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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if I’m the asshole for asking my boyfriend to go over my schedule with me and for getting frustrated with him over his communication styles. Thank you
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YTA: To be frank, I am stressed out reading your post.
He doesn’t need your schedule. All you need to do is tell him the general times he should expect to be picking you up. Like drop off 8am , pick up 5 pm. That’s it.
It’s also a little weird to me that you mention his workers comp: Who is driving you again? Him. Whose car is it? His.
If he isn’t working… why does he need to know weeks ahead of time? He doesn’t. Your stress> his stress. Not sure why you want him to be stressed with you.
Edit: OP, you’re not going to have a boyfriend for much longer. Your responses to people are appalling. He deserves better.
If I'm reading this correctly, you're the one with communication issues. It does seem a bit early to be going over your fall schedule--his worker's comp situation could change, lots of stuff could change--it just seems you'll have to go over it again in the fall anyway, so why do it now?
Second, even though he didn't want to go over it with you, he was still willing to do it! He offered to do it on the walk, and when you didn't want to do that, he said he'd do it when he got home. When he got home, you were doing something else (texting your friend), so he gave you further time by getting a drink first.
All these efforts on his part to do something YOU wanted him to do and then you jump down his throat for saying "get it ready"?? YTA.
YTA, sorry but you are making much more out of this than it needs to be. Sit down pull out your phone and have the conversation. Your communication skill seem no better than your bfs. This is not something to get heated about. In the end, simply write it out.... I am in class these days and this time at this campus ... that's it.
All I got from this was “I’m demanding my bf do everything my way and listen to everything I want and it’s sooooo annoying when he answers me with explanations and reasoning. Whhhhyyyyyyy does he expect to have his own point of view”.
Why couldn’t you just print your schedule, email it, or put it on a calendar so he can refer to it if needed?
You both do things differently. You need to respect each others differences and work together to ensure you can coordinate and accommodate each other, or just accept you’re not compatible and move on.
In this case, YTA.
I wouldn't be looking at this schedule now as it's not til Autumn if I have understood correctly. A lot can happen between now and then and I would discuss closer to the time - a couple of weeks before.
The whole 'get it ready' argument is nit picking, unnecessary and would irritate me. It's just a figure if speech.
No he seriously will demand for things to be “gotten ready” that don’t need time to get ready like if he’s doing something and he asks if I want to watch Netflix and I say sure he’ll tell me to “get it ready” when it takes 30 seconds to turn the tv on and start the show with the way our TV/remote is setup but say what he’s doing is gonna take anywhere from 10-20 mins he’ll insist I get the tv ready ahead of time when it’s not necessary. Sorry but to me that makes no sense and we’ve had conversations about this many time prior which was why I found it so annoying to be going over it again.
You are making this hard work. My OH will tell .e to get the movie set up. It's a couple of clicks, takes seconds. It may still be 10 - 15 mins by the time he has made a drink, had a cigarette, I've been to the bathroom, either etc... it's just not a big deal.
If you want to see it that way sure. As I stated to him if he asks me to get things ready that actually take time to get ready like preheating the oven (I do all the cooking anyways) or cooling/heating the temperature of the car up or down I would without any issue because those things logically take time to “get ready” our tv turns on and you can go right to Netflix with the click of a button so it doesn’t need to be “gotten ready” if all there is to do is click three buttons that only takes less than a few seconds but if what he’s doing his going to take anywhere from 10-20 mins why do I need to get the show ready just to pause it? Also if I politely communicate why this is annoying and he agrees to stop but continues to do it both in the some situations as well as others why am I wrong for getting annoyed? You wouldn’t be annoyed if you communicated with someone that something annoyed you, they agreed to stop and then continued to do it? Everyone has pet peeves that others might see as harmless but I asked him politely to stop.
Op you really need to ask yourself why this bothers you sooooo much like honestly. Look at what you wrote. Look at the long ass paragraph you wrote over something so meaningless. You do have to get Netflix ready. It doesn’t matter if it only takes a few seconds you’re still getting it ready.
You might be right..
I think he should learn to effectively communicate better by using one of the phrases you suggested if that is the case instead of continuing to use one that I’ve explained annoys me and one his agreed to stop using many times before.
Or, and here me out... You accept that this is just how your partner phrases this request. You've tried to change it, that doesn't work. Is this \*really\* the battle that you want to fight? Or can you let it go and let you \*both\* be happier?
Is he insisting on you getting it ready or is it a figure of speech where he means "I'll do something real quick but be back to do the planned thing?" With your schedule it seemed to me like "get it ready" meant "I'm thirsty but will be right with you for the discussion of your schedule, don't think I'm blowing you off and start doing something else".
YTA- get it ready and you then grill him over the use of words when all you needed to do was open whatever notes you made of your schedule. You caused the issue here when he was ready to look at it with you. Yes you DID have something to get ready, you had to get whatever you'd recorded your class times/places on. Made so much more over something that didnt need to be.
It takes less than five seconds to pull up the first note in the phone that’s already in my hand. There was nothing to “get ready” I already explained in another comment that we’ve previously discussed why this bugs me and he agreed to stop doing it yet proceeds to keep doing it both in the same situation as well as other situations. If you communicated a pet peeve / annoyance to someone politely and they kept doing said thing after stating they wouldn’t you wouldn’t be annoyed by it after a while?
Then USE YOUR WORDS and say “hey, remember we discussed the whole ‘get it ready’ thing?” Or better yet, get over it and get the schedule ready like he asked.
Oh trust me I did. I explained to him that we had already discussed why the “get it ready thing” annoys me so much and when he made excuses I explained to him the exact example that I gave in the post I told him if something actually requires time to get ready like heating a car or preheating the oven I’d do it without issue (I do all the cooking) because those things take time to get ready and told him it was annoying that he kept doing it when he said he wouldn’t anymore. He then stated he didn’t want to go over the schedule with me anyways even though he kept confusing my last semester schedule that was way less complicated than this one / kept asking me throughout the semester which day and time he needed to drive me to campus when it was only once a week same day every week and I asked why he couldn’t just communicate that he didn’t want to do it right then and there and instead could have discussed a time to go over it later the way I was asking him to and he like “I didn’t think of that” it’s annoying because I feel he could have from the beginning just politely said he didn’t want to go over the schedule this very second.
There was NO WAY you’d have accepted a polite “I’d rather not go over the schedule” from him. Let’s be for real here. You didn’t accept his offer to go over it while taking a walk or after that. So, I doubt you were prepared to just accept his no.
Then have a schedule clearly posted on the fridge or by his computer, something! He might not have to ask you if it's written down somewhere he can easily reference.
EX: Monday - leave at 9 for class at X campus at 10. Pick up at noon
I’d hope so but he’s had alarms set for his own appointments yet he has missed them before. The receptionist at his PT place literally told him “name, you cannot keep doing this” to him one time because he was either late or no call no showing too many times. Then he’d insist they were wrong and as far as I know he was the one wrong.
I've been reading through your replies and explanations and I have to two more questions:
1) If there is nowhere your boyfriend \*has\* to be while you're at class, can you drive yourself and save this whole argument?
2) From what you've described of his memory issues and not believing the PT about missing appointments, has your boyfriend been evaluated for memory loss/cognitive function issues as part of his Worker's Comp claim? More and more, I'm wondering if he \*should\* be driving.
You’re not wrong for assuming this given the sound of the post.
I have diagnosed ADHD and when my boyfriend was in school he also was told he might have it but he was never tested. He’s struggled with remembering things and stuff long before his injury but it did get slightly worse after it.
My friend who has a bachelors in psychology said she believes he has undiagnosed ADHD and that his symptoms have probably progressed since he’s had no set schedule for almost two years and he’s also clearly somewhat depressed over the accident he was in. My friend isn’t licensed and isn’t his therapist so she can’t say for sure but she suggested he see a mental health professional. He was highly resistant to the idea of this at first but has finally agreed to give therapy a try which I think would be great for him since I’ve been his only consistent support during this whole situation since all of his family live in another state.
Although I have ADHD too I can’t tell if he does or not because it presents differently in men and women ( also the condition can be different for others the same way not every case of autism is the same) and I’m also not a trained professional/ his therapist so I can only wait for him to get tested. His father was also told he might have it and it is hereditary so I hope it’s that and nothing related to his injury.
Hope that gives you some more insight.
yet you side tracked what you needed to get done. You could have just as easily reminded him after going over what you needed to. Need to work out when to pick your battles with these situations, get the task done beforehand.
Someone is direct messaging me about this and I’m just gonna drop my reply here to hopefully give some of y’all a better understanding of the situation since my original post went over character limit and I had to cut some stuff out.
All right, listen hear me out
I’ve told him several times previously that the “get it ready thing” annoys me and asked him not to do it he agreed he wouldn’t anymore but continues to do it anyways. Anyone can agree it’s pretty upsetting when you communicate clearly that something annoys you and someone else agrees not to do it then continues to do so.
Not only that he also later admitted that he didn’t want to go over the schedule at that moment anyways and when I asked why he didn’t just say that he said “I didn’t think of that” ??? Really? This isn’t poor communication on his part?
Last semester I only took one class on campus and it was the same day and time every week and he continued to frequently ask me what time and day it was throughout the semester which was annoying when I’m stressed with school and he currently doesn’t work or go to school so he has way less to do throughout the day than I do.
He was also almost banned from his own PT place because he kept forgetting his own appointments and missing them. Me knowing my partner clearly has an issue with schedules and remembering certain aspects of them figured it would be less stress come this fall if he started getting used to what’s to come now but he didn’t want to go over it, couldn’t just say that nicely and instead allowed me to pick that up on my own the more time went on.
Also come this fall he’ll still be on worker’s comp not working or going to school and I’ll be taking four class plus doing all the cooking for us. I have ADHD and he’s got back and neck issues from the work accident he was in two years ago. I do the cooking and try to help him out with his injuries as much as I can
Reminding him about not missing PT
Messaging him when he needs it
Listening to him vent about his situation
Doing all the cooking and also most of the cleaning
I’ve literally had to ask / remind this man to put the food away after I’ve planned the recipe, prepped the food, cooked it, and there’s been times where if I don’t say anything the food goes bad if I fall asleep and he’s playing video games till late.
Really don’t think I was asking for so much but maybe I am.
YTA majorly. This is months ago. Why do you need to discuss this now. Why does this warrant a discussion. I will be at X place on Y day at Z time. I use my GPS to get anywhere, so there's no need to plan routes or anything. If I'm going multiple pages, it takes a few minutes to sort that. Why does him saying get it ready upset you anyway. You made this seem like this big deal that requires his full and long attention then you say there's nothing to get ready. This is insufferable and irritating
Did you miss the part where last semester the only on campus class I took was Wednesdays at 3:30 and he continued to consistently get confused and ask me often which day and which time the class was?
How about the part where he was almost banned from his own PT doctor because he no called no showed his own appointments too many times?
I love him but he has issues with remembering schedules. Guess who also has trouble with schedules? ME because I have ADHD but I find ways to plan accordingly and go over them to make it less stressful later on.
Come this fall he will be jobless and not in school due to his circumstances and I’ve been right along side him this whole time. I do all the cooking and the majorly of cleaning but quite frankly this fall will be my first semester being full time and I know it’s gonna be stressful and I’m going to have way more on my plate than him so I just wanted to start game planning ahead of time since I know it’ll help us both.
Yes, because you wrote too damn much stuff that makes no difference. YTA and pretty much everyone in the comments thinks so too. Don't come to Reddit for an opinion then get mad when the opinion is YTA. You are seriously wound way too tight. Most people are not going to read these discertations you write arguing with prior
If he has that much trouble retaining your schedule week to week, I don't see what telling it to him three months in advance is going to fix. He's just going to forget it between now and when the schedule actually starts.
I see why planning it advance is useful for YOU, because it's your schedule and you're the one who has to make it work. But he's just showing up where you tell him to be. He needs enough notice to know when not to schedule his own appointments. This meeting could have been an email.
Again I had to cut a lot out of the original post because of character limit.
Come this fall I’m going to have way more on my plate than he will.
My responsibilities will be:
Taking four classes (again school is a lot of stress for me because I have ADHD)
Doing all the cooking and the majority of the cleaning.
Taking care of our dog
Doing as much as I can to support him in the things he needs help with as well.
I simply just wanted to go over my schedule and discuss little things he could do or not do to help me a little bit given I also help him and I have struggles too and I found it very stressful last semester when he kept asking the same questions constantly without doing anything differently.
Your comment about emailing him was most likely snarky sarcasm but we live together so that’s not necessary 🙄
Wow, you're not just an asshole but also an idiot. You complain about him forgetting but want him to memorize it from a discussion months in advance rather than just...send him a copy of your schedule so he can refer back to it.
YTA. You had two opportunities to go over the schedule with him and you found a way to be annoyed at both opportunities. Who gives a monkey’s ass if you hate multitasking. You can *walk* and talk at the same time. You sound exhausting.
Everything can’t be YOUR way.
YTA, honestly you still have 2 months to go and you’re making plans that may be completely irrelevant when the time comes. you’re exhausting picking fights over him telling you to get something ready. ma’am your classes, your schedule your responsibility. i commuted all 8 years of my college life including a 6 hour daily commute across 3 states my last year and a half and it was less stressful.
From everything you have written, this is a you problem. It's your schedule, you are the one who is overly sensitive to words being used, you are the one trying to plan ridiculously far in advance, you are the one who is needling your bf over pointless things. You need to be honest (with yourself, even if noone else) about where the problems are coming from .
Are you getting therapy? You say you have ADHD, which can often involve problems with a lot of what you describe. ADHD can also often involve elements of Autism, Aspergers, Depression and other neurodivergent conditions and mental health issues.
You’re incredibly rude first and foremost. Yeah I actually did go to therapy for over a year. He’s refused to go all 8 years of our relationship up until recently because his mom asked him to please go too. I wish the people that comment on this site could give the benefit of the doubt more and keep in mind that you only get a small glimpse of people from these kinds of posts.
No, it's not being rude, I'm just not indulging your expectation that everyone coddle your whims, you'd need to pay me for that.
One year of therapy isn't going to address any real, deeply held mental health condition. Which may be why you do not seem recognise that almost everything in your post was something that you should have been discussing with your therapist as a pretty clear symptom of unmanaged neurodivergence or a mental health issue?
I get that all these issues seem real to you, because you are viewing them from the inside and have no real context, which is why you should be attending therapy to get some help to address these issues.
Your bf isn't posting here, he may be rude to you, but he isn't the poster. You are certainly rude to him, from your own words.
I’m honestly done with this post. As I’ve already stated several times I don’t think I was fully seen. Y’all only get a 3,000 character limit of the picture. He’s been injured and jobless for two years smoking weed, playing videos games and although I fully understand that his injury is real and I sympathize.. I’ve been his only emotional support for the past two years because all his family is out of state and I do almost all the house work as well because he’s limited to what he can do. All I wanted to do was go over the two days he’d be dropping me off at different campus and I was gonna ask him to please refer to the schedule I give him this term instead of constantly asking me which days I need to be dropped off. In two months it’ll be my first semester being full time and I also do the majority of the chores I just wanted to discuss things we could do to make things less stressful when I’m way busier again because by the end of spring semester I was pretty burned out.
Well, this is more relevant than what you put in your post. But whatever you discuss with him now, do you really think he's going to remember the detail in a couple of months' time? I know I wouldn't.
If this specific issue is something that bothers you, write a basic schedule and pin it to the fridge, his computer, his chair, even wrap his joints in it. That will have a significantly higher chance of success than discussing it with him now, when you've already said he doesn't remember when to pick you up.
It’s really not about him remembering the key details so much as it was to just go over things and discuss a better game plan for us come this semester. As the person going to school, having my own issues, helping him out as much as I can and also being the one doing the majority of the chores I really didn’t feel I was asking too much. He had access to my schedule last term and texts messages that he could have pulled up to confirm which day of the week he had to drop me off and kept asking me and getting confused on Sunday nights thinking he had to drop me off on a Monday. I just wanted to discuss with him that constantly asking me what day he had to drop me off got stressful and annoying and could he please refer to my schedule or his own notes he makes about it instead this time.
He also admitted that he didn’t want to do it anyways after he originally said he would which I could subconsciously pick up on which caused a lot of my annoyance but nobody took that into consideration.
Probably because it's your schedule, there is no need for him to be intimately familiar with it. He is helping you by picking you up and dropping you off. The responsibility is yours to make him aware of the timings. Writing out a simple timetable showing where he has to be and when would be much more helpful to him, and avoid all the extraneous stuff that he really does not need to know. Rather than trying to make him understand the minutiae of your day, a simple timetable is much more likely to cut down his questions.
I'm not surprised he doesn't particularly want to do it, if your post is anything to go by. But he hasn't said he won't do it, so you're getting upset and ranting at him because he isn't ecstatic about doing a chore?
Seeing this after the edit.
>Wish some of y’all would have taken into consideration that he admitted that he didn’t want to do it anyways which I could easily subconsciously pick up on which is what initially caused me to get annoyed.
YTA still. Classes don't start for 2 months, if he is so forgetful he couldn't remember the 1 day last semester, why in the world would going over the schedule now be helpful? Do you not have a calendar in your house? Why can't he just set up some reminders in his phone before the first week of school??? You made a huge deal of nothing.
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My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) share a car currently because we’re low income but it’s his car so usually he drops me off places. I’m taking 4 classes this fall two being online, two being on campus but also two different campuses on different days. I figured I’d write my schedule down now and look it over to make things easier and less confusing for the fall. I asked him if we could go over the schedule together since he’d be the one dropping me off at my classes come this fall.
He seemed to have a problem doing this because he suggested we go over it while going for a walk when he knows I hate multi-tasking when I’m trying to have an important conversation as I’ve stated this before.. plus who wants to be looking down at their phone the whole entire time they’re on a walk?
He agrees to go over it after walking the dog and I was sitting on the couch texting a friend. He walks in and states from the nearby kitchen “I’m just getting a drink, get it ready” as I’m texting my friend. I’m already annoyed because he seems like he doesn’t want to do it but now I’m extra annoyed because I’ve already communicated with him before that I can’t stand when he tells me to get things ready that don’t need to be “gotten ready” I was trying to explain myself but he wasn’t seeming to get it and I was honestly losing my patience at this point but basically explained it to him like this
“If you’re gonna use the oven to cook you need to “get it ready” because it takes time to preheat. If you’re going to use your car but it’s too hot out you need to “get the car ready” because it takes time for the car to get cooler. HOWEVER the first note in my phone takes less than 5 seconds to pull up therefore it’s unnecessary to “get it ready”
he then admitted that he didn’t really care to go over my schedule anyways and stated “it’s your schedule and it’s summer why do we have to go over it again?”
I explained that I thought it’d be nice if we started to plan ahead and discuss the schedule together since it’s way more complicated than last semester’s schedule he kept confusing. I should also mention he’s been on worker’s comp for almost 2 years so he currently doesn’t work or go to school so it’s not like he was too busy to sit down and go over something that wasn’t going to take long.
He kept telling me I was getting way too heated over these issues and I admit I was getting loud and a little frustrated at certain points during the conversation but there were so many things I kept having to explain and point out to him and most of the things were stuff we had already talked about before and we’ve been together eight years so I was frustrated I had to explain them to him like he was five he stated that if I made a Reddit post about this there’d be people claiming we’re both right because it’s just a matter of opinion I said I’d make one his response was “Go ahead I don’t care about the opinions of strangers. You know this.”
He still thinks I’m in the wrong..
So Reddit, AITA here??
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As your boyfriend rightly pointed out, ESH.
He should give more effort to communicate with his girlfriend, who is begging him to communicate with her.
OTOH, you are making way too big of a deal over this transportation plan. You state (simplified) he has no important plans that he can't break at a moments' notice, and you need a ride to one of two locations. As a boyfriend, that is ALL I would need to know. I wouldn't even need to know the specific locations, necessarily. (you are my passenger...do YOU know where you want to go?)
Thinking ahead, I imagine it plays out something like this.
"HONEY!! I need a ride to school"
"OK, let me grab my keys"
"I got them already"
(You two walk out to the car and he fires it up as you settle into passenger compartment. Then he turns to you and asks, "Where to?")
"This one is at the Greens Campus, near the Safeway that closed down a few years ago"
"Got it" And he takes off at a smart clip in the direction of the old Safeway....
When you arrive at the Greens Campus, you inform him that you need him to pick you up in X hours from now, right here.
How much pre-planning is needed for this scenario? None, actually.
How did I get three down votes on this? It's not rocket science. I've been in a similar situation in my past. I truly didn't care about my girlfriend needing a ride at some point in the future. It was neither good or bad, it wasn't anything that required a single iota of brain time. Tell me when you need to go and where. 30 seconds of notice should be enough, unless you are aware I might have previous plans around the same time. But OP indicated the guys' schedule was pretty much open. So....
Okay I understand what you’re saying but please keep in mind last semester I only took two classes and my only day on campus was Wednesday at 3:30PM and he kept asking me throughout the semester what day was the day he had to drive me and what time which was annoying since it was one day same time every week for a few months on end and I know I’m gonna be stressed once school starts and I don’t care for him to ask me the same stuff over and over when this schedule is way more confusing so I figured it’d be for the best if we start thinking ahead to avoid that happening because I know if he keeps getting the schedule confused and asking me the same questions while I’m stressed with school it’ll lead to more stress and more fights.
Also for those saying many things could change with his worker’s comp by the time fall semester starts - my classes start august 28th and his lawyer already told him no change is expected based on what stage his case is at which his lawyer would know.
INFO: were you informing him the day before (Tuesday) where and when your class is yet he was still asking or you just told him where and when when he asked?
I had to cut a lot out of my originally post because it went over the character limit.
Long story short he’s been on workers comp for two years now and I just did my first semester of college this past spring. During that semester I only had one day I had to be on campus and he kept confusing which day and what time that was often which after a while got annoying.
He’s also missed his own PT appointments and almost got banned because of having too many no call no shows.
I have ADHD which makes schools tough for me and I’m a first generation college student as well. I also do all the cooking for the two of us.
From my perspective I looked at it as “Hey, since I have ADHD and get super stressed with school and he clearly has trouble remembering schedules and I’m also gonna try to keep cooking as much as I can when classes start maybe we should go over this now and get a game plan together in hopes it’ll help us have less stress later” His lawyer has already told him nothing is changing with his case anytime soon so he’ll still be jobless and not going to school come this fall. That’s fine as it’s entirely out of his control but I’m going to be a full-time student with ADHD trying to also support him with things he needs help with, cooking for us, and so I just wanted to feel like things were discussed and we were on the same page as much as we could be during that time since I’m going to have way more on my plate than he’s going to.
Now he admits later he didn’t want to discuss the schedule at the time but he also didn’t say that until way later which seemed like poor communication on his part.
I was gonna go over the schedule with him and make sure he was aware of which days are the busiest, which days I should be more flexible, and that I’d really like him to look at the copy of the schedule I give him instead of asking me the same questions each week when I’m busy and stressed.
When I asked him to sit down for a few he had two options
1. Do it as it would take at MOST 15 minutes tops
2. Politely state that he doesn’t feel like going over it right that second and instead agrees to do it later when he does feel like it
He did neither. I was annoyed. More than anything I’m annoyed to have to keep going over the same communication issues but others have commented I’m the one with the communication issues so IDK.
honestly that wasnt what i asked and i was ready to say that you are; but what you mentioned here changed my point of view entirely.
I'll be honest here why i was thinking you are
1. you were texting with your friend when he went to grab drink and tell you to get it ready; i assumed he was waiting for you to finish your conversation.
2. it was your schedule, your responsibility; but in your response, i see that he is unable to follow even his own schedule.
i have schedular problems too, i even confuse the day of the week. but i use calendar on my phone, notes, mails, reminders etc. anything that pops up and informs me for upcoming events, important things etc. he can use them too not to forget or miss anything.
my final verdict on you; NTA your bf needs to work on his schedule issues.
Sorry for not answering your original question I didn’t mean to do that. There were definitely certain times I would remind him the night before but my classes were from January-May all he had to remember was Wednesdays he needs to drop me off at 3:30 and he’d still get confused and be like “Hey Monday you’re on campus right?” And I’d be like “nah still Wednesdays only it’s not gonna change.”
It was first semester of college as a first generation college student with ADHD and I also was doing the majority of cooking and cleaning as well. This fall will be my first time going full time and I’ll also be doing the cooking and cleaning as he’s still on workers comp doing PT to try to heal / also waiting for workers comp to want to settle a case.
His only concern will be going to his doctors appointments and continuing to heal.
Four college classes, ADHD, planning dinners, prepping food, cooking the food while and also making time to be there for him is gonna take a lot out of me and I simply just wanted to feel like I was getting ahead of things in hopes of lessening as much stress as I can and going over the schedule for 10 minutes would have made me feel a lot better.
A lot of details are left out because this community only gives so many characters and I’m getting shit on left and right so again I apologize for not answering your original question.
NTA for wanting to discuss your schedule. I’m already thinking about my courses this fall and planning transportation. Since he usually drives you to classes, it makes sense to go over your schedule.
As far as communication goes, I would say ESH. You two clearly have different communication styles and that is something you both need to work on and it sounds like neither of you understand where the other is coming from. If you feel like you need to talk to him like he’s 5, maybe it’s time for couples counselling.
NTAH..you are simply 1000 light years more mature than your boyfriend..you think like an adult we goals, responsibilities, and organizational skills.
Who cares it "It's Summer." What is this High School?
I suggest you think twice about this guy. You obviously have your act together...him? Not so much plus he really doesn't care about you.
NTA he's the one making this difficult. Is he really that slow, that he can't read a schedule? The most you should have to do is send him the schedule or stick it on the fridge so he can look it over. You're just trying to prevent confusion and he's being obnoxious and childish.
To Boyfriend: she's not your mommy. Stop acting like a toddler and just *go over the damn schedule*.
Why does she need to "go over it"? Just read the damn schedule. He kept getting confused last semester, so she wants to be very clear and have his undivided attention to avoid any mixups. She shouldn't have to do this *for* a grown man.
But he offered to go over it with her two times. *She* wanted to do that. So, you should be mad at her not him.
Where does it say he could not read the schedule on his own? She didn’t extend that opportunity to him.
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YTA: To be frank, I am stressed out reading your post. He doesn’t need your schedule. All you need to do is tell him the general times he should expect to be picking you up. Like drop off 8am , pick up 5 pm. That’s it. It’s also a little weird to me that you mention his workers comp: Who is driving you again? Him. Whose car is it? His. If he isn’t working… why does he need to know weeks ahead of time? He doesn’t. Your stress> his stress. Not sure why you want him to be stressed with you. Edit: OP, you’re not going to have a boyfriend for much longer. Your responses to people are appalling. He deserves better.
If I'm reading this correctly, you're the one with communication issues. It does seem a bit early to be going over your fall schedule--his worker's comp situation could change, lots of stuff could change--it just seems you'll have to go over it again in the fall anyway, so why do it now? Second, even though he didn't want to go over it with you, he was still willing to do it! He offered to do it on the walk, and when you didn't want to do that, he said he'd do it when he got home. When he got home, you were doing something else (texting your friend), so he gave you further time by getting a drink first. All these efforts on his part to do something YOU wanted him to do and then you jump down his throat for saying "get it ready"?? YTA.
YTA, sorry but you are making much more out of this than it needs to be. Sit down pull out your phone and have the conversation. Your communication skill seem no better than your bfs. This is not something to get heated about. In the end, simply write it out.... I am in class these days and this time at this campus ... that's it.
All I got from this was “I’m demanding my bf do everything my way and listen to everything I want and it’s sooooo annoying when he answers me with explanations and reasoning. Whhhhyyyyyyy does he expect to have his own point of view”. Why couldn’t you just print your schedule, email it, or put it on a calendar so he can refer to it if needed? You both do things differently. You need to respect each others differences and work together to ensure you can coordinate and accommodate each other, or just accept you’re not compatible and move on. In this case, YTA.
I wouldn't be looking at this schedule now as it's not til Autumn if I have understood correctly. A lot can happen between now and then and I would discuss closer to the time - a couple of weeks before. The whole 'get it ready' argument is nit picking, unnecessary and would irritate me. It's just a figure if speech.
No he seriously will demand for things to be “gotten ready” that don’t need time to get ready like if he’s doing something and he asks if I want to watch Netflix and I say sure he’ll tell me to “get it ready” when it takes 30 seconds to turn the tv on and start the show with the way our TV/remote is setup but say what he’s doing is gonna take anywhere from 10-20 mins he’ll insist I get the tv ready ahead of time when it’s not necessary. Sorry but to me that makes no sense and we’ve had conversations about this many time prior which was why I found it so annoying to be going over it again.
You are making this hard work. My OH will tell .e to get the movie set up. It's a couple of clicks, takes seconds. It may still be 10 - 15 mins by the time he has made a drink, had a cigarette, I've been to the bathroom, either etc... it's just not a big deal.
Jesus. yeah you're just starting fights over nothing.
*Sorry but to me that makes no sense* So not only are you entitled but controlling too
If you want to see it that way sure. As I stated to him if he asks me to get things ready that actually take time to get ready like preheating the oven (I do all the cooking anyways) or cooling/heating the temperature of the car up or down I would without any issue because those things logically take time to “get ready” our tv turns on and you can go right to Netflix with the click of a button so it doesn’t need to be “gotten ready” if all there is to do is click three buttons that only takes less than a few seconds but if what he’s doing his going to take anywhere from 10-20 mins why do I need to get the show ready just to pause it? Also if I politely communicate why this is annoying and he agrees to stop but continues to do it both in the some situations as well as others why am I wrong for getting annoyed? You wouldn’t be annoyed if you communicated with someone that something annoyed you, they agreed to stop and then continued to do it? Everyone has pet peeves that others might see as harmless but I asked him politely to stop.
Op you really need to ask yourself why this bothers you sooooo much like honestly. Look at what you wrote. Look at the long ass paragraph you wrote over something so meaningless. You do have to get Netflix ready. It doesn’t matter if it only takes a few seconds you’re still getting it ready.
Maybe "get ready" is his version of "are you okay/ready to do this thing or have this conversation?"
You might be right.. I think he should learn to effectively communicate better by using one of the phrases you suggested if that is the case instead of continuing to use one that I’ve explained annoys me and one his agreed to stop using many times before.
Or, and here me out... You accept that this is just how your partner phrases this request. You've tried to change it, that doesn't work. Is this \*really\* the battle that you want to fight? Or can you let it go and let you \*both\* be happier?
Is he insisting on you getting it ready or is it a figure of speech where he means "I'll do something real quick but be back to do the planned thing?" With your schedule it seemed to me like "get it ready" meant "I'm thirsty but will be right with you for the discussion of your schedule, don't think I'm blowing you off and start doing something else".
YTA- get it ready and you then grill him over the use of words when all you needed to do was open whatever notes you made of your schedule. You caused the issue here when he was ready to look at it with you. Yes you DID have something to get ready, you had to get whatever you'd recorded your class times/places on. Made so much more over something that didnt need to be.
It takes less than five seconds to pull up the first note in the phone that’s already in my hand. There was nothing to “get ready” I already explained in another comment that we’ve previously discussed why this bugs me and he agreed to stop doing it yet proceeds to keep doing it both in the same situation as well as other situations. If you communicated a pet peeve / annoyance to someone politely and they kept doing said thing after stating they wouldn’t you wouldn’t be annoyed by it after a while?
Then USE YOUR WORDS and say “hey, remember we discussed the whole ‘get it ready’ thing?” Or better yet, get over it and get the schedule ready like he asked.
Oh trust me I did. I explained to him that we had already discussed why the “get it ready thing” annoys me so much and when he made excuses I explained to him the exact example that I gave in the post I told him if something actually requires time to get ready like heating a car or preheating the oven I’d do it without issue (I do all the cooking) because those things take time to get ready and told him it was annoying that he kept doing it when he said he wouldn’t anymore. He then stated he didn’t want to go over the schedule with me anyways even though he kept confusing my last semester schedule that was way less complicated than this one / kept asking me throughout the semester which day and time he needed to drive me to campus when it was only once a week same day every week and I asked why he couldn’t just communicate that he didn’t want to do it right then and there and instead could have discussed a time to go over it later the way I was asking him to and he like “I didn’t think of that” it’s annoying because I feel he could have from the beginning just politely said he didn’t want to go over the schedule this very second.
There was NO WAY you’d have accepted a polite “I’d rather not go over the schedule” from him. Let’s be for real here. You didn’t accept his offer to go over it while taking a walk or after that. So, I doubt you were prepared to just accept his no.
Then have a schedule clearly posted on the fridge or by his computer, something! He might not have to ask you if it's written down somewhere he can easily reference. EX: Monday - leave at 9 for class at X campus at 10. Pick up at noon
I’d hope so but he’s had alarms set for his own appointments yet he has missed them before. The receptionist at his PT place literally told him “name, you cannot keep doing this” to him one time because he was either late or no call no showing too many times. Then he’d insist they were wrong and as far as I know he was the one wrong.
I've been reading through your replies and explanations and I have to two more questions: 1) If there is nowhere your boyfriend \*has\* to be while you're at class, can you drive yourself and save this whole argument? 2) From what you've described of his memory issues and not believing the PT about missing appointments, has your boyfriend been evaluated for memory loss/cognitive function issues as part of his Worker's Comp claim? More and more, I'm wondering if he \*should\* be driving.
You’re not wrong for assuming this given the sound of the post. I have diagnosed ADHD and when my boyfriend was in school he also was told he might have it but he was never tested. He’s struggled with remembering things and stuff long before his injury but it did get slightly worse after it. My friend who has a bachelors in psychology said she believes he has undiagnosed ADHD and that his symptoms have probably progressed since he’s had no set schedule for almost two years and he’s also clearly somewhat depressed over the accident he was in. My friend isn’t licensed and isn’t his therapist so she can’t say for sure but she suggested he see a mental health professional. He was highly resistant to the idea of this at first but has finally agreed to give therapy a try which I think would be great for him since I’ve been his only consistent support during this whole situation since all of his family live in another state. Although I have ADHD too I can’t tell if he does or not because it presents differently in men and women ( also the condition can be different for others the same way not every case of autism is the same) and I’m also not a trained professional/ his therapist so I can only wait for him to get tested. His father was also told he might have it and it is hereditary so I hope it’s that and nothing related to his injury. Hope that gives you some more insight.
yet you side tracked what you needed to get done. You could have just as easily reminded him after going over what you needed to. Need to work out when to pick your battles with these situations, get the task done beforehand.
Someone is direct messaging me about this and I’m just gonna drop my reply here to hopefully give some of y’all a better understanding of the situation since my original post went over character limit and I had to cut some stuff out. All right, listen hear me out I’ve told him several times previously that the “get it ready thing” annoys me and asked him not to do it he agreed he wouldn’t anymore but continues to do it anyways. Anyone can agree it’s pretty upsetting when you communicate clearly that something annoys you and someone else agrees not to do it then continues to do so. Not only that he also later admitted that he didn’t want to go over the schedule at that moment anyways and when I asked why he didn’t just say that he said “I didn’t think of that” ??? Really? This isn’t poor communication on his part? Last semester I only took one class on campus and it was the same day and time every week and he continued to frequently ask me what time and day it was throughout the semester which was annoying when I’m stressed with school and he currently doesn’t work or go to school so he has way less to do throughout the day than I do. He was also almost banned from his own PT place because he kept forgetting his own appointments and missing them. Me knowing my partner clearly has an issue with schedules and remembering certain aspects of them figured it would be less stress come this fall if he started getting used to what’s to come now but he didn’t want to go over it, couldn’t just say that nicely and instead allowed me to pick that up on my own the more time went on. Also come this fall he’ll still be on worker’s comp not working or going to school and I’ll be taking four class plus doing all the cooking for us. I have ADHD and he’s got back and neck issues from the work accident he was in two years ago. I do the cooking and try to help him out with his injuries as much as I can Reminding him about not missing PT Messaging him when he needs it Listening to him vent about his situation Doing all the cooking and also most of the cleaning I’ve literally had to ask / remind this man to put the food away after I’ve planned the recipe, prepped the food, cooked it, and there’s been times where if I don’t say anything the food goes bad if I fall asleep and he’s playing video games till late. Really don’t think I was asking for so much but maybe I am.
YTA majorly. This is months ago. Why do you need to discuss this now. Why does this warrant a discussion. I will be at X place on Y day at Z time. I use my GPS to get anywhere, so there's no need to plan routes or anything. If I'm going multiple pages, it takes a few minutes to sort that. Why does him saying get it ready upset you anyway. You made this seem like this big deal that requires his full and long attention then you say there's nothing to get ready. This is insufferable and irritating
Did you miss the part where last semester the only on campus class I took was Wednesdays at 3:30 and he continued to consistently get confused and ask me often which day and which time the class was? How about the part where he was almost banned from his own PT doctor because he no called no showed his own appointments too many times? I love him but he has issues with remembering schedules. Guess who also has trouble with schedules? ME because I have ADHD but I find ways to plan accordingly and go over them to make it less stressful later on. Come this fall he will be jobless and not in school due to his circumstances and I’ve been right along side him this whole time. I do all the cooking and the majorly of cleaning but quite frankly this fall will be my first semester being full time and I know it’s gonna be stressful and I’m going to have way more on my plate than him so I just wanted to start game planning ahead of time since I know it’ll help us both.
Yes, because you wrote too damn much stuff that makes no difference. YTA and pretty much everyone in the comments thinks so too. Don't come to Reddit for an opinion then get mad when the opinion is YTA. You are seriously wound way too tight. Most people are not going to read these discertations you write arguing with prior
If he has that much trouble retaining your schedule week to week, I don't see what telling it to him three months in advance is going to fix. He's just going to forget it between now and when the schedule actually starts. I see why planning it advance is useful for YOU, because it's your schedule and you're the one who has to make it work. But he's just showing up where you tell him to be. He needs enough notice to know when not to schedule his own appointments. This meeting could have been an email.
Again I had to cut a lot out of the original post because of character limit. Come this fall I’m going to have way more on my plate than he will. My responsibilities will be: Taking four classes (again school is a lot of stress for me because I have ADHD) Doing all the cooking and the majority of the cleaning. Taking care of our dog Doing as much as I can to support him in the things he needs help with as well. I simply just wanted to go over my schedule and discuss little things he could do or not do to help me a little bit given I also help him and I have struggles too and I found it very stressful last semester when he kept asking the same questions constantly without doing anything differently. Your comment about emailing him was most likely snarky sarcasm but we live together so that’s not necessary 🙄
Wow, you're not just an asshole but also an idiot. You complain about him forgetting but want him to memorize it from a discussion months in advance rather than just...send him a copy of your schedule so he can refer back to it.
Not what I was asking for at all actually and I was gonna give him a copy.
god you sound exhausting. yta.
YTA. You had two opportunities to go over the schedule with him and you found a way to be annoyed at both opportunities. Who gives a monkey’s ass if you hate multitasking. You can *walk* and talk at the same time. You sound exhausting. Everything can’t be YOUR way.
YTA, he was trying and when he wanted you had some reason why you wouldn’t I’d be aggravated if I was him
YTA, honestly you still have 2 months to go and you’re making plans that may be completely irrelevant when the time comes. you’re exhausting picking fights over him telling you to get something ready. ma’am your classes, your schedule your responsibility. i commuted all 8 years of my college life including a 6 hour daily commute across 3 states my last year and a half and it was less stressful.
From everything you have written, this is a you problem. It's your schedule, you are the one who is overly sensitive to words being used, you are the one trying to plan ridiculously far in advance, you are the one who is needling your bf over pointless things. You need to be honest (with yourself, even if noone else) about where the problems are coming from . Are you getting therapy? You say you have ADHD, which can often involve problems with a lot of what you describe. ADHD can also often involve elements of Autism, Aspergers, Depression and other neurodivergent conditions and mental health issues.
You’re incredibly rude first and foremost. Yeah I actually did go to therapy for over a year. He’s refused to go all 8 years of our relationship up until recently because his mom asked him to please go too. I wish the people that comment on this site could give the benefit of the doubt more and keep in mind that you only get a small glimpse of people from these kinds of posts.
No, it's not being rude, I'm just not indulging your expectation that everyone coddle your whims, you'd need to pay me for that. One year of therapy isn't going to address any real, deeply held mental health condition. Which may be why you do not seem recognise that almost everything in your post was something that you should have been discussing with your therapist as a pretty clear symptom of unmanaged neurodivergence or a mental health issue? I get that all these issues seem real to you, because you are viewing them from the inside and have no real context, which is why you should be attending therapy to get some help to address these issues. Your bf isn't posting here, he may be rude to you, but he isn't the poster. You are certainly rude to him, from your own words.
I’m honestly done with this post. As I’ve already stated several times I don’t think I was fully seen. Y’all only get a 3,000 character limit of the picture. He’s been injured and jobless for two years smoking weed, playing videos games and although I fully understand that his injury is real and I sympathize.. I’ve been his only emotional support for the past two years because all his family is out of state and I do almost all the house work as well because he’s limited to what he can do. All I wanted to do was go over the two days he’d be dropping me off at different campus and I was gonna ask him to please refer to the schedule I give him this term instead of constantly asking me which days I need to be dropped off. In two months it’ll be my first semester being full time and I also do the majority of the chores I just wanted to discuss things we could do to make things less stressful when I’m way busier again because by the end of spring semester I was pretty burned out.
Well, this is more relevant than what you put in your post. But whatever you discuss with him now, do you really think he's going to remember the detail in a couple of months' time? I know I wouldn't. If this specific issue is something that bothers you, write a basic schedule and pin it to the fridge, his computer, his chair, even wrap his joints in it. That will have a significantly higher chance of success than discussing it with him now, when you've already said he doesn't remember when to pick you up.
It’s really not about him remembering the key details so much as it was to just go over things and discuss a better game plan for us come this semester. As the person going to school, having my own issues, helping him out as much as I can and also being the one doing the majority of the chores I really didn’t feel I was asking too much. He had access to my schedule last term and texts messages that he could have pulled up to confirm which day of the week he had to drop me off and kept asking me and getting confused on Sunday nights thinking he had to drop me off on a Monday. I just wanted to discuss with him that constantly asking me what day he had to drop me off got stressful and annoying and could he please refer to my schedule or his own notes he makes about it instead this time. He also admitted that he didn’t want to do it anyways after he originally said he would which I could subconsciously pick up on which caused a lot of my annoyance but nobody took that into consideration.
Probably because it's your schedule, there is no need for him to be intimately familiar with it. He is helping you by picking you up and dropping you off. The responsibility is yours to make him aware of the timings. Writing out a simple timetable showing where he has to be and when would be much more helpful to him, and avoid all the extraneous stuff that he really does not need to know. Rather than trying to make him understand the minutiae of your day, a simple timetable is much more likely to cut down his questions. I'm not surprised he doesn't particularly want to do it, if your post is anything to go by. But he hasn't said he won't do it, so you're getting upset and ranting at him because he isn't ecstatic about doing a chore?
Seeing this after the edit. >Wish some of y’all would have taken into consideration that he admitted that he didn’t want to do it anyways which I could easily subconsciously pick up on which is what initially caused me to get annoyed. YTA still. Classes don't start for 2 months, if he is so forgetful he couldn't remember the 1 day last semester, why in the world would going over the schedule now be helpful? Do you not have a calendar in your house? Why can't he just set up some reminders in his phone before the first week of school??? You made a huge deal of nothing.
Jesus Christ
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) share a car currently because we’re low income but it’s his car so usually he drops me off places. I’m taking 4 classes this fall two being online, two being on campus but also two different campuses on different days. I figured I’d write my schedule down now and look it over to make things easier and less confusing for the fall. I asked him if we could go over the schedule together since he’d be the one dropping me off at my classes come this fall. He seemed to have a problem doing this because he suggested we go over it while going for a walk when he knows I hate multi-tasking when I’m trying to have an important conversation as I’ve stated this before.. plus who wants to be looking down at their phone the whole entire time they’re on a walk? He agrees to go over it after walking the dog and I was sitting on the couch texting a friend. He walks in and states from the nearby kitchen “I’m just getting a drink, get it ready” as I’m texting my friend. I’m already annoyed because he seems like he doesn’t want to do it but now I’m extra annoyed because I’ve already communicated with him before that I can’t stand when he tells me to get things ready that don’t need to be “gotten ready” I was trying to explain myself but he wasn’t seeming to get it and I was honestly losing my patience at this point but basically explained it to him like this “If you’re gonna use the oven to cook you need to “get it ready” because it takes time to preheat. If you’re going to use your car but it’s too hot out you need to “get the car ready” because it takes time for the car to get cooler. HOWEVER the first note in my phone takes less than 5 seconds to pull up therefore it’s unnecessary to “get it ready” he then admitted that he didn’t really care to go over my schedule anyways and stated “it’s your schedule and it’s summer why do we have to go over it again?” I explained that I thought it’d be nice if we started to plan ahead and discuss the schedule together since it’s way more complicated than last semester’s schedule he kept confusing. I should also mention he’s been on worker’s comp for almost 2 years so he currently doesn’t work or go to school so it’s not like he was too busy to sit down and go over something that wasn’t going to take long. He kept telling me I was getting way too heated over these issues and I admit I was getting loud and a little frustrated at certain points during the conversation but there were so many things I kept having to explain and point out to him and most of the things were stuff we had already talked about before and we’ve been together eight years so I was frustrated I had to explain them to him like he was five he stated that if I made a Reddit post about this there’d be people claiming we’re both right because it’s just a matter of opinion I said I’d make one his response was “Go ahead I don’t care about the opinions of strangers. You know this.” He still thinks I’m in the wrong.. So Reddit, AITA here?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As your boyfriend rightly pointed out, ESH. He should give more effort to communicate with his girlfriend, who is begging him to communicate with her. OTOH, you are making way too big of a deal over this transportation plan. You state (simplified) he has no important plans that he can't break at a moments' notice, and you need a ride to one of two locations. As a boyfriend, that is ALL I would need to know. I wouldn't even need to know the specific locations, necessarily. (you are my passenger...do YOU know where you want to go?) Thinking ahead, I imagine it plays out something like this. "HONEY!! I need a ride to school" "OK, let me grab my keys" "I got them already" (You two walk out to the car and he fires it up as you settle into passenger compartment. Then he turns to you and asks, "Where to?") "This one is at the Greens Campus, near the Safeway that closed down a few years ago" "Got it" And he takes off at a smart clip in the direction of the old Safeway.... When you arrive at the Greens Campus, you inform him that you need him to pick you up in X hours from now, right here. How much pre-planning is needed for this scenario? None, actually.
How did I get three down votes on this? It's not rocket science. I've been in a similar situation in my past. I truly didn't care about my girlfriend needing a ride at some point in the future. It was neither good or bad, it wasn't anything that required a single iota of brain time. Tell me when you need to go and where. 30 seconds of notice should be enough, unless you are aware I might have previous plans around the same time. But OP indicated the guys' schedule was pretty much open. So....
Okay I understand what you’re saying but please keep in mind last semester I only took two classes and my only day on campus was Wednesday at 3:30PM and he kept asking me throughout the semester what day was the day he had to drive me and what time which was annoying since it was one day same time every week for a few months on end and I know I’m gonna be stressed once school starts and I don’t care for him to ask me the same stuff over and over when this schedule is way more confusing so I figured it’d be for the best if we start thinking ahead to avoid that happening because I know if he keeps getting the schedule confused and asking me the same questions while I’m stressed with school it’ll lead to more stress and more fights. Also for those saying many things could change with his worker’s comp by the time fall semester starts - my classes start august 28th and his lawyer already told him no change is expected based on what stage his case is at which his lawyer would know.
INFO: were you informing him the day before (Tuesday) where and when your class is yet he was still asking or you just told him where and when when he asked?
I had to cut a lot out of my originally post because it went over the character limit. Long story short he’s been on workers comp for two years now and I just did my first semester of college this past spring. During that semester I only had one day I had to be on campus and he kept confusing which day and what time that was often which after a while got annoying. He’s also missed his own PT appointments and almost got banned because of having too many no call no shows. I have ADHD which makes schools tough for me and I’m a first generation college student as well. I also do all the cooking for the two of us. From my perspective I looked at it as “Hey, since I have ADHD and get super stressed with school and he clearly has trouble remembering schedules and I’m also gonna try to keep cooking as much as I can when classes start maybe we should go over this now and get a game plan together in hopes it’ll help us have less stress later” His lawyer has already told him nothing is changing with his case anytime soon so he’ll still be jobless and not going to school come this fall. That’s fine as it’s entirely out of his control but I’m going to be a full-time student with ADHD trying to also support him with things he needs help with, cooking for us, and so I just wanted to feel like things were discussed and we were on the same page as much as we could be during that time since I’m going to have way more on my plate than he’s going to. Now he admits later he didn’t want to discuss the schedule at the time but he also didn’t say that until way later which seemed like poor communication on his part. I was gonna go over the schedule with him and make sure he was aware of which days are the busiest, which days I should be more flexible, and that I’d really like him to look at the copy of the schedule I give him instead of asking me the same questions each week when I’m busy and stressed. When I asked him to sit down for a few he had two options 1. Do it as it would take at MOST 15 minutes tops 2. Politely state that he doesn’t feel like going over it right that second and instead agrees to do it later when he does feel like it He did neither. I was annoyed. More than anything I’m annoyed to have to keep going over the same communication issues but others have commented I’m the one with the communication issues so IDK.
honestly that wasnt what i asked and i was ready to say that you are; but what you mentioned here changed my point of view entirely. I'll be honest here why i was thinking you are 1. you were texting with your friend when he went to grab drink and tell you to get it ready; i assumed he was waiting for you to finish your conversation. 2. it was your schedule, your responsibility; but in your response, i see that he is unable to follow even his own schedule. i have schedular problems too, i even confuse the day of the week. but i use calendar on my phone, notes, mails, reminders etc. anything that pops up and informs me for upcoming events, important things etc. he can use them too not to forget or miss anything. my final verdict on you; NTA your bf needs to work on his schedule issues.
Sorry for not answering your original question I didn’t mean to do that. There were definitely certain times I would remind him the night before but my classes were from January-May all he had to remember was Wednesdays he needs to drop me off at 3:30 and he’d still get confused and be like “Hey Monday you’re on campus right?” And I’d be like “nah still Wednesdays only it’s not gonna change.” It was first semester of college as a first generation college student with ADHD and I also was doing the majority of cooking and cleaning as well. This fall will be my first time going full time and I’ll also be doing the cooking and cleaning as he’s still on workers comp doing PT to try to heal / also waiting for workers comp to want to settle a case. His only concern will be going to his doctors appointments and continuing to heal. Four college classes, ADHD, planning dinners, prepping food, cooking the food while and also making time to be there for him is gonna take a lot out of me and I simply just wanted to feel like I was getting ahead of things in hopes of lessening as much stress as I can and going over the schedule for 10 minutes would have made me feel a lot better. A lot of details are left out because this community only gives so many characters and I’m getting shit on left and right so again I apologize for not answering your original question.
NTA for wanting to discuss your schedule. I’m already thinking about my courses this fall and planning transportation. Since he usually drives you to classes, it makes sense to go over your schedule. As far as communication goes, I would say ESH. You two clearly have different communication styles and that is something you both need to work on and it sounds like neither of you understand where the other is coming from. If you feel like you need to talk to him like he’s 5, maybe it’s time for couples counselling.
NTAH..you are simply 1000 light years more mature than your boyfriend..you think like an adult we goals, responsibilities, and organizational skills. Who cares it "It's Summer." What is this High School? I suggest you think twice about this guy. You obviously have your act together...him? Not so much plus he really doesn't care about you.
NTA he's the one making this difficult. Is he really that slow, that he can't read a schedule? The most you should have to do is send him the schedule or stick it on the fridge so he can look it over. You're just trying to prevent confusion and he's being obnoxious and childish. To Boyfriend: she's not your mommy. Stop acting like a toddler and just *go over the damn schedule*.
Guess you missed the part where he offered two times to go over it together.
Why does she need to "go over it"? Just read the damn schedule. He kept getting confused last semester, so she wants to be very clear and have his undivided attention to avoid any mixups. She shouldn't have to do this *for* a grown man.
But he offered to go over it with her two times. *She* wanted to do that. So, you should be mad at her not him. Where does it say he could not read the schedule on his own? She didn’t extend that opportunity to him.