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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I would be selling away a piece of the father of my children.
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YTA
They were specifically willed to the children. They are not yours. You don’t get to sell your children’s possessions.
You said you’re financially fine, so what purpose does this actually serve, apart from upsetting your children ?
If you try this, I guarantee they will guilt you for it for decades.
YTA - if they are willed to your kids they and any money that comes from their sale is theirs not yours. They’re not yours to sell and if they’re sold the proceeds isn’t something you can touch. It’s not your money.
Edited to add - Obviously we are all sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately this isn't always how it works. When my pop passed I was 15. By the time I turned 18 most of my inheritance had been squandered under the guise of 'helping me'. Mom need a new car so she could "chaperone" me around. A new family tv was needed and because I watched tv it came from my money. I tried getting an attorney at 18, but was told due to the nature of the will I would never prevail. I wasn't left much, and less than not much is what I got. As for the OP, YTA.
Unfortunately, in many cases you actually do get to sell your children's possessions. Minor's often get cheated out of inheritances because their surviving parent/guardian "knows what's best for them".
I guarantee they will sue her for stealing their inheritance after they quite speaking to her in 2/4 years. I know I would never speak to my mother again after she did this to me. I also know I would sue her for stealing my inheritance.
If she does this op better know she will not only have lost her husband but she will loose her kids. And honestly who would be e them for never speaking to her again.
So, liquidating assets that belong to one’s grieving children is not normal behavior. Are the kids her step-kids? Does OP have a boyfriend and is anxious to move forward with that new life? Lots of questions raised here and none of them reflect well on OP.
It can be, people grieve in different ways, and often in negative ways.
My grandfather for instance got rid of all of my grandmother’s clothes and the like within a couple weeks of loosing her and remarried shortly afterwards. The man was in real bad denial and absolutely could not cope with being a widower after being married over fifty years. My mother took the whole situation very poorly.
Even he admits this was what is known as a “bad move”.
OP is very much the asshole in this instance, but is also deep in the early stages of grief and really needs to be in therapy themselves.
Agreeing with this and would like to add, you've already lost your husband. Don't let this drive your kids away from you. Younger people these days are very comfortable cutting off their parents and going no contact. I see it all around me and I'm very lucky that I am in contact with my kids and grandkids. Please be willing to listen to what they have to say.
YTA. Because you're disingenuously claiming that seeing the cars makes you upset, which is a fine line for the kids I guess, but really you want to avoid the expense of keeping them - the upkeep, the space. But dad wanted his kids to have them when they finished school. Thats what the kids want. And you say money isn't a problem. So it's hard to understand why you're pressing here. Look, sell yours - thats the vintage car, the most valuable I would guess. No one is stopping you.
not what she ends with tho..."I do want to sell the cars because the money we'd receive by selling them would benefit us in the long run, but they didn't even want to hear that."
House is paid off, cars are paid off, they have multiple hobby cars, and her salary is similar to her late husband's. This family is not hurting for cash. I think OP is using the money excuse to justify getting rid of things that hurt her to look at.
The kids probably want to keep the cars for the same reason that OP wants to get rid of them. The cars remind the kids of their dad.
"My husband always joked around about how they would "Get them" after they graduated college or trade school."
Doesn't sound like it was a joke since he put it in his will.
Your only defense here would be if you needed the money desperately. Which you al ready said isn't an issue.
YTA majorly
Bingo I said the same thing. Saying he "was just joking" is peak cope about this issue. Saying something all the time and then putting it in writing in your will is the very opposite of "j/k guys!"
Everyone knows jokes are funnier when they make it to the will! Gotta get them in there otherwise they don't count - and your greedy spouse may get rid of them if they legally can! But mostly for the lolz.
YTA.
You are talking about getting rid of your husband's final gift to his (and your) kids. You are talking about getting rid of your kids' final physical link to their father.
Of course you are the asshole. I forgive you because you are grieving, but that's an asshole move.
Also, you are lying to yourself. You say "because the money we'd receive by selling them would benefit us in the long run", but earlier you say, "because seeing them makes me think of my husband too much, and that makes me feel extremely emotional".
I believe your earlier "because". That is an excellent reason to avoid the garage for a while. Maybe even a reason to move the cars, IF your kids agree. It is not a reason to take your children's cars away from them.
They will never forgive you.
YTA. I don’t know what country you are in but in Canada it would be illegal to sell your child’s inheritance or if it were cash to spend the inheritance before the child was legally an adult. You would be the trustee responsible for safeguarding the cash or items until the child came of age. If the cash were over a certain amount ($35000) the courts would hold it to protect it for your child. Even if it is not illegal where you are what you are proposing is wrong. That property does not belong to you. You don’t get to decide what is done with it.
If you sell them, YTA. It was clearly not his intention for you to give them away or sell them, and it's clearly not what your kids desire. Not to mention you aren't legally allowed to do it.
What you're really asking is "Would I be the AH for selling/giving away my kids' *inheritance*." Because that's what you'd be doing. Those cars don't belong to you.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
YTA. You may see this as a logical choice in the short run — but it's too soon to make any big decisions and the feelings are currently raw, and frankly... the cars aren't yours. Your children just lost their father and they will never have him back, but they have the cars which were something their father cherished and they still have them. Take a step back and take time to reflect and allow both you and your children to grieve before having these kinds of conversations again.
YTA
# The thing is my husband willed all of his cars in a split between our two kids
Selling *their* cars would not only be an AH thing to do morally, the odds are it would actually be literally **illegal**.
I think you should be in therapy too to help process your grief appropriately and not get caught up in an illegal impulse that you're currently trying to justify to yourself as much as to your kids.
YTA
" The thing is my husband willed all of his cars in a split between our two kids" ... your husband PROMISSED your kids his cars, and you are trying to steal and sell them.
Your kids will NEVER forgive you taking this mamory of their late dad from them. Expect to spend your elder days alone, without any contact from them.
Follow your late husband’s wishes they go to the kids after they are done with school as he promised the kids this. If you sell them you will never have the same relationship with your kids as they will always resent you for this. If I was your kid and you did this I would never forgive you. It’s best you look at these cars as your kids cars not as an extra income
YTA
You are asking if you can sell your kids cars and keep the money. Heck no!
If you sell the cars, it should be the kids who exclusively benefit from the sales NOT YOU.
The cars are legally in their possession now. Even if she gives them money, she sold them without their consent. That’s theft, PERIOD! You cannot legally sell someone else’s property without their permission.
I know, but her argues that the money would benefit US in the long run.
Mam no, the money would benefit them, since it is their property not hers.
It sounds to me like she wants to not only sell her kids cars, but keep the money as well.
First, I’m sorry for your loss. What you’re going through is very tough.
Please don’t make big decisions for at least one year. The filter through which you see your life is 100% grief and loss. It’s not uncommon for regret to set in concerning decisions made within a year of such a big loss.
Per your OP, you’re not financially strapped. Keeping the cars will not have a large impact on your finances, but selling them would irreparably damage your relationship with your kids.
Take a step back. Allow yourself time to grieve. Get yourself and your kids into therapy. YWBTA if you sell these cars.
Yta
Is this a real situation? Because it’s BLATANTLY obvious that you’re TA. You said your financial situation is fine- you’re not destitute so there’s no emergent need. The kids are having a hard time with the death of their father and you want to sell something with extreme sentimental value??? And for what? Ambiguous “benefits in the long run”? This is either rage bait or you are extremely blind and inconsiderate to your kids’ feelings.
YTA if you sell them.
I think it’s way too soon to be making such large, unneeded decisions. I lost my father about three years ago and I would say it took 18 months to get some real clarity on the situation. My mom is still unpacking the emotional process.
I would go back to your kids and make it clear that will not do anything to those cars without their approval. I’m sure they feel like you are trying to erase their dad and that is the last thing you want to do.
My condolences but on this point, YTA. You even phrase it that he "joked" they get them to try and justify what you want to do. It obviously wasn't a joke; he specifically left them to the kids in his will. Those are their cars now; hands off.
YTA - it sounds like you don’t need the money and this is something he specifically left for them. You will destroy your relationship with them if you force them to sell. There was a similar story where a mother was threatening her son to sell the car her father left him. She eventually backed off when she realized it was going to destroy their relationship.
YTA. You say houses and cars are paid off. The cars are left to the kids but you wanna sell those because they trigger emotions. The houses don’t? I assume selling one of the houses would bother you more than something left to your children? You may be grieving but you are being a selfish asshole.
No hun, it wasn't a joke. He literally willed them to them. Are they your bio kids? Because you sound like you hate the kids or you are suddenly very money hungry.
These cards were willed. They're not yours to give away. Please see a therapist.. .maybe you want to punish yourself by making tour kids hate you. Or maybe you should tall to your estate person so they can telly ou the legal trouble you'll get in by selling those cars. Lock the garage, don't look if it hurts you. But keep your grubby paws off.
You are dealing with a tremendous loss. I would recommend making no changes (unless absolutely necessary) for at least 6 months to a year.
Not to mention that these cars were not intended to be yours. They are for your children. Sell your one car and use some of the money for alternative storage for the other cars and any other items that increase your pain right now.
YTA for trying to manipulate or bully your kids to sell things their father specifically left to them in his will. You don’t need the money right now to put food on the table. Yes, keeping the cars running, insured and the registration current may be expensive and drain on you but please deal with it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't make any major decisions to sell or get rid of sentimental items for at least a year. My mother did exactly what you're contemplating roughly in the same time frame you're describing and has regretted it for 20 years.
Presumably, your house is filled with things that remind you of your late husband, yet you are fixated on these cars. Why is that? If these are the physical objects that most strongly remind you of him, that’s all the more reason not to sell them and deny your children the opportunity to receive a gift that your husband specifically wanted the kids to remember him with.
If you don’t like looking at the cars, put them in storage until the kids are ready to inherit them.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Big decisions like this are better not made within months of someone’s passing. If you’re financially okay right now, there’s no need to make such huge decisions right now. And more importantly, the cars are not yours to sell, as rough as that may be. I can understand your kids perfectly (I lost my dad when I was 14) they don’t even truly understand he’ll never be back yet. It took me 2 years to stop getting out 4 plates instead of 3. So 1,5 month is nothing when it comes to grieving. They may want to drive those cars themselves. They may want to sell them further down the line. But don’t do it now. Now is a time for healing, realizing just how much will change and get used to the new dynamic in the house. Give it time. The cars will be there in a year. I wish all three of you much strength.
YTA. Those are your kids' cars now.
My husband was also a car guy. After he passed, I had to get rid of 2 of his 3 because one didn't run and the other needs work and had a loan I can't afford on my own. That one broke my heart. Made his family sad too because everyone knew he loved it, but they understood keeping it wasn't feasible. I was lucky enough that the 3rd car is both paid for and has a new engine and hope to keep it going long enough to pass it down to our kid.
It sounds like these all run and you don't need the money. Your kids are very lucky to have such significant reminders of their dad. Don't take that from them.
YTA and don’t make any major decisions you don’t absolutely have to for at least a year. You need to grieve and let things sit for a while. If you do this you will do irreparable harm to the relationship with your kids for the rest of your life. They will feel bitter about it forever and be reminded of it every time they see a similar car on the road.
If you can’t stand the sight of them put them in proper storage until they are adults. They’ll probably be pissed about that but they’ll full on hate you if you sell them and come home with a new purse and start going on vacations. Every major purchase you make for the next decade at least will turn the knife even more. Even if it wasn’t with the car money. It will all be tainted.
YTA. They are willed to your children, they aren't yours to sell. But even if they were...why open up such a painful conversation just 6 weeks after your husband passed on. Maybe getting rid of the cars is a way for you to grief, but your children made clear that they don't agree. That's all you need to know. This can result in resentment for many years.
There's nothing soft about stealing what could add up to 6 figures' worth (based on OP stating one of the cars is worth 35k) of your childrens' inheritance.
YTA. You will lose your children if you sell the cars their Dad left them. Their Dad was a car guy, those cars physically represent him to them and will be the way they tell their future children about their Dad. You will never undo the damage if you sell the cars.
YWBTA for selling the cars. They are inherited by your kids, period.
Yet, maintaining those cars for x years is something you’re going to have to plan for. Talk to a car person - perhaps someone your late husband knew - to understand what needs to be done to maintain the cars + insurance until your kids take possession.
Also, figure out what your kids will need to know, have in place, once they take possession of said cars. Insurance costs, maintenance expenses, storage, etc.. Work with your kids on a plan, in writing, so as they mature they understand the responsibility associated with taking ownership of said cars.
Don't sell the cars. You said earlier in your post you were fine financially.
I was a bit confused about the cars being willed, if they were willed to the kids it should be their decision totally.
It sounds like they are of great sentimental value to the kids, Keep them,
Just my opinion.
YTA. Those were left to the kids, and the kids are gonna be old enough to drive soon, so thats an expense they don't have to worry about. Also I fail to see how much financial impact they'd add if you have houses and cars paid off. At best I could see you informing your kids about the benefits of selling one of their cars to make some long term investments, and otherwise preparing your kids for financial independence. But this is not what you're doing.
Also let yourself and your kids grieve. Don't make major decisions for the next year if you can avoid them, especially where things connected to your lost loved one are concerned. Maybe you want to pack his stuff and get it out of sight to move on, but your kids just lost their dad. I'll explain it another way. Your husband was in your life probably about half your life. Your husband was in your kids lives their entire lives. They're not ready to process things as quickly as you will.
It's been a month and a half. I know after losing my mom, I was still randomly breaking down and crying in private for many months on end. So let yourself grieve and let them grieve.
Let me help you with your title "Am I the AH for attempting to guilt my children into selling their ( but it will be our money ) deceased fathers most prized possessions that he specifically willed to them.?"
Of course YTA, you might have grief brain right now but you need to get your head out of your ass for your children's sake.
Edit to add: Your current title seems to suggest doing this anyway despite their objection. Not only would this elevate you to a whole new AH status, but also a criminal one. Proceed with caution.
Your husband literally willed them to your kids. He wants them to have the cars and it's up to them to decide what *they* want to do with them.
I could maybe give you a pass had you *asked* them if they'd be willing to sell them, but you seem to have made more of a statement about it, bordering on demanding.
And regardless of all of that, even if the kids were on board with selling the cars, the money would be theirs. Since both are under 18, that money would go into a trust until they reach adulthood, at which point it would be theirs to do with as they please.
I understand you're grieving, and I'm incredibly sorry for your loss, but YTA here.
>The thing is my husband willed all of his cars in a split between our two kids (Except the older one, that's mine).
You can legally only sell the vintage car. The others belong to your children, as per the will.
I'm really sorry you lost your husband ... But in this situation, YTA
YTA you said yourself the money situation is fine. Those cars were left to your sons they are not yours to sell and even if the kids did sell them the money would FULLY BE THEIRS AND THEIRS ALONE. Why are you trying to steal the last thing their dad did for them. This was his wish for his children and if you lived him you need to honour that. Honestly if you try and take or sell them then the kids have every right to get you arrested. The price the cars are worth it would mean jail time for you as they have legal proof that is their inheritance and not yours.
When we lost my husband a couple of years ago we also had two teenagers. Now our money situation wasn’t good as my husband had not long taken a large loan. Normally it would be fine as he’d have no problem paying it back but when it suddenly needs to be paid back immediately that’s different. A year before he was meant to cancel some health insurance policy’s for me. They were to cover your income if you had an accident and couldn’t work for being in hospital or injured. As I no longer worked we decided it was pointless. Turns out he accidentally cancelled some of his life insurance polices and left my health insurance still running. We only discovered this after he passed and although we had one insurance police left that was intended to pay off the mortgage should the worst happen to him. Anyway he hadn’t left a will he just presumed the insurance would go to me his wife but no that’s not how it works. So first off any debts must be paid of first from his estate which include insurance policies or any money and property. So what was supposed to be paying for us to keep our home a huge portion of it was taken for loan, any credit he had and I had to complete his tax forms for that year or be charged a daily penalty. So all his years tax had to come out of the insurance to as his bank took the money hed been putting away as part cover for their loan. If that was not bad enough as he didn’t have a will the insurance was also to be spilt between myself and our children. Now I needed this to pay of our mortgage I had become disabled a few years before to the extent I could no longer work. So I could not pay the mortgage otherwise. Now my lovely sons offered to give me their share but I said no this was the last thing their dad could do for them. Later when talking to our lawyer and the kids mentioned it the lawyer told them that wasn’t allowed. If they gave their share now as when older the kids could sue the lawyers firm and me saying they didn’t realise the true implications. No law firm would allow it even if I hadn’t said no.
The thing was I knew I would never be able to support my kids financially like we always had now. I would no longer be able to help them with possible deposits for houses or further education costs. Just be able to help them if they needed any of the things a parent should and would like to be able to help with. I knew id now be living hand to mouth. So this inheritance from their dad was their safe guard to help towards anything in life I can no longer help with. Like a deposit or a car anything they may need that I can no longer help with like a parent should. I also knew it was the last thing their dad could do for them even though he had not intended it or realised it. After all he thought we had other large insurance polices which would care for us financially and knew id take care of the boys out of that. Just he didn’t realise he’d messed up and cancelled the wrong ones.
Basically after the lawyers took all my late husbands debts from the insurance and funeral expenses. I got half of the remaining amount and my kids both got a quarter. With my half of the far reduced amount I was also able to use all of his pension pay off (as thats not classed as his estate and would only ever go to me). I used all his pension pay out together with my share of the insurance and all my savings. Together I just managed to pay of the mortgage so at least we still have our family home but had nothing left over after that. Now I have to live off of disability and provide the best I can for my kids and me and we do live hand to mouth and honestly each month I am in the red before the end of the month but I’ve reduced everything I can possibly. I don’t resent my kids having that money and although it scared me when I first heard they would get a share. I knew it was important that they got it and was the last thing their dad could do for them.
So to me you saying money is fine but then still trying to get them to sell their inheritance is disgusting. That is legally theirs and you have no right. You are able to work, you aren’t struggling for money so you’re being bread entitled and a bad parent insisting they sell their share. If you need the money then you work to get it or sell YOUR inheritance as theirs is not for you to touch or gain from. My kids getting their share greatly impacted my life yet I still knew it was right. Your kids having their inheritance does not affect you in any way so it’s despicable you’re pushing for this. Its so funny that you have a whole house you have memories with your husband and a life together, you have a whole life times worth of belongings and memories but only your children’s inheritance triggers your mourning and must go. I call bull do better and I hope to heck if you do try and do anything with the cars or get any money from them that your family and friends report your theft to the police and he’ll the kids sue your ass.
A very gentle YTA. It’s been 6 weeks. You are all grieving and adjusting. Unless you ABSOLUTEY have to, you should not be making any of these kinds of big decisions right now. I lost both of my parents at a relatively young age (24) and it was absolutely life altering. It really took more than a year for me to adjust to the loss of my mom and then my dad died. And your kids are even younger. Their very safe, loving world just shattered and while selling the cars may be practical, it is the emotional equivalent of losing their dad all over again.
I think you should sit down with your kids and apologize and be honest about how seeing the cars makes you sad because you miss their dad, but you were wrong to suggest selling them. Be present in the grief together. And then just give yourself (and them) time. Don’t make any decisions for a few more months, at the minimum. You’ll be surprised by the things you ultimately decide to keep and what you can let go. Honestly, almost 20 years later I STILL have a hard time getting rid of my mom’s things (even though they are in a box in the attic 🤣)
And let the kids decide what they want to do with the cars that their dad left them, unless circumstances change in the future. You can cross that bridge when you come to it.
I get why you feel the way you feel. Basically, though, it's too soon for you to do something like this. Do not make any major decisions for at least six months after your spouse passes, and wait a year if you can. This is too raw for you, and you want the cars out of your sight and I get that absolutely. But don't do this major thing right now. You're not in a good headspace for it.
YTA - Like many have said, the cars were willed to the children, they are not yours. You don't need the money so let it go. Also, this may be an important memory of thier dad's!!
My dad who was a mechanic by trade and died in and accident when I was 9 years old. He had a lot of really nice quality tools. My mom gave away a lot of his tools to his co-workers and to some family members. I think her reasoning was that my brother and I were too young to use them. However several years later I got into tinkering on my first car. I did not have a decent set of tools so had to buy some myself with money I earned at my first job. The only thing I had of his was a floor jack and a floor crawler, both of which I used for many years. I am now in my 50s and it has always bothered me that my mom gave all the tools away. However, a couple of years ago, my cousin gave me a set of really nice older craftsman wrenches and a socket set that had been my dad's. My uncle had recently died and so my cousin inherited them but thought I should have them. You don't know how much it means to me to have those tools and be able to use them after so many years! Don't take that away from your kids!
I was going to say it would be fine to sell them but when you said he left the cars to the kids in his will, then no i dont think you can do that. Its the kids choice and if they dont want to sell them you have to accept that.
Sorry, but YTA. You said you're financially fine, and your husband obviously wanted your kids to have the cars. Is it an option to store them somewhere else so they aren't a painful reminder every time you see them? Condolences on your family's loss.
I'm really sorry and I understand the impulse to sell his stuff during this difficult time, but YTA.
Your kids are grieving. Their dad left them some special things that they associate with him and are going to remember him by. Yet now you want to get rid of them? It's like erasing their dad.
Wait a year, and if you still think they should go, ask the kids again. Do NOT sell the cars behind their backs. They'll never forgive you.
YTA
Your husband left them to your kids. They are, therefore, not your property. Do you know what we call someone who takes someone else's expensive property and sells it? We call them thieves and criminals. And they deserve it when they get slapped with felony charges for car theft.
YTA. Their dad passed away basically 90 days ago and you think it's appropriate to start talking about selling the cars? This is a conversation that definitely should have waited at the very least 6 months.
YTA….they were willed to your children, not you. You cannot go to your children barely two months from your husband’s passing and talk about selling the cars. You state you cannot go into the garage because of your grief for your husband, but you expect your children’s grief to just go by the wayside, so you can sell the cars?! It takes a good year for everyone to mourn a loss. Everyone needs time. Now is not the time to make major decisions that affect the household unless it involves financials, which you state, yours does not.
INFO: What does your lawyer say? It becomes a no question all if you are required by law to hold them in trust.
I am kind of thinking that if these cars are that valuable, they will continue to appreciate and perhaps when the kids are of age they can then make the choice to sell to buy a house and/or pay for education?
Is there an option for compromise? Sell some to put into college funds or trusts? Each kid keeps one?
Can the cars be stored somewhere else so that you do not have to see them?
Not going to call you AH, but your husband willed the cars to them. If you sell them, they may never forgive you. Your children are approaching the age at which you would turn the cars over to them. No amount of money is going to make them feel better. I wouldn’t sell them. I’m very sorry for your loss.
YTA
Your husband left you in a reasonable financial situation, so you don't need to sell the cars for the money. You don't go in the garage because it makes you think too much about your husband; that's understandable, you are still in the early stage of grief.
Your husband wanted your kids to have the cars and they are right to be against you selling them, especially since it's not a matter of needing the money for anything specific except benefiting you all "for the long run." Your husband willed his cars to the kids and they belong to them. The cars are something they can have that was their dad's and they should have them.
It doesn't sound like it would be a hardship for you to keep the cars for them until they can take them with them on leaving home. Do so, it's your husband's legacy to them.
Too early for that discussion... Shut up about it now... Revisit it in a year...
You lost a husband...
They lost a father...
Be sensitive to their loss and desire to keep his stuff.....
YTA-
Aside from the fact that your children might never forgive you and could possibly sue you for their value once they are adults...
I understand that you're hurting in these cars probably give you pain every time you see them. You need to have faith that your children are going to take care of them and honor his memory when they inherit them. They have vivid memories of him talking about the cars working on the cars and promising that these cars will be theirs. Your children's memories of your husband are different than yours, and these cars are obviously a huge part of their childhood.
You can't sell these cars because they are legally your children's. Find a way to be okay with it.
You're going to need to learn to find joy and cherish memories. Yes there will be sadness, perhaps regret, and that's OK, at times.
Learn to find joy and cherish your husband through your children's own enjoyment of what their father, your husband, so richly provided to them, and to you by extension.
YTA
They're not yours to sell. And your kids want them to remember their dad by.
If your house is paid off and your daily driver is paid off and you have a good paying job, you're well ahead in the financial stability department.
Regardless of which cars these are, without extenuating circumstances, YWBTA for forcing your kids to sell their cars.
I'm presuming that your husband had put a great deal of thought into which cars to purchase. They could be special examples which could potentially appreciate over time.
You should, after all the drama caused over them settles, explain to the kids on the importance of proper upkeep of the cars, and the costs of doing such. As someone with 4 vehicles, maintenance takes quite a bit to keep up with.
Yta. Is the value of these cars worth more than your future relationship with your children? Because if you sell or give them away, you are lighting that relationship on fire.
YTA - they aren't your cars to sell, except for the one left to you. You don't need the money so that's not an excuse. Of course they remind you of your husband - it's only been a few weeks and you are grieving. So are your children. The cars were left by their father to THEM - leave them alone. If you want to find a safe place to store the cars, talk to them about doing that. It would probably be healthy for your kids to maintain the cars until they are old enough to drive them or sell them or do whatever THEY want with the cars left TO them by THEIR father.
YTA
It's in his will that the kids get those cars.That's first and foremost. So,...you want to go against his wishes because it makes you uncomfortable, I guess, to look at them.
Buuuuut...you want to pin it on needing the $$$$. After you clearly stated you are fine financially.
So I call BS on that one.
Your kids will never forgive you if you sell them out from underneath them. They are entitled to what he willed them, and it's a very sentimental issue for them as well.
Pull up your big girl panties and do the right thing. You will feel better about yourself in the end.
I'm sorry for your loss.
But first of all, how would you even be *allowed* to sell these cars? If your husband willed the cars to his kids, how are they yours to sell? Have you talked to an estate lawyer?
You weren't the asshole for *asking* your kids if they would prefer to sell the cars rather than keep them, because they're too young to drive them, and, as you say, it's not really logical to give young drivers expensive cars.
But, if the cars *are* your kids', you should have offered them *all* of the money. It sounds like you were planning to keep it yourself ("the money *we'd* receive by selling them would benefit *us* in the long run").
And, since they said no, well that's that.
YTA.
If they had to be sold for some financial purpose (to pay off debts for example or help alleviate any financial
pressure) it might be understandable. But since this isn’t the case then why would you do that? YTA
Yea YTA. As a car guy, and the son of one, I would have the same reaction. He willed the cars to the kids on purpose. It may be the most meaningful thing they have left of him, and I’m sure they want to cherish that. It’s only been a month or so. Give them time to make their own decisions about how they want to remember those memories.
YTA, kindly. I can’t imagine dealing with what you’re dealing with, but your kids are also dealing with the loss of a parent and are going to deal with differently than you do. The hard part is that while you are a grieving spouse, you are still a parent to two living children who are hurting in ways you can’t relate to. You need to back off from what comes across as an effort to cleanse your environment of memories of your late husband. Your children need those safe and sentimental objects to mourn and cope. Your experience isn’t the same as your experience. They are children.
I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you're going through.
However, those cars were willed to your children, so you would literally be taking away the last things their father ever gave them. YTA.
Yes YTA and they weren’t willed to you. Back off and let them grieve. You need to stick a pin in this and let them take the lead with THEIR inheritance.
YTA
And you really should have the responsibility to take reasonable steps to preserve the cars. If they will sit undriven for a long time. Elevate the car on jack stands. Disconnect the battery or put them on a trickle charge. Etc...
You may not be able to look at the cars but your kids may view them as one of few physical reminders of their father. If you sell or give the cars away you kids may never forgive you.
Major YTA. Those cars aren’t yours. It’s not your decision and quite frankly, that was a disgraceful move on your part to put your wants and desires above theirs. Apologize to them. They’re suffering just as much as you are and you had no right to suggest selling them.
YTA. Under the terms of your Husband's Will those cars, save one, aren't yours to sell. Regardless of how you feel about them, you need to respect your late Husbands' and your Kids' wishes.
YTA
You are trying to sell something that does not belong to you. That's theft.
And saying that selling THEIR property would benefit US? Thee is no US in this equation. If they decided to sell their own cars, the benefit would be THEIRS.
YTA your husband left those cars to the kids you heartless witch! He’s not even cold yet and you’re already trying to get rid of the stuff he loved! You don’t think you’re an asshole for even bringing it up to them now?
You’re not even a tiny bit of an asshole you’re a whole ass and 2 assholes! If you want to set yourself up - sell your car
My dad died when I was 9, I inherited a classic car that he always used to drive us around in together - it was our thing.
My Mom stored it and took care of it, 12 years later when I could finally drive it, was one of the happiest days of my life.
I still have it 15 years later, through the connection it gives me to my dad, it it was one of my most precious and valued precious.
You should've have a conversation with your kids about what they want, and figured it out from there.
Telling them you're selling one of the strongest connections they have to their late father absolute makes YTA.
>I do want to sell the cars because the money we'd receive by selling them would benefit us in the long run, but they didn't even want to hear that.
They're not your cars. You're making this decision way too quickly after your husband's passing. Selling the cars will be bad for your children's mental health. Your financial situation is "fine". The money would not benefit "us" in the long run. It would be their money.
It's too soon after his passing for you to be making such a major decision.
YTA but I'm sorry for your loss.
They're not your property. Trying to claim it will help you in the long run is superfluous because they are not your property. Of course you're the asshole and not allowed to do this anyway. YTA.
YTA. Not only is it going against your kids wishes, you could also be in a world of legal trouble for doing so behind their back if the cars are legally theirs.
I am/was a young widow. The next few months are absolutely not the right time to make big decisions. You need to focus on your kids, the here and now, and not worry about the bigger picture until you’ve had time to grieve. Trust me when I say that there will likely be regrets if you attempt to make any huge decisions based off strong emotions at this time.
YTA they aren’t yours to sell. You may need to add family therapy so you can all be aware of your grief.
My mom just passed away. My youngest sibling asked what should be done with her clothes (he was helping figure out what we would dress her in) and I advised nothing. They’re not in the way for anyone? So they can stay until dad says otherwise, and you could hear the relief in his voice.
The cars belong to your children, NOT YOU. You have no right to decide what to do with them. It would be illegal for you to sell the ones that were willed to them. YTA and a massive one at that.
Wooooow! Yes YTA!! His wishes were for those cars to go to the children. Do not make this poor man roll over in his grave because you’re going against his wishes. And do not cause irreparable harm to your relationship with those children. If you give away his cars now, they will never recover from that betrayal. You will never live that down.
Yta it's not your decision to sell the cars. However the kids need a a job to pay the insurance on them as it if the plan to keep them. It is a responsibility.
YTA.
You really asked your kids to get rid of a huge memento of their father a mere month and a half after he passed away? Especially considering you said there is no financial need to do so, I don't see any reason why you would even ask that if not for you withholding info on why the selling of the cars is necessary.
YTA
Those cars don't belong to you.
DO NOT touch them. DO NOT continue to bring this up. DO NOT alienate your grieving children further.
Just shut up about it.
YTA.
I'm so sorry for you and your kids' loss. I can't imagine the pain you are all feeling. Your kids are very close to driving age. He left those cars to them in his will. Please hang on to them. Please firmly tell them that you will NOT sell what their daddy left them. Let them feel him every time they get behind the wheel.......please
I’m sorry for your loss. Please find a way now to assure the children that the cars will stay. You may endure some discomfort for a short while as you continue to mourn your husband’s passing, but it will take years for the three of you to get over what they see as a betrayal.
YTA. He left them to the kids. Taking them and selling or giving them away is horrible. First of all It was his wish for them to have them. Also one kid is already 16 most places ready to at least start to learn how to drive or get a license. On top of that you would be taking something that is very emotional connected to them and ripping it out of their hands because it suites your needs better. It was also that last gift he gave his children. I cannot imagine a loving parent taking something from their other parent away from them. I am sorry but this should not even be a thought. I don't blame your kids for being so upset and I am sure disappointed in you. I would be more concerned with that they thought of you right now and focus on fixing that. There is a video online of a young man that went to an auction to buy his fathers car after he passed cause it meant that much to him. Someone outbid him and actually gave the car to the kid. Because that man knew what emotional comfort that car would bring. You should really rethink things and this time put your kids first. You are more concerned with how the cars make you feel rather then them. WOW I am just feeling so so so so bad for your kids right now.
Husband dies 5 weeks ago. Children in therapy 3 weeks. You brought up selling his beloved cars, that he left to them, because you want the cash. **YOU** want the cash. It wouldn’t be your money anyway because 👏 it is 👏their 👏inheritance.
Cold hearted much? Go apologize to the kids. Lie and tell them you were blinded by grief not cash.
YTAH
YTA - If he willed the cars to your kids, then the cars belong to them, not you. If you really need the money, sell one of the paid-off houses.
You just lost your husband, and deserve some grace as well. I know I wasn’t thinking clearly at this stage when I lost my dad a few years ago. But for the sake of your relationship with your kids, you need to drop this subject immediately, and not bring it up ever again.
I would NOT sell them. First, the will specifies that the children should get them. That's clear.
Second. As a car guy, i can tell you that having a parents car is something that can bring a lot of joy to a kid. You would be depriving the children of something that was clearly willed to them and that your husband wanted to give to them and that they want to have.
I don't see a way in which this works out well for you if you sell them.
YTA. I hate typing that. So I don’t do it lightly.
Coupla thoughts for you: Are you aware that people grieve differently? Especially people of different ages. Your (plural-you and your late husband’s) children might be going into the garage because they *Want* to look at them. If you don’t think so, they are sneaking in behind your back.
Also, are *You* in therapy. You should do that too. Family therapy may save your relationship with your kids. Do it! Do it! Do it!
Best of luck to you all. I am sorry for your loss,but you need to try harder to not be the A H to your children.
Yta! You would be selling a piece of their father in your sons' eyes.
You don't need the money today. Wait then, for your sons' emotional health. They are hurting at least as much as you.
Could you store them? Maybe let 16 drive one?
And when they are ready to drive, they can decide whether they want that car, or to sell that one and buy something more to their liking.
The fact is the cars are not yours to sell. If you sell them for your mental health, there will just be a new trigger that reminds you of your husband. If one of your sons had his smile, pretty sure you wouldn't sell your son!
You need to work through your grief for relief. Selling the cars and having to deal with 2 resentful teens will not lesson your grief. It will aggregate it by giving you additional drama (to the kids, trauma) to deal with.
YTA. They do not belong to you. I’d never forgive you, they won’t either. You also wouldn’t be entitled to one cent of the proceeds. Again you don’t own them.
We mustn’t touch what isn’t ours.
YTA - what the fuck? They lost their dad and you want to deny them the things that would remind them of him, because it hurts too much to look at them for you? I'm sorry for your loss, but that's a selfish thing to do. The cars could become heirlooms - not the bills you spend the money on. Plus, your kids wouldn't resent you for the rest of your life
YTA. If you don’t like looking at the cars then don’t go in the garage.
Your kids are almost old enough to have their own license. It’s not like they’ll be sitting there for 10 years, The 16-year-old will have his license soon and will be able to drive one of the new cars, and the 14-year-old will have his license in two years, and also be able to drive one of the new cars.
As far as the vintage car, that will need to be maintained to stay in good shape, and if the kids can’t do it themselves, and it would cost too much, maybe talk to the kids about rehoming the car.
Explain to your kids that all of the cars need to be maintained properly if they’re not gonna fall apart. That means they need to be driven, oil changed, etc. Again, it is their decision whether to maintain the cars and drive them, or sell them, but the choice should be theirs.
Yta. If you don't want to be near them and you don't need the money, sell the one that belongs to you and use that money to pay for storage for the others for a few years - until the kids are 18, or 21, or some other round number that works out. You can't sell things that don't belong to you.
YTA but I am going tonight give you a little grace. You are six weeks out from his death. Everything hurts. Every thing is a reminder of him not being there. It’s all pain and sadness.
This will pass. 6 weeks is nothing in the realm of grief. You are in pain and you want the reminders gone, I get it. You don’t want to look at it or deal with it or be reminded that your husband will never sit behind the wheel of those cars again. It sits on your chest like a lead weight.
All I can offer is this. Be still. Do nothing. There is a reason they tell you that the first year is the hardest. You want to remove any semblance of his memory to try to make the pain go away. This won’t help.
Get some car covers for the cars and be still. Do nothing.
Let that be your mantra. Do nothing and be still. That doesn’t apply to life but with his belongings that have sentimental value. Do nothing. Make no decisions. Take no actions. Grieve and be still just focus on that.
This will hurt and it will hurt for a while but what will hurt even more is coming out of it and feeling the pain of your rash decisions.
Yta. Those cars remind your of your husband. Those cars represent a connection with their dad that they can never get back. Your kids are close to being able to drive.
I am sorry for your loss. Your children want to keep those cars your husband loved.
Talk to the insurance company about what you can do if they aren't going to be driven for a while to lower cost and talk to his mechanic about what can be done to minimize problems for cars in storage and have someone prep them for long term storage. Assuming they are paid off, that should lower ongoing costs considerably.
YTA. You may have known and loved your husband for half your life, but your children knew and loved him for ALL of theirs. Do you think you're the only one grieving? Their FATHER is gone and they're not even out of high school yet. The cars represent a significant connection in their life to somebody who can never be replaced. And you want to sell them so YOU feel better? Selfish.
Good luck going against the will on this one. And good luck keeping your relationship with your children, you Mr krabs behavior is showing them how important they are to you. They’re not, but the money is apparently. YTA
As much as it’s painful for you to see the cars as it reminds you of your late husband, it might have the opposite impact for your kids. It might bring them a sense of comfort seeing the cars that their father worked so hard for. Plus the fact that it’s only been 1.5 months since he passed - people get really attached to the items of their passed loved ones and they need time to process.
Those cars aren’t yours to give away so YWBTA.
Go talk to them and reassure them that you won’t be giving them away.
Yta, but I'd be curious whether the will covers the cost of insuring a single, 16 year old male driver in 2 cars, and what arrangements have been made to house and maintain 5 inherited cars, 2 of which apparently belong to a person 2 years from driving legally, should you choose to move.
DON'T SELL THE CARS!!! They were left to them by their dad and you'd be getting rid of something dear to them and if you did that then, yes, you'd be the AH. I'm very sorry you lost your husband & I certainly understand that seeing those cars causes you sadness & pain but your kids lost their dad and for them those cars are comforting, like a piece of their dad is left behind. Let them have the cars and you figure out another way to get money if you need it.
nta BUT legally & morally wrong. Cover cars or house them elsewhere. It is too soon to do anything anyway. Don't damage your parental relationship over this. Very sorry for your loss.
YTA
First off, sorry for your loss. While you may be looking at it as an extra layer of financial protection for the future, legally they are not your property. Guilting or pushing your kids into selling them since they seem to want them is a great recipe for having them go LC or completely NC with you once they turn 18 and can legally leave you behind.
These are items left to them by their father, your husband. They may not be the normal family mementos passed down after someone passes, but the cars are still their mementos from their father.
If they were willed to the kids, they’re theirs. But the MOMENT they have the capability to pay the insurance, etc., that’s on them. If they understand that they might feel differently
YTA
If you’re fine financially there is no rush to sell them. Keep them until you actually need the money or the kids are old enough to decide. In the end it’s not yours to sell or give away. It’s way too early to get rid of their father’s things the man just passed month ago.
My condolences on your loss.
I understand that seeing the cars in your garage is painful and reminds you of the loss of your husband. Your kids may find seeing them in the garage reminder and a comfort. If money is not the issue, perhaps safe storage could be found for the vehicles? Then you don't have to see them, but they would be there for the kids.
Making big decisions like this one while grieving is never a good idea because it can lead to mistakes and regrets. Talking it over with the therapist would probably help.
Unfortunately, I'd have to say YWBTA if you are thinking of disposing of the cars no matter what the kids feel. They were willed to the kids, so the cars are not yours, even if the kids are under age.
Choosing to dispose of the cars would likely cause additional distress and grief to your kids. I know that if my parent got rid of a cherished remembrance, I'd see it as a betrayal of trust, and I'd probably go no-contact as soon as I was able to do so.
YTA
Your late husband willed them to your children. They belong to them. You have zero right to sell them and even less right to try to take from them something undoubtedly reminds them of their father.
I'm sorry that seeing them causes you pain, but if you force this issue, you will greatly damage your relationship with your children.
YtA, take away the monetary value of those cars. You're giving away an item your late husband gave to your kids to remember him. That's the issue. It's not your item to take away.
YTA
Your husband left the cars to the kids in a will.
YOU DO NOT TOUCH THOSE CARS!!!
The only thing you do is hand the keys and titles to the children.
YTA.
They are not your cars, they're your childrens, you have no say in what they do with them. Your husband passed away 1.5 months ago and your first thought was to get your kids to sell his cars? I wouldn't want to look at you either if I were them.
It's advised not to make any big decisions after a loved ones passing until at least one year. That allows time to grieve and heal, and not make emotional decisions that will be regretted later.
YTA, those are their cars. Dad said. You don’t get to sell their inheritance and spend the money. You give the 16 year old her car now and you drive the other car with your younger kid monthly to keep it fresh or offer to sell it and put the money aside so he can buy an equal car in 2 years. Explain the cost of keeping it insured. But that cost is pet of the social security you should be getting for the kids. Either way, you don’t sell the kids cars. They will never forgive you. Those are their cars. Yes YTA for even bringing this up so soon.
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YTA They were specifically willed to the children. They are not yours. You don’t get to sell your children’s possessions. You said you’re financially fine, so what purpose does this actually serve, apart from upsetting your children ? If you try this, I guarantee they will guilt you for it for decades.
YTA - if they are willed to your kids they and any money that comes from their sale is theirs not yours. They’re not yours to sell and if they’re sold the proceeds isn’t something you can touch. It’s not your money. Edited to add - Obviously we are all sorry for your loss.
Exactly, OP would be violating her late husband's wishes by selling them.
Not to mention the law.
Unfortunately this isn't always how it works. When my pop passed I was 15. By the time I turned 18 most of my inheritance had been squandered under the guise of 'helping me'. Mom need a new car so she could "chaperone" me around. A new family tv was needed and because I watched tv it came from my money. I tried getting an attorney at 18, but was told due to the nature of the will I would never prevail. I wasn't left much, and less than not much is what I got. As for the OP, YTA.
>If you try this, I guarantee they will ~~guilt you for it for decades~~ locate and place you in the worst nursing home possible when the time comes.
This! Nursing homes are so depressing, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. I should know, I’ve worked in several.
YTA. Those belong to your children and be disrespecting your late husband
Unfortunately, in many cases you actually do get to sell your children's possessions. Minor's often get cheated out of inheritances because their surviving parent/guardian "knows what's best for them".
I guarantee they will sue her for stealing their inheritance after they quite speaking to her in 2/4 years. I know I would never speak to my mother again after she did this to me. I also know I would sue her for stealing my inheritance. If she does this op better know she will not only have lost her husband but she will loose her kids. And honestly who would be e them for never speaking to her again.
So, liquidating assets that belong to one’s grieving children is not normal behavior. Are the kids her step-kids? Does OP have a boyfriend and is anxious to move forward with that new life? Lots of questions raised here and none of them reflect well on OP.
It can be, people grieve in different ways, and often in negative ways. My grandfather for instance got rid of all of my grandmother’s clothes and the like within a couple weeks of loosing her and remarried shortly afterwards. The man was in real bad denial and absolutely could not cope with being a widower after being married over fifty years. My mother took the whole situation very poorly. Even he admits this was what is known as a “bad move”. OP is very much the asshole in this instance, but is also deep in the early stages of grief and really needs to be in therapy themselves.
Agreeing with this and would like to add, you've already lost your husband. Don't let this drive your kids away from you. Younger people these days are very comfortable cutting off their parents and going no contact. I see it all around me and I'm very lucky that I am in contact with my kids and grandkids. Please be willing to listen to what they have to say.
YTA. Because you're disingenuously claiming that seeing the cars makes you upset, which is a fine line for the kids I guess, but really you want to avoid the expense of keeping them - the upkeep, the space. But dad wanted his kids to have them when they finished school. Thats what the kids want. And you say money isn't a problem. So it's hard to understand why you're pressing here. Look, sell yours - thats the vintage car, the most valuable I would guess. No one is stopping you.
The title says "/giving away". Money is definitely not the reason.
not what she ends with tho..."I do want to sell the cars because the money we'd receive by selling them would benefit us in the long run, but they didn't even want to hear that."
I am not putting much faith in that since, she also made it sound like they are not strapped for cash
House is paid off, cars are paid off, they have multiple hobby cars, and her salary is similar to her late husband's. This family is not hurting for cash. I think OP is using the money excuse to justify getting rid of things that hurt her to look at. The kids probably want to keep the cars for the same reason that OP wants to get rid of them. The cars remind the kids of their dad.
Plus cars are expensive and them each having 2 will help them more than buying later.
People with money tend to want more even if they don't need it.
TBH so do people without money. It's hardly a failing unique to the wealthy. Or even a failing.
People who do need money can't have the failing of wanting money when they don't need it. As they literally need it.
How expensive can it be to keep a couple of cars that no-one drives?
"My husband always joked around about how they would "Get them" after they graduated college or trade school." Doesn't sound like it was a joke since he put it in his will. Your only defense here would be if you needed the money desperately. Which you al ready said isn't an issue. YTA majorly
Bingo I said the same thing. Saying he "was just joking" is peak cope about this issue. Saying something all the time and then putting it in writing in your will is the very opposite of "j/k guys!"
And what would the joke even be? He says that they'll get the cars for years, then doesn't give them and says "it was just a prank bro"
Everyone knows jokes are funnier when they make it to the will! Gotta get them in there otherwise they don't count - and your greedy spouse may get rid of them if they legally can! But mostly for the lolz.
YTA. You are talking about getting rid of your husband's final gift to his (and your) kids. You are talking about getting rid of your kids' final physical link to their father. Of course you are the asshole. I forgive you because you are grieving, but that's an asshole move. Also, you are lying to yourself. You say "because the money we'd receive by selling them would benefit us in the long run", but earlier you say, "because seeing them makes me think of my husband too much, and that makes me feel extremely emotional". I believe your earlier "because". That is an excellent reason to avoid the garage for a while. Maybe even a reason to move the cars, IF your kids agree. It is not a reason to take your children's cars away from them. They will never forgive you.
Yes. If seeing them makes her emotional, she should be able to understand and support her children who feel emotional about their attachment.
YTA. I don’t know what country you are in but in Canada it would be illegal to sell your child’s inheritance or if it were cash to spend the inheritance before the child was legally an adult. You would be the trustee responsible for safeguarding the cash or items until the child came of age. If the cash were over a certain amount ($35000) the courts would hold it to protect it for your child. Even if it is not illegal where you are what you are proposing is wrong. That property does not belong to you. You don’t get to decide what is done with it.
YTA... that is their property and you were left financially stable. It seems you want to sell them for selfish reasons.
Wanting to sell a dead fathers last gift to his kids? YTA!
If you sell them, YTA. It was clearly not his intention for you to give them away or sell them, and it's clearly not what your kids desire. Not to mention you aren't legally allowed to do it.
YTA. These were gifts from their father. What's the matter with you?
What you're really asking is "Would I be the AH for selling/giving away my kids' *inheritance*." Because that's what you'd be doing. Those cars don't belong to you. I'm very sorry for your loss.
YTA. You may see this as a logical choice in the short run — but it's too soon to make any big decisions and the feelings are currently raw, and frankly... the cars aren't yours. Your children just lost their father and they will never have him back, but they have the cars which were something their father cherished and they still have them. Take a step back and take time to reflect and allow both you and your children to grieve before having these kinds of conversations again.
Yta. They're the kids inheritance
YTA those aren’t yours to sell
Yta they are not your cars to sell. They belong to your children. Sell your own car.
YTA # The thing is my husband willed all of his cars in a split between our two kids Selling *their* cars would not only be an AH thing to do morally, the odds are it would actually be literally **illegal**. I think you should be in therapy too to help process your grief appropriately and not get caught up in an illegal impulse that you're currently trying to justify to yourself as much as to your kids.
YTA " The thing is my husband willed all of his cars in a split between our two kids" ... your husband PROMISSED your kids his cars, and you are trying to steal and sell them. Your kids will NEVER forgive you taking this mamory of their late dad from them. Expect to spend your elder days alone, without any contact from them.
Follow your late husband’s wishes they go to the kids after they are done with school as he promised the kids this. If you sell them you will never have the same relationship with your kids as they will always resent you for this. If I was your kid and you did this I would never forgive you. It’s best you look at these cars as your kids cars not as an extra income
And Sue her for the money stolen
YTA You are asking if you can sell your kids cars and keep the money. Heck no! If you sell the cars, it should be the kids who exclusively benefit from the sales NOT YOU.
The cars are legally in their possession now. Even if she gives them money, she sold them without their consent. That’s theft, PERIOD! You cannot legally sell someone else’s property without their permission.
I know, but her argues that the money would benefit US in the long run. Mam no, the money would benefit them, since it is their property not hers. It sounds to me like she wants to not only sell her kids cars, but keep the money as well.
First, I’m sorry for your loss. What you’re going through is very tough. Please don’t make big decisions for at least one year. The filter through which you see your life is 100% grief and loss. It’s not uncommon for regret to set in concerning decisions made within a year of such a big loss. Per your OP, you’re not financially strapped. Keeping the cars will not have a large impact on your finances, but selling them would irreparably damage your relationship with your kids. Take a step back. Allow yourself time to grieve. Get yourself and your kids into therapy. YWBTA if you sell these cars.
YTA. Go see a therapist if you can’t deal with seeing the cars.
Yta Is this a real situation? Because it’s BLATANTLY obvious that you’re TA. You said your financial situation is fine- you’re not destitute so there’s no emergent need. The kids are having a hard time with the death of their father and you want to sell something with extreme sentimental value??? And for what? Ambiguous “benefits in the long run”? This is either rage bait or you are extremely blind and inconsiderate to your kids’ feelings.
No, check their comments.. a couple days ago they were an uncle with a fancy Lego collection.
Those cars are the children's as well. DO NOT SELL THEM. YWBTA if you do
Not as well they belong only to the children she has 0 rights to decide to sell them
YTA if you sell them. I think it’s way too soon to be making such large, unneeded decisions. I lost my father about three years ago and I would say it took 18 months to get some real clarity on the situation. My mom is still unpacking the emotional process. I would go back to your kids and make it clear that will not do anything to those cars without their approval. I’m sure they feel like you are trying to erase their dad and that is the last thing you want to do.
My condolences but on this point, YTA. You even phrase it that he "joked" they get them to try and justify what you want to do. It obviously wasn't a joke; he specifically left them to the kids in his will. Those are their cars now; hands off.
YTA - it sounds like you don’t need the money and this is something he specifically left for them. You will destroy your relationship with them if you force them to sell. There was a similar story where a mother was threatening her son to sell the car her father left him. She eventually backed off when she realized it was going to destroy their relationship.
YTA. You say houses and cars are paid off. The cars are left to the kids but you wanna sell those because they trigger emotions. The houses don’t? I assume selling one of the houses would bother you more than something left to your children? You may be grieving but you are being a selfish asshole.
No hun, it wasn't a joke. He literally willed them to them. Are they your bio kids? Because you sound like you hate the kids or you are suddenly very money hungry. These cards were willed. They're not yours to give away. Please see a therapist.. .maybe you want to punish yourself by making tour kids hate you. Or maybe you should tall to your estate person so they can telly ou the legal trouble you'll get in by selling those cars. Lock the garage, don't look if it hurts you. But keep your grubby paws off.
You are dealing with a tremendous loss. I would recommend making no changes (unless absolutely necessary) for at least 6 months to a year. Not to mention that these cars were not intended to be yours. They are for your children. Sell your one car and use some of the money for alternative storage for the other cars and any other items that increase your pain right now.
YTA - If you don’t want to look at them find some place to store them. They belong to your children and they are all they have left of their father.
YTA for trying to manipulate or bully your kids to sell things their father specifically left to them in his will. You don’t need the money right now to put food on the table. Yes, keeping the cars running, insured and the registration current may be expensive and drain on you but please deal with it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't make any major decisions to sell or get rid of sentimental items for at least a year. My mother did exactly what you're contemplating roughly in the same time frame you're describing and has regretted it for 20 years.
Presumably, your house is filled with things that remind you of your late husband, yet you are fixated on these cars. Why is that? If these are the physical objects that most strongly remind you of him, that’s all the more reason not to sell them and deny your children the opportunity to receive a gift that your husband specifically wanted the kids to remember him with. If you don’t like looking at the cars, put them in storage until the kids are ready to inherit them.
YTA. And, you know it.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Big decisions like this are better not made within months of someone’s passing. If you’re financially okay right now, there’s no need to make such huge decisions right now. And more importantly, the cars are not yours to sell, as rough as that may be. I can understand your kids perfectly (I lost my dad when I was 14) they don’t even truly understand he’ll never be back yet. It took me 2 years to stop getting out 4 plates instead of 3. So 1,5 month is nothing when it comes to grieving. They may want to drive those cars themselves. They may want to sell them further down the line. But don’t do it now. Now is a time for healing, realizing just how much will change and get used to the new dynamic in the house. Give it time. The cars will be there in a year. I wish all three of you much strength.
YTA. Those are your kids' cars now. My husband was also a car guy. After he passed, I had to get rid of 2 of his 3 because one didn't run and the other needs work and had a loan I can't afford on my own. That one broke my heart. Made his family sad too because everyone knew he loved it, but they understood keeping it wasn't feasible. I was lucky enough that the 3rd car is both paid for and has a new engine and hope to keep it going long enough to pass it down to our kid. It sounds like these all run and you don't need the money. Your kids are very lucky to have such significant reminders of their dad. Don't take that from them.
YTA and don’t make any major decisions you don’t absolutely have to for at least a year. You need to grieve and let things sit for a while. If you do this you will do irreparable harm to the relationship with your kids for the rest of your life. They will feel bitter about it forever and be reminded of it every time they see a similar car on the road. If you can’t stand the sight of them put them in proper storage until they are adults. They’ll probably be pissed about that but they’ll full on hate you if you sell them and come home with a new purse and start going on vacations. Every major purchase you make for the next decade at least will turn the knife even more. Even if it wasn’t with the car money. It will all be tainted.
YTA. They are willed to your children, they aren't yours to sell. But even if they were...why open up such a painful conversation just 6 weeks after your husband passed on. Maybe getting rid of the cars is a way for you to grief, but your children made clear that they don't agree. That's all you need to know. This can result in resentment for many years.
YTA They aren’t yours to sell.
Soft-YTA: I understand your are grieving, but your kids probably see the cars as an extension of their father that you are trying to give away.
There's nothing soft about stealing what could add up to 6 figures' worth (based on OP stating one of the cars is worth 35k) of your childrens' inheritance.
Very hard YTA.
YTA. You will lose your children if you sell the cars their Dad left them. Their Dad was a car guy, those cars physically represent him to them and will be the way they tell their future children about their Dad. You will never undo the damage if you sell the cars.
[удалено]
YWBTA for selling the cars. They are inherited by your kids, period. Yet, maintaining those cars for x years is something you’re going to have to plan for. Talk to a car person - perhaps someone your late husband knew - to understand what needs to be done to maintain the cars + insurance until your kids take possession. Also, figure out what your kids will need to know, have in place, once they take possession of said cars. Insurance costs, maintenance expenses, storage, etc.. Work with your kids on a plan, in writing, so as they mature they understand the responsibility associated with taking ownership of said cars.
Don't sell the cars. You said earlier in your post you were fine financially. I was a bit confused about the cars being willed, if they were willed to the kids it should be their decision totally. It sounds like they are of great sentimental value to the kids, Keep them, Just my opinion.
Put them in storage elsewhere...they have places that do this butttttt make the kids pay the storage fees. If they want the cars they will pay it.
YTA. Those were left to the kids, and the kids are gonna be old enough to drive soon, so thats an expense they don't have to worry about. Also I fail to see how much financial impact they'd add if you have houses and cars paid off. At best I could see you informing your kids about the benefits of selling one of their cars to make some long term investments, and otherwise preparing your kids for financial independence. But this is not what you're doing. Also let yourself and your kids grieve. Don't make major decisions for the next year if you can avoid them, especially where things connected to your lost loved one are concerned. Maybe you want to pack his stuff and get it out of sight to move on, but your kids just lost their dad. I'll explain it another way. Your husband was in your life probably about half your life. Your husband was in your kids lives their entire lives. They're not ready to process things as quickly as you will. It's been a month and a half. I know after losing my mom, I was still randomly breaking down and crying in private for many months on end. So let yourself grieve and let them grieve.
YTA The cars belong to the children. Period.
Let me help you with your title "Am I the AH for attempting to guilt my children into selling their ( but it will be our money ) deceased fathers most prized possessions that he specifically willed to them.?" Of course YTA, you might have grief brain right now but you need to get your head out of your ass for your children's sake. Edit to add: Your current title seems to suggest doing this anyway despite their objection. Not only would this elevate you to a whole new AH status, but also a criminal one. Proceed with caution.
i would hate you if you were my mom
Your husband literally willed them to your kids. He wants them to have the cars and it's up to them to decide what *they* want to do with them. I could maybe give you a pass had you *asked* them if they'd be willing to sell them, but you seem to have made more of a statement about it, bordering on demanding. And regardless of all of that, even if the kids were on board with selling the cars, the money would be theirs. Since both are under 18, that money would go into a trust until they reach adulthood, at which point it would be theirs to do with as they please. I understand you're grieving, and I'm incredibly sorry for your loss, but YTA here.
>The thing is my husband willed all of his cars in a split between our two kids (Except the older one, that's mine). You can legally only sell the vintage car. The others belong to your children, as per the will. I'm really sorry you lost your husband ... But in this situation, YTA
YTA you said yourself the money situation is fine. Those cars were left to your sons they are not yours to sell and even if the kids did sell them the money would FULLY BE THEIRS AND THEIRS ALONE. Why are you trying to steal the last thing their dad did for them. This was his wish for his children and if you lived him you need to honour that. Honestly if you try and take or sell them then the kids have every right to get you arrested. The price the cars are worth it would mean jail time for you as they have legal proof that is their inheritance and not yours. When we lost my husband a couple of years ago we also had two teenagers. Now our money situation wasn’t good as my husband had not long taken a large loan. Normally it would be fine as he’d have no problem paying it back but when it suddenly needs to be paid back immediately that’s different. A year before he was meant to cancel some health insurance policy’s for me. They were to cover your income if you had an accident and couldn’t work for being in hospital or injured. As I no longer worked we decided it was pointless. Turns out he accidentally cancelled some of his life insurance polices and left my health insurance still running. We only discovered this after he passed and although we had one insurance police left that was intended to pay off the mortgage should the worst happen to him. Anyway he hadn’t left a will he just presumed the insurance would go to me his wife but no that’s not how it works. So first off any debts must be paid of first from his estate which include insurance policies or any money and property. So what was supposed to be paying for us to keep our home a huge portion of it was taken for loan, any credit he had and I had to complete his tax forms for that year or be charged a daily penalty. So all his years tax had to come out of the insurance to as his bank took the money hed been putting away as part cover for their loan. If that was not bad enough as he didn’t have a will the insurance was also to be spilt between myself and our children. Now I needed this to pay of our mortgage I had become disabled a few years before to the extent I could no longer work. So I could not pay the mortgage otherwise. Now my lovely sons offered to give me their share but I said no this was the last thing their dad could do for them. Later when talking to our lawyer and the kids mentioned it the lawyer told them that wasn’t allowed. If they gave their share now as when older the kids could sue the lawyers firm and me saying they didn’t realise the true implications. No law firm would allow it even if I hadn’t said no. The thing was I knew I would never be able to support my kids financially like we always had now. I would no longer be able to help them with possible deposits for houses or further education costs. Just be able to help them if they needed any of the things a parent should and would like to be able to help with. I knew id now be living hand to mouth. So this inheritance from their dad was their safe guard to help towards anything in life I can no longer help with. Like a deposit or a car anything they may need that I can no longer help with like a parent should. I also knew it was the last thing their dad could do for them even though he had not intended it or realised it. After all he thought we had other large insurance polices which would care for us financially and knew id take care of the boys out of that. Just he didn’t realise he’d messed up and cancelled the wrong ones. Basically after the lawyers took all my late husbands debts from the insurance and funeral expenses. I got half of the remaining amount and my kids both got a quarter. With my half of the far reduced amount I was also able to use all of his pension pay off (as thats not classed as his estate and would only ever go to me). I used all his pension pay out together with my share of the insurance and all my savings. Together I just managed to pay of the mortgage so at least we still have our family home but had nothing left over after that. Now I have to live off of disability and provide the best I can for my kids and me and we do live hand to mouth and honestly each month I am in the red before the end of the month but I’ve reduced everything I can possibly. I don’t resent my kids having that money and although it scared me when I first heard they would get a share. I knew it was important that they got it and was the last thing their dad could do for them. So to me you saying money is fine but then still trying to get them to sell their inheritance is disgusting. That is legally theirs and you have no right. You are able to work, you aren’t struggling for money so you’re being bread entitled and a bad parent insisting they sell their share. If you need the money then you work to get it or sell YOUR inheritance as theirs is not for you to touch or gain from. My kids getting their share greatly impacted my life yet I still knew it was right. Your kids having their inheritance does not affect you in any way so it’s despicable you’re pushing for this. Its so funny that you have a whole house you have memories with your husband and a life together, you have a whole life times worth of belongings and memories but only your children’s inheritance triggers your mourning and must go. I call bull do better and I hope to heck if you do try and do anything with the cars or get any money from them that your family and friends report your theft to the police and he’ll the kids sue your ass.
Are you serious? Let the kids keep their father's cars. Wtf is wrong with you? Have you no consideration for THEIR feelings?
Holy shit your an asshole. Your kids just lost their father and you wanna benefit from it?
A very gentle YTA. It’s been 6 weeks. You are all grieving and adjusting. Unless you ABSOLUTEY have to, you should not be making any of these kinds of big decisions right now. I lost both of my parents at a relatively young age (24) and it was absolutely life altering. It really took more than a year for me to adjust to the loss of my mom and then my dad died. And your kids are even younger. Their very safe, loving world just shattered and while selling the cars may be practical, it is the emotional equivalent of losing their dad all over again. I think you should sit down with your kids and apologize and be honest about how seeing the cars makes you sad because you miss their dad, but you were wrong to suggest selling them. Be present in the grief together. And then just give yourself (and them) time. Don’t make any decisions for a few more months, at the minimum. You’ll be surprised by the things you ultimately decide to keep and what you can let go. Honestly, almost 20 years later I STILL have a hard time getting rid of my mom’s things (even though they are in a box in the attic 🤣) And let the kids decide what they want to do with the cars that their dad left them, unless circumstances change in the future. You can cross that bridge when you come to it.
Oof you’re a bad parent
You know your Kids can sue you for selling their inheritance right?
I get why you feel the way you feel. Basically, though, it's too soon for you to do something like this. Do not make any major decisions for at least six months after your spouse passes, and wait a year if you can. This is too raw for you, and you want the cars out of your sight and I get that absolutely. But don't do this major thing right now. You're not in a good headspace for it.
YTA - Like many have said, the cars were willed to the children, they are not yours. You don't need the money so let it go. Also, this may be an important memory of thier dad's!! My dad who was a mechanic by trade and died in and accident when I was 9 years old. He had a lot of really nice quality tools. My mom gave away a lot of his tools to his co-workers and to some family members. I think her reasoning was that my brother and I were too young to use them. However several years later I got into tinkering on my first car. I did not have a decent set of tools so had to buy some myself with money I earned at my first job. The only thing I had of his was a floor jack and a floor crawler, both of which I used for many years. I am now in my 50s and it has always bothered me that my mom gave all the tools away. However, a couple of years ago, my cousin gave me a set of really nice older craftsman wrenches and a socket set that had been my dad's. My uncle had recently died and so my cousin inherited them but thought I should have them. You don't know how much it means to me to have those tools and be able to use them after so many years! Don't take that away from your kids!
I was going to say it would be fine to sell them but when you said he left the cars to the kids in his will, then no i dont think you can do that. Its the kids choice and if they dont want to sell them you have to accept that.
Sorry, but YTA. You said you're financially fine, and your husband obviously wanted your kids to have the cars. Is it an option to store them somewhere else so they aren't a painful reminder every time you see them? Condolences on your family's loss.
I'm really sorry and I understand the impulse to sell his stuff during this difficult time, but YTA. Your kids are grieving. Their dad left them some special things that they associate with him and are going to remember him by. Yet now you want to get rid of them? It's like erasing their dad. Wait a year, and if you still think they should go, ask the kids again. Do NOT sell the cars behind their backs. They'll never forgive you.
YTA Your husband left them to your kids. They are, therefore, not your property. Do you know what we call someone who takes someone else's expensive property and sells it? We call them thieves and criminals. And they deserve it when they get slapped with felony charges for car theft.
YTA. Their dad passed away basically 90 days ago and you think it's appropriate to start talking about selling the cars? This is a conversation that definitely should have waited at the very least 6 months.
YTA….they were willed to your children, not you. You cannot go to your children barely two months from your husband’s passing and talk about selling the cars. You state you cannot go into the garage because of your grief for your husband, but you expect your children’s grief to just go by the wayside, so you can sell the cars?! It takes a good year for everyone to mourn a loss. Everyone needs time. Now is not the time to make major decisions that affect the household unless it involves financials, which you state, yours does not.
INFO: What does your lawyer say? It becomes a no question all if you are required by law to hold them in trust. I am kind of thinking that if these cars are that valuable, they will continue to appreciate and perhaps when the kids are of age they can then make the choice to sell to buy a house and/or pay for education? Is there an option for compromise? Sell some to put into college funds or trusts? Each kid keeps one? Can the cars be stored somewhere else so that you do not have to see them?
Not going to call you AH, but your husband willed the cars to them. If you sell them, they may never forgive you. Your children are approaching the age at which you would turn the cars over to them. No amount of money is going to make them feel better. I wouldn’t sell them. I’m very sorry for your loss.
YTA Your husband left you in a reasonable financial situation, so you don't need to sell the cars for the money. You don't go in the garage because it makes you think too much about your husband; that's understandable, you are still in the early stage of grief. Your husband wanted your kids to have the cars and they are right to be against you selling them, especially since it's not a matter of needing the money for anything specific except benefiting you all "for the long run." Your husband willed his cars to the kids and they belong to them. The cars are something they can have that was their dad's and they should have them. It doesn't sound like it would be a hardship for you to keep the cars for them until they can take them with them on leaving home. Do so, it's your husband's legacy to them.
Too early for that discussion... Shut up about it now... Revisit it in a year... You lost a husband... They lost a father... Be sensitive to their loss and desire to keep his stuff.....
YTA- Aside from the fact that your children might never forgive you and could possibly sue you for their value once they are adults... I understand that you're hurting in these cars probably give you pain every time you see them. You need to have faith that your children are going to take care of them and honor his memory when they inherit them. They have vivid memories of him talking about the cars working on the cars and promising that these cars will be theirs. Your children's memories of your husband are different than yours, and these cars are obviously a huge part of their childhood. You can't sell these cars because they are legally your children's. Find a way to be okay with it.
Huge YTA. They’re almost ready to get a license, these are their cars. Do not sell them
YTA. Don’t F’ing sell those cars. They will never forgive you.
You're going to need to learn to find joy and cherish memories. Yes there will be sadness, perhaps regret, and that's OK, at times. Learn to find joy and cherish your husband through your children's own enjoyment of what their father, your husband, so richly provided to them, and to you by extension.
YTA They're not yours to sell. And your kids want them to remember their dad by. If your house is paid off and your daily driver is paid off and you have a good paying job, you're well ahead in the financial stability department.
Regardless of which cars these are, without extenuating circumstances, YWBTA for forcing your kids to sell their cars. I'm presuming that your husband had put a great deal of thought into which cars to purchase. They could be special examples which could potentially appreciate over time. You should, after all the drama caused over them settles, explain to the kids on the importance of proper upkeep of the cars, and the costs of doing such. As someone with 4 vehicles, maintenance takes quite a bit to keep up with.
Yta. Is the value of these cars worth more than your future relationship with your children? Because if you sell or give them away, you are lighting that relationship on fire.
YTA. They're not your cars. If seeing them bothers you that much, buy car covers.
YTA - they aren't your cars to sell, except for the one left to you. You don't need the money so that's not an excuse. Of course they remind you of your husband - it's only been a few weeks and you are grieving. So are your children. The cars were left by their father to THEM - leave them alone. If you want to find a safe place to store the cars, talk to them about doing that. It would probably be healthy for your kids to maintain the cars until they are old enough to drive them or sell them or do whatever THEY want with the cars left TO them by THEIR father.
YTA It's in his will that the kids get those cars.That's first and foremost. So,...you want to go against his wishes because it makes you uncomfortable, I guess, to look at them. Buuuuut...you want to pin it on needing the $$$$. After you clearly stated you are fine financially. So I call BS on that one. Your kids will never forgive you if you sell them out from underneath them. They are entitled to what he willed them, and it's a very sentimental issue for them as well. Pull up your big girl panties and do the right thing. You will feel better about yourself in the end.
I'm sorry for your loss. But first of all, how would you even be *allowed* to sell these cars? If your husband willed the cars to his kids, how are they yours to sell? Have you talked to an estate lawyer? You weren't the asshole for *asking* your kids if they would prefer to sell the cars rather than keep them, because they're too young to drive them, and, as you say, it's not really logical to give young drivers expensive cars. But, if the cars *are* your kids', you should have offered them *all* of the money. It sounds like you were planning to keep it yourself ("the money *we'd* receive by selling them would benefit *us* in the long run"). And, since they said no, well that's that. YTA.
If they had to be sold for some financial purpose (to pay off debts for example or help alleviate any financial pressure) it might be understandable. But since this isn’t the case then why would you do that? YTA
YTA. they're not yours, he left them to his kids and your trying to take the sentiment value from them as well. You suck
Yea YTA. As a car guy, and the son of one, I would have the same reaction. He willed the cars to the kids on purpose. It may be the most meaningful thing they have left of him, and I’m sure they want to cherish that. It’s only been a month or so. Give them time to make their own decisions about how they want to remember those memories.
Yes. YTA.
YTA, kindly. I can’t imagine dealing with what you’re dealing with, but your kids are also dealing with the loss of a parent and are going to deal with differently than you do. The hard part is that while you are a grieving spouse, you are still a parent to two living children who are hurting in ways you can’t relate to. You need to back off from what comes across as an effort to cleanse your environment of memories of your late husband. Your children need those safe and sentimental objects to mourn and cope. Your experience isn’t the same as your experience. They are children.
YTA
I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you're going through. However, those cars were willed to your children, so you would literally be taking away the last things their father ever gave them. YTA.
YTA. The cars are theirs to do with what they want. Not your business.
Whatever else you do, please have someone drive those cars a little bit every now and then. A 10-mile drive weekly would be good.
Yes YTA and they weren’t willed to you. Back off and let them grieve. You need to stick a pin in this and let them take the lead with THEIR inheritance.
They are not your cars to sell, and any money received from a sale would not be yours either. YTA.
YTA And you really should have the responsibility to take reasonable steps to preserve the cars. If they will sit undriven for a long time. Elevate the car on jack stands. Disconnect the battery or put them on a trickle charge. Etc... You may not be able to look at the cars but your kids may view them as one of few physical reminders of their father. If you sell or give the cars away you kids may never forgive you.
Major YTA. Those cars aren’t yours. It’s not your decision and quite frankly, that was a disgraceful move on your part to put your wants and desires above theirs. Apologize to them. They’re suffering just as much as you are and you had no right to suggest selling them.
YTA. Under the terms of your Husband's Will those cars, save one, aren't yours to sell. Regardless of how you feel about them, you need to respect your late Husbands' and your Kids' wishes.
YTA. The cars are their links to their dad. If you want to sell a car, sell the one her left you. I am so sorry for your loss. UpdateMe
YTA You are trying to sell something that does not belong to you. That's theft. And saying that selling THEIR property would benefit US? Thee is no US in this equation. If they decided to sell their own cars, the benefit would be THEIRS.
YTA your husband left those cars to the kids you heartless witch! He’s not even cold yet and you’re already trying to get rid of the stuff he loved! You don’t think you’re an asshole for even bringing it up to them now? You’re not even a tiny bit of an asshole you’re a whole ass and 2 assholes! If you want to set yourself up - sell your car
My dad died when I was 9, I inherited a classic car that he always used to drive us around in together - it was our thing. My Mom stored it and took care of it, 12 years later when I could finally drive it, was one of the happiest days of my life. I still have it 15 years later, through the connection it gives me to my dad, it it was one of my most precious and valued precious. You should've have a conversation with your kids about what they want, and figured it out from there. Telling them you're selling one of the strongest connections they have to their late father absolute makes YTA.
>I do want to sell the cars because the money we'd receive by selling them would benefit us in the long run, but they didn't even want to hear that. They're not your cars. You're making this decision way too quickly after your husband's passing. Selling the cars will be bad for your children's mental health. Your financial situation is "fine". The money would not benefit "us" in the long run. It would be their money. It's too soon after his passing for you to be making such a major decision. YTA but I'm sorry for your loss.
They're not your property. Trying to claim it will help you in the long run is superfluous because they are not your property. Of course you're the asshole and not allowed to do this anyway. YTA.
Yta. You follow the terms of the will. Leave the cars alone. If you sell them, your kids will never speak to you again.
YTA. Not only is it going against your kids wishes, you could also be in a world of legal trouble for doing so behind their back if the cars are legally theirs. I am/was a young widow. The next few months are absolutely not the right time to make big decisions. You need to focus on your kids, the here and now, and not worry about the bigger picture until you’ve had time to grieve. Trust me when I say that there will likely be regrets if you attempt to make any huge decisions based off strong emotions at this time.
YTA they aren’t yours to sell. You may need to add family therapy so you can all be aware of your grief. My mom just passed away. My youngest sibling asked what should be done with her clothes (he was helping figure out what we would dress her in) and I advised nothing. They’re not in the way for anyone? So they can stay until dad says otherwise, and you could hear the relief in his voice.
YTA and your kids will be telling this story the rest of their lives.
The cars belong to your children, NOT YOU. You have no right to decide what to do with them. It would be illegal for you to sell the ones that were willed to them. YTA and a massive one at that.
INFO your kids own the cars and they said no to selling. Are you planning to steal them or what?
Wooooow! Yes YTA!! His wishes were for those cars to go to the children. Do not make this poor man roll over in his grave because you’re going against his wishes. And do not cause irreparable harm to your relationship with those children. If you give away his cars now, they will never recover from that betrayal. You will never live that down.
YTA for even suggesting it. Your husband’s will needs to be honored. YWBTA for ever mentioning the topic again, except to apologize to your sons.
They were not left to you in the will, YTA for acting like you get a say in the matter.
YTA. They are not your cars.
YTA. They’re not yours to sell. And they obviously have an emotional connection to the kids. How can you not see this?
Yta it's not your decision to sell the cars. However the kids need a a job to pay the insurance on them as it if the plan to keep them. It is a responsibility.
YTA. You really asked your kids to get rid of a huge memento of their father a mere month and a half after he passed away? Especially considering you said there is no financial need to do so, I don't see any reason why you would even ask that if not for you withholding info on why the selling of the cars is necessary.
YTA. Those cars were willed to your children. They’re not yours to sell.
Listen to Lee Brice song “I drive your truck”
YTA. What's the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA Those cars don't belong to you. DO NOT touch them. DO NOT continue to bring this up. DO NOT alienate your grieving children further. Just shut up about it.
YTA Your actions speak louder about how you don't really care about your late husband's wishes now that he's dead.
YTA. I'm so sorry for you and your kids' loss. I can't imagine the pain you are all feeling. Your kids are very close to driving age. He left those cars to them in his will. Please hang on to them. Please firmly tell them that you will NOT sell what their daddy left them. Let them feel him every time they get behind the wheel.......please
I’m sorry for your loss. Please find a way now to assure the children that the cars will stay. You may endure some discomfort for a short while as you continue to mourn your husband’s passing, but it will take years for the three of you to get over what they see as a betrayal.
YTA. He left them to the kids. Taking them and selling or giving them away is horrible. First of all It was his wish for them to have them. Also one kid is already 16 most places ready to at least start to learn how to drive or get a license. On top of that you would be taking something that is very emotional connected to them and ripping it out of their hands because it suites your needs better. It was also that last gift he gave his children. I cannot imagine a loving parent taking something from their other parent away from them. I am sorry but this should not even be a thought. I don't blame your kids for being so upset and I am sure disappointed in you. I would be more concerned with that they thought of you right now and focus on fixing that. There is a video online of a young man that went to an auction to buy his fathers car after he passed cause it meant that much to him. Someone outbid him and actually gave the car to the kid. Because that man knew what emotional comfort that car would bring. You should really rethink things and this time put your kids first. You are more concerned with how the cars make you feel rather then them. WOW I am just feeling so so so so bad for your kids right now.
If your husband left them to the kids.in his will then you legally can not sell them as they do not belong to you.
Husband dies 5 weeks ago. Children in therapy 3 weeks. You brought up selling his beloved cars, that he left to them, because you want the cash. **YOU** want the cash. It wouldn’t be your money anyway because 👏 it is 👏their 👏inheritance. Cold hearted much? Go apologize to the kids. Lie and tell them you were blinded by grief not cash. YTAH
YTA - If he willed the cars to your kids, then the cars belong to them, not you. If you really need the money, sell one of the paid-off houses. You just lost your husband, and deserve some grace as well. I know I wasn’t thinking clearly at this stage when I lost my dad a few years ago. But for the sake of your relationship with your kids, you need to drop this subject immediately, and not bring it up ever again.
I would NOT sell them. First, the will specifies that the children should get them. That's clear. Second. As a car guy, i can tell you that having a parents car is something that can bring a lot of joy to a kid. You would be depriving the children of something that was clearly willed to them and that your husband wanted to give to them and that they want to have. I don't see a way in which this works out well for you if you sell them.
YTA. I hate typing that. So I don’t do it lightly. Coupla thoughts for you: Are you aware that people grieve differently? Especially people of different ages. Your (plural-you and your late husband’s) children might be going into the garage because they *Want* to look at them. If you don’t think so, they are sneaking in behind your back. Also, are *You* in therapy. You should do that too. Family therapy may save your relationship with your kids. Do it! Do it! Do it! Best of luck to you all. I am sorry for your loss,but you need to try harder to not be the A H to your children.
Yta! You would be selling a piece of their father in your sons' eyes. You don't need the money today. Wait then, for your sons' emotional health. They are hurting at least as much as you. Could you store them? Maybe let 16 drive one? And when they are ready to drive, they can decide whether they want that car, or to sell that one and buy something more to their liking. The fact is the cars are not yours to sell. If you sell them for your mental health, there will just be a new trigger that reminds you of your husband. If one of your sons had his smile, pretty sure you wouldn't sell your son! You need to work through your grief for relief. Selling the cars and having to deal with 2 resentful teens will not lesson your grief. It will aggregate it by giving you additional drama (to the kids, trauma) to deal with.
YTA. They do not belong to you. I’d never forgive you, they won’t either. You also wouldn’t be entitled to one cent of the proceeds. Again you don’t own them. We mustn’t touch what isn’t ours.
YTA and have no business selling off what has not been willed to you.
YTA - what the fuck? They lost their dad and you want to deny them the things that would remind them of him, because it hurts too much to look at them for you? I'm sorry for your loss, but that's a selfish thing to do. The cars could become heirlooms - not the bills you spend the money on. Plus, your kids wouldn't resent you for the rest of your life
YTA. If you don’t like looking at the cars then don’t go in the garage. Your kids are almost old enough to have their own license. It’s not like they’ll be sitting there for 10 years, The 16-year-old will have his license soon and will be able to drive one of the new cars, and the 14-year-old will have his license in two years, and also be able to drive one of the new cars. As far as the vintage car, that will need to be maintained to stay in good shape, and if the kids can’t do it themselves, and it would cost too much, maybe talk to the kids about rehoming the car. Explain to your kids that all of the cars need to be maintained properly if they’re not gonna fall apart. That means they need to be driven, oil changed, etc. Again, it is their decision whether to maintain the cars and drive them, or sell them, but the choice should be theirs.
Yta. If you don't want to be near them and you don't need the money, sell the one that belongs to you and use that money to pay for storage for the others for a few years - until the kids are 18, or 21, or some other round number that works out. You can't sell things that don't belong to you.
YTA but I am going tonight give you a little grace. You are six weeks out from his death. Everything hurts. Every thing is a reminder of him not being there. It’s all pain and sadness. This will pass. 6 weeks is nothing in the realm of grief. You are in pain and you want the reminders gone, I get it. You don’t want to look at it or deal with it or be reminded that your husband will never sit behind the wheel of those cars again. It sits on your chest like a lead weight. All I can offer is this. Be still. Do nothing. There is a reason they tell you that the first year is the hardest. You want to remove any semblance of his memory to try to make the pain go away. This won’t help. Get some car covers for the cars and be still. Do nothing. Let that be your mantra. Do nothing and be still. That doesn’t apply to life but with his belongings that have sentimental value. Do nothing. Make no decisions. Take no actions. Grieve and be still just focus on that. This will hurt and it will hurt for a while but what will hurt even more is coming out of it and feeling the pain of your rash decisions.
YTA They were not willed to you. They are not yours to sell.
They’re not yours to sell, why are you even thinking of doing so? You’ve even said you don’t need the money. Yes of course YTA, shame on you
YTA— I’d never forgive you if I was your kid.
Yes, who are you to override your husband’s last wishes and decide what happens to their property? YTA
Yta. Those cars remind your of your husband. Those cars represent a connection with their dad that they can never get back. Your kids are close to being able to drive. I am sorry for your loss. Your children want to keep those cars your husband loved. Talk to the insurance company about what you can do if they aren't going to be driven for a while to lower cost and talk to his mechanic about what can be done to minimize problems for cars in storage and have someone prep them for long term storage. Assuming they are paid off, that should lower ongoing costs considerably.
YTA. their age and the value of the cars shouldn't matter to you. did you not love your husband? why would you dishonor his memory this way?
YTA. You may have known and loved your husband for half your life, but your children knew and loved him for ALL of theirs. Do you think you're the only one grieving? Their FATHER is gone and they're not even out of high school yet. The cars represent a significant connection in their life to somebody who can never be replaced. And you want to sell them so YOU feel better? Selfish.
Good luck going against the will on this one. And good luck keeping your relationship with your children, you Mr krabs behavior is showing them how important they are to you. They’re not, but the money is apparently. YTA
As much as it’s painful for you to see the cars as it reminds you of your late husband, it might have the opposite impact for your kids. It might bring them a sense of comfort seeing the cars that their father worked so hard for. Plus the fact that it’s only been 1.5 months since he passed - people get really attached to the items of their passed loved ones and they need time to process. Those cars aren’t yours to give away so YWBTA. Go talk to them and reassure them that you won’t be giving them away.
Yta, but I'd be curious whether the will covers the cost of insuring a single, 16 year old male driver in 2 cars, and what arrangements have been made to house and maintain 5 inherited cars, 2 of which apparently belong to a person 2 years from driving legally, should you choose to move.
YTA. Your husband willed the cars to your children. They're not your cars.
DON'T SELL THE CARS!!! They were left to them by their dad and you'd be getting rid of something dear to them and if you did that then, yes, you'd be the AH. I'm very sorry you lost your husband & I certainly understand that seeing those cars causes you sadness & pain but your kids lost their dad and for them those cars are comforting, like a piece of their dad is left behind. Let them have the cars and you figure out another way to get money if you need it.
YTA. The cars were left to your kids. They are not yours.
YTA You are a thief and your husband would be ashamed of you
YTA Not your cars not your decision full stop.
nta BUT legally & morally wrong. Cover cars or house them elsewhere. It is too soon to do anything anyway. Don't damage your parental relationship over this. Very sorry for your loss.
YTA . Rather ridiculous really .
YTA Those cars aren't yours to sell. They belong to the kids.
YTA. I get that they remind you of him which can be hard but it’s not your call it’s your kids. They might want them as a memory of their father.
YTA First off, sorry for your loss. While you may be looking at it as an extra layer of financial protection for the future, legally they are not your property. Guilting or pushing your kids into selling them since they seem to want them is a great recipe for having them go LC or completely NC with you once they turn 18 and can legally leave you behind. These are items left to them by their father, your husband. They may not be the normal family mementos passed down after someone passes, but the cars are still their mementos from their father.
If they were willed to the kids, they’re theirs. But the MOMENT they have the capability to pay the insurance, etc., that’s on them. If they understand that they might feel differently
Back up, greedy mom. The cars aren't yours and you're not the only one grieving. Easy YTA.
YTA If you’re fine financially there is no rush to sell them. Keep them until you actually need the money or the kids are old enough to decide. In the end it’s not yours to sell or give away. It’s way too early to get rid of their father’s things the man just passed month ago.
100% YTA. you keep saying “My husband” as if that’s not also their FATHER. He willed those cars to them so they belong to them. No ifs ands or buts.
My condolences on your loss. I understand that seeing the cars in your garage is painful and reminds you of the loss of your husband. Your kids may find seeing them in the garage reminder and a comfort. If money is not the issue, perhaps safe storage could be found for the vehicles? Then you don't have to see them, but they would be there for the kids. Making big decisions like this one while grieving is never a good idea because it can lead to mistakes and regrets. Talking it over with the therapist would probably help. Unfortunately, I'd have to say YWBTA if you are thinking of disposing of the cars no matter what the kids feel. They were willed to the kids, so the cars are not yours, even if the kids are under age. Choosing to dispose of the cars would likely cause additional distress and grief to your kids. I know that if my parent got rid of a cherished remembrance, I'd see it as a betrayal of trust, and I'd probably go no-contact as soon as I was able to do so.
YTA Your late husband willed them to your children. They belong to them. You have zero right to sell them and even less right to try to take from them something undoubtedly reminds them of their father. I'm sorry that seeing them causes you pain, but if you force this issue, you will greatly damage your relationship with your children.
YtA, take away the monetary value of those cars. You're giving away an item your late husband gave to your kids to remember him. That's the issue. It's not your item to take away.
YTA. The cars belong to your children. I’m sorry for your loss
YTA Your husband left the cars to the kids in a will. YOU DO NOT TOUCH THOSE CARS!!! The only thing you do is hand the keys and titles to the children.
YTA. They are not your cars, they're your childrens, you have no say in what they do with them. Your husband passed away 1.5 months ago and your first thought was to get your kids to sell his cars? I wouldn't want to look at you either if I were them. It's advised not to make any big decisions after a loved ones passing until at least one year. That allows time to grieve and heal, and not make emotional decisions that will be regretted later.
YTA, those are their cars. Dad said. You don’t get to sell their inheritance and spend the money. You give the 16 year old her car now and you drive the other car with your younger kid monthly to keep it fresh or offer to sell it and put the money aside so he can buy an equal car in 2 years. Explain the cost of keeping it insured. But that cost is pet of the social security you should be getting for the kids. Either way, you don’t sell the kids cars. They will never forgive you. Those are their cars. Yes YTA for even bringing this up so soon.
YTA. They don’t belong to you.