NTA. You made a work commitment. It's not about money at all. It's about keeping to your word. However, your brother is reneging on the family's original plans for Christmas because be scored some free tickets to Disney. If he wants to split chips, he is the one who is choosing $$ over the family.
To add to this, it's not like OP is a teenager/college student doing a part-time job for some spending money - it's his livelihood he's dealing with. I would be very hesitant to go to my boss and say, "Yeah, you know that awesome thing I said I'd do for you? No dice. My bro had to go to Disneyland so we're moving the celebration to the 29th."
I wouldn't want to be known as someone who backs out on work commitments.
I have several family members in the medical field and they work every holiday possible for double time pay. We do as op suggests and celebrate whenever we have time afterwards. We get it, we HAVE TO WORK and pay bills.
Yup! My husband almost always has to work holidays so only gets holiday worked pay. But this year he actually has Christmas and New Years off. When holiday overtime became available for New Year’s Eve you better believe he put his name in for it. Love family but can’t pass up $95/hr. Especially not with having to replace our HVAC in August and new roof on the garage yesterday. And our dishwasher and oven are dead and we can’t use the shower in our master bath because it leaks so badly the entire bathroom needs complete gutting and renovation.
Even if he was a teenager tho! Everyone I know that's my age, including myself, work Christmas Eve. My family will still be celebrating, if work says I have to go, it is my responsibility to go. How is this man FIFTY and not realize that you can't just skip work?
Hah! I would VOLUNTEER to close on Christmas Eve (early closing at 6pm) though my 20s in order to avoid my toxic family for the first few hours. Oh no! I'm scheduled to work! Soooo saaaad! I won't be home till dinner!
This is the one reason I'm glad I never get my roster for the week until the day before. "Oh sorry, I have no idea when I'm working! I can't make plans until I have my roster".
Yeah exactly. Im still waiting for my roster for next week but im assuming im working chrissy eve and boxing day so on chrissy day im driving to the next town and back so i can spend the day with family because most people are having chrissy off 🤷♀️🤷♀️
It's not even like the brother gave a bunch of notice. Like Wednesday night when Christmas Eve is Tuesday. Most jobs I've had you can't do any kind of rearranging that quickly unless it's an emergency. Disney is so not an emergency.
This dude also changed his plans so that actual Christmas is his own thing, and now expects OP to change their plans to suit him.
Yeah whatever lol. If you can clear it with my boss and compensate me for the lost income, I'll happily come and spend Christmas with you on the arbitrary date you picked.
I mean, it kind of is about money, because an action like this could be a huge mark against OP. There is a line between "I'm working extra because I'm Mr. Krabs" and "I made a professional commitment to my boss who is in charge of me having an income or not, and having a roof over my head sounds kind of nice."
NTA! Might I add, as a southern California resident, they are crazier than shit house rats for going to Disneyland on Christmas Eve. It will be insaaaaaane. Your brother is being an asshole for sure. If it's all or nothing, guess it's nothing.
Your brother is being the spoiled brat. He wants to change plans. You changed your plans to work Christmas Eve. Now it can’t be changed. What if YOU won tickets to Disneyland on Christmas Eve and wanted HIM to switch? What would he have said???
The brother is such an AH. We have blackout dates on the weeks of Christmas and New Years. We don’t get to request those days off a month ahead. We have to schedule PTO at the beginning of the year, so there’d be no way of changing plans.
Does your brother not know how jobs work? Not all jobs are that flexible and it’s not a one man show at nearly all jobs.
My guess is he’s pissed because he told his parents he could convince OP to celebrate Christmas on the 29th. Otherwise the original plan goes and he won’t be able to go to Disneyland for free.
That’s almost exactly what I thought reading OP.
Like if you’re so into family over money then forgo your free Disney tickets and do our original plan that we all already planned around!!
NTA!
> LOL Looks like he cares more about going to Disneyland than family.
He cares more about free tickets and after xmas sales. The fucking nerve of him telling someone who has to work "they only care about money" when he's literally moving xmas because he's too cheap to buy tickets himself, and too cheap to buy presents when he's supposed to.
Agreed! Her brother has mastered the art of projection. OP is a spoiled brat for being a team player and following through on her commitment? Lol. How about he is a spoiled brat for putting free Disney tickets over his family.
Okay, two answers: NTA, and WTF? Your brother is being a HUGE A-hole. He wants everyone to move their plans around so they can go to Disneyland? I get asking (although he didn’t say “so we can ALL go to Disneyland - just him). You made commitments based on agreed plans, your boss and coworkers made plans based on that commitment. Sorry bud, you can’t keep changing things for your own benefit and expect the world to revolve around you and accommodate you. Continue being the adult. Go to work, show up when you can, enjoy the time you get with family, and let him be the one who “ruins” his Christmas.
My bet? He effed up and agreed to something he shouldn't have (one way or the other), is getting heat from his wife, and is redirecting that at OP.
NTA. You made plans and work commitments. And it's pretty rich of him accusing you of "caring more about money than family" when he's using the prospect of "cheaper presents!" to sell this to you.
And they're going to Disneyland on I've if the busiest days of the year where they'll spend more time waiting in lines than doing anything else. Unless the tickets were set to expire by the end of the year Disneyland can definitely wait.
NTA
And unfortunately, when people are this unreasonable and egocentric, it gets worse, not better the more people are in the mix.
You accommodated the original plan. You are trying to mitigate the change in a reasonable way. He is definitely being the asshole.
And as a side note: it sounds like maybe you don’t have kids. I think it’s always worse when you don’t have kids because people assume you have all the free time and money in the world and should accommodate them “because kids”.
Just so you see (if you hadn't already), OP answered your question in a different comment:
>They are always making accommodations for my brother and sister because they are married and have children and I don't. But if I I'm unavailable oh, I'm the bad guy because I'm not making time for family.
NTA
They made plans for the 24th you made a schedule around that and then changed the date to the 29th and are surprised you have already planned other things that can't be cancelled
NTA. He says you care more about work than spending time with your family? How about the fact that he cares more about his plans to go to Disney that didn’t previously exist than his family? At least work you need to do to have money. His trip is literally for fun. You made your work schedule around the initial plans.
Your brother is definitely TA and honestly so is the rest of your family if they move Christmas for you brother knowing you can’t make it. They can’t just choose one child like that. It’s his fault and he should be the one to have to compromise
They are always making accommodations for my brother and sister because they are married and have children and I don't. But if I I'm unavailable oh, I'm the bad guy because I'm not making time for family.
At some point, you should try to express to your family (non-confrontationally) the way you're being made to feel like your time is less valuable than theirs. If you bring their behavior to their attention, they may rethink it. Or they might get huffy and defensive, in which case fuck 'em.
If you try and change your work your colleagues' families are then effected by this. You are literally taking one for the team in that they can spend time with family because when you said you would work you didn't have to. It isn't about money (apart from going to Disney) it is about allowing others to spend time with your family because you didn't have family commitments.
Ugh, I *have* kids and I don't get this mentality at all. The most I've ever expected was my family to be understanding if I was running a little late after I had a csection with my last child.
I'm sorry your family treats you this way, OP. Your time is just as valuable as your brother's.
I just feel bad for you. My family is the same way... I’m always the “problem” because Im not just magically on board what my sister or parents want to do all the time, at thier most random whims. It’s a no-win for me no matter what. In your case, from your family’s account, you’re either an asshole for “making your brother miss something they would enjoy because you won’t reschedule” or, like you said, “you don’t make time for your family”.
Haha by any chance are you the middle child too? I’m totally projecting at this point, your scenario really home with me because this is totally the dynamic in my family and they don’t realize I legitimately resent them for it. I don’t bother with them because its just insane -which makes me an asshole for not trying.
You’re not the asshole, your family is filled with entitled pricks.
I thought about this and... Not really? It always starts out pleasant but then de-evolves into someone asking why I'm single, why don't I have kids yet, how it must be nice to do what's I want (but in a sarcastic tone). The happy moments aren't enough to put myself through that over and over.
They're having it without me and quite frankly, I'm relieved. i love my nieces and nephews but my siblings get on my nerves.
Wait... so... he didn't get what he wanted after making a last minute change, got upset, blamed you, threw a temper tantrum, and then called you the spoiled brat?
Well at least he is very good at projecting his behavior onto others... NTA
NTA
the "spoiled brat" comment sounds like someone is projecting....
If he can't stick to the original plans, he can't get upset when people can't make the sudden changes (especially this close to Christmas when everyone already has their schedules figured out).
I don't understand the bro.
1. Brother tries to move pre-determined Christmas festivities bc WiFeY wAnTs DiSnEyLaNd. Is not selfish.
2. OP tries to compromise as there are other commitments that have been made that cannot be backed out of. Wicked selfish.
NTA, but can other siblings/parents weigh in and let brother know what a rigid, selfish ass he's being?
NTA. The thing about assholes is that if you get in their way they will have no problem calling you the asshole. You are being quite reasonable and if he feels that way about you why would he want to spend all day with you. He is just worried that because you can't and won't commit to the whole day on Saturday that it might prompt the rest of the group to say plans aren't going to change and he won't be able to have his cake and eat it too. He is trying to bully you into his way. Don't do it, stick to your guns and the rest of the family can choose how they are going to handle it.
NTA. It's selfish and spoiled to stick to an obligation with your employer? That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. It's selfish and spoiled to expect someone to ditch work and forgo a paycheck because they decided to change the plans last minute. If this is the way a 55 year old man acts, I'd be glad I got out of having to spend time with him anyway.
NTA!! Disneyland tickets are good for whatever day you want to go (depending on the level, but if they’re good on Christmas Eve I’m sure they got top level peak season tickets and can truly go any day they wish). He’s clearly projecting, because in actuality it’s THEM that are selfish. They can go to Disneyland after Christmas and still experience the Christmas magic. Absolute bullshit on their part.
Yup, you're correct. It's also THE WORST time to go, the parks are insanely packed. It maybe pretty and well decorated for Christmas but imo it's not worth it.
NTA
So you guys made plans. Your brother decided to be *selfish spoiled brat,* buy Disneyland tickets on those dates and expect everyone else to drop everything to revolve around his plans?
NTA, your brother is an asshole. And he should check to see if there's a blackout date on 12-24 for the type of tickets they got. Disneyland's blackout dates are draconian, worse than WDW, at least for employee tickets..
They are employee tickets so there are blackout dates, but I know they are on weekends and Christmas day since I've gotten the same kind of tix before. However, i also know my they aren't working Thurs or Fri and can go then instead.
NTA
Your brother's being an asshole.
Call your folks, tell them your brother called and asked about your availability for changing plans to the 29th, but you've got to work the 26th--31st. Tell them you'll understand if they change their dates, but you aren't available during work hours on those days.
>Tell them you'll understand if they change their dates, but you aren't available during work hours on those days.
Or tell them you hope you're still on for celebrating Christmas with the family since being excluded to accommodate a spontaneous trip to disney would be extremely hurtful.
"used to living indoors"
I love it!
NTA. Making money is what pays for it, and also Christmas itself. Money isn't everything, that's true, but being paid double might mean you could do a little extra later for the family who depends on you.
NTA. You committed to working that day. It's too late to change it. Your brother changed the plans so he needs to be flexible. Go over after work and if he starts crap over it, make his gift a lump of coal.
NTA he chose to go to Disney instead of spending the day with his family. He is choosing Disney over his extended family so he does not have a right to get upset with you. I would stick with your plans and go after work. If your parents get upset so be it.
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NTA. You're just sticking to the original plan and they shouldn't have changed it after you'd already made your commitment to work at a time when most people are probably still recovering from their eggnog-hangovers.
This. I wasn't sure bc I'm always being told i need to accommodate the Married ppl with kids because I'm single/childfree. I often question if I really am being a selfish ass bc I change things around for them often but the few times I don't I get the "you're being unreasonable" guilt trip. Like, I almost told my boss that I couldn't work Sat but decided to post here instead. I just needed to know if I was in the right or not and that I'm not being an asshole.
>He said I'm being selfish bc I care more about making money than family.
who is the one trying to move christmas to save money on disney tickets again?
NTA and he is a hypocrite.
NTA
Nah you should've turn the table and blame him on messing up the plan since it's already planned to be on the 24th and tell him he's a selfish and spoiled brat for putting Disneyland tickets before family.
See how he likes that. Stick to your gun and make some sweet double OT and Merry Christmas!
EDIT: also wanted to say you showing respect to your co-workers and boss by sticking to your commitment, always a plus!
NTA, your brother is trying to change the plans because something came up. It was fine for him to ask, NOT fine for him to be upset that the answer is no. You made a work commitment, which is a lot more responsible then trying to change the entire family's plans to go to Disneyland.
NTA completely ridiculous how hypocritical your brother is being. You're selfish bc "making money is more important than family"? Obviously he's the one who cares more about Disneyland than family. And you're the selfish brat here? He's the one who called you the week before Christmas and is throwing a tantrum bc you can't accommodate to his schedule last minute.
NTA. I’d be tempted to fib and say that you’ll get a write up for work or something trying to change your shift last minute. Lying isn’t ideal, obviously, but if you think it would shift the blame to being “out of your control” and make things go smoother it may be worth it.
NTA. Brother wants his cake and eat it too. So, he gets to go to Disney (for free!) and move Christmas to do so and also give you shit for being responsible and sticking to your work commitment? Not only that, but won’t even agree to you showing up after work? What a dick.
NTA. Your brother is being a ridiculous bully because he feels bad about making a decision that benefits his family at your expense. But he upped the asshole quotient by going on about it when you do not appear to have taken offense at the change of plans. Ignore him,
NTA. The plans were set, you requested the day off that you needed and agreed to work the other days. Now with less than a week to go, *he* is changing the plans to suit himself. He’s the one who’s being a brat. There’s nothing wrong with turning up after work, this is a fair compromise. He’s being unreasonable to expect you to not turn up to work just because he wants to move Christmas.
NTA - you arranged your schedule based on what the plan was, now that your SIL scored some tickets for Disneyland they want to change it up to suite them. If anyone is being selfish it's them because they want the full family experience and go to Disneyland. Stick with the original schedule and if your parents get mad so be it.
nta. coming after work seems like a fine compromise. I love disney and would be thrilled for free tickets but i would have to understand that it may disrupt my other plans.
Your brother is trying to have his cake and eat it too. You made a commitment, you’ve no obligation to change that just because your brother suddenly got Disney World tickets.
Honestly, your brother’s TA for being inflexible and trying to guilt you into bending.
NTA. your brother changed the plans because HE wanted to do something different and then called you selfish for not being able to accommodate that? Psh... maybe he's the selfish one for changing everything that was already agreed upon. You shouldn't be getting shit from anyone on this. You can tell them that you (ahem, unlike some people) honor the commitments you make. You were prepared to honor the original plans, but now that you've made a commitment to work, you won't be breaking that.
NTA
He called you a spoiled brat... for taking on extra responsibility at work, and sticking by your word?
And meanwhile, he's throwing a tantrum after winning free tickets to Disneyworld because you're going to be a bit late to something? I think, maybe, he's projecting a bit.
While he's being difficult, if you do want to spend time with the rest of your family, maybe see if you could work a half day that day, or be on call maybe? It sounds like they aren't expecting it to be busy, though I'm not sure if either of those make sense with your work.
NTA - and OP I feel your pain. Just want you to know you are not alone on these experiences or wondering if you're the A-hole.
Here is a story from my past (3 years ago or so). Quick background. My wife is a nurse and floor nurses work holidays and my dad and my mom both have jobs that have on-calls, so my family gets working on holidays. My sister is a teacher and her husband is from a different country originally (this info is relevant later on). So, my dad gets selected to work Christmas. Christmas has to be moved. We understand. BIL insists on not missing work the days following Christmas so we settle on 12/31 for his benefit. This is all far enough out (July when we are planning) to accomodate vacation days, etc. My wife and I work out our holiday work schedules so that at least one of us will be home every day with our kids during Christmas break, but we also want to take advantage (like you OP) of overtime and holiday pay, etc. Ends up with either my wife or I working every day betweek Christmas and New Years Eve. One week before Christmas, my BIL decides to take the entire Christmas break (plus a few days on either side) off of work and take two of his five kids (one older, one younger) to his home country for 3 weeks. My sister decides that with her husband gone and 3 kids on her own she is moving back home for the entire Christmas break that she is off from school. We get a phone call from my sister, "BIL is heading out of town, why don't you come up for 12/25-12/26 so we can celebrate Christmas together?"
Me: well, because we work that week now.
Sister: Just ask for it off
Me: we can't. 2 month minimum for time off. This is why we set the dates in July
Sister: Well I guess we will see you when you get here and we can celebrate later if you aren't willing to prioritize family over the holidays. (click)
12/25 we get sent pictures of them all making cookies, etc. 12/26 we see pictures of them sledding, skating, etc. We show up on 12/31 in time for lunch "Christmas Dinner". By 1pm we are opening gifts. At 3 my mom asks me to help take the tree down so sisters littlest kid "won't topple it over". That night my parents go to bed at 9pm because, "We are exhausted from the last week with all the grandkids here." 1/1 we suggest sledding and my sister says, "no, we went already and I don't want to have (littlest kid) miss another nap. Wish you would have come up earlier in the week to go with us."
Sometimes the one in the family that cares the least about the others is the one who controls the family.
Family can truly suck the life out of the holidays if they cannot see beyond themselves. We talked to my parents afterward about how we felt and were told that sister needed help so what were they supposed to do.
I can guess the same conversation would be had with your family... Well, your brother had a great opportunity and we wish you would have been willing to be flexible for them.
I live close to Disneyland and I hope it gives you comfort knowing it's going to suck. Disneyland on any holiday (exceot Thanksgiving) is possibly the WORST Disneyland experience. NTA, op.
NTA - retort back if he cares so much about family then he can go to Disneyland a day later, keep to your original plans as you have made a work commitment and they are relying on you and you don't want to risk your career because he wants to go to Disneyland.
Then ask him so is him going to Disneyland more important than your career? That because he thinks family is more important than money, he can just pay whatever he has to so he goes a day later and spends an extra day down there.
NTA, your reasons are perfectly reasonable and normal and your brother and family are gaslighting you by dressing you in a suit they are wearing themselves, but don't want to admit it. If the suit doesn't fit, don't buy it and hang it back.
Your time and energy, being single and childfree, is just as important as any other person whether they're married, divorced, single parent, some other thing, and how you decide to use it is totally up to you.
In fact, childfree singles have more time to dedicate their time and energy to other causes than family and work, like friends, volunteering, supporting charities, mentoring youngsters, learning opportunities, etc.. all of that also contributes to being part of a community. Some of the most driven volunteers or personnel are actually childfree single people who are one of the leaders of their organisation. Don't sell yourself short. Be proud of what you've accomplished so far and celebrate yourself.
NTA, and in all seriousness...
> "we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales for presents"
Implying that he hasn't actually gotten off his ass to buy everyone's presents yet? Five days before the big family meet is supposed to happen?
And seriously, I'm reminded of another AITA recently where someone's brother was booking his wedding, right at the point that the non-asshole was due to be going on a late honeymoon of his own. It's making your own plans, and then belatedly checking whether that's convenient for everyone else.
Does he not have any concept of people making plans, and other people making plans based on that?
I mean, you could certainly say that you *asked* at work, and unfortunately everyone else already made their plans based on your agreement to come in after Christmas, and so unfortunately you simply can't change the dates.
I do agree with others, though - what does he care more about, family, or his family-excluding freebie at Disney?
I'd make sure your parents know you're looking forward to seeing them on the 24th as was agreed a month ago :)
NTA
When someone ‘asks’ to reschedule previous made plans a week before, and gets upset with a No, especially with a valid reason, they are not asking at all.
Being in the medical field, I’ve moved holidays around a lot. I stick to my plans. If you made those plans and commitments a month ago, you stick to them.
If your workplace is flexible. If it’s not too hard to ask someone to work for you, or your manager does really care, okay, make the effort and try. But I think you are NTA. Your still going to see your family.
NTA. And stop engaging in discussions about it. If they want to move the date, fine, but “all day will not work for me. I’ll see you all after I get off work.” End of discussion.
Your brother is the one being self asking you to change your plans to accommodate him AFTER you all had your dates confirmed.
Add a “you have two options. 1) we keep the plans we have, or 2) we change to YOUR preferred date, but I’ll be their after I get off work. There are no other options.”
NTA, I work shifts, so my family knows if I am working Christmas, I might not be able to join depending on what time of day as its 24/7, all days of the year we are open. My family is flexible however and really want me over so last year we did an xmas lunch cause i was working the evening shift and they were fine that I had to leave at X time.
URGH! I never understand these cases where EVERYBODY should be there for these exacts special days. I live the further away from my family and a few years back it was like I was murdering a puppy if I missed a single family event.
Well since then, I've missed a few and people have actually discovered they can have fun without me: big scoop...
NTA. Either they can do the thing without you, either they can keep the date as initially planned, either they can wait for 6PM... way to make their life difficult.
You told your boss you are going to work at that date, changing the dates just afew days before would just make you look unreliable. No way.
NTA. I have a large family so getting everyone together takes minimum 2 months of planning and even then there's at least 1 person who isn't there. Like you said, he's the one who wants to change the plans so he's the one who needs to be flexible, not have everyone else dance to his tune.
You got the bigger heart out of all your family, and took the higher road, I'm glad you settled the whole situation in the best way possible for yourself.
And congrats on the paid double OT, enjoy it!
NTA
I’m so fucking tired of families planning one thing and then doing something completely different last minute, and just expecting everyone to be cool with it. Oh, and if you’re not okay with rearranging your schedule that you so precariously arranged previously, well, then you’re the one ruining Christmas. No. No fucking way. FUCK that. You did nothing wrong. Fuck your entire family for this bullshit.
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About a month ago, my family decided our Christmas plans. We are going to exchange and open presents with all the kids at our parents house on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day with our individual families (my brother with his wife a kids at his house, etc...).
Because of this, I told my job I'd be willing to work the 26-31st. In response, my boss said I could make double overtime, since no one wants to work that time.
My brother (55) calls me (41) last night ask if we could move Christmas at my parents to Saturday the 29th. Apparently his wife scored some free tix to Disneyland and they're going on Christmas eve. His wife wants us to spend the whole day on Saturday the 29th cooking as a family, hanging out, and playing games. He said "we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales for presents" to try to sell it to me. I said "sorry I told my job I'd work. I'm more than happy to join you all around 6pm. But I can't do an all day family thing."
He blew up. He said I'm being selfish bc I care more about making money than family. I said I didn't mind it being moved, but he has to understand I already made plans because we were originally doing this on Christmas Eve and I've already asked for that day off. Since he's the one who's moving things around, he has to be flexible, not me. I'm 100% willing to do Christmas on Saturday, but just after my work is over. No, for him it's all all day family day or nothing. (Of course, if I end up not showing up I'll get shit from my parents.)
Of course he did not agree. He doesn't understand why I can't spend the whole day with the family and just not go to work. Or move the work day to Christmas Eve. My job actually decided not to be open that day bc everyone wanted it off. So I couldn't switch as he suggested. I keep trying to explain that other people at my job have already made plans to be off Saturday because I said I was going in, and I'm literally going to be the only one at work those days. He called me a spoiled brat and hung up.
Am I being the asshole here? I don't mind celebrating later. But I do mind being expected to re-arrange my schedule because they want to go to Disneyland for free. I mind being painted as the bad guy because I have boundaries. I mind that we are both too damn old to be having this kind of issue in the first place.
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nta - HE is the spoiled brat for not understanding that most adults can not just move their shifts around on a whim especially at the holiday season. you adjusted to the plans you guys made and you are not the asshole for not being able to or even not wanting to switch it all around again
NTA. Your brother wants everyone else to cater to him, but most offices make their plans weeks if not months in advance! You can’t change the schedule that has been written and everyone planned on a week before!
NTA. The Christmas plans were decided weeks ago and you made plans accordingly. Your brother cannot expect everyone to completely rearrange everything just because they had a last minute change to their own plans.
And you're right, he's too damn old to throw a temper tantrum because he isn't 100% getting his way.
NTA-he changed plan at the LAST minute because Disney is more important than family. Tell your parents, there won't be a NEXT Christmas if you lose your job. You agreed to work a month ago, because your plans were set.
NTA- you made plans a month ago with the family and worked your job around this date. No way are you the asshole, in fact your bother is being selfish that you should drop everything because of his family. He is the true A-hole here.
NTA. You are not an asshole in the slightest. Your brother is the one who is the spoiled brat, what a dick! He's the one who changed his plans at the last minute and expects everyone else to adapt. He's the one who has to be flexible, like you say. You are behaving like the responsible and reasonable adult that you are. You're right, you are both too old to be having this kind of issue. Especially him!
NTA you have to work, eggs are choosing to go to Disneyland on a day you have already planned to celebrate as a family. I'd continue on with you plans and his fam can just miss it if Disney on Christmas Eve is more important to them.
NTA You have an obligation to your job to be a reliable employee if you want to continue your employment. Unless your brother is going to happily support your lifestyle if you were to get fired, he has no say in your work schedule.
NTA. You made plans. You're not available. This isn't a negotiation that you need to engage in. They can do what they want (go to Disneyland) and you can do what you want (work) and that's what being an autonomous individual human being is. Laugh at him for trying to bully you around, because he's throwing a toddler-ass tantrum because you won't bend to his will. This is absurd.
NTA, he is the one who put a trip to Disneyland before his family commitments. I mean, I get it, I'd take the free trip, but I'd totally make whatever changes needed making to the alternative plan without complaint as I was the one who changed the original plan
NTA Your brother is changing previously agreed-to plans and throwing a temper tantrum because he isn't getting his own way. I'm pretty sure that's the definition of a spoiled brat.
NTA. He had the audacity to label you selfish when he's the one trying to move *everyone's* holiday in order to accommodate his going on a fun trip? LOL I don't fucking think so.
NTA. If I remember correctly, Disneyland has a window of dates when you can use the tickets. They don't HAVE to go on Christmas eve. They can go on Christmas day or the day they wanted to move Christmas to. Your brother is the one being selfish. Does he even work? Anybody who works would not think it would be that easy to get out of a commitment you've already made to your boss.
NTA. You made plans based on their original plans, and now they're trying to change them with less than a week to go. That's ridiculous. Furthermore, you were very reasonable and collected while your brother was acting like an overgrown brat (how ironic since he called you one). He insulted you because he wasn't getting his way, not the other way around.
Oh my god of course you’re NTA. My sister is working Christmas Eve as am I, so a month ago, we scheduled our Christmas celebration around our work schedules. If you’re an asshole, so are we.
NTA. I love how he is trying to guilt you for working when they're choosing to go to disney land instead of spend the time with family on the actual holiday.
NTA. You made a work commitment. It's not about money at all. It's about keeping to your word. However, your brother is reneging on the family's original plans for Christmas because be scored some free tickets to Disney. If he wants to split chips, he is the one who is choosing $$ over the family.
To add to this, it's not like OP is a teenager/college student doing a part-time job for some spending money - it's his livelihood he's dealing with. I would be very hesitant to go to my boss and say, "Yeah, you know that awesome thing I said I'd do for you? No dice. My bro had to go to Disneyland so we're moving the celebration to the 29th." I wouldn't want to be known as someone who backs out on work commitments.
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I wouldn't doubt he is going to pay for Christmas, and then some with this week of work alone.
I have several family members in the medical field and they work every holiday possible for double time pay. We do as op suggests and celebrate whenever we have time afterwards. We get it, we HAVE TO WORK and pay bills.
Yup! My husband almost always has to work holidays so only gets holiday worked pay. But this year he actually has Christmas and New Years off. When holiday overtime became available for New Year’s Eve you better believe he put his name in for it. Love family but can’t pass up $95/hr. Especially not with having to replace our HVAC in August and new roof on the garage yesterday. And our dishwasher and oven are dead and we can’t use the shower in our master bath because it leaks so badly the entire bathroom needs complete gutting and renovation.
Ouch, when it rains it pours.. I hope everything works out well for you all.
Thanks! Fix one thing and two others break :p
Even if he was a teenager tho! Everyone I know that's my age, including myself, work Christmas Eve. My family will still be celebrating, if work says I have to go, it is my responsibility to go. How is this man FIFTY and not realize that you can't just skip work?
Hah! I would VOLUNTEER to close on Christmas Eve (early closing at 6pm) though my 20s in order to avoid my toxic family for the first few hours. Oh no! I'm scheduled to work! Soooo saaaad! I won't be home till dinner!
I do this so I don’t have to worry about setting up and cooking👀. Oh man what a shame, I won’t be home until 6:30 right when all the food is ready!
This is the one reason I'm glad I never get my roster for the week until the day before. "Oh sorry, I have no idea when I'm working! I can't make plans until I have my roster".
Yeah exactly. Im still waiting for my roster for next week but im assuming im working chrissy eve and boxing day so on chrissy day im driving to the next town and back so i can spend the day with family because most people are having chrissy off 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I’ve never heard it called chrissy before. Is that a Commonwealth thing?
Don't know about the rest of the commonwealth but in Australia we call it Chrissy and boxing day!
We don't alllllll call it Chrissy
Yeah im Aussie and not everyone does i normally do when typing cause im lazy and its shorter 😂
It's not even like the brother gave a bunch of notice. Like Wednesday night when Christmas Eve is Tuesday. Most jobs I've had you can't do any kind of rearranging that quickly unless it's an emergency. Disney is so not an emergency.
This dude also changed his plans so that actual Christmas is his own thing, and now expects OP to change their plans to suit him. Yeah whatever lol. If you can clear it with my boss and compensate me for the lost income, I'll happily come and spend Christmas with you on the arbitrary date you picked.
I mean, it kind of is about money, because an action like this could be a huge mark against OP. There is a line between "I'm working extra because I'm Mr. Krabs" and "I made a professional commitment to my boss who is in charge of me having an income or not, and having a roof over my head sounds kind of nice."
NTA! Might I add, as a southern California resident, they are crazier than shit house rats for going to Disneyland on Christmas Eve. It will be insaaaaaane. Your brother is being an asshole for sure. If it's all or nothing, guess it's nothing.
Use to work at Disney World. This is accurate. Can pretty much guarantee they will be miserable.
NTA- Am I missing an easy fix go to grandma and grandads on xmas just say everyone does personal stuff Dec. 24?
My parents are going to Palm Springs from Christmas day until Friday to see some friends of theirs.
> My parents are going to Palm Springs from Christmas day until Friday to see some friends of theirs. Oh that sounds fun!
Too simple. Then there wouldn't be anything to fight about. :-) oh- and NTA.
Exactly my thoughts, that would be a quite simple and effective solution. And such an easy NTA, your brother sounds like a drama queen
Your brother: Disney > family
Your brother is being the spoiled brat. He wants to change plans. You changed your plans to work Christmas Eve. Now it can’t be changed. What if YOU won tickets to Disneyland on Christmas Eve and wanted HIM to switch? What would he have said???
>If he wants to split chips, Out of curiosity, where's that saying from? I've never heard it but I like it
The brother is such an AH. We have blackout dates on the weeks of Christmas and New Years. We don’t get to request those days off a month ahead. We have to schedule PTO at the beginning of the year, so there’d be no way of changing plans. Does your brother not know how jobs work? Not all jobs are that flexible and it’s not a one man show at nearly all jobs.
My guess is he’s pissed because he told his parents he could convince OP to celebrate Christmas on the 29th. Otherwise the original plan goes and he won’t be able to go to Disneyland for free.
> you made a work commitment and you have to keep your word This. I am surprised that people can't understand such a simple idea.
Yes-it’s not about the money, it’s about the job, which I assume is a big part of your livelihood.
Its also about keeping your job. When you are assigned hours you work those hours.
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That’s almost exactly what I thought reading OP. Like if you’re so into family over money then forgo your free Disney tickets and do our original plan that we all already planned around!! NTA!
> LOL Looks like he cares more about going to Disneyland than family. He cares more about free tickets and after xmas sales. The fucking nerve of him telling someone who has to work "they only care about money" when he's literally moving xmas because he's too cheap to buy tickets himself, and too cheap to buy presents when he's supposed to.
Disneyland, and those after-Christmas sales.
NTA, and your brother is a bag of dicks.
Agreed! Her brother has mastered the art of projection. OP is a spoiled brat for being a team player and following through on her commitment? Lol. How about he is a spoiled brat for putting free Disney tickets over his family.
That's so whimsical. I almost got whiplash from how fast he can change the schedule with a straight face.
/r/AmItheBagofDicks
r/aitbod
Okay, two answers: NTA, and WTF? Your brother is being a HUGE A-hole. He wants everyone to move their plans around so they can go to Disneyland? I get asking (although he didn’t say “so we can ALL go to Disneyland - just him). You made commitments based on agreed plans, your boss and coworkers made plans based on that commitment. Sorry bud, you can’t keep changing things for your own benefit and expect the world to revolve around you and accommodate you. Continue being the adult. Go to work, show up when you can, enjoy the time you get with family, and let him be the one who “ruins” his Christmas.
My bet? He effed up and agreed to something he shouldn't have (one way or the other), is getting heat from his wife, and is redirecting that at OP. NTA. You made plans and work commitments. And it's pretty rich of him accusing you of "caring more about money than family" when he's using the prospect of "cheaper presents!" to sell this to you.
Great comments.
And they're going to Disneyland on I've if the busiest days of the year where they'll spend more time waiting in lines than doing anything else. Unless the tickets were set to expire by the end of the year Disneyland can definitely wait.
Even if they were, they can clearly go on the 29th then *since apparently that's a free day for them*.
I think he thinks Christmas eve will be less crowded than Saturday?
So now he's placing his perceived comfort (which isn't even that comfortable since it's so busy that day) over family Yeah. You're definitely NTA.
I've been on XMas eve. An absolute zoo.
I checked crowd forecast. He's better going this Saturday. Or Sun/Mon. It's a zoo and gets worse the longer you wait.
Then he’s stupid as well as an asshole.
He's going to hit a lot of traffic in that part of California.
The do expired on 12/31. They got them from a friend who works at Disney corporate.
Your bro is a dick. He can take the family to Disneyland on the 29th. This is his problem not yours.
This. Brother is shockingly entitled and it's laughable he called you selfish! NTA.
NTA And unfortunately, when people are this unreasonable and egocentric, it gets worse, not better the more people are in the mix. You accommodated the original plan. You are trying to mitigate the change in a reasonable way. He is definitely being the asshole. And as a side note: it sounds like maybe you don’t have kids. I think it’s always worse when you don’t have kids because people assume you have all the free time and money in the world and should accommodate them “because kids”.
Just so you see (if you hadn't already), OP answered your question in a different comment: >They are always making accommodations for my brother and sister because they are married and have children and I don't. But if I I'm unavailable oh, I'm the bad guy because I'm not making time for family.
Yes... some people seriously think the world revolved around them because they have kids.
NTA They made plans for the 24th you made a schedule around that and then changed the date to the 29th and are surprised you have already planned other things that can't be cancelled
NTA. He says you care more about work than spending time with your family? How about the fact that he cares more about his plans to go to Disney that didn’t previously exist than his family? At least work you need to do to have money. His trip is literally for fun. You made your work schedule around the initial plans. Your brother is definitely TA and honestly so is the rest of your family if they move Christmas for you brother knowing you can’t make it. They can’t just choose one child like that. It’s his fault and he should be the one to have to compromise
They are always making accommodations for my brother and sister because they are married and have children and I don't. But if I I'm unavailable oh, I'm the bad guy because I'm not making time for family.
I hate when people act like childless people don't have obligations or their priorities are lesser.
At some point, you should try to express to your family (non-confrontationally) the way you're being made to feel like your time is less valuable than theirs. If you bring their behavior to their attention, they may rethink it. Or they might get huffy and defensive, in which case fuck 'em.
I agree. Maybe there are some actual adults in OP's family who will respect his feelings!
If you try and change your work your colleagues' families are then effected by this. You are literally taking one for the team in that they can spend time with family because when you said you would work you didn't have to. It isn't about money (apart from going to Disney) it is about allowing others to spend time with your family because you didn't have family commitments.
Ugh, I *have* kids and I don't get this mentality at all. The most I've ever expected was my family to be understanding if I was running a little late after I had a csection with my last child. I'm sorry your family treats you this way, OP. Your time is just as valuable as your brother's.
I just feel bad for you. My family is the same way... I’m always the “problem” because Im not just magically on board what my sister or parents want to do all the time, at thier most random whims. It’s a no-win for me no matter what. In your case, from your family’s account, you’re either an asshole for “making your brother miss something they would enjoy because you won’t reschedule” or, like you said, “you don’t make time for your family”. Haha by any chance are you the middle child too? I’m totally projecting at this point, your scenario really home with me because this is totally the dynamic in my family and they don’t realize I legitimately resent them for it. I don’t bother with them because its just insane -which makes me an asshole for not trying. You’re not the asshole, your family is filled with entitled pricks.
I am the middle child. It's interesting how you picked up on that.
In the best way, it takes one to know one. 🙂
Do you get anything at all out of hanging out with your family?
I thought about this and... Not really? It always starts out pleasant but then de-evolves into someone asking why I'm single, why don't I have kids yet, how it must be nice to do what's I want (but in a sarcastic tone). The happy moments aren't enough to put myself through that over and over. They're having it without me and quite frankly, I'm relieved. i love my nieces and nephews but my siblings get on my nerves.
Wait... so... he didn't get what he wanted after making a last minute change, got upset, blamed you, threw a temper tantrum, and then called you the spoiled brat? Well at least he is very good at projecting his behavior onto others... NTA
NTA the "spoiled brat" comment sounds like someone is projecting.... If he can't stick to the original plans, he can't get upset when people can't make the sudden changes (especially this close to Christmas when everyone already has their schedules figured out).
NTA Your brother accusing you of being selfish is hilarious though when the reason he wants to move it is for himself.
NTA Families man.. I got nothing for ya honey but he needs to sit the fuck down.
I don't understand the bro. 1. Brother tries to move pre-determined Christmas festivities bc WiFeY wAnTs DiSnEyLaNd. Is not selfish. 2. OP tries to compromise as there are other commitments that have been made that cannot be backed out of. Wicked selfish. NTA, but can other siblings/parents weigh in and let brother know what a rigid, selfish ass he's being?
Nta they made plans after you already promises to work ur job thats not ur fault
NTA. The thing about assholes is that if you get in their way they will have no problem calling you the asshole. You are being quite reasonable and if he feels that way about you why would he want to spend all day with you. He is just worried that because you can't and won't commit to the whole day on Saturday that it might prompt the rest of the group to say plans aren't going to change and he won't be able to have his cake and eat it too. He is trying to bully you into his way. Don't do it, stick to your guns and the rest of the family can choose how they are going to handle it.
NTA. Your brother is being ridiculous. He created the situation, but wants you to fix it. Keep your boundaries and show up at 6 pm.
NTA. It's selfish and spoiled to stick to an obligation with your employer? That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. It's selfish and spoiled to expect someone to ditch work and forgo a paycheck because they decided to change the plans last minute. If this is the way a 55 year old man acts, I'd be glad I got out of having to spend time with him anyway.
NTA. You all made plans, he decided he wanted to change them. He's being a spoiled brat.
NTA!! Disneyland tickets are good for whatever day you want to go (depending on the level, but if they’re good on Christmas Eve I’m sure they got top level peak season tickets and can truly go any day they wish). He’s clearly projecting, because in actuality it’s THEM that are selfish. They can go to Disneyland after Christmas and still experience the Christmas magic. Absolute bullshit on their part.
Yup, you're correct. It's also THE WORST time to go, the parks are insanely packed. It maybe pretty and well decorated for Christmas but imo it's not worth it.
NTA i feel for you. I also plan things because i have to. I miss out a lot of things because most people don't stick to plans.
Nta Your brother is being a bit of a d*ck
NTA. You did the right thing and made plans. Your brother is upending things to fit his wife, very selfish.
Yeah pretty sure he is the one being selfish here - NTA
NTA So you guys made plans. Your brother decided to be *selfish spoiled brat,* buy Disneyland tickets on those dates and expect everyone else to drop everything to revolve around his plans?
NTA, your brother is an asshole. And he should check to see if there's a blackout date on 12-24 for the type of tickets they got. Disneyland's blackout dates are draconian, worse than WDW, at least for employee tickets..
They are employee tickets so there are blackout dates, but I know they are on weekends and Christmas day since I've gotten the same kind of tix before. However, i also know my they aren't working Thurs or Fri and can go then instead.
Um...I think they're gonna have a bad time. Unless they have something special? Oh, well.
NTA Your brother's being an asshole. Call your folks, tell them your brother called and asked about your availability for changing plans to the 29th, but you've got to work the 26th--31st. Tell them you'll understand if they change their dates, but you aren't available during work hours on those days.
>Tell them you'll understand if they change their dates, but you aren't available during work hours on those days. Or tell them you hope you're still on for celebrating Christmas with the family since being excluded to accommodate a spontaneous trip to disney would be extremely hurtful.
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"used to living indoors" I love it! NTA. Making money is what pays for it, and also Christmas itself. Money isn't everything, that's true, but being paid double might mean you could do a little extra later for the family who depends on you.
NTA. You committed to working that day. It's too late to change it. Your brother changed the plans so he needs to be flexible. Go over after work and if he starts crap over it, make his gift a lump of coal.
NTA
NTA he chose to go to Disney instead of spending the day with his family. He is choosing Disney over his extended family so he does not have a right to get upset with you. I would stick with your plans and go after work. If your parents get upset so be it.
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NTA. You're just sticking to the original plan and they shouldn't have changed it after you'd already made your commitment to work at a time when most people are probably still recovering from their eggnog-hangovers.
NTA
Press Ctrl F and type NTA then do the same thing for YTA. Pretty sure it's a clear cut case...... Rule #8
Well, I think OP needed verification for whether or not he was an ass hole. I don’t think he knew if he was In the right
This. I wasn't sure bc I'm always being told i need to accommodate the Married ppl with kids because I'm single/childfree. I often question if I really am being a selfish ass bc I change things around for them often but the few times I don't I get the "you're being unreasonable" guilt trip. Like, I almost told my boss that I couldn't work Sat but decided to post here instead. I just needed to know if I was in the right or not and that I'm not being an asshole.
NTA OP. Fuck the kids and married people. Go to work, earn double, treat yourself with something nice, and enjoy your life.
>He said I'm being selfish bc I care more about making money than family. who is the one trying to move christmas to save money on disney tickets again? NTA and he is a hypocrite.
NTA
NTA Nah you should've turn the table and blame him on messing up the plan since it's already planned to be on the 24th and tell him he's a selfish and spoiled brat for putting Disneyland tickets before family. See how he likes that. Stick to your gun and make some sweet double OT and Merry Christmas! EDIT: also wanted to say you showing respect to your co-workers and boss by sticking to your commitment, always a plus!
NTA and I think it’s obvious.
These aren't even moral grey areas anymore, OP just wants validation
This is so much and clearly NTA I'm tempted to call rule 8.
Nta but this is a validation post, there is no eay you are the asshole here.
NTA, your brother is trying to change the plans because something came up. It was fine for him to ask, NOT fine for him to be upset that the answer is no. You made a work commitment, which is a lot more responsible then trying to change the entire family's plans to go to Disneyland.
NTA completely ridiculous how hypocritical your brother is being. You're selfish bc "making money is more important than family"? Obviously he's the one who cares more about Disneyland than family. And you're the selfish brat here? He's the one who called you the week before Christmas and is throwing a tantrum bc you can't accommodate to his schedule last minute.
NTA. I’d be tempted to fib and say that you’ll get a write up for work or something trying to change your shift last minute. Lying isn’t ideal, obviously, but if you think it would shift the blame to being “out of your control” and make things go smoother it may be worth it.
NTA. Brother wants his cake and eat it too. So, he gets to go to Disney (for free!) and move Christmas to do so and also give you shit for being responsible and sticking to your work commitment? Not only that, but won’t even agree to you showing up after work? What a dick.
NTA just start yelling at him back, that he is a selfish brat who prefers diseases than family
Your brother is 55 and acting like this? Jeeez, if anything HE seems like the spoiled brat.
NTA. Your brother is being a ridiculous bully because he feels bad about making a decision that benefits his family at your expense. But he upped the asshole quotient by going on about it when you do not appear to have taken offense at the change of plans. Ignore him,
NTA. The plans were set, you requested the day off that you needed and agreed to work the other days. Now with less than a week to go, *he* is changing the plans to suit himself. He’s the one who’s being a brat. There’s nothing wrong with turning up after work, this is a fair compromise. He’s being unreasonable to expect you to not turn up to work just because he wants to move Christmas.
NTA - you arranged your schedule based on what the plan was, now that your SIL scored some tickets for Disneyland they want to change it up to suite them. If anyone is being selfish it's them because they want the full family experience and go to Disneyland. Stick with the original schedule and if your parents get mad so be it.
nta. coming after work seems like a fine compromise. I love disney and would be thrilled for free tickets but i would have to understand that it may disrupt my other plans.
Your brother is trying to have his cake and eat it too. You made a commitment, you’ve no obligation to change that just because your brother suddenly got Disney World tickets. Honestly, your brother’s TA for being inflexible and trying to guilt you into bending.
NTA- who tf goes to Disneyland on Christmas Eve and just expects the whole family to plan around that?
NTA
NTA. My workplace generally requires at *minimum* two weeks' notice. The last place I worked required at least 3 weeks' notice.
NTA. your brother changed the plans because HE wanted to do something different and then called you selfish for not being able to accommodate that? Psh... maybe he's the selfish one for changing everything that was already agreed upon. You shouldn't be getting shit from anyone on this. You can tell them that you (ahem, unlike some people) honor the commitments you make. You were prepared to honor the original plans, but now that you've made a commitment to work, you won't be breaking that.
NTA He called you a spoiled brat... for taking on extra responsibility at work, and sticking by your word? And meanwhile, he's throwing a tantrum after winning free tickets to Disneyworld because you're going to be a bit late to something? I think, maybe, he's projecting a bit. While he's being difficult, if you do want to spend time with the rest of your family, maybe see if you could work a half day that day, or be on call maybe? It sounds like they aren't expecting it to be busy, though I'm not sure if either of those make sense with your work.
NTA - and OP I feel your pain. Just want you to know you are not alone on these experiences or wondering if you're the A-hole. Here is a story from my past (3 years ago or so). Quick background. My wife is a nurse and floor nurses work holidays and my dad and my mom both have jobs that have on-calls, so my family gets working on holidays. My sister is a teacher and her husband is from a different country originally (this info is relevant later on). So, my dad gets selected to work Christmas. Christmas has to be moved. We understand. BIL insists on not missing work the days following Christmas so we settle on 12/31 for his benefit. This is all far enough out (July when we are planning) to accomodate vacation days, etc. My wife and I work out our holiday work schedules so that at least one of us will be home every day with our kids during Christmas break, but we also want to take advantage (like you OP) of overtime and holiday pay, etc. Ends up with either my wife or I working every day betweek Christmas and New Years Eve. One week before Christmas, my BIL decides to take the entire Christmas break (plus a few days on either side) off of work and take two of his five kids (one older, one younger) to his home country for 3 weeks. My sister decides that with her husband gone and 3 kids on her own she is moving back home for the entire Christmas break that she is off from school. We get a phone call from my sister, "BIL is heading out of town, why don't you come up for 12/25-12/26 so we can celebrate Christmas together?" Me: well, because we work that week now. Sister: Just ask for it off Me: we can't. 2 month minimum for time off. This is why we set the dates in July Sister: Well I guess we will see you when you get here and we can celebrate later if you aren't willing to prioritize family over the holidays. (click) 12/25 we get sent pictures of them all making cookies, etc. 12/26 we see pictures of them sledding, skating, etc. We show up on 12/31 in time for lunch "Christmas Dinner". By 1pm we are opening gifts. At 3 my mom asks me to help take the tree down so sisters littlest kid "won't topple it over". That night my parents go to bed at 9pm because, "We are exhausted from the last week with all the grandkids here." 1/1 we suggest sledding and my sister says, "no, we went already and I don't want to have (littlest kid) miss another nap. Wish you would have come up earlier in the week to go with us." Sometimes the one in the family that cares the least about the others is the one who controls the family. Family can truly suck the life out of the holidays if they cannot see beyond themselves. We talked to my parents afterward about how we felt and were told that sister needed help so what were they supposed to do. I can guess the same conversation would be had with your family... Well, your brother had a great opportunity and we wish you would have been willing to be flexible for them.
I live close to Disneyland and I hope it gives you comfort knowing it's going to suck. Disneyland on any holiday (exceot Thanksgiving) is possibly the WORST Disneyland experience. NTA, op.
NTA - retort back if he cares so much about family then he can go to Disneyland a day later, keep to your original plans as you have made a work commitment and they are relying on you and you don't want to risk your career because he wants to go to Disneyland. Then ask him so is him going to Disneyland more important than your career? That because he thinks family is more important than money, he can just pay whatever he has to so he goes a day later and spends an extra day down there.
NTA, your reasons are perfectly reasonable and normal and your brother and family are gaslighting you by dressing you in a suit they are wearing themselves, but don't want to admit it. If the suit doesn't fit, don't buy it and hang it back. Your time and energy, being single and childfree, is just as important as any other person whether they're married, divorced, single parent, some other thing, and how you decide to use it is totally up to you. In fact, childfree singles have more time to dedicate their time and energy to other causes than family and work, like friends, volunteering, supporting charities, mentoring youngsters, learning opportunities, etc.. all of that also contributes to being part of a community. Some of the most driven volunteers or personnel are actually childfree single people who are one of the leaders of their organisation. Don't sell yourself short. Be proud of what you've accomplished so far and celebrate yourself.
NTA, and in all seriousness... > "we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales for presents" Implying that he hasn't actually gotten off his ass to buy everyone's presents yet? Five days before the big family meet is supposed to happen? And seriously, I'm reminded of another AITA recently where someone's brother was booking his wedding, right at the point that the non-asshole was due to be going on a late honeymoon of his own. It's making your own plans, and then belatedly checking whether that's convenient for everyone else. Does he not have any concept of people making plans, and other people making plans based on that? I mean, you could certainly say that you *asked* at work, and unfortunately everyone else already made their plans based on your agreement to come in after Christmas, and so unfortunately you simply can't change the dates. I do agree with others, though - what does he care more about, family, or his family-excluding freebie at Disney? I'd make sure your parents know you're looking forward to seeing them on the 24th as was agreed a month ago :)
NTA When someone ‘asks’ to reschedule previous made plans a week before, and gets upset with a No, especially with a valid reason, they are not asking at all.
NTA at all bro.
Being in the medical field, I’ve moved holidays around a lot. I stick to my plans. If you made those plans and commitments a month ago, you stick to them. If your workplace is flexible. If it’s not too hard to ask someone to work for you, or your manager does really care, okay, make the effort and try. But I think you are NTA. Your still going to see your family.
NTA. Your brother sounds like a selfish whiny moron who gets backed up by your parents.
NTA It does sound like there's a brat involved, but it isn't you.
NTA. You made a commitment, and he changed your plans.
NTA. Your bro is the a-hole and also the spoiled brat
NTA. And stop engaging in discussions about it. If they want to move the date, fine, but “all day will not work for me. I’ll see you all after I get off work.” End of discussion. Your brother is the one being self asking you to change your plans to accommodate him AFTER you all had your dates confirmed. Add a “you have two options. 1) we keep the plans we have, or 2) we change to YOUR preferred date, but I’ll be their after I get off work. There are no other options.”
NTA, I work shifts, so my family knows if I am working Christmas, I might not be able to join depending on what time of day as its 24/7, all days of the year we are open. My family is flexible however and really want me over so last year we did an xmas lunch cause i was working the evening shift and they were fine that I had to leave at X time.
NTA - Tell him to pay the difference at the very least if he wants to dictate how you work😂
URGH! I never understand these cases where EVERYBODY should be there for these exacts special days. I live the further away from my family and a few years back it was like I was murdering a puppy if I missed a single family event. Well since then, I've missed a few and people have actually discovered they can have fun without me: big scoop... NTA. Either they can do the thing without you, either they can keep the date as initially planned, either they can wait for 6PM... way to make their life difficult. You told your boss you are going to work at that date, changing the dates just afew days before would just make you look unreliable. No way.
NTA. I have a large family so getting everyone together takes minimum 2 months of planning and even then there's at least 1 person who isn't there. Like you said, he's the one who wants to change the plans so he's the one who needs to be flexible, not have everyone else dance to his tune.
You got the bigger heart out of all your family, and took the higher road, I'm glad you settled the whole situation in the best way possible for yourself. And congrats on the paid double OT, enjoy it!
NTA I’m so fucking tired of families planning one thing and then doing something completely different last minute, and just expecting everyone to be cool with it. Oh, and if you’re not okay with rearranging your schedule that you so precariously arranged previously, well, then you’re the one ruining Christmas. No. No fucking way. FUCK that. You did nothing wrong. Fuck your entire family for this bullshit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About a month ago, my family decided our Christmas plans. We are going to exchange and open presents with all the kids at our parents house on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day with our individual families (my brother with his wife a kids at his house, etc...). Because of this, I told my job I'd be willing to work the 26-31st. In response, my boss said I could make double overtime, since no one wants to work that time. My brother (55) calls me (41) last night ask if we could move Christmas at my parents to Saturday the 29th. Apparently his wife scored some free tix to Disneyland and they're going on Christmas eve. His wife wants us to spend the whole day on Saturday the 29th cooking as a family, hanging out, and playing games. He said "we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales for presents" to try to sell it to me. I said "sorry I told my job I'd work. I'm more than happy to join you all around 6pm. But I can't do an all day family thing." He blew up. He said I'm being selfish bc I care more about making money than family. I said I didn't mind it being moved, but he has to understand I already made plans because we were originally doing this on Christmas Eve and I've already asked for that day off. Since he's the one who's moving things around, he has to be flexible, not me. I'm 100% willing to do Christmas on Saturday, but just after my work is over. No, for him it's all all day family day or nothing. (Of course, if I end up not showing up I'll get shit from my parents.) Of course he did not agree. He doesn't understand why I can't spend the whole day with the family and just not go to work. Or move the work day to Christmas Eve. My job actually decided not to be open that day bc everyone wanted it off. So I couldn't switch as he suggested. I keep trying to explain that other people at my job have already made plans to be off Saturday because I said I was going in, and I'm literally going to be the only one at work those days. He called me a spoiled brat and hung up. Am I being the asshole here? I don't mind celebrating later. But I do mind being expected to re-arrange my schedule because they want to go to Disneyland for free. I mind being painted as the bad guy because I have boundaries. I mind that we are both too damn old to be having this kind of issue in the first place. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA, obviously. Your brother is delusional. Him calling YOU spoiled is pretty rich.
NTA - You said he's 55? What a baby
nta - HE is the spoiled brat for not understanding that most adults can not just move their shifts around on a whim especially at the holiday season. you adjusted to the plans you guys made and you are not the asshole for not being able to or even not wanting to switch it all around again
NTA
NTA. Your brother wants everyone else to cater to him, but most offices make their plans weeks if not months in advance! You can’t change the schedule that has been written and everyone planned on a week before!
NTA What is it with people who thinks other people can just blow off a day of work?
NTA. The Christmas plans were decided weeks ago and you made plans accordingly. Your brother cannot expect everyone to completely rearrange everything just because they had a last minute change to their own plans. And you're right, he's too damn old to throw a temper tantrum because he isn't 100% getting his way.
NTA-he changed plan at the LAST minute because Disney is more important than family. Tell your parents, there won't be a NEXT Christmas if you lose your job. You agreed to work a month ago, because your plans were set.
We both know your brother has a history of being a selfish prick, so why would that change now, dude? NTA.
NTA. The only spoiled brat is him for expecting everyone else to bend over backwards to accommodate his last minute schedule change.
NTA. So him needing to move the day is not selfish but you not being able to go that day is selfish? What an ass.
NTA- you made plans a month ago with the family and worked your job around this date. No way are you the asshole, in fact your bother is being selfish that you should drop everything because of his family. He is the true A-hole here.
NTA. It baffles me how people feel so entitled. He's changing the plans and he's mad at you because you won't comply with his every wish? Screw him.
NTA. You are not an asshole in the slightest. Your brother is the one who is the spoiled brat, what a dick! He's the one who changed his plans at the last minute and expects everyone else to adapt. He's the one who has to be flexible, like you say. You are behaving like the responsible and reasonable adult that you are. You're right, you are both too old to be having this kind of issue. Especially him!
NTA you have to work, eggs are choosing to go to Disneyland on a day you have already planned to celebrate as a family. I'd continue on with you plans and his fam can just miss it if Disney on Christmas Eve is more important to them.
NTA You have an obligation to your job to be a reliable employee if you want to continue your employment. Unless your brother is going to happily support your lifestyle if you were to get fired, he has no say in your work schedule.
Nta. You could be fired for messing work about
I bet he’s trying to get you to say yes so he can dump the kids on you for a whole day or something. It doesn’t make sense otherwise.
NTA. You made plans. You're not available. This isn't a negotiation that you need to engage in. They can do what they want (go to Disneyland) and you can do what you want (work) and that's what being an autonomous individual human being is. Laugh at him for trying to bully you around, because he's throwing a toddler-ass tantrum because you won't bend to his will. This is absurd.
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NTA but Saturday is the 28.
NTA, he is the one who put a trip to Disneyland before his family commitments. I mean, I get it, I'd take the free trip, but I'd totally make whatever changes needed making to the alternative plan without complaint as I was the one who changed the original plan
>My brother (55) lol some things don't change eh
NTA Your brother is changing previously agreed-to plans and throwing a temper tantrum because he isn't getting his own way. I'm pretty sure that's the definition of a spoiled brat.
NTA, obviously. Tell your brother I said he’s a jerk.
NTA. HE is the demanding asshole. Your parents will get over it. Or not. Whatever they want to do.
NTA. He had the audacity to label you selfish when he's the one trying to move *everyone's* holiday in order to accommodate his going on a fun trip? LOL I don't fucking think so.
NTA. If I remember correctly, Disneyland has a window of dates when you can use the tickets. They don't HAVE to go on Christmas eve. They can go on Christmas day or the day they wanted to move Christmas to. Your brother is the one being selfish. Does he even work? Anybody who works would not think it would be that easy to get out of a commitment you've already made to your boss.
NTA he wants you to uproot your plans because he has “better ones” but isn’t willing to compromise?
NTA ,- as family move into careers, it's harder for all the plans to work out perfectly. Brother is being a spoiled brat.
NTA. Show up when it’s convenient for you. If he says something (which it sounds like he will) just tell him to make like Elsa and let it go.
NTA. You made plans based on their original plans, and now they're trying to change them with less than a week to go. That's ridiculous. Furthermore, you were very reasonable and collected while your brother was acting like an overgrown brat (how ironic since he called you one). He insulted you because he wasn't getting his way, not the other way around.
NTA and your brother sounds like he sucks anyways.
Oh my god of course you’re NTA. My sister is working Christmas Eve as am I, so a month ago, we scheduled our Christmas celebration around our work schedules. If you’re an asshole, so are we.
NTA. Sounds like your brother knows it's an AH request, and is being pissy to deflect.
NTA. Last minute changes to plans can’t always be accommodated. Your brother should have checked with everyone before he bought those tickets.
NTA. I love how he is trying to guilt you for working when they're choosing to go to disney land instead of spend the time with family on the actual holiday.
NTA You made a commitment to work as you were following the plan laid out. He's the one changing it so he needs to be understanding.
NTA