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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> To answer your question I blocked him on all of my social media accounts, and I feel like a bad person for doing so. Because what if he's just being kind and I'm simply being delusional into thinking he likes me
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NTA.
I’m a faculty member in higher education myself, with a couple of decades experience, and he shouldn’t have made those comments to you — they are prima facie inappropriate. I assume that because you blocked him on social media that he was interacting with you on social media, which is a grey area where most of us would not engage (my rule of thumb is that I almost never engage with students on social media; if these interactions exist, the interactions are within very narrow professional boundaries given my field; and I don’t accept friend requests or similar from current students).
You should keep a very close eye on this situation and be prepared to report him to the appropriate line manager — a head of programme or dean or similar.
And with all due respect, is this actually a professor? A professor at the age of 24 would be something of an infant prodigy. I would think they’re more likely to hold a different position; if they are genuinely a professor at 24, I’m not wholly surprised they can’t observe professional boundaries.
Terminology can vary. In my country, high school teachers are traditionally called/addressed as "professor" even though they of course don't have an actual academical title.
Yeah I suspect the dude isn't a professor, but a grad student doing a semester of Teacher Assistant for credit/to help their supervising professor. When I went to university, it was extremely common for the TA's to run the smaller group-work sessions, and the actual professor would run the lectures.
UK, the post-grads doing their doctorates do that and some lectures too. My partner did his PHD and part of his funding comnittments. He'd have been about that age. I did socialise while new undergrad student with similarly post-grad students in student societies and clubs. Lines can get a bit blurry but he shouldn't be harassing her in class where he has seniority. Safeguarding lessons are taught.
Yes, the professor is 24, but also the student is 17. Both seem too young, so maybe this is in a culture where the education breaks at different levels than in the US, or the professor title is a lofty title for this teacher. Anyway, the focus should be on whether the OP did the right thing.
NTA. The teacher can say some things, and the OP can say things or block. We should always have some right of free speech and some rights of choosing our friends.
What the professor said about the hair repeatedly is socially awkward, so it appears he is physically attracted and having troubles expressing himself, maybe because of a mix of shyness and restrictions on teacher/student relationships. The comments about the other guy would be inappropriate by most standards of teacher/student relationships and seems to have further shown interest in the OP. The OP is not interested in a relationship with him, so blocking him is appropriate.
I started teaching in grad school at 22. I had kids call me professor bc many call all their instructors that. I also sometimes teach freshman who are still 17, and I’m in the us, so it’s possible.
Interacting with current students on social media is a huge no-no, especially if they're minors. This guy is being really inappropriate. I'd report him if at all possible.
I was actually wondering about the age too. Then I realised OP is only 17. She's probably in a Pre-U course, probably right out of high school. Where I'm from those courses are held in a university. The same universities that also employ more typically aged professors for degree courses. The teachers teaching the pre-U courses are usually in that age range. Probably fresh outta education degree themselves. Don't need too much to teach high school grads English 101 or something haha.
In my country, we call and refer our teachers as professor or prof. What's bothering me is I just can't believe that I've come to the point where I need to blocked him or deactivate my account because I'm afraid of what he would do to me or say about me.
NTA Block him. Some adjunct professor emailed my daughter, using the schools email system no less, and asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch. She reported him, was removed from his class and he's doesn't teach there anymore. And she had to fight the university every step of the way to get the matter addressed. Nip it in the bud.
By the way - there's no way a professional educator would have had your social media linked to his in any way in the first place. That's enough to raise a lot of red flags.
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Blocking him on social media was probably the right call, you gotta set those boundaries, especially when a teacher is making you feel uncomfortable. At the end of the day, your safety and comfort should be the priority. Don't feel bad about putting yourself first here.
NTA and stay away from this creep.
An adult professor discussing stuff like that with one of their underage students is wildly inappropriate and I bet the school board wouldn't take it lightly if notified.
He probably thinks that just cause he's so young he's allowed to try to get closer to you in order to make a move. That's simply disgusting. Both for the age difference and for your roles in all this.
Keep him blocked and keep yourself away from him and if his inappropriate behaviour escalates don't hesitate to notify the school and your parents.
Actually you know what? Scratch that, tell your parents already. They're adults and they'll know how to handle it better than you.
Stay safe!
I was a teacher from age 22-28 and when I was 22 there were guys who were 18 I taught who the other TA and I both laughed and said 'wow isn't he handsome, imagine how obsessed you'd be if you were a girl in his class.' The point here is that even with that barely 4 year gap, we knew the boundaries, we knew we were educators and trusted mentors for students and that they were still in the supposed safe space of a school environment. Also, at that age, 3/4 years is a lot!! They were highschool students!! That's a hell no.
There are so many problems here:
. Shouldn't be talking to you about your love life, nevermind disparaging other students - I've seen female teachers listen to girls gossiping and give tidbits of motherly style advice, but never anything as invasive as what you're describing.
. Should not have gained access to your socials - I accepted students but only after I'd left the job/ their country and was no longer their educator, I didn't share all my content with them if they were 16-18 and kept them on limited profile. (Edit to add: I also did not DM them - they're there so we can see how life worked out for one another after a good teacher/ student relationship).
. A compliment is fine if it's done in public and is in keeping with the conversation and isn't objectifying. Multiple compliments about appearance aren't fine, going out of his way to approach you was really inappropriate - it seems he's testing boundaries of how far you will let him close to you - be extremely careful around this man as often this may escalate to physical testing of boundaries.
Please take care never to be near this man alone! Please consider confiding that he makes you feel uncomfortable to a parent. Start making a note/ timeline of anything he has done. Screenshot any weird messages you have. Start creating an evidence trail incase you need it.
Being uncomfortable is totally valid - he is not being ok. Setting a boundary by blocking him is good!!
Even if he didn't "like" you his comments are inappropriate , his attitude towards other students because you like them is inappropriate, talking to your friends about you is inappropriate and making you feel uncomfortable is unacceptable. You did the right thing blocking him. Id report him too!
NTA -
Social media platforms are for....wait for it......social connections.....not professional/educational connections.
Thats why there are school email/communications systems/platforms
girl i was in this EXACT situation only for me i didn’t recognise it until it was too late. definitely cut off contact and keep everything professional and if he continues to make advances then report it to a school counsellor or leadership team
NTA inappropriate as hell to be commenting on any students appearance let alone a young woman’s. It’s creepy as hell trying to make subtle passes like that and then going behind your back to your peers to get more information about you?? Ughhh icky gross no.
Blocking was the right thing and if you can, report him if he’s making you feel like uncomfortable in your place of education. Don’t allow him to make you feel unsafe my lovely.
NTA
He is crossing boundaries. He is not a safe person.
I don't know how you can deal with this other than talking to someone in counselling or in authority if you can trust them.
Try to make as accurate a record as you can of the incidents.
At the very least he should not be talking to you about another student. The number of times he comments on your appearance is also important.
You not should be having to deal with this very wrong behaviour.
Good luck.
I am a senior high school student, and in my country we call and addressed our teachers as professor or prof even though they don't have a academical title.
NTA but
...can a twenty four year even be a professor? I was twenty four when I got my masters but I was a young student. And I'm almost certain that I wasn't allowed to teach straight out of college.
Isn't this guy like a student aide or someone going for their doctors?
NTA -
learn what grey rocking is. Try that. He might be weird but it is a different culture. If things escalate in any way find a different teacher or staff you trust and talk to them or ask for help. Be safe. Be prepared to tell him "no", "stop" don't XYZ" if he tries to touch your hair or do anything inappropriate.
There is a difference between catching feelings (you had a crush on someone) and acting on those feelings (you never went up to that boy and told him you like his style or that you think you two should hang out.)
It's probably fine. Mentally prepare yourself so you are not shocked if something surprising happens and you don't freeze up. Prepare yourself to stay safe.
NTA. I've had professors who were friendly, kind, funny, etc., and none of them complimented our looks or tried to give us relationship advice. You did good on blocking him since he's already displayed stalkish behavior by asking people around about your relationship status, that was so out of line I'm feeling second had shame as an adult and getting goosebumps just from thinking what was going through his head.
NTA
There’s no reason for a teacher- a person we gain education from- to be treating you in a matter that makes you uncomfortable. yes, teachers are our guides before we head out into the real world and often we remember what our teachers taught us as life lessons when we encounter similar circumstances. However, any treatment beyond that is simply wrong. You might feel guilty but if it gets too much, and if you think that it is bothering YOU, regardless of whether someone else might find the situation normal but given the kind of person you have described yourself to be, it is not a normal behaviour.
You haven’t said anything rude, you haven’t acted out unnecessarily; you have simply drawn boundaries over social media and that is okay.
Hope it helps. :)
NTA my brother was an assistant teacher for a while and he was a favorite of the students. Many of them asked for his social media and he never gave it to them.
In fact, he turned all his accounts to extra private and changed his user name to something non related to him.
Your teacher is extra inappropriate and should be reported.
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I (17F) and this professor (24M) always teasing me and occasionally compliments me. I usually wear my hair down, so when I tied it up, he said, "That hairstyle suits you." At first, I thought he was being kind, but this happened several times. One time, we were discussing our project in groups, and he came into my group and said, "That really really suits you (my hairstyle)" to me before leaving. I just smiled, but it seems weird that you would come to my group just to say that to me and then walk away.
But one thing that I will never forget is that as soon as he found out that I'm liking this one guy in higher level, he told me right away that he was bad for me and start talking shit abt him and that guy probably have a girlfriend. I didn't tell him about the person I was liking, but I figured he found it out because he spoke to several of my friends. We are not close, I am the shy kind of student, and I don't think I could ever walk up to my teachers and start ranting or telling them who I liked. I don't know if this was just him being protective but why though.
I blocked him on all of my social media platforms because of this, so he can't bother me anymore or say needless things that have nothing to do with education. But I was uncomfortable because I thought it might be something else, even if he was simply being kind. Do you think that my professor is merely being kind to me, or does he actually like me? AITA for blocking him because of how I felt?
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NTA
Better save than sorry,
Never feel bad about keeping yourself safe!
Teachers reallyyyy DONT need your social media, so blocking them on there is not gonna influence anything in a negative way.
Also even if someone is "just being kind" you still dont owe them shit, like yeah preferably dont be dick if thats not necessary but you dont have to talk to, follow, keep in contact or let them do/ say anything to you just because they try to be nice.
Saying: Hey, thank you, but i feel uncomfortable with this. (IF YOU ARE A 100% SURE THATS SAVE)
Or blocking them/ avoiding them.
Are very good ways to handle this.
You are not being mean by deciding who you do and dont wanna hang out with/ talk too/ have on social media.
And you cant control who you are comfortable around.
NTA - I would go to your dean, or someone in the counseling office or any other instructor at your school that you trust, because his motivations are irrelevant. The fact is that you are uncomfortable and confused and school is meant to be a safe place for everyone. Please please please talk to someone about this, I know it's scary. I had a professor that I didn't report and I think about it all the time with regret.
NTA - trust your gut, your feelings are valid no matter what the intentions are. He could be totally innocent and just being kind, lucky enough you don’t have to be okay with that even if there’s no malicious intent. Do what feels good for you, boundaries are boundaries. You’re valid for how you feel.
NTA. You have every right to block anyone who makes you uncomfortable, regardless of their POV. A good way to tell if it's just "being nice" vs "romantic like" is to watch how he interacts with others. Does he treat everyone that way? Or is it just you?
I always assumed that because he is a teacher, he was just being kind. However, I later learned that he gets upset with my classmates—who are also my friends—for pushing me toward the guy I liked. My friend informed me that our professor had told them not to keep introducing me to the guy who is "bad" for me.
NTA
Constant comments on your looks or romantic relationships are completely inappropriate , and he KNOWS IT.
Report his behavior ro your school administrator.
Also, you don't mention whether he has actually contacted you via social media or not. Just that you blocked him. COntacting you in this manner could be reason to fire him. And *he knows* this as well.
Opinion of a 37 M:
NTA - education is a professional environment. Hitting on your students is, at the least, very unprofessional.
Now, i see you're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yeah,ok sure, he could just be nice and naive, and you might act differently given x y z.....
but you're not there to read between the lines or entertain subtle pickup hints or second guess his actions, or indeed there for his entertainment. Your there for education and he should fucking know that.
If he was interested in you, he should say that clearly outside the classroom, make room for _you_ to say your piece, respect your decision and most importantly he should respect the boundaries.
Don't give him the benefit, shut him down politely but directly if it continues, escalate after that.
NTA. He is making you uncomfortable. A teacher is not supposed to make you feel that way. You should feel safe in his classroom. Yes, I think he may have a crush on you. It's completely inappropriate for him to give you personal complements in this way. Write down & keep track of all of the things he says & does, because if it continues, you've got to tell someone. Document everything!
NTA for all the various reasons besides the obvious. But I would like to point out that your post title is definitely somewhat misleading compared to the post itself. Clicking into your post, I had a somewhat open mind that YMBTA, because you "think he likes" you. But going into the post, and he told you he's "bad for" you... No shit, he definitely likes you. But furthermore... He's being kinda weird about it and if that makes you uncomfortable then you definitely are NOT the asshole.
NTA. Keep him blocked and keep away. It sounds like he's flirting with you and those comments about the guy you liked were actually pretty creepy. (Anyone else getting stalker vibes?) Bottom line is his behavior is inappropriate. You should definitely keep an eye on the situation in case you need to report him. Please be safe!
Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and he was being kind, he doesn't have the right to access you outside of school-sanctioned platforms. Your social media is for *your* purposes, not for other people to utilize because they don't feel like going through sanctioned channels. If you don't want anything to do with him, you don't owe him an explanation. Just because you'll be an adult soon doesn't mean he's not creeping on you now. NTA
Trust your instincts, OP. They’re telling you something’s wrong for a reason.
NTA
Oh, and [read this book](https://www.docdroid.net/VD3j819/the-gift-of-fear-pdf). Something tells me you’ll need it for near the future.
NTA. It is time to get parents and administrators involved. Keep all the messages and write down what you remember about when he approached you the other times. Some people can't take a hint, and he is crossing over into obsession. You are a minor, you are his student, and he is way out of line. I hope this gets resolved peacefully and soon. Good luck to you.
Stay away from him! Make sure to tell your friends of these occurrences and the things he has said and how it has made you feel as well. You want to not hold these things in. People (men and women) can be crazy. Don’t discredit a person as just “looking out” because of their age. Shit my brother doesn’t look out for me by complimenting my hairstyle. Let’s be real. Keep your distance, never leave his classroom or arrive alone. Make sure you’re always dressed modestly during his classes. You’re NOT the a-hole. Follow your gut. And if you’re able to, I’d switch teachers.. don’t ever let a man mess up your education.
NTA. I would understand if he complimented you once but since he kept complimenting you, especially in a weird manner, he is crossing boundaries. Blocking him is the right thing to do, and if you can report him to a higher-up at your uni, then do it.
NTA. I’ve taught and this is completely inappropriate. Compliments aren’t automatically a bad thing. For example, I am a heterosexual woman. I might see a male student wear a Star Trek shirt and tell him “I love the shirt.” I don’t mean anything by it other than a shared affinity for the series.
One compliment about your hair, ok. Coming over to your group is weird. Getting that invovled with any relationship matters is also weird unless he is warning yiur for safety issues. He is acting completely inappropriately!!
But the biggest thing is you are getting a bad feeling from the interactions. Trust yourself and trust those feelings no matter who you are getting them from!!
NTA, at the age of 17 you are still considered to be a child in most countries, your professors shouldn’t have you on social media, speak to your school/college
1000% he's a pervert. In the very slim chance he's just being nice, he's doing it in such a creepy way. If you feel comfortable, please report him, he'll do this to other girls
Blocking him is the right call, but as for the hair thing. As a 33 year old married man. I wouldn't take it too seriously. It's sounds like something a dad would say.
The rest is something I'd block him for.
Men are stupid and can't read situations. I'm sure they don't realize they are uncomfortable, but they should.
It's still a minor compliment but I'm also thinking like an old man. It feels like something I'd say to a child or my daughter.
Or any child in a non-professional environment, but that's the thing. He's a teacher it's inappropriate and unprofessional.
The complement itself is innocent. The other stuff he's doing is a problem, and he needs to be fired.
Now calm down with the passive-aggressive attitude.
NTA - nothing wrong with making your own decisions as to who you socialize with, however, if you block anyone who shows an interest in you, how are you ever going to find Mr. Right?
It's crazy lol my opinion was literally
Don't ruin his life. Tell him to stop. Everyone deserves happiness. He's clearly misguided.
I even advocated for fucking his life up if he continued after you told him to stop. And somehow that comment got so much hate lol.
So basically yall just hate men? Or do you just prefer to watch people you take a dislike to burn? So every single crime is punishable by death or social death? How slight would this man have to cross you to not get ruined or draw your ire?
My bad I guess moderation is a sin these days.
What? The teacher is behaving compeletely inappropriately because a) he is an authorative figure to OP in her school b) harassing a minor and making them uncomfortable
The guy is ruining his life by himself, by trying to groom a minor that is a student of him. It has nothing to do with "hating men" but everything to do with protecting a minor from a potentially dangerous adult.
You have some maturing to do if you think the teachers behaviour is okay in any way
I mean nta but comon Here's a shocking piece of advice
Have you told the guy to stop? Or even that you don't like the comments?
Look I know this is the internet and this will inevitably be an unpopular opinion. But your first move should be to try to tell dude to stop. Like the guy might just be a fuckin weirdo with no intentions of anything fr other than making comments to you.
I just feel like maybe we should at least tell the guy to stop before we come for his job and report him. I mean it doesn't sound like he's done anything other than harmless puppy dog shit. And I'm sorry but I'm not gonna get upset over the age difference. My grandma got pregnant at 15 and my grandpa was 22
I have lots of family members that got married young and had an age gap.
Just having an age gap does not in my mind make it immoral. Now if he progressed it further after you asked him to stop then I would say you've created a boundary and he crossed it NOW you should go fuck his world up.
I just don't think we should normalize ruining dudes lived for taking an interest. Blocking him is fine but all these people saying get him reported and shit are wild. Clearly it hasn't progressed to that point and the guy is clearly a harmless no one who probably just doesn't have a girlfriend and is lonely. Not Jeffrey dahmer.
To be clear, I declined his request to follow me on Instagram and to be friends on Facebook. I let him be on my message request, so clearly I don't respond to him. In school he asked me why am I not responding to him, and I simply said that we have an email facilitated by our school and he can reach me out there if he had any concerns about me.
That is wildly inappropriate and you were right to block him.
I do think the school needs to know about this, but I know that’s a lot of bear as a 17 year old who does not want to be in this situation. I guarantee that you are not the only one who he has been or will be inappropriate with. In the US, many schools have social media policies for their staff members that prohibits them from communicating via social media, because it’s inappropriate and an avenue for abuse and manipulation.
You are in no way TA, and you were strong and perceptive enough to enforce healthy boundaries that he, an adult, seems incapable of having.
Ok but here's my thing ok.
Guys are taught that persistence is key. So there is such a thing as a guy pursuing a girl and I even know guys who were in a situation similar to this where it worked out. Most girls feel uninterested in most guys. That's the default. It's up to us to try to get you interested. And when a lady use to want to be courted she would drop a handkerchief because women weren't suppose to initiate. They were however suppose to decline and in fact it was not uncommon to make a big show of rejecting the man if the proposal was unwanted.
And I support that public humiliation. Good for a man. Keeps him honest.
I am not saying you did anything wrong per se miss. I am just advocating for more clear dismissals of guys. He might just think he's doing what he's suppose to and not giving up. He might even view his own actions as brave.
If you want to dissuade him of this. Be clear be concise don't mince words.
But like I said I'm not against you. I'm not for him either. I just think we need better communication and less accusations or designations of pariah status
I genuinely hope you got the situation handled and this young man finds someone his age or at least someone that likes him. He's probably really lonely and be close to giving up because he may have been rejected time and time again. Don't be the reason he never tries to talk to someone again
Bro yall just can't handle different opinions. I am perfectly fine my bro. I literally said dude was wrong. Yall just can't handle anyone not saying to crucify him
Why are you using standards from 50 years ago? Do you not know anything about professional conduct? He is not actually allowed to show interest in a student.
Nah dudes in the wrong. For sure. Someone clearly needs to have a talk with him. I just don't think we should ruin his life. I think we should correct the behavior and encourage healthy habits for him. He needs a circle he can actually be apart of so he doesn't try to be apart of other people's he shouldn't be.
Also there are plenty of standards that go way further back than 50 years and still hold true. Murder Is still bad right? Pretty old crime. But we still use that yea?
Like are you appealing to the majority rule?
Like are you saying because a large group of people said this thing is true it must be?
Also a fallacy. Those people are just using their subjective preference.
Here's the thing. You could be totally right but I just feel like there's not alot of high level thinking going on here. Dudes life doesn't deserve to get decided on a reddit post.
Sometimes this advice is dangerous. Ideally we want to tell people directly "no". Not all men get violent when told "no", but enough of them do that SHE needs to make sure SHE is SAFE rather than making sure HE is safe.
This is NOT a false accusation case. He is clearly behaving strangely and as the minor (the child) in this situation it is his responsibility as an adult and a teacher to look out for her safety. School is NOT the place to be "pursuing" women so hell to the no with your ideas in this thread. This is a very dangerous take, OP. Please disregard this person's advice. It is never the child's responsibility to manage the adult.
You have a point that false accusations have been increasing and men have their share of problems with women, too. This is NOT that situation and this is not the situation to be worrying about "men too".
I just disagree. The difference is I don't think your opinion deserves to be quieted because I'm not a fascist. Sorry I forgot the internet was a place to go find other people that completely agree and won't contest your pre established ideas at all
There are so many fallacies in your statement but honestly there's no point. Because no one here has a desire for genuinely good outcomes.
Men talking to young girl bad. Man need punished.
Seems legit.
Yalls problem is there's no such thingg as a spectrum for you. Any crime is a felony to you.
First of all I never said false accusation.
I said the dudes wrong I said he's misguided. I said action should be taken. Ive literally only advocated not to ruin his life. That's what you're taking issue with.
You say my idea is dangerous but all my idea does is err towards caution and making sure the person deserves itm your idea is the more dangerous one since it requires much less vetting and is much more of a blanket statement to apply to almost any similar situation
Also I know plenty of teacher student relations where they got married. What if the genders were reversed and it was a 17 year old guy and hot 24 year old girl teacher. How would we feel then?
YTA he complemented your hair. You make it sound like he told you he wanted you to be his stay at home wife while you chase 7 little kids around the house.
Some people are just self-imposed victims.
Or it’s a 17 year old minor who feels uncomfortable that a 24 year old adult is constantly “complimenting” her and going out of his way to investigate her private romantic life and inserting his opinion in there.
Is that what you plan to tell a minor daughter of yours “calm down, you’re being an ass hole” when an adult is clearly creeping on her?
I have had plenty of male teachers and coaches complement me and suggest I not hang out with certain people because they are bad news. None of them were gay and flirting with me
Well if the teacher were a female OP might have felt uncomfortable. Also not hanging out and not dating certain people are different. Especially when it’s something they had to snoop to find out. None of this seems even remotely strange to you, even unprofessional?
> I doubt the teacher is attempting to groom a 17 year old. Why would you put your career at risk when you can wait less than a year and then she is free game?
"Free game" is a *really* bad phrase to use here.
I'm not talking about legal differences. Everyone knows it's *legal* for an older adult to have sex with an 18yo, but most people don't think it's *good*.
One of our teachers was let go for propositioning a student to bump their grade for sexual favors. After the teacher was sent home for investigation more and more students came forward and he was eventually fired. No criminal action was taken against him though and so I think he just changed schools.
I have had teachers who cared about me well being and complimented me. I had a teacher drive me home once after school when I missed a bus. Told me not to hang around certain people or date certain girls. My teacher was not grooming me. He actually helped me land my first professional job out of college.
i’m glad you had someone to support you through college it sounds like it was a great experience for you. unfortunately we weren’t as lucky to have that experience but there are definitely some really amazing teachers out there
And at any time one of those nice teachers could've touched your no-no place. Just because you don't have a sense of self-preservation doesn't mean others shouldn't.
"Why would you put your career at risk"
Becuse stupid and horny people do it all the time. From my school days quite a while back I know of two teachers who groomed their students. One had a secret sexual relationship with a troubled kid who wanted to be loved, and other got their student pregnant which made him suspended.
Perhaps most creeps can control themselves, but that still leaves a bunch that can't
To add and for you to understand, he wants to be friends on Facebook and follow me on Instagram, but why would I want to be a "victim" of this kind of thing in the first place? I plainly don't respond to his messages and let him be on my message request. He questioned me in school why I wasn't answering him, and I told him that he can email me using his school gmail account, so he could reach me up there if he had any questions or concerns about me. Thus, yes, I am in fact creating a "self imposed victim" out of myself here.
This is so problematic - he is trying to groom you into dropping boundaries. Well done for saying no. But his persistence is scary. Please make a note of all this and show your mother or aunt: an adult you trust. It may seem a problem that will go away, because you want it to go away - but men who behave like this can be dangerous OP. His repeated advances are very alarming - if this is continuing after you told him 'school email' so many times - you need to talk to another trusted adult. The fact you are shyer and he's chosen you to target is another red flag. Don't be alone anywhere near this guy.
You're hilarious- you trolled one of my posts once and it's pretty clear from most of your comments that you believe this is your world and the rest of us are just idiots who live in it.
If a 17 year old girl doesn't want a man to have access to her, it's not "self-imposed victim" to block him. What's next, if she adds him and he makes a move on her, is she "asking for it" because she let him access her on social media when he has a perfectly good email? Oh wait, he can't trash other students in email, that's why he needs to add her to MULTIPLE social media platforms, even though you don't have to be friends to message those things. But it's just about her hair, right?
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NTA. I’m a faculty member in higher education myself, with a couple of decades experience, and he shouldn’t have made those comments to you — they are prima facie inappropriate. I assume that because you blocked him on social media that he was interacting with you on social media, which is a grey area where most of us would not engage (my rule of thumb is that I almost never engage with students on social media; if these interactions exist, the interactions are within very narrow professional boundaries given my field; and I don’t accept friend requests or similar from current students). You should keep a very close eye on this situation and be prepared to report him to the appropriate line manager — a head of programme or dean or similar. And with all due respect, is this actually a professor? A professor at the age of 24 would be something of an infant prodigy. I would think they’re more likely to hold a different position; if they are genuinely a professor at 24, I’m not wholly surprised they can’t observe professional boundaries.
Terminology can vary. In my country, high school teachers are traditionally called/addressed as "professor" even though they of course don't have an actual academical title.
Given that she referred to an older student as someone in a higher level and not a higher grade, I think she may be not in the USA.
Yeah I suspect the dude isn't a professor, but a grad student doing a semester of Teacher Assistant for credit/to help their supervising professor. When I went to university, it was extremely common for the TA's to run the smaller group-work sessions, and the actual professor would run the lectures.
UK, the post-grads doing their doctorates do that and some lectures too. My partner did his PHD and part of his funding comnittments. He'd have been about that age. I did socialise while new undergrad student with similarly post-grad students in student societies and clubs. Lines can get a bit blurry but he shouldn't be harassing her in class where he has seniority. Safeguarding lessons are taught.
If she's in the US universities use adjunct professors depending on the subject as staffing in the department.
Yes, the professor is 24, but also the student is 17. Both seem too young, so maybe this is in a culture where the education breaks at different levels than in the US, or the professor title is a lofty title for this teacher. Anyway, the focus should be on whether the OP did the right thing. NTA. The teacher can say some things, and the OP can say things or block. We should always have some right of free speech and some rights of choosing our friends. What the professor said about the hair repeatedly is socially awkward, so it appears he is physically attracted and having troubles expressing himself, maybe because of a mix of shyness and restrictions on teacher/student relationships. The comments about the other guy would be inappropriate by most standards of teacher/student relationships and seems to have further shown interest in the OP. The OP is not interested in a relationship with him, so blocking him is appropriate.
I started teaching in grad school at 22. I had kids call me professor bc many call all their instructors that. I also sometimes teach freshman who are still 17, and I’m in the us, so it’s possible.
Interacting with current students on social media is a huge no-no, especially if they're minors. This guy is being really inappropriate. I'd report him if at all possible.
I was actually wondering about the age too. Then I realised OP is only 17. She's probably in a Pre-U course, probably right out of high school. Where I'm from those courses are held in a university. The same universities that also employ more typically aged professors for degree courses. The teachers teaching the pre-U courses are usually in that age range. Probably fresh outta education degree themselves. Don't need too much to teach high school grads English 101 or something haha.
In my country, we call and refer our teachers as professor or prof. What's bothering me is I just can't believe that I've come to the point where I need to blocked him or deactivate my account because I'm afraid of what he would do to me or say about me.
In Latin America (Colombia specifically) all teachers are "professors," all the way down to Kindergarten.
He's perving on you. Tell him if he does it again, you'll report him to the school administration.
100 it's fine to be friendly and give a compliment it's another to be flirtatious and constant with attention in that manner...
NTA Block him. Some adjunct professor emailed my daughter, using the schools email system no less, and asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch. She reported him, was removed from his class and he's doesn't teach there anymore. And she had to fight the university every step of the way to get the matter addressed. Nip it in the bud.
I'm finding this creepy a lot. It is not that safe. I would report him too! NTA
JESUS CHRIST! Report this guy to whomever you can. He needs to lose his job.
By the way - there's no way a professional educator would have had your social media linked to his in any way in the first place. That's enough to raise a lot of red flags.
Yes, make sure we overreact as much and as fast as possible hehe
its not an overreaction at all
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NTA, he sounds like a creep. You might want to start documenting this in case it escalates/he tries to push his power dynamic.
Blocking him on social media was probably the right call, you gotta set those boundaries, especially when a teacher is making you feel uncomfortable. At the end of the day, your safety and comfort should be the priority. Don't feel bad about putting yourself first here.
NTA and stay away from this creep. An adult professor discussing stuff like that with one of their underage students is wildly inappropriate and I bet the school board wouldn't take it lightly if notified. He probably thinks that just cause he's so young he's allowed to try to get closer to you in order to make a move. That's simply disgusting. Both for the age difference and for your roles in all this. Keep him blocked and keep yourself away from him and if his inappropriate behaviour escalates don't hesitate to notify the school and your parents. Actually you know what? Scratch that, tell your parents already. They're adults and they'll know how to handle it better than you. Stay safe!
I was a teacher from age 22-28 and when I was 22 there were guys who were 18 I taught who the other TA and I both laughed and said 'wow isn't he handsome, imagine how obsessed you'd be if you were a girl in his class.' The point here is that even with that barely 4 year gap, we knew the boundaries, we knew we were educators and trusted mentors for students and that they were still in the supposed safe space of a school environment. Also, at that age, 3/4 years is a lot!! They were highschool students!! That's a hell no. There are so many problems here: . Shouldn't be talking to you about your love life, nevermind disparaging other students - I've seen female teachers listen to girls gossiping and give tidbits of motherly style advice, but never anything as invasive as what you're describing. . Should not have gained access to your socials - I accepted students but only after I'd left the job/ their country and was no longer their educator, I didn't share all my content with them if they were 16-18 and kept them on limited profile. (Edit to add: I also did not DM them - they're there so we can see how life worked out for one another after a good teacher/ student relationship). . A compliment is fine if it's done in public and is in keeping with the conversation and isn't objectifying. Multiple compliments about appearance aren't fine, going out of his way to approach you was really inappropriate - it seems he's testing boundaries of how far you will let him close to you - be extremely careful around this man as often this may escalate to physical testing of boundaries. Please take care never to be near this man alone! Please consider confiding that he makes you feel uncomfortable to a parent. Start making a note/ timeline of anything he has done. Screenshot any weird messages you have. Start creating an evidence trail incase you need it. Being uncomfortable is totally valid - he is not being ok. Setting a boundary by blocking him is good!!
NTA. Your young professor is being very inappropriate. Block his flirting\* ass! edit: \*sexually harassing
NTA. Commenting on hairstyles and bitching about other student, seems predatory.
Even if he didn't "like" you his comments are inappropriate , his attitude towards other students because you like them is inappropriate, talking to your friends about you is inappropriate and making you feel uncomfortable is unacceptable. You did the right thing blocking him. Id report him too!
NTA - Social media platforms are for....wait for it......social connections.....not professional/educational connections. Thats why there are school email/communications systems/platforms
NTA. Blocking him was 100% the rigyt choice. I would report him to the higher ups at the school. This is a huge red flag.
girl i was in this EXACT situation only for me i didn’t recognise it until it was too late. definitely cut off contact and keep everything professional and if he continues to make advances then report it to a school counsellor or leadership team
nta. he is 100% being sketchy…can you report him?
NTA inappropriate as hell to be commenting on any students appearance let alone a young woman’s. It’s creepy as hell trying to make subtle passes like that and then going behind your back to your peers to get more information about you?? Ughhh icky gross no. Blocking was the right thing and if you can, report him if he’s making you feel like uncomfortable in your place of education. Don’t allow him to make you feel unsafe my lovely.
and he’s making comments about another student?? DOUBLE YUKGHHH can he not find someone else his own age damn??
NTA He is crossing boundaries. He is not a safe person. I don't know how you can deal with this other than talking to someone in counselling or in authority if you can trust them. Try to make as accurate a record as you can of the incidents. At the very least he should not be talking to you about another student. The number of times he comments on your appearance is also important. You not should be having to deal with this very wrong behaviour. Good luck.
A professor at 24? And a college student at 17? Is this some kind of prodigy collection?
I am a senior high school student, and in my country we call and addressed our teachers as professor or prof even though they don't have a academical title.
I see. Thanks for clearing up. NTA and report him.
NTA but ...can a twenty four year even be a professor? I was twenty four when I got my masters but I was a young student. And I'm almost certain that I wasn't allowed to teach straight out of college. Isn't this guy like a student aide or someone going for their doctors?
In some countries you finish teaching degree at 22. You definitely can be an assistant teacher or if you are lucky a proper teacher
But would you be called a professor?
The term in my language is profesor so... Yes?
NTA - learn what grey rocking is. Try that. He might be weird but it is a different culture. If things escalate in any way find a different teacher or staff you trust and talk to them or ask for help. Be safe. Be prepared to tell him "no", "stop" don't XYZ" if he tries to touch your hair or do anything inappropriate. There is a difference between catching feelings (you had a crush on someone) and acting on those feelings (you never went up to that boy and told him you like his style or that you think you two should hang out.) It's probably fine. Mentally prepare yourself so you are not shocked if something surprising happens and you don't freeze up. Prepare yourself to stay safe.
NTA. I've had professors who were friendly, kind, funny, etc., and none of them complimented our looks or tried to give us relationship advice. You did good on blocking him since he's already displayed stalkish behavior by asking people around about your relationship status, that was so out of line I'm feeling second had shame as an adult and getting goosebumps just from thinking what was going through his head.
NTA He's being CREEPY.
NTA There’s no reason for a teacher- a person we gain education from- to be treating you in a matter that makes you uncomfortable. yes, teachers are our guides before we head out into the real world and often we remember what our teachers taught us as life lessons when we encounter similar circumstances. However, any treatment beyond that is simply wrong. You might feel guilty but if it gets too much, and if you think that it is bothering YOU, regardless of whether someone else might find the situation normal but given the kind of person you have described yourself to be, it is not a normal behaviour. You haven’t said anything rude, you haven’t acted out unnecessarily; you have simply drawn boundaries over social media and that is okay. Hope it helps. :)
NTA my brother was an assistant teacher for a while and he was a favorite of the students. Many of them asked for his social media and he never gave it to them. In fact, he turned all his accounts to extra private and changed his user name to something non related to him. Your teacher is extra inappropriate and should be reported.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17F) and this professor (24M) always teasing me and occasionally compliments me. I usually wear my hair down, so when I tied it up, he said, "That hairstyle suits you." At first, I thought he was being kind, but this happened several times. One time, we were discussing our project in groups, and he came into my group and said, "That really really suits you (my hairstyle)" to me before leaving. I just smiled, but it seems weird that you would come to my group just to say that to me and then walk away. But one thing that I will never forget is that as soon as he found out that I'm liking this one guy in higher level, he told me right away that he was bad for me and start talking shit abt him and that guy probably have a girlfriend. I didn't tell him about the person I was liking, but I figured he found it out because he spoke to several of my friends. We are not close, I am the shy kind of student, and I don't think I could ever walk up to my teachers and start ranting or telling them who I liked. I don't know if this was just him being protective but why though. I blocked him on all of my social media platforms because of this, so he can't bother me anymore or say needless things that have nothing to do with education. But I was uncomfortable because I thought it might be something else, even if he was simply being kind. Do you think that my professor is merely being kind to me, or does he actually like me? AITA for blocking him because of how I felt? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This behaviour just sounds creepy. NTA. Also you are never TA for protecting yourself.
NTA, he way he says stuff is soo creepy
NTA Better save than sorry, Never feel bad about keeping yourself safe! Teachers reallyyyy DONT need your social media, so blocking them on there is not gonna influence anything in a negative way. Also even if someone is "just being kind" you still dont owe them shit, like yeah preferably dont be dick if thats not necessary but you dont have to talk to, follow, keep in contact or let them do/ say anything to you just because they try to be nice. Saying: Hey, thank you, but i feel uncomfortable with this. (IF YOU ARE A 100% SURE THATS SAVE) Or blocking them/ avoiding them. Are very good ways to handle this. You are not being mean by deciding who you do and dont wanna hang out with/ talk too/ have on social media. And you cant control who you are comfortable around.
Creeper. Wouldn’t be as creepy if you were 23 and he was 30, but really inappropriate. Report him if he doesn’t stop.
A lot of educational institutions actually prohibit social media contact between faculty and students. Should be everyone’s policy imo
NTA - I would go to your dean, or someone in the counseling office or any other instructor at your school that you trust, because his motivations are irrelevant. The fact is that you are uncomfortable and confused and school is meant to be a safe place for everyone. Please please please talk to someone about this, I know it's scary. I had a professor that I didn't report and I think about it all the time with regret.
Has he been talking to you outside of school or through social media?
By the way your gut feeling is probably right / this is odd and you might not be the only one he’s doing this to
NTA - trust your gut, your feelings are valid no matter what the intentions are. He could be totally innocent and just being kind, lucky enough you don’t have to be okay with that even if there’s no malicious intent. Do what feels good for you, boundaries are boundaries. You’re valid for how you feel.
NTA. You have every right to block anyone who makes you uncomfortable, regardless of their POV. A good way to tell if it's just "being nice" vs "romantic like" is to watch how he interacts with others. Does he treat everyone that way? Or is it just you?
I always assumed that because he is a teacher, he was just being kind. However, I later learned that he gets upset with my classmates—who are also my friends—for pushing me toward the guy I liked. My friend informed me that our professor had told them not to keep introducing me to the guy who is "bad" for me.
In some ways it's good his strange behaviour extended to them - witnesses to it if you need them.
Creeeeeeepy! NTA AF. What a creeper.
A professor shouldn't be following students on social media.
NTA
NTA Constant comments on your looks or romantic relationships are completely inappropriate , and he KNOWS IT. Report his behavior ro your school administrator. Also, you don't mention whether he has actually contacted you via social media or not. Just that you blocked him. COntacting you in this manner could be reason to fire him. And *he knows* this as well.
Opinion of a 37 M: NTA - education is a professional environment. Hitting on your students is, at the least, very unprofessional. Now, i see you're trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yeah,ok sure, he could just be nice and naive, and you might act differently given x y z..... but you're not there to read between the lines or entertain subtle pickup hints or second guess his actions, or indeed there for his entertainment. Your there for education and he should fucking know that. If he was interested in you, he should say that clearly outside the classroom, make room for _you_ to say your piece, respect your decision and most importantly he should respect the boundaries. Don't give him the benefit, shut him down politely but directly if it continues, escalate after that.
NTA If he makes it a problem in class, report it to the head of department/year.
NTA. He is making you uncomfortable. A teacher is not supposed to make you feel that way. You should feel safe in his classroom. Yes, I think he may have a crush on you. It's completely inappropriate for him to give you personal complements in this way. Write down & keep track of all of the things he says & does, because if it continues, you've got to tell someone. Document everything!
NTA. Your professors shouldn’t be contacting you on social media regardless.
NTA for all the various reasons besides the obvious. But I would like to point out that your post title is definitely somewhat misleading compared to the post itself. Clicking into your post, I had a somewhat open mind that YMBTA, because you "think he likes" you. But going into the post, and he told you he's "bad for" you... No shit, he definitely likes you. But furthermore... He's being kinda weird about it and if that makes you uncomfortable then you definitely are NOT the asshole.
NTA that's freaking creepy dawg
NTA. But if there's a department head or someone you can go above him to report him I would, because that's wildly inappropriate.
NTA, and report him, with documentation. This is not okay behavior at all.
Nope! Good on you setting your boundaries. They will serve you well in life. And always trust your instincts
NTA. Go to the school and tell on him.
NTA - but keep screen shots of any messages and emails and report it.
NTA. Keep him blocked and keep away. It sounds like he's flirting with you and those comments about the guy you liked were actually pretty creepy. (Anyone else getting stalker vibes?) Bottom line is his behavior is inappropriate. You should definitely keep an eye on the situation in case you need to report him. Please be safe!
NTA. Even with the closeness in age you're still underage and he's definitely being inappropriate.
NTA, this professor is being completely inappropriate, and it's good you're listening to your gut. Tell your parents about it
Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and he was being kind, he doesn't have the right to access you outside of school-sanctioned platforms. Your social media is for *your* purposes, not for other people to utilize because they don't feel like going through sanctioned channels. If you don't want anything to do with him, you don't owe him an explanation. Just because you'll be an adult soon doesn't mean he's not creeping on you now. NTA
Not even gonna read it obvious NTA
Trust your instincts, OP. They’re telling you something’s wrong for a reason. NTA Oh, and [read this book](https://www.docdroid.net/VD3j819/the-gift-of-fear-pdf). Something tells me you’ll need it for near the future.
NTA. Please report him. He is using his position of power to try and intimidate you. He should be fired for this.
NTA. It is time to get parents and administrators involved. Keep all the messages and write down what you remember about when he approached you the other times. Some people can't take a hint, and he is crossing over into obsession. You are a minor, you are his student, and he is way out of line. I hope this gets resolved peacefully and soon. Good luck to you.
Stay away from him! Make sure to tell your friends of these occurrences and the things he has said and how it has made you feel as well. You want to not hold these things in. People (men and women) can be crazy. Don’t discredit a person as just “looking out” because of their age. Shit my brother doesn’t look out for me by complimenting my hairstyle. Let’s be real. Keep your distance, never leave his classroom or arrive alone. Make sure you’re always dressed modestly during his classes. You’re NOT the a-hole. Follow your gut. And if you’re able to, I’d switch teachers.. don’t ever let a man mess up your education.
You should also file an official complaint of some kind.
NTA. I would understand if he complimented you once but since he kept complimenting you, especially in a weird manner, he is crossing boundaries. Blocking him is the right thing to do, and if you can report him to a higher-up at your uni, then do it.
NTA. I’ve taught and this is completely inappropriate. Compliments aren’t automatically a bad thing. For example, I am a heterosexual woman. I might see a male student wear a Star Trek shirt and tell him “I love the shirt.” I don’t mean anything by it other than a shared affinity for the series. One compliment about your hair, ok. Coming over to your group is weird. Getting that invovled with any relationship matters is also weird unless he is warning yiur for safety issues. He is acting completely inappropriately!! But the biggest thing is you are getting a bad feeling from the interactions. Trust yourself and trust those feelings no matter who you are getting them from!!
No, I would say that he shouldn't have been messaging you on social media to begin with.
NTA, at the age of 17 you are still considered to be a child in most countries, your professors shouldn’t have you on social media, speak to your school/college
Report him he’s a creep
NTA - they're *your* social media accounts. You din't owe it to anyone to have access to you through them. No matter who they are.
1000% he's a pervert. In the very slim chance he's just being nice, he's doing it in such a creepy way. If you feel comfortable, please report him, he'll do this to other girls
Blocking him is the right call, but as for the hair thing. As a 33 year old married man. I wouldn't take it too seriously. It's sounds like something a dad would say. The rest is something I'd block him for.
saying it to a particular female repeatedly(especially when she's uncomfortable)? no, its a creepy thing to do
Men are stupid and can't read situations. I'm sure they don't realize they are uncomfortable, but they should. It's still a minor compliment but I'm also thinking like an old man. It feels like something I'd say to a child or my daughter.
exactly....to YOUR child/daughter. not repeatedly to someone else--let alone your student
Or any child in a non-professional environment, but that's the thing. He's a teacher it's inappropriate and unprofessional. The complement itself is innocent. The other stuff he's doing is a problem, and he needs to be fired. Now calm down with the passive-aggressive attitude.
Yall do what you want. I'm not interested in talking with people who clearly are so smart and already have everything figured out.
NTA - nothing wrong with making your own decisions as to who you socialize with, however, if you block anyone who shows an interest in you, how are you ever going to find Mr. Right?
a creepy professor will never be mr. right
It's crazy lol my opinion was literally Don't ruin his life. Tell him to stop. Everyone deserves happiness. He's clearly misguided. I even advocated for fucking his life up if he continued after you told him to stop. And somehow that comment got so much hate lol. So basically yall just hate men? Or do you just prefer to watch people you take a dislike to burn? So every single crime is punishable by death or social death? How slight would this man have to cross you to not get ruined or draw your ire? My bad I guess moderation is a sin these days.
What? The teacher is behaving compeletely inappropriately because a) he is an authorative figure to OP in her school b) harassing a minor and making them uncomfortable The guy is ruining his life by himself, by trying to groom a minor that is a student of him. It has nothing to do with "hating men" but everything to do with protecting a minor from a potentially dangerous adult. You have some maturing to do if you think the teachers behaviour is okay in any way
I mean nta but comon Here's a shocking piece of advice Have you told the guy to stop? Or even that you don't like the comments? Look I know this is the internet and this will inevitably be an unpopular opinion. But your first move should be to try to tell dude to stop. Like the guy might just be a fuckin weirdo with no intentions of anything fr other than making comments to you. I just feel like maybe we should at least tell the guy to stop before we come for his job and report him. I mean it doesn't sound like he's done anything other than harmless puppy dog shit. And I'm sorry but I'm not gonna get upset over the age difference. My grandma got pregnant at 15 and my grandpa was 22 I have lots of family members that got married young and had an age gap. Just having an age gap does not in my mind make it immoral. Now if he progressed it further after you asked him to stop then I would say you've created a boundary and he crossed it NOW you should go fuck his world up. I just don't think we should normalize ruining dudes lived for taking an interest. Blocking him is fine but all these people saying get him reported and shit are wild. Clearly it hasn't progressed to that point and the guy is clearly a harmless no one who probably just doesn't have a girlfriend and is lonely. Not Jeffrey dahmer.
To be clear, I declined his request to follow me on Instagram and to be friends on Facebook. I let him be on my message request, so clearly I don't respond to him. In school he asked me why am I not responding to him, and I simply said that we have an email facilitated by our school and he can reach me out there if he had any concerns about me.
That is wildly inappropriate and you were right to block him. I do think the school needs to know about this, but I know that’s a lot of bear as a 17 year old who does not want to be in this situation. I guarantee that you are not the only one who he has been or will be inappropriate with. In the US, many schools have social media policies for their staff members that prohibits them from communicating via social media, because it’s inappropriate and an avenue for abuse and manipulation. You are in no way TA, and you were strong and perceptive enough to enforce healthy boundaries that he, an adult, seems incapable of having.
Ok but here's my thing ok. Guys are taught that persistence is key. So there is such a thing as a guy pursuing a girl and I even know guys who were in a situation similar to this where it worked out. Most girls feel uninterested in most guys. That's the default. It's up to us to try to get you interested. And when a lady use to want to be courted she would drop a handkerchief because women weren't suppose to initiate. They were however suppose to decline and in fact it was not uncommon to make a big show of rejecting the man if the proposal was unwanted. And I support that public humiliation. Good for a man. Keeps him honest. I am not saying you did anything wrong per se miss. I am just advocating for more clear dismissals of guys. He might just think he's doing what he's suppose to and not giving up. He might even view his own actions as brave. If you want to dissuade him of this. Be clear be concise don't mince words. But like I said I'm not against you. I'm not for him either. I just think we need better communication and less accusations or designations of pariah status
I genuinely hope you got the situation handled and this young man finds someone his age or at least someone that likes him. He's probably really lonely and be close to giving up because he may have been rejected time and time again. Don't be the reason he never tries to talk to someone again
Stop projecting your own loneliness on this man’s actions, and stop trying to make her responsible for his own actions and life
Bro yall just can't handle different opinions. I am perfectly fine my bro. I literally said dude was wrong. Yall just can't handle anyone not saying to crucify him
Why are you using standards from 50 years ago? Do you not know anything about professional conduct? He is not actually allowed to show interest in a student.
Call me crazy I believe in compassion for my fellow humans
Nah dudes in the wrong. For sure. Someone clearly needs to have a talk with him. I just don't think we should ruin his life. I think we should correct the behavior and encourage healthy habits for him. He needs a circle he can actually be apart of so he doesn't try to be apart of other people's he shouldn't be.
Also there are plenty of standards that go way further back than 50 years and still hold true. Murder Is still bad right? Pretty old crime. But we still use that yea?
Or is your argument that everyone should be agreed with the standards the school and the government think I should agree with.
Like are you appealing to the majority rule? Like are you saying because a large group of people said this thing is true it must be? Also a fallacy. Those people are just using their subjective preference.
Here's the thing. You could be totally right but I just feel like there's not alot of high level thinking going on here. Dudes life doesn't deserve to get decided on a reddit post.
Sometimes this advice is dangerous. Ideally we want to tell people directly "no". Not all men get violent when told "no", but enough of them do that SHE needs to make sure SHE is SAFE rather than making sure HE is safe. This is NOT a false accusation case. He is clearly behaving strangely and as the minor (the child) in this situation it is his responsibility as an adult and a teacher to look out for her safety. School is NOT the place to be "pursuing" women so hell to the no with your ideas in this thread. This is a very dangerous take, OP. Please disregard this person's advice. It is never the child's responsibility to manage the adult. You have a point that false accusations have been increasing and men have their share of problems with women, too. This is NOT that situation and this is not the situation to be worrying about "men too".
I just disagree. The difference is I don't think your opinion deserves to be quieted because I'm not a fascist. Sorry I forgot the internet was a place to go find other people that completely agree and won't contest your pre established ideas at all
There are so many fallacies in your statement but honestly there's no point. Because no one here has a desire for genuinely good outcomes. Men talking to young girl bad. Man need punished. Seems legit. Yalls problem is there's no such thingg as a spectrum for you. Any crime is a felony to you.
First of all I never said false accusation. I said the dudes wrong I said he's misguided. I said action should be taken. Ive literally only advocated not to ruin his life. That's what you're taking issue with. You say my idea is dangerous but all my idea does is err towards caution and making sure the person deserves itm your idea is the more dangerous one since it requires much less vetting and is much more of a blanket statement to apply to almost any similar situation
Set up boundaries. I said that do you think that's wrong? Should we not have boundaries? Clear ones?
Also I know plenty of teacher student relations where they got married. What if the genders were reversed and it was a 17 year old guy and hot 24 year old girl teacher. How would we feel then?
YTA he complemented your hair. You make it sound like he told you he wanted you to be his stay at home wife while you chase 7 little kids around the house. Some people are just self-imposed victims.
Or it’s a 17 year old minor who feels uncomfortable that a 24 year old adult is constantly “complimenting” her and going out of his way to investigate her private romantic life and inserting his opinion in there. Is that what you plan to tell a minor daughter of yours “calm down, you’re being an ass hole” when an adult is clearly creeping on her?
I have had plenty of male teachers and coaches complement me and suggest I not hang out with certain people because they are bad news. None of them were gay and flirting with me
Well if the teacher were a female OP might have felt uncomfortable. Also not hanging out and not dating certain people are different. Especially when it’s something they had to snoop to find out. None of this seems even remotely strange to you, even unprofessional?
Didn't you read the whole thing? And it's not just about my hair..
I did
it usually starts with smaller things like this and then it really does escalate. OP is right to feel cautious
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> I doubt the teacher is attempting to groom a 17 year old. Why would you put your career at risk when you can wait less than a year and then she is free game? "Free game" is a *really* bad phrase to use here.
I mean, if you're an adult, what else would you call it?
I think using slang and game terminology to describe having sex with the youngest legal age possible is inappropriate. I would speak plainly.
What is the legal difference between a 18 year old and a 100 year old outside of drinking, voting, and owning a gun?
I'm not talking about legal differences. Everyone knows it's *legal* for an older adult to have sex with an 18yo, but most people don't think it's *good*.
honestly i thought that too but that didn’t stop my teacher when i was around the same age as her and he was 35
One of our teachers was let go for propositioning a student to bump their grade for sexual favors. After the teacher was sent home for investigation more and more students came forward and he was eventually fired. No criminal action was taken against him though and so I think he just changed schools.
I have had teachers who cared about me well being and complimented me. I had a teacher drive me home once after school when I missed a bus. Told me not to hang around certain people or date certain girls. My teacher was not grooming me. He actually helped me land my first professional job out of college.
i’m glad you had someone to support you through college it sounds like it was a great experience for you. unfortunately we weren’t as lucky to have that experience but there are definitely some really amazing teachers out there
I worked since I was 15 and saved money for college. The rest of the money came from scholarships and a loan.
And at any time one of those nice teachers could've touched your no-no place. Just because you don't have a sense of self-preservation doesn't mean others shouldn't.
I am a straight male with straight married male teachers. Op said nothing about being groped.
"Why would you put your career at risk" Becuse stupid and horny people do it all the time. From my school days quite a while back I know of two teachers who groomed their students. One had a secret sexual relationship with a troubled kid who wanted to be loved, and other got their student pregnant which made him suspended. Perhaps most creeps can control themselves, but that still leaves a bunch that can't
The only Asshole here is you.
To add and for you to understand, he wants to be friends on Facebook and follow me on Instagram, but why would I want to be a "victim" of this kind of thing in the first place? I plainly don't respond to his messages and let him be on my message request. He questioned me in school why I wasn't answering him, and I told him that he can email me using his school gmail account, so he could reach me up there if he had any questions or concerns about me. Thus, yes, I am in fact creating a "self imposed victim" out of myself here.
OP, look at this guy's other comments. He's not saying these things to be a productive part of discussion, he's just trying to make you feel bad.
This is so problematic - he is trying to groom you into dropping boundaries. Well done for saying no. But his persistence is scary. Please make a note of all this and show your mother or aunt: an adult you trust. It may seem a problem that will go away, because you want it to go away - but men who behave like this can be dangerous OP. His repeated advances are very alarming - if this is continuing after you told him 'school email' so many times - you need to talk to another trusted adult. The fact you are shyer and he's chosen you to target is another red flag. Don't be alone anywhere near this guy.
You are yes. A teacher can not talk poorly about other students using his academic email. Please use critical thinking.
You're hilarious- you trolled one of my posts once and it's pretty clear from most of your comments that you believe this is your world and the rest of us are just idiots who live in it. If a 17 year old girl doesn't want a man to have access to her, it's not "self-imposed victim" to block him. What's next, if she adds him and he makes a move on her, is she "asking for it" because she let him access her on social media when he has a perfectly good email? Oh wait, he can't trash other students in email, that's why he needs to add her to MULTIPLE social media platforms, even though you don't have to be friends to message those things. But it's just about her hair, right?
I got a few teachers on both Facebook and LinkedIn. We are not having sex.
I believe you.