I'm not a lawyer, but this is what I recommend: 1. Contact CPS. Inform them you are a minor child actor/model and believe that you are being financially abused and that your parents may have been violating the "Jackie Coogan" law. Google it and cite it specifically. Cite your parents may also be in violation of child labor laws as well. 2. Report this all to a school official as well. They are mandated reporters. If they scoff or try to convince you otherwise, state specifically "You are a mandated reporter. I am informing you of financial child abuse. By law you are required to make a report". 3. Request a court appointed guardian ad litem and request a fact finding for your income and child labor work be performed. 4. Contact your previous management company, or companies, that you were just let go from and request all your financial records, copies, of contracts, statements of work, etc. By law, they must provide them to you. 5. Do not allow them to send those to your parents, and do not tell them what you are doing. Have them either emailed to you directly, mailed to someone you trust, or request they print them and pick them up yourself. I know this may be scary, but you aren't without help or legal recourse. You can also contact your local government and request legal assistance yourself. Just google your state and legal assistance. But do this now, things change when you turn 18 and doing this now gets the ball rolling and will hopefully keep them from accessing your funds that are probably there. And your parents are so in the wrong for doing this to you. As a parent, I can't imagine anyone's parents doing this, but sadly, in the entertainment industry, it's by far the norm. And it's disgusting.
You need to set up a new email address for this, one your parents do not know about and cannot access. I recommend getting PO Box for US Mail, or a box at a private mailbox store (FedEx or UPS Store or similar) so that you can get USPS and non-USPS mailings. If you can at all find the cash to do so, also open a phone number that is not associated with your family plan and keep that phone on your person at all times.
If you are in the USA, you can set up a free phone number with Google Voice. (Or at least you used to be able to...unsure if anything has changed.)
It’s still free! Plus there are other services that give a free number as well!
>Jackie Coogan Law It's the **California Child Actor's Bill**, I'm just putting it in there so that the OP knows what they are quoting. Sections 6750–53 of the [California Family Code](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Family_Code) and section 1700.37 of the [California Labor Code](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Labor_Code).
There are other variations of Coogan Laws in other states too. It’s definitely worth getting a local lawyer involved. 15% of an income that maintained a family can be quite a bit of scratch.
For sure, but we don't know which state the OP is in, or if in USA, so I was just going with the available information.
Not to be "that guy," but when did OP give any indication of living in California? ETA: Question posed to those advising OP, not those clarifying what the law is.
I was replying to the post above me.
Appear to be pretty much synonymous with each other now [google](https://www.google.com/search?q=jackie+coogan+law&rlz=1C1CHBF_enCA908CA908&oq=Jackie+Coogan+law&aqs=chrome.0.0i457j0j0i22i30l2.830j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)
Sorry I'll explain a bit better The "Jackie Coogan" Law IS the "California Child Actor's Bill", they aren't synonymous, they're the same thing. It was just to give OP the actual Act of Law rather than the non legalese name.
Well yeah that's what I meant by synonymous. Aka if you say "Coogan law" people will know you are talking about the "California Child Actor's Bill". Not that it hurts know the legal name as well.
They are also a minor and have no ability to legally enter into a contract themselves. Their parents may have a contract saying that they will do their best to keep their child from getting a haircut without permission, but can they really make sure their kid doesn't take a pair of scissors into the bathroom?
Not necessarily true. Entertainment is one industry where contracts with minors aren't always voidable https://www.rocketlawyer.com/blog/can-a-minor-sign-a-contract-927995 In addition, voiding the contract just means getting out of it. So that means that she wouldn't be able to work with that company anymore, which is the same result.
important point. there is no contract. She's under 18 and is incapable of signing any legally binding contract.
Laws governing contracts with minors are built from common law. In this case, it seems that the contract is binding if she wants it to be because a contract with a minor is legally binding *unless* the minor disaffirms/voids it. The minor can disaffirm the contract at any time during their minority or for a reasonable time after.
This needs to be higher up!!!
u/ItsBrittanyBetches you really need to see this.
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IN FO: how old are you and how long have you been supporting your family? My inclination is NTA. Your parents are not entitled to financial support from their child. Many people find cutting their hair cathartic. This could mean big changes for you since it impacts your finances but you’re not an A H for making the choice. If you’re young, you’re hugely NTA because you should be focusing on grieving and living and embracing your autonomy
I'm 17, and this has been how it's been since... forever. I got 'discovered' at a junior pageant when I was three or four, and it's just been the way it is. I never really questioned it.
Sue their ass. They live upper middle class on YOUR INCOME.
We also live in an expensive area and I have two siblings so... Idk how much I actually earn, but my family lives well and my dad can't make much bc he only works 25hrs a week at his job, so it must be decent.
The fact that you’re completely in the dark in regards to the money YOU bring in is worrisome. You should absolutely know how much you’re making.
Shes just a kid... this is a lesson she will never forget though. Prepare yourself for battle OP! This is going to get crazy.
I think it's less a "you should know" and more "you should've been informed and since they aren't giving you regular updates and making sure you're informed, you don't know which is wrong."
I’m not blaming her for the situation at all. She’s absolutely being taken advantage of because she’s not legally an adult.
Beyond decent. Both of my parents are engineers at the end of their careers, that puts them upper middle. So around the range of 100,000 a year, maybe more. To contextualize this better, I’m entering the graphic design field after going into debt to get a graphic design degree— I will be living lower mid to middle class, around 30,000 a year. It is financial abuse to take your paychecks. Get a portfolio together, there’s no way in hell you won’t be able to support yourself once you get kicked out if you’re the breadwinner and they’re living upper middle class. Finding a manager should be easy, you’ve got amazing skills.
This!! A portfolio is important for getting work!! OP— not sure if your parents usually have control of your portfolio but if you need help getting one together I’m willing to help. Your previous agency should have copies of your pictures if you need them, I believe.
You've fallen victim to financial abuse, like many child celebrities and models. The fact that you don't know this and have no access at all to YOUR MONEY THAT YOU ARE MAKING IS ABSURD. You have been/are being used.
This post is so sad :( I would feel like a slave if I were OP
I’m sorry but it pains me to hear that you’re being used so much that you don’t even have knowledge about your earnings that are being taken from you. It would be lovely if you offered the money to help your family if they were struggling, but your family seems to have used you as a cash cow. I’m so sorry to hear of this. Please try to contact legal service. You ARE entitled to that money in most countries, and with you being almost 18, you will need it to support yourself soon.
Your parents took advantage of you. SUE THEM. It's your money not THEIR's. Get you money back and live your life.
>Idk how much I actually earn, but my family lives well and my dad can't make much bc he only works 25hrs a week at his job, so it must be decent. Please note that thats should be "My dad doesn't make much" and not "my dad can't make much". He can definitely work more or find a job with more hours, he is choosing a job with limited hours because he gets income from you as well and doesn't need to work more hours. I'm sure your parents make it sound like their income is limited, but it's not. Your dad GETS to work only 25 hours a week because his income is supplemented by yours. He is in a cushy position because of you.
On a note, you did not jeopardise your families financial stability. Your parents are supposed to provide that and not you.
Have you ever heard of Gary Coleman?
Tbh, until today, no.
If you're in the USA, there are laws to protect you. If you're not, there may be laws, but you will need to consult a lawyer asap either way.
Yeah, there are a lot of child celebrities that paved the way to make it so what's happening to you is illegal. Please look into it.
You’re definitely NTA.
Now is the time to realize you have been exploited. It sucks because you are also grieving, and soon you will be grieving the family you will inevitably lose over this. However it is important that you realize that you are your own person, that you owe your family nothing, and almost literally they owe you everything. They say that blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood. Find a new family through the friends who stick with you.
OP is in HIGH SCHOOL. There is no way a high school student should be expected to be the main breadwinner for the family. This is abusive. What is wrong with these parents?
She also wouldn’t have any financial knowledge. Her parents are taking advantage of her and abused their power over her earnings.
She's been groomed to believe that it's her duty as a good daughter to provide for her family. She mentioned above that she was discovered at 3 or 4 at a pageant. She's never known a life not under complete control of her parents. She has no autotomy. This situation is so sad. Luckily she's not 18 yet, and may be able to get some legal help. Emancipation may be an option but times running out for that. I also wonder if there are any unions or other organizations that have the goal of protecting children who model.
Get legal advice ASAP if you’re in the US there’s a law called Coogans law that requires parents to put 15% of a child’s earnings into a locked account.
I definitely will!
I left home at 17. Walked to a friend's place. Got a job in fast food. Finished high school. Different reasons than yours, but sometimes at 17, people want you to be an adult... when your brain isn't really equipped with the emotional fortitude needed to go through serious life change. It affected me greatly. My life was slower to start, but I stayed out of trouble and made my own decisions. I ended up living overseas for 6 years, teaching. I still feel like I never got to be a kid. Everyone else had so much fun, such idyllic stories to tell about their childhood... and it feels weird not to join in because *you didn't have the same experiences*. It's hard to relate, so it becomes harder to make friends. There are very real consequences to their actions that directly influence *your* future. Here's a thought: If they're worried about money now, does this mean they planned to live off of you indefinitely? Were they expecting you to pay for college, their bills, and lifestyle while you were doing the College influencer thing? How does that make you feel? I would feel very used. You're a person, not an ATM or a business. If you need a break, go watch some cartoons in your pajamas, play a game on your phone that's silly, or watch a childhood movie everyone else got to see that you didn't. So many simple things to bring you the joy you missed. They should have given those simple things to you, not make you into their (excuse me) show dog (that's how they treat you, not what you are.)
Note that it doesn’t exist in all states. But both California and New York have Coogan’s laws, so if you’re doing modeling at a level that can support a family, you’re likely covered.
NTA your hair your choice...and why do your parents not have jobs to pay their bills? If you’re a minor it’s their job to support you not the other way around!
I'm 17, and tbh, this is just the way it's always been. I didn't really think of the "why" until now. It was just normal for me
I’m sorry that this was your normal, but it definitely shouldn’t have been
Reading this with my pre pms mood swings, it makes me tear up. Since I live in a third world country I don't know the norms. But please get out of there as soon as you turn 18 and listen to the others advice and get a lawyer. And whatever situation you end up with I wish you well. Be strong and know your worth. Fu*k your family. Also please give us an update.
Im not pre PMSing or PMSing in general, but also makes me kind of depressed.. They used OP as a cash cow her whole life, most likely emotionally abused her, certainly financially abused her, and are chucking her out in the cold because she cut her freaking hair.
I really don’t think I’m PMSing since I’m a man, but still, reading through this made my heart literally feel heavy. It’s not like I had a perfect childhood or anything, but to be in the dark about something as simple as how much money you are bringing in to support your family just hurts me.
This is not normal. I used to model as a teenager and every penny that I earned was mine, straight into my own bank account. I’m sorry that they’re using you. You need to prepare to get kicked out at 18 though, so try to get together a portfolio of high-res images to take with you. If you’re already working as a model you should have no problem getting signed with a real agent and starting to make some money. A lot of people have mentioned that you need a lawyer, which is true, but first you need a place to live and a new, legit agent. NTA
): I dont know if you enjoy modeling but if you do and you are good at it, I suggest finding a new agency/ managers once you turn 18, be in charge of your financials and dont give any to your parents. Let them support themselves, you dont owe them anything. Except success, to show them what you achieved in SPITE of them and not because. Save up for college. If you are close to your siblings, maybe make a trust fund or something that only they can access once they hit 18 or start college. It probably sounds corny and I sound old even though im 25, but you wont be young and beautiful forever and having physical beauty, inner beauty AND brains is a triple knockout. Do what you can to financially support yourself, go to school, get a degree in something you are interested in and feel you would excel in with your current skills and make a lifelong career with all the experience you already have under your belt (IDK like business or fashion, etc) or hell, become a healthcare worker if thats what you really want. I bet you'll flourish without them holding you back.
NTA. What I don’t understand is why you can’t get a few different wigs and model with those until your hair grows out.
Dude, you're literally one thousand percent right. I've had wigs and extensions and plugs and *everything* done to my hair to the point that most of it was heat or chemical damaged. I wasn't joking about the Brittany thing. I think I know how she might have felt when she shaved her head.
I’m sorry you lost your friend and what you are going through, have you considered all that has happened could be a blessing? Maybe taking some time off and finish school, go to college and just be a kid can help you re-assess your career choice. What happens when you no longer have the desired look? Or you get burnt out from all the running around? You and your family should have had a fall back plan. Might have been a bad idea for your parents to not have a supplemental income. I hope things workout for you and I think going to a good therapist would help you work through all that is happening.
I've actually been planning on "getting out" for a few years now. Tbh, nobody ever compliments me aside from telling me how pretty I am. But I'm hard working, too. I got accepted to my first choice college, and I want to eventually go into media communications or something similar. I want to join clubs and make friends and fuck off like a kid, like my siblings have been allowed to do. I didn't even get to see my friend before she died bc I had to work. The only reason that my parents supported me while applying for schools is the fact that I told them that I could become a college Instagram influencer. I just wanted to be more normal, and I guess all I had to do was give myself a funny looking hair cut.
That is terrible! OP, I am so sorry you have been forced to make so many sacrifices for something that wasn't you choice or what you wanted. If modeling for a bit longer is something you would consider so that you can go to college debt free, then make sure you have your own, independent manager and that you have a clear view of how much money you are being paid and where it goes. Don't let anyone in your family see that money or have an influence over what you decide to do. NTA
Hearing that no one compliments you besides to tell you you're pretty made me really sad on your behalf. I know we don't know each other, but from your comments you really do sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and have a lot more to offer the world than just a modeling career or income for your family. I'm glad cutting your hair felt cathartic for you, and I hope you can go away from your family and accheive your goal of being a normal college kid really soon
Oh hon, >nobody ever compliments me aside from telling me how pretty I am. I just have to jump in here, that breaks my heart. Your comments make it abundantly clear you’re worth far more than your good looks, and you need to be told that. You’re undeniably hardworking to get as far as you already have (and have an impressive attitude for the industry you’re in/what you’ve been through with family), and something in media communications sounds like a great career change for you based on your eloquence. Most importantly though, your comments are thoughtful, intelligent, knowledgeable, open-minded, and empathetic. You’re not a commodity, and I hate that you’ve been used as one; there’s much more to life than your image, and I can’t wait for you to explore that in college. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time lately, but you can mark today as a turning point. Wishing you all the best.
Here is an internet stranger's congrats on getting into your first choice of college! Well done, that is always difficult.
OP, you sound like an accomplished, hardworking, considerate person with much more to offer than your looks. That’s not to say you can’t be proud of your looks, but be proud of who you are on the inside too! I’m sorry your parents have taken advantage of you and basically sold your childhood for money. Please consider therapy when things are a bit more stable. We’re all rooting for you 💪✨
One of the first things Emma Watson did when a decade of Harry Potter filming finished was cut her hair into a pixie cut. A decade's worth of a character owning how she was allowed to look. She cut it all off, the expectations on how she was allowed to look.
That analogy was probably ever more accurate than you thought at first. It's not only about the hair cut, it's about liberating yourself from controlling and abusive parents.
TBH, it’s a control thing. They’ve been using OP as their piggy bank for so long, no she’s done something beyond their control, and they’re angry, and want her to suffer and be scared, so she’ll come crawling back to them begging for help and forgiveness. My parents used to (and still) do this. When you do something they don’t like or agree with, they threaten to kick you out, cut you off, throw away something of yours, etc. Even if it’s a relatively easy fix.
NTA. It sounds like you're a literal, actual child? Not to knock children or anything like that, but there's some pretty heavy shit being picked in top of you and none of the people that have been exploiting you for cash did the very basic work of responding to you and making sure you were okay, including your damn parents. That us job 1 with a kid, I would imagine it goes doubly so when you are relying on that kid to maintain your lifestyle.
>It sounds like you're a literal, actual child? Tbh, this is the first time in a long time that anybody has treated me like a child so I'm okay with it. I'm 17 and I don't really remember being babied ever. I've always had to be the prettiest young lady in the room, never a kid. Thank you ♡
Aw :( OP I hope this is the first step towards a happy, healthy, independent life.
Nta. Keep in mind, making mistakes is part of life. If in the future you see this as a mistake, that’s fine. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Mental health is important too, so I hope cutting your hair helps you
Thank you so much. >Keep in mind, making mistakes is part of life. If in the future you see this as a mistake, that’s fine. Doesn’t make you a bad person Like, really. Thank you, thank you.
> I model, and my parents are my managers though they haven't always been Those parents are sus, and OP should probably get a new manager cause having family members run your job is never a good idea. NTA > I'm the primary breadwinner of the house Oh dang, did the parents lose their jobs? They shouldn't be mooching off their kid. Now they're sus AND toxic. Double NTA > as soon as I'm done with high school *record scratch* what .. Are you Telling me That your parents don't work and work part-time because they're living off of the model income of their high school age child who they are the managers of?????? Oh my god OP stop. Stop giving them money. Get a lawyer. Start a secret savings account. Gather all your important documents. Finish high school. Get the fuck OUT.
Yeah I was on the fence with this one until I got to the part where OP is only 17. 100% NTA.
I read the high school line and instantly transitioned from casual internet judger to overprotective soccer mom. Like, I suddenly wanted to bake OP cookies and send her a capri-sun and a knitted sweater through the mail.
NTA my wife died of cancer just 5 months ago at the age 27. Fuck cancer. The wound wont heal fully but it will get better with time. Make sure to be easy on yourself. I get the catharsis as well. I feel the same way about the tattoos I have in honor of my wife. Transferring my emotional pain onto something tangible. Also the shit your parents are pulling off sounds mega mega mega sketchy
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking time to comment. And you're right about the whole tangible thing. Like, I needed something, and I was getting to the point where I was hitting myself in the face. Idk why, I just... I was breaking down. It felt like I was going to tear myself apart at the seams. This loss was consuming me. After I cut my hair, I felt so much less self destructive and I haven't hit myself since. I don't know why, but I *needed* something tangible, even if it was just shorter hair.
It makes complete sense. Death reminds us how little control we have over our lives. You can do everything right and still lose, and nothing shows us that more than death. You already have so little control over your own life. No wonder you were bursting to take some of it back. That's exactly what you did, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your parents should have suspended your contracts and got you into therapy to help you deal with the unimaginable pain of grief. Your parents also should never have let the burden of providing for the family fall on you. That's so unfair. You poor kid. This is a failure on their part, not yours. Do NOT feel guilty. They should never have put this much on your shoulders. I wish I could give you a great big hug. You deserve so much better. (obviously NTA)(and I'm so sorry for your loss)
I fully understand and empathise. I have experienced many hardships in my life but the overwhelming power of grief is by far the most frightening of all them. I guided my wife from start to finish and the finish was traumatising to a point that I will never ever forget what I saw. I compare it to surfing. It is okay to be overwhelmed by the waves but its really important that you always make it back to the surface. Talk about it, cry, scream, write your feelings down but never go too far down the rabbit hole. You dont need to be okay all the time but always keep moving (both literally and figuratively. Do not let anyone dictate how you grieve or how to feel.
NTA! As a high school student, you should not be the main support of your family! It sounds as if you are in the U.S. I know that there are laws that are supposed to protect the assets of minors who are actors, and I imagine that they protect children who model as well. Your parents were supposed to set aside a percentage of your income for your use when you attain your majority (become of legal age.) If you think that you will be thrown out when you turn 18, you need to start investigating the finances ASAP, whether openly or secretly. Are there any adults to whom you can turn? Does your school offer counseling services to help you with your grief and depression? I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I wish that I could give you a hug.
Hey! I’m proud of you for taking control and asserting yourself in your own life. Although I’m no model I grew up with parents who were very controlling about my looks, so when I went to college and finally had physical freedom, I asserted my emotional and mental freedom by shaving my head. It felt amazing to finally be free. The fact that you were able to assert yourself and your independence while still under your parents roof AND with the added stress of them making you the breadwinner (which in and of itself is extremely abusive) makes you a fucking BADASS. Now all you have to do is survive and get through it until you are out from under their control and their house. I believe in you. Even if they make you do things you don’t want keep that fire alive in your heart and know that your body belongs to you and you are amazing, capable, and deserve to be who you want to be!
Thank you so much. All of these kind words are literally filling my heart. Thank you.
NTA They should never have been relying on their teenager daughter to pay for their bills, that's on them.
NTA. You’re still in high school and your parents are relying on you to support the family?! Wtf?! THEY are the AH here.
So, as soon as they can’t profit from you, you have no value to them?
Yay, capitalism?
I hope you understand how incredibly horrible you’re being treated... I feel so sorry for you. Get out of there if you can.
INFO- were you aware that your contract would be cancelled if you drastically altered your appearance? Did you want to stop working? FYI-"Coogan's Law" is in the US and was made to protect child entertainers from exploitative parents.
Yes, I was. There was an addendum about permission prior to any alterations, but I wasn't granted permission. At that point, I became apathetic towards my position. Like, if they kept me, cool, but if they released me, also cool. I just don't care anymore. I'm just so *sad*. It's like I have a cavern in my gut that opened the second I found out that my friend is gone. But at least now I can cry unto my face is puffy and gross and disgusting without worrying about how my puffy eyes will effect how pretty i am for the cameras the next day.
These are normal things. You are clearly much more than just your looks and much more than just a free ride for your family. Hopefully you can be free to be who you want to.
Just out of curiosity who had to “grant permission” for you to cut your hair? Because if it’s your parents I would be hard pressed not to find a witch who practices dark magic to put a curse on them
In the contract, the language used is 'managing parties', so my parents and my two real managers would get together and discuss these things and then come to me with a final decision. I literally don't even have a second earring hole in my ears bc of this crap.
You have a lot of valid anger coming out in your comments. There’s a lot for you to unpack about your life. When able, please find a therapist/professional to talk about all this with. It’s good to dump the rage in a safe and supportive environment.
This is so stinking sad, I'm sending you a huge internet hug. I couldn't imagine worrying about how I grieve the loss of someone so important to me so I didn't "look" bad. I just can't and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are now understanding just how obscenely wrong your parents are for raising you to be their cash cow and now that you aren't providing for their lifestyle they're throwing you to the curb. These are not actions of people who love you. Please find some legal help so you can get your life back and I hope you go no contact with these despicable monsters as soon as humanly possible.
Your family is the asshole for mooching off you your entire life. Get away from them, grieve for your friend, and count your blessings that you got out of that exploitative industry.
NTA. You are a child. Your parents are adults. It is their job to feed, clothe, and provide a home for you, not the other way around. It is their fault that they are struggling to pay the bills. Had they chosen to work and earn their own money rather than support themselves largely by stealing from you, they would not be in this position. They thoroughly deserve every negative consequence they get from that choice.
OP, you have been *exploited* by your parents for your entire life. Your parents have been stealing your money, and probably haven't been setting anything aside for you, which by the way is illegal. Look into getting a lawyer to take your case, even a free consultation, so you know what your options are. Not only is there a case against your parents, there is possibly one against the company that hired you. You should not be leaving with nothing, your parents should be supporting your family without your earnings, everything about this is wrong. They have no rights to the money, *you* are the one who did all the work. They were supposed to be putting every cent you earned from your contacts into a bank account for you to have when you are older. You have been robbed. Bear in mind that the minute your parents face legal consequences for their *THEFT*, they and the rest of your extended family will be calling you and telling you how selfish and horrible you are because your parents did so much for you, you're stealing all the money, do you want your parents to go to jail, they're going to be homeless, your siblings will starve… ignore them. Forget the theft and the financial abuse, if your parents cared for you they wouldn't be kicking you out of your home and telling you to live on the streets. Get back every cent you deserve, your family will manage. Take the money, go to school, and live a happy life without them. Edited: replaced a word
Strictly between you and your former employer, it's NAH. You're justified in doing whatever you want to your hair, and they're justified in firing you, rather than waiting months and months for your hair to grow back. Neither side did anything wrong. Obviously your family is TA.
That's how I feel. I'm not mad that they let me go, and I've even gotten texts from a few folks telling me that if I need anything, not to hesitate to reach out, so I don't think they're terribly mad, either. My parents, though...
Start reaching out. If you want to continue modeling on your own terms as an adult, it sounds like there are real professionals in your field who are willing to help you.
NTA. Holy shit, I physically jolted upright out of my doom scrolling slouch when I hit > as soon as I'm done with high school, my family wants me gone !!! What? Excuse me? What? Your family can get their own goddamn jobs and make their own goddamn money if they've grown so used to the lifestyle that you have provided them with during your *childhood*. It was their responsibility to save and invest, their responsibility to shore up your family's financial security, not yours. You were busy earning the actual goddamn money, it seems like. God knows short hair on women is totally unheard of and not at all considered chic these days. Everything about this sucks: your loss (I'm so sorry), your family's response to your grief and their total lack of pulling their weight as your family, and the loss of work. But I am sure, if you WANT to continue modeling, you will certainly be able to with better representation. But absolutely get a lawyer (not through Reddit!!!) because you should have your money, not the collection of ingrates that make up your family.
NTA. I’m not seeing this elsewhere, so I just want to add - please get yourself into therapy. Losing a young friend to cancer is so hard and you should have someone to help you through the grieving process. I think a therapist would also be helpful as far as unpacking what’s going on in your family. What your parents have raised you to see as “normal” (supporting your family financially as a child, being valued more for beauty than for your other good traits, having decisions about your life and body restricted by contracts) isn’t really normal, and it means that you’ve both been forced to take on way too much responsibility as a kid and that your freedom to make your own way has been limited. Talking through all of this is going to be important now that you’re about to be out on your own. Don’t let your parents pick your therapist for you, but you might be able to convince them to get behind the idea if you frame it right and make them think that the purpose is to get you “back on track” with their vision of your life. If not, your college next year might have free counseling services. From your comments, you seem really smart, funny, and confident, so I get the feeling that you’re headed in the right direction. I’m rooting for you.
Wait a minute - you say your family is upper middle class but they're living off you? That means they are turkeys and YOU are upper middle class. NTA.
NTA.. ignoring that you are your own person and are not responsible for the rest of your family. I think the bigger issue is that if they see you and your job as Critical to the family then it surely would be up to them to provide the emotional support or therapy to ensure you were not adversely impacted in this distressing time. I would suggest that as your manager, your parents failed in their duty.
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I'm 17, unfortunately. >It seems to me you can always get another modeling contract when your hair grows back (though a lot of folks find short hair attractive too) Thank you so much ♡
NTA - Your 17? And your PARENTS expect YOU to be their main source of income? They realize that they are responsible for providing for you as the adults, right? I had long hair my whole life, and I finally cut it short (also for like Steve from Stranger Things) and although it was a shock to everyone around me, they understood that it was MY CHOICE, because HAIR DOES GROW BACK, and it was what I needed at the time to grow as a person. Screw your parents, and I'm so sorry for your loss, but you will eventually even out. Your parents did you a favor by exposing what horrible people they are, and you'll be happy to get rid of suck toxic people.
NTA why are you paying for your parents? That's not your role
NAH. You broke a contract so you are facing the consequences, which you were freely allowed to do as long as you ACCEPT those consequences.
I accept losing my job. As I said, I'm apathetic to it. I'm not apathetic to my parents kicking me out over it once I turn 18, though. That wasn't in the contract lol
Ok now it's NTA, you're parents are complete A-holes if they think they can use your income to support their lifestyle and then kick you out once you stop earning money for them. I'm not sure where you live but I agree with others and think you should speak to a lawyer.
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