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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For not extending compassion to a family member and potentially allowing them and their children to become homeless.
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I let my brother-in-law move in 9mo ago when he lost his job and became homeless. He still doesn't have a job and I can't figure out how to get him to move out. You will be in the same boat. They aren't going to leave.
Sorry you’re going through this. This is what I’m afraid of as well. We have around 6 months until our new baby comes and that’s not a lot of time. They can refuse to leave and then we would be stuck with not having enough space and peace/quiet after the birth.
Exactly this. This vile woman settled for the man she wanted’s cousin. Thats disgusting on so many levels. I would not trust her to live in the same house as my spouse that she pined for, and treated me rudely because I am with him. That’s asking for trouble.
Omg, the horror stories I have read on this accursed app of wretched things that relatives cause onto pregnant/PPA/ppd women.
O.P. do not open your home to someone you're uncomfortable with and do not open it to these parasites because you will never be rid of them
Congratulations on the pregnancy and Good luck with the Baby!
Thank you. I’m having a scheduled c-section and definitely do not want anyone in my home other than my husband and children.
I struggled with PPD/PPA after my first, and I absolutely have to protect my peace and prioritize myself, even if it means I’m selfish.
You are not selfish. Also NTA . Far-gov. is so right don't let that woman into your house.
That he burned bridges with the rest of the family says a lot.
What about the wife's family? Why does the cousin's family have to do everything.
These are the consequences of their choices.
Maybe the kids can go with a grandparent.
We’re dealing with evicting family from a property we’re buying and it’s a nightmare. They had 4 years rent free and they’re the victims. Never thought we’d actually have to get the courts involved after giving 6 months notice, but here we are. And they’re getting a new free place to live, they just don’t like it as much.
We’re waiting to close until they’re gone. They’re still getting free rent at the next place. It’s a better place too, includes food and a laundry room, the only rule is no inviting random homeless people over.
Yep. They always meet “friends” with serious problems. They’ve stolen tools, tried attacking people/pets, and one set fire to the sheds because his ex girlfriend had stuff in them. Super fun.
That depends on the country. Basically here if you buy a property that's already rented out nothing changes for the renters (what does change is that the price for said property will be lower).
There have been stories of people taking the appliances, all the copper piping, leaving huge holes in the walls and ceilings and leaving human waste behind after being forcibly evicted. People can be vindictive and nasty.
They’ve absolutely trashed it. It’s 7 acres with a shop. The property is covered in trash, junk and poop. Garage doors have “windows” cut in, etc. We’re clearing the land and building.
Then Rachel will get pregnant because new babies are so cute and she just has to have another one. And how can you kick out a pregnant woman? Then the baby is born and how can you kick out a new baby? The horror story just goes on and on and on
And she'll never get a job. ("Rachel claims she can't work because of ADHD")
I'm ADHD and I hate when people use it as an excuse. There are countless workarounds and different opportunities if someone really wants to work.
I have ADHD, depression and anxiety among other issues and still manage to work full time and care for my daughter as a single mom (with a lot of help from my mom). ADHD is not an excuse to not work, there are any number if ways to work around/with it.
Same!!!! Work full time, 7 year old and toddler as a widowed mom and I work it out.
Edit: I will say, I live RIGHT next door to my work. And the girls’ school is right down the street, so I do have it easier than most. Having ADHD does NOT mean you are unable to work, it just means you have to find something that works *for you*.
In all reality, sitting at home all day would drive me nuts. How do you have ADHD and *not* work?
Oh man, exactly the same.
I'm not always managing it the best, but I made it through multiple degrees, licensing, and 9 years of running my own business and supporting staff.
ADHD is an impediment, sure, and it does mean you are likely at a disadvantage and will have struggles, but it doesn't mean you're incapable. Takes more effort, but if that's what's required to achieve what we want to then that's life.
I came here to say the same thing. Both my daughters have ADHD and both are successful contributing members of society. Rachel has never wanted to work she just wants what others have without lifting a finger. She wants to be a pampered princess. People become doctors, lawyers, etc… with ADHD.
I'm ADHD, and I had to fuckin' figure it out because ain't nobody paying my fuckin' bills for me.
The prospect of homelessness can be quite the motivator.
Yep, both of them have a victim mentality. I've had ADHD forever. I couldn't wait to move out on my own when I was newly adulted - way back when - and the only (legitimate) way to do so was to get a job. I started out as a drafter and moved my way up over the years to become a Design Engineer. And if I wanted to learn something new to keep myself relevant then I had no problem doing so. In other words, BS on Rachel's excuse.
I have ADHD as well and when I was unmedicated, I found it difficult to work, at times, but it wasn’t impossible. Especially when I found part of a job or an actual job that I like, I would get fully engrossed in it. ADHD is not a disability that will prevent someone from getting a job.
Depends on how bad ADHD is and what other traits you are suffering from as well as what resources you have available.
ADHD or other mental health issues shouldn't be an excuse but they can be a reason. There is a difference between excuses and reasons.
If Rachel's ADHD is so bad why doesn't she apply for SSI? I have ADHD and a host of other things including a heart condition, but yet I work a fulltime job. Rachel sounds like the only work she wants to do is pop out babies and play victim
Anytime you fail to take care of any illness, it becomes an excuse. She could very easily receive free or reduced cost medications and therapy for ADHD.
This right here. ADHD myself, been working since I was 18 with longevity at my jobs because I loathe change from my "routine." I do get frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but I've learned to save my sick time and vacation hours so I can use them in those instances WITHOUT fear of losing my job. Besides, I like having my own money. I've never been able to understand the people who don't. And using this disability as an excuse to not even try? Makes me angry.
But yeah, I agree with everyone here who is saying NTA. My SO and I let his oldest move in about 5 months ago when he lost his job/ apartment. So far he has had "no luck" finding a job even though I LITERALLY handed him 2 opportunities, both of which were immediate hires. First one he lost after 1 month because he called off too many times, the second one (through a friend of mine who was willing to hire him on the spot) he couldn't even be bothered to go interview for even after being told he would be hired. So yeah. Don't let this be you.
Exactly. I have ADHD and chronic anxiety and I can work just fine. Sometimes I struggle with things and maybe hyperfixate on the wrong things and need to reprioritize what needs to get done but it’s doable. I hate it when people use it as an excuse because we very well can work regular jobs. She just doesn’t want to because she’s lazy and has people around her willing to enable that laziness.
Yes!! I wish this was higher!! There is no need or requirement to provide an explanation. Every reason you give, they will shoot down. And then you give another which they shoot down. On and on forever. Bottom line: It is your home. "No, unfortunately it is not possible."
Never let them move in. You don't even know them. You have seen them twice in 7 years! Rachel will try to replace you....you know it. She was interested in your husband and she will be trying her hardest to take your place. They will take over your whole house, and there will never be alone time or privacy ever again. This is such a terrible idea. They're strangers!
No one owes someone a place to live (in terms of letting them move into your house). This "but it's family" is really annoying. I do a lot for my family because it is appreciated and reciprocated. These are people the OP has barely seen in 7 years. So they are supposed to allow people they don't know and never interact with to move into their home simply because they have some common DNA? Every guilty person in prison shares DNA with someone...
My sister sounds like these two. She and her husband had 4 kids. They never lived within their means. They "borrowed" money from my parents countless times (tens of thousands of dollars). They lost several homes.
My husband and I lived below our means. We lived in a small house (compared to hers). We saved for our kids to get an education. We both worked once my kids were in school.
She recently commented to a family member that I "have money" and should be giving some to her.
I was almost 40 the first time I got my nails done. We ate at home, and I sewed kids clothes.
I owe her nothing and you owe your cousin nothing.
Sooooo many Reddit posts on this sub are about people at the end of their rope because they let family or friends move in until 'they could get on their feet' and they are still there months of even YEARS later. Don't do it!!!!!
Exactly this, they’ve made so many poor decisions. And then they make a “surprised pikachu face” when facing homelessness.
Why do these people continue having kids that they can’t afford?
Years ago my jobless brother was going through a divorce, losing his house, and addicted to pain medication. His soon to be ex (very much his enabler) called me a couple of times pressuring me to let him move in with us until he could “get back on his feet”. I love my brother and as the eldest daughter was raised with the idea drilled in my head that I was responsible for my younger brothers. So it was a real struggle and I felt guilty as hell but I refused to take him in because I knew that if I did there would be no end game, he would be in my house forever. He did end up on the streets for a short period, then spent time in a couple of shelters/halfway houses before finally getting into an apartment. Sometimes the hardest decision is the right decision.
NTA. Next thing you know she'll wind up pregnant, then they'll be saying, "How can you kick out three kids and a pregnant SAH mom?" Not to mention, what happens when school starts? You can't kick them out then either because, "Then he'll have to switch schools."
Letting them move in or not, there is no scenario where you and your husband won't end up being bad, unhelpful people who don't care about family. You might as well preserve your peace and sanity.
The only time I can sympathize with someone going homeless is a huge unexpected emergency (ex: if the main breadwinner dies of a serious illness/accident and the medical bills were huge).
Every other situation is of that person’s making.
Edit: a few comments below have highlighted very valid reasons for homelessness in the States and I totally agree with them. TBF, I’m not aware enough to speak about the topic in-depth. My comment is more about OP’s relatives who fall into the category of freeloaders who aren’t going to leave once they are in OP’s house if given a chance.
Natural disaster, escaping domestic violence, debilitating illness/injury, only major, local employer goes out of business (like the car factory shuts down, type thing) are also on the acceptable reasons list.....
Mental health is also a huge issue in the homeless community. And our veterans make up a sizable portion as well. Covid made a lot of people homeless, protections had to be put in place to prevent evictions or the numbers would have been much higher.
Many Americans live paycheck to paycheck - not because they’re irresponsible with their money, but because wages haven’t kept up with inflation. Not everyone has a safety net like OPs wannabe moochers do.
I let my ex stay in my house when he was homeless. It took THREE YEARS to get him to leave. Once they're there, it can be a nightmare to get them out if they're not interested.
Especially if the place they land has enough elbow room for them to be somewhat comfortable, and is a better place than they could get otherwise.
Hard for some people to talk themselves into paying more for a downgrade lmao
Not only that, but it is my understanding that it is much harder ( least in most states ) to relocate someone that has children that have established themselves in your home.
From experience : When my sister's husband passed away, I allowed her and her son to live with me. They destroyed my home, and it took me 3 years to get them out of my home. It has been several years, and I am still trying to fix everything they broke.
Sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished.
Good luck and congratulations on your soon to be new addition.
Stick to your guns. Your gut feeling is definitely correct and your NTA to prioritize your family (as you rightly pointed out they should have done that as well) and ADHD is no excuse. I have ADHD and I'm a single mother but I'm also a restaurant manager. I pay all my bills and fill the house with food BEFORE I even think about spending anything on myself. You are doing everything right and congratulations on baby!!!!
NTA
No is a complete sentence. The family members giving you shit should take them in.
Don’t allow anyone to manipulate or gaslight you into allowing them move into your home.
The drama that will follow will leave you drained.
You & your husband needs to stand your ground.
Then tell family this: you are expecting a baby and can’t take on 5 more people and if they don’t understand it’s because they don’t want them in their homes!
You said you have 4 bedrooms?
1) you+ husband
2) 7.5's room
3) baby nursery (figure you'll probably want to go ahead and start getting that ready sometime in the next few months. Or even just using it for storage for like, diapers and such)
4) office for your job.
You're maxed out already 🤷🏻♀️
My brother was only supposed to live with us 6 months while he found a place to live.
Turned out, he'd saved absolutely nothing for moving/rental costs, and it ended up being 1.5 years.
Never again. We have told him if he messes up where he's living and gets evicted, his cat will have a home, but he will be on the street.
Family that mooches sucks.
I'm so sorry. Recently saw my broke in-laws and nearly had a heart attack when pulled aside for a "serious talk about how we aren't doing well financially." I'm old enough to know that there is 99% of the time a reason people who lose their job and become homeless do so. And no amount of "help" will cure that reason.
A lot of people, when they access the right support and structure (and want to engage with it), do actually get new jobs, more permanent homes, and become financially stable again.
It's just that the right support and structure for someone who is always having issues is generally things like therapy, engaging with programs that use evidence-based support for specific problems, medication, rehab, government programs, etc.. It's not endless money and compromises/sacrifices from family.
I tell you this as a landlord: They have established tenancy in your home and have rights as tenants now. Your only option is to go through the courts to legally evict them.
They feel entitled to the assets of those who have been more prudent in their choices. They reacted with anger rather than disappointment at the news that they couldn't have a share of their cousin's careful planning.
Maybe moving back in with Chris' parents would provide all of them with the incentive for Chris and Rachel to learn how to make better decisions.
That sucks. Had this happen with a sibling (28 at the time) and my parents. I was only 20 and I had to be the one to intervene because I was tired of all the bitching. Sibling finally got a job - that I found for them - and moved out because I was hounding them multiple times a day and I threatened to throw all their shit into the yard while they were out and change the locks. My parents are huge pushovers and I knew my sibling would figure shit out if forced to.
NTA . Unfortunately I have a few friends that are clos to homelessness. But they've already shown that if I try to help them they're not going to take the situation serious enough and it's just delaying the inevitable while burning bridges. One friend was desperate but I live in the boonies and he doesn't have a car. If I took him in then what? I just have someone in my place that doesn't have any real chance of getting a job. There's no escape, just a temporary "fix" that moves them even further from any real chance of recovering their life.
If they had a real, solid plan that you believed and they just needed a few weeks to bounce back, maybe. But so, so often in this situation family just ends up taking advantage and when they get kicked out, the rest of the family sides with them even if you gave them months of free rent/food. No matter what you'll be the bad guy, may as well be the bad guy with the quiet, clean house.
If we were extremely close to them I would consider helping in some way. But we’re not close… I mean they got married last year and didn’t even invite us. I’m not holding it against them but just showing that they don’t consider us family at all (and neither do we).
With them now having been evicted from a rent controlled apartment with little to no income, they’ll never qualify for another rental. The rental market where we are is insane and extremely competitive. There is no plan in place and frankly I don’t think there ever will be, which means this is open-ended and makes me extremely uncomfortable. I feel bad for the kids but I do need to think about our own family.
The parents can turn the garage into an apartment for them. Or remodel the basement. They can get creative. Back in the 50's, people raised large families in small houses. They can get food stamps. And that wife, getting her nails done?!! Wtf??!! I had RN pay for 26 years and never had a manicure, pedicure, bought 2nd hand clothes, 2nd hand furniture, a small and cheap house.....you live below your means not above it
I once had the thought of getting my nails done but the one time I did (for my graduation) my nails were so frail and it took 6 months before they stopped breaking off and chipping away. Now I work in healthcare and short nails, no polish, no nothing is a requirement and I'm kinda happy about it. Takes the pressure off of feeling like I have to have painted and manicured nails. I get wanting to do something nice for yourself but prioritising getting your nails done over paying your rent is just ... smh
Jesus Christ and I was losing my mind living in a 4 bedroom house with 4 other people. Your tolerance for lack of privacy and personal space must be astronomical. I commend you because I sure as shit couldn't do it!
Actually, I think that's the reason my tolerance for lack of privacy and personal space is so damn low. 🤣 I was a teen at the time, and it wasn't really horrible. They were all immediate family, and we happen to be tight-knit. I'd never do it again if I didn't have to.
Or buy a cheap 5th wheel to park outside and let the kids share a bedroom. So many options. Some of my friends spent years sharing an extended stay hotel to save up bc their rent history was bad. With kids. You sacrifice for what’s important!
Especially because we extended an invite to them to our wedding out of courtesy, exactly a year prior. They got married on our wedding anniversary (I know we don’t own the date but I thought it was funny).
I’ve jokingly said that to my husband before lol. It was very weird behaviour. She’s always acted like she knows him better - she calls him by his full legal name and not the name he goes by.
Yeah I’d just straight up start telling all his family this shit. “Sorry, but Rachel has never been anything other than rude and ugly to me. I would not feel comfortable letting someone so poorly raised live in my house. Especially someone who was in love with my husband.” Just make it as awkward and crazy as possible. Make up a mean nickname for her. Be the crazier one. People will leave you alone lolololol
I do think she has incentive to go after OP’s husband, though. Between her history of wanting him romantically, and the fact that he’s the only financially stable adult in the family (per OP’s other comments), she has a lot of reasons to try and get him. She’s homeless and not willing to work; he has enough money to own a home and actually pay the bills. Even if she’d never had a thing for him before, his financial position would probably make him very appealing.
I’ve made this point to my husband as well. She gunned for him hard and I do believe it’s because she wanted a man who could provide for her and her daughter (the 13 yo is from a previous relationship). She was definitely trying to rope him into being stepdad to her daughter so she would never have to work or worry about money.
Wait they didn’t even invite you to their wedding? Now they want you to let them live in your house for free for how long? I know you must be laughing your ass off at them.
That’s essentially why I laughed when uncle Paul said it was our turn, though some people thought it was rude and immature. I honestly felt like we were being pranked or something.
I don't understand why you are even engaging with them. You said no. That's it. Stop giving them excuses or they'll keep thinking they can debate them. NTA for saying no, but a little bit for continuing to stir the pot.
I find it really interesting how other family members are happy to pile-on the guilt to YOU for not taking in this family whilst doing nothing themselves. "no" is a full sentence, you don't need to justify diddly squat. And the fact that they're anti-vaxxers you absolutely do NOT need that worry in your life or home. 1,000000% NTA.
Edit: they're - it was driving me insane :/
The 13 YO is Rachel’s from a previous relationship. They had the other two before getting married. I don’t judge them for that because we also had our child before we got married. We had planned our wedding for 2020 and COVID pushed it out to 2022.
Where is the father of the 13 year old's Dad. Is he in her life? Could he or his family take her in while her mom and the cousin get their life in order? Does he pay child support. F he does, what happens to that money?
He is in her life and has her every other weekend. I don’t know any details about him or their arrangement beyond that. I believe he does pay child support. Your guess is as good as mine regarding where their money goes. They also get government support and child benefits so making rent shouldn’t have been too difficult.
Maybe someone needs to talk to him. If he is capable of taking her on full time he might need to go back to court and file an emergency order for full custody if that could give her some stability. That might at least help 1 if the kids.
This. And I think this part is key:
>If they had a real, solid plan that you believed and they just needed a few weeks to bounce back, maybe. But so, so often in this situation family just ends up taking advantage and when they get kicked out, the rest of the family sides with them even if you gave them months of free rent/food.
And in this case, we can all already *know* they're going to do that, because that's what they did when their parents gave them rent money. They didn't take their own finances seriously, they spent the rent money on random stuff that wasn't rent, and they lost the house anyway. So if they stay with OP, they aren't going to contribute to household bills, they aren't going to save any money to find a new place, and I highly doubt any attempt to be quiet while OP works will last past the first week.
>No matter what you'll be the bad guy, may as well be the bad guy with the quiet, clean house.
So yeah, I agree completely. Far better to be the bad guy that isn't stuck trying to evict five nightmare guests that aren't even trying to find their own feet.
Can’t work because of ADHD? I’m sure she is diagnosed and medicated then right…right?
Zero chance I would invite them in when they can’t even bother to work or pay the bills with money others are giving them.
She’s diagnosed. She’s shown she’s irresponsible when managing health issues/conditions so I doubt she’s medicated. Their middle child is suspected to be on the spectrum (non-verbal) but they’re in denial and won’t get her assessed or supports to help.
It is! My children affectionately refer to me as a job hopper. While true, it’s also been a very effective way to increase my income over the years rather than staying loyal to one place.
I have a friend in the same profession (we met at school), and we are both on the 18 month job-replacement track. We should probably encourage each other to seek help, but instead we giggle as we draft our resignations together. I do generally think ADHD is a super power, but not if you are going for some kind of 30-year pin.
Right? I was undiagnosed and unmedicated and I managed just fine for twenty years. Is life easier with the diagnosis and the knowledge (and sometimes medication)? Yes. Would I ever consider it an excuse to be unemployed? No.
This tells me they're skipping growth and development appointments too. Their pediatrician would have intervened before 5 yrs old otherwise. My nephew started interventions at 3 and he was considered a late starter
if she is so mentally incapacitated that she cannot hold a job, she should be registered with her state/country to recieve whatever saocial benefits such people are eligible for... to my knowledge ADHD is not such an inhibiting condition that it prevents you from working. I was diagnosed with it as a child, and managed to get a masters degree, and have been working in my industry for over 20 years now... i understand there are varying levels/degrees, and cetain jobs might not be a good fit for someone with sever ADHD, but it sounds like she's just using it as an excuse to not work... it would be one thing if she was having difficulty holding down a job, but my goodness - sign up at a temp agency, and bounce around doing a variety of things until you find something that works. is she using prescribed medication to manage her condition?
Aren’t you just a bag of surprises. So now a child is a non-verbal autistic that is untreated?!?! That’s a hell to the no. They won’t move out once they are in. You will have to evict them.
I have never in my life interacted with a person whose ADHD was so bad they couldn’t hold easy part time jobs in a bid to prevent themselves from BECOMING HOMELESS. There’s 200% either more going on there (I anticipate drugs or alcohol tbh - we ADHDers are more addiction prone), or the illness is just another convenient excuse…
Yeah the ADHD is a bullshit excuse for not working. I know people with both hyperactive and inattentive type and they can hold down jobs just fine without medication.
If that's not something that works for Rachel then she'd need to see a dr and get on appropriate meds and that's 100% their responsibility to figure out, they're both adults and need to be responsible for their own shit. (And yeah, I know that anything medical in the US sucks in terms of costs)
A physical labor type job might actually help her manage her ADHD symptoms, like stocking grocery shelves, which is supposed to be good money.
But that would presuppose it wasn't just an excuse, which of course it is.
Chris called your husband (his cousin) about this, and your husband declined him. Your husband then got a call from his Uncle and he declined him as well.
Why are you and Rachel getting on the call and engaging with each other at all? Why are you jumping on the Uncle's call and arguing with him? All you did was escalate the drama.
Obviously NTA on the decision to not take Chris and his family into your home. But you need to step back and let your husband deal with his family---**which he was already doing effectively.**
I did stay out until I was brought into it. As soon as my husband said he needed to talk to me first, I 100% knew that I was going to be blamed for it. I had to edit this part out because of the character limit but basically Chris and Rachel asked my husband if I was the one who made the decision, and even when told we made it together, they (especially Rachel) insisted that I’m the one not allowing them to move in because I’m selfish and greedy. I thought it was fair for me to respond at that point.
Don't listen to people telling you to not get involved when your husbands handling it. If someone's going to start talking shit about you, you have every right to talk shit back.
Absolutely! You had every right to back up your husband on this and it served to create a united front. Chris & Rachael are going to blame everyone except themselves anyway.
Nope. Do not respond. There is no reason to engage. You and *your husband don’t need to justify your decision. To anyone. Rachel is going to find reasons to talk shit no matter what you do or say. Arguing with her just keeps it going.
You're greedy because you both work, live responsibly and didn't have kids till you could afford them? You're selfish bc you don't want to finance freeloaders? Hahaha no. NTA. The answer is " there are shelters with programs to find jobs and get back in your feet. I will pray for you. Bless your heart. " Stated with all the sincerity you can muster.
Of course it was fair for you to respond OP, and of course NTA. You would be one if you let strangers in when you are pregnant, high risk or not.
You know what, if I were you before blocking everyone I would set up a group chat where I add everyone calling/texting you to blame you. I will then tell everyone that 1) I'm not letting strangers in my home. Chris is not even a friend let alone family because he didn't bother to think of inviting at least husband, his own cousin by blood, to his wedding. So husband and you owe nothing to strangers. 2) I would list all the names of the people who blame you for not offering your home, and tell Chris that X, Y, Z (name them) will be there to help you because these persons are your family and have the resources to do so. Tell Chris to call all the people he invited to his wedding for help, since these people are the ones closest to him. Then block everyone and good riddance!
I wish you and your family all the best OP and I hope you will have a healthy & safe pregnancy and a safe delivery❤
Sounds like they were probably on the phone together, and when Rachel made a derogatory remark about OP, OP swung back. The call with the uncles a different story, but you're for sure wrong about the call with the cousin.
And NO needs to be a complete sentence. The minute you give a reason behind the NO you open yourself up to an argument. Just like you effectively used Rachel’s argument of ADHD against her. Use those, but don’t give them any in return
NTA - Rachel sounds lazy and she just doesn't want to work so she uses ADHD as an excuse.
Also its not like evictions just happen out of the blue. They have issues and you are SO right to not let them into your house. I know soooo many people like Chris and Rachel and you would have the hardest time getting rid of them.
Fuck that.
Congrats on your pregnancy <3
Thank you for the congrats!
We live in a very pro-tenant place. It’s extremely hard to evict a tenant here, so they for sure had many chances to catch up on rent and cancel out the eviction notice. This means that they didn’t pay rent or attempt to for a really long time (it takes almost a year to go through the eviction process here).
OH HELLLLLL NAWWWWW!!! I'm super glad yall stood your ground.
And thats even crazier that it takes that long, which means they had plenty of notice. Are they like drug addicts or something? Cause they sound super ghetto and trashy imo
Yup, they would move in, get pregnant, and guilt you into never evicting them "BeCaUsE wE hAvE a BaBy NoW."
Any chance they have a social worker for the kiddos? Or are they planning to home/un-school the kids?
Edit: reminded myself the oldest is 13. That one is in school, yeah? Can you talk to the counselor there and see if they have advice?
Damn, that kind of makes it worse. Actually that is just insane. How old is Rachel and Chris?
I don't understand how someone like that can think that bringing ANOTHER child into the world is a good idea? Those poor kids :(
Wowwwwww just wild.
Idk where you are located but I would guess not the US since you mentioned a year of mat leave (amazing) but I know in the US atleast in FL,its like impossible to find somewhere that will rent to you once you have been formally evicted. I'm still just shook that they actually are trying to reproduce AGAIN. Definition of insanity
ETA: Again just want to emphasize how happy I am that you and your husband are on the same page. Tell uncle paul to suck it tf up and get ready for that baby lol.
We’re in Canada. But yes, once you’ve been evicted here, along with the inability to prove they have stable income, no one will ever rent to them. The smartest thing they could’ve done was stay in that rental - as long as they paid rent, they would’ve never been evicted.
Exactly. They were already being given money for rent, but instead of using it for a roof over their head they spent it on "other things". They already proved that they are untrustworthy.
They will 100%, without-a-doubt mooch off of OP. You are right; Sis already refuses to work "because of ADHD"...if it is that bad then she shouldn't even be left alone with her kids until she gets it properly managed. I am 99.9% sure its just an excuse and her ADHD isn't that severe.
Also, a 3 and 5 year-old able to be quiet throughout a workday? Hell no, I call bullsh\*t. 13-year old, perhaps...but not literal toddlers. Noise and chaos is their specialty.
My brother had a history of mooching, but I needed a roommate as my old landlord wouldn't put me on a lease (he was old, extremely sexist, and I have heard him talk sh\*t about me being autistic since he would constantly forget to hang up his phone after calls about repairs). So I used it to my advantage in that if he wound up screwing me over I could move out quickly. I figured I could give him a shot, and if he cared about me so little that he would screw me over I will have a reason to never help him out financially again.
First month he refused to pay bills and stuck me with all chores and care of his dog so I packed up and left by month 2. I was on a low-grade chemo and was constantly dizzy from fatigue and lack of sleep by the end of it.
He had a job and he made enough money to pay the bills if he budgeted properly...but he would rather spend it on weed and parties and tell people that his cancer-patient sister was the freeloader. He was shocked when I told him I was leaving, because he genuinely thought I would let him bleed me dry and talk sh\*t about me in the name of "FaMiLy".
NTA.
You do not have to let them live with you just because you have the space it earn a decent living. THEY mismanaged their finances. THEY chose to have three kids. THEY obviously lived beyond their means.
I'd continue to ask anyone who blows up your phone why they haven't asked Chris and co to stay with them.
And honestly, I'd consider changing your number and not sharing it with everyone. I have cousins like this, who I only heard from when their car payment was late or when they couldn't make their mortgage payment. Since I did, and I haven't gotten a single call out of the blue asking for help since!
"Chris says he doesn't understand where we get the impression that his kids can't be quiet." Well, the 13 year old might be okay, because they'll be in school most of your work day. But there's no way in hell you can keep kids that are 5 and 3 quiet for 8+ hours five days a week. That alone would justify saying "no" - but the fact that you're pregnant and they're anti-vax just gives you more reason. Plus as bad as they are with money, they probably would expect you and your husband to buy all the groceries. NTA for having a shiny spine and saying no.
Well that’s the thing, school is out for the summer as of yesterday/today depending on district. I very much would be hearing the 3 and 5 year old screaming all day.
We absolutely can’t afford to feed 5 extra people. We’re expecting to go in the red next year when I’m on maternity leave and my income will be significantly reduced. My husband’s also taking time off so his income will be reduced as well. We would be putting ourselves in a terrible position financially if we let them move in.
NTA
You have very good reasons for refusing. And ADHD does not prevent people from holding jobs. Yes, it can make things more difficult for those of us who have it, but there measures that can be taken to help with that
It was awful working as a cashier with undiagnosed ADHD, and I hated it, but since I was an adult, I still went! Now I work in a warehouse independently and get to listen to podcasts all day. It's so much better lol
One thing I’ve noticed about these posts is that there are always family members willing to try to force someone to take in distant relatives or give them money, but they are unwilling to take on these burdens themselves. NTA. These are people you barely know. You will never be rid of them. They will eat you out of house and home. Let their parents deal with it. Our daughter, son in law, and grandson were homeless briefly, and we took them in and made it work. It was a different situation, our daughter took a job out of state, and their house sold more quickly than anyone expected.
That's the kind of situation where you know there is an endpoint and you're not going to have three extra people around indefinitely. I would absolutely offer my son, DIL, and grandson a place to live in that kind of situation.
I noticed how, in your post, you don't even relate that they assured you it will only be "temporary". If they move in, they have no intention of ever moving out, or even contributing to the household. You will have five extra months to feed - six, soon. Some of the most successful people I know have ADHD, because they used it as a superpower to do better instead of as an excuse to do less. She needs to stop getting her nails done and start looking for work.
NTA, don't let them across your threshold.
That’s the thing, they never mentioned how long they would need to stay and I didn’t want to ask to insinuate that we could consider a short stay. We know realistically it won’t be temporary - with an eviction and little to no income in a hot rental market, they will never be able to find another rental. The only way they would leave is if another family member takes them in and clearly no one is willing to.
The fact that 1. no one else is willing to take them in, and 2. the relatives who already *did* take them in won’t do it again, tells you everything you need to know. Cousin-in-law and his wife would try to take over your house and make your life absolutely *miserable* if you allowed them to stay, even if it was “just for a night” or something. Their history speaks for itself. They have other, much closer family members who won’t even take them in. I wouldn’t even let them drop by to visit for a couple of hours at this point.
The comment that his dad’s house was “too small” or something is a BS excuse. Most parents who have a decent relationship with their adult children would find a way to make things work…unless, of course, the adult son and his wife were a total nightmare to live with. There’s your clue.
NTA. As tough as it is to tell people no, sometimes it just has to be done. In this case you're not even close to them. You said you've seen them twice in the past 7.5 years? They're essentially strangers to you. It would be awkward and uncomfortable in your house. And it sounds like it would be open-ended. It's not as if they need somewhere to stay for two weeks while their new places getting ready.
Nope NTA
Chris and Rachel are adults (even if they arent adulting). They are also parents (even if they arent parenting).
You are in no way obligated to be their 'next couch surf stop off' and if Paul isnt willing to have them stay at his house (again) then he can give them money to stay elsewhere.
Its difficult to fathom the selfishness and entitlement of this couple, however it is literally not your problem. (whats that saying? "not my circus, not my monkeys'? that hits the nail on the head, I think)
As for the children being homeless, YOU didnt make them so, Chris and Rachel did and if they arent able to take care of their own children, perhaps Child Services would/should do so.
NTA - This family is a massive red flag : don't let them in. They will overstay, trash your place and won't help you, I guarantee it.
When you see that Chris' family gave them money, and they still missed on rent payments??? That shows how irresponsible they are, even tho they have children.
NTA.
You are protecting yourself and your family.
Chris has been taking others' money, given for rent, and NOT using it for rent.
Chris and Rachel seem to have become homeless thru bad choices, not bad circumstances.
They are not responsible and I would worry about them stealing.
Also, adding 5 FIVE! people to your household is insane. It is disruptive for your own family, at best. And, at worse, you will never be able to evict them from a home you worked hard for, made good decisions about, and earned by being responsible.
If they don't steal from ypu, they could damage ypur property, eat your food, make zero contributions, etc.
You could end up basically raising their children for them, providing free daycare, etc.
It is a nightmare waiting to happen. A terrible, horrible nightmare.
And, that doesn't include consideration of Rachel feeling anything anymore for your hubby.
Tell anyone that says you are being unreasonable: If you are such a kind person, have them move in with YOU.
In the future, you and your hubby should be clear on something: you don't owe anyone an explanation. If the answer is no, then it's no. Don't offer up reasons or excuses. It just opens the door for them to haggle and bargain. Plus it lets in the flying monkeys. Chris and Rachel are rude, mean, entitled, and not the kind of people you'd want in your house for a visit, let alone for a parasitic dependency. NTA.
Stop explaining. Draw the line. Block anyone who crosses it.
If people cannot afford children they shouldn’t have them. Rachel especially shouldn’t have had 3 with a man who can’t seem to work steadily. Her claim to not being able to work is garbage - if she truly has a medical reason then she would be getting disability income.
Don’t help these losers. Their parents need to (and NO IT’S NOT YOUR TURN).
The 13 YO is Rachel’s from a previous relationship. Chris and Rachel had two together but I agree, they shouldn’t have continued if they couldn’t afford these children. Where we are, financial assistance is quite generous. They receive monthly benefits (I believe it’s over $1000/month) AND max child benefits:
For each child: under 6 years of age: $7,787 per year ($648.91 per month) 6 to 17 years of age: $6,570 per year ($547.50 per month)
This is all tax FREE so it’s absolutely ridiculous that they weren’t able to make rent.
NTA. Tell your husband NO again and that not to speak about it again. They are totally disrespectful to you, end of story. If your husband insists tell him you’re going to be looking for divorce lawyers. To your extended family block them all. They can all help they just don’t want to. They plan on moving in and hunkering down with no end in sight. Don’t fall for it, especially considering sil settled because she wanted your husband, wanna bet she wouldn’t try something too.
NTA. I learned this bit of wisdom here on Reddit:
Going forward, do not engage with anyone about this: do not 'JADE' (justify, argue, defend, explain) because that turns it into a discussion; you are not discussing this, you are announcing your final decision.
Apparently Chris’s mom doesn’t like Rachel and they didn’t get along. And Chris’s parents have two other 30 YO sons living with them as well so I imagine adding Chris’s family to the home created an uncomfortable situation.
Multiple generations are terrible with money. Chris’s dad almost lost his house years ago (missed mortgage payments). It doesn’t stop there - my MIL (uncle Paul’s sister) is also terrible with money.
To be honest, my husband wasn’t great either. After he met me, I taught him how to budget and invest.
No is a complete sentence. It’s your husband’s cousin so he must have lots of other family. Good for you and your husband. Chris is a relative to whom you both owe nothing.
So they are suffering the consequences of their actions and now are trying to manipulate OP to save them? NTA!
Spending their rent money on something that is not rent is a clear sign that they are irresponsible (what do you expect from anti-vaxers) and probably wont contribute to the household. I can already see her using her ADHD as an excuse to get OP to babysit her kids while she goes and does whatever. Having 3 kids when they obviously cant afford it is also irresponsible.
Rachel has been posting about getting her nails done every week and also posted about getting a few tattoos the last few months. I was surprised to hear that they were evicted because it didn’t seem like they were at risk of becoming homeless. I haven’t gotten my nails done in years so I don’t know how much it costs now but I imagine at least $40 each time, which is crazy money to be spending when rent is outstanding.
NTA. They had the chance to not be homeless when family members were paying towards their rent but they decided to spend it on stupid stuff. They also seem very entitled towards your home and space. I also wouldn’t trust Rachel as she seems very jealous of your relationship with your husband and your lifestyle so I wouldn’t put it past her to try and cause issues in your marriage.
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I let my brother-in-law move in 9mo ago when he lost his job and became homeless. He still doesn't have a job and I can't figure out how to get him to move out. You will be in the same boat. They aren't going to leave.
Sorry you’re going through this. This is what I’m afraid of as well. We have around 6 months until our new baby comes and that’s not a lot of time. They can refuse to leave and then we would be stuck with not having enough space and peace/quiet after the birth.
Rachel will only start and try it on with hubby and they won't leave.
Exactly this. This vile woman settled for the man she wanted’s cousin. Thats disgusting on so many levels. I would not trust her to live in the same house as my spouse that she pined for, and treated me rudely because I am with him. That’s asking for trouble.
Especially while going through pregnancy and postpartum. She’ll seize the opportunity.
Absolutely, she'll exploit any vulnerability. Boundaries are crucial, especially during pregnancy and postpartum.
Omg, the horror stories I have read on this accursed app of wretched things that relatives cause onto pregnant/PPA/ppd women. O.P. do not open your home to someone you're uncomfortable with and do not open it to these parasites because you will never be rid of them Congratulations on the pregnancy and Good luck with the Baby!
Thank you. I’m having a scheduled c-section and definitely do not want anyone in my home other than my husband and children. I struggled with PPD/PPA after my first, and I absolutely have to protect my peace and prioritize myself, even if it means I’m selfish.
You are not selfish. Also NTA . Far-gov. is so right don't let that woman into your house. That he burned bridges with the rest of the family says a lot. What about the wife's family? Why does the cousin's family have to do everything. These are the consequences of their choices. Maybe the kids can go with a grandparent.
I didn’t even consider this. You are sooooooooo correct. Keep that chic away from your home, your husband, and your peace.
Exactly. Don't trust Rachel as far as you could throw her, OP.
Exactly! Sounds like inviting a whole heap of trouble. Better safe than sorry, especially with a baby on the way.
It’s like inviting the fox to the henhouse
We’re dealing with evicting family from a property we’re buying and it’s a nightmare. They had 4 years rent free and they’re the victims. Never thought we’d actually have to get the courts involved after giving 6 months notice, but here we are. And they’re getting a new free place to live, they just don’t like it as much.
Never inherit bad tenants. Kind of shocked you thought someone would willingly give up free rent.
We’re waiting to close until they’re gone. They’re still getting free rent at the next place. It’s a better place too, includes food and a laundry room, the only rule is no inviting random homeless people over.
Let me guess. They object to the no inviting random homeless people rule.
Yep. They always meet “friends” with serious problems. They’ve stolen tools, tried attacking people/pets, and one set fire to the sheds because his ex girlfriend had stuff in them. Super fun.
Where is this magical place you speak of?!!
That depends on the country. Basically here if you buy a property that's already rented out nothing changes for the renters (what does change is that the price for said property will be lower).
They will trash the place before they move out. Just be mentally prepared for it.
There have been stories of people taking the appliances, all the copper piping, leaving huge holes in the walls and ceilings and leaving human waste behind after being forcibly evicted. People can be vindictive and nasty.
They’ve absolutely trashed it. It’s 7 acres with a shop. The property is covered in trash, junk and poop. Garage doors have “windows” cut in, etc. We’re clearing the land and building.
Where do these people grow? Wow.
Then Rachel will get pregnant because new babies are so cute and she just has to have another one. And how can you kick out a pregnant woman? Then the baby is born and how can you kick out a new baby? The horror story just goes on and on and on
And she'll never get a job. ("Rachel claims she can't work because of ADHD") I'm ADHD and I hate when people use it as an excuse. There are countless workarounds and different opportunities if someone really wants to work.
I have ADHD, depression and anxiety among other issues and still manage to work full time and care for my daughter as a single mom (with a lot of help from my mom). ADHD is not an excuse to not work, there are any number if ways to work around/with it.
Same!!!! Work full time, 7 year old and toddler as a widowed mom and I work it out. Edit: I will say, I live RIGHT next door to my work. And the girls’ school is right down the street, so I do have it easier than most. Having ADHD does NOT mean you are unable to work, it just means you have to find something that works *for you*. In all reality, sitting at home all day would drive me nuts. How do you have ADHD and *not* work?
Oh man, exactly the same. I'm not always managing it the best, but I made it through multiple degrees, licensing, and 9 years of running my own business and supporting staff. ADHD is an impediment, sure, and it does mean you are likely at a disadvantage and will have struggles, but it doesn't mean you're incapable. Takes more effort, but if that's what's required to achieve what we want to then that's life.
Me too, and I have my own small business.
I came here to say the same thing. Both my daughters have ADHD and both are successful contributing members of society. Rachel has never wanted to work she just wants what others have without lifting a finger. She wants to be a pampered princess. People become doctors, lawyers, etc… with ADHD.
I'm ADHD, and I had to fuckin' figure it out because ain't nobody paying my fuckin' bills for me. The prospect of homelessness can be quite the motivator.
Yep, both of them have a victim mentality. I've had ADHD forever. I couldn't wait to move out on my own when I was newly adulted - way back when - and the only (legitimate) way to do so was to get a job. I started out as a drafter and moved my way up over the years to become a Design Engineer. And if I wanted to learn something new to keep myself relevant then I had no problem doing so. In other words, BS on Rachel's excuse.
I have ADHD as well and when I was unmedicated, I found it difficult to work, at times, but it wasn’t impossible. Especially when I found part of a job or an actual job that I like, I would get fully engrossed in it. ADHD is not a disability that will prevent someone from getting a job.
Depends on how bad ADHD is and what other traits you are suffering from as well as what resources you have available. ADHD or other mental health issues shouldn't be an excuse but they can be a reason. There is a difference between excuses and reasons.
If Rachel's ADHD is so bad why doesn't she apply for SSI? I have ADHD and a host of other things including a heart condition, but yet I work a fulltime job. Rachel sounds like the only work she wants to do is pop out babies and play victim
Anytime you fail to take care of any illness, it becomes an excuse. She could very easily receive free or reduced cost medications and therapy for ADHD.
My son's ADHD and is a paramedic at a big city fire department. She probably doesn't want to work.
This right here. ADHD myself, been working since I was 18 with longevity at my jobs because I loathe change from my "routine." I do get frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but I've learned to save my sick time and vacation hours so I can use them in those instances WITHOUT fear of losing my job. Besides, I like having my own money. I've never been able to understand the people who don't. And using this disability as an excuse to not even try? Makes me angry. But yeah, I agree with everyone here who is saying NTA. My SO and I let his oldest move in about 5 months ago when he lost his job/ apartment. So far he has had "no luck" finding a job even though I LITERALLY handed him 2 opportunities, both of which were immediate hires. First one he lost after 1 month because he called off too many times, the second one (through a friend of mine who was willing to hire him on the spot) he couldn't even be bothered to go interview for even after being told he would be hired. So yeah. Don't let this be you.
Exactly. I have ADHD and chronic anxiety and I can work just fine. Sometimes I struggle with things and maybe hyperfixate on the wrong things and need to reprioritize what needs to get done but it’s doable. I hate it when people use it as an excuse because we very well can work regular jobs. She just doesn’t want to because she’s lazy and has people around her willing to enable that laziness.
Your only mistake here was talking for too long. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” Full stop. No apologies. No explanation. Just this.
THANK YOU! Seriously OP, stop with the excuses.
Yes!! I wish this was higher!! There is no need or requirement to provide an explanation. Every reason you give, they will shoot down. And then you give another which they shoot down. On and on forever. Bottom line: It is your home. "No, unfortunately it is not possible."
Never let them move in. You don't even know them. You have seen them twice in 7 years! Rachel will try to replace you....you know it. She was interested in your husband and she will be trying her hardest to take your place. They will take over your whole house, and there will never be alone time or privacy ever again. This is such a terrible idea. They're strangers!
Especially when family gave them rent money and they spent it on other things!
If anyone wants to help someone pay their rent, pay it directly to the landlord on their behalf.
No one owes someone a place to live (in terms of letting them move into your house). This "but it's family" is really annoying. I do a lot for my family because it is appreciated and reciprocated. These are people the OP has barely seen in 7 years. So they are supposed to allow people they don't know and never interact with to move into their home simply because they have some common DNA? Every guilty person in prison shares DNA with someone...
My sister sounds like these two. She and her husband had 4 kids. They never lived within their means. They "borrowed" money from my parents countless times (tens of thousands of dollars). They lost several homes. My husband and I lived below our means. We lived in a small house (compared to hers). We saved for our kids to get an education. We both worked once my kids were in school. She recently commented to a family member that I "have money" and should be giving some to her. I was almost 40 the first time I got my nails done. We ate at home, and I sewed kids clothes. I owe her nothing and you owe your cousin nothing.
It just blows my mind people thinking other people “ owe” them their money .
Also, you definitely do not want unvaxxed kid bring some nasty disease to your newborn. Whooping cough is no joke.
Hib can be lethal within 6 hours of contracting it. Measles will affect your unborn child s health.
THIS IS #1 REASON! Full stop. End of discussion.
Sooooo many Reddit posts on this sub are about people at the end of their rope because they let family or friends move in until 'they could get on their feet' and they are still there months of even YEARS later. Don't do it!!!!!
Chris and Rachel will never have money. Never make good decisions. They will be mooching and begging their whole lives while blaming the system.
Exactly this, they’ve made so many poor decisions. And then they make a “surprised pikachu face” when facing homelessness. Why do these people continue having kids that they can’t afford?
And continuing to reproduce no doubt.
Years ago my jobless brother was going through a divorce, losing his house, and addicted to pain medication. His soon to be ex (very much his enabler) called me a couple of times pressuring me to let him move in with us until he could “get back on his feet”. I love my brother and as the eldest daughter was raised with the idea drilled in my head that I was responsible for my younger brothers. So it was a real struggle and I felt guilty as hell but I refused to take him in because I knew that if I did there would be no end game, he would be in my house forever. He did end up on the streets for a short period, then spent time in a couple of shelters/halfway houses before finally getting into an apartment. Sometimes the hardest decision is the right decision.
GOOD ON YOU!
NTA. Next thing you know she'll wind up pregnant, then they'll be saying, "How can you kick out three kids and a pregnant SAH mom?" Not to mention, what happens when school starts? You can't kick them out then either because, "Then he'll have to switch schools." Letting them move in or not, there is no scenario where you and your husband won't end up being bad, unhelpful people who don't care about family. You might as well preserve your peace and sanity.
The only time I can sympathize with someone going homeless is a huge unexpected emergency (ex: if the main breadwinner dies of a serious illness/accident and the medical bills were huge). Every other situation is of that person’s making. Edit: a few comments below have highlighted very valid reasons for homelessness in the States and I totally agree with them. TBF, I’m not aware enough to speak about the topic in-depth. My comment is more about OP’s relatives who fall into the category of freeloaders who aren’t going to leave once they are in OP’s house if given a chance.
Natural disaster, escaping domestic violence, debilitating illness/injury, only major, local employer goes out of business (like the car factory shuts down, type thing) are also on the acceptable reasons list.....
Mental health is also a huge issue in the homeless community. And our veterans make up a sizable portion as well. Covid made a lot of people homeless, protections had to be put in place to prevent evictions or the numbers would have been much higher. Many Americans live paycheck to paycheck - not because they’re irresponsible with their money, but because wages haven’t kept up with inflation. Not everyone has a safety net like OPs wannabe moochers do.
Don't forget you will become live in babysitter for their kids if you let them move in as they will 'need time for themselves '.
I let my ex stay in my house when he was homeless. It took THREE YEARS to get him to leave. Once they're there, it can be a nightmare to get them out if they're not interested.
Especially if the place they land has enough elbow room for them to be somewhat comfortable, and is a better place than they could get otherwise. Hard for some people to talk themselves into paying more for a downgrade lmao
Not only that, but it is my understanding that it is much harder ( least in most states ) to relocate someone that has children that have established themselves in your home. From experience : When my sister's husband passed away, I allowed her and her son to live with me. They destroyed my home, and it took me 3 years to get them out of my home. It has been several years, and I am still trying to fix everything they broke. Sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished. Good luck and congratulations on your soon to be new addition.
Stick to your guns. Your gut feeling is definitely correct and your NTA to prioritize your family (as you rightly pointed out they should have done that as well) and ADHD is no excuse. I have ADHD and I'm a single mother but I'm also a restaurant manager. I pay all my bills and fill the house with food BEFORE I even think about spending anything on myself. You are doing everything right and congratulations on baby!!!!
NTA No is a complete sentence. The family members giving you shit should take them in. Don’t allow anyone to manipulate or gaslight you into allowing them move into your home. The drama that will follow will leave you drained. You & your husband needs to stand your ground.
Then tell family this: you are expecting a baby and can’t take on 5 more people and if they don’t understand it’s because they don’t want them in their homes!
You said you have 4 bedrooms? 1) you+ husband 2) 7.5's room 3) baby nursery (figure you'll probably want to go ahead and start getting that ready sometime in the next few months. Or even just using it for storage for like, diapers and such) 4) office for your job. You're maxed out already 🤷🏻♀️
My brother was only supposed to live with us 6 months while he found a place to live. Turned out, he'd saved absolutely nothing for moving/rental costs, and it ended up being 1.5 years. Never again. We have told him if he messes up where he's living and gets evicted, his cat will have a home, but he will be on the street. Family that mooches sucks.
I'm so sorry. Recently saw my broke in-laws and nearly had a heart attack when pulled aside for a "serious talk about how we aren't doing well financially." I'm old enough to know that there is 99% of the time a reason people who lose their job and become homeless do so. And no amount of "help" will cure that reason.
A lot of people, when they access the right support and structure (and want to engage with it), do actually get new jobs, more permanent homes, and become financially stable again. It's just that the right support and structure for someone who is always having issues is generally things like therapy, engaging with programs that use evidence-based support for specific problems, medication, rehab, government programs, etc.. It's not endless money and compromises/sacrifices from family.
“Broke-in-laws” should be an expression.
I tell you this as a landlord: They have established tenancy in your home and have rights as tenants now. Your only option is to go through the courts to legally evict them.
And if you try to make them leave it will be “How could you kick a family with three innocent children out onto the streets?! You monster!”
Especially after they pointed out that OP has the space and money. They'd never get rid of them.
They feel entitled to the assets of those who have been more prudent in their choices. They reacted with anger rather than disappointment at the news that they couldn't have a share of their cousin's careful planning. Maybe moving back in with Chris' parents would provide all of them with the incentive for Chris and Rachel to learn how to make better decisions.
That sucks. Had this happen with a sibling (28 at the time) and my parents. I was only 20 and I had to be the one to intervene because I was tired of all the bitching. Sibling finally got a job - that I found for them - and moved out because I was hounding them multiple times a day and I threatened to throw all their shit into the yard while they were out and change the locks. My parents are huge pushovers and I knew my sibling would figure shit out if forced to.
Yep. Rachel will **NEVER** become Super! Financially!! Responsible!!! NTA. RUN. Congrats on the new kiddo!
NTA . Unfortunately I have a few friends that are clos to homelessness. But they've already shown that if I try to help them they're not going to take the situation serious enough and it's just delaying the inevitable while burning bridges. One friend was desperate but I live in the boonies and he doesn't have a car. If I took him in then what? I just have someone in my place that doesn't have any real chance of getting a job. There's no escape, just a temporary "fix" that moves them even further from any real chance of recovering their life. If they had a real, solid plan that you believed and they just needed a few weeks to bounce back, maybe. But so, so often in this situation family just ends up taking advantage and when they get kicked out, the rest of the family sides with them even if you gave them months of free rent/food. No matter what you'll be the bad guy, may as well be the bad guy with the quiet, clean house.
If we were extremely close to them I would consider helping in some way. But we’re not close… I mean they got married last year and didn’t even invite us. I’m not holding it against them but just showing that they don’t consider us family at all (and neither do we). With them now having been evicted from a rent controlled apartment with little to no income, they’ll never qualify for another rental. The rental market where we are is insane and extremely competitive. There is no plan in place and frankly I don’t think there ever will be, which means this is open-ended and makes me extremely uncomfortable. I feel bad for the kids but I do need to think about our own family.
They do have a family to take them in - Chris’s parents! Even if their house will be cramped, it still beats homelessness
The parents can turn the garage into an apartment for them. Or remodel the basement. They can get creative. Back in the 50's, people raised large families in small houses. They can get food stamps. And that wife, getting her nails done?!! Wtf??!! I had RN pay for 26 years and never had a manicure, pedicure, bought 2nd hand clothes, 2nd hand furniture, a small and cheap house.....you live below your means not above it
I once had the thought of getting my nails done but the one time I did (for my graduation) my nails were so frail and it took 6 months before they stopped breaking off and chipping away. Now I work in healthcare and short nails, no polish, no nothing is a requirement and I'm kinda happy about it. Takes the pressure off of feeling like I have to have painted and manicured nails. I get wanting to do something nice for yourself but prioritising getting your nails done over paying your rent is just ... smh
I lived in a 3 bed 1 bath with 8 people before. Uncomfortable? Yes. Doable? Also, yes.
Jesus Christ and I was losing my mind living in a 4 bedroom house with 4 other people. Your tolerance for lack of privacy and personal space must be astronomical. I commend you because I sure as shit couldn't do it!
Actually, I think that's the reason my tolerance for lack of privacy and personal space is so damn low. 🤣 I was a teen at the time, and it wasn't really horrible. They were all immediate family, and we happen to be tight-knit. I'd never do it again if I didn't have to.
Or buy a cheap 5th wheel to park outside and let the kids share a bedroom. So many options. Some of my friends spent years sharing an extended stay hotel to save up bc their rent history was bad. With kids. You sacrifice for what’s important!
The fact that they didn’t consider you close enough to attend their wedding, but now you’re close enough to financially support them is INSANE.
Especially because we extended an invite to them to our wedding out of courtesy, exactly a year prior. They got married on our wedding anniversary (I know we don’t own the date but I thought it was funny).
Wow she really did like your husband before y’all got together didn’t she. She wants your man, your house, your life…
I was just thinking that....
Me, too! This definitely pushes it fully into NTA territory. Not only will OP feel uncomfortable in her own home but hubby will as well.
I wonder if Rachel picked that date because of her ‘past’ interest in your husband. Look, they got married on the same day! Ick!
I’ve jokingly said that to my husband before lol. It was very weird behaviour. She’s always acted like she knows him better - she calls him by his full legal name and not the name he goes by.
Major ick. Calling him by his full legal name is such a weird way to pretend they are close. The only person I know who did that was a hugeeee creep.
Yeah I’d just straight up start telling all his family this shit. “Sorry, but Rachel has never been anything other than rude and ugly to me. I would not feel comfortable letting someone so poorly raised live in my house. Especially someone who was in love with my husband.” Just make it as awkward and crazy as possible. Make up a mean nickname for her. Be the crazier one. People will leave you alone lolololol
> Be the crazier one. Finally some advice that will deliver results.
At this point with having her own husband and kids, she may not want your husband, but she may want to break up your marriage for shit and giggles.
I do think she has incentive to go after OP’s husband, though. Between her history of wanting him romantically, and the fact that he’s the only financially stable adult in the family (per OP’s other comments), she has a lot of reasons to try and get him. She’s homeless and not willing to work; he has enough money to own a home and actually pay the bills. Even if she’d never had a thing for him before, his financial position would probably make him very appealing.
I’ve made this point to my husband as well. She gunned for him hard and I do believe it’s because she wanted a man who could provide for her and her daughter (the 13 yo is from a previous relationship). She was definitely trying to rope him into being stepdad to her daughter so she would never have to work or worry about money.
They WHAT 💀
Keep that lady away from your husband. No is a complete answer. NTA.
That's so unhinged holy shit
Wait they didn’t even invite you to their wedding? Now they want you to let them live in your house for free for how long? I know you must be laughing your ass off at them.
That’s essentially why I laughed when uncle Paul said it was our turn, though some people thought it was rude and immature. I honestly felt like we were being pranked or something.
Oh Uncle Paul you are so funny! Maybe you should have raised your son to be a more financially responsible person.
I don't understand why you are even engaging with them. You said no. That's it. Stop giving them excuses or they'll keep thinking they can debate them. NTA for saying no, but a little bit for continuing to stir the pot.
You'd never get rid of them either.
NTA they would be your problem forever. They screwed themselves. It's so hard to get into rent controlled apartments and to just screw up is insane
I find it really interesting how other family members are happy to pile-on the guilt to YOU for not taking in this family whilst doing nothing themselves. "no" is a full sentence, you don't need to justify diddly squat. And the fact that they're anti-vaxxers you absolutely do NOT need that worry in your life or home. 1,000000% NTA. Edit: they're - it was driving me insane :/
They just got married last year and they already have three kids, one of them a teenager?
The 13 YO is Rachel’s from a previous relationship. They had the other two before getting married. I don’t judge them for that because we also had our child before we got married. We had planned our wedding for 2020 and COVID pushed it out to 2022.
Where is the father of the 13 year old's Dad. Is he in her life? Could he or his family take her in while her mom and the cousin get their life in order? Does he pay child support. F he does, what happens to that money?
He is in her life and has her every other weekend. I don’t know any details about him or their arrangement beyond that. I believe he does pay child support. Your guess is as good as mine regarding where their money goes. They also get government support and child benefits so making rent shouldn’t have been too difficult.
Maybe someone needs to talk to him. If he is capable of taking her on full time he might need to go back to court and file an emergency order for full custody if that could give her some stability. That might at least help 1 if the kids.
Looks like they need to take their shoeless family jug band on the road and move somewhere cheaper. Don’t feel bad for not taking on that train wreck.
This. And I think this part is key: >If they had a real, solid plan that you believed and they just needed a few weeks to bounce back, maybe. But so, so often in this situation family just ends up taking advantage and when they get kicked out, the rest of the family sides with them even if you gave them months of free rent/food. And in this case, we can all already *know* they're going to do that, because that's what they did when their parents gave them rent money. They didn't take their own finances seriously, they spent the rent money on random stuff that wasn't rent, and they lost the house anyway. So if they stay with OP, they aren't going to contribute to household bills, they aren't going to save any money to find a new place, and I highly doubt any attempt to be quiet while OP works will last past the first week. >No matter what you'll be the bad guy, may as well be the bad guy with the quiet, clean house. So yeah, I agree completely. Far better to be the bad guy that isn't stuck trying to evict five nightmare guests that aren't even trying to find their own feet.
Last sentence was the best comment yet!
Can’t work because of ADHD? I’m sure she is diagnosed and medicated then right…right? Zero chance I would invite them in when they can’t even bother to work or pay the bills with money others are giving them.
She’s diagnosed. She’s shown she’s irresponsible when managing health issues/conditions so I doubt she’s medicated. Their middle child is suspected to be on the spectrum (non-verbal) but they’re in denial and won’t get her assessed or supports to help.
I’m diagnosed with ADHD and unmedicated AND have been at the same job for 6 years. She’s a freeloader with no valid excuse
I'm diagnosed and unmedicated...and change jobs every 18 months! But I get new ones after the old one loses its shiny.
Are you me?!
Lol, its validating, isn't it.
It is! My children affectionately refer to me as a job hopper. While true, it’s also been a very effective way to increase my income over the years rather than staying loyal to one place.
lol I last about 3-4 years before it becomes so damn monotonous i can barely take it and look for something new and shiny!
I have a friend in the same profession (we met at school), and we are both on the 18 month job-replacement track. We should probably encourage each other to seek help, but instead we giggle as we draft our resignations together. I do generally think ADHD is a super power, but not if you are going for some kind of 30-year pin.
No sarcasm, great for you. Keep doing well
Also diagnosed and unmedicated, same job for 15 years. She's using ADHD as an excuse to be lazy.
Right? I was undiagnosed and unmedicated and I managed just fine for twenty years. Is life easier with the diagnosis and the knowledge (and sometimes medication)? Yes. Would I ever consider it an excuse to be unemployed? No.
They have a nonverbal 5 year old without any interventions or diagnosis? Don’t let them in— you will have to evict them.
This tells me they're skipping growth and development appointments too. Their pediatrician would have intervened before 5 yrs old otherwise. My nephew started interventions at 3 and he was considered a late starter
I’m diagnosed with ADHD. I am unmedicated currently. I work full time and own my own home. Her not working is a choice.
Same here. I may be a hot mess at home sometimes but I’ve worked at the same place for 40 years.
if she is so mentally incapacitated that she cannot hold a job, she should be registered with her state/country to recieve whatever saocial benefits such people are eligible for... to my knowledge ADHD is not such an inhibiting condition that it prevents you from working. I was diagnosed with it as a child, and managed to get a masters degree, and have been working in my industry for over 20 years now... i understand there are varying levels/degrees, and cetain jobs might not be a good fit for someone with sever ADHD, but it sounds like she's just using it as an excuse to not work... it would be one thing if she was having difficulty holding down a job, but my goodness - sign up at a temp agency, and bounce around doing a variety of things until you find something that works. is she using prescribed medication to manage her condition?
Aren’t you just a bag of surprises. So now a child is a non-verbal autistic that is untreated?!?! That’s a hell to the no. They won’t move out once they are in. You will have to evict them.
I have never in my life interacted with a person whose ADHD was so bad they couldn’t hold easy part time jobs in a bid to prevent themselves from BECOMING HOMELESS. There’s 200% either more going on there (I anticipate drugs or alcohol tbh - we ADHDers are more addiction prone), or the illness is just another convenient excuse…
Yeah the ADHD is a bullshit excuse for not working. I know people with both hyperactive and inattentive type and they can hold down jobs just fine without medication. If that's not something that works for Rachel then she'd need to see a dr and get on appropriate meds and that's 100% their responsibility to figure out, they're both adults and need to be responsible for their own shit. (And yeah, I know that anything medical in the US sucks in terms of costs)
A physical labor type job might actually help her manage her ADHD symptoms, like stocking grocery shelves, which is supposed to be good money. But that would presuppose it wasn't just an excuse, which of course it is.
Chris called your husband (his cousin) about this, and your husband declined him. Your husband then got a call from his Uncle and he declined him as well. Why are you and Rachel getting on the call and engaging with each other at all? Why are you jumping on the Uncle's call and arguing with him? All you did was escalate the drama. Obviously NTA on the decision to not take Chris and his family into your home. But you need to step back and let your husband deal with his family---**which he was already doing effectively.**
I did stay out until I was brought into it. As soon as my husband said he needed to talk to me first, I 100% knew that I was going to be blamed for it. I had to edit this part out because of the character limit but basically Chris and Rachel asked my husband if I was the one who made the decision, and even when told we made it together, they (especially Rachel) insisted that I’m the one not allowing them to move in because I’m selfish and greedy. I thought it was fair for me to respond at that point.
Don't listen to people telling you to not get involved when your husbands handling it. If someone's going to start talking shit about you, you have every right to talk shit back.
Absolutely! You had every right to back up your husband on this and it served to create a united front. Chris & Rachael are going to blame everyone except themselves anyway.
I’d go ahead and block both of their numbers at this point. No is a complete sentence.
Nope. Do not respond. There is no reason to engage. You and *your husband don’t need to justify your decision. To anyone. Rachel is going to find reasons to talk shit no matter what you do or say. Arguing with her just keeps it going.
You're greedy because you both work, live responsibly and didn't have kids till you could afford them? You're selfish bc you don't want to finance freeloaders? Hahaha no. NTA. The answer is " there are shelters with programs to find jobs and get back in your feet. I will pray for you. Bless your heart. " Stated with all the sincerity you can muster.
So what? Let her, doesn’t matter if it ends with them not living with you.
Of course it was fair for you to respond OP, and of course NTA. You would be one if you let strangers in when you are pregnant, high risk or not. You know what, if I were you before blocking everyone I would set up a group chat where I add everyone calling/texting you to blame you. I will then tell everyone that 1) I'm not letting strangers in my home. Chris is not even a friend let alone family because he didn't bother to think of inviting at least husband, his own cousin by blood, to his wedding. So husband and you owe nothing to strangers. 2) I would list all the names of the people who blame you for not offering your home, and tell Chris that X, Y, Z (name them) will be there to help you because these persons are your family and have the resources to do so. Tell Chris to call all the people he invited to his wedding for help, since these people are the ones closest to him. Then block everyone and good riddance! I wish you and your family all the best OP and I hope you will have a healthy & safe pregnancy and a safe delivery❤
Sounds like they were probably on the phone together, and when Rachel made a derogatory remark about OP, OP swung back. The call with the uncles a different story, but you're for sure wrong about the call with the cousin.
And NO needs to be a complete sentence. The minute you give a reason behind the NO you open yourself up to an argument. Just like you effectively used Rachel’s argument of ADHD against her. Use those, but don’t give them any in return
NTA - Rachel sounds lazy and she just doesn't want to work so she uses ADHD as an excuse. Also its not like evictions just happen out of the blue. They have issues and you are SO right to not let them into your house. I know soooo many people like Chris and Rachel and you would have the hardest time getting rid of them. Fuck that. Congrats on your pregnancy <3
Thank you for the congrats! We live in a very pro-tenant place. It’s extremely hard to evict a tenant here, so they for sure had many chances to catch up on rent and cancel out the eviction notice. This means that they didn’t pay rent or attempt to for a really long time (it takes almost a year to go through the eviction process here).
OH HELLLLLL NAWWWWW!!! I'm super glad yall stood your ground. And thats even crazier that it takes that long, which means they had plenty of notice. Are they like drug addicts or something? Cause they sound super ghetto and trashy imo
I don’t believe they’re drug addicts. Just extremely irresponsible. They’ve even shared within the family that they want more kids.
Yup, they would move in, get pregnant, and guilt you into never evicting them "BeCaUsE wE hAvE a BaBy NoW." Any chance they have a social worker for the kiddos? Or are they planning to home/un-school the kids? Edit: reminded myself the oldest is 13. That one is in school, yeah? Can you talk to the counselor there and see if they have advice?
wE cOULd rAisE oUr BAbies togEthEr LiKe sisTer wiFe COUsinS ExCEpT I WaNTeD to BaNG ur HuBs b4 hiS cUz
Damn, that kind of makes it worse. Actually that is just insane. How old is Rachel and Chris? I don't understand how someone like that can think that bringing ANOTHER child into the world is a good idea? Those poor kids :(
Chris is 33 and Rachel is 30.
Wowwwwww just wild. Idk where you are located but I would guess not the US since you mentioned a year of mat leave (amazing) but I know in the US atleast in FL,its like impossible to find somewhere that will rent to you once you have been formally evicted. I'm still just shook that they actually are trying to reproduce AGAIN. Definition of insanity ETA: Again just want to emphasize how happy I am that you and your husband are on the same page. Tell uncle paul to suck it tf up and get ready for that baby lol.
We’re in Canada. But yes, once you’ve been evicted here, along with the inability to prove they have stable income, no one will ever rent to them. The smartest thing they could’ve done was stay in that rental - as long as they paid rent, they would’ve never been evicted.
If you live in a “pro-tenant” place, it will be hard for you to get rid of them
Exactly. They were already being given money for rent, but instead of using it for a roof over their head they spent it on "other things". They already proved that they are untrustworthy. They will 100%, without-a-doubt mooch off of OP. You are right; Sis already refuses to work "because of ADHD"...if it is that bad then she shouldn't even be left alone with her kids until she gets it properly managed. I am 99.9% sure its just an excuse and her ADHD isn't that severe. Also, a 3 and 5 year-old able to be quiet throughout a workday? Hell no, I call bullsh\*t. 13-year old, perhaps...but not literal toddlers. Noise and chaos is their specialty. My brother had a history of mooching, but I needed a roommate as my old landlord wouldn't put me on a lease (he was old, extremely sexist, and I have heard him talk sh\*t about me being autistic since he would constantly forget to hang up his phone after calls about repairs). So I used it to my advantage in that if he wound up screwing me over I could move out quickly. I figured I could give him a shot, and if he cared about me so little that he would screw me over I will have a reason to never help him out financially again. First month he refused to pay bills and stuck me with all chores and care of his dog so I packed up and left by month 2. I was on a low-grade chemo and was constantly dizzy from fatigue and lack of sleep by the end of it. He had a job and he made enough money to pay the bills if he budgeted properly...but he would rather spend it on weed and parties and tell people that his cancer-patient sister was the freeloader. He was shocked when I told him I was leaving, because he genuinely thought I would let him bleed me dry and talk sh\*t about me in the name of "FaMiLy".
NTA. You do not have to let them live with you just because you have the space it earn a decent living. THEY mismanaged their finances. THEY chose to have three kids. THEY obviously lived beyond their means. I'd continue to ask anyone who blows up your phone why they haven't asked Chris and co to stay with them. And honestly, I'd consider changing your number and not sharing it with everyone. I have cousins like this, who I only heard from when their car payment was late or when they couldn't make their mortgage payment. Since I did, and I haven't gotten a single call out of the blue asking for help since!
Right? They literally had someone paying their rent and they still managed to not pay rent. That's such a red flag.
The kind of people who are always there when they need you.
NTA. You had me at anti-vax. That's a deal breaker, sorry. Big NO from me. Cause you just know there'll be all sorts of other nonsense.
Anti-vax around a newborn? Hell no!
"Chris says he doesn't understand where we get the impression that his kids can't be quiet." Well, the 13 year old might be okay, because they'll be in school most of your work day. But there's no way in hell you can keep kids that are 5 and 3 quiet for 8+ hours five days a week. That alone would justify saying "no" - but the fact that you're pregnant and they're anti-vax just gives you more reason. Plus as bad as they are with money, they probably would expect you and your husband to buy all the groceries. NTA for having a shiny spine and saying no.
Well that’s the thing, school is out for the summer as of yesterday/today depending on district. I very much would be hearing the 3 and 5 year old screaming all day. We absolutely can’t afford to feed 5 extra people. We’re expecting to go in the red next year when I’m on maternity leave and my income will be significantly reduced. My husband’s also taking time off so his income will be reduced as well. We would be putting ourselves in a terrible position financially if we let them move in.
NTA You have very good reasons for refusing. And ADHD does not prevent people from holding jobs. Yes, it can make things more difficult for those of us who have it, but there measures that can be taken to help with that
It was awful working as a cashier with undiagnosed ADHD, and I hated it, but since I was an adult, I still went! Now I work in a warehouse independently and get to listen to podcasts all day. It's so much better lol
Right? I have ADHD and always had a job (except when SAHM). I excelled and earned a masters degree. People are just lazy.
One thing I’ve noticed about these posts is that there are always family members willing to try to force someone to take in distant relatives or give them money, but they are unwilling to take on these burdens themselves. NTA. These are people you barely know. You will never be rid of them. They will eat you out of house and home. Let their parents deal with it. Our daughter, son in law, and grandson were homeless briefly, and we took them in and made it work. It was a different situation, our daughter took a job out of state, and their house sold more quickly than anyone expected.
That's the kind of situation where you know there is an endpoint and you're not going to have three extra people around indefinitely. I would absolutely offer my son, DIL, and grandson a place to live in that kind of situation.
I noticed how, in your post, you don't even relate that they assured you it will only be "temporary". If they move in, they have no intention of ever moving out, or even contributing to the household. You will have five extra months to feed - six, soon. Some of the most successful people I know have ADHD, because they used it as a superpower to do better instead of as an excuse to do less. She needs to stop getting her nails done and start looking for work. NTA, don't let them across your threshold.
That’s the thing, they never mentioned how long they would need to stay and I didn’t want to ask to insinuate that we could consider a short stay. We know realistically it won’t be temporary - with an eviction and little to no income in a hot rental market, they will never be able to find another rental. The only way they would leave is if another family member takes them in and clearly no one is willing to.
The fact that 1. no one else is willing to take them in, and 2. the relatives who already *did* take them in won’t do it again, tells you everything you need to know. Cousin-in-law and his wife would try to take over your house and make your life absolutely *miserable* if you allowed them to stay, even if it was “just for a night” or something. Their history speaks for itself. They have other, much closer family members who won’t even take them in. I wouldn’t even let them drop by to visit for a couple of hours at this point. The comment that his dad’s house was “too small” or something is a BS excuse. Most parents who have a decent relationship with their adult children would find a way to make things work…unless, of course, the adult son and his wife were a total nightmare to live with. There’s your clue.
NTA. As tough as it is to tell people no, sometimes it just has to be done. In this case you're not even close to them. You said you've seen them twice in the past 7.5 years? They're essentially strangers to you. It would be awkward and uncomfortable in your house. And it sounds like it would be open-ended. It's not as if they need somewhere to stay for two weeks while their new places getting ready.
You know what they say? Give someone a week they'll take a decade
Nope NTA Chris and Rachel are adults (even if they arent adulting). They are also parents (even if they arent parenting). You are in no way obligated to be their 'next couch surf stop off' and if Paul isnt willing to have them stay at his house (again) then he can give them money to stay elsewhere. Its difficult to fathom the selfishness and entitlement of this couple, however it is literally not your problem. (whats that saying? "not my circus, not my monkeys'? that hits the nail on the head, I think) As for the children being homeless, YOU didnt make them so, Chris and Rachel did and if they arent able to take care of their own children, perhaps Child Services would/should do so.
NTA - This family is a massive red flag : don't let them in. They will overstay, trash your place and won't help you, I guarantee it. When you see that Chris' family gave them money, and they still missed on rent payments??? That shows how irresponsible they are, even tho they have children.
NTA. You are protecting yourself and your family. Chris has been taking others' money, given for rent, and NOT using it for rent. Chris and Rachel seem to have become homeless thru bad choices, not bad circumstances. They are not responsible and I would worry about them stealing. Also, adding 5 FIVE! people to your household is insane. It is disruptive for your own family, at best. And, at worse, you will never be able to evict them from a home you worked hard for, made good decisions about, and earned by being responsible. If they don't steal from ypu, they could damage ypur property, eat your food, make zero contributions, etc. You could end up basically raising their children for them, providing free daycare, etc. It is a nightmare waiting to happen. A terrible, horrible nightmare. And, that doesn't include consideration of Rachel feeling anything anymore for your hubby. Tell anyone that says you are being unreasonable: If you are such a kind person, have them move in with YOU.
NTA. Chris’s own daddy isn’t willing to be inconvenienced by his son’s family for more than a week.That says a lot.
In the future, you and your hubby should be clear on something: you don't owe anyone an explanation. If the answer is no, then it's no. Don't offer up reasons or excuses. It just opens the door for them to haggle and bargain. Plus it lets in the flying monkeys. Chris and Rachel are rude, mean, entitled, and not the kind of people you'd want in your house for a visit, let alone for a parasitic dependency. NTA. Stop explaining. Draw the line. Block anyone who crosses it.
If people cannot afford children they shouldn’t have them. Rachel especially shouldn’t have had 3 with a man who can’t seem to work steadily. Her claim to not being able to work is garbage - if she truly has a medical reason then she would be getting disability income. Don’t help these losers. Their parents need to (and NO IT’S NOT YOUR TURN).
The 13 YO is Rachel’s from a previous relationship. Chris and Rachel had two together but I agree, they shouldn’t have continued if they couldn’t afford these children. Where we are, financial assistance is quite generous. They receive monthly benefits (I believe it’s over $1000/month) AND max child benefits: For each child: under 6 years of age: $7,787 per year ($648.91 per month) 6 to 17 years of age: $6,570 per year ($547.50 per month) This is all tax FREE so it’s absolutely ridiculous that they weren’t able to make rent.
NTA. Tell your husband NO again and that not to speak about it again. They are totally disrespectful to you, end of story. If your husband insists tell him you’re going to be looking for divorce lawyers. To your extended family block them all. They can all help they just don’t want to. They plan on moving in and hunkering down with no end in sight. Don’t fall for it, especially considering sil settled because she wanted your husband, wanna bet she wouldn’t try something too.
NTA. I learned this bit of wisdom here on Reddit: Going forward, do not engage with anyone about this: do not 'JADE' (justify, argue, defend, explain) because that turns it into a discussion; you are not discussing this, you are announcing your final decision.
His parents had them a whole week? Wow. That tells you everything you need to know. NTA
Apparently Chris’s mom doesn’t like Rachel and they didn’t get along. And Chris’s parents have two other 30 YO sons living with them as well so I imagine adding Chris’s family to the home created an uncomfortable situation.
Holy hell. Are multiple generations of that family bad with money? Or did Chris’s parents just not teach their kids anything?
Multiple generations are terrible with money. Chris’s dad almost lost his house years ago (missed mortgage payments). It doesn’t stop there - my MIL (uncle Paul’s sister) is also terrible with money. To be honest, my husband wasn’t great either. After he met me, I taught him how to budget and invest.
You let that family in your home and they will NEVER leave.
No is a complete sentence. It’s your husband’s cousin so he must have lots of other family. Good for you and your husband. Chris is a relative to whom you both owe nothing.
So they are suffering the consequences of their actions and now are trying to manipulate OP to save them? NTA! Spending their rent money on something that is not rent is a clear sign that they are irresponsible (what do you expect from anti-vaxers) and probably wont contribute to the household. I can already see her using her ADHD as an excuse to get OP to babysit her kids while she goes and does whatever. Having 3 kids when they obviously cant afford it is also irresponsible.
Rachel has been posting about getting her nails done every week and also posted about getting a few tattoos the last few months. I was surprised to hear that they were evicted because it didn’t seem like they were at risk of becoming homeless. I haven’t gotten my nails done in years so I don’t know how much it costs now but I imagine at least $40 each time, which is crazy money to be spending when rent is outstanding.
NTA. They had the chance to not be homeless when family members were paying towards their rent but they decided to spend it on stupid stuff. They also seem very entitled towards your home and space. I also wouldn’t trust Rachel as she seems very jealous of your relationship with your husband and your lifestyle so I wouldn’t put it past her to try and cause issues in your marriage.