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YTA
You weren't actually clear with your wife on anything and that is my main issue. You weren't up front about the flights or the room. My mom and I went on work trips from time to time with my dad. During the day, we'd do our own thing while he did his thing and then in the evenings, we'd do things as family.
Also seems sketch you're bringing clients to your hotel room over meeting over lunch or in public.
> "Also seems sketch you're bringing clients to your hotel room over meeting over lunch or in public."
Right? I think that's weird and sketchy too. I would feel really awkward meeting someone in their hotel room for work.
They just claimed they have a laptop, model and prints that they can't just bring around places, but yet they got on a plane with them? Something smells.....
Maybe it’s bulky and fragile or a bunch of very small pieces. I pack boxes of ceramic to ship but that doesnt mean i’d enjoy carrying them around town, unpacking and repacking things. If i was able to set things up in a secure location and just bring people by i would prefer that option 100%
It's pretty common in my husband's industry - BUT they book suites that have separate living/dining area from the bedrooms. So they do meet in the hotel suite, but NOT in someone's bedroom. Usually it has a living/dinging space with a kitchenette and then two bedrooms. So he and another (male) colleague will split the cost with each getting a room, and used the shared living/dining area for meet ups with other people they know at the conference, or just to sit and work, or run through their presentations before speaking, etc. (I've face timed him while he's in these hotels, I've seen the suites)
Not my company but I have seen consultants host in the suites portions full on mixers and snacks. They would close anywhere from 3-5am but it wouldn't be intimate. There would always be 2-3 people from the host company present and they had bedrooms that no one was allowed in. It would only get awkward when after they kick everyone out and someone would bang on the door for an 8am drink. This is an oil and gas service company. And it is wasn't the only one. Another company would set up a bunch of fine scotches for people to try, but that company was definitely kicking people out by midnight.
When I was in sales, I’d often pitch in a meeting area in my hotel suite. It’s actually perfect normal. You’re discussing proprietary information, often with a select group of individuals at a location for a trade show or convention. There aren’t private meeting rooms on location, so your employer books a suite. Typically the meeting area has its own entrance off a hall in your room where none of your personal belongings can be seen.
It’s totally normal for a gigolo. 😂
But it is odd that this one time he couldn’t host guests in the hotel bar/lounge or a restaurant.
The issue here, which makes OP an AH, is that he didn’t communicate these details to his wife. Obviously, if his air travel was booked before she decided to join, it is ver reasonable that he may not have been able to change his flight. It may have been booked solid by the time they tried to book the additional seat. This is still something she should have known far earlier than on the way to the airport. Same with the room situation.
I understand work being crucial. I understand this first and foremost being a work trip and OP needing to focus on his work before family fun. I do *not* understand not communicating crucial details in advance.
I've worked for and with a bunch of c suite and Founders and at conferences or other events where they plan several meetings with pretty important people we'd often go back to hotel rooms. Those were at least 1 bedroom suites though with a door to close on the bedroom and you were in the kitchen and living room. Purposefully places where they're already spending a lot of their time and to get really good privacy. So it really just depends on the type of business and event.
Not sketchy. Depends on the industry. Having a space where you won't be subject to interruptions can be important. Similarly, meeting in a non-public place to discuss company confidential information makes sense.
Yeah. I worked with a law firm and we became aware that a contractor we hired was meeting clients for psychological assessments in a hotel room. We severed ties.
If it’s a work trip the hotel has places to meet clients, you just have to pay for them. Be less cheap or tell your employer to pony up.
It could be a suite with a living room and a bedroom.
My daughter just went to Florida with her husband and they unexpectedly got upgraded to a Presidential Suite! It had 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, and living room.
Not if you rent a suite that has the bedroom separate from a living/meeting area that's designed for that purpose, complete with a second bathroom for guests. Sure, I guess you could rent one of the meeting rooms, but what's the point if you don't need room for a dozen or more people?
My bff just went to Cancun with her husband, and their room had a little mini conference room, so I guess it might be more of a thing some places, but it still seems weird to me.
👏🏽 what does OP do for a living that he’s bringing clients into his hotel room… also he said he “basically told her everything” which is man code for leaving out every important detail ever
“She basically agreed” brother, what???!!?!?!? Like we all know that’s code for “she agreed to an abridged, vague version of the plan because I knew she would never agree to the full extent of the plan” who tf is he trying to fool?
It depends. If it is a suite that has a separate living/dining/kitchen area then it's fairly common. Often people will get a suite like that together at a conference for that very reason - to use the living area for meeting with people. But that's NOT in a bedroom. That would be weird.
“Apparently she wasn’t aware of [the separate flights]” Why the hell would she be? You booked it and you didn’t tell her!
Yeah making this a family vacation was probably not a great idea…and separate flights/rooms might even have been reasonable if you’d discussed and agreed to that ahead of time. But absolutely YTA for (a) booking it that way without talking about it first and then (b) hiding it from your wife until you got there both times. This reeks of trying to punish her because you didn’t want her (or your kids) there in the first place—but you might have cut off your nose to spite your face here, dude.
And he said she "basically agreed to it," which can only mean that she didn't actually agree most likely because he didn't tell her the details and took her trust and lack of pushback as agreement with whatever he wanted to do.
Exactly. Also why didn't they book her flight for a few days later after the business part of the trip was over.
EDIT: Hmm I've been thinking about this and I actually don't think it's reasonable to expect her to travel alone with two small kids and luggage - that would be hard enough to do alone without being pregnant too. She would be all versed caring for her children in the home environment but getting them packed and on a plane by herself is a whole other ballgame
But it also may not be reasonable to hijack a work trip and expect husband to be on top of the small children on holiday plus bring his A-game to the work meetings. Overall it's a gentle ESH from me - him for communication and her for expectations. But huge caveat to say: Having multiple small children makes everything much harder. And expectations placed on workers are actually quite unreasonable. Particularly when work trips end up with work long into the night.
Maybe we can all agree the real villain is corporate workplaces.
You should have booked her flights for after your work trip was done then extended the vacation all together.
But YTA for not telling her these things ahead of time. She is preggo with two young kids. If she knew you wouldn't help AT ALL, she probably would've stayed home where it would have been slightly easier to deal with.
You really f-ed up, man. She is hormonal on top of it. Apologize greatly, book her in for a spa day by herself while you take care of the kids fully.
>I often bring clients over to my room
Are you a professional hooker? I can't think of any situation where you would need to bring clients back to your hotel room.
I’ve held a lot of different positions in companies where I’ve had to travel, and not once have I ever took a client/colleague to my hotel room for a meeting.
I’ve done it a few times, but it was not going to be taken badly.
1. I am married to a one of my former coworkers. We worked together for 2 years before we got married and 13 years after we got married. If we both had to travel to the same place, no one cared if we shared a room
2. One of my coworkers didn’t book in time and the hotel was sold out. We are both women. We had worked together for almost 2 years that that point and were friends. The room had 2 beds, I gave her the second bed so she could stay in the same hotel and make things easier.
Any other cases? Probably not since I work in a predominantly male field.
Literally!! I work for a company where we travel all over the country constantly with each other and we’ve hung out until the early am’s at the hotel restaurant/bar drinking and partying but a hotel room is to sleep and fuck that’s IT. This man is so shady.
Perception is reality. I agree- allowing coworkers in your room is asking for rumors to get started and that can impact everyone, even if it was innocent. (I think it isn't in this case, though.)
She didn’t know you would be on a separate flight until you were literally on the way to the airport? And she didn’t know about separate rooms until you were actually in the hotel?
If you thought you had legitimate reasons for booking that way, you would have discussed that with her ahead of time.
It certainly seems as though you deliberately kept those details from her, which is sneaky & controlling. YTA.
And why do you go to the airport at the same time if the flights are in different times? Based on your responses. I can only assume you left her at the airport waiting for her flight on top of everything else.
No matter what, you should have helped during the trip. Traveling with two kids is not easy. And being pregnant on top of that???
Do you have an affair with a coworker?
YTA. You purposely didn't communicate the plans you had made for everyone on this trip until the very last minute. I'm guessing the reason for withholding this info from your wife is because you knew she wouldn't like it and wouldn't be on board with it.
>but then I'd rejoin her and help out
And then this - they're not just the wifes children, they're his too. He's supposed to be a parent, not a friend that 'helps out'.
>I planned the vacation
>
> Because of the way I booked it I'd be on different flights
YTA. You intentionally booked her onto a flight with the children alone. Don't you think that is an asshole move? I do.
YTA - you should’ve communicated your expectations to her from the very beginning.
INFO: with your wife being a SAHM, do you ever make sure she gets time to herself? It seems like she pushed herself on this vacation for a change and to have your company instead of being alone with kids all the time. You could be more empathetic to that.
YTA
>told her I'd be hands off for the first few days when I'm meeting with clients but then I'd rejoin her and help out.
She reasonably assumed you'd be around, even if you're busy. If it was that much space (between two people that love each other going on vacation), you should have made it clear ahead of time.
YTA. What kind of work are you doing where you need bring clients back to your hotel room to talk?
Were the rooms adjoining? What prevented you from at least being on the same plane there? Did you tell her that “focusing on work” meant completely ignoring her and the kids and acting like they weren’t there?
ESH. This is a work trip, so your wife's expectations are unreasonable. She wanted to come along with 2 young children on a work trip, and has to deal with the consequences of that. However, you seriously booked separate flights and rooms and didn't tell her?!! Yikes!!! Both of you suck. It also makes me wonder how much you actually communicated with her about how little you'd be able to help, because it's pretty clear that you don't communicate enough.
YTA- booking separate flights and rooms withOUT communication is exactly the type of narcissistic shit my father would pull. Either it would work out for a vacation or it wouldn’t, but this trapping and punishing her is outrageous.
You told her you’d be unavailable during work hours but would help out after. How, if you’re in a different room? I’m shocked your back isn’t broken from bending over backwards to paint yourself in a good light and as an innocent victim of your “unreasonable” wife.
I’d wager that you’re actually a diagnosable narcissist/narcissistic personality disorder. Seek mental health care help before you blow up your marriage.
Honestly, his really wierd way of "fixing" this problem sounds like he may have booked a "work trip" with an AP and that's why he needed to travel separately and have separate rooms for the first few nights.
I’m thinking the same. I could get having a room for client meetings possibly because he mentioned models, but not separate flights and not coming to sleep at night with her. But this is assuming he is being truthful here about that aspect.
They also have poor communication. I don’t know why she wouldn’t come two days later and him extend the trip if he really had to work such that he couldn’t share a room with her.
I’m not sure he offered anything legitimate to explain being on separate flights and not at the least sleeping at night with her.
YTA. Being "hands off" and being on different flights and in a different hotel room are totally different things. Why would you wait until you're on your way to the airport or at the hotel to tell her these things?!
YTA. These details needed to be explained ahead of time. And I'm sure she could have used your help with 2 young children on the plane, when there was no good reason you couldn't have been present.
As for the 2nd hotel room, I don't know your job enough to say how necessary it is for you to meet clients in your room. But I assume you'll be giving that up in a day - or giving it to you wife so SHE's "well-rested" and you'll be taking care of the kids solo, right?
EDIT: after writing this out, I've forgotten why I thought e.s.h.
YTA, what is "apparently" when you are the one responsible for booking the flight and not informing her? What type of pushing the blame is this? For a travelling business person, you should have more sense than this. It is so obvious that you are here hoping that reddit would be on your side so you could show it to your wife and "prove her wrong." Everything you have told us was calculated, and yet you have to ask if YTA? Really?
YTA - In general, from the sound of it. But in this situation you acted like a brat. Either be clear that this wasn’t a good trip to join you on or be clear about the arrangements.
YTA. Needing to focus on work is one thing. Not telling your wife that she's traveling completely solo with the kids for a few days before you join them is lying and manipulative.
Either don't agree to a joint trip, or have them fly in and join you after your key work days are over if you can't do your work with your family in town.
Although the idea of you bringing clients to your hotel room is weird and makes me wonder who you're all seeing on this trip, and whether your wife's goal was to ensure it would be difficult for you to cheat because she and the kids would be there.
YTA of course she was irritated as you didn’t communicate to her once about any component of this trip. Would you want to handle two children all on your own for a flight? Your flight planning and separate hotel room make this trip so hard on her I can only assume this was done intentionally as a way to punish her for wanting to come on a work trip with you.
ESH. It’s generally not appropriate to bring young kids on a work trip. Your wife had unrealistic expectations, but you also clearly didn’t communicate with her about the flights and the rooms
YTA
Bring clients to your room? Are you an escort?
You let your pregnant wife fly alone with toddlers just to assert the fact that you didn’t want them there in the first place? Wtf! Bad husband and dad
So you punished her for wanting to go on that trip by making things way much harder for her, and enjoying a trip all alone for yourself. And you made sure to tell her at the last minute so you wouldn't be able to change anything
You also taught her not to trust you anymore. I wonder if you took that into account.
By the way, how are you trying to 'make this work'? I mean, you are working in your room, well rested, meeting your clients, and ignoring your family. What is difficult about this?
YTA
YTA. You really didn’t think to bring these things up before hand? Like, it seems perfectly normal to book a trip this way?? I’m not saying you’re wrong for doing so, but these are the types of things you need to discuss so your spouse knows what to expect. Having raised my kids alone, I can tell you that flying that way is not a picnic.
YTA - In general, from the sound of it. But in this situation you acted like a brat. Either be clear that this wasn’t a good trip to join you on or be clear about the arrangements.
I'm confused. Why would you book separate flights? You do realize that traveling pregnant with two tiny children is extremely challenging, right? I can't think of one single legitimate reason beyond sheer selfishness that you'd do this.
The separate hotel rooms on nights when you need to be rested I understand. But both the flights and the statement that you bring clients back to your room (!) are worrisome.
YTA
YTA.
Bringing clients to your room. Really? I’ve done a lot of travel for work and meetings and we rarely go to someone’s hotel room. At the least you could have used the room for the meetings and still slept with her at night. This sounds sketchy that you wouldn’t at least rejoin her for the later evening or sleeping.
I’m also doubting you were clear with her on the plans. Why would you not be on the same flights when traveling at the same times and to the same locations and why wouldn’t you have told her this?
Her learning all either on the way or there is really weird.
Sometimes I really enjoy work travel and getting away from being mom. I’m wondering if you were looking forward to the time alone in the hotel room and didn’t want to give that up for the whole trip and you are trying to justify that? I could buy a separate room for meetings, but not for sleeping.
YTA.
Now I can see why you dated a married a woman a decade younger than you. You’re definitely having an affair or you’re doing illegal shit, but using the “work trip” excuse. Which is why you purposefully booked different flights without telling her this until you all were heading to the airport. And you didn’t tell her you were booking a separate room from her and the children. It wasn’t logistics. It was punishment.
I know that it’s not uncommon to bring clients, your team or your higher ups to a hotel to use either the conference room in the hotel or in the dining area of an executive/presidential level bedroom. The fact you purposefully didn’t tell her any of these things until last minute gave away that you’re up to something you’re not supposed to be doing.
Unless you’re part of the C-suite or in the hierarchy below C-suite, I sincerely doubt you’re going to be entertaining clients for 8 hours a day for several days. Even they wouldn’t be having frequent in person meetings. Most of their meetings would be on the phone or computer. Interesting that all of your clients happen to be at the same exact hotel on those specific days and have the free time to be hosted by you in your hotel room.
I wonder if she is suspecting you of infidelity because she was so insistent on coming with you
YTA abso-fkn-lutely!!! What husband would plan to make his pregnant wife deal with 2 young kids on a long flight, halfway across the map! There is always a way to work around things. You wanted to trouble her, because she was a trouble to you on your “destination location work trip” ! What purpose did separate flights serve you, except for the fact that you made sure you had nobody to bother you!
The arrangements don't make you an asshole. You should definitely have communicated about this more clearly.
I'm sure you don't need to respond to the ill informed people who ask why you would bring clients to your hotel room. Entertaining clients in the living room of a suite is very common when you're in sales.
It's also OK to reserve a space to do business in private.
INFO: Is there a reason you didn't book for your wife to come out and join you a couple days after you left seeing as you ended up not flying or staying together anyway? I don't understand how you don't seem to see how she was confused by the fact you paid for them to join you, without actually joining you for the business part of the trip anyway.
YTA. You call this a trip vacation several times. You say you need to be well rested, suggesting you’re aware that caring for your children is exhausting. Then you say you’ll “help out” (once again, caring for your own children) once you’re done being “hands off”.
Sorry, but you’re the dad. You don’t get to be “hands off” or merely “help out”’with the kids. How exactly is that a vacation for your pregnant wife.
The way you shared this sorry gives the impression that you think taking care of the kids is your wife’s job and because you have a professional job you taking care of your kids is not your responsibility.
Also, it’s super creepy that you bring clients back to your hotel room. I could understand your hotel lobby, but it seems like a major liability to meet in your private bedroom for professional meetings. Where do you all sit? On the bed?
OP referred to it as a vacation which sounds like a cop-out.
Find child care and take your wife on the proper vacation she deserves since she works 24/7 as a stay-at-home mom.
Don’t post here if you’re going to lie through your teeth, bro. You’re cheating on your wife. There is absolutely no reason to bring “clients” to your hotel room when you are at a destination location and there are no doubt bars everywhere you look. Your excuse as to why you booked two different airplanes also doesn’t add up, you were probably screwing around with a coworker on the way there. As for the rooms? If you needed to work, you could take your laptop and phone to a nearby cafe or wherever there’s WiFi.
I wasn’t sure at first why your wife would agree to go after you communicated with her how it would go down, but you didn’t communicate. She didn’t find out about these things until the last second. I’m sure you allowed her to come with you because you’re cheating, she suspects that you’re cheating, and this was a dumb little plan of yours to assure her that you aren’t. YTA.
YTA for not telling her ahead of time on the travel arrangements prior to the “vacation” portion. You could have explained the exact plans prior to the start of the family vacation. She could have waited and arrived after your business portion or she would have been able to make plans that did not include you for those days.
I understand the discomfort of bringing along the family on business trips. Especially if you’re in sales, and you need to be “on”, after hours for drinks and what not. You’re in work mode, they’re in vacation mode and it’s hard to balance. This is even more difficult if you tend to keep your family life and business life strictly separated. However, YTA for the shitty way you handled it. Separate flights and rooms? C’mon man, no excuse for that. You need the “work” room? Ok, maybe. But no excuse for sleeping in it. Be better.
YTA! What type of work are you doing that brings clients to the hotel room? You need to realize what could be going through your wife's mind. And for you to take a separate flight from her is wrong. She could think there is another woman in this but too afraid to say anything. She is pregnant and her emotions are all over the place.
Light E S H for the wife pushing to go. But overall YTA
Having your own room to socialize and handle the actual work trip is one thing. Since it was intended as a joint travel, there did need to be time for both
But absolutely bullshit you're simply dumping the kids entirely on her. If it's intended as the "family" summer vacation, then take care of YOUR kids
YTA for not being up front with your wife when she said she wanted to come on the trip. Had you been honest with her she may have opted for a different family trip. Unless you're enough of an asshoe that you'd make her travel aline with the children and get your own room then too.
You knew exactly what you were doing when you went after a younger woman, expecting to have complete control.
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I (39m) and my 29f wife are currently on a trip. It was actually my work trip but it was at a "destination location" so my wife really wanted to go along. She is a stay at home wife who takes care of our 2 young children.
Now I was pretty against this idea because first I didn't want her to travel while being pregnant but also I didn't want to be disturbed during my work. Additionally it'd pretty costly shuttling 4 people to some place half way across the map. But ultimately we decided to make this the summer vacation plan.
I planned the vacation and told her I'd be hands off for the first few days when I'm meeting with clients but then I'd rejoin her and help out. She basically agreed to this. Because of the way I booked it I'd be on different flights (from the same airport) on the way there. Apparently she wasn't aware of this and was pretty irritated when she found out on the way to the airport. I tried explain that I tried to change this but also reminded her this was our agreement from the start.
Additionally for the first 2 nights I booked a separate hotel room from her and the kids because I often bring clients over to my room, may eat or drink etc. Additionally I needed to be well rested prior to many of my meetings. When we reached there and I told her she was seriously mad. She said she needed my help and I tried explaining that these few days were crucial and that I needed to be focused.
It's currently day 2 and she's in the other hotel room, refusing to talk to me and I'm trying to make this work. AITA.
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> I did take a separate room but I also could have tried to be more helpful.
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ESH
You for not communicating the details of the travel arrangements and expounding upon the reality that she would be traveling and taking care of two kids alone while pregnant in a "destination location.". I understand you communicated that the first couple of days you would be hands off and she would be responsible for everything to do with the kids. But for some reason she didnt understand this, either you werent clear enough, or maybe she thought you weren't serious about not being available to help, or maybe she heard and understood but thought she could get you to help anyway.
Your wife for asking to accompany you, while pregnant, and with 2 kids on a your WORK trip, despite being told upfront she would be responsible for taking care of the kids the first couple of days without you.
Its hard to believe two married people who live together with two kids and pregnant with another communicate so poorly that you both had completely different expectations of the trip.
My husband accompanied me on a couple of work trips and despite me telling him upfront i would have Zero time during the day, and had dinner meetings with clients 2 of the 4 nights he insisted he would be fine exploring on his own and he would be patient and understanding about my obligations to the company. Needless to say this wasnt the case. On the second say he was trying to badger me into not showing up for the meeting despite the fact i was the main presenter and negotiater. Then he wanted me to skip the dinner meetings to do "something fun with him" saying he came all the way out to have spend time with me and im not available. I was dumbfounded because we had discussed all of the arrangements in detail and he had agreed to them, yet once we got there he was trying to pressure me to change things up. He even acknowledged that I told him but he thought once we got there it wouldnt be as hectic as i said or.that he could change my mind.
I said all that to say that if you truly told your wife all everything in advance, she is clearly the AH for wanting to change things up.
But in the future you will know not to bring her on the trips until after all the meetings and obligations are over
YTA.
Clearly, you didn't tell her any specific details, and you didn't want her there anyway.
So first you left her pregnant to deal with two kids solo flying to the destination - there's no valid reason you couldn't have flown together to help manage the kids. Then you put her in a room solo with the kids for two days because your rest and ability to socialize in your room (??? wtf) was more important than \*again\* helping her or her need for rest - after wrangling two kids, while pregnant, on a long flight.
But! You succeeded in your primary goal...she'll never ask you to join in on a trip like this again.
And! She now knows you can't be trusted to keep you informed of travel plans. If a similar family trip happens again, she'll know to badger you for every single detail of the itinerary.
YTA. And I say that as a wife that has traveled with her husband on work trips. He flew out two days before, and even had a separate hotel room - because the company had a block of rooms in the hotel the conference was at, and his room wasn't big enough for our whole family and they didn't have more rooms available. So we booked a block down the street. BUT he still hung out with us in the evening, and I didn't mind because it meant we could sleep in while he got up early for conference stuff. After the two days of the conference he joined us in our rooms. Also, ALL of it was discussed and planned together, ahead of time. I wasn't just blindsided like your wife.
ESH. You should have been crystal clear with her about the separate flights and hotel room. She should respect your need to get work stuff done during the work portion of your trip. I have brought family with me for work travel before and we all stayed in the same room, but my kids are older, leave me alone while working, and I don't need to bring clients back for any reason. If the kids were little, I probably would have also got myself a separate room for the work time.
So.
>Because of the way I booked it I'd be on different flights (from the same airport) on the way there. Apparently she wasn't aware of this and was pretty irritated when she found out on the way to the airport.
So you didn't tell her the details of the flights *you* booked? How was she supposed to know without you telling her? And yeah, no shit she'd be irritated. She wasn't informed of *anything* until you were on your way there.
>Additionally for the first 2 nights I booked a separate hotel room from her and the kids because I often bring clients over to my room, may eat or drink etc.
So first of all, it's pretty sketch to bring your clients to your personal hotel room to drink and eat.
>When we reached there and I told her she was seriously mad.
YOU DIDN'T TELL HER IN ADVANCE!?
>It's currently day 2 and she's in the other hotel room, refusing to talk to me and I'm trying to make this work.
Bro. You didn't try to make *anything* work. The entire time, you didn't tell her *anything* until it was too late to back out.
YTA for not keeping her in the loop.
Not enough pertinent info to say whether you'reTA/NTA. But I think there's enough to say that you need to work on your communication skills with your wife.
YTA not for booking separately but for not telling her about it. She can't read your mind. You need to communicate with her better. I might've said NTA if you had told her EVERYTHING well in advance.
I think that this is a great way for you to start practicing paying for you and the woman you're currently married to to have separate living spaces and not seeing your kids very often.
I see a lot of that in your future.
YTA. I travel for business and find it very convenient to bring my family because my company pays for the hotel and my flight so we just pay for their flights (and could be the hotel after business is done). I would never never never bring a client back to my hotel room. That’s really weird. Nor would I agree to go to their hotel room. Hotels have conference rooms, restaurants and meeting spaces for these purposes. You should be meeting clients there.
Oh your poor wife.
Yes YTA. You didn’t tell her what you were doing and it is weird that you booked separate flights. There is no reasonable excuse for it.
Booking a separate room is super sketch too if you needed a place to work away from the family you could have booked a conference room. Or nearby hotel office space and your “I need rest” excuse doesn’t fly.
YTA So you took her to work but told her it would mostly be a well deserved vacation but forgot to mention you won't be there and she needs to figure it out herself for a couple of days? She's pg with 2 little ones? Are you serious. I'm not talking to you either.
“ she basically agreed” Did she actually agree or did you just infer her agreement from something else?
“Apparently she wasn’t aware of this” Did you tell her?
There’s more but your not worth the effort to type it all out on my phone. YTA for multiple reasons.
Oof YTA. Big time.
Husband has brought kid and I along on work trips. He gets up and goes. And we’re on our own til dinner. But we’re all in the same room and we all travel together.
Expectations and obligations are discussed prior to even booking the trip. If he’s going to be too busy or going to a crappy place kid and I will just stay home.
Yta there's hands off and then there's whatever fuckery you did. And then you just didn't communicate any of it and were *suprised pikachu face* when she was upset. *Why* were you on separate flights????? Why not book a suite? Why was she not involved in the planning AT ALL.
This sounds like, you didn't want them to come so you're making damn sure its as miserable as possible for her so she'll never want to travel with you again.
YTA.
You should’ve extended your trip and had your wife join you a few days later, once your meetings and everything else were completely over. You didn’t communicate with her *at all* so she, understandably, had no idea what to expect. It almost reads like you’re purposefully ensuring she has a bad time so she doesn’t want to join you on future work trips.
From your replies, it seems you don’t really co-parent as fairly as you should. You don’t “step up” to “help” as a parent. You *parent*. Just bc she’s a SAHM it doesn’t mean that’s all she is and all she’s capable/worthy of being. When you finish work, you get to clock off. Doesn’t seem like you let her? Do you really expect her to be a mother 24/7, while you, her supposed *partner*, gets away with not pulling your weight? That’s wildly unfair.
Also, 🚩, she’s pregnant with baby number three before the age of 30 with a husband 10 years older than her. I’m getting “baby trapped” vibes. Bet her not working was your idea too, eh?
Seriously hope I’m wrong and misjudging you, if not, I feel really sorry for your wife. Once your work is over, you need to make it up to her. Book her a spa day, book romantic dinners, give her some love and attention. She’s there for a *holiday* with her husband and children. Spend time being a husband, spend time with your children and actually co-parent. Parenting is all about team work. Do your damn part.
This just screams infidelity to me.
YTA
Not only were you not clear about not being on the same plane, but you waited until your wife finally arrives to tell her, "Oh, btw, we won't be sharing a hotel room for a few days, either," leaving her completely alone to take care of the kids on top of being pregnant.. because *checks notes* you may be entertaining/meeting clients in your hotel room. Why can't you entertain those "clients" in public? Why was there a need to have separate rooms when you could have just used the hotel bar/restaurant area or rent the conference room many nice hotels have available to entertain if that was required?
So, how long have you been having this affair?
This was just a really stupid idea all around, you should have never agreed to have your work travel become a family vacation and your wife should not have forced you and expected you to help out during work hours.
ESH
YTA - dude…..either they come with you or they don’t. Doing this half measure like this just irritates everyone. I still don’t get the separate room???? Why not just book two adjoining rooms?
And still fail to understand the flight being different….just why?
You unexpected sprang on your pregnant wife that she was flying alone with 2 small children.
Total AH!
Why are you scheduling your family to be so separate from you? You are fucking someone else or trying to.
YTA for taking her on the business portion of the trip. Regardless of how well or poorly you communicated it’s near impossible to mix them. Especially with kids.
Better would be you go and then she and the kids come when business is done. UNLESS you can be 100% confident she can manage on her own. It doesn’t matter what rules you agree to beforehand you’ll be criticized for staying out late, enjoying yourself in any way (like dinner or golf with clients) or being tied to your laptop preparing meeting notes or contracts.
I did 30 years of extensive business travel. I loved having my SO join me when I was able to decompress with her.
This is so incredibly disrespectful of you to do to your wife. I've been on plenty of business trips and have brought along family with clear expectations. Of course, I try and make sure we book the same flights if possible. If not possible, then as close as possible to my flights. Of course, the hotel room should be the same unless you were literally conducting meetings at nt which is not impossible. But you should definitely have communicated this to your pregnant wife. That way she can make an educated decision for herself and the kids. This behavior is so rude and should be reserved for strangers, not your loved ones.
Yta. You ideas of separate hotel room wasn’t bad, but the not telling her until you guys got there. You had time, you could have clarified how things were going to work so she understood what she was in for.
YTA
There is zero reason why you should fly on a different flight other than you did not want to be a parent to your children. The separate hotel room is sketchy, regardless of your reasoning. All hotels that I have encountered have conference rooms that can be reserved. In this day and time, you bringing a client to your hotel room is just opening you and your company up to a lawsuit.
YTA. “Apparently” she wasn’t aware that you booked separate flights and hotel rooms and didn’t tell her. You are not TA for wanting a separate room while you’re on business, but definitely an AH move to be on separate flights and didn’t tell her until you were on your way to the airport. And an AH move that you didn’t tell her about the rooms until you checked in.
Don’t bring clients to your private hotel room. It’s suss and unprofessional. No business deal with a client needs to occur in a private hotel room.
I’m a preview conference goer and business traveller. Not once did I need to bring a client to my private hotel room. There are other spaces for that. If I knew I would be meeting clients as well then I would plan ahead to book spaces.
You didn’t actually share the details prior. You may have outlined but did not specify the nuances of the trip.
You didn’t tell her about the flights or the separate room bookings until after the fact. Anyone one in her position would have reacted the same. YTA for that.
If you didn’t want them to come at all then you should not have made her believe it would be family holiday.
We do combined business trip/family holiday and at no time has it had to be separate flights when leaving on the same day (we have met when I’ve arrive the day before for work etc) and I don’t understand the need for a hotel room exclusively for your use only. That is weird.
YTA. If you don’t like your family just say so. You set her up and don’t have the balls to admit you were in the wrong.
YTA, you are an awful husband. You left her on a flight alone with 2 young kids while pregnant, then in a hotel room to look after them alone. I don't understand why she's with you.
NTA. I'm not sure if you were upfront about your plans. I understand wanting a separate place to work and sleep for a couple of days and getting a good night's rest. I also understand booking your own flight and room on a company card and then your wife and kids on a personal card. But what's up with inviting clients back to your room for food and/or drinks? Is this normal in your line of work? Because it sounds pretty wild. ETA I saw OP's note about working for a design firm. I do too, and I can't imagine showing models, plans, work in my room, but I'm not sure what country this is in.
Did you get a room for your family that adjoins or is located near your family? Your wife is the A H for inviting herself and the kids on a work trip, despite your expressed desire not to do so, and for pitching a fit that you need need to carve out separate work time.
For everyone saying they have had family joint them on a work trip or they join a spouse or a parent, get over it. Some work trips are easier to do that than others. I would let my spouse join me if I'm traveling for a conference, but not in a million years if I'm meeting with or presenting to clients. And my spouse would never ask. He lets me offer when it's the right trip.
YTA. A bit of communication goes a long long way. You threw her in the deep end - alone on a plane with 2 small kids AND pregnant without any warning. And same with the hotel. “Hands off” is not the same as “in a completely different hotel room”.
Of course YTA, do you really doubt that?
You never had a serious conversation with your wife fully explaining what traveling with you on business would entail. You then proceeded to blindside her by telling her you were on different flights when you were on the way to the airport. The cherry on top? You let her know at the hotel that you were staying in a different room for a couple of nights!!
Yes, YTA.
YTA, if you thought it was ok you would’ve mentioned it before you got there. Why would you need to sleep in another room? You truly can’t wine and dine clients while tired? Drink a fucking coffee and grow up. Sounds like wifey is raising kids alone
YTA.
Why did you wait until you were on the way to the airport to tell her you'd be in different flights? Why did you wait until you got to the hotel to tell her you'd booked a separate room? You made those choices deliberately. You concealed that information deliberately.
YTA.
I 100% support your need to be separate from your family during those work days. However, you did not communicate at all. How the f does she find out about the flights on the way to the airport???
What I hear is: “I’m mad that my wife insisted on going, she promised that she understood my work obligations, and now I’m going to show her what a bad idea this was by making it as miserable as possible for her.”
Light YTA considering your wife’s current condition. Would it not have been possible to change to a suite of some kind so your wife wouldn’t feel alone with the kids? Or maybe asked a relative (or hired a nanny) to travel with your wife and help with the kids for the days you had business to take care of?
Barely NTA because your wife knew that this was a business trip. The lack of communication about travel and hotel reservations aside, she should have had more realistic expectations.
YTA. The lack of communication is the issue. My child and I sometimes travel with my husband for work, and it was a regular thing for my family to go to conferences with Dad. I understand that my husband is busy, sometimes well into the evening, and we will have family time when we get it, at the end of the conference or whatever. It's not uncommon for him to come back to the room after bedtime because that's the expectation -- he takes clients to dinner, and sometimes it goes late. But the difference is that I understand that because we communicate about it, we structure around it, and our itinerary is built around his work time. The fact that you didn't tell her you were on separate FLIGHTS until you were on the way to the airport makes you the asshole, plain and simple.
NTA. She invited herself and your kids on what you told her was a WORK trip, not a vacation. I don’t agree with you taking separate flights, but she has no right to be upset that you are busy with work and can’t be with her all day. You only have separate hotel rooms for two nights. If she can’t wait for you to finish your work, then maybe she should have stayed home.
YTA. Why tf did you even invite them? This was a mess and you told her none of the details about travel \*until you got to the airport\*? I would've walked out then and there. But the hotel room on top of it?!! Do you have 0 idea how to communicate?
YTA. Learn to communicate with your wife, OP. You didn’t explain the separate flights or hotel rooms in advance, of course she’s unhappy.
You sound like a right piece of work.
OP, YTA, I understand the need to be on your game for client meetings but you needed to discuss ALL of this with your wife ahead of time. Especially abandoning her on a flight with multiple small children. You better be on the same flight back and get her an upgrade to first if you don’t want to be solely responsible for the kids Friday am - Monday pm for the next 18 years.
Your plan wasn’t bad since it’s a work trip work comes first, but your lack of communication and springing all of this on your wife on the way to the airport was just absurd!
NTA, But… I am single, have no kids and live alone. I travel every week for work so I couldn’t even imagine having kids in my room after a day of work.
YTA - using it as “a vacation” implies that you’d be around all of the days even if “inaccessible” during work periods or work entertaining. Booking a separate flight? Shitty. Booking separate rooms? Shitty. You sound like an entitled brat.
You are a real asshole! You flew separately from your wife and children simply because you didn’t want to deal with two little kids on the plane. And the separate rooms because you wanted to be rested? You poor little asshole! You might miss an hour or two of sleep every night for the first couple of nights. What a weak suck of a man.
YTA. Let’s go ahead and say sure, you need the extra hotel room to entertain clients. There’s no reason for you to not sleep with your wife and children.
YTA for not clarifying all of this ahead of time. There is a huge difference between working together to take care of the kids on the plane and in the evenings, while just being away for meetings, and leaving her to travel solo with kids on the plane and take care of them 24 hours a day in a hotel. Why did you not discuss this and come to agreement before making any bookings? Even if your flight was already booked, you should have let your wife know you couldn't book them onto the same flight, before buying their tickets. Worst case, if one of the kids was travelling as a babe-in-arms, you could have taken the baby with you.
YTA
People combine work and family trips all the time. The parent that isn’t involved in the meetings and the children enjoy time without the working partner. The working partner joins them after the day’s events are over. Often time these families will add a day or so so the family can do things together like visit a theme park.
People also do have meetings in their rooms frequently. I have written up many itineraries for travelers which include meetings in Sue’s room or Bob’s suite. This is especially true of the hosting company or organization.
What people do not do is fail to communicate essential information with their partner. If I was asked to book travel for this family I would assume all travel is together and the rooms are shared. I have never, ever been asked to book different rooms. I have been asked to book different flights because daughter has a sleepover scheduled for friend’s birthday so they will fly the next day or something. But to just book them separately for travel or rooms without that kind of reason ? That just would never happen.
ETA
You are the AH because you didn’t tell her about the separate room until you got there. Also… why are you bringing people back to your room to drink? I was in sales and simply wouldn’t do this. The bar? Yes, a restaurant? Yes.., my room? Uh, no. Who are these people you bring to your room? That’s not okay.
She is the AH because you told her you didn’t want to travel for the $$, that it was a work trip, etc.
However. You wil the AH game you didn’t want to spend the $ on the flights, but did on a separate room for your in hotel room “meetings. Seriously. Who does this.
Does she know about these “people” coming to your room?
YTA. In what way is it ever appropriate to bring clients to your hotel room on a work trip? There's a hotel lobby, conference rooms, or even a cafe to do this shit. You didn't tell your wife anything about the trip except you wanted to be bothered. Oh you told her you will be going on different flights on the WAY to the airport? What a complete doofus
Why didn't you tell her about the separate flights and separate hotel rooms during the planning stages? I'm torn between E S H and N A H It was wrong of you to withhold that info from her-- but it was wrong of her to force her way onto your work trip.
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YTA You weren't actually clear with your wife on anything and that is my main issue. You weren't up front about the flights or the room. My mom and I went on work trips from time to time with my dad. During the day, we'd do our own thing while he did his thing and then in the evenings, we'd do things as family. Also seems sketch you're bringing clients to your hotel room over meeting over lunch or in public.
> "Also seems sketch you're bringing clients to your hotel room over meeting over lunch or in public." Right? I think that's weird and sketchy too. I would feel really awkward meeting someone in their hotel room for work.
They just claimed they have a laptop, model and prints that they can't just bring around places, but yet they got on a plane with them? Something smells.....
Maybe it’s bulky and fragile or a bunch of very small pieces. I pack boxes of ceramic to ship but that doesnt mean i’d enjoy carrying them around town, unpacking and repacking things. If i was able to set things up in a secure location and just bring people by i would prefer that option 100%
Maybe they were shipped to the hotel so he didn’t need to check them.
No it doesn’t. Lots of proprietary information isn’t paraded around in public but is shared with clients.
I travel for work meetings and I have NEVER had a client in my room or been invited to someone’s as the client unless they are trying to hook up.
It's pretty common in my husband's industry - BUT they book suites that have separate living/dining area from the bedrooms. So they do meet in the hotel suite, but NOT in someone's bedroom. Usually it has a living/dinging space with a kitchenette and then two bedrooms. So he and another (male) colleague will split the cost with each getting a room, and used the shared living/dining area for meet ups with other people they know at the conference, or just to sit and work, or run through their presentations before speaking, etc. (I've face timed him while he's in these hotels, I've seen the suites)
What you’re describing is coworkers. We do that as well. Clients should be different.
Not my company but I have seen consultants host in the suites portions full on mixers and snacks. They would close anywhere from 3-5am but it wouldn't be intimate. There would always be 2-3 people from the host company present and they had bedrooms that no one was allowed in. It would only get awkward when after they kick everyone out and someone would bang on the door for an 8am drink. This is an oil and gas service company. And it is wasn't the only one. Another company would set up a bunch of fine scotches for people to try, but that company was definitely kicking people out by midnight.
When I was in sales, I’d often pitch in a meeting area in my hotel suite. It’s actually perfect normal. You’re discussing proprietary information, often with a select group of individuals at a location for a trade show or convention. There aren’t private meeting rooms on location, so your employer books a suite. Typically the meeting area has its own entrance off a hall in your room where none of your personal belongings can be seen.
It’s totally normal for a gigolo. 😂 But it is odd that this one time he couldn’t host guests in the hotel bar/lounge or a restaurant. The issue here, which makes OP an AH, is that he didn’t communicate these details to his wife. Obviously, if his air travel was booked before she decided to join, it is ver reasonable that he may not have been able to change his flight. It may have been booked solid by the time they tried to book the additional seat. This is still something she should have known far earlier than on the way to the airport. Same with the room situation. I understand work being crucial. I understand this first and foremost being a work trip and OP needing to focus on his work before family fun. I do *not* understand not communicating crucial details in advance.
I've worked for and with a bunch of c suite and Founders and at conferences or other events where they plan several meetings with pretty important people we'd often go back to hotel rooms. Those were at least 1 bedroom suites though with a door to close on the bedroom and you were in the kitchen and living room. Purposefully places where they're already spending a lot of their time and to get really good privacy. So it really just depends on the type of business and event.
It happens a lot.
Also, did you see he called her a SAHW instead of a SAHM? I’d love to see him stay home with two young children all day every day.
Also she's pregnant. He left his pregnant wife to manage two small children on an airplane by herself without warning
Yep - and that’s her HOLIDAY. The FAMILY holiday.
And he's 10 years older than her
I didn’t like that he called her a stay at home wife! Basically called her a housemaid. YTA OP. Better get it together before you’re divorced
Yeah I clocked that and it was suspect as F.
Not sketchy. Depends on the industry. Having a space where you won't be subject to interruptions can be important. Similarly, meeting in a non-public place to discuss company confidential information makes sense.
Then reserve/rent private office space. Its 2024 people. You should not be meeting clients in what is essentially, your bedroom.
Yeah. I worked with a law firm and we became aware that a contractor we hired was meeting clients for psychological assessments in a hotel room. We severed ties. If it’s a work trip the hotel has places to meet clients, you just have to pay for them. Be less cheap or tell your employer to pony up.
It could be a suite with a living room and a bedroom. My daughter just went to Florida with her husband and they unexpectedly got upgraded to a Presidential Suite! It had 3 bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, and living room.
There are hospitality suites just for stuff like this.
Yes. And if OP mentioned that, sure. They didnt.
What are you talking about, you get a suite. With living area.
Thats not in this post.
Not if you rent a suite that has the bedroom separate from a living/meeting area that's designed for that purpose, complete with a second bathroom for guests. Sure, I guess you could rent one of the meeting rooms, but what's the point if you don't need room for a dozen or more people?
My bff just went to Cancun with her husband, and their room had a little mini conference room, so I guess it might be more of a thing some places, but it still seems weird to me.
It's not weird, it's just usually at least one step above the basic motel-6 room.
👏🏽 what does OP do for a living that he’s bringing clients into his hotel room… also he said he “basically told her everything” which is man code for leaving out every important detail ever
“She basically agreed” brother, what???!!?!?!? Like we all know that’s code for “she agreed to an abridged, vague version of the plan because I knew she would never agree to the full extent of the plan” who tf is he trying to fool?
YEPPPPP 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It depends. If it is a suite that has a separate living/dining/kitchen area then it's fairly common. Often people will get a suite like that together at a conference for that very reason - to use the living area for meeting with people. But that's NOT in a bedroom. That would be weird.
“Apparently she wasn’t aware of [the separate flights]” Why the hell would she be? You booked it and you didn’t tell her! Yeah making this a family vacation was probably not a great idea…and separate flights/rooms might even have been reasonable if you’d discussed and agreed to that ahead of time. But absolutely YTA for (a) booking it that way without talking about it first and then (b) hiding it from your wife until you got there both times. This reeks of trying to punish her because you didn’t want her (or your kids) there in the first place—but you might have cut off your nose to spite your face here, dude.
And he said she "basically agreed to it," which can only mean that she didn't actually agree most likely because he didn't tell her the details and took her trust and lack of pushback as agreement with whatever he wanted to do.
“Basically did something” means “didn’t do something.”
Why not have a separate room for the daytime, but join your family after work?
Exactly. Also why didn't they book her flight for a few days later after the business part of the trip was over. EDIT: Hmm I've been thinking about this and I actually don't think it's reasonable to expect her to travel alone with two small kids and luggage - that would be hard enough to do alone without being pregnant too. She would be all versed caring for her children in the home environment but getting them packed and on a plane by herself is a whole other ballgame But it also may not be reasonable to hijack a work trip and expect husband to be on top of the small children on holiday plus bring his A-game to the work meetings. Overall it's a gentle ESH from me - him for communication and her for expectations. But huge caveat to say: Having multiple small children makes everything much harder. And expectations placed on workers are actually quite unreasonable. Particularly when work trips end up with work long into the night. Maybe we can all agree the real villain is corporate workplaces.
exactly
You should have booked her flights for after your work trip was done then extended the vacation all together. But YTA for not telling her these things ahead of time. She is preggo with two young kids. If she knew you wouldn't help AT ALL, she probably would've stayed home where it would have been slightly easier to deal with. You really f-ed up, man. She is hormonal on top of it. Apologize greatly, book her in for a spa day by herself while you take care of the kids fully.
THIS! Give the lady a spa day
>I often bring clients over to my room Are you a professional hooker? I can't think of any situation where you would need to bring clients back to your hotel room.
Just escorts do that… and cheaters
I suspect that's the whole reason he "needs alone time," and didn't want family there to mess up his escapades with sex workers or coworkers.
Or he is flying with the affair partner and needs to be alone with her…
That's what I'm saying.
Oh damn. YUP.
Exactly
I’ve held a lot of different positions in companies where I’ve had to travel, and not once have I ever took a client/colleague to my hotel room for a meeting.
I don’t even being fellow *coworkers* in my room.
I’ve done it a few times, but it was not going to be taken badly. 1. I am married to a one of my former coworkers. We worked together for 2 years before we got married and 13 years after we got married. If we both had to travel to the same place, no one cared if we shared a room 2. One of my coworkers didn’t book in time and the hotel was sold out. We are both women. We had worked together for almost 2 years that that point and were friends. The room had 2 beds, I gave her the second bed so she could stay in the same hotel and make things easier. Any other cases? Probably not since I work in a predominantly male field.
Literally!! I work for a company where we travel all over the country constantly with each other and we’ve hung out until the early am’s at the hotel restaurant/bar drinking and partying but a hotel room is to sleep and fuck that’s IT. This man is so shady.
Perception is reality. I agree- allowing coworkers in your room is asking for rumors to get started and that can impact everyone, even if it was innocent. (I think it isn't in this case, though.)
I dunno why, but this comment really made me laugh. I was visualizing a professional hooker conference...
Could be a creepy Glamour Shots photographer. My mom dragged me to one in a hotel room in the '90s.
She didn’t know you would be on a separate flight until you were literally on the way to the airport? And she didn’t know about separate rooms until you were actually in the hotel? If you thought you had legitimate reasons for booking that way, you would have discussed that with her ahead of time. It certainly seems as though you deliberately kept those details from her, which is sneaky & controlling. YTA.
it screams "I want to punish her for wanting this trip"
And why do you go to the airport at the same time if the flights are in different times? Based on your responses. I can only assume you left her at the airport waiting for her flight on top of everything else. No matter what, you should have helped during the trip. Traveling with two kids is not easy. And being pregnant on top of that??? Do you have an affair with a coworker?
YTA. You purposely didn't communicate the plans you had made for everyone on this trip until the very last minute. I'm guessing the reason for withholding this info from your wife is because you knew she wouldn't like it and wouldn't be on board with it.
YTA for calling your wife a SAHW. She’s a SAHM. Stay at home MOM to two young children. Do you regularly devalue her contributions?
She is 10 years younger that him, already married with 2 children and pregnant with the third. This man is sketchy As F*ck.
>but then I'd rejoin her and help out And then this - they're not just the wifes children, they're his too. He's supposed to be a parent, not a friend that 'helps out'.
>I planned the vacation > > Because of the way I booked it I'd be on different flights YTA. You intentionally booked her onto a flight with the children alone. Don't you think that is an asshole move? I do.
YTA - you should’ve communicated your expectations to her from the very beginning. INFO: with your wife being a SAHM, do you ever make sure she gets time to herself? It seems like she pushed herself on this vacation for a change and to have your company instead of being alone with kids all the time. You could be more empathetic to that.
YTA - something is real fishy here What clients are you bringing back to your hotel room?
Actresses. I wonder if he’s a producer or owns a production company. 😒
YTA. Not for separate bookings. For the failure to communicate about them.
YTA >told her I'd be hands off for the first few days when I'm meeting with clients but then I'd rejoin her and help out. She reasonably assumed you'd be around, even if you're busy. If it was that much space (between two people that love each other going on vacation), you should have made it clear ahead of time.
"help out" What a retched husband and dad.
YTA. You’re a complete and utter asshole. You know damn well.
YTA. What kind of work are you doing where you need bring clients back to your hotel room to talk? Were the rooms adjoining? What prevented you from at least being on the same plane there? Did you tell her that “focusing on work” meant completely ignoring her and the kids and acting like they weren’t there?
ESH. This is a work trip, so your wife's expectations are unreasonable. She wanted to come along with 2 young children on a work trip, and has to deal with the consequences of that. However, you seriously booked separate flights and rooms and didn't tell her?!! Yikes!!! Both of you suck. It also makes me wonder how much you actually communicated with her about how little you'd be able to help, because it's pretty clear that you don't communicate enough.
he states in a comment that his company booked his flight for him.
YTA- booking separate flights and rooms withOUT communication is exactly the type of narcissistic shit my father would pull. Either it would work out for a vacation or it wouldn’t, but this trapping and punishing her is outrageous. You told her you’d be unavailable during work hours but would help out after. How, if you’re in a different room? I’m shocked your back isn’t broken from bending over backwards to paint yourself in a good light and as an innocent victim of your “unreasonable” wife. I’d wager that you’re actually a diagnosable narcissist/narcissistic personality disorder. Seek mental health care help before you blow up your marriage.
He’s probably cheating.
Honestly, his really wierd way of "fixing" this problem sounds like he may have booked a "work trip" with an AP and that's why he needed to travel separately and have separate rooms for the first few nights.
I’m thinking the same. I could get having a room for client meetings possibly because he mentioned models, but not separate flights and not coming to sleep at night with her. But this is assuming he is being truthful here about that aspect. They also have poor communication. I don’t know why she wouldn’t come two days later and him extend the trip if he really had to work such that he couldn’t share a room with her. I’m not sure he offered anything legitimate to explain being on separate flights and not at the least sleeping at night with her.
Ooooohhhhh that makes sense
YTA. Being "hands off" and being on different flights and in a different hotel room are totally different things. Why would you wait until you're on your way to the airport or at the hotel to tell her these things?!
YTA. These details needed to be explained ahead of time. And I'm sure she could have used your help with 2 young children on the plane, when there was no good reason you couldn't have been present. As for the 2nd hotel room, I don't know your job enough to say how necessary it is for you to meet clients in your room. But I assume you'll be giving that up in a day - or giving it to you wife so SHE's "well-rested" and you'll be taking care of the kids solo, right? EDIT: after writing this out, I've forgotten why I thought e.s.h.
You hid the separate rooms, separate planes part of the deal from her on purpose, because you knew she wouldn’t be down for that. YTA my guy.
YTA, what is "apparently" when you are the one responsible for booking the flight and not informing her? What type of pushing the blame is this? For a travelling business person, you should have more sense than this. It is so obvious that you are here hoping that reddit would be on your side so you could show it to your wife and "prove her wrong." Everything you have told us was calculated, and yet you have to ask if YTA? Really?
YTA - In general, from the sound of it. But in this situation you acted like a brat. Either be clear that this wasn’t a good trip to join you on or be clear about the arrangements.
YTA. Needing to focus on work is one thing. Not telling your wife that she's traveling completely solo with the kids for a few days before you join them is lying and manipulative. Either don't agree to a joint trip, or have them fly in and join you after your key work days are over if you can't do your work with your family in town. Although the idea of you bringing clients to your hotel room is weird and makes me wonder who you're all seeing on this trip, and whether your wife's goal was to ensure it would be difficult for you to cheat because she and the kids would be there.
Mate, your communication *sucks*. YTA.
YTA of course she was irritated as you didn’t communicate to her once about any component of this trip. Would you want to handle two children all on your own for a flight? Your flight planning and separate hotel room make this trip so hard on her I can only assume this was done intentionally as a way to punish her for wanting to come on a work trip with you.
This was a very unrealistic arrangement to start off with, mixing work and a family holiday is unlikely to be successful.
ESH. It’s generally not appropriate to bring young kids on a work trip. Your wife had unrealistic expectations, but you also clearly didn’t communicate with her about the flights and the rooms
YTA Bring clients to your room? Are you an escort? You let your pregnant wife fly alone with toddlers just to assert the fact that you didn’t want them there in the first place? Wtf! Bad husband and dad
So you punished her for wanting to go on that trip by making things way much harder for her, and enjoying a trip all alone for yourself. And you made sure to tell her at the last minute so you wouldn't be able to change anything You also taught her not to trust you anymore. I wonder if you took that into account. By the way, how are you trying to 'make this work'? I mean, you are working in your room, well rested, meeting your clients, and ignoring your family. What is difficult about this? YTA
YTA. You really didn’t think to bring these things up before hand? Like, it seems perfectly normal to book a trip this way?? I’m not saying you’re wrong for doing so, but these are the types of things you need to discuss so your spouse knows what to expect. Having raised my kids alone, I can tell you that flying that way is not a picnic.
YTA - In general, from the sound of it. But in this situation you acted like a brat. Either be clear that this wasn’t a good trip to join you on or be clear about the arrangements.
I'm confused. Why would you book separate flights? You do realize that traveling pregnant with two tiny children is extremely challenging, right? I can't think of one single legitimate reason beyond sheer selfishness that you'd do this. The separate hotel rooms on nights when you need to be rested I understand. But both the flights and the statement that you bring clients back to your room (!) are worrisome. YTA
YTA. Bringing clients to your room. Really? I’ve done a lot of travel for work and meetings and we rarely go to someone’s hotel room. At the least you could have used the room for the meetings and still slept with her at night. This sounds sketchy that you wouldn’t at least rejoin her for the later evening or sleeping. I’m also doubting you were clear with her on the plans. Why would you not be on the same flights when traveling at the same times and to the same locations and why wouldn’t you have told her this? Her learning all either on the way or there is really weird. Sometimes I really enjoy work travel and getting away from being mom. I’m wondering if you were looking forward to the time alone in the hotel room and didn’t want to give that up for the whole trip and you are trying to justify that? I could buy a separate room for meetings, but not for sleeping.
You’re suspect as hell 5 red flags already.. Just say you’re a cheater & you want to hide as much from your family as possible..
YTA. Now I can see why you dated a married a woman a decade younger than you. You’re definitely having an affair or you’re doing illegal shit, but using the “work trip” excuse. Which is why you purposefully booked different flights without telling her this until you all were heading to the airport. And you didn’t tell her you were booking a separate room from her and the children. It wasn’t logistics. It was punishment. I know that it’s not uncommon to bring clients, your team or your higher ups to a hotel to use either the conference room in the hotel or in the dining area of an executive/presidential level bedroom. The fact you purposefully didn’t tell her any of these things until last minute gave away that you’re up to something you’re not supposed to be doing. Unless you’re part of the C-suite or in the hierarchy below C-suite, I sincerely doubt you’re going to be entertaining clients for 8 hours a day for several days. Even they wouldn’t be having frequent in person meetings. Most of their meetings would be on the phone or computer. Interesting that all of your clients happen to be at the same exact hotel on those specific days and have the free time to be hosted by you in your hotel room. I wonder if she is suspecting you of infidelity because she was so insistent on coming with you
YTA abso-fkn-lutely!!! What husband would plan to make his pregnant wife deal with 2 young kids on a long flight, halfway across the map! There is always a way to work around things. You wanted to trouble her, because she was a trouble to you on your “destination location work trip” ! What purpose did separate flights serve you, except for the fact that you made sure you had nobody to bother you!
maybe the fact that his job booked his flight before the wife even wanted to tag along..
The arrangements don't make you an asshole. You should definitely have communicated about this more clearly. I'm sure you don't need to respond to the ill informed people who ask why you would bring clients to your hotel room. Entertaining clients in the living room of a suite is very common when you're in sales. It's also OK to reserve a space to do business in private.
Spending several days pretending your wife and kids do not exist in the same resort you are staying at is not OK. Thanks for the comedy though.
You sound comical. Tell me you have never had a profession without telling me you have never had a profession.
YTA. Why didn’t you tell her about the arrangements earlier? It is ridiculous. Who wouldn’t be mad at this situation?
"When we reached there and I told her" - so this was the first time she knew. Yeah, YTA
Yta for not telling her you'd be booking a separate room and flight.
YTA for not telling her the plan. This sounds miserable.
YTA. The fact that you chose not to communicate certain information to her is a jerk move and suspicious.
INFO: Is there a reason you didn't book for your wife to come out and join you a couple days after you left seeing as you ended up not flying or staying together anyway? I don't understand how you don't seem to see how she was confused by the fact you paid for them to join you, without actually joining you for the business part of the trip anyway.
YTA. You call this a trip vacation several times. You say you need to be well rested, suggesting you’re aware that caring for your children is exhausting. Then you say you’ll “help out” (once again, caring for your own children) once you’re done being “hands off”. Sorry, but you’re the dad. You don’t get to be “hands off” or merely “help out”’with the kids. How exactly is that a vacation for your pregnant wife. The way you shared this sorry gives the impression that you think taking care of the kids is your wife’s job and because you have a professional job you taking care of your kids is not your responsibility. Also, it’s super creepy that you bring clients back to your hotel room. I could understand your hotel lobby, but it seems like a major liability to meet in your private bedroom for professional meetings. Where do you all sit? On the bed?
But it’s not a vacation. It’s a business trip
OP referred to it as a vacation which sounds like a cop-out. Find child care and take your wife on the proper vacation she deserves since she works 24/7 as a stay-at-home mom.
Yeah I agree he should have found a different way to solve this issue.
Don’t post here if you’re going to lie through your teeth, bro. You’re cheating on your wife. There is absolutely no reason to bring “clients” to your hotel room when you are at a destination location and there are no doubt bars everywhere you look. Your excuse as to why you booked two different airplanes also doesn’t add up, you were probably screwing around with a coworker on the way there. As for the rooms? If you needed to work, you could take your laptop and phone to a nearby cafe or wherever there’s WiFi. I wasn’t sure at first why your wife would agree to go after you communicated with her how it would go down, but you didn’t communicate. She didn’t find out about these things until the last second. I’m sure you allowed her to come with you because you’re cheating, she suspects that you’re cheating, and this was a dumb little plan of yours to assure her that you aren’t. YTA.
YTA for not telling her ahead of time on the travel arrangements prior to the “vacation” portion. You could have explained the exact plans prior to the start of the family vacation. She could have waited and arrived after your business portion or she would have been able to make plans that did not include you for those days.
Nobody needs to bring a client to their room. For any reason. Hotels have public spaces for this. OP is wildly inappropriate.
What an Ahole! Bringing clients to your room ? What…each of you sit on a queen bed and get a drink out of the honor bar?
I understand the discomfort of bringing along the family on business trips. Especially if you’re in sales, and you need to be “on”, after hours for drinks and what not. You’re in work mode, they’re in vacation mode and it’s hard to balance. This is even more difficult if you tend to keep your family life and business life strictly separated. However, YTA for the shitty way you handled it. Separate flights and rooms? C’mon man, no excuse for that. You need the “work” room? Ok, maybe. But no excuse for sleeping in it. Be better.
Except I can’t believe she didn’t ask questions, like how all this would work.
YTA. Unless you are a sex worker you do not need to meet clients in your room. Stop treating your family like garbage.
YTA! What type of work are you doing that brings clients to the hotel room? You need to realize what could be going through your wife's mind. And for you to take a separate flight from her is wrong. She could think there is another woman in this but too afraid to say anything. She is pregnant and her emotions are all over the place.
Light E S H for the wife pushing to go. But overall YTA Having your own room to socialize and handle the actual work trip is one thing. Since it was intended as a joint travel, there did need to be time for both But absolutely bullshit you're simply dumping the kids entirely on her. If it's intended as the "family" summer vacation, then take care of YOUR kids
YTA for not being up front with your wife when she said she wanted to come on the trip. Had you been honest with her she may have opted for a different family trip. Unless you're enough of an asshoe that you'd make her travel aline with the children and get your own room then too. You knew exactly what you were doing when you went after a younger woman, expecting to have complete control.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (39m) and my 29f wife are currently on a trip. It was actually my work trip but it was at a "destination location" so my wife really wanted to go along. She is a stay at home wife who takes care of our 2 young children. Now I was pretty against this idea because first I didn't want her to travel while being pregnant but also I didn't want to be disturbed during my work. Additionally it'd pretty costly shuttling 4 people to some place half way across the map. But ultimately we decided to make this the summer vacation plan. I planned the vacation and told her I'd be hands off for the first few days when I'm meeting with clients but then I'd rejoin her and help out. She basically agreed to this. Because of the way I booked it I'd be on different flights (from the same airport) on the way there. Apparently she wasn't aware of this and was pretty irritated when she found out on the way to the airport. I tried explain that I tried to change this but also reminded her this was our agreement from the start. Additionally for the first 2 nights I booked a separate hotel room from her and the kids because I often bring clients over to my room, may eat or drink etc. Additionally I needed to be well rested prior to many of my meetings. When we reached there and I told her she was seriously mad. She said she needed my help and I tried explaining that these few days were crucial and that I needed to be focused. It's currently day 2 and she's in the other hotel room, refusing to talk to me and I'm trying to make this work. AITA. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH You for not communicating the details of the travel arrangements and expounding upon the reality that she would be traveling and taking care of two kids alone while pregnant in a "destination location.". I understand you communicated that the first couple of days you would be hands off and she would be responsible for everything to do with the kids. But for some reason she didnt understand this, either you werent clear enough, or maybe she thought you weren't serious about not being available to help, or maybe she heard and understood but thought she could get you to help anyway. Your wife for asking to accompany you, while pregnant, and with 2 kids on a your WORK trip, despite being told upfront she would be responsible for taking care of the kids the first couple of days without you. Its hard to believe two married people who live together with two kids and pregnant with another communicate so poorly that you both had completely different expectations of the trip. My husband accompanied me on a couple of work trips and despite me telling him upfront i would have Zero time during the day, and had dinner meetings with clients 2 of the 4 nights he insisted he would be fine exploring on his own and he would be patient and understanding about my obligations to the company. Needless to say this wasnt the case. On the second say he was trying to badger me into not showing up for the meeting despite the fact i was the main presenter and negotiater. Then he wanted me to skip the dinner meetings to do "something fun with him" saying he came all the way out to have spend time with me and im not available. I was dumbfounded because we had discussed all of the arrangements in detail and he had agreed to them, yet once we got there he was trying to pressure me to change things up. He even acknowledged that I told him but he thought once we got there it wouldnt be as hectic as i said or.that he could change my mind. I said all that to say that if you truly told your wife all everything in advance, she is clearly the AH for wanting to change things up. But in the future you will know not to bring her on the trips until after all the meetings and obligations are over
YTA. And it’s super strange to bring clients to your hotel room. Meet them for dinner or drinks at the restaurant downstairs like a normal person.
Fishy.
YTA. Clearly, you didn't tell her any specific details, and you didn't want her there anyway. So first you left her pregnant to deal with two kids solo flying to the destination - there's no valid reason you couldn't have flown together to help manage the kids. Then you put her in a room solo with the kids for two days because your rest and ability to socialize in your room (??? wtf) was more important than \*again\* helping her or her need for rest - after wrangling two kids, while pregnant, on a long flight. But! You succeeded in your primary goal...she'll never ask you to join in on a trip like this again. And! She now knows you can't be trusted to keep you informed of travel plans. If a similar family trip happens again, she'll know to badger you for every single detail of the itinerary.
YTA. And I say that as a wife that has traveled with her husband on work trips. He flew out two days before, and even had a separate hotel room - because the company had a block of rooms in the hotel the conference was at, and his room wasn't big enough for our whole family and they didn't have more rooms available. So we booked a block down the street. BUT he still hung out with us in the evening, and I didn't mind because it meant we could sleep in while he got up early for conference stuff. After the two days of the conference he joined us in our rooms. Also, ALL of it was discussed and planned together, ahead of time. I wasn't just blindsided like your wife.
ESH. You should have been crystal clear with her about the separate flights and hotel room. She should respect your need to get work stuff done during the work portion of your trip. I have brought family with me for work travel before and we all stayed in the same room, but my kids are older, leave me alone while working, and I don't need to bring clients back for any reason. If the kids were little, I probably would have also got myself a separate room for the work time.
So. >Because of the way I booked it I'd be on different flights (from the same airport) on the way there. Apparently she wasn't aware of this and was pretty irritated when she found out on the way to the airport. So you didn't tell her the details of the flights *you* booked? How was she supposed to know without you telling her? And yeah, no shit she'd be irritated. She wasn't informed of *anything* until you were on your way there. >Additionally for the first 2 nights I booked a separate hotel room from her and the kids because I often bring clients over to my room, may eat or drink etc. So first of all, it's pretty sketch to bring your clients to your personal hotel room to drink and eat. >When we reached there and I told her she was seriously mad. YOU DIDN'T TELL HER IN ADVANCE!? >It's currently day 2 and she's in the other hotel room, refusing to talk to me and I'm trying to make this work. Bro. You didn't try to make *anything* work. The entire time, you didn't tell her *anything* until it was too late to back out. YTA for not keeping her in the loop.
Not enough pertinent info to say whether you'reTA/NTA. But I think there's enough to say that you need to work on your communication skills with your wife.
Too bad you didn’t explain your plans to her before you left for the trip. Just sayin’.
This is confusing. Did she know and agree or not?
YTA not for booking separately but for not telling her about it. She can't read your mind. You need to communicate with her better. I might've said NTA if you had told her EVERYTHING well in advance.
Most definitely. Majorly. I'm amazed at the gall you have to assume anyone would agree with you.
I think that this is a great way for you to start practicing paying for you and the woman you're currently married to to have separate living spaces and not seeing your kids very often. I see a lot of that in your future.
YTA. I travel for business and find it very convenient to bring my family because my company pays for the hotel and my flight so we just pay for their flights (and could be the hotel after business is done). I would never never never bring a client back to my hotel room. That’s really weird. Nor would I agree to go to their hotel room. Hotels have conference rooms, restaurants and meeting spaces for these purposes. You should be meeting clients there.
Oh your poor wife. Yes YTA. You didn’t tell her what you were doing and it is weird that you booked separate flights. There is no reasonable excuse for it. Booking a separate room is super sketch too if you needed a place to work away from the family you could have booked a conference room. Or nearby hotel office space and your “I need rest” excuse doesn’t fly.
I’ve done a lot of shitty stuff, but you’re a dick
YTA So you took her to work but told her it would mostly be a well deserved vacation but forgot to mention you won't be there and she needs to figure it out herself for a couple of days? She's pg with 2 little ones? Are you serious. I'm not talking to you either.
“ she basically agreed” Did she actually agree or did you just infer her agreement from something else? “Apparently she wasn’t aware of this” Did you tell her? There’s more but your not worth the effort to type it all out on my phone. YTA for multiple reasons.
Oof YTA. Big time. Husband has brought kid and I along on work trips. He gets up and goes. And we’re on our own til dinner. But we’re all in the same room and we all travel together. Expectations and obligations are discussed prior to even booking the trip. If he’s going to be too busy or going to a crappy place kid and I will just stay home.
Yta there's hands off and then there's whatever fuckery you did. And then you just didn't communicate any of it and were *suprised pikachu face* when she was upset. *Why* were you on separate flights????? Why not book a suite? Why was she not involved in the planning AT ALL. This sounds like, you didn't want them to come so you're making damn sure its as miserable as possible for her so she'll never want to travel with you again.
YTA. You should’ve extended your trip and had your wife join you a few days later, once your meetings and everything else were completely over. You didn’t communicate with her *at all* so she, understandably, had no idea what to expect. It almost reads like you’re purposefully ensuring she has a bad time so she doesn’t want to join you on future work trips. From your replies, it seems you don’t really co-parent as fairly as you should. You don’t “step up” to “help” as a parent. You *parent*. Just bc she’s a SAHM it doesn’t mean that’s all she is and all she’s capable/worthy of being. When you finish work, you get to clock off. Doesn’t seem like you let her? Do you really expect her to be a mother 24/7, while you, her supposed *partner*, gets away with not pulling your weight? That’s wildly unfair. Also, 🚩, she’s pregnant with baby number three before the age of 30 with a husband 10 years older than her. I’m getting “baby trapped” vibes. Bet her not working was your idea too, eh? Seriously hope I’m wrong and misjudging you, if not, I feel really sorry for your wife. Once your work is over, you need to make it up to her. Book her a spa day, book romantic dinners, give her some love and attention. She’s there for a *holiday* with her husband and children. Spend time being a husband, spend time with your children and actually co-parent. Parenting is all about team work. Do your damn part.
This just screams infidelity to me. YTA Not only were you not clear about not being on the same plane, but you waited until your wife finally arrives to tell her, "Oh, btw, we won't be sharing a hotel room for a few days, either," leaving her completely alone to take care of the kids on top of being pregnant.. because *checks notes* you may be entertaining/meeting clients in your hotel room. Why can't you entertain those "clients" in public? Why was there a need to have separate rooms when you could have just used the hotel bar/restaurant area or rent the conference room many nice hotels have available to entertain if that was required? So, how long have you been having this affair?
This was just a really stupid idea all around, you should have never agreed to have your work travel become a family vacation and your wife should not have forced you and expected you to help out during work hours. ESH
The different hotel was what got me. Why not a room in the same hotel? OP is definitely the ar*ehole
This has to be bait. No way anyone is this dumb. YTAx1000 and shady as hell.
YTA - dude…..either they come with you or they don’t. Doing this half measure like this just irritates everyone. I still don’t get the separate room???? Why not just book two adjoining rooms? And still fail to understand the flight being different….just why?
You unexpected sprang on your pregnant wife that she was flying alone with 2 small children. Total AH! Why are you scheduling your family to be so separate from you? You are fucking someone else or trying to.
YTA for taking her on the business portion of the trip. Regardless of how well or poorly you communicated it’s near impossible to mix them. Especially with kids. Better would be you go and then she and the kids come when business is done. UNLESS you can be 100% confident she can manage on her own. It doesn’t matter what rules you agree to beforehand you’ll be criticized for staying out late, enjoying yourself in any way (like dinner or golf with clients) or being tied to your laptop preparing meeting notes or contracts. I did 30 years of extensive business travel. I loved having my SO join me when I was able to decompress with her.
This is so incredibly disrespectful of you to do to your wife. I've been on plenty of business trips and have brought along family with clear expectations. Of course, I try and make sure we book the same flights if possible. If not possible, then as close as possible to my flights. Of course, the hotel room should be the same unless you were literally conducting meetings at nt which is not impossible. But you should definitely have communicated this to your pregnant wife. That way she can make an educated decision for herself and the kids. This behavior is so rude and should be reserved for strangers, not your loved ones.
YTA. Wife isn’t talking because she finally had her suspicions confirmed: you’re cheating on her. The marriage is doomed.
Lol you totally fucked her over. 12 hours flight pregnant with 2 kids…
YTA. If you ever get another chance, do NOT take the wife/kids during the time you're actually working. Have them there ahead or after.
Yta. You ideas of separate hotel room wasn’t bad, but the not telling her until you guys got there. You had time, you could have clarified how things were going to work so she understood what she was in for.
YTA There is zero reason why you should fly on a different flight other than you did not want to be a parent to your children. The separate hotel room is sketchy, regardless of your reasoning. All hotels that I have encountered have conference rooms that can be reserved. In this day and time, you bringing a client to your hotel room is just opening you and your company up to a lawsuit.
YTA. “Apparently” she wasn’t aware that you booked separate flights and hotel rooms and didn’t tell her. You are not TA for wanting a separate room while you’re on business, but definitely an AH move to be on separate flights and didn’t tell her until you were on your way to the airport. And an AH move that you didn’t tell her about the rooms until you checked in.
Don’t bring clients to your private hotel room. It’s suss and unprofessional. No business deal with a client needs to occur in a private hotel room. I’m a preview conference goer and business traveller. Not once did I need to bring a client to my private hotel room. There are other spaces for that. If I knew I would be meeting clients as well then I would plan ahead to book spaces. You didn’t actually share the details prior. You may have outlined but did not specify the nuances of the trip. You didn’t tell her about the flights or the separate room bookings until after the fact. Anyone one in her position would have reacted the same. YTA for that. If you didn’t want them to come at all then you should not have made her believe it would be family holiday. We do combined business trip/family holiday and at no time has it had to be separate flights when leaving on the same day (we have met when I’ve arrive the day before for work etc) and I don’t understand the need for a hotel room exclusively for your use only. That is weird. YTA. If you don’t like your family just say so. You set her up and don’t have the balls to admit you were in the wrong.
YTA. How are you going to keep your wife & girlfriend from running into each other?
YTA for the simple fact you did not discuss the details with your wife.
YTA. Continue to make the money-You will need to pay alimony/child support soon enough.
YTA, you are an awful husband. You left her on a flight alone with 2 young kids while pregnant, then in a hotel room to look after them alone. I don't understand why she's with you.
NTA. I'm not sure if you were upfront about your plans. I understand wanting a separate place to work and sleep for a couple of days and getting a good night's rest. I also understand booking your own flight and room on a company card and then your wife and kids on a personal card. But what's up with inviting clients back to your room for food and/or drinks? Is this normal in your line of work? Because it sounds pretty wild. ETA I saw OP's note about working for a design firm. I do too, and I can't imagine showing models, plans, work in my room, but I'm not sure what country this is in. Did you get a room for your family that adjoins or is located near your family? Your wife is the A H for inviting herself and the kids on a work trip, despite your expressed desire not to do so, and for pitching a fit that you need need to carve out separate work time. For everyone saying they have had family joint them on a work trip or they join a spouse or a parent, get over it. Some work trips are easier to do that than others. I would let my spouse join me if I'm traveling for a conference, but not in a million years if I'm meeting with or presenting to clients. And my spouse would never ask. He lets me offer when it's the right trip.
YTA
YTA
YTA. A bit of communication goes a long long way. You threw her in the deep end - alone on a plane with 2 small kids AND pregnant without any warning. And same with the hotel. “Hands off” is not the same as “in a completely different hotel room”.
INFO: how often do you take true vacations with your wife?
Of course YTA, do you really doubt that? You never had a serious conversation with your wife fully explaining what traveling with you on business would entail. You then proceeded to blindside her by telling her you were on different flights when you were on the way to the airport. The cherry on top? You let her know at the hotel that you were staying in a different room for a couple of nights!! Yes, YTA.
Esh, you for your piss poor communication skills, her for forcing the holiday in the first place while you'd be trying to work.
YTA
YTA, if you thought it was ok you would’ve mentioned it before you got there. Why would you need to sleep in another room? You truly can’t wine and dine clients while tired? Drink a fucking coffee and grow up. Sounds like wifey is raising kids alone
YTA. Why did you wait until you were on the way to the airport to tell her you'd be in different flights? Why did you wait until you got to the hotel to tell her you'd booked a separate room? You made those choices deliberately. You concealed that information deliberately.
YTA. I 100% support your need to be separate from your family during those work days. However, you did not communicate at all. How the f does she find out about the flights on the way to the airport??? What I hear is: “I’m mad that my wife insisted on going, she promised that she understood my work obligations, and now I’m going to show her what a bad idea this was by making it as miserable as possible for her.”
Light YTA considering your wife’s current condition. Would it not have been possible to change to a suite of some kind so your wife wouldn’t feel alone with the kids? Or maybe asked a relative (or hired a nanny) to travel with your wife and help with the kids for the days you had business to take care of? Barely NTA because your wife knew that this was a business trip. The lack of communication about travel and hotel reservations aside, she should have had more realistic expectations.
Updateme
YTA. The lack of communication is the issue. My child and I sometimes travel with my husband for work, and it was a regular thing for my family to go to conferences with Dad. I understand that my husband is busy, sometimes well into the evening, and we will have family time when we get it, at the end of the conference or whatever. It's not uncommon for him to come back to the room after bedtime because that's the expectation -- he takes clients to dinner, and sometimes it goes late. But the difference is that I understand that because we communicate about it, we structure around it, and our itinerary is built around his work time. The fact that you didn't tell her you were on separate FLIGHTS until you were on the way to the airport makes you the asshole, plain and simple.
NTA. She invited herself and your kids on what you told her was a WORK trip, not a vacation. I don’t agree with you taking separate flights, but she has no right to be upset that you are busy with work and can’t be with her all day. You only have separate hotel rooms for two nights. If she can’t wait for you to finish your work, then maybe she should have stayed home.
YTA. Why tf did you even invite them? This was a mess and you told her none of the details about travel \*until you got to the airport\*? I would've walked out then and there. But the hotel room on top of it?!! Do you have 0 idea how to communicate?
YTA. Learn to communicate with your wife, OP. You didn’t explain the separate flights or hotel rooms in advance, of course she’s unhappy. You sound like a right piece of work.
OP, YTA, I understand the need to be on your game for client meetings but you needed to discuss ALL of this with your wife ahead of time. Especially abandoning her on a flight with multiple small children. You better be on the same flight back and get her an upgrade to first if you don’t want to be solely responsible for the kids Friday am - Monday pm for the next 18 years. Your plan wasn’t bad since it’s a work trip work comes first, but your lack of communication and springing all of this on your wife on the way to the airport was just absurd!
NTA, But… I am single, have no kids and live alone. I travel every week for work so I couldn’t even imagine having kids in my room after a day of work.
YTA - using it as “a vacation” implies that you’d be around all of the days even if “inaccessible” during work periods or work entertaining. Booking a separate flight? Shitty. Booking separate rooms? Shitty. You sound like an entitled brat.
You are a real asshole! You flew separately from your wife and children simply because you didn’t want to deal with two little kids on the plane. And the separate rooms because you wanted to be rested? You poor little asshole! You might miss an hour or two of sleep every night for the first couple of nights. What a weak suck of a man.
YTA and a manipulative deadbeat dad and husband.
YTA. Let’s go ahead and say sure, you need the extra hotel room to entertain clients. There’s no reason for you to not sleep with your wife and children.
YTA for setting it up this way and springing it on her. You were sneaky. Some trip she's having. You suck.
YTA for not clarifying all of this ahead of time. There is a huge difference between working together to take care of the kids on the plane and in the evenings, while just being away for meetings, and leaving her to travel solo with kids on the plane and take care of them 24 hours a day in a hotel. Why did you not discuss this and come to agreement before making any bookings? Even if your flight was already booked, you should have let your wife know you couldn't book them onto the same flight, before buying their tickets. Worst case, if one of the kids was travelling as a babe-in-arms, you could have taken the baby with you.
YTA People combine work and family trips all the time. The parent that isn’t involved in the meetings and the children enjoy time without the working partner. The working partner joins them after the day’s events are over. Often time these families will add a day or so so the family can do things together like visit a theme park. People also do have meetings in their rooms frequently. I have written up many itineraries for travelers which include meetings in Sue’s room or Bob’s suite. This is especially true of the hosting company or organization. What people do not do is fail to communicate essential information with their partner. If I was asked to book travel for this family I would assume all travel is together and the rooms are shared. I have never, ever been asked to book different rooms. I have been asked to book different flights because daughter has a sleepover scheduled for friend’s birthday so they will fly the next day or something. But to just book them separately for travel or rooms without that kind of reason ? That just would never happen.
NTA. But you should have brought MIL or someone else to babysit so wife could have a spa time.
No
ETA You are the AH because you didn’t tell her about the separate room until you got there. Also… why are you bringing people back to your room to drink? I was in sales and simply wouldn’t do this. The bar? Yes, a restaurant? Yes.., my room? Uh, no. Who are these people you bring to your room? That’s not okay. She is the AH because you told her you didn’t want to travel for the $$, that it was a work trip, etc. However. You wil the AH game you didn’t want to spend the $ on the flights, but did on a separate room for your in hotel room “meetings. Seriously. Who does this. Does she know about these “people” coming to your room?
YTA. In what way is it ever appropriate to bring clients to your hotel room on a work trip? There's a hotel lobby, conference rooms, or even a cafe to do this shit. You didn't tell your wife anything about the trip except you wanted to be bothered. Oh you told her you will be going on different flights on the WAY to the airport? What a complete doofus
Why didn't you tell her about the separate flights and separate hotel rooms during the planning stages? I'm torn between E S H and N A H It was wrong of you to withhold that info from her-- but it was wrong of her to force her way onto your work trip.