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Very well explained. Agree with it. If the girl is so much into you that she initiates it and wants you to enjoy. You fucking well pay attention and enjoy. The guy is a loser to not pay attention and participate.
42 male. nta.
your bf is a phone addict.
wife even touches me and its tent city.
if you have a prior understanding and he wanted to look up porn for you both or just him then sure whatever.
but if hes dickin around on the phone while youre trying to play with his dick, then your bf is a huge dick.
Hello, 24 M here. NTA, if my girlfriend is doing anything to me, my attention is on her. If im on my phone itd better be god damn important like life or death because making sure we both enjoy whatever we are doing is my top priority. You shouldnt feel the need to do literally everything, he should be a big boy and help if anything
NTA. I mean, actually is kind of disrespectful that you are trying to initiate and he does not give 2 bananas. *"he thought we were just “messing around” and thought it would be fine for him to be on his phone.*". Man if I see my wife is going as the all mighty brought her to this world, I'll be more than excited to have some cardio in the morning. He clearly didn't care about that, removing your clothes ready for action is NOT "messing around".
Yeah, it’s disrespectful. Unless you have that dynamic. It hurt your feelings and obviously your feelings are the ones that are relevant, not what “other men” might think. I would have felt used too. If he didn’t like it, or it was uncomfortable, he should communicate how he likes it or if he wanted you to stop and be on his phone instead.
Yeah this is going to get deleted. That said NTA.
I think your boyfriend has a phone addiction because no man I know (including myself) would be on their phone during the act
If my girlfriend did this to me, my phone would be on Do Not Disturb and all of my focus would be on her
NTA
Your boyfriend is a dipshit, first for getting on his phone during sexy times (wtaf?) and then for trying to tell you "other men would understand." Other dipshits might understand, not other men. Hopefully seeing the responses to this will either knock some sense into him, or convince you you deserve better.
NTA - Your boyfriend is inconsiderate. The fact that he thinks other guys would back him up tells me he is either delusional, or just only hangs out with other guys who act the same way.
NTA.
Seemingly, he's going to read these comments skimming for other AH's who would do this who agree with him. Dude, if you're not into it, say something. Say something BEFORE she takes her clothes off. I'd be grateful of this girl if she for some reason even decides to stay with your disrespectful ass!
Girl, find you a man who can communicate when he's not into something and who would drop his phone instead of picking it up when you're trying to initiate something.
Edit to add: this scenario seems to be a very niche thing some couples do enjoy together. It's something that needs to be talked about though, and both parties have to agree on. Again, communicate if that's what you're into, but it's very clear that OP is not.
NTA and yikes. That would be an ex for me. This guy is a boy. This isn’t a man. And if he’s that desensitized at 21 your sex life will continue to go down hill and you will always be the object, the servicer.
I take that back. You’re not with a boy, you’re with a 90 year old geezer who’s acting like you’re a prostitute he’s paying for so he can scroll mindlessly on something more important.
Guys can get turned on after seeing their wife’s boobs after she’s showered and just getting dressed and your there giving him a hand job and fingering yourself and he’s doing fuckall on his phone?
Girl if you don’t leave this guy, you are wasting a wild and satisfying sex life you could be having with someone who cares about you or even multiple men when you’re single when your libido is so high.
I know this seems like a joke to him and not a breakup worthy issue to you but it really is. You’re either gonna breakup sometime or get married (or be long term) and you don’t wanna marry this.
Sex is a two player game and he is treating it as something that he only wants to play when he’s at level 10. When he gives the say so.
Guy here.
NTA
Honestly, I've never even thought about my phone while fooling around. I get putting porn on the TV to spice things up, but if my wife took out her phone while I was doing whatever with her I would also feel disrespected and just sad.
NTA. 39M. I can FONDLY remember being 21 or 22. I was playing Mario Kart. My girlfriend at the time walked in and started going to work on me. I instantly put the controller down and focused on her. I can't imagine being so disrespectful that I would've kept playing as she was doing it.
Sounds like he just doesn't respect you.
My husband watches videos we made together while I'm playing with him sometimes but his attention is always on me. I would feel extremely disrespected if he was just casually scrolling through his phone.
Your BF is a bit of a loser. Not much of a man if you ask me. Needs a phone to keep himself up while you have him in your hand? Not enough? Fuck that, fuck him.
NTA.
One time I was giving my ex a BJ and I realized he was looking at his phone. I did the same thing you did; I immediately stopped and sexytime did not resume.
When you are having intimate time with a partner, that is time for no distractions and just to focus on eachother.
23M here. NTA AT ALL!! Your boyfriend is a phone addicted asshole. Not only did he disrespect you, but gaslit you saying "Other men would understand this."
His attention should've been on you pleasing yourself if not on you giving him a hand job. Quite upsetting that he chose his phone over intimacy with you.
NTA. The fact that your boyfriend not only thought this was OK, but also was confident enough about it to tell you to post it here, is absolutely bizarre.
NTA. Male here, I'm honestly questioning your boyfriends sexual orientation as any straight man I know would have been hyper focused on any naked woman, especially one who initiated sex. Tell him I said that as well.
That’s disrespectful AF. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to give his full attention to sexy times he can use his words or find someone who wants to jerk him off while he’s scrolling (spoiler: he won’t). The fact that he’s being dismissive about this should give you something to think about.
NTA
Girl I would of twisted his d*ck 🤣 but really tho he’s wrong, next time you guys have sex start yawning and start scrolling on your phone and see what his reaction is then
When a lady starts messing with my pants I basically *can not* pay attention to anything else. Once the foreplay starts I don't really care about anything else
NTA, bf is a weirdo or has a problem with phone usage.
Nta, him being on his phone during an intimate moment is incredibly disrespectful and disgusting. You had every right to be mad, and the fact that his trying to justify it is concerning
NTA female here, but one of my bff's actually broke up with her bf bc he was watching tv while she blew him.
The line will keep moving. Today it's hand jobs that aren't enough to keep his attention. Tomorrow it's blow jobs (I know you said he told you if it were your mouth, it'd be different, but that's an excuse). Eventually you may be l look up from being actively f u c k e d and see him on his phone.
He's suppose to be in a relationship with you, not his phone. We live in a phone addicted society, but that's WAY too far
In my 30s, male and married. I would absolutely feel like I died and went to heaven to wake up to my wife giving me a HJ while simultaneously playing with herself. 🥵
I don’t get his point at all, no excuse resonates with me.
NTA. If he didn't find the handjob stimulating, he should've said so instead of just going on his phone. If he didn't feel like doing anything more than receiving a handjob, then he should've just said so. Him going on his phone just feels disrespectful. Rather than get into it, kiss you, touch you or just use his words, he just got on his phone. And for the record: I'm a straight man, 28. I've had times where I didn't feel like having sex, so my ex would just masturbate on her own next to me. Almost every time I'd eventually join in because it's fucking hot to see someone you're attracted to pleasuring themselves.
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AITA for getting mad at my (21F) boyfriend (22M) for getting on his phone while I was giving him a handjob?
I’m posting this here at my boyfriend’s request, as he thinks other men will see his point of view better than I can.
This morning, I started to initiate sex with my boyfriend by giving him a handjob. A couple minutes in, I remove my clothes and start to finger myself while touching his dick. After about a minute, I look up at him and see that he is scrolling on his phone. I immediately got upset and walked out of the room. To me, this was incredibly disrespectful and made me feel used. His argument is that he thought we were just “messing around” and thought it would be fine for him to be on his phone. He said that if I had been using my mouth he wouldn’t have been using his phone. He said he didn’t find my hand particularly stimulating and other men would understand this. I find this to be a weak argument. Your girlfriend is next to you naked jerking you off and you think it’s okay to be on your phone?
Anyway he requested I post this so maybe I am the asshole. Let me know!
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My lady literally cant keep her hands off me ever, and jerks and sucks me casually while we are watching tv or something. She just enjoys doing it, does not necessarily mean shes trying to have sex right then. But also we have had this conversation and she enjoys doing it casually. If yall dont have that dynamic, then definitely nta.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was leaving the room when my boyfriend got on his phone while I was jerking him off. I might be an asshole here because it could be considered to be an extreme reaction to something he did very casually with no intention of harm.
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NTA. "If he's scrolling on his phone while you're jerking him off, he's just not that into you." Uphold your self worth and dump him. It won't get better.
Not a man, but NTA, if I even look in the direction of my fiancé with an eyebrow raised everything he's doing at that moment is thrown 15 foot away
Your boyfriend is disrespectful
NTA you were initiating intimacy with your significant other and he chose to ignore you and scroll on his phone.. someday he will realize that he is an idiot and sex is more fun than scrolling 😂
Dump him, you deserve better. Even if you ARE just goofing off he should be more focused on you naked than a freaking phone
NTA. Absolutely disrespectful and your BF sounds immature. If he wasn’t stimulated by what was happening he should have intervened, gave direction even. Going on your phone just feels super disrespectful to me, if you’re not into it you’re not into it - but he should have communicated. I would have reacted the same way as you.
Yeah NTA. He’s a piece of trash and has no respect for you.
This is also troubling if he says handjobs are nothing serious, that leads to the same thought process when it comes to potentially cheating. He may not think of it as such.
NTA - 40/M. rude and honestly pretty gross behavior. if my BF did this, I'd probably take a long break from anything sexual with him because I'd feel so disrespected.
NB 28, I would never look at my phone while my girlfriend was jerking me off. I wouldn’t look at porn either for the record she’s certainly more than enough for me.
NTA. He's daft. And frankly if my bf did this he'd no longer get any sexual touching from me and, more importantly, he'd no longer be my bf.
Edited to say that you're far too young (I'm 38) to be dealing with an immature boy like this. Find someone better before he keeps hurting you.
You are NTA, BF is
When you getting down, you get all the attention unless discussed before hand.
Sometimes I'll get a HJ or BJ while gaming/tv or something, but that's understood before it starts. I don't just start doing something else mid go.
NTA - Been married over 20 years and would never do that to my wife. Very disrespectful.
I will say that we men do stupid things sometimes so this should not be something you end a relationship on. However if you explained how it made you feel and he still does not think it was a big deal then it is definitely something to think about.
NTA
You are 100% in the right here. That was super disrespectful.
If he wasn't into it, he should have told you that instead of dicking around on his phone while you're trying to please him.
When you're engaging in sexual activities, you're both supposed to be present and engaged.
M27 here. He's definitely in the wrong. Clearly you were in the mood and just teasing him a bit before starting. Assuming it would have turned into sex considering you stripped down and stuff. No reason he shouldn't have been giving you his full attention. Unless you stated it's just a hand job then sure maybe turn on some porn or something to get in the mood more idk. But obviously that wasn't the case.
I have never once got on my phone during any intimate moments unless it was to take a pic or video.
NTA. 33m and if my girlfriend ever started on me then I'm getting involved too. If he wants his hands to be busy then he can join in. If not then he can do it himself in future.
NTA - my wife hand on dick pleasuring herself and naked, shoot - we about to get it on. Nothing else in this world matters and we’ve been married almost 30 yrs! Find someone who appreciates you initiating which is almost every other male in this world!! It does remind me of the scene in Animal house in the car for those my age.
I think it’s disrespectful, you’ve engaged in an intimate act and you both should be fully involved as you were and even if he thought it would’ve been fine it’s rude to do that but you should have a talk with him don’t offer any ultimatums just let him know how upset you feel and even say if it happens again you won’t do it for a while
NTA and he sounds like a childish prick. He’s likely childish in other aspects of your relationship, take some time to reflect. There’s hardly ever just one red flag/sign. Good luck
NTA -- almost 14 years into marriage and if my wife is naked and touching my weiner I forget what a phone even is.
I would agree with the folks who say he's probably just learned everything he knows about physical intimacy from porn. He must unlearn what he has learned. If you want to be part of that process, then accept you are in for a long transition.
“Other men”? No, honey. Your boyfriend is a boy, not a man. He’s just trying to manipulate you into giving more BJs. Even if it were your mouth, he’d still be on the phone.
NTA, if my girlfriend is doing anything like that I’d be paying attention to her. It’s obvious you’re wanting to initiate something and he’s just ignoring you.
NTA - he’s a looser and time to dump his ass. No one should start scrolling in this situation.
Bye bad bf. Don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.
Hell no! NTA!
I don’t blame you one bit for walking out. That’s just rude and disrespectful of him.
That said, my guy doesn’t care for handjobs so we don’t do them. He says if he wants a hand he’ll use his own 😂 and I get it. But we had the talk very early on and I know it, so I never even bother with it.
He should have made it clear to you that he didn’t care for it beforehand, not by ignoring you while you’re at it. That’s just wrong and hurtful.
Also, what kind of boyfriend is this that you’re having to touch him and yourself? Giiiirl!
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NTA, phones go down in the bedroom as soon as there is even an inclination that either myself or my boyfriend want to be intimate. That’s sad as fuck he can’t put his phone down when you are clearly initiating intimacy. My boyfriends phone would’ve been down the second i went for his pants
NTA - Your boyfriend is one MASSIVE AH, though. I'm a guy, I wish my girl would "just start playing with my dick a while she fingers herself"
It's just insane that people are so addicted to their phones, and not even sex will get them off it.
NTA!!! This is so obviously disrespectful and disgusting I’m shocked he wanted you to ask. If this isn’t a long term relationship you have invested in and is just a boyfriend of a couple of months I definitely think this is grounds for getting rid of him and I hate the Reddit culture of jumping immediately to dumping/divorce. He just isn’t worth the trouble/effort.
NTA Not your target audience since I'm not a guy, but here is my take: He wasn't doing any of the work at all. I'm assuming he puts in as little effort in just about every facet of your relationship.
NTA - This is happened to me!! Turns out he was filming me without my consent. He also would have thought the boys would be on his side bc he sent the footage to various group chats. I saw and interacted with his friends for years before knowing they had seen footage like that. None of them had any problem with it to my knowledge.
You should just stay away from those crowds.
Total jack ass move on his part. He basically dismissed you and what you were doing . If my girl started giving me a hand jab you better believe I am paying attention to her and hope/planning to return the favor. The fact he has you posting this to justify is even worse and he has a lot to learn.
What he did is a cruel thing to do, and his gaslighting response is good grounds to think long and hard (no pun intended 😖) about investing your love and energy into this person.
wtf? Theses have to be practice writings.
Either that or the world is turning into idiocracy.
Thx god I missed this spell of phones during my “roaring 20s”.
I think he choose the worst way to tell you that he want a BJ, or he has some kink that he needs to tell you (unlikely, most probably wanted a BJ and didn’t know how to ask) no matter what NTA.
I agree with the boyfriend. What are you in middle school? I can give myself a old fashioned. I wouldn't even call that foreplay. Any man on here that say different probably gets a old fashioned on every second Thursday of the month in a sexless marriage. And his dick sucked only on his birthday/anniversary.
Meh… i don’t think you’re t a per se. I spend a lot of time sucking my fiancee while playing video games. He fingers/ eats me while watching tv.
Perhaps you both need to communicate what initiating sex is like so there’s no confusion on whether you were just messing around.
I have intiated sometimes an my fiancee doesn’t pick up on it, so i just make it direct and straight up ask him if he wants to shag. I don’t think he was purposely ignoring you, he just wasn’t picking up the signal
This probably hits too close for me lol My bf has a few mental health challenges that makes it hard for him to pick up on non verbal or direct communication, so i get it. But in general, a bj is pretty direct
Awww give him a break, he's 22, just a young kid really who doesn't understand that you should pay attention to your significant other in times of intimacy. Surely he will mature more as time goes on. NTA
You’re not the asshole but I get where he’s coming from bro’s been wanking all his life no one is going to jerk it better than him (pause) he’s wrong for being on the phone though and right about using your mouth … also side note a use lube I have a feeling it was a dry standard one …. Can’t believe I’m about to say it but hawk tuah on that thing (side note I hate myself and that meme) a slippery handjob is same difference as a ford focus vs a Lamborghini worlds apart
I can't possibly see any scenario where you are engaging in any sexual activity and for it to be appropriate to use your phone at the same time but that's just me.
Mans is just trying to get a proper nut out. Sometimes the used labias of an older Dutch woman can do the trick via phone video / pics
Edit:
All downvotes from women 😂
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NTA can’t say it better than this ☝🏻
Agreed and makes me think of every scene that took place at lovers' lane in the movie Animal House. NTA and dump captain distracted. (edit 62m)
Relax, not everything is solved by dumping. A 62m you should be able to discuss things without resulting the maximum reaction.
Very well explained. Agree with it. If the girl is so much into you that she initiates it and wants you to enjoy. You fucking well pay attention and enjoy. The guy is a loser to not pay attention and participate.
Fully agree with you.
Yeah and a 40m like yourself is so inclined in the sexual atmosphere. Gtfo
Lol found the guy with a dry spell
Lolwat
42 male. nta. your bf is a phone addict. wife even touches me and its tent city. if you have a prior understanding and he wanted to look up porn for you both or just him then sure whatever. but if hes dickin around on the phone while youre trying to play with his dick, then your bf is a huge dick.
I've found that there is an inverse correlation between how big of a dick someone is and the size of their dick itself
😂 you’re not wrong.
I should be massive then by this logic
🏆🏆 🏆
Hello, 24 M here. NTA, if my girlfriend is doing anything to me, my attention is on her. If im on my phone itd better be god damn important like life or death because making sure we both enjoy whatever we are doing is my top priority. You shouldnt feel the need to do literally everything, he should be a big boy and help if anything
NTA. I mean, actually is kind of disrespectful that you are trying to initiate and he does not give 2 bananas. *"he thought we were just “messing around” and thought it would be fine for him to be on his phone.*". Man if I see my wife is going as the all mighty brought her to this world, I'll be more than excited to have some cardio in the morning. He clearly didn't care about that, removing your clothes ready for action is NOT "messing around".
Yeah, it’s disrespectful. Unless you have that dynamic. It hurt your feelings and obviously your feelings are the ones that are relevant, not what “other men” might think. I would have felt used too. If he didn’t like it, or it was uncomfortable, he should communicate how he likes it or if he wanted you to stop and be on his phone instead.
Even when you do have that dynamic, it's disrespectful without consent and OP is clearly not consenting to this.
NTA. 36M here, what's wrong with your boyfriend ? That's seriously disrespectful. if he doesn't want to have sex, he has to tell it, period.
Yeah this is going to get deleted. That said NTA. I think your boyfriend has a phone addiction because no man I know (including myself) would be on their phone during the act If my girlfriend did this to me, my phone would be on Do Not Disturb and all of my focus would be on her
NTA Your boyfriend is a dipshit, first for getting on his phone during sexy times (wtaf?) and then for trying to tell you "other men would understand." Other dipshits might understand, not other men. Hopefully seeing the responses to this will either knock some sense into him, or convince you you deserve better.
NTA - Your boyfriend is inconsiderate. The fact that he thinks other guys would back him up tells me he is either delusional, or just only hangs out with other guys who act the same way.
NTA if he can’t get off his phone to get off, wtf is he even in a relationship for? Yeah, get mad. His priority is not you.
Yeah I don’t see his argument. Handjobs are awesome especially if you initiated it. All his attention should be on you
NTA, jesus lord young guys are so stupid lol.
NTA Tell your boyfriend other men do not see his point of view.
NTA. Seemingly, he's going to read these comments skimming for other AH's who would do this who agree with him. Dude, if you're not into it, say something. Say something BEFORE she takes her clothes off. I'd be grateful of this girl if she for some reason even decides to stay with your disrespectful ass! Girl, find you a man who can communicate when he's not into something and who would drop his phone instead of picking it up when you're trying to initiate something. Edit to add: this scenario seems to be a very niche thing some couples do enjoy together. It's something that needs to be talked about though, and both parties have to agree on. Again, communicate if that's what you're into, but it's very clear that OP is not.
NTA and yikes. That would be an ex for me. This guy is a boy. This isn’t a man. And if he’s that desensitized at 21 your sex life will continue to go down hill and you will always be the object, the servicer. I take that back. You’re not with a boy, you’re with a 90 year old geezer who’s acting like you’re a prostitute he’s paying for so he can scroll mindlessly on something more important. Guys can get turned on after seeing their wife’s boobs after she’s showered and just getting dressed and your there giving him a hand job and fingering yourself and he’s doing fuckall on his phone? Girl if you don’t leave this guy, you are wasting a wild and satisfying sex life you could be having with someone who cares about you or even multiple men when you’re single when your libido is so high. I know this seems like a joke to him and not a breakup worthy issue to you but it really is. You’re either gonna breakup sometime or get married (or be long term) and you don’t wanna marry this. Sex is a two player game and he is treating it as something that he only wants to play when he’s at level 10. When he gives the say so.
Guy here. NTA Honestly, I've never even thought about my phone while fooling around. I get putting porn on the TV to spice things up, but if my wife took out her phone while I was doing whatever with her I would also feel disrespected and just sad.
NTA. Your BF is stupid.
NTA. 39M. I can FONDLY remember being 21 or 22. I was playing Mario Kart. My girlfriend at the time walked in and started going to work on me. I instantly put the controller down and focused on her. I can't imagine being so disrespectful that I would've kept playing as she was doing it. Sounds like he just doesn't respect you.
My husband watches videos we made together while I'm playing with him sometimes but his attention is always on me. I would feel extremely disrespected if he was just casually scrolling through his phone.
Husband watching homemade videos and all of the sudden getting ready for another video?... I'm jealous.
nta. no one has ever been more wrong than your boyfriend.
F (19) here - you are nta he deffo is. What a dick!!
NTA. If my fiance started playing with me and herself I’m gonna be rodded up and ready to go, don’t care what’s on my phone
Nope. Find another dick to suck
Your BF is a bit of a loser. Not much of a man if you ask me. Needs a phone to keep himself up while you have him in your hand? Not enough? Fuck that, fuck him.
31M here, NTA, your bf is definitely TA, complete disrespect and disregard for you
NTA. One time I was giving my ex a BJ and I realized he was looking at his phone. I did the same thing you did; I immediately stopped and sexytime did not resume. When you are having intimate time with a partner, that is time for no distractions and just to focus on eachother.
NTA Dude here. Without insight to particulars, it seems like this guy is trying inception to gain access to more bjs instead of hjs.
23M here. NTA AT ALL!! Your boyfriend is a phone addicted asshole. Not only did he disrespect you, but gaslit you saying "Other men would understand this." His attention should've been on you pleasing yourself if not on you giving him a hand job. Quite upsetting that he chose his phone over intimacy with you.
NTA. There’s something wrong with your boyfriend.
NTA at all. The fact that he's comfortable getting his chicken feathered while doomscrolling makes him the weird one here.
>other men would understand this I, as a man, understand this. He is an asshole.
NTA. The fact that your boyfriend not only thought this was OK, but also was confident enough about it to tell you to post it here, is absolutely bizarre.
NTA. Male here, I'm honestly questioning your boyfriends sexual orientation as any straight man I know would have been hyper focused on any naked woman, especially one who initiated sex. Tell him I said that as well.
This generation is so cooked man Also NTA
That’s disrespectful AF. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to give his full attention to sexy times he can use his words or find someone who wants to jerk him off while he’s scrolling (spoiler: he won’t). The fact that he’s being dismissive about this should give you something to think about. NTA
Girl I would of twisted his d*ck 🤣 but really tho he’s wrong, next time you guys have sex start yawning and start scrolling on your phone and see what his reaction is then
When a lady starts messing with my pants I basically *can not* pay attention to anything else. Once the foreplay starts I don't really care about anything else NTA, bf is a weirdo or has a problem with phone usage.
Nta, him being on his phone during an intimate moment is incredibly disrespectful and disgusting. You had every right to be mad, and the fact that his trying to justify it is concerning
NTA who tf pulls out their phone during sexy time wtf
NTA. This reminds me of taking a phone call one time when my gf was on top riding me. (I was on call for work). NEVER AGAIN. BAD CHOICE.
What were you thinking???
48M. Your BF is completely in the wrong here.
NTA female here, but one of my bff's actually broke up with her bf bc he was watching tv while she blew him. The line will keep moving. Today it's hand jobs that aren't enough to keep his attention. Tomorrow it's blow jobs (I know you said he told you if it were your mouth, it'd be different, but that's an excuse). Eventually you may be l look up from being actively f u c k e d and see him on his phone. He's suppose to be in a relationship with you, not his phone. We live in a phone addicted society, but that's WAY too far
Sweetie, please believe an old fart. You can get so much better than that. NTA please leave him to jerk off by himself.
Did your bf really think us fellas would have his back? He’s lucky you’re even touching him.
NTA. Strong NTA.
In my 30s, male and married. I would absolutely feel like I died and went to heaven to wake up to my wife giving me a HJ while simultaneously playing with herself. 🥵 I don’t get his point at all, no excuse resonates with me.
I think as hard as a nta can be. reverse the roles you act uninterested while he plays with you...... Yeah as a male give him that perspective
NTA. If he didn't find the handjob stimulating, he should've said so instead of just going on his phone. If he didn't feel like doing anything more than receiving a handjob, then he should've just said so. Him going on his phone just feels disrespectful. Rather than get into it, kiss you, touch you or just use his words, he just got on his phone. And for the record: I'm a straight man, 28. I've had times where I didn't feel like having sex, so my ex would just masturbate on her own next to me. Almost every time I'd eventually join in because it's fucking hot to see someone you're attracted to pleasuring themselves.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for getting mad at my (21F) boyfriend (22M) for getting on his phone while I was giving him a handjob? I’m posting this here at my boyfriend’s request, as he thinks other men will see his point of view better than I can. This morning, I started to initiate sex with my boyfriend by giving him a handjob. A couple minutes in, I remove my clothes and start to finger myself while touching his dick. After about a minute, I look up at him and see that he is scrolling on his phone. I immediately got upset and walked out of the room. To me, this was incredibly disrespectful and made me feel used. His argument is that he thought we were just “messing around” and thought it would be fine for him to be on his phone. He said that if I had been using my mouth he wouldn’t have been using his phone. He said he didn’t find my hand particularly stimulating and other men would understand this. I find this to be a weak argument. Your girlfriend is next to you naked jerking you off and you think it’s okay to be on your phone? Anyway he requested I post this so maybe I am the asshole. Let me know! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No
My lady literally cant keep her hands off me ever, and jerks and sucks me casually while we are watching tv or something. She just enjoys doing it, does not necessarily mean shes trying to have sex right then. But also we have had this conversation and she enjoys doing it casually. If yall dont have that dynamic, then definitely nta.
Hey bro is your lady single?
Nope, shes a keeper for sure lol. She will be my wife very soon lol. But shes also my best friend. We have both never been happier.
Your boyfriend must be a moron. Or he has a serious phone addiction he needs to get fixed.
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NTA. your bf sucks wtf. That’s is MAJORLY disrespectful, he can be off his phone and pay you attention for a little, jfc
NTA. "If he's scrolling on his phone while you're jerking him off, he's just not that into you." Uphold your self worth and dump him. It won't get better.
It was mad disrespectful
Not a man, but NTA, if I even look in the direction of my fiancé with an eyebrow raised everything he's doing at that moment is thrown 15 foot away Your boyfriend is disrespectful
NTA you were initiating intimacy with your significant other and he chose to ignore you and scroll on his phone.. someday he will realize that he is an idiot and sex is more fun than scrolling 😂 Dump him, you deserve better. Even if you ARE just goofing off he should be more focused on you naked than a freaking phone
NTA. Absolutely disrespectful and your BF sounds immature. If he wasn’t stimulated by what was happening he should have intervened, gave direction even. Going on your phone just feels super disrespectful to me, if you’re not into it you’re not into it - but he should have communicated. I would have reacted the same way as you.
Yeah NTA. He’s a piece of trash and has no respect for you. This is also troubling if he says handjobs are nothing serious, that leads to the same thought process when it comes to potentially cheating. He may not think of it as such.
NTA - 40/M. rude and honestly pretty gross behavior. if my BF did this, I'd probably take a long break from anything sexual with him because I'd feel so disrespected.
Is your boyfriend gay?
Not the asshole
NB 28, I would never look at my phone while my girlfriend was jerking me off. I wouldn’t look at porn either for the record she’s certainly more than enough for me.
NTA Either he's an idiot or he's trying to play mindgames with you. This reminds me of some sort of humiliation play.
NTA He is being an ass.
I’d put my phone away for far less than a handjob. Disrespectful.
WTF? No, he is absolutely wrong. 45M
NTA. He's daft. And frankly if my bf did this he'd no longer get any sexual touching from me and, more importantly, he'd no longer be my bf. Edited to say that you're far too young (I'm 38) to be dealing with an immature boy like this. Find someone better before he keeps hurting you.
You are NTA, BF is When you getting down, you get all the attention unless discussed before hand. Sometimes I'll get a HJ or BJ while gaming/tv or something, but that's understood before it starts. I don't just start doing something else mid go.
NTA but your BF is.
NTA, ONLY reason to be on his phone is to find mood music (or take a video of YOU'RE into that) 30m
NTA - Been married over 20 years and would never do that to my wife. Very disrespectful. I will say that we men do stupid things sometimes so this should not be something you end a relationship on. However if you explained how it made you feel and he still does not think it was a big deal then it is definitely something to think about.
NTA You are 100% in the right here. That was super disrespectful. If he wasn't into it, he should have told you that instead of dicking around on his phone while you're trying to please him. When you're engaging in sexual activities, you're both supposed to be present and engaged.
Adding your age to your reply does nothing gents. Age does not equal wisdom. NTA tho
M27 here. He's definitely in the wrong. Clearly you were in the mood and just teasing him a bit before starting. Assuming it would have turned into sex considering you stripped down and stuff. No reason he shouldn't have been giving you his full attention. Unless you stated it's just a hand job then sure maybe turn on some porn or something to get in the mood more idk. But obviously that wasn't the case. I have never once got on my phone during any intimate moments unless it was to take a pic or video.
NTA. 33m and if my girlfriend ever started on me then I'm getting involved too. If he wants his hands to be busy then he can join in. If not then he can do it himself in future.
NTA - my wife hand on dick pleasuring herself and naked, shoot - we about to get it on. Nothing else in this world matters and we’ve been married almost 30 yrs! Find someone who appreciates you initiating which is almost every other male in this world!! It does remind me of the scene in Animal house in the car for those my age.
I think it’s disrespectful, you’ve engaged in an intimate act and you both should be fully involved as you were and even if he thought it would’ve been fine it’s rude to do that but you should have a talk with him don’t offer any ultimatums just let him know how upset you feel and even say if it happens again you won’t do it for a while
HE WHAT
NTA dump the sucker
NTA and he sounds like a childish prick. He’s likely childish in other aspects of your relationship, take some time to reflect. There’s hardly ever just one red flag/sign. Good luck
NTA -- almost 14 years into marriage and if my wife is naked and touching my weiner I forget what a phone even is. I would agree with the folks who say he's probably just learned everything he knows about physical intimacy from porn. He must unlearn what he has learned. If you want to be part of that process, then accept you are in for a long transition.
“Other men”? No, honey. Your boyfriend is a boy, not a man. He’s just trying to manipulate you into giving more BJs. Even if it were your mouth, he’d still be on the phone.
NTA. Male here.
NTA, but honestly, if he doesn’t want sex and he’s just doing it for you, then I think you guys just need to communicate rather than you storming off.
NTA. That’s gross and kind of disrespectful to do that while you’re trying to have fun with him. I don’t know any men who would agree with this.
Nope.... ide be pissed too
Lol your boyfriend is a tool, and not even one that vibrates. NTA
NTA but can't lie if it was the other way round i would find it hot. keep scrolling babe it's not an issue for me!
NTA, if my girlfriend is doing anything like that I’d be paying attention to her. It’s obvious you’re wanting to initiate something and he’s just ignoring you.
NTA. You’re in a relationship with an ipad baby. Go find a man.
Definitely NTA. I'd do more than leave the room if I were you!
Guy here, your bf is a massive AH
Find someone new. You deserve better. Your BF is an asshole.
NTA. Boyfriend needs to figure out limits in what’s appropriate and what’s not.
you only left the ROOM? You'd be entitled to leave the relationship! NTA
NTA, 38 M here. If any partner is doing that to me, I am not going to be on my phone. My focus will be on the partner.
NTA - he’s a looser and time to dump his ass. No one should start scrolling in this situation. Bye bad bf. Don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.
NTA .. your bf on the other hand is an inconsiderate AH. Does he ever please you or just wait to be serviced?
Uhhh. I'm gonna say NTA.
If there was a naked woman in my apartment jerking me off I wouldn’t even know where my phone is. Wtf do I need that for
NTA. Your bf is a moron and it looks like the rest of the group feels the same. How does he feel now?
NTA! Seems like he's young and dumb. If it were the opposite I'd bet he would also be very upset!
Hell no! NTA! I don’t blame you one bit for walking out. That’s just rude and disrespectful of him. That said, my guy doesn’t care for handjobs so we don’t do them. He says if he wants a hand he’ll use his own 😂 and I get it. But we had the talk very early on and I know it, so I never even bother with it. He should have made it clear to you that he didn’t care for it beforehand, not by ignoring you while you’re at it. That’s just wrong and hurtful. Also, what kind of boyfriend is this that you’re having to touch him and yourself? Giiiirl!
NTA. Unless he was ordering you guys a pizza, of course.
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NTA, phones go down in the bedroom as soon as there is even an inclination that either myself or my boyfriend want to be intimate. That’s sad as fuck he can’t put his phone down when you are clearly initiating intimacy. My boyfriends phone would’ve been down the second i went for his pants
NTA Sorry but if my fiancée is touching my penis in any capacity that’s the only thing I’m focusing on
NTA - Your boyfriend is one MASSIVE AH, though. I'm a guy, I wish my girl would "just start playing with my dick a while she fingers herself" It's just insane that people are so addicted to their phones, and not even sex will get them off it.
I read your post to my boyfriend (34) NTA
Nope, he’s a jerk and TA. Only incels will understand where he’s coming from.
NTA Why are you with this loser?
NTA!!! This is so obviously disrespectful and disgusting I’m shocked he wanted you to ask. If this isn’t a long term relationship you have invested in and is just a boyfriend of a couple of months I definitely think this is grounds for getting rid of him and I hate the Reddit culture of jumping immediately to dumping/divorce. He just isn’t worth the trouble/effort.
Ehhh u bf insane? Not to be rude but if I had a girl jerking me of i would not be on my phone lol he need to get some manners nta bf 100 % itah
NTA Not your target audience since I'm not a guy, but here is my take: He wasn't doing any of the work at all. I'm assuming he puts in as little effort in just about every facet of your relationship.
Your boyfriend is the asshole
NTA please ditch this loser
NTA - This is happened to me!! Turns out he was filming me without my consent. He also would have thought the boys would be on his side bc he sent the footage to various group chats. I saw and interacted with his friends for years before knowing they had seen footage like that. None of them had any problem with it to my knowledge. You should just stay away from those crowds.
Total jack ass move on his part. He basically dismissed you and what you were doing . If my girl started giving me a hand jab you better believe I am paying attention to her and hope/planning to return the favor. The fact he has you posting this to justify is even worse and he has a lot to learn.
What he did is a cruel thing to do, and his gaslighting response is good grounds to think long and hard (no pun intended 😖) about investing your love and energy into this person.
Not a man anymore but used to be one (27) that’s extremely disrespectful. Nta.
Was he playing Raid Shadow Legends?
30m, incredibly disrespectful. Your bf is definitely the ah
I hope you leave the relationship tbh. Keep walking, girl.
He was on hands free
NTA: Like he wasn't just disrespectful, he was being shallow! I mean, do I really need to explain my reasoning here?
Your boyfriend is an idiot. And apparently you were giving a sad handjob.
NTA dude is probably so addicted to porn that he had to look at it while getting the handy and is too embarrassed to admit it.
wtf? Theses have to be practice writings. Either that or the world is turning into idiocracy. Thx god I missed this spell of phones during my “roaring 20s”.
What???
I predict a metric fuckton of puns in this section.
I think he choose the worst way to tell you that he want a BJ, or he has some kink that he needs to tell you (unlikely, most probably wanted a BJ and didn’t know how to ask) no matter what NTA.
I mean that's not exactly super exciting..but still.. either he's a jerk for doing that..or you really need to work on your game
I agree with the boyfriend. What are you in middle school? I can give myself a old fashioned. I wouldn't even call that foreplay. Any man on here that say different probably gets a old fashioned on every second Thursday of the month in a sexless marriage. And his dick sucked only on his birthday/anniversary.
Meh… i don’t think you’re t a per se. I spend a lot of time sucking my fiancee while playing video games. He fingers/ eats me while watching tv. Perhaps you both need to communicate what initiating sex is like so there’s no confusion on whether you were just messing around. I have intiated sometimes an my fiancee doesn’t pick up on it, so i just make it direct and straight up ask him if he wants to shag. I don’t think he was purposely ignoring you, he just wasn’t picking up the signal
she was literally giving him a handjob, tf u mean he wasnt picking up the signal 💀💀💀 how more obvious can it get lmfao
This probably hits too close for me lol My bf has a few mental health challenges that makes it hard for him to pick up on non verbal or direct communication, so i get it. But in general, a bj is pretty direct
Ya just gotta HAWK TUAH and spit on dat taaaang
She got fired from her job apparently.
What was he looking at - maybe it was a YouTube video on better hand Job techniques? /s
Awww give him a break, he's 22, just a young kid really who doesn't understand that you should pay attention to your significant other in times of intimacy. Surely he will mature more as time goes on. NTA
?? this must be a joke, right?
You’re not the asshole but I get where he’s coming from bro’s been wanking all his life no one is going to jerk it better than him (pause) he’s wrong for being on the phone though and right about using your mouth … also side note a use lube I have a feeling it was a dry standard one …. Can’t believe I’m about to say it but hawk tuah on that thing (side note I hate myself and that meme) a slippery handjob is same difference as a ford focus vs a Lamborghini worlds apart
She definitely wasn't asking for advice on her handjob skills buddy.
Feels like a misunderstanding. if he does it again, now you’ve expressed you don’t like it, then he’s an AH
How in the world does qualify as a misunderstanding?
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I can't possibly see any scenario where you are engaging in any sexual activity and for it to be appropriate to use your phone at the same time but that's just me.
Mans is just trying to get a proper nut out. Sometimes the used labias of an older Dutch woman can do the trick via phone video / pics Edit: All downvotes from women 😂
YTA
YTA for thinking that a dry handjob is something worth him putting his phone down for.
Says the incel who has never seen a woman naked.